Reddit reviews The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

This is a great book : The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

There are also companion books for relationships and parenting as an HSP

I've heard this book has helped some who are highly sensitive:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182

also this search results page on utube has some info that might help you to feel more that you are not alone in the issue:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=highly+sensitive+person

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Your high sensitivity is not a flaw, as many would have you believe. It is an evolutionarily intentional genetic trait. An advantage in some situations.

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One tip I've heard on reddit, is that when someone hurts your feelings, don't just hold it in; tell them with your words, how their words made you feel and specifically why. Doesn't work on everyone, but lots of people will apologize. Most people don't actually want to hurt other peoples' feelings.

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I have always been highly sensitive. I have the crying issue too. It has lessened a lot as I age. I've become a bit more self-righteous over the many years though. When someone disses me these days, I tend to turn to anger more often than sadness, unlike when I was in my twenties. However when I can't express my anger, like with a customer, all I can do is focus on being empathetic of how much it must suck to be them, that is, to be an asshole. To have shit coming out of them every day.

-I genuinely feel happier thinking that at least I am not willing to say such asinine things that hurt others' feelings. Then I put on a fake smile, and go into ultra-professional mode. It is not thick skin. It is a mask. They can't see me, because I am not going to open myself up to them on a personal level, just going to say the professional lines that I am required to say, with a smile that isn't even real. I basically start acting a role, like a movie actor does. I couldn't be this way all day mind you, it is just until the asshat leaves.

-Skip to 35 seconds in this vid to see an example of me with my professional mask on:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq9Q9-U0vrc

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I feel hate every time I hear someone tell me or someone else to "grow thicker skin".

Ha, that reminds me of the book 'The Highly Sensitive Person' by Elaine Aron. I should really continue it. Helped reassure me lots years ago but I never finished the thing.

You're gonna do great.

> I wonder if there's a genetic component?

Absolutely. As someone who is also very sensitive, and has worked with sensitive kids (though I don't have kids of my own yet), I am quite convinced there is a genetic component as well as an environmental component. You and OP might both find the book The Highly Sensitive Person interesting; there's also a sequel called The Highly Sensitive Child. While "highly sensitive" isn't a technical term or official diagnosis in any way, I find there's a lot in these books that I can relate to and some helpful tips, including the reminder that these can be very positive traits as well!

It's certainly possible that your son is more sensitive than most kids (maybe not "too sensitive"), but also is dealing with a lot of big emotions from your home situation. Hopefully the domestic violence counseling will include resources to help your son cope with that? Since he has seen out-of-control emotions from your husband, it may be hard for him to fully believe that others' emotions are safe and okay to be around.

I purchased a book a few days ago when I found out it was real personality trait that apparently 20% of people have. I'm hoping the book goes in depth about the subject and explains some of the science behind it.

I was so excited when I found her work, too. All my life I thought that being “sensitive“ was a bad thing… It’s so wonderful to reframe who you are in your own mind

Her book is really good:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182

I have a problem with absorbing WAAAYY too much info. I cant always turn it off either. Someone recommended this book and it has helped me a lot!
http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Elaine-Ph-D/dp/0553062182

Check out this book: The Highly Sensitive Person. It's wonderful.

I think if it were valued, people would be taught to not be ashamed of their sensitivity, would learn tools to use it for its best results, and become incredibly productive members of society.

Hello,

I'm an INFJ and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as classified from Elaine Aron's book. Growing up, I was immensely sensitive to other people's words and actions. I'm a guy and I look tough on the outside, but extremely soft on the inside, it was real brutal growing up, mostly because I couldn't cry or show my emotions in front of my guy friends. All that pent up feelings eventually led me to suffer from depression and anxiety.

You're a really good friend and I'm happy that you're helping her out. I thoroughly identify what your friend has gone through. Although that was when I was way younger in my late teens. How old is your friend?

I recommend you slowly introducing her to self-help books or nudge her in the direction of speaking to a therapist. Seriously. Unfortunately for me, I was a broke college student back then and was afraid of judgement to receive help from a therapist. If I had the chance to change one thing, it is to speak to a therapist. The reason I mentioned books is because it is a more affordable alternative.

I'm 25 now and I'm doing miles better. Peoples words still do sting, but I get better and better at tuning out the noise and discern between constructive criticism and just plain negativity. Coming to realizations takes a lot of life experience, and there's no shortcuts. The thing that helped me a lot was finding out about this community, reading self-help books, meditation, studying on stoic philosophy, and just putting myself out there - let people burn and roast you for whatever it is, and be comfortable with it.

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron might be helpful to you. I'm sensitive too and I found it helpful to understanding myself overall in a more positive light. She has a test on her website you can take to help determine if this fits with what you're experiencing.

Have you had an opportunity to read this book yet? I'm asking because it helped me understand my upbringing, which sounds similar to yours.

I suggest you read: http://amzn.com/0553062182

This is a short answer and i am sorry for that, but I hope some of these things can help.

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Elaine-Ph-D/dp/0553062182

I am reading this right now. It is amazing and can give you so much confidence. It is NOT something you read through in one sitting. It is in your face truth and helpful tips.

Also for some community support, try these websites.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/

www.crazyboards.org

www.mdjunction.com

The first two have live chats but are harder to navigate. MD is easier to navigate the site.

If you haven't already read it, I would highly recommend The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aron.

I can certainly relate to exactly what you have described. This book helped me to better understand myself, realize that I'm not the only one feeling this way, and put a name to the way that I was feeling. I would love to hear what you think of it!

Why is it? Are you doing something that makes you feel stressed? Do you engage with people too much?

Go borrow this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182

"The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You"

You sound like one.

You just take in a lot more data in a crowded place than others.

You could learn to filter it out and learn to be less self aware. But that takes a "I do not care if people are looking attitude" that you still do not seem to have.

I always found that when I felt good crowds bothered me less. When I was anxious it was vice versa.

But these days. For some weird reason. I like to be lost in a crowd. It is no different than being in a forest. Instead of trees you have people who have no interest in you. They walk by, living their lives. Just passing lives. Like ships in the night.

Walk by. Ignore the sound. Lose yourself in the crowd. Move on. Dont stop. Dont make a face contact. When someone stares you nod. When someone talks to you. Say "I do not have time".

Observe the occasional limb, back, shoe, sleeping baby. Smell the coffee, asphalt after rain the waste. Hear the steps, lights, distant sirens, concrete drills, random people speaking about random things and let them go. Just move. Close your eyes. Enjoy New York.

Learn to like the city like it was a friend.

Do not be afraid of it. Do not engage with the city in a way that would stress you out.

I understand about the dreaming aspect . . ! My crush dominates my dreams weather it's her trying to kill me or her and I traveling the world together.

Then when I wake up it's as if they really happened, more real than real life sometimes.

Don't feel silly for feeling sad just identify your emotions and let them pass [easier said than done, I know!].
You choose how you react to anything so don't let your unconscious control the show. Just know that your sensitivity is an advantage. It just takes hard work and positive affirmations to see it as that.

I would recommend that you read these books [The Highly Sensitive Person](The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553062182/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_065Kyb4FFYYTD) and The Highly Sensitive Person in Love](The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767903366/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_785Kyb4K5KH0Q)

They are authored by the woman who coined the term HSP who after living a life of being highly sensitive, interviewed thousands of people with HSP symptoms and issues. If you have to choose one just read The Highly Sensitive Person because it touches on relationships.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? That's a genuine thing in psychological circles. I couldn't copy the website of this author for some reason to post here, but just look it up. She has a website and a test online so you can assess yourself. https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182

Hey - at colleges, people GOSSIP. Welcome to adulthood. In some places they gossip far more than others, like OLD HENS picking at whatever in the chicken coop.

Gossipy old birds.

You're going to have to accept that this is what people do, even intelligent people who should know better, and try to figure out how to present your best self so they will shut the f*ck up.

Eleanor Roosevelt reportedly said: Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

I guess this is a different way to see your professors, isn't it?

Hey thanks for mentioning this. I am HSP and honestly forget about that in dealing with all of the bipolar stuff.

... you should check out this book!

There's a really good book about HSP. It's probably at your library.

I recommend getting outside in nature or somewhere calming/relaxing to you as much as possible. Get away from loud noises, fluorescent lights, too many people, etc. whenever you can.

Also talk to your doctor about your meds. Your anxiety and wilder mood swings should be better controlled at the very least. CBT can help with that as well.

>Has therapy been helpful for you INTJ's with depression?

Yes. I highly recommend it. You can talk with the psychotherapist briefly first to see if they would work as your "mental health provider," and if not, you can go try a different one.

I saw a therapist for a year near the end of high school because of massive depression. She helped me immensely move through my own shit, recommended future plans, and got me to read a few really good books, such as this one. Note that this book does not apply to all INTJs, but I think a lot of you could identify with what is inside it.

I'm actually about to go back to a therapist because I've got a few things in my life that I cannot seem to work out myself (not for lack of trying). I've got a "trial appointment" with him next week. I'm super busy with school, so I don't have time to dedicate several hours per week to working through this stuff on my own. Of course some psychotherapists may only be able to help you as much as you can help you, but they can usually do it much more quickly and much more efficiently. Others can help you more than you can help yourself (at least in your present condition).

Excellent book, I recommend it as well.
Elaine Aron coined the term HSP, and she is one herself. She knows her stuff :)

I am now reading another one of her books "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love", which discusses more about relationships (mostly romantic ones, but others as well). Learning how to maintain relationships sounds like a practical way of fighting the loneliness.

Edit: There are new issues from 2016 with updated research:

The Highly Sensitive Person

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

> So basically that would mean extroverts are rather at ease with taking risks?

Its not as black and white as that. Extroverts are often more motivated by their dopamine reward system. They get 'buzzed' more and the excitement at a potential reward is more likely to push them to overcome adversity. This buzz can drive them to act without considering the risks and can display as confidence and conviction.

Consider approaching a girl at a bar. If you just walk up to her straight away, you're more likely to act with confidence because you haven't had time to introspect on the possibility of rejection.

There's a whole bunch of different sliding scales of personality traits that are correlated, but not always present. This is why not all introverts are shy, not all extroverts are less sensitive etc etc.

The best starting book on introversion is the book Quiet. It also briefly covers high emotional sensitivity and high reactivity (which I think are pretty much the same thing; just a sensitive amygdala and nervous system). Theres also comparisons to extroverts and examinations of risk taking behaviour.

A good book on high sensitivity is The Highly Sensitive Person.

Both of these books talk about studies of infants who react more to stimuli who end up becoming introverts or highly sensitive later in life.

Edit: fixed link

> http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Elaine-Ph-D/dp/0553062182

> >>< :)

These were the most helpful Books:

1. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman - he has lots of other very interesting books too
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=emotional+intelligence+daniel+goleman&qid=1565396925&s=gateway&sprefix=emotional+intel&sr=8-1
   
   
   
2. Stress management by Gerard Hargreaves
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Stress-Management-Gerard-Hargreaves/dp/081447022X/ref=mp_s_a_1_6?keywords=gerard+hargreaves&qid=1565397121&s=gateway&sr=8-6
   
   
3. The highly sensitive person by Elaine Aron
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=elaine+aron+highly+sensitive&qid=1565397025&s=gateway&sprefix=elaine+aron&sr=8-1

I just began reading this book on the subject of introverted people. It has some pretty good case studies and helps reframe the concept of introversion, so that you can better see your strengths with your weaknesses. I'm only a few chapters in, but some of the case studies have really rang true with my experiences and also those of my daughter (who is the reason I originally picked the book up). I am extremely skeptical by nature, but I've gotten pretty good at not throwing out entire theories because of a few things that sound wonky. The book focuses mostly on the psychology of the matter, but also has some biological and neurological studies to back up some of the ideas. I've also been listening to this audiobook and it has been blowing my mind. The author has been able to put so many concepts into words that I have thought about over the years. I highly recommend it. It helps that he states that he's an atheist (from my point of view), but he's also very balanced in looking at the positive aspects of religion and gleaning bits of wisdom from each. These books cover some of the same topics of personality traits and psychology. I have found them very helpful for where I am in life. I thought someone else might as well ;)

First of all, let me ask you : have you heard about Highly Sensitive People (HSP)? Read the Wikipedia page on the topic. As an HSP person myself, I can relate to some extent to your experience of not "fitting in", living nobody seems to understand what's going inside your head. This might be your case : Dr. Aron has a self-test available online available online. It's not exactly 100% accurate but psychology isnt' quite an exact sciencee ; anyhow, if you're a HSP, you'll know you fit the mold by reading on the topic.

If you think you are one, I suggest you read Dr. Aron's book. While the book has a lot of shortcomings (sometimes, the doc goes way too deep into metaphor and if feels like she's on acid), the advice she gives is solid and really helped me deal with a world that's built for an extroverted, streamlined way of life (ring a bell?). And, hell, maybe your family should read it too! (There's also /r/hsp but it's not very active, I'm afraid)

I'm lucky, in a way, that my own mother is an HSP (even if she never even heard of term, she is) so she could somewhat relate to what I lived, even if she did not totally understand. Right now, my wonderful wife is the one who introduced me to the concept of HSP so she's very understanding.

Anyway, read about it, maybe it could help you. In the meantime, hang in there. Don't forget that, in the end, all your family wants is the best for you so their intentions are certainly good.