Best emotional self help books according to redditors
We found 267 Reddit comments discussing the best emotional self help books. We ranked the 73 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
6. The Complete ACOA Sourcebook: Adult Children of Alcoholics at Home, at Work and in Love
6 mentions
Nice posting. Animals DO have emotions.
And quick reminder. Humans ARE animals, too.
I read on a changemyview thread that animals are not sentient therefore we can eat them... then they decided anyone who thinks animals are sentient need to back and take neuroscience courses...
Nevermind the fact that it's well established that animals are indeed conscious and capable of rich emotional lives.
A great place to start is John Gottman's book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Here's the link:
https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Parenting/dp/0684838656
I'll also just add on making sure your kiddo has access to mental health services if they ever need them. I work in the field and have met plenty of people who have various mental health issues as a major barrier to their well-being or success.
I find these comments beyond disturbing. People actually defending hitting little humans as a means to alter their behavior. I have a 3 year old who has never been hit and a 6month old who will never be hit. My wife and I are constantly praised at how well our child listens. Which is absurd. The last thing we want is a child that blindly follows what he is told. Our child listens to us because we've treated him with respect his whole life. We've built trust with him. There are limits that need to be enforced, but enforcement does not mean punishment. Hopefully a 4yr old is not allowed to play by himself on a yard that faces a street. It's the parents job to set up a safe environment for a child play in, its not the child's job to be able to determine which areas he can play in and not get killed.
I equate hitting children to lazy parenting.
At times parenting without things like spanking can be challenging, because it leads to kids with a stronger will and less blind acceptance of authority. But in the long run it will lead to a happier more self sufficient adult.
I was spanked as a child, I've also been present when other's have spanked their children. I have never witnessed a spanking that was not emotionally charged. Meaning the parents reach a "point" where they need to "teach" the child something. So you have a situation of high emotion, both in the parent and in the child, then the parent basically says (with their actions) that "you do what you are told" or I will have no compassion for you. Not only that, but I will physically impose my will on you until you comply. Being an emotionally charged situation allows it to very easily lead into something more violent than "simple spanking".
It is "easier" to hit a kid when they don't do want you want. And it will alter their behavior. Using fear to impose your will on a child will lead to fearful adults. Take a look at our culture. American culture runs on fear. I do not find this coincidental.
Sweden has had a ban on corporal punishment since 1979, and as of 2012, 24 other countries have banned it as well. So it is quite possible to raise kids without hitting them.
Another question you should ask yourself is whether punishing child makes sense at all.
Some resources:
Unconditional Parenting
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
EDIT Grammar, readability.
The thought of keeping a relationship with this woman makes me bristle, but, I know of two books off the top of my head that talk about juggling a relationship with this sort of woman. The first is The Emotionally Absent Mother, 2nd Ed. It has a section on advice for how to maintain a relationship without letting yourself be trampled and without just going NC.
The other, is Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. It's expensive on Amazon, but check thriftbooks and half price books online if you're interested. IDK what HotWheels' issues can be attributed to, but even if she doesn't have the disorder, the book devotes four entire chapters to maintaining a relationship with a dysfunctional mother who won't change without getting your boundaries trampled.
Some people might recommend Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, but in her section on maintaining contact with people, the people who are doing the abusing are more just misguided than fundamentally broken like HW. I don't think Forward's techniques would be enough to keep your boundaries intact, but if you're a fast reader, it's another volume that gives advice on maintaining contact without losing yourself.
I've written before about when I was still in contact with my own parents. Structured contact is your friend. Meet in public places. Have a big audience, like in the middle of an Olive Garden or something. Carry cash- that way if shit hits the fan, you can hand cash to your server or the host before walking out to leave. Activities are a good bet- things like the zoo, where the focus is on the animals and not on HW. That's just one example.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I know this sub screams "NC!!!!" a lot, because we've been hurt trying to keep contact. But since you seem to want a relationship with your mother-in-law, take a look at the tools outlined in the books above.
I'd guess you should talk to her and let her know that you know. Otherwise I'd assume she's carrying around guilt about not telling you, which has no value since you now know it happened.
Also, thank the older brother for paying. It is not good for babies to be born into the sort of chaos you're describing emerging from.
Edit: Pennebaker's "Opening Up" describes the negative health consequences of carrying secrets around. I expect her to incur those consequences if she's keeping the abortion secret from you.
I would get a second opinion ASAP just for peace of mind for your parents if nothing else. If you do go off meds, consistent therapy and exercise, a healthy diet, and good sleep hygiene will be key (easier said than done, I know).
Depending on your diet and how much sunlight you get, you may want to look into supplementing with Vitamin D & K, Magnesium, Zinc, and high EPA fish oil.
Modafinil wouldn't be an everyday, long-term solution but I find that it does help reduce depressive symptoms and make me at least slightly more functional. It may be worth mentioning to your pdoc, assuming you haven't already tried it and the side effects are bearable.
These two books have both helped me quite a bit and I highly recommend them.
Bipolar, Not So Much and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder
I can't recommend this book enough: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.
It deals with scientifically proven, non-violent ways to address 90% of the behavior problems I see on this sub. I use it with my students, and it works wonders. Without more details, I can't say why your son is acting as he is.
I wonder: how do you and your wife handle frustrating situations? If you're working on something that breaks, do you guys laugh and try again? Or is there anger, shouting, cursing, stomping, withdrawing, etc? Kids tend to mimic the coping mechanisms they are exposed to at home, and learn to act the way that their parents guide them to.
"Adult Children in recovery strive to go from an emotional child in an adult's body to an adult with a child-like side. Recovery is an ongoing process with many paths and detours and side trips. Recovering from childhood issues can be a lifetime endevour, but healing IS possible". Now there really is no easy way out of your situation. If your mother is not ready to start detox and the path to recovery, you have to remove yourself from that situation, in any way possible. If moving out is somehow not possible, maybe you can try to find a way so the drinking of your mother doesn't affect you as much. You will have to let go of feeling like you need to protect your parent, let go of the responsibilities that are pushed upon you. If there is a way to involve your mother in this that would be good, tell her how you feel and what you need, if she doesn't cooperate then don't look back. It will hurt, a lot, but there is no other way, im sorry. If there was an easy way i would tell you, and maybe there is one but i haven't found it so far. Just know that you deserve to be happy and live your own life, and not be held back by something you have no control over. If you got any questions you can send me a PM, im assuming i was in pretty much the same situation you are a couple months ago, it can and will get better if you take the necessary steps. Also, if you need some reading material read this. It helped me a lot, maybe it can do the same for you. I wish you all the best.
[Separated two years ago, divorced a year. One son, 6 yrs old]
My apologies for the wall of text, but this is something I've got opinions and experience with, so it's what you get. :-)
Keep things amicable between you and your stbx. It's great that you're concerned about your kid but in the short-term the best thing you can do for his emotional well-being is focus on getting your divorce hammered out such that you and your ex don't resent one another after the dust has settled. That way, in the long run, he has the best chance of having two loving parents in his life who do everything they can to minimize the impact of divorce.
After that comes figuring out how to work together as good co-parents, which means being able to communicate regularly about what's going on in his life - his doctor and dentist appointments, his school work, his after-school activities, his emotional swings (which are unavoidable), his questions about why mom and dad aren't living together, about new love interest(s) in your life, about one or the other of you getting remarried... it never ends. There are dozens, hundreds of conversations you'll need to have as parents in the months and years ahead. And no matter how friendly you are, no matter how well you communicate, the fact you're no longer able to hash this stuff out as a married couple will be maddening, frustrating, and depressing at times. It sucks, and you just do the best you can to mitigate the impact.
Mom's House, Dad's House is worth a read. It talks about a lot of this stuff. Ideally both you and your stbx should read it, so you have a common baseline for what to expect and how to interact with eachother in the times ahead.
Neither you nor your stbx should ever badmouth or disrespect one another in front of your kid. In fact, don't do it away from your kid either; your kid will figure out how you feel, so set aside any resentment or anger you might have about how your stbx was a failure as a spouse, and focus instead on how she acts as your son's co-parent.
Never put your kid in the middle. Don't use him as a go-between for messages. Don't use him to glean information about your stbx's life away from you. And never put him in the position of having to choose between the two of you. Edit to reinforce /u/IAmA_meat_popsicle's comment: 'Make damn sure he knows it's not his fault'.
Make "what's best for our son" your mantra for how you and your stbx interact. You'll be surprised at how quickly that question clarifies arguments and issues.
Accept that your son is going to go through emotional periods, probably for years to come. Focus on keeping in good communication with him, make sure he's comfortable asking questions when he's upset about things. I'm in the habit every week or two casually asking my son how he's feeling about things, if he has any questions about his mom and I, or about my girlfriend and her daughter. Most of the time he doesn't, but once in a while something will come up. I've lost track of the number of times he's asked why mom and I don't live together. And, no, it doesn't get easier to answer.
When something does come up, don't try to solve his problems right away. Just listen and hold him. Reassure him that he is still loved by both you and his mom.
Edit to add that just because your kid's fears are irrational doesn't mean they don't need to be addressed. When my son worried he would never see his mom again after the divorce, I think one of us dismissed it with something like, "Oh, you don't need to worry about that". What our son heard was, "it's not okay to have that fear", which made things worse for him, not better. Even though his fear made no sense to us as a grown up, we should have still taken it seriously, 'taken the time to ask why he felt that way, and disarm the underlying cause of that fear.
Talking to kids about your divorce is hard though. Which brings me to something that may be a little controversial: I don't think it's okay to lie to children, ever. It's tempting to sugarcoat things, to deny anything is wrong, but (imho) dishonesty makes things worse. You incur an emotional debt that blows up in your face later. Kids are young, but they're not stupid.
Respect your son's right to ask questions and get honest answers. But appreciate that he has a simplistic (and skewed) view of life, love, and family. Just give him enough of an answer to satisfy his needs right now, and leave the rest until later. When my son asks why we're divorced, we answer with, "sometimes it's better for moms and dads to not live together anymore". He asks why, of course, but I've found it's okay to answer with, "I don't have a good answer to that right now, let's talk about it when you're older". He has been surprisingly accepting of this. Maybe in a decade or two we'll get to the why underneath it all, but until then... shrug.
Whether or not you have a talk with your son to tell him you're getting divorced is up to you. He'll figure it out eventually, one way or another. My ex and I didn't do this. My son was four when we separated, too young for a serious talk to be meaningful. And the breakdown of our marriage was mercifully quick. There was only a period of a few weeks or maybe a couple months when things weren't "happy" in our home. So we just treated our separation as "the new normal" for him. He went from having a happy home to having two homes that were... well... separate. I don't know if it was the best approach, but I haven't seen any big down sides to it.
Which brings me to... there will be ups and downs to your son's awareness of what's going on. That's a given. One unexpected [for me] source of this are the cues and conversations that my son picks up on from his friends and classmates. He sees how divorce affects his friends with divorced parents and he emotionally projects that onto his own world. This has happened several times already, and I expect it to continue. Don't think this is going to be a "phase" your son goes through and then it's over with. It's something you're going to deal with for years to come. So just be there for him. Provide him with the love and security he needs to feel safe.
That's what I've tried to do. So far it's working out okay.
Good luck.
>What do you say to your employer, do I have to or should I tell them?
You don't say anything unless you absolutely have to and I can't think of a reason that would ever meet that criteria. Hospitalization or otherwise. You are not obligated to tell them anything and you are better off sticking to that.
>How often does it actually come up on a day to day basis
For a lot and arguably most people it doesn't come up unless you bring it up. If you don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know, the most they'll do is suspect something if they know enough about bipolar disorder to pick it out.
>how do you come out as bipolar, maybe?
It's good to tell a couple people who you trust and you know care about you because they can kinda have an eye out for you when you start swinging. You really are better off keeping it between you, your psychiatrist, family/friends you can trust, and supportive people who understand what you're going through.
>suddenly a reality of some description is dawning. It's like I'M BIPOLAR. I'M. Bi. POLAR. WTF?? I look at the word and think, aww, bears..., and then I get a grip and think, uh, no, real, long-term, mental illness; lifetime of drugs and psychiatrists and people thinking I'm going to hang my shoes off my ears and run round shouting FIRE FIRE, people who care about me not knowing how to talk to me, lifetime of blowing relationships with people because I think I'm ok when I'm not... how does this really pan out?
The day I was hospitalized, I had my own collection of moments where that realization dawned on me. As I was driving to the hospital while my mind was going completely haywire, in between the fear and paranoia, the part of my mind I recognize as the real me was like "Holy shit. This is the real fucking deal. I have a mental illness." When I got the hospital and they fast-tracked me to the front of the line it hit me again. When the attending nurse came back and said "We need you to admit yourself or we will have to admit you involuntarily" it hit me. When I walked through the locked door of the inpatient facility it hit me. When they made me take off my shoes and store them in a container, give my mom my wallet and keys, take the string out of my hoodie, stash my notebook in the nurse's station... it hit me.
It was unnerving but I had known that I had bipolar disorder it had just never reared it's head like that. What I also knew was that my medication worked (I had some issues with my psychiatrist and not having access to my medication for about a month. I'll stick up a pharmacy if I have to these days. I refuse to not take meds).
Ultimately though, your life will continue as normal. Yes you'll always have that monster in your head. You'll do your best to keep it caged but sometimes it'll rattle you. Stick to your treatment. Understand the first meds they give you may not work out for you. Maybe the side-effects will keep you from doing what you need to be doing. Maybe it just won't work right. But stick with it and work with your psychiatrist to find the right cocktail. Be honest with them and let them know everything about how you're feeling with the medication and such.
The world is filled with people who don't and will likely never understand mental illness. All they'll ever know are the stories of people (generally untreated) who really lost their shit and did wild things. Or maybe they'll have personal experiences with those people and have a tarnished perspective on what it means to be someone who has bipolar disorder. But don't let that get you down and don't take anything they may say that's hurtful personally. They just don't get it and it's not really their fault. It's okay and maybe even good to provide people with information and perspective of your own. Expressing yourself to the right audience can be not only therapeutic for you but help other people like us in the future as they come into contact with the people who don't have it.
Bipolar disorder will always be a part of you but you don't have to let it define your life. Yeah, sometimes you just won't feel like doing shit or maybe you'll feel like doing everything and then get burned out and disappointed with the numerous and impractical undertakings you took on. But it's okay. Always remember that those phases will pass. When you find the right treatment, they'll be less frequent and less severe. You don't have to let the illness get in your way.
Also, I want you to read this book. It's called Welcome to the Jungle: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Bipolar but Were Too Freaked Out to Ask. I think it will give you exactly what you're wanting right now and it's a fantastic read. I will fucking buy the kindle edition for you if you promise to read it.
Don't worry. You got this.
I liked John Gottman’s Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting .
Same.
This book helped me understand a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Absent-Mother-Updated-Expanded-ebook/dp/B06XY2Z7BQ
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?keywords=dbt+workbook&qid=1572124498&sprefix=DBT+&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzSEFRSFhUVElCTExaJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNjg5NDk5M1VUVFI1UlRYRFpLSiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNjYzNzkyT0VJRzNUQVJGRktQJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfcGhvbmVfc2VhcmNoX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=
Two weeks in.
"Cheaper than prescription drugs" is a complete lie, tho. I mean, maybe when it was written Prozac was $200/mo; but now it's ~$4.
Start talking to lawyers and work on building a case before filing. Don't leave the house.
Focus all the love you used to hold for your wife on your children. Anytime you are angry at her, stop and think how blessed you are to have them in your life. They will never stop loving you, even if they might stop expressing it from 13-17 or so.
Remember that they also love their mother. They need her. If you even start to think about using them as a weapon against her or not letting her see them as a form of revenge I will personally come and kick you in the teeth. From here forward, you will not say a single negative thing to them about their mother, other than the fact that things didn't work between you two is not their fault, and doesn't mean either of you will ever stop loving them. Like it or not, you are going to have to develop a working relationship with her outside of the context of your marriage.
Consider reading this or something like it.
Start your own course of therapy and find a productive way to focus that rage on living well, be it exercise or self improvement.
Your kid is great. Your MIL sucks donkey balls.
I don't think for a minute you got lucky with DD. Empathy may be part of her nature but you have clearly encouraged her emotional intelligence.
Could be wrong but almost positive this book - Focused Forward: Navigating the Storms of Adult ADHD has a small section near the end about parenting with ADHD. Highly recommend it, out all of the stuff I’ve read over the past few years, this book has helped me the most.
One of the tricky things about personality disorders is how hard they are to actually diagnose, it took about 4 months of me acting out before they’d diagnose me. There’s also c-ptsd which can also cause people to have a favorite person. I’m not a professional though, so it could honestly just be ocd and gad.
Here’s the links though
Dbt book i used: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?keywords=dbt+workbook&qid=1574590549&sprefix=dbt+&sr=8-4
For anxiety: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572249544/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=dbt+workbook+anxiety&qid=1574590865&sprefix=dbt+workbook+anxi&sr=8-3
I mean that’s what DBT teaches - skills to regulate your emotions.
I’ve heard good things about Dr. Fox’s workbook, plan to order it myself even though I’m in DBT therapy...I need all the help I can get.
https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Workbook-Integrative/dp/1684032733
My family situation is similar though not as bad with the substance abuse and they don't ask for money.
To cut them out of your life completely is probably not the best thing for your mental health down the road unless they pose a danger to you or your kids. That said, everyone has to respect each other's limits. Offer what you feel like you can. Call as regularly as you feel comfortable with.
Remember your guilt comes from the fact that you are a good person, but also because society expects children to be dutiful to their parents. That stipulation, however, is predicated upon the fact that parents are supposed to be loving, sober, and dutiful to their children.
When the compact is broken, when parents are abusive or place their children below their own selfish needs, it inexorably damages the child as well as the relationship. One remedy to this is to parent your children in the way that you needed as a child. Through doing this, you will find the language to tell yourself the things you need to hear so that you can processes all the shit from your past.
May I recommend this book? http://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Again-Parenting-Ourselves/dp/1568381905
Good luck- The holidays are hard for kids with broken homes.
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http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Jungle-Everything-Bipolar-Freaked/dp/1573244724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1299787629&sr=1-1
I found this one at my library and was really impressed with the majority of it. The author is a woman in her twenties and has some hilarious as hell stories like a depression episode where she cried over a "sad" fence. It has a good amount of humor, introduced me to behavioral cognitive therapy (which worked for me) and gives some good research on bipolar. There are parts I don't agree with, she is pretty adamant that there is a super slim chance you can get off medication for good which I believe is false in some situations. The book isn't boring at all and a very easy read.
I'm pretty sure it is this one. I've liked it a lot so far and how differently it approaches bpd.
You have two issues here. One, your friend seems to have a drinking problem. Two, your friend likes to drive after drinking.
There isn't a lot you can do about #1. As long as he wants to drink, he will continue to drink.
You might be able to do something about #2. Having a drinking problem doesn't excuse drunk driving. If it were me, I'd tell him that if I ever saw or heard of him driving after drinking, I'd call the police. And I'd do it, too. If he hasn't learned his lesson yet, he at least needs to be taken off the road before he kills somebody.
The "For Concerned Family Members" section of our FAQ is pasted below. Check out some of those resources.
Good luck.
For Concerned Family Members
/r/stopdrinking is primarily a support community for those looking for help with their own drinking. As such, this often isn't the best place to ask for advice regarding a friend or family member with an alcohol problem. You are welcome to post to this community, but please be aware that your question may be better answered in another forum. Here are a few resources for friends & family looking for advice.
From Dr. Patricia McConnell's For the Love of a Dog: Understanding Emotion in You and Your Best Friend:
>It's no coincidence that highly social animals like people and dogs have exceptionally expressive faces...Emotional expressions act like lubricants in social interactions, and the more important your behavior is to those around you, the more important it is that they be able to read your emotions from your expressions.
>One of the most important things to notice about a dog's face is whether her mouth is open or closed. Relaxed, happy dogs tend to have relaxed and often slightly open mouths. In its extreme form, biologists call the look the "open-mouth play face." Aspects of this expression are not unlike the human smile.
I recommend the book if you're interested - the author is a PhD in animal behavior as well as a dog trainer, and she discusses a range of dog emotions and how to read them. A lot are quite similar to human expressions, so no, it's not simply anthropomorphizing. She discusses the debate among scientists about anthropomorphization, too - much of her argument is that fear of doing that has led to some illogical denial of of fairly obvious similarities between the emotional lives of dogs and humans.
I get downvoted a lot when I post this, people probably think I'm the author looking for sales, but anyway, I think it's genuinely a good book. I don't know if it will specifically help, but it can't hurt to try. Especially the chapters regarding biological symptoms (I think it's chapter 7, but I don't have my copy right in front of me). There may be a simple regimen of supplements that will help deal with it. Anyway, here is the link.
That bought that, but the second edition. It’s on Amazon.
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684034582/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_O7lGDbXC7KN6J
I really like imaginitive ways to beat procrastination. I think boredom is a big factor for adhd'ers and making a silly game of things is just more interesting than trying to constantly will yourself through it.
A couple of my favorite resources along those lines:
​
The focused forward book was really good (and I've read many adhd books). One of my favorite tactics from that was to imagine an 'advisory board' in your head. This would consist of some of your favorite people (real life or fiction) having discussions about what you should do about 'X'. I've found that to be a very powerful tool when you are just stuck in a problem loop (can't see a solution or direction) or just aren't motivated. And even if it doesn't work it's fun to imagine absurd scenarios like your high school shop teacher, Einstein, and Ghenghis Khan arguing about you can't just sit down and finish your taxes.
If you zoom in the title of the book is in small print at the bottom. You can also google phrases from the book which will usually hit google books results.
​
https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Again-Parenting-Ourselves/dp/1568381905
It's so absurd and if you aren't in therapy people just say you're not trying hard enough or don't really want to get better, like being a victim, etc. Fuck 'em. They have no idea what's going on or what it's like.
 
I love therapy books now, haha. I hated the idea of self help but these aren't selling anything, they're fairly clinical approaches and written by actual health professionals, not gurus or 'personalities.'
 
Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward
 
Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw
 
Healing the Incest Wound by Christine B. Courtois This one is pretty good but the language focuses heavily on father/daughter incest which is limiting, unfortunately.
 
The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker Don't let the full title mislead you, it's absolutely not about forgiving your parents, it's about learning to accept the shitty feelings that linger even after treatment.
 
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker A life changing book, really. I'm particularly fond of Pete Walker because he is a therapist AND an abuse survivor himself so he's not just talking from the ivory tower, he's been through it and the compassion and empathy he has for other survivors is evident in his writing.
Hey I was reading through my journal today and remembered something I read in the The Complete ACOA Sourcebook about being in a victim role. When you grow up like we have, sometimes you gain this victim role where you are constantly relating everything back to yourself. I totally do that and frequently feel like a piece of narcissistic shit because of it. Anyway, learning about how to overcome your role is important in getting past it.
Additional advice: don't just Google this stuff because there's so much unhelpful and toxic information. The book I linked was recommended by my therapist and I love it.
It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.
This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.
The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.
And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:
The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.
And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.
As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.
The Poet X
For connecting with Jake, I recommend For the Love of a Dog: Understanding Emotion in You and Your Best Friend by Patricia McConnell.
For Frank, I recommend After You Get Your Puppy and Dog Training Digital Textbook by Ian Dunbar. You'll have to register for the site, but it takes 30 seconds.
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?keywords=dbt&qid=1570287044&sprefix=dbt&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFMNkpTU0ZOUUoyTEwmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA4NTQ1MzRBRVFEVllRT0I5RjMmZW5jcnlwdGVkQWRJZD1BMDY2Mzc5Mk9FSUczVEFSRkZLUCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl
Welcome to the Jungle: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Bipolar but Were Too Freaked Out to Ask
This book is funny and irreverent and single-handedly got me through the days of loneliness and fear and alienation when I was first diagnosed.
I am Malala is a book I think most people should read given the turmoil in the middle east and how easy it is to hate someone you've never met. It's about the girl who was shot by the Taliban for learning how to read and encouraging womens rights.
Life and Death in Shanghai is a great one about what it's like to live in the slums of huge city in China.
Kiterunner is fiction, but heavily based on the authors own life about escaping the middle east as well
Why Elephants Weep is about Elephants and how they feel pain when they lose a member of their group, and will adopt orphan elephants, and even throw themselves in front of trains to try and save members of their group
A Mans Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl should be read by everyone, it's very short and touches on what makes life worth living and all that.
The emotional Lives of Animals is probably the most on target https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Lives-Animals-Scientist-Explores/dp/1577316290
I Can Handle It by Laurie Wright
Listening to My Body: A guide to helping kids understand the connection between their sensations (what the heck are those?) and feelings so that they can get better at figuring out what they need. by Gabi Garcia
Breathe Like a Bear: 30 Mindful Moments for Kids to Feel Calm and Focused Anytime, Anywhere by Kira Willey
Edit to add a French book: Léon et les émotions by Annie Groovie!
James Pennebaker has a book about the subject too, if anyone's interested in further reading.
Suffering is a great teacher. Learn from it. Listen to it.
Maybe you'll still be sad or angry, etc. But that won't be THE ONLY THING you are in those moments.
Depression is unresolved sadness or anger. Without allowing sadness and anger, you're not fully feeling. Let them in. Be mindful of them.
Think of a wolf. You can fear it. You can fight it. Or you can love it, learn what it wants, and you can train it into a dog: man's best friend.
The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame https://www.amazon.com/dp/1515079767/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Ri3jDbSC82RNM
Sorry to keep throwing books at you. I like helping people.
Oh okay so you're going to be able to do DBT eventually but you're having to wait for a spot, yeah?
Here's something that could keep you busy in the meantime: https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Workbook-Integrative/dp/1684032733/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=borderline+personality+disorder+workbook&qid=1565038749&s=books&sr=1-1-spons&psc=1
The guy that wrote that is a psychologist that specializes in personality disorders and his favorite clients are the borderlines. He's helped tons and tons of them achieve remission :)
This is a great book Growing Up Again
I read it to reparent myself and just ended up crying that I'd never, not once, heard the supportive or assertive care from either of my parents. It was all 100% abuse from Mom (criticism, yelling, violating my boundaries) and 100% neglect from Dad ("stop whining" or absent).
These seminars on Boundaries has been life-changing for me. It explains how a decent childhood affects everything. How well we do at "boring" routines like self-care, housework, sleep, diet, exercise, study, motivation for our lives needs to be instilled at a young age. Anyone with difficulty in these areas had childhood trauma regarding boundaries.
It explains why people who can't hear me say No the first time had shitty parents who didn't reinforce No means No. They let it mean "convince me" or "wait till I count to 10", or "keep pushing until you get what you want". They're basically raising a rapist.
Tim does a ton of other seminars on Complex Trauma and Codependence.
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" was a good read, just to check your own EI and to help raise your child right.
I have a ton of other books in my amazon cart, need to wait till pay day :P
An Adult Child's Guide to What's "Normal"
No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way To Calm The Chaos And Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies To Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
Emotional Intelligence
Nurtureshock
You might like "Emotional Blackmail" and "When I say No I Feel Guilty" to help brace yourself for going NC with your mothers. After reading all the things I have, and the seminars, there's no way I'd let my (hypothetical) kid around a narc ever again. Boundary Violators traumatize the shit out of babies and kids. They love it. They feed on it. They get their jollies getting right up in there on malleable kids who can't protest and don't know better.
Congratulations on being proactive and wanting to raise a good human being. Remember, protect yourself. Protect your baby. You guys come first, not someone else's feelings.
It sounds like you're on the right track. Kids need boundaries and logical consequences for misbehavior. Some of my favorite parenting books are:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child
The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively
Understanding Your Child's Temperament
These books can be pretty dry, but the information is very useful. If you google enough you can probably find the cliff's notes versions. Good luck!
>Acknowledge their mistakes, recognize the effect it had on you, and then forgive them if you can. Holding on to anger and hate can only hurt you.
Hey, would just like to make a counter-point to this. I was trying to compose one myself, but just found the following excerpt from this complex-PTSD therapist's website which is quite relevant. (Although I realize your point certainly wasn't black-and-white):
"Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover. Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process. In fact, the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive. This is because premature forgiving intentions mimic the defenses of denial and repression. They keep unprocessed feelings of anger and hurt about childhood unfairnesses out of awareness."
In other words, holding on to the anger is certainly self-destructive, but simply allowing ourselves to feel the anger is beneficial to our mental health.
from http://pete-walker.com/forgiveness.htm
For what it's worth, this^ guy has a great, very validating website. Also his book here is supposed to be very good.
Edit: Okay yeah, seriously, the reviews for that book are fantastic, haha. It's called "The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame". Highly recommended
Welcome!
I would suggest this workbook and this book for yourself. Then I would suggest this book for your loved ones.
Here is some good information on the different therapies for BPD that they say are most effective (DBT being one of them).
I follow a bunch of accounts on Instagram with inspirational quotes and relatable content that I find helpful. My favourite hashtag being # bpdrecovery - if you use Instagram, I highly suggest checking it out.
I think the most important thing to remember is to be active in your recovery and to be kind to yourself.
I hope this helps!
Not programs but some little things I have found to help -
Cosmic Yoga (youtube channel) has some meditation routines for kids - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBnPlqQFPKs
also I had students in the past that were calmed down simply from watching jelly fish swim to calming music - like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmfbP17xyqQ
also found this book to be useful (depending on the age of your child) - https://www.amazon.ca/Can-Handle-Ms-Laurie-Wright/dp/099524720X/ref=sr_1_12?crid=1I7JP9BSMNB1O&keywords=anxiety+workbook+for+kids&qid=1563833004&s=books&sprefix=anxiety+workbook%2Cstripbooks%2C165&sr=1-12
Here, this one is on emotion coaching
https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Parenting/dp/0684838656
That contact and care will become more and more valuable to you as you age. You might also find James Pennebaker's book Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions to be helpful. (The expressing of the emotions is done via a private journal, and in a way he describes in the book.) Thanks for the post.
Looking good my guy! Also, if you're looking for any resources for your path to positivity, check out a book called Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.
It's a very helpful read.
Since this is your first dog I have some recommended reading for you:
The Other End of the Leash and For the Love of a Dog
There was a book I read that I need to go back through: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Gottman/dp/0684838656
It's by the same guy who wrote Emotional IQ years ago.
Some of me working through it is trying to not create a schedule in my mind. For example, last night when I got home from work, there were 2 things that needed to get done 1. Son's karate class and 2. Get my daughter's bike for her birthday today.
In addition to that, I had some work that I could do on my laptop, I wanted to watch at least some of the Thursday Night Football game, I wanted to watch The Office and probably should do some dishes.
If I go home trying to get all those things done, I rush past my kids. If I go home and say "I'm going to spend time with the kids tonight." Then I'm able to learn more about their emotional state. If I don't watch any TV or do any work, that's all right. I can do work after they go to bed, and NBC puts the Office online so I can watch it then.
That's been part of my goal, just spending time with the kids with no objective or alterior motive. For example, my daughter wants to read a book, then we should read a book. I should NOT take this opportunity to teach her about conjugating verbs :)
I'd say that's been my biggest shortfall, is I'm too objective oriented and so I don't relate.
Advice for you, CHANGE THE DIAPERS!!!! I didn't. In part because my wife wanted to spend that time with our kids and in part because I didn't want to deal with poop :) However, changing the diapers helps you create a bond between your child and you. It sounds silly, it sounds ridiculous, but I can testify first hand that it's true.
I'm developing a relationship with both my kids now but I've got to think it would have been easier if I would have helped more on those "small" tasks.
Don't be discouraged. Harder done then said but all is not lost. My BF has been working on his PhD in Physics for some time now (I think 10yrs?) and is finally getting to his dissertation. It hasn't been an easy road but I'd say it's been worth the rollercoaster. Recently I found this book and it has made a big difference in things. He learned things he didn't know (imagine that haha) and because of it I feel like we have a path to "control" and being healthy.
Sometimes when things seem world shattering and horrible it's really something that was needed. Now you have an opportunity to reevaluate your life goals, likes dislikes, what actually makes you happy.
My BF is 31 now so don't worry about how old you are and where you feel like you should be in life. Everyone is different, be sure to give yourself a break for what you're going through.
My psychologist always said "consider your circumstances and you'll see that you're really not doing bad". Little goals add up and they make big goals that much closer.
I know two guys who wrote a book meant to answer your questions.
https://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Not-Much-Understanding-Depression/dp/0393711749
http://library1.org/_ads/CD91110C733FEDF41FD221F4E5F346D8
https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/bk3c44/books_and_websites_for_bipolar_cognitive_therapy/
I read all of it. You just need to pick a goal and go full david motherfcking goggins and you are prime for it. You are the most ready for Goggins as I have ever seen a person.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2CojhzG0aU
You could be misdiagnosed. Read the DSM 5 and all of those textbooks that they make your pdoc read, then you can make your own assessment.
Good luck
stay hard
Yes. I didn't recognize my mom as a narcissist until after I had a baby (who's now a toddler), but I think about this a lot now. I'm actively working on it by reading a lot of books on how to be a good parent, like No Bad Kids and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. I've also been talking about this worry with my therapist. She pointed out that I'm approaching empathetic parenting with intention, so that already seems to set me apart from my mom. That makes me feel like I'm on the right path.
I've also been thinking lately about how my mom and my MIL, who is also a narcissist, expect my husband and I (and our siblings) to take care of them. They're not infirm or anything - they've acted like that our entire lives. I remind myself frequently that it's my job to take care of my kid, not the other way around. When he acts out, it's because he's having a hard time. It's not something he's doing to me.
To be honest, it is sometimes a challenge. Even when I feel like I'm doing everything right, I wonder if he'll feel more positive about me than I do about my mom when he gets to be my age. But working on my relationship with him isn't draining in the way that my relationship with my mom is. I feel like all the hard work I put into myself and my relationship with him will pay dividends. If he knows I love him for who he is, I will have succeeded.
Pennebaker's "Opening Up" describes a procedure that has helped me at times. Spend a half hour a day writing down your thoughts, trying to construct a narrative that describes both the emotional and practical aspects of whatever-it-is. Repeat until it is boring.
Another thing that helped me a great deal was getting married. The important thing is a stable relationship and not being lonely, not the government and religiously approved contract.
Exercise helps too.
Clinical-depression.co.uk points to claims that sleep disruption leads to rumination which in terms leads to sleep disruption the next night, and the cycle is called depression. This points at several options to fix it, but one thing that helps is to realise that the rumination is a consequence of the poor sleep, not evidence that the thing being ruminated about is a real problem.
http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Brain-Revised-Expanded/dp/110190464X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458477926&sr=8-1&keywords=healthy+brain+healthy+life
Get this book if you don't want to take meds
I understand that completely. I have a six figure job where if people knew what I was doing when I got home, they would be shocked. I also quit drinking a few years ago and convinced myself that this was much better for me and wasn't going to be an issue, but then I basically became a depressed shut in except for work.
I feel your pain, but we'll get through it and be better people for it. I was doing the shame and self-loathing as well, and now when I tell myself "You're a piece of shit", I stop and go "No, that's not true" and I think about the things I've done in my life to make me successful and think about the people that love me. You have to stand up to yourself, which has taken me about a year to get to this point and it's what started me on the road to becoming sober. I didn't do it alone though, I went to therapy and used a work book called "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook". There's a link below if you're interested in working through it. It's pretty eye opening.
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14309115948772840390&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027746&hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-818602319988&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=79033899111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14309115948772840390&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027746&hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-818602319988
Lots of comments about redirection. Redirection is a good thing for sure; however, without a crucial first step, simply redirecting is an emotionally dismissing parental style. Let me explain. Children cry because something is wrong or upsetting them. Granted, the issue is often trivial to us as parents who have experienced "real" pains and griefs like losing a job, a car crash, losing a loved one. Yet for the child, they lack that perspective. Couple that lack of experience with a developing brain that can't understand the why of things plus a fledgling stress management system, suddenly you've got the perfect recipe for crying over what seems like silly things to us.
The problem with only redirecting is that it doesn't teach the child how to handle their negative emotions like sadness or anger. The subtle message is they shouldn't listen or attend to their negative emotions. Also, the unspoken message is the parent doesn't care. Obviously that isn't true; parents care a great deal and hate seeing their children hurting. Imagine if every time you felt down and wanted to talk to your friend or spouse, they kept changing the subject. Eventually you'd stop opening up to them.
Help the child learn to label the emotion. Empathize with them. Yes, it would make me sad or upset if my ice cream fell on the sidewalk. I would feel mad too if someone talked bad about me on the playground, etc. THEN help the child brainstorm socially acceptable ways of handling the situation. This method helps kids learn how to handle their emotions while the stakes are low. As they grow and life becomes more complex, their ability to self-soothe and handle their negative emotions in a healthy manner grows with them.
There is significant research that backs up this approach called Emotion Coaching. Children who receive this type of guidance from their parents do better in school, make friends easier, experience fewer behavioral problems, and even get sick less. Pick up the book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman to read more about his interesting research into parent-child interactions and the effects of different parenting styles.
As the father of two little girls, this is a really cute video though. :)
I was diagnosed as autistic at around 12, and the bpd diagnosis wasn’t made until I was 22. r/BPD would be a good place for her to start I think, it’s usually a pretty welcoming and supportive place. You may want to keep an eye out and make sure she knows to avoid anything that may be triggering for her, I haven’t seen too many posts on r/BPD that would be problematic, but I know sometimes on other subs like r/depression or r/CPTSD people have made posts about suicide/self harm or traumatic events that could be stressful to read.
Have you ever heard of Marsha Linehan? She created a workbook that is dedicated to helping people with BPD (and other mental illnesses) learn concepts and techniques to help safely cope when they are in distress. If you are not satisfied with her psych doctor’s efforts, it could be a helpful tool for you to use and learn from at home until she is getting the help she needs. I just did a quick search and found it on amazon, and the overview will give you a much better idea of whether it could be a useful resource. This is the one i found, there are also many other variations of the workbook’s material that could be more appropriate for her specifically.
Do some breathing or other meditation before you go back to sleep. Then add to things during the day:
And finally, the one thing that very few books focus on or that people mention in blogs . . . . deep physical relaxation. See LaBerge Chapter 2 for more info.
Good luck!
> And the last contributing factor is bacterial infection that damages the prefrontal cortex.
Any damage to the PFC could lead to ADHD. For whatever reason, our skull evolved to have what are essentially spikes pointing at the brain (I'm only slightly exaggerating about the spikes). I'll see if I can find which book that was mentioned in and edit this later.
Edit: The books I was expecting to find it in (____ from distraction) didn't have the chapter title I was looking for. It's most likely in Change Your Brain but I can't find my copy right now.
Welcome to the Jungle
https://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Jungle-Everything-Bipolar-Freaked/dp/1573244724
Thank you for the advice. I'll try to respond to each of your points.
1
I'm currently looking for a DBT counsellor in my area. In the meantime I'm reading this amazing DBT workbook that I bought. I'm only on the second chapter but it's helped already.
2
I'm very open and honest with everyone. My life is an open book you could say, so that isn't an issue. Most of my trauma stems from those childhood incidents, primarily my dad and bullies at school. Finding the right therapist is definitely challenging. I had one EMDR therapist that was a former ordained minister, and she constantly prostelyzed to me and tried to convert me... I quit seeing her.
I then went to a trauma center that specializes in childhood trauma and PTSD. They played an audio tape on gratefulness. The tape started okay, be grateful for this, be greatful for that... but then the narrator said "be grateful you aren't a starving black child in Africa". I was instantly triggered, I couldn't believe they actually went there!! I had to plug my ears and tune out the rest of the tape I was so upset and distraught. As soon as the tape ended I spoke up and told the group leaders "that's guilt tripping and negative reinforcement!". A few of the other group members joined in and said "yea, that made me feel bad too". I never went back to that group therapy again.
I kind of gave up on therapy after that. I was going through a stressful move at the time and I had lots of other things to deal with. After those two bad therapy experiences I felt defeated and gave up. I need to give it another try like you said, just keep trying different therapists until I find one that works best for me.
3
The third point is a hard one for me since I have so many overlapping mental and physical issues. My diet is extremely restrictive, I have a lot of food sensitivities. I dropped from 175lbs to 117lbs at one point a couple years ago (I generally fluctuate between 120-140 lbs). I couldn't eat anything without being sick. I'm chronically underweight from avoiding food or being sick. Everything triggers my GERD or iBS, dairy, gluten, sugar, fat. I haven't had a slice of pizza in over 15 years or any my of favourite foods like spaghetti (tomatoes being a big GERD trigger). It just adds further depression and trauma to my life by having such a restrictive diet.
I've been eating chicken/tukey, rice, and brocolli for the past 15 years. That's all I eat, every meal, 3 times a day. It feels like the movie "groundhog day" at times where I can't escape this loop. There are a few other things I can eat such as plums, kiwi, green beans, and different types of rice (bread, noodles, regular, congee). But for the most part I can only eat at most 10 different things. Plain lettuce causes me to throw up or feel sick for hours... Celery too. My stomach is a mess.
Distraction definitely helps and is one of the main techniques I use. I've been relying on a heating pad for the last 7 years which helps a lot. I often just lay in bed with a heating pad on my abdomen for hours. I also watch movies, play games, listen to music, and I go for walks every day (usually 1-2 hours) to get exercise.
Sleep is a very big factor in how I feel on a given day. I have chronic insomnia and struggle getting a decent night sleep. I definitely notice my IBS symptoms are much worse on those days where I get less sleep.
4
I used to use ginger chewables in the past. Nowadays I rely on the benzos (my doctors got me addicted without telling me they were dangerous), the zofran/anti-emetics, and lots of ginger and fennel tea every day. I've also had a medical marijuana perscription since 2016 which helps the physical symptoms and my insomnia, but I find it tends to make my anxiety and the mental side worse unfortunately. I'm currently off the pot again right now but it just makes my physical symptoms unbearable and I eat even less. I find the pot helps a lot with the emetophobia in general. It helps increase my pain threshold a lot, but I also end up binge eating from the munchies and that can cause further GERD and IBS issues. I've had issues with bulimia and purging in the past so this is another issue.
Edit: Accidentally hit enter before I was done. Sorry for the wall of text.
Here is the mobile version of your link
That feeling of hopelessness after a series of failures, it's called Emotional Distress Syndrome. it leaves you feeling like you can never succeed again, and is compared to PTSD. My wife, who also has ADHD, suffers from it, and it has kept her from doing a lot of things she's wanted to do. We only identified it literally last week, but it's a clear fit.
The book we learned about it from is Focused Forward: Navigating the Storms of Adult ADHD
Get the book "Mom's House Dad's House", it is very informative in regards to these types of situations.
If you are going to go back to court then you need to carefully examine the exact language in the decree document that has the judge's signature on it. No other document that you made verbally or off to the side matters. If there is nothing about 3 Day holidays exactly stated then you have no case.
The best thing for you to do is be very proactive about planning out your calendar. I created a shared google calendar that everyone in my extended family can view.
You need to own up to the fact that when the kids are at her house then you have zero control of anything over there. Likewise assert that she has zero control when they are at your's. That said, don't be the guy that says no to everything. A party bus with a designated driver sounds better than a rebellious pissed off teen that is drunk in her own car careening down the road.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684830787/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0743277120&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=10T6YQY333P9E7V1HM6E
If you are serious this is a great one.
I am a med student highly interested in psych and this book is easy to read but is based on good science and super interesting.
For some more evidence I recommend reading anything by Jonathan Balcome (like Pleasurable Kingdom) or Marc Bekoff (like The Emotional Lives of Animals)
Here are some vegan websites that might be helpful:
Vegan Intro:
http://vegankit.com/
Vegan Nutrition:
http://veganhealth.org/
http://www.theveganrd.com/food-guide-for-vegans
http://vegankit.com/eat
http://awellfedworld.org/whattoeat
http://jacknorrisrd.com/
Vegan Staples:
http://www.veggieful.com/2012/08/vegan-pantry-staples.html
General Recipes:
http://theveganstoner.blogspot.com/
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/
http://vegetarian.about.com/od/vegetarianfamilies/qt/collegeveg.htm
http://www.collegiatevegan.com/recipes
http://www.foodandloathing.com/2012/10/the-easiest-beginners-vegan-recipes.html
http://www.theppk.com/recipes/
http://vegweb.com/
http://www.chooseveg.com/vegan-recipes.asp
http://www.tryveg.com/
Vegan on a Budget:
http://plantbasedonabudget.com/
http://www.peta.org/living/food/making-transition-vegetarian/ideas-vegetarian-living/vegetarian-eating-budget/
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/6-tips-to-eat-vegan-on-a-budget.html
http://www.cok.net/blog/2013/08/eating-vegan-on-a-budget/
Vegan fitness:
http://veganhealth.org/articles/athletes
http://veganhealth.org/articles/protein
http://www.nomeatathlete.com/where-vegetarians-get-protein/
http://www.nomeatathlete.com/vegetarian-recipes-for-athletes/
http://www.veganfitness.net/home/
http://veganbodybuilding.com/
/r/veganfitness
Surprising vegan foods:
http://www.peta.org/living/food/accidentally-vegan/
Hi!
I have a similar experience, and I live in a country too small to have many specialists in cluster B disorders, so my diagnosis didn't happen for some 7 years after seeking for help (not to mention after 25 years of not being able to live life normally since I had problems from when I was a kid, and even my parents - who are both doctors - ignored it).
Recently I had some bad periods of depression myself, and have problems in doing day-to-day tasks, especially if they're related to the academy because that was my whole life and purpose, and now I can't imagine I have a succesful life since my mind constantly says that "I'm a failure". In short, I have this trauma of not being good enough for my parents (they were distant and my father was always emotionally abusive with anger lash outs that could turn your blood cold, so I always thought he has an undiagnosed bpd, and by them the only thing I was 'supposed' to do was get into medical school, because to them that's the only one, all others 'aren't even schools', and that didn't happen). I'm doing DBT as much as I can, sadly alone since I can't get proper treatment here, but despite everything, every suicidal thought, despair, rage and fear I consider myself much better than the most with bpd, and to some extent, I feel grateful, because it's not worse than that.
Anyway, some things that helped me alot, since I can't find DBT therapy in my country are:
dr Fox's videos on youtube, the guy explains BPD and NPD in great detail, so you got your theory covered: https://www.youtube.com/user/lcruz71
To start off, his video on BPD depression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLh98L0WZog
And another one on agitated depression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lLrspMU0gc
His workbook which is on DBT for borderline (but I suggest you start with the theory first, since working through this book can be exhausting if you do it on your own): https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Workbook-Integrative/dp/1684032733
A starter video on DBT, and mentions another book I'm planning on getting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDJi86n9-Rk&vl=en
Hope this helps!
Thank you OP!
Here is a link for those of us in the USA.
Amazon.com link
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https://www.amazon.com/PEACE-LIFE-PIECE-STRESS-MOTIVATOR-ebook/dp/B07VF42DMQ/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Mona+Sharma&qid=1564030696&s=gateway&sr=8-1
I felt the same way. Have you tried this?
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684032733/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_QFVmDbMQ3BTYQ
Hi, this is my first time posting in this group. First I want to say I’m sorry you feel this way and I have been there too.
Have you seen a therapist? I’ve been seeing a therapist and doing EMDR therapy since November and I can’t even tell you how much progress I’ve made in gaining self-esteem. Here is more info about EMDR if you are unfamiliar with it: EMDR Institute.
Another thing that greatly helped me were Pete Walker’s books, especially Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. His other book, the Tao of Fully Feeling is wonderful as well.
The other thing that’s helped me has been developing and sticking to a daily exercise routine, proper nutrition, sleep, and cutting out booze/addictive behaviors.
I know that may sound preachy, but adopting these self-care practices along with the therapy have completely changed my life.
If this all sounds overwhelming, just at least check out Complex PTSD .
I hope you can find something here to help you!
I'm really sorry to hear about all of this.
I would strongly recommend (as others have said) looking into DBT. I'm somewhere where I can't get access easily to this kind of therapy, so I'm working with a therapist remotely and mostly doing the hard stuff on my own.
The things that have helped me most are these two books: The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook and Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder.
As far as marriage goes, I also strongly recommend reading What Makes Love Last?, which goes into a lot of detail about trust in relationships and how to rebuild it when it has deteriorated.
If you like to use apps, there's a few I can recommend:
I hope this helps some.
I would recommend reading this book called : Into the Jungle.
http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Jungle-Everything-Bipolar-Freaked/dp/1573244724
It helped me learn a lot about my disorder.
Read “change your brain change your life” by Dr Daniel Amen. It’s helped me in many areas of life.
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems https://www.amazon.com/dp/110190464X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_lv37BbN4WDDB9
Here’s a list of meetings (it would be good to call ahead to make sure the info is up to date): https://adultchildren.org/mtsearch/?input_country=USA&cordinate_srch=78705&MyRadius=50&mtsearch_srch=Search
There are also lots of helpful books. Here’s two but there are many others: https://www.amazon.com/After-Tears-Children-Alcoholics-Childhood/dp/0757315135
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-ACOA-Sourcebook-Children-Alcoholics/dp/1558749608/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539577540&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=complete+acoa+sourcebook&dpPl=1&dpID=51I%2B2S438WL&ref=plSrch
Two workbooks that I use for DBT:
- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, Jeffrey Brantley
PDF link: https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills-workbook-e19134904.html
- The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD by Daniel Fox
Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Workbook-Integrative/dp/1684032733
As for meditation, I use this app called Headspace, it's been really helpful for beginners like us. They have a trial option for the first 10 sessions, check it out!
Headspace link: https://www.headspace.com
Exercise really helps as well. Go for a job, go for a hike, head to your nearest gym. Any form of physical activity is immensely helpful to us.
Good luck!
Hi Internet fren- this sounds like derealization . It is a subgroup of dissociative disorders.
Not a doc so this is just an opinion. Dissociation seems to be a brain protective measure. The stress pushes your brain as far as it can go, then the breaker switches off/the surge protector trips whatever visual you want to use - and your brain goes into NOPE mode.
The derealization seems to include that foggy state you mention.
One of the suggested treatments is Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I couldn’t get the link to work but you can Goog it.
It helps people identify intense emotions and -more importantly- how to notice the lead-up to these emotions. This can help fend off an anxiety situation before it gets to dissociation.
It also teaches distress acceptance and tolerance -as well as practical techniques for slowing your anxiety roll- so if you find yourself surprised, you can cope and not freak out.
Best of all, mindfulness is one of the pillars of the therapy modality.
I don’t have a DBT therapist in my area so I bought this off Amazon. I had the spine removed and scanned it into a PDF. I go through it about once a year.
Hope this helps!
If you feel your diagnosis isn't right it's best to get a second or third opinion. I know that can be a pain in the ass, but people aren't perfect and diagnosis isn't perfect, either.
Loads of us have both bp and bpd. DBT is IMMENSELY helpful for both. There's a book many of us have used, you can use it on your own or with a group or just with your therapist.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684034582/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_euAXDbJG2DY4Q
Bro, I wish I read this book five years ago, see below. A lot will not apply but it's one of those situational things in life you don't really know much about until you REALLY NEED TO KNOW. The more information you know the better you can prepare yourself or try to. Here I am 30+ reading self help books. Better late than never.
Best of luck to you.
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems https://www.amazon.com/dp/110190464X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_.ndOzb3TYPX2F
Hey man, similar boat. My dad was an alcoholic. Have you read any ACOA books? This is a great place to start if you haven't already. It's a long, hard, sad journey but it beats taking the path your parents walked a thousand times.
This is the one of hers I like :
http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Free-Naturally-Eliminating-Anxiety-Despair/dp/0345435176/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1449456089&sr=1-4&keywords=the+mood+cure
Excellent read !
I’m proud of you for the work you have done. Tardive dyskensia is no joke - I’ve had it 18 years, but it’s mild and worth my sanity and emotional control because being psychotic and emotionally labile can be fatal to me as I’ve considered taking my own life during those times. It sounds like you may not need the abilify, but to work on your PTSD instead. If you can’t afford therapy, there’s a book on DBT with a workbook to practice DBT the first book teaches. Not sure what it is called, but maybe that’s an affordable solution. Hugs. Bipolar is ups and downs and lots of employment concessions to maintain your mood, but you will learn what works for you and what doesn’t and it does get much easier to manage the longer you work at treating it. I imagine you feel hopeless right now, but don’t give up! You can do this!
Edit: I found the workbook. I thought it was two books, but just one
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?adgrpid=53519019582&gclid=Cj0KCQjwjOrtBRCcARIsAEq4rW6XGZN66mo9hc46pImusjTVEaauz3kR6ZclVL433N2jy34rHKW_Y64aAmemEALw_wcB&hvadid=274736474062&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1021322&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t2&hvqmt=b&hvrand=16877128836152982828&hvtargid=aud-646675774026%3Akwd-299372292384&hydadcr=22186_10176618&keywords=dbt+therapy+skills+workbook&qid=1572507876&sr=8-3
Truth. L-Citrulline is better than L-Arginine in terms of NO production.
However, I also use L-Arginine (10g - 30g doses at night—every night for 3 weeks on, 1 week off) for hGH increase.
Personally, I’ve read that L-Lysine, Ornithine, Arginine, and Glutamine and Niacin contributes to increases in hGHRH secretion.
TL;DR L-Arginine is multi-purposed for me.
EDIT: format
Not exactly what you described, but possibly also appealing: I Can Handle It by Laurie Wright.
It's a whole series, though I've only read this one so far with my son. It's not exactly about working hard if that's specifically what you're looking for, but it is about feeling capable of handling what's going on around you, so it can be a confidence-builder.
Hi there! I am the same way. I saw a psychiatrist when I was younger but I honestly don't have much recollection from those days and my parents would sit in on some sessions so that obviously wasn't helpful.
Last winter my depression was really acting up and I decided that I needed help, so I reached out to my boss and he helped me get in with a psychiatrist but that ended up being pointless because I felt like she was judging me...I admit now that this was probably in my head but I wasn't ready to go back and face my fears so I bought the following workbooks:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD -
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1684032733/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
and
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1572245131/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I also bought the book - I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality - for my partner to read, to help him understand me a little bit better. I bought it because it's really hard for me to express my feelings and all the things that go on inside my head. It's a hard read because we can relate to a lot of it but it's healing as well.
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0399536213/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
All of these books have been extremely helpful. I hope this helps you out a little and can get you started on your journey towards healing!
Yeah, watch out for the rash. I haven't taken it so I don't have much to say about it. It's supposed to be more effective for the depressive end of bipolar than the manic end but can help even things out overall.
Here are a coulple books:
This is aimed at a slightly younger audience than you but it's still really good:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573244724/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=
Another must have
http://astore.amazon.com/crazyboards05-20/detail/1572305258
Feel free to stop by CrazyBoards, a mental health peer support forum I help run. (not intending to spam)
This book is amazing. My mom bought it for me when I was first diagnosed. It helped me understand my disorder, and helped my mom (she bought herself a copy, too) understand how to help me.
The author is hilary Smith.
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1573244724
https://www.amazon.com/The-Emotional-Lives-Animals-Scientist/dp/1577316290/
http://fcmconference.org/img/CambridgeDeclarationOnConsciousness.pdf
Scientists generally agree that animals are conscious, have complex internal emotional lives, and generally are very similar to humans in those regards while plants aren't.
You may disagree, but a lot of people base their ethics on what scientists and professionals say, not what you say.
Don't forget, you are the parent now, so if you want to raise her without religion and on public school, that is your choice now. Although, it might be wise to not make these changes immediately.
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Freethinkers-Practical-Parenting-Beyond/dp/0814410960/ref=lh_ni_t
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268/ref=lh_ni_t
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-ebook/dp/B005HF2VI2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1344057659&sr=8-2&keywords=raising+emotionally+intelligent+children
It means animals if you believe it does. Animals have feelings and can suffer just as much as any human. If you think that we are not "murdering" animals in slaughterhouses, you are sorely mistaken. Being abused, in pain, emotionally distraught and tortured, and then MURDERED is just that, murder. In the garden of Eden Adam and Eve were vegans, it was only after they were expelled that the idea even came about. Noah was a vegetarian until after the flood, at which time, God gave him PERMISSION to eat animals, but that is not the same thing as commanding them to.
If Adam and Eve were God's ideal vision of humanity in the beginning, why would you not strive to be that? There are BILLIONS of non-human animals murdered every YEAR, just in the US alone, and I'm sure a lot of that is wasted. Lives taken and then thrown away and not even used. Why cause suffering if you do not have to? Most human-animals do not NEED to eat meat/dairy, so why bother?
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Lives-Animals-Scientist-Explores/dp/1577316290/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462727585&sr=8-1&keywords=the+emotional+lives+of+animals
This book really opened my eyes when I was 15. If you believe the commandment includes non-human animals, it is your belief. You cannot make others believe it, but they cannot make you NOT believe it. If God is love we should extend that to all beings and stop abusing the Earth and our fellow Earthlings the way we do. If you have seen footage from inside factory farms there is no other way to call it, other than torture and murder.