Reddit reviews The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation

Glad I could help!

Here's a link to an app that has all kinds of Al-Anon talks.


Here's the Amazon link to the updated version of the codependency book.

Here's the link to all kinds of virtual Al-Anon meetings by email, Skype, messageboard, or phone.

I'm certain that you should be able to find a way to fit some of this into your busy schedule, even if it's hard. It's going to be really important that you take care of yourself in this relationship.

Not OP, but for me it was a gradual process, starting with the realization that I kept choosing the same type of person to date and expecting a different outcome. Codependency is a multifaceted issue dealing with things like insecurity, a lack of self worth, a lack of self in general, fears of abandonment, a lack of boundaries (the ability to say no) and often a lack of understanding what constitutes healthy human interactions.


If you have an interest in the things that helped me:

• Reading about the Karpman Drama Triangle
  And the following books:
  
• Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself
  
• The New Codependency
  
• Bradshaw on: The Family
  
• The Passion Trap
  
• I only want to marry once
  
  
  My main lessons were
  
• Be okay with being alone (if you don't NEED a partner you remain centered on yourself, even within a relationship, and are able to leave if things no longer work for you)
  
• Learn who you are and indulge in your own life no matter who else is in it.
  
• Learn to speak up and state what you are and are not okay with.
  
• Learn to communicate effectively (no passive aggressive victim mentality.)
  
• Learning to recognize healthy vs unhealthy relationships.
  
• Learning to help people in healthy ways (because you want to, without any investment in the outcome)
  
  
  It took me years to learn to be healthy, and I also saw a councilor for a short period of time, but it was so worth the effort I put in. It's an ongoing process, though. I thought I was finally healthy, then I entered into a relationship and realized I still had a lot of things to deal with. You fight against your learned behaviors a lot initially.
  
  
  I'm in a very healthy relationship now and it's a completely different experience. No roller-coaster of emotions, no walking on eggshells, no loss of myself in favor of their interests, no condescending quips at my expense, no constant insecurity and distrust, no absolutely terrifying fear anytime we are apart.
  
  
  I feel even-keel and stable. When they're away I'm focused on my life, when we're together I'm focused on us and me equally. They treat me amazingly well and I attempt to do the same in return. There is mutual respect and trust. Our relationship is a warm, calming, inviting place to be.

Please read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1439102147/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1492137968&sr=8-5&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=codependent+no+more&dpPl=1&dpID=51WSxXg8puL&ref=plSrch

That's the thing, nobody can know this but you. I had a really hard time knowing who I was and I started going through everything I had ever written and tried to describe myself based on that, from an outsider's perspective. Like a character analysis in a book. Moved over to old photographs etc., too, and it really, really helped. My (uneducated) guess would be, just because of the age difference thing, that you may have codependent tendencies. Please read the first 5 pages and tell me if this is something you can relate to at all. Not everything, just in general: https://www.amazon.de/New-Codependency-Guidance-Todays-Generation/dp/1439102147

Adding to this, if you're in the SLC area, I can lend you a copy of a book on Codependence. I highly recommend you take care of yourself. That fact that you've been with this woman for so long with all of the things you admit about her being wrong, makes me think you're a bit of a 'helper'. Do you find yourself having a strong impulse to nurture and care for her and others who've messed up their lives on their own?

Reading this book helped me.