Best anger management books according to redditors
We found 319 Reddit comments discussing the best anger management books. We ranked the 38 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 319 Reddit comments discussing the best anger management books. We ranked the 38 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
It's ultimately your choice on how you act. When you say things similar to "it was how I was raised" you give yourself an out. It comes off as an excuse to act however you want. We were all raised to feed exclusively off bottles, but we all progressed past that point. Your post reminds me of a younger me, and it took awhile for me to realize that I wasn't a "tell it like it is, no nonsense" guy. I was an insecure man who needed everyone to act the way I want, otherwise they didn't respect me. It's not anyone else's job to make you happy, just you. This helped me a lot. Take time to absorb its message. Hope this helps, good luck.
Good post. Spot on. About anger, this book changed my life:
When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within
http://www.amazon.com/When-Anger-Hurts-Quieting-Edition/dp/1572243449
I had struggled mightily to "control" my anger. Lotsa books, lotsa bad advice. Nothing worked.
This book explains that anger is the final step in a cascade, which starts with expectations.
1/2 of eliminating anger, for me, was changing my expectations (eg have none).
The other 1/2 of anger is habit.
I sorta accidentally discovered on my own that How You Talk Changes How You Think. Having tried everything else, I decided to pretend to be happy and calm. At first, it was sarcastic. But little by little, without me even noticing, I actually became more happy and calm. One day I actually woke up happy. Shocked the hell out of me. The transition took about 3 years. But I also worked really, really hard at it.
YMMV. Best wishes.
PS- Yes, I can still get angry. But most of the time I can step away before I blow up, short circuiting the process.
Allow me to sincerely recommend a book to you.
https://www.amazon.com/Rage-Step-Step-Overcoming-Explosive/dp/1572244623
> This pissed me off to no end on the latest PKA. Fucking Learn The Difference
This book might interest you.
You're not alone, see quote below from "Rage" by Ronald T. Potter-Efron. Is it healthy? Heck no. You gotta figure out what makes you angry and work through it. Seeing a professional would be great, but there's also self help books like these:
Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger by Ronald Potter-Efron, a general Psychologist.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0054M068A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
the Anger Management Workbook for Men, by Nathan R. Hydes, a US Navy Psychologist
https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Management-Workbook-Men-Emotions/dp/1623157307
>Raging Can Get You High
>
>“I go looking for a fight. I seek out my rages. I like fighting, and I don’t like fighting.” These are the words of Demetrius, a twenty-five-year-old member of an anger management group. Demetrius has a long history of getting into trouble because of his anger. He’s been arrested several times already and is facing hard prison time if he doesn’t get a handle on his temper. The trouble is that Demetrius can’t talk about his past anger episodes without smiling. His eyes begin shining, too. Just thinking about raging seems to make him come alive.”
>
>“I’ve written before (in Letting Go of Anger) about something called excitatory or addictive anger. The fact is that anger can really turn some people on. And rage, the most intense form of anger, can get you higher than any other kind of anger. Just ask Demetrius. “Hey, guys, I gotta tell you. Rage is as good as sex. Maybe better.”
>
>Demetrius craves his rage. He can only go so long without raging before he goes looking for a fight. Anybody will do: his 95-pound girlfriend, his best buddy, or the 350-pound former pro football player sitting at the bar. They’re all the same to him. First he gets himself angry. Then he gets in their face, hoping they’ll throw the first punch. Either way, he’ll attack. Taste the blood. Feel the pain. Lose his mind. Yes!”
>
>“I call this anger “excitatory” because it triggers an adrenaline rush. But I also call it “addictive,” because it’s awfully hard to give up once you’ve trained yourself to feel good this way.
>
>Now Demetrius can challenge this addictive pattern. He can learn to live without raging, just as others must figure out how to get along without alcohol, or speed, or gambling. His goal would be never to rage. As desperately as he wants excitement, as badly as he craves that intensity, as hungry as he is for rage, he must find another path in life. He could find other, more positive ways to handle his excitement (such as a job as an emergency medical technician or any other career with frequent strongly emotional or physical crises). Or Demetrius could redirect his energy toward finding ways to enjoy calm activities. He might try relaxation or meditation, for example. That kind of feeling, serenity, won’t come easily to someone like Demetrius, of course. Still, he could discover that life is good even when you aren’t high.
>
>Do you get high by raging? If so, is it worth it?”
I got it on Amazon for like five bucks! Here you go
Enjoy :)
What you've described is word for word my life experience. You speaking about justice being the core of your anger resonates deeply with me. I have a friend who's mother recently said "evil is an excess of good", and since then I've been speaking about my anger as "excess righteousness". Me being so agitated when things aren't correct largely has to do with how deep my desire for correctness is.
I recently started listening to an audiobook called "The Anger Trap", and while I'm still towards the beginning of it, it's been great at acknowledging that our anger is often justified, but teaches us that we have other options for how to respond, and that our current responses actually undermine our ability to be heard.
I've also just started a book called "The Cow In The Parking Lot, a Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger", which takes a very different approach that is also helpful. This book focuses on not being so concerned about what is right. When we are so deeply concerned about what is right, what we are really doing is judging the world around us and making everything and everyone in it wrong. What if they aren't wrong? What if the problem is in our discriminating perception?
I think that approaching anger deserves these multiple approaches because it's a multifaceted issue. Hopefully by the end of the books I'll have made some progress, and maybe you can find them useful too. either way, I'm glad you're wanting to take action and not wait until the shit hits the fan harder and harder over time. People get divorces and lose jobs over this kind of thing, but we can heal it.
The real trick is to take a walk or at least just separate himself and let himself cool off for a few minutes before he gets super mad. You can try and notice his body language or style of speech and say, you seem like you're mad already, are you? And have a conversation with him about that. When you say he seems mad you're not judging him. You're just trying to help maintain a calm discussion for both of you and you can only guess if he's mad by his behavior. He should work on recognizing when he's not able to control what he does or says and take a break as soon as he starts to feel agitated or worked up.
When was he diagnosed with IED? Was the medication prescribed specifically for that?
If CBD is legal where you are he might be able to legally do gummy candies or CBD oil.
This article is for you, When you love an angry person.
If he doesn't get much exercise that's the first thing he could start. Doing any kind of exercise four or five times a week helps. Walking or riding a stationary bike at a slow pace are still good ways to exercise for half an hour if he has anything preventing it. If he doesn't have any way to burn off steam that's part of the problem. He shouldn't think, "I'm doing this to lower my anger" while he's doing it. Just do it to make himself feel better and improve his health.
To address the anger directly this book Rage is very good and it's also on audiobook if he's more likely to listen than to read. Even 20 minutes a day he could listen and gain some skills. Do you think he would read/listen to it?
In addition to that, it helps to have a worksheet to evaluate what happens when he gets mad. If he can recognize patterns in his anger he can start to predict/anticipate when it will happen again. And that helps us intervene and do something about it. Here is a typical worksheet. This same kind of sheet is used for anger, depression, anxiety, etc. I like this one because the explanation is very good.
He should take five minutes to fill one out every time he gets mad. He can even use it to reflect on past events. You can ask him, "What happened at such-and-such event when you got mad?" And he can work through the sheet. It helps us get an outside look at our "anger episodes" so we can figure out at what point we could intervene with ourselves so we can have a better outcome. When could he have just said, "ok I'm going to take a walk to cool off and we can talk more about this late, but I need to take a break." And then you guys can continue talking later. The important thing is to break at the right time, earlier than he usually does up to now. But also to come back and keep working through difficult conversations.
The order things happen in is helpful. Was he in a bad mood already? Did he have any interactions with other people? What was happening when he was getting angry? A conversation? Wishing something particular would happen? Or hoping something specific wouldn't happen? These wishes/hopes are tied to our expectations. And when we don't speak what we are thinking, the right communication isn't happening. Often we get mad because we've forgotten to share and be assertive about our feelings in a positive way. Or we feel like we already know what someone else is thinking without asking. Sharing is beneficial for both parties if we can do it in a positive style.
It can be helpful to have a stack of ten copies ready to go and just sit down for a minute to evaluate what happened. But you have to want to do it or it is only a superficial exercise. That's the hard part. We can't do it for him. Early on the first several times we (an angry person) fill out this sheet it seems like everyone else and factors outside us are to blame. But the more we practice filling it out the more we realize it's our expectations and assumptions about how we wish things were different than what actually happened that is the problem. The real cause of the anger we finally discover is in how we are expecting certain outcomes and when they don't happen the way we want, that's when we blowup. If we can see that, we can really start to get a handle on it because we start looking at our assumptions and slowing down our automatic angry response.
Similar to the worksheet there are resources like The Anger Management Workbook for Men. He can just grab a pen and start on the exercises and it teaches anger management skills. The exercises help make it personal and he can use it to pick and choose what works for him in his own experience. Hope this helps.
Great job making your post easier to read!
Also, I suggest looking into this
Good luck
Oh, well in that case I think you made an excellent decision!
I've had to work with a nontechnical manager in a similar role and it was a major headache to have to constantly explain to them why x took priority over y, and why z took so long to do. Having someone who understands these things at a more direct level would have helped make it much more bearable.
If you want a leg up, have a look at time management techniques. Far too many shops act under what amounts to a cargo-cult mentality regarding how to run IT. They go through the motions, but don't understand why they do. These shops run some type of ticketing system... poorly. Their customers end up suffering.
Time management techniques, well executed triage, and an understanding of end-user expectations, is what separates the wheat from the chaff. For a good introduction on the idea, check out "Time Management for System Administrators":. Its a book, by a guy who now works at Google. He also has a great set of presentations online on his YouTube channel.
A bonus aspect of the job is that you sometimes have to deal with idiotic or frustrating customers (or aforementioned managers). The best thing I've found to deal with it is to work on reframing the situation. This basically amounts to putting yourself in their shoes and trying to be more empathetic to their position. A great mindset to take is something out of zen/meditation - being aware of your emotions in the moment can help defuse a lot of nasty situations. I'd recommend starting with this book.
There is a book (ACT on Life, Not Anger), which I have not read. My guess is the authors probably focus on how the anger is negatively affecting the client's ability to live their values, using acceptance to hold the emotion while behaving in a more values-consistent manner.
That said, I think a more affect-oriented approach like Emotion-Focused Therapy would be a good adjunct. Intense anger is often a secondary emotion (in ACT terms, experiential avoidance; in psychodynamic terms, a defense); an attempt to deal with more scary and vulnerable emotions like fear or grief that occur in a more primary position. ACT doesn't really have a very systematic way of working with the different layers of emotion. Mindfulness can certainly be helpful, but can quickly turn into a strategy for experiential avoidance with clients who have lifelong issues with overwhelming emotions.
I struggle with anger too. I really love your post because it's so true! Without understanding the root cause(s), all the cute tricks are at best a band-aid.
That's how I'm getting better at it. I still get angry quite often, but 1) I get better at noticing 'huh, I'm angry' and 2) whenever I get angry, I spend a LOT of time thinking, later, about what we're all the emotions that led to the anger. This might sound trite, but done regularly, it helped me understand myself more and more.
Psychologists say anger is a 'secondary' emotion. Meaning it comes immediately right after another emotion. And can sometimes mask it. It's your job to untangle all your feelings and try to understand what happened. Its almost like a slow-mo play by play in football on TV. It's really hard, because it requires to be self-aware, honest with yourself, and vulnerable. The truth is probably not pretty.
For me for example, it's my insecurities. I felt like I was not good enough, or maybe that my girlfriend would leave me. Another time, I felt really vulnerable because I quit my job for her, so I was angry all the time at her (unconsciously) for leaving my job - altho I left completely on my own accord. I felt trapped.
So try digging and see why you get angry so easily. And then work on the underlying causes. It will be so worth it on the long run.
One big reason for anger is to feel 'stuck'. Stuck between two people, in a situation, or between a rock and a hard place. Or from a feeling of not having choices in life. To not have power to decide your path and future.
Another reason for irritability is if you're undergoing major stress. Relationships (partner, family, friends), school/work, major life changes, like a sudden death. Money is a big one. Health issues.
Another big reason could be mental health related. depression and anxiety are known to make people irritated and angry. Also, trauma or abuse when young, or bullying (PTSD). There are others.
If your life is affected a lot, it always a great idea to consider seeing a therapist. You might be able to find one specialized in anger management. CBT is another method that might work (results-based). Professional help might help massively. Anger is affecting your life too much, and you need to find a way out. Also, you might something undiagnosed, like anxiety or high/low hormones of some kind. Better get tested.
There are a lot of tricks that can be used. One thing that helped me is as simple as: don't be hungry. And I stopped sugars, coffee/tea/caffeine drinks, soda, tobacco. Alcohol is also terrible for anger. r/stopdrinking is a great community for that. Drink a lot of water. Try to get proper sleep if you can.
Another good trick is to remove yourself from the situation, until you calm down. Tell people around you that you need a minute, or an hour. Then go sit down, go back home, whatever, and breathe.
I know you criticize breathing exercises, but it still helped me a lot. One that helped me a lot is the 'square' pattern. Breathe in slowly, wait a bit, exhale slowly, wait a bit, and so on. www.xhalr.com has a square pattern in the options.
Also, have you seen this page? It has lots and lots of things that can help:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Anger/comments/8fjgtz/some_practical_advice_for_dealing_with_an_anger/?utm_source=reddit-android
If you want in-depth resources, this book is pretty good:
https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154/ref=zg_bs_3568218011_15?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0W0XSVPCNZCWCQRX3VRG#mediaMatrix_secondary_view_div_1548924671897
It's 7 bucks for the Kindle version, that can be downloaded on the phone, iPad and PC.
To get better control of your emotions, you can look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT (also helps with anxiety and depression). The book I recommend is 'Feeling Good' by David Burns (also available on Amazon).
It's great that you want to improve and change, and learn more about yourself and this emotion.
Good luck!
this is a very helpful book. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572243449/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K32WVMK4BJS1FD2R2ATP
also, i just want to mention that getting easily frustrated and angry is a sign of poor executive functioning skills and/or poor self regulation skills. which are frequently related to ADHD/ADD. there is a lot of neurodiversity in my family, and i can personally attest that improving these skills (takes time and practice) can greatly improve anger management.
the red flag, for me, would be the level of his willingness to seek out and receive help. of all the married men i have know who have struggled with these kinds of issues, there is only one who voluntarily sought help and actually changed significantly in the early years of being married. but there is help out there, if he can figure out what the appropriate help is for him.
Glad that you wrote; I think that’s the first step, and it’s not an easy thing to admit, so the fact that you realize you need help and want to get it is huge.
I have a very short temper myself, and I have completely blown up over inconsequential things; looking back, it’s really ridiculous, if not embarrassing, reflecting on things that have set me off. My anger has ruined relationships and has severely damaged my current one (we're trying to work it out); I've said some nasty, demeaning things to those I truly love; and, while I haven’t hit my wife, I've sometimes hit things, so I’m scared that I could lose that small bit of self control that restricts my violence to inanimate objects.
We have small kids, and probably the lowest point of my life was a day where I wasn't actually angry: I was playing with my 3-year-old, and he asked, “you’re not mad today, Daddy?”
I am by no means “cured,” and it’s definitely day-by-day, sometimes moment-by-moment, but some things that worked for me:
Didn't mean to write so much, but I understand what you're going through and have been there, am sort of still there. Good luck to you, and don't be afraid to reach out for help!
Sounds like you're living in an anger cycle: something happens which causes negative emotions to arise (anger, annoyance, resentment, disillusionment, etc.), and your immediate response is to want to break things or just go off the wall to get your aggression out. Then, afterwards, you feel guilty about what you did and you tell yourself you'll do better next time. It's very much akin to an addiction.
What you need to do is retrain your brain. I mean that literally: rewire your brain. You can achieve this through forcing yourself to see the irrationality of your actions. For example, let's say you're driving down the street and someone cuts you off. Your initial emotion is rage: you hate that they ignored you and you feel slighted. What you need to do in that moment is start challenging your rage. Ask yourself the following questions:
You need to read a great book titled Healing the Angry Brain. Here's a tl;dr of the book:
When your brain receives a stimulus, the signal goes to your frontal lobe (the part of your brain responsible for critical thinking and reasoning) and your amygdala (the part of your brain responsible for initiating the fight-or-flight response). Both of these parts of your brain duel to determine the response; your frontal lobe wants to be a gentleman, and your amygdala wants to be a caveman. If you respond to everyday situations with rage too often, your amygdala starts winning every duel, making it more likely you'll respond with anger in the future. BUT, the great part is our brains are very resilient, efficient, and progressive in that our brains have the capacity to rewire themselves. If you start forcing yourself to remain calm in situations when you previously got mad, your frontal lobe starts to win its duel with the amygdala and you remain calm more frequently.
I'm living proof the brain can rewire itself in this way. I walked around with an underlying rage problem most of my life. I lived in 4 apartments between the ages of 20-26 and at some point I punched a hole in the wall of each of those apartments. I used to get so angry about the smallest things that I'd have fantasies about punching people until they were dead. When I turned 28 I started to realize that I was the angriest person on earth and my anger only ever made my life miserable. I'm 31 now and I'm one of the most laid-back people you'd ever meet. I hardly ever get mad about anything - and it's all because of that book and my choice to constantly challenge my anger literally every 5 minutes for months.
You can do it, man. You can improve yourself. Buy that book, read it, and start changing your brain. If you can, see a counselor as well because it's great for mental health.
This kind of thing has come up on reddit before and [this book](http://www.Beyond.com/ Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1569246211/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_hXGfzbNR78E1C) was recommended by some self-proclaimed working on it/reformed dads.
It pretty well always comes down to...
If one was neglected, ignored, abandoned, invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others in early life, one may have very good reasons to have a lot of unprocessed emotions about such treatment. Over time, one can be expected to become in-struct-ed, programmed, conditioned, socialized and/or normalized to various defense mechanisms to protect oneself against such emotions, including risky behaviors and expressions of anger than range from more indirect and passive to more direct and aggressive. The lock here is anger, and the key to it is using whatever it takes to digest, metabolize and process the neural energy of it.
There are three basic ways to accomplish that:
. . . a) DBT provides training in four basic skills, including -- in effect -- "anger management." Another, somewhat similar system is the the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing, which can be used to "bleed off" excess "pressure" in the fight-flight-freeze action of the ANS when it is triggered by anything perceived as threatening.
. . . b) DBT, MBBT, and ACT all provide inexpensive workbooks for anger management. See this, and this, and this, all of which I have used and can recommend.
. . . a) EMDR, HBCT, SEPt, SP4T and NARM have all been shown to be highly effective at so doing.
. . . b) If current life stress is a cause, I suggest reading this to get both an understanding of what is going on physiologically and what you can do about it right now.
. . . c) To find the clinicians who know how to use these psychotherapies, look here, and here, and here, and (for DBT specialists in particular) here. If you dig a little on each page, you will be able to see which therapies they use. Most MD / psychiatrists, btw, are not therapists themselves (they are medication specialists), but can refer you to those who are, and are often -- though not always -- excellent sources of referral.
. . . a) I found that using Ogden's SP4T as the interoceptive 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing gets the job done for me and others. But DBT, ACT, MBBT, MBCT, EMDR, HBCT, SPEt, SP4T and NARM are all useful for anger management and "digestion."
I'd investigate all of this.
And, yes; stopping medication pretty likely has something to do with it, as well.
The same author doesn't have a specific book for men, but this one looks good: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1623157307/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1
I'm sure there are other good ones.
It sounds like your husband is habitually angry and is currently inflicting that anger on his family. My wife and daughter went through the same thing for years, so I would like to try to give you some helpful advice.
First, if your husband does not believe he has anger issues, he is unlikely to become better at managing his anger. This was 100% necessary for me and many others. If you won't even acknowledge that you have a problem and that your problem is significant, there's little any therapist can do for you. If your husband is not ready to take responsibility for his emotions and how he expresses them, some sort of ultimatum may be necessary.
Assuming your husband is ready to concede that he has a problem, and if he simply will not see a therapist, you may ask him to take an online course (he won't need to pay for the certificate) or use a workbook. You should take the course and read the workbook too, so you can understand what he's trying to do with its content and maybe adopt strategies to help.
Here are some helpful resources for people in your situation. Please let me know if you could benefit from any additional advice or clarification. I wish you both the very best with this process!
Maybe you could try some techniques from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The acceptance part helps you "let go of the past and move on with life" by helping you to stop struggling against the anger and misery, and the commitment part helps you decide what kind of person you want to be (e.g., someone who doesn't say mean things when angry, trusts others, reaches out to potential friends, or whatever it is that you want to be) and move towards becoming that person. Here's a possible starting point: http://www.amazon.com/Act-Life-Not-Anger-Acceptance/dp/1572244402.
Hi Maya, sadly I relate to your struggles. if you haven't seen a therapist or maybe haven't met a good one, I would recommend reading this book:
The Gift of Anger by Marcia Cannon
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572249668/
this book found me while browsing the self help section one day, it's an amazingly useful read. if you want to talk you can pm me anytime.
Hey, I am coming really late to this, but there is an excellent little book called Uprooting Anger by Robert D. Jones that I would super recommend. It really helped me to see what anger IS in Scripture and, based on that, some bold conclusions that evade excuses about what anger IS in our daily lives. It has really helped me learn to go from "I'm frustrated because of XYZ thing outside my control, not actually 'angry'" to recognizing, "oh, yeah, actually, I'm angry because of XYZ, and now how am I going to deal with that in a biblical, God-honoring way." It really is excellent, clear, concise theology about anger, and more helpful than anything I'd ever run across in my whole life before.
Congratulations on reaching out. Chances are, if your brother is telling you to come on here, your anger is something that you should learn to deal with, and not ignore. People talk all the time on the internet or on TV about depression and all kinds of mental illnesses, but anger on its own gets little attention. From my own experience, even a small amount of anger can lead someone to lash out and make a bad decision that changes their life.
One way for you to help yourself is to read a book about anger. These two are really good, because they are written by actual psychologists and in way that anyone can understand. (I suggest these because it can be hard to find books about anger, and most of the popular ones aren't even written by psychologists). I think the first one (Rage) might be better for you, because it has lots of examples of different reasons people get angry. It will give you a chance to see how your anger compares to others, and help you decide what to do about it. Spoiler: most of the time, you should focus on figuring out what makes you angry, and then learn ways to deal with that anger. Sometimes the solution is understanding that people aren't trying to be mean to you, even if they seem like it. Sometimes it's learning that you need to leave the area when you start to feel angry. By learning what makes you angry, you can learn to calm down before you anger gets really bad, and you insult or hurt someone.
Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger by Ronald Potter-Efron, a general Psychologist.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0054M068A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
the Anger Management Workbook for Men, by Nathan R. Hydes, a US Navy Psychologist
https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Management-Workbook-Men-Emotions/dp/1623157307
Thanks for your suggestions. Buddhist practices do seem like a good pursuit for me since I find them most relatable/compatible with my world view. I ordered some books to help me in the meantime.
-a Buddhist inspired book - Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
-a workbook The Anger Control Workbook
-and this one When Anger Hurts
https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154
This actually helped me. It gets a little overly Buddhist at points, but it's a good read and premise.
I read a few books already, including this one I recommend: Beyon Anger: A Guide for Men.
Unfortunately there is no anger management class in my area. I used to have a t-shirt saying: "My anger management class pisses me off", although I have never been to one :P
Meditation was actually recommended by my psychologist. She believes it can help me with other aspects of life as well, like less anxiety, less stress, more productivity, etc.
Thank you for you comment. I wasn't aware there were so many different kinds. I'll educate myself a bit more in the process.
heh...it's a control thing mate. You're not comfortable with uncertainties. It's rooted in an unmet need you have had.
Work on raising your consciousness AND conscientiousness, and all things will improve.
Books you may want to read:
The Anger Trap: http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Trap-Yourself-Frustrations-Sabotage/dp/0787968803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311299947&sr=8-1
Healing the Shame that Binds You: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311299973&sr=1-1
A good read on this: Overcoming Sinful Anger
Glad you found it useful. :) The book is Comprehensive Anger Management by Gene Monterastelli and it encourages using tapping or EFT to help process emotions (I often use it for anxiety and fear). The author explains how being aware of other emotions and recognizing them can help someone feel things other than anger, and how subtle shifts along the scale are still victories. I've been surprised at how useful I've found the scale.
Haven't seen anything like this before. The closest you would probably come are the curse word coloring books like this.
David Sedaris books on cd will keep him entertained. Depending on how much you want to spend, you could do an advent calendar type gift, with a small thing to open every day- little lego sets, a movie you two liked as children, seeds to plant, playdough, chocolate, ridiculous underwear, fancy shaving cream, inappropriate coloring book, a book on how to crochet and funny patterns like this, or [this](https://www.etsy.com/listing/265656027/medieval-helmet-manly-man-beard-crochet?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=knitting pattern beard hat&ref=sr_gallery_18), or, of course, bagpipes.
I know this is a good book, check out the preview here.
https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1626250219/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=The+Dialectical+Behavior+Therapy+Skills+Workbook+for+Anger&qid=1573964753&sr=8-2
You candownload it for free right now by clicking GET at the top of this page, a libgen link, safe on my honor.
My only solution other than the above is to get out ahead of it by overwhelming myself with work of some kind or exercise. That state of just complete exercise where like a bee could sting you and you'd be like "oh damn". Or your spouse could come home in a bad mood chirping you and you're like "ok, let's do that" that kind of feeling is what your hormones are just spent, but you can still process stuff. I used to do this with the punching bag and aggressive weight lifting and this would actually be short term good, but release the long term wrong kind of hormones. It's more just like steady effort, good posture, listening to your body, staying in a comfortable zone, but going for a long time until you break through, not like the runners high, like the survivors high (made that up)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626250219/?coliid=I1VG6D24DGJB50&colid=C5C06XALD9Q3&psc=0&ref_=lv_vv_lig_dp_it
There's a DBT skills workbook for anger that you might draw from:
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1626250219
Fiona Apple plus https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/2376190053/ref=ox_sc_act_image_2?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
For you!
For me!
Here's a start.
And you root for the Mets
I have a lot of random nonsense, to the point where I had to make a whole list for it all=D I can never justify buying myself all the nerdy, weird, technically useless items that I'd really secretly enjoy having, but that's what wishlists are for! However, I did recently find out that obscenity coloring books are a thing, so they're probably the most random stuff on my list right now.
Or, get the book on it. We use workbooks in group therapy.
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1626250219
Just in case...
Besides all the solid Buddhist advice in this thread, you can also work on anger issues in a therapeutic setting. Or even on your own with the aid of qualified professional guidance.
​
Dr. Les Carter has a really wonderful channel. He also has a very helpful book called The Anger Trap that may benefit you. I like to attack these things from all angles so in addition to deepening your meditation practice, working out and maintaining a good diet, you could look to add some therapy work in to the mix.
​
*Not affiliated in any way, I just found his work very helpful in my own life.
I feel this way quite often, and it's a shame, really. I hear constantly from others that "I have everything going for me" or that "I have everything I want in life," but unfortunately that's just how it appears from an outsider's perspective.
The question of "is this really it?" is one that plagues me regularly. For me, applying principles of Buddhism has helped. It hasn't fully answered these questions or solved the underlying problem, but it has provided me with a different way of viewing the world around me and my place in it.
Even if you are not what would be considered an "angry" person, I would recommend picking up a copy of The Cow in the Parking Lot by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. It's a quick read and it may help you find out if Buddhism could help you too.
The Anger Trap is a fantastic book for learning to deal with anger in a way that is healthy and productive
I'd recommend joining some clubs once you get to college. Hell, rush some fraternities that seem to have guys you get along with. This is a chance to start fresh and reveal the kind of man you want to become.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Cow-Parking-Lot-Overcoming/dp/0761158154
How about Anger Management for Cows
I would suggest it's a perception problem. Anger is normal, AND you don't have to see things in the same way you have. Here's a book that helped immensely. If you see things from a pov of what you don't have/didn't get, you'll always be mired in anger. This book would help you see things a little differently and, hopefully, release some of this.
He says here:
>About anger, this book changed my life: When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within http://www.amazon.com/When-Anger-Hurts-Quieting-Edition/dp/1572243449
>I had struggled mightily to "control" my anger. Lotsa books, lotsa bad advice. Nothing worked.
>This book explains that anger is the final step in a cascade, which starts with expectations.
>1/2 of eliminating anger, for me, was changing my expectations (eg have none). The other 1/2 of anger is habit.
>I sorta accidentally discovered on my own that How You Talk Changes How You Think. Having tried everything else, I decided to pretend to be happy and calm. At first, it was sarcastic. But little by little, without me even noticing, I actually became more happy and calm. One day I actually woke up happy. Shocked the hell out of me. The transition took about 3 years. But I also worked really, really hard at it.
>YMMV. Best wishes.
>PS- Yes, I can still get angry. But most of the time I can step away before I blow up, short circuiting the process.
> I should have expected you'd be really well versed in fantasy.
I don't know what you are implying.
>was surprised you attempted to inflict insult using, what, 18th century(? 17th century?) fairytales?
I made a pun and you lost your shit. You are making a point or sense at all.
You do need to read a book
There's more beneath the anger you need to explore. It's not something most of us have learned to do. We're often taught that anger is a sin (at least I was).
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Anger-Uncover-Awareness-Strength/dp/1572249668/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1527741804&sr=8-3&keywords=the+gift+of+anger&dpID=41RWS2aGM6L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
Try that book: the gift of anger by marcia Cannon. I recommend it to my clients. Good luck!
I second the Good and Angry book.
My Professor recommended that book to me, as well as:
Richard Baxter
http://www.bradhambrick.com/?s=overcoming+anger
Uprooting Anger
The Quest for Meekness
and
http://theblazingcenter.com/2014/07/6-critical-truths-to-understand-about-anger.html
It sounds to me like the meditation is working. Meditation is designed to help us feel our present experience fully. Frustration is an emotion, and if you are feeling it in meditation, its probably an emotion that you feel often. First, dis-identify from it. This means instead of saying "I'm so frustrated!", say "There is frustration in me." Next, observe it with open curiosity. Let go of the idea that you should feel tranquil. Instead, feel what you feel and watch it.
I think the idea that meditation is about feeling tranquil is one of the key misperceptions about meditation. People think that, if they just sit and breathe, then, automatically, they won't feel stress anymore, they won't feel "bad" emotions or "bad" thoughts, or they won't feel pain. These things are part of life and they never go away completely. Meditation is all about consistent practice. As the meditator gets better at concentrating on and accepting the present (no matter how hard or emotional it is), they begin to feel the burden of their pain less - they are more aware of how they cause themselves pain and they no longer perpetuate it.
This book is not about meditation. But if you are at all a science-minded person, and are interested in how emotions operate in your body, then read Healing the Angry Brain. I found it to be very interesting.
Good luck with your meditation.
probably this?
I'm not surprised you're angry. I'd be angry too! But when you allow your anger to get the better of you and hit other people, that's become a problem. Here's a really short, practical book that my therapist recommended to me when I was dealing with similar issues. Tbh I found it a bit patronizing, but very useful in spite of that. Controlling your temper better won't magically solve all your problems, but it should improve your personal relationships. Good luck! https://www.amazon.com/strong-enough-keep-your-temper-ebook/dp/B01JB7S6Z8/