Our Dumb Century

Buy this book, it is amazing from start to finish, especially if you know a bit of 20th century history (or know someone who does). The Onion upped their game for this book.

This image is one of the pages.

Vice President Joe Biden has a reputation for speaking his mind. He's had so many gaffes in office (just google: joe biden gaffe) and there's been more than a few times he's just straight up cursed in front of the media, which is unusual for a politician nowadays. People actually love him for this because it makes him seem like a more down to earth real guy who somehow ended up vice president.

The Onion capitalized on this image of him by fictionalizing him as an old guy always getting into young-guy movie-type comedic situations and doing unexpected wild things. Believe it or not it's been a successful parody for The Onion and they have lots of these stories. Joe Biden and the White House administration have also reacted well to the parody but insist that's not his real personality.

This one has always been one of my favorites.

The parodies were successful enough that The Onion released a "autobiography" of their 'Diamond' Joe Biden character. "He" has also done an AMA on reddit.

And here's his book!

1976: "Cambodia to Switch to Skull-Based Economy."

I'm gonna follow whatever my zombie survival guide book says...if it's in print its gotta be true right?

here

> Thump the First Bundred Days

It's real and costs $12.

Edit: The creator's twitter and the book's twitter shudder

by M.E. Owmeow!

Conservatives don't really have much sense of humour. Perusing though my local bookstore selection only reveals scant titles with even a conservative bent, and even then the joke tends to just be "look at this strawman, isn't this ridiculous!" like the Social Justice Warriors handbook or my personal favorite Reasons to vote for democrats which is just an empty book similar to a journal, and that's almost like a joke right -the democrats have no plans, see? But then you realise that someone sold an empty book at full price and the joke is you just wasted your time and money.

Reference

ISBN 9781723092305

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p/meow-m-e-owmeow/1129197055/2660300417649

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1723092304/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_WLDQBbJ5NHT37

So...a $22 junior-sized machete, a $10 book, a pocket-sized first aid kit, thirty feet of duct tape, a no-name flashlight, and a can of SPAM? And you only have to pay one hundred American dollars (plus $16.59 for ground shipping) for the pleasure of getting it all in a wooden crate? Sign me up!!!

Yep yep. Max Brooks. Also the author of The Zombie Survival Guide
World War Z (the book) is far better, but the survival guide was how I was introduced to it all.

Eh. It's this one. It's decent, but the firearms section is really stupid. An excerpt:

> The U.S. Army M16A1 is considered by many to be the worst assault rifle ever invented. Its overcomplicated mechanism is both difficult to clean and prone to jamming. Adjusting the sight, something that must be done every time the target shifts its range [pfft], requires the use of a nail ballpoint pen, or similar device. What if you don't have one, or lost it as several dozen zombies shambled steadily toward you? The delicate plastic stock of the M16A1 obviates bayonet use, and by attempting to use it as such you would risk shattering the hollow, spring-loaded stock... So poor was its early battle record that during the Vietnam War, communist guerrillas refused to take them from dead Americans [right...]. The newer M16A2, although somewhat of an improvement, is still regarded as a second-class weapon. If given the choice, emulate the Vietcong and ignore the M16 entirely.

> On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Soviet AK-47 is considered the best assault rifle ever made...

ಠ_ಠ

It only goes downhill from there. Other fun bits include calling an M1 Garand the best semi-auto you can get and saying bolt-actions can be more effective than semi designs because they "[force] the user to make each round count".

The Onion actually released an e-book like this called The President of Vice. It's an "autobiography" by Joe Biden that he's writing to pay off some gambling debts. It's only 106 pages but it's freakin' hilarious: http://www.amazon.com/The-President-Vice-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B00B1W7QC6

Here is the link to Verily, A New Hope.

The others can be found in the "Customers who viewed this item also viewed" bar down below.

Also, [Why Not Me?: The Inside Story of the Making and Unmaking of the Franken Presidency] (https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Me-Unmaking-Presidency/dp/0385334540) is an amazing book. It's written like an epistolary novel: fake campaign bios, news reports, diary entries, Bob Woodward exposes, transcripts. It's an incredibly well done and funny book. Definitely check out the Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot Book and Lying Liars is brilliant is well. While you're at it check out some videos on YouTube of him as the comedian for a couple of Correspondents Dinners during Bill Clinton's presidency.

IIRC, there was a threat a while back about it being Star Wars written in Shakespearean iambic pentameter.

Edit: found it on Amazon, here.

Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot: And Other Observations by Al Franken

no reason

This title and thread was so confusing to me.

He announced the book on purpose. The book is a collection of Trump quotes compiled by the Late Show staff, leading to the book being billed as "by Donald J. Trump (by accident)":

Whose Boat Is This Boat?: Comments That Don’t Help in the Aftermath of a Hurricane By Donald J. Trump (By Accident)

Some of my own favourites: "an unkindness of ravens" and "a parliament of owls"

If you're way into this kind of thing, James Lipton (of Actor's Studio fame) wrote a whole book of them, An Exaltation of Larks.

There's that book with a century of Onion headlines.

Pssshh. 12 reasons in a short article? There's a whole book with reasons to vote Democrat linked below. It's a great read and has a 5 star rating on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=reasons+to+vote+democrat&qid=1562554428&s=gateway&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

These are not the first bunny-themed books about the current US presidential administration, either.

You can follow him here on Twitter

https://twitter.com/POTUSThump

Pick up his book on Amazon.

Thump: The First Bundred Days

Book and Poster combo over at InfoWars.com

You want more good times, in book form? Franken has a shitload of fun reads eviscerating the right wing. He's good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him.

http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Lying-Liars-Tell-Them/dp/B003IWYKW6/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649/ref=pd_cp_b_0

http://www.amazon.com/The-Truth-jokes-Al-Franken/dp/B004JU1SMG/ref=pd_cp_b_1

Also, he can draw a map of the USA from memory, free hand, perfectly, in 90 seconds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0-FYyuvrRk

Fanboy out.

I don't know what's more amazing - the fact that you can actually buy this, or the fact that this book is 134 pages long. Really.

For the people with doggos out there, consider getting them Woof.

Amazon link for the book

Or to search nearby libraries.

Sweet, but she's dead when she runs out of ammo. Swords and bats are fairly effective, and if you'd really like her to live a bit longer, check out The Zombie Survival Guide

And I'm zombies.

Nay, say I. That which you hath spoken is not the truth, it is contrary to reason.

Edit: Holy shit, it exists

Yeah seriously, we don't need another "Whose boat is this boat?"

According to the fine publication of The Onion titled Our Dumb Century, it is indeed much older than that. This fine newspaper is descended from a newspaper titled The Mercantile-Onion, founded in 1765. It took on its current form in 1896, when T. Herman Zweibel took over, and renamed it The Onion. He would remain publisher until his court-ordered retirement in 1958.

[This is a real book] (http://smile.amazon.com/Nobody-Poops-But-You-Ming/dp/1480296988)

Nah not a book it's from here
http://www.lukesurl.com/archives/comic/280-calvinism-but-no-hobbes

Though I released a cyoa a little while ago
http://www.amazon.com/Choose-Horrible-History-Killing-Hitler/dp/149284232X

Ths book is legit, you can purchase it for $9 😂
https://www.amazon.com/Meow-M-Owmeow/dp/1723092304

Really considering on buying it even if my cats dont like it

I'm going to guess its this book, I just cant believe there would be many out there but if I'm wrong maybe OP can post the real link. - http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Hitler-With-Praise-Fire/dp/149284232X

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, for those wondering.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Colbert did something similar and all the proceeds go to hurricane relief. https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540330050&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=whos+boat+is+this+boat+book+trump

It's actually an unkindness of ravens. You can have a parliament of owls.

In case you are looking for more. Or just want to know why I know this.

Acutally yes I do know how tiring a real sword fight is. I've been in re-enacted battles in a full harness of plate and mail with padded gambeson and then two layers of woolen clothes.

I can fight pretty well in that situation for a reasonable amount of time. Given that in the proposed scenario I would not be in full plate I should be okay. The whole point about having a melee weapon and using it correctly is that you keep the fucker as far away from you as possible.

This leads me to my defensive armament my mail shirt. Recommended in the very Zombie Survival Guide you appear to be drawing your research from.

You are correct, sprung steel is not as good as tempered steel, for that I'd have to go get this, but as it's in the cupboard and would take longer to get than the 3s the OP mentioned I discounted it.

Dull blades kill just as quickly as sharp ones.

In short sir, I do not speak bullshit, I will not purchase a firearm and if desired could use a fucking mace if I wanted to

• Step One - Read this
  
• Step Two - Bring a shotgun
  
• Step Three - Aim for the head

I haven't seen the movie, and I'm not much of a book reader, but I do love all things zombies and of all the zombies things I've seen or read I loved World War Z the book.

It's a very easy, light read. But in my opinion it's the best, more realistic and rational zombie book. Hell, it was written by the guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1480296988

I really don't know how to respond.

Meow

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/1723092304/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_eUkkDb213EATH

Does anyone remember Franken's book "Why Not Me?" The premise of the book is a hypothetical scenario wherein Franken is elected president and the results are comical and disastrous.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Me-Unmaking-Presidency/dp/0385334540

If I recall, this book was pretty good. Not as good as "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big, Fat Idiot", but okay.

Al Franken did this like 20 years ago, guys.

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

Al Franken summed it up nicely 13 years ago.
http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

Context for those who don't know the Onion or the book

Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609804618/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_L7iOyb1W57QH4

all events for the past 5 years were written by markov bots based on history books, except someone slipped a copy of Our Dumb Century into the library.

The long awaited sequel to Reasons to Vote for Democrats?

Because Shapiro spends months/years writing books. Knowles wrote a best seller that had no words in it

link

Here, you'll need this!

A quick Google search of the author and I found it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Meow-M-Owmeow/dp/1723092304

I'd like to make another suggestion.

If you're interested, James Lipton (yes, the same James Lipton) wrote a book called "An Exaltation of Larks" that researched all the terms of venery and created some new ones.

http://www.amazon.com/An-Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-Edition/dp/0140170960

He literally already wrote the book on becoming president and he came up with the perfect slogan decades ago. There is literally no reason for him not to run.

Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot: And Other Observations https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440508649/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_Xx0Szb5ZPHYF1

Fierce_Fox is right. FM manuals such as FM-217-76 Survival.....may be somewhat outdated but the information is reliable.
As a Medic/EMT my prepping focuses on my skill set with everything else falling close in line. I have a lot of information in digital format; both on USB and a small external drive. I have a small tablet that is in my BoB for reading documents and such.
At a minimum, here are my suggestions:
FM 21-76 Survival - Department of the Army
https://archive.org/details/military-manuals
SAS Survival Guide - https://www.amazon.com/SAS-Survival-Guide-Collins-Gem/dp/0061992860/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483496552&sr=8-1&keywords=sas+survival+guide
The Pocket Prepper's Guide - Bernie Car
https://www.amazon.com/Preppers-Pocket-Guide-Things-Disaster/dp/1569759294/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483496827&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=The+Pocket+Prepper%27s+Guide+-+Bernie+Car
The Complete Disaster Home Preparation Guide - Robert Roskind
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Disaster-Home-Preparation-Guide/dp/0130859001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483496881&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Complete+Disaster+Home+Preparation+Guide+-+Robert+Roskind
How To Survive the End of the World As We Know It-James Wesley,Rawles
https://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-End-World-Know/dp/0452295831/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483496952&sr=8-1&keywords=How+To+Survive+the+End+of+the+World+As+We+Know+It-James+Wesley%2CRawles
Bug Out - Scott B. Williams
https://www.amazon.com/Bug-Out-Complete-Escaping-Catastrophic/dp/156975781X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483496991&sr=8-1&keywords=Bug+Out+-+Scott+B.+Williams
When There Is No Doctor - Gerard S. Doyle, MD -
https://www.amazon.com/When-There-Doctor-Challenging-Self-reliance/dp/1934170119/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1483497054&sr=8-2&keywords=When+There+Is+No+Doctor
The Ultimate Survival Medicine Guide - Joseph Alton, MD & Amy Alton, ARNP - https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Survival-Medicine-Guide-Preparedness/dp/1629147702/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483497109&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=The+Ultimate+Survival+Medicine+Guide+-+Joseph+Alton%2C+MD+%26+Amy+Alton%2C+ARNP
Last, but not least, The Zombie Survival Guide - Max Brooks
https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483497158&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Zombie+Survival+Guide+-+Max+Brooks
The last one is more humor but it does have many great points and ideas.
A library that covered everything would be very heavy and take up a bit of space. For the minimum, at least 1-2 books on everything one will need to survive will still be a lot. These books should be read, reread, and read again. We can't memorize everything, but having this to go back on when needed is a great addition. There's tons of information online and downloadable for free.
Depending on one's skill set, then they may not need as much. Teach others in a group is a must. Can't have one person be the ONLY one who can do 'this' skill. IMO, research should always be the first step. So much information out there and it's free.

Easy Choice...

Settle in, hunt, gather, and prepare a defensible structure for the warmer months when the zombies will thaw out and come to attack you again. Preferably one big enough to allow some farming in the warmer periods. Of course, this means no timely return to a normal life as we know it, which is a bummer.
The last few chapters of the ZSG cover exactly this :)

On that note, everyone should read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.

I see she has been studying Democrat policy

Seria se não tivessem copiado a ideia https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126

The amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126

A news article about how it became an Amazon best seller. https://thehill.com/homenews/media/323253-amazon-bestseller-reasons-to-vote-for-democrats-is-a-book-of-empty-pages

If you wanna make millions off of fools, become a Conservative!

Here, you'll need this: https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

Other parts of it use meter. Longer preview here:

http://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Who's boat is this?

https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539269465&sr=8-1&keywords=Who%27s+Boat+is+this

Sure, you lose some furniture, but you might get a free boat.

Oh yeah, i was right....

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324578328&sr=8-1

down voted for what the fuck are u submitting a link to that big fat idiot's website for.

Just plagiarizing an Al Franken title....

Obviously people haven't read the "How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Natural Disasters" book.

Its real

An excellent question. In a word: fairly. As a creator myself (I work as a web developer) I find it insulting to say, as some do, that artists wouldn't create art without a significant financial incentive. No, money enables artists to devote themselves to the medium that they enjoy and thus contribute more to our culture, but no real artist makes art just because they want to get rich.

The Pirate Party is not copyright abolitionist. We recognize the benefit of copyright, but we don't see it as an end in itself. From the (flawed) financial standpoint, creating one wildly popular work and receiving royalties for the rest of your life (+50 years) leaves you with no further need to contribute further. Instead, we'd like to see a relaxed 10-year copyright term. Why? When was the last time you bought a brand new game over 10 years old? What about a movie? Or an album? Most of the revenue from a creative work is generated in the first 10 years, hell in the first year. Losing the rest of the life + 40 isn't going to have a significantly negative impact on revenue, but it will have an incredible impact on our culture.

Imagine having unlimited, legal access to everything created before 2001. What would you do with it? Maybe make a zombie remix? How about whatever you wanted? How much faster could we evolve as a society and a culture if our artists had the ability to remix and build on other artistic work within a decade? If hip-hop artists could sample freely, would they not be better able to practice their art?

I agree that shorter, less strict copyright terms would have a detrimental effect on the present big business of art. What I don't think is that a change to this business would be detrimental to artists, to Canadian culture, or to consumers. We're watching the creative economy evolving all around us, and it's not easy to predict where it will take us. However, music and art have been around for tens of thousands of years before the invention of copyright and the record label, and they'll be around for tens of thousands of years after the misguided notion of “intellectual property” has been all but forgotten.

Thanks for the question.

Looks like it would go well with this:

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347

Too bad I'm boycotting Amazon cause of, ya know, the thing...

Wait wait fuck wrong book. Let me try again:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.

Is this William Shakespeare's Star Wars? You didn't specify but you said
> the production also includes five scenes from "The Big Lebowksi," also set in Elizabethan English.

which makes it sound like it is.

Edit: I'm guessing this is the Big Lebowski and this is the Star Wars one.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594746370/

Since no one has said so yet, look up a book called An Exaltation of Larks for more classic and a lot of nouveau ones.

why not just buy it online...?

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Sharknado-Other-Unnatural-Disasters/dp/0553418130

> Ok, så er det tid til at tanke op på dåseretter, rippe den lokale jagt-butik, finde et sikkert sted og zombiesikre det.

Du glemte helt at nævne at man lige hiver den obligatoriske guide frem og sikrer sig at man tager de rigtige forholdsregler

Sounds a lot like The Zombie Survival Guide. Awesome book, it pretty much started the recent zombie revival, and it's essential for anyone with a passing interest in the genre.

Jesus christ, have you not read the Zombie Survival Guide? SETTING THEM ON FIRE ONLY MAKES THEM FLAMING ZOMBIES!

You must have read this critically acclaimed [book.] (https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1541158059&sr=8-1&keywords=reasons+to+vote+for+democrats+book) The reviews are stellar in their own right.

There's a difference between open source and an editing free-for-all. Good, large open source projects have maintainers and approvers. Open source doesn't mean everyone gets to fuck with it willy nilly by the minute. It means if someone doesn't like the main version, they can copy it and make their own from it.

You could of course do exactly this -- and of course, some have -- with any book older than 90 years or so.

My personal favorite. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1682610284/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_-V-mxb6SYK70F

Bunny.

https://www.amazon.com/Meow-M-Owmeow/dp/1723092304

I think this is it

They made a book of cat speak

James Lipton (yes, that James Lipton, from Inside the Actor's Studio) wrote a book about terms like these, called An Exaltation of Larks.

For humor, check out Why Not Me? by Al Franken. He predicts the choice of Joe Lieberman as a running mate prior to the 2000 election.

Also, check out Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States. You'll never look at Thomas Jefferson the same way.

You might need this

My first exposure to The Onion was actually through that book. Hard to believe there was a time when I could have found it in a bookstore before finding it online.

Zombie Survival Guide. It will scare you shitless. World War Z is also good. http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252519573&sr=8-1

I found the Zombie Survival Guide to be an interesting one to go to..
Yes it’s about zombies, but take out the zombie aspect and it seems to be a decent book still.
Least the zombie idea makes it interesting more then just survival imo


Altho, it’s the only survival book I’ve read, so I don’t have any comparison


In fact.. I just stumbled in here..
and this is my first post in Reddit!

Here’s a link to see..

https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=asc_df_1400049628/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312139954763&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12536411841858454967&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9015428&hvtargid=pla-433825695584&psc=1

Books

• Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. A great read that will forever fuel zombie conversations in the future.
  
• World War Z by Max Brooks. A well done recount of the zombie war that nearly wiped humans off the planet.
  
• Day By Day Armageddon by J. L. Bourne. A compelling diary-style account from the beginning of a zombie apocalypse.
  
• Beyond Exile by J. L. Bourne. A sequel that picks up right where Day By Day left off.
  
• The Zombie Combat Manual by Roger Ma. Meh. Just a cash-in on Max Brooks' great work with the survival guide.
  
• U.S. Army Zombie Combat Skills by 'Dept. of the Army'. Lame. About as fun to read as a roll of toilet paper.

Then explain this!

http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762/179-4027921-2178446?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

For you sir

http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397446284&sr=8-1&keywords=tin+foil+hat

http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?

You can fund it right here.

There's always TONS of tat produced whenever there's a US election- lots of dolls, masks, bobbleheads, all kinds of weird novelty gifts intended to be comedic. I remember years ago when Howard Dean was running for election and became notorious because of that 'scream' he made, someone ended up producing a Howard Dean Screaming Action Figure which reproduced that weird noise of elation of his when you pushed a button. I guess all this stuff is targeted at the people who fall into that overlap between politics junkies & people who find silly novelty items amusing. There's lots of weird Trump junk out there, too. I mean, look at this shit:

The Trump Talking Toilet Roll Holder!

The Donald Trump Colouring Book! I actually kind of want this, even if the way Trump is drawn inside is kind of odd. I'd LOVE for someone to produce a Trump/Pepe meme colouring book, that'd make my year.

Other freaks try to cash in with their own hand-made Ebay-shilled junk, like... whatever the fuck this crocheted Trump penis thing is supposed to be.

And this one I think is genuinely funny; I lost my shit when I saw it. I mean, just LOOK at this ad! Meme magic is REAL~

Thump

Here you go!

Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084/ but with his horrible quotes.

Here's the book he wrote about it:

http://www.amazon.com/An-Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-Edition/dp/0140170960

> An "exaltation of larks"? Yes! And a "leap of leopards," a "parliament of owls," an "ostentation of peacocks," a "smack of jellyfish," and a "murder of crows"! For those who have ever wondered if the familiar "pride of lions" and "gaggle of geese" were only the tip of a linguistic iceberg, James Lipton has provided the definitive answer: here are hundreds of equally pithy, and often poetic, terms unearthed by Mr. Lipton in the Books of Venery that were the constant study of anyone who aspired to the title of gentleman in the fifteenth century.

Yes, these were the result of a language game that was common a few centuries ago.

http://www.amazon.com/Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-James-Lipton/dp/0140170960?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

If you like that, check out the book An Exaltation of Larks by James Lipton (yes, the "Inside the Actor's Studio" guy.) that is mentioned on the Wikipedia page. It has a great introduction about these "terms of venery" and some of their origins, a really comprehensive list with illustrations, and Lipton himself even gets into creating new ones. Very cool book.

> collective nouns

They are also referred to as Terms of Venery or "Company terms" and some of the earliest can be found in the Book of Saint Albans, pub. 1486. A good contemporary compendium of terms of Venery is an Exaltation of Larks pub. 1993.

I have a book that names different groups. It's called An Exaltation of Larks . Apparently a group of cockroaches is an "intrusion of cockroaches." "disagreement of statesmen." "explosion of italians."

An unofficial source has told me: "a carton of retards" .. unsure of veracity

Franken wrote a hilarious book about running for president before the 2000 campaign. It's in the format of a campaign diary.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Me-Unmaking-Presidency/dp/0385334540

Actually, he wrote the book already.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Me-Unmaking-Presidency/dp/0385334540

It's very good, holds up well, and is full of good ideas for campaigning.

You obviously haven't read Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat, Idiot. Franken shows how each and every show has many, many verifiable errors.

Trying to catch stuff that hasn't been mentioned here already:

Films:

Bob Roberts (1992)

Bulworth (1998)

Primary Colors (1998)

Documentaries:

The War Room (1993)

The Century of the Self (BBC)

The Power of Nightmares (BBC)

Books:

Anything by Al Franken

Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

The Truth (with Jokes)

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations

Other authors:

Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam

Nixonland: The Rise of a President and the Fracturing of America by Rick Perlstein

Eliminationists: How Hate Talk Radicalized the American Right
by David Neiwert

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot

Same answer. It's just a higher standard of proof if it's a public figure.

Here is an excellent example of not libel.

https://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

End of story... stupid obese racist.

Ten years ago a man wrote that Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot... that man is now a US Senator. Limbaugh is still a big, fat idiot.

Yeah I might buy this.

EDIT: I found it!

This is from Our Dumb Century, a brilliant book by Theonion.com

It's from their book Our Dumb Century from 1999, with faux front pages from every year of the 20th century.

They've made some good books (and some not-so-good ones), but this is by far the best IMO. And the design is great, it really really looks vintage. That makes the jokes work on a whole new level for me.

Oh shit, it's a zombie! Better break this out.

For the machete a Cold Steel kukri is an excellent option.

Field strip the MREs: here's how.

Get the Chinese military shovel instead, it's really awesome. Here's one link to buy it.

Would advise a Camelbak or other mini-backpack style hydration bladder, much better for mobility.

For the rope: get milspec 550 paracord.

Gorilla brand duct tape is advised.

For the multitool either SOG or Leatherman are excellent choices. A couple of good picks from each: SOG PowerAssist and PowerLock as well as the Leatherman MUT and the Charge TTi.

Check out 4Sevens for excellent quality flashlights - really these guys are among the best in the flashlight market.

For the gun I would advise a Ruger 10/22 with a folding stock for compactness. Add some 32 round interlocking magazines and a box or two of ammo (.22LR is cheap, they come in boxes of 500 or so).

I would also recommend a Red Cross multifunction solar/crank radio.

The SAS Survival Handbook and of course the Zombie Survival Guide would make good additions.

Here's the link for the book.

http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

Come on, we all know the only zombie survival guide is this one. http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628

Pure worldbuilding and minimal narrative describes pretty well Expedition and Barlowe's Inferno by Wayne Douglas Barlowe.
Granted, these are books where the framing story (a person exploring the setting in question) is there to provide context for Barlowe's paintings, but you can do pretty much the same thing with words as he does with illustrations- take an explorer, an archaeologist, a historian, or some other sort of researcher, and follow them as they acquire knowledge about the setting. The story will thus focus on their discoveries, rendering exposition and story one and the same.
The SCP Foundation's various exploration logs are the best examples of this that I can name at present, as the characters involved in the framing story are generally anonymous redshirts whose only significance is the strange phenomena they encounter. As far as novels go, I also see the general formula in Jeff Fahy's Fragment.

Another example of an approach that works is the SCP-Foundation. There are traditional narratives on the site, but the main attraction for most of the Foundation's existence has been the collection of fictional documents describing various paranormal phenomena.

A fictional document or fictional documentary strikes me as a perfect method of doing what you seek. You can have an in-universe history book, an in-universe encyclopedia, some other sort of reference work like the Zombie Survival Guide, etc. You could call some of these "stories" by some definition of the word, I guess, but the bottom line is the format and content are quite different from what you typically see in things described as stories.

In that case, I think everyone who wants to write a zombie flick should have Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide as mandatory reading to ensure continuity regarding the capabilities of zombies in future movies. Love that book - it makes me question what the writers were thinking whenever I see a zombie doing something out of the ordinary.

As a man who once read the [Zombie susrvival guide] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628) I must say that a prison in rural Canada would be best. Walls, not many zombies and a lot of guns.
Also: [Zombie-killing girls] (http://www.google.se/imgres?imgurl=http://www.gogoanime.com/images/highschool-of-the-dead.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.gogoanime.com/category/highschool-of-the-dead&h=415&w=300&sz=44&tbnid=C8ZWLbyrh1tnGM:&tbnh=86&tbnw=62&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhighschool%2Bof%2Bthe%2Bdead%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=highschool+of+the+dead&docid=ot0XrGinSneWoM&sa=X&ei=80uVT-KKFumk4gSikuXQDw&ved=0CEwQ9QEwAg&dur=4314)

The best way to survive a national disaster is to imagine how you would survive a zombie apocolypse. Stock up on food and water, get tourches with batteries (or better yet, wind ups), block all entrances and wait for help. Depending on the level of outbreak and how much society has broken down, you could be waiting for days, if not weeks for the government to step in.

Your costco idea works in theory except that malls and shops are generally hard to defend. Multiple entrances, concreate stairs, lots of windows. Not to mention you will have to stop every Tom, Dick and Harry from trying to raid the store.

Check out the zombie survival guide. Its ment to be a parody but theres a lot of info that works in any situation.

This remind me of this. My husband was reading this book when we first met. He's educated me a lot in the zombie survival technique.

There IS ONE DUDE.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Hitler-With-Praise-Fire/dp/149284232X

Shit, sorry forgot to post the Amazon link in comments

https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Hitler-Praise-Fire-Horrible/dp/149284232X/

May I recommend Reasons to vote for Democrats.

It's gotten great reviews and would look good on your bedside table.

Don't forget Reasons to Vote for Democrats

https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495478114&sr=8-1&keywords=reasons+to+vote+for+democrats+a+comprehensive+guide

Or...

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

You would describe it like Ian Doescher did in his seminal trilogy: https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

The audiobook is pretty good.

The Globe in London. I had a nice experience there. I wish they would play this one time: http://www.amazon.de/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

I need to get up and go to work. I've been on reddit for over an hour, and I'm already late. I should get going, esp. if I want to go to stick time during my lunch break.

Also, I got my copy of the screenplay to The Room, and I now want to give it the Shakespearian treatment that The Big Lebowski and Star Wars have recently received.

https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Check out Penis Fairies and Queef Storms or 404 Not Found (alt link, has excerpts), a couple of colouring books written (drawn?) by The Oatmeal. I personally thought they both had great pictures, though in different ways—404 is intended as a family friendly book, after all, while Penis Fairies needs no explanation.

Another funny, though markedly controversial, book would be the Trump Colouring Book, featuring such pages as 'Trump playing chess with Putin', 'Trump crossing the Delaware', 'Trump adorning the $1,000,000 bill', 'Trump bulling past Clinton and Sanders in the American Football Republicans vs Democrats match', and many, many more.

if you thought that was bad.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284

I actually own a Trump coloring book. It became much less hilarious when he actually won.

plays counter

https://www.amazon.com/Meow-M-Owmeow/dp/1723092304

Also woof: https://www.amazon.com/Woof-W-Oofwoof/dp/1720196540/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2/145-8581234-4035122?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1720196540&pd_rd_r=09bd847a-a4bd-11e9-835d-e5e435a3ed81&pd_rd_w=l3rZB&pd_rd_wg=ZDPWb&pf_rd_p=a2006322-0bc0-4db9-a08e-d168c18ce6f0&pf_rd_r=48S70G75P1404XS1CGE0&psc=1&refRID=48S70G75P1404XS1CGE0

here

Meow https://www.amazon.com/dp/1723092304/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2wrODbAPRHBK6

https://www.amazon.com/Lady-Cottingtons-Pressed-Fairy-Book/dp/1857933362

https://www.amazon.com/President-Vice-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B00B1W7QC6

There's an entire book detailing these.

It's probably more common than the fact that a group of ravens is called an "unkindness."

Source (scanned from my copy of An Exaltation of Larks)

Book recommendation: An Exaltation of Larks, by James Lipton. Yes, THE James Lipton. https://www.amazon.com/Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-James-Lipton/dp/0140170960

It is the book version of this reddit post with a history of terms.

Fun fact -- we know a lot of these terms because some guy researched them and published a book. That guy was James Lipton (yes, that one from Inside the Actors Studio), and here's the book.

Note: Lipton found some of the terms and made others up, and the two have become permanently intertwined -- so "pandemonium of parrots" was probably made up by Lipton, while "a murder of crows" was not.

An Exaltation of Larks is a particularly fun book about the subject.

Why not him

This book.

I doubt there are many recordings of Rush's show from that time period.

I know the second statement is true. The problem is he thinks the antarctic ice is floating in the ocean.

Some things never change. Guess he's still a big fat idiot

There's a great book on the subject called Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot

Don't worry, there's a book.

It's 10 dollars on Amazon.

It's a real book, not some Lootcrate exclusive. I'd give you my extra since I owned it already, but I already gave it away. But really if you love Sharknado buy the book, support SyFy and give them more money to make fun movies like this!

Years ago, The Onion published Our Dumb Century, a book of (intentionally) fake news about the twentieth century. This GIF couldn't help but remind me of one of its parody headlines: "Whites Eagerly Await Release of Windows 95".

I bought their book back in 99:

https://www.amazon.com/Our-Dumb-Century-Presents-Headlines/dp/0609804618

A journal (book 1) Zombie Survival Guide A magazine that way I can look at the year it was released to keep track of time


I don't have movies


MRE type stuff, insta water added


iPod with 2000's music, if that's not a genre, then pop


Personal items: my iphone, wallet


Survival items: Heavy duty Utility knife, Knife sharpener, rope


Person: My brother

Two books that might be interesting reads for you:

• Emergency by Neil Strauss
  
  
• Zombie Survival Guide
  
  More of personal survival than mankind and obviously that's for zombies, not aliens, but you might find some good tips (Remember, you never have to reload a sword!).
  
  Also, the Center for Disease Control has a Zombie Preparedness site

Zombie Survival Guide is always a good read.

This DVD would be nice to have and this physical book will be nice used of course :)

have you not read this?

I'd say a nice bottle of bourbon or cognac would do the trick. Or, if he wouldn't like that (you know better than me), you could build him a zombie survival kit. You can personalize it with his favorite snacks, etc, and then have something like http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628 to bring it all together. That seems pretty practical.

I would behead the person. Gather essentials (see reference http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628 ) Inform a select few loved ones, set up a rally point and specific time. Then set out on my journey north with whoever arrived at the designated location.

Might I then reccomend......

http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217618426&sr=8-1

Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide

I'll just leave this here.

Excellent reference: Max Brooks (Mel's son) Zombie Survival Guide

read the book that came before it. [The Zombie Survival Guide] (http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628)

Write awesome stuff about zombies including a book entitled "The Zombie Survival Guide". I haven't read that one, but I suggest you check out "World War Z." It approaches a zombie war as it happens on a global level rather than just 8 or so survivors, addressing many sociopolitical issues and showing how different cultures would theoretically react to the outbreak.

[Zombie Survival Guide](http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299938944&sr=8-1 "tooltip text")

I've read Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide a few times through, and it's a brilliant manual for any major disaster, really. Good tips on fortifying against rioting masses, stockpiling of food, disposal of bodies and waste, weapon selection, etc.

Read the manual bro

https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

And Max Brooks (Mel Brooks son) published this in like 2003. I'm not trying to split hairs, I'm just trying to say that zombie apocalypse stuff has been around long before vampires had sparkles.

> I can't even remember what made zombies more popular than cat videos.

The Walking Dead pushed them over the top, but the initial groundswell came from The Zombie Survival Guide (which is actually a pretty fun, humorous read.)

The Zombie Survival Guide also by Max Brooks. Didn't see it referenced.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628

It's Max Brooks' predecessor to World War Z, The Zombie Survival Guide

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

Enjoy!

Zombie Survival guide by Max Brookes ----> http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628 (although it looks like you have the same one but with a different cover)

I'll just leave this here

Max brooks covered it already in his howto book. I preferred world war z which was actually stories from the war. Note this all assumes its the slow moving variety of zombies, not the crazy super zombies. But in summary the following items made bikes a better option

• lack of noise allows you to sneak past zombies on a bike
  
• no need for fuel, which will likely be in short supply due to everyone taking the fuel already
  
• roads will likely be blocked/crowded so a suv or other large vehicle will have trouble navigating
  
• On a bike you need to watch out for zombies in cars reaching out for you
  
  

Sigh...terrible, just terrible. You guys would all be dead before the day was done.

Chainsaws? Guns? Are you retarded? THEY MAKE NOISE! That will just bring MORE zombies to your location!

The following is what you REALLY need:

1. Any long bladed weapon, such as a naginata or shaolin spade. This will be the main close combat weapon. It has a very long reach to prevent bites and the blade can sever limbs and especially heads.
   
   
2. A sword of any type (even 2 or 3 is good). This is VERY important. Its your backup melee weapon that you will ALWAYS need in case things get too close or you lose other weapons. Its fast, easy to use and can clear large areas at a time if you need to clear the road so to speak.
   
   
3. Crossbow. Silent but still packs one hell of a punch. This is the one shot one kill mentality. This is NOT for taking on mobs. This is mostly for sniper work for protecting your fortress...i.e. picking off any loners who are wandering too close without attracting mobs.
   
   
4. Fire. Whether its a molotov cocktail or a fucking flamethrower, this is what to use against the mobs. Try to avoid any close up flame weapons. Hairspray and lighters? TERRIBLE choice. Remember, zombies don't tend to feel pain, and fire takes some time to burn enough flesh to immobilze it...so you'll just have a flaming zombie to contend with who is STILL trying to eat you.
   
   
5. A fit human body. Yes, your OWN human body, nimwit. If your lucky, your chubby ass might survive the first few weeks using the weapons above, but once there is a zombie outbreak, its almost non-stop survival from there on. You better start doing some crunches fatass!
   
   
   As penance, you all must now read, The Zombie Survival Guide
   Either that or die.

That's why you need the Zombie Survival Guide

Hurry and buy one before the zombie apocalypse!

This is what I got my little brother for Christmas:

This, this, and this.

The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks. Awesome lecture!

I say this book is pretty awesome

Alice in Zombieland

Easily this. When I was done, I was thoroughly convinced zombies were real.

Also, zombies in hot regions will dry up and break apart while zombies in cold regions are "at risk" of freezing completely (after all, it is assumed that zombies are cold-blooded and contain at least some water). Also, zombies in areas of extreme heat and humidity (rain forest) will rot very quickly, assuming that decomposition doesn't stop straight-up.

At least that's what the Zombie Survival Guide tells me.

OK, so most people will have the same basic plan: Get out of town, find remote fortifiable location. lay low, gather supplies, hold out til you can rebuild (great basic strategies Here!)

However, most people will be cramming the highways with the same strategy, then you get swarmed in the car on the way out.

SO, you need a contingency plan to hold out until you actually find a safe/quick/Stealthy way to execute the get-the-hell-outta-dodge part.

Supplies

have enough supplies on hand so that you could safely bunker down where (or near to) where you are. This is good advice in general and the same supplies will help you hunker down should a hurricane or a riot sweep through or society falls apart for some other reason.

1. Food/water - enough to last for a couple weeks, stuff that will cover your basic needs for 2 weeks- 1 month (Canned food, dried food, rice, beans, etc)
   
2. Basic Defense- Guns are great and all but are loud and need ammo. Think knives, axes or bludgeons. Ideally something with some reach.
   
3. Fortifications- Know how you are going to secure your shelter. Going to board up your windows? Better have the tools on hand and know what you're going to use to do it.
   4)Basic Hurricane Kit - hand-powered flashlight, Radio, signal flares etc. buy at any sporting goods store.
   
   Secure Shelter
   
   Now this part depends greatly on when/where you are when you become aware whats going on. But in general, (unless you are just pants-shittingly unaware of your surroundings) you should have a day or so between your first Zombie sighting and when stuff really starts going to shit.
   
   You need to have a clear idea in your head where you are going to draw the line in the sand across which the Undead shall not cross. For me this is the small section of my apartment complex. 22 units with a high iron fence all the way around. 3 entry points which can all automatically lock. I'd need to first secure and barricade these then begin to make a sweep of the neighboring units. There are 3 possibilities of what you will find. 1) Unoccupied unit - poor bastards were either caught in the initial outbreak or tried to make a run for it. make a not of these and come back for supplies. 2) Survivors - Congratulations you're not alone. enlist their help or have them keep their heads down. 3) Biters - You know what you have to do.
   
   Adapt
   
   Now once you have a safe defensible location for at least the short run, all planning goes out the window. Depending on how situations develop your plans are probably going to get blown to shit. Maybe the government falls faster than anticipated, so they don't have time to firebomb major cities. Maybe you become entrenched and are going to have to survive in place ad infinitum. Maybe you find your escape path and can make for the hills and follow the default plans.
   
   You can never be prepared - only more prepared
   
   TLDR; Have fun feasting on the brains of your loved ones
   
   

https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

A mental mind fuck can be nice...
It must feel like Christmas for you to find all your lost books.
I would love this [zombie book] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400049628/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&colid=N9C349SABZ8H&coliid=I3DO792KZU31AY&me=&seller=) to go with my other zombie book, World War Z!

It makes me happy to know that nobody poops but you

Make me smile, Rasta! :-D

non-mobile: http://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Poops-But-You-Ming/dp/1480296988/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368353963&sr=8-1&keywords=nobody+poops+but+you

Totally knew right away which item I’m posting. A while back I was looking for Choose Your Own Adventure books and came across a whole slew of weird ones. This one though really grabbed my attention!

Killing Hitler With Praise And Fire: Choose Your Own Horrible History book. 😈

Huh, it's a real book.

However, just because it has a unicorn on the cover does not mean it relates to MLP.

Killing Hitler With Praise And Fire: Choose Your Own Horrible History https://www.amazon.com/dp/149284232X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_5T3PCb7KR8WST

Great to read out in public!!!!

A book on Amazon covers the subject very simply....

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1501180126/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498079785&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=reasons+to+vote+for+democrats&dpPl=1&dpID=51dQDytrRNL&ref=plSrch

This is such a cute idea!

I'm not the most creative person ever, but I usually do homemade cards. Either dried and pressed flowers, or a picture. For my dad, I'm most likely putting a picture of him holding me at the airport (I'm adopted). The contents would say something like, "Dad-- I hope you got what you wanted, because you're more than I could ever wish for. Thanks for picking me." My dad is really incredible. I actually just added this book for my dad earlier today. for Father's Day !

Someone gifted me this book. My dad is the kind of guy that has everything, so if I get picked, honestly a donation to the Wounded Warrior Project is something he'd appreciate.

My team is somewhat specialized, but we somewhat recently released a series of SLO's. We've got a very complex and highly automated environment, so what our users wanted most was better communication. For example, if a high severity ticket hits during 24x5, we will commit to 30 minute acknowledgement time, and one hour during the weekends. (We're also using a follow-the-sun model for coverage and have a rotating oncall schedule on each side, so no one is getting paged in the middle of their night.) Some of the time my entire acknowledgement is that the problem being reported isn't high severity, or doesn't sound like my problem, and immediately lower it. This only works when:

• The people on your team are highly competent
  
  
• You management generally supports you. The platform that I support is addressed by other , extremely complex systems. Sometimes it is very difficult for a user to figure out where my team's systems end and some other teams' systems begin. But it is flatly not my problem to try and untangle the comings and goings of management and factions inside of each business unit.
  
  Most tickets that are not high priority have between a four and eight hour acknowledgement time. We won't commit on a time-to-close because the team is matrix managed, and full of lazy admins who automate things whenever possible. So as an oncall, I'm expected to find long term solutions for "routine" stuff. I've had some tickets sit open in my queue for well over a year. The user is made aware that it's going to be a while, and it's up to me and my management, and some other management, to figure out the priority levels.
  
  As for number of tickets closed per day, I think that's a terrible metric and should be avoided at all costs. I'll tell you how I dealt with that when I worked someplace that drank the ITIL kool-aid: Once per week (or every other week) I came in early and blasted through maybe a few hundred password reset/lockout tickets and closed the tickets that were obvious fallout from some other larger issue. My numbers looked amazing, and it was completely misleading. (I should note that I was a senior sysadmin at the time, with people working under me.)
  
  Even for monitoring, I'd argue for a response time metric, but the warning I'll give you here is that people will treat it like a video game, and constantly ack alerts to stop their phone from buzzing.
  
  As for the rest: automated metrics are your friend. One of the things that we had to put a lot of brain power into was figuring out the dumbest metrics we could run from hosts all over the world. Stuff that's difficult to break and can report on something easy and graphable. And is understandable by our users.
  
  To that end, figure out what your users need and address that. Do they need your servers to have high uptime? You can monitor that, figure out the major chokepoints, and work through that. Do your users completely care about having a working laptop all of the time? Invest in loaners. Are garden gnomes plotting to kill you? distribute this book
  
  

There's a book for that eventuality.

No I'm not pretending to discuss it. Like I said I don't indulge conspiracy theories.

http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

no, it's the United States. it's ALWAYS the United States, right?

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

Unless it's a zombie Harry Potter, not interested.

Hey, did anybody do "Harry Potter with Zombies"?

You know, like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Doing it wrong.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

I really enjoyed Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I've got a friend that loves this.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I'm actually reading the book now.

So far my favorite zombie book is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

looking at "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought..." i duno whats more hilarious...

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/ref=pd_sim_b_4

For those interested, someone actually made a book series around this.

https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Has books for up to 7. Not sure about Rogue One or TLJ though.

I've got the first 6, but I haven't gotten around to reading em.

Found a book once where the author had re-written the first movie in Shakespearean dialog. You can find it here

I always pictured R2 and 3P0 as a Dwarf Blacksmith and an Albino English Professor.

He's a writer? How about getting him a videogame/comic book themed notebook with matching stationary? If he's a Star Wars fan and really in to screenplays then he might be interested in Star Wars by William Shakespeare.

http://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0/178-6144581-1887900

Not my idea, I'm just predicting that at SOME point they'll adapt them to film.

https://www.amazon.ca/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Hence why it gets chopped from watching the films in Machete Order.

> "Episodes II and III aren’t exactly Shakespeare, but standing next to the complete and utter trainwreck that is Episode I, they sure look like it. At least, III does anyway."

Not to be confused with William Shakespeare's Star Wars.

This is a randomly amazing contest of random amazingness.

Morthy Demands:

Posh Old Englishman in Londontown [Found on "Little Bit of Everything!"]

Oh God! [Found on "Read or GTFO!"]

So phallic right now [Found on "Little Bit of Everything!"]

Akeleie Demands:

Geektastic! [Found on "Read or GTFO!"]

Reach for the Stars! [Found on "Little Bit of Everything!"]

Deserted Island! [Found on Little Bit of Everything!]

This was hilarious to me!

And here's the link if you want a copy from Amazon.

I Am A Pole (And So Can You!)
^...the ^audiobook!

How about we send em this?

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284

http://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284

What else are you supposed to use to color this book in?

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284/

Holy shit. If anyone else needs a last minute gift...it's available through Amazon Prime.

Edit: Oh no...sold out :(

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1682610284/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1459210536&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=trump+coloring+book&dpPl=1&dpID=511mtdBJAiL&ref=plSrch

I got it on Amazon as an impulse purchase since an item I wanted was an add-on item. Best thing I've bought in a while. Trump playing Battleship against Kim Jong Un, Trump in Mount Rushmore as a 5th president, famous scenes recreated with Trump. Trump on the Iron throne.
One of my favorite pictures: http://i.imgur.com/jRKHr2n.jpg

>This is something I was wondering about that. What's the deal with people who are like 'I'm sick of heavy handed, <current year> political crap in my comics' getting into bed with the guy who made Trump the Rabbit and Trump in Space, or whatever they were called?

I would say there is a slight misconstruing of things, at least with regards to Lim (open to correction /u/AnarcrotheAlchemist or anyone else that knows better);

Lim's first book (Thump: The First Bundred Days) and his Trump-themed parody of My Hero Academia (My Hero Magedemia, natch) are stand-alone, boutique publications. More than novelty gifts (I have Thump, which is delightful, and Just Some Guy reviewed Magedemia rather glowingly), but they aren't ongoing comics or soft relaunches or things of that nature.

Are they political? Oh yeah! But they're not meant to be anything but political, and they are up-front about that.

Obviously I can't speak for Lim, but certainly my objection is not that things like these (or the analogous Obama/Reagan hero worship stuff) exist, but the infiltration of hard-left politics into places that weren't just previously politically 'neutral', but places where it is detrimental to the story.

Where they intersect with CG is (again guessing) because Lim was attacked by The Mary Sue (the OG Asian White Nationalist) and clearly ostracized from mainstream comics even before EVS started getting hit.

I would slightly differ from Anarcro in that I think CG (much like GG) is really more a movement of people that have been ostracized from the mainstream combined with a consumer revolt than a coherent movement with a unifying message.

Did you buy a copy of Thump: The first bundred days?

Get him this book...

Meow https://www.amazon.com/dp/1723092304/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nHT2DbDJZNJYY

It's called Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book, and the sequel Lady Cottington's Fairy Album contains some pressed fairies as well. Some reviews I've read say that the written story in the second book is much better than the first.

I bet it's this one: https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_twi_har_2?

:P

I think he meant this book

You should read Diamond Joe's autobiography, "The President of Vice" http://www.amazon.com/President-Vice-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B00B1W7QC6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452705092&sr=8-1&keywords=diamond+joe+biden

Relevant.

We must bring our brethren and sisteren up to speed. (I know that that is not a word, but it is very cromulent to the point at hand.)

https://www.amazon.com/Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-James-Lipton/dp/0140170960


An "exaltation of larks"? Yes! And a "leap of leopards," a "parliament of owls," an "ostentation of peacocks," a "smack of jellyfish," and a "murder of crows"! For those who have ever wondered if the familiar "pride of lions" and "gaggle of geese" were only the tip of a linguistic iceberg, James Lipton has provided the definitive answer: here are hundreds of equally pithy, and often poetic, terms unearthed by Mr. Lipton in the Books of Venery that were the constant study of anyone who aspired to the title of gentleman in the fifteenth century. When Mr. Lipton's painstaking research revealed that five hundred years ago the terms of venery had already been turned into the Game of Venery, he embarked on an odyssey that has given us a "slouch of models," a "shrivel of critics," an "unction of undertakers," a "blur of Impressionists," a "score of bachelors," and a "pocket of quarterbacks." This ultimate edition of An Exaltation of Larks is Mr. Lipton's brilliant answer to the assault on language and literacy in the last decades of the twentieth century. In it you will find more than 1,100 resurrected or newly minted contributions to that most endangered of all species, our language, in a setting of 250 witty, beautiful, and remarkably apt engravings.

Actually, an exaltation of larks

One of the seminal works in the field of collective nouns was written by James Lipton from Inside The Actors Studio.

This book represents the largest collection in print for these terms:

https://www.amazon.com/Exaltation-Larks-Ultimate-James-Lipton/dp/0140170960/ref=sr_1_28?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493395628&sr=1-28&keywords=Of+larks

I believe Mr. James Lipton is the authority here...

I hope you're referring to this book by James Lipton. I've always wanted a copy myself.

He also wrote a book about being president. Fun read

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Me-Unmaking-Presidency/dp/0385334540

I read Why Not Me?: The Inside Story of the Making and Unmaking of the Franken Presidency as a child. I read it on a long road trip.

Funny stuff - well, for a kid at least.

I believe he ran on a platform of "No ATM Fees"

I thought he'd already made a solid statement that this would be a bad idea.

What the fuck is wrong with you guys? He wrote a book, Why Not Me? about running against Al Gore on the platform of lower ATM fees. Some regulation humor back when it was not horrifying reality. It was fucking hilarious, he hires gay people to pretend to support Gore in order to alienate his base.

and in his acceptance speech he apologizes for slavery and says "it be wrong to own a nigger" or something. It's been like 6 years since I read it

Why Not Me?

Donald Trump is a Big Fat Idiot ^^and ^^other ^^observations.

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot - Al Franken

i was out of town for the weekend so didn't get a chance to follow on your ill-informed reply.

>"the Left can't or refuses to get humor (Sen. Franken)."

oh that's funny. it's the conservo-facists who don't get humor. fox news tried to create a jon stewart-like news parody show, "The 1/2 Hour News Hour". it was cancelled shortly after it started & bombed.

al franken "refuses to get humor". you're killing me. everyone in the Reich wing wishes they had an ounce of al franken's humor. you've forgotten about al franken & michael jordan on saturday night live or franken's all too appropriately book titled "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot"

all the Right knows is how to use hatred, fear & division to piss off it's audience and to divide the country. they've been doing it for decades.

here's your Fox news citations. here's eric bolling on fox news saying that obama was specifically "chugging 40s" when he was visiting the guinness brewery in ireland. and bolling also commented that obama was hosting "gangstas" and "hoods" in the hizzy.

there is no reason for a so-called "news organization" to being using phrases like "chugging 40s" or "hoods in the hizzy". the only purpose of their usage is to incite or reinforce racist stereotypes & racist feelings within the bigoted fox news audience.


>"The things you mention are words. I'd like to think that we are grown up enough to not fear them."

it's not words that hurt it's the context or the implied meaning of the words that is what we need to worry about as george carlin so famously said. and carlin would be the 1st to verify that fox news & limbaugh's usage of racially charged language has one very specific purpose - to incite the bigotry & racial hatred that is very prevalent within their conservo-facist audience.

>"Limbaugh's every observation is flawed."

limbaugh's observations aren't flawed. they are very specifically engineered to help promote the agenda of a very specific group - corporations & the ultra-rich who are paying limpdick millions of $$ to spread their propaganda. and rush does it very well. that's why he's paid so handsomely.

Ask Al Franken.

Keeping with the theme... Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot: And Other Observations by Al Franken "What I thought you liked books with Rush in the title?"

Last I heard, Rush was a Big Fat Idiot.

https://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

This link says it all...
https://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376429126&sr=8-1&keywords=big+fat+idiot

How to Survive A Sharknado

AWESOME idea for a contest.

I would like to write more in terms of letters and poems, but my penpal became pretty lazy. And I'm honestly not motivated enough to write poems for anyone besides her.

However, if you are still interested in good books.[This] (https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Sharknado-Other-Unnatural-Disasters/dp/0553418130) book might be great!

The first link has the front page. The "coverage" is labeled as "Holy Fucking Shit: Attack on America."

This is not to be confused with the Onion's fake front page from the moon landing, which was in the amazing book Our Dumb Century.

Corpse-eating rats now largest military force in Europe.

It's pretty amazing. It's even sharper and funnier (and so densely-layered and historically accurate, right down to the hyphened compound words and ridiculous ads) that I have to recommend it.

This is from The Onion, the famous satirical newspaper and website. Specifically their book Our Dumb Century. Other headlines include a series on Nixon escaping from Washington, leading authorities on a nationwide chase before being gunned down outside a hotel in Arizona, and President Hoover attempting to shore up consumer confidence in banks by giving away a free toaster with each new account.

"Yellow Submarine' introduces generation of children to the wonders of LSD hallucinations."

It's in The Onion's "Our Dumb Century" book, which is pretty hilarious/awesome.

It's from "The Onion: Our Dumb Century.". A collection of (obviously fictitious) headlines throughout the 1900s.

Support your local bookstore. But if all else fails, try Amazon.

Oh shit, you're missing out. The Onion was excellent back then. They had stuff like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Dumb-Century-Presents-Headlines/dp/0609804618

Their articles during the gore/bush court battle, on 9/11, and leading up to the Iraq war were epic.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-war-will-destabilize-the-entire-mideast-regio,11534/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-plunges-into-chaos,187/

I actually thought of that exact Onion page when I saw the photo.

This book has been sitting on my coffee table for many years and it never gets old:
https://www.amazon.com/Our-Dumb-Century-Presents-Headlines/dp/0609804618

That is true, they did surrender. Or rather, Petain did. De Gaulle did not. But I contest your claim that it was because of their getting steam rolled. The idea of French soldiers surrendering a lot seems to have been a recent invention, following first the Onion using the title a lot in their headlines in Our Dumb Century (1990), then Fark, and The Simpsons (1995), and finally being propagated, according to Quora, as a stab at the French as 'revenge' for the French refusal to help the USA invade Iraq in 2003.

My favorite piece of zombie culture would have to be the book The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

It is a book all about how to survive a zombie apocolypse and has a good way of helping you suspend your disbelief- when I was a kid reading it I thought the stories at the end were real...

Also he made the book World War Z after this one, which became the loose basis for the movie of the same name.

This is all you need. My favorite version of zombies and a great read.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628

You may have missed all the minor incidents along the way its ok...http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

Its funny because this actually exists. Its a good book actually, I've read it.

Your question is answered in the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. I can't remember exactly why at the moment, but the answer is in there.

I've been making a "joke" survival kit for my boyfriend. This is what I have in it so far:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/82012973/united-states-zombie-hunting-permit

http://www.gamestop.com/xbox-360/games/red-dead-redemption-undead-nightmare-collection/84602

http://www.etsy.com/listing/65530954/zombie-repellent-soap?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=zombie&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade

http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322669816&sr=8-1

I'm going to throw in a couple of those small bottles of liquor to sterilize wounds of course ;). I'm also hoping to find a funny crowbar-eque bottle opener or something. For his main gift, I'm going to include a nice pocket knife and get his name engraved on it. I'd love more ideas for things to include, if anyone can think of something.

If you have the time, read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. It is very informative, as well as interesting. Provides all the (basic) info you need to know about zombies and zombie survival.

buy this... read it ... then read it again
http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311631387&sr=8-1

Have you read this? I'm sure you have, but if not, it is definitely worth the read for some inspiration. Also, I would love if you stuck to the type of zombies described in this book.

Edit: Forgot the link. Stupid.

http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310692624&sr=8-1

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

https://www.amazon.ca/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

Its a pretty fun quick read.

Get out of the car, get onto the bike

OP, I work in a Risk Management field too. I basically keep things in the city's public realm in good shape and run zombie and catastrophic details through my head all day. It is sort of fun. At a recent annual review my boss said she loved the work I do because I 'live this' kind of world. I can totally thank zombie apocalypse scenarios for sending me down this career path. That being said everyone should read Max Brooke' "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead".
https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628

The first thing that comes to mind is The Zombie Survival Guide, though it's probably not widely applicable enough for your tastes (though much of what it says is good for a general end of the world scenario).

As vendas deste livro iam bombar.

I messed up; It's "handbook" not "guide" -- ZSG

This.

the top recommendation from the zombie survival guide.

The Zombie Survival Guide is for more than just surviving zombies. It's all about survivial in a post apocolyptic world. It just also includes guides to dealing with zombies. Very useful for exactly the desire you want, and even more useful in the event of z-day.

Easy, just get him a Zombie survival guide from Dymocks/Kinokuniya. What you have to watch out for is that you don't get him a shit one, of which there are many. IMO, The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks is the best one out there. If he hasn't read it, World War Z also by Max Brooks is excellent reading. It's not so much a guide as a collection of individual recounts, reports and stuff from different people over the course of a zombie breakout. It reads realistically which is more than I can say for the majority of Zombie related "survival guides" and books that are just stupid. They're making a movie out of it with Brad Pitt starring - just to show it's popularity.

If he hasn't seen The Walking Dead, getting him the seasons on DVD might be a good idea. Awesome TV show - again, realistic. If he's seen them, don't bother. I mean, he can just download them anyway so I guess this would be a crap gift unless he really likes the show. There are graphic novels that the show is based on which might be good.

If he's a gamer, might be good to get him ARMA II: Combined Operations. The reason I say that there's a great zombie survival mod for it called Day Z which is basically an online multiplayer open-world zombie survival like game. Trust me, he'll like it. Steam summer sale is on right now so ARMA II is 20% - if you can wait, don't buy it yet as it may go on sale for more (possibly up to 75%) if it goes up as a daily deal/flash sale/community choice. There's also a The Walking Dead game which I've heard is good. It's already been a daily deal so 25% is as good as it will get now.

Last of all, making him a kit might be cool. I put together this for a redditor last year. You can probably make a better one than me - I'll admit I cheaped out a little. Get a box or a backpack (you can cheap out on the backpack) and fill it up with things like a flashlight, a med kit (bandaids, bandages, surgical scissors, sports tape etc. things you can buy from a pharmacy), water purification tablets (this especially adds to it IMO), food (canned, power bars or, if you want to go the extra mile, MREs), thick army socks, a compass, etc. Basically just shit you'd take with you if you were going camping. Make it as compact/lightweight as possible.


Well, fuck, that turned out to be a lot longer than I intended. Anyway, good luck.

EDIT: Oh yeah, one more thing. What I did for that same redditor last year was that I wrote a survival plan for him. Basically, if you get him that Max Brooks Survival Guide, one of the things they suggest is hiding out in a prison (fortification, food, water, exercise yard, accommodation, weapons, remote etc.) - what I did was that I researched prisons in the walkable/bikable vicinity of his house and I mapped out routes to them from his house on a map I printed of his house from google maps.

Have you read this then? i love that book and also World War Z by the same author.

The Zombie Survival Guide agrees with e001mek. Don't remember the details from the top of my head, though.

The Zombie Survival Guide was pretty good

Get 'em while you can!

I think it's already been made..at least a few times...

edit: Here is the best one....
And another

I would have been nice if the person posting that interesting piece of information would have listed the source. Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide.

Let me ask a simple question... how, exactly, do you intend to sever the spine or severely impact the brain of a zombie with that?

While I don't agree that the Quad 50 is the way to go, there's no chance that gun would have the firepower required to take down countless zombie hordes.

As mentioned here:
>Brooks also scoffs at my notion of using a heavy machine gun, pointing out — quite rightly — that zombies can only be killed with a perfect head shot.

That said, I'd recommend educating yourself.

Obligatory wiki links: Dystopian Literature. Although, some of the titles listed don't seem to fit (The Dispossessed?). Nuclear holocaust fiction, and your general apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic fiction.

Some of the better/more popular ones:

• Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang Kate Wilhelm.
  
  
• Eternity Road Jack McDevitt. Well written, but not very insightful.
  
  
• The Postman David Brin.
  
  
• Mockingbird Walter Tevis. Great read. Think Idiocracy, with a serious take. Humanity's totally run by robots, everyone's forgotten how to read and think for themselves, and the world population's dropped to almost nothing.
  
  
• We Yevgeny Zamyatin. The inspiration for George Orwell's 1984. Not the best read IMO, but some people claim it's better than 1984. It's possible I read a poor translation.
  
  
• Island Aldous Huxley. It's a utopian island surrounded by a dystopian world. Might not fit in this list, but it's a good read if you like Huxley. I think it was his last novel.
  
  
• 1984 George Orwell. One of my favorite novels. I have a bumper sticker with the quote "War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength, Freedom is Slavery", which is a slogan from the book. (Also, a sticker on my mirror with "Under the spreading chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me"). The link points to Animal Farm and 1984.
  
  
• Fahrenheit 451 Ray Bradbury. Another must read. Very well written, thought-provoking novel. Is it still required reading in schools?
  
  
• Earth Abides George Stewart.
  
  
• Alas, Babylon Pat Frank. Lucifer's Hammer Larry Niven/Jerry Pournelle. I'm grouping these two together because they're very similar, both in setting and politics. I didn't really enjoy either. The politics were not at all subtle, and the characters fit too neatly into stereotypes, and too obviously the writer's hero fantasy. Still, they're pretty popular, so try them out and feel free to disagree with me.
  
  
• Brave New World Aldous Huxley. Really just a utopia that's rough around the edges, if I'm remembering it correctly (also called an anti-utopia, thank you wikipedia). Another must read.
  
  
• A Canticle for Leibowitz Walter Miller.
  
  
• Memoirs Found in a Bathtub Stanislaw Lem. Another favorite. I once created a text adventure based on this book. It was about as frustrating as that Hitchhiker's Guide game.
  
  
• The Road Cormac McCarthy.
  
  
• Philip K. Dick It's hard to keep track of PKD's novels, but some of them are dystopian, all of them worth reading. Favorites: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (also known as/inspired Blade Runner), Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, The Man in the High Castle.
  
  
• The Handmaid's Tale and Oryx and Crake Margaret Atwood.
  
  
• Y: The Last Man A graphical novel/comic collection. Decent art, great story.
  
  Zombies: World War Z, Raise the Dead, Marvel Zombies, Zombie Survival Guide, Day By Day Armageddon, I Am Legend.
  
  Also, just for kicks, some of my favorite dystopian movies:
  Brazil, Soylent Green, 12 Monkeys, Blade Runner, Akira, Children of Men, Dark City, A Boy and His Dog, Logan's Run, Idiocracy, Equillibrium.

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks, you know, just in case.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628

World War Z also by Max Brooks

http://www.amazon.com/World-War-Oral-History-Zombie/dp/0307346617/ref=pd_sim_b_2

And if you are open to graphic novels/comics

The Walking Dead series (It is significantly different from the TV series which is based on this series)

http://www.amazon.com/Walking-Dead-Compendium-One/dp/1607060760/ref=sr_1_1

Most ill prepared bunker I've ever seen, ignoring the fact that there isnt food/water.

Guns make noise, which attract other zombies. Where are your melee weapons? Crowbar is top choice for that.

I suggest adding this to your repetoir.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Zombie-Survival-Guide-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347191436&sr=8-1&keywords=zombie+survival+guide+max+brooks

STAND TALL, YET BRACE FOR A FALL

Rule 1: Cardio

To help fix that, I highly recommend the book The Zombie Survival Guide by the same guy who wrote The WarZ, the book that shares a slight similarity to the movie.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400049628/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/180-2819606-9361610
(Sorry mobile, couldn't find a non mobile link)

Pretty sure this book will answer all of your questions. It's packed in my suitcase with my pole trimmer. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400049628?pc_redir=1404050055&robot_redir=1

All you need is this.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400049628?pc_redir=1412911414&robot_redir=1

You're welcome. Make sure to read "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead" for proper usage. :)

http://amzn.com/1400049628

Everybody Poops vs Nobody Poops But You

I added the links because people often confuse reality with tv.

I thought it was Nobody Poops But You... d'ya mean that everyone does it? Why?!?! Why haven't they come up with a cure?

I prefer the more conservative "Nobody Poops but You"

Nobody poops but you.

Why not link to the book you can buy?

Nobody shits but you.

Member going back in time and hanging with Hitler?

Close enough?

Take this book and change the title to "Reasons to root for the Jets" and we have our thesis.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-Garden-Gnome-Attack/dp/158008463X

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

https://smile.amazon.com/How-Survive-Garden-Gnome-Attack/dp/158008463X

---

^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly bot

Okay so for my fiance's birthday my buddy, a fellow redditor, bought her This

While I may never be ready, I am prepared.

There's also this if you believe the power of bots is that significant.

So... your argument is entirely based around a slippery slope from taxation to gulag?


You're attempting to absurdum, while completely ignoring every facet of the word 'democracy'. There are shitty parts of it, but for the majority there is a great deal of protection provided simply by that factor.


http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

>mainly people who used B-17's as their main)etc...What you guys think?

This probably works

Lag/Connection issues cause crashes.

Sometimes you leave your craft at 10º wep and alt+tab, only to hear it randomly crash.

Too many Topgun-like movies, where people pull 30+º at 180kmh IAS takeoffs stalling and crash.

But yeah, dunno how you equate flying a b17 with being unable to throttle up and go afk.

http://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

They are pretty cheap. Better grab some now before the NSA hikes the prices up on tinfoil. I trust something that gives me the option a lot more than something that doesn't even really mention what it might or might not do much less offer me a choice. Which is most other browsers especially on mobile.

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

Lol.

Here is the mobile version of your link

Maybe they can get this guy to write it, if they agree to throw zombies in.

Bookworms rule!

I would like to recommend Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. It's Pride & Prejudice... with zombies.

I have several books on my wishlist, including Big Little Lies which is less than $5.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Zombies fit surprisingly well into that story.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347

I also recently stumbled upon Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! which was already submitted a few times[1][2].

Edit: Also found The War of the Worlds Plus Blood, Guts and Zombies. I haven't ready any of these books, if anyone has I would like to hear what they think about them.

Or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Or at least, it will be when some Hollywood studio becomes awesome enough to pick it up.

At least this is better than Jane Austin with zombies. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Or you could try a classic with a twist...

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347

I'd rather see the film adaptation of this one.

I can't do iambic pentameter (I'm not even sure how to read it aloud properly), but I do love Shakespeare. I got this book for christmas and laughed my face off :)

That would be really cool! If it was possible for someone to rewrite Star Wars as a Shakespearean drama, then Eva surely could be given the same treatment.

On a similar note, I've always thought it would be awesome if someone rewrote Eva as an epic poem- maybe in alliterative verse like in Beowulf (which like Eva, describes a series of battles against progressively stronger monsters), but then have it occasionally turn into super modern experimental verse to describe the weird surreal stuff like the Komm Susser Tod sequence.

I feel like this contest was made for me, lol. Least favorite things - jar jar, anakin being whiney, the ridiculous plot holes, but most of all, no boba fett.

this star wars book is just over your price limit, but I think all of my star wars stuff is :(

Best. Contest. Ever.

Try the Shakespeare's Star Wars books. Alll the same tropes and language as well as lol the correct formatting. Only difference is its Star Wars. I did it with my 9th graders but it can work with older kids too. https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Found the script leaked
https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?adgrpid=55626141323&hvadid=274709668961&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3248605918505942589&hvtargid=kwd-301010410791&keywords=star+wars+shakespeare&qid=1550800214&s=gateway&sr=8-2&tag=hydsma-20

I think that as a financier yeah even the gov't should exercise discretion on what it can and cannot fund. However I think it's pretty immature for that government to limit culture based on something so tame as nudity. However, that can be just as applicable to the performance. A nude performance just to act in the nude doesn't really sound like it adds anything other than to be a cheap gimmick. Nude Shakespeare had this problem cause that's all it did. But others that took Shakespeare and blended it with other media or "modernized" it actually had to exercise thought into why it held a purpose.

Not to say all nude performance is just that empty of substance outside of its nudity. But it really is up to the creator to justify it. Yes, nude is our natural, human state. Art and culture aren't natural, human states, though. They're intellectual expressions. So expecting a creator to validate the intelligence of the piece isn't a bad standard to hold, regardless of its subjectivity.

Thou shalt acquire said parchment on Amazon. Fare thee well, My Goodman. Amazon link to book

There's a whole series of books retelling the saga in Shakespearean style.

and now I'm thinking of William Shakespeare's Star Wars... :)
https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

Okay, I know you were just making a reference, but if you like Shakespeare and Star Wars check this shit out. It's the entirety of A New Hope painstakingly translated into iambic pentameter, oftentimes practically line-for-line, with a few beautiful soliloquies thrown in for good measure. It was done by someone who's obviously a huge fan of both Shakespeare and Star Wars, and if you are too you'll love it. I believe he's done Episodes IV, V, and VI, although I've only read IV. Can't recommend it enough.

• Item which would most make you seem like an old posh Englishman: These cookies. Awesome things WL
  
• Most "oh god, I would never be seen with this in public" looking item: This is more for dress up than going out in public with. Clothes WL
  
• Most phallic looking item: Well if we are going there... Awesome things WL
  
• Most geeky item: This is geeky in so many ways. Books! WL
  
• Item which would most help you achieve a goal: With this I become a fairy princess. Awesome things WL
  
• Best item to bring to a deserted island: [I'm sure a jump rope could do a lot of good.] (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000YCKJF0/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=11V47FL8PCKSN&coliid=I3BOGQ5OPL8W72) Awesome things WL

I was interested in this until I did the "Look Inside" on Amazon.

At Scene 2 it has the rebel that Vader chokes out saying the part of the Imperial Officer who tells Vader that they can't find the plans in the main computer.

They couldn't even get to page 2 without messing it up! I can only imagine it has more errors like this.

I feel weird doing this..but why not :)

my name is Nick and I am a mild mannered banker by day, volunteer firefighter by night! And I believe there is a penguin on tip of the telly!

I fell in love with this William Shakespeare adaption of star wars that I stumbled upon and I would be very excited to have it in my possession :). thank you for the opportunity!

William Shakespeare's Star Wars
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1594746370/ref=cm_sw_r_an_am_ap_am_us?ie=UTF8

How about a book that exercises both High school English class with epic nerd fanfare

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1594746370?pc_redir=1396073356&robot_redir=1

https://www.amazon.com/Am-Pole-So-Can-You/dp/1619695022

It's certainly not illegal - the only example of a book aimed at adults I can think of in that style is I Am A Pole (And So Can You!) - but I'm sure there are others

No, I am a pole

And so can you!

Here is the link btw

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468682422&sr=8-1&keywords=trump+coloring+book

No! But you can buy them here:
http://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284

Apparently the dude loves Trump.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284

From the Trump coloring book out there:
http://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284/

I found it:

Walmart

BAM

Amazon

I think there are some centipedes boycotting Amazon so I put some other links.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Coloring-Book-M-Anthony/dp/1682610284


And here is a link to buy it! Would make a great Christmas present for any sad relatives.

This is from the new book Thump: The First Bundred Days by Timothy Lim, Mark Pellegrini, and Brett R. Smith.

well, we know now that they read this book

Archives for the links in comments:

• By Yonngablut (twitter.com): http://archive.fo/L8fAz
  
• By HAMMER_BT (amazon.com): http://archive.fo/UX5Ho
  
  ----
  I am Mnemosyne 2.1, ALL HAIL THE LINK-EMPEROR OF LINK-KIND! ^^^^/r/botsrights ^^^^Contribute ^^^^message ^^^^me ^^^^suggestions ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time ^^^^Opt ^^^^out ^^^^of ^^^^tracking ^^^^by ^^^^messaging ^^^^me ^^^^"Opt ^^^^Out" ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time

https://www.amazon.com/Thump-First-Bundred-Timothy-Lim/dp/1682615227/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505267569&sr=1-1&keywords=thump+the+first+bundred+days

Nooooooooooo i actually like that anime

>Lim, Pellegrini, Smith

Wait a moment, those are the same guys that wrote Thump!

Autogenerated.

Double AMA Reminder! Scott Presler (#ThePersistence) and Timothy Lin (The First Bundred Days) Tonight @ 7PM EDT!

Scott Presler is famous for always being seen with a campaign sign.

He is always an activist, he is always campaigning, he is always persistent.

We will be hosting Scott to tell you all about how you can campaign every day where you live and how you can have an impact in the 2018 Midterms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Timothy Lim is the creator, co-author, and illustrator of the #1 Amazon Best Seller THUMP: THE FIRST BUNDRED DAYS. His latest work, MY HERO MAGADEMIA, comes out today and marks the first pop culture comic by a pro-Trump creative team. He has worked as a merchandising artist for licenses such as Marvel, Lucasfilm, and Hasbro and as a cover artist for several companies including IDW, Dynamite, and Valiant. His most recent work includes sketch cards for Upper Deck and his original military comic, BLACK HOPS: USA-*-GI.

-----------------------------------------------------------

IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
Comment 1 of 1
Updated at 2018-03-29 09:40:45.013650

This is the final update to this thread

Books you might also like: THUMP: The First Bundred Days


Actually published back in October of last year...


I hope bunny themed political commentary becomes the dominant form of political commentary... like real bad.

This is his book, yeah?

Thump: The First Bundred Days https://www.amazon.com/dp/1682615227/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_JxXUzbC7JTYY8

Thank you so much to Timothy for taking the time to hop by and answer so many questions with his high-energy.

The AMA has now ended and this post is locked.

---

Get his book Thump: The First Bunded Days at Amazon or a Book and Poster combo over at InfoWars.com

Follow Timothy on Twitter @POTUSThump

This would be the perfect gift.

Meow

https://www.amazon.com/Meow-M-Owmeow/dp/1723092304

How about some pressed fairies instead?

Try Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book

BAD FAIRY!

Source: Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book

It reminds me a bit of the Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy series.

One of my favorites, art and story

Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book

Yeah, brah! That's what I said! It's totally cool to make fun of a person's looks as long as they are not female or a democrat!

We agree you can't make fun of Nancy Pelosi's looks, right? Or Hilldogs? Or AOC? Even though they are rich and vain and powerful?

And as we see with democrats who are comedians - as well as many who are not - they can say the outlandish things republicans can't say as long as they call it "edgy" or "satire"... and that gives them a free pass.

I mean - we haven't even started in on Trump's famous hair or even more famous mouth shape, gnome sane? Or that big lard butt! All 100% AOK to make fun of as often and as ruthlessly as possible, totally not bullying or bad in any way... In fact: Teach your kids to make fun of his hair and skin color and fat butt and mouth shape! There are so many books to choose from that will help you start them down this path!

It's 100% sanctioned by democrats and democrat-comedians! No worries at all! Insult his looks until your heart is content! Who cares what anybody else thinks about that!

Except maybe... when people go to vote... Nah - that couldn't effect the vote! It must be Russians using mind control techniques!

Whose Boat Is This Boat?

​

https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084

Nothing but copies of this.
https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084/

Available for pre-order next week, "Whose burned down house is that burned down house?"

He's going to make an ass of himself here. He is genetically incapable of handling a disaster with empathy or tact.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982121084/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_R3TDCb7BR34DV

LOL

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Whose-Boat-This-Aftermath-Hurricane/dp/1982121084&ved=2ahUKEwin-a6o0f3kAhURW60KHQ9aDC4QFjAAegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw0uNJ-0eUmL3KVjAEV2rGMy

Surely you mean "The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden" right?

The President of Vice tells that tale of ol Diamond Joe from the Onion.

It's free on Kindle unlimited but worth about the price of two tallboys and 30 minutes with that little mexican thing eyeing up ol Diamond Joe from across the bar.

I'll assume you meant "Where can I find a quick guide on how to protect myself and my family?"

Here ya go.

Amazon sells a book called “Reasons to Vote for Democrats” and it’s just blank. Here the book is

SEE! You totally get it. Thanks! I've been reading Crossing the Line for Dummies all week; it's a big upgrade from How To Be A Troll In Social Situations. Kudos.

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1502246563&sr=8-9&keywords=tin+foil+hat

I think she wrote:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
and
Pride and Prejudice and Niggas

You mean Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

And here I am thinking my Shakespeare's Star Wars is cool.

Better be careful or she's going to wind up on the pole. http://www.amazon.com/Am-Pole-And-Can-You/dp/1619695022

http://www.amazon.com/Lady-Cottingtons-Pressed-Fairy-Book/dp/1857933362

I don't know. It didn't really work out for him the last time he ran

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

for those interested in why!

I'll use a book written by a liberal sitting Senator to support my premise that liberals resort to childish name calling far more than conservatives

http://www.amazon.com/Rush-Limbaugh-Big-Fat-Idiot/dp/0440508649

The word democracy connotes mob rule, while the word republic reminds us that the President is not our King. You are right that "representative democracy" is more or less the same as "constitutional republic."

I don't know everything about Venona. My understanding has been that the decoded transcripts revealed extensive penetration of the State Department. The anti-anti-Communists vilified McCarthy for his witch-hunts, but the Venona transcripts vindicated him.

Al Franken, the author of Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot is your hero? Whoa. I would propose Thomas Sowell as a more worthy thinker.

The term "hivemind" is meant to denigrate the unthinking masses here at Reddit who downvote every submission with which they disagree, particularly conservative ideas in /r/politics. I would estimate them at less than 30%, however, which still ranks Reddit as one of the best places for intellectual discussion on the Internet.

As for the Federal Reserve, the government has no legitimate role in controlling monetary policy. The solution is to abolish them and return to a gold standard. Let prices and currencies float. I do not trust in the honesty nor competence of politicians nor central bankers, and neither should you.

Reasons to Vote for Democrats: A Comprehensive Guide

https://www.amazon.com/Aluminum-Foil-Deflector-Beanie-Protection/dp/1581603762

https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote-Democrats-Comprehensive-Guide/dp/1501180126

Lol, you should really invest in one of these

This is seriously disturbing....

Reminds me a bit of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies...
(http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/)

Reasons to Vote for Democrats: A Comprehensive Guide https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501180126/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ItgUDb911XZWG

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1449530289&sr=8-5&keywords=zombie+classics
it's in line with a modern strain of fiction the nativity is ... would it help if it was pointed out that there are others who revisit classic literature and make commentary on it ... in light of modern writing aesthetic it's on point ... there are classic stories retold with zombies ... there are also a lot of people that think jesus died last week when he didn't die at all ... it's fiction ... i mean i am more creeped out by normal ones ... if you are so down with jesus that you want to celebrate his birth the quote unquote normal way i am more frightened and put off by typical nativity sets than a creative zombie remake ... in other words for me personally the people with the zombies would probably be cooler people than a traditional nativity set owner ... i think it's cool becasue i think the people that put it up are probably cool ... traditional nativity sets are owned by people that have historically shunned me for thinking they are well stupid for celebrating a book club 52 times a year and not talking after the services and building community ... which position in society do i need to start passing out fines for what people use to celebrate the holidays in their front yard? like the zombie nativity would probably agree that church services would be better off being all day saturday and put a church to use the right way and then spill over into saturday night into sunday morning every week the normal nativity scene owner would probably want church services as tight and lean as possible to get the fuck away from the people in their church ... the cool church meets at saturday at 5pm and lasts until right before work on Monday but no one 's up for it every week

PRO TIP : I'm banned from sitwell's and the northside tavern because of an affair with a bartender but i'm pretty sure if you drop something like this line on a chick at the northside tavern she'd be wit it