Reddit Reddit reviews The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series)

We found 8 Reddit comments about The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series). Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Healthy Relationships
Self-Help
Codependency
The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series)
The Language of Letting Go
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8 Reddit comments about The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series):

u/ginger_sprout · 10 pointsr/stopdrinking

I recently read Codependent No More and I can’t recommend it enough. It has really helped me see how my old thinking and behavior in relationships kept me locked in unhealthy patterns and kept me from developing as a person, independently of what anyone else was doing. It’s helping me realize that the only person who I can or should try to control is myself.

I’m currently reading The Language Of Letting Go by the same author, which has daily thoughts about about the same topics. It has also been hugely helpful to me, and is available for free, along with other recovery readings, at recoveryreadings.com.

When I first got sober this time around I went to an Alanon meeting, which is a support group for people who are in relationships with alcoholics. I’m not currently in a relationship, and it didn’t feel entirely relevant to where I am right now, but it’s a fantastic resource and might be worth checking out.

Therapy has also been a great resource and support for me. I’ve gotten sober before while living with an active alcoholic. My ex was not as regular or as compulsive of a drinker as I was, but he still drank regularly, in unhealthy ways, and addiction popped up in a lot of ways, for both of us, in how we lived our lives. It was tough for me to stay focused on doing what I needed to do to take care of myself and support my sobriety. I worked a lot on putting effort into it, but I didn’t look for ways to get the support that I needed. More support, earlier, would’ve helped me a lot.

That’s just my experience, for what it’s worth. I wish you luck, and it sounds like you’re in a loving and healthy headspace regarding all of this.

u/YankeeDoodled · 3 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

This book is really helping me. It’s a daily thought/topic and usually less than a page long. I start my day off with it and I am seeing great results.

u/the_long_spoon · 2 pointsr/Codependency

TLDR: Good for you!

Your post resonates with me, mostly because I’m that guy you described.

I’ve been married to a really great woman for the past 5 years (we were together another 5 before that), and I’ve been giving her a lot of hell ever since the beginning. Most of it has been emotional abuse (I have a short fuse, and it makes me say some very hurtful, if not damaging, things), to the point of almost constant unkindness and disrespect. On a regular basis, I tend to project onto her my negative state of mind (I’m unhappy about a lot of things in my life that I feel like I can’t change); if I had to guess, it’s probably a subconscious thing---if I can’t be happy, then maybe she shouldn’t be either. I shut her out, we don't talk, and are both very lonely and isolated. My wife has given up a lot of herself in unsuccessful attempts to make me happy and to put up with all of the shit (there is no other word, really) I give her, and I perpetuate and take advantage of it.

The thing is, I do recognize and have recognized that I’m an altogether horrible person to be around sometimes (most times?), though I've never been able to label things. Our relationship has been a debilitating (and exhausting) flip-flop between happy and miserable. Consequently, I’ve lost the trust that is so desperately needed in a long-term relationship.

I want to get better, but I’ve never taken any real steps to do so (pride? fear? denial?) until recently. In the research I’ve done to figure out what the hell my freaking problem is, I’ve uncovered a plot twist of sorts: I’m codependent.

I had a very unpleasant childhood that I recognize now as being codependent, which probably explains how I ended up in a codependent relationship with another woman for 4 years before meeting my wife. Both of these relationships I’ve repressed very much, but as I open up the memories, I realize how I gave up a lot, if not most, of myself for my immediate family as well as this woman.

What’s happened now, I think, is that I’ve somehow twisted things around so that my wife is now the codependent one with me (although, I see early on how I repeated codependent tendencies when I met her). It’s almost as if I’m trying to recover from what was taken from me before and so have become narcissistic and controlling in the process (e.g., I know what’s right for my wife, we only do the things I enjoy or go to the places I want to go, I keep her from having friends since I’m the only one who knows how to/who’s able to/who should care for and comfort her, we only talk about how my day went and not hers). Don’t get me wrong: I’m not trying to displace blame for my actions---I’m an ass---but it’s helpful for me to recognize, perhaps, what causes me to be an ass.

Sorry for the outpouring, as I don’t know that I really contributed anything other than to say that I understand what you’re going through and that I’m glad you’re taking the steps to do what’s right for you. As others have said, you’ve recognized what’s going on and are doing something about it, and IMO that’s huge.

Oh, I guess I will also add that there are some of us who are aware of the pain they’ve caused, don’t like it, and do genuinely want to get better. What’s troubling to me is all of the wasted time and unhealthiness in our relationship that was brought about by petty fights, usually caused by my selfishness or need to control situations, if not my wife. I do honestly love her, even though it's so easy for me to hurt her, and I don't want to be this way. I know I as an individual (perhaps we as a couple) need therapy and I’m willing to go (it’s a financial hardship as well); however, this was not an easy thing---at all---for me to finally admit. You, as the abuser, really have to want it. In the meantime, I’ve picked up a copy of Codpendent No More as well as The Language of Letting Go. Also looking into Why Is It Always About You? It’s not easy for me to write about these things, especially in a public forum, but I’m hoping it will be therapeutic to discuss this with others.

My wife and I have started talking about these things, and I’ll say that it’s helped tremendously, in particular knowing how she feels. I think in the past I was too involved in myself to care how she felt (that really sounds horrible to say, but it’s the unfortunate and scary truth).

Whether or not you can do the same likely depends on your SO and whether or not he’s able to recognize what he’s doing and, perhaps more importantly, whether or not he’s willing to get some help.

Good luck to you!

u/GoogieDow · 2 pointsr/DatingAfterThirty

I have given this book to many friends and used it as a Bible to exit a relationship. You will look at the title, maybe even the description, and think it doesn't apply to you. Then you read it and... 💡

Co-Dependent No More By Melody Beattie

Also recommend the amazing The Language of Letting GO

u/BaesicDogGirl · 2 pointsr/AskWomen

The Language of Letting Go

People say books change their lives all of the time but for real this book changed my life. It’s meant for people in recovery but I found the daily passages to be beneficial to everyone.

I like to read the day’s passage at night before bed and journal. The author encourages goal setting, establishing boundaries, and practicing self-care. It might sound silly to do these things but I promise it really helps you change the way you think about yourself. You’ve got to love you before anyone else can :)

Also, I’m 2 months shy of 30 and I still have moments of being insecure/awkward/lost because that is part of being human. Don’t forget to practice self compassion :)

u/bhambelly · 1 pointr/Divorce

Whatever you want to describe as histrionic sounds like codependency to me. There are some amazing resources from Melody Beattie The Language of Letting Go and many others 💜

u/pollyannapusher · 1 pointr/stopdrinking

Co-dependency and alcoholism often go hand in hand. I sought help for my co-dependency long before I did my alcoholism and the tools I learned there have helped me immensely in learning how to let go of my struggle with the bottle. I still have times where my natural reaction is a codependant one, but now that I'm sober at least I'm aware of it and can take steps to make the right choice for myself. Melody Beattie has some great books to address co-dependency. The Language of Letting Go is a nice start if you're interested.

If you haven't seen Brene Brown's TED talks on vulnerability and shame, I highly recommend them too. If you're in a relationship, you deserve to be with someone that you can feel vulnerable enough to expose your true self to them. I personally have set my sights on living a wholehearted life and realize that in order to do that, I have to have people around me that can accept me for me....not the me that fits into their expectations of me.

Take care my friend. You're doing great work here on yourself. :-)