Best fatherhood books according to redditors
We found 84 Reddit comments discussing the best fatherhood books. We ranked the 45 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
3. The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Third Edition) (New Father Series (2))
4 mentions
NTB still. And I'm glad you got out of that relationship. There's absolutely nothing unnatural about exes staying friends if things ended on good enough terms (especially if kids are involved). That kind of absolutist thinking is super toxic. You're a good person for sticking by your husband through all of this, and your kids will think of you very highly for doing the right thing here.
Best of luck to you and your family - it sounds like an incredibly tough situation, but you sound like a great person and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful presence in your husband's life during this upsetting time.
Also, look into those books called A Father's Legacy or something along those lines for your husband. He can fill them out and leave them for your kids once he's gone. Speaking from experience, getting a book full of anecdotes and advice from my father after he passed didn't make the situation even close to ok, but it really helped a lot and I still turn to that book all the time when I miss him.
ETA: this is the kind of book I'm talking about https://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Legacy-Your-Story-Words/dp/B00FDYSWI0 (if it's the same as the one my dad left me, it was a bit too Christian-centric for my taste considering we aren't a Christian family, but it was still good. I'm sure there are non-religious ones if that's what would suit your family best)
If you're seriously interested in this subject, I highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0520274067?pc_redir=1410758834&robot_redir=1
It's called Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City. The authors are a married couple, two scholars of intergenerational poverty at Harvard who moved to Camden, NJ in an attempt to essentially answer your question by living among (serial) single parents and hearing their stories.
The gist is that a significant number of low-income men and women in urban areas simply don't see a reason to avoid having kids. They don't necessarily set out to have kids, but if it happens, it happens. This seems astoundingly irresponsible to a lot of people, and in many ways that's certainly true.
Yet it's not completely irrational. These young people grow up in broken communities. Their parents are absent, or incompetent (mental illness, drug addiction, etc.), or simply overwhelmed. The schools are in disarray. Jobs are scarce, let alone good-paying ones. Are there paths out? Sure. But a lot of kids don't see them, or think themselves capable of them.
So they don't expect to get fulfillment from education or employment. What else is there? Raising a child. It's a way, perhaps the way, to make your life matter. Plus, as another book by the same authors explores, young black women are not inclined to wait around for the perfect man to have a kid, simply because so many of the men of their generation are unemployed or in jail or otherwise not marriage material.
Add it all together and you get a culture where having kids at a young age out of wedlock is something of the norm. Multiple kids with multiple partners is common, because if women want to have more than one child, that's often the only option they have.
And, heartbreakingly, these young men want to be good fathers, they just have no idea how. So they have their first kid at, say, 19, completely unprepared for what they're getting into. Then say they lose their job and can't provide, or get into legal trouble, or have a falling-out with the mother. All of a sudden, they're cut out of their child's life, getting time/visits entirely at the mother's discretion.
Don't worry, these guys are painfully aware that this isolation is largely self-inflicted. But they still have a desire (like most people), to be a parent. So with their next girlfriend, they tell themselves that this time will be different. And they mean it! And hey, sometimes they can get it together. Lost in the single-parenthood statistics are the surprisingly high percentages of fathers who remain active presences in their child's lives, they just don't cohabitate with them.
Anyway, I don't know how much of this applies to AP. 7 kids is still pretty crazy regardless of your background. And obviously he has a lot of money now, but I'd bet that his experiences growing up (though I think it was more rural?) were not dissimilar to what Edin and Nelson describe.
(I should note that this phenomenon happens in other communities as well, of course, but this book is interested in black urban single parenthood specifically.)
I really liked Your Baby's First Year Week By Week, it's (mostly) not scary, includes games and activities for development, and is easy to read.
Actually, that was a bit unkind. I remember what it was like to be a kid and dream big. By way of apology, I'd like to recommend some books to you:
https://www.amazon.com/Dove-Robin-L-Graham-ebook/dp/B0089LOFX0/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462196&sr=1-1#nav-subnav
https://www.amazon.com/Sailing-Alone-Around-Joshua-Slocum-ebook/dp/B00CTOKB8G/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462104&sr=1-3
https://www.amazon.com/My-Old-Man-Sea-Father/dp/0060976969
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0026772N8/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav
https://www.amazon.com/Years-Before-Mast-Richard-Henry/dp/149224936X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
https://www.amazon.com/Moby-Dick-Bantam-Classics-Herman-Melville/dp/0553213113
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Commander-Aubrey-Maturin-Novels-ebook/dp/B006C3Q6GG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473462069&sr=1-1
I got my husband the book “We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook” because it’s supposed to be less condescending than some of the other options. He’s started it, seems like he’s liking it and learning a lot!
Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BQGHPTL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qiTOBbFHSBWK6
Went through hard times when my son was born, too. That book helped me get some perspective and feel less pressure. More importantly, I felt less guilty. https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Fatherhood-Expanded-2nd-Twelve-ebook/dp/B0080Z5JIA
Get yourself this book - https://www.amazon.com/Commando-Dad-Basic-Training-Elite/dp/1849532613
It's a book aimed at dads, but honestly I found it more helpful than a lot of mum books. My partner LOVED it and recommends it to everyone. It's basically written like an army training manual for newborns, and it has lots of common-sense advice, lists of equipment you need, and step by step points for dealing with daily things like changing, feeding, sleeping etc.
Also - start saving as much money as you can NOW. Look for second hand items (except for a car seat - safety is key and you don't know the history of a secondhand piece of safety equipment). The baby doesn't need much for its first few weeks - somewhere to sleep (like a Moses basket), a few onesies, some blankets and burp cloths, nappies, wipes, and bottles etc if you're pumping/using formula. A stroller and a carrier will come in handy too. That's pretty much it.
Best of luck to you both!
/u/yoshi_win, your list and earlier reference posts are excellent; I didn't intend to be hypercritical. Here are further references for your "reliable" category:
As far as the sailing went I really liked My Old Man and the Sea.
https://www.amazon.com/My-Old-Man-Sea-Father/dp/0060976969/ref=nodl_
I've never read it myself, but I've heard good things about Dad's Behaving Dadly.
It sounds like exactly what you're looking for. From my recollection, it's a collection of essays and stories written by different dads about all sorts of different subjects relating to fatherhood. There's a second book in the series too if you read this one and want more.
I second the baby bargains book. I carried mine around and used it to register, at consignment stores, and when I picking up those last few things. Totally worth the purchase price!
I can’t really find detailed descriptions of the individual short stories but I did find a collection of short stories where fathers and sons are at violent odds with each other called Terms of Engagement so it may be one of the stories in there.
Here are two, one for pregnancy and one for the first year.
https://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Ultimate-Dads-Be/dp/0789212137/
https://www.amazon.com/New-Father-Dads-Guide-First/dp/0789211777
He's three months old. There is absolutely no way an infant of that age could possibly be tired of his mama - that's who gave him life, feeds him, rocks him to sleep.
The excitement he gets seeing other people is probably because he is beginning to recognize other faces. He remembers them and is excited that he remembers them.
My daughter is almost three and she definitely gets way more excited when she sees her dad than she is with me during the day. I realize it's because she spends 9 hours a day with me and only gets to see him for about 2 hours before she goes to bed. But it's in no way anything personal.
Infants and babies are constantly changing, growing, learning, adjusting. He will start doing something new next week, and something different the week after that. If you haven't read it yet, I actually found the book ["Baby's First Year, Month by Month"] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0738213721/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0553579045&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0CWEA0FAV49R2STKXBM6) to be really helpful in terms of understanding my baby's development.
Hang in there!
There's a really good post that should show up with some searching regarding oak moves during pregnancy.
I have a ten month old daughter. I avoided dread above above level six and I sparingly used time conditions from level 4. Be the oak, and own it. Research all of the shit that goes into having the responsibility of a child.
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451186831&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains+book+2016
This is a great book for knowing all of the stuff you need and all of things to say no to. Trust me, my FO wanted all sorts of shit that her hormone induced mind was telling her that she needed.
Sign up for a baby CPR class and take the lead on it.
I made time for the gym. 4 days a week minimum. There is no exception to that rule. Do not waiver on this. Time management is a skill that a successful father will have in spades.
You're welcome! I cannot recommend therapy enough. I never thought I needed therapy because it was ingrained in me from early age that "we know it all and therapists are a waste of time and money." My decision to seek therapy has lead me to entirely new world view that I never thought was possible. It's what allowed me to write my response to your post. If I had tried to respond to your post a year ago, I would have written something vastly different.
Last night I was thinking about what I wrote and had another thought I wanted to share. All of the advice I gave you won't really come into play until your baby is a toddler and starts pushing the boundaries, trying to find his/her independence. The first year of parenting is really learning how take care of a helpless infant and watching them grow and change. You won't need to apply any parenting techniques until your baby is walking/talking. So if you want to try therapy (which I think you should), you have time. I wouldn't suggest you do it right after baby is born but maybe a year from now.
For me, therapy taught me how to detach from my parents and my emotions so that I can use my logical brain to process information and respond. I used to be so quick to anger over little things but I've come to realize that was an emotional response, which I learned from my Ndad. Up until therapy, every decision I've ever made in my life was driven primarily by emotion and a little logic. Now I've flipped that on it's head - every decision I made is made primarily by logic and very little, if any emotion. This has allowed me to work on my social skills, which are completely lacking because like you, my Ndad used to yell, scream, and sometimes physically assault me if I crossed him for something he felt I did wrong (which most of the time was just me being a normal kid). I learned from him that when things don't go my way, I need to respond with such ferocity that no one would ever dare to do me any wrong. My therapist calls this the "easy way" parenting style. It's easy to beat your kid when they do something you don't approve of. It's much harder to get down to their level and explain why what they did was wrong and teach them the correct way to do it. My Ndad never did that for me. Your Nmom never did that for you. But I won't allow that to be done to my children, and now, neither will you :)
Becoming a parent is scary and hard for anyone. But for people like you and I, becoming a parent brings up a whole world of emotion and pain because of what we've lived through. If you don't want to be the mom you had, start by learning to heal yourself. However that looks for you, either through therapy, or reading books on narcissism, or just reading through this subreddit. If you start there you will change the course of your life and the life of your soon to be born baby. And the rest of parenting? We're all really winging it anyway. Kids change so much over their lives that you never really know what you're doing until you're in the situation and you're figuring it out on the fly. Fix yourself and you'll do great.
One last thing. I suggest you buy this book for your husband. Don't tell him you're buying it because he probably won't want you to. Just get it for him. That's what my wife did for me and it was the absolute best thing she could have done. I learned so much about becoming a dad from this book. I recommend it for all new dads. Good luck!
Yes. We started when our daughter was about 9 months old. She didn't really start catching on until a couple of months after that. (I think that's about average--about 11 months. Can't remember.)
It made life a lot easier. We started with Baby Signs.
The authors of this book interviewed 'deadbeat dads', one of their findings was that:
> When the men learn that their partner is pregnant, they don’t panic, or lament all the freedom they are going to miss. On the contrary, three-quarters of the men in Edin and Nelson’s research were joyous at the news. The men are less likely than the women to want to end the pregnancy with an abortion.
They usually leave in the first year after the kid is born, well after the abortion ship has sailed. They like the idea of being a dad, but not the reality.
I'm a fan of Man Vs. Child for the humorous book. Expectant Father and We're Pregnant are good for actual information. We're pregnant is great because it goes week by week in bite-sized chunks, great for people who don't consider themselves "readers."
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Sorry you missed this one!
If you'd like, I have another free eBook on promo right now here, and if you are still interested in the baby how-to book, you can get a free preview and other free stuff here.
Fantastic gift. Here’s a book to go with your new aesthetic
If it helps at all, I bought my husband this after he read the same guys first book about pregnancy itself. It's a fun easy read and I read chunks of it too. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0789211777?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00
I am due a month before you and haven't started doing this yet, but maybe soon think about stocking up on things you need around the house on a day to day basis so you don't have to run out as much when the baby arrives. Things like toilet paper, detergent, bulk snacks, freezer food, etc.
You're not alone. My wife isn't nearly that far along yet but in A Man's Guide to Newborn Babies, /u/lifecharger talks about the importance of trying to keep your wife from those horror stores because they just make her worry and don't actually help with anything.
I know that my wife has already freaked herself out by googling some symptoms. My best remedy was to pull out some trusted books (mainly What to Expect) and look up the symptoms with her to see what it recommended doing. She trusted the book enough to stop searching Dr. Google and do what it recommended. Maybe a similar approach could help to calm her (and you) down.
Good luck!
I would get her two books (unless you already know the gender):
They are sweet, and funny, and poignant. And hopefully they'll be something she'll enjoy reading (and maybe adding her own rules to) as her pregnancy progresses.
Or a homemade coupon with a gift card to a baby things store: invite her out for a day of lunch, pampering (hair and nails, maybe) and baby things shopping when she can use the gift card, redeemable on a day when the pregnancy is really getting to her and she just needs to feel human again.
My boss gave me this book after I told him I was pregnant. Baby Bargains
It helped narrow down some stuff and gave reassurance of what to look for with others. In general, I haven’t registered for much cute stuff- clothes, toys, books- because that’s what people like to buy whether it’s on a registry or not. I tried to go more for practical stuff so people would know what we actually need. We aren’t having a shower though, so it might be different if you are expecting tons of people to buy you stuff.
I think many men would relate to your post. Most parenting or fathering books don't address overcoming your own parent or father wound, a wound which is compounded with the lies the world tells us as we grow up. For men these lies are very specific and destructive. As fathers we can only give what we have inside us to give, if we didn't get what we needed from our own parents or fathers it can deeply impact how we parent ours kids. But that can be changed. I grew up with my own deep father wounds and raised two wonderful kids who are now adults, much of the time as a single dad. I was determined to rewrite the script of how I was fathered, and had to do a lot of inner healing on my fatherhood journey. I am now a motivational speaker and a dad coach and a few years ago I wrote a book called "Dad: Discover the Power of Fatherhood" to help other dads in the same position. There are a few chapters dedicated to dealing with your own parent / father wound, so you can be free to be the best father you can be to your kids. The Kindle eBook version happens to be free for Father's Day until June 20th.
Let me know if it helps you on your fatherhood journey. All the best, Craig.
I don't have a daughter, and actually when I read this book I wasn't even married or had kids, but it was an on going tradition at my previous workplace to buy this book for a dad that was expecting a baby girl and my friend that was expecting at the time told me about it after he read it.
I think this might be something you are interested in, the book is called Strong Father Strong Daughter.
My husband loved this. It's well written by an ex soldier now stay at home Dad.
It's funny but not patronising.
Clearly written & gave him so great advice about what to expect & how to support me after birth, through breastfeeding etc
Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849532613/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_42vuybAPXQHW3
I saw a post here saying "a man's guide to newborn babies" would be free in ebook form for 3 or so days on amazon.
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Newborn-Babies-Arrives-ebook/dp/B0727MM9XS
I loved having the audiobook version of this. Narration was great and you still get a PDF w/ the Audible version that has various lists (what to pack in your hospital bag, for example) that you can print out.
My baby girl is due anytime this month, and I wish that his follow-up books had audio versions too.
No you don't have to stick to the same brand :-)
I have the same car seat (baby is not born yet so I haven't used it yet) and we chose the BabyJogger City Mini GT. (We chose the GT over the regular City Mini because the handlebars are adjustable and I have a tall SO. It's also better for a taller child and given my SO is tall we suspect baby will be too.)
That particular car seat attaches to the City Mini GT with the help of an add-on adapter.
Peg Perego is relatively common (and an excellent brand, great safety, from everything I read) so many strollers you look at should work with it but you will likely buy an adapter.
How do you figure it out? I bought the world's most amazing book which a friend recommended to me: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458395006&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains
In it, they review everything (seriously - strollers, car seats, cribs, mattresses, baby wearing carriers, even humidifiers and white noise machines and things you wouldn't think of bothering to read reviews on!) Each gets scored A-F.
I chose a stroller by first considering only the A+ and A's. I chose the City Mini because basically, every other stroller kept getting compared to it (and being found to be "not quite as good at folding up easily") so I was sold. You can choose what's important to you, like ease of folding up, weight, etc. They will normally also tell which you which car seats will fit that stroller (often with the help of adapters of course.)
I pretty much chose everything using this book. Chose from the A's based on what was important to me.
The other thing I did, specific to car seats and strollers, was have a personal shopping appointment at Buy Buy Baby. (Don't know if you have one nearby.) They talk to you about what kind of car you have, different safety features and considerations, etc. I had a "short list" of car seats and strollers already, thanks to the book. They helped me choose from the shortlist and let me take a "test drive" of them. They also literally took the car seat out to our cars so we could see how they fit. FYI those appointments are free.
I hope that helps!!
Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:
amazon.co.uk
amazon.ca
amazon.com.au
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amazon.it
amazon.es
amazon.com.br
amazon.nl
amazon.co.jp
amazon.fr
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My coworker who is my unofficial FIRE friend bought me this book, which has been a god send on knowing what I actually need and what I don't need. It breaks it all down to what's the best option for the price and gives options based on organic vs cost vs made in USA vs safety. 10/10 would recommend.
It's aimed directly at dads but I'm sure mums would enjoy it too.
Commando Dad: How to be an elite dad or carer.
Takes you through from birth to 3 years, apparently Prince William used it according to Amazon. I found it a fun read, if you're into SAS style books and that sort of army lingo.There have been loads of offshoots too
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613
I was told this book would solve all those issues for me. I ordered it yesterday. We'll see...
Hey man. I was (and still am - 9 weeks to go!) in a similar spot. Everyone is offering good advice, but I would recommend checking out a few books to get your brain thinking about the right things (primarily logistically but also emotionally):
We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook - short/easy week-by-week dissection of the pregnancy and what you should be doing to prepare along the way.
Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to Be an Elite Dad or Carer from Birth to Three Years - another short/easy read that reads like a field manual and is actually written by a navy seal. While the first book above is more focused on pregnancy, this book is more focused on what the hell to do after pregnancy.
Eat, Sleep, Poop: A Common Sense Guide to Your Baby's First Year - Although it's written by a pediatrician, it's a very simple read and very practical. Covers less logistics and more focused on health, development, sleeping, eating, etc.
These books will help put you in control of the situation and will help you lead the charge for you and your wife.
I also definitely recommend attending every prenatal appointment with your wife (and lining up a doctor ASAP - first appt should be around Week 6), as well as whatever pregnancy/baby classes your hospital offers.
As far as gear, primary items are bassinet, crib, car seat, stroller, bouncer. But you have plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Check out Lucie's List and of course Amazon for helpful reviews. BuyBuyBaby can also be a good resource - they have in-store registry consultants who will give you an entire tour of the store and provide you with some helpful advice. Both BuyBuyBaby and Amazon have 15% off end-of-registry coupons to help you save toward the end.
Feel free to hit me up with any specific questions :)