Best mate seeking books according to redditors

Evolution absolutely works with humans, it's just different criterias that's applied. Just like many thought the peacock was proof that evolution wasn't true: it was, the peacock just selected mates from other criterias than humans would do.

Read: The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature

But over the last two decades, biologists have taken up Darwin's insights into how the reproduction of the sexiest is as much a focus of evolution as the survival of the fittest.

> But over the last two decades, biologists have taken up Darwin's insights into how the reproduction of the sexiest is as much a focus of evolution as the survival of the fittest.
>
> In this brilliantly ambitious and provocative book, evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller shows the evolutionary power of sexual choice and the reasons why our ancestors became attracted not only to pretty faces and healthy bodies, but to minds that were witty, articulate, generous, and conscious. The richness and subtlety of modern psychology help to reveal how the human mind evolved, like the peacock's tail and the elk's antlers, for courtship and mating.

> my success rate shot up once ... I wasn't really caring about my sex life anymore

The less you care, the more you get. This is a truth. Once you internalize it, you start seeing results. But it is also counter-intuitive. I see many posts in TRP asserting that sex is not (or should not) be the most important thing in life. This is correct, as a matter of strategy. But many TRPers miss that it is not factually correct. Sex is the most important thing in man's life. In fact, it has been found that males are hard-wired to prioritize sex even over food.

So, viewing it from the evolutionary perspective, it seems like a paradox: if caring lass about sex will get you more, it would be evolutionary advantageous for men to not crave sex in the first place - which is of course not the case.

The reason for this seeming paradox, is that, somewhere along history (read Agricultural Revolution), there was a discontinuity. What Dr Leonard Shlain referred to as the Female Sexual Veto, or what I call The Female Coup d' etat. Men were programmed to have such a voracious sex drive because during the evolutionary times sex was, basically, free-for-all. And this was overturned by women.

What this all comes down to, as regards our sexual strategy, is that there is a discrepancy between "truth" and "effectiveness", in my humble opinion. Not unlike the discrepancy between "truth" and "effectiveness" in women's sexual strategy: for example, by convincing themselves that they "truly love" a man, they are in position to take advantage of him (his resources). It's not true that women "truly love", it's effective, though.

Likewise, it is more effective for men to believe that "things are like that and always have been, sex was never free", while it is not true. The more oblivious you are of the "free sex" alternative, the more effective you are fighting in the current sexual landscape.

(Note that I'm not claiming that the prehistoric free sex model is necessarily reproducible in today's society. But the discussion about "what went wrong" can give us valuable insights.)

-Adam

(Edit for clarity)

I don't recall the exact reason - I read it in Sex, Time and Power: How Women's Sexuality Shaped Human Evolution - but I think it had something to do with women garnering more power if they could conceal when they were most fertile. And I think it is fairly obvious that human females advertise their fertility less than other mammals - smell is less strong, etc.

EDIT: From Amazon comments ... "In particular, sex was an act which carried potentially fatal implications for prehistoric women. Because the stakes were so high, [women] took control of their own sexuality; they could not afford to be as carefree as men."

If you're interested in this, I highly recommend reading Sex, Time and Power by Leonard Shlain. It's a very interesting read about how female sexuality helped shape our evolution. I don't necessarily agree with everything he suggests - he seems to theorize that female sexuality was THE driving force that caused us to evolve into humans. I always take those kinds of theories with a grain of salt. I highly doubt there was a singular force that caused us to evolve. Rather it was most likely a combination of several factors. However, it's still interesting to consider the impact that female sexuality had - it isn't something that's brought up often.

(As a side note, there's a chapter that goes WAY into detail about the menstrual cycle. I was reading it while on the train and had just started my period. I had to get off the train and dry heave. Seriously.)

(Another fun side note - the cover features a painting of Eve (naked) with a serpent. I was reading it in an elevator when a mother and her 9 year old son got on. The kid stared at me intensely, and when they were about to get off the elevator he said to me "That looks like a really good book.")

I haven't read it, but my wife read a book called Sex, Time and Power: How Women's Sexuality Shaped Human Evolution and it is pretty much entirely about this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00121SIEQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Hey OP,

Once upon a time about 5ish years ago I actually wrote a paper on the subject of online dating and dating I'm general. From what I remember from all my research was that age, attractiveness on a 10 scale, income, etc all played a role into it. I'm on mobile now so I don't feel like rewriting my paper here.

Dollars and Sex is an interesting book written by an Economist on the subject

I liked his book "What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter". I recommend it if you're engaged or thinking about it.

https://www.amazon.com/What-He-Must-Be-Daughter/dp/1581349300/

Jesus loves you. Jesus cares. God has a plan for your life. And you know He will always be there.

I'm sorry for the pain and hardship that you've gone through. The authorities in your life were not fulfilling their role. They did not help you to protect your heart. But there is healing through Jesus Christ. I know because I've experienced that healing myself.

You said that you cannot imagine your life without this person. Let me offer you some counsel. In Proverbs 29:18, the Bible says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." I want to help you create a vision for your life that is wholly devoted to Christ.

If you're like most people, you've spent over a decade preparing for higher education such as college or a career. Well, we go to college for four years and then most don't work in the field they studied in. But how much have you studied about God's plan for marriages and families? If you're like most people, probably very little. I know I had no idea what a good marriage was supposed to look like. I knew my mom had been divorced three times and I knew I didn't want that, but I had never seen or heard of another way!

But there is another way, there is God's way. God has standards that should become your standards when seeking a relationship. The Bible says we are not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. This means that first and foremost the man you marry must be a Christian that has been washed in the blood.

The Bible says that those who do not provide for their household are worse than unbelievers. This means that the man you marry must be committed to working hard to provide for his family.

The Bible says that husbands are supposed to wash their wives in the Word of God as to present them blameless even as Jesus cleansed His bride, the church, from all sin so as to present them blameless. This means that the man you marry must be committed to leading his family spiritually. He must be committed to praying with you, for you. He must be committed to reading the Bible with you and to edifying you and to helping you grow in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

When you renew your mind with this vision, I dare say that you will not even be able to imagine your life with your former non-Christian partner.

A couple of incredible books to read:

https://www.amazon.com/What-He-Must-Be-Daughter/dp/1581349300

https://www.amazon.com/When-Writes-Your-Story-Expanded/dp/1601421656

If you think $20 is too much to invest in your future, I'm more than happy to buy these books for you as long as you commit to reading them. I believe wholeheartedly that they will provide you with a vision that shows you the incredible Biblical plan God has created for marriage.

The sensation that nobody really knows us can be one of the most debilitating forms of loneliness, and is fostered by our unwillingness to reveal ourselves. The paradox that we want to be known and loved for who we are, but refuse to reveal ourselves because we are afraid of rejection, creates a tremendous loneliness in our lives.

It is here that we come full circle. We yearn for intimacy, we run from intimacy, we tell ourselves that we need to be free from emotional ties, but we end up in slavery of one sort or another.

Unwilling to participate in the rigors of intimacy, we try to fill the void created by the lack of intimacy in our lives, and thus are born our addictions. The bottomless pit that is created by the absence of intimacy demands to be fed, and if we refuse to feed it in a healthy way, we will find ourselves feeding it in ways that are self-destructive. Some try to fill the void with alcohol, others with shopping, some with drugs; others will fill it with unending series of short-term relationships, and in a culture that equates intimacy with sex an ever increasing number of people try to fill the void with sexual experiences. The result is a growing emptiness. Each of these is just a different attempt to fill the void created in our lives by a lack of genuine intimacy. All addictions are the result of trying to fill that void in an unhealthy way.

The Seven Levels of Intimacy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1942611420/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_AMrSBb8WPDM43

Might I suggest you read https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Levels-Intimacy-Matthew-Kelly/dp/1942611420/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487707772&sr=8-1&keywords=7+levels+of+intimacy+matthew+kelly

It does a great job of explaining somethings like developing a relationship with someone to the place where you can share your faults. Of the 7 levels of intimacy sharing faults is step 6.

https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Levels-Intimacy-Matthew-Kelly/dp/1942611420 is a great primer on basic interaction, especially the latter half.

Here's link for them on Amazon for those interested:

Volume 1
Release Date: May 17, 2016

Volume 2
Release Date: August 30, 2016

(Hey Mods, May wanna consider adding those to the sidebar soon.)

Hey, I got my copy of I <3 Monster Girls vol 3, and new postcard prints along with it.
Also, not sure why the person who wanted the cerea postcard hasn't responded, so if they dont respond in the next week I'll just message the next person who claims it.

First come first serve, one max, and you can't get a postcard if you got one last time. It's okay if you live outside the US, and if you want the three, you should consider buying the I <3 Monster Girls Monster Musume anthology yourself!

When you become a man that a woman would want to marry, a man that a father would want his daughter to marry, then you will have no shortage of women to marry.

http://www.amazon.com/What-He-Must-Be-Daughter/dp/1581349300

If God keeps telling you no, then why do you keep asking? Ask not how you can glorify yourself. Ask instead how you can glorify God.

Do you realize that the person you marry should be with whom you can glorify God more fully than you could alone? You need to be the person that can help someone else glorify God! That's a big responsibility. Read that book. Study it. It will help you seek after God's will.

"At 3 I started Hebrew school, at 10 I learned a trade / I hear they picked a wife for me, I hope she's pretty".

Hence why Scott Aaronson called himself Shtetl-Optimised. A Motel being matched up with his Tzeitel by God... spin up Fiddler on the Roof for the sociocultural model that Jews and Christians think...


I remember this book - God is a Matchmaker by Derek Prince. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00B76T4I0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

And with Aaronson - and alot of other ASD guys (like me) of that period - high scrupulosity is common.

and here is the book that was mentioned http://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Wrote-Book-About-Acquaintances/dp/1402799977

In addition to the ones mentioned above I'd recommend The Game and Matched. I was pleasantly surprised by the latter. It has a Farenheit 451 feel to it.

Finally, if you haven't already read it, The Hunger Games. I just finished the third book this weekend and it blew me away.

I've read there is an evolutionary reason to eat the placenta, something to do with replacing nutrients consumed by pregnancy and childbirth. Don't remember the exact details. It was in this book;

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Time-Power-Sexuality-Evolution/dp/0142004677/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Willing to read a book or two? In the season of waiting, don't waste it. You can sharpen your character and faith to such a degree that when you do get married, your wife will be tremendously blessed by who you've allowed God to make you.

What He Must be to Marry My Daughter - Voddie Baucham - Excellent book that helps a man understand how a man of God wants his daughter treated.

The Exemplary Husband - Stuart Scott - This book will hammer into you the character traits we need to be husbands which God has called us to be.

Steps to Freedom in Christ - Neil Anderson - This is free and something you can do right now. Marriage can reveal hidden character issues that need work. Why not get radically right with God now rather than later when the stakes seem higher?

Hmm, I don't remember her not answering any. We had a few drinks and were both relaxed, and it was in good fun so she didn't resist.

That author has a more game like book, maybe try that one?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1089551703/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mTMLDbKZF59NT

That's Voddie Baucham's influence showing in me (are you familiar with his book What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter?). It is also the position held by my girlfriend's family. I think scripture does support that position ([Exodus 22:16-17], for example).

Happened several times over the course of battling the disease. It's not like I've extrapolated it from a single woman.

We just live in a fucked society now. Long-term bonding isn't incentivized anymore. If anything goes wrong, women just bail. They all get insane amounts of attention via social media. Even completely average women I am friends with have literally hundreds of followers on like Instagram/Twitter/etc... They have thousands of matches on Tinder. Hundreds of friends on Facebook, etc...

It's so simple for women to leave relationships now, and zero social pressure discouraging it and encouraging loyalty that it's over. There are literally bestsellers written about breaking social bonds, and encouraging Western women to ALL be golddiggers...

http://www.amazon.com/Goal-Diggers-Guide-Without-Giving/dp/0615248241


Men never get over breakups because of fucked biology, but women do fairly easily, so without social pressure women are not biologically loyal and Western society currently strongly encourages women to be DISloyal.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/men-may-never-truly-get-over-a-relationship-break-up-says-study-10450413.html




The few random women I've been able to briefly contact in "lesser" nations seem much more prone to loyalty in relationships because of social pressures they describe, but that may just be an illusion... probably once they came to America they would lose those ideals due to the lack of social pressures, but that's juts literally the only hope there is. Otherwise, maybe there is simply zero hope.


The world is truly fucked.


And I say this as someone pretty fortunate relatively. I'm a 6'5", white, blond, male with a naturally powerful bone structure. Now that I have conquered my disease I can workout more, earn good money, and probably fuck as many random girls as I want... but that is literally soul-crushing to me. I know it should be "the dream", but for me it isn't.

I have dreams of making enough money to just pay my favorite high-end escort $10,000 a day to stay with me, because even fucking going for a golddiggering woman is shit, they still fucking leave you even if you provide $x millions/billions. The only possible way forward I can see is paying on a non-contractual, limited, continuing basis for company... it's a hollow version of the dream of having someone actually committed to you, but that seems to be dead. As Brad Pitt's character in Killing Them Softly says, America isn't a country it's a fucking corporation. So I presume that's as close as it can get now...love and commitment are just whoever structures the best contract. Old school marriage isn't even it...women freely divorce just to take cash and assets under the insanely biased system of marriage law...

The world we inhabit is a fucking nightmare. Huxley really nailed this shit I guess...sigh

Matched by Allie Condie

Basically women realized semen caused them to not mentruate. This explains much of what you're looking for.

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Time-Power-Sexuality-Evolution/dp/0142004677

The book Sex, Time and Power gets into this and the types of ways women shaped human evolution. Such a good read and it really changes your perspective on history.

You're elevating the thought process to a level above which I am speaking. Instinct will guide a pairing at a subconscious level long before "choice" enters into it.

Regarding your friend, it would be interesting to find out why he did not seek out reproduction. There is something to be found within that situation.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385495161