Reddit reviews The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition
We found 17 Reddit comments about The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
The Joy of Sex
> This is my favorite form of foreplay these days, I think. I enjoy the way he uses his fingers, and he got me off this way recently.
Mine too! My SO is a genius at what we call "yoni worship" and tantric massage, and it's SOOO nice! 馃敟馃挜鈿★笍馃寢 馃グ
There are many different ways to go about fingering and women differ a lot in what they like and need, so couples often need to do a lot of experimentation to figure out what works best. (I think that's one reason most men aren't very good at giving female handies.)
We do a lot of edging, which is extending the arousal phase while delaying the orgasm. It increases the amount of sensual pleasure and also makes the orgasms last longer and feel stronger. In our case, we have found that about an 80:20 mix of fingers and oral is about optimal for both of us, although we vary it quite a bit. We've found that mixing up different approaches helps the edging process last longer and it also keeps us from falling into a rut.
In addition to using oral and a variety of fingering techniques, we also mix in occasional uses of a vibrator on my clit to get me up to (or back up to) a high plateau level before he switches back to fingers or oral. Not everyone likes it, but it's definitely worth a try as you both learn more about managing your arousal pattern!
> I don't hear much talk of this online though.
Actually, there are whole communities devoted to tantric sex and erotic massage, where those of us who love giving and receiving this kind of sex tend to congregate. Try r/tantricsex for starters. The sidebar has links to some good online resources for a beginner.
This is my review of a website that provides tutorials on dozens of different techniques for using fingers. It's a paysite, but definitely worth it:
Here are some books you might want to check out:
This is a collection of articles I wrote that includes several articles on erotic massage, including reviews of videos that demonstrate excellent technique:
If you are interested in going beyond erotic massage, this article is an overview of the secular (non-religious) kind of tantric sex:
...and this is a book-length instruction manual that is online and free:
Here are some other perspectives on tantric sex:
Have fun exploring!
She Comes First
The Joy of Sex
Advanced level:
Sexual Secrets
Here are some things for them to read, think about, and try:
The first three have links to lots more resources as well.
Happy exploring!
Ah, yes, THAT guy. Be sure to get your husband to explain this unexplainable physical limitation that he has, so that the counselor can gently explain that that isn't how men's bodies work. I'm sure the counselor will be kind and gentle until he gets home and guffaws with laughter. Because it's actually pretty silly.
HOWEVER, you should probably do some basic research. I like Dr. Alex Comfort's Joy of Sex, which is sort of a sexual "laboratory manual".
I've always had an aptitude for anatomy, and what my education lacked I filled in with the right section of the library. The sheer breadth of literature on not just the basic mechanics of sex, but even on women's fantasies, and debunking myths.
Here's the thing, you've only been trying for a month or two. And ovulation can be a difficult thing to track accurately (not to mention which, all the stars can align and you still might not get a swimmer to the egg, no matter how hard you try).
When we decided to try for a baby, our doctor told us to have frequent sex (as in 3x a week or more), and don't worry about anything else for at least a year.
Getting pregnant can be ridiculously easy ("But it was just that one time, and he didn't even put it all the way in!"), or it can be ridiculously difficult ("Dear Gods, what does it take to have a baby!? We've tried everything, from charting our fertility to eating oysters to installing sex trapezes in our bedroom and making sacrifices to Gaia!"). It doesn't say anything about your fertility, one way or another, if you catch right away or if it takes a year or even more. It's all basically just rolling the dice.
And I highly recommend picking up that old standard: The Joy of Sex. Every couple should have a copy.
http://www.amazon.ca/The-Joy-Sex-Ultimate-Revised/dp/0307587789
I was your age when I had sex for the first time, and it was with my first love. While I felt some trepidation, having to get past the "script"about sex before marriage that my parents had always voiced....I felt comfortable and safe with my partner. Also I had enjoyed the excitement between us, when we'd kiss, or touch, or rub, and was physically ready for that to proceed.
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Go slow, the first time having penetrative sex may feel uncomfortable, but if it's hurting you, stop and try another position, or go back to touching and kissing for awhile. Communication is important, don't be ashamed to voice when something feels more good or less good, or uncomfortable.
Consider stimulating your clitoris before and during sex, or have him touch you/stimulate you there first. For many women it can make a difference, that building excitement and natural moisture makes their body ready for penetrative sex.
https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vulvovaginal/
https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/manual-sex/
For my first time, intercourse didn't feel good at first and my partner could tell. I told him, "It's going to hurt anyways, lets just get it over with."...He stopped and gave me a huge cuddle, and told me "Sweetie, that's silly, we've got lots of time."
Maybe you are already aware of this, but in case you're not:
It's very exciting for men, if they haven't much experience looking and touching women so they may ejaculate quickly. If that happens, try to be sweet (don't act disappointed). If you want to continue because you're still excited, you can ask him to kiss & touch you (maybe give you oral sex if you're ready?), and he will likely be able to get hard again in 5-20 minutes, if you want to try again.
In general, orgasms are easy for men, they can finish quickly, and they are very visually oriented (visuals stimulate them). For women, sex is much more tied to emotions and thoughts, and while this varies per each women, having an orgasm from penetrative sex may not happen. It can still feel pleasurable, nice, exciting, just may not end with a "bang". And that's OK.
Feeling connected, loved, and excited by your partner is what's important. If the first time is awkward, you can both communicate and explore and develop your sexual relationship.
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If either of you are interested in "studying" about sexual techniques (NOT a requirement for your first time- just a suggestion for future)
https://www.amazon.ca/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260
https://www.amazon.ca/Joy-Sex-Ultimate-Revised/dp/0307587789
Okay, so maybe even /r/sex is too much. There's a book called The Joy of Sex you should read together. I think it would be a good introduction for her. From the back of the book:
>Famous for helping couples discover how sex can be playful, erotic, passionate, exhilarating, and most of all, pleasurable.
>The Joy of Sex revolutionized how we experience our sexuality. An international bestseller since it was first published in 1972, Dr. Alex Comfort鈥檚 classic work dared to celebrate the joy of human physical intimacy with such authority and candor that a whole generation felt empowered to enjoy sex.
Good luck. I can't say I've ever been in your position but I hope you succeed in opening her eyes. It sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise. :)
Try reading this and this
Also, masturbate.
Is this link NSFW the kind of thing you're looking for? It's not drawings, I know, but it's not actual people either. It's more like animations taken from Second Life or something.
Also, the book The Joy of Sex is rightly considered a classic. I have the original; the current version apparently has photos in addition to drawings.
You said you're looking for something like a modern "Feminine Mystique," but I'm not sure what that means as regards sexuality. The Feminine Mystique didn't have a ton to say about sexuality and is rather dry.
I'd rather recommend a body-positive guide to sexuality like the classic Our Bodies, Ourselves. or The Joy of Sex: Ultimate Revised Edition. (Be sure it's the revised edition; the older edition of Joy of Sex is written from a male perspective and largely ignores the female perspective.)
Sex is between your ears, not between your legs. You can learn sex, you don't have to be stuck with the equipment bestowed by nature.
I recommend doing some research. "The Joy of Sex" and "She Comes First" are both books I'd recommend that you start with.
Go to the library. Find the book The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort.
Or find it on amazon:
http://smile.amazon.com/The-Joy-Sex-Ultimate-Revised/dp/0307587789/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408802331&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Joy+of+Sex
The most important piece of information you need to know is that women differ in what turns them on. Just like men do. And the best way you can find out what turns a woman on is by being playful and experimental and trying lots of different things and if she doesn't seem to like it then stop doing it and if she seems to like it then do more of it.
There is no secret formula. Some women like direct stimulation of the clitoris. Some women find it too intense. Some women like direct stimulation of the clitoris when they're very aroused but not as a part of foreplay. The key thing is to vary your moves and be sensitive to how she responds to them.
Oh and I suggest you buy a copy of The Joy of Sex and leave it lying around for her to find.
My parents were hippies without the drugs. I had a children's book called "Bellybuttons are Navels" in which male and female genitalia were illustrated and explained. We went to a nude beach when I was a kid. Dad and mom walked around naked, normalizing adult nudity. We went to a gay pride parade (we lived near San Francisco) and when my older sister caught some condoms that were thrown from a parade float, our parents took us home and gave both of us the talk. They used "The Joy of Sex" as an illustrated guide.
The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307587789/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_KblGDbG46SBHQ
Been there. Read books, especially this one: NSFW and start watching porn, find out what excites you and what doesn't. Mostly just learn to be honest with yourself.