Best adoption books according to redditors

I am so sorry you got that response. How disappointing. It is not uncommon. Although I think your husband may be right, that she will not take that (horrific, bigoted) approach to an actual child, that doesn't change what happened here -- you shared personal information about your plans and hopes for building a family, and got shut down. When a relative shames you in a way that is rejecting to an innocent-albeit-future-and-hypothetical adopted child, then that carries a special sting.

I am not surprised you are pissed. I think that means you will be a wonderful mother, regardless of the path that you took to become one.

We adopted from foster care and received a similar reception. There is a book out there that my parents got a hold of, (it may have been https://www.amazon.ca/Adoption-Family-Affair-Relatives-Friends/dp/1849058954) that acknowledges that yes, grandparents do need space and time and support to grieve the loss of their own hopes and dreams of grandparenthood. This is a real loss. It drags them back to their sense of identity and purpose, and back to the time when they were starting their own family.

However, their needs for space/time/support in adjusting their hopes and dreams should not and absolutely cannot be filled by you or your husband. That would be outrageous, shocking, cruel. Perhaps there is a neutral and patient brother-in-law or sister-in-law that can help them through this?

Although when you research adoption there is a lot of negative information, I can tell you that there really is genuine joy along the way.

I don't want to sound horrible on my own, but if you do end up going along the adoption path, then - fuck I am terrible at diplomacy, and don't know how to phrase this when you are already having such a shitty time. But the worst offenders who initially resist the idea of an adopted child can sometimes be just as bad when they decide to love the adopted child. Because they are the type to do a 180 degree turn and become super-sanctimonious. EVERYTHING about the child is interesting and wonderful, but it is constantly related to them being adopted and because you are so CHARITABLE. If you don't have a wise and patient relative who can help MIL to see how obnoxious this is, then I am out of ideas. Other than maybe earplugs and Ativan. OK seriously - they will come around, eventually. They should and they will come around.... Building a family means not just getting a child...it means building bridges for your children to connect to even the nails-on-a-chalkboard family members.

The miracle of adoption is that it changes you and the way that you see the world, in ways that you cannot predict. My kids' birth mom is a homeless addict who means well but is a low-functioning and sometimes dangerously unstable person (I can't even read that back to myself without being awed by what a different person I am than I was a few years ago). And yet the challenges of navigating a relationship with my kids' birthmom is nothing compared to the angst of dealing with / anticipating /ignoring relatives as they respond to the idea and reality of adoption.

Fuck... now I am "that person" who only posts on one topic. I am actually part of this subreddit because I am trying to learn about and deal with infertility. But I keep seeing the topic of adoption come up, and it seems like the only way I have as a newbie to contribute.

Legally Kidnapped: The Case Against Child Protective Services https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OO03Y64/

A) Might not be appropriate for gift because I think the title is poorly chosen, but this book can really help understand what's going on:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Cant-Child-Behave-Strategies-ebook/dp/B00ESJCG7Y

B) yeah I think it's OK once you get an idea of what they need/like/have room for

C) I wish I was aware of how long everything takes as far as the case goes. Don't ask for updates, it just gets exhausting to talk about. Just assume you will be told important things. And on the flip side, don't be surprised if a placement very quickly goes somewhere else.

In contrast, there's this woman...

>In your book Gadget Girl, the main character has a disability and is half-Japanese, what inspired you to create such a character?

>My daughter, who is half-Japanese, has cerebral palsy and is deaf. When she was very young I realized that there were few fun books with main characters who had disabilities. I wanted to write books that might empower and entertain her, and books that would help others to understand that people with disabilities are more than their disabilities. They have hopes, fears, dreams, etc. like everybody else. They fall in love, they get mad, they travel.

https://www.accessible-japan.com/an-interview-with-author-suzanne-kamata

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2015/02/07/travel/kansai-proves-barrier-travel

Suzanne Kamata author of:

Love You to Pieces: Creative Writers on Raising a Child with Special Needs

Call Me Okaasan: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering

https://www.amazon.com/Call-Okaasan-Adventures-Multicultural-Mothering/dp/1932279334

found out about her from:

The Broken Bridge: Fiction from Expatriates in Literary Japan

https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Bridge-Fiction-Expatriates-Literary-ebook/dp/B004BLKEUA

Donald Richie along with Helio and Carlos Gracie and maybe Christopher Doyle on a charitable day are the only modern non-Japanese people to contribute on a cultural level that I can think of off the top of my head.

>As an infertile person who is constantly told that if I don't want to adopt older children then I'm a bad person,

The idea that adopting an infant or toddler will make the experience a "cake walk" is a set of extremely BAD expectations.

Each child is an individual -- their experiences in life (even in the womb) shape them (us) all in unique ways. Some of those experiences (and the consequences) may have parallels with other children who have gone through similar types of abuse/neglect at similar ages/stages.

>I am considering adopting, but still hugely resent when people act like it's no different from giving birth to your biological child, or that if I don't want to adopt older kids I don't deserve kids at all.

It certainly IS different than giving birth. But the SAME is true of infant adoption -- that too is NOT the same as a biological child (not even if you are "involved" with the mother in a pre-birth arrangement).

Please, PLEASE do some extensive research and preparation before you begin the process of adoption -- so that you can dispel as many "myths" as possible.

One excellent book that I have already recommended in this thread is called "Brothers and Sisters in Adoption" -- and don't be mislead by the title -- while it does contain a lot of information about including siblings (i.e. birth family children and/or other foster/adopted kids already in the family) into the process/decision of adoption -- it also includes a lot of "case story snapshots" regarding various people's experiences with all types of adoptions (i.e. the adopted children themselves, the adoptive parents, the siblings, etc -- and a wide range of adoption types: overseas adoptions, special needs adoptions, adoptions from foster care, etc.)

Also check out the book "Finding Our Families" It's about donor conceived kids. What it's like to be them, what it's like to raise them, research regarding being/raising them. It's written out of the sperm donation world (which is what we're using), but there is a lot of great info and insight that I think applies to any donor type.

No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury is great for general (ie not just foster) child discipline.

It’s U.K. based but we’ve got a lot out of The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Z-Therapeutic-Parenting-Strategies-Solutions/dp/1785923765/ref=nodl_)

Would highly recommend anything relating to trauma and brain development or therapeutic parenting. Check out Dan Hughes, who came up with a concept called PACE.

Enjoy! And good luck with the fostering application. My wife and I started the journey aged 29, and are so glad we started early :)

Canning for a New Generation $17.76, Ball Preserving $15.39 The Homemade Pantry $18.20 as someone who makes homemade poptarts she needs this book. Adoption Book $11.33, And some tea to round it off.

Edited because I messed it up. :D

Yes, you use an adoption attorney.

I recommend this book it goes over different methods

Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year (2018-2019 edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0795CBH8P/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9EVYCbFQDBENA

http://www.amazon.com/Legally-Kidnapped-Against-Protective-Services-ebook/dp/B00OO03Y64

I've been looking at this one for a while. My favorite color is teal with a purple tint.

To the End of June by Cris Beam, beautiful book.
http://www.amazon.com/To-End-June-Intimate-American-ebook/dp/B009JWCRJC

One of the best books is [To the End of Jone] (http://www.amazon.com/To-End-June-Intimate-American-ebook/dp/B009JWCRJC) which is an account of the New York City foster care system. It reads like a novel, but is jam packed with info.

Also, some great resources on the web:
http://www.casey.org/resources/publications/pdf/WhitePaper_ImprovingOutcomesOlderYouth_FR.pdf
https://www.davethomasfoundation.org/
http://casey.org/resources/publications/directory/subject/

This has been going on for a long time. There is a 2006 book about what moms who were coerced into giving up their children went through: The Girls Who Went Away

The above link goes to the paperback, not free, but the Kindle edition at

https://www.amazon.com/Rollercoasters-Sons-Fathers-Adoption-Journey-ebook/dp/B07V4ZJ8NB

is.

Only speaking to the last point, but yes, you absolutely should talk about it, starting now. Much the same way you would talk about his adoption from the get-go (I hope you are anyway).

I am adopted (me my family are all white) and 2 cousins who are also adopted, one who is of a different race. We were talking one time about how our whole family likes to say we are "color blind" in that, we don't view anyone differently because of their race. My cousin was raised that way by my very well-intentioned and loving aunt and uncle. She was always told she's just a normal American girl like any other girl. While true, she has come to realize that it was like denying the elephant in the room: She IS their daughter, in every sense, but she IS ALSO a person of color. She said that IS part of who and what she is and she felt like it was denied all that time.

So of course this won't be a one-time conversation, but life long. And I think you're do just fine because you have the more important things down already: You love him, and you're seeking out ways to raise him the best! :)

I'm going to guess you've read a ton already on this, but in case you haven't, there is a lot out there. This was is very highly regarded and reviewed.

https://www.amazon.com/Dim-Sum-Bagels-Grits-Multicultural/dp/0374526117

I was actually looking for books for the child in a transracial adoption and I'm sure there have to be many, but my lunch period is over. :)

Congrats to you and best of luck with your sweet boy!!

I'm no expert, but I've heard of a children's book called "Jennifer Has Two Daddies". And while I was tracking down that link, I found this list of books featuring same-sex parents, and a book called "Some people have two Dads".

Free today only 8/4/2019 #amazonkindle (Kindle eBook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1080363998

Rollercoasters and Sons: A Single Father's Foster Care and Adoption Journey

A personal reflection on the ups and downs and in-betweens on the road to adoption for a gay man. In writing this book, my goal is to help others (straight or gay) who are interested in taking the leap to better understand what happens throughout with courts, schools, biological family, and of course the children as well you - the individual.

Glad to be able to share. I look forward to your feedback 😉.

We did not list family as references and instead listed friends and coworkers. We only told family once we were approved and it was almost a done deal.

My advice would be to avoid the subject at all costs. If/when that fails, buy her this book: https://www.amazon.com/Adoptive-Parents-Adoption-Relatives-Friends/dp/0982876505/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483025086&sr=8-1&keywords=what+adoptive+parents.

Honestly, the family that wasn't immediately supportive still aren't. You may find yourself in a situation where you will need to choose your kids over your mom/family.

Congrats on both children!

We had something similar happen to us... adopted and then "surprise" biological child about a year later, just like "everyone told us" as well just like all the books said it would happen this way. We were more then happy to build our family this way. The whole experience has been awesome!

I don't know if you have heard of it or seen it, but I found this book to be helpful. Just one of the dozen plus books we read as we got ourselves ready.

This is a good book, it has some good insight from others who have been adopted https://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Triangle-Arthur-D-Sorosky/dp/0941770109