Reddit reviews The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time

I’m so, so glad for you. I know what it’s like to shrink the world down to a tiny, bleak, manageable place and it is so awful to be there and not know how to get out. Or even if there is an out.

Honestly, the main reason I browse this sub is because I see a lot of people in a lot of pain, without the internal or external resources to get help. Sure, there are the psycho shitheads, but most are just in a pit and only have anger and self-loathing for company.

It sounds like you have a lot of negative thoughts around women that you can’t shake yet. One really great resource for that is CBT, which you can do on your own. There’s a book called The Feeling Good Handbook which helped me out a ton. You have my full permission to roll your eyes at the incredibly dorky cover image and his goofy stories, but the exercises and the vocabulary were incredibly helpful. The only thing I don’t love about it is he’s somewhat discouraging about meds.

The other one I’ve had recommended to me by several professionals which I haven’t read yet but mean to is The Upward Spiral

The other other online resource I can recommend is this dating advice site geared towards guys. There’s a lot of good advice on building confidence and how to make conversation, and the author thinks women are people.

Also, just watch some women-made stuff: movies, TV, blogs, etc. It’s easy to think of us as an exotic species but we’re just people. Stuff like that can help humanize and make it easier to empathize with us.

Speaking of meds, I didn’t get a good sense of whether you struggle with anxiety or depression. If you do, you can go to a regular ol doctor and talk with them about it. They can prescribe basic stuff that will work for most folks. Meds won’t change you or fix your problems or forcibly make you happy. They will make that spike of fear less and lift a lot of the crushing weight of anxiety/depression.

If your doctor doesn’t take you seriously, find a better fucking doctor.

Therapy is great but it can take a while to find somebody that clicks that you can also afford. I highly recommend it if you can, and also be persistent and don’t settle. There’s a lot of terrible therapists out there and a lot of amazing ones.

Going back to therapy. The decision is not entirely or even mostly cycle related, but I stopped going after about 1.5 years of it and I missed what it did for me. I highly recommend it.

Also- my dogs and learning a new hobby.

I really recommend this book too
The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626251207/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4qHxCbFCD1AHK

First I'll answer in the sense I understood the title at first: The Upward Spiral is a neuroscience-based book that quickly gets to actionable stuff that helped me understand and work against depression. I've tried 'Feeling Good' by David Burns as well, but found it a bit long-winded and (personal opinion) a tiny bit patronizing.

Now in the sense your question text implies: I too agree with the Terry Pratchett recommendation, especially the Witches series of Discworld for me. Dresden Files by Jim Butcher has helped a lot too. And on the webcomics side, Questionable Content has kept me going for months on end (which is slightly ironic in that the creator kept having bouts of depression while in the middle of writing it).

I generally find non-fiction hard to read when I'm down in the dumps, even the ones I love like the Dao de Ching.

This is an awesome question, and good for you for identifying what you need and reaching out to others. For me, it is so validating and encouraging to hear that I am not the only one struggling with my sense of self-esteem and self-worth, and I hope that you also feel less alone by reading the answers in this thread.

A year ago, my low self-esteem was debilitating.I couldn't work, I was living in state of fear that the people I loved would stop loving me, and I spent a lot of time being disgusted with myself. Today, I am slowly and deliberately learning to love myself more everyday, and I am seeing positive results in my life as a result of my efforts. For instance, my relationships are healthier, I feel anxious less frequently, I feel more competent in my work and hobbies, and I am more willing to take risks. Here are a few practical things that I have worked for me so far:

• Therapy. The first day I walked into my therapist's office, I told her I had anxiety issues. Within 15 minutes of listening to me, she was telling me to go buy a book on self esteem for our next session. Reading that book was like reading a record of my inner life; I couldn't believe how accurate it was. My therapist worked through the book with me and helped me reflect on my thought patterns. I can't afford therapy anymore, but the dozen or so sessions that I went to made a huge difference to me.
  
• Journalling. The process of writing down my thoughts forces me to turn them into logical sentences. This is important for me because a lot of the time, my internal narrative is illogical and not fully formed. Putting those thoughts down on paper helps me look at my thinking more objectively and wholistically. I also do things like make lists of things that I am good at, my positive traits, my accomplishments, etc. Making these lists gives me ammo when I feel bombarded by negative thoughts.
  
• Asking my friends for help. During a particularly low time, I asked my closest friends to write me a letter about why they liked me, ways I inspire them, etc. I read these letters regularly, which means that I remember their words when I feel low.
  
• Learning about Psychology. Learning about how my brain works, both physiologically and psychologically, has helped me look at my self-esteem more scientifically.
  
• Practice. This is the most important thing. Just like any skill, you've got to put in the time if you want to see results. This doesn't happen overnight. Whatever you do to help you love yourself and think more realistically (yoga, journalling, meditating, relaxation, reading, exercise, etc), do it regularly. Behaviours leading to unhealthy self-esteem are habits, and you've got to work to override those habits. The best way is to train your brain when you feel good so that you are stronger for when you feel low.
  
  Be patient with yourself, and take the time to find things that help you individually. Building new, awesome life-long habits takes a lot of work. The progress can feel really slow--I know it sure does for me. However, it's totally doable and lots of people have made this happen for themselves. You can do it! Here are some resources that have helped me so far:
  
  Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem. The book I read in therapy.
  
  The Upward Spiral. For learning about how your brain works. Highly recommend.
  
  You are a Badass. Quirky encouragement.
  
  The Gifts of Imperfection. Lots of practical advice in here.
  
  Excel at Life While this site is ugly and disorganized, the content is quality.
  
  The Power of Vulnerability TED talk by Brene Brown
  
  The Healing Power of Self Compassion A podcast about the science of self-compassion.
  
  
  Thanks for reading my giant post-- I'm really passionate about self esteem :) And as a general call-out: I don't know many other people who struggle with self esteem and self compassion, so if anybody wants message back and forth and talk about it, I'd love that :)

Congrats on the run today! Remember when you do something like this to focus on how good it is that you did it, not on the times that you didn't do it.

> If I loved the reward of these things, why was it so hard to do them?

You have very strong neural pathways already built that are counter productive. You might add The Upward Spiral to your reading list if you want to learn some details. This book has been integral to breaking out of some habits caused by my depression. It's very scientifically motivated. In fact, I get the feeling that it's a colloquial rewrite of this guy's PhD thesis, though I never looked that up to see if it's true.

I'll have to think about what my core areas would be...

"The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time" by Dr. Alec Korb does a pretty good job of describing what is happening with brain chemistry and offers suggestions of how to change patterns of response.

Therapist here. First thing, I commend you for trying to lose weight several times, and succeeding, several times - I know the weight didn’t stay lost, but you’ve taught yourself it IS possible, and that’s a big deal.

The reason the weight doesn’t STAY off, is because the circumstances that have caused you to gain it in the first place still exist. For weight loss to be successful, your life, and your emotional state, needs to be different. In one sense, this is good news. The weight we gain is almost never about “I just love to eat,” but almost always about “food is the only thing that brings me peace.”

In other words, you’re using food to cope with your life right now. And you need more coping tools to replace the food behaviour.

First, recognize it’s understandable you have been using food to cope - it’s an obvious one, we all need food, after all, it’s the first nourishment available to us after breast milk if we were lucky enough to be held and nursed. And it is crucial to our survival. In the absence of love from others , food is often the first substitute, Because even if no one else is nourishing us emotionally, we do still need to nourish ourselves physically at the very least.

We learn we are worth loving from our parents - it is their attention to us that allows us to recognize ourselves as valued and important, as worth loving. So, it’s understandable that you feel bitter towards them, and that you don’t feel valuable and important to yourself. HOWEVER, only you can change this situation. You can’t change your parents. Perhaps they had it worse with their parents... perhaps they did the best they knew to do - but they are who they are. The only person who can do the changing is you.

We are always the hero of our own stories, rightly so, really. And it will feel like a heroic effort some days, for sure. But every little step you can take to be good to yourself, to truly nourish yourself, will help. There’s a post on reddit somewhere called No More Zero Days. Read it, and it will help, I promise.

Tools

Diet as a way of life

It’s really important that you get help with this one (and good that you asked!) because you aren’t eating enough for your weight, and starving yourself by eating too little will absolutely stall your weight loss and backfire. Read the Quick Start guide on this sub’s main page to get a better sense of your TDEE, and the tools to better manage your weight loss plan.

And start slow - first, try cutting out added sugar, by way of pop, for example. Add a seltzer water, or herbal tea, or something else, so that you’re still drinking enough (hydration is key for weight loss). Whatever you cut out, try to add a different healthy option in its place, so you still do have something to snack on, but it’s not chips, maybe it’s veggies or fruit instead. This is all stuff you may know, of course.

Diet is one part of the broader lifestyle change, and understanding how to undo the pattern of using food to cope.


Therapy

Now, there are resources for people to do therapy online. Although I applaud you leaving your home (and I’m not joking, I’ve worked with people for whom this is really hard) I think it will help you to look into online options. These are via Skype and other online methods, so provided you have a fast internet connection, they may be a really great option. I prefer working in-person, obviously, but I’ve had clients I never met in person, and therapy via Skype worked really well, so it is worth a try.

Exercise and movement

Do continue to leave your home when you can (let’s not lose weight by freezing off any parts) but also work on ways you can continue to move while at home. You won’t lose weight through exercise, but you will gain well-being, so movement is important. Movement, in terms of brain chemistry, can also soothe emotions. When you get both sides of the brain activated by moving both sides of the body (walking, dancing, anything that involves both hands, or both legs even) particularity with music or rhythm (like dancing, or even house cleaning with music on) you’re helping your nervous system to manage emotion.

In other words, feeling crappy? Try dance, it doesn’t matter how badly you do it. Do it when you’re alone home, or by yourself in your room with the door shut. You will feel better. Don’t overdo, don’t exhaust yourself - just move. Or try yoga. Just a bit of stretching and moving. We often don’t know how to breathe deeply or to control our breathing.

Meditation

There are lids of online guides for meditation. It truly can help to observe your thoughts with compassion and to pay attention to your breathing. Having spent years meditating, I suggest you not buy into the idea that it’s easy, or peaceful. It is HARD to observe your own thoughts and feelings. And it is hard to sit still at first as well. But it is immensely rewarding to learn how to do both these things.

We often fill our thoughts with self loathing, self aggrandizing, self judgement, the critical voices of others... you’ll be familiar with this. The process of being able to tolerate our thinking patterns and realize they aren’t the sum of what we are is the most valuable reason to meditate.

Self-Trust

The problem with trying and then regaining weight, or trying to set new habits in place, and then falling into old patterns, is that we lose faith in ourselves when things don’t work, or if we regain weight. And losing this faith, or trust in the self, contributes to negative self-talk. This is why the idea of no more zero days can really help. Doing something, anything, even something small, will actually contribute to self trust in a positive way.

Depression and Anxiety. And not allowing yourself to get too isolated.

There’s a really excellent book called The Upward Spiral, which discusses all the tools you can put in place to help you cope with depression and anxiety. And it’s written by a neuroscientist. https://www.amazon.com/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207 He was struggling with depression as well.

Finally, I want you to know this situation you’re in CAN change. You can do this! The first step is the find tools which will help. We’ve discussed a few above (like movement, and meditation) but hobbies and other things you love can really help.

Online communities (like reddit, but also hobby-specific communities) where you can engage your interests.

Online gaming can be helpful here, if you find a positive community, or group to play with.

Writing or art groups, if you enjoy such.

Hobbies that involve crafting can be great - read about a few online, or check out the reddit communities and see if there’s a spark there, if anything appeals.

Are there board game meetup groups in your community?

There are also specific meetup groups for anxiety, as well as ones to support weight loss, like TOPS - https://www.tops.org/ and they have meetup groups and I think even online support. But u/funchords will know a lot more about this than I do.

I wish you all the best. Feel free to pm me if you like.

I don't have the time to give you the advice you need right now, but I can point you in the right direction. First and foremost, remember that your friend is in pain. The brain doesn't differentiate between physical and emotional pain. If you find yourself frustrated, just imagine her with a gaping wound. It's difficult to be always patient with someone who is depressed, but this can help.

Secondly, get your hands on a book called The Upward Spiral it's got some down to earth tips on things that can help you reverse depression.

Lastly remember: you didn't make her depressed. You are not responsible for making her not depressed. Be her friend, help when you can. Don't light yourself on fire to keep her warm. Sometimes depression can be a bit catching. Misery loves company after all.

Big ones for me...

The Upward Spiral

Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life

The Untethered Soul

The War of Art

Check out this book that just came out:
http://www.amazon.com/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207/

And the author also gave an IAma on reddit recently:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2y19wo/iama_neuroscientist_who_just_wrote_a_book_on/

There is lots you can do, and should do. One of those is to recognize the problem and get professional help, make the life-style changes that are necessary, get medication etc.

Wish you the best of luck,
C

You are trying to deal with too many things at the same time. That doesn't work, and then you judge yourself for failing on all these fronts. That makes it worse.

The first thing I would try to do is to feel OK about all of these things. Not great, just OK. There are people in worse situations.

Then I would address one thing at a time. But first just feel OK about everything.

Try this book: https://www.amazon.in/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207

While getting out of a dark place involves changing your thoughts, emotions and behaviors over time, thus being a complex process, I'll just leave this right here, as I think it is a valuable tool in fighting melancholia and depression.


How Running and Meditation Change the Brains of the Depressed


How Running Rebuilds Your Brain To Be Less Anxious


Running and meditation


By the way, walking is good, but it's really different from running when it comes to positive effects, which are much more pronounced in running. Also, if you are used to drinking, drugs, fapping, social media or sleeping poorly, perhaps you should drop that. It'll help your mood.


Check out this book as well. It's well written and very practical.


https://www.amazon.com.br/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207


Edit: for clarity.

Buy/read this: https://www.amazon.com/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207