We found 19 Reddit comments about The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
> Do I just have terrible luck with women?
No. You make poor choices with women.
It's clear that you've ceded dominance to your female partners and they are calling all the shots sexually. This rarely works well. Very few women have any clue or ability to be a good dominant partner, because a good dominant partner is both a leader and a caregiver. He/she initiates and leads but is also caring and giving.
Most women don't get the caregiver part of a sexual relationship because they are too self-focused. They expect to be taken care of by a man, not to take care of a man. That's why these women don't appreciate your need to be warmed up and put in the mood and won't take any responsibility for getting you there. That's why they mock you instead of reassuring you when it comes to rejection.
You have two options:
I'm happily paired off now, but used to follow this stuff more. For guys seeking women, I think the books The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay and Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson are the books that best encompass the best advice that I accumulated over the years, and that has worked for me and other guys I know.
See if you can get him to read/work through Athol Kay's stuff with you.
David Deida's work may be too abstract for him; but it might be helpful to one of you in dealing with male/female polarity issues.
I agree with marriage counselling. I'd suggest an approach that lines up with John Gottman's work - read 7 Principles. For yourself I'd also recommend MMSL or the website, http://marriedmansexlife.com/ .
I've had my share of issues as well so I hope this stuff that I've found on my journey helps.
The other posters here seem to have decided that you're the problem here. Maybe you are. ? You have to judge that.
However, I really recommend this book. It's referenced in the sidebar, but hidden a little. Personally, I consider it to be the virtual bible of this sub:
That book describes an entire process you can use to improve yourself and finally put your relationship on the right track. If you cannot fix it, it recommends a process you can follow all the way through ending the relationship if needed.
In short, you are the leader in this relationship, whether you know it or not. And women absolutely do follow the lead of the man most times. You need to focus fixing you and your behavior though before you can expect changes from her. Once you've made those fixes, use the process in the book to help her take things to the next level.
Even if you do end things with her, I still recommend following the MAP process in the book. It absolutely will leave you in a better place than you seem to be now.
>Then I turn myself to selfimprovement
Good, then you have a chance.
Read this book with that same self improvement mindset.
I'm going to go ahead and try to post this one more time.
Give him a copy of this http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1420726216&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Married+man+sex+life+primer
Then make damn sure he reads it. You're a guy, so if you go to him and tell him frankly that the relationship is in danger and the sense of comfort he has created is smothering the passion, it's going to mean more coming from you than it will coming from your sister (or pretty much any woman).
MMSL is the best book I've read on balancing alpha traits and beta traits to maintain a relationship's stability and closeness while also maintaining desire and carnal attraction.
Caveat: As your sister's boyfriend steps his game up, his SMV runs the risk of getting to the point where he may be able to pull better women than your sister. Tread cautiously, make sure she's ready to keep improving herself too.
>Her last LTR was very controlling, so she always tries to gauge whether I'll try to control her
That is a lie told to men who see disrespectful behavior and instead of bailing, they try to make her stop. You can't control her, you can only control yourself. This was not a shit test. Shit test is also known as compliance/fitness test from book Married Man Sex Life Primer. This was blatant disrespect and if you're not married you should demote her to a plate, ie start dating other women. If you live together, start looking for a place.
You think this is overreaction on my part? You need to look at what she does, NOT what she says.
So, I looked over your posting history before making this list. It seems like you have a confident head on your shoulders and understand women reasonably well.
First google "the sex god method" PDF. Download that shit and read it pronto.
Next, buy this book:
> She said that she was tired of being in control all the time, at school, with the kids. She told me she just wanted to be submissive and wanted me to take full control in bed.
When a woman resorts to direct communication like this she is at her wits end. Also, it's as rare as finding a gold bar in a box of lucky charms to have such direct honesty in a woman like that. She told you the 100% honest truth. It's actually refreshing to read.
You might not be able to fix this, if she's at the point where she has another guy in mind, your fucked. He is most definitely somone in her social circle and proablly earns like she does.
Your a man and a father. All that stuff you put out about your parents death and your depression means absolutely fuck all to your wife. Suffer in silence. Why do you think we (men) are killing ourselves in record numbers? You think we are just more crazy?
It dosent help that you let yourself get fat and proablly have tits.
Get thoes 2 books and sit your depressing fat ass down on an exercise bike at the gym and kill 2 birds with one stone. Throw yourself into losing that weight. Don't stop there, get audible and each audio book you consume is a good 6 hours worth of cardio. Whatever the future has in store for you will be much easier to deal with if you are the strongest version of yourself physically and mentally (audio books). Fitness has some theriputic effect on depression however I'm kind of ignorant about depression.
Ask yourself, what are woman attracted to, what makes their vagina tingle. Is it a fat depressing man that stays at home, dosent earn?
Read fifty shades of gray.
Read any romance novel at the drug store. Are they about fat stay at home dad's? How about you fire up one of these dating apps. Would you be a catch?
The best part about the bottom is there is only up left to go.
Work on you.
Become a man she wants to fuck, because wineing about it, won't work.
> I am 6'1, 340 lbs. She is 4'11, 180 lbs
4'11, 180 is not a China doll. That's a rotund woman. If you really are 6'1, all you have to do is lose 140 pounds.
That should be your mission. Take a picture of yourself naked and say goodbye to the version of yourself that put you here.
Your not a sex addict, your just male.
Your wife is not attracted to you anymore.
Her zero libido would magically resurface if she were back out on the market trying to find another guy to replace the work you are doing so she can not have sex with him later.
Assuming you don't have issues with pride, this will solve your problem.
I say issues with pride because all the work will be you. Expecting change from her before change from you will never work.
Hopefully we will have something Christian on the Sidebar soon. In the meantime, I would check out Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. This is a super-practical book about the truth in male / female dynamics in marriage.
After that, check out The Way of the Superior Man. This book goes deeper into the finer points necessary to successfully calibrate and internalize things imo.
Neither of these are Christian books, so read with discernment. However, I have found both to be EXTREMELY helpful.
This is a you problem. You have accepted and allowed this behaviour by letting her slowly push your boundaries.
She will never be attracted to a man she perceives as beneath her.
Communication, therapy, all that fucking nonsense dosent generate any sexual desire. It strips it.
Being needy and winny all the time makes her lose desire for you.
A divorce is a complicated plan, if you go that way take a year and make a plan.
If you want to work on the sexual desire thing and potentially save your marriage check out this book.
The MAP (marriage action plan) you work on from that book will improve all aspects of your marriage because it changes YOUR behavior. Your wife is only reacting to you and you have been behaving like a worthless man.
If you didn't have 2 kids with this woman I would say divorce her, she's 35, fat and worthless. I mean, if she thinks you are a pathetic loser you should be easy to replace right? A 35 year old single mom should have no problems finding another man as invested in her and the kids as you. It should be easy to find a guy to do 80% of the homework and NOT get laid.
She should have zero problems right?
There's also a couple of books on LTRs that have been regarded as good books amongst the Manosphere. Honestly, I haven't read either, but the two that come to mind are:
Man of Steel and Velvet
Married Man Sex Life
If your wife could stand to lose a few pounds as well, that makes it a bit easier for you. Just start to slowly increase your relative sexual appeal above hers and she will respond accordingly—she will start to come out of that shell. This is not something I am just making up to be crass. It is not something you, or any woman—including your wife—has conscious control over either. Women are biologically programmed to seek out good sperm, and this doesn't end after marriage. Good sperm does not come from overweight video game addicts. It comes from healthy, strong, confident men. Men who can protect them from wild beasts. For a good primer on the subject check out Athol Kay.
I'd recommend reading The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. It's got great information on being more alpha in your relationship and preventing a dead bedroom.
>Her eyelids literally fluttered and she looked aroused just kissing me goodbye the next morning.
This book tells you how to make that happen all the time.