Reddit reviews When a Family Member Has OCD: Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Skills to Help Families Affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Learn as much as you can about OCD, and do you best to retain your roll as a loved one.


Bibliotherapy is helpful. So read up, as much for yourself as them.

Here's a great book that touches on some forms of OCD.

I've found this structure of communication during severe episode of OCD helpful:

LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner.

Reflective listening is key. Hear out your friend/family member completely, genuinely, and act like a reporter who is trying to learn all you can without judgement about what they live with. "It sounds like you don't want to live life like this, and you want things to change".

Empathize with the emotional difficulty of their disorder, and don't force your onions of treatment (i.e. you need to check into rehab, you need to be with a therapist, etc.). "It must be tough to feel unhealthy all the time, like you could be better".

Agree on things often to build trust. "I too want you to have a higher quality life."

Partner to work towards a solution. "I would love to help you get help, and we can find someone together. I'm just here for you to get through this"

This is a great book on the subject.

Not a doctor, just a husband with a loved one with a mental illness.

I want to reiterate my suggestion for consulting with an OCD specialist. You can find one here: https://iocdf.org/find-help/

Aside from that, as someone with OCD, I understand your frustration. I'm not sure what I could do to help you understand OCD, aside from saying that it's a very irrational disorder. The brain arbitrarily focuses on some particular thing. Someone might be horribly afraid of germs in some specific context and live in squalor aside from that. In fact, I remember a lecture from a leading expert in which he shared how he would use that as a strategy to begin to help OCD sufferers get a little bit of insight into their disorders. He would help them see how very inconsistent they were with their own rules. That helped break down their belief that they were just more conscientious than others. Inconsistency in that regard is not a sign that someone doesn't have OCD.

It doesn't sound (from your admittedly biased viewpoint) that your wife has a ton of insight into her disorder, but it definitely doesn't sound like you do either. I am sure you would readily help your wife if you could. It might help you (and your wife) if you had more insight and understanding of her disorder. I would recommend taking a look at this book: https://smile.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467

The "Look Inside" preview grants full access to the first 27 pages, which have a lot of information about what OCD is, how it works, what it's like for the sufferer, etc.

I hope I'm not being overly critical with this post. I really, truly do understand your frustration. I don't think (in my opinion) it's helpful to you or your wife, but I definitely get it. I hope things are able to get better for you and your wife. And I appreciate that you came here to seek suggestions and support for both you and her.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467

I have OCD. Buy this book. Get your wife to read it and highlight the parts that speak to her/write little notes in the book as needed. There are sections giving advice on the best way to help. She’ll be able to highlight the ones she finds most useful/note on the ones that are not useful and why. Then you read it and you will be able to start with a strong base of understanding what she is going through while also getting support for yourself.

Came back to reddit just to reply to this. I was diagnosed with OCD two years ago this week; however, looking back, it's been with me my entire life. Three things that helped me in my journey:

1. Getting my therapist. Could NOT have navigated this hell without him.
   
   
2. Understanding spouse who, once there was a name to the hell that I was putting her through, beefed up on her knowledge about the disorder and learned how to help me from her end.
   
   
3. These books (sorry, I don't know how to do the text link).
   When a Family Member has OCD: https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467567451&sr=8-1&keywords=when+a+family+member+has+ocd
   
   OCD and Mindfulness Workbook (same author as above): https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=81XPS9FC6H9SJF7M30BH
   
   Please, encourage her to get back to therapy, and get your hands on those books if possible.
   

You’re awesome for trying to help her figure this out / help yourself in this relationship.

My wife found this book (https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=nodl_) really helpful for understanding how my brain is different. It also really helped her understand when her reassurances, etc. that she thought was being helpful was actually a negative.

I’d also really, really, really recommend an OCD therapist. Being in treatment has really helped my relationship with my wife and our new daughter.

I've been seeing a therapist in Orem for the past three years. I've managed to get a pretty good handle on it all. I was constantly afraid of getting into trouble at work or at home. I would use google to check laws all the time, seek out reassurance from co-workers and family, only to land myself back at square one. Looking back on my life, it's always been there though, it just came to a head three years ago. I can vividly remember being told , as a teen, that masturbation could lead to homosexuality, it was murder, and one could possibly contract STD's (AIDS mainly) present on your hands. Freaked me the fuck out. I remember finding a 1-800 number for an AIDS hotline and asking them if I could contract AIDS through masturbation. They of course said no, but I must have called them back 20 times that week to "check." I also remember once being told that I would no longer be sealed to my family if I sinned too much. Being an only child, I, of course, felt like that if I fucked up too much, I would no longer be with my parents for eternity, and how much it would break my moms heart. So, the hyper-responsibility and scrupe kicked in.

You are far from alone. My therapist indicated that he's seeing more and more people of my demographic being treated for OCD revolving around perfectionism and scrupulosity, who are also current and former members of the church.

If you haven't already, please get help. If you are unable to, please use these resources. I am not being hyperbolic when I say they saved my life:

Amazing workbook that covers all major themes of OCD: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1506268535&sr=8-2&keywords=workbook+for+ocd

Companion book that I bought my wife to help me deal with the hell I was going through: https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=708TGTKDB2JFQ982YMFY

To help manage depression. Absolutely brilliant. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1506268610&sr=1-1&keywords=happiness+trap

Also, are you currently in Utah County?