Best parenting teenagers books according to redditors
We found 354 Reddit comments discussing the best parenting teenagers books. We ranked the 46 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 354 Reddit comments discussing the best parenting teenagers books. We ranked the 46 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
This book, written 7 years ago, goes into great detail about how public education is very much rigged for female success. The author is a feminist that had a son and became dismayed by the double standards and lack of support for boys in school.
The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
My wife and I also suffer from a bit of helicopter parenting, so I've been through this myself. Let's be honest here - they probably identified her as a helicopter parent from day one, and her questions are probably annoying or even offensive to them because they reveal her inherent distrust and skepticism of their abilities or professionalism. But because it's their job, they try to soldier through it. The jump to kindergarten, which I am just making myself, is tough because the teachers are focused on educational targets, not satiating overzealous parents.
Your wife sounds well meaning, but we all need to learn to not over-parent. We are going to create a generation of neurotic young adults who need constant hand-holding and assistance. It's really unhealthy.
I would recommend you buy your wife the book How to Raise an Adult. It's written by the Stanford Dean of Admissions, and is required reading for every helicopter parent out there.
Hello! Cei here. Thank you for your question and for your willingness to learn and grow for your community!
Question 1.a. If you are providing a space (a group, a confirmation class, a retreat, a bible study, a weekly potluck, a movie night, etc) for these young people to be themselves- to use they name they choose, to use the pronouns that fit for them, and to create norms where the other youth in the space must be respectful of these identities- then you are creating a safe space for the youth to go through the process of self-actualization in their identity. Ideally the church congregation would also be asked to affirm these youth in their identity. Depending on your comfort level, you could address the congregation and explain that you would like the church to be a sacred and safe space for all, and that in the interest of achieving this goal, you would ask them to respect names, pronouns, and gender expressions of all congregation members. b. One of the best ways to advocate for young people to their parents is to explain that the young person is happy, responding well, and thriving in environments where they are allowed to be themselves. If you have a young person who comes to your group/bible study/etc. who is using the name they choose, the pronouns that fit their identity, and is affirmed by the group around them and they are thriving, tell the young person's parents so. It may be that at home the parents see a kid who is struggling and sad and they are scared that being gender diverse will make things harder for their already unhappy child. To show that gender affirmation can radically improve a kid's quality of life is often the best motivator for parents to adopt affirming language.
2. Here are links to a few resources that we've found helpful over the years: Trans Bodies, Trans Selves, The Transgender Teen, The Genderquest Workbook, Confi's Article on Gender, Families In TRANSition.
I hope this helps, and thanks again for advocating for the gender diverse people at your church!
Hi, I'm an adult who came out and transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth.
Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then not letting him get a binder, or not using his name and/or pronouns, or telling him he has to wait until he's 18 to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If he doesn't feel supported, he's in the stat group of unsupported youth.
This is more of a general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . Your son would love Camp Aranuti'q.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good.
Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even if you're already supportive. On Facebook, you can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Oh, clearly the real problem is are the country's youth who were "raised by well-meaning but overprotective parents and coddled by well-meaning but misbegotten government programs," and are as a result "ill-equipped to survive in our highly-competitive global economy", and not the older generation of greedy spoiled brats who have spent the past four decades demolishing every rung on the ladder they've used throughout their lifetimes /s
Ben Sasse is such a fucking hack piece of shit, it's incredible.
First off, you sound like an incredible step parent and I’m excited for you to be able to support your stepkid fully when they do decide to come out to you. Before I delve into recommendations for dealing with them, I want to suggest that you seek out your local PFLAG chapter (if there is one). They often run support groups for parents of trans kids and are great places to swap resources and advice.
As far as breaching the subject, it depends on how your stepkid is but I would advise against directly asking but it seems like you know not to do that anyway. A good subtle way to bring it up may be to find a piece of (not negative) news about trans people, or else a piece of media about trans people, and talk about it in a positive light but in a natural way. Like, if you never talk about interesting stuff you’ve seen or read then obviously it would be a weird thing to suddenly do.
You could also leave pages about supporting your trans kid open on computers/tablets if you have a shared family device, or even buy a book like this one (my mom’s favorite) and leave it somewhere conspicuous, although that may be too forward haha. I like the idea of leaving Trans Tape or KT Tape around but it’s possible that they don’t know what that is and won’t connect the dots.
Maybe you could also take them shopping for clothes and casually suggest checking out the men’s section (if they don’t already get clothes there and like to dress in masculine clothes).
Just like. Stuff like that which would make it clear that you are a safe person to come out? But also, speaking as someone who came out to my parents at 15 knowing full well that they would be accepting, it’s still really scary and hard to bring up even if you know you will get a positive reaction. It never feels like the right time, etc. If you wait for your stepkid to come to you even after you’ve done stuff to make it clear that you’re safe, you may be waiting a long time. It’s important to also give an invitation for them to come out without making it feel like you’re interrogating them, which is tricky but you seem to get that and maybe that’s why you’re here haha.
I and probably lots of other people would be happy to bounce ideas back and forth with you, and to follow up on stuff as the situation progresses.
> a male having shaved legs is subject to ridicule
That's because of a societal mistrust and ridicule of femininity. In a society where male is default, and masculinity is praised, the idea of a man being 'reduced' to a state of femininity is offensive.
There's a fantastic book that serves as a great introduction to this topic called Dude You're A Fag by C.J. Pascoe: http://www.amazon.com/Dude-Youre-Fag-Masculinity-Sexuality/dp/0520252306
If you're actually interested at all in WHY men are ridiculed for being feminine, and the reasons and evidence for the root of the problem, then please give that book a chance.
I'm not sure if your niece's first language is English, but I found this book to be very helpful as a young teen.
https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576
I was way too embarrassed to ask questions of my parents about a lot of things. I would also have been too embarrassed to purchase period supplies so know that she may be embarrassed as well and you may have to buy them.
My sister got me this in 6th grade! I get really excited whenever I see it in stores!
There was also a bigger thicker one by the people at gURL (remember that site?) that had a whole chapter on masturbaton, my sister regretted getting it for me when I transcribed some of it onto AOL message boards and got banned lol.
edit: the gURL book
Hi Sam,
I think I agree with you on most points. Moralism is a big problem in the church, for both kids and adults. I'm also reminded of this interview with Phil Vischer when he reflected on his work on VeggieTales
>I looked back at the previous 10 years and realized I had spent 10 years trying to convince kids to behave Christianly without actually teaching them Christianity. And that was a pretty serious conviction. You can say, "Hey kids, be more forgiving because the Bible says so," or "Hey kids, be more kind because the Bible says so!" But that isn't Christianity, it's morality.
The end result is not Christians but followers of what Christian Smith has called Moralistic therapeutic deism (I highly recommend his book Soul Searching if you've not read it). The church can do better - and many are. As an example, I think very highly of Vischer's new project What's In the Bible which does an incredible job of teaching scripture not as moral stories, but as the story of redemption.
One more thing: it looks like almost all of your activity on reddit is promoting your book. Reddit generally frowns on people self-promoting without contributing in other ways to the community. A general rule of thumb is that no more than 10% of your content should be self-promotion. Here is the reddiquette page on self-promotion. Don't see this a discouragement from posting about your book - rather see it as encouragement to stick around and contribute in other ways as well.
You sound like an amazing step dad! I think you should keep on keeping on.
Keep in mind that teenagerdom brings about interest in sex. So it is likely a weird thing for her to even consider loving you at this point. She's now trying to break away from her child self and grow into her adult self. Love and loving physical contact with parents starts to get weird, add in that you aren't her bio and... I'm sure you can imagine how mixed up that can make a person feel.
If you feel like you are both having a good time and she wants to hang out, keep doing it, having a bond with you will be good for her in the tumultuous teen years to come. If you feel like she maybe isn't as into it, keep offering with sincerity and don't let a no hurt your feelings. It has everything to do with being a teenager.
I would highly recommend reading Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, as well as Queen Bees and Wannabes, 3rd Edition: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys, and the New Realities of Girl World, and for the boys Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World.
Wow, Alabama must be pretty tame. Where I'm from, being female and having sex at all means you're a slut. Of course, I'm from a place where Dateable was almost required reading.
Hi,
I'm not a parent, but I can imagine this is, in many ways, a challenging situation to work through with your child. Let me assure you that you're already doing a great job, just by reaching out and trying to educate yourself.
I have not yet started to medically transition (take testosterone, etc.) so I can't give you too much specific information on that, although it looks like u/RigilNebula has already given you some good advice. However, I have mostly transitioned socially, meaning that I have asked the people in my life to use my real name (Daniel) and to use the correct pronouns when referencing me (in my case, I'm okay with both he/him and they/them). I'm also out to my parent(s). So, I'll mostly address the emotional and social aspect of transitioning, particularly as it relates to relationships with parents. I've also included a few resources at the bottom of my post.
But first, some more general, subjective information. I can't speak for all trans people anymore than can I speak to the specifics of the relationship between you and your child (and please note, I will be referring to your daughter as "your child" herein. I hope that's not upsetting to you, but I do this because if your child is really your son, calling him your daughter could be very hurtful. I will also use the gender neutral pronoun "they" for the same reason) The following is just my perspective, but ultimately you'll need to have conversations with your child about this, and while it will definitely be difficult for both of you, keeping lines of communication open is one of the most important things you can do for your child.
Which segues pretty neatly into my main point. If I could ask anything of my parents, it would be that they listen to me and make me feel listened to and assure me that they love me for me, not because of my gender. That's really it, for me.
For some context about my personal situation: I was raised by a single father, who I now live with, in part because he needs help with chronic health issues. My mother died when I was too young to remember her. One of the most painful truths I will ever live with is that I will never know for sure whether my mother would still love me, even though I'm transgender. This is all very personal, and not completely relevant to your situation, so forgive me for over-sharing. But I mention this because I was offered a perspective on this very issue by a therapist, which I think is one every parent of a transgender child should hear.
My therapist told me that for most parents, there's a time before you know your child's sex, or when your child is still a baby and gender roles haven't quite taken hold yet, when you love them completely, and you love them outside of gender. That's a bit abstract, but think of it this way: you loved your child before you knew they were athletic, before they got good grades, before they were popular, before you knew about all the unique and lovely things that make them your child. And it sounds like you may have loved your son before you knew he was your son.
And if that's true, your child needs to know that.
There's an awful lot more that can be said on the subject, but I'll leave it here for now so I don't bore you to death. I work semi-professionally as a diversity educator, so I'm a bit of an open book on these issues, and I'm happy to discuss this further with you if you have specific questions or want more information on anything I've mentioned here.
As promised, here are a few resources that might be helpful to you. And here's a cute picture of a panda, which might also be helpful.
Oh, one last thought: I'm not sure if you're in the U.S., but if you are, I would really recommend seeing if you have a PFLAG chapter near you. I've had great experiences with them. You can check whether there's a nearby chapter here.
Resources:
*Transparenthood: Raising a Transgender Child
The book "Dude, You're a Fag" by CJ Pascoe is an in-depth ethnography of how high school boys conceptualize masculinity, with added emphasis on the use of fag as a slur. I would really recommend it if you're interested in the topic - chapter is available free by PDF here.
She also researches youth and digitial media for those into that sort of thing.
More Pascoe goodness:
Interesting interview with Pascoe on Feministing
Pascoe's faculty page with more information
(Edited to add links)
I'm currently reading Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School. It's an awesome book about gay theory and how out environment can shape sexuality and our perceptions on sexuality and masculinity.
One would surely think that the take-away from this information is to mandate adult chaperones for all street-crossing minors . . .
Seriously, though- J. Shoshanna Ehrlich's Who Decides: The Abortion Rights of Teens is a excellent book that delves into and explains all the facets of the parental consent, parental notification, and judicial bypass debate when it comes to minors and abortion; I can't recommend it highly enough if you want to learn more and be able to speak on the topic knowledgeably.
Someone on here suggested "Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?" and I read it this past week. I definitely found it useful. There were chapters that were almost word for word things he said he "wished he knew what to do" about. There were a couple parts that I read out loud to DH and he kind of dismissed me. I told him that he should read it and he was not interested at all. It's frustrating because yes, my son is a lot younger and DH is a more experienced parent, but at the same time- I have experience working with teenagers (education). Not to mention, I used to be a teenage girl who had some of the same behaviors that are frustrating him. Sometimes I think he just wants to complain about a problem more than solve it.
Here's a link, buy it if you actually have a son who you genuinely care about and are not just a troll: http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
Deal With it! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL was a book my mom got for me around that age. It covers a lot of uncomfortable topics that i was too afraid to ask about.
Edit: www.gurl.com is their website.
Read The War Against Boys by C.H. Sommers. It makes your above statement moot and uninformed.
Get out of my Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall is a good one for dealing with teenagers, though it's not specifically intended for steps. Although it definitely focuses on the child in the sense that it aims to help you understand why they act the way they do, it is all in the context of understanding that the adults in the household have needs and feelings too. It really helped me understand my SD better.
Hi! I'm a cis-gendered (meaning I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth), NT Mom of an autistic daughter (13) and trans son (14).
For you: the transgender teen was such a great resource for me. I bought copies for my autistic daughter's therapists as well, as they started asking me lots of questions about how to talk to my daughter about her brother's transition.
As far as talking to your child about it-- does he know that there are gender options? Does he know about transgender, nonbinary, and genderfluid people? He may not have the vocabulary to go with his feelings. I don't know what his ability level is as far as reading, but there are books/videos to explain these things at many levels of age/understanding.
You sound like an awesome parent. I'll suggest that you check out /r/asktransgender as a semi-safe place to get advice, as well as /r/cisparenttranskid, which is a tiny but supportive group here as well.
(hugs)
I never had a talk either. But I remember my sister had this book in her room, so I swiped it and read it cover to cover. It helped fill in some gaps
Point out to me the big movement of feminists trying to end the anti-male Title IX and all of the efforts to require that women register for the draft. Got some web sites or news stories about feminists fighting the War Against Boys?
Here's one article in which a noted academic proves feminists deliberately corrupted domestic violence research to hide evidence of female perpetrators http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/how-feminists-corrupt-dv-research/
Here's an entire book from another noted academic on how feminists are deliberately turning the education system against boys http://www.amazon.com/The-War-Against-Boys-Misguided/dp/0684849569
There are many, many, many more pieces of evidence that show the supremacism of the feminist movement.
The disadvantage that young boys currently have at Primary School. This of course leads the current failure of men in all forms of Education.
The War Against Boys is a term used by Anti-Feminists (read Idiological Feminists) in general. While I don't agree with that, I think that our failure to recognise and deal with the issue is down to some malicious societal context and so I also use the term.
If you like, you can simply reimagine what I wrote as: Primarily I want the disadvantage our boys have at school to end.
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Christina Hoff Sommer's book is very good on the matter, if you ignore the anti-feminist rhetoric it brings up many good points
Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Kevin Jennings
The GENDER Book - Mel Reiff Hill
The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes - Diane Ehrensaft
Gender Diversity and Non-Binary Inclusion in the Workplace: The Essential Guide for Employers - Sarah Gibson, J. Fernandez
Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents - Irwin Krieger
The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens - Stephanie Brill
Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children - Rachel Pepper
Here you go:
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
Oh boy have I got some books for you:
The editor of National Review Online argues the path to a better conservatism lies in a marriage with libertarianism.
National Review's Roving Correspondent argues that the American government is collapsing under its own weight and that's a good thing.
A former marine and Yale-educated lawyer gives a powerful account of his upbringing in a Rust-belt town and his family's connection to Appalachia.
The Fellow of the Royal Society and member of the House of Lords describes how spontaneous order is behind a great many advancements of the modern age and why centralized "design" is ineffective and prone to failure.
The popular freshman senator describes the crisis of America's youth, and how the solutions lay beyond the realm of politics.
One of America's leading constitutional law scholars explains why Americans would benefit from a renewal of our Republican Constitution and how such a renewal can be achieved.
A curated collection of Buckley's best eulogies, A Torch Kept Lit provides invaluable insight into both the eminent twentieth century conservative and an unrevised conservative account of the great lives of the twentieth century.
This volume of Justice Scalia's finest speeches provides intimate insight on the justice's perspectives on law, faith, virtue, and private life.
You might want to get this book! A lot of parents of transgender teens have found it really helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749
uhh, well I'm not going to do amazing defining it off the top of my head, but here's the general idea:
It's a view of God popular with my millennial generation wherein we define the usefulness of scripture and of religious practices as only for making us feel good or better about ourselves. God's purpose in Scripture is our happiness (contra joy), and as long as this is achieved things are fine. Effectively God is removed from confronting anything wrong with the believer and only provides means to happiness.
It's a phrase that, as far as I know, was first coined by Christian Smith in his book Soul Searching.
I actually have yet to read the book. I have just heard the idea spoken of by so many people I listen to (Mostly by Mike Horton) that I have a general understanding of it.
Here's what Wikipedia has for the definition, presumably gleaned from Smith's book:
"The authors find that many young people believed in several moral statutes not exclusive to any of the major world religions. It is this combination of beliefs that they label Moralistic Therapeutic Deism:
These points of belief were compiled from interviews with approximately 3,000 teenagers." - Article on Moralistic Theraputic Deism
For the teen years, my favorite is "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall"
https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535/
Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.
Get out of my life!
Untangled
My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.
Is this the book? http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=1-1&keywords=deal+with+it
There are a couple great books you should read, the first one just came out and is called 'The Wonder Down Under: The Insider's Guide to the Anatomy, Biology, and Reality of the Vagina' It was written by two medical students and answers so many questions! (I'm 32 and didn't know some things about my own anatomy.) Another one, called 'Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain and Life as a Gurl' (please forgive the silly title, it came out around 2001) has answers to not only what is and isn't normal bodywise, but also teaches you about a lot of other stuff teens deal with.
Being a teenager is very difficult. Teenagers' brains are undergoing their most rapid development since early childhood, most importantly in the prefrontal cortex, the section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. On top of that, they're exposed to a lot of pressure in school and in the media. So ... you have to be prepared for your teen to say and do some crazy and impulsive things that even she can't begin to explain. The fact that she willingly complies with your attempts to up her calories isn't typical of a teen with an ED, so she's probably not dealing with that.
Your plan to take her to a general adolescent therapist is a good one. My daughter sees one regularly. You might also want to do some reading up on teen behavior and take advantage of other resources available to parents of teens. Our job is not easy. When my kids were really young I remember reading all those "What to Expect..." books on the first year, the toddler years, etc, but like most parents I stopped doing that as my kids got older. After all, I remember being a teen, so it should be a snap to parent one, right? I began to pick up the parenting reading habit when my daughter began treatment for her ED. I'm currently reading the very good Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind now, and I read Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens not too long ago. I of course also read up on EDs and the other issues she's been dealing with. You might like to look over this last one before your next difficult talk with your daughter. It offers a nice framework for keeping your cool. I found it helped me with my son, who can be rude, lazy, and non-communicative ... except when he's being fun, hardworking, and kindhearted.
Hey you - I don't often comment here but just had to reach out and reassure you that you can absolutely beat this - just as I have. I'm still taking Sertraline (generic name for Zoloft - https://www.drugs.com/zoloft.html ) and can testify that it can definitely help with anxiety.
Big thing for me was being open with friends and family - certainly your boyfriend doesn't seem to get it.. try the links below.. also loads more out there.. you can see from r/anxiety that its an incredibly common thing.. just not something people bring up in conversation enough.. but when you do you'll be surprised how many people DO get it and can offer genuine support!
https://themighty.com/2016/05/explaining-your-anxiety-to-a-loved-one/
https://www.simplemost.com/explain-anxiety-someone-doesnt-get-2016-2/
The other big things for me were .. listening to relaxation apps when i went to bed.. systematically reading and engaging with 2 books.. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Worry-Cure-worrying-start-living/dp/0749927240 and the mindfulness workbook.. many available but maybe look at https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stress-Reduction-Workbook-Teens-Mindfulness-ebook/dp/B07193RJLX/ref=sr_1_20?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1499911184&sr=1-20&keywords=mindfulness+workbook
And also doing the following programme - it's brilliant! http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46
Know that it probably won't just get better on it's own .. but with medication (maybe) and your own determination to beat it with the materials above (certainly) .. you really can begin to enjoy life again - very soon!
Good luck and best wishes..
That's a term coined by sociologists to describe the beliefs of teenagers. I don't think anyone calls themselves a "morally therapeutic deist" or that there is a manifesto for such people. But if you want to read about it I guess go to the source: http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Searching-Religious-Spiritual-Teenagers/dp/0195384776
and here's [your reply] (http://www.amazon.ca/Dude-Youre-Fag-Masculinity-Sexuality/dp/0520271483/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456965122&sr=8-1&keywords=dude+you%27re+a+fag)
We literally just yesterday bought this book which we haven’t read yet, but it came highly recommended.
This book saved my life during puberty. If you're worried about being invasive, it might be a better option, and is definitely an acceptable gift. There is literally everything in there, from birth control to masturbation to homosexual feelings.
> Do you have any evidence that it was feminists who are responsible for the greater knowledge of female sexuality, instead of say, pornographers, or people like Alfred Kinsey?
I think feminism paved the way for our current understanding of female sexuality in a way that pornographers or Alfred Kinsey could not because it brought real female perspectives into the mix for the first time. It's impossible to understand your own sexual organs and desires as a woman when everything you're exposed to is filtered through a heterosexual male lens. Watching porn doesn't teach you shit about sex, and it gives you a skewed perspective of your own sexuality. Over the last 25 or so years, with the onslaught of sex positive feminism, women and girls can talk about their sexuality for the first time without the risk of becoming pariahs. Having a female perspective for the first time in history has drastically changed the sexual landscape.
I should note that there can be a big difference between feminist literature that discusses female sexuality and literature for women that discusses female sexuality. I would not recommend Cosmopolitan Magazine as a resource for young girls. My (sex positive feminist) mother subscribed me to New Moon instead of Cosmo when I was growing up and that gave me perspective that often differed from my female friends who were subscribed to Cosmo. I also grew up with the feminist gURL.com websites for girls. I was a little too old for their sex ed book for girls when it came out, but I definitely think it shaped girls' understanding of their bodies. Jessica Valenti is definitely relevant to this conversation as well—I read The Purity Myth when I was in college, but I think it's an invaluable resource for young girls who are dealing with slut shaming and confusion about their virginity (which is definitely a feminist issue). The website Scarleteen is a sex positive feminist sex ed resource for teenagers that also comes to mind.
These examples don't prove my conjecture that sex positive feminist resources for girls have shaped our current understanding of female sexuality, but I will say this: if you barred a girl's access to these resources and only allowed her knowledge of sexuality to be shaped by porn, popular media, and science, she wouldn't have any close to a decent understanding of her body and sexuality. An alternative lens with which to view these things is necessary and increased access to that lens in recent years has contributed to a completely different understanding of sex.
This book seriously changed my life.
So very informative, and not weird about being informative.
Also, if she has questions, answer them. Don't act like her period is some gross thing you don't want to talk about, or something you wouldn't know about because you're a guy.
I'm not assuming you would do this, just saying it sometimes seems to come across as a joke to some people but it's like.... every year a girl goes through it for the first time ever, ugh. lame.
periods suck.
I had my hymen cut at 13. It was septate and getting in the way of trying to use tampons. I started masturbating before I had it cut, but was ashamed of it for a long time because I was told that it was sinful. However, my mom encouraged it, but I didn't want to hear that from my mom.
I learned from books better than having to listen to my parents or peers about sexuality stuff in general. I first had the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You", then I moved up to this book and then I moved to "The Guide to Getting it On" which is huge and incredibly informative. I read a couple chapters in borders before buying it.
Oh, and focus on the clit, most women can't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone, however the feeling of "fullness" can help. Use your fingers, water faucets, or try grinding against something. I only have a mini vibe, so I don't know what it can do as far as penetration. Also, it is helpful to have foreplay with yourself to relax and get in the mood. I'm also not sure what the laws are, but they now sell vibrators in discreet boxes by the condoms. However, you might want to get more comfortable with yourself before delving into sex toys.
A really good book (it might have some more "graphic" information) is "Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to You Body, Brain and Life".
I would read it before you give it to her, it has great info that you will need too. It does discuss things in a very "no holding back" way.
It goes into body image, a great chapter called "What's in my panties?!?" about signs of infections etc., mental health, masturbation, and a whole gamut of things.
But read it for yourself before you give any book like this to your kids. To see if it's there intellectual level and goes with your beliefs.
Here's a piece she wrote that advocates for a conservative morality and traditional values: http://books.google.com/books?id=tGPYH6dnrEMC&pg=PA248&vq=sommers&dq=%22traditional+values%22+%22Christina+hoff+sommers%22&lr=&source=gbs_search_s&sig=ACfU3U36y2jiv3LaemaskAgGF0gbH9bsbA#v=onepage&q=sommers&f=false
The sample covers all but the last two pages of the chapter.
But it's not just that she supports traditional conservative values, she also argues directly against lots a feminist ideas. She has written that feminism is anti-male student and education is biased in favor of women (http://www.amazon.com/The-War-Against-Boys-Misguided/dp/0684849569#), that the gender wage gap is a myth (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christina-hoff-sommers/wage-gap_b_2073804.html), and most relevantly that “it is no longer reasonable to say that as a group, women are worse off than men.” (http://www.aei.org/article/society-and-culture/msinformation/)
You can agree or disagree with the things she says, that's not the point. The point is she does not believe the things that almost all feminists believe, so it doesn't make sense for her to label herself a "feminist." Especially because of the last quote. It doesn't make any sense to take up the feminist cause if you don't think that women are worse off than men. Feminism is literally built on that idea. If you think women are no worse off than men, how can you possibly think that a "feminist" movement is something worthwhile?
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
I can't believe I hadn't thought of this, because it's important: Find 'The War Against Boys' by Christina Hoff Summers in your local library, or order a copy.
In brief, there was a survey done by the AAUW that painted girls as victims and boys as oppressors / benefactors of The Patriarchy. This report was a major factor in shaping gender policies in schools throughout the late '90s to the present day. She examines the survey and report, and shows its weaknesses and biases.
As far as the parents things goes; are they willing to listen? If so, then there are a couple of books about being the parent of a trans kid that they might find helpful. This book in particular I’ve read and enjoyed, my mum eventually read it too and I think it helped It’s this book .
They could also reach out to any local PFLAG groups as many have parents of trans kids, and even some have specific groups just for parents. Often being able to talk to other parents can really help.
I would also start looking into a gender therapist. They would be able to help you, they would be able to help your parents, and in the future if you do want to start HRT, having a gender therapist will be very beneficial, especially if you’re going to start underaged.
Good luck!
My FTM son came out to me at age 14.
Scene: In the car, coming back from a therapy appointment.
Him: “So... uh... mom... I’m a dude.”
Me (already suspecting he was LGBTQ+): “Oh! Ok. Thanks for telling me! Do you want to talk more about it?”
Him: The floodgates open and it all spills out. He’d been questioning forever and sure for a year, and had already told his friends and therapist.
Me: Feeling sad that he didn’t feel he could share it with me sooner, but trying to hide it. “A year? Did something change that helped you feel ready to tell me now?”
Him: “Well, I knew you’d be OK with it, but you’re very action-oriented. And I wasn’t ready for action. But I am now.”
Me: Laughing, because he nailed it. I would have rushed him. “Yeah. You weren’t wrong. So do you have a plan I can help with?”
He just wanted his correct pronouns at home and school, to talk about new names, and figure out everything else. So that’s what we did.
Now, more than a year later, he has socially and legally transitioned, and just started on T two months ago. All is well.
Good luck! ((Mom hugs))
And if you want to share this with your parents, this book was very helpful for me:
The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens https://www.amazon.com/dp/1627781749/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_e44HDbSF620E1
Here's a bunch of stuff someone gave me. Enjoy!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:
amazon.com
amazon.co.uk
amazon.ca
amazon.com.au
amazon.in
amazon.com.mx
amazon.de
amazon.it
amazon.es
amazon.com.br
amazon.nl
amazon.co.jp
amazon.fr
Beep bloop. I'm a bot to convert Amazon ebook links to local Amazon sites.
I currently look here: amazon.com, amazon.co.uk, amazon.ca, amazon.com.au, amazon.in, amazon.com.mx, amazon.de, amazon.it, amazon.es, amazon.com.br, amazon.nl, amazon.co.jp, amazon.fr, if you would like your local version of Amazon adding please contact my creator.
Actually to me he sounds like he doesn't even know that much. Which is actually a positive thing; if he's ignorant, rather than somebody that knows things that ain't so, them maybe he can be educated. If there's really no other options, I suggest getting him a copy of https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749 and telling him this book confused you so and you really need a professional to explain it to you. If you can get him to actually read it...
I haven't read it, but this book is a counterpart to one I did read for younger children (by the same authors), and which is widely recommended for them. I imagine this one is similar, just focused around your age group instead.
Ok serenespidey, as promised, here is a list of resources. Now I know it's a long list, but I wanted to give you a little bit of everything in the hopes that you will find at least one helpful item. Besides, I don't know you so I don't know which approach would work best for you as an individual.
​
That said, if this situation keeps getting worse, do consider home schooling. There is nothing wrong with that. You could finish school in peace. Just be sure the program you choose really does count as a real high school diploma. School should not be torture. After all, there is no shame in walking away from a pointless and losing battle where no one wins. Only the satisfaction of surviving, thriving, healing, and growing. Let everyone else stay behind and suffer. You don't have to stay with them. The best revenge is happiness and success. You can read more on that philosophy in The Power of Acceptance.
The Power of Acceptance is the most practical guide to getting unstuck from negative thinking I have ever read. It helps you stop thinking in a negative way to see all the possibilities available to you. Also touches on the power of attracting good things to your life in a realistic way. No vision boards or meditation necessary. Just real life and real life examples. See the book list below.
​
Besides, home schooling will give you the space to focus only on yourself and not others. Focus on yourself and learning to cope. Coping is a valuable life skill. If you're able to do it while attending school, fine. If not, again, no shame. None of this including negative thinking and not enjoying school is your fault. None of it!
​
Acceptance can be a difficult concept to understand. Know this: It is not the same as giving up. It think it's important to learn and understand acceptance. See this book:
Stuff That Sucks: A Teen's Guide to Accepting What You Can't Change and Committing to What You Can (The Instant Help Solutions Series)
​
Couldn't have said it better myself. As in, you can't change other people, only your response to them. All the best to you!
​
Home Schooling Resources:
One or both of these accepts out of state students, do your research and make sure they count as real high school diplomas. Just in case your state or county doesn't offer home schooling, some don't.
learn.connectionsacademy.com/Florida/ApplyNow
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www.flvs.net/
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Some YouTube videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-CuyYVTPtc&t=21s
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgaHspUZOiA&t=746s
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Of-_fkfZvM&t=731s
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAwdUMjX0aM&t=60s
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-CuyYVTPtc&t=30s
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kARkOdRHaj8
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmRKlZEXVQM
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Some books:
The Power of Acceptance: Beyond the Law of Attraction
by Arden Rembert Brink and Doreen Banaszak
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Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Paperback – June 23, 2015
by Dr. Kristin Neff (Author)
​
For this one, don't let the title confuse you. Focus on the compassion part.
Self-Compassion - I Don’t Have To Feel Better Than Others To Feel Good About Myself: Learn How To See Self Esteem Through The Lens Of Self-Love and Mindfulness and Cultivate The Courage To Be You
by Simeon Lindstrom | Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
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The Self-Esteem Workbook (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
by Schiraldi PhD, Glenn R. | Nov 1, 2016
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The Self Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem
by Markway PhD, Barbara , Celia Ampel , et al. | Oct 23, 2018
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How to Be Nice to Yourself: The Everyday Guide to Self Compassion: Effective Strategies to Increase Self-Love and Acceptance
by Silberstein-Tirch PsyD, Laura | Jun 25, 201
​
Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens: A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life
by Joseph V. Ciarrochi, Louise L. Hayes, et al.4.3 out of 5 stars 44
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Dr Phil: Because sometimes real life sucks, but at least he knows how to cope in realistic way.
Life Code: New Rules for the Real World
by Dr. Phil McGraw
Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out
by Phillip C. McGraw
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0936197447/ref=pd_cp_0_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7G1BEWHP8Y416QJKXJ4T
https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535
> I insist on getting the school side of his life right, I am not compromising there.
By the time a child is a teen, they should already know how to take responsibility for their academics. If you still need to hound him about schoolwork, that's not good. It's not your role to do that. Enlist the school, see if they have academic support classes that can teach him how to be more organized. Insist he (NOT you) talk to his guidance counselor; perhaps he's in classes that are beyond his aptitude level. If it's a lack of being challenged, his counselor can help get him into more demanding courses. Or, encourage him to look into courses of study outside of what is offered in the school. Find something that makes him excited and motivated. Learning isn't all done in a classroom.
Important here is that he takes the initiative. You can coach and nudge, but resist the urge to do it all for him. If he's only a few short years from going to college, he's going to need to know how to do this on his own, because you won't be there. I know (based on what you wrote elsewhere) you want to be there, but you shouldn't be holding his hand in college. You shouldn't be holding his hand now!!
You need to let go, let him fall down and make his mistakes and learn from them. It's not the end of the world if he gets lousy grades in high school. It's normal to think that, but it's simply not true. He's got an entire lifetime to get his act together.
I will share that two of the most successful people I know nearly flunked out of high school. Okay, one was a solid D student. The other actually did flunk out. The D student (my sister) went to community college, got her act together, graduated a solid C student... then went on to a career in sales where she makes $300K. She excels in sales - she does not excel in classroom learning. The other person flunked out, spent a few years floundering around, decided to change her life, went back for her GED, worked part-time jobs while sending herself through college over a period of years, and now is also in sales, making $300K.
Then there's story after story of computer whizzes who don't go to college but found start-up companies.....
> What's more I need to push him to go out more and meet more of his peers and I do it, because he'd turn into a hermit (computer addicted hermit) if I let him.
What you are doing here is telling him there's something "wrong" with his personality that needs to be "fixed." Your job as his mother is to accept him as he is. It's possible he's an introvert. It's possible all these "peers" are into drugs, and he wants no part of it. You just don't know.
It's also possible that home is where he recharges his batteries, and he's completely different outside of the house. My youngest (16) is like this. When she's home, you can't get her off the computer, t.v., or her nose out of a book. She withdraws completely, and acts grumpy and hermit-like. But when she's out of the house, she is ON - an extreme extrovert, chatterbug, go-go-go!! She tells me that when she comes home, she just wants to unplug and relax...
I highly recommend this book to you:
http://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535
as well as this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Teen-Discoveries-about-Teenage/dp/0385721609
One more anecdote I'll share, about my oldest, nearly 18 now. She has her first job this summer, as a camp counselor with small children (age 5 and 6). I was very concerned about this, because at home, she is irresponsible, easily distracted, daydreams a lot, and doesn't seem to like children at all. She has a half-sister and she doesn't get down on the floor and play with her. If the house was burning down around her ears, she'd never notice... etc, etc...
Guess what? The camp is reporting that she is the BEST counselor they've ever had!! That the children all adore her. That she's attentive, responsible, etc, etc.... they even gave her extended hours! Complete surprise to us....
But, not really. This is the way it is with teens. You get the bad side at home - because it's safe for them to be bad, to regress. Meanwhile, they are completely different outside of the house. They are busy making you proud. You cannot judge how your son acts at home, as how he acts outside of the home.
> What is it about these men that make them feel like they have to threaten someone who just paid them a compliment?
Read this book.
> you end up with a cultural association that manliness = fucking women, which leads to not fucking women = unmanly, which leads to homophobia.
I think that's a remarkably simplistic and rather shallow way of thinking about sexuality and homophobia.
Culture has to have a foundation somewhere. To suggest that basing it from biology [is a bad thing] is to suggest that it have no foundation at all. The problem is when cultures become averse to augmentation and evolution. Cultural stagnation is what leads to homophobia, not the reality of biology.
There is no one single cause behind homophobia, and anyone telling you that is just plain wrong. There are, however, a few bigger causes of it. Now, my focus in research for the last few years has been in homophobia in a high school setting - so what follows is mostly associated with that (specifically, US high schools).
One of the larger causes of homophobia goes way back to our more primal roots: pack behavior. We are codified to align with a larger pack, because throughout history those outside of the pack aren't treated well, and (going way back) end up dying of starvation or exposure.
So, skipping a whole lot of time, let's turn the page to the high school setting - which is probably more like the old pack behavior than any other time in one's life. Many / Most kids haven't an inkling of what they'd like to be - and not just in career trade, but in what sort of person they'd like to be. So, packs form around social custom. Much of this - and this is the point you were trying to make - comes from how they observe others behaving. And, naturally, much of this comes from the media. (Sidepoint: HS is also where the gender divide begins but that's a whole different paper).
The harsh reality is, fucking women does equate to a higher social standing. It is codified into our systems, through centuries of natural selection. There were points in our evolution that said, "If you don't spread your seed, you'll be pointless." That's a pretty important thing to have in the genes when you're trying to establish a species.
We're no longer at the point where we need that in our mentality, but it is still codified in there, like it or not. Social customs and social obligations are two different things. Two hundred, even a hundred years ago, you were socially obligated to pump out a few kids to help in the fields. A few decades ago you were obligated to pump out some kids to complete the Nuclear Family (two children, minimum, generally).
As much as the Conservative Right here in the US wants [you to believe], you're no longer held to these obligations. Thankfully.
But all of this time with these obligations which have now become customs has left us with a bit of generational lag. My mother, for instance, has
aseven brothers and sisters. I've got one younger sister - that's a good indicator of how much generational obligations/customs have changed.Part of that generational lag occupies a large part of the media, for several reasons. 1) Sex is codified, and because of that, sex sells. As the media is discovering, all kinds of sex sells - so this little media lag will be going away in a generation or two. 2) It becomes part of the cycle (we're still seeing what's socially acceptable to the previous generation on TV - we're just now seeing that change, just like it'll change again at the end of our generation / set of generations).
Let's get back to our high school kids, who've been organizing themselves into their little wolf packs (thankfully, the French gave us a better word: clique). They see these social customs in the media, and naturally use them as a boilerplate for their own behavior.
Now, here's the important part: evolution.
Turns out, a lot of people get sick of these social customs in the previous generation, and they end up passing those protests on to their kids. That's why you have a generation of women who, when told to stay in the kitchen, respond with, "Go fuck yourself." Over a few generations, this leads to some pretty profound social change. That's how you go from women's suffrage being proposed in 1878, to proposed as an amendment in 1919, to ratified in 1920, and to having the first woman <insert_pretty_much_anything> about a generation (give or take) later. 96 years between "Women? Voting? Sure, I guess." and "Hillary 2016!" seems likt a lot, but think about it. That's the rough lifespan of one person.
And each time a huge social change sweeps through, it makes the ones that follow even easier. Just look at LGBT rights. It didn't take 100 years for a massive amount of change. It seems slow to those of us who get to see the worst of it - but it's remarkably fast.
The other, and in my opinion slightly more important factor in social change, comes from the "Defense of the Different."
It's easy to lose yourself in the articles about cruelty - and that needs to be dealt with. But what we very rarely take note of, is how often it happens that things go well.
Another natural, codified, part of our humanity, comes from saving face, both of ourselves and for our friends. When we form bonds of any sort with another person, we expect those bonds to stay intact [and will take lengths to defend them]. The act of "coming out" is a pretty big change in those bonds, and the reason the process is so painful is that you know you're changing the relationship, because - in a way - you're changing your character. Most of the time, these things go just fine. Horror stories scare us so much because, well, they're horror stories.
Anyway, without going on that particular tangent for another six paragraphs, I'll get back to the simpler point: people like their friends. So, say you've got our little pack of high school kids. Say one of them comes out. The natural reaction of the group may be to cast out the injured individual and keep moving. This is where our evolution comes into play, and when we're supposed to say, "So what?"
Friends have the ability to grab back onto that person and pull them back into the group. The group changes. The group evolves. And as that group grows up and gets out into the world, that little interaction shapes the way they deal with people in their lives.
All of this is very complex, and I'm leaving a whole lot out for the sake of brevity.
The West Wing addresses this group behavior with a nice little DADT discussion that I'm quite fond of.
My points are:
fuck womenprocreate, be powerful."---
Some further reading:
These are only a few of the papers you could read, there's an absolute mass of research out there on homophobia and heteronormality. All it takes is some patience, some reading time, and the ability to coherently form a message from combining and understanding a mass of other content (which is what I do!).
--
Some edits, noted in
strikethroughor [additions].Answers to this question and many more in: Dude, You're a Fag
Nice that someone agrees with my POV on TRP.
> This is one of the first things I've disagreed with. I think it's pretty clear that shit test are real, although not as common as TRP likes to make out. There are plenty of times when I've been hitting on a girl and she's reacted like a total bitch. When I stay and show I'm not intimidated by it, I've had a lot of cases where you can visibly see them become attracted. I don't think it's a stretch to say other people do this on a smaller scale.
In that setting yes shit tests are very real, I absolutely agree.
But if you read the context for this, I am arguing against the notion that is something primal that people do all the time, and that women do constantly in a relationship. I know some women do it a lot in dating. Hell, some women have outright told me that they test guys. But they're a rare breed in my experience. And they're usually the types who like head games. I think the one case where you'll experience a lot of things as shit tests is if you're not being genuine or authentic. People smell that and will try to call you out.
> I'm not sure your point about scientists holds. Scientists haven't studied banter, but it's clearly an important part of interacting. Likewise, they haven't really studied why some people are are cunts, but it's easily identifiable as a character trait. There's barely any research about human cuckolding, but it's very clear it's an evolution strategy we have evolved. In any case, it's very difficult to differentiate shit testing from just being horrible, not least because "passing the test" would have the same effect in both situations. I don't think it would be easy to identify.
Actually, scientists have studied banter. For examples, here's a book about banter amongst teenage boys.
If shit tests were so common and meaningful, at least one psychologist, anthropologist, sociologist or whatever would have described them as such in my opinion.
NTA. Don't get your hopes up for a meaningful response though or take any response you do get personally. In my experience, young adults can drop friends for really lame reasons, including jealousy, fear of rejection, or just having new life experiences that they don't think you'll accept or identify with. I think jealousy is a very common reason around puberty. I had best friends suddenly stop talking to me for a month, only to apologize later and say it was because they both thought I was the most likable (friendship-wise) of the three of us, so they wanted to get me back for "them not being as special" according to them, which is ridiculous. There is likely no harm in asking. Sorry your daughter is dealing with social issues. Kids can be so cruel and take out insecurities in awful ways. If you DO decide to see a counselor, there is that added benefit of asking for help for your daughter as well. Perhaps you can take this approach with friend A -- tell her that your daughter's experiences reminded you of what happened, rather than saying its been bothering you for as long as it has, if you want. By the way, I gave this book to a friend who has a daughter, maybe it would be of interest to you: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, PhD. She also just released one called Under Pressure about stress and anxiety in girls. Good luck.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553393073/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D23HK1J/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1
I didn't read your full post. But from what I read, you should consider reading (or listening) to the book Untangled. I just listened to it and it was tremendously helpful as a parent of a 6th grade/11 year old daughter.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393073/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_K4elzb52PM78C
I highly recommend [Deal with It!] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671041576/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_igbyDbSDNBXEH) It was the first book that I read as a 13yo that said it was okay to like boys, girls, or no one at all. Talked about sexual assault, what no means, what it meant if you thought you were trans, and talked about different kinds of breasts and labia. It was the first time I had heard about breast reductions, and ended up getting one a few years later. This book changed my life, and I cannot recommend it enough.
edit: [A very good article about the site that created the book, and how dope it is.] (https://jezebel.com/the-reasons-you-probably-loved-gurl-com-1621531914/amp)
I don't really think I "dealt" with it any different than usual; I wore pads instead of tampons til I was 16 or so and kept a spare pair of underwear on me after one embarrassing incident where it surprised me and I had to tell my male 5th grade teacher I needed to go to the office to call home for a new pair of underwear.
My mom bought me a YM magazine in the spirit of "huzzah, you're a woman now", and also got me this book, which I HIGHLY recommend: http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576. It's pretty old now, but the information is all still great. I still have my copy and am saving it for my future daughter/nieces/etc. It answered every question I could have had that I didn't want to ask my mom. Just a heads up: it's very thorough and contains a page with some pen drawings of penises and also some masturbation info. If that bothers you maybe you could tear those pages out though or something, the book as a whole was immensely helpful to me, and I passed it among all my girlfriends in HS when they had questions. I wouldn't give it to your daughter now, at 7, but whenever she gets her period is probably a good time. It definitely didn't mess me up to read it 10; all it did was make me the most knowledgable kid in my freshman year health class a few years later.
I didn't go to the doctor or anything, and I turned out fine. The only problems that came from it were my decreased height (but whatever, I'm adorable lol) and the fact that my period was never on a schedule. I kept meticulous track of it and it would still show up whenever the hell it felt like, so at 18 I went on birth control to regulate my cycle.
My best friend knows someone whose younger sister got the puberty-delaying meds and grew to be taller than her older sister, but that's about the only noticeable effect. I didn't even know that was a thing until just now, but it seems weird to me. My parents just let my body do its thing and gave me literature so that I'd know what was going on without them having to awkwardly tell me, and I turned out fine.
I bought mine myself when I was 15-16 online with a visa giftcard. There are enough ways to bypass you and for her to get it herself (assuming she has some pocket money) if you don't.
As for what would be age appropriate, I'd be careful about how good of a vibe you get her. Lots of grown women overdo it with vibes and have trouble climaxing with a partner, and it'd be easy to do that with all the teenaged hormones floating around.
I had this book when I was in my early teens and found it immensely informative and helpful It's not all about sex but the chapters on sex and relationships were of particular interest to me.
Edit to remove Reddit. You guys know that mom can teach her to avoid the bad parts and go with the good parts of the Internet, right? The person in question is at least 13-14, and that's old enough to start making decisions about what content to consume online. Obviously crap like r/incels is bad. I wasn't suggesting she go to r/incels, or red pill, or clop or spacedicks was I? No. Sooner or later OPs daughter will need those skills so that it's not a complete shell-shock in college when she gets free reign of the internet. Both of the subs I originally listed are pretty tame compared to the darker parts of Reddit.
As for books, she's at a tough age right now. This Book is A. MAY. ZING. It saved my ass a lot as a teenager. It didn't keep me from entering abusive relationships, but I at least had the tools to recognize and escape them. It has all sorts of stuff. Life stuff, sex stuff, relationships, how to take care of your body. It's an amazing book.
you might try the war against boys
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war-against-boys/4659/
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
You should start reading anthropological studies that actually delve deep on the subject rather than dismiss them outright just because they don't align with your preconceived views. Unwin's book thoroughly presents and discusses the historical evidence that support the Nietzsche's psychoanalytic theory and is widely supported and cited by various academics.
http://factn.org/societal-success-and-sexual-restraint-j-d-unwin/
https://relampagofurioso.com/2016/05/30/jd-unwin-detailed-how-feminism-would-destroy-culture-30-years-before-womens-lib/
http://static.ow.ly/docs/J.D.%20Unwin.publish.2012_3tch.pdf
http://ldsmag.com/article-1-3740/#_ednref12
http://www.sojournerchronicles.com/2013/07/jd-unwins-sex-and-culture-right-side-of.html
Coming of Age in Samoa: A Psychological Study of Primitive Youth for Western Civilisation by Margareth Mead
Family and Civilization by Carl Zimmerman
These are academic studies of the advancement and decline of past nations, empires and civilizations of which all WITHOUT exception having one common denominator - regulation of human sexuality. The flourishing and success of civilization have a lot to do with regulating human sexual behaviour.
All these cultures began to rise when monogamous marriage was the norm, women were committed housewives, men were efficient family providers, and homosexuality was outlawed. All of these cultures began to decline when women were given more rights, assumed the role of men, when divorce became common, homosexuality gained greater social acceptance, and marriage was in decline.
Btw, homosexuality in ancient Greece was a sexual taboo practiced by the few elites only because they could get away with it. It was not a sexual norm practiced by the majority of the population who were slaves. Rome was less tolerant of homosexuality than Greece and went on to conquer and dominate the latter, but the two were eventually superseded by the more puritanical Abrahamic societies.
Good job with Bright Futures and National Merit - those two with a couple of other small scholarships and some part-time work at best buy let me pay for my Bachelors degree without taking student loans.
$12,000 a year for housing seems kind of high. Are you living on campus? If not, you may want to shop around a bit for different housing options.
Maybe buy a copy of "How to Raise an Adult" and leave it on your parent's night stand or coffee table if they're the kind that are capable of taking hints.
Stuff that Sucks. . .?
Hmm...maybe try this one: https://www.amazon.com/Stuff-That-Sucks-Accepting-Committing/dp/1626258651/
Go buy him the book Dude, You're a Fag. It's an ethnographic study of high school students and their use of the word "fag." The author concludes that it essentially has no relationship to sexual orientation, but rather that "fag" is used to police masculinity.
I'm not totally sure if it's really that much different from how "feminine" operates here...
Here's a nice summary: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude,_You're_a_Fag
In today's society, there is no longer a distinction between 14 and 34 year old men.
A Republican senator just wrote a book about this degradation of society:
https://www.amazon.com/Vanishing-American-Adult-Coming-Crisis/dp/1250114403
Not by nature, by culture. Source: this book.
http://www.angryharry.com/esWellDonetheGirls.htm
http://www.angryharry.com/es-HistoricalEducational-Bias-Against-Girls.htm?main
the war against boys
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569
http://www.henrymakow.com/how_uk_destroyed_new_male_gene.html
> The questioning of quantitative objectivity by many is not, in-itself, a questioning of the possibility of objectivity, but the form it takes as quantifiable, i.e. as number.
So then how is objectivity possible? (Not being flippant -- I think I'm missing something here.)
> As a structural Marxist it would be very hard to fit him into the paradigm you want: between the quantifiers of objectivity and its qualitative deniers.
> Its fact.
My assertion is that it is not fact. For example, here is a book by a feminist partially about how the idea that men must be big and strong, that they shouldn't have emotional vulnerabilites or rely upon others, is harmful to men.
Good parenting. Allowing children to make mistakes and suffer the consequences is part of their growth. Just follow up with a discussion, where you ask questions about what choices she made and what she needs to change. Also, may want to suggest she discuss her mistake with the teacher.
Book on point called How to Raise an Adult.