We found 14 Reddit comments about What Makes a Baby. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Personally, for procreation we're going to go with What Makes a Baby
Sex will be discussed as a different subject. I don't view "mouth on penis" as any more or less age appropriate for a seven year old than "penis in vagina." Both are sex. Teaching one before the other is to set up one as normal/healthy/acceptable and the other as deviant/dirty/less-than, which is not true. Both penetrative and non-penetrative sex can be lovely ways to express love, intimacy and pleasure.
Toddler recently claimed What Makes a Baby as his new favorite book. We get to the page in the book that talks about how babies grow in uteruses (uteri?), and that some people have uteruses but others don't. Toddler pondered for a minute and asked if I had a uterus, and I nodded. He asked if his O.Pa. (my partner) and Baby Sister also had uteruses, to which I also nodded. Toddler sat silently for a minute before throwing himself on the ground and wailing "BUT I WANT A UTERUS TOOOOOOO. THAT'S NOT FAAAAIIIIRRRR!!!"
Toddlers and FOMO, man. It's so intense.
Fyi the book "what makes a baby" is really inclusive way to talk about bodies and babies. I just got it for my 4yo and she loves it (https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1609804856/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_BIfIDbHGRP5JA)
You can also use the What Makes a Baby book.
Thanks for the suggestion. I bought it and amazon then suggested What Makes a Baby. Slow down there, amazon!
It's Not the Stork is probably the most comprehensive book for this age. You can also try Who Has What, What Makes a Baby, and Nine Months.
We read the book What Makes a Baby to our daughter. It describes in simple terms what an egg and sperm are. It uses real words like vagina and uterus. It doesn't go over how the sperm gets to the egg but our daughter has never asked after reading the book. It's recommended for ages 3-7.
What Makes a Baby https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609804856/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_J6vnxbD1X8GHP
You are not crazy, selfish, or mean. I'd be hella stressed right now, too. I agree with a ton of the advice here, particularly about who they're really angry at. It doesn't make it easier on you, but I agree that it's probably more about their son. I also like the list of boundaries someone else suggested.
I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but if you have a moment, could you explain this a bit more:
>thinking that my children need a dad or that a sperm donor is a dad is homophobic.
Is this just a matter of semantics here? ("Dad"= involved and present male figure involved in day to day care of children) My 4yo has been asking a ton about where babies come from and how babies are made. Among others, I like this book, What Makes a Baby? because it talks about how some people have different parts in their bodies necessary to make a baby and some don't, and it models all sorts of families in the illustrations. But egg and sperm are still part of the explanation. I want to give him fact-based information, and it never occurred to me that it might be homophobic to explain that babies are made from an egg cell (from a woman) and a sperm cell (from a man) and they grow into a baby in a uterus (in a woman). And some babies have families with two parents, some with one, some with grandparents, some with two moms, some with two dads, etc. So I guess my question is, is there a particular phrasing for this that is better or worse? Because the fact is your babies have a biological father and mother because they were made from sperm and egg(s), even if their family has two moms. And if my 4yo was asking about it, I'd probably say something like, "Cousin gave his sperm and mom gave her egg and OP gave her uterus to grow the babies. And OP and mom are their two mommies." Is there a better way to phrase that? Thanks!
And good luck with he crazy...it's really big of you to make the effort. With any luck, you all can come to a place of peace with this before your girls are old enough to be aware of the drama.
> She is only two years old so I don’t think she will really understand the difference between biological and the other father.
I agree, and honestly I don't think it's fair at this age to ask her to even try. It will probably freak her out to have some guy she's never met introduced as anything resembling a dad. She's at an age where a lot of kids are very, very attached to their parents, and often feel somewhat threatened by outsiders.
Not that my vote counts for anything, but if her parents are on board for it, I would vote for this:
(1) using a name that perhaps hints at a father role, so she'll eventually understand that, but doesn't mean that to her right now (for instance: maybe she calls her dad "daddy" and has never heard the word "papa"; maybe the OP here could be introduced as "Pops." If she doesn't know the word "papa," or if the OP and her parents are on board with "pops," then either of those options is true but not confusing to her now, so she can later figure it out/ask questions but also know that you guys always told the truth); and
(2) not trying to explain what their relationship is until she's older -- for instance, old enough to be interested in this book, which is probably the best book you guys or any other alternative family (donor egg/sperm, surrogacy, gay etc.) are going to find: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/1609804856
What makes a baby by Cory Silverberg and Sex is a funny word by Cory Silverberg.
This book was really helpful from a young age.
I think you should tell them there's a baby on the way as soon as possible! It will make the transition easier on them and be far less confusing.
As for the logistics of your child having a different bio-dad, you might want to try an inclusive picture book like What Makes a Baby.
I've recommended it before, but I like What Makes a Baby? for these types of conversations. It gives you a framework for talking about nuts and bolts as well as the social aspects. It's very adaptable for just about any family configuration or way of coming into being (though I think there are better books out there for children adopted after infancy).
Agreed with the others who say it's better to talk about this from an early age so as to not give it undue weight. Things you don't talk about have a tendency to be seen by children as wrong or bad, when this situation really is not.