Reddit reviews The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
We found 9 Reddit comments about The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Harmony
The Relationship Cure, and other things by The Gottmann Institute:
https://amzn.com/0609809539
Nice read, this sort of recent trend is a true fascination of mine.
A great read has been "Age of Absurdity"
GoldenPants highlighted an important aspect, namely that the article tells you what's wrong but doesn't give enough guidance. This is typical of much modern analysis, particularly psychology, where they can come up with 100 labels for what's wrong with people.
100 words for down, 2 for up.
Here's some light off the cuff advice from my own experience:
Don't believe yourself - This is Buddha advice right here! In this context I would like you to read this as "You don't know what makes you happy". And once this clicks, as an experience rather than a concept, it's like having your eyes opened.
Watch less TV. Pick shows that you enjoy, don't sludge in front of the screen absorbing nonsense.
Meditate. Start it, practice regularly. Change requires time in this field but you can get profound results through disciplined application.
In a similar vein, spend time on your own. It's important.
Examine your aspirations - Have you been raised on the idea that you should own a big house, fancy car, money in the bank, or other material classification of success?
Nurture your relationships - Get a book/audio book/ course on how to improve your relationships. I recently started "The Relationship Cure" by Gottman and am enjoying that so far.
Less Stuff - Buy less, simply. You don't need more clothes (unless you're big into your fashion in which case perhaps it is a hobby for you?). Apply a time delay on impulse purchases. Want to buy a fancy gadget? I wait 1 month and see how I feel then.
A thought experiment I did a while ago was to think what would happen if you were to start fresh on the earth, how would the world you ideally envisage look? See whether you can fit those aspects into the current state of the world.
Someone once told me the only things truly worth working for are inner peace and being closer to other people. In this vein, work on your inner garden, and see how other people are doing! The rest then becomes common sense.
As I stated, this is a favourite topic of mine so an elaborate discussion with like-minded goblins is welcomed.
Gottman is highly referenced within relationship counselling stuff, and focuses on principles of positive relations, with no gender roles or religion. I don't know anything about this particular book, or others, but could be worth a starting look.
This is more for /u/anonymousposts18 since I don't get the sense that you are interested in understanding marriage or relationships particularly much. These quotes are from https://www.gottman.com/blog/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/
"Timing is an essential element in whether marriage counseling works. Unfortunately, most couples wait much too long to reach out for help repairing their marriage. According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Think about this statistic for a few minutes. Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways."
and
"Couples can benefit from reminding each other of Dr. John Gottman’s guiding principle of adding more positive interactions — a five-to-one ratio. In other words, for every negative interaction with your partner, add five positive ones. Don’t take love for granted and adopt a mindset that differences can spark passion and interest. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness.
Further, Gottman coins the phrase turning toward one another to describe how couples can learn to react in a positive way to one another’s bids for attention rather than “turning away” — which generally involves ignoring a partner’s bid, or acting preoccupied. He writes, “turning toward one another is a kind of secret weapon against elements such as contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling — factors that can destroy any relationship.”"
and
"How can marriage counseling help couples?
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Don’t, my husband has never been a writer (that’s more my style), but he is very romantic in his own way. We still very much have our spark after 16 years. If a relationship becomes mundane that’s because one or both partners have become complacent. Complacencies is dangerous because it can easily breed resentment and resentment is the death of any relationship. You can have the relationship you want, you both just have to want it. However you can start this process. Marriage is like being in a boat. If one person moves the other has to it it sinks. Try reading John Gottman’s relationship cure it’s a good one.
John M. Gottman P.H.D. writes excellent guides to relationships using actual studies that he conducts.. My therapist recommended me the following book,
https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Cure-Strengthening-Marriage-Friendships/dp/0609809539/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1RTXRQ6DQSGOI&keywords=the+relationship+cure+by+john+gottman&qid=1566217663&s=gateway&sprefix=the+relationship+cure%2Caps%2C177&sr=8-3
This book has been so helpful for me in recognizing social cues and maintaining relationships how I want.
The guy also writes other books on dating and marriage which I assume are just as high quality (They are on my to read list).
I wish you good luck!
We're so happy we could offer helpful experience. :-)
We by no means have it all figured out and are continually learning and adjusting our approach. Beforehand, we weren't sure exactly how working together would pan out, but we had a positive outlook. Plus, we set out not knowing how long-term travel would affect each of us (we had a few unexpected results, some were good and some were challenges to overcome!).
We know you asked about working together, but if you'll allow us, we have another tip that worked well for us overall. Maybe it'll apply to you too?
A few months into traveling we read The Relationship Cure by John Gottman, PhD. (actually we listened to the audio version together). We completed the exercises, talked through parts of the book, and made individual notes on things that could be better. We highly recommend it.
Lastly, if you're interested (please don't feel obligated) we wrote a post where we talked about traveling and DN'ing together. We're each other's best friends and love each other dearly, but the constant changing of environments can be pretty rough at times. You can read it here: Traveling as a Couple: Survival, Growth and the Pursuit of Harmony
Again, we don't have it all figured out by any stretch of the imagination, and what works for us may not be right for you guys. It's awesome and bodes well that you care to ask for help and see what things you can do to improve something (that sounds) like it's already going well. We'd love to hear how things go as you continue to DN and begin working on projects together. PM us and keep in touch! Maybe our paths will cross and coffee or dinner is in order! :-)
I TOTALLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. My husband is like that. Loves me to death, but really not as communicative about his affection as I need.
Two things -
One, if you can, try to find some girl friends you can talk to. A lot of people have this mindset that your SO should be able to fulfill all your needs and that's hogwash. You need a variety of different people in your life - friends, family, spouse, coworkers - to balance things out. They all contribute different things and they're all important.
Two - check out The Relationship Cure by John Gottman (link). This book changed the way I relate to my husband and how I understand his "unresponsiveness". I highly recommend it.
Happy to help! A few links to get you started:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609809539/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_HEheAb4BZK6XS
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BBXJH2C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_FIheAbDT1FDCR
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HEN3JHW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_hJheAb7V76CNX