Best health books for children according to redditors
We found 759 Reddit comments discussing the best health books for children. We ranked the 230 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 759 Reddit comments discussing the best health books for children. We ranked the 230 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
So im not a sex ed teacher. But my little sister was 13 and my brother had just gotten married. I mentioned to my sister that i thought it was weird that my brother is going to the same cabin as my father had for his honeymoon with my stepmom.
My little sister said it wasnt weird because sex is only for having babies, and since my brother didnt want kids for five years they wouldnt be having sex, and that my dad was too old to have kids so they also never have sex.
Explaining to her that there are more reasons for sex was awkward.
Also, my sister in law until she was 16 thought that sex meant you layed side by side and the sperm crawled out of the guys belly button and into the girls belly button.
We were all homeschooled, and christian.
Edit
In case anyone was wondering, my mother never gave any of us any kind of "growing up talk" no birds and the bees, no puberty nothing. She did put a copy of "the care and keeping of you" under my door with a note saying I should read it, it is an american girl company book on your changing body. Bras appeared in my drawers but nothing was ever said. There was a steady supply of sanitary products, but I never even told her I got my period I just figured it out. So yea, unless you looked it up yourself, you knew nothing.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834 (The book)
Yes to this! It's a great intro to pretty much anything that could be tricky development-wise! There's two versions: one target for girls 8-11 and one for girls 12+
These American Girl books really helped me. My parents explained a couple things, but if I didn't want to ask I could look at these books: https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834
edit: Spelling
Also, they are in two parts now, which is pretty cool.
Adding in, a great book for young children is It's not the stork. It talks about everything from anatomy to where babies come from in an age appropriate manner. It also has sections on ok and not OK touch, how to say no, and what to do if something happens.
One passage in particular hit me hard, saying essentially "if you tell and adult in your life and they don't believe or help you, keep telling other adults such as a teacher, doctor, or police. Most adults want to help.". It broke my heart to think of kids who report and aren't believed :-(
This is really important! Child sexual abuse numbers are still way too high. Teaching your kids the correct terms for their body is a way to prevent it as predators/abusers typically use pet names. Teach your child if this happens to come to you immediately.
As for how to approach it, I know some people that use the book “It’s so amazing” with their nine year old. It is very detailed about both male and female bodies, reproduction, pregnancy, and birth. But, it also keeps it age appropriate so the kid doesn’t become uncomfortable. They make a younger and an older version too so it gets more detailed as it goes on. Talking about sex and the education behind it is so important. A lot of TED talks explain how to go about this well and I’ve found them really helpful. A lot of sex education comes from home and school. School information can sometimes show that sex is shameful, when it shouldn’t be! We need to teach our kids that from a young age. I know talking about it all is super awkward and weird, but if you don’t, google will(imagine a young girl typing in girl body or teen sex). Talking about it is hard, but maybe reading it is easier. I’ll attach the link for the book, and hopefully it helps! Good luck and you’ve got this!
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=E8XDFE84ABZKP9R4N61N&dpID=512fzB-d8ZL&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=detail
Yes! Get all the American Girl books. There's a whole series on how a girl's body develops, how to deal with peer pressure, etc. Here's an Amazon link so you get an idea of what they're like. Start with this one, and get as many as you can where they are listed as "Customers who bought this also bought". I'm a female and have daughters, and I feel comfortable talking about this stuff, but it really helps if I forget to talk about something or if my kids forget what we've talked about.
p.s. You're an awesome person! Best wishes to you and your niece!
Sounds like a good talk. I have a ten year old son, so I followed your post with interest. Kids are curious and it can be hard to balance their curiosity with Internet safety. At least when we were kids, we could sneak peeks at bodies in National Geographic and there was no worry about the FBI knocking down our doors! Anyway, I bought that sane book for my son along with this one: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0763668729/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1450641405&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=its+perfectly+normal&dpPl=1&dpID=61eSz7BpJlL&ref=plSrch. He acted all embarrassed but he has them if he wants to read them. They get the "puberty" talk at school this year, so maybe he will pull the books out then. We will see!
Since the boys are roughly the same age and evidently having a good time, I think you're right that you don't have to worry about coercion or abuse.
However, your son is clearly ready to learn about more than just "where babies come from" and "some families have two daddies". He's started puberty. You need to teach him about the feelings he's having, and the changes his body is going through. And you need to talk to him about sex and its place in society. The way we view male and female roles. Concepts of consent. Privacy. Respect. Legal issues. STIs. How we feel about children and sex. Sexting. Why masturbation is usually a better choice when you're very young, versus involving other people in your sexual explorations and discoveries. Sexual orientation and the assumptions different elements of our society makes about it. (By the way, just because he was experimenting with his same-gender friend, that doesn't mean he's gay. He may be, he may not be. It may be still too early to know.)
Eleven year olds are pretty darn smart. He's more than capable of understanding this stuff. And it's not going to cost him his innocence... innocence is not the same as ignorance. Innocence is merely a lack of jadedness about the world.
So educate him!
This book is a great place to start:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/
Edit: Discuss it with his father first, but I do think you could tactfully mention what you saw to your son. And use that as a jumping off point for further discussion. It's perfectly okay to say, "I don't want you doing anything sexual with M. Let's think of some other fun things you can do with your best friend instead..." And it's also okay to put an end to the whole, "sleeping together in bed/same room unsupervised thing". Same as you would with a boy and girl who are getting a wee bit too frisky with each other. It's your home, and you set the rules.
Factual information is never too much information at any age. A few book resources that could help follow:
It's Perfectly Normal
The Care and Keeping of You (there's also a second one)
This whole list with more
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Also just keep in mind, honesty and accuracy are the most important things at this stage. If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to be told at least some factual information about it. Obviously not explicit sexual stuff needed, but address anatomy, facts of reproduction, issues of consent, body image and body changes, etc. These are all appropriate when the child is already asking about things.
I strongly recommend you send her a copy of "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie H. Harris.
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> The definitive book about puberty and sexual health for today’s kids and teens, now fully updated for its twentieth anniversary.
>
>For two decades, this universally acclaimed book on sexuality has been the most trusted and accessible resource for kids, parents, teachers, librarians, and anyone else who cares about the well-being of tweens and teens. Now, in honor of its anniversary, It’s Perfectly Normal has been updated with information on subjects such as safe and savvy Internet use, gender identity, emergency contraception, and more. Providing accurate and up-to-date answers to nearly every imaginable question, from conception and puberty to birth control and STDs, It’s Perfectly Normal offers young people the information they need—now more than ever—to make responsible decisions and stay healthy.
​
I remember my friend had a book called the "Girl Book" or something. It went into details about what a normal, healthy body looked like, with illustrations, including discharge in your underwear, pubic hair differences, etc. My mother could never talk to me about those things, and that book was INSANELY helpful. Before that book, I thought discharge meant I was pregnant because it started around the time I was being molested. Children's minds have no rhyme or reason sometime haha. I also had no idea how to clean properly, again something my mother never talked to me about. She basically pretended I didn't have a vagina. You may consider books like these: http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834
I'll give you the same answer I gave last time.
Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys is by the same author and covers all of those topics.
WTF are you on about? Any age is appropriate for teaching children how the human body works. Any time kids have questions they should be answered truthfully and in an age appropriate manner.
Here’s a link: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
Probably because they gave the name and author in the title! :)
Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142410586/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_c3k3Db9G5SY4Q
Here are the sources in no particular order, I had to reply to my comment because it went too long. Sorry!
A great book about talking about sex with young children: https://www.amazon.ca/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834/177-9025253-5216954?ie=UTF8&camp=15121&creative=330641&creativeASIN=0316101834&linkCode=as2&redirect=true&tag=wwwoptionsfor-20
A good book talking to parents about how to talk about sexuality with their kids, written by a child psychologist:https://www.amazon.ca/But-Howd-There-First-Place/dp/0738205729?ie=UTF8&camp=15121&creative=330641&creativeASIN=0738205729&linkCode=as2&redirect=true&tag=wwwoptionsfor-20
There's also a lot of age appropriate information for teens and preteens even on YouTube actually, that you can easily watch together. I particularly like Sexplanations, a series done by sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. https://www.youtube.com/user/sexplanations
The Mayo Clinic has three guides on talking your preschool ages, school aged, and teen aged child about sex: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/in-depth/sex-education/art-20044104, http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/in-depth/sex-education/art-20046025, http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/in-depth/sex-education/art-20044034 These all offer the fairly standard information, however Mayo is a great source of medical accurate information on STIs.
I quite like this Planned Parenthood resource on answering questions: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/talking-to-kids-about-sex-and-sexuality
For accurate information about STIs I usually go to two places, Planned Parenthood, which is a little more accessible, and the Public Health Agency of Canada which is more in depth. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex, http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/std-mts/
The Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs, and RAINN both have consent and assault related resources. WCSAP is better for learning how to talk to kids about certain information, and creating a culture of consent and bodily autonomy, while RAINN provides statistics and information regarding assault that's more appropriate for an older audience. http://www.wcsap.org/teaching-consent-without-sex, https://rainn.org/statistics
In terms of some of the tools I use to inform how I understand sexual health, and healthy sexuality models, Defining Sexual Health, a descriptive overview, by Dr. Edwards and Coleman published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour provides a comprehensive overview of the varying definitions of sexual health used by leading health organizations: http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/B:ASEB.0000026619.95734.d5 And The Sexual Health Model: application of a sexological approach to HIV prevention by Dr. Beatrice Robinson et all, published in Health Education Research is a bit dated (2000), and obviously is about HIV prevention, but it talks a lot of sexual health models, and the comprehensive nature of the components of healthy sexuality, as well as lists a myriad of additional academic resources. It's also free to read I believe. http://her.oxfordjournals.org/content/17/1/43.full
Hilarious! Incidentally, my 5yo loves this book:
It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763633313/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xmkDzbY7B2YQK
I'm very sorry for your loss. You've already gotten a lot of really good advice, I just wanted to add on by directing you to The Care and Keeping of You. The whole series is really good and they talk about a lot of those "lessons" from shaving to tampons to how to deal with friend drama in middle school. My niece found it all really helpful especially because she hit puberty at 9 before all of her friends. Even in an open family there are somethings you're just embarrassed to ask about and these books are directed towards young girls and teaches them how to talk and deal with those things.
As most everyone replying has said, buy both! However, do not get OB tampons as they do not come with an applicator. Try to find something with a plastic (vs cardboard) applicator, as they are easier to insert. And avoid scented products, because those can cause general groin irritation.
Quick edit: Further advice. I found that having books about growing up helped me with knowing about my period. This was the book I liked most. It's slightly outdated, and might be embarrassing to buy for your daughter, but I guarantee it (or a similar book) will help both of you when the time comes.
There are age appropriate ways for kids to learn this stuff. The first thing I always do when I'm caught off guard is to ask, "How do you think you were made?" I just turn it around to see where they are at...and why they might be asking. (Obviously this is a comedy thing played for the laugh, but you wouldn't believe how similar some other stories of 'my kid asked' are to this exact thing.)
A book like this: It's Not the Stork! would also help with future explanations.
> I don’t want her to hate her period or to be miserable.
yeah. that's going to happen regardless.
> her doing things like sleeping lots, barely eating, having cramps in her back, crying and other above mentioned behaviors are normal or if I should be worried
That all sounds normal to me.
Take a picture of her preferred brand and put an emergency box of pads and tampons in her bathroom, just in case it comes out of the blue. Check her bathroom regularly and make sure she's stocked up on supplies.
Yes, I inferred from your post that she uses pads, but if she needs tampons, then she'll have them.
Has she found a pain medication that works for her cramps? For me, Aleve was the only thing that worked.
Get her a book if you haven't already. This one is great.
Not the original poster here but we used What's the big secret?
What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316101834/
I strongly recommend giving the child a copy of the book Wonder or maybe reading it with her.
American Girls makes awesome books for girls about every topic imaginable. The Care and Keeping of You is just what you need. My daughter really liked this book, and has liked all the AG titles I've given her.
My mom was also useless here, so my dad took me to see my female primary doctor who kindly recommended this book. It includes pictures on how to shave your body, how to insert a tampon, how to measure and choose bras, and other things that she will have to learn about herself and her body. It's a little awkward, but as long as your supportive and go through it with her, I think it will be a good experience for you both!
librarian here. NTA. if you feel it's too inappropriate, then you're in your right not to let them read it. here's the thing with kids, if they're not interested with a book, they'll put it down. your daughter may have started reading it because it has sex. she's at an age where she's gonna be curious about sex, puberty, and what feels good to her.
here's a book to get started: https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=asc_df_1609580834/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312089887152&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4665373924568018919&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007654&hvtargid=pla-434856321575&psc=1
don't give it to her, leave it somewhere where she can find it. on the coffee table or amongst the magazines in the bathroom. if you try to force it on her, if you keep asking her if she's read it, she'll be resistant and won't touch it out of spite. let her come to it. be patient
while you're waiting, there are dozens of other books that can appeal to kids, even those who don't like reading. start with graphic novels. Big Nate, Bones, Smile, or even pokemon. get the popular books of today, not classics. Captain Underpants, Dork Diaries, Elephant and Piggy, percy jackson. don't worry if you think she's reading below her level. the point is to get her to read, period. hell, if she likes fanfiction, let her read it
read the books yourself. find out why kids like them, and make sure she sees you reading them. once again, don't force her to read, just give her options and let her figure out what she likes. even adults have the tendency to read one genre/author/subject for their entire lives.
go the local library and ask if they have any programs for her age range. anime club, 3-D printing, movie night, just so she can be familiar with the library, the local kids, and the librarians. treat your library like a second home. don't only go for homework reasons. summer reading is coming up, so ask about the special programs. this year's theme is space and the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.
I'd keep it limited to play makeup at home right now. How other people will see it, and how her peers will see it, are definitely part of the reason.
At that age they're starting to move toward more important relationships with their peers, who may not have any real perspective on makeup yet and won't necessarily know how to treat it or react.
Even if we don't present makeup as related to sexuality or believe it should be sexual, what other people think and do about it just isn't under our control.
Here an adolescent psychologist explains his view that "makeup should be granted to girls on a case-by-case basis and that moderation is important. The reason? Appearances can be misconstrued by peers and adults."
Self-consciousness is also a good reason to hold off on real makeup until later. Here is some research about how early makeup can affect self-image. It's great that you're teaching her healthy self-esteem to counter the social and media pressures.
It looks like other commenters already gave some good suggestions for play makeup options. There are also a number of books out there about healthy grooming that could be fun for her and fun bonding experiences too! The Care and Keeping of You is pretty popular. (edit typo)
Don't ever lie. If he's mature enough to ask the question, he's mature enough for some sort of honest answer. What bad would possibly happen if you said, "Dad's piece, the sperm, got into my body through a special kind of very close hug during which his penis went into my vagina"? A version of that is the statement made in this very excellent book, which also gives honest and non-judging discussions of anatomy in general.
(Also, I understand why you said your egg was empty, but it wasn't! You're not a garden plot in which your husband's child grows. You contributed 50% of the genetic material!)
My parents talked to me but also gave me a book that was really great.
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_pS3QzbS1TWRN3
I suggest to buy this. I see there is a Kindle version now too so that's cool. This book goes over every from anatomy, what to expect in puberty, types of safe sex practices, STDs, emotional concerns of going through puberty. It was really a good resource.
P.S The uterus is about the size of a pear but stretches during pregnancy. Testicles should be descended in most boys by birth. Talking about balls dropping is usually teasing kids starting puberty or when the voice deepens. Chlamydia and syphilis are powerful bacterial infections that are becoming antibiotic resistant but are curable. HPV causes genital warts and is mostly incurable but recently there is a vaccination that most women are recommended to get so request that from you doctor if you want. HPV tends to cause uterine cancer. HIV is also incurable and can lead to AIDS. Nuvaring puts progesterone in your body which, to paraphrase, make your body think it's pregnant so it prevents ovulation, similar to all other female birth control drugs. The Nuvaring is flexible and springy so it sits at the cervix, at the end of the vagina, at the opening of the uterus. The man's penis does need to be erect before putting on the condom otherwise it's will not fit right and could come off in sex.
Aerie might have something that will fit her and that she likes, have you looked there?
As far as books, I don't recall the name offhand, but I think there was one like what you're looking for published by American Girl. I'll see if I can find it.
Edit: Found it! http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834/
http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Older-Girls/dp/1609580427/
My daughter was only a few months older, and i was caught off guard. I was 13 when my period started, so the thought that she would be starting at 10 had never occurred to me.
A book I thought was great was "The Care and Keeping of You 2". Well written and helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ktQMDbJ6F11NQ
We have tried to talk about private parts just as they are, another body part. We also started reading this to our daughter when she was 3 1/2:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376506526&sr=1-1&keywords=its+not+the+stork
Very factual but in a kid-friendly format. As others said, we just talk about these things casually whenever they come up rather then having a "big talk".
As an aside, my daughter, now 4 1/2, understands way more about reproduction than I did at 12, but sometimes misses some key details. I have very curly hair and she has curly hair. A Safeway cashier once asked her "where did you get such beautiful hair/" Of course, she replied quite factually "from my daddy's penis."
I recently went through the something like this... But with my eight year old. I was stunned. Mortified. I found searches like, "8 year olds having sex," "naked 8 year olds," etc. He was introduced to online porn through an eleven year old family friend/cousin over the summer. I bought a book that is more geared to tweens, but we went through it and had THE talk.
I explained to him that ONE - if he wanted to talk about sex, he needed to talk to a trusted adult, like his father or me, an aunt or uncle. Talking with other kids, even older ones like this eleven year old cousin, isn't going to get him anywhere because they probably haven't had sex. They won't know what real sex is like between real people that are having it.
TWO - looking up porn on line isn't always going to be REAL SEX. In fact, is mostly not real sex. The people who are filming and putting their sexual acts online are actors and are not showing what real sex can be between real people when you're really having sex.
TWO B - you can't trust all the stuff that's posted online. Some people put stuff online without permission, and that can be illegal. Also, anything involving children or even a teenager under 18 in a sexual act or being naked is ILLEGAL. You don't know with 100% certainty who is over a certain age or what was posted or filmed with permission. Because of that, it's important to not search for pornography or naked photos online, especially at his age or of people of his age.
He took it pretty well, albeit he was very nervous and embarrassed and extremely ashamed. I told him he wasn't at fault, because he didn't know better, but now he does. And just because he knows about this stuff doesn't give him the right to talk to ANY OTHER KIDS about it. I told him that if talk happens (especially among little boys his age and in the coming years) that it's best to let them know that he already knows about it and he already talked about it with his mom, and that his friends should do the same if they are curious. I told him that parents are very protective of what their kids know and don't know when it comes to adult topics and that it's not our job or place to interfere with other families practices.
Here's the book if any one is interested: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_TkkDwb8HKXWK1
It really goes in detail about a lot of things - sexuality, birth control, puberty, masturbation. It wasn't exactly an easy read for a mom and son team, but we got through it! He even felt comfortable enough to tell me about crushes and a kiss he had during a field trip. Also comfortable enough to ask about my birth control methods (felt my nexlplanon implant) & questions when I'm on my period when he sees tampons in the trash - that little punk.
Here are a couple of books to get the conversation started with young kids:
I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private https://www.amazon.com/dp/1878076493/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_h99xzbWBYE121
Do You Have a Secret? (Let's Talk About It!) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764131702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_M-9xzb7PWXC7N
Your Body Belongs to You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807594733/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_e.9xzb64WRCE9
http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834
This was a great one. It's made by American Girl, and it's for younger girls, but talks about periods and all that. :)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Older/dp/1609580427/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y/188-6395898-6290800
That's volume 2, for "older" girls. It might be better? Maybe just get both and let her peruse.
My sister is the same way, a very young 12. We gave her this book and it was gentle enough that she could read it without crippling embarrassment. It's also American Girl, which means it's "cute" and "cool" for a young-hearted girl that age!
The same authors of "Care and Keeping of You" are publishing a book for boys this month: Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys https://www.amazon.com/dp/1683370260/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_RDyIzb3GY79MF. Our doctor got an advanced copy, she recommended it.
I liked this one: https://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511429367&sr=8-1&keywords=who+has+what
It's pretty much exactly what you are asking for. It covers body parts on boys, girls, and animals (I think it's a dog for most of it). It treats genitals the same way it does elbows (i.e. identifies them, names them, but doesn't make a big deal about it).
They definitely need to know the names for their body parts. Sure, it's uncomfortable when your kid tells you you hurt his penis when you put him in the grocery cart, but it's extremely helpful for your kid to be able to say his testicles hurt, or his penis is getting squished in the car seat, etc.
My almost 3 year old is currently obsessed with nipples. He knows he has them, Daddy has them, I have them and they all look different, but we all have them. I don't believe he's ever asked to see anyone else's, but I would expect them to say "yes, I have them, no you can't see them", and leave it at that. Kids are curious, people get that.
You can google "first period kits" and see what it's included in those and make one for her. It would just require a quick stop at the store and would be a nice gesture. Usually they are a small bag/purse with a few different types of pads/liners/tampons, a small bottle of ibuprofen, some new undies, and maybe something fun like a bottle of nail polish or some chocolate. A heating pad is also nice. If you are also concerned with the messaging from your wife, go on amazon and get a book, something like this, that's specifically about puberty and starting her cycle. Or send her a link to a website geared towards that.
I read mine Human Body Theater (Amazon link). It goes over the functions of all the organs in the body. In my experience, knowing that all the organs do something different and unique made it really easy to explain what the uterus, vagina, penis, testicles all do without any issue. It's for older kids, but my kid got basic info out of it at 3 years old, and found it entertaining.
I also got her the book How You Were Born (Amazon link) which has photos of a baby in utero, and shows the various stages of gestation. It glosses over how the baby got in there, but it's a good start.
Lastly, this book The Amazing You! Getting Smart About Your Private Parts (Amazon Link) has diagrams and goes over all the functions of what each set of genitalia does. It's great for your preschool age kids.
I included this book for OP. I have it for my son. It's great and has all the pictures you're looking for.
I don't think 9 is too young to talk to him about this sorta stuff, especially if he's bringing it up.
There's a whole series of age appropriate books that talk about sex and where babies come from and stuff. We got this one for my SS8:
It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668745/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_d9h3Db0JWRC2S
Otis Reading - Sitting on the dock of the bay A toss up between this and Too got to handle, but nobody has to put up with dodgy singing on an islandz
The Police - Message in a bottle My Dad and I would listen to this in his car on the way to school. Good times.
Oasis - The Master Plan This song has always pulled me out of dark and troubled places in the past. I don’t even know what it means.
There’s an unintentional theme in that lot...
[As for a book, there can only be one choice surely?](How to Survive on a Deserted Island https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1429622822/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UsxeAbWW99AMY) Besides, I’ve got the complete works of Shakespeare and that other book to flip through now and then....
Luxury: Yorkshire tea.
There’s only one obvious answer here.
If I had to save one from the waves it would have to be Oasis. The rest are great but only Mr Gallagher can remind me of home.
We have this book and my 4yo loves it. Loves that she has 'egg parts'.
However my husband told her that sometimes babies come out through a cut in the belly (because that's not in the book) and she freaked the hell out and cried for 20 minutes about how she never wants to have babies. And she loves babies to the point where she's said she wants to be a baby doctor.
She's in a funny super anti-pain phase right now. She had the same reaction to me telling her that getting her ears pierced would hurt, but has since gotten over being afraid of that.
Absolutely not too early to start teaching proper names for private parts. Who Has What? and The Bare Naked Book are both great age-appropriate books that you might take a look at as well.
If you posted this exact same question on /r/Parenting you would be told that your ex-wife is doing an amazing job.
Sex-ed isn't something that you do with a single awkward conversation that you have with your kids when they are teenagers. It is an ongoing process that starts when they are really young. If you want them to ultimately have a healthy attitude towards their own sexual identity and towards how to appropriately interact with others, you need to start the conversation early. What your ex-wife is doing is exactly how you would do so. Don't make it a taboo, and explain things in kid-appropriate terms when questions arise.
I can't speak for any particular CPS agent as ultimately they have to make their own assessment. But I'd honestly be surprised if CPS at all cared about this situation.
It might be just a little early at this stage, but I'd suggest you invest in a couple of books that can help with having a conversation once your child asks you. My 5 year old is particularly excited about "It's not the Stork". I bought at when he was four and just kept it around until he showed interest.
This three book series is really great when she’s ready. The first book is for ages 4 & up, but my 8 year old still found it really interesting. It’s very well written and she could read it on her own. They have it in most libraries. The second book is a little more advanced for 7 & up, then the last one is focused on puberty and is for 10 & up.
As the only female in your house, please watch how you and the other boys talk about women in front of her. Regular boy talk can really hurt her self esteem. Make sure the talk is respectful when she’s around so she doesn’t doubt her worth.
Adding to the above, my parents bought me It's Perfectly Normal when I was young.
It's not gender-specific and explores sexuality and reproduction in a prepubescent-friendly way. The language is plain and clear and doesn't talk down about its subject matter.
I really can't recommend this book enough.
https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
Seriously though this vid is awesome, great job.
You must not have tried too hard.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1683370260/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Rz5UBbDN27MFF
https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
Just sit with her one day and go "listen honey i know im not a woman and there might be a day that you have questions you dont think ill know the answers to. But trust me, im not as dumb as i look, and if i dont know the answer we will figure it out together. Never feel like you have to figure things out alone"
Also i recommend these books!
https://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Book-Revised-Keeping-Emotions/dp/1609581830/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1609581830&pd_rd_r=MTHPR5XD5SZTD38JZA7X&pd_rd_w=KEPlY&pd_rd_wg=hBtsI&psc=1&refRID=MTHPR5XD5SZTD38JZA7X
https://www.amazon.com/This-Normal-Revised-Questions-Answered/dp/1609589068/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1609589068&pd_rd_r=TX19F1WHG257VDCE3WF1&pd_rd_w=wNkUa&pd_rd_wg=9GR1i&psc=1&refRID=TX19F1WHG257VDCE3WF1
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1516748967&sr=8-1
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Yourself-Changing/dp/1609589033/ref=pd_sim_14_11?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1609589033&pd_rd_r=TX19F1WHG257VDCE3WF1&pd_rd_w=wNkUa&pd_rd_wg=9GR1i&psc=1&refRID=TX19F1WHG257VDCE3WF1
Basically all the American Girl help books are really cute and have the answers to questions girls her age might have. You're doing a great job dad! Also mine is pretty girly but i am seeing she's turning more and more into a tomboy from hanging out with her brother and cousins all of which are boys
The Care and Keeping of You was recommended to me.
There is an American Girl book called Taking Care of You. You can find it on Amazon, at Books a Million, or Barnes and Noble.
The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition (Ame... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580834/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_4UgDCbSPQ8EEP
I seriously cannot recommend this book enough, The Care and Keeping of You. It was a great reference and information source for me when I was growing up. Completely age-appropriate for 10 year old girls; that's when I was given a copy by my mum. She let me check it out and then told me that she'd be happy to talk about anything that was in it. Very low pressure, puts the control in your kid's hands :)
There are also two versions, one for younger girls (8-10ish) and one for young teenagers (12+). They address personal hygiene, development, periods, etc. in a very straightforward and positive way.
Talk to your medical professional and see if this book could have info that could help you. It has drawings of breast development that was super useful when I originally grew mine. I'm not sure if the info would transfer for you, but I referred to it until I was, like, 20 and finally left puberty. I was a super late bloomer, and grew until I was almost 21.
But, boobs can be huge with a tiny nipple, big honking ones, or vice versa. You're probably just going to have to wait and see what your body does.
This is really something you should take to your doctor. We can speculate, but I'm not sure how right any of us will be for your breast development. Plus, a lot of us were insecure messes when we grew boobs, so who knows how accurate our years later views are.
Once everything settles, a bra fitted by an expert can get you the cleavage you want in general. I'm a 34D with fairly perky boobs, and a small frame. I'm not getting sexy cleavage without the right bra; my boobs are shy, I guess. But, both small and large boobs can have large or small nipples.
6 is a pretty common age for having questions about these things! Don't worry.
My stepson started asking me questions when he was late 6 and early 7. He went with a more direct route - he just asked how babies get in the mommy's tummy - and I was very casual and upfront about it. My parents were very open with me and they basically answered any question we had, from "how does the sperm get to the egg" when we were little to "what's a blowjob" and "what's an orgasm" when we were in middle school. So I just did the same - I answered his questions without being silly or embarrassed and let the conversation grow from there. (Some of this I am c/p-ing from a previous thread because it's long, sorry!)
I never had "the talk" as a kid and have not gone that way as a parent. My basic philosophy - which was also my parents' - is that if you ask a question, you get an answer. That answer is accurate and true, but not necessarily completely comprehensive. When my stepson asked, "What makes a baby?" I talked about sperm, and eggs, and how the daddy has the sperm and the mommy has the egg, and when the two meet, it is the beginning of a baby. He then asked how the two meet, so I talked about penises and vaginas, said the man and woman get so close to each other that the penis goes into the vagina, and the sperm come from the penis and travels to the egg, etc. After that he surprised me by going a completely different route and asking about the word "sexy" and if what people mean when they say "sexy" is that they want to have a baby, and I said it can be really confusing, because lots of times people don't use the right word for what they really mean. Like, in songs, people sometimes say "sexy" when they mean "pretty" or "smart," or if someone says a car looks really sexy, they obviously don't want to have a baby with a car - they mean it looks really cool. We thought of some times that people have used the word sexy and brainstormed words we thought they might have been able to use instead, to be more clear. etc.
Some weeks later he heard someone talking about an accidental pregnancy in a TV plot and he asked how you could accidentally get pregnant. I said that people don't only have sex to make a baby - sex also feels good and that it is something that grown-ups do when they love each other very much, sort of like a very intense and intimate way of hugging someone. And so sometimes people have sex even if they don't mean to have a baby, but sex can always lead to a baby, and that's why it's important to not have sex until you are really a grown-up and you have met someone you love very much.
That sort of thing. I find that answering the question but not necessarily going in with complete and total disclosure from the get-go opens the door for a more conversational tone - an ask-and-answer format rather than a one-directional monologue - and also lets the kid decide how far the talk goes. Basically I leave room for silence and reflection in the conversation, instead of just filing the awkward space with more words. I think that few kids who ask where babies come from are necessarily interested in hearing about orgasms, accidents, birth control, STIs, whatever. Like, after I explained sex, I honestly never would have even thought to talk about the word "sexy" and its various uses in pop culture, but OF COURSE that was something my stepson already had a budding familiarity with, and so of course he was fitting this new information - what sex actually means - into that context. If I had just done a Wikipedia monologue he might never have gotten a chance in the rhythm of the conversation to ask about the word "sexy," and we never would have had that super awesome talk. For that reason I can't imagine just having "a talk" - I think that kids start being ready to hear some of this stuff so young, and then are ready to hear other parts so much later, that I can't imagine talking about it all at once - it would be way to early or way too late either way, and just miss the point entirely one way or the other. Usually in my experience if they are ready for more information, they will innately hear that my explanation only answers their question by making them think of more questions, and they will prompt me to keep going by asking the next question. If they do not "hear" the next question in themselves - the next how or why - then I usually figure that they are just not at that point yet. Sometimes I prompt it a little bit if I sense that they may be shy but if they don't bite I usually let it be.
This all, of course, relies heavily on the fact that your kid will ask you and not just google. To initiate the conversation yourself and prompt questions, books can be great. I am a huge fan of It's Not The Stork, which explains everything accurately - from bodies, to girls/boys, to puberty, to boys/men and girls/women, to sex, to fertilization, to gestation, to birth. There is also a section on adoption and non-traditional families, and a section on good/bad touches. It is not silly but it is also not clinical or embarrassing; it is illustrated but not dumb or condescending. It's actually the first of a three-part collection - the next two books are aimed at older children and have more detailed information - but this one is written for kids as young as 4 and IMO is totally appropriate for kids that young so it's a good one to start with.
We also have A Child Is Born, which has some truly amazing pictures of embryos and unborn babies at various stages of gestation. My step-son's interest in sex came heavily from a baby-interested place - sex, bodies, etc were just the explanation, for him - so this book is a total favorite; if your son is coming more from a body-curiosity place it may not be as relevant to him, but I know that the book gets a lot of flipping-through in our home so it's worth considering. It also has some pictures of the women that the babies are growing in, which can help contextualize the "boobies" that your son may be curious about.
When it comes to "tough questions," whatever they are, I try to always control my reaction and make it a casual conversation. No stammering, pet names, giggling, etc. We joke sometimes but only if it's a joke we would normally make - I mean, like, no laughing as you're explaining it, but also don't just turn into a robot. It's surprisingly easy and liberating to talk to a kid frankly about sex and bodies, I think, because a lot of times once they sense that you are not embarrassed to answer, they are not embarrassed to ask, and that can be a really sweet thing to see.
Haha, "It's Not the Stork!": https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
When my son began asking questions about sex (around age 4) I read It's Not the Stork to him. We took our time and went through it over the course of about a week. I answered any questions he had as honestly as possible. I didn't volunteer anymore information than what was covered in the book. I found that that was enough for his curiosity, which is totally normal for children to be curious about BTW.
When he was a few years older I started reading the next book in the series with him, It's So Amazing. That book goes into more detail about the science of conceiving and I found it to be a little too mature for him, so we re-read It's Not the Stork as a refresher and I'll wait a year or so to try again with the second one.
Sex is confusing and it's only natural for children to have questions. They need to be told the correct names for their body parts and be aware that sex is only for adults. This will help in protecting them against sexual abuse.
I'm also surprised that you're only now realizing little boys get erections. Of course he enjoys playing with an it, it feels funny in a good way! He needs to know that is completely normal but only to be done in private.
Good luck to you!
edit to fix broken link
(after following /u/whyihatepink's advice) If you'd rather go the book route, we got the version of this for young kids (5ish) and it was great.
Can I add another book recommendation? We gave a book called It's perfectly normal to SS around the time he was 12. DH have him an overview on what it was about and said he can flip through it, do some reading and feel free to discuss anything. This book literally covers everything you can imagine. I wish I had something like this when I was growing up honestly because I had a lot of questions. Sue Johanson (from the Sunday night sex show) was my guide when I was in high school, that sassy no bullshit old lady is the bomb!
Maybe not what you are looking for exactly but another good one:
It's Perfectly Normal
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0763668729/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
This happened to me too. Why oh why don't they ask the boy parent about this sort of thing?!? That is what he is there for!
For my son, we've gotten books from this series:
http://smile.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y
There is one for older kids and one for younger kids. They might be available at the library, but I've noticed that books about the body are helpful at very random times.
We also have this:
http://smile.amazon.com/Usborne-Complete-Book-Human-Body/dp/0794515576/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406293750&sr=1-2&keywords=usborne+body+book
Which is very helpful for when there is a sudden interest in bones or DNA (frackin' kid friends giving all sorts of ideas). There is a younger version of it as well, I just didn't bother.
Every book?
I found this book at the library when I was twelve and it was extremely helpful. lots of diagrams about what you should expect at different ages/stages. (the link has a "look inside" option so you can see the table of contents). definitely something young girls should read!
As the daughter of a single father I just want to see keep up the good work!
My dad and I started reading "What's happening to my body? A book for girls" when I was around your daughter's age. It gave both of us an understanding about what was going to happen in the future. We also used it to help with my reading and comprehension. He would read a page or two and then I would read a page or two. At the end of the chapter we would discuss. It really brought us closer together and even to this day we can talk about anything without worry.
There are many books like this but this is the one I have experience with so here is a link: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1557047642/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477958185&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=whats+happening+to+my+body+book+for+girls&dpPl=1&dpID=51Mdy6zOdgL&ref=plSrch
Also, if you do happen to tell other adults make sure she isn't around to here. My mom who I spent weekends with spilled to beans to all the other moms at one of my brothers baseball games while I was sitting right there with her. I wanted to die (in the dramatic pre-teen angst kind of way). Good luck!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I don't think anyone ever taught him how to properly take care of his own body. It sounds like he knows why he smells, he showers twice a day thinking that's what other people do when they smell; they shower!, and he's not understanding why he still smells despite "doing what everyone else does". It's my take on this that no one ever taught him how to properly bathe and clean his body. I don't really know how to approach this. I'm female, and when I was starting puberty I would shower... let the water pour on top of me, but I didn't actually wash my hair or body. I don't know why but I didn't. I started to smell. My Mom noticed, obviously, and bought me a book called The Care and Keeping of You. It was an American Girl book and it really helped me understand how I needed to take care of my body. I was unsure of how to ask for help because I was embarrsed and for a while just chose to live with this. Maybe you could find a male-equivalent of the book my mom got me. Buy some products and stash them in your bathroom. Tell roommate you got some stuff that he's welcome to check out and use. Leave the book on the back of the toilet as poop reading material. He might pick it up when he has privacy and might gain some info he was too afraid to pursue on his own. I know the male version exists. I'll look for the title for you.
Other things you can do to help him and not alienate him:
___
EDIT: This seems like the closest to the Care and Keeping of You I had, but for boys but based on reading through some reviews, I think "What's Happening to my Body?" might be the best book to leave somewhere roomie can find and look through in private. If some jackass down the hall comes into your room making fun of it, just say someones mom brought it up to the dorm and you guys like to laugh at it. But keep it in the bathroom so that it can be looked at when smelly roomie is alone. He knows he smells, and I'm sure he wants to know how not to smell despite what he says. It sounds like deflection because he is shameful, but hides behind pride.
Has he read any books about his body or taken sex ed yet?
It's normal when going through puberty to be uncomfortable with your body, the changes.
If he is worried he is "small" he may not realize that he is still growing and changing. Maybe he is comparing himself to the other boys or things he has seen online. (Does he understand the concept of grower verse shower?)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Boys-Body-Book-Everything/dp/1604333529
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
/r/askmen may be helpful but I'd recommend /r/daddit.
I work at American Girl and they have this book called "The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls"
Also on Amazon for a lot cheaper... http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Older/dp/1609580427
One of the most popular books that we sell, and it's really helpful all around. 5 stars on amazon, even read the reviews! Awesome book, for a great price.
I was eyeballing this book just earlier today. http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
My kids are via IVF so I have a super easy out ("The doctor took a bit of daddy and a bit of mommy and made you, you grew in a little dish for a while, then the doctor put you inside mommy's belly!"), but this book has been recommended to me over and over:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
It depends on the 8 year old. I wouldn't say specifics of intercourse are inappropriate because it's basic biology. It's science! This book may help you out as well as this one. They offer very frank, honest, and educational information and it also gives your 8 year old something to look through on his own as well as alongside you. They're great teaching tools.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0763633313?pc_redir=1410668981&robot_redir=1
It's Not the Stork!
Good book. I read it with my 4 year old.
I did that to my parents, too. I remember asking my mother how she masturbates, and that's when she finally said, "No, that's too personal."
Here is a book that helped me so much as a 4th grader, that I got the new edition for my 10-year-old niece: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=dp_ob_title_bk
(I also got the 4yo version for my toddler! It comes in handy when he wants to learn about my vulva. "Well, honey, we aren't gonna look at mommy's, but there are drawings in your book, let's go look at those.")
If you don't provide the right knowledge, someone else will provide the wrong knowledge. Your child is lucky to have you. <3
I got my daughters 2 books - they're for different age ranges but they introduce "the birds and the bees" well (with a silly cartoon bird and bee, who have different interest and comfort levels with discussing everything).
It's So Amazing (recommended for ages 7-10) and It's Perfectly Normal (for ages 10 and up)
That book is meant for younger kids, but there are two additional books written by the same authors aimed at older kids It's so amazing! for 7-10 year olds, and It's perfectly normal for 10 and up.
Check out the classic Worms Eat My Garbage
I would choose "How to Survive on a Deserted Island"
It's a little cheesy, but I love this book:
The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OKYXCbGS01X9Y
It is geared toward kids a bit, but it's a perfect comprehensive guide on all those little things you should be doing. Don't get hung up on using the right nighttime eye cream. Just get all the basics down and you're good to go!
We have What's the Big Secret and my 4.5 year old loves it. There's also It's Not the Stork, though I haven't read that one personally. I have The Care and Keeping of You saved for when she's older...not sure how much it covers where babies come from, though it felt related enough to bring up here :) We just go for honest age-appropriate answers to questions--trying not to give TOO much information and just answering what was asked (which is hard).
Edit to add: We also use proper anatomy terms. She knows she has a vulva, boys have a penis, dads have the sperm, mom has the egg, babies grow in the uterus. She also knows about fallopian tubes and vas deferens, but gets them mixed up, which I find hilarious.
This is a good answer, I just want to add that the book It's Not the Stork is a great age-appropriate tool to use when having the talk.
You get this book and read it to them. Worked really well for my five year old.
Honestly, maybe just talk to him about it being natural to want to look at porn (as you have) but also explain that it's very rude to do it on other people's devices and explain the issues of viruses/pop-ups. Then I'd have a quick talk about how porn portrays sex being unrealistic/respecting women and partners etc., and just tell him if he wants to look at porn it's fine but he should keep that all in mind and do it in private and only go to trusted websites (maybe show him a few, explain that he should never actively download anything, that he should use adblockers, that he should never give out a phone number or credit card numbers to access porn as that will charge money).
I think that it would be okay to change your phone password (and tell him you are doing that so he is not tempted to use someone elses' phone again) but adding locks on your doors and cameras seems really extreme and to me sends the message that you don't trust him to modify his behavior or control himself. It also seems like an invasion of his privacy and not the right way to send a message about respecting others' privacy. Would you have liked to know that your parents used cameras to watch you? A white noise machine seems ideal if you want to keep your sex quieter, though. Honestly, I grew up in a small house and had to hear my parents have sex, so he might be hearing it whether he wants to or not.
A few mags might be okay, but maybe he should just have the chance to have some private internet time now and again on a device that has good anti-virus software. You can teach him how to clear his browser history or use incognito mode as well to protect his own privacy. Also, maybe he is into men and doesn't want to look at female models, and if that's the case, giving him those mags will alienate him further. If he has some free reign to find his own porn then you avoid that.
The author Robie Harris has some GREAT books that vary by developmental stage that address sexual health and reproduction issues; I believe "It's Perfectly Normal" is the one that addresses masturbation in a really healthy way.
Yep! A couple of notable ones:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=sr_1_1
https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Funny-Word-Bodies-Feelings/dp/1609806069/ref=pd_sim_14_4
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Also always thought it was a "code phrase."
My parents gave me this [book] (http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=1WAPDW8MB1Y1BWQ31CHB) when my mom was pregnant with my younger brother (7 years difference) and told me if I had any questions to come ask either of them. The book was pretty good. It covered eggs, sperm, fertilization, puberty, babies and different family structures; using cartoons and commentary at a level that a 7 year old could easily understand.
A back story? Does she read you this? https://www.amazon.com/Gas-We-Pass-Story-Farts/dp/0916291529
Have you seen this book: It Hurst When I Poop!
I bought a bunch of books for my son when we were having trouble with potty training and this one seems perfect for your situation.
Some general life advice... being 15 can be rough. Hell, being a teenager at all is rough. I'm sure you've been through a sex ed class, but if you haven't, I'd suggest you pick up a What's Happening To My Body? Book For Boys, and maybe The Bisexual's Guide To The Universe, if it won't get you into trouble. If you don't have a library card, get one. They're free and easily the best investment you can make. No one can ever take your knowledge from you.
Basically, right now, it's wise to put off dating and wait until you hit late high school or college, when people are generally a little more stable and a little less crazy. Hormones make folks do all sorts of stuff, and some of it will be a bit regrettable in the long run. Don't worry so much about getting your 15-year-old self laid, start setting the foundation to getting your 18 to 25 year old self laid. You'll have much better prospects and more freedom then.
If you're into reading, read. Expand your mind, expand your vocabulary. You'll need it for the SAT and for college. It will help your social life immensely if you can carry on an interesting conversation. They say a man who reads lives and dies thousands of lives, while the man who doesn't read lives only once.
Similarly, you're probably just starting or just about to start puberty, which means you're going to get taller and more muscular. This is a great time to get fit or get toned. Even just walking around your neighborhood in the afternoon will help. Exercise improves your mood, which can be really important during the teenage years. Also, if nothing else, you'll need those leg muscles and that stamina for fun things later. Hiking is excellent.
If it hasn't already, your metabolism is probably going to spike and you're suddenly going to be able to eat everything. You will probably feel like you're eating Mom 'n' Dad out of house and home. This is normal. You will probably get much taller, and your body will get bigger. Your face will break out and it'll feel like you're fuzzy all over. This, too, is normal. Don't worry about it, don't panic, and don't stress about acne. It happens to everyone. It's one of life's great ironies that at a moment when our bodies are full of hormones and all sorts of friskiness, that we tend to look our worst. That's normal, don't worry about it. You're growing and becoming something greater, so take advantage of it. Focus on preparing and making yourself really shine a few years down the road.
If you've got a hobby, put some real time into it. A good hobby or two will really help improve your life; it's important to have something you can feel passionate and capable about. Similarly, try the different clubs in school. Some stuff is really pretty cool, even if it may seem a little weird or dorky at the outset. For example, I joined the Model United Nations on a whim when I was in high school, and it was one of the best experiences I ever had. I still miss it, over a decade later, and it's part of what spawned my interest in global politics.
If you can, start setting aside a little money now. You'll thank yourself when your first car blows a head gasket, when you're trying to wrangle your first bills together, or when you're trying to figure out how many meals you can stretch out of a 24 pack of ramen. Your family is supporting you right now, try to appreciate it while it lasts. There's a personal finance merit badge that you need for your Eagle. It may sound boring, but pay attention to that; there's a lot of skills there that you will need in your near future.
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And some sex advice, while I'm at it. Condoms: They have expiration dates, and they generally keep for roughly three years. They're one of those things it's better to have and not need, than to need and not have. Depending on the state you're living in, you may not be able to enter an adult shop until you're 18 or 21. That's okay. You can get condoms and lube at most pharmacies, and sometimes the grocery store. If you're going to have penetrative same sex, you're going to need lube, especially your first time. Your first time is assuredly going to be awkward, both with a male and with a female. Take your time and don't rush. Don't sweat it. It's awkward for everyone, just keep talking to your partner and listen to what they have to say. Being a giving lover is a skill worth having.
When it comes to toys, etc, don't use anything stiff or hard on your rear. Start small, get something medium-soft, and stay clean. It helps to use a condom on your toys, and "too much" lube is almost enough. Try to stay away from anything homemade, too. You can get stuff online pretty easily, and you can usually order stuff with a prepaid gift card that acts like a credit card, such as an American Express card. You can also get these at grocery stores. Similarly, a small tool box with a padlock can be a handy investment. I'm not encouraging you to hide or lie to your parents, just that sexual stuff is personal, and it's generally no one's business but yours.
Clear your browser history.
Also, porn makes everything look better than reality. That's kind of the point, and they can sink all sorts of money into making their actors look amazing. Don't stress about it. No one's perfect in real life.
(Facebook's the same way. When you look at other peoples' facebook pages, you're seeing their highlight reel. Meanwhile, you're living through all of your behind-the-scenes stuff, and life can be messy. Don't compare yourself to others, we're all living through the messy stuff as best we can. Be compassionate, a kind word goes a long way.)
-----
Let's see, what else...? Brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and go sparingly with the cologne. That stuff is strong, and if you can't smell it anymore, don't go reapplying it in the middle of a dance or giving it to all of your friends like I did. We must've had an aspen-scented cloud around us, and we never knew. :P
Your parents can sometimes feel like big jerks when you're a teenager, it can feel like they don't understand and they never will. It's true, it's been a while since they were teens, and they may have forgotten what it's like. However, your parents care about you and they know a lot, so learn what you can. Learning how to cook is an excellent skill and it will help you out a lot. Cooking your own meals will help with your health, your budget, and your ability to impress a date. Learn what you can now, while you've got the freedom to do so.
As an afterthought, don't forget that there's a ton of people in real life and here on reddit whom you can ask for advice. If you're embarrassed, you don't have to give your name and you can fake up your details if you need to. Hang in there, it's all going to be okay. I know it's cliche, but that whole thing about "It Gets Better"? Yeah, it really does. Sometimes we spend so much time and effort trying to find something, that when we stop looking, we'll turn a corner and it'll slam right into our face. Life's funny like that. Don't panic about your situation, try not to compare yourself to others. Work on you, first and foremost. You're stuck with yourself for life, so make sure it's a good one. =\^.~=
tl;dr: I took the time to write this, please go back up and read it. Use your brain, use your common sense, trust yourself, and start preparing now to be awesome when you're starting out as an adult. That first step out on your own can be hard, and there's a lot of stuff that may take you by surprise. Be Prepared.
When I was around that age my mom had gotten me a book that had lots of stuff about periods, how to use tampons, and other puberty/changing body/general health stuff. It was great because I felt so awkward about talking about it, so I could just read it in private. There may be something better out there but I believe it was some version of this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1609580427/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687662&amp;pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&amp;pf_rd_t=201&amp;pf_rd_i=1562476661&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_r=1WNWA8PSZM2G3FR8VAKQ
Also if she is worried about bothering her aunt/female relative or embarrassed to talk about it, maybe you could help set up a time for them to just hang out or get lunch or something? Like, not framing it as a time for her to ask questions or anything, just to spend time together, and then she might feel more comfortable as a resource.
I was also an early bloomer, and grew pubic and underarm hair around her age, although didn’t menstruate until 11 or 12. I was especially sensitive and embarrassed about it, since my 2 closest friends were years behind that. Three things come to mind:
Writing this, I’m realizing how well my mom handled this situation. At that age I was very sensitive and my biggest fear was that I was growing up and leaving my friends behind. I felt left out of being a kid. “Why me,” kind of questions. My mom said everything was secret between her and I and she wouldn’t tell anyone -even my aunts, my dad, or my brother.
The book, The Care and Keeping of You is great. I liked to be able to have a book to look through and learn without being embarrassed. This was before internet.
Lastly, one thing that helped me embrace my changing body was a skincare routine. I loved having all my products. It was just face wash and moisturizer, but it made me feel super cool. Try something gentle like Cetaphil or Cerave, and nothing that says “acne” if she doesn’t need it.
Sounds like you're doing good. Definitely better to start earlier rather than later with these talks. My dad always used technical terms for body parts with me (penis, vagina, etc.) and answered all my questions in a matter of fact and age appropriate manner.
I've also heard good things from this book though it came out after I grew up so I've never actually read it:
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834
Hey so along with all the great advice in here, there's this really incredible book called The Care and Keeping of You, it's by the American Girl brand which I think most christians support pretty well. It goes over everything and is intended to be read by girls your age, so it shouldn't be that confusing or vague. It's a really popular book and is still accurate today, so I'd highly recommend seeing if you can get your hands on it!
Here's a link to it on amazon: The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition (American Girl Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580834/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i6xVBbXR7JS5P
Wonder by R.J. Palacio, about a boy with facial deformities who goes to public school for the first time.
Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, as recommended above.
Rules by Cynthia Lord, about a girl who has a brother with autism.
Pretty much anything by Laurie Halse Anderson, although her books tend to gear a little older than middle school (in my opinion, anyway).
Mockingbird by Erin Erskine, about a girl with aspergers.
The Thing About Luck, a National Book Award winner about a Japanese-American girl in the Midwest dealing with family issues.
Books that might be a stretch, but I'm not sure since I don't know all the details of your assignment (and some I just like for that age):
Holes by Lois Sachar. The Giver by Lois Lowry. Maniac Magee by Jerri Spinelli. Hoot by Carl Hiaasen. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin. Moon Over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool. Savvy by Ingrid Law.
Hope these help!
Amazing cookbook for preschoolers (has every recipe "written" in pictures for kids to follow and then repeated in writing for adults): https://www.amazon.com/Pretend-Soup-Other-Real-Recipes/dp/1883672066
Also I think making guac or fresh salsa is super fun for little kids, and also anything where they get to pour stuff through the hole in the food processor and watch it get squished.
If it's a girl, you'll figure it out.
My stepmom raised me and I didn't get those talks either. I was teased and/or yelled at when the subject of makeup, hair, boys, etc came up. I now have a 15 month old daughter and I've decided that when the time comes, I'll pay for make up classes or have my SIL help with teaching her how to do it (if daughter's friends don't do it first). There are also great books out there about the body (like this one I saw recommended on Reddit) that I'll pick up for her in a few years.
This is literally the best book ever. I had it since I was around 9 and it was so informative and has great info!
Edit: $8 on Amazon with prime shipping too!
link to book
Oh, haha, forgot the link:
Wonder https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0051ANPZQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_4sypzbFPB4K5Q
It's even being made into a movie now starring Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson.
I wouldnt wait for the movie though. Let the healing begin now!
<3
Why not be in charge of conversation, so that you have control over what your daughter begins to learn, instead of letting your daughter accidentally learn it from someone else, somewhere else? We (parents) were the ones who brought up birds and bees with our daughter and didn't wait for her to get curious. Just like we did with other topics - Hey kiddo, do you know why bears hibernate? Hey kiddo, how do you think babies are made? At first we'd let her tell us and then guide her towards the right answers. Not all at once of course, but with each conversation.
Don't wait, get your daughter It's not the stork, and The care and keeping of you and read the first few pages together. Then let her read the books by herself and let her know that you're always there if she has any questions. That's what we did with my oldest. Sex topics are as mundane in our household as discussing groceries and our 9 year old has 0 reservations coming to us with any questions.
Is it possible your daughters are not asking you anything because they don't feel comfortable asking you about such topics? Do they know that they can come to you and ask about anything under the sun?
How did the bra come about? Did your daughter go to your ex and told him she wanted a bra?
Did your ex just go out and buy one? In that case, I would thank him for being thoughtful, but remind him that perhaps she isn't ready for it yet. Obviously the best solution here is to be on the same page with your ex, so perhaps you can start a dialog where despite your differences you both want what's best for your kids and not trying to present yourself as a better parent while the other one sucks.
I have The Book Thief but haven't read it yet, so I'll move it to the top of my list. I heard that it was great, but perhaps a bit of a tearjerker? Normally that's great, but I recently finished Wonder and The Fault in Our Stars and was tired of sobbing in front of the kids. Both were great books, though.
EDIT: also just added House of the Scorpion to my Amazon list so that I'll remember it when I'm ready for another book. Thanks for the recommendation!
I could not convince my son (now six, but this went down when he was four) that girls had something called a vagina and did not pee out of their very long bums! Since he has a little sister, he has asked how babies get out (and was totally grossed out) but not how they actually get in, although he does know that a man and a woman make a baby together.
Anyway, as much as I want to be that parent who has no problem discussing this stuff with my kids, neither me nor my husband are particularly comfortable with it, and so books have become my friend. I like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586, because it explains why male and female bodies are different, but does not get into the whole intercourse thing. I am pregnant with number three and expecting some more questions, and so I plan on getting a few books that explain intercourse.
Also, I have found this book really helpful in working my way through sexual development and simply being more comfortable with what is happening and what is going to happen. I highly recommend it!
http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Never-Wanted-About-Afraid/dp/1400051282/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_2?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1425408023&amp;sr=1-2-fkmr3&amp;keywords=questions+you+never+wanted+your+kids+to+ask+about+sex
Sorry I can't make pretty links.
It might be time to get Amazing You to talk about body parts and which ones are private.
Seems like this one has great reviews http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/product-reviews/0142410586/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&amp;showViewpoints=1
I've heard this is a really good one for his age. You could also try this or this.
Yup. Also:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541273056&amp;sr=8-1
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541273106&amp;sr=1-1
https://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-nonsense-illustrations-ebook/dp/B01A4ANV4M/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1
https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541273157&amp;sr=1-1
https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541273157&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=whats+the+big+secret
I'm in the middle of House of Leaves.
I'm also reading More Than Two.
And I'm about to start Wonder. My son is reading it at school and I want to read along.
It takes time to make kids understand "Shame" and "Dirty" and "Disturbing", and those things need to be taught...But not about their own bodies.
There is nothing that a body does naturally that should be considered too risque to talk about. Sex is normal. It's a normal part of a relationship. How do you explain pregnancy without explaining sex?
My mother was too chicken to explain sex, but she bombarded me with books for every stage of curiosity and development, from picture books up to teen sexuality books. (When I was about 5, I remember huddling secretively with my friends reading some cute and cartoonish "how babies are made" book like it was a porno mag, so I suppose that fulfilled sex ed requirement for my Catholic school.)
You don't want it to be a mystery or a taboo, or some topic to get weird about. If you in your heart believe it to be normal, it's easy to talk to your kids about it. If not, at least buy them some books.
There's a great book called It's Not the Stork that's geared to ages 5-8. http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
Maybe a book to read with your kid? One of these maybe:
There is a top rated series that has been around for years and is constantly updated:
https://www.amazon.ca/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
https://www.amazon.ca/Its-So-Amazing-Babies-Families/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_aw_fbt_img_2/136-1458463-9877260?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0763668745&amp;pd_rd_r=1276f820-7e54-11e9-a800-798d64934000&amp;pd_rd_w=yWMmI&amp;pd_rd_wg=VeLzc&amp;pf_rd_p=318fc841-c654-436b-9e98-a4e2694ba626&amp;pf_rd_r=MCSQGCMT881D674448T7&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=MCSQGCMT881D674448T7
https://www.amazon.ca/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2/136-1458463-9877260?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0763668729&amp;pd_rd_r=8806a471-7e54-11e9-b06b-1967775fe31c&amp;pd_rd_w=MRz2Z&amp;pd_rd_wg=eITPH&amp;pf_rd_p=318fc841-c654-436b-9e98-a4e2694ba626&amp;pf_rd_r=HN5SAZ8QJYDZZ0CAPQJJ&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=HN5SAZ8QJYDZZ0CAPQJJ
Each book is aimed at a different age group - the title “Its Perfectly Normal” is aimed at ages 10 and up.
My son is only 6 weeks old but I already have the series of books on our shelves. He’s got a long way to go before these conversations start, but I loaned them all to my sister to read with my 7-10 year old niece and nephew and they thoroughly enjoyed them and the conversations and questions that followed.
It's Not the Stork!https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763633313/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_rEf1Cb4XK34AZ
This book may help you to explain better. It’s age appropriate. There are 3 books in the series so they can help later down the line the older she gets.
This book is great! You can have him read it and then ask if he has questions.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?keywords=boys+puberty+books+9-12&amp;qid=1562733460&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=boys+puberty+&amp;sr=8-4
Amazon link for those like me interested in buying it: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729
This book sounds awesome.
Buy "It's Perfectly Normal." Used it for my son who is now 28 and my daughter who is 17. My son recently brought it up and said he wanted to know the name so he could use it for his own kids when its time. We went through it together when they were nine or ten. It addresses everything from menstruation to puberty to different body types to conception to homosexuality to masturbation to abortion. It is all done in a matter of fact way with (of course) a bird and bee cartoon commenting on each page to make it kid friendly. I can't recommend it enough. http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1463671727&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=its+perfectly++normal
I don’t have sex talk advice since I’m not a mom and I teach younger kids. But I would have liked to know happy gay adults existed when I was a kid. Maybe you could expose her to kid friendly gay media like Steven Universe or She-Ra (I hear it’s pretty gay but haven’t actually watched it).
I also googled gay books for kids and this one looks cute AF.
There are people super upset about this one’s “vulgar” pictures and the fact that the author is gay so it might be good.
You probably want this:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/
Link to 1-star reviews for the lazy!
i bought this, my 3 year old loves it. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0807594733/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
How to Survive On a Deserted Island
My mom put a condom on a banana and that was mortifying but I'm glad I saw one IRL before I had to see a guy put it on. She also gave me this book which I would read with my door locked, also mortifyed that that would go in there.
I think you did fine, but leaving the onus on him to come to you with questions might not work out. I suspect that a lot of kids aren't very comfortable or very willing to come to their parents with embarrassing questions right out of the blue. And lecturing doesn't do much good. The best approach, in my opinion, is to have short, ongoing, regular conversations about sexual and reproductive health, especially as his development continues and the conversations need to get more specific about some of the details. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it gets, and he'll be more likely to ask questions when it just becomes part of a normal conversation. Also, there are tons of great books about sexual and reproductive health and puberty out there. Get him three or four books and let him read. Get him the girls versions, too, so they're not a complete mystery. I'll include some recommendations below.
Here are some of the things I've added to the conversations I've had with my kid, specifically about porn:
-Pornography only shows actors performing sexual acts for the camera. Typical intimate, physical, sexual relationships between two people don't look very much like porn, so don't be fooled into thinking that's what a sexual relationship really looks like.
-Whether or not watching pornography is ethical or moral is something I think people need to decide for themselves. A lot of people think it's unethical for the following reasons: a) it doesn't show realistic relationships and distorts people's sense of what sex should look like; b) the actors, especially the female actors, are often exploited because they were in a vulnerable position and were taken advantage of; c) there are problems with things like human trafficking; d) some of the actors are underage; e) it can cause problems with addiction and desensitization; f) how would you feel if it was your daughter or sister performing? Do you think you should treat other people's daughters or sisters any differently?
But other people would say there's not a problem with looking at porn, especially if you're careful about the above problems. And a lot of people watch porn, so it's not weird or unusual. But deciding if it's right or not will have to be up to you.
If you do decide to watch porn, I would say -- as with anything else -- do it in moderation, and make sure it's not affecting your ability to have healthy relationships in real life.
Good books on puberty and reproductive and sexual health:
American Medical Association Girl's Guide to Becoming a Teen
by American Medical Association et al.
American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen
by American Medical Association et al.
What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: Revised Edition
by Lynda Madaras et al.
My Body, My Self for Boys: Revised Edition by Lynda Madaras et al.
The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls
by Cara Natterson et al.
What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls: Revised Edition
by Lynda Madaras et al.
This is a great book. http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
My mum gave me this when i "came of age". Didn't think I'd find it that helpful but it was pretty insightful.
here ya go
https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Body-Book-Everything-Growing/dp/1604335742
This article has a slideshow of options: http://www.todaysparent.com/family/family-health/puberty-books-for-boys/
Here is a link to the American Girl book in a boy's version:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1604335742/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687762&amp;pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&amp;pf_rd_t=201&amp;pf_rd_i=0545237513&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_r=1BKGX26M5BQH84M3H111
I got this for my 10 year old son. I like that it covers other ground like social relationships, good general hygiene and general self-care in addition to the stuff on puberty. Having a go-to book in their possession is really important -- if they are curious about anything in particular, they can read up on it discreetly. As open as I am with my son, I know he is still shy/embarrassed to talk about certain things.
You should order The Care and Keeping of You. It might be an American Girl product, but it is incredibly well-researched and written in an affirming way. There's now two editions, one for younger girls and one for older girls. Get them both. At minimum, read the younger book together. Use the correct terminology as much as you can.
There are good books for his age, and if you can't wait for those to arrive, you can tell him what breasts are for (in mammals in general too!).
This is the book we used, but there are probably newer ones on the market now --
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0142410586/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&amp;colid=3S2VIGJW764KF&amp;coliid=IAHCYGO5N2852
Edit: forgot to say that I discussed sexual reproducation with my kid in the context of animal mating in general. That's where babies come from (and also mammal versus non-mammal differences).
Curious boys. There are some great books out there for kids his age.
Someone else here recommended amazing you - getting smart about your private parts to me and my 4 year old liked it.
It gets into basic sex ed for preschoolers which may help explain why they are private. Anatomically correct names, sperm and eggs = baby, but not any actual "sex" part of the sex ed. But it explains the private part functions and how they will change as kids grow, etc... its written with 3 - 5 year old kids in mind.
Wonder by R.J. Palacio.
About a young boy born with severe facial deformities. The book chronicles his first year in a public school (as he enters the 5th grade) after being home schooled his whole life. The story is told in 5 parts; his perspective, his sister, his sister's boyfriend, and 2 of his school friends. Each and every voice is believable, and relate-able.
A truly powerful read.
I don't know your 10 year old, but the ones I have known (a bunch, as I taught this age for some years) wouldn't be up for books whose sole purpose is self-improvement.
That said, there are many books that tell great stories that you can't help but learn something important from - [Wonder] (https://www.amazon.com/Wonder-R-J-Palacio/dp/0375869026) being the first one to come to mind -
I don't know if this qualifies, but Wonder seems to fit your criteria.
It's the weekend! Thanks for the chance. I am trying to gather materials for a fifth grade classroom I TA at. Our school district is suffering so I know any little thing would help. I was looking at this book for the students. Again. Thanks :)
/u/JustDiscoveredSex recommended Its Not The Stork (K-grade 3) in an earlier thread, so I'm sticking it in here to get things collected in one place.
>Awesome book, good for the youngest kids ...and it also covers important things like "okay touches" and bodily autonomy.
The hell we shouldn’t give young kids the whole talk. I was giving the other kids in kindergarten sex Ed lessons. That’s what happens when you live on a farm...animals fuck, it’s unavoidably in your face. I had the mechanics down very early. And so did my kids.
Books to normalize talking about sex:
It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (age 4+)
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (age 7+)
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sexual Health (age 9+)
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
Here's a good book to start with.
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https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
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We use it in the curriculum that I teach in school. It's part of the Our Whole Lives (OWL) curriculum if you want to dig deeper on your own.
This is the best book I think:
Its Perfectly Normal
My (then) four year old was flipping through It's so amazing! and she came to a page that had a man and woman together under a blanket. She exclaimed, "They are squishing together to make a baby!" The book has been sitting in plain sight for years and my baby figured out how the sperm and egg got together before my (then) eight year old. Anyway, I highly recommend the book.
Something like Your Body Belongs to You?
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Belongs-Cornelia-Maude-Spelman/dp/0807594733/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=0A5K7S85WR0N39J521P4
Here’s a good book on that, but you don’t have to take my word for it! 🌈
Probably not what you are looking for... but http://www.amazon.com/Worms-Eat-My-Garbage-Composting/dp/0977804518/
I'm sorry, I know how awful it is. My daughter had the same issue and it was hell.
These books helped:
"It Hurts When I Poop" http://www.amazon.com/Hurts-Story-Children-Scared-Potty/dp/1433801310/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1463792611&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=poop+books
and "I Can't, I Won't, No Way" https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Wont-No-Way-ebook/dp/B0061YV93G?ie=UTF8&amp;keywords=poop%20books&amp;qid=1463792611&amp;ref_=sr_1_6&amp;sr=8-6
She didn't like "Super Pooper" but a kid more into superheroes might. https://www.amazon.com/Super-Pooper-Book-Potty-Training-ebook/dp/B00D0DKM8E/ref=pd_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&amp;dpID=51iyQdIcJYL&amp;dpSrc=sims&amp;preST=_UX300_PJku-sticker-v3%2CTopRight%2C0%2C-44_OU01_AC_UL480_SR372%2C480_&amp;refRID=HP8KA01VTG58ZYP69TM9
Sorry that my links aren't fancy. Good luck!
I never realised how awful constipation was in a toddler until our daughter suffered from it, shes had on/off problems with it since she moved onto solids at six months, she's three and a half now. Its been well under control (in that she goes nearly every day) for over a year now but we still keep an eye on it. I remember when she was younger every poo was a victory (I think her record was two weeks) and everytime she had one it was like resetting the clock and we would begin the process again of trying to get her to go again.
Our daughter has always been good with eating fruit and veg, and always had plenty of water. She'll happily eat a punnet of strawberries or a whole avacado in a sitting, I never felt that her diet was a problem - although I feel it did help cutting a few stodgy foods out, she generally has wholemeal pasta/bread but we're not obsessive over it or anything.
We'd been to various GP's (we are in the UK) who would prescribe a short course of meds, either lactulose or movicol. These would sort things out temporarily but afterwards it felt like we were back to where we started.
It was very frustrating, we would go through good and bad patches, things were pretty good until we started potty training at two, then she just stopped going again. You probably know that constipation can be physiological (a medical cause) or functional (dietary or often psychological). How I understand it that often there is an initial cause for the constipation, perhaps something dietary that causes it, this causes the poo to be painful, so then the child witholds their bowl movement from fear of another painful bowl movement, this of course sets you up in a vicious cycle that often gets worse and worse.
What worked for us was a new GP, he said that current guidelines said that childhood constipation should be managed longer term (I think it was for as long as the child had had constipation - so in our case a long time) and he suggested putting our daughter on a long term course of movicol (which I believe has Macrogol 3350 as the active ingredient) He said she could have up to three of the sachets a day, but less if she was going reguarly and there were no problems. We had a series of follow up appointments, we just had one last month where we decided to leave the perscription open so we could use it as and when - currently she's probably on a sachet every other day.
we also had a few books that helped a bit [this one] (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Constipation-Withholding-Your-Child-Soiling/dp/1843104911/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1412067509&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=children+constipation) and [this one] (http://www.amazon.co.uk/It-Hurts-When-Poop-Children/dp/1433801310/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1412066940&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=children+constipation). Take from them what you will, there are good bits in them - I decided not to tell my daughter that the poo would be angry if it didn't come out as it wanted to play! A bit too Mr Hanky for me!
There different types of laxative, I believe movicol is an osmotic laxative so it bulks up the stool with water so its easier to poo, and as I understand it it never crosses out of the intestines and stays in the gut binding to water, its not the stimulant type of laxative that stimulate the gut itself that is not recommended to be on long term.
Once our daughters stools were soft from the medication it all fell into place as it were, we kept up with her good diet of course. We also found that reminding her to do a poo worked well, we would often let her sit on her potty in front of a TV programme she liked. When she does a poo she gets a sticker for her reward chart, lots of praise and a high five. I also say things like "doesn't your tummy feel good now that you've done a poo".
I hope that things get easier, I would suggest if you're not having much luck with one sachet talking to your doctor about increasing the dosage for a while. Good luck, I wish many poos upon you - in the best way that someone can say that!
Phew, that turned into rather more of an essay than I intended.
I would go back to the doctor and talk about it. My kid started doing this but it was admittedly a much easier situation and it didn't last long. One of the things that really turned it around for us (other than daily Miralax for a spell) was the hilariously titled book It hurts when I poop. I know, it's a strange thing to have on your shelf, but it's about a little 5 year old boy and it talks about him overcoming his fears of pooping on the potty. Read some of the reviews and decide if it's something that may help. Good luck. I know how stressful this can be.
Preschool teacher here. I have had a few parents swear by this book. Haven't read it myself, but know for a fact it's helped a few of my students.
/u/Paralily & /u/atomic_winter - you win!
Send me addresses, or put the books on your wishlists from these links, and I will have the books sent out ASAP!
(edited to add links, bc derp)
https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
Check out http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Older-Girls/dp/1609580427/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1395121650&amp;sr=1-2&amp;keywords=american+girl+body+book . I haven't seen this one yet, but the one for younger girls was pretty good. Also, this is a good resource http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/development.html. There's tons of information online about normal sexual development, and it's good to teach your girls about "good" touch and "bad" touch - especially since a bunch of idiots have had sex ed removed from schools. You need to get your wife on board with these things - she'll be at least as big of an influence as you are in terms of comfort with their bodies and development. Your job is mainly to treat your wife well, be respectful towards other women and to not freak out when they start dating. The not freaking out part will be hard since you know how teenage boys think and you know damn well they will go as far with your daughters as they can and half of them will run if things get rough. Teach your daughters that they should never go farther than they want, that they should not always be pleasing others and that they need birth control and condoms when they start having sex. And also teach them that sex is an intimate act that is beautiful but will also leave them vulnerable (at least in the beginning). It should be enjoyable but shouldn't be shared with everyone.
Kids are exposed to things much earlier than they were in the past. And way before their emotional development is ready for it. So watch for signs that your daughters are asking questions or learning things from other kids. Have private talks with them to give them information when this happens because you don't want them learning about sex from the wrong people. Put secure settings on your computer so that they don't see porn because a lot of it can get rough and violent, and they will never be able to un-see it. Girls are not empowered by looking sexy. They are empowered by being strong and confident and being loved as whole people - not sexual objects. If your girls are valued for who they are, they will be comfortable and confident and they will grow into their sexuality on their own.
I would definitely recommend this book for her. I had an older edition but my sister and I found it really helpful growing up.
You don't have to have all the answers but it's important for her to feel comfortable talking to you about things and you being worried about her is a good sign IMO.
for the lazy: https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834
It's #2 in Children's Health books, after "Potty"
https://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/books/3230
I have an artificial left leg due to being born with Proximal femoral focal deficiency. My femur bone is only a few inches long, making my left foot end at the length of my right knee. Fortunately, it's also deformed enough that it turns downwards and I only have 3 toes, so it all fits nicely into an artifical leg. Although because of the length, I don't have an artificial knee. My knee is near my hip, so I can still pick up my leg easily to walk or run, albeit with a large limp in my gait.
I'm 35 years old now. When I was a teenager, I used to cry myself to sleep sometimes because "it wasn't fair" that I was this way. I would sit there and try to use my mind to heal my leg, wishing it would be normal. I would walk through the hallways of my high school always with my head held down in shame, "knowing" that I was worth less than everyone else. I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped taking showers and baths. I would go 4 to 6 weeks at times before my parents would finally effectively ridicule me enough in my own home not knowing what else to do, my mom making fun of how badly I smell so I would go wash myself. I didn't see the point as I was damaged goods.
As I got older, with enough experiences, I finally found acceptance that my experience with life will be different. I won't ever do regular squats, I won't even look great in shorts (e.g. normal), my leg will speak volumes because it's different and that's perfect. It's perfect because I found that the more confident I am, the more it amazes other people because they see my leg.
I realized in my situation, that most girls are even more attracted to me if I am super confident with my leg, because they are blown away "He must be really stable/smart if he's that happy and has an artificial leg" is what I imagine is going through their heads.
Now, because of my leg, I have the opportunity to help someone else over the internet (you) possibly see that they too are not of less value because of how their body looks.
Sure, you are missing out on the experience of a guy being into your breasts. Honestly though, I really dislike implants. They look good with clothes on to me, and that's it. Surely, I'm not every guy, but you also have to understand that there is nothing you could possibly due to look completely "normal" naked with regular nipples and breasts void of scars, lumps, feels natural etc. Just like I can't magically have a normal working new leg. The question is, can you accept that. Sure, you could improve yourself, but there is no "fixing" yourself, because you're already perfect. Your story of your issues could help a lot of other girls out there with the same self image issue. Your perfect the way you are the same reason I am. If I weren't this way, I wouldn't be relating my message to you.
The absolute best advice I can give you is to find self acceptance. Accept whatever situation you are in no matter what. To best illustrate this, I will leave you with a passage by Eckhart Tolle: (please excuse any typos).
"In the late seventies, I would have lunch every day with one or two friends in the cafeteria of the graduate center at Cambridge University, where I was studying. A man in a wheelchair would sometimes sit at a nearby table, usually accompanied by three of four people. One day, when he was sitting at a table directly opposite me, I could not help but look at him more closely, and I was shocked by what I saw. He seemed almost totally paralyzed. His body was emaciated, his head permanently slumped forward. One of the people accompanying him was carefully putting food in his mouth, a great deal of which would fall out again and be caught on a small plate another man was holding under his chin. Occasionally the wheelchair-bound man would produce unintelligible croaking sounds, and someone would hold an ear close to his mouth and then amazingly would interpret what he was trying to say.
Later I asked my friend whether he knew who he was. "Of course," he said, "he is a professor of mathematics, and the people with him are his graduate students. He has motor neuron disease that progressively paralyzes every part of the body. he has been given five years at the most. It must be the most dreadful fate that can befall a human being."
A few weeks later, as I was leaving the building, he was coming in, and when I held the door open for his electric wheelchair to come through, our eyes met. With surprise I saw that his eyes were clear. There was no trace in them of unhappiness. I knew immediately that he had relinquished resistance; he was living in surrender.
A number of years later when buying a newspaper at kiosk, I was amazed to see him on the front page of a popular international news magazing. Not only was he still alive, but he had by then become the world's most famous theoretical physicist, Steven Hawking. There was a beautiful line in the article that confirmed what I had sensed when I had looked into his eyes many years earlier. Commenting upon his life, he said (now with the help of the voice synthesizer), "Who could have wished for more?".
"
If you would like a really inspirational book that should also help you, it's called "Wonder". It's about a boy with almost no physical face, and his story of acceptance. Highly rated book. It's quite amazing and gave me inspiration in accepting myself: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0051ANPZQ/ref=oh_d__o00_details_o00__i00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
I wish you the best! If you do get surgery, fully embrace it and love yourself afterwards regardless how it turns out.
I'm not sure if your dad was planning on just text recipes, but one of my favorite (cook)books when I was little was Pretend Soup, it was vegetarian not vegan if I recall correctly, but what I really liked was that there were cute little illustrations of every step in the cooking process. This made it a lot easier to figure out what to do, especially when I was just learning to read. Some of the recipes I remember enjoying were "popover" muffins with a strawberry in the middle. Just in general I think breads, muffins, cupcakes, etc. are more fun than something which involves a lot of chopping and use of knives depending on the kids age, may not be something they can do. So I'd go with more simple recipes, pancakes seem good.
I was looking at this one, and it seems great. I also found that they made a boy version of "The Care and Keeping of You" called Guy Stuff. These might be good in combination, as Guy Stuff focuses on personal health/hygiene/wellbeing, and I know I found that information valuable at his age.
As a preschool teacher I cooked with the kids about 2-3. We made fruit salad, guacamole, pancakes. Also for other ideas you can get some cook books for kids: http://www.amazon.com/Pretend-Soup-Other-Real-Recipes/dp/1883672066/ref=zg_bs_2655476011_16
I own the one above and they have really cook step by step drawn pictures of how to make the food which really help kids because of the pictures.
This book is frequently recommended, if you want to give her a reference. You can (obviously) get it on Amazon, or Barnes and Noble would have it if you want it now.
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834
I found this on Amazon
I hope you see this. Check out "The Care and Keeping of You": http://amzn.com/1609580834. It's basically a how-to book for girls, and seems perfect for your situation. Since your daughter is apprehensive about asking other people questions, hopefully this book can answer those for her. Note that there is a sequel for older girls which may be more appropriate for your daughter.
I consider myself a very feminine person, but I'm not necessarily "girly": I don't shave my legs, do my nails, wear makeup, have my hair done, wear anything more fashionable than jeans and tank tops, etc. I find it amusing and noteworthy that my spouse does and will be doing most of these things as he gets further into his transition. It's also kind of distressing because, as much help and expertise as I want to offer, there's a lot that I personally simply don't know.
I read a lot of books as a preteen. In fact, this book from when I was a kid is still around and is unanimously recommended in my mommy groups for people with daughters who are getting to that age: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1609580834 I don't remember specifically what topics it covers, other than the basics, but maybe it's a place to start!
I hope this helps. It might be a little head of her age but I loved this book as a child! My mom never really explained it to me (the birds and the bees) haha but I did get this book for Christmas. I loved it. It shows you how to handle many aspects of going through puberty, periods and all that adult stuff. (In kid form) so maybe when she's older this can help too! Link is below.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1609580834/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1418386632&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=AC_SY200_QL40
Much of it comes from Puritanical roots. Perhaps things are different now, but when I was young, Judeo-Christian households carried a certain amount of shame associated with sex, sexual organs, and discussions about them.
More shame and discomfort also comes from society trying to paint every man as some kind of molester. This may even be the biggest factor. This is nothing more than internalized misandry that men must overcome for the sake of their daughters. But internalized misandry it is. There is also external misandry. When shopping pre-K schools for my daughter, I asked if there were any male teachers (as I prefer a balance). I was told by a female teacher that it would be considered a "safety risk" by many parents. I wanted to tell her that sexual abuse convictions of female educators have tripled in the past decade. But I noped right out of there and found a better school. That said, this is what dads face on a daily basis.
As men, it is very easy for us to internalize such blatant misandry. My example is simply one of many that we face each week. Luckily, I did not have the same amount of religious programming as my peers. I just had to face society's anti-male pressures. I can see it being more difficult for my peers who were raised in parochial schools and deeply religious homes.
It takes a mindset to say "Fuck em. This is my daughter and I am her father. We can talk about our bodies. We should talk about our bodies. There is nothing wrong, shameful or dirty about it. "
I was the first to comfortably broach the subject with my daughter. I taught her to wipe and why there is an order of operations. She would happly sing the "Down in the front, up in the back" song that I taught her. Ask her why? "So I don't get Mr. Germ and Mrs. Bacteria in my buh-gina..." Fucking hilarious! And that's exactly what the topic needs, right? A bit of child-like levity.
What has also helped me is to use books from cultures that are not ashamed of the body.
The "where did I come from" question was addressed at 2-3 years old with this one. There are some other Japanese books we used, but I cannot find them online.
Body functions
Undergarments
When they get older this one is more appropriate.
I have to admit, the more you read and talk with them about the subject, the easier it gets. I also got kids' anatomy books to go over the various systems. Using clinical terms helps remove discomfort as does talking about genitals in terms of our pets ("Sada the dog has testicles because he is a boy dog. Men and boys also have testicles just like Sada".)
Regarding inappropriate touching, I find that fathers are probably better at explaining boundaries as we are usually the ones who are more adept at setting clear and consistent boundaries for our children through fatherly discipline. Once we were comfortable discussing the body, it was easy to discuss inappropriate touches. We checked this book out from the library. Good concept, mediocre execution. This one was much better and enjoyable.
These books (and subsequent discussions) helped us set a baseline and standard in the younger years builds trust that moves on to the adolescent and pre-teen years. One of the men in our Dad's Group has a teenage daughter. He was the one who taught her daughter different ways of dealing with her period (cup vs pad vs tampon). He has a wonderful bond with his daughter that was set quite early. That guy has been a great influence on all and has helped many of us remove the shame and stigma around approaching the female body.
A few random factors.
- I grew up in a multi-generational house that had at least 2 girls and women at any one time.
- I have also had plenty of girlfriends and serious (cohabitating) relationships. One girlfriend had ovarian cysts, one girlfriend had very unusually rough 7-day periods. Of course, we discussed these things together.
- I probably found my parents' copy of "The Joy of Sex" at a bit of an early age, too.
- I was the first class in my state to have sex-ed in school. This is when I was living in America. It was very controversial, as we started as 5th graders. Many parents protested this (again, American Puritan roots).
All of these things demystified female genitals and has helped with my comfort with discussions around the female body.
A bit of a ramble. But it breaks my heart to see fathers allow terrible people to drive a wedge between them and successful parental relationships with their daughters. I am skeptical of university studies, as most seek to paint men is a negative light. Perhaps this study will be no different. But maybe this post might help some dads with their discussions and relationships with daughters.
Hopefully this works!
Your most used app is Candy Crush Saga! (I love that game haha)
Your paypal balance is $16.89
Thanks for doing this! :)
If I win the $5 prize, I'd like these pink sunglasses please!
If I win the $10 prize, I'd like this ebook please!
My name is Carissa, hence the boring and unoriginal username. I would like the Kindle Fire because I had one and it was lovely. It served all of my purposes just fine. I was able to keep in contact with my Mom via FB, and I could read, check the weather etc. However, this weekend, while moving into our house it had a little accident. It was very wet outside, the bottom of the box broke and everything fell out into the muddy puddle. I tried to save it, but it was a lost cause. :(
Anyway, I've actually never read this book but I have always wanted to. I hope it's OK to post a book that is not [yet?] my favorite book.
So sorry for your loss but it's great that you're helping her get through this.
When I was younger, I had the American Girl book everyone is suggesting. It really is a big help!
As for periods: if she uses tampons for the first time, make sure she remembers to change them regularly and watch for symptoms of Toxic Shock Syndrome. Some girls experience them immediately after putting them on and they should be removed and should get to a hospital. Pads are the safer way to go, IMO. Good luck to you two!
Edit: typo.
Made me think of this. Dunno if that's where the inspiration came from, though.
Teach your kid to cook.
I highly recommend this book that I had as a child.
No, seriously, you need to read this.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1683370260/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_IErRDb9NE58VD
This is a good book to look into: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1609580834
This is great: The Care and Keeping of You. I wish I'd had this around for myself, my mom seriously dropped the damn ball. /u/polydad - get this for the bebe!
I'd order her a simple kit and have it shipped directly to her, or go to your local drug store and send things in the bottles they come in (mason jars: so heavy). Cerave and Paula's choice are favourites around here.
You'll want to send:
Ugh it wasn't.
Edit: Here is the sex book
Here is the body book
My parents gave me two books called The Care and Keeping of You and The Care and Keeping of Me pre-puberty. They were very helpful, and written a level little me (9 year old, maybe?) understood.
I just looked, and it seems they've revised the two books into one for younger girls, and one for older girls. I haven't read these, but they're probably still great. They answered a lot of questions I didn't even know I had, and prepared me for stuff I would have been scared of. In fact, I was so well prepared I was excited for my first period, not freaked out at all. I'd highly recommend getting one for your daughter.
The Care and Keeping of You for Younger Girls
The Care and Keeping of You for Older Girls
Huh. Funny bunch of parenting recommendations on here... &#3232;_&#3232;
Are you interested in early stage development or later ages? There's a ton of stuff out there on both.
Anyways, it's not a book, but definitely start here, it's an awesome article: http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-evolutionary-benefit-or-purpose-of-having-periods/answer/Suzanne-Sadedin?share=1
Aside from "What to Expect when you're expecting" - which is the standard guide - you should definitely check out the Mayo Clinic book. They're the source for medical information of all kinds.
Then there are a ton of books. Seriously, most folks just google "parenting books" and then pick out whichever ones seem to suit them - and by suit them, I mean "which books seem most likely to tell them to parent how they want to parent", so. Beware looking for things which will reinforce your own preconceived (ha! conceived, it's a pun... never mind) ideas on what you should and shouldn't do.
Mostly, just use the basic baby books - they're ok - and get the kid to an age where you're not as afraid it's gonna die in its sleep, and then start doing fun stuff. Like reading to it - the biggest things with babies is that you touch them, hold them, play with them, spend time and attention on them. That's it. That's all they want. Food, clean diapers, and every single scrap of your attention all the time.
Oh yeah, and definitely immunize the little monsters, you don't want to be that person who lets the measles loose in your school and has to deal with the parent of the kid who went deaf from it.
I've been sending books to my sister's kid for ages, so I'll include some links... oh shit, Amazon's gonna be recommending all kinds of pregnancy books to me now because I searched for that Mayo clinic book. Crap.
So I've been sending all kinds of books. Like, books on zen, books on Native American stories, books on everything. Fantasy, mystery, whatever. But books on actual development - meant for kids, but might be interesting to see what people are recommending for kids: The Care and Keeping Of You
The Care and Keeping Of Your Emotions
Aside from all that.... a lot of books are written to say simple things. Be constant with kids and don't give into tantrums, be firm, be reasonable, don't be wishy washy, don't be mean, don't get upset if you can help it, and kids aren't sweet innocent things - they're pretty much psychopathic utter assholes until you teach them not to be.
Other interesting books:
The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog
Born For Love
What's Going On In There? First 5 Years
I suggest the book Amazing You! I don't know how to link all pretty like but here is the amazon page:
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1405356222&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=amazing+you+getting+smart+about+your+private+parts
Just got this book for my kids (9, 6 and 2) and really like it!
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586
This is off-topic, but slightly related since it involves private parts. Since you're a single father and will have to answer these questions, I did want to mention it. I hope you don't mind.
What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys is a really great tool to have ready for when kids ask THOSE questions. It's by the couple that does the Arthur show on PBS, and the illustrations are informative and not creepy. I'm not saying you should go get it and read it to her now, but it was a big help to me to have it on hand when my younger daughter had questions. The age range on here says 4 and up.
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834/
Good luck to you, wishing you all the best.
What's the Big Secret is a good one for that age. It's illustrated by Marc Brown (of Arthur fame).
It's Not the Stork is by the same author as It's So Amazing (another great book on this topic but for older kids).
Also by that author and age appropriate, Who Has What?.
Conversely, you could just go for a straight anatomy book. Perhaps something like this one. Which just covers body parts and system functions without getting into sex/puberty/reproduction.
Wonder is an incredible book for any kid, but for someone going through what your daughter is going through, it might help.
Wonder is a book about a ten year old boy with a facial deformity and how he sees himself and how others react to him. My professor recommended that everyone in my class read it and said that it is really moving! Its also a new york times bestseller. If I win I would love a copy of this book!
We got this for our daughter: Who has what about bodies
It talks about boys, girls, babies, adults and even animals while the family spends a day on the beach.
> Why do you hate victims of female rapists?
Show me the statistics?
Here may be something more your speed... http://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316/
Who has What ( http://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316 )
Hey guys I found the published science https://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316
Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies
I think you need a trusted source for basic Sex Ed, that you probably missed. A source that you can go back and reference.
Some really good Sex Ed books, with lots of pictures/comics, (which are for teens, but I think they're really good) are written by Robie H. Harris. You can get them on Amazon.com:
Maybe you can find them at your local library?
Other than that, I honestly learned a lot from good internet sources and wikipedia. Learn to think critically about what is a good source of information. Plus, you can always ask your family doctor or gynecologist; and therapy is a great idea too.
There’s a really good book about this! it’s Not The Stork
My answer at that age was 'a little bit of mommy and a little bit of daddy mixed together and made you.' When they asked for specifics, I checked to see what they were really curious about. They wanted to know what "a little bit" meant. We talked about DNA and eggs and sperm.
I also really love this book. Matter of fact, straight forward, enough facts to explain without giving too much detail for that age. https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
Looks a bit like the book I got my kids. It's not the stork. I got this book when my toddlers started asking what their vulva was
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
This book is a really good sex education text for teens and it covers masturbation and other sex-relations issues relevant to teens. We found it very helpful. A child psychologist I know recommended it very highly. https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=A870ETNQKQ9VC016SEPT
Of course I'm going to recommend a book...
You may want to get your daughter an educational book such as It's Perfectly Normal that you can either read with her or she can read on her own, whichever makes the two of you more comfortable.
First off - don't be quiet around your baby when she's sleeping!! Let her get used to the noise, then she'll sleep through anything!!. That's one of the best pieces of advice I got. :-)
Think back to the stuff you loved doing as a child and remember to try that when she's old enough. I've had great success with my son doing that. One of my favourite memories is buying a big bag of those plastic army toys, you know the cheap plastic ones? you get a couple of tanks and jeeps and a load of soldiers. Started playing with those with my son when he was 3 or 4 ish, man that was so, so much fun. Usually some teddy godzilla would come in in the end and destroy both sides. Then we modernised it a bit by filming little stories on my phone and using special effects apps to blow things up. He loved that!!
Ask her questions, I get a great kick out of that. Specifically, when she asks you about something, ask her what she thinks, it's a great way to connect with your kid and get an insight to how her mind works, it'll also help her develop a questioning/reasoning mindset, for example: "Pappa, why is the sky blue?", "I'm not sure, why do you think it's blue?" - You won't believe the answers you'll get, it's so great. Then explain how it actually works, and if you don't know, get her to a computer and start googling that shit.
While she's small, let your kid get dirty. I mean seriously, playing in mud, jumping in puddles, eating dinner or ice-cream with her hands - the bigger the mess the better.
Minecraft - Play Minecraft!!
On a more serious note, start teaching your kid the very basics of sex education when she's about 7 or 8, seriously, any later than that is getting old. My son is 10 now and I got him this book. But you don't want her growing up not knowing, I hear people saying 12 or 13 is the time to talk about that stuff, but that's way, way too late. if you start with the basics at 7 or 8 then by the time she's 10 she'll be comfortable enough with the topic to be able to come to you and her mother with questions. You can get a book like that and read it with her.
Outdoor stuff - do outdoor stuff. Forests, beaches, join clubs together, scouting, fishing, things like that. We joined an orienteering club together, man that's so much fun.
Man, kids are awesome, have fun!
Edit: Hugs - never ending hugs!
Edit 2: Cooking, don't forget to cook with her.
The Robie Harris books are awesome. There’s one for younger kids (kindergarten-grade 2 or so,)one for slightly older kids, and one for preteens. My kids love them.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0763668729/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_0763668729
This is a great book to jump start a discussion. He's at a really good age to start the conversation.
Sure
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=zg_bs_3214_2/161-8990773-1667619?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=BS12GM4BFDV42MQ1GRXJ
It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families.
We gave our son this one, but there should be a bunch in any large bookstore over in the "parenting" or "teen" sections.
You might draw on It's So Amazing! by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley.
NTA.
This is a good book to reinforce this. I read it with my 3 yo daughter.
Your Body Belongs to You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807594733?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
It’s not perfect, but it’s a good early introduction. I do add clarifications about examples and include specific body parts when I read it.
I found you a book.
This is one of our favourites:
http://www.amazon.com/Gas-We-Pass-Story-Farts/dp/0916291529
My didn't include Everyone Poops, but it did include this book...
I do both an outdoor compost bin and an indoor vermicompost bin. Have found these very helpful:
Websites:
Home Composting Made Easy
Red Worm Composting.com
Books:
Let It Rot! The Gardener's Guide to Composting
Worms Eat My Garbage: How to Set Up and Maintain a Worm Composting System
Styrofoam is not the best container. You need something to hold bedding (Shredded cardboard, coconut coir, etc) and that you can add drainage holes on the bottom (sit the bin on bricks) and holes for airflow on the sides. This is your worms screaming, "GET ME OUTTA HERE!" (These worms naturally live in leaf litter- not in soil.)
:) Been there, done that. Without pourous bedding and airflow, it is too wet and they will suffocate. I use a rubbermaid bin and use shredded cardboard egg cartons mixed with coir for bedding. If it gets too wet, I add more dry cardboard.Too dry? Just have a spray bottle nearby. For a cover, I use landscaping cloth. Keeps it dark, but provides air flow.
Pick up a used copy of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Worms-Eat-My-Garbage-Composting/dp/0977804518
Good luck!
best way to do it would be to choose a wooden box, cut several large-ish holes in the side and staple plastic window screen to the inside so that it holds the soil in and allows air to exchange. provide bedding material such as shredded newspaper. grind up eggshells for calcium and add a very fine sandy material because worms need it to grind up the food in their crop (like birds) add a little soil from outside to inoculate the worm bed with the bacteria it needs. keep it moist but not wet. keep it at a constant temp. then add uncooked vegetable scraps and coffee ground to compost. then buy this book http://www.amazon.com/Worms-Eat-My-Garbage-Composting/dp/0977804518
https://www.amazon.com/Worms-Eat-My-Garbage-Composting/dp/0977804518
also a good source of your scraps
If composting, check out the book Worms Eat My Garbage.
How to survive on a desert island -- sorry just couldn't resist.
This should help.
Dad of 10yo who just started her period here. I highly recommend this book, as it was highly instructional for me as well as her. This is also a great opportunity to reinforce your relationships with your women pals, especially those with daughters of their own.
I am 99% it was the 1990ish edition of this, I've been trying to remember since I posted because it wasn't coming to me.
Probably this one. It has a very different cover oh so many years later, but this book is still one of the most popular.
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650
If you have boys and are looking for a good, comprehensive book about puberty that teaches actual scientific facts this book is great. What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1557047650/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_z32PzbNKMPJYJ There's a girl's version too. Both versions talk about the opposite sex's experience with puberty as well, but in a respectful way. None of this 1950's crap.
I think it's quite normal for him to look. I think before buying him one, I might also buy him something like this as well.
I don't have experience with this yet but I saw this book on amazon the other day and perhaps it could help your kiddo? I imagine he is on the younger side for the book but still in appropriate age range.
Congrats on your 39 days!
What kind of resources and support system do you have available right now? Other family members? Regular therapist? Insurance? Inheritance?
Just the cleanup must be a huge process and I bet it would help if you could get some professionals in to help.
I’ll link you to appropriate resources...
Some good books to start with:
The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_B3-rDb9D8J3T3
Personal Hygiene? What's that Got to Do with Me? https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843107961/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_C5-rDbWSY6ZK3
Hygiene and Related Behaviors for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum and Related Disorders https://www.amazon.com/dp/1934575429/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_b6-rDbM1213Q1
Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty and Personal Curriculum for Young People with Autism https://www.amazon.com/dp/1885477945/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_F6-rDbC0SF8R2
I'm hopping on the top comment thread to recommend [The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls - American Girl Library] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580834/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_zp6lDbSDNEM48)
It covers a lot of topics, in short chunks. So if you're not sure how to start talking about this stuff, just read a page or two together and ask if she has questions. Do that regularly and you'll have a good open dialog going.
For those who are already talking to their girls, it helps make sure you cover all the topics they need to know. We used it as a supplement to conversation.
This is book 1, designed for ages 8 and up. It does introduce periods. Book 2 is for older girls.
I hit puberty at 11 and my mom gave me "The Care and Keeping of You." It was just the right amount of stuff at that age and I memorized that book within a few days. I highly recommend that you pick up a copy and read it for yourself first, then pass it off to them in a couple years.
Mine too. I also want to get him/her an informational book so that we they can also look through and think about it on their own time. My mom had "the talk" with me but I really enjoyed reading puberty type books and referring back to it if I had any questions I was still too embarrassed to ask my mom. We also didn't have the internet but I don't think I want my child referring to Dr. Google for sexual and reproductive questions.
Something like this
Depending on how much she knows, you could look into ordering her [this American girl book](The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580834/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_bjABxb7HF4TXS) or the second version of it. If you have Amazon prime you can get one day shipping for not that much more. It will tell her all the basics of what she needs to know.
The only logistical issue I can think of is how to use a tampon. A lot of girls I know had women to demonstrate it to them. However, there is a great book (let me look for the link and I’ll provide it) called “the care and keeping of you” by the company that makes American girl dolls that has diagrams for how to use a tampon. As awkward as it is though, make sure she knows to push the applicator all the way up to her cervix.
Edit: link
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=asc_df_1609580834_nodl/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312089887152&amp;hvpos=1o2&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=16111434728789237562&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9009968&amp;hvtargid=pla-434856321575&amp;psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=nodl_
This book was a godsend when I was going through puberty. It taught me everything I needed to know about hormones, periods, bras, hygiene, emotional changes, etc.
It’s about $5-7 on Amazon and it was an amazing resource when I was growing up.
I would also recommend looking into the way her school approaches sex education. Some schools still take a religious or abstinence-based standpoint which can contain factually inaccurate or less than helpful advice.
I would make sure she understands what healthy relationships look like; how to use her voice if she needs to say no to something, and has the comfortably to come to you if she is in a situation she needs to get out of (I.e. picking her up if she calls to leave a party).
Make sure she has the information or training to practice proper self defense, and feels empowered to listen to her inner voice to stand up against peer pressure.
Make sure she has someone to talk to about body image and has a healthy relationship to food. Being in sports or other personal growth building activities can help immensely in building confidence in young women.
Most of all, make sure she knows that you love her, and are there for her. Give her ideas for someone to talk to if she needs a woman to ask questions to about embarrassing topics.
I also highly recommend keeping the following in her bathroom: tampons, lube (for said tampons, the first time using can be painful and scary), pads, wet wipes, condoms, and emergency contraception. The latter might be saved for when she’s a bit older, and if you aren’t comfortable purchasing these things for her, I strongly recommend taking her to planned parenthood when she is ready so that she can make safe and informed decisions about birth control.
Best of luck!!!
also, this
Also check out The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts