Best christian men issues books according to redditors

We found 96 Reddit comments discussing the best christian men issues books. We ranked the 36 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top Reddit comments about Christian Men's Issues:

u/LaTuFu · 473 pointsr/AskMen

Here are a few books I would highly recommend for men (and women as well):

  • Wild at Heart by John Etheredge. For Men. The companion book for Women is Captivating. These are Christian books, discussing God's design for men and women. Even if you are not a Christian and have no desire to be, I think you may find some of the discussion very revealing or at the very least intriguing. These are not so much good "learn to communicate" books, as they are "understanding who I really am on a basic level" books.

  • Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Another Christian Book, this one on the biblical view of marriage. Again, if you're not a Christian, I still recommend it as a resource for marriage. There are some fundamental principles of marriage that transcend religion that can benefit both spouses. For men and women.

  • Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie. This book is required reading if you or your partner grew up in a household with an addict (parent or sibling), an abusive parent, or single parent/divorced home with high conflict. It is not faith based, for men and women.

  • The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is a great book that breaks down how we're all different, and we get our needs in a relationship satisfied in different ways. Understanding what your partner needs is fundamental to having a healthy relationship.

  • The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. This is another great resource for understanding effective communication within an intimate relationship, whether you are male or female.

    After that, if you have more specific issues in your story, like childhood trauma, there are more specific routes to go down. I also strongly encourage enlisting the aid of a counselor, therapist, and/or pastoral counselor if you or your partner are struggling with childhood baggage.

u/kindlx · 13 pointsr/tifu

No this is a serious problem in the church right now, but few realize it. Any prudish christian should go read song of songs, much more racy than much of the litterature created before the last 100 years at least. It celebrates sexual intimacy of a married Hebrew couple. Christians should be shouting from the mountain tops the joys of sexual intimacy. The Church's battle on sex is a tragedy that is creating sexual confusion and a bad repuatation in today's culture. I was reading a book No more Christian nice guy that blames the church's constant pressure for men to be passive and meek "like Christ" only problem is that Jesus Christ was anything but passive and meek most of the time. Passive men lead to unhappy marriages due to fear, lack of confidence and husbands becoming unattractive to their wives due to these attributes. I am not doing a good job of describing what the book says but if anyone has further query please feel free to PM.

u/harrison_wintergreen · 8 pointsr/exmormon

Most Christian denominations have male leadership but majority female membership (sometimes up to 90%). LDSinc is about 60-70% female in the membership. Only the Eastern Orthodox churches are anywhere close to 50/50 male/female in the congregations.

It's been this way for centuries. Men tend to dislike Christian church services. The messages and the way church meetings are structured appeal more to women.

partly it's psychological. women tend to have "external locus of control" while men lean more "internal locus." meaning women tend to place control for their lives outside themselves. meaning women are more likely to follow instructions from whoever they perceive as authority figures.

>Active women are just assumed to be plentiful

it's not an assumption. for every 1 active LDS man there are 2 active LDS women.

u/TamidMT · 6 pointsr/The_Donald

Whoever this "4 chan" is, they're incredibly based! A lot of this is mentioned in 'The Two Jesuses' chapter of Why Men Hate Going To Church, which I very highly recommend. It was a real epiphany for me, especially after I walked away from the deceit of feminism and the damage it did me. Don't go to church to be comfortable, and don't settle for the wishy-washy, happy-clappy, feel-good Christianity — very often, that comes at the cost of the seriousness of God and His Word.

u/gt0163c · 6 pointsr/Reformed

I'm reading a book right now called "Why Men Hate Going to Church" (because my dad read it and wanted me to read it so we can talk about it. It's made for some interesting discussions.). The basis for the book is that much of the reason the many men don't go to church (or don't like going there) is that much of church is suited more for the stereotypical woman than for the stereotypical man (the author doesn't use the words stereotypical) with the music styles, more touchy-feely aspects to the service, lecture style preaching, etc. Some of the ways the author recommends making church more "man friendly" is for the pastor to use very concrete examples, possibly with props; to make things more visual and to use humor. Perhaps this pastor has read this book and is using the ideas within it to try to make the church more "man friendly".

u/33saywhat33 · 5 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I'll add one myself. Wild at Heart is a man's man book. It really helped me get motivated for life. Amazon has over 2,000 reviews at gives it 4.5 stars. He hits issues head on. I won't kid you this book jolted me. It's sold millions of copies for a reason.

It's OK to be a fuckin' man!!

It does have a Christian author but any man can get a lot out of this book. At the end of each chapter he lists some some versus that support his points. No biggie.

Consider audiobook if you commute.

u/[deleted] · 5 pointsr/TrueChristian

>It was titled something like why men don’t like going to church

I think this is the book.

Key quote from a review that captures it well I think: "Murrow explains why most churches have far more participation from women than men. Many churches unintentionally repel men through a focus on safety, harmony, comfort, and nurture and simultaneously devalue qualities that draw men like risk, change, adventure, competence, competition, and challenge."

u/INTPClara · 5 pointsr/INTP
u/robertwilliams · 4 pointsr/Reformed

I'm working from memory here, and it's been a while since I've read some of these, so please bear with me.

  • The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott
  • Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham - more about raising kids than being a spouse, but still very good.
  • Family Shepherds by Voddie Baucham - I don't think I've read this one but I generally love everything by Baucham.
  • My Life For Yours by Doug Wilson. I find Wilson takes a little getting used to. He's perhaps a bit too pithy, and needs sometimes to elaborate his points.
  • Reforming Marriage by Doug Wilson.
  • Federal Husband by Doug Wilson.
  • Family Man, Family Leader by Phil Lancaster
  • Bound for Glory by RC Sproul, Jr.
  • Eternity in Our Hearts by RC Sproul, Jr. - perhaps not entirely on topic, but still helpful.

    I also recommend The Basement Tapes by RC Sproul Jr and others. They are wide-ranging and helped me establish a vision for my own family. They're on like 140-something and I only got through the first 40 (for various uninteresting reasons). Highlands Ministries also does Salt Talks which I haven't listened to, but assume they are similar.
u/reflion · 4 pointsr/Reformed

Not a parent, but Voddie Baucham's Family Shepherds gave me an idea of what kind of father I want to be one day.

u/muchADEW · 4 pointsr/motorcycles

I mentioned this in one of the other six posts about this movie, but here goes again:

> I suspect this movie will have a heavy Christian theme. The father of the guys who made this movie is John Eldredge, who wrote, "Wild at Heart," which Amazon describes as a "best-selling, renowned Christian classic ... [that] invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God."

u/drevill · 3 pointsr/Christianity

Unfortunate Intro by Laura Schlessinger aside, this book may help a few people out on this least the male side of things. It helped me out when I was in my mid 20s and I ended up having a new perspective on who I wanted to be as a Christian and dating...

No More Christian Nice Guy

u/nmshhhh · 3 pointsr/Reformed

Get this’ve burned out. Please read!

Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture

u/keylimesoda · 3 pointsr/latterdaysaints

LDS culture has a tremendous capacity for putting out "nice guys."

Lets clear this up once and for all, Christ was anything but a "nice guy."

"No More Christian Nice Guy" is a book that helped push me down a better path of manhood.

u/Oltima · 3 pointsr/nonmonogamy

You cheated and that can't be taken back. I would suggest you do research in the phsycology behind why you felt the need to cheat. Most couples can satisfy about 80% of their partners needs and wants. You may have felt compelled to cheat because the other woman offered the 20% your wife doesn't and it feels shiny and new. That shiny newness will go away eventually. Chasing the "golden haired woman" is a mistake. You are most likely not in love with this other woman. You probably have a love for the newness and the heightened levels of dopamine your brain gives you for finding a new mate. Again that will go away.

10 years ago you loved your wife enough to commit vows to spend a lifetime together. Think about that. YOU LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT YOU VOWED TO STAY WITH HER TILL DEATH! That woman is still there. Taking your marriage to a non-monogamous point just so you can continue your affair is very shady and doesn't solve the real problem. It will most likely tear you two apart due to the mistrust, and there is no guarantee that your wife will be open to non-monogamy.

Divorcing your wife would be a mistake as well. First she didn't do anything wrong so you shouldn't want to hurt her. Second your kids deserve better.

This will be an unpopular opinion but NEVER TELL HER YOU CHEATED! Why? Because it will tear her heart out. I've been cheat on before. It hurts... A lot! Don't put her through that, and don't pull the I need to clear my conscious BS either. Breaking her heart so you can feel better is despicable. And don't for one second think leaving your wife for this other woman will somehow be a better option. She has already shown you she is OK with cheating because she knows about your wife. Plus she knows you are a cheater and the whole relationship would be built on mistrust.

You need to leave the other woman and go back to your wife and family. Be the man she deserves and put effort into re-igniting the passion that you had when you married her. If you are feeling the flame dim on the passion and romance you better believe that she does too. Talk to her. Find things you can do to bring that flame back.

Here are some starter suggestions
-Does she like shopping? Take her shopping! Go with her. Yeah its boring to be a man in a Woman's shoe store, but I bet you did it while dating. Its not about spending money its about spending time.

-Is there an activity she wants to do but you don't like IE: hiking or swimming or a road trip. Do it for her. I'm not saying do something you will regret, but something small that she is into and you have declined in the past.
Real life example: My wife wanted to drive 400 miles on a particular freeway because it was a "scenic drive". I hated the idea and she knew it, but she loves that I did it anyway for her. I'm not saying be a pushover and do everything that she wants all the time, but let her have those moments from time to time.

-Do you have a little extra padding? Start exercising and very subtlety let her know its because you want to look as sexy as you can for her. Do not suggest she join your exercising but do invite her if she asks to join. Do not try to be her coach. Let her make any fitness mistakes she wants if she joins your routine. Unless of course she is doing something that will hurt her.

-Sit down and have a long talk about how you feel. Be careful not to verbally attack her. This is where "I" statements help.
"I feel that we could have more passion", "I want to know what I can do to strengthen our relationship", "I feel like we could do more to strengthen our bond", "I want to [any action or result] and want your help/opinion to achieve [said action or result] ect. If you use the word "you" then that talk may turn into a fight. Example of what not to say- "You never do [ ] anymore", "You do [ ] to much", ect. you get the idea.

So much can be achieved when couples just sit down and express what they are feeling inside. What to take a giant leap of faith? Ask her this question " What is it like being married to me"... I know terrifying. Then shut up and listen. Do not argue and do not interrupt. No "yes buts". Internalize what she tells you. Acknowledge what you have done wrong and express a desire to work with her as a team to resolve anything.

-Couples/ Marriage counseling or similar third party interventions. Most couples shy away from this sort of thing but it helps. You don't have to go for long periods of time. Even one session will go a long way towards helping. Here is a book that I think would help. and here is the female side You should read them both. Yes they have Christian ties but even if you are not a Christian the ideas and principles are still very valid. There is also a boot camp that goes with the book and if you can attend/ afford it you and your wife should go. Here is the link. . I promise you the bootcamp it not a touchy feely lets hug and have a talk about our feelings event. It is a "this is how to be an awesome man" fun filled weekend. Campfires, cigars, gormet meals, archery, guns, and outdoor man movies to go with what they teach. Whatever you choose to do don't be embarrassed to seek guidance from a professional.

-When you two have sex do you make love passionately? or are you just masturbating inside her? Don't use her for sex... Give her what only you as a loving husband can give to her. Massage her body, caress her legs, smack that ass, run scratch marks down her back, whisper sexy dirty things in her ear, dust off your tongue and give without receiving. I don't know what she likes but you do. If for some reason you don't then ask her to guide you. Make her feel like a sex god. I challenge you to only penetrate when she is so turned on that she won't take no for an answer.

-Kids taking all your time? Get a sitter or send them to summer camp or a similar event that gets them away from you for several days. Your kids are important but so is your wife. A loving healthy relationship with her is great for your kids to see. Don't put your kids before your wife! She should hold more importance. Set a weekly time that you spend with only your wife. No kids allowed. It can be as simple as one night a week that the kids can't be in the living room while you two enjoy the TV (or other activities) just the 2 of you. And be firm if they try to butt in or suddenly start doing things to get your attention. Same goes for pets. Get them away.

There is a ton of other things but these are the basics and the overall idea is to spend more time with your wife. If you are having trouble finding that wonderful person you fell in love with then you better search harder. If you can't find gold with a shovel then you better get a bulldozer.

I promise you any effort you put into your wife and marriage will be reciprocated in full. It probably won't be instant, but she will respond in kind. This is about you too. You are going to feel fantastic knowing you can offer her your strength and power and love as a man.

Last point- Non-monogamy in all its forms is not a bandage that fixes troubled relationships. It is an experience that two loving people choose to do together to enhance what is already a healthy strong relationship. If/When you bring back that flame and you start seeing your wife as the "golden haired" woman then you can try non-monogamy. Do it as a team, together as a loving trusting couple. My wife and I swing. Not because we need things from other people, but because we enjoy sharing the experience.

I hope this does not come across and condemning or condescending. I believe in redemption and I wish you the very best of luck.

TL:DR: Don't take the easy rode. Fight for your wife.

u/gordonjames62 · 3 pointsr/Christianity

There is a great book called why men hate going to church that deals with lots of similar issues as the one you expressed.

I am more in tune with God when I am leading a Bible study or out in nature. I am an extrovert, but I occasionally find the public worship a chore as it looks like we are more focussed on past forms than on future believers.

u/Stained-glass · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Another Christian? Sweetness. For me, there's one this that really took me over the edge to the next level, and it was an eye covenant. The premise of an eye covenant stems from Job 31:1 where Job, facing increased accusations from his friends, find himself with his back against the wall. In this instant he speaks a simple but powerful truth. This book is an amazing read if you're able to get it.

u/jack_hammarred · 2 pointsr/FeminineNotFeminist

I'll say my books aren't expressly feminine. They're more about dynamics, relationships, motivations, which have helped to prevent me from going wild with aggressive masculine approaches despite my surroundings and peers. Thank goodness I found these so early :)

I loved Captivating, which is about women from a Christian perspective and it's counterpart called Wild at Heart, which is about men. Neither of them were too overwhelmingly Christian, IMO.

Another book with Christian influences, The Servant is a book about leadership theory that's been very helpful to me stepping into a more nurturing and deferring approach.

Five Dysfunctions of a Team is my very favorite book ever, and it discusses the reasons teams (be it a couple, sports team, friend group, or work group) fail and how to prevent that. Very helpful in learning why vulnerability, an important feminine trait, is so important.

u/jsyeo · 2 pointsr/Reformed

Not exactly sleep but on a slightly related topic of ministry and burnout:

Zeal Without Burnout by Christopher Ash:

Reset by David Murray:

u/Iron_Man_9000 · 2 pointsr/bahai

Take a very careful look at the ratio of men and women at your community events. It is common for the ratio to be 55% women and 45% men. Until that ratio is correct to be much closer to 50/50, your community won't grow.

Source: Christian Denomination Growth rates by % Gender. Any denomination over 60% is losing #'s, and under 60% is stable, and the only denominations that grow are almost exactly at 50%.

Religious culture in North america is very female oriented, and thus, suffers generally from lack of male participation.

Read: Why Men Hate Going to Church 2nd Edition. Much of it is relevant.

u/Mr22cal · 2 pointsr/NoFapChristians

“We walked vineyards, where we learned the best vines grow in struggled soil. We studied the vines, scarred with age. The signs left behind by years of pruning are easily visible. We also learned that the best wine grapes grow on vines with the most scars. Struggles and scars create richness and complexity, producing a wine worth sharing. Pruning is an act of love by the vinedresser.” From the book I'm currently reading.

God has a plan for you, just like the winedresser has for his vineyards. The best fruit comes after the struggle of growth and pruning, but trust the Lord and seek Him in all situations and the fruit and or reward will be greatly sweet.

u/JesusHeal · 2 pointsr/NoFapChristians
u/Hobo4ssRoq0311 · 2 pointsr/USMC

The book that changed my life and thought processes the most was and is Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

I don’t want to shoot the “God gun” at you guys, but it’s the best I’ve got. Even if only a portion of what Eldredge is proposing is true or correct, it’s revolutionary in how you process your life and the events in it, and what’s going on in this world.

The other book is Rangers in the Gap: Act with Courage, Never Surrender by Richard Drebert. This is about Dave Eubank (former Ranger and SF officer) and his Free Burma Rangers.

u/SeaRegion · 2 pointsr/Christianity

>What I'd like to find is some biblical Resources, sermons, passages, scripture, discussion, or anything that describes and advises on masculinity that doesn't center around marriage.

Here's some man books I've read that don't center on marriage and are good. Given your non-denominational background, I'd imagine these books are books which have been read by people in your congregation. I read this as part of a biblical masculinity class I took at my church before even dating my wife.

u/prudecru · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

Yeah of course you can pray for this.

Heck, you oughtta pray for this. More people would be happier if they had prayed daily for a good spouse before they found and married one.

Here's a good old Catholic prayer for a young man to meet a future spouse.

Wait.....Are you talking about making a specific gal fall in love with you? I mean you can pray for that, but you should also on making yourself more appealing to that person. Find out their interests, get involved with them somehow, and work on improving your appearance, manners, and conversational skills.

In the vein of personal improvement, I'd suggest reading maybe the Mindful Attraction Plan and....gosh, maybe No More Christian Nice Guy.

Two other little comments:

>almost no social life

This is certainly fixable

>and I don't exist in social media(except reddit and whatsapp)

Haha this does not matter at all, in fact being on Facebook 24/7 or getting sucked into the latest Twitter outrages are severely unattractive to good women.

u/lukeman3000 · 2 pointsr/Christianity

Anytime man. Check this book out. I'm going through it, and it is good.

u/disciplefan95 · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

I would recommend two books, Wild at Heart by John Eldridge and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. They are both amazing books which talk about the needs and natures of both the man and the woman in regards to relationship.

I have not found any literature that does a better job of talking about the unique needs and strengths of both the man and the woman. He is a Christian author, though, and his faith informs his writing to a great degree, so it would depend on you tolerance for religious writing. Still, I would encourage you to read both together.

Wild at Heart:


u/Roguta · 2 pointsr/AskMen

Most men have 3 basic wishes, even though they are sometimes secret: to experience an adventure, to undergo a fight and to save a beautiful woman (the girl of his dreams). And of course - that the woman falls madly in love with him :D. So I guess that makes it 4.

You should give this book a read.

Now - there is a lot of stuff in the book connected to a certain view of christianity. Sometimes it was a weird read even for me. And I don't agree with many ideas in there.

But if we are talking about daydreaming, what a man wants in his heart is basically the definition of that.

Edit: I accidentally a word

u/uglyslippers · 2 pointsr/Christian

As a husband who has played his share of video games, I know how it's easy to lose track of time in them. Try to make a compromise with him and his time on them. Tell him you want to spend time with him while he's not distracted. Have something in mind to do. My wife would often say she wanted me off the games, but I would get off and literally sit there with nothing to do.

Right now his priorities are out of order. He needs to be off the couch and making sure the house is taken care of. Let him know in a loving way that you can't be expected to work all day and come home and do all of the household chores also. If he wants to be a home maker he actually has to do the job. It would probably be best of he went out and got a real job, but you need to wait for the end of your enlistment so you can take over at home. Your GI Bill is transferable to your spouse so you may be able to get him to start school when you get out.

Don't give up on him. It may take a long time for him to change. I always was the one with a job but I spent most of my time drinking with friends or playing games. I still do both, but now it's once or twice a month instead of every night. One of the things that helped me was reading a book called Act Like Men. I will post a link. I know when I was at that stage I did not want to read anything, so I will put the authors YouTube on here as well. Don't be surprised if he rejects all of it, I would have. He may need to find all this out on his own. It took me over 10 years of marriage.

Act Like Men: 40 Days to Biblical Manhood

u/Diosjenin · 2 pointsr/Christianity

Wild at Heart.

Or at least that's most of what I got from it.

u/theendoftheinternet · 2 pointsr/Christianity

I completely have the chills. I have the exact same story as you, but just 8 years later. Please, listen to me for a second....

Deal with this now. I am still dealing with it. I have two serious tools for you.

Watch this.

Read this.

I would love to know what happens!

EDIT: On second thought, you may not NEED to watch the video as much as I, but it may not hurt either.

u/SmallYTChannelBot · 1 pointr/SmallYTChannel

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Video data:

Title|Learning to Live Wild at Heart...
Description|This is a story about a book that I have read and how it has changed my philosophy on life. I love learning but I am learning that learning isn't enough as funny as that sounds. I am now in the process of learning to live an adventurous, enjoyable, fulfilling life. I am not Pursuit an Empty life...and if I only have head knowledge and never acknowledge my heart...that is exactly the life I will end up living. From now on I am following my heart and Pursuing a life worth relieving. ⤶⤶This video was inspired by the verses 1 Peter 1:18-19 and John 10:10,⤶as well as the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.⤶⤶You can check out the book here:⤶⤶⤶John Eldredge is my favorite author and any of his books are worth reading.⤶⤶*** Subscribe to hear more about my journey pursuing a full and adventurous life and how you can do the same. If you like the video, hit the like button, subscribe and share!⤶⤶All in love.⤶⤶You can connect with me here:⤶-Insta:⤶-Twitter:

Channel Data:

Name|Ben Hershey

^/u/SmallYTChannelBot ^made ^by ^/u/jwnskanzkwk. ^PM ^for ^bug ^reports. ^For ^more ^information, ^read ^the ^FAQ.

u/pfeff · 1 pointr/AskReddit

double edge razor shaving kit, scotch, gift cards, bluetooth gadgets, books about manliness 1 2

u/StrengthInTheFarts · 1 pointr/exmormon

I mean... They're not wrong on a bunch of these.

u/jeffyjennings · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

I would love to add this to my record collection just because it's an essential jazz album.

Or perhaps a new book? Always looking for more ways to be a better man and this looks like a fun read/coffee table conversation starter. :)


u/doosjoos · 1 pointr/exchristian

I think it was Why Men Hat Going to Church by David Murrow.

u/fatnormie · 1 pointr/daddit

So I'm almost done with this book. I don't know where you are as far as spirituality but from what I've read that doesn't matter. Anyone can get useful information out of this book. Talks about what it means to be a man. That's what you are trying to raise is a good man. So 1st you need to know what a good man is. Check it out. I think it will have some answers for you. Parenting is about choices. You don't want to be a pushover but there is a way to be firm and not snap at your kids. He's a 7 year old kid, he's gonna do dumb shit but remember, he's 7. Good luck.

u/miminothing · 1 pointr/Christianity

Wild at heart and Captivating are about the masculine and feminine roles respectively. They are written by a couple, John and Staci Eldredge. So if you're a guy I'd suggest Wild at Heart but read both of them if you can.

These books have a lot of valuable insights into gender roles, sex, lust, marriage, the growing role of porn, etc. I'd check them out.

u/Living2713 · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

If you're a guy I'd recommend Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Disclaimer: this book is written from a Christian perspective. However, I think Eldredge's main points and the aspects of the book that motive me transcend any kind of faith.

Eldredge's wife wrote a similar book for women (I think it's called Captivating), but I've never read it and know nothing about it.

u/Borsao66 · 1 pointr/RPChristians

Ignoring some of the how women work commentary he makes, I highly recommend Wild At Heart by John Eldridge.

u/ride_the_thunder280 · 1 pointr/RPChristians

OYS #13

Background/Stats: 34 y.o., 5'7", 187.6 lbs., 16.8% bodyfat (per Navy method). Married 9 years, wife is also 34, and we have 3 little kids.

Bench press PR is 285, deadlift PR is 440. Found this place spring of 2018.

Reading completed: RPC sidebar, MMSLP, Rational Male, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Biblical Masculinity Blueprint, SLSM by Bluepill Professor, The Game.

PHYSICAL: Ran 3x last week, once so far this week. Only one barbell lift since last week's post, but I’ve also done a couple of shorter kettlebell workouts. Barbell lift this weekend included bench press of 250 for 4 reps (failed halfway up on 5th rep) and 185 for 18 reps, and hex-bar deadlift of 375 for 5 (last week I failed on the 5th rep). Kettlebell workout yesterday was pretty fun. I did 50 clean and jerks using two 53-pound kettlebells. Double kettlebell clean and jerks usually make me feel really explosive and athletic.

On the downside, I woke up with a cold this morning. Nothing big, just a regular cold, but it slowed me down enough to not workout this morning (I might do something light tonight). I felt it coming, went to bed early and got great sleep, so hopefully it won’t last that long.

Also, my weight was up slightly today to 187.6 (from 187.0 last Wednesday). However, my waist size was also down slightly (around 1/8 of an inch). I think last night's dinner was just high in sodium, because I was under 186 the past couple days. I expect my weight to be back down again tomorrow.

MENTAL/SEX: Sex 2x since last week. I caught my cold from my wife, and being sick slowed things down in that department. However, both times were good, and she initiated the second time.

This has been something I’ve mentioned a couple of times here on OYS, but RPC has helped my relationship in a lot of ways that aren’t directly sexual. For example, as I’ve said before, I now act as my family’s leader. My wife and kids were sick this weekend, so I made pancakes, got out the running stroller and took my older two kids with me on two runs, grilled some burgers, got some groceries, and watched a couple of children’s movies with my family. In general, I actively took care of my family. My sick wife was verbally appreciative and (once she started to feel better) very physically affectionate. When I went to work on Monday, she texted me, “I really love you so much.”

This is not an endorsement for “choreplay.” (Link to study showing that doesn’t work: In fact, while I might have done all those things pre-red pill, if I did, they would likely have been taken for granted.

I think the difference is largely due to a shift in mindset that I learned from RPC. Now I don’t do good things for my family because I’m trying to please my wife, in the way that a little boy wants to please his mother. Instead, I do them because it’s my Biblical responsibility to lead my family. I’m not saying that I don’t still slip up and do things to get validation or approval from my wife, but on the whole, that’s no longer the motivation behind most of my actions. And I owe that in large part to RPC.

Another reason that these actions are no longer taken for granted is that once you become more attractive, the things you do tend to be better received. u/Deep_Strength has a post that explains this dynamic: “The creep and romantic dynamic is thus: If an unattractive man gives a woman flowers, he is a creep. If an attractive man gives a woman flowers, he is romantic.” Link: Losing 4 inches around my waist, a better hairstyle, updated clothes, acting like I’m an attractive man – all of these things increase the value (in my wife’s eyes) of any acts of service that I perform. So thank you to RPC and the mods for helping me make this change. Now all I have to do is keep doing this stuff for the rest of my life, haha.

Another area where I'm starting to see some positive change is that my wife has expressed a desire to start working out again and to look better. She's still relatively slender and can look very attractive when she puts in effort, but she has been in "mommy mode" for the past few years and stopped paying much attention to her looks. I certainly appreciate her concern for our kids, but a future of mom jeans, baggy sweatshirts, and granny panties is not very exciting. She told me recently that she wants to start working out and looking better so that I will still want to have sex with her as we get older. Better yet, she actually worked out with me yesterday and scheduled a hair appointment for later this week. I've been working on my MAP for a year and a half, so seeing her finally take some steps in this direction is encouraging.

SPIRITUAL: I’m current on my Bible reading plan (actually several days ahead). We skipped church this week because my wife and kids were sick. Instead, we watched a children’s video about the birth of Christ.

The buddy from work that I’ve been reading Purpose Driven Life with has also been out sick, so no progress there. I’m thinking about reading The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint with him as our next book.

I’m listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible. Link: So far, it’s been good. It may have flaws from an RPC perspective, but it talks a lot about the more rugged side of Jesus and about many of the “churchianity” issues discussed here.

GOALS for EOY 2019: Specific outcome goals and progress:

  • Be current on my Bible reading plan. Currently 10 days ahead (this plan has me reading 1 chapter per day, and you finish the entire Bible in 3 years).
  • Weigh under 180 pounds or waist size under 34 inches. Up 0.6 pounds from last week, but waist size is down to 35 flat. I think the weight thing is just temporary (see above).
  • Bench press 285 pounds for 1 rep. Completed.
  • Run a 5k under 26:00. Signed up for 5k on Jan. 1, 2020. Jogged 3x last week. Jogged 1x so far this week.
  • Whiten my teeth. Whitening toothpaste is working pretty well.
  • Earn another bonus. Doing my best, but struggling to stay focused with minor sickness (common cold). Currently assigned a project that could payoff big long-term, but probably won’t see any benefit before EOY.
  • Finish reading 2 books to help me grow professionally. No progress here. Need to start doing professional reading first thing when I get to work, or buying books on Audible.
  • Finish reading SGM, re-read NMMNG, and read "No More Christian Nice Guy." Finished NMMNG. Listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible.
u/on-a-journey · 1 pointr/NoFapChristians

So I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you because I think you can handle it and you sound exactly like me.
Ever since I saw my first video online I was instantly drawn to pornography. I realized quickly though that what I found interesting in my porn was not the same that most of my friends enjoyed. I came to the realization that many of my friends used porn as a pure sexual release and for them they didn't mind the fake and overproduced videos. The women on screen were merely a collection of body parts.

However, when I looked for porn I invariably enjoyed the types that at least attempted to portray that they were enjoying it. That it wasn't some bang fest but that it was two people that genuinely wanted to be filming together. However, even this started to feel lackluster and I didn't enjoy it. Through out this time though, these videos failed to capture my attention for more than a couple minutes at a time.

However, I found that when I got the chance I loved sitting and watching cam girls. These girls that are fully clothed and just talk and do normal things like play online games and chat the users in their forums. I found this enchanting. I began to realize I didn't like porn because it met a sexual need but I enjoyed porn because it met an emotional need.

The reason I liked cam girls and things that had a more intimate feeling was because it felt like they were really my girlfriend. It felt like they trusted me and wanted me to experience life with them. It was a way for me to feel like I wasn't alone.

This is just a dangerous of a decision as watching porn (if not more) because you are emotionally crippling yourself to be involved with a woman that does actually love you and does actually want to share intimately with you. You are hurting your future wife and future marriage.

Moving forward.

>Many of the motivations for quitting pornography don't even come close to applying to me. I can't count the number of posts I've read on /r/NoFap, and sometimes here, telling us we shouldn't watch P because it's an inaccurate representation of sexual relations, because of the horrible conditions the actresses operate under, because...

>I don't care. I didn't watch that stuff. Chalk it up to very specific tastes, if you like, but that had nothing to do with the crap that I viewed.

Newsflash! You have wrongly convinced yourself of this and have been lying to yourself for a long time. These are excuses to disregard bad behavior. I convinced myself of this too. There is not financial slavery or physical slavery happening here but that is far from something being enslaving. You and I are still taking advantage of these women! Don't delude yourself. You are stealing something from them that you have no right to. You don't get to chalk it up to being voluntary. These are human women who are hurting. (All people are wounded and are hurting. Some more than others.) They have a burning desire for validation as beautiful women just as you have a burning desire for validation as man. They are turning to the internet to provide them with some sort of happiness but the truth is those comment sections will ultimately only hurt them more than help them. They are as emotionally dependent of fleeting words of affirmation as you are on their false validation of your masculinity.

The problem I see in your rationale is that you have decided that since your sin doesn't stink as bad as the next guy that you're for some reason ok. I believed this for a long time. The fact is sin is sin. Even if that girl was as emotionally stable as could be, you are still damaging yourself, damaging your wife, and damaging your relationship with God. You are turning to that girl to prove that you are a man. You are taking to her a wound that only God can heal. All she is going to do is scratch at it and keep it festering. It will grow worse and worse until you can no longer tell where the wound starts and you start.


Only can Christ's act of Grace on the cross ever heal our wound. No matter how much money we have, how big our house is, or how many wives we have it will all fall short in trying to fulfill our sense of validation. Ecclesiastes 1:2 pretty much sums it up perfect. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." That is pretty much the truth. Anything you find on this earth will never compare to the true love and validation you will find in the Lord.
Read below if nothing else.

My advice to you is to first truly dwell on your own wound as a man. A great book to read is Wild at Heart which discusses what a man's heart truly longs for. That is what you are describing here. You aren't longing for sex you're longing for validation. Figure out what it means to be a godly man! Read about Paul's life, read about Moses, read about David or Solomon. There are some incredible men in the Bible. None of them get it right all the time. Most of them screw up in huge ways but the life changing point is that these men do not turn to the world for their validation, they turn to God. When you finally find your masculinity through the Lord then an amazing woman will come your way, who knows she may be hiding right under your nose.

Prayers, lean on the Lord!

u/ApathyJacks · 1 pointr/Christianity

Everyone (men in particular) who dislikes going to church needs to read Why Men Hate Going to Church. You're not alone.

u/alpinejaguar · 1 pointr/TrueChristian


John Eldredge would be a good read for author IMO. It was for me.

u/Jaicobb · 1 pointr/AskMen

If you want to understand your Dad read this book.

u/concrete_pillow · 1 pointr/NoFap

If I can recommend a great book for the Fapstronaut, go out and buy The Book of Man: Readings on the Path to Manhood by William Bennett. $20 on Amazon is completely worth it for nearly 600 pages of reading.

u/khowidude87 · 0 pointsr/artofmanliness

Dude that's how a large group of guys think anyway. If your family taught you well, then gender doesn't matter.
A "true" man can have a subjective definition and at the same time not. What I mean by that is men are defined by some general characteristics, which there are hundreds of resources to read on those, such as action, integrity, handiness, stoic, etc. I would watch:
And there more that have the same theme. Remember this question is influenced by what values are important, and realization of that answer, then there are people trying to sell you something...stay away from the "alpha" stuff. You're in a good place by asking these questions now because there is a large group of men who wait till a crisis or tragedy to learn this things.

There is the toxic side which is when hedonism or violence is thought to be manly.

So there is some confusion because we are taught to posture for our peers when we grow up and most of the time in our adult lives too. When does the mask or "faking it" start to become what we think is true. Men have been dealing with toxic men or AH for a long time, this isn't new. Learning to be emotional intelligent and empathizing with others is strength. But don't be fooled into thinking that being passive is the answer because you will have to fight for what you want in life. Use wisdom and discernment for the times, yes some need to admit their mistakes, but men still need to be masculine and not neutered.

Mansfield's Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self
Walt Witman
Wild at Heart
Poetry in general on manliness, battle, love, and passion for living

Do your own research too.

Finally, at the end of the day you must be "YOUR OWN MAN". Considering everything above, you must apply these values and actions in your way. Think of your life like a sandwich,and your manliness as a special sauce. Anyone who refuses to reflect on their manhood and listen to other men is a fool, don't be that guy. Don't be trapped by pleasure, circumstances, or "when I get there", like I said above take action.

Lastly, I'm a Christian, may the Lord bless and keep on your journey to becoming the man you are meant to be.

u/nostratic · -21 pointsr/exmormon

>TSCC requires a man to be over everything women do. They men have the ultimate say over what the women teach, when they meet, what activities are allowed, etc etc.

research shows that female leadership in churches leads to massive declines in the congregation, across all Christian denominations.

men and women both hate female leadership in church. see the book linked below

as I say almost every time I drop in here, this sub is so blinkered and provincial it's embarrassing. most of the things people think are somehow unique to mormonism are common to other churches.

oh noes, facts contradict our circle jerk! downvote, stat.

this sub is just as bad as /r/latterdaysaints for being an echo chamber that hides from reality.