Reddit reviews Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary

I don't know if this will help, but you might want to check out the book Why I Believed by Kenneth Daniels, himself a former missionary: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Believed-Reflections-Former-Missionary-ebook/dp/B003UNLMRY/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= . He tells his story there and you might get some insights from it.

Also, you might check out http://clergyproject.org/ to see if you can talk to someone there who has been in a similar situation

When I was in the process of losing my faith, I would go through cycles where I would be sure that Christianity was wrong, and then wonder if maybe it wasn't, etc. So there were definitely periods where I wondered if I might have been mistaken to think I knew more than the community that raised me.

But the more I read, the more I reflected, and probably most importantly the more I talked to other Christians about my doubts, the more convinced I became that God as I understood him did not exist.

This book closely mirrors my story. It doesn't go into very great depth on many specific issues, but it introduces a wide variety of ideas, it provides a lot of references for further reading, and it's the best book I've read at helping you get inside the mind of someone who lost the struggle with doubt. In my experience most Christians have a very hard time understanding how someone can leave the faith in an intellectually honest way, so that's always the book I recommend they read if they want to know.

To specifically answer your question from the present, no I do not doubt that the Christian God I was taught about as a child does not exist. It's entirely likely that there are major things out there that I/we do not understand yet, but there remain no doubts that Yahweh might be one of them.

In Daniel's Why I Believed he says in the last chapter that the difference is courage. If the people around you expect you to have a specific religion, it takes courage to examine the issue and potentially decide to disagree with them.

I suppose my kids are atheist without needing courage, so this only applies to people who found their way out on their own.

Kenneth Daniels was involved in the ministry (as a Bible translator) when he deconverted. His book, Why I Believed, describes his experience and how he ultimatly pulled away from the ministry. I think it might be a helpful read in your situation. I felt like I really benifited from reading it. He has even posted it free online.

I recommend Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary. It documents the process of someone who was way more Christian than I ever was coming to grips with his increasing doubts. I like it because it is very sympathetic to the believer's position, I felt like he 'got me'. While I like Dawkins and the other suggestions, they are writing from another planet.

My other under-suggested favorite is Atheism And The Case Against Christ.

The book Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary might help.

The author has a gentle but honest approach.

Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary. It's quite seriously one of the most humble and honestly written approaches to de-conversion that I've ever read.