Reddit reviews The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault

Childhood sexual abuse and assault, like he experienced, is often a huge issue for people's sexuality later in life. Especially when their body responds to the sexual stimulation as a child, even if they didn't consent to it (and that is extremely common)

It can be harder for boys, because of societal beliefs that they should be happy and grateful for this kind of sexual attention from adult women.

There are a lot of therapists who help people heal from sexual trauma like this, and some great self help books out there too, if he wants to go that route.


Edit:

This is my go-to list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books, including some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.

The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais

> thing to do is to "let it go" and "look at the bright side"

That is never advice for someone after trauma. Anyone who tells you to 'just get over it' has no idea what trauma is like or how the brain responds to it. As a friend of mine once said, "the only way out, is through." Recovery is a difficult and long process, but I promise to you that you will recover.

> Even counselling isn't helping much as there isn't really any way to get back at him and that is what I want

'Getting back' and healing are two separate things and those two things will never intersect. You will not heal through revenge. I support your pursuit of justice, but I also know, through experience and through the many other survivors I know (and have grown with), that the justice system is more re-traumatizing than helpful. This is going to sound cliche AF but sometimes the best revenge is just reemerging from this as the strongest, best, most happy version of yourself. I know that sounds whack right now. I know the idea of feeling happy and safe again feels laughable right now, but it is possible. I think the first time I truly learned to love myself was maybe 3 years after my rape. My rape recovery taught me a lot about myself. I don't owe my rape any of that hard work, I did all that in spite of being raped, but I can say that I grew.

Have you tried group therapy? That was critical for me. Recovering with people going through similar things...it made me feel so supported and loved and valid, feelings I couldn't get from the friends and family I confided in.

I also don't recommend this sub for this type of discussion because it is constantly being trolled by ill-meaning people. r/rapecounseling is an amazing place and well moderated as is r/rape.

I'm linking here two writings from survivors that got me through some awful moments - they may help you too:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/velouria-black/2017/10/i-will-no-longer-let-you-invalidate-my-rape/

https://thoughtcatalog.com/cj-hale/2013/06/12-things-no-one-told-me-about-sex-after-rape/

https://www.amazon.com/Rape-Recovery-Handbook-Step-Step/dp/1572243376


I am here for you. Anytime. I'm on year 4 of my recovery. I am so grateful to the people who made themselves available to me to talk throughout my recovery. Writing also helped me. I have maybe over 50 pages of advice I've collected over the years, and am happy to share.

<3 I am wishing you the best. You are not alone in this. Rape will teach you first how cruel the world is and second it will teach you just how beautiful and loving it can be, because slowly, but surely, you will see so real beauty in the people who help you now, in the people who stand up for you now, and in yourself as you fight for yourself, fight to love yourself, like never before.

Take care of yourself, love.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572243376/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=8MX1NXGD12519MT0KCK0

Your girlfriend went through something incredibly traumatic, and her reaction is normal. You don't have to have answers for her, but just be there to help her feel loved, supported and safe, as it seems you are already doing.

First, respect her choice to not report. Instead, focus on maintaining and improving daily life for you both. The better you can keep your lives on track (while not dismissing what she's going through), the easier it should be for her to face what happened, process it and feel like herself again.

Try to get more exercise than usual, especially outdoors... it will help get stress out and might help her sleep. In the same vein, think about activities that you like to do together... a museum, the movies, live music, meet up with friends/family, a mini road trip, going to a lake, whatever - and make plans to do at least one of those things per week.

Plan and cook healthy meals together, chill and watch tv together, maybe go for coffee and chat together. Let her know that you love her and are open to listening to whatever is on her mind, and acknowledge to her that while this is all new to you, you truly are trying your best to be there for her. Ask her to tell you if there's anything she wants or needs.

You might have some success in getting her a bit of help by suggesting she talk to her doctor about medication to help with sleep. For all of the questions she has, you could try suggesting a book like The Rape Recovery Handbook. There's also RAINN.org, and for you there's this Men's Guide that might be helpful.

Remember that it's not easy supporting someone going through trauma, and even if she isn't at a point where she can get professional help for herself, that doesn't mean you can't get it for yourself. You having some support from a therapist during this time could really be helpful for both of you. Thank you for being there for her. Take care.

As a sexual assault survivor who struggled with liking sex and dealing with the aftermath, I understand some of what you're going through.

Therapy helped me. It really did. Before I could bring myself to actually go, though, I read a book called The Rape Recovery Handbook that helped me tremendously. It let me work through some of my most difficult feelings until I felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with another person.

If finding affordable therapy is difficult, I have a few friends that use TalkSpace and they swear it's a very good alternative. You chat with licensed therapists.

At any rate, I hope that you are healed from your experience soon. The path is rough, but if you and your girlfriend are committed, it can help bring you closer together.

The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault

This guide applies to other sexual assault encounters. There's different exercises that can help you work through your emotions. At first it might seem to make you feel worse and cause a lot of crying, but it helps you go actually work through your emotions and maladative thoughts. This book helped me a lot.

You will get through it. (: stsy strong!

i think i have mine back and i think maybe it's even stronger than ever, though things do fluctuate. it's about 4 years for me. therapy, group therapy, and this sub have been critical to my recovery. writing has been really important... and then sharing the writing... that was some scary and powerful shit for me. i didn't fully start sharing my writing until this year. i am about to self publish a poetry collection that centers on my rape. to me it will be sort of a final stage of healing (if there is such thing as a final stage).

if you aren't in therapy i recommend getting a copy of the rape recovery handbook and working (slowly with self compassion) through the exercises in there: https://www.amazon.com/Rape-Recovery-Handbook-Step-Step/dp/1572243376

and finding more survivors to talk to.

confront your deepest feelings of shame and fear.

take all your fears and put them into the light for you to really see, and see they aren't as scary anymore.

build up a support network whether if be online at first but then in your real life.

i wrote this about my rape: thoughtcatalog.com/velouria-black/2017/10/i-will-no-longer-let-you-invalidate-my-rape/

that was me breaking my own silence this year, probably with help from the gusto of the metoo campaign.

you will get your voice back and you will love yourself more deeply than ever before. it is hard work. it is painful. but you are going to get there. and if you need a friend along the way you have one in me sister <3

I went through stages with out even realizing it. After my sexual trauma I sought out sex - to prove that not all sex was bad and to prove to my self that I could get over it. That REALLY did not help. I experienced more sexual trauma and horrible relationships. I went through a period where I would either openly or publicly cry after every sexual encounter, no matter what happened. I thought "thats normal...?". After having this, and meeting the love of my life... it severely hindered our relationship. I WANT to enjoy sex with him but it was nearly impossible when every touch reminded me of some creep or horrible encounter. One night I thought - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I made an appointment for a therapist the next day (my school has free therapy for sexual victims), bought this book which has helped a lot, and another book of hers. I highly recommend her book. Its a self help, self exercise book. I haven't cried after sex in a year. I am still triggered by somethings day to day, but sex with my partner has improved immensely.