Reddit reviews Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.

Get out of my life!

Untangled

My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.

I understand your fears. My parents did so many things wrong and I was scared about making the same mistakes and pressured myself hard to make better and different choices with my kid.

I can tell you that you won't make the same mistakes. What other parents told me (before I was parent) was the fact that if I'm even worried about it now, I will already make me a better parent. Shitty parents don't worry about stuff like this.

I would suggest probably getting some therapy to work out whatever fears/issues you have before having kids. I started therapy when my kid was 2 because I was struggling (they're 13 now) because I didn't feel confident in what I was doing. Honestly, I don't know any parent that feels 100% confident, but you can feel like you're doing a pretty good job.

Children need to feel that they can succeed through their own efforts. This is why helicopter parenting is really detrimental. If you never let them strike out on their own, how will they learn and grow from their mistakes and choices? How will they gain confidence when they overcome an obstacle and succeed if you're doing everything for them?

Your kids will always need your help. Your job is to help them realize that through learning, natural consequences, and internal validation, they can and will be successful, capable, and confident adults.

I really liked these parenting books here:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0743525086

And this one: https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504723615&sr=1-1&keywords=mindset

And this one here (and I'd still recommend it to parents of boys as well. Doesn't matter if you have only boys): https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504723655&sr=1-1&keywords=untangled

This is also a really interesting read and has helped me as well: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_14?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+child+whisperer&sprefix=The+Child+whis%2Cstripbooks%2C139&crid=26CCWQN87K6MP

Also a therapy technique called Inner Bonding. Anyone can learn it and it's easy to teach to kids as well: /r/ibtherapy.

We literally just yesterday bought this book which we haven’t read yet, but it came highly recommended.

I didn't read your full post. But from what I read, you should consider reading (or listening) to the book Untangled. I just listened to it and it was tremendously helpful as a parent of a 6th grade/11 year old daughter.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393073/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_K4elzb52PM78C

NTA. Don't get your hopes up for a meaningful response though or take any response you do get personally. In my experience, young adults can drop friends for really lame reasons, including jealousy, fear of rejection, or just having new life experiences that they don't think you'll accept or identify with. I think jealousy is a very common reason around puberty. I had best friends suddenly stop talking to me for a month, only to apologize later and say it was because they both thought I was the most likable (friendship-wise) of the three of us, so they wanted to get me back for "them not being as special" according to them, which is ridiculous. There is likely no harm in asking. Sorry your daughter is dealing with social issues. Kids can be so cruel and take out insecurities in awful ways. If you DO decide to see a counselor, there is that added benefit of asking for help for your daughter as well. Perhaps you can take this approach with friend A -- tell her that your daughter's experiences reminded you of what happened, rather than saying its been bothering you for as long as it has, if you want. By the way, I gave this book to a friend who has a daughter, maybe it would be of interest to you: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, PhD. She also just released one called Under Pressure about stress and anxiety in girls. Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553393073/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D23HK1J/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1