Reddit reviews The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

We found 15 Reddit comments about The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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15 Reddit comments about The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love:

u/ASnugglyBear · 50 pointsr/GirlGamers

>Too many people don't understand how simple and non-radical the concept of feminism really is

It has scary sounding polysyllabic words that sound like they're saying something different than they are, it talks in a very intellectual place, and it's attacking ideas literally thousands of years old. It tells people to stop certain behaviors, without explaining why in the audience's vocabulary. Btw, these behaviors were literally beat into you as an 8-14 year old boy. "Fags" and "Homos" and "Sissys" get the shit kicked out of them. Conform or get threatened with physical violence.

If you asked most men "Would you like to get rid of the thing that makes it okay for your boss to shit down your throat and talk over you?" most of them would say yes. If you ask them "Would you like to renormalize workplace power relationships to a more consent based model inclusive of many communication styles, including those of women" they go 'huh' and dread having some sensitivity training and having to watch what they say on top of their 65 hour workweek that the patriarchy has imposed on them

I would love to see a new edition of Guyland with the shiny feminist terms toned down a bit, or a slightly more sex positive The Will To Change

Feminism is great. It's goals are typically admirable. But it's not setup to sell itself to men, so don't be surprised if the group that's most sold to doesn't get how to digest something that's not targeted at them.

u/WildSuggestion · 10 pointsr/childfree

u/[deleted] · 6 pointsr/antisrs

I'm a huge Bell Hooks fan, so props to you for giving her some exposure here.

Other suggested reading:

"Feminism Is for Everybody" - For people who are confused about what feminism is, why it's important, or who shy away from the label of 'feminist'.
"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" - For MRAs and others who accuse feminists of ignoring issues that affect men.

u/FekketCantenel · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

> The only reason I do not like the idea of being asexual would be due to the fact that many narcs are asexuals as well.

Ns are often the way they are due to trauma, especially having been RBN themselves. (The crucial difference between an ACoN with FLEAs and an N is self-awareness.) So it makes sense that you would have this in common with Ns; you're getting it from the same place.

> I'm not quite sure if I'm asexual

As long as you're comfortable where you are, it's not necessarily something broken that needs to be fixed. Lots of affectionate/romantic asexuals end up in healthy relationships, either with another asexual or an open/poly relationship with a sexual.

If you 'lean into' or 'relax into' asexuality (not aversion to sex, but lack of desire for it) and that feels right, it's a totally legitimate way to go through life. But if you try that and the feelings of aversion are very strong, that sounds like a case for therapy and digging deeper. I call myself asexual but have previously enjoyed sex with the right person, whom I trusted and who knew how not to hurt me (literally and figuratively). So it's possible.

> Even in my dreams intercourse groses me out.

This has been my experience, too. I always freeze up in sex dreams, while the other person (usually a domineering family member) just does whatever he wants.

I don't know if you identify as female or live in the US, but I'm both, and am affected by exploitative rape culture. I've been told all my life that sex hurts and will turn me into a vapid, disgusting slut, and yet I'm objectified and pressured to please men (themselves trapped in an exploitative cycle of toxic masculinity). If you haven't already, it might help to read up on these subjects and give yourself vocabulary.

u/sf_guest · 3 pointsr/relationship_advice

Sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself. Here's a few thoughts from someone who was also pretty hard on himself:

Stay away from Red Pill / MRA / PUA, they prey on vulnerable guys. There is no value there.
Work on yourself, and I don't mean go to the gym. I mean stop beating yourself up. If you can afford it, a therapist is very helpful. Here are a few ideas of things you can do yourself:
Hang out with friends, it's OK to not be in a relationship, even for a long time. Putting extra pressure on yourself isn't helpful.
Consider reading this: https://johntreed.com/products/succeeding. I've found it's a pretty good field guide to life. If nothing else it's an interesting deep dive on how someone else managed their dating experience.

You'll be amazed at how hard women find it to find a great guy. You can be that great guy.

u/hnasarat · 2 pointsr/SRSMen

Check out http://www.amazon.com/The-Will-Change-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084

u/DarkestTimeline24 · 2 pointsr/TheBluePill

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084

u/for_the_love_of_beet · 2 pointsr/MensLib

This place is a lot less toxic than the MRA communities on the internet. There's a lot of really good, healthy discussions that take place here. I think feminism is a perfectly good term, though. There's definitely space within feminism for discussions about men and how patriarchy impacts and harms men as well as women. There's an amazing book by bell hooks called [Feminism is for Everybody] (https://books.google.com/books?id=0au7QbAJH0gC&amp;printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false) that really digs into how men fit into feminism, among other things--it's really worth a read!

> Males as a group have and do benefit the most from patriarchy, from the assumption that they are superior to females and should rule over us. But those benefits have come with a price. In return for all the goodies men receive from patriarchy, they are required to dominate women, to exploit and oppress us, using violence if they must to keep patriarchy intact. Most men find it difficult to be patriarchs. Most men are disturbed by hatred and fear of women, by male violence against women, even the men who perpetuate this violence. But they fear letting go of the benefits. They are not certain what will happen to the world they know more intimately if patriarchy changes. So they find it easier to passively support male domination even when they know in their minds and hearts that it is wrong. Again and again men tell me they have no idea what it is that feminists want. I believe them. I believe in their capacity to change and grow. And I believe that if they knew more about feminism they would no longer fear it, for they would find in feminist movement the hope of their own release from the bondage of patriarchy.

> It is for these men, young and old, and for all of us, that I have written this short handbook, the book I have spent more than 20 years longing for. I had to write it because I kept waiting for it to appear, and it did not. And without it there was no way to address the hordes of people in this nation who are daily bombarded with anti-feminist backlash, who are being told to hate and resist a movement that they know very little about. ... Feminist change has already touched all our lives in a positive way. And yet we lost sight of the positive when all we hear about feminism is negative.

All of bell hooks's stuff is great. She also wrote a book called [The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love] (https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1522694220&amp;sr=8-5&amp;keywords=bell+hooks&amp;dpID=41MX%252BOpt6CL&amp;preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&amp;dpSrc=srch) that addresses this stuff further:

> When females are in emotional pain, the sexist thinking that says that emotions should and can matter to women makes it possible for most of us to at least voice our heart, to speak it to someone, whether a close friend, a therapist, or the stranger sitting next to us on a plane or bus. Patriarchal mores teach a form of emotional stoicism to men that says they are more manly if they do not feel, but if by chance they should feel and the feelings hurt, the manly response is to stuff them down, to forget about them, to hope they go away.

> ... The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying "Please do not tell us what you feel."

u/Choppa790 · 2 pointsr/ChapoTrapHouse

resisting reality

the will to change

Bitch Media is an ok feminist magazine some of their takes are neoliberal, they shilled hillary pretty hard; but when it comes to intersectionality and cultural takes, they are decent enough.

u/limetom · 1 pointr/TrollXChromosomes

An example of how feminists actually view men's problems and a feminist solution: The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

u/killthebillionaires · 1 pointr/Anarchism

Relevant: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084

u/halfercode · 1 pointr/brum

It's been a while since I took the test, but I think I was more left-libertarian than Gandhi! I should take it again - they may have updated the questions anyway.

There is a general reading list for each of the compass quadrants: https://www.politicalcompass.org/reading.

For my own Left Libertarian quadrant, for general political learning, I would recommend:

Naomi Klein books (Canadian socialist, environmental activist, and critic of globalisation)
Noam Chomsky videos e.g. on YouTube (anarchist, MIT linguist, critic of US foreign policy and capitalism). He has a bunch of books as well, but they can be a bit academic
David Edwards & David Cromwell (independent critics of the mainstream media, e.g. Guardians of Power is good)
If you are interested in gender issues, especially about masculinity in a feminist context, this list of feminists helping on men's issues is very good: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/3tn9kc/a_list_of_feminist_resources_tackling_mens_issues/
bell hooks, a black feminist writer, on masculinity: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084#reader_0743456084 (there's a preview). I've not read this yet, but I mean to.
Understanding the context of gender and the new American culture wars can be helpful as well, e.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamergate_controversy is a big lodestone for alt-righters.

By the way, regarding people who are caught up in Red Pill and MRA, there are some different thoughts on how to deal with this as a political phenomenon, especially if it is true that the wider anti-PC movement helped Trump to the Presidency. Some folks say that attachment to hardline/hate ideologies can be an addiction (like people fascinated with fascism) and thus we should treat those folks kindly. Other people say that at least some people in the hate echo chamber know what they are doing, and they deserve as much criticism as can be thrown at them. I think it depends on a lot of things, but it's interesting to think about.

Hope that helps, let me know how you get on!

u/Hynjia · 1 pointr/funny

Honestly, I haven't read or watched the Vagina monologues. But, I can say, given my cursory research of the issue, the vagina monologues as a whole has been criticized from left and the right. This suggests to me that if indeed the scene portrays the rape of young women by older women as "better" because it at least men doing it, then I'd be extremely critical of that as a feminist myself as I imagine feminist on the left would.

But, more to the point of feminism itself supporting the killing of men, racism, and raping young women, that sounds like a fucked up perversion of feminist ideals. What I do know is that there are feminists that directly address men, for example Bell Hook's "The Will to Change": Men, Masculinity, and Love is one such book. It's about using the ideals of feminism to expand what it means to be a man. Of course, others, like Jessa Crispin in her book "Why I Am Not A Feminist: A Feminist Manifesto" literally says men need to figure their shit out on their own and stop making women suffer in the process and completely disregards our concerns insofar as they do not affect women adversely. But both Hooks and Crispin are feminist with the same goal of equality for women in society. And other feminists go further still! Sara Ahmed and Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor espouse the views that "freedom" for women is going to look radically different from the usual conception of freedom, which stems from male domination in society. They don't women to have the same ability as men to exploit others and dominate them; rather, it's about allowing women to be free on their own terms without reproducing the social structures that allow for the subjugation of genders and race and other arbitrary attributes.

No, feminism does not worship women who kill men, rape young girls, nor are absolute racists. In effect, we are not a hate group. There may be outliers that are fine with, and even support, bad things happening to men, but if they represent what feminism is, then far-right assholes that want to start a race war represent all of Republicanism. That's ridiculous, though. But that's not to say they the authors I named aren't "radical" feminists. They absolutely are. But radical feminism doesn't mean "fuck men"; it means "fuck this system of gender exploitation, this shit's gotta go." If that's a threat to your identity, I'll leave that up to you.

This is my attempt at having a good faith argument with you as a feminist. Or you can go back to your feminist-hating social circle that reinforces what you believe with selected bits of evidence used to generalize a patently false version of what feminist actually is. Choice is yours.

u/flaxrabbit · 0 pointsr/Feminism

I'm in the middle of reading Bell Hooks' The Will to Change. It's great, and deals with a lot of the things you have questions about. You could propose this as a book to your reading group, or if you are interested, I would love to have a discussion about the book over google hangout or something.

If anyone is interested in reading this book (or others like it), and meeting via hangout to discuss it, PM me. If the book is cost prohibitive also PM me as I'm sure we can figure something out.

u/Susanoo-no-Mikoto · -1 pointsr/AskFeminists

> So I ask again, why do heterosexual men mistake feminism as the project to sort out their sex lives?

Because:

"The personal is political", this is what it looks like when people actually take that dictum seriously, and-
Historically feminism has been seen and used as a comprehensive framework for sorting out all kinds of moral, social, and philosophical questions, with implications reaching far beyond the practical project of empowering women. Most people in our culture first engage with feminism as a moral ideology, and so it makes sense to them to ask the question of how to live a properly "feminist" life.

You can't tell people to read, say, bell hooks as an introduction to "what feminism is about" on one hand, and then act as if feminism is merely a Machiavellian project to seize power from the patriarchy on the other.