Reddit reviews The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us

>"...a child who grows up to unconditionally love those who conditionally love them."

>>"It feels safe to be with selfish, self-centered people because they know what to do with those people"

I'm stunned. I had to stop the video several times to allow myself to process feel the memories that his words brought to my mind. Thank you for sharing this video.

I found his follow-up video on stages of codependency recovery to be very helpful as well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ytq51GMsd8w.

Has anyone read his book, Human Magnet Syndrome? I've seen it mentioned before but I haven't pulled the trigger on purchasing it yet. I'm rethinking that decision now though.

also check out The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us Paperback – April 15, 2013
I found it to be incredibly clear and enlightening toward helping me understand how being raised by a narcissist affects my behavior today, thus increasing my awareness and giving me more of a chance to make a conscious choice about my behaviors. It's helped me firm up my boundaries and stop some codependent tendencies I have developed.

Honestly you should thank your lucky stars that he's breaking up with you. Narcissists + CoDependents are a VERY volatile type of relationship. Usually narcissists are VERY difficult to treat or even come around at all and that might be the child-Fe in him. He knows it's wrong and is causing disunity but he can't help it right now.

https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Love-People/dp/1936128314/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3HMN6X56BMA5Q&keywords=human+magnet+syndrome+ross+rosenberg&qid=1571692031&sprefix=human+magnet%2Caps%2C158&sr=8-1

It is so hard loving unconditionally and being preyed on by the most destructive types of people. Going through something very similar and questioning what was real. About to read this - seems promising.

https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Love-People/dp/1936128314/ref=sr_1_1_sspa/135-4048646-4862759?ie=UTF8&qid=1536109147&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=the+human+magnet+syndrome&psc=1

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464035070&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mister+nice+guy

also

http://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Love-People/dp/1936128314?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=ox_sc_act_title_1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

Why do you think it is that you care more about him than you care about yourself? You’re not being selfish by caring about yourself more, FYI.

Only you define your self worth, don’t give him the keys to the car and let him determine that for you. Abusers prey on empaths because they love the idea of being worshipped and empaths are kind and compassionate so it’s like two magnets drawn to each other.

I would recommend Human Magnet Syndrome and Codependent No More. Both offer great insight to the narcissist/empathy relationship.

Stay strong, you can do this :)

I'm actively posting everywhere here. What's being said in my posts is usually about the roots of addiction that are leading people into dysfunctional situations. Your post in this thread left out that context. Plus, it's ok to disagree. I like to add strong back-up source material which develops the ideas at a very deep level. It's not necessarily just for you or about you. Your posts raise principles. In this case, many of your principles are very toxic and not rooted in addiction dynamics (compulsion...a guy struggling with porn addiction for example).

It all fits very well here. The community is "an early adopter", and new ideas and tips are showing up everywhere here. I think there's a big lack in focusing on addiction dynamics though. That is mostly due to this community's connection to www.yourbrainonporn.com which tends to suggest a "global solution for anyone who goes 90 days free of porn". It's not true for everyone by a longshot.

Addiction dynamics are left out (especially codependency...as per in your posts, where you are presenting the woman as "concerned and patient victim" in every case...check Karpman Drama Triangle...it reflects your posts like a mirror).

How couples line up:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Human-Magnet-Syndrome-People/dp/1936128314

Here's more about addiction dynamics:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UmXGV65fRfs

> live overseas away from them. What job should I aim for (with a business degree) that gives me the best chance to go work overseas permanently, with a relatively good income?

you can be an Au pair like today as far as i know... You really need to specify which country you reside in and where you want to go, clarity is power.

> My mother [ISFJ] is a narcissist, who constantly criticises me for being a "useless, ungrateful daughter"

I reccomend the work of Ross Rosenberg to understand the naracicist/people pleaser axis, not just in this context but in most any. I'll give you the abridged version, narcissists use conflict like a car uses gasoline, it's good you've realized that you need to sever ties. You're probably a people pleaser if you had a narcissistic mother as you describe, and recognizing this will help your personal growth in the future.