Best christian relationship books according to redditors
We found 76 Reddit comments discussing the best christian relationship books. We ranked the 42 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 76 Reddit comments discussing the best christian relationship books. We ranked the 42 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
My dad gave me a promise ring when I was elementary school and read me a book about a princess giving her kiss away. When I was older he gave me a book called “For Young Women Only”. The premise of the book was boys will be boys. It had one chapter about how men would never only be thinking of you when having sex due to porn and past experiences. It really fucked me up and essentially drove me to the mindset that if boys are going to have sex why should I miss out in all the fun lol.
Not only was it misogynistic, it was sexist by generalizing all men.
Link to the book
I can't believe that subreddit is real life.
I mean, I can, because as a high schooler I was forced to attend my church's "small group" dealing with the book Every Young Man's Battle, but that was at the height of my questioning everything I had been taught to believe in which shouldn't be questioned, and I did not take it very seriously. Seems like another world back then.
A few things to point out:
Tell them that it is wrong and explain how it hurts them and their perspective of relationships. As a Christian (who struggles with it) I believe that lust/porn/masturbation is sin. BUT YOU MUST NOT demonize the sin or them. It is a very difficult thing to struggle with (especially in our culture) but you must not demonize it. Nearly everyone struggles/has struggled with it before.
The main issue with the way abstinence only education is that they don't know how to respond. They don't know how sex works on a physical, mental or spiritual level aside from, "Wait until marriage." They don't know how far they can take it without sinning and they don't even know how far they can take without doing something stupid. You can't tell someone (who is a human being designed for sex) that they mustn't even look the wrong way at someone or they'll go to hell. I'd recommend a book "Every young man's battle. It's a book (from a Christian perspective) of how to deal with that stuff. It's a very real and relate-able book that has many good ideas and techniques even if you aren't Christian. Both the authors struggled with lust/porn/masturbation/pre-marital sex but eventually left it behind.
TL;DR Explain how it's wrong but never ever demonize them or the issue. It's not the end of the world. Good luck buddy.
I'm alone in a room most of the day from disability and have struggled with loneliness most of my life. I'd say this pamphlet by Joni E. Tada helped me more than most. Her other few on fear and hope are great also.
Also praying the psalms, not reading them, but stopping and branching off prayer through each thought. I can't go a day without them or I get depressed. I'm amazed I lasted so long out of them. Depended on a lot of medications/substances for a long time.
I'll never have a spouse, and I'm now thankful, even being alone. I have double God. I know it sounds weird, it only made sense to me in my mid 30's. Psalms and Matthew 6:33, seek God first in all things. Also something like Tim Keller's short booklet "The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness" is great. We can take all focus, good and bad off ourselves and it's absolute freedom. Never have to even notice the loneliness again. Just saying that won't change it though, I can't explain it. It took Matthew 6:33 and James 1:5 for wisdom, focusing on those daily. Also praise and worship music in the background a lot. Once you REALLY believe you aren't alone and God is right there, the loneliness can go completely away without trying. I have no idea how it works, I'm not doing it, God is. He's teaching you something I assure you. He's loving you right now in all this because He cares.
Praying the Matthew and James verses for you! They both work, amazingly well. It's so real it blows my mind. I believed in Jesus for years, but never saw the Bible start REALLY working right in front of me. Now the Bible is alive and very addicting to me, I can't stay out of it. It's very strange.
I think today all the major branches of Christianity recognize that a non-heterosexual orientation, by itself, is not sinful. However, many Christian churches still believe very strongly that sexual acts outside of a heterosexual marriage are sinful.
One of the biggest problems stemming from that belief is there is very little thought put into the role in the church for gay people willing to actually try to live a celibate life in the church. Most churches revolve around "family" ministries. Sunday School for children, youth groups for teenagers, marriage courses for married couples, and single ministries where it's kind of assumed men and women are on the lookout for potential mates.
I heard Dr. Wesley Hill speak on the topic of friendship in the church, from his perspective of a celibate gay man:
https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Friendship-Finding-Celibate-Christian/dp/1587433494
He asked very challenging questions about friendship, and why we do not take it more seriously. Like, we think very hard about how it would impact our spouse if we were to move to a different city for a job. But we think almost nothing of the impact moving will have on our existing friendships. As a celibate gay man, he was much more aware of the value of non-sexual friendships, and was able to point how bad so many of us married people are at valuing and investing in friendships outside our marriage.
I'm not sure if that answered your question. But I guess I just wanted you to know, sadly, many churches have not fully thought through how to truly make people like you feel completely welcomed and integrated and affirmed in the body of Christ, and I'm truly sorry that is the case. I understand there still may be a fundamental disagreement on whether or not sexual expression outside of heterosexual marriage is sinful or not, but if churches put more thought into positive roles for people with non-heterosexual orientations, they might be taken more seriously when they claim to "hate the sin but love the sinner".
Welcome. The good news is that if your sex life was good before marriage, then it can go back to being that way. Reading and following the Sidebar will get you there, but don't think that it's going to be easy. Why? Because the changes you need to make all have to do with you. It will take time, there are no shortcuts.
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Since you're already lifting (awesome btw), then start with your diet.
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As far as actual food, I've found success in these things:
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Best protein sources:
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Best fat sources:
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Carbs: everything else that is natural in the carb category. Carbs should be adjusted based on how you feel: some people require more carbs to perform well, some require less. Avoid low-carb diets.
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EAT PLENTY OF VEGETABLES, especially broccoli.
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For a comprehensive road map and more in-depth understanding of the what's and why's, pick up u/Deep_Strength's Biblical Masculinity Blueprint: A Christian Man’s Guide to Attraction, Relationships, and Marriage in a Messed-up World as well.
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And get in on our weekly OYS thread and post your progress and setbacks, it's the best tool to help keep you accountable.
Not saying that books are the answer, but Wesley Hill might be someone up your alley. In actuality, his book has helped me as a heterosexual tremendously (dealing more with self-loathing in my context) as he struggled to deal with his homosexuality and still be faithful to God.
Here is his current book: Washed and Waiting
His second book is coming out, too: Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian
Edited to add: This blog may help you.
Maybe you should read Spiritual Friendship by Wesley Hill.
At the very least it might give you some hope of not being "forever alone" as a celibate Christian.
It's not initially easy to be a side B, gay, celibate Christian, but it becomes easier over time + some stoicism, but I do think it is rewarding. It's not some morose life of half-fulfillment unless you want it to be.
It is a very full, very rewarding life if it's one you're willing to seek.
Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Nah, title of WORST goes to Paul and Morgan's abomination
Sorry to hear all this, brother. I have incredible empathy for you because this is EXACTLY what I went through in my early marriage. Except my issues went on for 8 years and you've got a chance to figure this out at year 3.
My advice is not popular in mainstream church culture, but it is, if nothing else, biblical. I firmly believe that the best advice is that which is produced directly from Scripture and is not merely consistent with Scripture. Most of mainstream church culture does not agree with this and follows a model of scriptural consistency rather than scriptural compulsion. With that said:
Marriage Counseling - Your first big problem was going to marriage counseling. Counselors, on the whole - even so-called "Christian" or "biblical" ones - follow secular approaches in their underlying model. That's what they were educated to do, otherwise they could not be board certified. Those secular methods are founded on the research of the American Psychological Association - the same organization that recently concluded that men are, essentially, defective women and need to stop acting like men because it's harmful and dangerous. Surprise, surprise: heterosexual women are attracted to men, not men who act like women. It's important to note here that most people who go into therapy are women and therapy is itself founded on emotional strategies - a highly feminine way of engaging. Jesus discipled men and I believe his model is far more effective at producing healthy life changes for men.
Attraction - After 8 years of an incredibly dead bedroom my wife finally admitted: "I'm just not attracted to you. I never was. Even when we were dating and you were in the best shape of your life, I still wasn't attracted to you. I only married you because my church and family told me to find the most mature Christian man I could and marry him. So that's what I did." Ouch. Let me note: I had plenty of girls who were interested in me. When we were dating I was benching 275, had a 6-pack, etc. Didn't matter.
A mere 12 months after she said that, we're screwing like rabbits and breaking sexual boundaries that I previously believed she would never be willing to cross. She started initiating with me more often than I was initiating with her. The pain she experienced during penetration that happened 100% of the time we had sex for the first 8 years of our marriage "magically" went away (hint: it wasn't magic).
Building Attraction - The reason traditional marriage counseling doesn't work is because it focuses on building emotional connectivity. This makes sense. Counselors focus on creating an emotionally safe space. Their strategy is to get you to emotionally open up. Their effectiveness depends on the emotional bond you build with them. Emotions are all they really know how to work with. But what if they're wrong about emotional connectivity being the pathway to sexual arousal?
It won't take you long to notice among young couples that women have a split attraction. On the one hand, they want to be with the nice guy who has a lot to offer them. She says she wants a guy who is funny, charming, has a good job, is responsible, and would make a good father. On the other hand, she can't help but get aroused by the bad-boy who has no respect for her or any other women, does whatever he wants without regard for others' feelings, and has rock hard abs that he flaunts mercilessly whenever he gets the chance.
The former guy is what she considers good relationship material. The latter guy is what she considers a good sexual partner. I spent 8 years of my marriage being the first guy, thinking that respecting my wife, loving her to death, doing everything possible to please her and make her happy, and undermining my own happiness all along the way - that somehow this would show her how much I value her, and therefore she would value all of my hard work and signs of affection in return. Makes sense, right? When it didn't work, instead of realizing it was a bad strategy I assumed I just wasn't being nice, loving, respectful, serving, etc. enough. I doubled-down on my bad strategy. Know what it got me? Double the result: even less sexual interest leading into an 18 month dead bedroom with no sex at all.
I became so bitter and resentful to her at that point that I just gave up. The relationship was extremely one-sided with me doing everything in my power to keep her happy and her giving nothing in return, and I had 2 different pastors acknowledging this, one who after speaking with her directly told me plainly: "I won't blame you if you were thinking divorce." The irony was that the harder I tried to make her happy, the less happy she was. I eventually learned that supplicating myself to her only reminded her that I was a weak husband who was beneath her - not the kind of guy she would be proud to show off to her friends and be excited to follow to the ends of the earth.
From that point on, I determined to stop focusing so much time and effort on keeping her happy and just made the great commission the focus of my life. If she wanted me to help her with something, or do extra chores around the house, or rub her feet, or cover the kids, or anything - if it conflicted with what I had scheduled the answer became no. I wasn't going to play that game anymore. I inadvertently shifted from the first kind of attraction (Mr. Nice Guy) to the second kind (Mr. Bad-Boy). There was a LOT more to this transition than I've laid out here, but it's far too much to type out here.
Suffice it to say I became a jerk and it turned her on. She got really mad at first - furious even. But the sex was great. Women like feelings. It doesn't even matter if they're bad feelings. Negative emotions are better than no emotions at all. Of course, being a total jerk was still a recipe for disaster long-term. So, I had to learn to balance both relational and sexual attractiveness - which is a difficult concept because the increase of one inherently decreases the other. It's like those logic games where you press one button and it turns 3 lights on but one light off, so you press another one and it turns that one back on and two more, but then turns 2 more lights off. And you keep playing that game until all the lights are on.
I haven't turned all the lights on yet. But I do know that over the past 3 years my marriage has grown to be a model that other people have aspired to have - both affectionately and sexually. As I said, there's a lot more to the story than I can put here right now, but there is hope. Just don't expect to find it from a pastor or marriage counselor. They're trained all wrong. They look to cultural views of what marriage dynamics should look like, but if you look at the way Christ treats his bride, the Church - not only in the loving ways, but in the harsh ways as well - then you will find the answers you're looking for.
I recently discipled a pastor of mine who was going through serious marriage struggles, including the same sexual dysfunctions you're talking about (pain, size issues, etc.). He and his wife swore off sex altogether because it was just a source of stress between them and was leading him into other sexual sins. I shared with him my story and he took it to heart. He began exploring for himself how Jesus actually interacts with his bride. Surprise, surprise - sexuality returned and with greater affection on a relational level than she'd ever showed before as well. Of all the things I told him, this is what he said had sold him on the idea the most:
> When you get to heaven, let's assume you'll have to answer to God for both the way you led your marriage and your participation in the great commission. There are two things you can tell him:
> - Father, I did everything I could to keep my wife from divorcing me and I succeeded! Yes, it got in the way of making disciples, but I saved my marriage.
> Or would you rather tell God:
> - Father, my marriage was falling apart and I didn't know how to fix it, so I just focused on doing what Jesus did: make disciples and treat my bride the way Jesus treated the church - in both the pleasant and difficult ways. It didn't work and she left me. But in the absence of a better plan, all I knew to do was what Jesus did.
> Obviously neither of these are great options, but which one do you believe God would be more receptive to? Which one would he respect? Which lifestyle is more likely to produce eternal fruit for his Kingdom? Which one is more likely to evoke sympathy as compared with contempt?
From that point on, my pastor started noticing things in Scripture about how Jesus interacted with the Church:
In short, Jesus had a mission. He pursued it and took along with him anyone who would follow, leaving behind those who wouldn't. Following the same model with my wife saved my marriage. This is attractive leadership in the home - not the foolishness that traditional counseling models peddle to whoever will listen.
I've about hit the character limit, so let me end by saying: you asked for resources and the best one on the market I know of right now is a book by /u/deep_strength titled The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint. Also, a guy I know runs r/RPChristians, which is where I learned everything I needed to know to fix my marriage. Best wishes, brother.
I enjoyed Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach. It has a good biblical basis, but it's also very practical. The authors take a middle ground between courting and modern dating. It may be a bit conservative for some, but they didn't go full-on Josh Harris.
Challies reviewed it here.
Gossip has two sides, detraction and calumny.
Detraction is telling something true about someone that shouldn't be told, especially when doing so damages one's name and reputation (journalism, court trials, and things like are exceptions to that). Calumny is inventing lies about someone.
Gossip injures three people at the same time: the person gossiping, the person who listens to the gossip, and the person gossiped about.
Read up on in Sins of the Tongue: The Backbiting Tongue.
WS and I did a book study on communication, connection and boundaries. It worked well for us, but it goes past just communication between couples. We found that a lot of boundary issues with our parents (and others including AP) also came up. I def recommend doing both the book and the study.
https://www.amazon.com/Keep-Your-Love-Connection-Communication/dp/1942306067/ref=dp_ob_title_bk
The author is an evangelical Christian (so are my WS and I, but not the gay-hating trump-loving kind; we are the kind that is trying to be more like Jesus) but I don't remember this book being overly saturated with religious themes. As our new friend u/PinkRockGirl would say, Your Mileage May Vary.
I'm a single guy who is sexually pure, meaning not only do I plan to remain a virgin until I'm married (if it's the Lord's will for me to be married), but I also actively avoid giving into sexual temptations like checking out girls--yeah, checking out girls is NOT a natural thing we do as guys. The book I'll recommend to you below talks about that and basically any other questions you might have about purity--indulging in material that can bring about sexual temptation, and not engaging in acts that would compromise my purity.
Does the Bible say making out is a sin?
Technically, the Bible doesn't say that making out with a girl or guy that is not your husband or wife (i.e. excessive kissing in an intimate manner) is a sin; then again, the Bible also doesn't say that detonating C4 on a building, resulting in the death of hundreds of people is a sin. But the Bible communicates that both of these things are a sin.
Why and how does the Bible communicate that making out is a sin?
> Hebrews 13:4
> Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
This verse indicates that marriage should be seriously respected, that any who performs sexual actions that are meant only for marriage will be judged by God, and He will judge them as sexually immoral and adulterers.
> Matthew 5:28
> But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
This verse states that if a man looks at a woman in a lustful manner (i.e. thinking about her sexually), Jesus sees that man as having committed adultery in his heart. "But I'm not married," you might say. True, but you and/or the girl will marry someone one day, and may not even be each other! God knows who everyone will end up marrying one day; He's not bound by time, oblivious to what will happen in the future.
The Bible communicates that making out is a sin because it is an action that leads to sex. When you were making out with this girl, you had lustful thoughts about how pleasurable it was to be kissing her, and maybe thought what it might be like to have sex with her. Are you her husband? If you are her husband, then you have nothing to worry about; however, if you're not her husband, then you fall in the category of what Matthew 5:28 describes - you lusted after her in your heart.
What if I didn't lust after her?
Well, that is impossible if you're making out with her. A simple, quick peck on the lips is one thing, but excessive kissing and possible petting most certainly will get a guy's engine revving. A guy is only fooling themselves if they say they didn't lust after a girl while they were making out with her. God knows your heart and He knows your thoughts. I am a guy and I know I would be lusting after a girl while I was making out with her.
How can I avoid this in the future?
Set boundaries. Tell your "friend" that you now have these boundaries and that you want her to respect them from now on. Avoid these sorts of situations. Think, "Will doing this lead to me compromising my purity?" If it can, avoid it.
> 1 Corinthians 6:18
> Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Additional resources
I first read Every Young Man's Battle six years ago. I'm now 27 and I still use the tips and suggestions it provides. It's not too long and the content is biblical. It'll answer any question you have, and whatever it doesn't answer, feel free to ask on this subreddit.
I'm with you brother. Its definitely a struggle. Approach it with earnest and humble prayer. I'm reading Every Young Man's Battle and I find it's helped a lot. It may not be the particular book for you depending on where you're at with sexual purity. It's just one example of how you can be a man of God.
HArdline Jock Culture.
Frank Peretti is a Christian author who suffered from polio as a kid - we're talking the smalltown cultures satirised in Footloose etc.
Have a read of this book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0050P1K5E/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Remember Columbine and the like?
My Assemblies of God youth pastor made everyone read "Every Young Man's Battle." I've been an atheist for a couple months now after losing my faith for the last five years, and I'm still dismantling tendencies I learned in my teens. I learned in that book that as a man it's important to appear dorky/dweeby in front of women in order to be pure. Here's an amazon review I found: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/0307457990/n=1/ref=aw_cr_i_1
whether you are religious or not, get a copy of this book, read it, and maybe let him see it laying around:
https://smile.amazon.com/quot-Mom-Revised-Expanded-Strengthening/dp/0664262228?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0
also check out FreedHearts.org, an amazing organization for parents working to support their LGBT children. i'm sure there are parents in that network who've navigated your specific circumstance (there's a secret fb group).
To /u/Catholic_Dad: As another gay catholic man, this is really a fantastic response that hits all the important points. I came here to make my own post summarizing it all, but /u/fulltimeguy really hit the nail on the head.
If you want some other resources to share with your son or to look at yourself, here's the list that I often send to people facing this issue (some of these aren't specifically Catholic, but are Christian and hold to the conservative sexual ethic):
Also, as another user posted, Fr. Martin's Building a Bridge has some pretty good points on how to start having conversations about this. I particularly recommend this one for you to read, though not necessarily your son at this point.
Edit: You could also check out EnCourage, which is a catholic group for parents/family of lgbt people. It's a companion program to Courage, which is for the lgbt people, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend Courage for your son at this point - it's really more oriented towards adults, especially those who have lived/are living a sexually active life with members of the same sex.
Awesome news about the new job. Hopefully that gets you out of the house and into your own place soon. Don't worry about what your step-sister says - keep locking your door. Are you talking to any other girls?
Good job making it to small group.
Have you asked your pastor about working out with him? In your askRPC post you mentioned that he's pretty jacked. Sounds like he'd be a good dude to workout with.
Where are you at in terms of the recommended reading? Have you read u/deepstrength's book?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1948252074/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_E6.UCbPFP2TXW
I have autism and no one has a clue about my experience, and it's frustrating because nice people want to help and try, but it's so hard to try and explain things from a completely different perspective.
The autism forum "Wrong Planet" hits it on the head, we really do feel like aliens here and were put on the wrong planet at times.
All lights and sounds are amplified, and I used alcohol for years to be able to even go to Bible College. People can't understand that often. It's not 100% fear of man, eye contact is so painful it's unbearable, and I'm left with not making eye contact at all, or trying to do a tightrope walk with alcohol, drinking 2-3 beers to make eye contact without it hurting, but then the 2-3 beers ends up being 4-5 with tolerance then I start making bad decisions (haven't touched alcohol in a long time though).
Medication and recreation are such a fine line. I wasn't trying to feel good though or simply run away and escape from life, I was trying to study God's Word and not be in pain. No one gets that. So I have to keep it to myself and press on, maybe God wants me to be able to relate to others like me with autism one day.
For now, I'm having to be in isolation, go to church online. It's frustrating. I also can't talk about the single one thing that helps me but doesn't cause any problems, hemp/CBD. (Can't even go near talking about cannabis).
Mental disability is rough, no one can see that you are in a wheelchair. Oversensory issues are pure insanity, no one see's the giant amplifyer in your head. The fluorescent lights in stores are horrific, music in church is too loud, everyone talks so loud. Am I supposed to be "that guy" who demands all of life changes for my "special needs" or what? I can't go in public without sinning, then I'm sinning by not being in flesh to flesh fellowship. Then I'm given pills my entire life that don't work then when something does work, people say cannabis/hemp is evil. So I am stuck in a room with my cat for now, studying the Bible with hemp/CBD keeping me sane until more cannabinoids are studied to figure out what works best for each issue.
There's always someone out there who understands though. Or who is sensitive enough not to make assumptions and demand you do things the same way they did, while still obeying God's Word and using Biblical principles.
Often you have to seek those people out.
With Jesus you aren't ever alone, and God will often leave you "alone" until you realize that.
Sorry for ranting, just wanted to give an example of no one possibly being able to understand, and that Jesus is actually enough, even when you feel alone. Jesus understands and is more comforting to me than 100 close friends. I still hope for friends though one day.
It's a .99 Kindle deal today http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003DRO5S0/?tag=dietofbookwor-20
I read Spiritual Friendship last year, and it really spoke to me.
I always recommend Life Together as a must read.
The Power and the Glory is probably my all time favorite book.
Hey, sexual revolution. That's written by bethel's prophet. If I remember correctly it used to be named or was going to be named something like "Purity Culture" but they changed it for marketing purposes.
The time I wasted at that church...
Good on you, enjoy your freedom.
Edit: Because sources for claims matter now. I think this was the original: https://www.amazon.com/Purity-Moral-Revolution-Kris-Vallotton/dp/B004HB1BNI
Was struggling a lot with this myself earlier in the year. Got a bit better for a while but it's difficult to stay on track...
One of the best things I did was reading a book called 'Every Young Mans Battle'. It kind of made it clear why watching porn was such a sin and how it has such negative effects on our lives and I'd highly recommend it :)
http://www.amazon.com/Every-Young-Mans-Battle-Strategies/dp/0307457990/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342442987&sr=1-1&keywords=every+young+man%27s+battle
Very good question! To be 100% honest, we haven't really done so hot on Bible studies together. We've started a few but never really finished. We have gotten a lot of benefit from reading books together though. We'll buy a book and read through it together (she reads, I massage the back) and talk about it while we go. Here's some of the best books / studies we've done, talked about together, or dabbled with:
If there's a specific topic you're looking into (like marriage or something), I can give you some more thoughts!
Read Sins of the Tongue: The Backbiting Tongue.
How is it wrong though? Since this is a Christian subreddit please point me to the verse where it says "thou shalt not break up with thy girlfriend"? The guys who broke up with your girlfriend didn't do anything wrong by not wanting to date her, they did something wrong for winning her heart when they weren't committed to her. If you would be doing something wrong by breaking up with your girlfriend now then what you did wrong was acting like you were committed to her when you really weren't. If you are really committed to her then propose. Marriage is a commitment, dating is not.
Look, dude, I was kind of in the same boat you were in. I wasn't afraid of sex inside of marriage so much but I was terrified of getting involved with a girl. My grandfather was abusive towards my grandmother and I was terrified of doing anything even slightly wrong with a girl. However, I've thought about it and I've tried determining what a Christian dating relationship should look like. That isn't to say that I'm necessarily right but I've tried basing my beliefs on the Bible and not shoving the Bible into what our culture says dating looks like.
I would really recommend this book. If you trust me enough to PM me your address I'll buy it for you.
Thanks for the response!
>Are you using a reading plan?
Nope but will definitely give this one a go.
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>What do you think God wants you to do? Have you prayed about it?
Yeah I've prayed about it and not really sure at this point. I have a summer internship with an NGO coming up so that should be a good indicator. I really feel a pull towards service, as in I'm just not thrilled with the idea of making buckets of cash and boom that's it that's life good on ya buddy. Would love to make a positive difference in people's lives.
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>In addition, you might be able to use u/Deep_Strength's book The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint in the class - it's very comprehensive and was written without any overt references to Red Pill.
Sounds good. It will be more of a men's issue men's focus type of gathering and yeah, will need to disguise some of the RP material as I tend to say things quite bluntly. But that book should be a great read. Cheers
So, turns out that the Bible is actually more complicated on this than it seems at first glance.
You have to look at all the passages, in their context, and with a broader understanding of the meaning of both marriage and divorce in the culture at the time, including the jewish and grecco-roman cultures.
Turns out there's a significant amount of debate on this topic. Here are 2 books with Christian scholars debating their positions.
[Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views] (http://smile.amazon.com/dp/0830812830)
Remarriage after Divorce in Today's Church: 3 Views
One of the most interesting things about these two books is that the author of the "Divorce is sometimes allowed, but remarriage never is" position, William Heth, One of the most well known authors on the subject at the time, Realized he was wrong, and is actually the proponent of the "remarriage is allowed under some circumstances" position in that second book, published 16 years later! So if you were to read that first book's argument for why remarriage isn't allowed, the author of it himself would actually be disagree and be able to refute everything in it.
The Biblical View IS correct, but it isn't as simple, cut and dry as lots of people would like you to believe.
The Bible doesn't "force" you to do anything. You get to decide what you do.
There's a lot to dig into around ethical divorce (or separation, or remarriage), and everyone has lots of opinions about it.
Let me put it this way: no reasonable church is going to require you to stay with or obey someone who is abusing you. If a church requires you do that, they are not a church that is working for the Kingdom of God.
I bet you could find some books on the topic at your local library. I'm not well read in the area but this collaborative survey seems a great place to start, and each of its contributors have their own books on the topic.
Some other, more abuse specific books:
There's a bunch more I'm slightly cautious to recommend because the only ones I can find are by evangelical or Reformed authors, but many seem to have promising titles:
Thank you for the kind words. I'm slowly but surely fixing the damage that was done. I don't think it'll ever be completely gone as it was amplified by some social anxiety issues I had even without the church. I talk about those experiences specifically to provide that perspective; I'm glad it helped you.
Here's the description from Amazon of book we were encouraged to read called "Every Young Man's Battle". Here's the description on Amazon:
> The fact is, you can achieve victory over sexual compromise.
Every Young Man’s Battle shows you how to rise above today's debased, self-seeking culture by examining God's standard, training your eyes and mind, cleaning up your thought life, and developing a plan. With extensive updates for a new generation of men, this is the award-winning guide to practical resistance. Bottom line: these strategies are biblical and they have worked for millions of men.
I never actually read it myself because I just didn't care enough but there was certainly pressure from the other kids as well as the adults. There were also programs like "Silver Ring Thing" used to get kids to promise to be abstinent until marriage.
You're right. It's painfully cyclical. Fortunately I broke free =).
Have you consider going to Toastmasters? I don't know a lot about them, but it seems like a good organization to help with public speaking and the issues you mentioned.
Edit: also the book How to Talk So People Will Listen might help.
This post has inspired me to make a YouTube video on this subject, so I’ll share that when it’s done. But in the meantime, here are some quick tips for dealing with conservative Christian parents (most of this should probably work with other religious parents as well, but my work has been with Christians, so I can’t say offhand how this might need to change for other faith groups):
Listen and let them talk as much as you’re able. This depends a lot on what you can handle; step away when it gets to be too much. But when they talk, you can learn a lot about misconceptions they hold about gay people that you’ll want to help correct. For example, many conservative Christian parents mistakenly believe that gay people choose to be gay or that it can be changed through prayer or therapy. As long as they believe these things, they’re not likely to be open to alternate ways of reading the Bible, so finding resources that address those issues first can be helpful.
Share your story and let them sit with it. As tempting as it can be to jump into arguing about the Bible with them, that almost never changes parents’ minds. Instead, what does change minds is having time to sit with their own children’s stories, realizing how much pain their child has been through. Let them know things like when you first knew you were different, fears you had about telling them, attempts you may have made to become straight (if that’s something you did), etc. You may be surprised how many of the things that seem obvious to you will be shocking to them. Give them time to sit with it; it will take a while for it to sink in.
Connect them with resources wherever you can, but make sure you’re getting support for yourself. Don’t wait for your parents to come around before you live your life. It may take them years to understand, and you can’t pin your own self-esteem to their approval, even if that’s hard to accept right now. Reaffirm your love for them, stay in conversation with them when you’re able to, but make sure you have your own support network that doesn’t require their approval.
Try to connect them with other parents:
If possible, one of the best things you can do is to connect them with other Christian parents who have been through similar situations (but who have become more accepting)—they can be a sounding board for them and allow them to have some much-needed peer support as they work through this. There are some private Facebook groups for parents that I can’t publicly link to, but a couple of good places to start are:
https://justbecausehebreathes.com
and
https://www.freedhearts.org
(The first one may appeal more to parents who are more conservative and/or just starting out, while the second one may be more geared to those a little further along.)
​
When they’re ready to read something:
Many parents aren’t ready to read a book right away, but if/when they are, some books you could try include:
“My Son, Beloved Stranger” by Carrol Grady (written by an SDA mom; speaks to very conservative parents, but can be tough to find)
“Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate” by Justin Lee (disclaimer: this is my book, and it feels weird to recommend my own stuff, but it was written specifically for situations like this, and I’ve had SO MANY PARENTS tell me it was the thing that changed their minds and helped them accept their LGBTQ+ kids)
“Mom, I’m Gay” by Susan Cottrell (another book by a Christian mom of a gay child, not quite as conservative in its language but still helpful to many Christian parents)
For parents who are ready for more in-depth Bible analysis, Matthew Vines’ book God and the Gay Christian is a good introduction to the Bible arguments—but I recommend that you wait on this until your parents have already dealt with the emotions surrounding your coming out and are past the idea that orientation can change; otherwise, they’ll dismiss these arguments without giving them a chance. This is a more advanced book, not as much for parents just starting out.
​
There are lots more resources available online:
My website includes lots of blog posts on things conservative Christians often say, Bible passages, and so on, including a video series I’m doing on the subject for my YouTube channel—and I’m working on another big resource that I’ll be linking to shortly, so feel free to watch that or message me for more specific resources.
So that's a start, but please still feel free to message me for any more specific details or resources.
Boundaries of will are super important in relationships. We cannot control others, and we'll destroy those relationships if we try. Your wife cannot control your daughter, just as you cannot control her. But each of you can decide what is and isn't okay for you (I'm confident that your daughter isn't okay with being slapped). "Your rights end where another's begin."
If your wife wants to have a relationship with your daughter, she has to respect your daughter's choices. She does not have to agree with them, but she cannot impose her will on your daughter. If she cannot accept that, then it will destroy their relationship.
This is the best book on the subject I've ever read. (It's called "Keep your Love On" in English if anyone in your family needs that version.)
I hope it all works out for you and your family. Good luck and God bless amigo.
One can definitely blame her for being unfaithful, that is 100% on her.
However, it sounds like you are not giving her the warmth and security that she needs to feel for a long term commitment. She's not getting the tingles of deep down physical attraction.
It's worth it to build up your relationship skills. I'm fairly young, but had an uncle give me a big list of books to read (or audio books if that is your thing) I was blown away by how much they changed my outlook on relationships. Each one highlighted different things and different areas.
One thing that I think men aren't taught, and isn't expected, this concept of "emotional intelligence." Women in our culture are expected to have it, and frankly, men have been given a pass for too long for not having it.
Here's the list of books:
For His Eyes only
[For His Eyes only - Teen version but still really informative]
(https://www.amazon.com/Young-Men-Only-Jeff-Feldhahn-ebook/dp/B001FA0VSK/)
What Women Want When They Test Men
The Married Man Sex Life Primer
Emotional Intelligence
No More Mr. Nice Guy