Best christian women issues books according to redditors
We found 194 Reddit comments discussing the best christian women issues books. We ranked the 105 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 194 Reddit comments discussing the best christian women issues books. We ranked the 105 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
Was she raised in a conservative religious family/church/community? Those "Purity" messages can really screw people up. Pregnancy phobia -even when the person knows better - is a thing that happens sometimes.
I recommend you spend some time watching Sexplanations together and get PURE by Linda Kay Klein and read or listen to it together (the audio book is great, and may be available through your library).
Here are a few books I would highly recommend for men (and women as well):
After that, if you have more specific issues in your story, like childhood trauma, there are more specific routes to go down. I also strongly encourage enlisting the aid of a counselor, therapist, and/or pastoral counselor if you or your partner are struggling with childhood baggage.
Oooo this is my wheelhouse!
First, I would recommend looking at the Mormon History Association Best Book awards going back to 1966. Quality scholarship, research, and writing are a mainstay with them.
Required reading:
Brigham Young: Pioneer Prophet by John Turner / Brigham Young: American Moses by Leonard Arrington
Considered two of the best books about early Utah and the Brigham Young years. Arrington's book was considered groundbreaking when he wrote it, and Turner's book brings in the valuable perspective of the non-Mormon writing about Young. For many Mormons, Turner's book will be less sympathetic to Young than Arrington's, but Turner also worked closely with the Church Archives (and spoke glowingly about them and that process), so his research had access to some better sources. If you need a primer for Brigham Young, I recommend Arrington's book. For a Brigham Young graduate level course, I recommend Turner.
Early Mormonism and the Magic Worldview by Michael Quinn
To understand much of what happened in early Mormonism, you must understand the role that folk magic played in the lives of Americans in the 1800s. Quinn's research at this time was top notch, and he was a quickly rising star among Mormon historians. Considered one of his best works, and foundational to the understanding things like seer stones, divining rods, visions, and everything else that happened in the early church days.
David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism by Greg Prince
Covers late 1940s - 1960s Mormonism, one of the "rising moments" of Mormonism when we went from a Utah-church to a worldwide church. Prince had amazing access to the journals of President McKay's secretary, which led to some candid discussions about things like the publishing of Mormon Doctrine by McConkie, blacks and the priesthood, ecumenical outreach, and politics.
Spencer W. Kimball by Edward Kimball / Lengthen Your Stride: The Presidency of Spencer W. Kimball by Edward Kimball
Ed was Pres. Kimball's son, and the books cover both the apostle years and presidency years of Spencer W. Kimball. If you had to choose one, get Lengthen Your Stride, but make sure it has the CD that comes with the book. This has the unabridged manuscript prior to the Deseret Book edits, which is much more interesting.
By the Hand of Mormon by Terryl Givens (heck...anything by Terryl Givens!)
I'll admit - I'm a Terryl Givens fanboy. By the Hand of Mormon was the one that first got me in to him, mostly because he took the Book of Mormon as a serious work of literature to examine it's merits. It's not as devotional as many traditional LDS books about the Book of Mormon (it was put out by Oxford University Press), but it really gave me a deeper appreciation for the Book of Mormon as contemporary literature. Also check out Viper on the Hearth (Mormons on myth and heresy), People of Paradox (Mormon culture), When Souls had Wings (the pre-existence in Western thought), and so many others.
And just because I'm a big book nerd, here's the list of books that are on my desk right now that I can give you quick reviews if you want:
> Does he not find me sexy?
> Obviously I'm not a good enough woman, I can't turn him on
> There must be something wrong with me
> Am I getting fat?
> etc.
Here's the thing some of us have a past where those were the actual problems. Or we had eating disorders. or we were told that we were the ugly sister, or whatever. So those are real questions that we actually need the answer to. Especially if we think we aren't you type if we know who you've dated before.
Clear communication is really important. Sometimes it needs to be repetitive. Anything that you can do to build trust in those situations is important. If we are continually getting rejected, and by someone that we love, that gets really hard on a persons ego. It can take the most confident person and turn them into a pile of quivering sadness.
A good book that talks about this is (and I hate this book but it's really good for perspective on this situation) ["Captivating" by Eldredge] (http://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Revised-Updated-Unveiling-Mystery/dp/1400200385)
EDIT 2: Please don't call this crazy. It's not ok. People in this situation need support and love, not being called "crazy" for trying to figure out what's wrong.
I don't know what you consider to be "correct" in politics and different people will disagree over what political policies will help us move forward in love, but below are a handful instances of political involvement of the church that I personally believe qualify:
Joseph Smith ran for president on a platform to abolish slavery 17 years before the civil war.
The church and church members pushed women's suffrage in the Utah territory. In fact, women in the Utah territory were the first in the entire country to exercise their right to vote and [the first female state senator in the US was a Mormon woman]
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Hughes_Cannon).
The church officially opposed and spoke out against the MX Missile program during the height of the Cold War arms race.
The church has repeatedly called for compassion in immigration that allows families to stay together and has condemned aggressive actions and statements by Trump officials.
I haven't read it (I think /u/anna_in_indiana has), but Aimee Byrd's No Little Women is a recent book on this exact topic from a Reformed perspective.
Laurel Ulrich recently published a book about historical findings relating to polygamy in A House Full of Females: Plural Marriage and Women's Rights in Early Mormonism, 1835-1870.
One of the things she points out was that it wasn't ever required of all members and it was always a family decision. That is to say that a second wife was not sealed unless both the husband and wife agreed. The third wife required consent from all other partners. There may be some anecdotes where this didn't happen but it was the general rule.
She also mentions that sex wasn't talked about much in journals or history so we don't actually know much about what happened in that respect. Most of what she shared was anecdotal by a few people. I imagine though that sexual relationships were handled by the group since she describes that for most of the plural marriages the women had equal say in their relationship. In a sense, I don't think it would change much from our current standards: no pre-marital sex and let the couple decide in coordination with the lord.
I've heard really good things about the book Pure, by Linda Kay Klein (here's the Amazon link). If money is a concern, see if your local library has it.
I 100% feel for you, I was raised with the same purity beliefs. To this day it impacts my (married) sex life, but I'm actively working through it with a professional. Highly suggest that or a therapist when you're in the financial position. Until then, there are lots of great books and so many other women who can offer you moral support. You're not alone, you're not broken, you can heal and have a healthy, happy sex life! Check out @erica.smith.sex.ed on instagram, she's the sex educator I'm working with, and she has several highlights about purity culture and recovery from it. Education and community will get you a long way until you can work with a sex-positive therapist.
I am just this very second reading Kathryn Joyce's masterful book Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement, so no flavor of male-supremacist horseshit surprises me right now. I have been rendered numb to this sort of fuckery. The book is kind of "The roots of redpillwomen 101".
Also, everyone should seriously read this book. It goes a long, LONG way to explain the foundations of the redpillian movement.
I'm really sorry to hear this. My wife and I lost our first at around 7-9 weeks. We had been dealing with infertility, so it was a pretty devastating blow. Miraculously, (and I don't use that term lightly), we conceived again almost immediately. We were obviously thrilled, but it was still hard because we were still in the throws of dealing with grief. Even if y'all don't conceive again immediately, it can still be hard emotionally the second time around. Emotions are a complex thing.
For what it's worth, the best advice we received at the time was to allow ourselves to feel whatever we felt, even if complicated or contradictory. If y'all need to grieve, grieve. If y'all want to celebrate the life lost, then celebrate. If y'all need to talk about it with others, don't let society's pressure to keep these sorts of things private stop you.
I don't know if reading stuff from other people who have been in the same situation is helpful to you or your husband, but two writers I found to be incredibly helpful were Jasmine Holmes and Jessalyn Hutto.
Holmes has written about it from several different angles over the years, including here, here, and here. (These are older articles from DG after her first miscarriage. I know she wrote more on her own blog, including after a second, but with a recent site redesign she doesn't seem to have a full archive of older stuff. If you like her writing, you can find more recent stuff scattered around via Google.)
Hutto wrote an entire book on the subject, Inheritance of Tears. If you're a book person, I'd highly recommend it.
Same girl, same. I remember writing letters to my “future husband” when I was 13 about how I was saving myself for him and I was to remain pure and blah blah blah. Didn’t have my first relationship until about 27 and I was royally a messed up mess with intimacy.
Anyways, there’s this book I’ve been meaning to read about a girl who grew up in the purity movement. Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501124811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_Ds27Cb5TGHR6Q
Well god can be seen as a gender neutral term.
The general belief in the Christian and Judaic (and I assume Islam but I don't know EDIT: Allah is gender neutral) is that God is a gender neutral being.
A theologian Elizabeth A. Johnson wrote a pretty good book about referring to the Catholic God with only feminine pronouns to make up for the overuse of male pronouns used for God.
>Pulitzer Prize-winning historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich says that for Mormon women living in 19th century Utah, "plural marriages" were empowering in complicated ways.
>Ulrich is a professor at Harvard and past president of the American Historical Association and the Mormon History Association.
Ulrich's contribution to meme culture is the phrase, "well-behaved women seldom make history." This interview is about her recent book, A House Full Of Females: Plural Marriage And Women's Rights In Early Mormonism.
Ooo, boy...
So yeah, guy here, but I relate to a lot of this. Both personally (to an extent) and how I've seen it affect my wife.
We were both raised in the "purity culture" movement and came out worse for it. When I lost my virginity at 17 I felt dirty, broken, incomplete...like a piece of my soul was ripped off and I could never get it back. I later comforted myself by saying that I was going to marry this girl (because I was young and stupidly in-love and convinced that this was true). And then when that relationship became toxic and she cheated, I stayed with her because I was convinced that we had to make it work because I'd given her my virginity, that marrying her in eventuality was the only way to "redeem" myself for not saving that until marriage.
Yeah...
And my wife, she did wait until we were married, but all that purity culture stuff warped her sensibilities about sex to where she even felt weird about about "not being a virgin" AFTER we were married. And she didn't get any sense of owning her own sexuality until into her 30s.
Sexual shaming is one of the big scarring effects of Christian orthodoxy. And as mental health issues become more publicly discussed, we're REALLY starting to see the effects.
I recommend this: https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811
My wife says it's helped her a lot.
I've run into this issue myself. My guess is that since Athiests often don't acknowledge Jesus existed and if they do, they disagree that He is who He said He is, they don't fully grasp that he fulfilled the Law. This means we're free from the bondage of adhering to the 613 Mitzvot.
I'm reminded of this author who wound up following a lot of Jewish customs and taking things out of context instead of focusing on what marriage looks like in the New Testament by the grace of God.
I pray you'll be patient with others as you labor to fulfill the Great Commission.
It's probably best not to know what it means.
You know there was that straw book that not particularly bright Christians would use to argue that some of the things in the bible are well intentioned, but just, like, outdated man? Well, some lady felt left out of the stupid party and wrote her own.
Examples include sleeping on the "corner of a roof" because Proverbs. This thing was published. And now she's on CNN to inform us "what the Evangelicals think" and has an alarmingly popular blog and twatter.
I haven't seen this movie, but if anyone is interested in reading more about modern conservative Christians' reaction against birth control, I'd recommend Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement. Some Christian groups are not only fighting abortion, but also birth control, including natural family planning. This website has a lot of posts written by people who have left Quiverfull and related groups, and really shows how the lifestyle can be damaging to both women and men.
Hey if you are particularly interested in this topic and want to read the thoughts of several New Testament scholars that disagree and walks through all of the pertinent passages - I found this book to be super helpful.
In the end, I thought Craig Blomberg's position seemed to be the most scripturally faithful position. He would approve of your situation precisely, but only under those particular limitations.
Agreed, I recently read a book called Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement and it scared the hell of out me. Truly dreadful stuff.
Two Views on Women in Ministry has four different authors [two egalitarians, and two complimentarians] each write a chapter, and then the other three respond to it. It's a round robin of sorts. I highly recommend it as it's a great book on the discussion between egalitarians and complementarians. I don't think the authors particularly use much of Catholic or Orthodox arguments, as they most heavily rely on scripture as opposed to tradition. However, I would still recommend this book as an introduction to the debate. I've read it and it is phenomenal.
My kids are little, but I really liked this book: Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement
When we’re talking about the historical Paul, I want to avoid the pitfall of presentism, evaluating the rightness of his and his contemporaries’ attitudes based on the accumulation of 2000 years of Christian moral discernment.
Although I do want to push back slightly on the assumption — I may be wrongly reading — in the second half of your comment. The hermeneutic that many conservatives — and even progressives — use nowadays is a pretty literalistic historical-grammatical approach. It’s not the approach to Scripture that Jesus or Paul or the church fathers used. Jewish traditions of midrash and allegorical readings were popular through even the medieval period. Our sorta “plain view” reading of Scripture is largely a product of the Enlightenment and subsequent positivism.
I’m actually alright with hermeneutical options that question the surface interpretations of Scripture. Take Wil Gafney’s Womanist Midrash as one example, where several Biblical stories are reconceived through the lens of the oppressed characters.
As /u/Liquid_Boss says, context matters, and I don't think 1 Tim 2 is speaking in generalities, but about roles within a specific context.
This is actually a smaller part of a much bigger topic: Complementarianism vs. Egalitarianism. I'm researching it right now and if you want to do the same, this is a good book to explore the various views. Warning: It can be very academic/dry, but that's what I'd expect from a book using well-reasoned/cited arguments over faulty petitions.
Aimee Byrd's
No Little Women: Equipping All Women in the Household of God
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1629952567/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_C86ADbTHRBWM0
Freedom and Boundaries by Kevin DeYoung is a good place to start.
Women in the Church: An Analysis and Application of 1 Timothy 2:9-15 by Andreas Köstenberger and Thomas Schreiner (two PhDs from Southern) is good for an in depth examination of that specific passage.
Jesus, Justice, and Gender Roles by Kathy Keller comes from the perspective of a woman who wrestled through this issue and examined all the relevant Biblical texts closely.
Women's Ministry in the Local Church by Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt, is good for exploring the positive side of a woman's role in the church, while sticking with the orthodox position on ordination.
The 4400! I miss that show. I remember being irrationally mad at NBC for ripping off the basic premise of the show with Heroes and then premiering it in the same time slot, basically syphoning off viewers and leading to the 4400's cancellation, only to tank after the first two seasons.
They introduce a major POC character early on in the season, but I can't remember if any LGTBQ characters are introduced. I completely missed the mother connection... although I think it should lessen as you get further into the series.
I'm tuning into Survivor and the The Mindy Project. I'm so behind in all of my favorite dramas!
I'm currently watching 19 Kids and Counting on Netflix. Holy Patriarchy! The Quiverfull movement is so fascinating to me. I grew up in a fundie-lite environment and watching this show is really eye opening to see how close my childhood church was to Gothard, ATI, and the rest of the fundamentalist movement.
If you watch this show, Free Jinger is a must read companion. See also Kathryn Joyce's book on the movement.
There's an awful lot to unpack in your post. I'll try to hit the key points, but please let me know if I miss something. To be clear, I am speaking to you explicitly in my capacity as a member of the clergy, ordained and out of seminary over twenty years.
For your own reading, or others looking for an understanding of Christians sexual ethics that goes beyond fundamentalism, here are some resources:
- Good Christian Sex - Bromleigh McCleneghan
- Unprotected Texts - Jennifer Wright Knust
- Shameless: A Sexual Reformation: - Nadia Bolz-Webber
- Shameless: How I Lost My Virginity and Kept My Faith - Dani Frankhauser
- Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics - Margaret Farley (this one leans toward the academic)
- God and Sex: What the Bible Really Says - Michael Coogan
and, for a wonderful critique of the devastating impact of "purity" culture...
- Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation - Linda Kay Klein
> Can you explain what makes Timothy so misunderstood? I've read the whole passage, not just the commonly quoted verse, and it seems to pretty nakedly declare women to be inferior creatures to men.
It is a big topic, and I may not be able to cite sources for the following right now, but it goes something like this;
This leaves us with only a few options;
Of these three, I find number 3 the most likely. Better people than me have done extensive research into the subject - in particular the use of the greek word "authenteō" which does not appear anywhere else in the NT.
hence our understanding of this word (the critical part of the verse) relies on other greek texts from around the same time. There are some serious variations in interpretation; I believe the most likely is the one proposed by the Kroegers; that at the time of writing there was a gnostic teaching doing the rounds about Eve coming before Adam - and that women were "premier" or the "authors" of mankind.
hence the verse should read something like "I do not permit a woman to teach that Man came from woman" - and this is makes most sense when you read the following verse. ("For Adam was formed first, then Eve.")
A translation here seems to get close to what I think the translation should be;
"Women in Ephesus should first become learners,v.11 and quit acting as teachers or assuming the authority of recognized teachers [note - here I would rather prefer the Kroeger interpretation - that women should not teach they are the authors of mankind] .v.12 Just as Eve rather than Adam was deceived into error, unqualified persons will get themselves and the church in trouble.v.13-14. Yet, as Eve became the means and the first beneficiary of promised salvation, so Ephesian women will legitimately aspire to maturity and competency and to positions of service in the church.v.15"— Dr. Gilbert Bilezikian
hope that helps.
Here, just use my Christmas list:
NIV Zondervan Study Bible
The Goldsworthy Trilogy
Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God
Perspectives on Israel and the Church: 4 Views
Tough Topics
Tough Topics 2
God's Design for Man and Woman
Planet Narnia
Paul and the Law
Covenantal Apologetics
The Erosion of Inerrancy in Evangelicalism
There's plenty more I'd recommend (like anything from John Piper), but that's a decent start.
You cheated and that can't be taken back. I would suggest you do research in the phsycology behind why you felt the need to cheat. Most couples can satisfy about 80% of their partners needs and wants. You may have felt compelled to cheat because the other woman offered the 20% your wife doesn't and it feels shiny and new. That shiny newness will go away eventually. Chasing the "golden haired woman" is a mistake. You are most likely not in love with this other woman. You probably have a love for the newness and the heightened levels of dopamine your brain gives you for finding a new mate. Again that will go away.
10 years ago you loved your wife enough to commit vows to spend a lifetime together. Think about that. YOU LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT YOU VOWED TO STAY WITH HER TILL DEATH! That woman is still there. Taking your marriage to a non-monogamous point just so you can continue your affair is very shady and doesn't solve the real problem. It will most likely tear you two apart due to the mistrust, and there is no guarantee that your wife will be open to non-monogamy.
Divorcing your wife would be a mistake as well. First she didn't do anything wrong so you shouldn't want to hurt her. Second your kids deserve better.
This will be an unpopular opinion but NEVER TELL HER YOU CHEATED! Why? Because it will tear her heart out. I've been cheat on before. It hurts... A lot! Don't put her through that, and don't pull the I need to clear my conscious BS either. Breaking her heart so you can feel better is despicable. And don't for one second think leaving your wife for this other woman will somehow be a better option. She has already shown you she is OK with cheating because she knows about your wife. Plus she knows you are a cheater and the whole relationship would be built on mistrust.
You need to leave the other woman and go back to your wife and family. Be the man she deserves and put effort into re-igniting the passion that you had when you married her. If you are feeling the flame dim on the passion and romance you better believe that she does too. Talk to her. Find things you can do to bring that flame back.
Here are some starter suggestions
-Does she like shopping? Take her shopping! Go with her. Yeah its boring to be a man in a Woman's shoe store, but I bet you did it while dating. Its not about spending money its about spending time.
-Is there an activity she wants to do but you don't like IE: hiking or swimming or a road trip. Do it for her. I'm not saying do something you will regret, but something small that she is into and you have declined in the past.
Real life example: My wife wanted to drive 400 miles on a particular freeway because it was a "scenic drive". I hated the idea and she knew it, but she loves that I did it anyway for her. I'm not saying be a pushover and do everything that she wants all the time, but let her have those moments from time to time.
-Do you have a little extra padding? Start exercising and very subtlety let her know its because you want to look as sexy as you can for her. Do not suggest she join your exercising but do invite her if she asks to join. Do not try to be her coach. Let her make any fitness mistakes she wants if she joins your routine. Unless of course she is doing something that will hurt her.
-Sit down and have a long talk about how you feel. Be careful not to verbally attack her. This is where "I" statements help.
"I feel that we could have more passion", "I want to know what I can do to strengthen our relationship", "I feel like we could do more to strengthen our bond", "I want to [any action or result] and want your help/opinion to achieve [said action or result] ect. If you use the word "you" then that talk may turn into a fight. Example of what not to say- "You never do [ ] anymore", "You do [ ] to much", ect. you get the idea.
So much can be achieved when couples just sit down and express what they are feeling inside. What to take a giant leap of faith? Ask her this question " What is it like being married to me"... I know terrifying. Then shut up and listen. Do not argue and do not interrupt. No "yes buts". Internalize what she tells you. Acknowledge what you have done wrong and express a desire to work with her as a team to resolve anything.
-Couples/ Marriage counseling or similar third party interventions. Most couples shy away from this sort of thing but it helps. You don't have to go for long periods of time. Even one session will go a long way towards helping. Here is a book that I think would help. http://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393 and here is the female side http://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Revised-Updated-Unveiling-Mystery/dp/1400200385/ref=pd_sim_b_1 You should read them both. Yes they have Christian ties but even if you are not a Christian the ideas and principles are still very valid. There is also a boot camp that goes with the book and if you can attend/ afford it you and your wife should go. Here is the link. http://www.ransomedheart.com/allies-home . I promise you the bootcamp it not a touchy feely lets hug and have a talk about our feelings event. It is a "this is how to be an awesome man" fun filled weekend. Campfires, cigars, gormet meals, archery, guns, and outdoor man movies to go with what they teach. Whatever you choose to do don't be embarrassed to seek guidance from a professional.
-When you two have sex do you make love passionately? or are you just masturbating inside her? Don't use her for sex... Give her what only you as a loving husband can give to her. Massage her body, caress her legs, smack that ass, run scratch marks down her back, whisper sexy dirty things in her ear, dust off your tongue and give without receiving. I don't know what she likes but you do. If for some reason you don't then ask her to guide you. Make her feel like a sex god. I challenge you to only penetrate when she is so turned on that she won't take no for an answer.
-Kids taking all your time? Get a sitter or send them to summer camp or a similar event that gets them away from you for several days. Your kids are important but so is your wife. A loving healthy relationship with her is great for your kids to see. Don't put your kids before your wife! She should hold more importance. Set a weekly time that you spend with only your wife. No kids allowed. It can be as simple as one night a week that the kids can't be in the living room while you two enjoy the TV (or other activities) just the 2 of you. And be firm if they try to butt in or suddenly start doing things to get your attention. Same goes for pets. Get them away.
There is a ton of other things but these are the basics and the overall idea is to spend more time with your wife. If you are having trouble finding that wonderful person you fell in love with then you better search harder. If you can't find gold with a shovel then you better get a bulldozer.
I promise you any effort you put into your wife and marriage will be reciprocated in full. It probably won't be instant, but she will respond in kind. This is about you too. You are going to feel fantastic knowing you can offer her your strength and power and love as a man.
Last point- Non-monogamy in all its forms is not a bandage that fixes troubled relationships. It is an experience that two loving people choose to do together to enhance what is already a healthy strong relationship. If/When you bring back that flame and you start seeing your wife as the "golden haired" woman then you can try non-monogamy. Do it as a team, together as a loving trusting couple. My wife and I swing. Not because we need things from other people, but because we enjoy sharing the experience.
I hope this does not come across and condemning or condescending. I believe in redemption and I wish you the very best of luck.
TL:DR: Don't take the easy rode. Fight for your wife.
I just finished reading Linda Kay Klein’s book Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free. It was very eye opening to me. I came from a Roman Catholic tradition and we weren’t wrapped up in this purity culture that has ensnared the Evangelical community. I mean we had shame about this and that, but it wasn’t anything like what Klein talks about in her book. I feel sorry for the people who went through (or are currently going through) that torture.
Here is a whole list of suggested books from a podcast I listen to, they are called Almost Heretical. I haven't read any of them myself, but here is the list.
American Indian Liberation: A Theology of Sovereignty by George Tinker
A Black Theology of Liberation by James Cone
Black Theology and Black Power by James Cone
The Cross And The Lynching Tree by James Cone
Liberating Black Theology by Anthony Bradley
Jesus And The Disinherited by Howard Thurman
Womanist Theological Ethics (Collection edited by Katie Geneva Cannon, Emilie M. Townes, and Angela D. Sims)
On the Side of the Poor: The Theology of Liberation by Gustavo Gutierrez and Gerhard Ludwig Muller
Christ The Liberator: A View from the Victims by Jon Sobrino
No Salvation Outside the Poor by Jon Sobrino
Sisters in the Wilderness by Delores S. Williams
The Scandal of Redemption by Oscar Romero
Hope Abundant: Third World and Indigenous Women’s Theology (Collection edited by Kwok Pui-Lan)
Mujerista Theology by Ada Maria Isasi-Diaz
Bible of the Oppressed by Elsa Tamaz
Water Buffalo Theology by Kosuke Koyama
Making Paper Cranes: Toward an Asian American and Feminist Theology by Mihee Kim-Kort and Grace Ji-Sun Kim
I'm also new to this community, so also sorry if this response is improper! I don't know how useful my personal experience would be to you, but I've come across some resources recently that may help.
I just started reading her book, "You are your own" but look into https://jamieleefinch.com/. I listened to her interview on Episode 95 of the Exvangelical podcast and really enjoyed the conversation.
Another book I've heard very good things about is "Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free" (https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811)
There's also a big community of people online posting their experiences with purity culture in places like https://twitter.com/ikdgstories. You may connect with someone there who's story resonates with you.
If you're interested in some other perspectives, you may like Jesus, Feminist by Sarah Bessey, or A Year of Biblical Womanhood' by the inimitable Rachel Held Evans.
Pretty much every Christian leader I respect is a committed feminist. Not least my wife, who is an exceptionally gifted elder, teacher and pastor.
I'll say my books aren't expressly feminine. They're more about dynamics, relationships, motivations, which have helped to prevent me from going wild with aggressive masculine approaches despite my surroundings and peers. Thank goodness I found these so early :)
I loved Captivating, which is about women from a Christian perspective and it's counterpart called Wild at Heart, which is about men. Neither of them were too overwhelmingly Christian, IMO.
Another book with Christian influences, The Servant is a book about leadership theory that's been very helpful to me stepping into a more nurturing and deferring approach.
Five Dysfunctions of a Team is my very favorite book ever, and it discusses the reasons teams (be it a couple, sports team, friend group, or work group) fail and how to prevent that. Very helpful in learning why vulnerability, an important feminine trait, is so important.
In Christian theology, there are two fields of thought in terms of marital 'roles'... Egalitarianism and Complementarianism. Unfortunately the egalitarian side is very very overshadowed by the more traditional 'complementarians'... probably fueled by a terrible understanding of passages in the Epistles.
If anyone is into Christian theology and want to study this stuff, I heard really great things about this book. It's definitely hefty so I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but it pretty much debunks the idea that complementarianism is the one and only way. It gave me a bit hope as someone who considers herself both a Christian and a feminist.
Pedestals and Podiums: Utah Women, Religious Authority, and Equal Rights, by Martha Sonntag Bradley. While it suffers somewhat from being written by an author who was fully involved in the LDS-ERA struggle of the late 1970's/early 1980's (time is a somewhat malleable concept to the author as we jump backwards and forwards to follow strands of the story), this is by far the best and most informative book about the LDS Church's initial support of and eventual attack against the passage of the ERA. A great look at one of the first times the LDS flexed its political muscle and got what it wanted in national politics years before Hawaii and California.
Both/Neither.
See She Who Is by Elizabeth Johnson
There's also another one: A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband "Master"
http://www.amazon.com/Year-Biblical-Womanhood-Liberated-Covering/dp/1469246899
In situations of abuse and clear sin (infidelity and drunkenness come to mind from what you've written), I believe the first duty of everyone should be to provide safety for themselves and their children. Any person in a situation of abuse needs to get out of that situation and into a safe one, whether that means just physically leaving the location, a legal separation, a court case / jail time, or a legal divorce.
As to your actual question: respect in the Bible means something different than what many people believe. A lot of people seem to think that respecting one's husband or submitting to him means that a wife's opinions don't matter, and that she has to do whatever he says. That is a clear misinterpretation. One thing I've heard about submission is that it is using your gifts and talents to their full extent for the best interest of the person you are submitting to. Jesus submitted to God the Father by His ministry and death: it was not an easy road, but everything He did in life and death was to glorify God and to bring His kingdom on Earth. Likewise, the Church submits to Jesus by following His direction and bringing Him glory: not by stifling their talents or ignoring their desires, but by aligning their talents and desires to the things that further God's agenda and bring glory to Him. In the same vein, a wife does not stifle her talents or desires, but uses them for the sanctification of their husband (and salvation, if he is not yet saved).
There are at least 6 clear reasons to disobey a spouse / authority (or start a dialogue if possible, depending on severity), which can be summed up by the overarching question: How will this glorify God (or does it not glorify Him)? Specifically, we are to disobey any earthly authorities when commanded something that:
I recommend picking up the book God's Design for Man and Woman for an overview of Bible passages to look at further, and I also recommend specifically reading Ephesians 5, because that covers pretty much all the issues here (drunkenness, evildoing, and not associating with evil deeds and instead exposing them for all to see and deal with).
I read this when my kids are little and really liked it. It's hard to apply to little kids, but since you have teenagers, it might help. https://www.amazon.com/Cleaning-House-Twelve-Month-Experiment-Entitlement/dp/0307730670/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1473335337&sr=8-7&keywords=book+entitled+children
Yep...sounds about right. When I used to go to religious events we did this study from this book that said you have to be in control of your body and your boyfriends. It's your fault if he finds you attractive enough to want to fuck you. Paraphrasing, of course. I stopped going to church promptly after and can't believe I spent money on this book. While I didn't wait until marriage (mostly out of rebellion to my old religion) I find that I felt, and sometimes still feel, very guilty for having sex. Here is the stupid fucking book. Read the reviews.
Religion really has affected my state of mind. I had anxiety and depression as a kid because I thought that I wasn't good enough for god, and I thought he was going to rapture everyone up and leave me. I could not understand why the fuck people are so giddy about him coming to take them and leaving the rest of the world to rot. And even as an adult I know I'm not religious but I still have anxiety about being wrong about it, even though I don't want to be with the god I came to know for eternity.
tl;dr you can really mess up impressionable minds with religion.
This book might be helpful for you: https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/150112482X/
Fornication is a sin. This doesn't mean that anyone that commits any sexual act outside of marriage (husband and wife) is worthless or a "bigger sinner" because all sins are equal in the eyes of God and Jesus died on the cross to bear pay the debt for us.
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You might benefit from reading Dannah Gresh's "And the Bride Wore White". She even includes a free video series to go along with each chapter. Maybe the first video ("Why does your sex life matter to God?") could answer your question.
I would recommend two books, Wild at Heart by John Eldridge and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. They are both amazing books which talk about the needs and natures of both the man and the woman in regards to relationship.
I have not found any literature that does a better job of talking about the unique needs and strengths of both the man and the woman. He is a Christian author, though, and his faith informs his writing to a great degree, so it would depend on you tolerance for religious writing. Still, I would encourage you to read both together.
Wild at Heart: https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=wild+at+heart&qid=1565098503&s=gateway&sr=8-2
Captivating: https://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Revised-Updated-Unveiling-Mystery/dp/1400200385/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=captivating+by+john+and+stasi+eldredge&qid=1565098553&s=gateway&sprefix=captivating&sr=8-1
A book that helps me wrestle with this is Womanist Midrash: A Reintroduction to the Women of the Torah and the Throne by the Rev. Dr. Wilda Gafney, an Episcopal priest and biblical scholar. She both digs into some of the context of the stories as well as grapples with it from a modern perspective. And the book was super accessible as well as informative.
She's well looking into if you're religious or irreligious. Great writer. I recommend her Year of Biblical Womanhood.
There were two people who spent a year trying to live according to the rules laid out in the Bible. One was a man and one was a woman. They each wrote a book. Life became very difficult for them. Just goes to show that Christians ignore most of the Bible.
https://www.amazon.com/Year-Living-Biblically-Literally-Possible/dp/0743291484/
https://www.amazon.com/Year-Biblical-Womanhood-Liberated-Covering/dp/1595553673
I (24F) definitely understand where she is coming from. I am still a virgin myself at 24 due to religious reasons, but I have been able to reshape my view of sex over time and my sex drive is no longer something that fuels my anxiety and drives me into depression. I had a similar experience growing up and shamed myself in college after every sexual encounter. This way of thinking is not healthy and my religious conditioning harmed me more than it ever helped me in that aspect. I am still a Christian, was able to maintain my faith and I feel like my relationship with Christ is stronger and healthier than it has ever been. It feels raw and honest instead of performative and forced. It feels good to finally be able to date with a healthy mindset. There are many of us out there who have been through this and honestly it is going to take a lot of reading, unpacking, and therapy to repair her mental state. There are plenty of resources out there. Here is a good book to get you guys started if you are interested.
https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Religious-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811/ref=nodl_?creativeASIN=1501124811&linkCode=w61&imprToken=xEVExrfxi2zJ9-6gbX1Xfg&slotNum=2&ascsubtag=%5B%5Dc2%5Bp%5Dcjlny9rvd003h0pyeow0y5bfa%5Bi%5DYAs2oz%5Bd%5DM%5Bz%5Dm%5Bt%5Dw%5Br%5Dm.facebook.com&tag=thecutonsite-20
Feel free to message me if you have any questions.
If you're really interested check out this book. I highly recommend it: http://www.amazon.com/Two-Views-Women-Ministry-Counterpoints/dp/031025437X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256236841&sr=8-1
Rachel Held Evans did that for a year and wrote a book about it.
Check out this book. It changed the perspective of my church elders who were uncomfortable with the limitations the Bible appears to place on women, since we are all equal in the body of Christ.
book tl;dr - There are several clear examples of women who are listed as deacons and elders in the NT and the passages limiting women speaking are in context of being bothersome and disrupting the meeting
This book may help you start on your journey. It's about others who went through the same thing.
Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501124811/
Actually, there was a book written not all that long ago about just this very thing:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Year_of_Living_Biblically
And here is one done by a woman:
http://www.amazon.com/Year-Biblical-Womanhood-Liberated-Covering/dp/1469246899
Wild at heart and Captivating are about the masculine and feminine roles respectively. They are written by a couple, John and Staci Eldredge. So if you're a guy I'd suggest Wild at Heart but read both of them if you can.
These books have a lot of valuable insights into gender roles, sex, lust, marriage, the growing role of porn, etc. I'd check them out.
Here's a few books from Amazon that might be helpful:
Disclaimer: I have read none of these books.
I am really, really sorry. My wife had a miscarriage in March of 2015. It was an incredibly difficult time; we had been trying for almost 3 years with no success, then that happened. It really threw her theology for a loop; she was angry with God, me, and generally anyone who had a baby.
I highly recommend going to see a good biblical counselor. I am an idiot and didn't have us start going to a counselor until 6 months after the miscarriage, and it would have radically helped her healing process in the moment, I believe.
Also, I can almost guarantee there is another woman in your church that has dealt with this tragedy. I've seen some studies that claim almost half of pregnancies end in miscarriage (granted, many occur even before the mother knows she is pregnant). But the point is that this is extremely common and, like /u/rdavidson24 said, we just don't talk about it, to the detriment of our people.
So, go talk to one of them, often. I think my wife would be able to say now that she can see the incredible ministry opportunity that has come from her miscarriage. Our struggle with pregnancy, the pregnancy itself, the miscarriage, and the recovery were all very public in our church: we were prayed for by the whole congregation for in the worship service a few times and I know that several small groups prayed for us each week during all 4 phases of the journey. And now, my wife is the go-to person in our church for women to talk to because they know she went through it, they saw her pain and (if we're being honest) hatred toward God for a while, and now they see her recovery and complete trust in Him for what has happened.
Those would be my top recommendations. We need community and people to talk to. There is a reason we are part of a body of believers.
As far as books and other secondary resources, you might try:
Jessayln also blogged about miscarriage for a while, but I can't find the exact articles, I'm sorry. Here is her blog, though.
Some other articles include:
Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. God loves you. God loves your baby. I know that's hard to hear and sounds like a bunch of crap right now. But do not let Satan tempt you to doubt in the dark what God has revealed in the light. I will be praying for you and your husband.
So sorry. We've had multiple miscarriages. And it's a very painful experience.
Here are a couple of blog posts on TGC that I found really helpful.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-darkness-seems-to-hide-gods-face
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-baby-given-to-women-who-miscarry
And here is a book I can recommend.
https://www.amazon.com/Inheritance-Tears-Trusting-Death-Visits/dp/1941114016/?tag=thegospcoal-20
Praying for a peace that surpasses all understanding for your family.
Harvard professor Laurel Thatcher Ulrich wrote a great book on the history of the practice of polygamy by the mainline church and its impact on things like women's rights. It is called A House Full of Females and would help you see it form the perspective of women living in polygamous homes in the 1800s.
It's not about Ordain Women specifically, but if you want a good history on women's roles in politics and how the LDS Church influenced them, I'd check out Pedestals and Podiums by Martha Bradley. It's about the Equal Rights Amendment and the different tactics many churches used to stop the amendment from passing, but it focuses specifically on the LDS Church and their activities in Utah.
Right. I have a couple of books I bought. Haven't had time to read them, because they are the dry reading type. I like Leonard Ravenhill and some John Piper myself. But this book and this book are what I'm talking about. Not pointing fingers at women or Mennonites (just the mennonite church USA branch that needs to read the Bible and less peacey stuff), but they show you where I'm going.
That's a big question. I can recommend God's Design for Man and Woman: A Biblical-Theological Survey by Andreas J. Köstenberger.
One example: not every man is a good leader, but every man is tasked with leadership on some level. Not every woman is good at nurturing, but every woman is tasked with nurturing on some level.