Reddit reviews The Survival Guide for Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (And Their Parents)

It's a good question, and I can see how some people wouldn't want the diagnosis to "define" their child or for the child to use it as a crutch. I can understand that line of thinking. It's not the same as having a child that lacks the comprehension skills to ever understand their diagnosis. A child that can understand might struggle with their identity, or might blame their misfortunes completely on the diagnosis.

But with my older child I've told him (the younger one is way too small to get it right now, but I plan on telling him too). I think it's still better for them to grasp it early on rather than have it hit them in the face later when they happen to check their medical records. It's lying by omission, and I wouldn't want my sons to lose their trust in me for any reason.

Telling them early gives me the time I need to guide them through their differences, and help them develop ways to deal with their frustration. We have an open forum where my older son is safe to discuss his worries, and I can educate him about how much his diagnosis should impact on his life, if at all. I'm removing the stigma as much as I can.

I don't consider myself above any parent that isn't the same, because all parents are different. Some parents take a very long time to accept a diagnosis themselves, and they might feel like it would hurt the family dynamic to reveal it, or they may have family and friends that won't understand. They might not even fully grasp what it means themselves. That's not their fault, because the stigma is there and it's going to take a lot of generations for it to be removed. I honestly think there should be a hell of a lot more support for parents to tell a child about a diagnosis because most of the time the parents are just left with the knowledge, and are frightened of taking the wrong action over it. And as I said before, they might be frightened of it having a negative impact on their child, that they might use it as a crutch or let the weight of it drag them down. The child would have to think about whether they want their friends to know, if they are in an environment where they pass as NT most of the time.

But this is why there should be better education on this, or at least some sort of emotional support, particularly for NT parents who are probably feeling bewildered (not exclusively, some autistic parents can feel the same). We have to work to remove the stigma, so that we don't feel afraid to be upfront and honest with our children, and so we can give them the right tools to come to terms with their difference and even embrace it, whilst congratulating themselves for the successes they have.

Books like this are a good starting point, if a little bit outdated now.

We bought this book to explain it to our son, although he is not at the age yet where he would understand.

https://www.amazon.ca/Survival-Autism-Spectrum-Disorders-Parents/dp/1575423855/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427989679&sr=1-1&keywords=%22The%20Survival%20Guide%20for%20Kids%20with%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorders%20(And%20Their%20Parents)%22&tag=vglnk-ca-c56-20