Best psychology counseling books according to redditors
We found 160 Reddit comments discussing the best psychology counseling books. We ranked the 85 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 160 Reddit comments discussing the best psychology counseling books. We ranked the 85 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. My husband did the same thing to me six months ago. It was very unexpected and I felt like my whole world was turned upside down (which I would have thought was impossible since it already had been completely altered by the PTSD). He had been my rock throughout it all, and now he is gone.
It sucks so bad to be in the place you are right now. I wish I could hug you through the internet. I am not going to lie to you and say that the pain will go away soon. It is still a raw wound for me. Even so, I still have found happy moments with other friends and family. I have laughed and appreciated beauty and challenged myself to grow in new directions. Despite all the pain, life is still an adventure.
I have learned that I am stronger than I ever realized. I always gave him so much credit for "getting me through." While I am very appreciative for the support he did give me for the past two years of my PTSD crisis, he isn't the one who actually made me survive. I got me through by working hard, committing to health, therapy, and healing from this trauma. I am willing to bet that if you look hard at your progress you can say the same thing. No one can make us get better, so if we are surviving, if we are still here, then it is our strength that allowed us to do so.
Two books that have helped me are listed below. One is for the PTSD, the other is for healing from a divorce. I hope they may provide you with some tools for this difficult time.
Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Best wishes for better days ahead.
Okay I see metabolism up for debate a lot in here with a lack of hard sources, so
Endotherms are commonly known as "warm-blooded," meaning that they get their warmth from their body through their metabolism. It's commonly known that fat can be used for insulation in cold environments because it's a lot harder for heat to leave lots of layers/cold to enter lots of layers. Lighter endotherms would need more calories to regulate their body temperature than heavier endotherms. To quote my textbook directly, "as body size increases, energy costs per gram of tissue decrease, but an ever-larger fraction of tissue is required for exchange, support, and locomotion" (Reece and others 870). This means that fat cells require less energy to sustain than actual bigger structures
I think my psychology book can explain this better than I can:
"Once we become fat, we require less food to maintain our weight than we did to attain it. Why? Because compared with other tissue, fat has a lower metabolic rate--it takes less food and energy to maintain body weight within a higher-than-average range. When weight drops below this set-point (often considered a settling-point range of weight rather than a precise number of pounds), the person's hunger increases and metabolism decreases. Thus, the body adapts to starvation by burning off fewer calories, and to extra calories by burning off more" (Myers 584).
Sources not in mla format because mla format is triggering me, shitlord
Reece: http://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Biology-Books-Carte-Edition/dp/0321831543#featureBulletsAndDetailBullets_secondary_view_div_1415578942410
Myers: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0716764288/ref=pd_aw_sims_2?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1
I read in The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment that the narcissistic family is defined as a family in which the needs of the parent come before the needs of the child. Everything you've just said (her blaming you for supposedly losing her looks and her social life) points to that.
Even though you still live with her, I believe that you don't have to wear what she wants you to wear. You are 25 years old. Sorry, but that just really hit home for me. Emother always got angry when I didn't like the clothing she picked out for me, and she made fun of or made some backhanded compliment about the clothing that I actually did want to wear. She didn't and still doesn't "get" my sense of fashion. Too bad! I am not a doll. I have preferences of my own that don't necessarily conform to hers.
>and also gets panicky when I don't email/text/call her back as! quickly! as! possible!
Another hallmark of the N. Power and control.
>My mother definitely uses the "you're crazy!!!" card against me every time I try to stand up for myself.
Maybe because she is crazy making.
Congratulations! It's ok to grieve for the child you thought you were having, make no mistake. But you are going to love the heck out of this baby. You are in for so much joy that you could not have even imagined before this.
I recommend this book, it will make you feel much less alone.
My girlfriend of 13.5 years (known each other for 20+) is adopted. This right here has been a vitally important book for her: https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004
Here's a pdf breakdown relating to the book:
http://adopta.hr/images/pdf/the_primal_wound.pdf
I highly recommend it for you.
Cheers, best.
Namaste,
There is a name for this. Actually there are quite a few names for this mental condition: internalized oppression, internalized white supremacy, colonial mentality, self loathing, etc. Internalized oppression is basically Stockholm syndrome with race added into it. The white man oppressed you so hard so brutal that you began to develop emotional attachment to him.
Just watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkpUyB2xgTM&t=72s
Check out this book if you have time. It's written by a clinical psychologist
https://www.amazon.com/Internalized-Oppression-Psychology-Marginalized-Groups/dp/0826199259
If that is what the user means I would **Highly*** suggest reading The heart and soul of change https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Soul-Change-Delivering-Therapy/dp/1433807092
It will challenge the widely held idea that a specific intervention or therapy is better for a specific disorder. It once again highlights the importance of the relationship. Check it out!
Hey! I'm in the same boat, rowing in the same direction. My spouse and I have been together for 11 years, married for 6. I was just as pissed as you at first. Felt just as deceived. I got into some therapy, and that's been helpful to work through my feelings. Another thing that has helped is this book - Workbook for Partners of Transgender People
I am also a lesbian and so was he (I guess) and I had some serious feelings because I came out later in life and left a straight marriage before I met my current spouse. Lots of internal conflict about what his transition meant for me etc.... I guess over the last week or so I decided to just love him, and hold on to our marriage. But it's still a struggle.
Anyway, me too, you are not an asshole, everyone has different reactions, and no matter what you will be ok.
Are we the same person?! Thank you SO SO MUCH for sharing this! Words can't even express how much I relate to and appreciate this post.
A few things I've been loving during this (alarmingly similar) crucial, formative time:
Whew! That's it for now, but I shall return. Again, thank you so much for opening up this topic. :)
Internalized racism. Quote from recent post on Hapas:
"There is a name for this. Actually there are quite a few names for this mental condition: internalized oppression, internalized white supremacy, colonial mentality, self loathing, etc. Internalized oppression is basically Stockholm syndrome with race added into it."
Check out this book if you have time. It's written by a clinical psychologist https://www.amazon.com/Internalized-Oppression-Psychology-Marginalized-Groups/dp/0826199259
https://np.reddit.com/r/hapas/comments/6at06k/why_do_asians_become_white_race_supremacists/dhhb3wm/
I think it's normal to struggle with guilt when leaving religion because conservative Christianity controls people through guilt and shame, primarily. It takes time to really deconstruct fully and let go of the guilty feelings. However, if the guilt doesn't go away, I'd definitely recommend finding a good secular therapist who can help you work through it. Reading books like "Faith Shift" by Kathy Escobar and "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell really helped me. There are also some great Facebook groups like Exvangelical and Living Life Unfundamentalist where you can find likeminded people.
I heard this therapist on the Shrink Rap Radio podcast the other day who wrote a book called, "[I'm Working On It In Therapy] (http://www.amazon.com/Im-Working-It-Therapy-Psychotherapy/dp/1632204487)". It's about how patients can get the most out of their psychotherapy but also goes a long way in answering your question.
tl;dr: The best thing you can do in therapy is to be open, engaged and willing to change i.e. commit to the process.
I don't have kids but I found that reading some parenting books has helped me to understand both about myself and things that my parents did wrong, and how normal healthy parents respond to their kids. "The Conscious Parent" is an amazing book for this. It is to teach parents how to respond to their kids in a healthy way while being conscious of their own reactions and feelings and how to NOT put your issues on your kid. It's a great book. I love what the author is doing in trying to teach parents how to respond to their kids lovingly and not as a reaction /due to their own issues.
https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Ourselves-Empowering/dp/1897238452
This STEP parenting series is also good about how to talk to kids and what consequences are supposed to be like. (not crazy insane screaming punishments and 6 month groundings, like happened at my house) There's a different book for each age range.
https://www.amazon.com/Parents-Handbook-Systematic-Effective-Parenting/dp/0979554209/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504368293&sr=1-1&keywords=step+parenting+systematic
The fact that you are concerned about how to best respond to your potential child and how it will make them feel means you are already far ahead of your parents. N parents don't think about this stuff.
WELL DONE FOR GETTING THE JOB! And WELL DONE for making it through the first days: a new job is always difficult as you adjust, but you have more adjustment than 'normal'. Remember: you're doing brilliantly! You've come through addiction & escaped the sex trade: give yourself the credit you deserve.
I was in an abusive realtionship for about 6 years. Escaped. Into another one where I nearly got killed. Never got any help. Mental health services don't really focus on trauma in the UK. They want to talk about my patterns of behaviour in relationships instead of healing the wounds. I'm done talking about how I feel, I want to fix myself & be able to have a life, instead of this half life I now have.
I can't afford private therapy, & there's virtually no local MH provision on the NHS. I spoke to a psychologist who's a feminist & specialises in trauma focused care - she reccomended the following 3 texts to help me:
8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery (Rothschild, 2010)
Trauma and Recovery (Herman, 2015)
Complex PTSD (Walker, 2013)
They might be useful for you too?
Take care of yourself - you deserve it.
youre talking yourself into staying miserable or numb, and paying someone to validate your internal status quo.
That's pretty sad and wasteful, because youre then going to use this failed therapy to further tell yourself "SEE I TRIED" to stay stuck indefinitely.
I've met and talked to lots of sad 50+ yr old self-bullshitting intelligent men like that in my neighborhood. They're well-educated lonely assholes who just can't see themselves from the outside. I was a 20something at the time and they'd chat with me about their lives (craving female company I guess) thinking I would be sympathetic, but I could see all their self-sabotaging patterns, subconsciously we are all exactly where we want to be. They had no intention of changing just a life of 'trying'... As a defensive neurotic person not willing to stay that way, it was a real cautionary tale.
I don't want to bullshit myself out of a good life....anyway
Maybe you should pause therapy, read a bunch of books on how it works, and then go back with deeper appreciation for the "type" of work involved and asked of you.
If you're lazy and like binging tv Could also watch the old HBO show "In Treatment" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0835434/
(season 1 and 2 are the best and a nice set of varied patients in each) if you want a well-written fictionalized sense of how therapy could be, how different patients bullshit themselves emotionally until theyre sick of themselves and their trust in the therapeutic bond helps them change. Each character has a real arc, about 5 characters each doing weekly sessions.
You can pirate/stream it /buy it in a few places I think. The only downside is unrealistic expectations because most therapists are'nt that emotionally skilled/ attentive and most patients don't reveal their symptoms, absorb insights, or go that deep in 8 sessions. It's idealized and strangely fun to watch for two people talking, but it helped me believe in the process before I invested in real life.
P.S. if at some point you don't bring it all back to childhood, you have wasted your money. In my opinion CBT and the rest of the "thinking" based stuff are bandaids, playing whack-a-mole with symptoms that will rear back in new forms.
Also, once therapy helps you get the initial emotional bond with yourself, you can better help yourself, self-help books etc go a long way when you can actually feel and intuit the messages better. None of those resources make sense or will help you at all while you are cut off from your body and unconscious self.
Thats the best bang for your buck in my opinion, read a bunch to prepare yourself on how it works under the surface, spend all the time in therapy feeling things you may have repressed, avoided, talked your way out of, then leave therapy better able to sort out which resources you can use (The books I've found have been more profound for me than therapy but I wouldn't have known which subjects to search for or been "emotionally available" enough for the words and insights to reach me)
this is also just a nice intro book and super short https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Therapy-Generation-Therapists-Patients/dp/0061719617
(the pdf is floating around libgen / web if you're feeling cheap) good luck
EDIT -- also you sound really stiff, why don't you watch some School of Life youtube videos just to get a better grip on the emotional rhetoric involved. Videos like this one always get to me...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fG9-W-OwCs
Oh boy. I have been almost precisely in that same place. First, lemme link you real quick to Marlene Winell's Leaving The Fold. It answers, in a sense, the question you have now and the other ones you're likely to.
From my personal experience, what happened to me next was this. I discovered that religion teaches that people are states. Ossified, unmoving statues; sinners until saved, saved forever, virgins until sex and then never virgins again, etc., etc., etc. In reality- and this blew my fucking mind- people are processes. We are just a running piece of software that constantly modifies itself or is modified by its environment. What's "good" is not "obedience to an old book" but "what is functional." What is effective. What makes more people happy, less sad, more healthy, less unhealthy, what makes me better at being human and happy and good for other people. And it doesn't matter what worked 2000 years ago. It doesn't matter what worked yesterday. What matters is what I can do today to make myself happier and healthier, and my friends, and other humans.
And if I fuck up- which is inevitable- the response is to identify why and try to figure out how to stop it from happening again. Because mistakes aren't evil.
My ftm spouse came out to me about 3 weeks ago. Well, actually we were separated for about a week because he had grown angry and distant after almost 10 years together. He moved in with a roommate he found and I was sure it was over. Then in the process of talking via text (I was broken-hearted and missed him so much) he told me that he had something that he just couldn’t tell me. I asked if I could guess and he agreed. I asked if he was trans. I was right. We had never talked about it. He had never alluded to it. I guess I just knew.
Fast forward about a week and I asked him to come back home to me and the kids (I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage to a cismale and actually self identified as a lesbian at the end of that marriage). My now husband agreed to come home.
It’s hard. I feel sad, relieved, worried, protective, and so much more. But I do know that I will be staying with my husband. He is still the person I fell in love with. He was a man when we met, he just didn’t reflect it outwardly.
Being the spouse is hard because I feel like there just aren’t many resources or support for me. We have found him a support group that he goes to on Tuesdays (he started last week) and we found him a counselor who is a mtf so my husband has someone who knows exactly what he is going through. Me, well, I haven’t found that kind of support and it feels very isolating.
We are talking... a lot. I am researching more than I researched while obtaining my Masters degree. I am have to figure out as a self identified lesbian what being married to a man means for me. There are a lot of very emotional moving parts on both sides of this transition (he doesn’t know how much or how little he will transition and to what extent).
Counseling will help. Although I have yet to find one I am quite comfortable going to yet. I also bought a workbook that seems great. I did the first 3 exercises in it last night and it had me in tears because it helped me to identify feelings I am having that I had not realized were there.
The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People...
Best of luck to you and your wife. Make sure she knows that she is not alone.
You can visit the [Secular Therapy Project] (https://seculartherapy.org/) for potential help. The book ["Leaving the Fold"] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) could also be helpful for you.
There are psychologists who specialize in religious trauma.
I can't afford therapy, but I've found this book quite helpful- Leaving the Fold
Here are some books that helped me starting out:
https://www.amazon.com/Therapy-101-Modern-Psychotherapy-Techniques/dp/1572245689/ref=nodl_
https://www.amazon.com/Basic-Counseling-Techniques-Beginning-Therapists/dp/1403383278
https://www.amazon.com/Techniques-Every-Counselor-Should-Know/dp/0134694899/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_2/140-3603070-6736458?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0134694899&pd_rd_r=6244c735-a8ca-477d-b6da-c7479d997978&pd_rd_w=ApuBS&pd_rd_wg=P7EIR&pf_rd_p=1c5a26b5-ed76-40f7-b20c-b5d5bd4bc6be&pf_rd_r=CB0QXMR53WBGJ8149ZZ5&psc=1&refRID=CB0QXMR53WBGJ8149ZZ5
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Therapy-Generation-Therapists-Patients/dp/0061719617/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/140-3603070-6736458_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0061719617&pd_rd_r=87c54203-1b24-4fc2-a300-c79a7561e18c&pd_rd_w=F5pJ4&pd_rd_wg=m066p&pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&pf_rd_r=DXCB9181CMTWCT0EEPTM&psc=1&refRID=DXCB9181CMTWCT0EEPTM
First step is know the triggers, no need to mention them only you need to know them. Next stay busy, focus on something that can better you. Working out, long walks, biking, if you don't know a trade learn one, go to community college and pick up a program that you might make into a hobby (for instance my local college offers car repairs and a two year program cost next to nothing).
You need to reprogram your mind, so taking on a challenge that pushes you is key. Now comes the hard part know what to do with those triggers, find out why those triggers do what they do and fix it. I know it sounds silly to say FIX It, but the power is in your hands.
Just remember men heal differently than what society knows. People will say all kinds of feminine bullshit they've been told to get to the bottom of issues. The simple fact is those means are weak and make you weak. Those means make you reliant on others, never allowing a man to heal the proper way. It works great for women because they are able to push issues on to others and disassociate due to being a catered to class. Don't heal like a women.
The Way Men Heal was a book I was lucky enough to find as I started my own journey. It was priceless and I bought a ton of copies...all of which I've given out and all the recipients came to understand.
Someone in this subreddit recommended these books to me when I was looking for advice on recovery from abuse, and they said that a feminist psychologist told them about these. I haven't gotten the chance to check them out, but I figured I'd pass it along:
8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
Why Does He Do That? is also really good. It's straightforward and has a pretty good feminist analysis of where abuse comes from - the book doesn't try to claim that men abuse because they have mental health problems or any other bullshit, but makes it clear that men abuse women because of misogyny and feeling like they "own" women.
There’s a book about the psychology of children who were adored at birth that would be helpful.
The Primal Wound
Easy read and insightful for abandonment issues in general as well
Edit: adored should be adopted
Echoing the recs of exchristian.net and Dr. Marlene Winell, particularly her book Leaving the Fold, which is accompanied by a workbook full of personal assessments and writing prompts. I've read it a couple times over the handful of years since my deconversion, and I'm only now working through the exercises (about to complete Chapter 4 to review with my therapist this weekend). Check it out!
I've always found the Norton collections to be a solid starting point for good poetry.
http://www.amazon.com/Making-Poem-Norton-Anthology-Poetic/dp/0393321789/
http://www.amazon.com/Norton-Anthology-Poetry-4th/dp/0393968200
http://www.amazon.com/Norton-Anthology-Modern-Contemporary-Poetry
http://www.amazon.com/Norton-Introduction-Poetry-Alison-Booth/dp/0393928578/
are all excellent introductions to reading. Very broadly speaking, classical poetry is more focused on rhyme and imagery that many can comprehend (albeit with some effort), while modern poetry is more focused on free verse and word choices, and tends to use imagery that's more self-referential (that's just my experience, though).
In terms of writing, I'd suggest scanning through /r/OCPoetry to see poetry written from a mostly modern, mostly amateur perspective.
What you're saying so far is basically akin to 'I want to know more about the ocean and everything living in it/relating to it. I know what a tuna, a blue whale, a great white shark, and an octopus are, but I don't know where to go to get information about them and learn about them. Can you guys help me find good sources for everything from marine biology to oceanography and everything in between?'
As such, my suggestion for the Norton's. If you find something that you like, you can help narrow your search field a bit, and it'll be a heckuva lot easier to help (in your reading search, that is).
Writing's a whole different ballgame, and I defer to /u/jessicay and/or /u/ActualNameIsLana for (possibly) helping you out a bit more on that topic, as they've far more experience than me.
I'm reading Far From The Tree. It's summer reading for school but it's a genuinely great book.
If you have any interest in therapy, I unequivocally recommend The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom. In fact, I recommend any of Yalom's books.
Former teacher of toddlers here. Check out the STEP positive discipline program. It's geared towards parents, however, I was trained in it for the classroom and all the same rules apply. The book is super cheap on Amazon and breaks down causes of behaviors and how they should be approached by age. Best of luck
Amazon - Systematic Training for Effective Parenting
The Norton Introduction to Poetry is more expensive ($60,) but is a more academic introduction to the form, structure and interpretation of poetry.
I used Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I couldn't afford a therapist at the time, so I read a book about deprogramming from cults called 'Leaving the Fold' and it seriously helped.
The point of the book is that religious indoctrination works by imprinting certain messages on your mind that often bypass reason and go straight into your emotional core. They're hard to shake, but with time and attention they can be left behind. You start by recognizing
An example:
The Event is that a guy asks me to have sex. I feel guilt and shame, but also obligated to respond in the affirmative because I caused him to desire me.
The Message is stuff like "If you cause a man to lust, you've incited him" and also guilt-inducing stuff like "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
Messages that can replace that are things like, "It is okay to have sexual desires. That's normal and healthy." and also "Wait. Take a moment to get in touch with your true feelings. Do you desire this person?" and "You are not obligated to have sex with people you don't desire. Their desire is their problem. You didn't create it and you aren't obliged to solve it."
It takes a lot of time and attention to ferret these things out. However, it really really helped me--like, within a few months I was doing so much better.
The worst thing about fundamentalism is how it divorces you from your natural feelings and instincts--you aren't "allowed" to feel your feelings and so you suppress a lot of stuff. It still takes me some time to register what I'm feeling (esp negative emotions) but it is so much better now.
Anyway--sorry for the long reply. I enjoy talking about this with others who are going through similar!
Recommending the second edition of The Heart & Soul of Change which takes a look at the common factors which seem to underlie therapeutic change and growth. I'm still in the process of reading but it's already changed my perspective on what's most important in our work. Some of the common factors they identify as important and universal to successful psychotherapy are the therapeutic-alliance/relationship, the therapist's continual elicitation of client feedback, and the therapist's genuineness - their argument is intuitive to me and they are sure to sight research backing their claims.
​
In terms of who I find influential, my first thoughts are of Carl Rogers and Karen Horney!
First off, good on you for taking the initiative.
For introductory books, I'd recommend Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Travelled. Now, I haven't read it myself, but it's been mentioned on this sub often enough for me to feel comfortable mentioning it. It might also be a good idea to pick up a miscellaneous collection of poems in order to get an understanding of the variety and depth of the subject matter. A more informal volume might be something edited by Garrison Keiler, like Good Poems. While that specific book is more bent towards Modern American poets, there's still a lot to draw from. A more academic book would be The Norton Anthology of Poetry ot The Norton Introduction to Poetry, which has a lot more to choose from. These two also give you a bit of structure – my copy of the Introduction has clear headings, like "Symbol" or "The Sonnet," with neat little introductory essays and poems chosen to help you understand how these concepts work. That being said, Norton tends to be a little expensive, though if you live in a college town you can probably find a cheaper copy. The benefit of these kinds of collections lies in helping you to find a poet whose style or subject matter you particularly like.
Regarding online sources, there's The Poetry Foundation, which has archives of poems and articles on the poets themselves. Their monthly articles can vary from the interesting to the banal, however, so keep your bullshit detector on. You can probably also find podcasts that deal with the subject. A personal favorite of mine is called "Entitled Opinions," and is run by a professor of Italian Studies over at Stanford by the name of Robert Harrison. Mind you, this particular podcast deals with philosophy and literature as well, so while I'd recommend listening to all their episodes you would have to do a little bit of searching in order to find a particular episode on poetry – though I would reccomend the one on "Dante and Prufrock." I imagine these kind of examinatioms would be useful because they can give you a sense of what poetry 'does' or 'how it means' beyond a surface play with words.
As for the writing of poetry, the first thing I'd recommend is that you read and meditate on a lot of poetry, good and bad, in order to get a sense of how its all done. Learn certain conventions – like, say, that of the sonnet – in order to see how poets follow through with them, or how they play with them. Learn prosody so you can understand how the precise meter, or 'beat,' of each line can affect the reader. I can't really give concrete advice with regards to this, save for a metaphorical "go west, young man!"
If you want academic studies on internalized white supremacy, check out this book. It’s written by a psychology professor and clinician psychologist. This book is what made me open my eyes.
https://www.amazon.com/Internalized-Oppression-Psychology-Marginalized-Groups/dp/0826199259/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=internalized+oppression&qid=1570741229&sr=8-1
>Gloria apparently found the one with Fritz Perls to be the most helpful.
I always found that surprising, given the way he rips into her, but then I tend to prefer a less confrontational approach (I'm a big fan of Rogers).
I just discovered that there's a book by her daughter. The blurb and comments suggest that the videos are actually a breach of her confidentiality, in that she was told they were for teaching purposes only but they were — obviously — made more widely available. Hopefully the other YouTube/Vimeo videos were obtained more ethically.
The view is that separating the infant from its biological mother/the womb the child was in is traumatic to the infant. There's also a book that I think they have some adoptive parents read, called "The Primal Wound" that discusses it more in-depth.
My recommendations are not particularly ethics focused either but I found them all interesting and think they all give good insight into different aspects of genetic counseling- whether that's what it's like to be a healthcare provider or someone living with a family member with a genetic condition.
My Foreign Cities: Just finished this one. A beautiful memoir about a woman and her marriage to her high school sweetheart, who had cystic fibrosis.
Genetic Rounds: A Doctor's Encounters in the Field that Revolutionized Medicine: A series of stories about the experiences of a pediatric geneticist.
Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity: One of my favorite books. It explores what happens when children turn out to be very different from their parents in some way, with chapters dedicated to children with autism, Down syndrome, schizophrenia, and multiple severe disabilities, among other things.
[The Still Point of the Turning World] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594205124/ref=x_gr_w_glide_bb?ie=UTF8&tag=x_gr_w_glide_bb-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1594205124&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2): A memoir by a mother whose son is diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease.
I also want to second The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down- another favorite of mine!
Man, I could have written every word of this myself. At some point I found this book and it was somewhat helpful. Not earth shattering, but still illuminating. It helped me put into words and really pinpoint some of lasting effects on my mental and emotional health. Mostly it was comforting to read that what I was experiencing was, in many ways, a totally predictable reaction to that kind of environment.
Just realized I'm a little over ten years out now, too. I think I've come to find a comfort in the "doubt." I've managed to build something of a new framework -- just without religion. For me it's not about right and wrong...it's about our nature as social creatures. There are things that build up those social connections, and things that break them. That we all have an ever-evolving set of standards that help us live with each other. That being together is our animal nature, and without that we're bound to feel miserable.
IDK, just thinking out loud here. You're not alone though.
My mother has developed this bad habit of telling me to spank my sister or telling me to "get" her. I thought this was ridiculous and I didn't know how to respond.
I told my therapist about this. I said in the past I spanked my sister but I wasn't proud of it. That didn't stop me from getting a long lecture about how spanking is wrong. He was very insistent, saying "you can't spank her no matter what!" He actually said "all the studies done say that spanking heightens aggression."
He laid out a different punishment technique. At first it was hard to understand, but in the end it became coherent. He also recommended Parenting Young Children, along with the two other books in the series. He said "these are old books, but the principles are still confirmed and the same today".
I'm aware a pop psychologist, stephen pinker, has said many parenting studies are useless, because they don't measure for heritability. He actually proposes that more aggressive parents spank their children more and the genes cause their aggression, and that more intellectual parents read to their children and that causes them to talk early.
First I'd just like to ask about psychology and spanking. Is spanking universally regarded as unacceptable among psychologists? Is all the evidence one way?
The other question is about the book. Was the book recommended of a particular school of thought? could someone explain that school and contrast it with others?
I feel I should add I'm against spanking for reasons other than my therapist listed. Thank you for reading.
Thanks for posting this. I love her honest introspection and humility. The author's experience is a beautiful one, though while I can easily see her point of view, my grief journey was almost the opposite of hers. I was hoping to find something a little more poignant in the comments, but the loudest ones were the non-empathetic and unaccountable "you're his wife, not his mother" ones. They were so similar to the comments of that "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" article that went viral a while back that it's only the husband who has to compromise in marriage. Empathy - being able to see the world through another person's eyes - isn't being extended both ways. His viewpoint, his work, his sacrifices, and his pain aren't even considered by so many people.
From a Christian perspective, the church can be pretty terrible at this as well. It's one of several reasons why men hate going to church. Instead of catering to his needs and equipping him to be a captain, he is passive-aggressively burdened with the responsibility of her happiness. It doesn't help the team by focussing on one player. A great team functions by accentuating each other's strengths and covering each other's weaknesses, like picking up after a husband who compromises on laundry to spend more time with loved ones. "He had chosen what is more important."
I think my late would-be-wife would have also adored this article. Thanks again for sharing.
edit: grammar
My Stroke of Insight by Jill Taylor: A neuroscientist has a stroke and learns to walk, talk, eat, write, or recall her memories.
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks: Interesting case studies of patients who suffered from extreme/rare neurological disorders.
Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon: Not necessarily speech-language pathology specific, but it includes chapters identity, self-perception, social perception of people with autism, Down syndrome, and Deaf culture. I read this book recently, and it's absolutely brilliant.
See this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Gloria-Films-Daughters-Memory-x/dp/1906254028
Try looking at this reading list, there are different sections: from historical to readable text books. I would also recommend letters to a young mathematician.
Try these for math puzzles, there are different levels: junior, intermediate and senior. Find your level and have fun!
If you fancy learning code, I would suggest going for python. It's a nice high level language, that gets things done easily.
p.s. GEB I found to be a real struggle - don't get me wrong it's a great book, but it's not an easy one.
Rather than debating about the utility of a metric, consider using motivational interviewing to collaborate with people to focus on the big picture. http://www.nova.edu/gsc/forms/mi_rationale_techniques.pdf
This is a good book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593856121/
Good luck!
I believe my stepdaughter (now 20) has bpd. She wasn't particularly bratty as a teen, but I think part of the reason for that was because I worked with seriously troubled teens and my stepkids knew not to tangle with me. You are right, being a brat is a normal part of being a teen. Couple this with an unstable birth mother, a stepparent, and the "I can just go to my other parent's house" and your stepdaughter probably has it much worse than others.
The behaviors that I noticed that led me to believe that my stepdaughter has bpd wasn't being a brat and talking back. Instead, this is what I saw. We started noticing these things when she was around 10 years old, but there is no telling when they each actually began.
Being a brat as a teenager is normal. I hope that you read this stuff and say, "Wow, my stepdaughter is just a brat. This is great." Even with that...parenting a teen can be super hard. I worked with seriously troubled teens for 15 years, and I basically consider that I failed in parenting my stepchildren through their teens. Well, that is being really hard on myself. But my stepdaughter ended up on drugs, dropped out of school 3 months before graduation and got pregnant at 18 - she was living with her birth mother at the time, but still I raised her not to do those things. My stepson, 18, was grounded for the majority of his high school years. He has a genius IQ, but he is working at a factory now because his grades were too low to go to college. But...my stepdaughter is pretty stable now. She's got a new boyfriend who is a good person. She's pregnant again, but it's because an IUD failed, not because she was being irresponsible. She's kept her job for a year. She's uBPD, everything is likely to come crashing down eventually, but right now things are good for her. My stepson is doing very well at his job, we weren't sure that would happen, and he's saving for college.
My point is that the teen years can be really hard, but if you parent well enough things will stabilize when they get past their teens. You just need to keep them alive, in school and out of trouble with the law. The things that you try to teach them now are going to bounce right off of them. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "Mom told me." "Mom tried to tell me." "Mom warned me." All of those things I said didn't help much when they were in their teens, but they remember them now that they are older. When I worked with seriously troubled teens we would say that we were planting seeds. You teach teens things, they don't accept them, they don't use them...but when they are older they will remember and use what you taught them (hopefully).
You may take at look at a book called The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting it's the parenting method that was taught to parents when I worked with troubled teens. There is also a free parenting course on Coursera. It is mainly focused on younger children, but then at the end tells you how to tweak things for teens. You can take the course for free by auditing it, no need to pay, do quizzes or assignments. I'd also recommend skipping the recommended readings as they are not necessary.
You are already sending the right messages and saying the right things, but if he feels like he has let you as his wife down they may not be quite getting through. A lot of men do tie up their sense of self worth with their ability to be a provider and the example set by his relative is not a good influence here as you right say. Does he have any friends who've gone through similar experiences or who could just spend some time with him? That might help to reset his sense of self worth. While he looks for a new job, maybe he could do some volunteer work out of the house: that will deliver a) fresh air b) an outlet for his energies and c) a sense of value, all good antidepressants. Finally, in relation to possible therapy or support services, I would try and point him towards something that is specifically geared towards men if you can find something along those lines in whichever part of the world you live in. Here in the UK, there a few such services. The reason I say this is that a lot of conventional therapy and psychology is focused on the female approach to traumas (in the broad sense of that term) and men don't necessarily process these in the same way. This book is primarily about grief but the principles apply to other traumas in life such as job loss https://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Men-Heal-Thomas-Golden-ebook/dp/B00B0OKZ3W
Its great that you want to help her, you sound like a kind friend.
I think its important to know that she's reckoning with a big loss (loss of faith/world view, disillusionment w/ parents and other authority figures, loss of her prior sense of who she is) Loss like that means grief. Its ok if she's angry and sad and confused. Its not ok if she's drowning in those things and can't make her life work. If that's the case, she needs professional help asap.
The good news is that most of what she missed out on is now available to her. Nobody does everything in high school; everybody tries new things in college. She just may have more new things to try. Encourage her to get involved in the stuff she feels she missed out on. Join clubs, play intramural sports, sign up for newspaper, listen to music, read books and fanfic, date (responsibly), etc. Do some of these things with her; try some things new to both of you, normalize having new experiences.
Encourage her that she isn't alone in this situation. LOTS of people have had the same experience she is having. She can find them online and irl. Try out a Recovering From Religion support group or see if your campus has a Secular Student Alliance.
Check out the ~~#~~ExposeChristianHomeschooling #ExposeChristianSchools hashtags on twitter. Listen to some podcasts together: Exvangelical; Life After God; The Life After. Check out some books: Pure; Faith Unraveled; Leaving the Fold
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However hard this time is for your friend, it will be easier because she has your support and encouragement.
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(Source: I was a homeschooled evangelical; and then, eventually, I left the faith and found myself.)
Hi -- I just came across your post.
You've gotten some good replies on here. To add to them, I'd just like to point out that many people who go into a psychology field for their master's degree have a different undergrad degree.
From what I understand, most schools will require you to get a certain score on either the GRE or the MAT, demonstrate that you have decent writing skills, and have a few people recommend you. Also, interviews are common. Typical interview questions often try to get a sense of your maturity, your motivations for wanting to be in the field, possibly some degree of cultural competency, and how well you can present as professional and articulate.
It sounds like you're on the right track to being an appealing candidate, especially signing up for the hotline. I'd recommend, if you haven't already, doing some reading about what the counseling process is like. This will help give you a better sense of what to expect and allow you to speak more fluently about the topic. There are a few good books on the topic to check out.
Also, if you're looking for a master's program with a more clinical focus, it might be a good idea to look at counseling programs as opposed to social work programs.
Best of luck!
Most of what I know has come from short courses run by or for the UK National Health Service (past employee), texts like the ones below, as well as personal experience (medical professional, relapsing addict, friend/ partner of other addicts). These are both excellent, turned my thinking and approach to my clients on its head.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Health-Behavior-Change-Mason-MSocSc/dp/0702031534/
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Motivational-Interviewing-Health-Care-Applications/dp/1593856121/
There is a cr@pton of research in smoking cessation, weight management and drug addiction if you have access to health journals (I don't and am on an ancient netbook). Read up on the transtheoretical model/ stages of change, the psychology of entrenched behaviours if you are interested.
Edited for wrong version of a book, duh.
> Why is there such a hate for psychotherapy on this sub?
First off, let me start by saying that my intention is not to attack you or your profession or anything of the sort. I just want to answer your question, which I don't think is rhetoric, and participate in the discussion.
I wouldn't say exactly that I hate psychotherapy, but I do think it has a bunch of flaws. One of the reasons for me to criticize psychotherapy is that I ended up much worse with it, with a depression that started in 2005 and is not yet cured, and that is due at least in part because of the therapy i did (therapy with a psychiatrist, I should add). And I had bad experiences every single time I did therapy. The only psychologists that helped helped only to the degree that I read their books or articles or watched their videos and learned about the problems with psychiatric medication and so was not even more damaged by them.
That doesn't mean that I think psychologists are always wrong, I do acknowledge that they help a bunch of people, but I do think that the list of mistakes they make is quite extensive.
This in particular I find is a great book on what goes wrong on therapy, a bunch of things described here happened to me too:
https://www.amazon.com/Shouldnt-Be-Feeling-Better-Now-ebook/dp/B01E40Y6Y2/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467991608&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=shouldn%27t+I+be+feeling+better+by+now
> And if you believe that psychotherapy is not an answer either, then what do you suggest to do for peoples real, normal, and natural human suffering?
Maybe later I will write more about this, but for now I can say that in my case what has helped me most is zen buddhism, and what helped me to a lesser degree was reading material on how to deal with narcissistic people, or with a narcissistic parent, which is my case and also part of the reason why I'm depressed since 2005.
The article is a review of the book, [Psychology Gone Wrong: The Dark Side of Science and Therapy,] (https://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Gone-Wrong-Science-Therapy/dp/1627345280) by Tomasz Witkowski and Maciej Zatonski. They argue psychotherapy as not only profit driven but ineffective, and that it makes claims not supported by science.
From the article:
 
> Psychotherapy
>
> Psychotherapeutic interventions in general have been remarkably unsuccessful. Only one of the many varieties of psychotherapy is supported by acceptable evidence: cognitive-behavioral therapy. There is no correlation between a therapist’s training or experience and patient outcomes. Amateurs get equal results. The benefits of psychotherapy may be no better than the benefits of talking to a friend; in a sense, psychotherapists are paid to act as friends, which could be considered a sort of prostitution.
>
 
>
> The harms of therapy
>
>Therapy can do real harm and can lead to suicide. It encourages dependence, false optimism, and externalized responsibility. Not one study of AA has ever shown it superior to any other approach for treating alcohol abuse, and in fact untreated patients have similar or better outcomes. Sexual misconduct by therapists has become so common that insurance companies have been refusing to insure them.
The Gloria tapes existed before we realized how incredibly harmful this was. Gloria gave consent because she had no idea how her life would be affected, how her daughter's life would be affected, by this. Luckily we now know the harm this can cause (see the book by Gloria's daughter for a first hand account of the harm caused) and therefore it is now deemed unethical to ask someone to consent for public displaying of their therapy tapes.
https://www.amazon.com/Psychology-David-G-Myers/dp/0716764288
Psychology 8th Edition, David Myers
Need this ASAP, $5
I’ve been going to group therapy and they differentiate the skills groups and the process groups, and to me the process groups is where most of the work happens. I think of processing as the self discovery and “why” part of healing. But for it to work you kind of have to be proactive and form an authentic connection with your therapist (or group). I totally recommend this book, as a guide on what to do in therapy.
Hey OP
There is a great book called Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity
It helped me understand a number of things.
I think you would like it.
I do a lot of counseling in my profession.
If you would like to talk to an anonymous person so you can decide if you want to talk face to face with a therapist or counselor . . .
send me a note.
p.s. I have the book in e-pub format if you read e-books.
Just because adoption is right for you doesn't mean it's right for everyone else. Personally, I'm glad I was raised by people who wanted to adopt me instead of people who adopted only as a last resort and would rather have their own biological child.
I also highly recommend this book since you're planning to adopt. It has some great insight as to how a lot of adoptees feel and what our experiences are like.
Something similar happened to me, one problem I had with my mother is that she would try to force me into therapy or whatever treatment she wanted, and the treatments mostly didn't work, and then when I talked to the therapists that this happened in the past, the conversation went nowhere. For me I ended up trying other stuff instead of therapy to heal myself.
There are therapists who write about how therapy might be hurtful (Like the author of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Shouldnt-Be-Feeling-Better-Now-ebook/dp/B01E40Y6Y2/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?__mk_pt_BR=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&keywords=shouldn%27t+I+feel+better+by+now&qid=1569470931&s=gateway&sr=8-1-fkmr2), so maybe a therapist that you already know that he/she knows about the problems with therapy might be a better chance of working. But then the problem becomes finding such a therapist.
I love the gloria tapes :) One of her daughters wrote a really interesting book about the aftermath of the tapes http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Gloria-Films-Daughters-Memory/dp/1906254028
Good luck finding anyone doing RET today though. CBT is close enough though and has gained more popularity.
e: The Story of a Number was pretty good.
I also enjoyed Ian Stewart's Letters to a Young Mathematician.
NTA. Whoo boy. I have been exactly where you are...it sucked. It sucked SO HARD. We didn't have the internet back then either (I'm old). I hope reading the comments in this thread has helped you know that a) you're NOT at fault here and b) you're in great company. I don't have any useful suggestions for you under your current circumstances (the people saying "play along until you're 18" are probably right, but I don't know if I could have so I can't ask you to, y'know?). I will recommend a book, though, either for once you're out of the house or if you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can hide a copy where your mom won't find it. It's called "Leaving the Fold" and it's a pretty fabulous psychological text/workbook for people who grew up in strict religious households and have suffered trauma as a result (which is absolutely a thing) (I'm glad to see that a few comments called your mom's behavior emotional abuse, because it is). Here's the link if you're interested. Best of luck!!! Hang in there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
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Edited to say: If links aren't allowed in this sub (I'm new), please let me know and I'll remove it. Thanks!
Anybody who thinks that this a good thing or that the US should have a higher rate of termination, check out Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon:
NYT review
Amazon
Psychology has two halves. Some of it is backed by science, some of it is pseudoscience masquerading as science.
Throughout the years academic psychology has been fraught with mistakes, frauds, abuses, and outright nonsense.
Psychology Gone Wrong: The Dark Sides of Science and Therapy
Written by: professors of psychology.
You think they would make great parents, but it's not a proven point-- even leftist social science types concede that they don't have enough data to really conclude that boys and girls do just as well without mothers or fathers. I'll stipulate that there are gay people who could provide better homes for growing children than state facilities. This doesn't then mean that marriage needs to be redefined. Allowing gay people to adopt might be a reasonable policy choice in certain circumstaces, but that doesn't mean we should pretend it's no different if kids are raised by a mother and a father vs. a man and his boyfriend or a woman and her girlfriend. I know people like to think that adoption is great and that blood ties don't matter, but the sad fact is that people generally bond better to their own children than to adopted ones. The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child