Best marriage books according to redditors

We found 1,227 Reddit comments discussing the best marriage books. We ranked the 381 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

Next page

Top Reddit comments about Marriage:

u/detsher77 · 52 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

This makes me really sad. I know there are women out there who never want to give birth, and more power to them. The world would be a better place if people who didn't want to becomes parents stay child free.

But for those who do want to have children one day, our society has bombarded us with all the goriest horror stories because they make catchy headlines.

Part of the problem is that birth has become synonymous with laying on your back in a hospital, possibly the worst position you could be in. You're fighting gravity which can cause tearing and undue pain. Plus, being spread out in front of strangers does cause most people to feel some modesty, and for many women, just as most mammals, there is an intense desire to find a small quiet place to give birth. Call it a left over survival instinct.

If you or anyone reading this is scared of child birth but does wish to have a biological child, I'd encourage you to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth or watch Pregnant in America or the Business of Being Born (both streaming on Netflix), to hear another side of birth.

u/JustSomeBadAdvice · 39 pointsr/relationships

I'm sorry dude, but you are getting a lot of terrible advice here, and I would know.

The way you describe this, it sounds like all the aspects of you that make you a man have been sucked out or worn away. I'm not saying that in some sort of men vs women situation, but rather speaking purely from an attraction point of view. Women are attracted to men. Particularly manly men, but not in the stereotype you might be thinking. Masculinity. Your wife doesn't initiate? And doesn't come? Part of that is probably because of her job. It is probably stressful and a lot of work.

But if you feel like this:

> I feel trapped and soul-sapped. I feel powerless. I feel like pre-cancer-diagnosis Walter White. And, at the same time, I feel guilty for feeling like this

Don't you think she would pick up on that? I'm not saying she won't/doesn't love you, but how could she be attracted to you when you feel like that?

So now how to fix it. Firstly, this book is a lifesaver: http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Read the reviews. There's nothing hugely wrong with your life choices themselves, or the way you treat your wife. To the contrary of what the top upvoted posted said, a weekend to reconnect with your wife is going to do jack all. It might make you two feel better for 3-4 days. Like I said, jack all.

You need GOALS. You need to have ambitions, be working towards something. Passionate, ambitious men are attractive. Getting in shape can help tremendously if you aren't. Testosterone levels can help too, and there are lots of natural ways to raise testosterone levels(What did you think she was attracted to if not testosterone?). Does this mean you can't be a stay at home dad anymore? Maybe, maybe not. Not all goals are work/professional.

You need to be more assertive. Fill your life with things and activities. Pick fun stuff to do, then invite HER along. Don't make your life revolve around her. Your life should include your children, but it should not revolve around your children, at least not if you want to rebuild attraction. Filling your life with more things will build confidence. Giving yourself more options so that your life does not resolve around one limited set of things(Wife, children) will give you more confidence.

Confidence. Is. Attractive. Confidence is the most important piece here, but I listed it last because telling you to "be more confident" helps no one. Telling you ideas of how to BECOME more confident helps.

Get back into a metal band(Passion). Aim to become a world class chef(Goals). Start doing MMA or Krav Maga(Fitness & Testosterone). You can do this. And she won't know it/know why, but she will love it.

u/motodoto · 35 pointsr/AskMen

Start doing stuff.

  1. Brew some mead. it's easy. - https://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802 - Great book to start with. - https://www.goferment.com/blogs/recipes/91223107-joes-ancient-orange-mead - Or just do this first to see if you like it. Very very easy, and kinda fun.

  2. Pick up a cheap instrument on craigslist - Guitar/keyboard/bass - and just start learning it. Use youtube video instructors as guides. Definitely don't skip learning scales and theory.

  3. Camping. Become that guy that camps every weekend. Absorb how to camp best in life. Learn to pack tight, efficiently, and backpack into camping spots, whatever...

  4. Fishing, very relaxing, and a huge skill cap. Since you liked competitive gaming, fishing is big.

  5. I mean... since you were a hardcore gamer, what about Chess/Go? Join a local club, and discover another strategy game.
u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/MensRights

Read this:

The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011

Don't have another child with her whatever you do. Whether you want it or not, your marriage is likely to end, and supporting one kid will be bad enough.

u/Tolingar · 25 pointsr/polyamory

More Than Two by Franklin Veaux. If The Ethical Slut is the non-monogamy bible, then More than Two is the Polyamory handbook. It is a must read.


Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Opening Up is a good supplementary book. Overall not as good as More than Two, but it has some unique takes on poly that is worth reading.


Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory by Minx M. Honestly I have not gotten around to reading this yet, but it is by Cunning Minx of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, so the author knows what she is talking about.


Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan. This books it last on my list because it tries to pawn itself off as science when in truth it is more of philosophy. It makes good arguments, and backs them up with some data, but the evidence is nowhere as strong as Dr. Ryan wants to claim.

EDITED TO ADD:

If you are going to do non-monogamy it is always a good idea to improve your communication skills. Here are some recommended books on improving communication skills.

The Usual Error. This is a more basic communication book. It is a really good read that will point out some basic mistakes you probably make in communicating.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. This is almost a whole new way of communicating. It is advanced level communications skills. Even incorporating some of the ideas in this book will help you tremendously in hard conversations.

u/vbm923 · 22 pointsr/weddingplanning

I have a lot of divorce in my family, so I never wanted to get married before 30, and I'm glad for that. I lived with my ex for 6 years after college before we broke up. That could have been a divorce. At 33 I married my 32 year old boyfriend. He proposed after we had been dating for 5 years and we got married a little before the 6 year mark. We are very cautious people when it comes to such a life altering affair, if you couldn't tell.

Sadly, many of my friends who got married in their twenties are now getting divorced now. It's heartbreaking to see.

EDIT - Damn, some youngins are getting hitched up in here! Promise the old lady you're being cautious because divorce sucks the most - believe. Do yourself a favor and read something like this in between pintrest sessions. You don't want to get hitched at 22 only to find out he sucks at 30. Life is the longest thing you're ever gonna do, take your time and pick the best partner possible.

u/analogkid01 · 21 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

I recommend two things:

  1. Stop watching TV.

  2. Take a look at Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - arguably the best book on childbirth ever, and it'll go a long way to replace the TV-based images you have in your head with calmer, more natural, more realistic ones.
u/brokenbetas · 21 pointsr/Christianity

One of my friends was given a book called "Sheet Music" http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0842360247?pc_redir=1412227508&robot_redir=1, and although I am not married, I gave it to another friend before her wedding, too. Both couples felt like it was a great book to go through together. You definitely should discuss this subject before marriage :)

(apology for formatting; on my phone)

u/ino_y · 18 pointsr/sexover30

This is an amazing book and it has really helped me a ton. I love words of affirmation too, it's Admiration in the book. I told my guy to skip to that chapter but he's actually enjoying the whole thing.

Each chapter has a great example, and what you're writing matches the examples perfectly.

I think spouses do that a lot, "now that we're married, I don't have to do that chit-chat thing with you, I already know everything about you!" and woosh, pleasant conversation that women enjoy for bonding goes out the window.

"I don't have to pretend I like fishing with you!" etc etc.

"All that romance stuff" that made you fall in love with him goes out the window, and it's obvious that you're falling out of love with him

Here's his website and a TLDR but yeah, your hubby is insisting on only having his needs for sexual fulfilment met and that's some selfish bullshit that will end badly.

u/BabyK2019 · 16 pointsr/BabyBumps

I did it with my first, hoping to do it again with my second. Honestly it’s a huge mental game. The birthing class I took mainly emphasized laboring at home as long as possible and to prepare yourself to feel like you’re running up hills and walking them back down over and over again (but way worse). Also Ina May’s book was also super helpful:

https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

I do have to say, it’s awful that your pain management technique is being dictated by price. I wish this was a choice you were making because it is what you wanted, not because you feel financially pressured to :(

Good luck!

u/syn-syn · 15 pointsr/nonmonogamy

yes, but no.

this is my story
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/feb/08/my-life-in-sex-we-tell-each-other-everything-about-our-sex-with-other-people

no, there is no way to cope. - on your own.
no, there is no way to adjust. - on your own.

there is a chance - a slim one - that you both restart your relationship in a new way.

but if he cheated on you - and now wants a free pass with opening the relationship so everything is fine - then no, that is most likely not going to happen.

read https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583 if you want to read how other couples handled this

u/TheMobHasSpoken · 15 pointsr/autism

There's a book written by a married man with Aspergers, about the challenges he's faced and the ways he's dealt with them, called [The Journal of Best Practices] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=8-2&keywords=best+practices). It sounds like it has a lot of good, practical advice. Good luck!

u/Zaggner · 14 pointsr/Marriage

I recommend a great place for you to start is read His Needs/Her Needs by Willard Harley and do the Emotional Needs questionnaire.

u/notacoolkid · 14 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

I'm just coming out of a relationship where I moved across the country to live with a boy that probably has Asperger's and am kind of bitter and will probably offend people with this comment.

Do not move across the country to live with this boy. You will get more emotional support from your toaster than someone with obvious emotional deficits who denies that there is anything missing.

He's not going to change for the better without putting in a lot of effort and if he doesn't have a job (and routine) he might get worse. If you are a super emotionally secure person and have your shit together it might be possible but it's going to take a lot of work and new expectations from both of you, which can't happen if he doesn't think there's anything wrong. If he gets frustrated can he deal with it? Does he attempt to follow social norms when they become apparent or insist norms are stupid and he is right even if it causes the people around him to feel embarrassed and isolated?

My experience pretty much fucking sucked. No Christmas/Birthday presents, no calls if he wasn't coming home, getting publicly snapped at and told that I have panic attacks because I need to try harder, alienation from other friends because of how difficult he made group events, huge fights if I tried to vent about anything because why bring it up if I don't want him to fix it, all topped with any time I tried bring up his lack of empathy he would just shut down more. Basically any self-esteem I had a year ago is trashed.

I thought this book was really good as far as understanding this mindset, but also a picture of why I needed to get out of a relationship with someone who thought nothing was wrong. Journal of Best Practices

u/ofblankverse · 13 pointsr/Mommit

First of all, congratulations! And come over to r/babybumps! A lot of questions you might not think to ask are being discussed there already.

The best way to tell your other half is... just tell him! Do it in person, and at a time where the two of you have some time to talk and be together, and do it without setting any sort of expectations or mood. Likely he will be a bit shocked at first, but unless your relationship wasn't meant to be, he will warm up to the idea (maybe even faster than you do, who knows!).

I'm 35 weeks pregnant now... I can tell you that as your pregnancy progresses, things will get more "real" mentally so don't be afraid when you experience some serious mood swings and shifts in your thoughts about the pregnancy. It might not be until your first ultrasound... or it might not be until you look into your baby's eyes for you to feel that rush of motherly love. Even women who got pregnant on purpose (like me) find themselves doubting sometimes. It's all normal.

Prenatal vitamins is a good start. Honestly, visiting an OB this early won't do much good, and in fact they often don't see women until they are at least 12 weeks (because many pregnancies miscarry in those first few weeks). At a 12 week appointment, you might do an ultrasound to confirm your due date (but if you have been charting, you probably already know exactly when you conceived), and you can start asking your OB any questions you have. But until you do the research, you might find that being under the care of a midwife, or giving birth at a birthing center (or at home) is a better fit for you. It won't hurt to see an OB, of course, but OB's are primarily surgeons so they might not give you all the support you need. Regardless, don't rely on any kind of medical caregiver 100%; take charge of your own pregnancy and birth and do the research! Once you do the research, you will be able to decide what type of birthing class is right for you (I highly recommend taking one... I took a Hypnobabies course and was very satisfied with the large amount of information they gave me, and also the confidence I feel as I get closer to my birthing day).

Here are some common book and movie recommendations:

Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (she is the leading authority on natural birth)

Your Best Birth (and their film you can find on Netflix, The Business of Being Born)

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth (good if you like a lot of scientific discussion on birth options)

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. (I own this book and it makes me feel really good to have it on hand when my baby gets here... so much info!)

u/Dizzy_Oven · 13 pointsr/BabyBumps

I don't know if you've come across this series, but I saw it recommended on here and really enjoyed it. The midwife in the video says basically there are two types of nerves, and if you're lucky enough to have one kind, you may not feel as much pain. Many women feel like they can't do it during transition, but they make it through! And some women that get epidurals don't experience relief from them.

Do you have someone attending your birth? If they know that during transition, you might feel this way, they can coach you through it and remind you that it's almost over. They can also use counter pressure on your back and hips to help drown out the nerve signals telling you there's pain.

Reading birthing stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery is what made me feel comfortable with a natural birth. I enjoyed the books much more than the movie, but there is a movie with some of these stories in it if you're not a big reader.

u/mathuin2 · 13 pointsr/mead

Ken Schramm's "The Compleat Meadmaker" (2003, still available on Amazon) was probably the book that helped me take my brewing more seriously. I'm a little biased because my brewing style is no-boil and for years I traded time for money and stress (no nutrients, no measurements, just wait long enough and it'll finish) and that really worked for me a decade ago.

With regard to more current resources, I like a lot about TOSNA. I'm not convinced on whether the fourth addition is worth it but I appreciate the effort put into matching the requirements of the yeast and the concentration of the must to the amount of nutrient added. This site implements TOSNA and other protocols in an easy-to-use interface -- if you're looking to tune your recipe, you could do worse than start there!

Finally, both this subreddit and http://gotmead.com/ have tons of resources. Now that I'm finishing with school, I look forward to exploring the wiki in detail.

u/whitelantern2099 · 12 pointsr/Christianity

With the "we've even tried oral" line, it sounds like you've been brought up with a very limited view of sex in the Christian home. This is normal, because we are taught that sex is evil, evil, evil, taboo, and wrong until the night we're married and then suddenly, what was once evil is now good, and we don't know what to do.

My wife and I are both Christians, virgins until the wedding night, true love waits, all that Jazz. Which we're proud of.

But we found ourselves in a similar sitch as you. I mean, Christian sex isn't really just to be "missionary only - for procreation only." I mean, what do you think Song of Solomon is all about? (Lots of oral sex in there.)

What really helped us unlearn all the wrong things we'd been told about what's taboo and what's not was a book called "Sheet Music" by Pastor Kevin Leman.

Seriously, this book pulls not punches and answers all questions as to what is outside of God's will for a married sexual relationship (which is much smaller than you'd think). Basically, bare bones, the only things totally outlawed by God are Anal Sex and extra partners (actual living, breathing ones).

I suggest you pick it up. It really is a good read.

EDIT: Here's that book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247

u/yesandifthen · 12 pointsr/Catholicism

Hey there,

You're doing the right thing. My fiance also cried when I told her the same thing. She didn't storm out, but everyone is different.

Just trust in God and know that he is there with you and with her. Be patient with her, she's processing a lot. If you don't already pray a lot, now would be a great time to start. Try doing a daily Rosary for her and ask Mary to pray for you guys.

If it's meant to be, it will be. Be strong and stick to your guns. You're making this decision for benefit of both of you. It will be hard, but whatever happens, bending to God's will will be beneficial. If you guys are indeed going to be together, you want God's blessing and that's what you're now fighting for.

Be there to comfort her, be there to answer her questions. It would probably be a good idea to visit a local priest and have his input and if she's willing to have her meet with him so he can explain the church's perspective.

You could get this book: http://www.amazon.com/Good-About-Marriage-Revised-Edition/dp/0867166193

Which is a good summary of Theology of the Body and discusses what chastity is.

Most important things: pray and go out of your way to make her feel loved! Go one more dates, do more nice things, help her realize that this doesn't mean you love her less, it actually means you love her more.

u/balathustrius · 12 pointsr/mead

> Also, if you have any links

I love when people ask.

Getting Started

  • You might want to start with the sidebar link, The Basics.

  • Get a copy of The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm. It's due for an update, but it's still the densest source of meadmaking information out there. The biggest changes are probably that Ken no longer heats most of his musts at all, and he uses staggered nutrient additions. (I believe a Second Edition is in his schedule in the next couple of years.)

  • I wrote a lot about yeast nutrition in mead here.

  • There might be some extended information in this post I made to /r/mead.

  • The BJCP Mead Exam Resource page has lots of good information, too. Some of it is very old, however. Check dates!

  • You can look over my entire recipe log, here. Later recipes are better documented. At some point I should probably go back and remove or update old recipes for people wishing to recreate them.

  • Learn to use the mead calculator. Note that it does have a help page.

  • Learn to use a hydrometer.

  • Be wary of information more than 5-10 years old. Meadmaking has changed dramatically in the last decade!

  • Read up on yeast strains. You can find information on each at its manufacturer's website, or retail websites. For example, here are the Lalvin strains. If you want to use a tried-and-true wine yeast strain, pick up some 71B-1122.

    __

    Here are some thoughts and general knowledge to help you make good decisions about which articles are trustworthy.

  • Heating the must has fallen out of favor for many meadmakers. Some still do it, though, and recently there was a post here which strongly suggested that heated must meads have a fuller body, but less aroma. (I don't heat my honey.)

  • If you aren't heating anything, it takes a while to mix in the honey, but it will dissolve eventually. A drill with a stirrer attachment is really handy.

  • Don't ferment an X gallon mead in an X gallon carboy or bucket. Get a bucket that gives you about total mead + 1/5th volume of head space or more. (6, 7.9, and 2 gallon buckets are popular.) Rack it into the right sized container right after, or near the end of, fermentation.

  • If you've brewed before, you know just how big of a difference the right yeast can make. Stay away from bread yeast.

  • JAOM is a popular starter recipe, but it has some gotchas. If you do it, use a real wine yeast. D-47, Red Star Pasteur Champagn, 71B-1122 all work great. Use the orange zest and flesh. Get rid of as much pith/mesocarp as possible. Rack off of orange and spices after about a month.

  • Mead musts are totally nutrient deficient. There really isn't any short answer for how to supplement the required nitrogen and micronutrients. Here (edit: fixed link) is a long answer that I wrote out of pure frustration. This also covers staggered nutrient additions to some degree.

  • Mead benefits from aeration/degassing of the must for the first third to half of fermentation. Drill stirrers are useful for this, too.

  • Using dry yeast, starters aren't necessary. Just pitch two packets (which are about $1 each!) for 5 gallons of must. Rehydrate your yeast every time. If you use a rehydration nutrient like Go-Ferm or Go-Ferm P.E., it makes a huge difference (for the better) in lag time. (For one gallon, you can use the whole packet, or half the packet.)
u/Gigavoyant · 11 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

Because you are spending alone time with someone that you already have a connection with (friends). You should read "His Needs, Her Needs" to get a better idea. Basically, this friend is meeting your emotional needs doing that and that's when trouble can start (not necessarily WILL start, but it opens the door).

u/bippodotta · 11 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

MMSL is about men improving themselves in a way that leads to more and better sex in marriage. He expresses a few ideas better than I've seen elsewhere:

  • Comfort and attraction are related but different. Many men in \DeadBedrooms are good at comfort but not attraction and make the mistake of thinking that comfort generates attraction.

  • Attraction has a big physical and instinctual component. Attraction is triggered by strength, confidence, charm, aggressiveness, status, physical build, when they are displayed in the context of the rest of your relationship.


    MMSL has specific suggestions for a good man in a good relationship to deliver better attractiveness cues.

    No one else is giving advice to nice-guys about the actual practice of a good physical relationship. MMSL advises how to approach their GFs for sex, or how to handle sexual rejection. Consider http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/sexy-moves-ten-second-kiss.html for example.

    MMSL is often rejected for being unrepentantly pro-sex, focused on men, simplistic, and taking an evo-psych/game view. If that bothers you, skip it.

    There is a book, which is a convenient and better-organized version of the content of the blog plus maybe 20% more. http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331320784&sr=8-1
u/TheBlueAdept707 · 11 pointsr/aspergers

I'm 41 and only recently realized I may have it (still undiagnosed, but seeking.) I found The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood very helpful. Also anything by John Elder Robison. Relationship-wise, Journal of Best Practices by David Finch was good.

u/Celtic_Queen · 10 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Here's the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic--Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462908809&sr=8-1&keywords=toxic+in-laws

It's Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward. It was a very helpful book for me. Hopefully it will be useful for both you and your wife.

Edited to add: Another thing that is probably adding to your wife's discomfort is that there is a strange balance of power in a relationship with a MIL. It makes it very awkward as a wife. You are both adults but as the MIL is your spouse's parent, you tend to treat them differently than you would another adult of the same age. And you don't want to start drama, so a lot of times you keep your mouth shut and let the MIL say things that you wouldn't let other people get away with saying to you. Or at least that's how it was for me.

u/localgyro · 10 pointsr/AskWomen

OP, you might be interested in reading the book The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband. It was written by a man with Asperger's who got married and realized that he needed to develop "best practices" for dealing with and understanding his spouse and family.

u/you_done_messed_up · 10 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I wish there was good, easy to link advice to give the thousands of men on /r/deadbedrooms besides red pill stuff.

There is red pill "light" in the form of

u/buartha · 10 pointsr/TheBluePill

Here it is. I've read the free section before and it's exactly as bad as you would assume.

u/kdawgud · 9 pointsr/atheistparents

The key is that your values have to be compatible.

Check out this book: In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families by Dale McGowan

u/Demonkey44 · 9 pointsr/autism

https://www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/406180/

You are not defective. That would imply that being neurotypical is better. I don’t believe that, except that society’s constructs make it easier to be neurotypical.

One of the coolest guys, who designed the guitars for the rock band Kiss was autistic with Asbergers. You have hidden talents and ways that your brain can organize information that are superior to a neurotypical. You just have to find the way that works for you and train yourself to do it. These books are Asbergers related, I’m not sure what kind of autism you have but they are a good read.

https://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

Good luck and feel better!

u/lazeedayzee · 9 pointsr/ADHD_partners

Hi there, my guy is medicated and in treatment but this dynamic is still around. We’re just starting reading this book. But the first chapter literally walks through your relationship and is really jarring with how accurate it is. When kids come around.... things are exponentially harder. But the point is to also build empathy, so it shows both sides. Good luck.

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.com/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QhmiDb1C2T4NC

u/BlueberryQuick · 9 pointsr/ADHD_partners

Most books and resources I've read about new diagnosis will encourage you to mourn the life you thought you'd have, the life you might have had, and the person you thought your partner was. This is an important part to moving onto the next phase of your lives together: Working through it and maintaining your new life together.

It is key though, that she realize how much work ahead there is (for both of you). My husband is diagnosed and medicated but hasn't started behavioral therapy yet so the meds have been upped and a lot of his actions haven't changed (because he doesn't yet have the tools to change them). That part has been frustrating for me, I do feel like I keep the household afloat and running smoothly because if I left him to do it, everything would be a forgotten shambles.

I encourage you to read this book and explore its website. They are helping so much to re-frame my thinking and behavior, and is giving me words to talk to my husband about his ADHD. My husband is slowly realizing how different our lives are and could be with his ADHD management, we're in the early stages of finding him the right therapy and he's on his third type of medication. The meds are helping but without therapy, they will just keep upping his meds when he gets used to them and nothing will change. This is key, the partner has to be willing to admit that medication has to be in conjunction with behavioral therapy for it to all work.

Edit: Also this website.

u/tallwheel · 9 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I agree, but the thing is, men and women these days have been falsely lead to believe that the lust lasts forever. When the lust dies down, the wife mistakenly believes she has fallen out of love with her husband, and that it is time to move on. Then, when she starts seeing a new guy and she finds the lust she's been lacking once again, she thinks this new guy is better for her, and the cycle repeats.

On the other hand, many theorize that human beings are not naturally suited for lifetime monogamy. I tend to agree.

u/stonepimpletilists · 9 pointsr/asktrp

I would strongly suggests bluepillprofessors 12 levels of dread, on amazon. He's also a mod on MRP. IT's pretty much a roadmap for guys just like you.

It essentially is a branch swing, deliberate and slow enough to ensure you leave with your best foot forward, while still leaving out an olive branch for her to start acting right and get on board.

Chances are though, by the time you get there, you probably won't want her. But here's the problem. ditching her is a good plan, but you're nowhere near ready, and will just fuck it up with the next girl. May as well use her as a sparring partner and get your shit in order. you'll have to stare at the face that took other dicks for fun, but no one said manning up after 20 years would be easy

https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK

u/rocknrollchuck · 9 pointsr/RPChristians

(continued from main post)

continue to use drugs and continue in my current way of life, or take the blessing He was graciously offering me and give up drugs and marry her – that was His plan for me. I decided it was time to quit, and knew God would help me. I only had 1 joint left (coincidence?), so I smoked it and went to bed high. I woke up the next day sober and got rid of all my drug paraphernalia. I had no cravings anymore; that part of my life was over by the grace of God!

She was very clear with me from the first date that she expected to wait until marriage to have sex, which at that point was my goal as well. Christ had really set me free from many of my old habits over the previous year, and I wanted to honor Him. Her first marriage was to an abusive, alcoholic man. He was the only man she had ever been with. They split up shortly after coming to America after he almost killed her, and it was just her and her son and daughter for 8 years. Her daughter moved out before we got married, and her son was 16 when we got together. He took a liking to me right away when he found out we like the same music. A couple years later God even used me to lead him to salvation!

We were married in 2008, after dating for exactly 40 days. Now I know why it is important and why God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex!!! We have a connection unlike anything I have ever experienced before. A couple weeks after we got married, I threw all my porn in the trash.

Sex between us has always been great. She was pretty shy and reserved when we got married, but I coaxed her out of her shell little by little. She now has no trouble doing all the things I like, and is very enthusiastic sexually. I made it clear before we got married that I would want a lot of sex, and if that was a problem for her she should move on. She said "If you marry me, it will never be a problem." And it never has been. I get as much sex as I want. I have absolutely no desire to cheat anymore since I got married, and have not slept with anyone but my current wife since 2007.

However, shortly after we got married she started giving me a difficult time over the boy I have guardianship for. She knew the situation when we got married and agreed to it, but gave me grief about it later. She tried to tell me that his birth mom needed to step up and raise him instead of us. She got angry because birth mom was not paying her court-ordered child support (this has since changed). She even accused me of sleeping with my stepdaughter, going so far as to pressure me to get a DNA test, which I did just to shut her up. I am NOT the father, but I have chosen to be his Dad and am perfectly happy doing so.

Also, a few months after we were married, my son's soccer coach asked me if I would be interested in doing a devotional for his team before practices. I said yes, and began giving a spiritual message to the kids before each practice. Then I saw a program on Christian tv called The Way of the Master. I was blown away by the strong, direct message and the technique they use to share the gospel! I began watching every week, and soon began to order cd's, dvd's and gospel tracts from them. Since then I have learned to share my faith Biblically using the Law of God. It is powerful, and I am no longer afraid to share my faith with anyone! Soon after that, another soccer coach who attended my church asked if I would include his team in the practice devotional, and I said yes. Through him I was soon offered an opportunity to teach a Bible study at my church to a 65 and older class. I taught that class from 2009-2014.

I developed a great friendship with her older son as he became a man. He had been lifting weights since he was 15, and is ripped. He got married a few years ago, and moved across the country with his wife. His example and encouragement to eat better and be healthier motivated me, and I finally got around to getting braces in 2012. This caused me to give up soda, and I started losing weight. I started intermittent fasting January of 2013, and dropped from 252 to 179 lbs. In 2015 I started working out on an old Bowflex I had bought after we first got married, and gained some muscle and tone.

Then in August of 2015, my elderly parents moved in with us because they needed help with daily care. We had talked about it over the previous year, and we both agreed it was ok and we would take care of them. I made sure to double check, because I didn't want any misunderstandings later. My wife was nice and welcoming when they got here, but she quickly became more argumentative with them and me. It came to a head the second weekend after they arrived when she started on all of us, yelling and arguing and being totally irrational. We actually had to leave the house for a couple hours to keep it from escalating any further. I didn’t speak to her for a few days, and it was during this time that I Googled “How to get my wife to respect me. This led me to the Married Red Pill subreddit, where I created a Reddit login and submitted my first post. Needless to say, I was blown away by the advice I received. I had been reading the sidebar steadily, but the feedback in the comments I received specific to my situation was exactly what I needed at the time.

Since that post, I have slowly changed and molded myself into a strong RPChristian man. I took it slow, at my own pace, and am glad I didn’t try to change everything at once – small, steady changes with the frame to back it up. Frame took the longest for me, and the key to changing things was realizing that it was my emotional reaction to the things my wife said that was causing me the most problems. It took a long time to practice and internalize that my getting upset when my wife challenged me or said something I didn’t agree with stemmed from my subconscious view that SHE was the one in charge. Once I realized that it really was all up to me, and that I could make the decision and deal with the emotional frustration of her disagreeing, things really started changing for the better. This comment was a game changer for me in that respect. Because I was the classic Nice Guy ^^^TM, this part of my transformation took longer than anything else I did.

Now I take charge, showing leadership and making decisions. No more “I dunno, what do you want to do?” I decide. She can persuade me to change my mind if she wants. I have established clear boundaries, and although it took a while, she has come around and I get a lot more respect than I did in the past. I fix stuff around the house, maintain the cars, take responsibility for the bills and all things financial, have successfully completed a number of home-improvement projects around the house. I joined a gym in 2016, and have transformed my body. I had the advantage of working labor jobs for many years, so the muscle base was there, I just needed to shed the fat. My wife and son have since joined the gym as well, and we all go regularly.

These days, we go out into the community and hand out gospel tracts together and witness to people on the street, and both our sons can articulate and share their faith quite will. I minister online to others through Global Media Outreach, and answer questions online. I reach out on Facebook too. My wife reaches out to a very large Eastern European community here in our city. They are largely cultural Muslims, and my wife has an amazing gift of inviting others to our place to share the Gospel, as well as getting invited to others’ houses to share the gospel. The fact that she also speaks 5 different languages is a huge help in that endeavor, and I have had the opportunity to share the Gospel with many of them when they come over to our house on more than a few occasions.

I thank God for saving a wretched sinner like me, and am so thankful that He has chosen to use me for His glory! My life has become a witness to others, showing that even the worst and weakest can be changed by the power of Jesus Christ. In December of this year it will be 20 years since I gave my life to Christ. I could never have imagined 20 years ago that my life would be anything like it is today. My mess has become my message, and I have no problem sharing my past struggles and the change that has followed for the benefit of others. I have a long way to go yet, but God is faithful and I will get there by His grace!

In closing, here is the list of books that I have found to be the most helpful to me on my journey:

u/TheSliceman · 8 pointsr/videos

Obviously not a 1 to 1 correlation, but those human traits would incentivise many partners at a time for the female and 1 at a time for the male, which encourages the genes of the best suited-to-survive male gets passed on, as well as ensuring propagation of the species. Also, 'rape' might not be the best word because we really have no way of knowing if the females were consenting or not. 'Gang-bangs' may fit better.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Humans-Are-Not-Made-Monogamous-83227.shtml

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/ryan.promiscuity.normal/index.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2009/02/12/2489757.htm

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374204833&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

http://bigthink.com/world-in-mind/rethinking-monogamy

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

After you read those, do some research on your own. Evolution is fascinating.

u/pintoftomatoes · 7 pointsr/BabyBumps

Take your vitamins, eat your protein, try to stay active even if it's just walking a few times a week. Don't be afraid to call your OB if something is bothering you or if you are worried. 99% of the time they'd rather you call over something minor than to not call at all and be anxious. Get some books and sign up for child birth and parenting classes. We did ours though our hospital and they were pretty affordable and really educational. As far as books go, I am reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and my husband is reading The Birth Partner. These were both recommended by our child birth educators. I'm 30 weeks right now, and I would say as you get closer to the end, don't feel bad about not being able to do as many things as you could before you were huge and uncomfortable. Ask for help, take breaks, nap, relax as much as you can.

u/aMazingMikey · 7 pointsr/mead

Storm has helped a ton of us to learn to make mead the right way. He'll help you too if you'll stop the name calling. This book is looked at as the published authority, although I've heard it's slightly dated:

https://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802

On the other hand, this sub's wiki is probably some of the best info around. I'm not kidding.

u/MarsColonist · 7 pointsr/mead

In bulk, expect to pay $3-6 a lbs (12 lbs/gallon) for good honey by the time you get it to your doorstep, and it hasnt seemed to get any cheaper in the past few years. Youll need 3-4 lbs of honey per gallon of finished mead. The two easiest and cheapest to find are wildflower and clover; neither really require the beekeeper to do much but harvest.


Wildflower honey can be all over the place in terms of taste, depending on the native plants around the bees and the season that the bees went to town. It makes an okay mead. Clover honey also makes a so-so mead. Personally, I would buy Orange Blossom. If West Coast, try Miller's in California, if east coast try Dutch Gold. I buy my OB by the 5gallon pail, and it is $165-185 delivered to Texas; I like Miller's only slightly better, but it is slightly more expensive for me.


There are lots of crazy varieties of varietal honey where the beekeeper takes the hives to areas where a single plant is blooming in mass. Just a list of some of the varietal honeys available: Blackberry, Buckwheat, Mesquite, Tupelo, Basswood, Blueberry, Cotton, Fireweed, Raspberry, Sage, Star Thistle, Apple, Alfalfa, Huajillo, Heather, Mint, Saw Palmetto, Sourwood... certainly not a comprehensive list. I believe there is a large list in Ken Schramm's The Compleat Meadmaker. My favorite premium honeys for making semisweet traditionals: tupelo, meadowfoam, sourwood, and mix of mesquite/orange/buckwheat; be aware, some of those will run you $70-85 a gallon, and a gallon is enough to make 3-4 gallons of semisweet mead. Oh, and there is BeeFolks for everything, but they are raw honey and are not cheap.


NB: Be wary of cheap honey sourced from other countries!!!! Certain Chinese honey sources have been banned due to: dosing bees with antibiotics (which makes it way into the honey); blending in HFCS, or feeding bees HFCS in the winter rather than their own honey stores; ultrafiltering to remove pollen to hide the source of the honey (not that ultrafiltering is bad, you just cant tell the source). Also "Product of USA" may just mean it is blended and packaged in the US. There are unscrupulous brokers that turn a blind eye to the that shipment of "Indian honey" that is likely Chinese honey... I personally dont use SueBee clover honey from Sams/Costco for mead anymore, but it is cheap ($12 / 5 lbs), but there is probably a reason for that... Cheers!

u/real-boethius · 7 pointsr/TheRedPill

This whole situation is your fault. You have turned into a whining pathetic creature who your wife despises. That is why she does not want to have sex with you.

If a woman does not fear losing you she will take you for granted. Note that it does not matter that your leaving would be a disaster for you (and your children). All this stuff operates at an unconscious level where such considerations do not matter.

You are the one who has to change. Then she will respond.

Read
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/03/27/dread/

And
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

u/Buckaroo2 · 7 pointsr/ADHD

The ADHD Effect on Marriage is usually highly recommended.

I also recommend Married to Distraction.

Good luck on your marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and he wasn't diagnosed until 7-8 months ago. This is definitely not one of those things where your marriage will make it because you love each other so much. You have to work, and I mean seriously work your ass off for it. At least, that's been my experience. Don't be afraid to go to counseling, either. And when it comes to your fiance getting organized and trying to get things together, it has to be his own system. You can't create a system of organization for him. It has to come from his own head. I tried several different ways to help my husband get organized, and not a single one of them worked.

And one important aspect is that he needs to realize how important it is to you for him to try to get organized and stay on track. This is probably an unpopular opinion here, but ADHD is no excuse for not putting effort into working on things and/or not getting things done. You can't always be the one who picks up the slack and does too much. It will drive you crazy, and I can attest to that. Be very careful of the parent/child dynamic, because that is incredibly destructive to a relationship. If you notice this happening, it's best to get some counseling and nip it in the bud.

Sorry if this sounds so depressing, but it's something I wish I had known before getting married. ADHD can be a serious impediment to a marriage, and it's definitely not something to take lightly. You're already doing great by wanting to do your research and prepare yourself for what's to come!

u/broogndbnc · 7 pointsr/DatingAfterThirty

One about human sexual behavior that ends up being good reading for the non monogamously inclined, but might also be a good read for everyone: Sex at Dawn

u/deadasthatsquirrel · 6 pointsr/BabyBumps

My favourite is definitely Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts.

I've also bought:

u/loosepajamas · 6 pointsr/BabyBumps

Absolutely no issues with flying during pregnancy. Some airlines restrict pregnant women from flying past ~36 weeks, but I think that's because they don't want you going into labor in their airplane cabin at 32,000 feet. After getting thru security, buy a bottle of water for your wife. I was on a 2-hour flight over Christmas and was dying of thirst waiting for the drink cart to come down the aisle. Also, give her the aisle seat if possible so she can walk the aisles periodically to keep the blood moving and access the bathroom quickly if needed.

As for books, I've read a lot of good ones. I've liked the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, and Elisabeth Bing's Six Practical Lessons for an Easier Childbirth and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth for info on labor and delivery, and The Happiest Baby on the Block and the Wonder Weeks for infant care. Also The Birth Partner is a great book on delivery for both pregnant women and husbands. If you can find a secondhand bookstore near you, check it out--a lot of people sell off these types of books once they're done with them.

u/Disguisedasasmile · 6 pointsr/exjw

I’ve said this many times on this sub, but being with a PIMI spouse is a special kind of hell. It’s almost like you can never truly leave the JWs because you’ll always be attached through them. It can be maddening at times especially when they slip into their cult personality and behave passively aggressively towards you.

One thing that helped me early on that may be worth your time, is reading a book called In Faith and In Doubt. https://www.amazon.com/Faith-Doubt-Religious-Believers-Nonbelievers/dp/0814433723

I read this when I was thinking of a way to possibly remained married despite our differences. Surprisingly, the book does mention JW marriages. Sadly, most divided JW marriages don’t work because of the nature of the religion, which is mentioned in the book and what we all know too well. The book didn’t help me make the decision to stay or to leave. Only you can decide that. But it did give me some perspective and tips on what I could do in my marriage if I chose to stick with it.

I agree with the other poster who said being married to a PIMI is a long road. It’s been 3 years since I stopped all activity and I still go back and forth about if I should continue. One thing my therapist says is that it’s hard to remain in a relationship where you don’t share or respect each other’s core values. JWs do not and will not respect the decision to leave the faith no matter how much they say they do. And exJWs do not respect the values of the JW religion. It’s a huge foundational conflict. This kind of situation requires a considerable amount of compromise by both parties. The issue is is that many PIMI will not compromise and require the POMO spouse to jump through hoops and demand a certain level respect and allowances and not reciprocate. This, as you know, can be emotionally exhausting.

My advice to you is to decide what you can and can not tolerate. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Can you get there in this marriage? Can you truly be happy in the relationship or are you settling? Are you still sharing a life together or are you simply tolerating each others’? Do you want children? How would you feel about them being at least partially raised as JWs?

I do wish you good luck. I can completely relate to this struggle.

u/SirBuckeye · 6 pointsr/atheistparents

My wife is a believer. I've never been much of a believer, and I "came out" as an atheist about 5 years ago. She was kind of devastated for a bit, and I was confused about how she could possibly not know I didn't believe for so long. We basically don't talk about it now. She doesn't try to convert me and I don't try to de-convert her. It works because she basically lives a fully secular life except for 2 hours on Sunday mornings. She doesn't pray at home, or talk about Jesus and God doing things in her life. She just gets up on Sunday mornings and takes the kids to Sunday school at her church, then comes home and doesn't mention or do anything religious until next Sunday. I'm open with my kids about what I believe and why and I tell them that they can believe anything they want and change their minds any time they want. I tell them to ask questions about things and not to believe anything that doesn't make sense for them. I think just being a good role model for them is enough to help them figure stuff out on their own.

If you want to read more stories, a new book by Dale McGowan came out a few months ago that deals exactly with this situation. It's a great read and I highly recommend it.

u/madk · 6 pointsr/Detroit

>Schramm's is arguably one of the best in the world. The owner literally wrote the book on mead making.

u/ismellmyfarts · 6 pointsr/Homebrewing

If you find making mead enjoyable and want to read some more up on it i can recommend The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm

A great source of information both for beginners and more advanced meadmakers. He's also a beekeeper, so he has a whole chapter dedicated to various types of honey too :)

u/mfinn · 6 pointsr/mead

The most important advice anyone can give you in this thread is to buy "The Compleat Mead Maker" by Ken Schramm. Never look back.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

u/_Exordium · 6 pointsr/mead

[Ken Schramm's Compleat Meadmaker] ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0937381802?pc_redir=1397498837&robot_redir=1) is a great place to start, its an absolute wealth of knowledge on just about everything mead. It's definitely worth a good read!

u/margerym · 6 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I married at 18 and have been married for 10 years.

Your husband sounds beaten down and depressed. Besides the obvious good diet, plenty of sleep, sunshine, etc be mindful that he is going through a lot. It's really hard living with a person like this and it's really hard being this person. Just keep trying to show that you love him and support him.

Femininity attracts masculinity. Submission attracts dominance. The best way to help him become this person is to make space for him to become this person and make him want to be this person.

> I know part of the problem is that he feels emasculated and unappreciated at his job.

Make sure he feels masculine and appreciated at home. Thank him a lot. Not just verbally. Show your gratitude for all that he does for you.

I suggest reading the MMSL Primer and The Surrendered Wife

u/Catabre · 6 pointsr/Reformed

Neither my wife or I are big on small talk. Because we both gravitate towards heavier topics, we had multiple serious conversations before our first date. To be fair, you could probably classify those serious conversations as dates.

We decided to start officially dating once we realized we were "on the same page" with respect to marriage, Christianity, children, discipline, etc. We went through John Piper's marriage questions. We sought counsel from our elders and their wives. We read Tim Keller's Meaning of Marriage.

Our timeline was fast. We dated for three months, were engaged for three months, then were married. A contributing factor was our age; when we started talking we were both mid to late twenties. Neither of us wanted to get temporally and emotionally invested unless there was potential for marriage. If we were compatible, then we wanted to get married soon. As per the Westminster Larger Catechism Q&A 139, "undue delay of marriage" is a violation of the seventh commandment.

I hope outlining the path my wife and I took is beneficial for you. If I had to distill it down into points they'd be:

  • Talk to your pastor(s), elders, and their wives. They'll give you more complete and Biblical counsel.
  • Understand what the purpose of marriage is (read Tim Keller's Meaning of Marriage).
  • Have fun as friends and glorify God.
u/ambiguity_resolution · 6 pointsr/ADHD

I'm not really sure what I can offer in the way of advice as to how to approach him, but I can share a little from my point of view as a husband with ADHD. I apologize in advance if this gets a little wordy.

I am a stay-at-home father of two. My wife is a professional with a doctorate, so when we found out we were having our first child we discussed it and decided that it was important that one of us stay home to take care of her - and that person would be me. Being a stay-at-home parent presented a lot of challenges and I had a real hard time keeping up with everything that needed to be done.

To put this in perspective, I have always had problems with memory ("How on earth can you remember that thing from five years ago when you can't even remember our daughter's appointment was at 2:00?"), as well as a lifelong difficulty to maintain focus ("You're lazy! How come you're sitting in here playing video games, this house is a disaster!") I have always just slipped by in life, doing just enough not to get fired and barely performing in things that I have an expert level of knowledge in and should excel at.

So when we added the stress of a child on top of it and decided I would be the one to stay home and take care of her, it started a downward spiral that affected our home and our marriage. Another child came along two years later and suddenly everything was a mess. My wife couldn't deal with the stress of her job and having to make up for my inadequacies - constantly reminding me of important scheduled events, dealing with my temper when I took offense at her frustration with me, picking up the house when she got home from work because I was doing all I could just to take care of our kids. Divorce never came up, but we were really really unhappy with each other. There was no affection or intimacy between us at all, and we had been driven apart - merely existing to care for our two small children.

We were extremely unhappy, and I started to see some clues that I might be suffering from symptoms of ADHD, so I did a lot of reading and bought a few books (The ADHD Effect on Marriage is one that resonated with me in particular.) I started to accept that I might have ADHD, which was tough to wrap my head around - I had always believed ADHD was an invention by doctors to justify medicating kids who acted like kids, so believing this required me to really believe some things I had always dismissed as being not real.

My wife is my soulmate and the love of my life, and I had to accept that I was the one driving a wedge between us. So I made an appointment with a psychologist and forced myself to go. The visits were arduous, as I didn't like the doctor personally, but I had already invested myself in the process and needed to see it through. He evaluated me for about three months total, having me take tests and answer painful, difficult personal questions. He interviewed me with my wife in the room, forcing us to acknowledge each other's problems in civil language with the psychologist as an intermediary. Finally, he diagnosed me as having ADHD and Dysthemia (which I understood to mean a constant low-grade depression that never lifts.) He told me I could stick with him and do the head shrinker thing, or I could talk to another doctor who could prescribe drugs.

Instead I chose to do nothing. I was exhausted by the psychological process and the thought of having to speak to another doctor was too much for me, so I put it off. Knowing about the ADHD helped me acknowledge that I had a problem, so my wife and I used schedules and notes to aid me with my memory, and I did my best to focus and stay on top of tasks - things were slightly better, but it wasn't enough. Finally, I made an appointment with my GP (for the first time in my life, I have a regular doctor!), brought him my report from the head shrinker, and he painlessly prescribed some Adderall. I wish I hadn't waited so long!

The Adderall worked almost immediately. For the first time in my life my head was clear, I could focus on tasks and get things done. Sure, it wasn't motivation in a pill, but it attenuated the background noise in my head - the random 'thoughts' that distracted me so - and I could get stuff done. I immediately became calmer, much less prone to temper, and suddenly I was able to deal with all of my life's frustrations without my frantic anxiety. Compared to myself two months ago, I'm a fucking Zen master now. My wife and I are starting to rebuild our relationship, and some of the intimacy that I had missed for so long is slowly starting to trickle back in. We're not like we used to be, but we're way better than before and we seem to be healing a little more every week. The medication isn't perfect, and it does have drawbacks that I'm not very pleased with, but it is helping in what's most important right now. After I've had another month or two, I'll talk with the doc and see if there's anything we can change or adjust, but for right now I'm pleased that I can be a little more, I don't know, normal? Even if I don't feel quite like myself.

In retrospect, I wish I could have summoned the self-awareness and humility to do this years ago, instead of angrily denying there was ever anything wrong with me. Maybe I would have done better in school, or performed in my fields of expertise instead of just keeping my head above water, or even saved my beloved wife and companion of the last 12 years the pain and anguish of having to put up with my ridiculous behavior for so very long.

Edit: I'm 37, by the way. To give you an idea of how long I've been living in denial with this.

TL;DR: ADHD - Denied it, made life hell for everyone around me, finally accepted it, and now things are slowly getting better.

u/XL-ent · 6 pointsr/ADHD

Huge.

My wife and I are reading this book to each other right now and finding it very helpful. Basically, we misunderstand each other a lot.

Factoid, ADHD in a marriage doubles the chances of divorce, etc..

u/PurpleStix · 5 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Congratulations! I'm jelly!

Look into getting some pregnancy books, they generally do a good job of demystifying the process. Here are some suggestions:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent place to start. It's all about how natural birth is, and has a bunch of positive birth stories.

The Panic Free Pregnancy is definitely useful. You'll be bombarded with all the things that are unsafe for you during your pregnancy, and this book helps determine fact or fiction and provides an explanation.

Lots of people suggest What to Expect When You're Expecting, but others find it kind of fear-mongering. I skimmed through it once and the list of adverse side effects you can expect to experience is pretty intimidating.

The Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a more clinical approach. I haven't read it myself but I've heard good things about it. Less fluff than some pregnancy books, more fact.

u/NotTheRightAnswer · 5 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

> If you really love her you shouldn't need sex to be with her.

In the vast, vast majority of relationships, that's just not how it works. Everyone has needs that need to be met in order to be happy in a relationship. Generally, for men, sex/physical intimacy is the #1 need. They can love someone as much as a person can love something, but if their needs aren't getting met (sex in this case) they won't be happy in the relationship. It's really that simple. Sex is very much a need for most men in order to have a happy, healthy relationship. Sex can be a need in a relationship in order to keep that relationship alive much the same way food is a need to keep the body alive. His Needs Her Needs is a great book that discusses this.

u/twinkle422 · 5 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

I'm having a rough year with my husband of 10 years. I ran across a resource that is helping us. Maybe it could help you or others.

The book, His Needs, Her Needs
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0800719387/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1411654785&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40

The website (with TONS of good info):
http://www.marriagebuilders.com

Marriage is hard. It does take work. No one really tells you that when you fall in love. These resources have already made a difference for me.

u/wolflordval · 5 pointsr/mead

This is the bible of meadmaking. make sure you get a copy, all of the questions you're asking are answered there.

u/Stubb · 5 pointsr/Homebrewing

The Compleat Meadmaker is a must-have for brewing mead. It has a ton of good information on brewing classic mead styles plus guidelines for numerous variations.

u/NiceBootyGuurrrrlll · 5 pointsr/mead

Definitely, that's a good way to experiment without having to dedicated a large batch that might not work out!

Mead, when young, has many flavor characteristics that are rough and sharp, and when aged over a given amount of time, these characteristics will smoothen out and blend together. This is a very simplified definition, but in general mead does better with age. Some flavors will not age out, and thus can be considered off-flavors.

If you haven't already, check out the Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm. It's basically our bible on mead, and a great place to start! Check out the 'Everything you need to know' on the sidebar, as that offers awesome guides/articles to making better mead!

u/FotAoS · 5 pointsr/Homebrewing

I've heard that "The Compleat Meadmaker" by Ken Schramm is quite good.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0937381802

u/Peloquins_Girl · 5 pointsr/AspiePartners

I'm late to this, but I've got to tell you; he's not ever going to change in the ways that you need him to, to be the partner that you want. And I say that as the aspie in a marriage of twenty-one years.

My first husband was an abusive prick; and being young and naive, I thought we could make it work, because I just loved him so much. But it doesn't work that way. Love does not conquer all. Eventually I got to the end of that proverbial rope, and I'd advice anyone in an unhappy relationship not to try desperately to make it work, for years, like I did. All it does is make you more miserable, fighting to mold something good out of garbage. Trust me, it's not worth it.

Having autism, (for a lot of people, anyway; not for all), means that physical contact, and eye contact, are both genuinely uncomfortable. I've been with my partner for two decades. About the only time I look him in the eye is when I'm telling him that I love him.

I would compare looking at someone's eyes to the feeling you get when someone sees you going to the bathroom. It doesn't feel good. Full stop. And that won't ever go away. - I would agree that looking at his phone is rude, but if he's looking at your shirt, or the couch, or the wall; that doesn't mean he isn't listening to you. That's as good as it gets for some of us.

And physical closeness is downright unpleasant. It just is. Personally, in our relationship, we have a set schedule for intimate time. Something that works for both of us. I do it to make my partner happy. He knows it's obligatory for me, and he's fine with that. - And that's something that's never, ever, going to change, either.

No amount of therapy will ever get rid of his autism. "Love" as you define it, will never come naturally to him. If he really wants to keep you, he'll do things to make you happy anyway. We don't feel things the same way you do, but he should be able to understand the concept of necessary maintainance to keep something that he wants. Pets need food, a house requires the taxes or rent be paid, cars need gas, and relationship needs time spent paying attention to the other person.

If he's not willing to set aside a couple hours a day just to talk and/or have sexy time with you, (which is what we do, every night, as part of my daily routine), then I would say you're not important enough to him to justify keeping him as your partner.

That's not autism. That's just him being an ass.

I haven't read it personally, but I hear good things about this book. I gather it was written by a guy with ASD about how he saved his marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

u/HouselsLife · 5 pointsr/IAmA

This book, The Married Man's Sex Life Primer, will give you a LOT of insight on how to stimulate attraction in your mate. I read it in hindsight after a failed relationship, and it really made it blatantly obvious why things didn't work out (totally different reasons than yours, though). I wish I had read it sooner.

u/In-Progress · 5 pointsr/Christianity

This can be a pretty big and deep topic. I do have some thoughts, but instead I’ll ask my usually question. Have you talked to your pastor or other leaders or mature Christians in your church about this? Those places are where helpful, specific discussions usually take place.

We are all instructed to submit to leaders, and it is a difficult thing to do. I don’t quite have a more direct and helpful answer right now in this comment, but I do have a book recommendation about marriage, in case you are interested.

I highly recommend Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage. I think he does a great job describing what marriage means and what it should look like. My wife and I read it together, and we both got a lot from it. Keller is a pretty well respected pastor, and I think he describes the passage you are asking about very well.

u/NastySpitGobbler · 5 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

He definitely sounds at least a little autistic. I'm not a doctor, but my husband is Asperger's. A good therapist can do wonders with him, and will diagnose him to see if this is really the issue.

If you want to learn more about Asperger's Syndrome, I suggest reading these books. They're my favorites, informational and very entertaining at the same time. The Journal of Best Practices and Look Me in the Eye. Also anything by Temple Grandin, she has full-blown autism, but she's so articulate and interesting you can learn a lot from her.

Good luck!

u/cpt_anonymous · 5 pointsr/aspergers

Check Amazon. They have quite a few titles. I'd definitely start witht this one:

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

Here are some others that I've read at least partway through. All have been useful to me in some measure.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger's Syndrome (Very academic look at ASD. I think it's actually a textbook based on the price. Includes lots of citations to published papers and some insight into what you should expect if you seek professional therapy)

I Think I Might Be Autistic (good starting point for the diagnosis process)

Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate (Just an autobiographical account of the author's experience with ASD, but still helpful to read IMO)

The Journal of Best Practices (for ASD/NT relationships)

Here are a couple more that I haven't read, but are on my "to-read" list, and seem to fit within the bounds of what you're looking for:

Look Me In the Eye

Be Different

u/leostotch · 5 pointsr/sex

Read these books. I've always been a relatively vanilla guy, and had a minor freakout when the girl I was dating told me she was into BDSM. These books gave me a lot of insight into the community, and why people enjoy the play they enjoy.

Spoiler alert - I wifed the fuck out of that girl.

When Someone you Love is Kinky

The New Topping Book

The New Bottoming Book

It's important to read both the topping and bottoming books, regardless of which role you think you'll play. If your gf is not experienced in BDSM, read them together. Discuss.

u/logger1234 · 5 pointsr/askMRP

I guess he won't promote it but i will - consider Blue Pill Professor's podcasts/videocasts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaC7KmMmi4M

Or his book:

https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK/

But yes, there were some terms I did not find in the sidebar that I misunderstood at first. For example, I totally mis-understood the concept of "The Main Event" because I had only heard it from context. (The main event is when your spouse realizes she is losing control and threatens divorce followed by intense shit testing.)

u/ReformedBelle · 4 pointsr/Christianmarriage

Edited to add some practical resources.

As my flair notes, I'm not married, so take this with a grain of salt. However, this situation happened to my parents before they were married. It has had a profoundly negative influence on my life. Only recently did I realize that family drama has shaped my view of marriage and built an intense fear of opening myself to the situation that your wife and my mom experienced.


  1. Go to counseling. Now. Everyone has said this, but it can be hard and take a while. Since it sounds like you are outside of the US, I would encourage you to try online counseling. Focus on the Family has a partnership with an app. Try to schedule an appointment as quickly as possible. Depending on your own family dynamics, you may need individual and couples counseling.
  2. Next, pick up Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. They also have a version called Boundaries in Marriage.
  3. Look at secular resources. While the r/JustNoMil sub specifically addresses this issue, it's not a good environment. The advice has turned toxic there, and they are hostile to Christians. However, their resource page is very good.
  4. Learn about FOG. This stands for fear, obligation and guilt. You refer to it as "programming." This is how your parents have trained you to respond and why you struggle to recognize that what your mom is doing is wrong. The term comes from the book Emotional Blackmail about having family members with a personalty disorder. I'm not diagnosing your mom, but this site has great resources on how to handle dysfunctional family dynamics.
  5. Set your expectations. Even if you wake up and fully grasp what your mother has done, don't expect her to change. The burden will be on you to recognize her bad behavior and protect your wife and family from it. Dismiss any hopes that your mom will recognize that what she did was wrong and suddenly become your wife's BFF. Your family will likely never look like a Norman Rockwell painting, but you can improve things going forward and work towards rebuilding your marriage.
  6. Understand generational differences. The gap in your ages is not a big deal in the long-run, but unfortunately, you and your wife are on different sides of a major divide. Both of you were literally born in two different worlds. Your wife was born before the internet and the Iron Curtain fell. You were born after those night-and-day changes. That affected parenting far more than we realize. Between the gap when you were born, parents transitioned from Helicopters (Xennials and older Millennials) to bulldozers. There is a stark difference in how people were raised who are over 30 and those who are under 30. In the past few years, we've noticed it more and more in the workplace. I'm 37. I have far, far more in common with someone who is 47 than someone who is 27. The 27 yo was practically raised in a different universe than me.
  7. Limit visits! Even if you had the perfect family, a 3-week invasion of your in-laws would drive any wife crazy. I absolutely adore my parents, but I would probably want to kill my mom if she visited for 3 weeks.

    FYI: you tagged this post as NSFW, so a lot of people subscribed to this sub may not see it.
u/SavvyMomsTips · 4 pointsr/Marriage

I found this book really helpful for how to give an ultimatum https://www.amazon.ca/Loving-Him-Well-Practical-Influencing/dp/0310341884/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1536540829&sr=1-1&keywords=Loving+him+well

You may also find it helpful to read the book boundaries. https://www.amazon.ca/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310243149/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1536540948&sr=1-1&keywords=Boundaries+in+marriage

You may want to start by setting a boundary that if he's going to leave dirty clothes everywhere that it's going to go in the nearest trash can. If he leaves it everywhere and you take it and wash it he has no incentive to change.

u/jaimedieuetilmaime · 4 pointsr/Christianmarriage

I’m so sorry you are in this position. I can tell you are hurting, and validly so. Your husband is not fulfilling his duty as a spouse, nor is he committing to the vows he made to you. This is clearly a problem in your marriage that he is at least part of.

However, you can not, and should not try to, control his actions. You are commanded to minister to your husband, to respect him, and submit to his authority (when it is in line with God’s commands for you, and the law of the land you’re living in). You can control your actions alone; any attempt to manipulate your husband will lead to worse issues, not fix anything.

I recommend reading Boundaries in Marriage: you need to figure out what your boundaries are, how to enforce them, and what that means for your marriage.

On another note, a lot of people have a lot of dumb things they say and ask newlyweds, especially if they don’t know you guys are struggling. Pray for grace (and more grace!!) when you encounter those comments: they might stop after years 2-3, but I doubt it.

u/ttcatexan · 4 pointsr/BabyBumps

I started Expexting Better but I'm not a numbers/data person so it came across as irritating to me. Tons of people like it and recommend it though so it's worth a shot!

My midwife recommended Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. A doula friend recommended anything by Dr. Sears.

u/SeaRegion · 4 pointsr/Christianmarriage

Agreed!

OP - if you're not comfortable talking about this in too much detail, if I could encourage you to look into our resources page in the sex section, there's lots of good stuff out there. I've read / glanced through all of these books and they are solid and can help you understand "what can go wrong" so to speak through certain fetishes and sexual behaviors (if this is the issue).

u/Tbyrd13 · 4 pointsr/Marriage

read His Needs/Her Needs . It will give you a good idea of how affairs start and you will realize that, in the journey towards an affair, they are starting at the halfway point. When your marriage has a rough patch, and it will as they all do, she will be there to offer him an ear and sympathize. It doesn't take much to imagine where that ends up. I would suggest you both read the book and discuss it, maybe even lead him to place where cutting her out becomes his idea.

u/dontplaceliterature · 4 pointsr/exjw

There are many who are in your position or have been. My wife is still an active JW (not die-hard) and she takes our child. It doesn't look at this point (3 years since I left) that she's going anywhere. Some make it out with their entire family, but they are the exception. Prepare yourself for that. It is a strong possibility that your wife will never leave.

It is a whole lot easier to get your children out (depending on their age). The younger they are, the better. Spend more time asking questions rather than "exposing the organization." Then, when they finally become curious, you can explore the answers to those questions together.

Spend as much time with your family doing things that don't include Jehovah's Witnesses. If these things "coincidentally" interfere with meetings and service, great! Get your kids involved with extra-curricular activities at school, gymnastics, boy/girl scouts, soccer, etc. The closer they become to children who are normal, the more they will begin to view Jehovah's Witnesses as restrictive and down right weird.

Do you have any nonJW family near by? Get closer to them. Any nonJW friends/associates you could get to know better? Build a new circle of friends outside of the organization NOW. Lets face it, most of us were only ever in the organization because of the relationships anyway. So, if you can find meaningful ones outside of the organization, you will be able to fall into that safety net once the shunning begins.

If you're not sure how to go about making new friends and you want to include your wife, find a hobby that you both enjoy and then go do that together. Meetup is a great way to find people who enjoy the same hobbies (board games, hiking, biking, book clubs, etc.). Find the ones you gravitate toward more and invite them out for drinks afterward or over to your house for dinner or out to coffee. It is likely that if you are attracted to them you will also be attracted to the friends in their social circle. So, sometimes you really only have to find a couple of good friends in the beginning and then let them plug you into a whole new group.

If you are in a position to do so, it might also be smart to move a good distance away from the people you know. It's hard to start in a new congregation and so your wife will be more likely to give up the organization if she doesn't fit in with her hall and if old JW friends/family aren't near by pressuring her multiple days a week. You're already going to have to find new friends to socialize with, so don't let that stop you from making this choice!

You can't stay in the organization for the sake of your wife and kids. You will end up resenting them if they don't leave and it will ruin your relationship anyway. So, I would suggest just making a plan to get out (either fade, or quit cold turkey) at some point soon and between now and then see if you can nudge your family in the same direction.

If they don't escape now, you can at least be true to yourself. While not ideal, it is possible that you could be happy in a religiously divided household. If things get tough between you and the Mrs, look into going to see a counselor. Be honest with her about how you feel, but don't be overly critical of her. Remember, you are the one that changed. Leaving a cult is extremely difficult and she has been programmed to resist you.

There is much more to say on the issue, but those are some quick thoughts before I dart off to work.

I would suggest you order a copy of this book and read it when you get time. I've interviewed Dale and he's a great guy. It'll give you lots of great tips on making a mixed marriage work.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to PM me any time.


u/g00d_day_sir · 4 pointsr/Catholicism

Evolution in nbd in the Catholic church so that's not an issue. The other two issues I'll try to address as best I can, but feel free to respond with more questions/clarifications if need be.

Confession - not sure what specifically you don't like about it so here we go

  • this has a fairly in-depth answer about why we go to confession, but it's primarily meant to be a response to Protestants' inquiries regarding confession (not sure if that's where you are coming from)

  • this is a better explanation if you're not coming to the table with a Protestant background or desires

  • Over-all I would say the reason I go to confession is because I want to be back in union with God. Through sin I separate myself from Him and through Confession I am able to gain back this union. As human beings we want to have a tangible experience of forgiveness and going to confession provides us with this opportunity. We are able to bring everything in our heart to the table and leave it there. There are also the benefits of having someone (the priest) give you feedback on what to do so you don't commit certain sins again.

    So that's what I got on Confession.

    Ok so no premarital sex is complicated to explain, but very beautiful (in my opinion) once it is fully understood - but it's definitely not a sin you could ignore and be truly Catholic

  • Your best bet if you want to understand what the Church teaches on premarital sex is to check out JPII's [Theology of the Body] (http://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/JP2TBIND.HTM). It's a fairly dense text so I would recommend this as a starter text to get some background on things. There is also this book with is essentially the same information in a Q&A format.

  • If that's a little too over-whelming this website has some decent Q&A about the topic - my one warning with that is that it's meant for teenagers for the most part and sometimes they over-simplify things or focus more on the negatives of having sex before marriage rather than the positives of waiting until marriage which I think is an unproductive approach, but what can you do...

    Hope some of that was helpful! If you are interested in the Catholic faith you can always try contacting your local parish and setting up a meeting with a priest who could talk you through any questions you might have. Best of luck!
u/asatterlund · 4 pointsr/Homebrewing

You should buy & read this http://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802

  1. You'll lose the delicate aromatics of the OB honey with the clover; maybe set it aside & use it for backsweetening.

  2. Absolutely no need to boil!!! You basically kill a lot of the honey character by boiling. Bacteria can't grow in straight honey, so there's nothing to kill, and it's not like you need the melanoidin effects or isomerization of hops.

    here's what you should do instead:

  3. sanitize carboy
  4. Put containers of honey in large tub of very hot water to make it easily pourable
  5. Pour honey into carboy
  6. Add water
  7. Mix thoroughly with a lees stirrer or other stirring device
  8. Rehydrate yeast
  9. Pitch yeast
  10. let ferment


    If you want to make it even better, aerate & add staggered nutrients. Here's something I posted about what I learned at NHC last year - http://www.homebrewtalk.com/f30/what-i-learned-nhc-183897/
u/wizardofo · 4 pointsr/mead

Pick up a copy of The Compleat Meadmaker

u/bailtail · 4 pointsr/mead

>How do you get your ingredients and what’s the most important part about them?

I look to source ingredients locally, when possible. Farmer's market, local co-op, etc. Specialty ingredients such as certain honey varietals that are regionally specific (tupelo, meadowfoam, mesquite, orange blossom, etc.) are typically ordered online after reading a fair number of reviews to get a sense of what I'm buying. Penzey's (online) is my go-to for spices. Quality is far-and-away the top priority when sourcing ingredients. It shows in the final product. Compromise in this area will cap the quality of your final product.

>What was the most helpful source of information at the beginning?

Honestly, the r/mead wiki is pretty damn helpful. I also recommend The Compleat Meadmaker and The Complete Guide to Making Mead. These are the two that got me started, and they are both quality publications.

>What equipment do you have/ how long have you used it?

Oh god. I just moved and realized how much equipment I actually have. It's...probably excessive.

2 x 5-gal primary buckets
2 x 2-gal primary buckets
1 x bottling bucket
8 x 1-gal glass jugs/carboys
5 x 3-gal glass carboys
2 x 5-gal better bottles
1 x 6.5-gal better bottle
1 x 6.5-gal glass carboy
Requisite number of air locks, bungs, stoppers, etc.
Hydrometer
Refractometer
Auto-siphon
Silicone tubing (replaced all vinyl tubing)
Handheld bottle capper (for crown caps)
Portuguese floor corker
Bottle tree
*Buon Vino mini-jet filtration system

I'm sure there more that I'm forgetting, but this gives the general sense.

u/DeviousDaffodil · 4 pointsr/aspergers

David Finch was diagnosed as an adult. He wrote a novel about his relationship with his wife and while it's a limited topic it's still a good novel. link

u/soincrediblylost · 4 pointsr/relationships

Leave now. It's over. Unrepairable without significant change by both you and her, and still will leave you feeling like you were betrayed in the worst possible way. I know you still love her right now, but there are still a few things that you need to get through:

  1. They already fucked around. Talking fantasies openly, or emotionally charged = they fucked around. Which also means that she literally has a dopamine rush with this man in so many ways that would take a while to write out. Just know that her brain is rewarding her for seeing him, and it's an extreme uphill battle.

  2. You don't have to tell her that you snooped, especially since it's fucked up. She argued pretty hard against the smallest amount of snooping, so that's a pretty good clue that she is guilty anyways. Don't tell her anything, just leave. You don't owe the person who fucked you over anything, not even an explanation. However, you need to divorce, so maybe you should be more active in trying to attain evidence so you can avoid her trying to get anything that's yours. She is going to flip shit if she finds out she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar and is going to make you out as the bad guy. She will probably hit you and tell you everything that you are insecure about and tell you horrible, horrible things. Her brain is going to be out to piss you off and hurt you. Don't listen to her. You are not the one fucking someone else in the most cowardly way. You are not the bad guy. She is the bad guy, and she won't be able to accept that fact, nor will she ever acknowledge it.

  3. Do not try to get her to acknowledge that she was wrong, she never will. It is wasted energy. Just walk away.

  4. You are really worried about this woman leaving you, even though she is fucking you over and your generosity to this man. Think about that. I don't know you and I wouldn't even do that, and this is someone who supposedly vowed to put your life as a priority above all else. That is not a good person. That is not a person you should be with. Unfortunately for humans, we bond with those who we invest in, even when we invest in shitty people. You still feel pulled to this girl, so the first step is to stop thinking about her and stop doing things for her, and stop thinking that you didn't do enough for her.

  5. You sound like you have a lot to unlearn. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", "Married Man Sex Life Primer, and "Time Warrior". These should be good about changing your mindsets about a lot of things. But most importantly, they will help you deal with your insecurity and feelings of unworthiness which is your biggest obstacle right now.

    YOU GOT THIS!!


    -----------

    This is the advice I keep posting. It's had great results for males, maybe I'll make it a post to help out others. Anyways, here it is.

    Lose the shock value of imagining her having sex by thinking about it over and over, because it's already happened and it's going to help you get over her. Do this while exercising and running. Every time you start to think about it, go run or exercise. Do not contact her. Cut off all forms of her checking on you. You can still think about her, but only as motivation for pissing you off and exercising and getting better. When you are depressed instead of pissed off, find great friends and tell them not to bring up anything about the relationship. Don't drink, keep your energy levels high with sleep, and don't be alone (unless you are exercising). And don't you dare fucking contact her.

    (ONE MONTH LATER) Spend some time alone thinking about who you want to become. What are your dreams son? What would you die for. Become the man you were destined to become. You are the only one responsible for your happiness, start acting like it. No more sacrifices for anyone. Time for you to be completely selfish. Fuck'em all is the motto. Work on your dreams, and don't let anyone get in the way. Start documenting this so you can refer to how much of a badass you were (will be great motivation for later in your life).

    (TWO MONTHS AFTER BREAKUP) The sting has lost its burn, but you still hate her. You are in a lot better shape, and have some great projects going on, and great friendships. You should stop thinking about her entirely. Get a rubberband, and snap it everytime you think about her, and then immediately shift your thoughts to something detail oriented that you love to do. Slowly you'll break the habit of thinking of her (maybe even a whole day without one thought of her!). Learn that she changed completely, the person you dated has essentially died. Don't resent your relationship, just mourn the loss of who that person used to be. The new person she is should be un-interesting to you. She's not nearly as good as you are at the things that matter (because you're working on your dreams, and you're getting better at them and found out that you are good at them). One more thing that makes your ex less interesting for your brain to think about.

    Also, now that you are in better shape, go get a rebound girl. Liberate yourself sexually from your ex. The first time will feel forced or sad or awkward. Keep going. Do it ten more times, and one of those girls will be a legitimate connection. The sex will be mindblowingly better than with your ex. Another thing that your ex is less interesting in, so your brain stops thinking about her. You are well on your way to being completely over her.

    This process is called:

    Man the fuck up

    Don't avoid any of the steps, they are all required eventually. This process is the only proven way for a man to be truly happy and respect himself. If you need help, just send a message, but I'll warn you now that I'm going to be brutally honest.

u/helixwish · 4 pointsr/aspergers

There's a sweet book called The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch which I recommend. It's more of a memoir than an advice book. I'm a women with aspergers married to an NT man, and some of the things that Finch talks about are more relevant to a man with aspergers, but I still found Finch's insights helpful. He talks about some of the things already mentioned here such as taking notes to remember what to do and why. I do this with my husband, e.g. "always greet him at the door (even if you're doing something interesting!) when he gets home from work because it makes him feel appreciated and welcomed", or "do NOT talk for a whole hour about Chinese soldiers in American refugee camps in the Korean War because he doesn't care and finds it difficult to be polite after the 5-10 minutes mark (imagine if he talked for an hour about Matt at Work and his Funny Anecdotes)".

In the first few years of our marriage, before I was diagnosed, my husband and I used to fight constantly about my social failings. It took a long time for him to come to terms with the idea that there are some things I just can't help: I'm never going to enjoy smalltalking in my second language with his parents (let alone my first language), I'm never going to be "normal" on the subway (I stim a lot in public; this embarrasses him), I'm never going to be able to go to a restaurant with his friends... and then go to a bar... and then go to karaoke... and then to another bar. But marriage is compromise. Instead of ambushing me with a phone call, he reminds me to text his parents once in a while. We take cabs or meet at places after work instead of riding the subway together. I'll go to the restaurant, and maybe the first bar, but I'll go home alone when it gets too much.

It requires a lot of self-insight... but since I'm naturally quite self-absorbed, that actually isn't a tall order. I've managed to structure my entire day around routines and lists. I just add the should-be-obvious relationship things to the list. I have a "Marriage Project" in my Todoist app that reminds me to do things like: compliment my husband on something (this can be rocky; I sometimes choose weird compliments, but hey, he finds some of my choices hilarious), ask him about his day, write down the names of his coworkers so I know wtf he's talking about when he tells me about his day, pick a movie he likes, buy a birthday card, etc.

I get that to some NTs it might seem, hmm, robotic? to have to set reminders to kiss my husband when he gets home from work. But it doesn't mean I love him less because I can't do it automatically. The fact that I went through the effort of developing and following through on the list requires more devotion and love than just doing it out of habit, surely?

u/Reptilesblade · 4 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Holy crap that's a real book!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005HZ6FH0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Oh I'm going to be buying that soon! Could come in handy for whenever I have to actually come out to my super ultra conservative religious family.

u/RStonePT · 4 pointsr/TheRedPill

First penned here

Then refined

Dread

Dread

What dread are you referring to?

> Just divorce the woman and move on if that’s what you want. There’s no need to make her dread you leaving in that case, lol. Just do it.

Dont' let the word fool you, it was an edgy word that got guys interested in 'forbidden knowledge' and not to be taken literally. Divorce your wife when you're not prepared and you'll have the same issues with the next woman. Dread isnn't about making your wife DO ANYTHING, you cannot manipulate people that way.

It's about making you a high value man with options who can then cull the useless from his life, holding an olive branch out of the wife gets her shit together. It's a methodical branch swing, but with an olive branch. I'd look forward to reading about your alternate form of dread that has nothing to do with the above, I'm always up to learn

u/knumbknuts · 3 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

It's never too late to learn boundaries, OP

u/PrestigeWombat · 3 pointsr/TFABGrads

For actual pregnancy, I loved the American college of obstetrics and gynecology's book and I know a lot of people loved the mayo clinic book.


Planning for Pregnancy, Birth And Beyond: Second Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525941401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_PLZHAbPZ6V85C


Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy: From Doctors Who Are Parents, Too! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1561487171/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tMZHAbRTF0RMQ


I also read what to expect when your expecting but it was a lot of the same info in my apps, except the actual birth and labor part. There was some helpful stuff in there!


For laboring I read Ina May's guide to Childbirth and I LOVED it. I feel SO prepared after reading it!


Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_VNZHAbQ7T2S9D


I tried to read

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452276594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_HOZHAbRC89D39


But I couldn't take it seriously!


And for breastfeeding I read


The American Academy of Pediatrics New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding (Revised Edition): Completely Revised and Updated Third Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399181989/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_9PZHAbSMPXVX9


And for baby feeding and sleeping I read


On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_JQZHAbS5P7824

u/sseven · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

WONDERFUL IDEA! I'm going to follow suit and do this too. If you've read any of Ina May's stuff (here and here), you'd probably jive with her way of referring to "contractions." She calls them "rushes." Which helps to disassociate yourself from all of the painful baggage that has been attached to the word.

u/LucyLegBeard · 3 pointsr/Mommit

I much prefer Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. But why not both :)

u/Lupicia · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I bought a ton, and I keep going back to the Mayo Clinic book. While it has the mostly same information, I found that The Mother of All Pregnancy Books was a little less well organized.

I thought I wouldn't like it because it was un-cited fluff, but I was pleasantly surprised by the candor of the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. Having the two types of books back-to-back felt reassuring.

Finally, I just bought Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and I'm really liking her approach. The first section is all natural birth stories (to counteract some of the horror stories that may be more salient in our minds) and the second section is all about the physical process of labor with her (surprisingly well-researched) tips and philosophies on how natural labor actually works. If you're low-risk and have the attitude that childbirth is a natural function (which needs obstetrical care only in extreme or unusual cases), this book is an amazing guide to labor.

u/bratling · 3 pointsr/Parenting

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

This book was hugely helpful to me (as a husband/expectant father). It helped me to understand pregnancy and childbirth as natural, positive processes, rather than as a terrifying unknown filled with emergency rooms and Machines That Go Bing!

It's also really easy to read. Informative, but not academic or preachy.

(Since then, she's added Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. I haven't read this one but if it's anywhere near the caliber of the other, it will be excellent.)

You're in for a wild and wonderful ride. Enjoy!

u/DrKittens · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I wanted to echo what jrjunior said....I would first look for any midwife practices that have hospital privileges. I am planning on birthing at a birth center, but in case anything happens where I need to be transferred to the hospital, my midwife is still "in charge" of the birth at the hospital (unless I needed a c-section).

Also, great idea to get a doula...they are your advocate to make sure your wishes are met as much as possible given the circumstances.

One last thing- it sounds like you have already done some research, but I cannot recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth more...especially to someone already invested in exploring natural childbirth. It changed my life!

u/morganhtx · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I was petrified too, but hiring a doula and reading positive birth stories really changed my attitude. The birth of your son can really be one of the best experiences of your life! It was by far the most amazing experience for me. I suggest reading Ina May’s Book. The first part of the book has tons of natural birth stories. I didn’t have nor want an unmedicated birth, but I found this super encouraging. It’s ok to be anxious and nervous, but fear and adrenaline are not your friend during birth.

u/AshLegend · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

The way that birth is portrayed in our society can be frightening. We're inundated by images and horror stories from a young age. However, birth can also be a beautiful and positive experience. I had no morning sickness and no pregnancy complications at all. My son was born after a brief labor in a warm, relaxing birthing tub. I used a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. We had no complications and I went home six hours after the birth and slept in my own bed.

A vaginal birth is safer for you and baby and a much faster recovery time. It is very rare for a woman to have issues because of her size unless there are other medical issues at play - such as gestational diabetes. Women at my local birth center routinely have 10lb+ babies vaginally with no issues or interventions. There are a few great resources out there that portray birth in a different light. [Ina May's Guide To Childbirth] (http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156) would be a good starting point.

u/pregtastic · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I highly recommend reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.

I found it very useful it giving a wide range of birth stories and going into depth in various topics that neither gloss over the risks, nor leave the reader needlessly fearful. (For what it's worth, the book also talks about things like shoulder dystocia which this lady talks about in the article about how much she hated her home birth--the book explains what it is, positions you can get into to alleviate the problem, and the associated risks.)

I think the best we can do is to get as much information as we can, make the decision based on our knowledge, and then trust our decision when we feel swayed by emotions like fear.

I also think it's important to be flexible and not go into it with too many expectations on what the experience is going to be. That way if you need to do a transfer, it's Plan B, not a "failure".

And now for my biased opinion: I think that hospitals and doctors are trained extremely well to take care of maladies. I don't view my birth as a malady, so until it becomes one, I don't want to be "treated" for it. Watching The Business of Being Born (on Netflix) really goes into depth on the culture and practices of birth in the United States, and how it compares to other countries, and although some might say it's biased toward home birth, I think it's worth watching to know some of the pitfalls of relying on hospitals as your only source of information, even if you do decide to go that route.

Good luck on your decision making and I hope you have a wonderful birth!!

u/knottymommy · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has lots of good information on different options and beautiful birth stories.

The Birth Partner has a lot of really good information and comfort measures you can use during labour.

Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding I wish this man could be cloned. There is a DVD too, but you can find all the same videos on his website. His website was a huge factor in me breastfeeding my first, because I was able to determine when I was getting bad information...and I got a lot of it.

u/tunabuttons · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

Another vote for both of the Emily Oster books, and the best practical book I've read is Heading Home with Your Newborn. Also this one's not a pregnancy book but I would strongly recommend How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen if you're at all scared of the toddler through kinder stage. It's an entertaining read that aligns well with developmental psychology and has all these really funny real life examples of using the strategies from the book.

If I had to only pick a handful, I'd pick those.

I also liked the Ina May book which people will recommend a lot, but keep in mind it really is exclusively about childbirth and it's a bit crunchier than the average (though this pertains to the birth stories included more than Ina May's actual writing IMO). There's a good interview with her on the Longest Shortest Time podcast that addresses some of the things I felt the book could have benefited from stating outright to avoid sounding a little preachy at times.

If you're looking for like a detailed read that starts with absolute basics that would be especially good for anyone who hasn't researched much on pregnancy before, I would recommend Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide. It's as thick as a textbook but it doesn't read like one. They have a page in most sections directly speaking to partners as well, which is neat.

u/sweetlime13 · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

My midwife recommended The Birth Partner to my husband - she said it's amazing and she recommends it to every birth partner that walks into her office.


There's also The Bradley Method - which is husband-coached childbirth. I've heard good things, but my husband wasn't too into this method since he thinks he might crack.

I'm reading HypnoBirthing now and relaying everything I learn to him. I'm going to pick up The Birth Partner for him from my midwife's lending library for him to read and we're also going to start watching HypnoBirthing classes on YouTube - I'm really hoping that'll be good for us.

u/MedianNerd · 3 pointsr/Christianmarriage

Have you tried reading anything about it? Has she? Does she see this as a problem, or is she fine with the status quo?

This book is a pretty comprehensive guidebook for sex and how to begin a sexual journey with your spouse.

u/dorky2 · 3 pointsr/Christianity

It sounds like both of you have a lot of shame surrounding your sexuality. You need to let it go. Guilt is a helpful feeling; our guilt helps us recognize when we've done something wrong, and bugs us until we've made it right, or done our best to do so. Then we should stop feeling guilty. Shame, on the other hand, is just an ugly little voice that tells us we're not good enough as we are, that our humanity is dirty and bad and that we have no right to be who we are. God doesn't want us to be ashamed, He wants us to recognize when we've done wrong, repent and forgive ourselves as He forgives us. There are a great number of books out there that might help you; here's an example. You and your wife have all of your years ahead of you to work together on this issue, and it can be resolved but you have to set aside your feelings of shame.

u/sysiphean · 3 pointsr/Christianity

> I think she feels guilt over doing anything sexual

This is one of the most damaging parts of the Purity Movement. It (mostly unintentionally, I hope) tends to ascribe all sexual thoughts and feelings as Dirty, and leaves people full of shame and guilt over natural human feelings.

The worst part: Getting married will not change this feeling of guilt. It has to be dealt with, confronted, changed. Maybe seeing a pastor will help, but many of them will just want to reinforce the "You're not married yet, stay pure" vibe, and virtually none will want to get into actual issues of sexuality and shame.

A psychologist should be the better support person, but they unfortunately don't have the spiritual authority (in the mind of the shamed) to pardon the religious side of the shame.

It took my wife over a decade of intentional work to get past it. Sometimes it still crops up. I fight it some, too, but because I rejected everything related to Christianity for a time before coming back, I was always more ready to throw out the "from people" issues of religion when they were harmful.

What you can do:

  • Start reading books on married sexuality now. I'd start here and here and here. I've heard this one may be decent for her, but can't speak to it personally.
  • Start talking through what sex will look like when you are married at the end of the year. If this doesn't get awkward and, uh, warming, you are not doing it right.
  • Ask her how she thinks the guilt feelings will change after the ceremony. Talk through how to start to confront the feelings now so that your wedding night is the bliss she probably imagines. Ask what you can do to facilitate that, and be prepared to do things that are difficult for you.
  • Be prepared for it to take a while. It's ok if it does. Remind yourself that physical intimacy is just one layer of this relationship, and that the others matter. And know that making the other layers of intimacy stronger will help with the physical intimacy.
u/invisbilesamson · 3 pointsr/sex

I don't know what your religious preferences are, but I'd suggest this book. I propose that one because it's really conservative. Otherwise, this one is a bit more all encompassing.

Either way, both books approach sex in a healthy way and can answer a lot of questions. They can introduce her to new ideas and give her a chance to explore the topics on her own.

Porn isn't for even one, and if she really doesn't like the idea, then continued encouragement might start to seem like pressure. I'd suggest stepping back and exploring some sex education books like the ones above. That way you can evaluate your sexual expression as a whole rather than just look for new positions or techniques to try.

u/ThidwickTBHM · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

It's not a "if I do X then she'll have to do Y" situation. He probably sees that you value these things so he does them for you. He brings those things to the table for you, and they make you feel loved. To use this guy's metaphor: your husband is putting deposits into your bank of affection.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage is the book.

What do you do to fill his bank up? What does he value? Here's a pdf questionnaire.

Something to think about, anyway. It's a pretty good book.

u/solarsavior · 3 pointsr/istp

Pick me! Pick me! I'm INTJ and have an ISTP wife. We've been married for 7 years. We generally get along GREAT. It is very cerebral at times. Occasionally getting on each other's nerves. The great thing about my wife is that she has "short term memory". Though she may get cross with me she's right as rain in the morning.

The single best advice I can give you is to read this book. https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800719387

I learned of it when having trouble with my first wife. The book was so damn good.

Here is the website. http://www.marriagebuilders.com

Don't focus on the MBTI stuff.

Though my ISTP wife has trouble expressing her feelings, it's great that there are ZERO games. She's direct. My intuition often makes me more "feeling". I know she cares deeply for me, but has trouble expressing it. Don't be too put off by that. Look at her actions. These are action people when it comes to feelings.

u/jobeavs · 3 pointsr/TrueChristian

Going off of this, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by the same author is fantastic. Even during marriage, it helps you and your spouse communicate and flourish in the gritty, unspectacular, day-to-day business of marriage.

u/ErrantThought · 3 pointsr/agnostic

A good resource is Dale McGowan’s In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families. The author is an atheist married to a Christian. To prepare for the book, he interviewed many couples in religiously mixed relationships. The book has lots of good advice and suggestions on how to make things work with your spouse, your kids, and all those “helpful” people who are trying to push their noses into your business.

u/osogummybear · 3 pointsr/exmormon

Request a 30 day armistice and buy her Dale McGowan's 'In Faith and in Doubt

u/davidjricardo · 3 pointsr/Christianity

I'm not sure that a video is going to be the best medium to address her concerns. A book or audio recording would probably be better.

For a book, I've heard good things about Sheet Music

For audio, I'd recommend the Free Sex Podcast. They have an episode specifically devoted to honeymoon sex.

Both deal with sex within marriage from a Christian perspective.

u/riskmgmt · 3 pointsr/Christianity

my wife and I read a book called Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman, which helped us process through some of how we were raised, as well as some of our past struggles. I may be worth reading through with your fiancee.

In the book, he recommends only like the first 4 chapters for engaged couples, and keeping the rest for after you are married, and I agree with him.

u/Eajuhnke · 3 pointsr/CatholicWomen

It is absolutely my pleasure and prayer! You ask awesome questions. And I have some resources for you this time. Let’s start with studying what a “good Catholic marriage” looks like:

On TOB - Theology of the Body – One of the most famous teachings of the church. At a fundamental level, we are called to respect our bodies and others’ bodies and live in God’s divine image.
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/the-theology-of-the-body-according-to-pope-john-paul-ii/

On LOVE – we are called to love like God loves / love in God’s divine image (to the best of our abilities), NOT love how we think we should love.
http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/love-and-sexuality/index.cfm
https://www.dominicanajournal.org/the-four-loves/
http://www.catholiclane.com/fruitful-love-symbolizes-gods-inner-life-says-pope-francis-amoris-laetitia/
https://mycatholic.life/the-my-catholic-life-series/my-catholic-morals/chapter-6-chastity-purity-affection-and-marital-love/
This book was recommended to me the day I asked some similar questions as you: https://www.amazon.com/Good-News-About-Marriage-Revised/dp/0867166193 and it answered more questions than I had.

On VOCATION – we are called to give ourselves to God (in one way or another)
https://www.osv.com/thechurch/humandignityandsexuality/article/tabid/658/artmid/13696/articleid/4394/theology-of-the-body-making-a-gift-of-self.aspx
http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/vocations/priesthood/ten-frequently-asked-questions-about-the-reservation-of-priestly-ordination-to-men.cfm

In terms of what holy matrimony isn’t, I encourage you to find the nearest priest and grill him in more detail on this! It’s best to have a conversation and they will do much better explaining than me. I grill them all the time. To your question, it would be really awesome that they are raising a child that would not otherwise be brought up in a loving and safe home. The issue is, again, what’s going on in the bedroom. The guidance is the exact same for my relationship and I run into the exact same temptation and sins in my marriage. I go to confession regularly when I’m not getting things quite right, but why don’t I get judged for the exact same sins? On the outside, my marriage looks great and normal. Right? Again, not acceptable by our standards. This goes back to the good ol Catholic teaching: you should not be judging anyone!!! Matthew 7:1-5. We are all sinners. We all have equal dignity.

On INFERTILITY – I believe there is no purposeful act of withholding oneself. "The male and female bodies are made to be able to procreate together. When infertility is apparent, the challenge is to diagnose and address problems so these bodies can function as they should—and there is no moral problem in doing this, any more than there is in other medical treatments to restore health." (Life Giving Love in an Age of Technology)
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/natural-family-planning/resources/infertility.cfm
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/reproductive-technology/begotten-not-made-a-catholic-view-of-reproductive-technology.cfm
Give those a read!

u/somethingtoforget · 3 pointsr/mead

Strawberry flavor does not transfer well to mead without large amounts. As others have said, you will want to rack once the strawberries are white. Generally, for a weak flavor like strawberries, the fruit is added closer to bottling so that you don't lose the flavor to time.
I'd suggest picking up this book. It's a quick and easy read.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802/ref=cm_lmf_img_3

u/bubbaderp · 3 pointsr/Homebrewing

If your looking to get into mead Definately look into reading Ken Schramms The Complete mead maker http://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318922141&sr=8-1

the standard ratio for a medium mead is 3 pounds per gallon. A quart is about 6 pounds. In honey your looking for as little processing as possible eg dark is better. Be carefull about varietals as some can get pretty dark flavored eg buckwheat. Clover or orange blossom are good starts.

u/nothing_clever · 3 pointsr/Homebrewing

It's approximately 2-3 pounds of honey to a gallon of water, or a 5 gallon batch is 10-15. For a 5 gallon batch, the rule of thumb I heard is every pound of honey adds approximately 1% ABV. Example: a one gallon batch with 2 lbs honey is equivalent to a 5 gallon batch with 10 lbs of honey, or a mead at 10%. But this doesn't account for if you want it to be sweet.

Also: 1 gallon of honey weighs approximately 12 pounds. So a 5 gallon batch of mead using 12 pounds of honey comes out to 1 gallon of honey and 4 gallons of water.

Every time your honey gets processed (Def'n processed: heated above 160'F), you lose the honey flavor. It's up to you to decide your final priorities, but to be perfectly frank, I'm cheap and use cheap, over processed honey. I make up for this by picking tasty recipes (JAO, or Orange vanilla cinnamon metheglin which is easily my favorite so far.) The honey I use is Sue Bee, 6 lbs for ~$11 at Save Mart ($1.83 /lb, the cheapest I've seen.)

The flavor of the honey to use depends a lot on the recipe. Some call for a specific honey.

There are a lot of people on here (/r/homebrewing) that insist that sanitizing your honey/water by boiling them is unnecessary. If/when I'm in a hurry (a bad idea), the most I do is sanitize whatever ingredients are going in. Quick trick that I've been meaning to try is to soak whatever it is in as little vodka as possible.

If you happen to live in the Bay Area, there's this excellent honey they sell at Save-Mart (might be sold elsewhere in the country, I've never been able to figure that out.) The honey is something like "Raw mountain" something. I don't have any handy. It comes in a 5 pound can, with a large yellow sticker across the front. Usually about $15, but I've seen it on sale for $12.

Yeast: Depends on what you want, really. Champagne yeast will go up to 18%, some say 20 if you push it. If you want it sweet, you'll either need a weaker yeast or some way to kill the yeast. I've only ever used champagne yeast (EC-1118, will eat anything), but then, I don't have a very delicate touch.

This book is definitely recommended.

And really, come see us in /r/mead. It's a lonely subreddit. The last post was 4 days ago. And feel free to ask questions.

One thing I've learned about mead: there are a few dozen categories of mead. Almost every culture has invented their own. Just figure out what you like. And experiment. Experimentation is the best, especially when you end up with some mead.

u/Boris_Da_Blade · 3 pointsr/mead

http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

Start there if you look to make future batches. Also, I wouldn't have used distilled water. Spring water is better. Yeast needs vitamins and minerals. I would also use better yeast in the future. Lalvin D47 is a good mead yeast. I'd replace your baloon with an airlock. They are really cheap. http://www.amazon.com/Piece-Plastic-Airlock-Sold-sets/dp/B000E60G2W

I'd keep what you have out of direct sunlight (so in a closet or throw a blanket over it) and I'd keep it at 70 degrees F.

u/I_Got_2_Pickles · 3 pointsr/TheCreatures
u/Decembermouse · 3 pointsr/mead

I've read a number of books about mead. This one is so far the best.

u/kerbythepurplecow · 3 pointsr/Homebrewing

I made this exact recipe back in October 2010. Eventually I took a bit out and bottled it with various spices. I now have only a few precious ounces left, but it is more delicious than I can possibly describe.

Mead is quite forgiving and not (often) prone to infection. It just needs lots of patience. Even a crappy mead made through a simple method (ala this recipe) can produce amazing results given time.

I can only imagine what properly prepared batches will taste like as mine are all aging far in the back of a cupboard and I'm trying to forget they're there.

If you're interested in learning about mead making in greater depth, there's always The Compleat Meadmaker and don't forget the fine folks over at r/mead.

u/Aechzen · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

> https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Can you give a quick synopsis of the book, and what you found valuable?

u/tonguexp · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I am all about tools. While i do not believe this all on yoyr husband, the below book will give him tools and you insights on how high function asp operate.


I will add the authors wife could be a good resource to you.


Be wary to your nature as well. Dominance, selfishness, narrcicsm and other manipulative traits result from relating to kindness and equality. You may not be seeking control, but you likely have it and why you do not trust him. I have found some unexpected dynamics that i can use as tools that emulate confidences. And still working in it.


Good luck....


https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

u/RedPill-BlackLotus · 3 pointsr/Marriage

>My wife and I have been married for 16 years.This April my wife told me she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore and all intimacy has stopped. I didn't know how to take this as I am in good shape, better than when we met. I have my hair still, I haven't lost my sense of humor, I still work hard make good money and take care of our kids. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, blow money, or abuse of any kind. I have tried making life really special for her for the last six months with lots of dates, trips, gifts, compliments, surprises, back scratches(all normal activities for us but i increased the frequency)...etc you name it. None of this seems to be working to help restore her attraction.

None of that creates any sexual desire or attraction, it only provides comfort.

Look, you are doing EVERYTHING the world tells you to do and none of it is working. You are the picture perfect husband, the world says they are attractive and their wives want them but here we are. She dosent and it's getting worse. She wants you even less.

>Here is what I want to know. Has anyone else gone through this and come out with a better marriage, either with therapy or without? I especially want to hear from the wives

This is a problem. You don't ask fish how to catch a fish. You want the wives to answer? How about you ask a man who has turned something like this around.

>reading this so I can better understand. And the second part is, what can I do?

stop trying. You come across as needy and sexually thirsty. It's very unattractive.

>I am in love with this woman and have been since the first day I met her

And yet she cares so little for you a task that takes less than 30 min, is important to You, and feels good is out of the question.

>and although she tells me she loves me too, this cannot continue like this

That's because she dosent love you. Love is when a person's interest and desires match their partners. If she loved you and desired you she would be fucking your brains out. Her desire is to stay married because she wants to maintain her lifestyle

>Any advice or experience please! I can answer any questions as well.

Yes read this book. You might hate some of the stuff in it. It will explain why your wife lost her desire and attraction to you and how it's your fault. The good news is you fucked yourself that means you can unfuck yourself.

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Linked this like 5 times today. This is a very common problem. I have been on both sides of a deadbedroom.

u/TheGreasyPole · 3 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I've got something that hardly anyone ever reads, but it way shorter than a book...

It's a bit dry... But if you want to know what science has discovered about male/female attraction (and know how to use google scholar to follow up areas of specific interest from the citations it uses) it's a great starting resource as it's the meta-analysis of the field.

Evolution of Human Mate Choice

OTOH, if you actually want a book. The best resource I ever found about female sexuality attraction (focussing on the long term) was

Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

u/Jennynot · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I know where you're coming from here. I'm HL, (my guys is maybe he's LL-ML perhaps actually) but we haven't been intimate in god I don't know.. months? maybe over a year at this point. And that's typical... months if not years between attempts. Some weird pattern of complacency. Like... it's not going to get better if you never try but what you going to do.

Something broke somewhere and we haven't been abel to fix it. It was my first 'proper' relationship and his second, so that has a real big part to play in it too I think. And I've certainly tried to fix it - I lost weight, found loads of stuff online, books from here etc Sadly he found the books 'crass' so that wasn't helpful - but - I've collected loads of tips and guides and things to try and figure out how to fix things. HAsn't helped though... there is a gear to this and we've definitely both fallen out of it. We'd periodically talk about it - I'd always initiate these and he'd say that he agreed completely, that "things would change" and then nothing ever does of course.

And I say similar to you because he spends all his free time with a headset playing games (he's literally sitting next to me right now doing this), chatting to other people... awake till 4am online and mouthing me a "goodnight" while shooting some guy on Rust while I go to bed alone. I am pretty certain he 'takes care of himself' after I've goner to bed too... and really that sort of does its own damage. Not gonna lie, I do the same thing myself now... and that's the weird pattern we've fallen into. We're affectionate and caring don't get me wrong, but there's a giant black hole where physical intimacy should be and that is so so damaging. It's like our relationship is quietly eroding from the core and no amount of hugs will fix that >_>

Our issues likely like in several places - but one of them is the mismatch between how you get in the mood and how he does. Like you I prefer some sort of build up - it would be nice if we spent time doing something together for example - and like your guy, my guy just sort of occasionally jumps on me all guns blazing and expects instant reciprocation. And by instant I mean if I don't want him inside me after 2 minutes of a back massage "I don't find him attractive" which isn't true but he's 28 now - and teaching him foreplay is a legitimate thing is proving surprisingly difficult. I guess that's both the cause of and the result of 5 years of nothing and porn ironically (like I said, we were both new to this whole Relationship thing when we started). Deadly spiral, don't do that.

Anyway... gosh intimate ranting, the worst kind of ranting... sorry!

So, told, my guy does tech - right. He plays all hours, he spends more time chatting with online people than me, more time with them than me by a long long margin. I get it... and I imagine it's a replacement pure and simple. A distraction. And, like you, I've had enough, too. So... we have a choice here. We have identified we are unhappy - that's step one, and it's important. And very very likely we're not alone - our partners are also not happy. So we have two, well actually three options.

  • fix it
  • don't fix it, continue as before
  • leave

    Having established you're in the "fix it" camp you really need to talk to him. Honestly and completely about what you just told us. Because sure you may have had these conversations before but that didn't change anything so you need to have another. And it needs to do something different, because last time didn't work.

    In my case I had the latest one of these about a week ago. I laid out everything (again) and he quietly agreed with everything (again). Key thing. Realism.

    In one way or other I said this: "look we need to fix this because we're both unhappy and I don't want my future to be like this. I can't imagine a future like this". He agreed (he felt the same too.) "nothing we tried before has worked" he also agreed. He said he was afraid of trying and failing - because failing would mean it couldn't be fixed and that scared him. Part of the inactivity and complacency was actually procrastination. The outcome: we need to go to a councillor. All the reddit archer advice and internet help and chats have done not one thing. I don't know where to go from here, I just don't - so we need to run this by somebody who does. He did actually agree to doing this in the new year. I'm not entirely convinced - like the promised dates and time spent together it's likely to be forgotten I should think. But it's worth trying.

    Time is a precious thing. It's a finite thing. You either spend time fixing it or you call it quits and find somebody who makes you happy. Ideally you fix things, of course, and marriage counsellors exist for a reason. But it's worth looking at it like that - and mentioning to him that things are this serious - because they really are. Something fixable now might not be fixable couple of years down the line. Take if from somebody 6 years down the line more time does not solve anything (only perpetuates it) - but only actions will change things.

    Two books I found helpful you may also find useful.

    Come as You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life - I am reading this atm, though this sub I think - and it's really really interesting. From what you've said I think you would find it really insightful too and highly recommend it.

    The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - this might be useful for you too - you can find summaries online that tell you the basics though. This is such an important thing - and might be a useful way into the deeper conversation you need to have.

    EDIT

    You mentioned feeling resentment about rejection and I totally see that. Rejection cuts both ways - and does its own sort of damage. Time only deepens those wounds, so be careful of that. What this boils down to though is that you both need to be putting 100% into fixing things. This isn't some "you need to do this so he will do that" stuff. That just causes resentment - you feel you've been hurt and are still expecting to put your heart on the line again - and I imagine that's how he feels too. This is your relationship which is the combination of you both. You can't fix it with imbalance - imbalance is what broke it. You need to get off the ride (communicate openly) and restart it (councillor for example) and both go back into it together. Spend time together (for your side of things) and intimate time (for his side of things). even if it doesn't end... completely... if you see what I mean - sometimes these things need ramping up and the intimacy you both need should be built gradually. I'm almost looking at it as trying to see it as a new relationship - because those are the sort of things you're rebuilding.



u/diversionmary · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Have you read Married Man's Sex Life Primer, How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You, 5 Love Languages and The Sex Starved Marriage ?

I have no idea how to convey the terror that is being in a sexless marriage. I question everything about myself and my life. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. If you had a magic button to push, I would GLADLY give you the contents of my bank accounts & 401k.

If you don't have any experience with this, I can't imagine that your advice will be that practical. My wife stiffens if I touch her. Do you understand?

Poor sexual rapport would be something that I'd like to attain, I'd liken our situation to ABYSMAL sexual rapport. Literally, she will speak to her mother our our daughter in a nicer tone of voice, or will hug & kiss them without a care the way I wish she'd do for me.

u/trueanalytic · 3 pointsr/confession

The married man's sex life primer by Athol Kay. Buy it. Read it. Live it.

Also, r/deadbedrooms

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1460981731?pc_redir=1406627557&robot_redir=1

u/refrigagator · 3 pointsr/ADHD

I've recommended this a few times in this sub but I really think every couple with one adhd partner should read [this book] (https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1499966978&sr=8-1) It hit the nail on the head for my wife and I. Helped me realize how I was making her crazy and my role in our problems, and helped her understand her role.

u/piscessa2 · 3 pointsr/ADHD

Try this book - you should both read it. It's a bit scary how on point some of it is.

Written by a psychologist (I think) with an ADHD husband.

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_lgXYDb70D2SBZ

Good luck!

u/darthmetu · 3 pointsr/ADHD

Oh man, been there. Well, I am there, although maybe a little beyond where you are right now. You already know a lot of what needs to be done, but I wanted to point you to a book I am currently reading: "The ADHD Effect on Marriage". I'm only a partway into it but everything she has written in that book is spot on in my relationship. It's written for both the ADHD and non-ADHD partners as well, so it might help both of you.

u/indigofireflies · 3 pointsr/ADHD

I can't speak for your side, medication issues, etc. but my husband has ADHD that was undiagnosed until about 8 months ago. So, I'll try to explain how your wife feels and what's worked for us.

When you're with someone with ADHD it can be extremely frustrating, which you seem to get. It's frustrating to have to pick up the little things that get left behind or act as a reminder system for someone who, without ADHD, wouldn't need the help. There's a fundamental difference in a non-ADHD brain and an ADHD brain and sometimes, the compassion for an ADHD brain gets lost. It's like constantly fighting to be heard over the other stimuli coming in and the distractions. Often, at least for me, it leads to me not feeling like I have emotional support or a partner in my marriage.

So, here's what worked for us:

-Marriage counseling with someone who understands ADHD: our counselor helps him realize what are his ADHD symptoms and gives him the tools to lessen the effect it has on our marriage. The counselor helps me realize that he is not ADHD, he has ADHD. She helps me take a step back and focus on myself while still being supportive of him making his own progress. She helps us communicate with one other and bridge the gap that exists between his brain and mine.

-Books: Personally, I recommend ADHD Effect on Marriage to help understand how it impacts your marriage and More Attention, Less Deficit as a guidebook for different methods to try to cope with the symptoms.

-Breaks: take a weekend apart, not a relationship break but go on separate vacations, go visit family, take a day-cation apart. After a while, dealing with the ADHD symptoms can get overwhelming. Taking a break helps both of us decompress and come back focused and ready to take on whatever else life can throw at us. We appreciate each other more, good and bad.

I know it's tough for both spouses in an ADHD marriage. It's frustrating and tense and stressful. But, it can work. Work as a team and be open with each other.

u/throwawayno123456789 · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I HIGHLY reccommend this book about a man with Asperger's figuring out how to do relationships successfully. Not just for marriage, but good ideas for romantic relationships.

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T4KRJM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_apBADb51DSX8G

u/zeno_of_shitium · 3 pointsr/askMRP
u/Kingofdeadbedroom · 3 pointsr/adultery

I know exactly where you're coming from, and that is how I found my way here. Nevertheless, you can probably fix the sexual availability problem with your wife. I found the following book to be really useful. It is not the usual relationship fixing bullshit "do the laundry, buy her flowers, tell her she is beautiful". It tells you how to build her sexual desire for you.

https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK

u/Origamikami · 2 pointsr/relationships

Holy cow, this guy is a case. First of all, you have the right to feel secure and comfortable around family members. What your father-in-law is doing not only violates boundaries, it makes you a victim. The fact that you are having to modify the way you dress, watch your back around him, and always be on guard for nasty comments in his presence is evidence enough of that. This is not okay. If your husband will not stand up for you, you're going to have to do it for yourself. Although, you will need to calmly discuss this with your husband first.

I'm dealing with a toxic in-law of my own (though of a different sort). I suggest reading this book.
It's been a huge help for me. I hope you are able to find a way to remedy this nasty situation. =/

u/Chaseshaw · 2 pointsr/relationships

I'm kind of late here, but I'd like to chime in.

I was raised in a home with a narcissistic mother, and a father who didn't have the courage to stand up to her. For all the times mom was hitting me or screaming at me or (on a good day) merely ignoring me, dad never once stepped in to yell back on my behalf, let alone stand up for himself. He'd look at her like a dog that you just smacked and is now cowering in the corner looking up at you. I know both my parents are human beings with their own past and levels of hurt and crosses to bear, but for whatever reason dad never stood up to her.

I wish he would have.

I'm not on board with everyone here saying to abandon your marriage. I think marriage is worth fighting for. My wife now and myself as adults have been through our share of hard times, closeness and distance, times of disagreement and harmony, good finances and bad finances, etc, and I think marriage is something that takes effort and compromise and is in the long run worth it. I think your problems are overcomable, and nothing here is a dealbreaker in terms of your marriage.

But please. I need you to fight back with your wife. For yourself, for her to learn what is and isn't appropriate in conflict, and for kids you may or may not eventually have, in this marriage or others if that's the way it goes. It will get worse before it gets better. She won't like being challenged. But please, for yourself and for me, marriage is an equal partnership. This isn't you standing up to the boss, it's you taking your place as a partner.


(if you want some homework, http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310243149 is a book that's been helpful to us. In short, it's about boundaries. If you had a house and your neighbor had a house and HIS tree was extending over YOUR yard and it was causing a problem, you'd know where your "yard" ends and where his "yard" starts. Emotions in marriage are similar. Some of what happens is in your yard, and some of what happens is in her yard. You're responsible for what's in your yard, and her for hers. There are limits to what's your fault, and likewise, she can't exercise certain control over you.)



u/asdfmom · 2 pointsr/Divorce

"...but looking back, saving it would mean just working back to me being basically a servant. I admit, I'm the one that changed. And I know she won't change."

Third option, Boundaries. People mentioned this book when I was figuring out the issues in my marriage, and I thought because I'd seen people talk about boundaries and read about them online that I got it and didn't actually need to read the book.

Now that I'm in the middle of divorce and I've actually taken the time to start reading this series of books on boundaries (the original book, boundaries in marriage, boundaries for kids, boundaries for dating), I realize there was a lot more I could have been doing to change the relationship just by my own actions.

That said, I've made peace with this is where I'm at right now and I"m mostly just continuing to read about boundaries for any future relationships I might have. It is also questionable back then whether I was capable of implementing the book's directives because of my (at the time) overwhelming anxiety/depression.

u/what_34 · 2 pointsr/Marriage

I feel for you. I believe if you keep improving yourself, putting your family before you, things should turn around. Keep your chin up!


May I leave you some addiction and marriage resources? I love podcasts and find them enlightening and comforting while I work on my self improvement. (I personally have a /r/limerence addiction. (BTW: Look into /r/limerence. It mayyy apply to you (when you cheated w/o sex.) For me, it stemmed from my issues with: contentment, the need to be "busy" (not still), the need to be constantly gratified and stimulated, etc... to an unhealthy degree.)


ADDICTION PODCAST I ENJOY: That Sober Guy




His Needs Her Needs Book: How to Affair Proof Your Marriage



#staymarried Blog & Podcast


Boundaries in Marriage.



In the future:




Discover your (and your wife's) love languages love language Quiz


Idea of the "Love Bank"-Verbage for how you're feeling within your marriage (helps communication)



u/ilovebrandonj · 2 pointsr/Marriage

This book would be so so perfect for you to read together. It’s about setting boundaries and can help you discuss setting new boundaries around his family.

u/youwillthankme · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I enjoyed reading the birth stories in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It was really interesting to learn about the different coping mechanisms women used, and just being aware of how different each birth can be! http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

u/catchatorie · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I felt really depressed towards the end of the first and beginning of the second trimester, but I managed to perk up and have been feeling pretty great ever since. The thing that actually helped me was I started knitting again. It was something that I could do to "prepare" for the baby, but it wasn't urgent (no pressure) and it wasn't physically demanding. Finishing the first little hat gave me a sense of accomplishment and helped me finally get excited about the baby.

Is there any little tasks you can do to start getting ready for the baby that aren't too physically or mentally demanding? Even just going online and buying a few outfits or starting to work on your registry could help you have something positive and productive to focus on. You could even start writing up a tentative birth plan or reading some positive birth stories (I really recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth or even watching her ted talk).

u/Nerdy_mama · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I'm having a good time with Happiest Baby on the Block (though I think it's really slow and repetitive, and their "conclusions" (it isn't this, this, or this, so it MUST be this) are a bit, uh, presumptuous; I think the book is spot on for how to treat the baby, especially in the "4th trimester") and The Nursing Mother's Companion. And these aren't baby books, but my husband and I are also reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Birth Partner to prep for labor.

I have a few more books on my shelf to reference just in case, like Sears' The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (but I am wary of anti-vacc notions of the book), Brain Rules for Baby, and for fun, Experimenting with Babies.

u/quixotickate · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

We did:

Four-week "comprehensive childbirth" class at our hospital, which I really liked and am glad I took. The instructors were all either nurses or former nurses at our hospital and were familiar with our hospital's policies and standard practices, so I now feel very comfortable with what might happen during our birth; also, it turns out our hospital is pretty awesome. It was also actually some nice bonding time with my husband, especially when we practiced having him coach me.

One night breastfeeding class, also at the hospital. Informative, but not necessarily anything I couldn't have learned on my own. It was good to hear about the breastfeeding support that my hospital offers, but I suspect I would have found out about all of that anyway during my stay.

Watched the DVD series Laugh and Learn about Childbirth. It was nice to have a second perspective, and there is so much to know about childbirth that there was material covered in the videos that wasn't covered in our class. The instructor has an interesting style which we found to be hit or miss, tonally, but overall it was a good use of time. We also have Laugh and Learn About Breastfeeding, but haven't watched it yet.

I also read (I've been to the library more in the past two months than in the previous two years...):

u/wrapunzel · 2 pointsr/DecemberBumpers2017

I'm looking for a good pregnancy book too, with a focus on natural birth. The two I'm considering are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method. I had an early 2000s edition of the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy during my first pregnancy and found it informative and helpful.

When my baby was about 5 months old I read Magda Gerber's Dear Parent: Caring for Infants With Respect and it changed our little family forever. I recommend it to every new parent. Completely amazing! although I don't agree with everything in it for the newborn time period -- I'm big on babywearing and cosleeping.

u/pipyopi · 2 pointsr/Mommit

If you're looking for a gift that pertains to her pregnancy, get her some Preggie Pops for morning sickness & The Business of Being Born. If you're interested in getting her some books, I suggest Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and/or Pregnancy Childbirth & The Newborn. And maybe consider getting your brother(?) a copy of The Birth Partner. I think every dad-to-be should read that book.

u/shelovesbier · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

Clearly based on all the posts thus far: You are so not alone in this.

How you deal with it is up to you.

I am very confrontational when it comes to fears. I learn everything there is to know about a certain subject and if there is even one tiny part that scares me the most, I become obsessed with learning about it.

In this way, I'm able to understand what is realistic and what just isn't based on statistics. I've also come to terms with knowing that, in the heat of the moment, there will be little I can do.

One of the most powerful books I read on late pregnancy and the birth experience overall is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The first third of the book is filled with birth stories and the rest just talks about the experience. Very well written, easy to read, and filled with citations.

My father died almost 14 years ago when I was 18. We were incredibly close and it breaks my heart just thinking about the relationship he could and would have had with my baby girl. He would have made an INCREDIBLE grandfather. My only solace is knowing that he gave me so much in life that I know I, as his living legacy, will proudly pass to her. I day dream of the day(s) when she begins to ask about her grandfather and I day dream of my responses and the stories I'll tell.

While it's not even a close second to having him still in my life, it's enough to calm me and focus on the positive (usually).

And know that sometimes, you are just going to need to cry it out. And that is 100% ok. Privately, publicly, whatever. Fuck it. Sometimes we all just need one good big ol' fuckin' sob. I almost ALWAYS feel better after letting myself feel this way.

Oh! And one other thing that's really related to both coping with your fears of late pregnancy and birth AND cope with loss: Surrender.

Learning how to surrender your mind and body to your emotions and physical needs is incredibly empowering. The book talks a LOT about this.

You can do this. You will do this. And... you're going to do incredibly well.

Good luck with everything. <3

u/GingerPhoenix · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

Not a video or podcast, but I love Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Some of the things she suggests to help with labor pain seem a bit weird or silly but they really work!

u/cakelady · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I've been reading a lot of books and these are a few of my favorites that I would highly recommend:

u/shynnee · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I had a natural birth in a hospital. I think as long as you go in there knowing exactly what you want and your husband is on the same page so he can be your advocate when you can't do it yourself you will get everything you need.

I decided to use the Bradley Method (husband coached childbirth) for my labor. I really think it helped, I didn't take the classes but I bought 2 books about it. I felt prepared with the information I had.

As soon as I went in I made it known to everyone what I wanted. No meds, intermittent monitoring and necessary staff only. Literally the only person I saw the whole time was my nurse every couple hours. My water broke before I got to the hospital but no contractions, they literally walked in with pitocin and if I didn't know any better I would have let them give it to me! I told them I didn't want it, the doctor let me know that was ok but if by midnight I didn't start contracting I had to or baby was at risk. Luckily by 7pm everything got going on its own, I labored for 12 hours in the dark with my husband by my side and only saw any other hospital staff when I pushed, as soon as my baby was born everyone left the room and we got 2 hours together alone to nurse and get some rest.

u/sundowntg · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I would recommend trying to find a counciler that you both can trust to help her talk about it. The Religion isn't the problem, its her thoughts that are off. There are a lot of goofy misconceptions about Christianity and sex, so I would try and help her unravel those. Perhaps some reading would help. I am reading [A Celebration of Sex])http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Sex-Enjoying-Sexual-Intimacy/dp/0785264671) with my fiance, and I found it to be very helpful. There are some parts of it that are a bit corny, but overall I think it could help her and you out.

u/penwraith · 2 pointsr/shittyaskreddit

I <3 the book "his needs, her needs" amazon link

it's an 80s book. not politically correct.

I love it because the advice is very pragmatic.

> I will work my ass off

the book discusses 10 needs. if you know your partner's top needs, then you can spend more time on what they value the most. I know someone whose girlfriend really loves "domestic support".... typically that's a male need, but she has a demanding career so it's very important to her. the time he spends fulfilling that NEED is appreciated.

the book is good because we may not even know ourselves what our top needs are because many people don't have a vocabulary for relationship skills.

> be a good man to my wife and kids to ensure that they never feel that type of pain from me.

that's admirable.

u/NottaGrammerNasi · 2 pointsr/funny

Some guys are going to disagree with andrewsmith1986 because they're looking for an excuse on why they've struck out but confidence is really where its at. However, don't confused confidence with douchebaggery. I've learned from my own personal experience that women respond and respect a man more if he has strong opinions, decisive and is his own person. These are commonly traits found in "alpha males" or a man's man. Now ladies before you get in a huff about what I'm saying, please keep in mind the guy I'm describing can still be a gentleman and respectful to you. Alpha-male =/= Douchebag. Some guys might look at their appearance and think "she's out of my league". For those guys though, you need to realize that women look for different traits in men than what men look for in women. What I'm about to say is an over simplification; what is true for some women may not be true for others. Women look for affection. Men this does not mean sex. Understand there is a difference. Women also need intimate conversation. She likes to know you're interested in her day and what's going on in her life. She needs to feel you are honest and open with her. Also, history shows they want financial support. This one is going to be a little debated because she can provide her own support these days but it still needs to be there for her to feel secure. And lastly family commitment. Many women want a family some day. Show you're going to be a good father, good provider and will be there for your family. With that said, you may not be a hot #8 or even a 6 or 5 or whatever but if you show a woman you have these qualities, your chances will go up significantly. To the guys out there: BE CONFIDENT and show her why you're worth her time! Side note: Other than personal experience, this book is where some of what I just said came from. Well worth a read if you're into that kind of stuff. Okay, I'm done now... #endrant.

u/somesillynerd · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

I'm used to and enjoy long term relationships.

I try to love myself, so I don't have to rely on someone else for love.

I'm trying to become more fit, though... the strength is increasing, but I still eat my body weight in ice cream.


There are two books I've read, for personal pleasure, not to 'snag' a guy, but I think they're helpful in all relationships, not just romantic ones.

The 5 Love Languages. This book I recommend to EVERYONE that ever has family, friends, or romantic relationships.

and

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

u/4blockhead · 2 pointsr/exmormon

url shorteners are discouraged on reddit. link

u/godlessindixie · 2 pointsr/atheism

Please go purchase this book post haste. It directly addresses your issue.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0814433723?pc_redir=1406845742&robot_redir=1

I went through this myself only we chose a minister for our counseling and that kinda ruined the whole thing, IMO.

u/PuffsTissue · 2 pointsr/asktrp

I didn’t ask you this in my previous post, but I’m assuming she’s a Christian. I don’t mean to question or doubt your girlfriend’s relationship with God, but how often does she go to church? Does she read the Bible everyday? Does she hang out with other Christians or have a lot of Christian friends? First, you need to see how much her Christian values are a part of her.

This is very essential with what you will need to do.
Now be honest. What is your intention with your girlfriend? Do you actually plan on getting married someday? Do you actually think she’s marriage material? Do you actually see yourself with her in 5 years? 10 years? 20+ years?
If not, then break up, but remember that this will scar her. Christians are taught sex is a gift from God. He never gave it to people to abuse it. God gave it to people so a husband and wife can enjoy their marriage and strengthen their relationship at a deeper level; not with some temporary girl or guy. This is why Christians teach that you should wait until marriage.

But it goes deeper than that. Sex is very, very intimate. It’s so intimate that you’re exposing a very deep mental, physical, and spiritual self to your partner. It’s like she had this most beautiful pearl in the world that was priceless. In fear of tainting its beauty or getting it stolen or lowering its worth/value, she had it locked up. She would dare not show it to anyone, but she does walk around in hopes to show it to someone one day and share that beauty with them.

A lot of people these days, don’t really treat sex the same way. They just sleep around and don’t think sex is highly valued or precious. I know a lot of men and women who has had sex to the point that they are only doing it for the sake of doing it. Some even implied it’s like a chore or just an urge that they would like to release.
I’ve also met a lot of Christian women and a few men who lost their virginity in the heat of passion and had to live with that guilt. Some actually believed they could never find a man/woman who would cherish them the same way if they were virgins.

Your girlfriend probably fits in that group. She showed you that “pearl.” She gave you that “ultimate gift”. If you leave just like that (especially with her all confused), that will affect her like all those other ones I know. She can even possibly blame you because you “led” her on and weren’t responsible enough to stop it. Yea, girls are like that. They get emotional and will start to shift the blame on men. Will she get over it? I have no idea. It just depends on how she handles it.

But now, I want to know what your position in life is. Are you planning on plate spinning or LTR? Given the society we live in, I don’t recommend marriage to many men and women. TRP is right that this society is so bad that when divorce occurs, everyone is just a man for themselves. They get so selfish that they have to extract as much as possible from their partner. They forget about trust, love, and commitment, and make it into a “me, me, me, me” battleground. They also forget that marriage has love and with love comes sacrifice. If you aren’t willing to sacrifice for her, don’t bother. If you can’t trust her when it gets bad or you lose a significant amount of SMV such as losing your job, then don’t bother.

To me, it seems she might be a possible unicorn. Conservatism in women are rare, or any women of that nature.
One more important matter: if you do stay with her, can you actually accept the Christian part of her? You said your philosophy on life has changed recently. That Christian part of her can conflict with your philosophy. It can even make you guys fight and argue. If you had answered my questions earlier to something along the lines of “little” or “not often/many,” then she isn’t much of a Christian to begin with. Her philosophy on life may change especially being 20 years old so there is also the possibility her view on sex could change. But if not, her outlook on life has significant influence from Christianity. If you don’t like that, then don’t bother.

TL;DR It just comes down to support and accepting her completely. While she's sorting out her thoughts, you shouldn't touch her either.

Btw, I would recommend you and your girlfriend to read this:
http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408888905&sr=8-1&keywords=sheet+music
It should help you both understand sex biblically, which should help you understand/support her.

u/gordonjames62 · 2 pointsr/Christianity

There is a great book called "sheet music"

here on Amazon

u/PolskaPrincess · 2 pointsr/Catholicism
u/Vertical807 · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

> Honestly, why not? I haven't actually read the rag, but it's just sex tips, right? Can't see what's wrong with that, especially if your wife knows what the catholic teachings are.

I highly regard you're post as a good one, but specifically with magazines like Cosmo I'd be really really skeptic, recently I believe they put out an article on a guide to anal sex for teenagers. I'd suggest OP read books by Catholic authors such as this: https://www.amazon.com/Good-News-About-Marriage-Revised/dp/0867166193/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1502761171&sr=8-2&keywords=Catholic+sex

u/swiss_nut22 · 2 pointsr/pics

I would highly advise learning to make some mead if you haven't! Very rewarding and easy craft i got into this year with a extensive history! Good book of reference i got with everything you need to know. Just need 15lbs of honey you can spare... :)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

Just bottled our first batch of orange blossom honey mead. Fucking amazing stuff.

u/CapOnFoam · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Here's what I've learned about making both mead and cider: Healthy yeast means a healthy fermentation.

If you use liquid yeast, make a starter.

If you use dry yeast, rehydrate with GoFerm, following the instructions on how to do it.

If you don't do staggered nutrient additions, start doing it! You'll need fermaid-K and DAP (though DAP is starting to be questioned).

Use a lees stirrer to degass your mead, removing CO2 from solution that inhibits fermentation.

Read this document by Steve Piatz (Grand Master BJCP judge and incredible meadmaker).

Get this book, The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm.

Speaking of IPA - I recently made 2 IPAs following the "hop bursting" method, like what Stone does for their Enjoy By series... by FAR the best IPAs I've ever made. (recipe & article were in the Nov Zymurgy)

u/Monsieur-Anana · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Great book. Probably the best beer brewing book available. On another note check out The Compleat Meadmaker : Home Production of Honey Wine From Your First Batch to Award-winning Fruit and Herb Variations

u/cearum · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Once you get more into mead making, give The Compleat MeadMaker and Making Great Mead a read. Both are great to provide a more detailed view on meadmaking, and different ways to go about it. :)

u/nago · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Ken Shram's The Compleat Meadmaker has a handful of melomel recipes. I don't know if there's a raspberry-only recipe, but he has a multi-berry melomel recipe that's got strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and cherries. If you go to Amazon do a Search Inside This Book for black raspberries you should be able to find it.

Also, that book is a great in general for meadmaking tips and information.

u/DynamicDork · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Try this, pretty easy to follow with some pictures.

I've also liked this book.

Also, I've brewed in small batches only so I could experiment with different flavors.

Cheers!

u/Beaturbuns · 2 pointsr/mead

Also, I suggest picking up Ken Schramm's book: The compleat meadmaker. It reads super easy - just like he's talking to you, and is great for anything from creating your first mead to honing in on a recipe you've been doing for years. Some parts are a bit outdated, but it's still an extremely useful book.

u/Ahks · 2 pointsr/winemaking

For Mead and honey wines of various types.
https://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802

If Mead tickles you come visit us on /r/mead :)

u/JamesAGreen · 2 pointsr/mead

I would always recommend people start with 'The Compleat Meadmaker, by Ken Schramm'. This has been the meadmaking bible for a very long time. You can find supplementary information about staggered nutrient additions, pH buffering compounds, new sanitizers, etc online in various articles and forum sites. Of course, understanding your ingredients can also be very good for any brewer, and water is a huge ingredient. So besides the other element series book 'Yeast' by Christ White and Jamil Zainasheff I highly recommend 'Water' by John Palmer and Colin Kaminski. For those of us making mead in Ferndale, our water is a very key ingredient which comes to us from an underground aquifer treated by the city of Ferndale, and is of very high quality (even compared with the high quality water from the City of Detroit). Understanding honey is a huge area of study. There are many classic textbooks on honey and honey-hunting by Eva Crane that are considered primary sources (but these can be prohibitively expensive for most mazers, and honestly, Ken's book does an awesome job of summarizing her contributions, as well as other historical information about meadmaking, honey, etc). I feel a basic understanding of beekeeping can be highly instructive for meadmakers, and so I recommend that you get your hands on some beginner beekeeping books, e.g. 'Beesentials' by L.J. Connor and Robert Muir and/or the 'Beekeeper's Handbook'. A solid background in wine or beer-making doesn't hurt, either, and there are multitudes of books I can recommend to you on the subject of beer specifically (this is my homebrewing background). My two absolute must-haves for beer brewing are 'Designing Great Beers' by Ray Daniels and 'Brewing Classic Styles' by John Palmer and Jamil Zainasheff. Learning to brew beer can help you if you decide you want to try your hand at braggots.

u/BrothersDrakeMead · 2 pointsr/mead

It's fermenting. Did you check the specific gravity before adding more sugar and sealing it up?

I would encourage you to pick up a copy of The New Complete Joy of Hombrewing by Charlie Papazian and/or a copy of The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm

If you're going to back sweeten your mead you need to add potassium sorbate to prevent the yeast from starting back up.

u/RedWing007 · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Here is a basic version and this book has very good info. Basically the yeast needs more nutrients than what the honey has, so you have to give it some every other day and then staggered from there.

u/theshad0w · 2 pointsr/mead

Choosing your honey is a lot like choosing the ingredients for an entree. In reality both will work, it just depends on the flavors your going for. Taste it, do you like it? Then try it out!

If, however you're looking for a more pragmatic approach I suggest The Compleat Meadmaker (Yes, the spelling is correct).

I can't remember exactly which page because I'm at work, but there is table, table 7.3 which contains the various varieties of honey and what their characteristics are most likely to be. Including flavors, sugars, Ph, etc.



u/AFewShellsShort · 2 pointsr/mead

This is recommended on the mead wiki

Check this out at Amazon.com
The Compleat Meadmaker : Home Production of Honey Wine From Your First Batch to Award-winning Fruit and Herb Variations https://www.amazon.com/dp/0937381802/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_jw40DbGRM6G22

u/doublesecretprobatio · 2 pointsr/mead

the first thing you need is a copy of 'the compleat meadmaker':

http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

the second thing you need is to read it.

u/drawsmcgraw · 2 pointsr/mead

I agree that there's nothing to worry about here. Also, EC-1118 is aggressive and has an alcohol tolerance of about 18% and could go even higher if coaxed.

My rough-estimate for percent alcohol is as follows: 40 points of gravity per pound of honey per gallon of water. That is, 1 lb of honey in 1 gal of water would give a SG of 1.040. For a 5-gal batch, 16 lbs of honey in 4 gals of water:

(16lbs * 40)/4 gals = 1.160

So my calculation says your starting gravity was more of 1.160 (more or less). I see that conflicts with Kurai_'s answer, though, so I'm interested in how they arrived at it (unless they meant to type 1.150).

Alcohol. Generally speakinig, I do 8 points of gravity per percentage of alcohol. That is, if your yeast fermented 80 points of gravity (say, from 1.100 down to 1.020), then your mead would be 10% abv. This is just my rouge estimate. If you want precision, you'll need lab gear and knowledge.

You say the calculator told you your must should have been closer to 1.150 when you started. That jives with my estimation of 1.160. Let's say your starting gravity was 1.150 and your finishing gravity is now 1.010 (which is what I took away from your post). The calculation goes like this:

1.150 - 1.010 = 140 gravity points fermented
140 / 8 = 17.5% ABV

This makes more sense because EC-1118 has an alcohol tolerance of up to 18%. If your goal was a sweet, high gravity sack mead, then congratulations - you nailed it. Now put that jet fuel away for a year or so because it's going to need the aging.

If you're the reading type, The Compleat Meadmaker is very approachable and has tons of techniques and helpful science.

Nothing to worry about here except fending off people trying to steal your goods. Also be sure to always measure your starting gravity.

u/ChiBeerMan · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Get a copy of The Complete Meadmaker by Ken Schramm. Best book on the subject IMO. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0937381802/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1369915766&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

u/spap-oop · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I recommend you read The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. It helped me feel better because it gave me permission to be myself, and helped my spouse to understand what’s in my head better than I could ever express.

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 2 pointsr/Advice

You feel that your coworkers don't like you because you have convinced yourself that it is true. You can't read their minds, so it isn't true. You are torturing yourself by focusing on a perceived inability to make small talk, along with a demonstrated pattern of poor impulse control (causing you to overshare or "blurt out" inappropriate things).
Here's the thing: for most jobs, it doesn't really matter whether or not your coworkers like you. All that matters is that you are good at the job. I sense that the real issue here, then, is your sense of social rejection. But please please ask yourself, if this is the case, whether or not it's reasonable or even necessary to be well-liked in the way you want to be.
It sounds to me like you would be better off at working on the issues you know about...when you get excited about something that you are sure interests you and only you, you can excuse yourself with "sorry, I'm probably boring you." For your impulse control issues, the this: every time you want to say or share something, suppress the urge. Give yourself a point each time you are successful. Try to treat it as a game and go for the highest score you can achieve. To get better at small talk, practice asking people questions and listening closely to their answers, so that you can ask follow up questions.
You may suffer from Asperger's and ADHD, but they do not define you. I'd recommend this book, written by a husband who discovered he had Asperger's. His solution to acting inappropriately in social situations was to study people who were good at talking and imitate them (he created a persona called "interview guy" who was based on Howard Stern, who, despite his popular image as a "shock jock" is actually an amazingly talented interviewer. If you don't like that kind of humor, you can do the same with someone else who you can tolerate better.)

u/so_shiny · 2 pointsr/aspergers

NT with aspie bf here. As others have said, journal articles have the most recent stuff. We both liked reading Temple Grandin's books, but those are definitely subjective accounts. Same with this one - http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749 - but it made me die of laughter because it remined me of my bf trying to improve and be a better partner :)

As for positives, there are many! Different does not mean deficient. I think the strongest positive for professional life is atypical ideas. The aspies in my life often have radically different ideas of how something should work. This leads to unexpected improvements in design and utility. Another is an idealistic passion for improvement. If something is wrong, they fix it even if it isn't their mess necessarily.

In personal life, definitely some positive examples I have seen are loyalty, exceptional capacity for love, and desire to improve. My personal favorite is the weirdness... I am pretty weird for an nt, but my bf is another whole level of oddball and it is awesome. We laugh a lot :)

u/jennymccarthykillsba · 2 pointsr/AmItheAsshole

NAH. I suggest you check out this book: Journal ofBest Practices

u/smittieaj · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I went through something very similar. The information found at this link resolved the problem for me in my mind, and in my relationship. The solution itself required a lot of hard work to implement, but it was worth it. Good luck.

EDIT: *Don't cut your dick off. Seriously... what a waste. You'll thank me.

u/JoePants · 2 pointsr/sexpertslounge

Watch porn together. Maybe get some reading material (not fap stuff, but real sexuality stuff).

He might find this useful (I'm serious): http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

u/Cloud_Riverdale · 2 pointsr/sex

Honestly, you need some serious mentorship. I highly suggest Athol Kay's "Married Man's Sex Life" and consider hiring him as a coach. I used him and it helped really fix a lot of issues.

atholkay.com/

(Note: He is cheaper than a marriage counselor (useless) IMO.)

his book:
https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

If you want to look at his website consider: www.atholkay.com

Another book for your wife to read is: "For Her Eyes Only"

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-About/dp/1601424442/

u/wild_deer_man · 2 pointsr/nonmonogamy

Why would you be in a commited relationship with a woman who does not want to have sex with you?

All your answers are here: https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

u/it_is_always_now_FA · 2 pointsr/AskMen

You are not in a good place. She is treating you like a child and you're acting the part.

You need to improve yourself.

Read this book before getting married: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1460981731/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_PEXIzbF56572W

Read it.

u/Raging_Dragon_99 · 2 pointsr/sex

Are you me? I really feel your pain. Have you read a book like:

https://www.scribd.com/document/317641132/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition-pdf

This helped. Another book that helped was reading:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

It goes into what kinds of things you can do to actually increase your wife's libido, as well as improving your daily life.

I really feel your frustration. My wife has poor interest in reading new books or having any initiative in improving our sex life, or her own sexual skills.

u/devalier · 2 pointsr/Rational_Liberty

Monogamous marriage with a male head of household (ie patriarchy) has two main aims:

  1. Solving the prisoners dilemmas with male-female relations

  2. Giving men an incentive to contribute to society and civilization, rather than smoking pot, playing video games, drinking, gambling, whoring, and otherwise doing the minimum necessary to eat and fornicate.

    The male optimum is to have a loyal wife at home raising kids, but then spread his seed a lot on the side. Once the kids are raised and the wife is old, dump her for a younger wife.

    The female optimum is to have a provider husband, but then to screw around with higher status men when hubby is not watching.

    A woman has highest value during her most fertile years, 18-33, but loses value later on.

    A man has highest value during his early 30's, and his value declines much more slowly.

    Additionally, each person might have varying value during life based on health, job loss, etc.

    Based on the above patterns, we can build the four quadrants of the prisoner's dilemma

    The defect-defect/lose-lose situation is that woman screws around during her 20's, then when is older no one wants her and she lives a lonely life. The woman-defects, male-sucker situation is that the woman screws around in her 20's, then gets settles for a provider husband who went with very little sex during his 20's, and now has second dibs, and maybe gets cuckolded to boot. The man-defects, woman-sucker situation is the woman gets married young, gives her best years to her husband, then gets unceremoniously dumped for a younger woman.

    The way out of the prisoner's dilemma is to create a permanent contract - the monogamous marriage. The man and woman get married, permanently, while both are still young, and are loyal to each other and raise a family together. This puts man and woman in the cooperate-cooperate quadrant, which is a lot better for both than the defect-defect.

    So one question - in the 21st century, why is the cooperate-cooperate better than defect-defect? Maybe a woman will get more utility from screwing around while young, then raising children by herself. Maybe the two parent family is neither necessary nor desirable.

    My answers:

  3. As society becomes more mobile and atomized, the nuclear family unit becomes more and more important. It's nice to have one person that won't move to another city, won't forget you when you are old. Furthermore you will get a lot more visits from kids and grandkids if they don't have to split visits between mom and dad, and can visit both at once.

  4. The economic contribution of woman is grossly overstated. Most everything is still built by men - cars, buildings, machine tools, plumbing, electrical work, software systems, search engines, operating systems, etc. etc. I think the evidence points that this is a result of nature, not environment source and source. Woman mostly either work in bureaucracy make work jobs, or work in traditional roles of care-taking or gossiping. The only way a woman can raise a child with any level of comfort or security is with the arm of the state taking the resources of men and giving it to woman via affirmative action, welfare, subsidized services, bureaucracy jobs that don't select based on talent, child support, etc.. This removes the incentive of men to work hard, which leads to the decline of society. Furthermore, since state power ultimately rests on male military power, this is a very unstable situation.

  5. I think it is inherently very stressful for women to run a household. The families that seem happiest are where the man is in command, the man provides the stability and firm hand, and the wife acts as first mate.

    Why the male head of household? Woman are naturally hypergamous, they are attracted to men of higher status and command. Thus if the man is not in charge, the woman will hen-peck him and lose sexual interest. This book is one of the finest on the subject. Furthermore, due to natural hypergamy, and due to average differences between the sexes in abstract reasoning, the man in any given relationship will generally be better than his wife at making long-term, unemotional, rational decisions. Finally, a woman's natural tools of power are manipulation, not command, so to make the male the head is not at all to render the woman powerless.

    Why not polyamory, polygyny or group marriage?

    Polygyny is bad because it would leave a lot of men without ability to get wives, which means those men would have no incentive to do anything useful for society.

    Due to female hypergamy, polyamory seems to turn into polygyny in practice.

    I'm skeptical that group marriage could ever be stable. Seems like there is too much incentive for defections of various types. Furthermore, men might not know who their children are, thus less incentive to invest in them. If one locality wants to try to make it work, they should go for it, and should figure out what sort of norms and laws would be needed to make it stable. But it would be ridiculous to optimize society around such an unproven idea.

    So, overall, I think that monogamous marriage is still the best solution to the hard and messy problems of man, woman, and raising children.

    Note that monogamous marriage is not easy. Marriage is work. Civilization is work. The complex societies that our ancestors built, that having been built, our survival now depends on, are not easy. The human brain is complicated and of conflicting motivations. Making monogamous marriage successful takes the coordinated efforts of social pressure, law, and cultural conditioning.

    So yes, in modern times we see many unhappy marriages, many marriages that end in divorce. I would argue that leftists broke marriage, then claimed it didn't work. Some ways marriage was broken:

  6. No fault divorce laws. In effect, these laws made the traditional marriage illegal. These laws make it impossible for a man and a woman to solve the prisoners dilemma together by creating a lifetime contract that prevents either from defecting.

  7. The co-opting of the churches and traditional Christian education by the public school system. The public school system does not teach you how to make a marriage work, how to pick out a good husband, how to be dutiful wife, etc.

  8. The ending of courtship, the removal of the role in parents in selecting worthy husbands for daughters.

  9. The destruction of traditional knowledge about how to make a marriage work, and the replacement with quack counselors, Hollywood myths, and the padlum of Oprah. Men and woman are given a lot of terrible guidance about how to make a marriage work. Woman are taught to rely way too much on feelings, are no longer taught about duty. Men are taught that if there are problems, they should communicate more. In reality, most men need to grow more of a spine, be more masculine, go to the gym, and wife will start being attracted to them more. Both men and women are taught that their spouse should be their best friend, that they should "feel in love", which puts too much pressure on the relationship, and is not realistic in many cases.

  10. The ending of anyway of disciplining partners for violations of the marriage contract, besides divorce. People are imperfect, people are going to make mistakes, going to cheat. But right now, the only punishment for adultery, is divorce. This "punishment" might not even punish the cheater, but it will punish the family as a whole, and have devastating effects on the children. If a man hits his wife, the only available punishments are separation or jail. Again, this might be net worse for the family. The traditional way is that if the man cheats or hits his wife, the man gets flogged. You need to punish the offense, but breaking up the family over one bad act does not help anyone. Note that if you want to write a marriage contract, with actual non-divorce sanctions for breaking the contract, such a contract will not be legal, will not be enforceable. Thus again, the marriage contract is illegal.

    Now, marriage will never be for everyone. People will not be perfect, there will always be rakes and whores, spinsters and single moms.

    But because civilization is hard, a society must pick out the best known guide-plan for life we got, and teach people how to follow that plan, and it make it high-status to follow that plan, and low-status to not follow that plan. If technology really does make this standard life plan obsolete, experiments in alternative living can be spun up in isolated geographies, and then expanded if they prove successful. Instead, our society has made the best known guide-plan illegal, has destroyed knowledge of how to make the plan work, with predictably disastrous results.

u/UsedToLoveHer · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I would recommend picking up the Married Man Sex Life Primer and reading it twice. After that, continue reading resources on the web.

After reading and continuing my education on this subject I recognize mistakes I have been making as a matter of course in my marriage. I'm now working on making myself a better person and regaining control of my relationship.

Time will tell if I am able to revive my marriage or not, but one thing is for sure: I now have a clear plan towards getting what I need in a relationship, even if that means leaving my wife. Even having a clear path forward is a huge relief, even if the end result seems like a foregone conclusion.

u/dbconfession · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

So while she isn't being attentive to your needs (putting out, as it were) you're going two or three extra miles to be the perfect partner in an attempt to "earn" some sex from her. What incentive is there for her to change? The relationship's inertia is in her favor; to have to wrapped around her little finger he just has to do nothing.

I'm currently reading 'The Married Man Sex Life Primer' and it's speaking to me. I can work on myself and get more/better sex by being worthy of more/better sex. If I'm in shape and a better rounded person and she still doesn't take my needs into consideration then I guess I'll have a hard choice to make.

u/DavidTennantsTeeth · 2 pointsr/TrueChristian

Amazon link.

If you've never heard of Tim Keller, I could recommend anything he writes. Such a smart and reasonable man. Humble.

u/reformedscot · 2 pointsr/Christians

I haven't read it. And Chan's not really my style with everything being radical and super and hyped - but that's a personal thing.

What I have heard from others is that the book is good, but not really good for marriage preparation. It deals with the concept of eternity that the marriage image can evoke, but doesn't really deal with marriage itself.

In the long run, I think any book challenging couples to consider all aspects of their lives together in light of eternity to be worth the read. It will have value. But I would suggest reading it along with other, more 'traditional' stuff. Maybe Keller's The Meaning of Marriage. Any pastor worth his salt is going to want to take you through pre-marriage classes anyway, so perhaps your pastor might have a specific book he works through or recommends.

u/karacrystal · 2 pointsr/ADHD

My partner and I got the book ADHD Effect on Marriage. This is actually the book that led me to talk with my pdoc about a diagnosis. Anyways, we found this book helpful to understanding the effects of ADHD on our relationship and some steps that allow us to handle it better.

u/TarnishedTeal · 2 pointsr/Marriage

I don't know about any books. All the books I've read on marriage are all ADHD specific, unfortunately. The ADHD Effect of Marriage is a personal favorite for that.

What i do know is that learning to live together is a process. My husband and I knew each other for 6 years before getting married, and lived for each other for about 6 months before tying the knot officially. It was still very hard. It seemed impossible for the first 6 months or so (our first 6 months living away from family). But in order for the situation to improve we both had to work hard, we both had to want to be all in on this.

Part of me is happy that she is sharing her doubts with you. But I'm also worried about having those doubts so early on. Have you sat down while you're calm and asked her how she's feeling about the transition? Were there specific things that happened at home before that aren't happening in her new place? A break in routine, or even putting the milk in the wrong place can be frustrating to somebody trying to adjust. Also sharing the load with chores can be jarring as well if one or both people lived with parents previously.

I agree with Lordica that it has to be you vs the issue. You guys vs the Dishes, rather than You vs Her And The Dishes. I use that example because it's something I still struggle with. My husband is responsible for them and sometimes I still get overly stressed that they aren't done (our dishwasher is broken!) Even if it's something as mundane and You Guys vs What To Eat For Dinner, small joint victories can really help the relationship and the partnership. Which, if I'm reading into your situation correctly, is the real issue.

I really hope somebody can come in here with some "normie" book advice for you. Like I said, our books are adhd centered, because it's an issue in our marriage, but it's generally a good book anyway. There are some great tips in there even if you don't have ADHD.

u/Hackrid · 2 pointsr/ADHD
u/Minsc_and_Boo_ · 2 pointsr/relationships

ADHD guy here. Some of those things are characteristic of our condition, like forgetting to pay things and being terrible with finances and bureaucracy.

Unfortunately in our minds, a haze comes when we start trying to organize ourselves to get such things done.... you head fills with static out and becomes uncomfortable and we end up just saying "later".

You will hear this a lot from someone with ADHD: later.

Asking questions and not listening to the answer is also a staple of ADHD, but hearing them and flat out ignoring your desire has nothing to do with it. That's just being disrespectful.

As for medication, there are two sides to this: one, getting started on contacting a doctor, scheduling an appointment and following through is the equivalent of a marathon for us, so try not to take it personally. Second, ADHD medication is NOT mild and has some mean side effects.

You should really try to understand the condition better so you can separate what is ADHD and what is just him acting spoiled or disrespectful. As it stands now, it seems like you don't fully understand the condition. There are books out there to help you, and you'd do good in reading them.

The first thing you should do is get a couple and read them.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Relationship-Assertiveness/dp/1886941971/ref=pd_sim_b_6

u/ranman1124 · 2 pointsr/ADHD

Hello, I have ADHD-C and my wife found this book to be very helpful.

u/EvilBeaverFace · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

It seems crazy to me as well. I guess having lived in the US and the UK has shed some light on that for me. It almost seems like there is a time gap between the countries for certain things. I would say its about 10 years wide. Pop culture in general kind of makes it over here very quickly but other things don't. Like smoking is much more prevalent here still. ADHD nay-sayers are just one of those things. Even today I read about people having trouble with their GPs (doctors) saying that ADHD isn't real but as a whole its getting better.

As far as my wife goes; I bought this book early on in our marriage, to try and explain my behavior. It never got read, and her being a nay-sayer probably contributed to why its taken me so long to go to a doctor about it. I don't really care what she thinks of it anymore, just that I am fixing myself. Despite that I think she has become a lot more perceptive of talk about ADHD even if she still doesn't fully believe in it. She can't tell my doctor what to think, so there's that lol.

u/nowordsleft · 2 pointsr/socialskills

By any chance have you ever read The Journal of Best Practices? It's a memoir by a man with Asperger's who tries to be a better husband. It's a good read regardless and you might find some insights.

u/Esteesmithrowaway · 2 pointsr/sexover30

I think women are different and it just depends on the person. I like him to commiserate with me. I like hugs sometimes (unless he's the one that made me cry in which case that hug better be an apology hug) and for my feelings to be acknowledged. Not a chocolate fan. I'm more of an oatmeal raisin cookie fan.

And just let me say your post really warms my heart. My son has Aspergers and I worry about him finding someone to love someday. You have no idea how incredibly sweet and endearing I find this post. This just made me happy.

And because I can't control myself when it comes to recommending books have you heard about The Journal of best Practices?

u/sirusvilla · 2 pointsr/trees

You should read this memoir. It describes a husband of five years who is diagnosed with Aspergers and how he and his wife worked together to save their marriage. It is really good.

u/4io8 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I'll start with a couple.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/458/play-the-part?act=2

This is an episode of the radio show This American Life about a wife and her husband who discover he has Aspergers. From this I learnt about tests for Aspergers, and that many of the signs of Aspergers are far from intuitive.

The husband is David Finch, author of the book Journal of Best Practices. I have not read this, but if anyone else has a review would be apprecited.

u/tomkatt · 2 pointsr/aspergers
u/SmileFirstThenSpeak · 2 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

There's a book called "When Someone You Love is Kinky"

u/Griever114 · 2 pointsr/askMRP

Where are you in lifting goals? BF% etc?

>wanted to give her some comfort.

stop this shit right now. you are so far up her ass (frame) that you can see daylight. your entire victim puke reeks of no frame. your entire life revolves around making her happy.

STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE THE PRIZE NOT HER.

Your top priority should be monk mode right now, reading and lifting. if you dont know what to say/do, STFU. spend time on the boards and read some of the shit that happens when you have no frame.

The sooner you realize and then actualize that YOU are the prize, the sooner she will and you can get back your balls.

NO EXCUSES. READ, LIFT, REPEAT.

Also, you should also pick up Bluepillprofessors 12 steps of dread. If you dont want to buy the in depth breakdown of the 12 steps.

here is a link for the lazy

you have a lot of work ahead of you and you are not even at the anger phase yet.

u/BlossomNC · 1 pointr/JUSTNOMIL

If you go on Amazon.com and search mother in law. The amount of things are funny.

Lie #1

Oh lawdy I dont know if they mean they will take of the MIL or what?

Toxic In-Laws, Strategies for protecting your marriage Lots of good reviews on this book actually!

u/EEAtheist · 1 pointr/lgbt

When dealing with my parents, my partner and I found this book, Toxic Inlaws, really helpful. I haven't read the prequel Toxic Parents, but I bet it'd be equally as helpful. It really helps outline the problems as being on their end, and what you can do to stop rewarding/enabling their destructive behavior. Sounds like typical manipulating-and-destroying-for-your-own-good.

u/sixstringzen · 1 pointr/AskReddit

There's a great book that touches on this kind of thing. Toxic In-Laws

u/cyrano741 · 1 pointr/AskMen

NP. Episode 1 is relevant "S1 Ep. 1: I've Had Better" also if you like the podcast she has a new book called "The State of Affairs" which you might be interested in: https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583/ref=sr_1_1/130-2798782-1806409

u/betabehavior · 1 pointr/sex

Might want to read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583

It might give you some perspective on your situation.

u/ThePinkPanther2 · 1 pointr/askwomenadvice

I don't trust people who make exaggerated claims like "I will never put her through that again" and "I hate myself everyday for doing it" and "I will never do it again." I would ask you to reflect on how you can improve yourself.

If you want to regain trust then you must build emotional intimacy and put real effort into learning more about infidelity and communication. Take action by planning dates, but more importantly play games that build intimacy such as the Ungame and Face to Face.

If you are committed to working through this as you claim then you should be expected to read books that will improve your relationship skills.

Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts
The Art of Communicating
I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

u/downwithllc · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole

YES YES you WBTHA, or YTA. DO not drag them into this life shattering reality. YOU are grieving and no doubt feel angry everytime someone says something positive, because you feel like the floor has been ripped out from underneath you. DO not tell your children about this. PLEASE find a trusted counselor to talk to about this.

​

Esther Perel has a great chapter in her book on this same situation, except it was the wife who found out after her husband died after 50 or so years of marriage. He actually had a second life.

​

Heres a link to that book if interested, but do get a therapist now to help safely walk thru the emotions.

​

https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583

u/BravoFoxtrotDelta · 1 pointr/Christianity

Ha, do your thing man. I'm only a few years older, so I've not got the wisdom of the ages, but I can share a bit from our experience. I'm sorry he's been behaving as a jerk. My wife's folks have ranged from mildly supportive of our marriage at times, to generally negative mostly, to downright subversive at others. It sucks, but after 6 years I think we're sloooowly winning them over.

Told my wife about yall, here's a few points of advice that we think would really benefit you both if you choose to move forward with marriage:

  • You're going to be starting a new family, and in the beginning it will have only two members. While you'll have strong connections to your former families, and you'll bring a great deal of the respective cultures of those families into your new one, you're not melding two larger families together into one (as others have suggested). The latter idea is a nice one, but is way beyond your capacity as a couple, and would be highly unlikely to succeed. How well your former families mesh is up to them, and the only thing you can really control is the boundaries you establish around your own new family - your ability to influence them is not assured.
  • seek premarital counseling, make sure that among topics like finances, sex, children, careers, etc., your dynamic with your extended families is also explored. It's one that will likely affect you for the next 20 years or so.
  • Read Boundaries in Marriage, by Henry Butt & John Townsend. Speaks directly to the kinds of issues you're having and will face. Additionally, the original Boundaries is likewise good, though more broadly applicable to life not just marriage.
  • Knock your debt out within the first year of marriage. With two full time incomes, this should be a cakewalk - the only downside is you live modestly for a year, and that's not a bad thing at all. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps plan - its a simple road map for getting out of debt, saving for goals (home-buying, newer cars, etc.), and building a stable future that takes all of the worry and guesswork out of money. My wife and I DID NOT follow this when we started out, and instead got pregnant quickly and have been digging ourselves out slowly ever since.
  • Seek a mentoring couple, older than you, whose marriage your really respect and admire. Look for folks who have the kind of dynamic, kids, achievements, etc. that you desire. As far as possible, emulate them.

    Exciting time in life to be at dude! Lots of adventure ahead!

    One further thought, this one a bit dark, apologies. How attached to her family is your girlfriend? Would she be able to make a clean break from them if that's what it took for the two of you to have a healthy marriage (not saying it is necessarily at all, but it is a possibility)? We've seen a few young marriages implode when fights got ugly and one spouse or the other ran home to mom&dad instead of working it out.
u/lizerpetty · 1 pointr/Marriage

I am a stay at home mom and I have two young kids, and it's hard, but dang dude, I really feel for you man. Maybe you should check out Married Red Pill. Do you think maybe she is repeating patterns that her mother may have precedented? I was starting to act like my mother early on in my marriage and I knew I did not ever want a marriage like my parents. I wanted to be happy. On my own accord, I read a book called "why can't you read my mind?"
https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Thought-Patterns-Loving-Relationship/dp/1569244758

It helped me learn that I was trashing my husband in my mind to myself and we were ganging up on him and I was lashing out at him because I had made myself think he was this jerk. (Does that make sense?) I would tell you to suggest it to her, but she would probably try to rip your balls off. I also recommend "Boundaries in marriage"

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310243149

Maybe if you bought the books for yourself, and she saw you reading them, maybe she would be more open to reading them. It wouldn't hurt for you to read some stuff too. She kind of sounds like she has NPD, but that might be jumping the gun somewhat. Good luck dude! If you don't do something you are gonna be miserable.

u/chrislbraman · 1 pointr/survivinginfidelity

It sounds as if you become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. However, his character issues demand more than love in order to mature. Love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies. And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...


I highly suggest the book boundaries in Marriage. It help me to realize when I was being manipulated, what was acceptable and ultimately gave me my power back.

Good luck to you and PM me anytime.

u/like_my_fire · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I tend to do pretty well with pain in general, and it really was like intense period cramps; but I had also done lots of mental prep for labor pain in particular. A great resource for me was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which helped me frame the pain of labor contractions in a productive, actually kind of beautiful way. I mentioned thinking of them as waves--well, I grew up on a farm, so I visualized them a lot in advance as waves of wind through wheat fields; and I love trees, so I connected the idea of labor to the breezes waving through the branches--especially during woodsy walks. In general, whenever I was walking and things got uncomfy or having Braxton-Hicks, I did those kinds of visualizations as well as deep breathing with my intentions directed toward labor practice. Additionally, I really connected with the pregnancy and birth stories from various religions, so my labor preparation and expectations were deeply spiritual for me too. I think that prep helped me not do any second guessing during the real deal. Funnily, my midwife applauded my physical control and bodily self-knowledge afterwards, but I've actually got a history of feeling disconnected from and out of control of my body, with some out of body experiences since childhood and some chronic pain issues--however, I did some major mental work with those issues during my pregnancy, so that probably helped too.

I did not have to visit the hospital, thankfully! My SO said my midwife was making some concerned faces towards the end, and she admitted she thought she might have to do an episiotomy--but she didn't, though I had three 1st degree tears that she stitched. I've had a UTI this past week, but that's as complicated as it has gotten, thankfully!

I hope the additional info helps!

u/onejollyant · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

If you are in the US, you can choose between

  1. OB,
  2. Certified Nurse Midwife (CNW), or
  3. Licensed / Certified / Professional (Traditional) Midwife

    Generally, OBs see birth as a medical event (in which a woman's body is often faulty and require a doctor to bail out). That's why all the restrictions are placed on the woman giving birth. I think OBs have come a long way since literally strapping moms down, but then again all the birth stories here seem to always mention pit and epidural, so I am not so sure...

    Traditional midwives see birth as a natural event (in which a woman's body is designed to give birth, and it should be only in extreme exceptional cases when a doc is needed). Hence midwives encourage you to do what you feel instinctively to want to do during birth, whether changing positions or eating and drinking.

    CNW span somewhere in between. The difference between CNW and a traditional midwife is that CNWs are nurses who receive medical training. Whereas a traditional midwife usually comes from experienced based training.

    I highly recommend reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" to get a full understanding of how traditional midwife believes contrast to that of OB.

    http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

    Hope this helps.
u/nabil1030 · 1 pointr/AskDocs

Here's a dissertation on the topic of unassisted childbirths: http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1387&context=etd

The estimate is 5,000 in North America per year. There are many valid reasons to consider it. My wife did not feel respected at all in her first labor. So we are planning for an unassisted (home) childbirth for our child on the way. She feels safer birthing at home than at the hospital. We much better prepared this time around, read books (Labor Progress Handbook, Husband-Coached Childbirth, Spiritual Midwifery, and Guide to Childbirth), and taking a Bradley Method course.

If someone is courageous/desperate/traumatized enough to consider unassisted home birth and share such with you, your conversation with her will likely be more productive by starting with finding out her reasons. This will likely help you meet her where she is. Feel free to post back about how the conversation evolves.

u/bravenewgirl85 · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

I was having a pregnancy hormone induced night last night when i wrote this. I really wasnt expecting anyone to even read this. Thank you to all who responded. I am currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which was an eye opener for me about how your body performs under stress. I have been using the breathing techniques and my anxiety has started to lessen. I am always looking for positive books on parenting and so I will definitely pick that one up as well. I called and am waiting for a call back tomorrow on a list of therapists for myself and my husband and i. Thank you guys again for your encouraging words. It really means a lot.

u/chad_ · 1 pointr/daddit

My wife is tiny, too. Not short, but super thin, naturally. Everyone always told her that she wouldn't be able to have kids without having c-section, but she was determined. With our first, we read a lot to prepare and learned about what the various ideas on birth are. A favorite read for us was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It's kinda on the hippy/crunchy end of the spectrum but it gave her a lot of confidence in the idea that she was made for the job. A lot of other books focus on the problems you might encounter, but not on the central fact of the matter which is that women are made for it.

That said, we had a great birth plan for our first that reflected exactly what she hoped to get out of the experience. She wanted to try to go through with the birth as naturally as possible, with no interventions. No induction of labor, no epidural, no cesarean. We wrote it up, and she signed some papers giving me the power to make decisions during her stay. I'm not going to lie to you, there came a point in the evening of his birth when she told me to "eff it, give me drugs.. a c-section...whatever it takes. Just get him out!". I didn't let her have it, and it was HARD not to, after nearly 3 hours of pushing (not including the 10 hours or so of laboring...). In the end, it was worth it. She did it how she wanted, and we came home right after with a beautiful son.

Her recovery went smoothly and our stay was over the next afternoon.

For that one, we made the birth plan maybe a month and a half or two months in advance. We planned to do the same for the second but she was born 3 months early, so we were confronted in more emergency situations with the decisions. She ended up hospitalized for weeks with an IV drip of magnesium sulfate, and occasional shots of steroids to help our baby's lungs develop. She labored for 9 days in a hospital bed, and in the end had to have an epidural for the birth. Our daughter was born vaginally and weighed only 3lbs, and is now a perfectly healthy (nearly) 1 year old.

tll;dr: things might go as planned, or might not. Make a plan and try to stick with it, but don't sweat it if you're thrown a curve ball. Be there in whatever capacity your wife needs, and you'll make it through.


mag sulfate used to be used to slow labor, but has been found apparently to not necessarily do that. There have been studies that show, however, that in premature births, babies born while it's being administered have a lower incidence of brain damage. Scary stuff.

u/allofthebeards · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

If you can afford it, get a doula to help you stay focused on your goals and help you advocate for yourself with the medical stuff.

If you haven't read these books, read them, and realize you can still have the birth you want, even in a hospital. They mostly take place in birth centers but I don't think that limits you. Do your midwive's have privileges at your hospital? If I risk out of my birth center my midwive's would still be at the hospital with me helping me avoid intervention when possible.

Spontaneous Joyful Natural Birth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984774696/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_unsmxbPZHJGV9

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UnsmxbK2RDTYK

If you want SO's help getting you ready to have the birth you want even in the hospital, have them read this-

The Birth Partner - Revised 4th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/155832819X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Kosmxb3AA7EZB

u/vermiciousknidlet · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I'm pregnant with my first so I don't have the same experience, but in addition to second/thirding the idea of therapy, I would suggest reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (linked below) if you are interested in having a VBAC as well as a healing birth experience this time. The book has tons of real-life birth stories, as well as really good information about how women's bodies naturally work (and how medical interventions often make things worse). Ina May's birth center in Tennessee has incredibly low rates of intervention, including c-section, and she's considered by many people to be the best and most experienced midwife around.

If it's feasible for you - I don't know your location, finances, etc obviously - it would be a good idea to find an experienced midwife or at least a doula who can sympathize with your medical anxiety, give you information and options regarding natural childbirth including VBAC, and help you find a place (whether that's a hospital, birth center, at home, wherever) that you feel safe giving birth.

I, too, have anxiety about medical procedures and I pretty much never go to the doctor - I feel that they treat symptoms and not the underlying problems, and they are too quick to push interventions (not least of all on pregnant/birthing women). That whole "oversized baby" problem is usually not true, and unless you have a deformed pelvis from rickets or something, there are very few true cases where a newborn is physically too large to fit through the mother's pelvis. I am not mentioning this to dig at anything from the past, but to encourage you to believe in your body's natural ability to give birth to the baby that it grows. I'm sorry that you went through a traumatic birth experience with your first and I hope that whatever you decide that the second one will help heal the pain from that.

https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1467611746&sr=1-1&keywords=ina+may%27s+guide+to+childbirth

u/ground_hogs · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I've been reading Ina May Gaskin and also talking to recent moms who had natural births and it's helping a lot. I'm still nervous and scared, but trying to practice relaxing and changing my mindset about the "pain" of childbirth. One of the women I talked with described it more as just being really uncomfortable - like a bizarre combination of the worst period cramps, intense need to vomit and poop, and lots of weird sensations she'd never felt before. She said the stitches from tearing and later on having a blocked duct when breastfeeding were more painful than labor or birth. I know everyone's experience is different, but it makes me feel a little better to think about it as a lot of strange sensations that might not be best described as painful. If I can survive having a broken bone reset with no anesthesia, then I've got this. :)

u/ruby_saffron · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

My book recommendation is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth!

u/Timey_Wimey · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way have been two fantastic resources for me. I highly recommend them if you're more into the natural side of childbirth, and I even found them to be a great prep for what's to come even though I haven't really made my mind up about natural vs. ... whatever else happens that day lol. But I felt that they gave a more accurate (and positive) description of what birth is like than any other source I've read so far.

EDIT: for links

u/hersheykiss7761 · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I heard such great things about The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy, that when I found out about this pregnancy I ran to the bookstore to pick it up. I don't know if I just didn't understand her humor, but I hated it. I thought it was really condescending and though she claims she is no professional she generalized a lot. I personally did enjoy What to Expect when You're Expecting book, but I was told to completely skip the chapter on food, and that seems to be where a lot of the hatred from the book stems from. I'm currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and so far I like it a lot :)

u/hydrogenbound · 1 pointr/NewParents

You're going to be a great dad! I recommend Ina May's guide to childbirth it helped me have such a blissful birth. And the womanly art of breastfeeding seriously, buy then now, or borrow from library!!! Best of luck!

u/nowonthemarket · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I was going to say the same thing, but also wanted to be respectful of the OP freaking out.
Start by focusing on keeping your wife healthy (vitamins, real food) and then start reading about natural childbirth. (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth changed my life as a woman considering having a baby.)
It will save you money, but most importantly, it will be good for your wife and your new baby.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

u/thegovernmentinc · 1 pointr/explainlikeimfive

The pain stopped instantly; I was amazed. Had read this to be true, but the actual realization stunned me. I found that accepting and managing the pain as it ramped up gave my body time to release more endorphins to compensate. I'll find the name of a book I read and post it later as an edit; it was the single-most useful book I read during either pregnancy.

Edit: The book is by Ina May Gaskin, The Guide to Childbirth (https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0553381156/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484432450&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=ina+may+gaskin&dpPl=1&dpID=51XDRTR8LfL&ref=plSrch). I mostly skipped the first section of the book which was women recounting their birth scenarios - had read a lot of those previously - and went to the second section that discusses the mechanisms of childbirth, the stages of labour, and what our bodies do to accommodate, manage, and progress birth.

u/hyloda · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Your husband is a douchebag. Sorry. When he can carry and push a baby out of HIS hoo-ha, he can freakin' decide what birth he wants. His resistance/ambivalence to your plan/emotions/desires just really blows. If I were in your position, I'd be so effing pissed. It really doesn't matter what research your provide him. It is really easy to critique all research. If he's made up his mind and is deadset...well, what can you do?

Require that he read these two books:

  • http://www.amazon.com/Childbirth-without-Fear-Principles-Practice/dp/0953096467/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1314615929&sr=8-3

  • http://www.amazon.com/Husband-Coached-Childbirth-Fifth-Bradley-Natural/dp/055338516X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314616093&sr=1-2

    I had 2 of 3 of my girls at a free-standing birth center with a certified nurse midwife. I wish I had just used a certified midwife and had a homebirth. Yeah, my births were great. They could have been better. Birthing at home, IMO, would have been much more comfie.

    I had to have an emergency induction for my third because my water was low. There is a time and place for medicalization of the birth--and that time is when it becomes dangerous. Birth, itself, is not a dangerous process. I hated my hospital birth. I felt like goddamn prisoner. They had this two page checklist of tasks that they were requiring I complete before they would allow me to check out. What? Seriously? After I gave birth at the birth center, I was able to go climb into my own bed at home in two hours. And I delivered in what was supposedly the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the COUNTRY: Loma Linda University Medical Center. Jesus, if that is the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the country, the whole country has a long way to go. Yeah, sure, they do rooming-in; tons of free breastfeeding paraphernalia; and beautiful, spacious, private post-partum rooms, but there is so much more to birthing and bonding than that!

    My eldest daughter summed it up nicely when she asked me why a birthing friend chose to have her birth at a hospital, "Why is she going to the hospital? She's not sick."

    Also, my husband was on board with the midwife because his mother had completely safe births using midwives, also.

    Edited for formatting.
u/shmushers · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

We read Husband Coached Childbirth and took the class and it focused heavily on its relaxation methods and had a few exercises that are not difficult but have made a difference in my comfort. Mostly kegels and pelvic rocks. But the relaxation practice is key for getting through contractions. I've also heard good things about hypnobirthing but haven't looked much into it.

u/chellerator · 1 pointr/BabyBumps
u/bedgar · 1 pointr/sex

Please guys and girls (especially guys) order and read this book

You want to have a quality life together, read this book together with your special someone. You don't have to be married either. The sooner you apply the principles in this book, the sooner you will be on your way to a fantastic life together.

u/kiwispouse · 1 pointr/AskWomen

for no-nonsense, practical advice i highly recommend Fall in Love, Stay in Love and His Needs, Her Needs.

if you aren't yet involved in a LTR and are wondering whether to commit, Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders is an education.

if your relationship is struggling or in crisis, Love Busters is a good workbook.

harley is a clinical psychologist who specializes in marriage, and his behaviour modification techniques have a proven track record. i generally don't believe in the whole "self help" genre; however, by implementing harley's advice (which focuses around having an integrated life), we've built a strong marriage. it's not for everyone (nothing is), but his books are something i really can wholeheartedly recommend.

edit: sorry, i was talking with someone and forgot to click over to the tab with the actual list. i see HNHN is on there!

u/WalkingHumble · 1 pointr/Christianity

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Jr. Harley.

Even 10 years in, some of the discussion questions brought up issues myself and my wife had never discussed with each other and were holding onto that was causing resentment.

u/deedee0323 · 1 pointr/weddingplanning

We are considering this one.

u/haresenpai · 1 pointr/islam
u/l2ound · 1 pointr/atheism

Check out this book OP. It might help. Good luck!

u/bright_idea · 1 pointr/mormon

I highly recommend reading In Faith and In Doubt both my husband (Mormon) and I (agnostic) read it and it’s done wonders to help us respect each other’s viewpoints and feel optimistic about our differences.

Side note: For whatever reason the book is kinda pricey to buy on Amazon, so we listened to it on Audible, which is free if you are just signing up or one credit if you already have an account.

u/FinallyAtheist · 1 pointr/TrueAtheism

Sounds like things are going well. My only recommendation beyond whatever you've gleaned from other comments is to read In Faith and in Doubt by Dale McGowan. He analyzes mixed-faith relationships and offers ideas on what works and what doesn't. Good luck.

u/FreethinkingMFT · 1 pointr/exchristian

It is great that she has doubts but there is no guarantee that she will de-convert. You might check out Dale McGowan's new book on atheist/Christian marriages to get some research-backed info on how to make it work: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0814433723?pc_redir=1411223486&robot_redir=1 (sorry, on mobile)

u/iMiahD · 1 pointr/atheism

"Parts of her" 😒

In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0814433723/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?keywords=in%20faith%20and%20in%20doubt&qid=1402320041&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

u/lutheranian · 1 pointr/sex

>Sometimes I thinks its about religion cause she is Christian and I'm not.

I'm a Christian and I grew up in the Baptist church, which basically beats it into the head of their youth that premarital sex is the worst thing in the world. I was basically too scared to think about it, so I wasn't comfortable with my body or sexuality at all.

I'm getting married in a few months, and I'd highly recommend getting your wife this book: Sheet Music by Kevin Lehmann. Reading it together would increase intimacy between you two. I'm not marrying a non-theist, but if I was, and he offered to read this book about the Christian approach sexual intimacy with me, I'd feel it made us closer because he made the decision to involve himself in this one aspect of Christianity for the sake of strengthening of our marriage.

u/human_rebar · 1 pointr/religion

> So basically, people are devoting large portions of their lives to preserving purity and virginity until marriage and then they finally get married and they don’t even have good sex. Unless they are having great sex and not telling anyone about it…

If you're interested in a pretty mainstream take on things, I recommend the book Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman. Generally this sort of curriculum is covered in the counseling that churches require of engaged couples. Often there is something similar for newlyweds, too. Additionally, there are numerous programs, groups, and so on that already married couples participate in. Many of them specifically focus on the importance of sex in a Christian marriage.

My point is that "pure" couples [1] do discuss their sex lives. Just not with you or in blogs. I'll get to that later.

As far as sex being great? If a husband and wife have sex for the first time on their honeymoon, it will be about as good as two virgins having sex. It's generally accepted that sex will get better as the spouses explore their joint sexuality together.

Now, sex problems are common in Christian couples. A marriage of two virgins is not very common [2], so there's usually some spiritual baggage to work through there. On top of that, sexual history that was unhealthy, compulsive, adulterous, or abusive is more common than you might guess. Even spouses who brings no issues into their married sex lives, differences in expectations and appetites will need to be worked through. I'm sure there's more I'm leaving out.

Key to all of that is this: A healthy Christian in a healthy Christian community will have a safe place to go when they need to talk about sexual issues (and successes!). If the couple can't work through sexual problems on their own, they will have trusted friends to ask for advice, sympathy, tough love, and support through difficulties. Also, it's actually very common for groups of Christian wives to get together to encourage each other to make sex a fun priority -- with ideas, goals, encouragement, silliness, and so on. This is especially important after kids come into the picture.

Finally, I think many people on reddit haven't seriously considered the benefits of the couple who get married without any sexual history. I'll leave that part out for now because it's harder to explain, but I can take a crack at it if anyone's interested.

[1] No one is 100% pure. It's more of an aspiration than a measurement.

[2] In fact, it is generally accepted that young men are less pure going into marriage to do social stigma attached to male virginity, the lack of stigma attached to male promiscuity, easy-to-access pornography, and so on.

u/ellenad · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

I am assuming faith had something to do with your decision. Buy Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0842360247/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1395901096&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40

If I made the wrong assumption, forgive me.

Either way - good luck. At year 14 of marriage all I can say is it's better than it ever was.

u/SirLamplover · 1 pointr/mead

I couldn't find mead anywhere in the store either, anywhere I asked I just got weird looks. So I did some online research and it turns out that one of the local wineries makes award winning mead. I'm pretty blessed though as there are about 20 wineries less than 5km from my house, and about 100 if I'm willing to go 30 minutes.

I went and tasted 6 meads and bought a bottle (This one). They ranged from semi-sweet to very very sweet (30g/L to 100g/L residual sugar). The one I bought was their "dry mead". It didn't have as strong of a honey taste as I expected. It reminded me of white wine, but don't get me wrong it did have some great notes of honey in the flavor and aroma. Their sweeter ones definitely had more honey flavour and were very viscous (because generally more honey is used to make them) and they also generally had a higher ABV (due to higher specific gravity). Even though the mead i bought was their dry mead, it still contained 30g/L and I was definitely hanging the next day from it. However using the technical notes on their site I gather I can make a drier mead myself.

If you like white wine, you will like mead and I am having a lot of fun learning and planning my first batch. I'm reading this book and it is excellent. Use this to help calculate how much honey you will need, your potential ABV and SG. Also take a look at Gotmead.com and homebrewtalk.com.

u/searchmyname · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

List of Michigan Brewers. Probably a little out dated.

I would recommend trying Oddside whenever you can get a chance, by far my favorite "new to bottling" Michigan brewer. The Livery has amazing sours/wilds if you ever catch them at a beer fest or go to their brewery.

Theres a ton of other information I could give but I say look into it yourself!

Also for you mead lovers, we have B. Nektar and Shramm's, owned by [the man that wrote the book on mead making] (http://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802/ref=la_B001KCJ71K_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404363819&sr=1-1), both housed in Ferndale Michigan.

Here is a list of the "Best Of 2014" beer list from Rate Beer. You can see Michigan listed quite a few times, especially in the mead category.

1 51 North Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Lake Orion
2 57 Brew Pub & Bistro - Greenville
3 Arbor Brewing Company Pub and Eatery - Ann Arbor
4 Arbor Brewing Company - Corner Brewery - Ypsilanti
5 Arcadia - Battle Creek
6 Atwater Block Brewing - Detroit
7 B.A.R.T.S. Bay City - Bay City
8 Bad Bear Brewery - Albion
9 Barking Cat Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Otsego
10 Barn Brew Pub - Grand Ledge
11 Bastone Brewery - Royal Oak
12 Batch Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Detroit
13 Beards Brewery - Petoskey
14 Beggars Brewery (coming soon!) - Traverse City
15 Bell's Brewery - Kalamazoo
16 Bifferhaus Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Jackson
17 Big Buck Brewery & Steakhouse - Gaylord
18 Big Lake Brewing - (coming soon!) Holland
19 Big 'O' Brewery (at Good Neighbor Organic) - Northport
20 Big Rapids Brewing Company (located inside Blue Cow Cafe) - Big Rapids
21 Big Rock Chop House - Birmingham
22 Bilbo's Pizza & Brewing Company - Kalamazoo
23 Black Lotus Brewing Company - Clawson
24 Blackrocks Brewery - Marquette
25 Blue Tractor BBQ & Brewery - Ann Arbor
26 Boatyard Brewing Co. - Kalamazoo
27 B.O.B.'s Brewery - Grand Rapids
28 Bravo Restaurant & Cafe - Kalamazoo
29 Bravo Zulu - Williamsburg
30 Brewery Becker (coming soon!) - Brighton
31 Brewery Ferment - Traverse City
32 Brewery Terra Firma - Traverse City
33 Brewery Vivant - Grand Rapids
34 BrickSide Brewery - Copper Harbor
35 Cheboygan Brewing Company - Cheboygan
36 Chelsea Alehouse - Chelsea
37 CJ's Brewing Company - Plymouth
38 Constantine Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Constantine
39 Copper Canyon Brewery - Southfield
40 Cotton Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Adrian
41 Cranker's Brewery - Big Rapids
42 Dark Horse Brewing Company - Marshall
43 Detroit Beer Company (The Beer Co.'s) - Detroit
44 Dewey Cannon Winery & Brewery - Three Oaks
45 Dore Riverview Complex - Bay City
46 Dragonmead Microbrewery - Warren
47 EagleMonk Pub and Brewery - Lansing
48 Elk Brewing (coming soon?) - Grand Rapids
49 Falling Down Beer Company - Warren
50 Fenton Winery and Brewery - Fenton
51 Fetch Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Whitehall
52 The Filling Station - Traverse City
53 Fletcher Street Brewing Company - Alpena
54 Fort Street Brewery - Lincoln Park
55 Founders Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
56 Frankenmuth Brewery - Frankenmuth
57 Frog Island Brewery - Ann Arbor
58 Gonzo's Bigg Dogg Brewery - Kalamazoo
59 Grand River Marketplace - Jackson
60 Grand Rapids Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
61 Granite City Food and Brewery - Troy
62 Gravel Bottom Brewery - Ada
63 Great Baraboo Brewing Company - Clinton Twp
64 Greenbush Brewing Company - Sawyer
65 Griffin Claw Brewing Company - Birmingham
66 Grizzly Peak Brewing Company - Ann Arbor
67 Harmony Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
68 Harper's Restaurant & Brewpub - Lansing
69 Hereford & Hops Brewpub - Escanaba
70 The Hideout Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
71 Hometown Cellars Winery & Brewpub - Ithaca
72 Hopcat - Grand Rapids
73 Jaden James Brewery at Cascade Winery - Kentwood
74 Jamesport Brewing Company - Ludington
75 Jasper Ridge Brewery - Ishpeming
76 Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales - Dexter
77 Jolly Pumpkin Cafe & Brewery - Ann Arbor
78 Jolly Pumpkin Restaurant, Brewery, Distillery - Traverse City
79 Keweenaw Brewing Company - Houghton
80 Kilkenny's Irish Public House - Traverse City
81 Kraftbräu (coming back soon?) - Kalamazoo
82 Kuhnhenn Brewing Company - Warren
83 Lake Superior Brewing Company - Grand Marais
84 Latitude 42 Brewing Company - Portage
85 Leelanau Brewing Company - Leland
86 Liberty Street Brewing Company - Plymouth
87 The Library Restaurant & Brewpub - Houghton
88 Lily's Seafood Grill & Brewery - Royal Oak
89 The Livery - Benton Harbor
90 Mackinaw Brewing Company - Traverse City
91 Michigan Beer Cellar - Sparta
92 Middle Villa Inn & Microbrewery - Middleville
93 Midland Brewing Company - Midland
94 Midtown Beer Company - Lansing
95 MillKing It Productions - Royal Oak
96 The Mitten Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
97 Motor City Brewing Works - Detroit
98 Mount Pleasant Brewing Co./Mountain Town Station Brew Pub and Steakhouse - Mount Pleasant
99 New Holland Brewing Company - Holland
100 North Peak Brewing Company - Traverse City
101 Odd Side Ales - Grand Haven
102 Olde Peninsula Brewpub - Kalamazoo
103 Old Boys Brewhouse - Spring Lake
104 Old Mill Brewpub & Grill - Plainwell
105 Ore Dock Brewing Company - Marquette
106 Original Gravity Brewing Company - Milan
107 Osgood Brewing - Grandville
108 Our Brewing Company - Holland
109 Patchwork Brewing - Decatur
110 Paw Paw Brewing Company - Paw Paw
111 Perrin Brewing Company- Alpine Township
112 Petoskey Brewing - Petoskey
113 Pike 51 Brewery - Hudsonville
114 Quay Street Brewing Company - Port Huron
115 Rare Bird Brewery and Taproom (coming soon!) - Traverse City
116 Red Jacket Brewing Company - Calumet
117 Redwood Brewing Company - Flint
118 Right Brain Brewery - Traverse City
119 Rochester Mills Beer Company (The Beer Co.'s) - Rochester
120 Rockford Brewing Company - Rockford
121 Round Barn Brewery - Baroda
122 Royal Oak Brewery (The Beer Co.'s) - Royal Oak
123 Rupert's Brew House - Kalamazoo
124 Saugatuck Brewing Company - Douglas
125 Schmohz Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
126 Sherwood Brewing Company - Shelby Township
127 Shooter's Firehouse Brewpub -- Munising
128 Short's Brewing Company - Bellaire
129 Soo Brewing Company - Sault St. Marie
130 Sports Brew Pub - Wyandotte
131 Stormcloud Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Traverse City
132 Sue's Coffee House - St. Clair
133 Sugarfoot Saloon - Cedar
134 Sullivan's Black Forest Brew Haus & Grill - Frankenmuth
135 Tahquamenon Falls Brewery & Pub - Paradise
136 Tapistry Brewing - Bridgman
137 Traffic Jam & Snug - Detroit
138 Travelers Club International Restaurant & Tuba Museum - Okemos
139 Tri-City Brewing Company - Bay City
140 Unruly Brewing Co. - Muskegon
141 Upper Peninsula Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Marquette
142 Vander Mill - Spring Lake
143 The Vierling Restaurant & Marquette Harbor Brewery - Marquette
144 Vinomondo Winery; Brew Pub - Fort Gratiot
145 Walldorff Brewpub & Bistro - Hastings
146 White Flame Brewing Company - Hudsonville
147 Wiltse's Brew Pub - Oscoda
148 Witch's Hat Brewing Company - South Lyon
149 Wolverine State Brewing Co. - Ann Arbor
150 Woodward Avenue Brewers - Ferndale
151 The Workshop Brewing Company - Traverse City

u/Shanbo88 · 1 pointr/mead

It's "The Compleat Meadmaker" by Ken Schramm. I've been wanting to start into meadmaking for a long time now and anything I read around the forums pointed towards the book. People seem to use it as a sort of reference guide for almost anything.

Here's where I got it :D

u/gaelraibead · 1 pointr/pagan

Have you discovered r/mead and r/homebrewing yet? Also, if you don't own a copy already, Ken Schramm's Compleat Meadmaker is the single best book EVER. I've got a blueberry melomel and an orange-mango melomel about ready to bottle sometime in the next two weeks, and the wait is KILLING me.

Awesome, I'll add it to my wish list!

u/cardeeznutz · 1 pointr/Homebrewing

Also, check out The Complete Meadmaker, it's very informative and pretty cheap.

u/tatsuu · 1 pointr/Homebrewing

If you are looking for brewing things other than beer, The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Shramm is a good authority on mead.

I have also heard good things about The New Cider Maker's Handbook: A Comprehensive Guide for Craft Producers by Claude Jolicoeur if you are looking to make some ciders. I haven't read it, but it is the next one in the stack.

u/EavingO · 1 pointr/mead

As is listed in the wiki that TripleBangin linked The Compleat Meadmaker is a great starting point and depending on where you live if there is a decent home brew store you may want to check there. I'd also say dive in and go for a learn by doing. Large batches of mead can get expensive just in your honey budget, but a gallon of mead isn't all that bad(though a few assorted reusable parts will add to the cost of that first batch).

u/ohbenito · 1 pointr/mead

https://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478545311&sr=8-1&keywords=complete+meadmaker
this is a great place to start learning.
do take into account that he is talking from a wine makers perspective.
very good meads can be made from more of a beer/brewers tech also.

u/zofoandrew · 1 pointr/mead

No one here can tell you everything they know about how to make mead in one post. There is a lot to know. This book is commonly referred to as the mead bible.

To sum it up in one sentence: Use the best ingredients you can find and learn how to pamper your yeast

u/snugy_wumpkins · 1 pointr/leanfire

/r/mead is a wonderful resource, as is The Compleat Meadmaker. http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

From there, it's logging your recipes and patience. The sidebar in /r/mead has tons of fantastic information and the community is generally very nice.

u/moonshinewillie · 1 pointr/mead
u/Kijad · 1 pointr/mead

I'll have to wait to get it - I believe it was a recipe from The Compleat Meadmaker but I'd have to find out which particular recipe we used.

u/uberfission · 1 pointr/mead

I think I remember reading in http://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802 that orange blossom has a very high sugar content. So if you're going with a JAOM, I think more sugar = more better. Also, The Compleat Meadmaker is an okay book if you want a reference for some basic procedure/recipes.

u/Doctor_Brain-Wave · 1 pointr/mead

The pressure from the built up carbon dioxide would have forced the cork out of the bottle, thereby avoiding showering the area with glass. That's the lesson you should have learned and that's the lesson someone should have taught you (or you should have learned from research) before you bottled your first ever batch of mead in growlers. The other lesson you should have learned was not to back sweeten without first dosing the batch with Camden tablets unless you were making a sparkling mead in champagne bottles.


I really don't mean to come across as a prick, but in the past two years I've been making mead and participating here, I've seen countless people dive headfirst into this hobby without so much as a cursory lesson in mead making. Sure, it takes no brains to throw store bought honey, tap water, bread yeast, and Sunmaid raisins into a milk jug and tie a balloon over the mouth with a couple holes punched in it, but honestly, that's disrespecting the hobby, the process, and the mead itself.

As in depth and confusing as Ken Schramm's The Compleat Meadmaker gets in later chapters, I believe that everybody that insists on going through with even one batch of mead needs to read at least some of this book.


u/Kimalyn · 1 pointr/mead

I don't. We're just starting, so we have this kit

We did the 5 gallon beginner recipe from this book. It didn't occur to me until after initial brewing that having all that surface area touching the air could be bad during the secondary fermentation.

u/VelvetRibbit · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. Aspergers isn't necessarily classified as a mental illness, but without some coping strategies it lead to some dysfunction in the author's marriage and other relationships.

u/xtralarge65 · 1 pointr/bloomington

I know you don't realize this, but it doesn't matter if you are tolerant or not. You haven't learned how to behave in public.

When someone posts about their horror movie, you don't post saying horror movies suck. No one at all cares what you think about that and didn't ask for your opinion.

People told you that on that thread, but you still didn't get it.

Maybe you should read this book?

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

I know it isn't directly on point but maybe it will teach you how to deal with others more effectively.

u/kuroiniji · 1 pointr/FeMRADebates

> I'm unable to even try to get a diagnosis. Yes, try to get.

You won't actually be able to get a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (AS), it doesn't exist anymore. AS was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in May 2013, I covered some of this in a reply to the post on WHO removing some gender based disorders from the ICD.

In Australia the removal of AS has led to people who would be otherwise diagnosed with AS be diagnosed as having social communication disorder. As social communication disorder isn't recognised as an autism spectrum disorder, there isn't any funding or additional support available to those diagnosed as having it.

> Oh and, the HUGE absence of resources for aspies over 18. It's as if the system assumes it's a "kid thing" and that you either die as a kid (like a lot of orphan diseases) or that symptoms no longer exist as adults.

As someone who wasn't diagnosed with AS until I was 30, this is a big issue. While I am successsfully able to manage without needing professional support, there are aother people I know who can't.

That said, there are a lot of good books and other resources out there. Two that I have found invaluable are Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and Ashley Stanford's Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships. Being a partner and parent with AS has it's challenges but being a good partner and great father is well worth the effort.

For a more light hearted look at things, David Finch's The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband is a great autobiography which I also learned a great deal from.

If you have any questions or want someone to talk to, you just need to ask.

u/zaiueo · 1 pointr/aspergers

This book was helpful for me and my wife.

u/zmnatz · 1 pointr/aspergers

You basically just described my last serious relationship to a tee. Being understanding of one another is very important. Especially being understanding that you are both trying to make it work. If you stop being able to take each others' word and aren't trusting each other, that's when things go down hill.

Bad news, that relationship did not work out. In the end, I grew a lot and figured out a lot of ways of dealing with my disorder but it was not enough to overcome a lot of the pain we'd caused each other. Good news, it can work. I'm in a much healthier relationship these days (4 years later) Just keep working on yourself and growing as a person.

Book recommendation:
This book helped me a lot in understanding what we could have done better.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439189749/
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

u/RedPillPowerNine · 1 pointr/Marriage

Ok your story is not unique, I have heard it a million times. First read this:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Then when you are done, read this:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900

After you finish those, you will be a new man.

You might even leave her.

If you want to stay married throw this one in aswell:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Fix you, you are the problem. You might have picked the wrong woman.

u/Gizmo-Duck · 1 pointr/Marriage

You should read MMSLP.

I think it will help.

u/Iron_Man_9000 · 1 pointr/unpopularopinion

Have you read a book like Sex God Method?

​

https://www.scribd.com/document/317641132/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition-pdf

​

It sounds like you have trouble building attraction, which no amount of talking will fix. Athol Kay's Married Man's sex life is another good book.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

​

Another option is if your wife has been molested or sexually assaulted. It really screws a person up.

u/AdNinja · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

Read MMSL (the book) (this is apparently the only thing I post). I've found it empowering, gives me something to do while on the path to decision making.

u/captainthrowaway77 · 1 pointr/sex

Please read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

It describes exactly your situation and can tell you exactly what you need to do. The author has a website here also: http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

It doesn't have to end in divorce. Hope that helps.

u/Raging_Dragon · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

Interesting situation to be in, as long as you keep doing the things that demonstrate your value to her, you should be fine. Again, here's the link for the book:

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Very good reading and advice. He has a blog too and a coaching service if you're interesting in deeper self improvement.

u/xkcdFan1011011101111 · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

I had a bit of success after reading through the Married Man Sex Life Primer

The book is quite over the top, so take everything in it with a grain of salt.

That said, the book uses an evolutionary biology perspective to explain what the typical woman responds to.

For example, a male complaining about a lack of sex is a huge turn-off to most women in addition to upping performance anxiety. The book specifically recommends to not do this. Instead, the book suggests creating opportunities to have sex and confidently asking for it. If she doesn't respond, brush it off like no big deal.

The book has a whole list of things you can do to slowly get your wife more excited about getting back under the sheets. The number one suggestion is to get in better shape. Not only does it make you look more attractive, but it will help you feel better and more confident, which are also turn-ons for typical women.

u/tyofwa · 1 pointr/relationships

It may be that her low libido and poor self image is a reflection of your leadership in the marriage or lack thereof. Desire cannot be negociated, bartered, or bought. She has to intrinsically feel it or be led to it by your actions. A short vacation may be a nice start, but realistically it requires more time and changes. Furthermore it may add extra pressure for her to "be romantic" because of all the effort you put out.

Most of the advice in this thread recommends actions which will make it clear to her that you place her on a pedestal. While that makes for good storybooks, most of the time it ends up building guilt and resentment.


Spend a little cash and read Married Man Sex Life Primer.

Cheers!

u/SexistFlyingPig · 1 pointr/askMRP

You are changing the course of your ship. So I'd say "Steady as she goes, Cap'n."

I have a 6 year old daughter. She and I differ on opinion on many things. She thinks that potato chips make a great healthy meal. I do not. We don't "fight" over this topic. I make dinner and we both eat it. She can voice her preferences for a bowl of sugar with a cherry on top, but we are having chicken with rice instead. My daughter respects me and accepts what I decide.

Fighting with my daughter, even if I win, hurts my position of respect. If a fight is inevitable and unavoidable, then I face it full on and I make damn sure I win, but I don't go seeking out the fight.

From your description it sounds like you are honestly on the path to a life of happiness. You're not there yet, since sex isn't plentiful yet, but you're moving in the right direction.

Recommended readings include:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488

u/Mooshaq · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

I had a pretty RP two weeks. They are of course mundane events (as the OP suggests), but big for me nonetheless, as I'm only about two months into TRP and Game.

  • I got complimented out-of-the-blue by a female friend and (later) by a random girl on my standing posture. I've always been a sloucher, and since I started TRP and Game, I've been working on it.
  • I got my brother into TRP stuff; he was in disbelief, but I gave him a well-planned (on my part) list of readings (a lot of sidebar stuff), and now he is on board.
  • I finally made out with a female friend that I was always close to but never physical with. Sure making out isn't huge, but I was stuck for three years trying to make moves. I was (am) always physically attractive to her, but I was too beta to make a move. I'll see her again soon, and hopefully finish what I started.
  • I gave MMSLP to a recently married close guy friend. He just began it, and he loves it so far. His wife isn't super against it either; she's apparently willing to see how it goes after he's implemented the strategies in the book.
  • I broke all my weightlifting PRs. It's not red pill, but I'm proud.
  • I became good friends with two guys that I used to think (in my beta days) were "misogynistic, womanizing scumbags." Turns out, I was a beta bitch, and they're super cool guys.
u/acsempronio · 1 pointr/fatlogic

Male Action Plan: as defined by this author, in The Married Man Sex Life Primer:

The book is a common-sense, realist exploration of obtaining a sexual marriage when said marriage seems to become sexless or approaching sexless. The long and the short of it is that the man does all the right things and by virtue of improving himself, he gets more sex from his wife, or ends up very ready to have a sexual relationship post divorce.

It all starts with the MAP.

u/QuietlyLearning · 1 pointr/TheRedPill
u/El_Peckbo · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1460981731/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Dude this book is for you. It deals with your problem to a T.

I am in the middle of reading this book for other reasons but your exact scenario is described, treated and hopefully cured.

u/desmi83 · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

I don't agree and would suggest this

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1460981731

u/plantpotato · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

Try "Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller. I've learned a lot about commitment through this book.

u/atr0038 · 1 pointr/news

Before you even consider getting married, I would read this book by Tim Keller. It's been super beneficial for my marriage. It's one of the highest rated books on Amazon. Here is a video of him discussing the points of the book at Google's headquarters.

u/JacobjamJacob · 1 pointr/Christianity

I would recommend this book. It is fantastic! http://www.amazon.com/The-Meaning-Marriage-Complexities-Commitment/dp/1594631875. All the best.

u/RogueFlounder · 1 pointr/ADHD

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.com/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Ey2nDb6R1T1Q9

u/c00lioiglesias · 1 pointr/pregnant

So ummm I know it’s not ok to diagnose someone after hearing one thing about them over the internet but this sounds so much like the same issue I deal with in my marriage but in reverse—I have been the one not trustworthy and my husband couldn’t handle it. Our marriage took a real hit because he lost a lot of trust. Why? I have ADHD. One of the common things a person with ADHD does is totally forget things even when they have the very best intentions. If I’m right, he is doing his very best and is working his butt off to accomplish the things he does get done and feels like that alone is worth celebrating, which it is. I could be totally wrong but if I’m right it’s important for you both to know and work through accordingly. [This book](The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.com/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_XRx3AbBE19SJZ) really helped us gain insight and perspective. Good luck!

u/r_a_g_s · 1 pointr/ADHD

I've got ADHD and it drives my wife nuts. (And we've been married for almost 26 years, which is a miracle!) Even if you're not married (yet?), you might want to check out this book, which we've found helpful.

u/zadhd · 1 pointr/ADHD

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov has a lot of good material for both people in ADHD - non-ADHD relationships.

The book is a bit light on specific practical advice, but I think the book is really good for helping you see things from your partner's point of view, which is helpful in and of itself.

u/BellaBanella · 1 pointr/ADHD

ADHDer here. My SO and I found this book extremely helpful for understanding each other's perspectives, among other things. Your perspective and the way you have been hurting is important, too. Your GF having ADHD doesn't make your feelings invalid. I used to tell my SO that it was unfair of him to be angry at me because I can't help but be the way that I am. It took a therapist telling me it wasn't fair to expect him not to have his own reactions for me to realize that truth. It's important to try to understand each other, and to try to move forward, but it's also important to let yourself feel what you feel. Just try not to get stuck in it....

u/throwaway_Rijriuv7 · 1 pointr/ADHD

Have you read The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps. I was working though it as I realized how much of an effect ADHD can have on most kinds of relationships: not just marriages, but other romantic relationships and friendships. Still got divorced, but I'm hoping I can learn not to repeat any of my uncorrected ADHD-induced shitty behavior in my next relationship, because it has the same effect on trust that saltwater corrosion has on bridges. The techniques I knew might have been good enough for school or work but they weren't working for someone who had to live with me. I'm flakey and my memory is garbage and I interrupt people but don't like being interrupted, so I made shared checklists and calendars and wrote stuff down and tried to switch to meds that made me less irritable and more able to follow a conversation.

u/kyngnothing · 1 pointr/ADHD

When you find someone who's actually willing to work with you, and "believes" in the challenges you face, I've found: http://www.amazon.com/The-ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Relationship/dp/1886941971 to be a very helpful book in understanding ADHD for the non-ADHD person in a relationship, and how it affects relationships for both of you...

u/oetoh · 1 pointr/kratom

Assuming the statistical probably that you are heterosexual, then I have to admit that being a gay dude in a major city has its advantages.

That said I have had many ADHD/AS people of various genders and orientations in my life, some of whom have done exceptionally well dating/fucking. I don't know you or what your situation is so I don't know what to say in particular so here is some spitballing that may or may not be helpful.

I have heard The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband is good though I haven't read it, and of course it skips a couple of steps (assumes you have a wife). From what I understand though it might have some ideas about how to turn what might be a deficit into a benefit.. in general I think people with neuroatypicalities have an opportunity to really think about, learn about, and practice things in a way that wouldn't occur to someone who was naturally good at it.

Like about 200 times in my life someone has said "You can't had ADHD! you are so organized!". In fact it takes me loads of time and effort to maintain what would be an effortless level of function for other people. BUT I am particularly good at organizing things in shared spaces so that they can be used effectively by many other people. And sometimes everything falls apart and I can't even do that.

At my job I am in charge organizing supply rooms and various other systems, which is a bit weird for someone with ADHD. This is because unlike most normal people I have taken the time to read about 20 books and consume lots of other information on the subject of organization, information architecture, accessible design etc. I have also made many more errors personally so I am more easily able to consider problems that could happen. And since I know I don't think like other people, I don't assume other people think like me, and I can avoid the problems caused by such assumptions (which, in many many situations, is truely a gift).

If you are the kind of person who "gets into things" you can see about "getting into" this as a project; think about it systematically. It is unlikely you will be able to jump right into casual hookups if you are straight; even neurotyical hetero men find this difficult/impossible. Women have many reasons for not wanting to engage in this sort of thing, mostly due to 20,000 of patriarchy. So that's something you just need to deal with, try to be better, and maybe in the future straight ppl can enjoy more relaxed relationships.

  1. You should acceptable working order to date; if you are a total catastrophe it will likely be unpleasant for all involved (this is why I've been out of circulation for a year or two) but the bar for this really isn't that high. Your odds will be improved if you have a regular hair cut, look good and otherwise demonstrate that you are concerned with the feelings of those around you (this is not a problem that everyone has but many of us do including myself)
  2. You need to meet people who are interested in dating (online or, better, in real life via a shared interest, volunteering, etc), get to know them, and make appropriate advances with the understanding that "no" may be the answer and it is very important not to make the other person feel bad about that
  3. You need to meet those people, in real life (you can start thinking of what kind of "first date" you and a potential date would enjoy; have a list of 5-10 options ready to go). DuckDuckGo for options.

    You will probably end up doing steps 1-3 many times before getting any further. This is normal and happens to everybody. Easier said than done but try not to hang your self esteem on any interactions. it's all a part of learning. Keep notes if that helps you.

  4. (should be 4 but the formatting won't let me) The ones you like, you see again. you will have conflicts and problems. Do your best to learn and not make the same mistakes over and over. Seek feedback. Things that aren't important to you are important to other people and you will just need to figure out how to cope with that, and your partner will need to figure out how to cope with you, and it's part of the fun.

  5. Repeat!

    Best case scenario would be to have someone whose judgement you trust to confide in and help you with reflection. Someone who will not tear you apart but help you to reflect constructively.

    One thing I would caution though if you decide to make a project of this is to stay well away from "pickup artists" or anyone else associated with "men's rights" as they are a toxic, hateful group of people who are associated with all kinds of horrible shit. There are lots of resources online specifically for atypical people. Look for them. A good general place to start is Dan Savage. he has a podcast going back a decade and an advice column going back to the early 90s. He has good judgement. Search his archives.

    Oh and one last thing--- there is a lot of stigma about sex workers in this culture but they do provide valuable services (if you can afford them!). I have known lots of sex workers in my life and all of them have worked with people in these sorts of situations. Also I've known neuroatypical people who have been very happy customers. It could be the obvious, such as getting your rocks off so you aren't so edgy. But if you look, you will find someone who will be willing to function as an educator/coach (which could include fucking or dating by way of practice, or not). They are the true sex experts. If you have friends who are sex workers or clients, referral is the best way to go. If not you'll have to do some digging online, which is getting more difficult because of new sex-negative laws that are being passed. But sex workers and clients are a very motivated and resourceful group of people, so they will always find ways around.

    You can thank vyvanse for the above.. now I have to get to work.
    hth!
u/IndustryCorporate · 1 pointr/AskMen

I don't see this mentioned in other comments -- you might want to try a "Yes, No, Maybe" list. It might seem awkward or corny, but if you are comfortable with these kinds of conversations, the list itself can be a good time.

Googling will get you everywhere for pre-made lists. You can also make your own. Here's a random collection of lists I found but haven't read.

Hope that's helpful!

EDIT: It's been pointed out to me that you are specifically talking about fantasy. If you don't actually want this stuff in real life, I think it's completely up to you whether or not you disclose your private fantasies.

If you do disclose them, you have the option of making yes/no/maybe lists for things like watching porn together, and what kinds, if you're into that. But that is still different from acting things out in real life.

ALTERNATIVE EDIT: If you actually do want to move towards acting these things out, it's also been pointed out to me that there's a book about this. Good stuff in Chapter 6 about negotiating kinks, including how to do self-made Yes/No/Maybe lists. The book is called When Someone You Love Is Kinky.

u/HollyElsie · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005HZ6FH0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

This book will help you understand more and deals with difficult issues like this .

Bio :: About one out of ten Americans is 'kinky': they may enjoy bondage, dressing in special clothes that turn them on, spanking, erotic role-playing, body modification, or any one of a number of other activities that are outside the sexual mainstream.

And each one of them is surrounded by a constellation of friends, lovers, parents, children and co-workers who may feel frightened, concerned, hurt or bewildered by lifestyles they don't understand.

Now, for anyone who's ever overhead a conversation, glimpsed a toy, or been startled by a tattoo, there's When Someone You Love Is Kinky, a sympathetic and comprehensive handbook for helping you understand the behaviors and lifestyles of the people you care about. Therapist Dossie Easton and writer/sex educator Catherine A. Liszt team up once again to help allay your fears and uncertainties and build bridges of communication that will last a lifetime.

u/donewithit6969 · 1 pointr/BlackPeopleTwitter

I don't understand the humiliation part. However, there's an interesting case made for group sex (multiple males having sex with one female) being evolutionarily natural in Sex at Dawn, though I may take that book with a grain of salt.

u/xokolatl · 1 pointr/Wishlist

Mo thinks I'm beautiful and I know she's right!

so this ebook about sex might come in handy.

u/sensitivebaby · 1 pointr/Needafriend

I really highly recommend reading Sex at Dawn . It’s a great book by anthropologists about human sexuality- please check it out. It really gets to the root of a lot of modern day relationship issues.

u/Orollo · 1 pointr/Anarcho_Capitalism

I don't support those hierarchies. I don't like them, however I won't stop them(if they're voluntary). People can make bad decisions and I consider hierchachal relationships (for the most part) to be less than appealing. But that's a preference.

As to OP Patriarchal societies are far more aggressive than matriarchal ones. tones of info http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380624550&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn.

u/grumblebeans · 1 pointr/CrazyIdeas

according to this book, that's pretty much what we did prehistorically. also, people in foraging societies basically still do this - http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369803757&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

u/My_soliloquy · 1 pointr/worldnews

As I stated, the book explains it much better.

Somewhat, but I think the "warrior" culture is just competition, (ingroup-outgroup tribal dynamics) and all species on earth do that. Propagating DNA.

u/scottsp64 · 1 pointr/exchristian

You should read the book Sex at Dawn. It explains how the advent agriculture fucked up sexuality for humanity, especially the requirement of pair bonding to guarantee paternity. It also persuasively argues that we evolved as a "promiscuous" species like chimps and bonobos. Excellent book.

u/glockenbach · 0 pointsr/relationship_advice

Been reading a lot on this topic and quite frankly telling someone isn't always a good option. Most of the times it only serves the one who is confessing his betrayal, because it is relieving them from the guilt. It's usually more motivated by self-interest than love or compassion, you're just passing the hurt on. There are a lot of couple therapists who suggest to keep it for yourself if it is a one time thing. You can also check out this book.

I suggest you don't tell her but really think about why you cheated on her the first place and be honest with yourself. If you did it because you feel you're missing something in the relationship then try to change that part in your relationship or come to terms with the fact that you are not entirely happy. Ask yourself if you are in love with someone else, or if your partner is the one for you. And then make a decision. Sometimes a ONS / kiss is a dealbreaker, sometimes it's not, but only a symptom. Make sure you learn from that experience and act on it. Either improve your relationship or leave.

u/captshady · 0 pointsr/AskReddit

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post links to consumer products or not, but seriously, dude, buy/read this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323308097&sr=1-1

u/RedPillWisdom · 0 pointsr/PunchingMorpheus

I'll bite. So, the last book of many relationship books I read was this one:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Secrets-Happily-Married-Men/dp/0787994146

Standard advice like the majority give: be helpful, attentive, do more dishes, be ok with her taking your labors and not giving a shit about you. Accept that the moon and mercury have to be in alignment for sex to happen. 20 years of doing it the way society says. Nothing.

I got this book in November:

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408725149&sr=1-3&keywords=Athol+Kay

December was an excellent month.

Delved further into RedPill concepts.

January was even better.

u/chica_chica · 0 pointsr/relationship_advice

Honestly, you need to read 3 books:

​

  1. No More Mr. Nice Guy
  2. Married Man's Sex Life
  3. Sex God Method

    Chances are there are a whole host of unnattractive behaviors you're doing.
u/sexrelatedaccount · 0 pointsr/bdsm

It seems more like the roles are muddled. There's always a balance of giving and receiving, and those balances depend on what the individuals find fulfilling. It's totally possible for someone to be a "Service Top", for example, though not as common as a "Service Bottom". I think you're bothered because things seem off-balance.

Three books come to mind, these really helped provide me with language and insight to the roles:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360

http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352

http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky-ebook/dp/B005HZ6FH0

u/ebrau36 · 0 pointsr/sex

Dude here who gave up pornography (for science reasons, not moral ones).

First of all, just wanted to say:

You are a great lady for even coming to other people to try to get help for this difficulty in your relationship (not to mention sticking it out for three years). You are not a bad person for wanting sex more than twice a week, you just have a healthy sexual appetite. Further, you should not feel responsibility for increasing his sex drive (beyond the normal efforts of just making sure you are healthy, happy and passionate). Maintaining ones sexual health is each individual's responsibility.

Honestly, the thing I would investigate is the following:

>He loves to look at naked pictures of me, but doesn't seem to care too much for porn

[emphasis mine]

There are two big possibilities here:

  1. He has some kind of medical/mechanical issue which is preventing him from achieving/maintaining erections. This has in turn led to a cuckold fetish (he is eroticising the insecurity generated by his lack of ability to perform/'please you' with penetrative sex).

  2. More likely, I think he has/still does consume a lot of pornography.

    The symptoms you are describing (lack of interest in sex, difficulty in getting/maintaining an erection, lack of chemistry in bed, intense cuckolding fetish) seem to match up quite well with a lot of the symptoms of overconsumption of pornography (check out the /pornfree subreddit and sidebar, also google 'your brain on porn'). The cuckolding fetish specifically seems indicative of porn consumption as this is a pretty specific genre of pornography and not something you are likely to encounter outside of a personal experience (getting cheated on and subsequently turned on by it) or seeking it out in some kind of sex club environment. There are some dudes in the /r/pornfree sub who develop really intense/uncharacteristic fetishes (straight dudes getting into gay porn, intense rapey porn, bestiality, etc.)

    The protocol I would suggest, regardless, would be to do the following:

  • Have him see a GP and urologist if necessary and describe his erectile symptoms. As an aside, if he can masturbate to a full erection, he does not have a medical issue.
  • Stop all porn use and intentionally avoid seeking out sexually arousing content immediately and indefinitely (30 days would be a minimum time frame)
  • Engage in 20 minutes of non sexual bonding behavior every day for at LEAST two weeks (no sex allowed here, just slow kissing, caressing, hugging, cuddling, tickling, massaging, etc.)
  • STOP all orgasm or masturbation (sexual stimulation) for two weeks. After this time you can re-introduce sex gradually (while continuing the bonding behaviors separately), but limit your and (especially) his orgasms. Emphasis here on the sex being incredibly slow, soothing and about connection. Even if he still has trouble maintaining an erection, try having him just be inside of you while you kiss deeply and caress one another.

    Note: the last two points are derived from a practice called 'Karezza'. Google that too.

    Finally, I would get and read (or at least google) the following books:

    Sex at Dawn

  • Describes the sexual practices of traditional hunter-gatherer tribes. Suprise, they include pair bonding but sexual polyamory and partner sharing/orgies. Explains (or at least theorizes) the roots of the popularity of gang-bang porn and why many guys (often secretly) find stuff like cuckolding so arousing.

    Your Brain on Porn

  • Describes (hypothesizes) the neuroscience behind pornography addiction, and why/how internet pornography can produce such potent changes in male physiology including a large number of cases of erectile dysfunction

    Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain

  • More of the above

    Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

  • Describes the practice of karezza, slow sex and how to rescue relationships from the ''Coolidge Effect" (i.e. the 2-3 year mark where the natural 'chemistry' begins to wear off and partners start to lose sexual passion)

    Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

  • More of the above.



u/koz44 · -2 pointsr/relationship_advice

This is heartbreaking. If you want a different perspective check out Esther Perel. One of her quotations is something like: everyone has multiple marriages in their life. With some, it’s to the same person and with others they find someone new. She talks a lot about curiosity and empathy. I highly recommend her perspective.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/537882/

Esther Perel: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/where-should-we-begin-with-esther-perel/id1237931798?mt=2

https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583/ref=nodl_

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/03/esther_perel_on_affairs_spouses_in_happy_marriages_cheat_and_americans_don.html

Edit: clarity

u/energirl · -24 pointsr/badwomensanatomy

Man, I know I'm going to be downvoted to oblivion, but more than that I hate having to agree with something on here. There has been research into primate sexual behaviour. It has been found that female vocalization has been connected to primates whose females often openly have sex with many males (i.e. bonobos but not mountain gorillas).

Researchers have tried to find out why this is and one of the hypotheses is that it gives a vocal cue to nearby males that a female is good to go at the moment. It is also interesting that human penises are shaped in a way to scoop out another man's sperm and that a woman is more likely to conceive if she has an orgasm. These all lead many to believe that humans are naturally pre-disposed to mating with multiple partners.

There have been many (and continue to be a few) human cultures that are very open about sex between multiple men and women. It is also thought that gang bang and cuckhold porn is a psychological remnant of that natural instinct.

Now, are we uncontrolled animals who must follow our base instincts? No. Of course not. But there is some research data that can lead us to believe humans are predisposed to open sex with multiple partners. For more information, check out Sex at Dawn.

Edit: I wrote the above information after having only read the first part of the OP and thought you were all misinterpreting it. That was lazy of me. After reading the whole thing, I'm shocked at how those posters misunderstood the research and drew false and deliberately misogynistic conclusions from it. Sorry about that. I'll be more careful about reading the whole post in the future.