Best grief & bereavement books according to redditors

We found 780 Reddit comments discussing the best grief & bereavement books. We ranked the 254 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top Reddit comments about Grief & Bereavement:

u/Arclite83 · 287 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

The mother most likely had a very real connection: depending on how far along she was, she may have felt the baby, and even if not there are plenty of changes going on hormonally that say "hey, something's going on in here". It's a sad reality, but especially for the parents it's hard because of this idea a lot of people have that a stillborn wasn't "a real baby", when to them it was just as real and painful as losing any child. People make plans, pick names, paint rooms. They change their lives for a child that will now never have a birthday, never go on family vacations, never even cry or laugh or walk. All those future possibilities are snuffed out, and it hurts doubly so if they feel somehow "wrong" in their grief. So I suggest you reach for that empathy, and if you can't then just be as supportive as you can.

I also highly recommend the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart". We only had 6 days with our oldest (trisomy-18, undetected until she was born at 29 weeks), and it really helped my wife and I. Even so, just like any major loss, it'll never just go away. There will be good times and bad, but it's not like they are going to be over it. One of the hard things for us sometimes is watching our daughter Leah hit milestones our Amelia never will. You may not feel it at all, but you may if they have another, or you have your own. And if you don't, you aren't a monster, any more than they are wrong for feeling sad. There is no real right or wrong way to grieve a loss.

u/Plumerian · 167 pointsr/Psychonaut

I'm going to share an unfavorable opinion here. One of the "incarcerating" views he is referring to is death anxiety. Beyond the constraints of moral sexual behavior and other cultural norms, suicide is the ultimate taboo across all of humanity; e.g. "this life is precious, and death is to be avoided at all costs until necessary or unavoidable." Ernest Becker wrote a book about it, called The Denial of Death. Consequently, anyone who challenges the sanctity of life is warranted as having a mental illness or some sort of imbalance. This is hard-wired into our species because it allows us to procreate and prosper. Even in the realms of philosophy, it is often beaten down with accusations of solipsism and nihilism. Death is only glorified in our mythologies and on the battlefields. But when death is brought upon oneself, it's instantly cowardice... Before you pass judgment, realize there are many ancient traditions about "spiritual suicide." The most prominent that comes to mind is the practice of Sallekhana in Jainism (suicide by fasting). There are certainly psychiatric cases of severe depression that unfortunately end in suicide, however it is a mistake to assume that every suicide is the result of mental illness.

u/wanderer333 · 138 pointsr/Parenting

A few picture books you might read together -- Lifetimes, which gives a comforting non-religious perspective on the cycle of life and death; Goodbye Mousie, which features a boy about your son's age whose pet mouse has died; and Todd Parr's The Goodbye Book, which is about saying goodbye to a goldfish (from the perspective of another goldfish). Just keep reassuring him that he won't die for a VERY long time, and that death is what happens when animals and people get very old and sick -- it wouldn't be much fun to stay like that forever, so when they get too old and sick to be happy anymore, they stop being alive, just kind of run out of steam. (And hopefully it will be a while before he has to deal with death in a less ideal context...)

Since he's already been exposed to the idea of heaven from your mom, you can tell him that some people believe animals and people go to another world after they die; it makes some people happy to imagine that place and tell stories about it. You can say no one knows for sure what happens after we die, besides our bodies turning into Earth again, so it's okay for everyone to have their own ideas about those things. Personally I view heaven as a comforting story rather than a literal place -- and I think it wouldn't be confusing or a cop-out to describe it in those terms. You can also talk about how even after people and animals die, we keep remembering them, so they're always with us, in a way. The book Always and Forever does a good job illustrating that idea.

It's pretty normal for kids to be freaked out when they first encounter the idea of death; just keep validating his feelings and talking through them, and he'll probably work through it soon.

u/frosty_balls · 94 pointsr/Parenting

I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.

First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.

Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.

Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death

The Fall of Freddie The Leaf

Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.

As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).

I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

u/speedolimit · 53 pointsr/awfuleverything

You’re so right. Even Dylan Klebold’s mom pushed back on the “they were mercilessly bullied” storyline. There was a persistent culture of cruelty at the school, but there were only a few instances where Dylan and Eric were the victims of it, and some where they were the perpetrators.

I actually just finished Sue Klebold’s book, A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, which is excellent.

u/art_is_dumb · 50 pointsr/Earwolf

Oh wow, my heart just swelled reading the lineup. I preordered Stephanie’s book the other day, I recommend y’all do the same.

u/Viperbunny · 45 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my oldest six days after birth to a genetic disorder we didn't know she had until just before she died. No parent should ever have to feel this kind of pain. If you ever need to talk about it, please PM me any time. I know this doesn't mean much coming from a stranger, but you will survive this. I know it may not always feel that way, but I promise you it is possible.

A friend got me this book:

At first, I didn't want to read it because it hurt so much, but once I did it really helped me. It helped my husband too.

Again, I am so very sorry for you loss.

u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

hugs I am sorry for your loss.

While I can't say that I've been there, I will say that my best friend has, and we've talked about it for many, many hours. One of the things that helped her most was getting involved in a support group at her hospital with other moms that had also lost babies. She got really involved in March of Dimes, which seemed to give her a lot of her determination and focus back. She also read a book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, which she says really helped both her, her husband, and their marriage make it through the loss and become a lot stronger.

I have an email that she wrote me when I was helping another person I know through the loss of his baby, I'd be happy to PM it to you if you'd like.

EDIT: To add that she would be happy to talk/email you, herself, if you'd like. Please don't hesitate to let me know.

She is currently working on her Masters in Social Work so that she can work towards raising awareness about miscarriages and helping other families who have experienced them. She was inspired to do this when the OBGYN nurses who helped her with hers weren't even aware of the support group help every other week in that very hospital.

She is such an inspiration to me! I love having women in my life like her.

u/1nfiniterealities · 28 pointsr/socialwork

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers


Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need


[A People’s History of the United States]

The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

u/multiply_regressed · 25 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Wow. That's a tough thing to process - both the sudden nature of her death and the unresolved problems in your friendship.

I would recommend this book ( to anyone struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. Despite the cheesy title, it is super helpful. It addresses a lot of the issues surrounding unsaid things and unresolved matters (which are common when someone passes away very suddenly).

Hugs to you.

u/BPDRuins · 20 pointsr/BPDlovedones

I’m so sorry. This is my worst fear. It’s a very real possibility for all of us and no doubt it’s a huge part of what keeps a lot of us in the abusive cycle for so long.

I hope you find peace and comfort somehow. I’m glad you’re doing what you can to take care of yourself.

Since you can’t afford a therapist right now, I’d like to make a suggestion. There’s a book that guides you on the grief process; the main focus is death of a loved one though it can be used for just about any kind of loss. It has been a huge help for me. Link and title below.

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith

I want to say that while you of course have zero blame in this, I think it’s completely natural to feel guilt - however misplaced. I battled guilt and pity for my ex for so long. I still do actually. It’s a daily struggle to maintain acceptance and distance in my head from him. The best thing for me has been to acknowledge and accept my feelings rather than fight them. Guilt is just a feeling. You can’t control your feelings and shouldn’t try. It doesn’t mean the guilt is right or deserved, it just means letting yourself feel it so it can run its course and leave your body eventually.

Writing has been hugely therapeutic for me. Maybe start to journal about it. Make lists (why I feel guilty, things I wish I did differently, reasons I shouldn’t feel guilty, things he did the necessitate me leaving). Write poetry. As my grief process intensified I found I had a dormant poet living inside me. The more you write, the more you’ll find you have to write, to process, to purge out of yourself. This process might last a month, 6 months, or 10 years. But confronting it and reckoning with it is the only way to overcome it.

My heart truly goes out to you, and to your ex and his family. Please feel free to message me any time for a sympathetic ear.

u/EmergencyChocolate · 16 pointsr/LateStageCapitalism

Have you read The American Way Of Death? First published in 1963 but still so relevant, if not more so now since the death industry has gotten ever more savvy and predatory.

Profits of Death and to a lesser extent Mary Roach's Stiff also do a good job puncturing that shitty industry.

u/hazyharpy · 13 pointsr/atheistparents

Get the book "lifetimes" it explains life and death as a natural process and leaves out any magical ideas. It helped both of my kids understand death when our dog died.

u/rbaltimore · 13 pointsr/Parenting

My son was stillborn, so it's not the same I know, but I remember the beginning, it felt like I was drowning in cold black water. I wanted to let go, go under, and let the deep take me. Not suicide, just give into the hopelessness and despair.

I did give in, sometimes. You have to. My husband tried to be strong 100% of the time, support me, but we both found that we both absolutely had to breakdown sometimes, or we would have just cracked under the pressure.

The son I lost was my only son (at the time), so this I don't know from personal experience, only from my time as a therapist. Let you wife and children see you cry. Fathers often try to soldier through (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word), thinking that it is best for their wife and surviving children if they never see them cry. On the surface, this makes sense, but it turns out not to be true. Your family needs to see you cry, especially your sons. They are still learning to process emotional situations, so unconsciously they will mimic those around them, especially their father. Expressing grief not only helps you, it helps them see that it is okay for them to cry, and that their brother meant as much to you as he did to them. In this situation, as in many, bottling up how you feel isn't good for you either, particularly in the long term. You want to process this grief as it is welling up inside you to keep from getting trapped in it, and you need to experience it to do this. I learned that the hard way. Nine months after I lost my son, I had a late term double miscarriage, I lost 2 of a set of triplets. I shut down, thinking I should focus on my surviving baby. What I should have done is gotten some grief counseling like I had 9 months before. I didn't do that, and the unprocessed grief eventually caught up with me.

Grief counseling. You, your wife, and your sons. All of you should get some. This loss is tragic, sudden, unexpected, and will be a part of you for the rest of your lives. You want, you need the skills to manage this loss, because it won't ever go away.

It never goes away. Over the years I have had many parents, many families ask me "Will it ever go away, will it ever get better." If I could sum up what I have told many hundred parents and kids and families in the 10 years since I became a social worker and the nearly 6 years since the death of my son, it never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my little boy and those short few months I was blessed to be his mother. Most days it is without pain, without sorrow. I look at my living son (born 15 months later) and know that my first son's memory is carried into this world with him. I do have tough days. Yesterday I had an 'it's not fair day'. Some days I have short periods of sorrow, randomly breaking through on an ordinary day. The days before his birthday are lousy. But mostly my few memories of him give me comfort. You have many more memories of you son than I have of mine, and in the beginning, that's going to make your grief so much worse. But with time, those memories will keep you company and give you peace. I know that you can't see that now, no one can see much of anything in the beginning. But you'll get there. You will feel your sons absence keenly, but its own way he will still be a part of your family. My son loves his older brother. He's 4 now, and he likes to hear stories about him, even though it's the same few stories over and over again. Once he drew me a picture of him. And he will use him to get out of trouble or get something he wants, saying "David did it!" or "David thinks I should be allowed to have soda." Your youngest baby, for whom I'm praying, will have a relationship with your son in this way, should you and your wife want that. I read my son a book called Someone Came Before You to help him understand his brother's story and the unique place he holds in our family. Your older sons will need help understanding too. The book I have most often recommended to families who have lost young children (although it is a good book about loss in general) is Freddie the Leaf. It is a book my mother read to me when I was a child. Loss is hard for even adults to understand, and this book is so good for kids.

Your wife is going to feel guilt. You may too. It's a pretty standard feeling among parents who have lost children. It is our mind's way of reassuring ourselves that this won't happen again. If it was my fault, then I can do something different, and prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again. It is also natural - we are our children's protectors, so if something happens, it must be our fault? It's not. You didn't do this. Your wife didn't do this. And right now, she is going to need to hear that over and over. My husband had to reassure me a lot in the beginning, and sometimes even now.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I had a time machine. All I can do is tell you that you won't always feel like you are drowning, that there are professionals our there that can help you and your family cope, and that you are not alone. The Compassionate Friends is a great resource, and if you ever need to talk one on one, please message me.

u/CommentsOMine · 12 pointsr/Advice

> I have learned one thing I’m not going till it’s actually time for me to go.

You have amazing perspective! I have had enough proof of that in my life to convince me of that. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. I was fortunate enough to serve as a friend's death doula and her death from terminal cancer went very much like a labor and delivery, but in reverse. It was THE most beautiful experience of my life, which is why I am now choosing to serve as a death doula for others.

I hope you both won't mind if I suggest the Pulitzer prize winning book by Ernest Becker called Denial of Death:

"Winner of the Pulitzer prize in 1974 and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie -- man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than twenty years after its writing."

Wishing you both godspeed when your time comes!

u/ouchingtiger400 · 11 pointsr/trashy

Dylan's mother wrote a really heartbreaking memoir that kind of confirms your hypothesis. It was so powerful I couldn't finish reading it, but I recommend trying.

u/rickearthc137 · 10 pointsr/parrots

It's terrible, I've been through it, as have many others. The silence is stifling not feeling a winged breeze against your cheek. Over time the house became the bird's, it will be the worst feeling--and, you're right, most people don't understand birds to begin with... don't be mad at them for not "getting" how deep your loss runs. They just don't have your perspective, it sucks, we've been through it.

And don't question it or blame yourself. I lost my best friend, a grey, a few years ago while he was under observation at our Avian Vet. He passed of hardening of the arteries--nothing could have be done. I tortured myself wondering "what if" and "should I have kept him here?" It was a total shock as we thought he had a skin issue (he was a naked plucker).

Life happens whether we get the results we want or not. This book helped a lot:

One of the first things I did was I made a sizable donation to a parrot rescue in memoriam. It was surprising how good it felt to give to help other birds. It helped me a lot.

After a long while, almost a year, I had rescues and sanctuaries wanting to get me a bird. I've been active with local parrot communities and greys just "click" with me. I wasn't ready so I decided to force myself to go hold a bird... that was it.

We have a local long-standing family-owned pet store that had some greys. I went there just before closing to hold a bird. A CAG got onto my finger and wouldn't get off. He's my bird. I have a picture of that first night home with him asleep on my shoulder his head tucked under his wing.

Give yourself time, if and when you're ready to open your heart to another bird I hope you choose each other. So sorry for your loss--it's not that most won't understand, it's more that they just can't.

u/Celtic_Queen · 10 pointsr/forwardsfromgrandma

If you read Sue Klebold's book though, she says that really wasn't true. Both boys had a pretty tight group of friends. A lot of that "trench coat mafia" stuff came from the media.

u/El_Thoughtzos · 10 pointsr/Columbine

Daniel Mauser hit me particularly hard, especially when I learned he was a friend/acquaintance of Devon Adams and he was affectionately called "Moose" by the members of the debate club. It was easy to tell just how loved he was in his family, particularly where his father is concerned.

Also, I'm not sure if you're looking for specific Columbine documentaries/material (e.g. about the victims, etc), but I've personally read and enjoyed No Easy Answers by Brooks Brown, A Mother's Reckoning by Sue Klebold, and Columbine: A True Crime Story by Jeff Kass. I haven't read any of the books about the victims written by their families, but I know there's two about Cassie and Rachel. Whatever you do, just don't read Columbine by Dave Cullen.

I've only read bits and pieces of the 11k, so I can't say for sure, but I haven't encountered much of Kelly Fleming at all in the reports. She was probably referenced by library witnesses and by police officers describing where she was shot, where her body was found, in what position, etc, but I can't imagine they'd include much else, since it's not really relevant.

u/Jay_Bean · 9 pointsr/askfuneraldirectors

I love Catlin Doughty. She is amazing. I enjoy looking at her blog, YouTube, and most recently reading her book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.

Link to her blog.

Link to her book.

And lastly, link to her YouTube.

You may already follow her, but for those that dont, I recommend it.

u/DukkhaTales · 9 pointsr/Buddhism

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure it is very difficult for you, as it would be for probably any of us. I think what you're feeling is very common, very natural, very human. It is precisely because of how common and universal this kind of suffering is that I think the Buddha felt so moved to try to help us.

The most penetrating wisdom I have ever encountered about death, teachings that for the very first time gave me glimpses of peace and fearlessness about death (both my own and others'), come from Master Thich Nhat Hanh. He has written a whole book about it, which I have not yet read, but he discusses death in other books and those passages were like moments when the sun breaks through the dark clouds of my fear and starts clearing them away. I'm sure his book specifically on the subject would be incredibly helpful to you.

His basic point about death, as I understand it, is that "death" as we conceive of it doesn't exist because "birth" as we conceive of it doesn't exist, either. Ultimately, our fear of death--our own and the deaths of those we love--originates in wrong perceptions, wrong understandings about reality.

Also, here's a short YouTube clip of him that gives you a taste of his insights on the subject.

u/tenshon · 8 pointsr/Buddhism

It pains me to hear about the circumstances of your loss, how terribly tragic.

The transformation of matter is a somewhat useful metaphor for understanding the continuity aspect of rebirth. I once overheard my young daughter telling a friend of hers to recycle so the bottle can reincarnate - which was kind of cute, and conveyed some truth.

But I must say that the Buddhist teaching relates more to the continuity of the state of mind, and clinging, that persists across lives, not to the transformation of matter.

Yet we shouldn't be so quick to draw such a distinction between the two - because, according to several schools of Buddhism including Zen, all is ultimately mind, all matter. It takes a great deal of meditation and insight to understand this though, and the understanding goes far beyond what words can describe.

I would recommend reading "No Death, No Fear" by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh - as he is someone who also uses matter transformation as a metaphor for teaching rebirth, so he's probably in line with your thinking.

u/CursiveCuriosa · 8 pointsr/StudentNurse

I'd say this is a perfectly normal reaction, especially if you have never seen a dead person before. Also, it's completely normal for caregivers of all levels to feel this kind of grief.

I volunteer in hospice every weekend, so I periodically (usually at least 1 per shift, sometimes 2) see the bodies go by. I have to admit that since my shift is only once a week, I don't typically even "know" the people being wheeled out. I'm sure that makes it a little harder for you, given that you had some part of their care. People who volunteer multiple shifts a week and primarily sit with patients often have to take "breaks" because they get so weighed down with the pain.

For me, the most difficult part is always the families. Nobody responds to grief quite the same. I don't feel pain so much for the person as I do for those they left behind.

How do I "cope"? Since I am primarily at the front desk providing family support, I find the best thing is just listening and letting yourself be with them in the moment. I don't talk a lot, but I do a whole lot of listening. It's especially hard for me personally when a young person dies and I see their family (we don't see a whole lot of under 20's, but I frequently see early 30's and on), because that is just SO hard.

I think coping is just getting used to it. You have to accept that sometimes you will "feel". Sometimes you might not. Neither one is wrong, as long as it doesn't consume you or impair you ability to function. I think I take the most comfort in knowing that so many families and patients have a wonderful experience in our facility. I know people are dying on THEIR own terms (for the most part, sadly things still happen) in hospice.

Most people (maybe others have other experiences) who know they are about to die are oddly at peace with it. If you ever have the chance to be in/hear/talk about those moments, there is something peaceful about that. I guess some people could take this as sad, but I think it's a beautiful thing when someone is so content with their life.

A lot of my acceptance of death came from watching my own stepmom (46 when she died) go through cancer that started in her bile duct and spread, ultimately killing her 9 months later. I don't think death will ever be "easy" for me, but witnessing the bravery of those that are dying has completely changed my view. It's as natural as being born.

Have you read any books by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross? I have read a few of her books (I bought them when I found out my stepmom was terminal) and my favorite is this one:

It's an easy read and helped prepare me emotionally. Before my stepmom, I had only ever lost grandparents who were ready to go (not that it wasn't sad that I lost them, but hopefully you know what I mean. I tend to be less "shocked" when the elderly die).

u/The_Meek · 8 pointsr/atheism

I didn't want to hear anything. Books I read with my mom (When Dinosaurs Die and Saying Goodbye to Daddy are both excellent) helped me a lot more than any religious counseling ever did. To hear that a God you have grown up loving and knowing that he is good, to hear that that God has killed your father and that you shouldn't be sad because he is in a better place, that is really awful.

u/thatsboxy · 8 pointsr/AskReddit

My uncle died when his kids were 7 and 4. It was sudden and he was still pretty young.

The older daughter had a really hard time sleeping at night because her father always put her to bed and had done so the night he had a stroke.

The 4 year old didn't understand but she wanted a picture of her and her father almost right away and would fall asleep with it.

My suggestion is that you be as open as you can be. If things should take a turn for the worse sit down with them and talk to them about what is going on. There is a great book that my cousins got from their teacher after their dad died called When Dinosaurs Die

As far as what you can do I suggest taking a lot of photos together doing various things. Try to do special things with each child separately and of course together but really try to find something special to do with each of them. Maybe make beaded bracelets with the older girl or something. Something she will have to remind her of you.

You could also have pillows made with your favorite photo of you and that child so that way they have something to squeeze when they want to hug you.

If you always read bedtime stories or sing specific songs you should record them. I would personally love to hear my uncle's voice again.

But I think memories are the best. You could buy gifts for them to be given on their 16 or 18th birthdays if you so choose. Something a bit fancy with a hand written letter.

Watching my cousins grow up (they are now 14 and 17) these are the things I see they miss the most. There are photos all over the house of their father. The 17 year old misses him dearly. The 14 year old doesn't really remember him at all.

u/DanishWhoreHens · 8 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

What we practice in the US now, embalming with airtight caskets (they have “burping coffins” like Tupperware to release gas) began during the Civil War because of the hideous condition the bodies would often arrive home in after so long. If you’re down with learning about all the different things having to with the funeral industry and as well as how industry professionals have either lobbied to make some absurd practices legal requirements or will try to convince you they are when they’re not then these are fascinating to read, Jessica Mitford’s The American Way Of Death and Mary Roach’s Stiff: The Curious Lives Of Human Cadavers. Some of the most interesting reading you’ll ever do to be sure.

u/AdvocateReason · 7 pointsr/rant

You may benefit from sampling the /r/philosophy sub. My personal recommendation: The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker Sorry you're being bullied/harassed - if you're fearing for your life don't hesitate to call the police. You may also request more police patrols in an area.

u/AufDerGalerie · 7 pointsr/rupaulsdragrace

A good book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

It’s a cheesy book from the 70s, but it helps. xo

Edit: it looks like it’s online here.

u/_linzertorte_ · 7 pointsr/Parenting

The book about life and death that I remember from about this age was [The Fall of Freddie the Leaf] ( Non-religious from what I remember, and it explains life and death as a part of a larger process.

As far as supporting the daycare staff, I'd ask the director if they have sought out any bereavement counseling options for the staff (and possibly for the kids if the teacher does pass).

u/BabysInBlack · 7 pointsr/widowers

Have you heard of the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf?

> This story by Leo Buscaglia is a warm, wonderfully wise and strikingly simple story about a leaf names Freddie. How Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow, is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death.
>The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a warm and thought-provoking story and both children and adults will be deeply touched by this inspiring book. This 20th anniversary edition of this beloved classic has helped thousands of people come to grips with life and death.

u/a_gallon_of_pcp · 7 pointsr/SubredditDrama

Harris is definitely my favorite comedian, so I want to take this time to plug the book his sister wrote “Everything is Horrible and Wonderful”

u/BWV974 · 7 pointsr/Earwolf

Does anyone know if this Earwolf Amazon referral link still works? I tried to use it but when I get to the book page, the URL hasn't changed so I'm not sure if it works.

u/charliegriefer · 7 pointsr/death

> I'm not sure what part scares me most. The idea of just complete nothingness. Not even blackless. Not being concious anymore and just not being there anymore.

You were in that state for an eternity before you were born. Did it bother you then?

> I don't see life's worth. You work hard, put yourself through the hardest things in life and you keep on pushing and pushing. But what for? There's no happy ending to strife towards to. You'll die in the end.

The goal isn't necessarily a happy ending. Although that's not impossible. If you think working hard is for nothing, then you may not have reaped the benefits of working hard.

I'm 46. I've been where you are. Terrified of the notion of death. Anxiety attacks. Depression. It all sucked.

Today, I love being alive. I love every single moment of it. And I think that's the key. Be in the moment. Mindfulness.

Forget the past. You can't change it. Don't worry about the future. It's not guaranteed. The only thing that you're guaranteed in life is this moment. Make the most of it.

If you can train yourself to truly be in the moment, each and every moment, then every moment is like an eternity. Like a lifetime. And you end up living many of them.

Yes, I'll still die. But I've got 3 kids, so in a way I'll live on. Sure, not my consciousness. Not who I am. But I also believe that we're all part of something bigger. Not religion. I fucking hate organized religion. But I'm a very spiritual person. What most people think of as some type of "god", I think of as the Universe. The Universe, I believe, is a living entity. We exist within it as part of it. And I think that while we're here, maybe our job is just to do our best to keep the Universe healthy. To be happy and to make other people happy. And to leave happiness behind.

It's almost like the 5 stages of dying. I don't know them all, and can't be bothered to look them up at the moment (sorry). But there's anger, denial, etc... and ultimately acceptance. Now, I don't have any terminal illness. I'm in the best shape of my life. But I've accepted that I'm halfway through my journey. To be honest, I pretty much blew the first half. The realization that I was 1/2 thru sort of triggered those 5 stages of death and dying for me. It wasn't imminent, but it's inevitable. And with that came eventual acceptance. And also the realization that I was unhappy looking back at my life. I can change it now. When I'm on my deathbed and looking back, I'm done. I can't change it. I can't fix it. So I've made it my goal to get to a point where, when I am finally on that death bed looking back, I can know that I made a difference.

You ask why would you put so much effort in things you won't have anything left of in the end, anyways... but I disagree with that. I think that when I go, I just want to know that I made people happier. I want to know that my wife had no regrets about being married to me. I want to know that my kids will be going out into the world with a good attitude and lead happy lives themselves, raising happy kids of their own who will go on and do the same.

Sorry, I realize I'm all over the place. It's a lot to cover and I'm short on time.

I might suggest a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called, "No Death No Fear" (, that helped me.

Also look into mindfulness. Live in the moment. You have an eternity of moments ahead of you. What's it all for? It's for those moments. Live in those moments, for those moments. Yes, it's sad that you're going to die. But it would be even more sad if you died never having really lived. You can't take it with you (as far as we know). The memories, the experiences... they'll likely end with you. But for as long as you're here, you have all of those moments to experience. The purpose isn't to live forever. The purpose is just to live each moment fully.

I will try to put something more coherent together. But for now I hope that amongst the sea of text that I've managed to vomit out here, that you can find something that helps you maybe just a little bit.

u/djdementia · 6 pointsr/Buddhism

If you haven't already read it, may I recommend the book: No Death, No Fear by Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

It is an excellent book, and I recommend it to everyone not just those dealing with grief. Indeed I've read it 3 times now, although I did not have any unresolved grief. It is a book that helps you to understand the Buddhist teaching of Impermanence, and one of my "go to" books whenever I get caught up in day to day stress.

u/tryptophantastic · 6 pointsr/Parenting

First, I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how tough it must be to lose your mom so suddenly.

In regards to your question, I strongly urge you to be open, honest, and empathetic with your son. Tiptoeing around the issue or using euphemisms is only going to confuse him further, and may even make it more upsetting for him.

A few months ago I had to explain to my (also very verbal) 2-year-old about her father's death. I was very anxious about how to handle it but I did my best to answer all of her questions completely without making it overcomplicated or offering unsolicited details. I also spoke with her daycare teacher so that she was prepared to handle the topic should it come up, and so she knew how I was framing the issue (e.g. please don't tell my kid that her dad is an angel watching over her or anything like that).

Death is a very abstract concept and it definitely took some time before the message got through to my daughter that death was permanent and that her dad was not coming back. For a couple weeks after our initial conversation, she kept springing intense, emotionally-loaded questions on me out of nowhere. Even though it was hard, I wanted her to feel comfortable asking me these types of questions so I made a point of keeping myself composed when I responded. I also occasionally checked in with her to assess how she was processing things, and to see if she had any additional questions (she usually did).

This book might also be helpful: Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children Several people have recommended it to me but I haven't gotten around to buying it yet.

u/I_Will_Underwhelm · 6 pointsr/history

"The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford is a great treatment of the growth of the funeral industry in the US. A few decades old, but still enlightening. Link here:

u/Margatron · 6 pointsr/daddit

How To Survive The Loss Of A Love was a really good book I read after the death of my husband. Each page is a short simple idea with a poem on the opposite page. I highly recommend it to everyone.

u/PhillipBrandon · 6 pointsr/childrensbooks

Sounds like The Story of the Three Trees which is a traditional story, but the picture book I remember from that time was the Hunt/Jonke one.

I don't remember faces on the trees, but it's been a while. I also got confused trying to track this down, mixing up my arboreal death metaphors with The Fall of Freddy the Leaf.

u/RansomPowell · 5 pointsr/atheistparents

When my wifes grandmother passed away about two or so years ago, we got this book for our kids to help them understand death.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

It explained it pretty well and seemed to answer their questions at the time.

We lost our dog a year ago to cancer. Then, they wanted to know more, and the movie Coco helped us with that one. We explained that part of the movie was made up for the cartoon, but the part about people and pets in this case, live on in our memories seemed to help.

u/Gryphon82 · 5 pointsr/BabyBumps

Carly Marie Dudley is a photographer, grieving mother, and pregnancy and infant loss advocate. She is currently hosting a photo journalistic healing project called Capture Your Grief. Each day in October is a different subject to photograph and caption (today is Identity). Even if you're not up to participating yourself (it's a bit much for me right now, with our son's birthday in Oct and our daughter's arrival imminent) it can be helpful to see how other parents are handling and sharing their grief.

Still Standing is an online magazine whose contributors are grieving everything from infertility to child loss. We've found it helps a lot when we see our own feelings expressed by others, we--and you--are not alone.

Our hospital gave us some pamphlets and books about stillbirth and grief, but most were fairly mother-centric. My husband found this book by Tim Nelson and found it helpful to read another father's perspective. I also found it helped me to understand what my husband was feeling and how it differed from my grief.

Some other notable books: When Hello Means Goodbye, They Were Still Born, Still to be Born, and Empty Cradle, Broken Heart. Some of these were in the packet our hospital gave us and some we found later.

Return to Zero is an indie film based on Sean Hanish's and his wife's stillbirth experience.

The Still Project

That's a good starting point, I don't want to overwhelm you.

I remember feeling so torn just after our son's death. We'd always wanted a houseful of kids, but in the moment I couldn't imagine taking the next step and growing our family. It took a while to get over the horrible thought that I was trying to replace him. Even though that was never my intention, it still felt wrong. But, at some point, we realized we were ready to try for another baby.

Pregnancy after loss has been a strange, scary, and exciting experience. Fortunately, it's been an easy pregnancy thus far, but even without miserable symptoms, we're both hyper-aware that things can and do go wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that things are going well, and if I spend all my time worrying about what could happen, I won't really be enjoying the time I do have with her.

It took a while for us to be open about this pregnancy to strangers and acquaintances, because we were afraid of the question "Is this your first?" It's an innocent question that people are excited to ask but so very hard to answer.

I think the hardest thing for me is wondering what our son would think about having a little sister. Would he be excited? Would he get jealous?

I would advise you to really experience your grief, as much as it hurts. Don't hide from it or put it off, because that can make it worse. I don't think it will ever go away (because you will always love your little girl) but it will become bearable. You will find the new normal.

u/MantisTobogan-MD · 4 pointsr/Catholicism

I’m sorry for your tragic loss. I also lost a parent suddenly five years ago. It’s a different kind of pain than losing a loved one after a long illness. The shock often makes it harder to make sense of, and there is less ability to feel a sense of closure because we aren’t prepared to part ways. The book I Wan’t Ready to Say Goodbye helped me a lot in that respect. It’s important to use every moment we are blessed with to love and care for one another.

I sometimes tear up, or cry during mass when the readings touch on something close to my heart, or to something I think my mother would have loved hearing, or practicing. It is nothing to feel shame about. On the contrary, your emotional reaction is a display of your intense understanding and connection to the messages of our faith. Remember that we all have two fathers, our birth father, and our spiritual father. Return to Church knowing that your birth father would want you to be comforted by the spiritual father through our church (he brought you there while he was with you). Pray, speak with a priest, and read the Bible, you are stronger than you think.

u/discohead · 4 pointsr/Buddhism

I lost my younger brother to suicide almost 3 years ago and understanding still eludes me. I finally realized, the desire and effort to understand were an obstacle to healing. We don't need to understand, we just need to forgive (our loved one and oneself), be compassionate and continue to love.

This book was of great help to me: Thich Nhat Hanh - No Death, No Fear

u/headed4thecrapper · 4 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

It really helped me to read this book when I lost our son at 18.5 weeks. The women at the hospital actually gave me the book when I was released and I can't tell you how much it helped me. Ordinarily, I don't read self-help books and I didn't think that I would read this one. But I did, and it helped. It helped me to know that it was okay to see women pushing their babies and be jealous, and it was okay to feel sad to see little kids playing at the park, and it was okay to feel angry or left out when you see that other women have what you want. It's a normal, uncontrollable urge.

If yall can't afford the book or whatever, send me a PM and I'll gift you my copy. This book helped me to know that I was normal and these feelings were normal and it validated the way I processed our loss.

u/invertedarsehole · 4 pointsr/PandR

You should read Everything is Horrible and Wonderful; Harris Wittles was a writer and executive producer of PandR. It's an emotional read, but it's a very good one.

u/mintyjulep · 4 pointsr/beyondthebump

My father and brother recently died and I've read a ton of the kids books about death to my 3 year old daughter. . The Fall of Freddie the leaf was too wordy for my 3 year old. She ended up really liking When Dinosaurs Die and I Miss You.

u/cellblock2187 · 4 pointsr/Parenting

I recommend the book, "Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children" (

I really appreciated this book, and we started reading it around 2 or 3 years old. I was really afraid my kids' first experience with death might have been a close relative (who has recovered), and it was important to me that we got the concept of death into the picture before we were actually in mourning.

u/scarabic · 4 pointsr/daddit

Sorry for your loss!

We decided to teach our kids about mortality early, using the excellent book Lifetimes as supporting material. We rarely get questions about where the dead go anymore, but we would answer them as “that was their lifetime” and then talk about all the impacts that person had and all the ways we can remember and honor them. If it’s family we talk about genetics and how the departed literally live on through us.

We’re completely atheist and I understand not everyone would choose to do it the same way, so just throwing it out there in case it’s helpful.

Again so sorry for your loss.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

u/tralfaz66 · 4 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

Rabies effects your nervous system as I recall. That usually goes through the blood

However skin is full of tiny capilaries. They can break and not bleed visibly.

This person should see a doctor

I've read rabies described as "a horrible way to die"

Sauce. How we Die

u/PhilosophyAndrew · 4 pointsr/goodyearwelt

Today I'm wearing 3Sixteen Mini Ripple Service Boots.

AOTD: Simon Crichley'a Bowie and Sherwin Nuland's How We Die.

u/YoungModern · 4 pointsr/exmormon

What's a more likely explanation, that the Book of Mormon is translated from an ancient record of a massive Hebrew civilisation in the Americas which somehow vanished without a trace given what we know about the evidence left behind by older and smaller civilisations, or that it is the product of a nineteenth century frontier American man's fastastical imagination?

What's more likely, that there is some spooky non-material "spirit" stuff that sounds like the fantastical stuff primtive people cook up to explain things that they didn't understand or couldn't cope with (oblivion), or that the human brain is capable of generating the experience of flashes of images or sequences sounds within itself, especially under extreme stress, and given that you already have experience with this property of the brain when you have dreams and nightmares, and you've probably in your line of work had to deal with all sorts of people with malfunctioning brains who have seen, and continue to see, all sorts of crazy shit they "cannot deny" because their inner mentally generated phenomena seems more real to them than whatever accurate information about the real world their senses are conveying to them.

Even so, it's can't possibly be "all for nothing". I suggest Ronald Dworkin's Religion Without God and Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death.

u/topaz420 · 4 pointsr/LifeProTips

I am 15 months into my ongoing healing process from the greatest loss of my life, so I'd like to share some things I've learned:

Rushing into another relationship is unsound advice, and most likely to hurt you and the next person you prematurely involve yourself with.

The best thing I can tell you is that healing from a loss is not like getting a cut on your flesh, where there is consistent and predictable healing. If healing from a physical wound is a straight line, then healing from an emotional loss is a jagged, swirling journey, where you sometimes take one step forward and 10 steps back. Don't get frustrated by these setbacks--just understand that the timetable for healing is not set, and trust in the heart's ability to heal:

"When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process. Surrender to it." --from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

Don't make any rash life-altering decisions, don't turn to drugs or alcohol (which only postpone or subvert healing), give to those who are less fortunate than you, and surround yourself with family and friends that love you unconditionally.

Here is a link to the book quoted above, which I wholeheartedly recommend:

And another I'm in the midst of reading, which, so far, is also exceptional:

This is a beautiful recounting of the Buddha's journey to understanding suffering:

And this is a pocket book available for free from the Amida Society:

For me, feeling her "fade away" from my memory was so hurtful that I would hold on to the pain to keep the memories fresh. That is not conducive to healing. What helped me was creating a document (I used Google Docs so I could update from anywhere), and whenever a sweet memory surfaced of something she did, said, or was, I would write it down. It provided a catharsis--like a treasure chest of everything she was. I no longer compulsively read it, but it is comforting to know it's there, and has definitely helped my healing process.

For the first six months of my loss, I could barely leave the house. Since I love movies, I started trying to find ones that contained people being kind to one another (they are very rare). They helped me in reconnecting to and believing in kindness again, and I found myself watching some of my favorites just to get myself to sleep at night. I compiled a few into an IMDb list:

Take care of yourself

Source: Losing my dear wife--the sweetest, kindest person I've ever known.

u/DeltaIndiaCharlieKil · 4 pointsr/todayilearned

The question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people is one of the most difficult to answer in theology. The aptly named book When Bad Things Happen to Good People is by Rabbi Harold Kushner who was trying to find the answer to this himself after his 3 year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. It's been a really long time since I've read it, but it's supposed to be a good start for how someone could find solace and comfort in a god who seemingly created the tragedy they are going through.

u/wherethesweetpetsgo · 3 pointsr/Petloss

Hey, so sorry for your situation. I went through something similar in July. I wrote a LONG post as part of my healing. You may find it helpful. the links at the bottom, too, there are some great resources. If you want a guide to help with grief, this is really good: Also, I found it really comforting to post a memorial on "" when I was ready, which was about a month after he passed. Hope this helps. Hugs.

u/nnutcase · 3 pointsr/Gifts

My mom is currently reading and really enjoying "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by Caitlin Doughty. Your mortician friend may already have it, so maybe have someone ask her? It's pretty new.

u/ozyman · 3 pointsr/Mommit

I really like this book:

It's non-religious. Talks about how everything that lives has a beginning, middle, and end. Plants, animals, humans, everything.

u/sandiabee · 3 pointsr/Mommit

I'm very sorry for your loss! It's not about losing a parent, specifically, but to answer your question, Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children is a very helpful book, even for younger kids. I hope you find some good resources!

u/help007 · 3 pointsr/Parenting

I'm so sorry for your loss.

If you need a book to share with her about death in general, I can highly recommend the book, "Lifetimes". It is simple enough to read to all ages, though I choked up the first few times I read it to my kids, and there weren't even any recent deaths in our family at that time.

u/Bearhugswnucleararms · 3 pointsr/Parenting

I say pick her up and let her say goodbye. I remember my parents would always put down my pets behind my back, I'd always get so upset that I didnt say bye. This is also a good book (non-religious too if that matters) explaining death using animals.

u/shatana · 3 pointsr/nursing

Not a book recommendation, but I really, really recommend watching the documentary Alive Inside. I believe it's still on Netflix? What I learned about music therapy from it has helped me connect very deeply with multiple dementia and Parkinson's patients over the years.

The late, great Oliver Sacks also stars as an expert on it, and he wrote Musicophilia, of which there are a couple of chapters that deal with music & memory. I really enjoyed reading that.

Edit: Found my booklist. Here's a really simple handbook that helps guide you in having difficult conversations with seriously ill patients and their families about the patient's condition. It's aimed primarily at doctors (it was made for oncologists originally), but many of its tenets and suggestions can be applied to any level of caregiver.

u/devedander · 3 pointsr/WTF

There is no blanket rule that covers every person in an industry for sure, but there are plenty of documented instances in which the funeral industry has used their unique market to pressure and strong sell people on very inflated services and items at their weekest and most easily guilted time. Quite often outright lying to customers (like telling people that they have to embalm their loved ones even if they are going to be cremated) and violating FTC regulations in the process.

There were numerous reports of funeral homes charging for services they never rendered or marking up to ridiculous levels equipment and items.

While the normal markup on caskets is more in the range of 400-500% some were found to be as much as 10X markup. And often the funeral homes would make it as difficult as possible to find out about the cheapest options they are required to offer.

It's been a while since I was looking into it but I believe Jessica Mitford's book The American Way of Death Revisited discusses quite a bit of this.

u/req16 · 3 pointsr/nihilism

I would recommend reading the book The Denial of Death. It will help you understand your mind, it goes through child psychology as well as existential philosophy. The things you feel are pretty natural once you have seen through the illusion society helped you construct as a child.

Turn your passive nihilism into active nihilism. Create things you want, even if you don't know the everlasting point or meaning in what you're creating, it'll have some short term point and meaning to you.

I have never met a happy passive nihilist.

u/brulosopher · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

I'm not sure anyone has a real good way of coping with the fact they are going to die, mainly because no one living has ever experienced it. Rather, I choose to focus on living, on making the most of this tiny little life I'm a part of now. The thought of death still brings me terror, I don't want to die, period. When I hear someone say they've accepted death, they're not anxious about it, I immediately right them off as either a phony or someone with absolutely no self-awareness.

Basically, stop trying to cope with death and start focusing on creating what you experience as a meaningful life!

Consider watching the fantastic documentary Flight From Death: The Quest for Immortality, it changed my perspective immensely. Also, Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death is fucking mind blowing.

u/abegosum · 3 pointsr/relationship_advice

I had a similar situation with my ex a few years ago. If it comes to that, this book actually helped me keep perspective.

Best of luck.

u/kdmcentire · 3 pointsr/Parenting

I am so sorry that you're having such a painful time all around.

I can't speak for counseling - my family pretty much pretends that options such as that don't exist, that you have to bootstrap your way out of the "dumps" (grrr) - but I can tell you that I had a book when I was a little girl that really helped with talking about and processing death.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf - it takes Freddie from bud all the way to where he turns brown and falls off the tree and then lightly touches on how happy he was that he had gotten a chance to live and how he was part of a bigger cycle.

It's one of the few books I kept from my early childhood for my own kids.

But, if I were in your shoes, I'd keep trying counselors until you find one that's a good fit. hug Good luck.

u/tockenboom · 3 pointsr/Petloss

So sorry to hear about your kitten. There are a couple of books that you could probably find at your library that might help to explain it to him and help him deal with the grief:

u/jennifervw · 3 pointsr/therapists
u/Omegaman2010 · 3 pointsr/Military

I'm not trying to plug religion but this book helped me through some shit.

u/PunkRockMaestro · 3 pointsr/bipolar

I am very sorry for your loss. I don't have any first hand experience with this, I wouldn't feel right to say any advice, but I know about this book, it is supposed to be best book out there on this subject, from the reviews I believe it will help you.

From this link you can download a pdf copy right now, I promise it is safe to.


u/jfb3 · 3 pointsr/atheism

I've seen The Grief Recovery Handbook recommended before.

u/myerscarpenter · 3 pointsr/Parenting

I strongly recommend reading On Grief and Grieving.

u/kitchendisco · 3 pointsr/infertility

Please look after yourself & give yourself permission to feel all the things. That means letting go of poisonous friendships (or giving them some time off), letting yourself off if you don't want to do x,y,z. But also letting yourself feel joy where you can & not feel guilty about having some moments of joy.

I know everyone's experience is different but I found IF harder than baby loss in some ways. After 2.5 years IF we got pregnant with our son, but tragically lost him - Ben was stillborn at 30 weeks. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to us.

But, because people knew about Ben cause they knew we were pregnant, they also knew about our loss. Some of them were amazing & some weren't there for us. Some that were amazing were a surprise & we are so much closer now. Other people we've 'let go'.

We needed all of this & it really helped. But I think we also needed this in the dark days of IF. But no one was there. We couldn't/didn't talk about it. It felt so lonely.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with both. I don't really know if any of this helps, but you are not alone. We're here for you.

We found this book helpful

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart : Surviving the Death of Your Baby

u/MettaMorphosis · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

I've been through a few losses which have devastated me beyond belief and I've recovered to a good degree and handled the depths of despair. So I'll tell you what has helped me.

Two books that really helped me were On Grief And Grieving and Healing After Loss. The first one talks a lot about accepting and understanding all of the emotions you go through and can help you navigate it a bit better. The second one was a god send because it was so easy to digest when I was overwhelmed. Just one little passage a day. They aren't Buddhist books, but they are still invaluable.

Another thing that I still use 1.7 years after my moms death is to journal to the dead, it really helps. Sometimes I just talk vocally, sometimes I journal. I talk about how I feel. I talk about any feeling or thought about them to them. It gives me some closure. My love has not died with them. So maintaining a connection to them is very helpful.

One thought that has helped me is to realize that the person lives on in how they've impacted me and others. So to me, my mom isn't completely dead.

I know it's really hard and sucks. I hope you feel better and I'm sorry you're going through this.

I agree with the top comment about how everyone goes through this and it's good to confront death and loss head on.

I hope some of this was helpful. Wish you well.

u/beowulfpt · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

Leave it to the experts like Kubler-Ross. This book might help, from there you can find similar titles that offer structured advice focused on both patients and families.
"Elisabeth authored twenty-four books in thirty-six languages and brought comfort to millions of people coping with their own deaths or the death of a loved one. Her greatest professional legacy includes teaching the practice of humane care for the dying and the importance of sharing unconditional love."

u/iamnotacrumbbum · 3 pointsr/CasualConversation

I think it’d an important topic to think about in a daily basis - not in a weepy fearful way, but just to appreciate the time left here on earth. When my dad passed, it hit me hard and I realized how much I had squandered my life being miserable, tense, and angry. I think death helps break you out of your shell. I do imagine myself near death every so often, and it helps take me out of the worries and concerns I have during the day.

Here’s a solid book on the topic:

And of course the classic by Viktor Frankl:

And if Alan Watts is up your alley:

u/infinite0ne · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Lots of good advice here. I will add Thich Nhat Hanh as a good person to listen to for meditation and mindfulness practice guidance. No Death No Fear looks like a good book, too.

u/jezebela_jones · 2 pointsr/ttcafterloss

Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you found this community. It's been invaluable to me, and I hope you find it healing as well.

In terms of healing materials, I cannot recommend the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart enough. I read probably 4 books on loss after our TFMR in December and that one was by far the best one, and the one that's helped me the most on this crazy journey.

I also recommend going to therapy, if you can. Especially as the grief becomes less obvious, I've needed my therapist to continue to help me grieve the less in-your-face feelings that still need to be dealt with but can also easily (and unhealthily) be locked away.

u/KINGOFWHIMS · 2 pointsr/askphilosophy

"No Death No Fear"

Great eastern perspective. <3

u/Atom612 · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Thich Nhat Hahn's No Death, No Fear

u/beddahwithcheddah · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes
u/nickMA21 · 2 pointsr/Earwolf

This seems like a fitting place to plug the book his sister wrote about Harris, addiction and loss. Comes out February 26th and all proceeds go to The Harris Wittels Foundation which gives scholarships to seniors at Harris' former high school in Houston

u/TsaristMustache · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

These books helped when my mother passed unexpectedly:

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye
When Things Fall Apart
No Mud, No Lotus

u/littlemantry · 2 pointsr/socialwork

I liked this book for sudden/unexpected death - in our case, a loved one in a motorcycle accident. The main points are summarized and easily digestible which is helpful because it's hard to focus when one is grieving

u/CrazyStupidNSmart · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years about 7 years ago, and I was overcome with grief, I felt like I was going crazy. My mom died a little over a year ago. It also felt devastating. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy or that any sort of positive thinking caused me to just shrug off the pain of the situation. I felt anger, regret, sorrow, confusion, depression, guilt, gratitude and appreciation.

From my experience wisdom can't cure you from the pain, but it can help (unless maybe you're enlightened). Knowing that loss is natural because everything is impermanent can help you accept the situation more. And the most comforting thought to me is that the person who left me is still alive in my thoughts and memories, in the impact they had on me, in the impact they had on others. In a way, a part of them is still around.

In my opinion, in these situations you shouldn't tell yourself how you're supposed to feel. You feel how you feel and you feel your way through it and live your life as best you can and you heal, at your own pace. Healing will happen, if you don't fight the process too much.

A couple of books that have helped me through grief are.
[On Grief And Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss] (
[Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief] (

u/swirrlingwind · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss 1 and On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss 2

u/WitchesCotillion · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Lots of good suggestions here, but I'll add: On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler.

I work with people who are grieving and your greatest gift will be your ability to sit with your loved one while they feel whatever they're feeling in that moment. They don't need you to fix it or them, they just need you to be there.

I'm sure your generous heart will carry you through.

u/ok_calmdown · 2 pointsr/OpiatesRecovery

I’m grateful for my girlfriend, family and friends who forgive my relapses so readily and so often. They truly want to see me beat this thing.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve used- maybe a day less- and am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning about the Vivitrol shot. Should’ve done this a long time ago.

Just finished reading Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Harris Wittels’ older sister. There is so much pain and devastation wreaked upon the family of an addict. I can’t even imagine the impact if I died- how that would affect others around me.

Not really something I thought about much as an addict.

u/OtherWisdom · 2 pointsr/Christianity

From a religious perspective (the one in which I agree with) there is When Bad Things Happen to Good People. From a critical perspective there is God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer

u/OrlandotheFurious · 2 pointsr/gaybros

I’m sorry to hear that, OP. You’re going to have a lot of emotions as you process all of this, and it’s ok to let them come, feel them and then let them go. I read a book after a loss called The Grief Recovery Handbook, which was super helpful. If you like to read, I would suggest it for you.

The Grief Recovery Handbook

u/NohoTwoPointOh · 2 pointsr/SingleDads

Self Improvement:

  1. Tell me about it. In my 20's, I ate everything under the sun and could barely maintain. Around 35, that shit ended. I did keto to lose it, but now eat a low-carb diet to keep it off. How are your cooking skills? What eating habits do you think are hindering your goals? Mine was beer and late-night carb snacking.

  2. What stopped? I'm guessing a combination of stress, depression and too much fucking life! Something else, maybe?

  3. Ooooh! What did you create before? Sounds interesting!

    Stuff for your daughter:

  4. A walk before or after dinner. Every day. Teach her to observe. The birds and bugs. The spray paint markings on the street. See a plane in the sky? Ask her where she thinks it is going. Ask her why she thinks the leaves on the tree are changing color and falling off. It is a great chance to bond with her and help her learn (and for you to learn from here). It also helps with your first self-improvement item. During our walks, we end up playing tag, sumo wrestling (she wins a lot), a stripped-down fartlek (you might call them Indian runs), or her invention--running while holding hands. She loves these games and it gets my ass out of a chair. Again, the bonding time is unmatched.

  5. Temper your expectations here. I say do it with gusto, but know that you will need tough skin if the PTA is mostly moms. They will see you as an intruder (as they do with most men in early education). I'm not one bit saying not to do it. Just know that you'll have to be extra tough and persistent. I would suggest also joining a dad's group. It's a good way for you to meet other motivated dads and learn additional dadcraft skills. PM me if you're having a hard time finding one in your area.

  6. 4-5 books a night. This is the best damn thing you can do for your daughter. Your local library is awesome. Don't forget that they can order other books from other neighboring libraries. We have dealth with death (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, When Dinosaurs Die), potty training (Potty), divorce (Two Homes), science (Baby Loves Thermodynamics or Scientist Scientist), anatomy (Contemplating Your Belly Button), personal conduct (any of the Toddler Tools books from Free Spirit Publishing). I also throw one Dad book in each night like Kisses for Daddy, Grizzly Dad, Daddy Cuddles, Because I'm Your Dad and others. The DC Superheroes Character Education series is pretty nice. It also helps your bond with your daughter along with improving her reading skills.
u/Songcrow · 2 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

I just read a great book about cremation and funereal practices that might help you.*Version*=1&*entries*=0

u/kessake · 2 pointsr/offmychest

I used to suffer from death anxiety quite a bit, coupled with a mind that likes to go all existential and philosophical when I can't sleep.

I totally agree with what some others have said about trying counseling. It doesn't hurt to try.

What helped me the most, and it may sound weird at first, is to kind embrace death. I started out by getting into youtube videos from Caitlin Doughty Ask A Mortician on YT. Curiosity and love of her sense of humor led me to her book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Another author I recommend is Mary Roach.

I started to see death as less of this ominous, negative presence waiting like the stoic reaper with his scythe, and more of just a part of the cycle of life. Its not as much something to be feared, as it is natural and more like a transition from this version of life to whatever may be next. What I find kind of funny about it is that now I'm more morbidly curious than afraid, and that can get some... interesting reactions during family discussions. Some of the things I have read and learned have even helped me cope through the recent loss of my mother.

Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. Whether that's counseling, reading, learning, or even just sitting down with family and talking. Best of luck to you, and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.

u/luvdisneyland · 2 pointsr/Parenting

I read this book with my guys when they were 4, and we knew my grandfather's time was short. I imagine it may be helpful for your three year old. It's quite simple and straight forward. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

u/JordieBelle · 2 pointsr/Parenting

Lifetimes is quite a good book about death for children.

u/thereisnosub · 2 pointsr/raisingkids

I really liked this book for explaining her grandparents' death to my daughter:

Beyond reading it to her, I also found it comforting and calming for me when I read it to her.

If your family is religious there may be other texts that do a better job giving context and meaning to death, but as someone who doesn't follow any particular religious teachings, I really liked the way this book presented things.

Other than that, I would just try to be involved. There can be a lot to do with legal documents, property, burial, etc. Call and ask how they are doing and what has been keeping them busy, and then see how you can help with that?

u/Trisunflower · 2 pointsr/Parenting

I really, really like reading this book to my kids when we talk about death. Basically, it says dying is part of living. That all living things are born, have their lifetime, and die. It's sad, but that's the way it is.

u/toomuchweightloss · 2 pointsr/Parenting

My daughter is the same age and very sensitive emotionally, so we've started talking about death because, well, sometimes we step on a bug and it dies and that's sad. She's never encountered the death of a person or animal she has a strong attachment too, though.

There's a lovely book called Lifetimes that is non-scary and easy to understand. It talks about how all living things have a lifetime. Some have short lifetimes and some have long lifetimes. This is not good or bad, it just is. It goes into a lot more detail and talks about feelings when someone/something reaches the end of its lifetime, but really is a lovely book. I haven't read it yet to my daughter, but I use that language to explain death to her when she encounters it (however minor these experiences really are). She seems to accept it, and it has the benefit of not bringing illness or age into the equation.

u/EatYourCheckers · 2 pointsr/Mommit

I think not sugar-coating it is best. This age your son is able to understand things better than you might think. One other thing I would add to that the previous poster said, is tell him that it is okay to be sad, that you and his dad are sad, too. And that he will probably always be a little sad but the feeling will get easier after a while.

These are 3 books I have on hand. My daughter was very broken up when our dog died, and her Grandmother is failing in health as well:

u/DrKronin · 2 pointsr/TrueAtheism

I've never read this book, but I've heard great things about it:

u/AsahiCat · 2 pointsr/Fitness

Really interesting book -- "How We Die." Its a great read anyways, and it may give you a new perspective.

u/YetAnotherFrreddy · 2 pointsr/woodworking

From one of the Mitford sisters. Old, but not much has changed.

u/sinnamongirl · 2 pointsr/Libertarian

Monks are all over beer.

But I mostly came here to recommend people read The American Way of Death Revisited which is a good overview of how badly the funeral industry gouges people- and we buy into it at almost every turn, believing that somehow these gaudy funerals matter to a corpse.

u/pickup_sticks · 2 pointsr/intj

The book The Denial of Death goes into this. It can be a bit dense but the tl;dr is, humans don't want to die and create institutions and rituals that allow us to deny that we will die. For many that comes from the church, nationalism or the drive to "leave a legacy."

u/admorobo · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Not sure if it's exactly what you're looking for, but what came to mind immediately was The Denial of Death

u/still_here82 · 2 pointsr/CasualConversation

The philosopher Ernest Becker explores this concept in-depth in his award winning book The Denial of Death. It's worth checking out if youre interested in this:

Denial of Death

u/Synopticz · 2 pointsr/cryonics

Yes, I agree, the basic problem is the denial of death. Becker's book on this is the most comprehensive that I have read:

I have a strong fear of death too, but I think that planning to do cryonics has helped me to alleviate some of it. I'm glad to hear that thinking about death-related topics helps your anxiety.

u/ucf · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker

A deep book without doubt. This book shows how central death is to our lives. The author died of cancer a year after the book was published.

u/StPaz · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman probably saved my life a few years ago. I don't really remember if that's because it was such an amazing book or because it's just what I needed during a dark time in my life. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is another really good book, but I wouldn't describe it as self-help.

u/Aussiewhiskeydiver · 2 pointsr/UpliftingNews

If you like the idea of a final farewell or 'living funeral' you should read Tuesdays With Morrie it's a true story of an amazing man who celebrated his life like this with his closest friends

u/K80_k · 2 pointsr/selfimprovement

Not sure what you are moving past but this book was recommend to me when I was in a bad place after a break up by someone who used it after giving up alcohol (love can describe things beyond romantic relationships)

u/mrallsunday · 2 pointsr/gaybros

I am going through a similar process and am still healing. Be gentle with yourself. Rest. Learn to forgive. Know that healing takes time and that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is an end. You are alive, you will survive.

Some active things to do to heal that I've found useful.

  • Choose which of your friends to talk to and tell about this carefully. Talk to ones who don't silver-line the relationship and tell you to heal. Don't talk to toxic friends. There are no absolutes in healing.
  • Read self-help books. How To Survive The Loss of a Love and The Velvet Rage both have helped me.
  • Meditate. Use Headspace. Lie down and listen to meditation for healing after a breakup
  • Journal for as long as you have feelings in your head. Get them down. Make sure to include both positive and negative thoughts. Stop journaling when it feels like you aren't writing down anything new.
u/Restup1 · 2 pointsr/askgaybros

I don't claim to be an expert on this but I can certainly identify with you. I am going through something extremely painful too and my feelings are very similar to yours.

One thing that strikes me about your situation is that, as far as i can tell, he basically stopped his relationship with you 3 months ago.
That really is not an inordinate amount of time to be in pain about a breakup....especially after being together for a year and a half.

It's just going to take some time and it sucks.

There are a few things that are standard ways to cope with this kind of pain.

Spend time with friends..... try to see other guys and give them a chance to win you over.... do things that you enjoy and try to take up interesting things that are new.

You could consider psychotherapy or antidepressant medication.

And there's a famous & classic book on this situation that might help you. It once really helped me.

The title is.... How to Survive the Loss of a Love

I really hope that you feel better soon....and I'm sorry that you are going through this

u/humanityisawaste · 2 pointsr/childfree

Sappy, silly even trite and yet still remarkably helpful.
Takes a truckload of time but healing does take place.
Best to you.

u/earfullofcorn · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

As someone who has had to ask for help many times in my life, I think you should look into counseling. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Hopefully your brother is seeing someone, but I think it would be best if you did, too.

Even though I am an alcoholic, surprisingly, when things are really down. Like I'm super depressed, something kicks in and I find some kind of strength deep down. Something ethereal kicks in and I know that life would get 10x shittier if I drank. This shit has to be processed. It's going to happen at some point in your life. Like that kid's song "Can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. Guess I'm going to have to go through it."

You are strong. You are way stronger than you even know. We are a resilient species.

I don't know what you're going through. I'm lucky I guess that I drink myself silly when I'm lonely, suffering from anxiety, bored, happy, because I am sad. But when something traumatic happens, I guess it's something that I have to do. I have to feel it. That desire is there, but you have to fight it. You can fight it.

I don't know if this is helping you or not. I'm sending you my thoughts, prayers, and good vibes. Hopefully you'll find comfort in that, human to human.

Also, along with the counseling that you really need, I really recommend this book. It is a book that helps deal with grief. It's half psychologist/psychiatrists' advice/thoughts and half poetry. They have it at most libraries. How To Survive the Loss of a Love I promise it's not mumbo jumbo. My copy has helped me with being dumped, family dying, and even moving.

Also, make a list of all the people who have your back. Don't say no one. You don't mean that. You have people that love you. Instead of focusing on everything that's going wrong in your life (which is a lot) try to physically write everything that is going good in your life. Put those lists on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you'll see them everyday. Read them out loud. These are all the things that I've been telling myself while I struggle with my addiction. They don't help everyday. But they help shift my focus most days.

u/rubberkeyhole · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

My father passed away five years ago, and it was a huge loss; it (combined with other things) left me with PTSD that I am currently dealing with. Even though I was 31 at the time, a friend gave me a copy of Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After has a children's age/reading range, but is so applicable for adults as well. It's such a sensitive yet honest book about grief and death that has a very accessible message.

This is the cover of the book.

u/bumpypants · 2 pointsr/Mommit

Tear Soup is a really lovely book for children and adults. It's a picture book, but I have bought it for kids and adults alike. The basic message is that it's okay to grieve in your own way, and it's okay to grieve for as long as you need to.

u/zinconinco13 · 2 pointsr/Miscarriage

I hadn't seen that FB post til now and I just read the whole thing and cried at my desk. That is an emotional rollercoaster. I wish I had to strength to be that open.

I really relate to so many things you're feeling right now. I've been going for blood draws at the fertility specialist who helped us conceive and I hate every second of it. I just want to be left alone and everyone else in the waiting room looks so excited and full of hope and I'm just dead-eyed in sweatpants.

My husband and I have been struggling a bit with dealing with this in very different ways. I feel like he's ready to get back to normal and I'm still crying in bed all night and eating waffles for dinner on the couch. I was recommended a book by my therapist that talks about how people grieve differently and how to be understanding and supportive. It was helpful for both of us to read. It's kind of strange because it looks like a children's book but it's definitely worth a read.

u/tijd · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

Since the Parkland shooting, I’ve read quite a bit about school shootings in general. I’m more of a book reader than an article reader; notes below.

Article Library

If you want a good general overview, I’d recommend reading Why Kids Kill linked below first. I’m far from an academic—never even attended a traditional college—but it’s really readable. Even if you don’t want to read the whole thing, you can pick up the ebook and just check out the references/footnotes. They link to tons of articles.

Once I finish School Shooters (also linked below) I plan to start working on this library of resources for more detailed info. That’s Langman’s site.

General Books

u/Daleth2 · 2 pointsr/occult

You might get a lot out of this book: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

u/idkaaa · 2 pointsr/books

Any book that talks about people in crappier situations than you...a pick-me-up:

u/McIntoshRow · 2 pointsr/Christianity

Why Bad Things Happen To Good People is a wonderful written by a rabbi from Natick, Massachusetts. It was a very big seller years ago, but it holds true still.

He should know.

u/koipert · 1 pointr/Unexpected

With my therapist, we worked through The Grief Recovery Handbook. It requires a LOT of introspection, and I had to do some pretty painful soul searching, but it was very much worth it. It MUST be done in order- don’t skip to the end since the last assignment won’t have as much weight. It actually reaches into every kind of loss in your life (loss of childhood, loss of relationships, ect.,) and I made some unexpected personal breakthroughs as buried memories came to light.

If you’re dedicated you don’t necessarily need a therapist, but they really, really stress having someone else to go through it with you in your personal life. There’s a lot of stuff you need to share out loud, and it makes a huge difference in your recovery. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing difficult emotions with IRL, a therapist would be a great choice. I know a lot of them use this, and it’s probably something you could call around and ask.

The book is very practical and matter-of-fact, which I needed. I’m not a fan of spiritual mushy-gushy stuff, if that makes sense!! It’s homework that really changes things.

I’m so sorry for your losses- that’s too much for anyone to bear. I hope this book can help bring you peace like it brought us.

u/throwawaylosingmydog · 1 pointr/Petloss

So sorry for your loss. Having been through a few losses, what you're feeling seems normal--it completely sucks, but it's to be expected suddenly losing your best friend. Here's a very helpful guide to accept and work through it:

u/throwy09 · 1 pointr/personalfinance

OP, I'm sorry for what is happening to you. I don't have any financial advice, but I recently also went through the death of someone I loved and I found this book very helpful, maybe you will too:

u/MartinLutherZen · 1 pointr/Divorce

It sounds like it helped. I'm glad.
I'm sorry that you've had some difficulty in your past. Take free advice for what its worth but try this book:,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

I'm using it to fully grieve my divorce but to also map out my relationship with my parents and other family. The book directs you to make timelines of relationships and give you a process to uncover what unresolved emotional issues you need to resolve. It's really helped me and I hope it helps you.

u/daisydots · 1 pointr/atheism

[When Dinosaurs Die.] (

I'm a funeral director and I absolutely recommend this book above all others.

u/caryb · 1 pointr/Parenting

Marc Brown (who wrote the Arthur series) has a really good book called When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death that's really good for younger kids to learn about death, the grieving process, etc. Best of luck. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Edit: I just saw that /u/Brym suggested it as well.

u/vfr · 1 pointr/atheism

Hard to tell without knowing their age. If young, then there are several books that can help, eg:

u/fizzybenilyn · 1 pointr/santashelpers

You could try Richard Goodall Gallery for music/movie posters, not sure how many metal bands they have...if any. Also I'm not sure if anyone sells prints of Weegee's photographs but he is famous for arriving on crime scenes before the police to grab his shots, here are some examples and here's a decent looking book. There's also this book that I've been trying to track down a copy of in the UK, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes about working in a mortuary.

If he's into vinyl, a lot of metal bands put out limited edition releases which you can probably get for somewhere around £30-50 or even if he's an Argento fan, the Goblin soundtrack to Suspiria would be pretty cool

Fright Rags and Rotten Cotton do horror T-shirts and Rotten Cotton even has an Italian-Horror section with a few Argento items

u/dizzyvonblue · 1 pointr/randomactsofamazon

I can't choose one.

I have Best Of Silent Hill: Music From The Video Game Series


Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory

Both would need to be used to fit under the $15 limit.

Since you are seeking creepy, this is a favorite song of mine. I always play it when I'm painting.

u/video_descriptionbot · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

Title | Why Are We Morbidly Curious?
Description | My twitter: My Instagram: THE SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES book: Everyone Loves A Good Train Wreck book: Google Glass + Vsauce PARODY: V1 and V2 and V3 eat gross jelly beans: https:...
Length | 0:13:51


^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^Info ^| ^Feedback ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)

u/dbarefoot · 1 pointr/mildlyinteresting

That is "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory", by Caitlin Doughty (of "Ask a Mortician" fame, I think).

It's definitely a printing (or, more accurately, a layout) error. If you go on Amazon and 'Look Inside' the book, the table of contents has numbers.

u/Dialogue_Dub · 1 pointr/infj

With only my phone on me, I'm just going to list out some of the non-fiction I've enjoyed on my commute recently.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty Great reading for the morbidly inclined.

Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film - Patton Oswalt I would only recommend this book for true cinema fans. It's enjoyable if you get the references and are also a procrastinating creative.

God'll Cut You Down: The Tangled Tale of a White Supremacist, a Black Hustler, a Murder, and How I Lost a Year in Mississippi - John Safran sort of reminds me of Jon Ronson. Good true crime, fish out of water stuff.

Yes Please - Amy Poehler Great advice, hilarious. Get it on audiobook.

Carsick - John Waters John waters being John Waters.

Manson - Jeff Guinn A super fascinating breakdown of the 1960s, and the environment that held Manson is much is a biography. I'm really excited to read his new book his writing about Jim Jones and the 1970's.

Currently on Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon, very excited about it.

u/kdmartin · 1 pointr/toddlers

There is a really amazing book called Lifetimes that I love for this purpose. I’ve been reading it to my daughter since before she could talk. I think it will help her have an understanding of the concept of a lifetime and what being gone means.

u/DontRunReds · 1 pointr/atheism

You may want to get her a book that explains death that she can look at on her own. One I had when I was young was called Lifetimes, I found the link for it here:

It's okay if she gets upset about death. I remember that book made me sad, but that's okay. Kids need to learn to deal with emotions of all types.

You can also talk about what some people believe (heaven, reincarnation, becoming a star, etc) and what you believe.

u/Paxtian · 1 pointr/exchristian

Death is tough to deal with no matter your beliefs. Get together with mutual friends and family members. Remember the times you spent together with each other. Be shoulders to cry on for each other. Grieve and mourn as you need to. Things will get better over time. Keep in mind that you still have your life to live, and count yourself fortunate in that respect. Your life will go on.

By the way, we bought this book for our three year old daughter to explain death. It's actually a beautiful book, and she's picked up on the concept that for every life, there's a beginning and an ending, and living in between. It's meant as a book for kids, but the message is pretty solid for everyone: life has a beginning and an ending for everyone, but in between, there's living. Enjoy the living part as best you can.

u/midwintermoons · 1 pointr/Wicca

I think this kind of thing probably happens to all kids in some way at some point. If he's especially sensitive then it's not really surprising to me that this is weighing on him so heavily. Have you thought of getting him some books on the subject? I gave some to my nephew when his grandmother died because my sister-in-law said he had a lot of questions about where she had gone.

One of them was The Tenth Good Thing About Barney which is about a little boy who loses his cat. They bury him under a tree near the garden, and the "tenth good thing" is that Barney is there helping the flowers grow. Another one I gave him was Badger's Parting Gifts. Badger dies and all his friends are sad, but then they start recalling all their memories of him, and all the things he taught them to do, and conclude that he is still with them in that way. One that I didn't end up buying but may be of interest to you is Lifetimes. There are some negative reviews saying that it doesn't get spiritual enough and therefore isn't comforting, but it would be a good way to show how life and death is simply a part of existence.

u/groundhogcakeday · 1 pointr/Parenting

Get this book:

Your library will most likely have it; it was a children's librarian who recommended it to me. This book works equally well for theist and atheist families; it neither presumes nor contradicts any beliefs about life after death. It explains death in the context of normal natural lifespans, which it seems your dog managed to enjoy. It demystifies it and makes it unscary without sugar coating it.

u/CowOrker01 · 1 pointr/Whatcouldgowrong

Great book by Sherwin Nuland MD: How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter.

u/John_Q_Deist · 1 pointr/worldnews

Lack of oxygen to your cells. That's almost always how you die.

u/Dawn_Coyote · 1 pointr/bestofthefray

I don't think I'm up to that one right now, but I've put it on my list.

I found this one eye-opening and reassuring - in that I feel like I know better how to understand and control the conditions and circumstances of my own eventual demise.

u/Britzer · 1 pointr/IAmA

This is a book by a physician about how people die. It is a really good read if you need to come to terms with death. They make a great approach IMHO.

u/braid_runner · 1 pointr/explainlikeimfive

Highly recommend reading How We Die by Sherwin Nuland.

u/bigfunwow · 1 pointr/explainlikeimfive

I'm not able to give a good concise ELI5 answer, but your answer in part will be determined by the way in which one dies. If you want further reading on the topic this book gives a run down of the sequence of events leading to death, broken down by causes of death. (The book is very readable and written with sensitivity).

u/danielpants · 1 pointr/IAmA

Is the bulk of "The American Way of Death" still relevant today?

How much of the industry is upselling? Is it possible to have a cheap funeral?

u/kbondelli · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

My suggestion is to read book-length journalism by top-tier journalists. Below are some examples. Also, you should check out the Longform podcast, which has interviews with journalists about their careers and their work.

David Carr - The Night of the Gun
David Remnick - Reporting: Writings from the New Yorker
Jennifer Gonnerman - Life on the Outside: The Prison Odyssey of Elaine Bartlett
Ta-Nehisi Coates - The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood
Jessica Mitford - The American Way of Death Revisited
Wendy Ruderman & Barbara Laker - Busted: A Tale of Corruption in the City of Brotherly Love
Michael Herr - Dispatches

u/petteroes4 · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

If you want to sort through some of these feelings with a little help, I want to recommend you a book I really like which deals with death and how to relate to it, The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. It will introduce you to existensialism and it's concepts.

The reason I recommend this book is not because it's a Pulizer Prize winning book, but because the way to get rid of fear and anxiety is to face it, confront it, and ultimately learn from it. This book may help you do that. It might not, but since you're alive, you might as well try. Don't you think?

u/CleopatraPtoldme · 1 pointr/religion

I think stoicism or cynicism might be interesting to you.

There's also a book called The Denial of Death that talks about religions as responses to realizing you're dying.

u/LevAndropov · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

It's on the wiki I linked but, in case you didn't catch it, give The Denial of Death a read. If you're anything like me, it will irrevocably alter your perception of your own feelings and belief system.

u/EverVigilant · 1 pointr/howtonotgiveafuck

NGAF about death? Good luck with that.

I bet you would enjoy this book though: The Denial of Death It's about how so much of civilization can be interpreted as being built around denying death, and about all the issues a person has to deal with when they decide to face squarely the fact of their inevitable demise.

u/livingflying · 1 pointr/relationships

Well, you're struggling with nothing less than the great human dilemma -- we're animals with the knowledge that we're going to die. The stuff of philosophy and art and literature and religion throughout the ages. Humans have been trying to come to terms with death since we came into existence.

I also worried about this a lot in my 20's. I worked through it, and you can too. Reading philosophy and literature helped, and learning about different religions' ideas about death. My favorite book is ["The Denial of Death"]( keywords=the+denial+of+death+ernest+becker) by Ernest Becker. I cried while reading it because it spoke to me so much. Also, learning about quantum theory.

I think once you have more of an idea of what you want your life to be about, and start moving in that direction, the fear of dying diminishes, at least somewhat.

u/xtraspecialsnoflake · 1 pointr/nihilism

I don't know if Ernest Becker ever called himself an existential nihilist, but The Denial of Death is widely regarded as a book full of existential nihilist themes.

u/snopaque · 1 pointr/IAmA
u/Morpheus01 · 1 pointr/atheism

>Should we care why people are religious?

Yes, because only if we understand why, will we be able to change minds. For many, it is an emotional reason, and for us to say, their emotions don't matter, is us continuing to leave them in their current state.

Instead if we understand their reasons, we may be better able to change their minds.

I would recommend a book called, The Denial of Death, by Ernest Becker. It won the Pulitzer Prize in 1974.

If you understand the underlying fear of non-existence, and the deep desire to say we get to live forever in some fantasy land and that real death does not exist, then you can address the emotional side of religion and allow people to make more rational decisions.

I mean, you are in a Death and Dying class, for pete's sake. Of course you should care why people are religious. That's a main reason why people are religious, so should be a main issue for the class.

u/crypticthree · 1 pointr/AskReddit

You should read this book.

u/PM_ME_YOUR_TETA_GIRL · 1 pointr/AskReddit

To be honest in my sleep. I don't want to feel the pain of dying and I think that that is a peaceful way to go. I hope that I will be remembered by family and friends. My biggest fear besides death is fading into time, which I know it is inevitable. Just the thought of fading as if I never exisited or never affected the world gives me panick attacks. If anyone is intrested in the way the fear of death effects the way we think check out The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker

u/sweet_indecision · 1 pointr/RandomActsofMakeup

Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom will always be my go to favorite book. I read that in high school first after my boyfriend gifted it to me....I've read it two more times since. Sooo many great life lessons! seriously, it always brings me back to reality when I'm frazzled and stressed or having a hard time. It's so lovely. I don't want to give anything away though ;) Even if you don't read it for book club, read it on your own, it's a short, easy read :)

“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” -Mitch Albom

u/DoUHearThePeopleSing · 1 pointr/loseit

Good therapy - it's good that you're seeing someone, good books ( I heard this one is good )...

Also, perhaps be light on yourself, and tackle one thing at a time?

There are also some books about emotional eating, and figuring out different ways to deal with bad emotions.

u/lilmisssmartypants · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

When it happened to me, my sister recommended a book that's like $3 from Amazon "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". Little gems, one per page. Some made me cry, some affirmed that I was getting through, some just confirmed I was normal. It's a process, so it takes time. This guidebook helps.

Resist the urge to virtually stalk. It will get better. 3 months out will be better than 1 month, 6 months better than that. It's been 4 years for me, and the anger just dissolved one day at about 2 years, though I was happy much sooner than that. You will be too.

u/TheLadyLawyer · 1 pointr/books

Not gender specific, but How to Survive the Loss of a Love helped me (a female).

u/nstabl · 1 pointr/AskMen

I just got out of a very serious relationship and I'm completely broken beyond words can describe. I got a book last week called How to survive the loss of a love and read it anytime I feel helpless - I actually gave her my original one when we met for closure yesterday and bought another last night. It's really been helping. I love this girl with everything I've got and things just didn't work out. I feel your pain, things will be ok, the hard part will be over soon. If it was meant to be, it would have been. Pick your head up and be strong, most importantly, never let someone else control how you feel.

Edit: The book -

u/NoPoMom · 1 pointr/Parenting

Great book about the cycle of life and death suitable (not scary) for very young children:

u/LittlestThunderball · 1 pointr/GriefSupport

My sister sent this book to my mother and I after we lost our father. While it made me cry, i also found it quite comforting.

u/LocalAmazonBot · 1 pointr/books

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

u/zaviex · 1 pointr/changemyview Kushner provides a masterclass on this one.

For Humans to have free will, they cant always just choose the good option. They must be able to freely choose evil. God is still 3O's because he did not create that evil but rather Humans did as they could always choose the good option but did not.

u/cgwp · 1 pointr/Christianity

When Bad Things Happen To Good People

This is a great book. In fact, I gave my copy to a coworker who had recently lost a young child to meningitis. He was profoundly comforted by it. I was so scared to give it to him, thinking it would seem trite. Here's a link to it, and to a summary I found.

When Harold Kushner’s three-year-old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that meant the boy would only live until his early teens, he was faced with one of life’s most difficult questions: Why, God? Years later, Rabbi Kushner wrote this straightforward, elegant contemplation of the doubts and fears that arise when tragedy strikes. In these pages, Kushner shares his wisdom as a rabbi, a parent, a reader, and a human being. Often imitated but never superseded, When Bad Things Happen to Good People is a classic that offers clear thinking and consolation in times of sorrow.

u/preachboii · 1 pointr/Christianity

> Is it a matter of focus? Ignore all of the suffering of others as much as you can so that it doesn't bother you? Do you just give God credit for all the good and blame Adam and satan for all of the bad so that at least there is some form of mental cohesion as opposed to thinking "God is in Control" and then pick and choose but not in control of that instance there or over there, that was the satan.

No, I don't ignore all suffering, suffering hits me daily, when I talk to people on the street, I hear about the suffering in their lives and it troubles and moves me. Suffering keeps me questioning things, but it also lead me to the conclusion that I don't have control over things, especially not over God and if He will answer mine (or anyone's) prayer. Yesterday in Church it was about this same subject, about suffering and prayer, how God can sometimes feel so distant in our toughest times, but that we should now that He is near.

See, the power of Prayer is a mysterious one, I can Pray for God to help me with something, but he might not help me, or he might. I cannot control God, God is above me, I am not above (or equal to) God. I cannot command God to do things, I can only ask, and if I will receive what I ask is not up to me. It seems to me that in the examples you mention, that people would only love God (the people in your example) if God does what they want them to do. If God takes away the cancer, or heals a person. And if he doesn't do that, he is not loving. The problem that I have with this is that it makes God into something that has to adhere to our every wish, otherwise He is not loving.

Have you read the book 'Why bad things happen to good people'?

I've read many stories like this, one of them goes like this: A family is devout Christian. But then the mother gets Lukemia and she is in the hospital, close to death. All the elders of the Church show up and they all Pray for her, still she dies. The rest of the family immediately starts questions, is this God's plan? Did we not pray properly? Did we not pray enough? Did we not have enough faith?

Who knows? I have no idea, whether God heals or doesn't choose to heal someone is not up to me.

> Do you just give God credit for all the good and blame Adam and satan for all of the bad so that at least there is some form of mental cohesion as opposed to thinking "God is in Control" and then pick and choose but not in control of that instance there or over there, that was the satan.

Honestly I don't, I don't blame Satan for many things, because then it takes away our own responsibilities and it's easier to blame Satan than it is to take responsibility and try to figure out why or how something happened.

> I'm trying to understand why you view the sacrafice of Jesus on a pedestal when the act of sacrafice happens all the time by people in military for example

Ah yes, good question! What makes the sacrifice of Jesus different from any other sacrifice. Is that Jesus didn't die for a country, or a nation, or a people. When someone sacrifices their life in a war, they die for their country, for something that they want to protect, or any other reason. But when Christ died, he died for all of us, for all our Sins, even to this day. God wants us all to be saved, but we have all fallen short of God's standard. Because of Christ's sacrifice, we can be saved (receive eternal life) by faith, not by our good works. Because Christ showed us that we cannot appeal to God with good works (how good is good enough? and even Christ didn't call himself good) and His sacrifice is different because it allows us to be forgiven and to receive eternal life by faith, not by works. Christ didn't die to protect something, He died so that we can live in eternity with the Father. And lastly, Christ also died, so that He could send the Holy Spirit to transform us from the inside out (which is still happening on a daily basis).

So the reason why we hold Jesus's sacrifice in such a high regard, is because so much follows from it (and so much suffering came before it). That God was willing to put His only Son through this all just for us humans (who have rebelled and Sinned against God time after time), so that we still can receive forgiveness of our Sins through the sacrifice of Christ, so that we can still be humbled, repent and be transformed from the inside out through the sacrifice, that we don't have to do any 'works' to receive this forgiveness. To restore something that is/was broken between Man and God.

And yes, Christ knew that He would resurrect, He knew that He would send the Holy Spirit after he died, does that make His sacrifice less meaningful or less 'good'? I don't know.

I know these answers are probably not very satisfactory, but these are difficult subject, for many Christians. I might have been unclear at some points, if so, please let me know! And did any of these answers clear something up for you?

u/henryletham · 1 pointr/videos

A great book for anyone who's ever asked that question (for both religious and non religious people as long as you're not an extremist in either direction):

u/kimtaro1 · 1 pointr/Assistance

I have a few book recommendations if you'd like something to read in this time:

On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler Ross - I haven't read this one yet but it's on my list of things to read next. It has a lot of great reviews and is a classic.

No Death No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh - This is one of my favorite books. Birth and death are deceptive concepts and arbitrary notions we use to try to explain the world around us. Life just changes; life is not annihilated and life is not created from nothing. Nihilism and our society's Christian-influenced view of birth and death are two extremes and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron - This is my other favorite book. We're so afraid of feeling bad. We can't just let ourselves feel shitty about things sometimes. We want to escape and run away from it all, but that just makes things worse. The best thing is to just face your fears and sit with the uncomfortable feelings and be at peace with them. Everything comes together and falls apart and we can try to run away or try to face it. Bad things happen and you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth but it's not true. Our view is just messed up.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you feel like shit. I hope you can make a happier life for yourself :)

u/heybertrussell · 1 pointr/Buddhism

I highly reccomend the book "No Death, No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh for a quick and easy read about a buddhist view of death.

u/cubs108108 · 1 pointr/GriefSupport

I couldn't imagine the grief you going through. One of the beat tips I can give is write down your thaughts. I hate to write but I find it the most helpful for something I had to go through. I was reluctant to write down my thoughts but I felt so much calmer after I did it. Here is a book and a video that was helpful for me. Also group self help groups also helped me.

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith


u/Protous · 1 pointr/atheism

I have been seeing the proverbial light as of late, that aside read

edit: more description on the 'light'- Been watching a lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson -- nough said --

u/sppratam · 1 pointr/nottheonion

It's nothing, new, really.

u/mobastar · 1 pointr/atheism

Thanks. I picked up no death, no fear not that long ago to increase my perspective on things. I'll check your recommendation out.

u/danaadaugherty · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

A book on loss - it's something she might not read right away, but it's something (I found at least) super helpful, and would be hard to buy yourself. I recommend this book

u/Twiddly_twat · 1 pointr/OpiatesRecovery

That's horrible, and I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this right now. I hope you can reach a new normal that you can live with sooner rather than later. I read this book over and over again when my brother died of an overdose. Super corny title, but they describe all kinds of amazing coping skills and it helped me process I was feeling. I felt like I was going crazy in the months after the funeral, and the text made me feel normal.

u/cvl · 1 pointr/Buddhism

Maybe reading no death, no fear can help you.

u/thejoyofcraig · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is the most prominent example that comes to mind.

This is a research-ish based book based on the author's experience working in hospice settings. Not sure what you mean exactly by the "theory" of death and dying, but this covers the experience/emotions terminal patients go through at end of life.

u/-justkeepswimming- · 1 pointr/offmychest

I'm so sorry. Believe it or not, you will get through this. Just keep breathing.
I know it's hard. Just take it one day at a time.

One thing I highly recommend is reading the book On Grief and Grieving. You don't have to read it right away, but perhaps you can pick it up a few months down the road.

u/freezoneandproud · 0 pointsr/scientology

The absolute best reference on the tone scale was written by Ruth Minshull in How To Choose Your People. The writing is interesting and entertaining, there are lots of useful examples, and I got far more out of the book than from all the LRH materials.

In the 70s her books were sold in the CofS, but -- for reasons I don't want to go into at the moment -- they had a falling out. You can only find used copies now or look for it online.

Another useful reference on the topic -- unaffiliated with Scn -- is On Death and Dying. Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross found that people facing imminent death went through specific stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This is essentially going downward through the tone scale.

u/the_thinker · 0 pointsr/booksuggestions
u/Bingcherry2 · 0 pointsr/askgaybros

Buy him this book:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

This is a truly famous book... It's short....each page is basically a whole chapter...

It's very good and it helped me a great deal

There's a link to it on Amazon (below)

Read the reviews....The vast majority are incredibly favorable... But of course some are not.

I hope it helps him...and you !!


u/ggleblanc · -1 pointsr/atheism

> And all the unnecessary pain and suffering that comes along with it. I'm sure the people dying of AIDS in Africa are thrilled to have free will.

A rabbi, Harold S. Kushner, wrote a whole book on the subject, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

I don't understand all of human suffering. Some comes as a result of our bad choices. Some just happens. I have faith that all of the suffering is a part of God's plan, although it's our obligation to relieve what suffering we can.

u/Tabarnouche · -1 pointsr/latterdaysaints

Your question has no easy answer, but it is still a question worth asking.

Here's an orthodox answer: God is omnipotent but, for reasons we don't understand--and perhaps some that we do (i.e., testing us, part of his plan for us, respect for our agency, etc.)--He does not always intervene when his children experience extreme suffering through no fault of their own. A proponent of this view might argue that our inability to understand the purpose of our suffering does not mean that there IS no purpose, in the same way that a baby getting vaccinated may not understand the purpose behind the painful shots it receives. Some things, including the suffering we experience as a part of (or by-product of) God's grand designs, are beyond human comprehension.

The alternative that you propose, which is fleshed out well in the Jewish rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People (which is an excellent, inspiring read, by the way)--that God does not always alleviate our suffering because doing so is not always in His control--is helpful in explaining God's seeming failure to intervene in the most painful parts of our existence, but it is problematic insofar as it fails to articulate the boundaries of God's influence. If we assume that God is unable to cure my 12-year-old's cancer because even God is subject to natural law, then what is the mechanism/natural law that allows him to (at least) provide emotional solace to my son and me? Allowing for a God that is bounded in power raises the thorny question of where those boundaries lie.

My personal view is somewhere in the middle. In some circumstances, we may suffer because it is part of God's plan that we do not understand, and in others, we may suffer because it is out of God's power to stop it. I've seen the former born out in my life, where painful circumstances have seemed, in retrospect, to be divine stepping stone to something better than I could or would have chosen for myself. The rational part of me realizes, however, that even God must have limits on his power. He cannot, for example, create a stone that is too heavy for even Him to lift, to cite one omnipotence paradox. Another boundary on God's power is raised in Alma 42, which, discussing justice and mercy, asks, "do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (verse 25). Assuming this scripture is true, we can conclude that God may be able to allow mercy to rob justice, but He cannot both (1) allow mercy to rob justice and (2) continue to be God. Even he cannot do that.

u/doughscraper · -2 pointsr/DebateReligion

He doesn't.

edit: try this if you actually want a real answer to what I think you are trying to get at through the lens or religious people. - Oops I originally linked to the wrong book of same name...

u/MortalSisyphus · -5 pointsr/Existentialism

Whatever you do, do NOT read existentialist books.

All that will do is reinforce and rationalize your own depressed thinking. Existentialism is rationalized depression.

Try something with actually proven CBT psychological theory. Like "Overcoming Depression" by Paul Gilbert.

Or if you want something a bit more philosophical, try "The Denial of Death." In a way, it also is existentialist and reinforces the depressive premise, but it also describes the way out, through transcending the individual self. That book is what turned me from a depressive libertarian to a happy ethnonationalist.