Reddit reviews Yes, Ma'am: Erotic Stories of Male Submission

Well, speaking as another straight male dom...

I can't deny that BDSM has a tendency to reinforce patriarchal gender norms. The "scene" is certainly not free of the constant societal taint of patriarchy- look at the treatment of women dommes as opposed to male doms. When a male dom is playing with a female sub, the focus of sexualization is the sub. When a female dom is playing with a male sub... the focus of sexualization is the dom. When both are women, the focus sexualization goes back to the sub- because submissive is more "womanly." I mean, look at these book covers!

http://www.amazon.com/Please-Sir-Stories-Submission-ebook/dp/B003DKKWKC

http://www.amazon.com/Yes-Maam-Erotic-Stories-Submission/dp/1573443093/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_4

Something seem odd about that? :\

On the other hand, I don't think desiring a submissive or a dominant role in sexuality is inherently a bad thing. I think if gender roles were eliminated, people would still want to be on top or on bottom. Its just that in the present world BDSM still has patriarchy twisting the nature of things. It's not our fault, and it's not something we can change by giving up a part of our sexuality, even if it might be rooted in something bad- because everyone is getting the patriarchy socialization. There's nothing more sexist about BDSM sexuality than "vanilla" sexuality. They both labor under the same patriarchal paradigm. BDSM is just an easier target because the dynamics are more open, and more clear. Men tending to dominate women in the bedroom isn't going to go away if every straight male dom hung up his flogger- it would just be less obvious. Every man is equally guilty in reinforcing those "sexist dynamics" whether he means it or not, and singling out BDSM as the Bad Thing is just a deflection- society is sick, and you can't excise a cancer by cutting little bits of the body off at random. Every man gets the dominance socialization. Every woman gets the vulnerability to dominance socialization. If anything, BDSM at least acknowledges that dominance in sexual situations isn't a gendered thing!

What does it say about me that I've read all of the lit suggested so far? :P

I would highly recommend the blog Tales of a Domme , wherein she interviews many real-life female dommes, who are often in straight relationships, and she links to a bunch of other blogs by female dommes. I think that would be a great place to start.

I haven't read this book, but I've heard good things about it: Yes, Ma'am: Erotic Stories of Male Submission . I think a collection of short stories is also a really good way to get started -- the variety offered by different authors' perspectives can help her figure out what she's into, and it's probably better writing than you'd find on literotica.com or something. :P

Please, for the love of God(dess), don't give your friend the Sleeping Beauty series, Kushiel's Dart, or Tales of MU as beginning reading. Not only is the writing absolute crap for most of it, but the scenarios are so formalized, unrealistic, and extreme that it might scare your friend off rather than help her get in touch with her inner dominant. A lot of the scenes end in a bloody mess, half the time it isn't clear whether the sub is enjoying themselves, and the dominants aren't really painted in a positive light (except for Tales of MU, but it would take her months to get through the archives on that).

The anthology of Femdom/malesub stories published by Cleis Press are terrific. There is one story, "The Mean Girl," by Teresa Noelle Roberts, in Yes, Ma'am which is a go-to favorite of mine.

This one is very obscure, but a few years ago, there was an anthology of dark love stories published, appropriately titled Dark Love. It was another publisher's response to the Hot Blood series, I think. One of the stories is "The Penitent," by John Peyton Cooke, which includes themes of Female Domination, male submission, sexual violence, bondage, punishment, extreme BDSM and torture. The story is so intense that, when I browsed through the book at a Waldenbooks and started reading it, I almost immediately started to sport an embarrassing erection, that I tried my best to hide. Needless to say, I've never forgotten it.