This is a great way to think about major purchases. It's one of the core concepts in Your Money or Your Life. There's even an extension for Google Chrome that will change any prices on a website to the amount of time you'll have to work to earn that much.

Outcome-independence is an extremely valuable concept to understand if you seek to improve your situation in any area of life. The goal should be to perform an action with optimal technique, success will be a long-term bi-product of that approach.

There's a good, and very short, book on this topic called "The Inner Game of Tennis", by Timothy Gallwey. You don't need any interest in tennis, it's more about the mental aspect of improving and competing.

As a corollary Donald J. Trump once wrote a book without having a brain. It's exhausting, but it can be done.

This is basically the thesis of Your Money or Your Life, which I'm currently reading.

I saw your comment in the original thread, and I'm glad you made a separate post to get it more attention. I don't know if this is something you realized on your own, or if you got it from this book or another, but it really doesn't matter.

Thinking of money in this way has given me more motivation to save than I had before, which should help me reach my goals sooner.

Again, thanks for sharing this viewpoint. Hopefully it helps another see the light.

This

Going to attempt to fit this in one post...

1.) What are some fallacies to look out for?

List: Ad Hominem, Argument from ignorance, Argument from authority, Argument from final consequences, Appeal to Tradition, Overgeneralization, Begging the question, Correlation does not imply causation, False analogy, False dichotomy, Slippery-Slope, Straw man, Moving the Goalpost

2.) How do you recognize you are running around in circles?

Person A presents an argument, and Person B responds with a counter argument. Person A then uses either a Logical Fallacy or doesn't address any point Person B has made. If you try to get back on track, and Person A refuses to get back on topic, then you might be talking in circles.

You may simply have to leave the discussion if the other person refuses to address any point you've made.

3.) How do you recognize there is a flaw in your own premise?

See the list of Logical Fallacies, check to see if you have adequately addressed the argument at hand, and remember to not become too overly aggressive. Instead of posting immediately, check your own post and see if you can predict any counter arguments. Clean up your own argument for clarity, get rid of loopholes, and simply strengthen your point.

4.) How do you admit that you made a mistake?

If a person points it out, thank them for catching the mistake, apologize, and amend your argument accordingly.

Do not become defensive! Pride and ego have no place in an honest discussion. If you are more concerned with being right than having an open discussion where everyone learns, then you are hurting yourself and the discussion. Please, for the sake of everyone involved, come into all debates with a super humble attitude!

5.) How do you recognize when you have used a fallacy?

Check the list of Logical Fallacies, and become familiar with all fallacies. You just have to learn them, be aware that they exist, and reread before posting. If you find you've posted an argument with a fallacy, edit, declare the edit at the bottom, and say something like, "Amended argument issues".

6.) What are some common misunderstandings you see?

Very open question, but here are a few...

These aren't suppose to be arguments, which is based purely on emotion, but instead discussions. We're debating and discussing topics, but we aren't here to argue.

If you need clarification from the original poster, then ask for it instead of simply debating from miscommunication.

7.) What are some fallacies that are more grey than black or white (in your opinion)?

No True Scotsman: "The term was coined by Antony Flew, who gave an example of a Scotsman who sees a newspaper article about a series of sex crimes taking place in Brighton, and responds that "no Scotsman would do such a thing". When later confronted with evidence of another Scotsman doing even worse acts, his response is that "no true Scotsman would do such a thing", thus disavowing membership in the group "Scotsman" to the criminal on the basis that the commission of the crime is evidence for not being a Scotsman. However, this is a fallacy as there is nothing in the definition of "Scotsman" which makes such acts impossible. The term "No True Scotsman" has since expanded to refer to anyone who attempts to disown or distance themselves from wayward members of a group by excluding them from it. "

No True Scotsman is a Logical Fallacy, but a clarification exists. If I were debating religion with a Christian, I point out bad things that extremists do, and the Christian says, "I acknowledge they exist, but they're not the majority." That is not No True Scotsman. They acknowledged that those Christians exist, but are clarifying the statement by saying they are not the majority.

Tone Argument: "The tone argument is a form of derailment, or a red herring, because the tone of a statement is independent of the content of the statement in question, and calling attention to it distracts from the issue at hand. Drawing attention to the tone rather than content of a statement can allow other parties to avoid engaging with sound arguments presented in that statement, thus undermining the original party's attempt to communicate and effectively shutting them down."

A clarification can be made though. Every discussion of tone is not a tone argument. If you are being uncivil, using personal attacks, and generally making an argument so hostile and toxic that the other person has to leave, then you haven't won. If you act awful to people, then when they call you on it don't yell "Tone Argument! I win!". No, you didn't "win", you just were rude to a person before they decided to leave.

8.) How do you continue to maintain a civil discussion when name calling starts?

Calmly say, "I do not appreciate being talked to that way. We can have a discussion without going to personal attacks." If they continue you may want to message the moderators, or simply leave the discussion. If they aren't interested in a real discussion or debate, then don't waste your time.

9.) Is there an appropriate time to downvote?

In regards to /r/ChangeMyView, do not downvote for disagreement. Downvote for not adding to the conversation. If they have broken a rule message the mods, don't downvote.

10.) What are some of your pet peeves?

Please check your post before posting. Be clear, to the point, and don't assume your audience can read your mind. You have to explain yourself well, but with the fewest words possible.

If someone has made a great argument or post, please upvote them so we reward good skills!

11.) What is your biggest mistake in argumentation?

I have used logical fallacies before. Just admit it, amend your argument, and move on.

The biggest mistake is I have to be careful about topics I am emotionally involved in. Humans are emotional creatures, so it's easy to be overly emotional. I just have to take a deep breath, if I need to I'll take a bit of a break, and then come back. Don't let it get to you, and just remember you are responsible for the civility of the discussion as well.

12.) How can your argumentation be improved?

Avoid fallacies, watch debates on Youtube, or research a topic some before posting. Build up points and anticipate the counterpoints to your argument. Look through some of the best posts on /r/ChangeMyView and see common techniques used.

13.) How do you find common ground so argumentation can take place?

Treating the other person as a thinking, feeling human being. It creates common ground when you treat everyone involved as a person. If the other person makes a good point, acknowledge it and say you'll think about it. Treat the discussion as a sharing of information and ideas. If they change your view in some way though, then obviously award a Delta.

14.) What are some topics to formally study to better your experience?

That's complicated. School and college obviously always are helpful. The book Thank You for Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion is a great book that I've lectured with.

15.) What are some concepts that are important to grasp?

The other person is a person, treat them as such. Base your argument around actual counterarguments, not fallacies. Don't take discussions personally, and likewise don't make them personal.

16.) What are some non intuitive logical results?

None I can think of. May edit later.

17.) How do you end a debate that you have recognized is going nowhere?

"Thank you for the discussion, but I feel we are talking past each other. I think this discussion has run its course, so I should leave." Just say something like that and leave.

Not sure if it's a cultural thing between the US and the UK or just society evolving now we have social media and stuff but I recently reread How to win friends and influence people and though it was massively overrated. Same goes for The 7 habbits of highly effective people.

Anyway, heres my list of books and why:-

Bounce

Excellent book in my opinion. Based on variations of the 10,000-hour rule with plenty of examples. Also touches on how the unknown habits and circumstance of someone can lead to outstanding abilities.

Zero To One

The first book that I couldn't put down until I completed it. Picked a fair few things up from it as well as a bunch of things I hope to move forward within the future with startups.

The 33 Strategies of War

Not a business book but definitely my style if you take the examples and strategies and turn them into business. This is the second book I have not been able to put down once picking it up.

The E-Myth Revisited

Although I had a decent understanding of how to allocate duties to people depending on their job role this helped me better understand it as well as the importance of doing it.

ReWork

Another book I loved, just introduced me to a bunch of new concepts with a fair few I hope to use in the future.

Black Box Thinking

Coming from and engineering background I was already used to being ok with my failures provided I was learning from them but this book is based around how different industries treat failure and how it is important to accept it and grow from it.


Millionaire Fastlane

I feel this is an excellent book for reality checks and getting people into a better mindset of what to expect and the amount of work required. It also explains a few common misconceptions of the get rich slow style methods where you may end up rich but you will be 60 years old or more.

I update this post with all of the books I have read with a rating but here are my top picks.

It's all the rage. Have you read, "As a Fortune 100 COO, Child of a Doctor and a PhD and Graduate of Harvard and Harvard Business School, Let Me Tell You Why You're Not Trying Hard Enough"

Honestly, when you go in for "the big talk" just keep your value and importance to your company pinned on your chest. It's a lot harder to let go of someone when they know just how much will have to be done once you're gone.

Doesn't necessarily help after the fact, but you might get some use out of the 48 Laws of Power. Great book by Robert Greene that breaks down some crucial social/professional skills that often go overlooked. I read it for the first time when I was 16 and it really changed the way I approach work relationships as a whole. It's not some kind of self help guru silliness, but rather a collection of historical instances where a small shortcoming lead to the demise of empires, businesses, and even just individual people. Why not learn from the mistakes of generals, kings, moguls, etc? :)


Law 1: Never Outshine the Master
>Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

How is this the top comment? He offers poor advice on grades and no advice on OP's question.

A 65 and 73 are likely equivalent to a C and C+ in your average curved course. Last time I checked, top companies have strict cut offs of at least a 3.0, and for good reason.

> I don't understand what the problem is.

It's twofold. The problem is he doesn't understand the material enough to apply his knowledge effectively. The problem is also he has shitty grades, which equals less job prospects.

>Nobody grades you in the real world, bud.

Yes, because instead of grades you get a finished product. And a 65 on a work project is the equivalent of screwing up a stress/strain analysis. And when you fuck up people die.

OP-you're likely not studying efficiently and/or effectively. Look at Cal Newport's blog and books. He has some great advice on how to study well. You may also want to look into some relaxation exercises as you seem to get very anxious. At the very least you should be doing practice problems until it's practically second nature.

The best route is to take up a course on Logic.

Study introductory predicate logic. Break statements into predicates - identify their antecedent and consequent. Identify the differences between a predicate's negation, inverse, converse, and contrapositive; more importantly, how they can be used to derive logical Truth. Familiarize yourself with Gödel's completeness theorem.

Next, learn to identify a fallacy; study up on logical fallacies.

Cognitive Biases are the next most important step. Being aware of your own cognitive biases will help you identify when your analyses are being skewed.

Study everything about everything. More information about your domain of concern will granter you further insight for analysis.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy, and exercise; your judgement will be impaired if you don't.


Some books to help:

• Aristotle's Organon: Amalgamation of Aristotle's work on logic and reason. The starting point for most Logisticians.
  
• Critique of Pure Reason: Kant's works on logic and reason are pretty much mandatory - but require careful study.
  
• Critique of Practical Reason: Another of Kant's works. Read this after the critique of pure reason.
  
• Science of Logic: Hegel's work is an extension of Kant and Aristotle - also mandatory.
  
• An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding: Hume's works are a much easier read, but aren't as explicitly stated.
  
• Informal Logic a Pragmatic Approach: The best introductory logic book I've read.
  
• LANGUAGE, COGNITION, AND HUMAN NATURE: Steve Pinker has an unique perspective as a psychologist, linguist, and cog. scientist. This book highlights some of his more interesting insights.
  
• Thought and Language: Offers interesting insights into some innate biases in language and culture.
  
• A Rulebook For Arguments: This provides nice introductory reference material for fallacies and argumentation.
  
• Thank you for Arguing: Exploits fallacies and cognitive biases to pursuade an audience in an argument. Witty and easy to read.
  
  Edit: Added book suggestions.

For a long time, I didn't think of myself as a feminist. I thought of myself as utilitarian. I wanted people to be equal in the realm of opportunities.

I did a lot of things that lead to me being a "feminist." Honestly, part of it was reddit. I was so tired of seeing people be sexist because it's the status quo.

But I did a lot of other things, too. I lived abroad. I read a lot of books. I took some sociology classes. I learned about implicit bias, institutional sexism, and gender norms.

It made me realize that a lot of the problems I've brushed off are real problems. Gender norms hurt both sides. Men being told to "man up" and not to "throw like a girl" as hurtful. Men being told they should enjoy it when coerced into sex is fucking stupid. To me, as long as we're defined by the gender roles we're "supposed" to play, we will never live up to the true strength of our community or economy. Like any team, we're only at our best when we work together.

Also, no matter the stance you decide on for feminist, I really suggest reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, who talks about why "feminism" is the new "F-word." I think she lays out a very pragmatic view to both feminism and women in the workplace. The big section on Feminism starts on page 141. (Also, if you're thinking about going into a career, the book is probably my top recommendation to new college grads.)

Instead of giving you advice, I have the perfect book recommendation that will come pretty close to directly answering your question. I read this years ago, but only just found it again and am giving it another read through.

The book is called 'So good they can't ignore you: why skills trump passion in the quest for work you love' by Cal Newport.

The author actually has a computer science degree funnily enough. In it he uses empirical evidence to argue that the common advice of 'follow your passion' is flawed and unrealistic, and generally bad advice. After arguing that he puts forward his arguments about what the best course of action is if you discount the passion hypothesis. Its full of examples of people he interviewed who took different approaches to end up doing what they love, why some failed at it and why some didn't. I really can't recommend this book more highly actually, I think it will be perfect for you.

Here is the amazon link
https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

Your dream life is 100% possible today. You can get remote gigs as a programmer making 6 figures working 5 hours a day if you have the aptitude for it. So if you're fine making $50k per year (which is more than enough for van life), you could work like 15-20 hours per week doing consulting work over a satellite internet connection from your van. And then take all the rest of that time and live your life. :) But you've got to work to get there because it requires lots of technical expertise in something.

These books have good generic advice for getting there if you're interested. They're by a professor who got into a tenured position while working normal hours (most people on tenure tracks work INSANE hours), so he knows what he's talking about.

https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Work-Focused-Success-Distracted/dp/1455586692/

Home Assistants, Self-Driving Cars, Virtual Reality, Machine Learning, Natural Language Processing, Big Data, Drones, 3D Printing, Blockchain, Internet of Things, Cloud Computing, NoSQL, the Hadoop ecosystem ? What about following tech news portals so that you can see that for yourself ?

As a student, you are better off making sure that you know the basics and can prove that you are able to learn quickly. There is still so much you can do also with "established" technlogies. The most important thing is to know yourself first, because there are so many things you can pick and you have to find out where your main interests lie.

What color is your parachute?

Edit: added Blockchain, IOT, Cloud Computing, NoSQL, Hadoop. Hard to say what is "new" and what isn't.

"Your Money Or Your Life" was the book that started the voluntary simplicity movement. Two New York financiers figured out that it cost them money ( suits, dry cleaning, transportation, high rents ) to work. They figured out what they really valued doing with their time and how much money they would need to live without working and do those things. They saved up a wad of cash, quit their jobs, lived life on the cheap, but happily.

It isn't for everyone, but I think this book is a must read for everyone.

I think of it as a "philosophy of money for modern Americans"

It's almost like he read this book

Dude, hate to break it, but high school never ends.


Wait 'till you get in the workplace.


But MGTOW gives you power.


Also read 48 Laws of Power. Lots of good advice.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505431279&sr=8-1&keywords=trump+book

4.5 stars.

Stop acting the victim, because people can easily look up that you are lying.

Edit: Honestly, 4.5 stars is astonishing to me. I feel like they aren't removing enough reviews, but I guess you are okay with that.

Former dog trainer here. I respect that you're taking your dog through training classes and involving your son in the process, that's really important.


I grew up in the age when the 'alpha roll' was a totally legitimate tactic to ensure 'dominance' over the dog and get compliance. However, times have changed, and it turns out the alpha/beta thing is a complete myth. What works a lot better is building trust and using positive reinforcement. I'm wondering if that's where your son is getting this idea of being physical with the dog to establish dominance.


I would suggest you find a trainer that deals with balanced approach that deals with operant conditioning. I would suggest looking into Karen Pryor's work, especially her book Don't Shoot the Dog. I also highly recommend the book How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend by the Monks of New Skete.


Positive reinforcement works on kids (and people in general, and most other animals including fish!) - When you see your son doing the behavior you like to see with the dog, praise him in the moment, on the spot. Don't Shoot the Dog will cover this, by the way. Karen Pryor uses a lot of clicker training in her work, and I have had great success in using it to jump-start the positive association with treats/praise/play (whatever motivates), and pretty soon I can phase the clicker out and save it for when we move on to advanced practices or new skills.


If this were my kid, I'd ask, "Would you want to do thinks I asked you to do if I kicked you in the head and was mean to you? Would you be more willing to do the right thing if I was kind?" He may need to have the situation reframed for him to really understand the empathy that goes in to raising a dog. If you were on an alien planet and only understood 1/10th of what your new overlords were saying, wouldn't that be kind of scary, and even make you mad? Well, when dogs get scared and angry, they bite. When a dog bites a person, the dog goes away. It's up to us as people to get dogs to trust us so they don't get angry or scared.


I'm not saying your dog would ever bite your kid, so I hope you don't think that's what I'm insinuating will come from this. I have a wonderful 11 year old lab mix who, by all accounts is a fantastic and well-behaved dude. He's still a dog though, and as patient as he is, his patience has limits and we have to respect his boundaries too. My kid's only 10 months, and everyone seems to think that she'll be riding our lab like a pony, and I correct them every time.


I'd be happy to clarify any information or answer questions if you like!

I think you might be viewing all work as the rat race, which isn't correct. The people who say 'this is just being a grown-up, deal with it' are making the same mistake. It's possible to set up your life to avoid this by finding enjoyable work and having low enough expenses that you can take risky or low-paid options. So:

Develop valuable skills that you enjoy using You need skills that you can exchange for things you need or care about such as money, schedule flexibility, short hours, or interesting work. You say you are not good at many things. You'll need to get good at at least one thing that other people will pay you for. The book So good they can't ignore you is the best resource on this topic. It's about building a satisfying career by developing valuable skills. Also check out this series of blog posts from the author.

Reduce your costs If you can avoid big expenses that other people spend on, then you have a lot more flexibility to pursue career options that are more enjoyable but are risky or low income. For example, move to a cheaper region of the world, live on a sofa, live in a van, don't have a car, don't have a partner who cares a lot about domestic comfort. I'm not sure what the best online resources are for this, but try googling things like: minimalism, frugal, early retirement, mrmoneymustache, vanlife, and digital nomad.

It sounds like fix #1 is more sleep.

Lame as it may sound, 8 hours of sleep is hugely different than 3 or even 5. Set the alarm for turning off the computer and just do it man. I'm sure there are auto-shutoff functions, but I say turn the computer off yourself. It's a sign of your own commitment to change. You can push one button to start a better life.

I find everything else seems easier if I get enough sleep. Without it, stuff seems difficult and unimportant and I drift back into a bad mindset. It took me a long time to recognize that those thoughts were a lie... just a lack of sleep in disguise.

From there, I'd probably recommend a simple calendar+task list system like Cal Newport recommends in the Straight A Student, though others like David Allen's more detailed Getting Things Done methodology.

But start with getting good sleep. Commit to it for a week and see how it goes.

Rework - lies das Buch mal.

Hat uns bei der zweiten Gründung enorm geholfen.

If you're really truly interested in mastering this hobby and applying yourself to learning it, here's what I would recommend:

1. Define short-term goals. Do you want to learn A, B, and C tricks? Do you want to work on body movement and dance? If you're having a hard time defining this for yourself, look to the spinners you respect and try to figure out what it is about their style you admire and would like to make a part of your own.
   
   
2. Schedule a regular practice. Make an appointment with yourself that you would keep just like an appointment at work. Remember: this is something you're doing for you? Who is more important to keep your promises to in your life than yourself? Doing this will also help keep you from the dreaded "I can't find time to practice" conundrum so many of us wind up in...make times for the things that are important to you.
   
   
3. Create a regular 20-30 minute warmup ritual before you practice. This could be your meditation or a dance warmup, a series of stretches, etc. Pick a piece of music you'll listen to whenever you sit down to do this or have a particular scent of incense you put on. For the spiritual out there, this ritual will help prepare you for the work you're about to do and focus your mind on the task at hand. For the scientific folk out there, this is classical conditioning: you're setting triggers to put your mind into a state of focus and eliminating outside distractions.
   
   
4. Structure your practice around your goals. Want to integrate gunslingers into your flow? Try for one week to get ten spirals and ten meteor weaves every single day, then next week up the ante and practice the transitions between a flower and these moves ten times. Want to work on your dance/flow? Set aside 10-20 minutes to just spin to music and explore the space around you. Some days you'll be on and make lots of progress and some days it'll feel like you're backsliding or hitting your head against the wall. Both are important to the learning process.
   
   
5. Define your overarching goals. What is it you want to do with poi? Do you want to have a fun physical hobby, perform with it, get into the tech world, etc? Figuring out what attracts you to the art will help you focus your energies on practicing those skills that are most in line with what you enjoy. Also be prepared that you may discover something in the course of your practice and experience that changes this dramatically. Reevaluate it every 4-6 months or so.
   
   
6. Learn to love the plateau. We love getting new tricks. We love the excitement of novelty--and it's really bad for us. It teaches us to value the temporary over building in the long-term. Mastery is a lifelong journey where the goal becomes subsumed more and more by the experience of getting there as time goes on. Plateaus are important because they allow you to refine the things you've just learned and polish them into a more beautiful form. It is inevitable that you will spend the majority of your time in the flow arts on a plateau of some sort or another, so the more you make your peace with it early, the easier that journey will become.
   
   
7. Become comfortable with solo practice. All the research we have on mastering skills at this point indicates that it takes thousands of hours of deliberate solo practice to become a virtuoso at a given skill. Spinning with people is fun and you will learn new things, but the majority of the progress you'll make will be on your own. This is harder for some people to adapt to than others, but it is an essential part of the journey (unless, of course, your goal is to become a virtuoso at partner poi ;)
   
   
8. If possible, find a good teacher/coach. A good teacher will push you when you need to be pushed, challenge you in ways you never thought possible, and guide you to becoming the best possible poi spinner that you can become. Sadly, this tends to be a luxury as good teachers in the flow arts world are extremely hard to find, but if you're able to find a good one make every use of their services.
   
   Good luck with your journey! It's been one of the greatest I've embarked on in my adult life :)
   
   Here are some books I would recommend on the topic:
   
   Mastery by George Leonard (talks a lot about mindset and learning to love the plateau)
   
   Talent is Overrated by Geoffrey Colvin (gives a lot of pointers when it comes to deliberate practice)
   
   So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport (lots of counterintuitive but useful info on developing skills)
   
   The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle (lots of great info about what to look for in a good coach/teacher)

This is basically the point of So Good They Can't Ignore you. An MIT Comp Sci PhD researched and interviewed a bunch of folks to figure out how people have a good career. His conclusion was to get really good at something, and you will become passionate about it (he actually calls "following your passion" a trap).

edit: fixed link

Turn off the computer

Turn off the tv

Read a book

>he called Mexicans rapists

No he didn't. He said that Mexicans illegally crossing the border are rapists, referencing an Amnesty International study that said 80% of women crossing that border are raped.
Source: The direct quote you're attempting to talk about here
The amnesty study here, it's HuffPo but there are tons of other sources, including Fusion and Amnesty themselves.

So, that will be our first point, and also we will take a brief chalkmark on the 'media is misrepresenting/quoting Trump board.

>Judge Curiel was not qualified to do his job.

Yes, he did. As I'm sure you're aware, Judges, Police Officers, Doctors, and many other tradesmen are asked to remain impartial, and even at times removed from specific jobs because it is too personal for them.
While this is a Canadian Source, here is the Canadian Superior Courts Judges Association commenting on a Judges impartiality, I think we can agree the US courts probably hold to a similar standard?

Now, is the Trump case too personal for Curiel?
You and me, we both feel - currently at least - that it is probably not the case.
However, We are also both aware of the dreadful way the media has been twisting Trump to be against Mexico/ans. I showed you one point from it just now, and if you continue to look up Trump Mexican quotes you will find a lot of misrepresentation. And this is present in other subjects as well, as I am sure we will reach.
Is it not possible that Curiel is reading Trump the way anti-Trump people are? Reading journalism (which is always biased) that misrepresents rather than going to an actual source? (Video clips, interviews, etc).
I'm not suggesting here that Curiel did not do his job and study the school/listen, but that he may not have looked into who is making the complaint, and let his subconcious mind which has been absorbing all this "Trump is anti-Mexico/anti-immigrant" news and let it play in the decision, even if it wasn't a big part.

Now, back to the question, is he qualified to do his job (and by this, we mean this job. Not "being a judge"). Probably. But the court works by making objections.
You don't let an unfavourable answer go. Objections exist for a reason, and a lot of time they are used for show, to put ideas in the heads of the juries. Objecting to absolute facts, even thought you know you will be overruled.
Trump may believe that he is going to lose this. But he can't admit that. He has to place the objection, regardless of his belief in it. And this is all ignoring the fact that yeah, Maybe Curiel is largely affected by the way Trump is portrayed and made this a personal vendetta. If you'd like, we can speak more on why people of colour in positions of power react much stronger to immigrant laws and things of the like. But for now, it is enough that we just highlight that we cannot read Curiel's mind, and making the 'objection' (yeah, it wasn't in court, but, you know) was just as much a political move as it was a legal move.

>He's expressed approval for basically every two-bit dictator on the planet, and Putin's a big fan of him

I don't think we need to speak much on this one, improving Russian-US relations has been a good idea for the past century, and Politicians, for better or worse, are not bound to what they say in campaign. I think it is a great step that Trump is willing to be friendly to all World Leaders right now, even if we disagree with their policies. The President (while less so than our Prime Minister) is a figurehead. And must be friendly. This is why Justin Trudeau won the Canadian election.

>He called the Chinese government strong for butchering the protesters at the Tienanmen Square Massacre

Yeah, he did. He didn't say it was good. He said they were strong. Here is a direct quote: "The Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength." from Playboy, 1990.

He wasn't making a comment on massacring being good, he was saying that sticking to your promises is hard. And important. In the same manner that the US does not negotiate with terrorists. Sometimes people die. But you cannot give in, the government must be strong, and the people must have faith in it.

>He supports torture and murdering innocent people as a political tactic.

He has said he is in support of waterboarding, I assume this is what you're talking about, please correct me if I'm wrong. Waterboarding is proven to be ineffectual and brutal.
These are the two facts I will discuss briefly, and let's be clear, I agree with both.
Trump is an incredible business man. There is no denying that. Trump can sell things. Trump can make money.
Selling, is manipulating emotions. Have you ever met a really good salesman? They just feel dirty. Have you ever met a great salesmen? You just go broke.

Trump has seen the way the world is going right now with ISIS and other terror attacks. Trump has jumped on that, knowing it will buy him supporters. Let's face facts, the majority of voters are not in the majority of educated folks (This is basic bellcurve stuff).
Now, there is a number of votes that are not being cast. In 2012, your Presidential voter turnout was 45% (wiki). Do you think the educated are the ones not voting, or the undereducated?
Let me rephrase the question; do you think the people who are reading reports on waterboarding are the ones who are not voting?

Now, After I type this, I realize this may be what you mean by "as a political tactic"

Yes. It is. Yeah, lying and manipulating emotions probably isn't great. But that's what all politicians do. Let's again look at Justin Trudeau, current PM of Canada, just elected in recently (November?). He literally won the election with the exact same tactic. Talking about women, and all the 'problems' that women have. Promising to change entire cabinets, which he did, to meet quotas of women. He flaunted false statistics about rape, in order to achieve that youth vote turnout of educated women, and it's the margin he won by.

Is this sleazy? As fuck. But it's how to win. And, there is gold here. A politician should know what her or his people want. They should know not to necessarily give it to them, but a politician, especially the PM or President, should be able to read the nation, in order to work votes, in order to get things done.

So, I believe I've answered that complaint to both sides: whether you were attacking the political technique, or actually believed he would institute waterboarding. Oh, one final thing, about Trump being a business man, he wants headlines. He knows no press is bad press. He literally wrote a book about it.

>He hates free speech, and wants to be able to sue his enemies for libel.

Yeah, he should be suing. Look at all the misquotes you've already given me. The newspapers are quoting him, and giving sources that when checked out give an entirely different quote. That's bullshit. That is illegal. He isn't against Free Speech, he's against slander.

>He's got ties to both the Mafia and the Russians, and he's basically recruiting for the Nazis.

I'm not going to comment on that last clause, your paragraph seems to be becoming much less "actual criticisms" and much more "hyperbole based off of my feelings".

I can't even make sense of the last clause.

Yes, he is alluded to have ties to the Mafia, there seems to be a compelling case, that 30 years ago, when he built a casino (an industry rife with mobsters) he interacted with them. The same can be said for the Trump tower.

It is inevitable, when organized crime controls an entire discipline, to work without them. Every single person working construction in Montreal, Canada, has immense ties to the mob. Everyone involved in the mining industry, which is huge, has ties to the mob.
Now, if you have a source that says he is involved in killing people, et cetera, it's a concern. But your complaint is that he's interacted with them. That's not valid. It's just not a complaint, I can't justify it, there is nothing else to say here.

>He really hates Muslims, and has suggested all kinds of horrifying methods to "keep us safe"

Why does he hate Muslims? WHat are these "horrifying methods"? Why do you put "keep us safe" in quotes?
I can't really respond to this unless you start being more specific again, you were doing really well at the beginning of your post. Here is a source talking about Homeland Security and the FBI on the American Muslim communities, I know Trump takes some of his facts from them, so maybe it addresses your concerns? Again, I cannot know unless you are more specific.

> He has suggested pulling out of NATO and the WTO

>$250 into $5k

Setting goals isn't a terrible idea, however I will say that a 2000% (non compounding) increase is something the best traders would give their arms and legs for lol.

For reference, this is something I was able to do after lots of learning and experience.

https://twitter.com/robswc/status/1093328001243189248
https://twitter.com/robswc/status/1082782861869109253

These were more done algorithmic than manually trading BUT point still stands.

With that said, you could hit 180% gain in one day with options.

The problem you'll find is that being consistently good is really really hard. What you're essentially setting out to do is consistently win an near random "coin toss".

That's going to take a psychological toll, its going to be grueling but not impossible.

>But I would like to learn the market. Any tips on how to start? What should I start researching? Can I even start trading with that little amount?

$250 is fine starting out. In fact its perfect as starting out there's a possibility you could lose it all, so starting with a small amount is fine.

Don't look at $, look at %. If you can make 1% you can make $100 or $1000. Once you consistently hit %'s, you can increase your position sizes. Keep risk in mind while doing this though.

I would start with paper trading first. Since you're 17 you're not legally allowed to trade. Also, with $250 you can't day trade (PDT rules). So paper trading would definitely be your best bet.

You could also give crypto a try, many exchanges don't really have KYC. A lot of the basics can carry over into any markets.

As far as stuff to learn, these are some of the best books I've read on the subject. You may notice they aren't technical or any "strategies" so to speak. I find those books never help, the mindset and thinking is going to be your biggest challenge.

Trading in the Zone, By Mark Douglas - https://www.amazon.com/Trading-Zone-Confidence-Discipline-Attitude/dp/0735201447

Fooled by Randomness, by Nassim Taleb - https://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219/ref=sr_1_1?crid=13LH3VBFX62OH

Skin in the Game, by Nassim Taleb - https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Game-Hidden-Asymmetries-Daily/dp/042528462X/

Algos to Live By, by Brian Christian - https://www.amazon.com/Algorithms-Live-Computer-Science-Decisions/dp/1250118360/

A Short History of Financial Euphoria, by John Galbraith - https://www.amazon.com/History-Financial-Euphoria-Penguin-Business/dp/0140238565/

Also, if you're interested in algo or strategy creation at all, I have a youtube channel dedicated to helping beginners make their strategies and learn more. Its on a bit of a hiatus but I'll definitely be getting back to it soon.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxokFZgGpztPTeQvBwIk2wQ

DM me here or on twitter if you have any questions! Love to help, questions also keep me on my toes and make sure I'm learning too!

Search the main sub for "Red Pill Books Compilation V3"

>Millionaire Fastlane by MJ Demarco: (Mindset - P2) No this isn't some get rich quick scheme or ideas on how to make quick money. Demarco presents the idea in his book that there are different ways of thinking about money amongst people. The "Slowlane" way of thinking which is plagued by the ones who work paycheck to paycheck to survive, and the "Fastlane" way of thinking that breaks away from the norm of the typical "Go to school, get a job, save your money, retire at 65." mindset. Very interesting read on how to achieve wealth through changing your way of thinking.

I also like Ramit Sethi and his book "I Will Teach You to Be Rich". He also has a youtube channel.

As someone with an MBA, I can tell you all the things that book mentions are first year, undergraduate business school material. Unfortunately, for those who have no desire to pursue analytical and empirical research techniques, the majority of an MBA is about office politics.

Your education primarily consists of learning how to best impress the professors without appearing as a sycophant to your colleagues. Albeit, that is exactly what one needs to get ahead in business.

I usually hate people recommending books, but if you want to know what an MBA is about, I wouldn't read "10 day MBA." I would read 48 Laws of Power. While your soul will die a little from reading it, this book will give you all the ammunition you need to move up in business.

Those of you considering an MBA, feel free to ask me any questions. I'd be happy to help if I am able!

>Routines can be weirdly helpful.

i recommend this book: How to Become a Straight-A Student by Cal Newport

The Art of the Deal

I failed level one, two and three. Now I'm working on a Computer Science degree and have won 2 awards from my uni this year.

NCEA doesn't mean jack in the long run. You can just turn 20 and rock up. People start uni at 28, and they're not looked badly on at all.

Keep in mind there are so many options out there. The idea that college is the only way to success is increasingly becoming a myth. Skills will always come ahead in any field. Loving to learn inside or outside of school is important if you want to go far.

If you are looking at alternatives, look here.

Figure out why you failed. Figure out solutions to these problems, and demonstrate these solutions before you're at uni.

Find ways to discipline yourself to learn before university; a free course on Coursera or edX perhaps. This is a good book on study skills.

If you've done Level 1 and 2 though, you obviously have a fair few study skills.

Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

It's a good question - a lot of people just assume they can't ever be rich.

No you don't need to get a degree. You don't need to get a high-paying job. You don't need to be Elon Musk unless we're talking billionaire rich.

Making money is about delivering value at scale. Either deliver a little bit of value to a lot of people, or deliver a lot of value to a few people. Or do both to rake it in - but this is usually harder.

The most accessible way to deliver value at scale is by building a business.

You also need to figure out why you want to be rich and what kind of rich. Do you want to build a massive empire and make hundreds of millions or does making a couple of million a year and getting to travel whenever you want sound better?

The basic steps are pretty simple. You've got to start by reprogramming your brain a fair bit. Rich people - especially entrepreneurs, don't think about the world in the same way as most people do. More on how to do this later.

After that you'll want to start exploring the opportunities open to you at the moment. There are lots of business models you can replicate and do really well with - you don't need to start completely from scratch and build something the world has never seen before. You would not believe the ridiculously niched business models people make stupid money from. Example - I know a guy who built an online health and safety testing form for oil rig workers that was making $20,000 a month.

When you're starting out it's a good idea to keep things simple and use it as a way to build your skills. You don't want to be trying to build the next Facebook while trying to learn the basics of business. You're probably not as smart as Mark Zuckerberg.

The point is you have to keep learning and learning and learning. You know the business section of the book store you've probably never looked at? Pick the right books and you can pretty much learn anything.

You've been fed a lot of bullshit your whole life - so you need to read:

BOOKS FOR REPROGRAMMING YOUR HEAD

• The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
  It's pretty incredible how many successful people I've spoken to in the last few years have said something along the lines of "well it all started when I read the 4-Hour Work Week...". This is a great book that will give you a huge mindset adjustment and also a bunch of practical ideas and case studies of what you can do.
  
  
• The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ Demarco Yeah the book title sucks. But it's gold. MJ has quite a different approach to Tim Ferriss - so that's why I put it here. It's good to get multiple perspectives. The first hundred or so pages rip traditional thinking on wealth as well as guru advice to pieces - it's pretty funny.
  
  
• The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason This is a quick and easy read but it's got some great core lessons.
  
  Those will give you a good start. Once you've picked something to work on, you'll want to start reading up on learning sales, mindset, strategy, mindset, business management, mindset and some more mindset. If you jump in you'll quickly find the hardest thing about business is usually dealing with yourself.
  
  Hit me up if you take action on this and I'll be happy to recommend where to go next :)
  
  

Someone deleted their comment about wanting to leave the US in the near future.

I also share this sentiment and would like to offer a viewpoint I have been developing lately.

Yesterday was the first big meeting of the previously called One Belt, One Road Initiative, and now the Belt & Road Initiative. 110 countries are involved, from the coasts of Russia and China to the Middle East and Africa.

A first step in the restoration and revival of the ancient "circulation of blood" in Asia, Europe, and Africa.

President Xi Jinping of China starts his speech poetically for such a historic event in human progress. Be sure to check out him grilling the US at around the 34:50 mark.

So, why move out of the US?

I have three reasons so far.

1. It is not where Asian talent and skill is respected and a country that is fraught with soon to be exposed crimes should not benefit from taxation of Asian talent and skill.
   
   
2. In perhaps one generation, automation will render most jobs obsolete and hopefully governments will provide basic income and move away from capitalism's competition.
   
   To deal with climate change, poverty, and to develop all 110 countries of the B&R initiative, the President of Turkey stated at the meeting that "1.7 trillion Dollars every year until 2030" will be needed.
   
   He stressed "Cooperation over competition", something that is fundamental of countries in Asia.
   
   Climate change will test Asia and Africa, both having huge populations near the coasts and underdeveloped infrastructure.
   
   Inefficient Capitalism of America bullshit will not work. Hundreds of millions of lives and future lives are at stake.
   
   Anyway, there is thus a need for highly skilled labor and individuals that can master higher skills fast. I suggest you read this book on doing just that and freelance your skills as you live in Asia and help it prosper.
   
   \3. America's Potential Downfall, if it keeps dirtying their hands with petrodollars.
   
   Get woke on Putin with this 2 hour documentary and be sure to watch the English translations of his speeches and addresses exposing US meddling in other countries through funding terrorists.
   
   America's power and wealth source, control of the sea and maritime trade routes will be rendered obsolete once the 110 countries of the B&R Intiative have open routes on land and sea.
   
   In summary, America is losing its status and power everyday, as well as its prestige not only because of Trump, but how the American government is dealing with hiccups like Trump and how it exposes the dirty dark secrets of even Presidents who hold prestige around the world.

Try talking to your boss. One of the most important jobs of a manager is to make sure their employees are productive. Talk to your boss about how the interruptions are very challenging, and talk to them about this idea called deep work. Basically, you schedule time every day or every week where you insulate yourself from all interruptions. With this philosophy, you don't even need to mention the ADHD.

Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Podcast about deep work.

First if there is enough potential profit in your idea you can always hire engineers, programmers etc. So keep that in mind and start keeping a list of every idea you have, I keep one in my phone that is gigantic now. Stop limiting your self to just what you can do and it will really open up your mind.

I would recommend the $!00 startup, it is full of case studies on what others have done. After reading this book it seemed like I just started thinking in an entrepenuerial way about almost everything and ideas came like a waterfall. I now have more solid ideas than I can possibly ever pursue, and get new ones daily.

Another great one is Lean startup. It has the most practical advice I've encountered on how to test and then go forward with an idea. After this book I was able to mentally test ideas and see profit or failure in them much easier. This book is also invaluable for once you actually start something.


http://www.amazon.com/The-100-Startup-Reinvent-Living/dp/0307951529/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373772742&sr=8-1&keywords=%24100+startup


http://www.amazon.com/Lean-Startup-Entrepreneurs-Continuous-Innovation/dp/0307887898/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373773392&sr=1-1&keywords=lean+startup

OP,
Calm down. Like you say, it was a learning experience and it seems a good one at that.
To everyone else's defence, when you can drop terms like "profit margin," "overhead" and "markup," it doesn't grant you business expertise. Or at the least, it doesn't impress this subreddit.
Instead it makes it sounds like you took a Business 101 class.
More telling was the new phone and business cards. These are, at best, things you need after a first client (proof you have a "business").
But when you started in on Class A shares and Class B non-voting shares, it made me re-read the first paragraph. I'm thinking "Is this guy doing landscaping, or is prep'ing a visit to a VC?"

You've got drive. That's great. And now you have experience -- from one try. Try again. You'll fail again, and that's cool. Especially cool if you try again.
Best to you and whoever you pair up with next. In the meantime, fill in time with a few books like Lean Startup and Rework.

If you aren't being facetious... start with these books:

• The Compassionate Life, by Marc Ian Barasch
  
  
• Never Eat Alone, by Keith Ferrazzi.
  
  
• Anger, by Thich Nhat Hanh.
  
  These are all easy books to blow off. You can dismiss The Compassionate Life as a guidebook for letting other people take advantage of you. You can dismiss Never Eat Alone as the egotistical scrambling of a sleazy salesman. You can dismiss Anger as a hand-wavey tome of feel good nonsense. If you're tempted to do so, I urge you to suspend your judgment and pour yourself into them. Here's why:
  
  From Anger, I learned not to let my fear of feeling and sharing emotions prevent me from opening myself up to other people. The book is about anger, but it applies to everything: jealousy, fear, anxiety, confusion, even joy. It taught me to treat my negative feelings as a part of myself that deserved compassion and nurturing just like anything or anyone else I care about.
  
  From Never Eat Alone, I learned the value of trust and openness. The point of "networking" isn't to collect business cards and shine your teeth at people; it's to establish an extended family of people who you genuinely care about, and thus, through inevitable cause and effect, who genuinely care about you. You don't have to be married to someone or see them every day to love and care about them. You just have to treat them like a human being, and not hide the truth of your human-ness out of fear of being judged.
  
  Finally, from The Compassionate Life, I learned that I'm not the only one walking this path. It gave me the determination to continue walking, even in the face of judgment, ridicule, and skepticism from many people around me. It solidified my hunch that, in the right hands, compassion is a great strength, and not a weakness. It helped me learn to forgive myself and others, even for what felt like irrecoverable wounds or betrayals. More than that, it helped me learn from those wounds, and it helped me learn from the forgiveness. It gave me strength.
  
  That's all I've got for the moment!

Sorry for wall of text.

When /u/waytoomanychoices describes someone with model-level looks, who had prep school and Yale paid for by rich dad/grandparents, who dated a handsome billionaire heir seriously enough to receive a marriage proposal, as "average", you're feeding into the depression here.

The point is, the Rory character is a fairy tale fantasy that still screwed up every advantage she was given. She represents an unreasonable and unrealistic picture of life for 99% of the world, and still screws it up.

Any of us who got Yale paid in full by wealthy parents and grandparents would be in a better spot at 31 than Rory. And there are actual plot point you can point at as to why.

OP, you did not have Rory's advantages and your life is not written yet. You don't know if you'll like a job or not until you take it. Try it, and if you don't like it, look for another one.

To me, the danger in media isn't violence or sex, it's the setting of expectations of life being like TV or movies, your OP expressed it perfectly.

Number 4 is the opposite of real advice. I'm the child of immigrants in my late 30s and this attitude (it's not millennial, it's American) that some job out there can fill your soul with happiness and fulfillment... that you need to be overjoyed with your work and career... it sounds nice and that's why people keep repeating it. But it's not real life.

Seek contentment from work. Earn money to feed yourself and your family. Seek happiness in family and friends. Seeking literal joy from your job on a day to day basis is, frankly, unrealistic.

Now if you're genuinely unhappy with work, then start earnestly looking for what you can do to change your situation. In my very unpopular opinion, this does not mean quitting your job without another job/full time education lined up, nor does it mean turning down jobs you think are beneath you when you're unemployed. Working itself provides opportunities.

/u/copperboomcopperboom, you're not Rory. If you are in a rut, What Color Is My Parachute is almost a clichéd suggestion but it is a cliché for the right reasons. It's a good way to help focus you on your next steps in life.

It helped both me and my wife. Feel free to PM me.

-----

tl;dr I'm a former high school vocational teacher who gave high school kids career and educational advice all the time. I think my advice is solid: you can work a job you don't like while looking for one you do. One reason is that you're much more confident when you have a job and you're more likely to hold out for a job that's a great fit if you're not desperate. Exuding confidence at job interviews is important and that's much easier if you have a job and aren't sitting on your ass in mom's basement all day every day. If you're really unhappy with your career situation, do something about it. Buying and working through What Color Is My Parachute might be a great start. Anyone reading this can feel free to PM me.

I stopped working nights and weekends (with exceptions 2-3 times a year when a bunch of deadlines overlap). Working too much didn't help me get more done.

It just made the quality of my work worse. Once I got in the habit of taking time to rejuvenate, I realized that I could get just as much done in 8-9 hours a day for 5 days as I could working 10-12 hours a day 7 days a week.

This is only true when

1. I sleep 8-10 hours a night and
   
2. I exercise 5 days a week.
   
   When I do those, it is fairly easy to focus and work efficiently enough to get everything done in 40-45 hours a week.
   
   And I also recommend (listening to) Cal Newport's Deep Work. Pay close attention to how Newport thinks. His lessons apply more broadly than the examples he gives.

Somebody should give him this book as a present

Yes and a bunch of people are doing it. It's called financial inpedendence and they're not all "rich." Many live very frugally to do it. Here are a few resources:


/r/financialindependence/


http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/


http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766

I recently finished an excellent book called "Thank you for Arguing" (full-title: "Thank You for Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion").

From the book, I realized that women use high level rhetorical techniques to get what they want at a much higher rate than men.

Often times, they are full of sht, but they know how to play their cards right to get what they want by saying things like "Height doesn't matter!", "I don't like muscular men, gross!", "I wouldn't care if my boyfriend made less money than I did.". They say things like this all the time, but by and large, they don't really mean them and follow through on them irl.

Put on your [They Live*](https://imgur.com/gallery/hY3Ro) glasses and realize that women are, as they say, full of shit, and they're very good at getting away with it. This also explains this post. Women with crap-tier genetics still pass them on because they manage to influence chads into impregnating them, then passing on their short height to their sons (interestingly, short women aren't considered as attractive in the Germanic / Nordic countries as they are here in the US, and that explains why they have significantly higher average heights than us in the US).

>Donald Trump literally wrote the book on negotiating.

He had a ghost writer that did the work for him, and he had some rather unkind words about his former boss.

She's a puppy, she has to grow out of it-in all seriousness, if you know that she's too high energy, returning her to the shelter when she's still young will help her get placed with someone who wants a puppy, and you can adopt an adult dog. Adult dogs can be much lower energy, and their personality is more settled, so the shelter can tell you "hey this dog likes to sleep all day and cuddle". Plus adult dogs have a much harder time being adopted, and many are dogs whose owners have died or lost the ability to care for them, so they're house trained and family oriented.

If you want to keep her, you've got to spend lots of time exercising her body and her mind. Karen Pryor's Don't Shoot The Dog is a fantastic book to start with; it's based on scientific understanding of animal behavior and training, none of the 'be the alpha dog' bullshit. For exercise, long walks, playing fetch, tug of war, etc. She's a baby with baby energy, and she'll become destructive and annoying if she gets bored.

Lots of love for you, here are some thoughts of mine...

• it is a mistake to believe that you should be asking the question "What is the purpose of my life?" it's not a question you ask, IT IS A QUESTION YOU ANSWER! and you answer it by living your life as ONLY you can, having the adventure that is your life experience, discovering the magical miracle that is ONLY YOU in all of this vast universe!
  
  
• After losing Mormonism and the understanding of the universe that goes with it, I find myself an atheist, which has made this little journey of life INFINITELY more precious to me. It's all and everything we have! (as far as we know).
  
  
• I have pulled in many helpful, empowering, peaceful ideas from Buddhism, Philosophy, Science that has helped me start to form a new, optimistic, and amazingly open minded new world-view. I no longer have to believe anything that doesn't make sense, I get to believe only sweet things now, and that is SO nice.
  
  Here are some resources that I have been really grateful for on my journey, which I am 12 months into...
  
  The Obstacle is the Way
  
  The Daily Stoic this is my new "daily bible" I read a page every morning
  
  Secular Buddhism podcast
  
  Waking Up podcast
  
  End of Faith
  
  The Demon Haunted World
  
  Philosophize This! podcast OR Partially Examined Life podcast
  
  I wish you the very best in your journey, be patient with yourself, you have EVERY reason to be! Start filling your mind with powerful positive ideas, keep the ones that help you find your way, set aside the ones that don't.
  
  And remember, you are young and free and the possibilities of what your life can become are boundless!

>It's pretty funny that this same pattern can be seen in the other direction on the fringier ends of the right-wing subreddits, or even the comments in this one.

(((citation needed)))

>Accuse of violence: (check)

Oh you mean like the thousands of NRA people going around smacking people with bike locks AR15 stocks?

OF COURSE you have people resorting to violence on every side - given the enormous sample size it would be a legit miracle if there weren't any. However, the scale is very much tilted towards the left. You don't see Breitbart glorifying a Shakespear play where Barack Obama gets nailed to a cross and burned alive. However you DO see things - like - this from leftist sources.

Yeah that's not even close to comparable.

>Accuse of "(((parasitism)))": (all the checks)

We're getting there

>Dehumanize: (libtard, commie, shitskin, sweeping generalizations)

Never heard shitskin outside of legitimately racist circles. Citation needed.

Apart from that, those are insults. Not even close to being the same. This is a newspaper suggesting men should not be allowed to vote. Apples and oranges much?

Oh and look at that, Trump is a virus? Now we're 1:1, the NS people used that exact comparison (vermin, bacillus, virus et al) for the jews.

>Condone violence against them: /r/Physical_Removal

A 7000 sub subreddit about people hitting back? Well then I guess I'll concede, that's the overwhelming majority. Oh wait, Trump got some 63 million votes so those 7000 aren't even .012%. Even if I would accept your premise (which I don't), that's one out of 8350 people. Let's go to some leftist college campus like Berkeley and ask there how many of them would be okay with trump supporters getting beaten up - wanna bet it's slightly more than 1/8350?

>So what's the deal?

I guess that?

>Are we into some deep-level human nature victim mentality stuff, here?

No, we're in some "one side is salty they lost the election, now they're stirring up the exact kind of shit they're constantly accusing the other side of" stuff and here's the problem: this is not going to be the 1789 revolution where the glorious people win and drag the evil king to the guillotine, this is going to end up like 1832.

>humans have an affinity for underdog stories.

Bullets don't, and that's the issue.

>Maybe it's just a glitch in our pattern recognition. Law of Fives kinda stuff. The harder you look for something, the more likely you are to find it (even if it isn't, strictly speaking, true).

Or maybe we're slowly coming to the conclusion that intolerance must not be tolerated. The hilarious part being that those accusing of intolerance and those expressing intolerance are not as far apart as they'd like.

Someone posted a comment on the yahoo page that was a good main reason why this is an issue, at least in my opinion. Basically, troll reviews have been around forever, and a lot of times people want these reviews to be removed. Why do they only step in and take down the ones for Hillary? Why isn't this a site-wide policy of just immediately deleting negative reviews from people that haven't received the authorized purchaser logo or whatever? Yeah there's other places to bash her, but it's funny they just decide to enforce this for her.

For example, here is a link to Donald Trump's book, looking at 1-star reviews with verified purchaser only option turned off. Hmm, I could scroll through 40 pages of people that give it 1-star and haven't purchased the book. Then here's Clinton's book with the same search parameters. At the time I'm looking at it, there's literally 3 1-star reviews from people that don't have the verified purchase indicator. So 40 pages of 1-star reviews from non-buyers, versus 3 reviews. I'm not pro-Trump in the slightest, I just picked that as an example because it's very easy to bash him. Seems to me they're blatantly playing favorites...

I'll share my reading list for the next 12 months as it's how I plan to become a better learner:


 

Learning

• Learning How To Learn - Free online course
  
• Become a Straight-A Student - Book
  
• Make it Stick - Book
  
  
  Improving Maths
  
• A Mind for Numbers - Book
  
• Secrets of Mental Math - Book
  
• Vedic Mathematics- Book
  
  
  Improving Reading Speed
  
• Breakthrough Rapid Reading - Book
  
  
  Algorithmic thinking
  
• Algorithms to Live By - Book
  
  
  Understanding the Mind
  
• How the Mind Works - Book
  
• Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow - Book
  
• The Owner's Manual for the Brain - Book
  
  
  Productivity
  
• Getting Things Done - Book
  
• The Willpower Instinct - Book
  
• Willpower Doesn't Work - Book
  
• The Chimp Paradox - Book
  
  
  
  It's an ambitious reading list for the next 12 months as there is some heavy reading in there but hopefully you can get one or two useful suggestions from it!

Here, I'll google it for you:
https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0345479173

Lose the swift programming course, it’s not really relevant to you, and you already have a lot to cover in a tight space of time.

Good luck with your studies. As others have already said in this thread getting a researcher position will be super hard. There aren’t all that many positions available, and there’s so much hype around ML that they’re all super over-subscribed. You might be right that you don’t need a PhD, but a PhD and research experience are useful and you will be up against those that have them. You should consider getting some industry experience as a data scientist or data engineer (which might be a bit easier to get hired as) to complement your self study if you’ve decided academia is not for you.

You’ve got a lot of reading to do already, but I found the book So Good They Can’t Ignore You a helpful read when faced with a tough career choice. It’s not super long, and has some interesting ideas (mostly based on anecdotal evidence but useful nonetheless).

You're conflating "success" with "career". This is not what OP is talking about. They're merely suggesting that you have to try things; hobbies, jobs, etc, before you know what your passion is. Very often the thing you find that you're "good at" becomes your passion, rather than the other way around.

So Good They Can't Ignore You digs into this concept in greater detail.

To further support Jonny1992, but in no way condoning this kind of evil behavior, a ton of big shots (50 Cent Co-wrote a book with the author) supposedly read and adhere to this book, 48 Rules of Power. Chapter 5: "Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit."

BTW, I hate that people think they can just take credit and it's ok. It's not. You're evil. You're not just following a book of rules. You're an evil person.

The numbers still aren't stacking up for me. I think it's clear that you have a spending problem. I'd really recommend reading Your Money or Your Life to help you work on your relationship with money.

> The medical insurance for me is worth a bit as I have a $17k surgery every couple of years.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I've got a few different unrelated comments.

1. I am surprised people from Austin have not mentioned this... If you have any passion for food, you could join the ranks of the gourmet food trucks that are downtown. If you've not already tried them, you need to go to the gourmet donut truck downtown. I think it was called "Gourdo's Doughnuts".
   
   
2. As others have mentioned though, successful entrepreneurs do not normally start as people who have money to burn and no ideas. Successful entrepreneurs come from people with no shortage of ideas bootstrapping themselves to success. This is what I am trying to do right now..
   
   
3. A good place to start may be to read or listen to "The $100 Startup", by Chris Guillebeau. Here. This book uses lots of examples to explain how a lot different people started different types of businesses. It also points you toward a lot of good resources.
   
   
4. It sounds like you have just enough money to file a patent.... Yes a full patent can cost about that much depending on lawyer fees. If you were working overseas, my first guess is that you were doing something engineering related... perhaps in manufacturing. Rather than trying to start a business, try to solve a problem. Have you ever wanted something that didn't exist? I found a good approach to generate products is to develop simple solutions to problems that you have. Other people have likely had the same problem and would kindly pay you for an elegant solution. File a provisional patent application (PPA), and then go look for investors. Well, build a prototype, file the PPA, and then go look for investors to get it off the ground. Your $20,000.00 should be more than enough to get through a few design-build phases, especially with resources like protomold, and protolabs
   
   
5. "The $100 Startup" denounces franchises. The short version of their explanation is that they take a lot of your $, make you work for them, and only give you a modest return on your investment.
   
   
6. Join meetup.com and go to a entrepreneur event in Austin, TX. Occasionally,they will have weekend long events where people come together with ideas and money and try to put a business plan and product together. I am yet to attend an event, but I just signed up for Orlando and look forward to my first meet up. Success as an entrepreneur is not required to attend. I think you just have to go ready to work through the night and pitch your business in the morning.
   
   
7. List at things you are remarkable at, and then look at how you can use your skills to help others.
   
   Hope this helps.
   
   FSMspeed on your journey.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

I hate to tell you (and I mean I hate to tell you and I wish we didn't have to have this conversation. ever.) but you are doing absolutely everything wrong. Stop doing everything that you are doing.

Your animal is losing trust in you. And why should he trust you? Every time he wants to have fun you are a bully to him. Just imagine if every time he did something good you instantly gave him a treat and a belly rub. I bet he'd do those things more often. Now imagine if you ignored his bad behavior. I bet he'd stop doing it once he gets no satisfaction from it.

I've trained a few hundred dogs in my career including about 50 Spitzen and a few sled teams. I've seen this type of "training" dozens and dozens of times.

I'm sure you aren't a bad guy and you mean well...but these are vocal, emotional, and active animals. He needs more exercise, more love, and less "discipline".

Downhouse was a little nicer than I was, but it probably has something to do with the abused animals i've seen with nearly irreversible personality problems. You are heading down that road, quickly. (and i'm sure you'll dismiss that comment, or someone else will...but the alpha roll and restraint tactics are one method dogfighters use to get their dogs riled up. You don't wanna be like Vick, do you?)

Luckily your dog is young. He will forgive you. You can start over and attempt to understand him instead of just pushing him around. You need to build a bond, dude. He's man's best friend...NOT your bitch.

A good place to start?

• http://www.dogstardaily.com/ - the videos on this site
  
• http://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-Dog-Training/dp/0764536095 - this book
  
• http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Shoot-Dog-Teaching-Training/dp/0553380397/ref=pd_sim_b_10 - this book
  
• http://www.ccpdt.org/ - find a dog trainer here. maybe you'll end up with me!
  
  
  As an aside, I can never understand who the fuck these people are walking around telling people this is how you treat an animal. It LITERALLY never works. The animals that it does "work" on are walking lifeless zombies with no personality and no bond to their owner.
  
  Edit: I see you responded to DownHouse, and I missed that before I typed my response. I see you're willing to make a change and that's awesome. I truly wish you the best of luck.
  
  Edit2: Look. I maybe was a bit harsh but i'm not going to delete what I said...it's probably something you (or someone else reading the post) needs to hear. I had a client last week who came in who had been stepping on his dogs back paws when he jumped up. He would also grab the front paws until the dog yelped. That dog bit a groomer who tried to cut his nails. Go fucking figure. These are the kinds of things that are difficult to correct and I don't want to see bad information make you have a bad relationship with your dog.
  

https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn helped my sister.

And the book "How to become a straight A Student" is what turned things around for me.

I went from always scrambling last minute, cramming, having 0 free time and still under achieving, to having enough free time to actually be involved in things I wanted to be involved with on and off campus. For the first time I was like "Oh! so this is what college can be like..".

Organization and time management is so important it's nuts.

Edit:

Side note, stuff like depression and anxiety can be SUPER draining mentally and WILL affect the amount of willpower you have available for stuff like time management and staying organized so if you're dealing with anything like that getting it 100% under control is the absolute best thing you can do for your GPA.

I favor the craftsman mindset over the 4-hour workweek approach, so I (perhaps unsurprisingly) did not find much value in Ferris's work. I've read 4-hour-workweek, some of his blog posts, seem some TED talks, and flipped through 'Tribe of Mentors, all of which I found mediocre. The biggest advocate of the craftsman mindset that I know of is Cal Newport. I've read his blog (studyhacks) and his book (So good they can't ignore you). I think his work tends to be better researched and more substantive. I recommend both.

I suspect that the differences between the two has a lot to do with where they come from. In my view, Ferris is still the salesman he was when he started out. Many of his strategies are great for salepeople - 'firing' bad customers, offloading customer support tasks, etc. However, its worth thinking about what he is selling here - and I think the core idea in Ferris's work is that you can make an easy buck. I don't know that this idea is worth buying, nor that he offers anything more valuable than a few productivity tips. Newport is an academic, and so his work is oriented more as an attempt to answer a question: what choices result in happy and successful careers. He started out looking for general trends in career satisfaction and success, and his books are reports of what he's found. Of course, he is still selling something - but I think he is selling something more valuable: empirically driven insight into meaningful work (the key insight, by the way, is that you need to adopt the crafstman mindset).

IMO, you are asking the wrong question. Saying
>what skills can I learn to support {lifestyle}

is putting your goals ahead of your employer's/client's goals.

Flip it on it's head:

>What are some skills I can learn that will make me invaluable in my job?

Whatever your next job is, ruthlessly innovate, experiment, and bring value to those you work with. Spend a year there building career capital and then cash that in for a job that includes the opportunities you want - like remote work.

Cal Newport wrote "So Good They Can't Ignore You" and I highly recommend you give it a read.

FWIW, I work remotely for my company, am well paid, and travel full-time, but in my conversations with them, my travel has never come up. All our interactions are about me bringing value to their business.

I recommend focusing on the same.

Good luck!

OP needs to do some soul-searching, but I think What Color Is Your Parachute is probably a little more practical than Camus for their stated concerns. Coming to terms with the pain of existence is a tad. . . ambitious when all s/he's concerned about is a boring job!

What?! NOTHING IT related that you would find interesting enough to learn about on your own time?

Did you do this for the money? That's insane.

No Chef? No Puppet? No Docker? No obscure language? No embedded systems? No Nutanix? No ESXi? No nano server? Nothing IT related tickles your pickle? What about vulnhub? Red teaming? Game development? TELL ME.

/u/ProfFrnswrth -- I can't relate with the sentiment of not having energy after 8 hours. Hell, there are times we were updating systems until 1 or 2 AM and I STILL went home and dicked around in a VM. Do I have an unhealthy passion for this stuff? Probably.

As a child, very awkward, you can imagine, I had a computer and I was trying to play Deus Ex. The colors were terrible and the game stuttered and spewed, eventually freezing on that terrible sound looping: "EEHN, EEHN, EEHN, EEHN, EEHN, EEHN, EEHN" -- being borderline retarded as a child, I didn't think to turn off the speakers, I just ran and told my Dad the computer is broken.

Being a good father, he assumed what all good fathers assume: porn. I was lectured and berated about not getting caught with my weasel in my hand, my dad unplugged the computer and turned it back on. I was defeated, never again to play this game my friend told me about.

The next day, whilst at school, I told my friend, the one in which of whom recommended the game, that my computer couldn't run it, I was doomed.

"What, ho?! Nay! Bringith thine tower to my domicile once within we leavith our studies!" -- Told you, fucking awkward.

So I bring this HP wanna be Blue Bubble Macintosh computer to my friend's house. My friend and his father ripped apart the internals of that poor HP tower, and replaced what looked like the internals to the backup for Johnny Five. Some brown circuit board and a lot of fans.

I was terrified. I was instructed by my friend to take my computer back home and try Deus Ex again. So, I get home and connect everything. Fearful of being sternly spoken to about pornography again, I left the speakers unplugged.

My God, man! It's beautiful! Normal colors, smooth textures, fast movement. But there wasn't any God damn sound! Oh, the speakers, right, so I plugged the speakers back in.

From there, I said "I want to be able to fix anything". It was very humbling and earth shattering to be honest.

I mean, if you think about it, as a preteen, you don't know what a computer is. You use it and you play on it, but you don't know what it is unless you're born into a family that teaches you or you're some Matilda freak that reads CPU and motherboard manuals in your free time.

But here... My friend, my peer, my ALLY! He knew exactly what it took. He took an impossible problem (can't play a video game), and not only made it a reality, he did it with spare parts in his closet LOL!

So, because of him, I am where I am today. Do I know how to fix everything? No, of course not. Don't be silly.

But! I have taken to using scheduled, distraction free time to learn something or get better at a skill. I go into that with a furious frenzy and get shit done. An hour? Half an hour? Five hours? I don't care, I'm going to tackle the living shit out of my objective.

Scheduled, distraction free time? What in the name of Almighty Christ on his Throne is this?!

First, I recommend a very subjective and biased book:

Deep Work

The concept of "Deep Work" is not foreign, but you may not have heard it called that before. It's a great book about finding time to get work done in a world of distractions.

Second, I recommend Earl Nightingale's "The Strangest Secret". You can find the audio on Amazon or Youtube, whichever you prefer. In YouTube he sounds cooler but speaks much quicker.

Earl Nightingale, again, came up with nothing new. This is some Oprah shit before Oprah was out. This broadcast changed my life. It builds off Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich and takes concepts from Philosophy and Religion. The best "Power of Positive Thinking" speech I've heard. Listen to it, and see if it vibes with you.

Anyway, get your goals down, write them. Don't put them in your God damn phone, WRITE IT DOWN. Look it everyday. If you miss a day, you have to see it, you can't just delete it from your phone (yeah, you can rip the paper out of the notebook, but I'd like to think you're not a destructive person ;) ).

You like Podcasts? Yeah? YEAH?

Check out Entrepreneur on Fire. He doesn't talk about tech, sysadmin, hacking, NOTHING. But he's super positive, he is successful, and he loves sharing his tips for success. He markets his little notebook a lot (yeah, I bought one), so take it how you will.

This last part is what no one wants to hear. Everyone knows this and rolls their eyes:

Take care of yourself. Seriously. Drink coffee, that's fine, but don't drink 6 - 10 cups a day. If you have a desert, that's fine too, but don't rely on cakes, cookies, Starbucks, Monster, Redbull, etc. as your daily driver. Eat fruits and vegetables. No, not V8/Naked/Sunny D. Eat some celery and hummus, or a salad with lettuce, kale, and olives.

Short on time? Almond Milk + 1 Orange + 1 Cup of Kale + 1 Cup of Spinach + 1 Cup of mixed berries + 1 Banana + 1 scoop Sunwarrior Protein powder. Or whatever. Don't use whey or casein. Don't buy into this hype that you need 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight or any other dumb shit bro-science that's out there.

Exercise your body: go for long walks, brisk or light jog. Calisthenics, too. Burpees, push-ups, situps, squats. Don't be one of those bench press monkeys either, do real exercises. Deadlift, Squat, Overhead Press. Don't have barbells? DON'T CARE. Goblet Squat, Farmer's Walk, Lunges, Man-Makers (Push-up + Dumbbell row), Dumbbell swings, dumbbell snatches -- Get to work. Ton of programs on the internet, and you can YouTube the exercises.

If you want to study, learn, stay abreast of tech news you can make time to do it. Schedule time, write it down, and stick to it. Don't be afraid to unplug. Leave your phone and go for a walk without headphones. Go bike riding at a park or through the woods. Go sit at a beach or pool without anything. Just listen to the birds squawking and screeching. You'll enjoy it.


Well this escalated quickly:

TL;DR

Deep Work - Book

EoF - Podcast

The Strangest Secret - Earl Nightingale broadcast

Diet and Exercise

Git Gud

His book The 50th Law with Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power is packed full of knowledge.

Critical thinking is something that we stomp early, and that stays pretty well stamped out without some care and attention.

In his AMA earlier today, Neil Degrasse Tyson suggested that children are born scientists, who bring a sense of curiosity and wonder to everything they do. Adults are usually the ones whose minds slam shut.

Our schools, our churches, our upbringing in general teaches us precisely how to be accepting and uncritical. Those systems simply demand belief in what is being offered as though it were indicative of some capital-T "Truth".

So, your job needs to be to start thinking like a child again. Everything you encounter needs to be questioned and interrogated. Remember: You've been raised to do precisely the opposite, so this won't be easy. You need to continually remind yourself to look for the holes, the flaws, the shortcomings in the arguments that are put forward.

I would recommend the following things:

1. Start by examining Op-Ed pieces in newspapers. Look for the biases of the author. Figure out which side they're on. I recommend the Wall Street Journal, and the New York Times op-ed pages. That's a fairly easy way to start looking at the arguments offered by the political left, and the political right in the US.
   
2. Pick up the following two books: The Philosopher's Toolkit and Thank You for Arguing They're excellent books that will offer you a set of tools to evaluate arguments from a reasoned perspective. They demonstrate the tools of good argument, informal logical fallacies, and rhetorical tropes that are commonly used to persuade. They are very handy books that everybody should have on their shelf.
   
3. If something seems off, then it demands further investigation. Evaluate the source of any and all information. Figure out where the data comes from, who funded the research, whether or not the numbers being presented are legitimate, etc. How to Lie With Statistics is a great tool for learning how people commonly fudge numbers to represent their positions. Knowing how it's done can help you see where people misrepresent data, whether maliciously or not.
   
4. Recognize your own biases and preconceptions. Make sure you're clear on where your own privileges and understandings come from. Interrogate your own position thoroughly.
   
5. Remember always that this will not be easy. Sometimes you will fall victim to the same biases and shortcomings as those with whom you are engaged in debate. Go easy on yourself, but remind yourself that you do not have all of the answers.
   
   The more you practice, the easier you'll find it to keep an open mind, and be willing to entertain evidence which challenges your beliefs and opinions. You'll even welcome those challenges, because they help you advance your knowledge and understanding.
   
   Do those things, and you'll find that all of the questions you pose here become much easier to deal with over time.

Firstly, my sympathies. We've all been there. It's one of those things that really tests your mettle as a human being, not just as a teacher! I teach the same ages, and up.

The best long answer to your question I know of is a fairly short book: Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor

My short answers (related to the book because it was a real game changer for me):

• Consistency is more important than degree. If you are able to consistently reward behaviour you want, and visa versa, your students will build solid expectations. Be predictable.
  
  
• Find a way to respond to desired/undesired behaviours the moment they happen. We both know this is a lofty goal in a classroom, when you also don't want to disrupt the class. The focus here is on positive reinforcement though. Timeliness reinforces the connection between behaviour and outcome. Very occasionally I let positive reinforcement be disruptive. E.g. when a very problematic student randomly decided to show a big spark of ingenuity and effort recently, I immediately declared this was worth stopping the class midway for a five minute, whole-class game. The benefits in the self-esteem of this student way outweighed the costs.
  
  
• Escalating voice syndrome is self defeating. The goal is to have students do what you say first time, when you say it in a normal voice. If you escalate volume and rage each time you ask a reluctant student, you send the message that you only mean what you say when you shout. I do occasionally raise my voice now, but in rare and specific situations.
  
  
• Start with small things and stick with them. My students think I have a weird obsession with what is on and not on a desk. They're not wrong, but my unbending routine of what is out and away establishes a connection where following instructions is rewarded.
  
  
• Is there anything about the room itself, or the time of the class, that's bringing out undesired behaviours? I had a room-move once that gave my 12 eight-year-olds swivel chairs. Worst. Lesson. Ever.

It's late, and I kind of skimmed, but here are some thoughts.

• If you are getting overwhelmed by a backlog, you need to either learn to ignore it (set a daily limit and consider it a success when you finish them), or prevent the backlog from happening by setting appropriate intervals or controlling how many "new" cards you start at a time.
  
  
• I can't imagine typing in vocab items. It's probably slowing you down by a factor of 10, and just isn't worth it.
  
  
• Anki is not ideal for learning facts for the first time, and is not designed for it. It might very well be better to start with paper flashcards or a two column list to familiarize yourself with new words, and only use Anki for getting them into long-term memory. Personally, I don't mind "failing" new cards repeatedly, so I skipped that step sometimes.
  
  
• > Once you get to a certain point (around 100 cards), start filtering well-known, older cards into an "infrequent practice" deck which you only review every three days. Sooner or later the infrequent practice deck will probably spawn a "very infrequent practice" deck, but I haven't gotten to this point yet.
  
  This is spaced repetition. What Anki does is optimizing this process to minimize the number of repetitions per item over the long term, which becomes vital as the size of your deck grows.
  
  
• > Anki ... its biggest advantage is in overcoming the organizational/logistic limits of 3x5s, and you can probably overcome that with sufficient organization.
  
  Nope, no way. You can't keep track of thousands of paper cards. You can't travel with them. You can't search for a card by its content. You can't label them and fish up a set of related cards instantly. You can't reformat them instantly.
  
  Basically, there are good and bad ways to use Anki, and these issues have been discussed to death on the internet. Not only that, but there are probably differences in preferences with things like language learning and SRS, and some things that work well for some people just won't for others. There's enough here to suggest that you are probably causing yourself unnecessary problems with Anki. I can speak from experience that I've had times when Anki worked extremely well for me and times when it didn't, and the distinguishing factor was that in the latter I was over-complicating things or overwhelming myself unnecessarily.
  
  Sidenote: a while back I had a little box from White Rabbit Press with colored dividers. The idea was to use it for simple spaced repetition of small batches of their Kanji flashcards. Another thing some people like are ring-bound mini vocab cards, though those are not good for spaced repetition.
  
  Personally, I'd keep using simple lists if that works for you. In fact, if you create your lists as a spreadsheet, you can print them to learn, and then export as a CSV file to get them into Anki. You can even shuffle and reprint them if you feel like you need an extra "learning" round.
  
  Final thought: I cannot take the paper notes vs laptop thing seriously. This requires a lot of explaining, but the gist of it is:
  
  

1. The phenomenon seems to have to do with attention, so if you take notes in a mindful manner, processing and rewording rather than transcribing, etc., the effect should evaporate. Needless to say, this would be extraordinarily hard to test experimentally.
   
2. Electronic notes have numerous advantages, not the least of which is that you can edit and reorganize them after the fact in a way that is completely impractical with paper notes. This alone negates any advantage that paper notes might have.
   
3. Taking notes is not the end of the learning process; it's the beginning. For details, read Cal Newport's How to Become a Straight-A Student. If you are doing the things that you need to do to really learn something, whether you took notes on paper or on a computer is not going to matter.

Ever heard of "The Dip"?


It basically describes what your going through. It's something that nearly everyone experiences no matter what project they're working on, and it's something to be aware off so you know when to push through.

Theres a book about it here and YouTube has a few videos explaining it.


Another quick tip. If you haven't already, break up what your work into small two week development sprints with the aim being something that you can be proud of, something that you can demo at the end of the two weeks.


It'll give you that feeling of having achieved something.

There is a nice book about this. The present mantra of popular career advice is follow your passion. But this turns out to be not so good idea, becasue to actually have work that has the qualities of good work, you need to have something to give in exchange. That something is your unique skills.

https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124/

These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.

Deep Work

So Good They Can't Ignore You

And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468922583&sr=8-1&keywords=art+of+the+deal

Good book to read if you want to navigate the corporate ladder is a book called “48 Laws of Power”. Lots of tricks and methods used for effectively building relationships and dealing with adversaries. Other than that, top comment is correct in that you should just do your job the best you can (without burning yourself out).

Link for the book: The 48 Laws of Power https://www.amazon.com/dp/0140280197/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_BBIZCbR1W177P

This is my own interpretation, with a little added psychology. There are two big factors I'd consider in this and they both fall under the description of "environment".

1. The Social Group. Everyone plays a role in their social group. Each person exhibits "expected" behaviours. It makes social gatherings easy and "predictable". We are a species of comfort. Find out what role you play and change it. This is hard because it surprises and makes a lot of your friends uncomfortable. We are afraid of change.
   
   
2. The Drinking Setting. The drinking environment plays a huge role. When people choose to drink, they are often aware of the drinking setting. Most people drink in a setting where they are able to experience new emotions. They're getting drunk and being vulnerable, guarded, happy, sad, etc. Many people go to bar exactly for the unpredictable nature of meeting new people, feeling attractive, flirting, etc. This kind of environment creates a feedback loop for people to try out a different persona and not be, for the most part, shunned by their social community. This environment is hard to reproduce.
   
   Now here's the thing about people. We are pre-disposed to certain behaviours as cultivated by our genetics and our environment but we are incredibly malleable. If you decide to be happy, you will be happy. Same with sad, confident, timid, outgoing, shy etc. Gain experience with new behaviours and then reproduce them. After enough reproduction you will no longer have to "choose" to be the fun guy. It will be natural. This is what people often call being "on".
   
   As an aside, be wary of narcissistic tendencies, particularly dishonesty. As soon as you begin lying to yourself, you're going to be in for a world full of hurt and disillusionment.
   
   Also bear in mind that not everything lasts, learn and grow. Like everything else, there's time for friendly banter and the "fun guy" but I wouldn't invite that guy to too many funerals or business meetings.
   
   If you're interested in doing a little background homework that expands on the ideas discussed, don't hesitate to consult the rules.

> "we need to live and deserve this"

This is a red flag to me.

That phrase makes me think of the book Your Money Or Your Life (some comments in this thread) - it's the sort of thing that people tell themselves to justify bad habits.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is supposed to be good, too (I haven't read it) but both are self-help books and your partner needs to see his behaviour as a problem before he'll change it.

If he loses his job, you're going to be supporting him and I don't think he's made any provision for that - he might be saving a bit now, but he has no mental provision for his future. I used to be the same.

It's quite possible your partner could lose his job for no fault of his own (does he work in the city by any chance?) - I think a few months of unemployment would be a huge wake-up call for him.

There’s an excellent book on this that gives a way to actually track and calculate this. I haven’t fully finished the book yet, but it’s definitely a good one: “Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin”

Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Fully Revised and Updated for 2018 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143115766/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fe78BbV04DE09

I think automation is one of the answers. You put money away as soon as it comes in. That way, you hardly see it and you don't feel that you can spend it. (The paying yourself first principle, where you put money aside for your future self and see that as some kind of bill that just needs to be paid).

One easy way would be to put aside $6k/month into a savings account (you possibly already have the savings account, so you just need to create one or two automatic transfers per month, set to happen right after paychecks come in).

Maybe also easy (-ish): start overpaying on your mortgage. Put in an extra $2k/month. Your interest rate on the mortgage probably isn't extremely high (probably like 3 to 4%?), but hey, putting an extra $24k/year there surely beats spending the money on stupid stuff, right?

A bit harder would be to do some research into tax-friendly ways to save money. Put the maximum amount of money into the 401k at work, for example. And decide which investment options to choose. For your own company, you can also open a 401k for yourself, but there are also some other options for people who are entrepreneurs/own their own business; so you would need to research that as well.

So start with the savings account; and try to get the rest up and running by say the end of January.

I want to tell you that you may very well be able to change your attitude towards money. I come from a similar background, and it just took me a few years to change my attitude around money, when it finally came in. I also had a few years of spending everything (and then some). I have managed to change my ways and am happier for it. And I think you can do that, too. (Because I'm definitely no superhuman).

One book recommendation: "Your money or your life", by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez.

Also check out the FAQ at the subreddit /r/personalfinance, they have recommendations on how to use the 401k, what investments to choose, etc.

Cool. Grab a hold of Cal Newport's book called How to Become a Straight-A Student if you haven't read it already. It's a classic. You could find a free copy online but of course I would never ever recommend that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Lucas_Jr.

further reading: on basically all 4 bullets https://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219/ref=pd_sim_14_2/133-0444399-0427912?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0812975219&pd_rd_r=20G8KZ7HRQTB9EV8KRMF&pd_rd_w=QI4pT&pd_rd_wg=y8262&psc=1&refRID=20G8KZ7HRQTB9EV8KRMF

further further reading on the last bullet, and the actual explanation of "black swan" that is starting to show up in crypto but totally incorrectly used https://www.amazon.com/Black-Swan-Improbable-Robustness-Fragility/dp/081297381X


you could also dig into efficient market hypothesis.

also, if you're into technical analysis/charts, this could shake your views a little but it's good to be challenged

Trumps timing is impeccable. He talks about the importance of timing
in his book The Art of the deal. Under budget and ahead of schedule!

Send him this link. https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

I'm going to suggest the book: Don't Shoot the Dog. It's a dog training book, but it's really about effective communication and managing behaviors you don't like. There are many suggestions in this book. One of them would be to create situations where an undesired behavior becomes more difficult to do.

For example, you might use a community room as a "gaming room", "teen room", or whatever, and move a portion of computers there. Even if it is just a few computers, you are creating a space for noise that is unobtrusive. People get too loud, then direct them to the room. In this way, you'll be either isolating or splitting the group, which would make it less likely they will be disruptive in the main space.

The nature of games is to forget your surroundings. And, the reason these kids come to the library, probably, is they either don't have computers at home or they come because they want to game socially. If you are bumping into this problem, it means there's a need that's not being met, and you have to think harder about meeting it.

It's hard. I wish you the best of luck.

/u/frodojackson777 is correct that you can skip a lot of standard training if you can link mimicry study to train the action. To make the action consistent and done on command, I would recommend the following.

Don't shoot the dog is a training book that will allow you to understand "positive reinforcement training", works on cats, chickens, basically everything. It also trains with "negative reinforcement/disipline"which works on dogs, monkeys, and people beyond toddler age. It gives direction on how to properly set initial training hurdles and when to raise them. Training is an art and the more skill you build as a trainer the faster you will get rewards from your training subject.

Negative reinforcement reduces the chance the subject will do the action again. Positive reinforces the action to happen more often and past a certain point makes them do it more intensely or search for similar actions.

Negative done too much will end in resistance/acting out or inactivity from all action. Positive has the problem of only being possible if they already do a piece of the action to reward.

But before you buy the 200 picks and 20 locks you'll probably go through training, you should probably practice training things like series of actions linked to one command, like a dance, or complex handshake. Which is effectively the same as your goal but without having to break all those picks.

TL;DR buy the book

Punishment is typically considered the least effective method of modifying behavior. You should check out Karen Pryor's Don't Shoot The Dog! She studied directly under legendary behavioral scientist BF Skinner and will be able to answer your questions and more in that book.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

Second best book to only the bible. Teaches you how to make great fantastic incredibly classy deals.

Mindset is an incredibly difficult thing to master, but also incredibly important.

I'd recommend starting with a book called The Inner Game of Tennis. and when you finish it, there are some online resources I could send you. (Dr.PP has written a lot of good stuff)

Don't use your phone to browse, especially while walking.

/u/teaandtalk Gave you good advice for how to behave on campus.

Classroom: Take notes by hand. Once, I started a conversation with someone because she had a gorgeous bujo (bullet journal). Good notes make you appear competent. Competence will encourage others to approach you and form study groups, which are easy ways to create a support network on campus. When you are unique (but not distracting) you stand out. Compliments are easy ice breakers in the classroom because they're quick but let you connect over a shared interest.

Transportation/Packing: This one is a big issue for me because my school has a behemoth of a campus. :) Always wear comfortable shoes. If you need to dress up, put heels in your bag for the meeting/event. Only carry the essentials. Invest in a tablet and download electronic copies of your books. Only bring your laptop when you need to use software that's not on a smaller device. Buy a good USB stick. Carry chapstick and water, and a travel-size deodorant and sunscreen. Baby wipes and bandaids are a good idea if you have space. I love JetPens because they have a lot of organizers and cases that are handy. You don't need more than 2 pens, 2 highlighters, a pencil, an eraser, and spare lead.

General: I don't know what year you are, but I recommend Cal Newport's book How To Become A Straight A Student no matter what point of your education you're at. Learn how to save time, because having leisure time means less stress which makes you appear more feminine to men and approachable in general. Practice good self-care and take care of your appearance. Never wear revealing/provocative, dirty, or weather-inappropriate clothes to school; they make you look unprofessional.

as a tool of power i think probably yes, actually, in a big way.

a lot of the Trump madness is perhaps in part a method articulated in several business/leadership/management books that owe quite a bit to Sun Tzu and Clausewitz. my favorite is Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power. no one is going to read it -- here's a synopsis -- but if you did you'd see Trump apparently keeps this on his bedstand (if he reads; maybe audiobook?)

one of the primary principles is the use of confusion and deception, which often manifests as the appearance of ineptitude.

admittedly, if you assume Trump is a moron, accepting this requires a major reframe -- a lot of his pablum as purposeful and practiced cant, for example. and it isn't a perfect match all the way down. but read through the synopsis and see if you aren't convinced by the time you get to Law 7.

for the purposes of this comment, Law 17:

>Keep others in suspended terror, cultivate an air of unpredictability

​

TLDR: Your experience of musicians is shaped by their performance to you, which they know is necessary to get ahead. You are not truly an "insider" to their world, largely because its mostly a boys club. Rather, you are a resource who can only be utilized if musicians make you like them. This is why you are being told and shown the things you want to hear.

Having toured in many bands and occasionally rolled in some fairly high profile circles as well, this aligns a lot with my experiences. However, the key here is that I find your experience of these guys believable, but I am also aware there is a different reality you have not, will not, and are not supposed to experience. Touring music is largely a boys club, especially rock and hip hop. Even at the low level, musicians are performers, and part of that performance is appealing to the audience down to the micro level. That includes appealing to people like you, who would be appalled by a lot of the private conversations I'm sure the nice sweet alphas you meet have. The top musicians would not be where they are if they failed to follow one of the crucial 48 laws of Power: think as you like, but act like others. This book is massively popular within the hip hop community to the point where Roberte Greene even wrote a book about 50 cent. Greene's work, especially 48 laws, is the heart and soul of true redpill imo.

My point here is that a lot of what you are experiencing is a performance unto itself. As u/Atlas_B_Shruggin has said, artists and musicians are often "show ponies" lol.

>Again, this might be just my theory, but it seems like, if you don't HATE women, like TRP does, you don't feel threatened by feminity, you also don't mind women being independent and completely liberated.

No shit, who but a liberated, "independent" woman would fuck an unshowered, unshaven, broke ass dude who lives in a van 8 months out of the year, knowing full well this will only last one night because he is constantly on the road? Also, the feminism these dudes are often encountering is the "sex positive" kind that benefits them because like you said, they are attractive and cannot meaningfully offer commitment.

>All over the internet you read that "a rejection is not a rejection" and that you have to push a girl till she gives up.

Tons of band dudes have this mentality, but it doesn't mean pester an obviously uninterested girl or literally tear her clothes off. It means if you get a no, deescalate and build more comfort before trying again. Lost track of how many t imes I've had to explain this. It's really not a tough concept.

>I explained I'm not interested in sex outside of a relationship, it was met with a complete understanding (and it was one of the guys of the "smoking hot rock star" type too).

A) you got lucky, this could have gone much worse
B) this guy DGAF's because he knows there's other pussy out there, he may have even gotten laid that same day before or after you.

>Once you are really attractive, you don't have to use tricks to become a center of attention.

LOL performance is ALL tricks to become the center of attention. Great performers have simply internalized them one way or the other. You think a good puppeteer lets you see the strings?

>As for said partners, often they are really pretty girls, but - an interesting fact - some musicians pick girls/women who are by no means considered physically attractive, but have certain achievements in their (usually artistic) field.

This happens sometimes, but those girls are almost always getting cheated on with the type of girl you think they don't want for some mind blowing reason. Their gfs are often even aware of it and don't care. Some of them even have another sidepiece, often for weird reasons like not liking to have to sleep alone while their man is on the road, which he usually is. Musicians have unspoken "open" relationships sometimes, with the dude cheating for variety of ONS and the girl having one consistent back burner dude for emotional intimacy/companionship/sex while he's gone.

>I suppose once you have a confidence of a rock star, you don't feel the need to show off that you are able to get a super hot teen babe, huh?

Once again, I am truly mind blown about female projection here. Women simply cannot accept that the motivation for fucking/dating teen babes is almost purely physical pleasure and showing off is a secondary benefit if at all. Women date men to show off status, men date women to fuck a good looking body.

I've known all types of musicians. Ultimately, band dudes are the scum of the earth and should be avoided by women looking for long term commitment and a family. Yes there are exceptions, but chances are you are just enjoying the performance ;)

EDIT: One last example I'll add is the recent wave of outrage at Warped Tour pop punk bands over the last few years. A huge amount of their fan base comes from tumblr, which of course has the unspoken assumption of feminism being a part of their bands views, so of course the bands champion this cause. Then, inevitably, almost every band has a scandal of some girl leaking screen shots of some band member scamming on 15 year old smokin hot jailbait, and the scene goes berzerk as though this hasn't been par for the course on Warped Tour since its inception. The difference is the audience now has evidence of it that can spread in a viral manner, and are mad that their perception of the band was obviously inaccurate.

Sorry buddy. I really feel for you. I do. If I were in your position I would feel like I had been so completely betrayed. And, you have.

Get yourself a copy of Robert Greene's The 48 Laws of Power so you can see firsthand how he manipulated the powers that be in to a sleepy acceptance of safety over hard fact.

Then, decide just how much of this political game you wish to play. You've been outmaneuvered. But it's not checkmate for you, no, just a check. You've learned enough IT to handle a complex task, and now you need to learn how to handle the people who might try to maneuver you out so they can take the credit.

Personally, I don't like this part of our business at all, I wish it would go away, but that expectation would require all humans to be rational. You would be wise to learn your opponent's tactics so you can employ them while simultaneously providing a value to your employer.

Sucks, but it's the reality until we have some guaranteed safety net for displaced talented workers. I encourage you to support a basic income, so that technicians wouldn't have to feel so threatened that they need to engage in political maneuvering.

Amazon.com links provided:

1 The Slight Edge

2 Mastery

3 The 4-Hour Workweek

4 The Art of Power

5 Thinking, Fast, and Slow

6 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

7 The Power of Now

8 The Power of Habit

9 Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?

10 The 48 Laws of Power

11 Your True Home

12 Ego Is the Enemy

13 The 4 Hour Body

14 The UltraMind Solution

15 The Dip

CS? If you're a programming savant or even moderately gifted and self-disciplined, then college is optional. To try it, first get a programming or IT job for a gap year, but plan to return to school if the self-education route does not pan out. You can tell if it is working, if you are happy and if your programming skills and knowledge improve dramatically, and your salary goes up dramatically. Do not work any less hard outside of school and be sure to have a serious programming project (however small) outside of your job.

Join a club or two to maintain a social life.

Read 'Your Money or Your Life' and see how you can have a better life on a lower salary. A key step may be to avoid crushing student debt. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1412786131&sr=8-1&keywords=your+money+or+your+life

As a transition, you might try to get an IT job on campus. Some of those jobs include free tuition for one course a semester and you retain some of the perks of being a student.

Em português não conheço grande coisa sem ser este do Pedro Queiroga Carrilho mas se quiseres ler em inglês, as recomendações do r/personalfinance são excelentes.

Alguns dos que recomendo:

• Everyday Millionaires - este é do género do "The Millionaire Next Door" que é recomendado na lista deles mas é mais actual. É escrito pelo Chris Hogan e foi publicado este ano (ou o ano passado, não me recordo bem). É bom numa perspectiva motivacional e comportamental, não tanto um guia de dicas práticas.
  
• Dave Ramsey's Complete Guide to Money - recomendo para as bases de como fazer um orçamento mensal, poupar e pagar dívidas (se tiveres).
  
• Your Money, Your Life - este é mais de lifestyle e de fazer repensar a nossa relação com o dinheiro. É tido como o livro que, sem querer, originou o movimento FIRE.
  
• The Motley Fool Guide to Investment - sobre investimento em acções (visão mais a longo prazo, buy and hold).
  
  Desses 4, eu apostaria nos dois primeiros. Um porque te vai deixar motivado e o outro porque te vai forçar a mudar comportamentos. Eu cresci a ler estes livros. Li o Rich Dad Poor Dad com 11 anos, o investment guide for teens do Motley Fool também na adolescência e pouco fiz com isso porque, como diz o Dave Ramsey, finanças pessoais é 20% conhecimento, 80% comportamento. Só anos mais tarde quando fiz o programa dele (Financial Peace University) é que realmente mudei alguma coisa e arrependo-me de não ter começado mais cedo.

This forms the basis of the book [Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence] (http://amzn.com/0143115766).

That's the kindle version that was 10.44
https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Work-Focused-Success-Distracted/dp/1455586692?keywords=DEEP+WORK&qid=1540322167&sr=8-1&ref=sr_1_1

The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau

This book: The $100 startup is insanely motivating and outlines all the things you need to make it happen.

Apologies for the length in advance. I feel like your question can be answered best by pulling some excerpts from Donald Trump's book The Art of the Deal He talks about his experiences with the press, his strategy, and how he deals with them.

>One thing I’ve learned about the press is that they’re always hungry for a good story, and the more sensational the better. It’s in the nature of the job, and I understand that. The point is that if you are a little different, or a little outrageous, or if you do things that are bold or controversial, the press is going to write about you. I’ve always done things a little differently, I don’t mind controversy, and my deals tend to be somewhat ambitious. Also, I achieved a lot when I was very young, and I chose to live in a certain style. The result is that the press has always wanted to write about me.

>I’m not saying that [journalists] necessarily like me. Sometimes they write positively, and sometimes they write negatively. But from a pure business point of view, the benefits of being written about have far outweighed the drawbacks. It’s really quite simple. If I take a full-page ad in the New York Times to publicize a project, it might cost $40,000, and in any case, people tend to be skeptical about advertising. But if the New York Times writes even a moderately positive one-column story about one of my deals, it doesn’t cost me anything, and it’s worth a lot more than $40,000.

>The other thing I do when I talk with reporters is to be straight. I try not to deceive them or to be defensive, because those are precisely the ways most people get themselves into trouble with the press. Instead, when a reporter asks me a tough question, I try to frame a positive answer, even if that means shifting the ground. For example, if someone asks me what negative effects the world’s tallest building might have on the West Side, I turn the tables and talk about how New Yorkers deserve the world’s tallest building, and what a boost it will give the city to have that honor again. When a reporter asks why I build only for the rich, I note that the rich aren’t the only ones who benefit from my buildings. I explain that I put thousands of people to work who might otherwise be collecting unemployment, and that I add to the city’s tax base every time I build a new project. I also point out that buildings like Trump Tower have helped spark New York’s renaissance.

>Contrary to what a lot of people think, I don’t enjoy doing press. I’ve been asked the same questions a million times now, and I don’t particularly like talking about my personal life. Nonetheless, I understand that getting press can be very helpful in making deals, and I don’t mind talking about them. . . . Also, when I do give an interview, I always keep it short. This reporter is in and out in less than twenty minutes. If I didn’t limit myself, I could spend my life talking to the press.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345479173?pc_redir=T1

The basics for guy friendships are the same for relationship building in general: Do things that puts you in close proximity of other people, approach by sparking up random conversations (sports, girls, whatever), and add value to their lives in some way.


If you want something more in depth then I can recommend the following books which have helped me immensely on having more friendships and connections:

Never Eat Alone


How to Win Friends & Influence People

https://smile.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2017/dp/039957820X?sa-no-redirect=1


God dammit

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

There are a number of books that I think you ought to read to get a better understanding of office politics and how to cope/deal with them. All offices have politicking going on, and any company that claims otherwise is lying to you. Any time more than 2 people get together, there will be some sort of jostling for power and attention. When that happens at work, we call it "office politics".

Your library may have these, and if you get them, read them at home. Don't ever bring them into the office.

Corporate Confidential. HR is your enemy, not your friend. Gives a number of examples of what will destroy your career with companies, many of which you (and I) probably do without realizing the consequences.

The Passionate Programmer. The first edition of this book was called "my job went to India". While aimed at programmers, the points are to keep your mind and skills up to date as technology and business move too rapidly to let things get rusty.

To Be or Not to Be Intimidated.
Looking out for number one.
Million Dollar Habits. I feel that these 3 by Robert Ringer are very important. If you think his first book was about to intimidate others, you only read the press coverage. If you think his books are about real estate, then you only skimmed them. There are a lot of people in the world who will try to intimidate you into giving up what is yours, and he shows you what some of them are like, and what countermeasures you can use.

The Art of Deception. Bad title - it is about arguments, how to make them, win them and tell if you're hearing a bad one. Used to be called "rhetoric" when Plato and Aristotle taught the subject.

Snakes in Suits. There are some evil people out there. You'll work for some of them. You will be stabbed in the back by some of them.

Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People. One book on office politics and dealing with some of the worse sort.

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work. Some folks are very good with verbal manipulation, this book and the others in the series, cover how to deal with such people.

Winning with People. Most of the books this author writes are about managers and leadership. This book is more about people skills. It will be focused more at managers, but I think it is a good one.

The 48 Laws of Power. They have it. You want some. Light read with anecdotes. I like his other books as well.

Games At Work. Office politics.

It's All Politics. Yes it is.

Moral Politics. Liberals and conservatives, why do they think that way? You'll work with some of the opposite persuasion some day, so understanding where they come from is a reasonable idea. Most books on this subject are insulting and degrading, but I think this one is pretty much judgement-free.

> When I walk by him going to the bathroom, he will stop talking until I walk by.

Do the same. When they come to your desk, always brush them aside with "I'm sorry, I can't talk now, I'm busy working".

48 Laws of Power. Or as I call it, "The Pedantic Sociopath." lol

Short version:
http://cgt411.tech.purdue.edu/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm

Full version:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

I think this might be the full version in PDF, but I'm not sure:
https://archive.org/details/pdfy-5tT5K_Bq4yydcE4V

Read the 48 Laws of Power.

This is your work place; you shouldn't be looking for plates there. Think how you can use this guy to accomplish your goals. Ask him for favors you don't really need. Get him bogged down with your busy work. And whatever you do, don't get angry.

The 48 Laws of Power because everyone will, at some point, be involved in power-centered relationships, would it be personal or professional.

I work in a high-conflict-prone environment and this is the single most useful peace of literature that I own.

It's very easy to read, it's based on historical anecdotes (that always come in handy when you need to tell a story), and it's self-critical.

• Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century
  
  
• Early Retirement Extreme: A philosophical and practical guide to financial independence
  
  
• Rich Dad Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!
  
  
• The Richest Man in Babylon: The Success Secrets of the Ancients--the Most Inspiring Book on Wealth Ever Written
  
  
• The Wealthy Barber, Updated 3rd Edition: Everyone's Commonsense Guide to Becoming Financially Independent
  
  
• The Automatic Millionaire, Expanded and Updated: A Powerful One-Step Plan to Live and Finish Rich
  
  
• Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy
  
  
• I Will Teach You To Be Rich
  
  
• The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness
  
  Ich habe jedes dieser Bücher gelesen und kann es empfehlen. Ich würde jedes davon wieder kaufen und wieder lesen.
  
  
• The Bogleheads' Guide to Investing <-- Steht noch auf meiner Lese-Liste

That says more about you than it does about him. It's a pretty well known technique. It's even mentioned in this book. I'm pretty sure he knows the author.

Ahem, The Art of the Deal.

I haven't read it, but can't imagine it's worse than Mein Kampf. I tried to read that once. It was a struggle.

Trump: The Art of the Deal https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399594493/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_kEYXzb4T0KHAD in stock at Amazon.

read this The Inner Game of Tennis

https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Game-Tennis-Classic-Performance/dp/0679778314

Hit against the wall until you hit forearm muscle failure. Concentrate on hitting as many as you can in a row without stopping. (It's easier to do this if you go closer to the wall and hit softly). If you get bored and want to hit with your brother, play mini tennis. Try to play within the service boxes only and just rally back and forth, trying to get the longest rallies possible. Proper footwork and watching the ball are important to keep in mind.

Watch some videos on how to hit topsin and proper backhand form too. It will be hard for your body to produce it consistently before getting used to using the muscles required for tennis, so keep things slow. At the very beginning I wouldn't worry too much about hitting things with too much spin. Just try to get a feel for how the ball bounces on the court, where you need to be standing to hit it, and which way your racquet is facing when you make contact. Make small adjustments to these things until you start to feel more comfortable moving around and at least being able to rally a little.

It might also be a good idea to try practicing serving. Watch some videos on proper form, but don't try to do anything fancy. Your body hasn't really gotten the muscle memory for tennis yet.

I don't mention playing matches with your brother because I know how miserable it can be when no ones serves are going in and no rallies are happening. You're pretty much just walking around the court calling out the score. If you want to do some kind of competition with him do who can hit the ball more times in a row or who can hit a certain spot the most times, stuff like that. You could also play points in mini tennis just feeding the ball as a serve and going back and forth like that, using normal scoring or playing to 21 something like that.

If you want some reading, I'd recommend The inner game of tennis (https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Game-Tennis-Classic-Performance/dp/0679778314). He talks a lot about intuitive tennis. He gives examples of how he applied it to his coaching. I think it is a good resource if you are wondering how to learn. Not a lot of technical instruction, but if you want that you can get it from videos or by taking some lessons.

Another good book is Winning Ugly (https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Ugly-Mental-Warfare-Tennis-Lessons/dp/067188400X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500784652&sr=1-1&keywords=winning+ugly). I'd say save this for when you start playing matches in tournament or league play though. It doesn't really have a lot to do with learning tennis, but it is an interesting insight on what to think about when you are playing a match to increase your chances of winning.

The best thing to do for your tennis though is to make tennis friends. Everything above are things you can do on your own or with your brother. Try to find a club with weekly tennis events or just talk to people you see around the court. Some places have group lessons that aren't too expensive. Once you can serve without double faulting too much and are able to have short rallies, you can also join a 2.5 league or sign up for a tournament. Some clubs even have ball machines you can rent for free or for a small fee once you are a member. Ball machines are great for trying to practice a specific stroke or shot because you will get consistent feeds and can see where your ball is going on the other side of the court.

First off, welcome.

Welcome to one of the last pure sports on Earth.

Yeah, you lost. It happens a lot. One of the Sport's all time greats, Ramy Ashour, speaks fondly of losing 0-27 in the first tournament he ever entered as a junior.

Losing is a part of sport and a part of life.

To answer your question, you should absolutely continue in our Sport. Squash is brilliant at building resolve, it's not a sport of passing shots but of perseverance and endurance. It's about digging in and overcoming the voices telling you to quit and just keep getting the ball back.

I can tell you now, with very solid experience that kids all develop their game at different rates. The best players I've seen are often the ones at 14 & 15 who couldn't keep up with their peers, they just hadn't developed as much. Work hard, set those players as your target and never stop getting the ball back.

They say you can't put an old head on young shoulders but this old head wants to try for a moment. Go pick up a used copy of The Inner Game of Tennis and start working on your mental game. It's never to early to teach yourself how to mentally compete, to support yourself and hone the muscle between your ears.

In closing, stay in the sport, be gracious when you make Varsity next year and don't delete your post. You'll smile next year when you look back on these doubts.

Daily Stoic, Day "January 12th" :P

> I am sorry that I have been such a mess the last few years.

Find a beginners book to the philosophy of Stoicism. Here is my favorite introduction to the subject.

I know that a philosophy book might not be what you want right now, but its clear your head is a mess; and its also clear that you want to improve.

Click the "Look Inside" button and see if what you read resonates with parts of you. Then buy it.

I abided by these two books, and had a satisfactory result:



How to be a Straight A Student by Cal Newport. It's not free, so I had to get creative in getting access.

10 Steps to Earning Awesome Grades (While Studying Less). It's a free book by the productivity/college blogger and YouTuber Thomas Frank.





It's just a shame that I discovered this later in college. They would have helped tone down the anxiety associated with wanting to earn good grades. Now I send this to everyone I know who is starting with college.

Cal Newport: How to be a Straight A Student

Cal Newport: How to Win at College

Check out 'Fooled by Randomness' by Taleb

http://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219

I am not saying technical analysis doesn't work, but pointing to individuals for whom is has worked outstandingly for is flawed.

Could argue the same for old Warren.

Education is your way out. The typical way to get out for young Indonesian is through education, but that means you need to be either rich (to pay for outrageous tuition fee / living cost abroad) or smart (to qualify for scholarships). Are you?

An alternative way out is through working on in-demands jobs. For instance, you can gain several years of working experience in IT in indo and then try to apply for openings abroad (Singapore is often the first step). However at the moment, the UK is a closed doors for non-EU people who want to come here to work in hope of a residency, so don't bother... Other countries in Europe that you can consider is Germany, where it's still possible to get a sponsored job visa if you're good.

A final point is: indo is actually isn't that bad. True there are shits going on with a small group of religious extremism, but things are actually getting better, with changes since the reformasi in 98 and people like jokowi+ahok on the lead. Indonedians are largely friendly everywhere, the society is relaxed, the weather is nice nearly everyday of the year, food is good, a lot of nature places to visit in the country alone (and can easily fly to south east Asia and the rest of Asia too), we have a decent economic growth (compared to the stagnant West) .. I guess my point is, if you fail to get out, it's actually quite a good place to be stuck in for now (especially if you can write in English and post on reddit, that usually assumes you come from middle-to-upper socioeconomic background, alongside its associated conveniences in life that you might have to give up when you get out).

Of course don't just take my words for it. For most people you actually have to get out first to realise how good we have it in Indonesia. So by all means, try to get out but don't be surprised that eventually you'd want to return. That's what I plan to do after being away for more than half of my life now. Plus maybe it's my idealism speaking but the country needs people like us, the smartest anak bangsa who leave due to the brain drain. It's only lately I'm seeing more and more people around me who reverses this trend and actually go back to indo after spending years abroad. I think it'd a positive sign that the country is doing something right.

Edit: for a more concrete advice on how to prepare to get out, basically read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124. Get really good in something that is in demands, and you can usually move anywhere you want in the world. For me, it's computer science. For you, it might be something else.

Edit2: you might also find that as you get older, you can compromise on the atheism vs religious bit. A lot of people put their religions on KTP only, but doesn't mean they actually have to practice that. Or you can simply move to the right neighbourhood in Jakarta where nobody gives a fuck what your religion is.

On Amazon here.

https://www.amazon.ca/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

Read this book before you do anything rash- he offers a framework/perspective you might find helpful.

It's always hard to tell whether we are thinking "this is hard I want to stop because it's hard even though its making me grow" VS. "this path is legitimately pointless and not going to lead me to where I want to go with my life".

Pretty sure everyone deals with this kind of doubt- especially when you're really challenging yourself. Which is OFTEN a good sign, it means you're outside of your comfort zone which is where growth happens.

I'm just saying step 1 is figure out if this is just edginess due to perfectly normal feelings of inferiority (I'm not good enough/this is easy to everyone else) The first sentence of your post makes it pretty clear you're AT THE VERY LEAST adequate. "3rd year PHd student at a large research university..." I would bet on you being fairly capable, hardworking/intelligent. just a hunch. :)

The idea of "quitting" is seductive because there's no reality there- it's a pure concept that exists in our heads, a fantasy we construct when facing a difficult reality. This is a normal human reaction- you are normal.

TLDR; It's super healthy and normal for these kinds of doubts to come up. Also, even the most meaningful work is often difficult, boring, demanding and stressful- that's true in any field. But if you hate yoga and believe it's useless you shouldn't be working in a yoga studio. And if you have some other ability/skill that will meaningfully contribute to the world (WHILE GETTING YOU PAID) then it might be worth exploring that option first- before throwing away all your hard work.

Sounds like your attitude towards work has taken a hit and you need to realign yourself with YOUR purpose and motivation that doesn't involve rewards such as the approval of a parent.

Yeah, it's really liberating to know that you can do anything you set your mind to... And that it's ok not to know your passion immediately!

My favorite books on this topic:

So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport
and
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell


For online business, I love these peoples' sites:

• Ramit Sethi
  
• Marie Forleo
  
• Lewis Howes
  
• Chris Guilelbeau
  
  Check them out!
  (Just in case someone's wondering... None of these are affiliate links! LOL.)

I would check out most of Cal Newport's recent writings. He received his PhD in Computer Science from MIT, and is now teaching at Georgetown.

His main thesis is deliberate practice consists of lots of different facets, most of which aren't necessarily thought about. While his work focuses a lot on improving work in "knowledge fields" it is drawn mostly from creative pursuits. He argues that thinking about your habits for practicing and learning (meta-habits) are just as important as sitting down to practice or learn. For example, knowing how to build a clear path of improvement and success in learning the piano is as important as sitting down and working through the hard parts. Sometimes the hardest part is simply figuring out where it is wisest to invest your time.


His article "The Deliberate Creative" I found to be particularly enlightening, among others. He's also been published in the New York Times, The Economist, and has five bestselling books.

On a side note, I originally found him looking for ways to improve my study habits, which is what he originally wrote about as an undergraduate. Any current high school or college students would benefit GREATLY (IMO) from his blog and first three books. Seriously, the guy has some great stuff.

Submission statement: Cal is an academic and bestselling author of many books on productivity, focus, and effective study. This post talks about the effectiveness of "Indie Social Media" to achieve a completely different objective than other alternative social media failures that try to be the next Facebook or Twitter. The IDW is name checked as well.

> If you’re deeply committed to the Intellectual Dark Web, for example, then Thinkspot will probably return you much more value than Instagram or Twitter, even though its audience size is a minuscule fraction of these giants.

If you're not familiar with the author, I highly recommend his books Deep Work and Digital Minimalism.

Please start your education early with the books that they will never introduce you to!! Here's a good start:

• Rich Dad, Poor Dad
  
• The Art of the Deal
  
• Still the Best Hope
  
• Righteous Indignation
  
  With this knowledge, no liberal will be able to fuck with you!

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479247426&sr=8-1&keywords=art+of+the+deal

Morning Joe spells it out. Their job is to report the news, right? And that's cool. And I get it, there's going to be some slant somewhere. That's just human nature, and EVERY organization has some slant. (I'd very quickly like to plug http://www.allsides.com/ as a great resource).

But what good is a new organization to the people when it lets its slant allow it to misreport information? A news organization becomes the enemy when it stops reporting the news and starts reporting what they want you to think. I mean, it wasn't until after the election that someone made a gif of where Trump campaigned for the last 10 weeks. No one talks about ow he was working the map? No one looked at his strategy? No one tried to break it down until AFTER?

I like how the election turned out, although I would have liked t to have been Sanders vs Trump. I expected Trump to win, but at the same time, I was telling my democrat friends that they needed to watch out for Trump since the first debate, and that if they didn't take him seriously, he would win. And they laughed. And they shouted me down. And I'm black, but anm did the SJW's liek to flex on this issue.

NYT played him as a joke. Constantly. Hell, they're probably seeing a spike in readership right now because of this "fued." He secretely wants you to read the times, and he wants the Times to talk about him, so you are reading about him. And if you think the YT doesn't like it, you should look into their bottom line. NYT stock is up 50% since Trump won.

The funniest thing is, if you read the Art of the Deal this type of thing is exactly what Trump wants. It's exactly how he got the Wollman rink contract. Manipulating the media to play out public feuds. People on the left don't want to read that book, but if you want to "know your enemy" like any good tactician would, you need to read that book.

It's a book from 1987 where he says he hates Reagan, likes to manipulate the media, and hates the one sided trade deals the US is in. Trump has been the same for 30 years. No change. Even NPR pointed this out.

Almost 50 here as well. What really helped me was to do some reading on Stoicism. Reading this book ever morning after getting up really helped bring perspective into my life.
https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

You can find a lot of free information on the internet. At free, it's overpriced.

>What do you guys think? Do you have to spend money when you are just starting out?

A lot of people don't think so, from the freemium to open source to the unpaid internship the consensus would seem to be free is the way to go.

So I'll say the only time this is false is when when you use free to make up for ignorance about marketing. Because it takes exponentially more savvy to monetize free -- the epic fail of most small business.

The people using free seem to think free killed marketing. It didn't. Free made marketing smarts critical for survival.

I think if you can sell it, then you can give it away. If you couldn't sell it, don't give it away. A bitch slap of truth right there.

Because when you understand what I just said, you don't have to stop at Free.

Getting Real is marketing material 37signals sells to potential customers. The cost to buy 37signals latest marketing materials is $13.85.

Having potential customers pay for content marketing is better than free. That is the principle content marketers can't comprehend. If you couldn't sell it, don't give it away.

Seth Godin understands this. Another way to see this: The money you're paying for marketing and advertising and for SEO is a tax on mediocrity. Want to spend zero, or less? Don't come to market with an unremarkable product.

37signals can give stuff away free. So can Seth Godin. Others ... not so much. They are overcharging.

I am

http://www.amazon.com/Trump-The-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0345479173

Very much in the same style as Effortless Mastery, Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art by Stephen Nachmanovitch and The Inner Game of Music by Tim Galloway and Barry Green.

If you start to sort them, those three together probably go with Wooten's "Music Lesson", "Zen Guitar", and "The Musician's Way".

This: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

I think everyone should read that.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1297604-the-48-laws-of-power

• Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People
  
• The 48 Laws of Power
  
• How To Win Friends and Influence People
  
• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
  
  ​
  
  Edit: Added titles

Read the 48 laws of power and the Art of seduction

Long term take Harry's Advice about lying, but never make you motivations clear, and rember the rule of never doing anything for only one reason.

The Millionaire Next Door changed my entire perspective on money and life. If you read no other PF book, read that one - it's an eye opener. Along the same lines, I'd recommend Your Money or Your Life. If you don't want to be really hands-on with your finances (I have a lot of friends like this) I usually recommend The Automatic Millionaire. It's got a infomercial-esque title, but in reality it's an easy read with really good ideas, particularly for the uninterested/inattentive.

As for investing, try The Boglehead's Guide to Investing. A lot of the info is free at the Boglehead Wiki.

For FREE reading, head over to The Simple Dollar and Get Rich Slowly. Both are incredibly useful websites with extensive archives on investing, frugality, debt, and all things personal finance. I read both every day!

(as an example, here's an article on the 25 Best Books About Money over at GRS.)

A lot of people like Dave Ramsey, but I don't recommend him very much. He's got good advice in there, but his books contain religious references that I feel are particularly useless in a personal finance guide.

Definitely this. Check out http://www.openculture.com/2015/03/a-guide-to-logical-fallacies.html for a useful explanation.

It's a really old/ancient technique, and pretty easy to refute.

If you really want a fun read, check out Thank You For Arguing by Jay Heinrichs.

Aristotle's Rhetoric can be a really bad read, especially early in your rhetorical education, mainly because it's just lecture notes. I'd start with something like Thank You for Arguing. It's not perfect, but it's a fun book and teaches a lot of the missing vocab. If you enjoy it, then you're more than ready to take a stab at Aristotle.

• The Most Important Thing - Howard Marks
  
• Fooled by Randomness - Nassim Taleb

'Appealing' depends on your target audience. The only advice I can think of without further context is to change the font of everything in the navigation section (including 'recent posts') to the same one as your site title. It will leave a better first impression.

To increase user traffic, read Google's guide to search engine optimization. Otherwise just share it on sharing sites like this one, or Facebook, or Digg, or physically mail your neighbours the URL.

Also read this book

Unfortunately, yes. You can open a taxable brokerage if you really want to get into the market.

However, the best thing to do right now is focusing on graduating and building skills that will set you apart from others. Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You is a good read.

How to Become a Straight-A Student

The Millionaire Fastlane is the only business book I ever read up until the last year or two. It got me into entrepreneurship when I was in highschool, and I couldn't possibly recommend it more.

The reviews speak for themselves.

The Millionaire Fastlane. The ebook version is a few bucks, though the book is golden. It got me into business, and kept me successful. Must read.

Dude. You're doing well. Keep experimenting. Also. I just found the book and ordered it today: https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124
You might be facing what I faced, jumping from job because the job didn't seem fulfilling enough. Could that be the case?

I'm going to recommend you a book here: Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You. If it's too expensive to buy, go check it out at your local library for free.

It's a short read and it'll put you on the right direction to a much better life. If you are REALLY lazy and don't want to read a book at all, I'll tell you what you need to know in one sentence:

> Keep developing rare and valuable skills and you will never go hungry.

Here's a good detailed summary and review from entrepreneur Derek Sivers: https://sivers.org/book/SoGood

Nope it's not. Analytics is a huge field, even if many of the blog posts and the coverage focuses on advanced machine learning and AI.

It's actually really wise to have a lifestyle in mind that you want to get to. This book - https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124 - provides a really good framework for thinking about how to get to your life style in any career / skill category. You can tour the author's blog to get a preview of some of the ideas - http://calnewport.com/blog/

His book and framework is especially great because it helps you cut through the noise (there's TONS of noise around how data science / analytics is covered, ironically) and will help you figure out the specific things you should focus on, etc. It's just a 3 hour read, but very helpful.

Studying 8-12 hours is NOT good. Start working out and I recommend these books:

https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042700&sr=8-1&keywords=so+good+they+can%27t+ignore+you

https://www.amazon.com/Peak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise/dp/0544456238/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042708&sr=8-1&keywords=peak


https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042776&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Penguin-Classics-Lucius-Annaeus/dp/0140442103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042852&sr=8-1&keywords=seneca


So, the idea is learn HOW to learn. Leisure is important and healthy for everyone.

If your serious about improving yourself this is a step in the right direction.

EDIT: www.calm.com go there and be.

Test your ideas. The one thing that you can know for sure is that you are wrong... about something. It may be small and unimportant but you need to be able to adjust and the quicker you can the better results you can get.
Good books to read:
The lean startup (http://theleanstartup.com/)
Rework (http://www.amazon.com/Rework-Jason-Fried/dp/0307463745)

Failure is the road to success, Fail often and fail fast, Learn, Grow, Change....

and good luck!

The Art of The Deal.

There is no "right way". Our field isn't a trade (yet), but because it changes so often, it's hard to teach in school.

He should be networking and meeting people in the industry. Read the book Never Eat Alone.

While he's building a network, he should be studying for certs. A good way to get some real-world experience and network at the same time is to volunteer at a nonprofit to do IT stuff. NPO directors and board members are typically well-connected. People in high places love to help other people they see potential in.

A saw a few studies a while back that found that 80% of people got their jobs through networking of some sort, while only 20% found them through a job posting. That means there's a whole lot of jobs that are unlisted and the only way to get them is to build a network.

Some books that come to mind:

• Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals by Heidi Grant Halvorson: a guide to setting goals.
  
• So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport: why "follow your passion" is terrible advice and what to do instead.
  
• The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman: an MBA crash course.
  
• The 80% Approach by Dan Sullivan (short and free): overcome perfectionism; 80% done is good enough.
  
• Learn to Program by Chris Pine (free): a great intro to programming.

Sorry for the troubles. I think surgery can play a number on you emotionally sometimes.

Have you read Cal Newport’s Deep Work? Great book on staying focused and getting more done in less time.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1455586692/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_HkCwDbT349AWC

Please read The Art of the Deal fellow patriot! https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1486086511&sr=1-1&keywords=the+art+of+the+deal

das ist nun mal The Art of the Deal /s

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madman_theory

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

You shape their behavior using positive reinforcement. Read chapter 2 of "Don't Shoot The Dog" by Karen Pryor
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Shoot-Dog-Teaching-Training/dp/0553380397/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405528394&sr=8-1&keywords=dont+shoot+the+dog+by+karen+pryor

I recommend Don't Shoot the Dog! by Karen Pryor--Karen Pryor is click-training advocate who specialized in behavioral psychology and marine mammal biology ( also has a website, hosts clicker-expos around the states, and dog trainer academy.)


The second book I recommend is The Other End of the Leash: Why We do What we Do Around Dogs by Patricia B. McConnell. Patricia McConnel is a University professor of Zooology, trained ethologist, and CAAB ( Certified Applied Animal Behaviorist)

These two wonderful ladies are extremely insightful and break down different types of training. :) Good luck!

It's called 'The Inner Game of Tennis' by Tim Gallwey.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Inner-Game-Tennis-Performance/dp/0679778314

Squid and Dr. PP both recommend the art of learning, and the inner game of tennis and they're both godlike so I'd take their advice. Flow is really good too.

Something cool you could do is get into chess. I only played chess seriously for a few months really, but I feel like it gave me another angle to think about tactics and strategy in. Chess is really fun and it'll give you that same competitive brain feeling melee does without killing your hands.

/r/chess has lots of guides about how to get into the game and stuff. There's lots of cool websites now like www.chesstempo.com where you can do tons of tactics training puzzles that are really fun and make the learning curve for beginners a lot less steep than it was back in the day when chess books were the only option(which are great, but it's really hard as an absolute beginner to sit down with a chess book and actually make it through it).

If you're already like 2100 fide rated or some shit then just ignore this lol.

I even remember a rumor when Tuchel recommended Miky to read this book.

Don’t just practice and watch competitive videos. Those are both really important, but you also need to learn the core concepts of the game and how to have a mindset focused on learning/improving. Additionally, playing in your local competitive scene will help a ton (even though you will be utterly demolished at first).

You don’t have to watch/read my recommendations specifically, but you should seek out content like this.

1. Izaw’s Art of Smash video series (definitely the first four in the playlist, which are general—the rest are character-specific). Although these vids are meant for Smash 4, most of the concepts and techniques apply to Ultimate.
   
   
2. Other Smash channels that have videos about techniques and concepts. For example, Beefy Smash Doods and My Smash Corner.
   
   
3. David Sirlin’s Playing to Win. It’s free to read in your browser. It’s largely about Street Fighter, but its concepts apply to all competitive games, especially Smash.
   
   
4. Use /r/CrazyHand (subreddit focuses on improving at competitive Smash. Its resource compilation is a great place to start.
   
   
5. The Inner Game of Tennis. It’s a book about tennis, but really it’s about how a learning/competitive mindset and how to learn better. I saw it recommended on this subreddit once and I loved it.

1st what did your read; Both manuals? I don't know what that means. Ignore everything you read on medieval swordplay, it's not relevant to sport fencing. Although, I'm sure it's very interesting.

The books you read are pretty good. Nothing to outlandish about either Czajkowski book or Epee 2.5. If you want a syllabus, try:

1. Elaine Cheris' Fencing: Steps to Success - which is a good book on basic beginner technique
   
2. Aldo Nadi's On Fencing - technical manual/autobiography; is a classic fencing read although very dated.
   
3. Sergei Golobitsky's Fencing is My Life - which like Nadi's is more autobiography but of the most winning fencer in contemporary fencing
   
   Many, many people here on reddit will also recommend, "The Inner Game of Tennis" as a good read for fencing -- it's essentially a self help book. I personally did not find it even remotely helpful but if you find yourself generally inclined towards similar self-help, pop-psychology books then you might like it.
   
   As far as workout plans go (and you'll hate to hear this): don't work on lunges and fleches and such, yet. Wait till you have a coach to correct your form. You may wind up further ingraining some bad habits which you aren't aware of by working on them alone before you start. But, kudos on trying to get ahead of the game.
   
   What I recommend is that you just work on conditioning, the longer you stay sharp at practice the faster you'll improve. Run/Cycle a bunch get your body used to the stress. Optionally do weightlifting-style lunges with some free weights and kettlebell swings (don't over do it). I think even a brisk yoga routine which is heavy on the core-strength exercises and light on the mystical-bullshit is pretty good for fencing training.

If you're into improving the consistency of your play, then I would recommend checking The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallway.

It is a pretty quick read, but it gives good insights to better managing the inner mental game that we all play when we are on the field.

It's a good book. The Inner Game of Tennis is better.

I'm sure there are a bunch of people that would be willing to do their best at answering whatever questions you have on here. Obviously, coaching is complex and there are rarely easy or obvious answers.

As for books, the books that I'd recommend these days:

[The Art of Learning] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Learning-Journey-Performance/dp/0743277465)

[The Inner Game of Tennis] (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0679778314/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=40113434767&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4260322089310012087&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_8mdnpg1nf9_b)

[10 Minute Mental Toughness] (http://www.amazon.com/10-Minute-Toughness-Training-Program-Winning/dp/0071600639/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426395408&sr=1-1&keywords=10+minute+mental+toughness)

[Wooden on Leadership] (http://www.amazon.com/Wooden-Leadership-Create-Winning-Organization/dp/0071453393/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426395634&sr=1-3&keywords=john+wooden)

I found The Daily Stoic to be a very easy introduction to Stoicism. Much more so than the classic texts.

It’s format is a daily quote eg from Marcus Aurelius and text explaining the quote.

I found the classic texts hard to read mainly due to the writing style. This book really helps with that.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

First off, grade equivalent scores are crap and don't work the way most people think.

>GRADE-EQUIVALENT SCORES
>The Grade-Equivalent score compares your child’s performance on grade-level material against the average performance of students at other grade levels on that same material and is reported in terms of grade level and months. If your 5th-grade child obtains a grade-equivalent of 10.5 on a standardized math or reading test, it does not mean that your child is solving math problems or reading at the mid-10th grade level. It means that she or he can solve 5th grade math problems and read 5th grade material as well as the average 10th grade student can read and solve 5th grade math problems. Your child is performing much better than the average 5th grader but most likely would not perform as well if tested using 10th grade material as they have not yet been exposed to 10th grade material. Caution should always be used when interpreting grade equivalents, especially when attempting to use grade equivalents as the basis for a grade placement discussion.


So don't feel bad about where you are now versus where you thought you were back then.

What can you do to keep from falling behind?

1. Check to see if you might have a learning disability. Many people who are very intelligent are not diagnosed in their early school years because the work comes so easy to them. As they progress and are ask to do higher-level work, they hit a wall.
   https://childmind.org/article/twice-exceptional-kids-both-gifted-and-challenged/
   
   
2. Learn to study.
   https://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/topic/105297/entryType/2
   This site has some useful links; some of which are aimed at younger children, but if you have never learned to study there might still be useful information there.
   
   I also recommend ”How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less”
   https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767922719/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_I6bzDbZZXP07R
   
   A lot of studying comes down to being organized, efficient, knowing when and where to get help. Remember that forming new habits takes time and you have to remain persistent.
   
   If you have a friend, teacher, or parent who is willing to help, it can be useful to be accountable to another person. Have a once a week check-in on what you have done in the last week and what you need to do in the following week.
   
   
3. When you are having a problem with a concept, find online resources that can help you review. Khan Academy is a wonderful resource. Wolfram Alpha is a great way to check answers for specific Math problems.
   
   
4. Turn in all assignments! (And on time.) Zeros can quickly bring down your overall grade. A late paper that drops your score by a grade by 10 pts. each day can also hurt you.
   
   
5. Figure out why you are learning something. Sometimes its because you find the subject matter interesting. Other times, you are only doing it because it's a requirement for the next step in life. As you struggle through something, remember what the end goal is and that you are choosing to pursue it. Thinking about it as something you choose to do, instead of as something you are forced to do, can give you a sense of control in your life.
   
   
6. Remember, even if you are in the top 0.1% in intelligence, there are still approximately 327,000 people in the US who are as smart or smarter than you. If you go to a competitive college, you will most likely have to deal with becoming ”only average” in that environment.
   
   I'm sure people in this group could come up with a book full of thoughts on this topic, but hopefully, this gives you some things to think about.

Starting Strength, 3rd Edition by Mark Rippetoe.

Drink, Play, F@#k

Mindfulness in Plain English

The 48 Laws of Power

I felt exactly the same way and I think I even composed a post that read exactly like this one.

Now, 18 years out, I look at the whole world through this sort of lens. All religion is crazy in one way or another. Politics is crazy in the US mostly because of religious people.

If you haven't read them already, I have a couple of books to recommend. The Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan and The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. The former will help you be a healthy skeptic. The latter will help you not let the world take advantage of you.

Cheers!

Personally I've found there to be few helpful books which directly relate to management consulting / business strategy. The only one that I've found really helpful is:

• Winning - an overall look on business strategies and philosophies used by Jack Welch (former CEO of GE)
  
  But here are some books that are very helpful in developing people / soft skills essential to effective consultants:
  
  
• Getting to Yes - an incredible book on negotating skills.
  
• How to Argue and Win Every Time - not as argumentative as it sounds, this is a great book which is hugely helpful on how to present your positions and how to get the best outcome for everyone in a situation.
  
• Influence - brilliant book on the ways in which we are influenced to do things.
  
• The 48 Laws of Power - a very Machiavellian put pragmatic look on the ways in which personal power is gained / lost.
  
• Vital Lies, Simple Truths - how to recognise self deception that we're all prone to and how to overcome its limitations
  
• The Blank Slate - a mindblowing book on human psychology and what we're naturally predisposed to be. Helps you to better understand people and their motivations in not just business but all aspects of life. Read from Part 2 onwards.

I really like your point about everything having to be about you. I'm almost half way through Rules for Radicals and I can't support it enough. I think OP may be having issues with preconceptions about certain words or ideas. A word from Alinsky.

> "Even the word politics itself, which Webster says is "the science and art of government," is generally viewed in a context of corruption. Ironically, the dictionary synonyms are "discreet; providing, diplomatic, wise."


> "The same discolorations attach to other words prevalent in the language of politics, words like power, self-interest, compromise, and conflict. They become twisted and warped, viewed as evil. Nowhere is the prevailing political illiteracy more clearly revealed than in these typical interpretations of words. "

He goes on to shed those words in a positive light and I can't recommend his book enough. I really like when OP said

> "Its all fucking fake."

He's slowly realize life's a game and most people don't even realize they're playing. We have the rules now just do it

your money or your life

I got the Richest Man in Babylon! by George S. Clason out of college It was published in 1926 and is still great advice. There is also a free audio version here!. The book is written very differently than most personal finance books. The author uses parables to teach financial lessons. This makes it a great introduction for the financial newbie. The part that most stuck with me is:

"“A part of all you earn is yours to keep. It should be not less than a tenth no matter how little you earn. It can be as much more as you can afford. Pay yourself first. Do not buy from the clothes-maker and the sandal-maker more than you can pay out of the rest and still have enough for food and charity and penance to the gods."

I joined the Peace Corps after college so I didn't get around to implementing Mr. Clason's advice. For some reason, over the three year period I was out of the US, his advice changed in my memory to three-tenths. So since I got my first full-time professional job at 27, I have been aiming to save 30% of income. I haven't always met this goal but I have averaged saving at least 20% of my gross income.

This past May, I read Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence! which introduced me to FIRE. While I'm a little sad about the 6 years, I wasn't saving for FIRE, the savings I accumulated is a great start. The approach in this book has been very useful in figuring out what I am willing to give up in order to increase my SR and achieve FIRE sooner.

Edit: fixed hyperlink

Sometimes you can use books as "mentors." I'd recommend:

Your Money or Your Life - This motivated me to get my savings rate up to 70%+

The 4-Hour Workweek - Currently reading this and it definitely seems like a good read to get motivated to start a business, run a business more efficiently and reclaim your time.

Check out Library Genesis for a possible free download of the epub/mobi/pdf...if that's your thing.

I like Thank You for Arguing

The Art of Deception: Controlling the Human Element of Security

What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People

Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behavior

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis

The 48 Laws of Power

http://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197/

My current list:

• Hitchhiker's Guide
  
• The 48 Laws of Power
  
• The Practice and Science of Drawing
  

Really feel that 48 Laws of Power should be on here.

So I’ve just started out also, and in not too much of a dissimilar scenario.

I heard a podcast, read a blog and I was hooked! So like you it started to spiral even further but the 1st real stop for me was this book.

Your Money or Your Life , 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence - Vicki Robbin

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0143115766/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_fKJxDb0YNBSP8.

There are plenty more out there but this basically gave me a good starting point, leading down a path of more and more resources.

Good Luck.

Extremely classic book about this exactly

MMM before there was an MMM.

The Book Thank you for arguing is a good start.

But if you would like to focus more on clearly articulating your thoughts, rather than comparing your thoughts with others (i.e debate), I would suggest reading up on the following topics:

• Khan Academy: Focus on the "logic" lessons under the mathematics category.
  
• Understand the differences between converse, inverse, and contrapositive; Then, practice using them.
  
• Read up on Logical Fallacies.
  
• Study the differences between subjectivity and objectivity under as many contexts as possible.
  
• Practice swapping the context of a conversation in such a way that the previous dialogue is still consistent with the new, unrelated context.
  
• Keep posting on reddit and continue to facilitate a platform for rigorous intellectual discourse.

A few pointers for you:

• any type of consulting involves a lot of selling, especially at the beginning. As you progress you'll notice that the most successful of your peers are the ones who have the best selling skills and not technical skills; in large consulting firm these are called "Rainmakers" and... they don't do any consulting but they are out there "selling" as their full-time job, and their name is often on the company name.
  
  
• read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124
  
  
• write a book, a good book on your space, something that demonstrates your competence and how good you are; have it printed the old-fashion way, ink on paper, use it as a marketing tool

I would highly recommend reading Deep Work by Cal Newport. The book has really helped me in balancing working full time for a silicon valley startup, writing a master's thesis, and having a family.

and Deep work https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Work-Focused-Success-Distracted/dp/1455586692

Both of these books are in sync with what you said in your post, and what you wrote is true.

I think every creative person should read this book.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Dip-Little-Teaches-Stick/dp/1591841666

>Also just to be fair, look at where this hero-based FPS style got Quake into, there is a reason why Blizzard made the most successful game in the genre, while others suffer from lack of development and direction.

Overwatch and Quake are NOT in the same genre. AT ALL. Overwatch is just as much an arena shooter as, say, Counter-Strike or Call of Duty are; which is to say not at all. You're making the same mistake everyone else is making in starting with incredibly superficial aspects of each game, namely that they have classes, and creating "genres" based on that rather than the actually significant gameplay differences between them (And they must be based on gameplay, since none of these games have any significant story elements in their actual runtime).

Overwatch is so far removed from traditional objective shooters, namely in how efficient use of abilities plays a much larger role in success than raw shooting skill than in virtually any other first person objective game that comes to mind. A large number of the classes don't even require any "FPS" skills, and instead have analogues in asymmetric strategy games and the like.

Quake Champions may be small, yes, but it IS attracting more people than just the quake crowd. On a technical level, it's an excellent blend between an archetypal arena shooter, the sort of game design Quake invented, while reducing complexity and convolution to make it much more approachable for those with more modern shooter habits. Lawbreakers, too, hardly suffers from any "lack of direction" in the design department. It's packed to the brim with great ideas and unique takes on the "high-skill FPS" concept, and had my jaw hitting the floor with respect for its elegant gameplay several times when I started playing it.

Success has far more to do with randomness and luck than most people in this thread seem willing to admit. Quake, Overwatch, and Lawbreakers AREN'T significantly better or worse than each other. No hypothetical backfit narrative properly explains why one would have hypothetically failed or succeeded without luck. We just live in a works where the big take the whole pie and the small get nothing; in a world of bandwagoning and herd mentality caused by popularity coming from whatever just happens to gain traction early on in its lifetime.

I bought in relatively early to all of these games because I'm a shooter fan and a nut for unique game design ideas. I will admit that I like Quake the most, Lawberakers second, and Ovwerwatch third, so I do have a little voice in the back of my head that gets irritated whenever others disagree with that assessment, but we all need to learn to come away form making simple judgements between them and other games in the same boat. All of them break the mould in different and unique ways, all of them have good ideas, and all of them could have been popular, in a world where luck happened to favor someone else.

Please stop everything you are doing (in life) and read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219

You completely missed the point.

I suggest reading this book. The guy who wrote it is very likely a better trader than you.

https://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219

Index funds. Buy and hold them. Don't move money around, don't try to time your entry and exit. Take money you wont need for the next 5 years, put it in an index fund, and forget about it.

Read this

This is a great book on the subject

For further reading, I recommend Fooled By Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. It's primarily a critique of economic theories, and it can be snarky in some parts, but the concepts are mind-opening. By book's end, you'll wonder why more people don't acknowledge that their past, present, and future is entirely circumstantial.

The Millionaire Fastlane

Really gets you in the habit of looking for unfulfilled needs rather than building a business out of your selfish desires.

To add to your list, The Millionaire Fastlane is a great book which discusses more of the mindset rather than the logistics of wealth creation.

ok dude, i really feel for you and see that you're struggling in this thread. i personally understand the lesson /u/csp256 is trying to teach you, because i learned it the hard way myself. but because it's just reddit comments its hard to put it eloquently.

everything about all of your comments and your post just absolutely screams to me that you are due for a mindset shift like i had 2 years ago. in a few words, stop focusing on what you want or what's right for you, and start focusing on what you can bring to the table. you NEED (i seriously mean NEED) to read this book. i absolutely implore you to please for the love of god read this book. in fact, i'm going to message you in 2 weeks to see if you have and i want to hear your thoughts on it. capische?

Thats a tough one dude and I sympathise. TBH most people probably dislike their job.

I'd be identifying whether its the profession or the job itself. A career counsellor might work, but I'd be trying to find a mentor within your sector. Is there anyone you can reach out to?

I'd also recommend reading this if you can: https://www.amazon.com.au/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

These books are more theoretical and about self growth as a well-rounded designer, if you want game theory others listed some great ones like Rules of Play and Book of Lenses. That said, here's my list:

• Level Design For Games: Creating Compelling Game Experiences by Phil Co (Valve)
  
  It's more of a broad game design book since it talks about all the pipelines / processes of all departments coming together, with an emphasis on scripting / level design for crafting experiences. Portion of the book uses Unreal Engine 2 as a reference, but you can probably use UE4 or something else to follow along the actual game design lessons he's teaching and not have the take away be a technical tutorial.
  
  
• Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration by Ed Catmull (Pixar)
  
  I cannot describe how invaluable this book is, if you're only to get one from the list it'd be this one. While it does covers Pixar's history as a frame of reference for a lot of stuff, it's also more importantly about their ideology for fostering creativity, productivity and work/ life balance -- all of which are important and can be applied to Game Design.
  
  
• Peopleware by Tom DeMarco and Tim Lister.
  
  I read this one after Gabe Newell recommended it one of his interviews and it was at a time in my career when I was working at a AAA studio struggling with the corporate forces that got in the way of creativity / productivity. It was one of those that changed me as a developer. It's more from a management point of view, but seriously applicable if you are collaborating with other people in game development, either on the same level as you or those who rely on your work to do theirs. Or if you are going to work at studio, AAA or indie, it's also an insightful book to evaluate whether the culture cultivated by management is in your best interest so that you have the tools to do your best work without burning out.
  
  
• Rework by Jason Fried & David Heinemeier Hansson (Basecamp / Ruby on Rails)
  
  This one is like Peopleware but not as exhaustive, it's an easier read since it's a compilation and edit of blog posts the authors wrote on their old website 37signals. It's more or less about getting stuff done and filtering out noise, simplifying things to make results better -- this one is relatable for planning game project milestones. A lot of it will sound like common sense that a lot of people may say they already know, but it's surprising how many don't actually practice it.

I think I've read like 1 book on "marketing" so I'm not your best help, but I love the 37 signals guys so "ReWork" was a quick enjoyable read. Made me feel like I wasn't crazy.

I guess upon further investigation, it might be more about running a business. Which for me is the hope to run an ad agency so it all sort of went together.

http://www.amazon.com/Rework-Jason-Fried/dp/0307463745/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394691738&sr=8-1&keywords=rework

I've read a lot of business books in the past year. These include:

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Rich Dad Poor Dad

Think and Grow Rich

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Secrets of Closing the Sale

How to Master the Art of Selling

The E-Myth Revisited

The Compound Effect

The Slight Edge

The $100 Startup

The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur

I have 4HWW waiting to be read, in addition to about 15 other books that are sitting there, waiting to be read.

The $100 Startup is very inspiring, especially for people who have no chance at securing a "normal" job (I dropped out of college). The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur is also very informative. But out of this list, by far, my two favorite books are The Compound Effect and The Slight Edge. #1 going to The Slight Edge. Read this book. Maybe it won't apply to everyone as much as it did to me, but it totally changed my attitude towards life.

You have some ideas that remind me of this PDF (48 Low-Cost Business Ideas).

Take a look at Chris Gullibeau's $100 Startup for inspiration, too.

This is filled with low cost ideas: https://www.amazon.com/100-Startup-Reinvent-Living-Create/dp/0307951529

Did someone say "Deal"? https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0345479173

He literally wrote a book about it.

Crippled America

He also wrote a book on his battle plan.

Art of the Deal

You would do well to read both.

Coincidentally, you should try reading "The Art of the Deal", it's an easy and very useful read that'll help you in life.

When you need help altering the Deal

As /u/ChuckEye mentioned, The Inner Game of Music By Tim Galloway and Barry Green is a good read. I've personally found it incredibly helpful so far.

Wow, playing Carnegie Hall is quite the accomplishment!

> On a side note, OP, can you talk a bit about how you got through your perf. anxiety?

Sure! The first thing I did was read The Inner Game of Music by Barry Green. The whole book is great and he gives a lot of exercises you can practice in and out of performing that really help.

I would say the biggest thing that helped me besides all of the great exercises I learned from the book was the preparation routine I created for leading up to performances. The routine I'll go into below really helps me feel secure in my knowledge of the music, as well as helps to eliminate any unknowns I have, which seem to be a big part of what slips me up and makes me nervous.

If I'm giving a solo recital, for example, my first step is to give myself deadlines for 1) having my music learned, 2) having my music memorized, and 3) having my entire program ready to perform. It's different for everyone of course, but I typically want to have my music memorized a month before the performance and have my program ready to perform 2 weeks before.

In the weeks leading up to the performance, I do several things. 3 weeks before the performance, I start visualization. I go into a quiet room, close my eyes, and visualize the entire performance - how I feel 10 minutes beforehand in the Green Room, walking out on stage, what the stage looks like, what the audience sounds like, sitting down and tuning, starting the first piece, etc. Even if I don't really know what the stage looks like, it helps for me to visualize and truly feel myself getting amped up before and during my imaginary performance. I naturally find that, over time, I'm less anxious with each visualization.

2 weeks before, I play through my entire program every day. I cut an hour off of my practice time to do this so I don't tire myself out, but at that point, I should be prepared enough that I'm just hitting spots. One of the absolute biggest triggers for a memory slip or disaster performance is not being able to recover from a mistake, so when I run my program, I always play through my mistakes and then look at them later. A lot of the mistakes are just flukes - when you're playing for an hour, it'll happen. But, in my opinion, being able to recover from them is one of the most important skills a performing musician can have.

On performance day, I have my little routine I like to do. I go for a run in the morning, make my favorite breakfast, listen to some music for an hour or so, and then practice for a couple of hours throughout the day. Some people like to take the whole day off, but I like to keep busy.

About 30 minutes before, I'll go into a quiet space and meditate for 5-10 minutes. When I start to get anxious, I use the techniques I learned in The Inner Game - one of my favorites is, when my palms inevitably start to sweat, I observe that it's happening and remind myself, "Yes my palms are sweaty, and that's okay because it won't cause my hands to slip or play the wrong notes." They usually stop sweating at that point, but if they don't, I'm okay with it.

I've been doing this routine for years and, coupled with the techniques in the Inner Game, I have no anxiety on stage, just excitement and what I consider normal nerves. It's also worth noting that I perform a lot, so while I absolutely believe in this routine and it has helped me with every single one of my performances, I think a lot of it also has to do with me getting more seasoned as a performer.

This became a lot longer than I intended it to be! I hope it was helpful. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me. :)

Aw! <3

Like, what books I'd recommend, or just....stuff to do underway that would be in the self-improvement area? The big two that jump out as underway activities are always "save money, and work out."

What platform are you floating on?

So the first thing I do with all my proteges is I hand them the grading sheet for Sailor of the Year/Quarter and a blank evaluation, and I ask them to grade themselves. Not everyone wants to be, or needs to be, Sailor of the Year or a 5.0 sailor, but if that's the standard the Navy has set as "the best," then at least we have a guideline of what we should be working toward, right?

One thing that was pretty big at my last command was the Military Outstanding Volunteer Service Medal. Instruction here. One thing that is a really easy way to gain community service hours while underway is to make blankets for the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society's "Budgeting For Baby" class. You can crochet (that's incredibly easy, I promise) or you can google one of the thousand DIY no-sew blanket tutorials. If you belong to a Bluejacket Association or Enlisted Association or whatever, you may be able to get them to fund the cost of buying the material...or even ask the FCPOA if they'll give $50 to the cause. You can head over to Jo-Ann's or Fabric.com and check out their discount sections too. NMCRS offers 30 hours per blanket. Taking an hour out of your Holiday Routine for the entire float.....most of the DIY no-sew blankets only take an hour or two to make, sooooo. Collect those hours. Add in a COMREL or two, and there's no reason you can't end a float with over a hundred hours of community service. This is particularly great if you have a friend or two to make blankets with you....snag one of the TVs on the messdecks and watch a movie while you crochet. You can also contact a local homeless shelter and see if they need hats and crochet hats for them. Obviously not a good suggestion if you're stuck underway on a submarine with no space, but if you're surface side--good to go.

Books I'd suggest, well, hm, this could get out of control pretty fast, but off the top of my head:

• Personality Plus by Florence Littauer or her work specific version
  
  
• Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg
  
  
• It's Your Ship by Capt Abrashoff
  
  
• Starship Troopers
  
  
• Ender's Game (Ender and Starship are obviously straight scifi but there are some really awesome leadership principles/concepts/ideas that are worth mulling over. They've both been on past CNO's recommended reading lists too....and they're just fun to read.)
  
  
• For money, while, like, 99% of his stuff is "Duh!" I can't discount the practical steps he outlines, so Dave Ramsey's books, particularly Financial Peace is worth reading. His whole book is basically the wiki in r/personalfinance, but if you're wondering how to get your finances straight I recommend picking up this book. Just, in general. Good basic information and a starting point. Not saying you need it, but "saving money" just happens underway by virtue being trapped out on the ocean =)
  
  
• Leaders Eat Last

Yes, I can so relate to this. Good post. I was raised to be that way too-- speak only when spoken to, don't argue or talk back, be flexible and accommodating, keep private matters private. I would go so far as to say that my lack of assertiveness, guilt in wanting simple things (like respect) for myself, and questioning my instincts made my marriage/divorce drag on much longer than it should have; years beyond when I knew that it wasn't going to work out. Part of it was being very young but I would say I could have moved on and moved forward much faster if I had stood up for myself and had more confidence in my decisions (and if my family had supported me-- but that's another topic). Hopefully others won't have that extreme an experience.

In the workplace, practicing and faking it till you make it works for me, maybe it could work for you. You might feel like an impostor, but trust me, everyone feels like that to some extent. Try to figure out what it is that will make you more confident in those situations and work on that. For me, it's usually knowing about something inside and out so that I can speak confidently about it. True Desi nerd style! I still struggle with asking for things I want sometimes. It still feels really selfish, which I don't think will ever go away completely.

Some books that helped me: Quiet and of course Lean In. As others mentioned, therapy can work too in finding practical solutions to specific problems you might have. It's not just you :)

I'm on the job hunt right now. Had an interview on Monday, another one scheduled for Thursday. Two different jobs, more excited about Thursday.

The Monday company offered me job that day, but with a vague position description and vague title, and at a low pay. I asked for more detailed information and for time to decide. The recuiter pushed me for a verbal acceptance. I felt really pushed when they don't even know what they want from me, other than for me to start, analyze their operations and tell them how to fix it. All for a new VP of Operations who doesn't seem to know what he's doing, but he's been with the company from the beginning and is friends with the owner. Yeah that sounds like a great time! (Actually a total recipe for disaster.)

Since then the recruiter has blown up my phone, even texted me, asking me to call back. Yet no email with position details nor formal offer. I really need a job but this?

Yet despite the wisdom in my folly, it's scares the heck out of me to "play hard ball" like this. I need a job, why not humble myself to do the VP's job for the pay of an administrative assistant? What they offered me is less than the pay for entry level service position, a detail the VP told me iny interview. I'd be insane to accept.

Not much advice here, sorry. Many commenters said research the comparables salaries in your area, and I'll add know what deliverables are asked of you. If it's a position you're already doing, know what you've done already.

And go for it, know the number that is more than fair for the job and start by asking for more than fair (start high) as this is a basic mechanic of negotiations.

Go get 'em!

(Also I was at a women's networking event last night and the book Lean In was recommended, I'm excited to read it!)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0385349947?pc_redir=1413072830&robot_redir=1

Glad to help :-) And yes, a picture of yourself is very important. It doesn't have to be a super high quality professionally taken headshot. Just go somewhere outside while wearing a polo and have a friend take a picture, then crop to just your head. It will be good enough.

If you are interested in improving your general networking skills, I'd recommend the book Never Eat Alone. It's not perfect, but there are a lot of good ideas and general tips.

Wow, I wish I would have had your insight to ask this question 9 years ago. Spend your first week reading three books (four if you come from an upper-middle-class or wealthier family).

• How to Win Friends and Influence People
  
• How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. (Not gonna lie, this has a lot of bull shit in it, but the good parts are really practical.)
  
• Never Eat Alone
  
• The Millionaire Next Door (optional. Read it when I was your age, and it got my ass in gear.)
  
  Once you finish Never Eat Alone, start reaching out to people. Start spending your money on having conversations over coffee. Yes, some call this "networking," but don't think of it that way. You're making friends. For the next 5 months, you don't have any needs, so now is the perfect time to put others first. My life is currently full of awesome friends, and it's all because I took the time to give a shit about them. Be sure to take notes and have some sort of contact list (highrise is free). It's not romantic, but if you genuinely want to make friends, it's the way to do it. The more people you meet, the easier time you'll have of helping them by making introductions.
  
  I've been doing this for a couple years now, and it has literally changed my life. I'm friends with people I never even dreamed of knowing. I'm a freelancer, and I literally have more work than I know what to do with. I'm throwing a big party in a couple weeks for all my friends, and I'm shocked at who all has said "yes."
  
  tl;dr Meet all the people you can, think of others first, and someday they'll likely return the favor.

Most politicians, including Trump's Art of the Deal, don't write their own books. They use ghost writers who compose their general ideas. It really should be no surprise that a book published by the holder of the most powerful political position in the US would be an instant best seller, regardless of content. There is no likely corruption.

To: King Tommen

From: Secret Santa

Don't Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training

glad you like it! ( /u/T3chnopsycho and /u/paksaochuyie too!)

I like it for developing combinations because it helps people to be able to get away from " I need to do x, in y situation" and lets them focus more on movement, both continuous striking and sidestepping / turning the opponent in a fluid manor and not freezing when something doesn't go your way. Plus you can start shadow boxing those types of combinations and work them independently. it's very clear, very fast where my weaknesses are - I hurt my knee when I was 16, so I favor my left foot forward. So any chance I get to spar lower belt students, I spar right foot forward and work the point combinations.

If you look at anyone in high level competition, across all sports ( baseball, football, golf, tennis, etc), it's clear they did something akin to a form many MANY times over, and that the "form" they did helped shape them, but the form was only part of the answer. Like a Rolodex of answers to questions you have on your journey. Baseball is a great example! If you are a professional baseball player, you stand out in the field and you play catch for hours and hours. Then you go to to the batting cages and hit thousands of balls a month and then get together and practice. Then you have people hit balls at you day in and day out in the off season ( this like sparring for us). When the players step on the field though, it looks nothing like practice because its' been refined, reworked, and perfected to a pro level that's nothing like the game kids play in the parks on the weekend.

Success is like pregnancy - everyone sees the result, they don't see the thousands of times you got screwed to get there. I think a lot of people get so caught up in ego about "my martial art is better" that they forget it's just a body mechanic exercise and lots of repetition. There's a limited amount of answers to any question in our sport. Sure there's a lot of possible strikes ( just like in chess or go, hundreds of possible moves) but only a couple of them are really viable in any situation. You can arrive at the same destination from any direction, it's all about finding the right way that suits you.

I highly recommend this book The inner game of tennis - while not directly applicable being as its' a different sport, it has many parallels and some direct comparisons.

If you ever want to chat about any of this, I've been both training and coaching a long time and love to have friendly conversations and have my opinions challenged!

Happy training!

First of all, for technique/practice, consistency in the woodshed is key. My daily routine is very repetitive, to the point that it is incredibly boring. But the improvement is so amazing, that I'm still excited to do it every day. I also kill the monotony with something to occupy my mind, usually either a sitcom or reading material, once I had the routine down.

[This is my daily routine], which takes about 90 minutes if you go nonstop, at the tempos marked (which will take some time to work up).

Secondly, your performance anxiety should be addressed. My professor in college had a required course for the whole tuba/euphonium studio called "Performance Anxiety: Understanding and Coping."

I had some mild anxiety then, but the class helped. The class was almost 20 years ago, but here's the largest takeaways:

• Perform as often as you can in front of an audience. If you have a weekly student recital class like larger schools of music do, sign up as often as you can prepare something. Start with easier solos, and work your way up.
  
  
• Read these books, which were the required reading of the class:
  
• • The Inner Game of Tennis (There is a music version, but consensus is that this is still far superior)
    
• • Effortless Mastery: Liberating the Master Musician Within
    
• • Zen in the Art of Archery (Very short read, can be done in the same day)
    
    Two of the three texts are not music books, but are read by students of just about every single discipline and apply it to their area of study. They will take years to understand on new levels, but you should be able to get some immediate results and understanding of your situation.
    
    As I got older, I've found the best way to quiet those nerves is to overprepare for anything. My teachers used to say "an amatuer practices 'til he gets it right; a professional practices 'til he can't get it wrong." When I'm in a position where I know I cannot screw something up, I actually enjoy the performance, butterflies and all. And I've been in some very high stress situations, with fewer train wrecks each year. This takes some massive time management, but it definitely helps. I usually set a goal to be "performance ready" a few weeks out, so I can do some very picky polishing of the performance.
    
    This is a lot more than I thought I'd say on the matter, but there should be a lot here to help. Happy shedding!
    
    Edit: After perusing the other comments, it looks like you might have a difficult professor. Sounds like you should sit down and decide if he's helping or hindering your progress. To be candid, I never really think of a trombone player being very good for tuba students. Maybe some pedagogy, but there's enough differences in the two instruments to warrant a specialist at the collegiate level. Great euphonium players can teach tuba, just as my best teacher was a tuba player, but they both doubled strongly on the other instrument. Unless your professor can be considered a professional tuba player to some extent, you might need to find a different school to finish your education.

https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

The Daily Stoic sounds like what you're looking for but its not just Meditations it has things from Seneca, Marcus and Epictetus primarily.
I like the translations in it, very easy to comprehend.


https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

you're gonna bitch about someone possibly stealing karma on a stoicism subreddit? you need to spend a lot more time here, maybe pick this up https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

https://www.amazon.com/How-Become-Straight-Student-Unconventional/dp/0767922719/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2LL4YEAVGNTVP&keywords=how+to+become+a+straight-a+student+by+cal+newport&qid=1563466968&s=books&sprefix=how+to+become+a+stra%2Caps%2C133&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.com/Make-Stick-Science-Successful-Learning/dp/0674729013/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2VIVRORI88FP0&keywords=make+it+stick&qid=1563466981&s=books&sprefix=make+it+st%2Cstripbooks%2C133&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Numbers-Science-Flunked-Algebra/dp/039916524X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=104N13CQNSD4K&keywords=a+mind+for+numbers&qid=1563466992&s=books&sprefix=mind+for+number%2Cstripbooks%2C142&sr=1-1

Yep, Visualization did jack shit for me too. I've read many self-help books, and so far the only ones that have helped me were those written by scientists who have researched their field for a long time, and people recommend them, that also had practical exercises in them. Very specific, but that's the truth. Here's a list:

• The Procrastination Equation / Steel
  
• The Willpower Instinct / Mcgonical
  
• The Happiness Advantage / Shawn Achor
  
• Straight-A Studnet / Cal Newport
  
• No More Mr. Nice Guy / Glover
  
  All the rest, including positive psychology and Tony Robbins and all that jazz, didn't help me none.What area in your life do you want to improve?

Boy... those are some big, daunting questions.

But one at a time.


For better study habits, it sounds like procrastination is the problem. Make a big event out of studying, bring whatever materials you need to work on to a little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop or library and just get that one thing done while you're there. Don't bring all of your work just the one most important thing. It may seem a bit overdramatic to make a big deal out of studying by isolating yourself in a study bunker but it makes the work you're about to do feel mission critical. Also if you can do it early in the day, because by night you're going to be tired and just want to relax with TV or hanging out with friends, and stop kidding yourself, life's about those moments not the work that you have to get done for school. So respect yourself and let yourself have some fun when everyone else is, by keeping your nights mostly open and keeping your mornings booked with work. Finally, if it's something like an essay that will take a long time, don't you dare work on it for more than an hour without taking a break.

As far as being a better person in general... I don't really know... Have you tried the golden rule? Do to others what you want them to do to you. I hear it's a good one!

If you want a fantastic book all about best study pratices check out Cal Newport's Straight A Student

Ghost writers never take credit, so when Mr. Schwartz claims he did most of the work, he's readily admitting he was not a ghostwriter. Besides the fact Tony Schwartz's name appears right on the cover, so he's not a ghostwriter at all.

This is good. You are thinking. Now take it a little further, expand your thinking and ask yourself how many offers did she have to make before he accepted the one he wanted? link.

He is indeed bargaining. However he terribly sucks at bargaining. He should take a few hints here and there https://www.amazon.ca/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

lol

Sir, there's a book you need to read.

for a general training book i can not recomend anything but "Dont shoot the dog" ISBN-13: 978-0553380392

it is great for general trainingand really gets into the reasoning behind all the things it tells you to do.

as far as a boxer goes. keep that dog thinking, they are very smart and tend to get bored and when they get bored they entertain themselves.and they tend to do things that are nor welcome to entertain themselves.

they also are very enthusiastic learners, they are quick to want to please, however they can be stubborn just to see what you do. think of a smart little 4 year old. they will push your buttons.

best of luck and i hope you have a great journey with your new kid, because that's what they are kids.

He is awfully cute, though ;)

Don't Shoot the Dog

I recommend this book every chance I get. It's useful AND entertaining!

This does not sound like a training book based on recent scientific evidence. If you learn well from reading, Don't Shoot the Dog! by Karen Pryor would be a good place to start. As others mentioned, it sounds like you need to teach a reliable "drop it" (drop something already in their mouth) and "leave it" (stop giving attention to the object, e.g. a person or dog across the street or something they're about to pick up).

If you learn better visually/hands on, it might be a good idea to sign up for a puppy class somewhere. This will provide your pup with good socialization with other people and dogs too. I would recommend someplace that teaches using positive reinforcement, whether that be a local place or a chain like PetSmart.

Here are some videos for "leave it" [1] and [2]. The first is very short, while the second is a little more in depth. They are both basically the same concept. Both of these channels would be good resources for teaching other behaviors as well.

I was unable to find videos that I liked as much for "drop it," but these still might be helpful [1] and [2]. I'm not sure I'm personally as big of a fan of the method in the second video here, but you may find it to your liking.

Wow thanks. This book looks very interesting.

"for overcoming the self-doubt, nervousness, and lapses of concentration that can keep a player from winning"

Link: http://www.amazon.com/Inner-Game-Tennis-Classic-Performance/dp/0679778314/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

I've never read it but The Inner Game of Tennis is a classic that's supposed to be about this problem (and not specifically about tennis), and has been recommended by many.

You seem to have the problem many athletes have were "I'm my worst enemy". I'd try giving this book a read

http://www.amazon.com/The-Inner-Game-Tennis-Performance/dp/0679778314

It has very little to do with the game of tennis and more of what goes on in your mind. It starts off by dividing your mind into two parts (1 and 2). Part 1 is your consciousness. Its that steady stream of thoughts that go through your mind in a game, for example ok I need to keep onside, now I need to see where I can run into space, now I need to see where my teamates are, now should I pass or shoot Part 2 is of course your unconsciousness. This is quicker than Part 1 because it doesn't think it just does. What the book goes into detail is how to quiet Part 1 and let Part 2 take over. Instead of focusing on making a layup you just do it. Instead of thinking how you should catch the ball you just catch it. Now just letting Part 2 take over isn't everything. This is where practice really helps. Doing skill drills and repeating technique prepares you for when you let go of your thoughts. Your body has muscle memory of doing the movement, catching a football, making a layup, taking a shoot on net, and now it can just do it.
As a final note good coaching helps too as my old rugby coach used to repeat to me when I was scared of messing up "If you're going to make a mistake make an offensive mistake"

> my brain knows how to play but for some reason it can't translate that to my hands

I'd reccommend a book called The Inner Game of Tennis. It's in the context of tennis, but really it's about how to build muscle memory and confidence in performance. I used it to help me play competitive smash bros, and honestly I use this pretty much anytime I'm learning something new.

Play more in public. Volunteer to play at church, or for a nursing home. Perform for your family, your friends, your classmates.

The thing is, performance anxiety and nerves don't just go away. As you get more experience performing, you get more used to them, to the point where I've heard (and read) professionals talking about how nerves are that extra little spark that makes a performance more special than a rehearsal - in other words, their anxiety doesn't disappear, it becomes a part of how they perform.

Now, all that said, there are things you can do to help you cope with the side effects of nerves on your playing. If this is something you're serious about tackling head-on, I highly, highly recommend tracking down either Performance Success or Audition Success by Don Greene. Perhaps see if your local public or college library has a copy or can borrow one via interlibrary loan before buying either one yourself. Two other books I see recommended a lot (that might be easier to find at your local library) are Zen in the Art of Archery and The Inner Game of Tennis, both of which have valuable insights that can be applied to performing. (The is even an adaptation of the latter called The Inner Game of Music, but I don't feel it adds much to the original.)

But yeah, the best thing you can do overall is to find and create more opportunities to play for more people. Force yourself to step outside of your comfort zone often enough, and you'll find it soon becomes comfortable. We've all been there to some extent!

You should read (or listen to the audiobook of) The Inner Game of Tennis.

Trust me, it's about more than just tennis. It's how to perform at your peak in anything competitive and it's incredibly good.

Difficult to beat u/runeaway will all the resources in his response. A lot of helpful stuff in there.

Perhaps some anecdotal examples from my personal practices will give you some insight. I started a journal a few months ago and keep it pretty simple.

Every morning I read a section from a classic Stoic text such as Meditations, The Enchiridion, Seneca's letter's, etc... and try to write out what the text is saying in my own words along with any additional notes I feel are important, usually in bullet point format. The Daily Stoic is helpful for this since it has a quote for every day of the year.

I then follow up by asking myself "What did I do well yesterday? What did I do poorly?" and write out my responses. This allows me to reflect on the day before to see if I am acting in line with my ideals.
Usually only takes me about 15 - 20 minutes to complete this exercise so it is not difficult to keep up with.

Also, it is not necessarily a Stoic practice, but a few individuals here including myself like to engage in some form of mindfulness meditation. I personally do 5 - 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation sitting in a chair after writing in my journal.

After that I like to do about 10 minutes of quick exercises (a form of practicing discomfort).

Then it is off to work. On the commute I typically do some form of negative visualization of the day ahead.

Hope you found that somewhat insightful. Best of luck to you in your everyday practices!

/u/db_helper you have been summoned! I'll bet a $1 he's super excited to reply to this post! ;-)

Edit: I actually have a recommendation that is unlikely to be given by others. The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living. It's not a typical book that you sit down a read cover to cover. Instead you get one little nugget of each wisdom each day to read and consider. As someone that sometimes finds my available time each day lacking, I really like it.

https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

I'm glad it was helpful. I can't take all the credit, its my rendition from today's Daily Stoic Meditation which you can buy here

I have seen incredible change. I started using Ryan Holiday's The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance and the Art of Living as a journal prompt. Not everyday is relevant, but it has become an important part of my nightly ritual. I have recently added Deng Ming-Dao's 365 Tao: Daily Meditations to my routine.

Soon after getting involved with stoic thought, I made a New Year's resolution to stop swearing. I did it because I realized a lot of my negative traits were tied up with how I spoke to the world. My swearing worsened my agitation and led to poor interactions. Swearing cheapened me, and I can see now my anger was often directed at things I cannot change. I was angry at things I could not change, and that only made me more angry.

I have a simple example from this month. My town sewer line backed up and flooded my basement with sewage. It sucked. But I didn't get angry. I dealt with it. I called the town and they fixed the issue. The insurance company paid me. It has been a lot of work, but some good has come of it, too. I have discarded many things I do not need. My life is simpler now. And I have seen what good friends I have who came to help.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living

Ryan Holiday has a book, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living. Not really calendar, but still does it by day, so "book-calender".

Here are some excerpts from "today" *(Not sure where you live, so...)***:

>“November 28th
>
>IT’S NOT ON THEM, IT’S ON YOU
>
>—————————
>
>“If someone is slipping up, kindly correct them and point out what they missed. But if you can’t, blame yourself—or no one.”
>
>—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 10.4
>
>A good teacher knows that when a student is failing, the blame falls on the instructor, not the pupil. How much more generous and tolerant would we be if we could extend this understanding to other spheres in our life? To be able to see that if a friend is unreliable, maybe it’s because they don’t know what’s wrong or because we haven’t tried to help them fix their flaw. If an employee is underperforming, just talk to them or figure out if they’re lacking in support. If someone is being annoying, try talking to them about the problem with their behavior, or ask yourself: Why am I being so sensitive?
>
>And if this doesn’t work, try letting it go. It might be an isolated incident anyway.”

&**

>“November 29th
>
>YOU’RE GOING TO BE OK
>
>—————————
>
>“Don’t lament this and don’t get agitated.”
>
>—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 7.43
>
>There’s that feeling we get when something happens: It’s all over now. All is lost. What follows are complaints and pity and misery—the impotent struggle against something that’s already occurred.
>
>Why bother? We have no idea what the future holds. We have no idea what’s coming up around the bend. It could be more problems, or this could be the darkness before the dawn.
>
>If we’re Stoic, there is one thing we can be sure of: whatever happens, we’re going to be OK.”

You can check out u/Stoic_MOTD — no means a calendar either, but trying to do a quote a day. Here is a link to today's [HERE]

Have you heard of Cal Newport? He talks a lot about what organizational skills and study habits you need to develop (and how to develop them) to succeed in college. Read his book "How to be a straight a student". You should be able to get it free from the library. His blog also contains a lot of the same material. Check out the posts linked at the bottom of this page. I recommend the book, since it's a concise way to absorb all the information.

Treat this as a learning experience. What can you do differently now that'll help you succeed? Does your school has a student success center that focuses on teaching students study skills? What about a tutoring center? A writing center? Make appointments at these places and gather resources to get yourself back on track.

How good are your study skills?

Doing things like...

• Planning your time effectively
  
• Taking good notes on lectures and readings
  
• Not procrastinating
  
• Practicing problems for more technical courses "math, chemistry, physics, technology"
  
• Using memory and recall/retrieval for more liberal arts courses "social studies, english, biology"
  
  etc etc.
  
  I think this book really helps to learn better studying skills, where I learned most of what I know.
  
  For actually getting help, check your schools library (if they have one at CC) or just use the internet. Especially with programming classes, there are many tutorials on Youtube and subreddits like /r/learnprogramming

No problem! You don't come off as a brat at all. You're asking for help, and that's a step most people won't even do. They just sit in their little, sad situations and struggle for no reason. You're not like that. Chin up.

College is the first time I'm getting a support group offline. My parents refuse to acknowledge any and all kind of "mental illness", as they call it. So I definitely had to deal with a lot of coping growing up.

I started scheduling because I read this book. I know it might not apply to you now, but if you're curious THAT book was the one that changed the course of my college career- mostly because of its explanation of scheduling. If I had never read it I would undoubtedly not have so much work done ahead of time. But anyway, I am currently a college student so everything here is from a college student's perspective:

I understand what it's like to not want to confine to a schedule, really. In fact, I don't think I've ever done everything I schedule in a single day. See: http://i.imgur.com/bHNx0m4.jpg

Boxed in red is my schedule for the day, circled in green is stuff I didn't finish-- and it's okay, because my life deserves some flexibility. Because sometimes, I don't want to do math at that particular moment.

So I don't do it.

ADHD doesn't always let me sit still and do work. However, I make an effort to do something else productive, like some other assignment or drawing or reading. Something that's not Reddit. My rule is that I work 5 days a week, from 8 am to 8 pm. This is how I get ahead. I know 12 hours seems like a lot but I set aside an hour for lunch usually and I try to give myself 15 minute breaks every 45 minutes of work, Pomodoro style.

Sometimes I'm not even able to make myself productive. I Reddit or navel-gaze or sleep for a couple hours. It happens. It's okay. I'm usually ahead anyway. Let myself have a break.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, scheduling doesn't have to be this completely restrictive thing. It is actually very freeing. I am much kinder to myself now than I was before without scheduling-- because back when I didn't schedule, I ended up with a lot of backlog, which meant that I often was forced to work for hours on end. It sucked.

tl;dr: Scheduling, and doing work when I feel like doing work, allows me to make free time later that I can mess around with. It's like karma! Do good now, and you can reap the benefits at a later time. And what I do:

1. Look at stuff that's due soon
   
   
2. Schedule that stuff for your day, with time ranges (2:00 - 3:30 pm - Classics reading)
   
   
3. Do stuff when it's that time.
   
   
4. If unable to do #3, do something else productive.
   
   
5. Relax if you can't finish everything because you've probably done plenty today anyway.

>when I move onto the next chunk either the next day or the next hour as I'm learning the new content the old fades away

It's important to apply different learning techniques to different types of material. You can't effectively study literature in the same way you study math. Figuring out which strategies work best for different topics, specifically for you, is a trial-and-error process. Others might be able to provide more specific insights, but I would also suggest trying to integrate new material into your existing knowledge. Rote memorization is sometimes necessary, but you'll never retain information learned through that method unless you find a way to add significance to it.

In some subjects, this process might occur almost effortlessly. When studying history, for example, learning new information that (perhaps subtly) changes the way you view the world allows you to apply your knowledge without much conscious effort. Other subjects, like math, may require more deliberate effort (i.e. consistent practice) before new knowledge is fully integrated into your existing understanding of the subject. You'll need to figure out what specific efforts you need to make in order to successfully apply and integrate new knowledge in different subjects.

You won't remember things that aren't significant to you, for the most part, so figuring out how to make information matter, at some level, is helpful. I don't mean that everything you learn has to be life-changing, but you should try to find a way to make new material seem at least mildly interesting (this often occurs naturally as you start to really understand the material). It's even better if you can make it useful in some way. Rote memorization might work for a test the next day, but you won't remember that material in the long run unless you're able to integrate it into your existing knowledge and apply it in some way.

>And on the topic of developing my comfort of less "immediately-rewarding tasks" how would I even do that?

As someone else mentioned, part of the challenge here may be (at least superficially) dopamine-related. I'm not diagnosing you with ADHD - what I'm referring to is our modern (technological) world of instant gratification. Video games, reddit, TV (news channels, commercials, short video clips in general), and even food (fast food + pre-made microwavable meals) help to condition us away from tasks that require sustained effort (like studying) without providing immediate and rewarding feedback.

To become more comfortable performing tasks like those, you have to both make the tasks easier (i.e. take regular breaks, use the most efficient methods for each specific task, etc.) and decrease your need for instant gratification. In regard to the latter recommendation, I would suggest limiting instantly-gratifying activity, in general, and confining it to specific places and times. You need to make instant gratification the exception, not the rule. You don't need to give up video games, but plan time for playing video games like you plan study sessions. A big part of doing that successfully lies in reducing temptation, examples of which could include not studying next to where you game or keeping your phone (and reddit) out of site while studying.

Hope that helps. There's a lot of information on learning strategies out there, but it can be hard to find and dissect. I've heard good things about Cal Newport's book on studying, so that's an additional resource you could check out if it interests you.

Have you considered nursing? I'm not sure on your sex, but if you're male the stigma has greatly gone down. It's not as well paying as a doctor but still pays well and sorta sounds like what you want to do.

For studying check out Cal Newport's book How to Become a Straight A Student. The best book I've read on study habits and learning how to study. It's not one of those books that about "well you need to study 23242 hours in one week to get a C" or some bullshit. It is a quick and fun read and it has helped me out a lot in college.

• Anki.
  It's a flashcard program structured around spaced repetition. Repetition is the only way to memorize things that aren't traumatic and spaced repetition is the most efficient repetition for us.
  
  
• Another reliable memory technique is to make a "memory palace."
  You basically pick an area you're very familiar with (your house, your favorite running route, etc), then put stuff you want to remember on different parts of the path. The more senses you can apply, the easier it'll be to remember them.
  Check out this TED talk when you can.
  
  
• Summarize what you want to learn, and read over this list right before you go to bed and right when you wake up. We do a lot of memory consolidation when we sleep.
  
  
• I've heard good things about ice baths, if you ever really need to memorize something really quick. Even just putting your arm in ice would help. It'll be uncomfortable, but you'll remember the experience.
  
  
• Check out this blog for some general good study tips and philosophies. For really good strategies, I can't recommend his book enough.
  
  
• I got a lot out of this ebook too.
  
  Hope it helps man!

Two books to read are Cal Newport's How to Win at College and How to Become a Straight A-Student.

After reading his books, check out his blog, Study Hacks.

I don't think you made a wrong decision. Your GPA is good and computer science is a valuable degree to have this days. If you get a couple of internships on the way you'll be set. Just try not to let your GPA slide.

I can give you some hints I've tried myself to streamline workload. Everyone needs a system. I use Things, which is a Get Things Done software for project and priority management. You deplete time and resources worrying about things, if you empty them somewhere in a way you can visualize it it's way less daunting. There are books on GTD, it works.

I like this book on getting better grades.

Does your college has a counseling service you can go to?

You might find this book interesting: https://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Markets-Incerto/dp/0812975219

Hey now, you're 18 years old. There's no shame in not knowing what an ETF is, and you're probably getting a head-start on 90% of your peers by investing this young.

ETFs are Exchange Traded Funds. ETFs are bundles of securities (stocks if you'd like) and they trade like regular stocks. Vanguard's VOO follows the S&P 500 index step for step. So, when you see on the news that the S&P 500 closed 1.25% higher, you can rest assured that your VOO investments gained 1.25% -ish also. The S&P 500 index is based on market caps from 500 of the largest companies. So (for simplicity's sake) when you buy one share of VOO... you're actually buying fractional pieces 500 companies. This allows for instant diversification! Woo! Let's say you invested $1000 33% in Cisco, 33% in Nike, and 33% in Coke. Then we find out that Coke has been draining clean water from 3rd world countries in order to sell their product ~~~ Huge PR issue and legal problems! Coke drops 15% over the course of a week. Now your entire $1000 portfolio is down 5%. That sucks. If you had VOO, your portfolio would barely be affected by Coke's bad news.

Since you have a few years before you can start investing, I recommend reading these two books: Winning the Losers Game by Charles Ellis and Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Taleb. I read one of these while getting my Undergrad in Business, and I read the other while getting my MBA.

> prove me wrong.

Well, how about A Non-Random Walk Down Wall St, by Andrew Lo & A. Craig MacKinlay?

However, I think the form of TA that you are complaining about is several tiers of effort below that, to which my response is, of course people are Fooled by Randomness. We're hard-wired to consider skill in our successes, luck in our failures and only research winners, never the losers, to see what they have in common as fuel for our aspirational emulation.

It's by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, and it refers to the mistakes made by the designers of financial derivative with respect to the probabilty distribution function of certain components within the equations that govern the liability and pay-out. (Yes, really).

The book itself "Fooled By Randomness" is superb and very highly regarded within the financial community. It helps that he (while coming across as a bit pompous sometimes) is a good writer and explains a lot of pretty specialist knowledge that plays a key part in the financial world; and -by extension- the real world.


http://www.amazon.com/Fooled-Randomness-Hidden-Chance-Markets/dp/0812975219

The book Fooled By Randomness by Nassim Taleb describes the illusion of random events appearing to be meaningful in retrospect. He focusses on stock trading and shows how in periods of growth people with minimal trading skills appear to be experts in investment.

I suspect Jess Phillips is the sort of person he would be talking about. Having achieved a modicum of success through chance and female privilege, she thinks she knows far more than she actually does. A change in the wind will bring the her whole bandwagon down like a market crash.

Hey OP, sorry you feel this way. At your age I was doing really bad and severely depressed too. I'm going to give you the advice I wish I could tell my 18 year old self. First, go to a doctor and get on some meds. I found that with the ADHD meds, as my life started righting itself the depression and anxiety went away.

If you feel like your life sucks, anyone, ADHD or not would feel depressed and anxious. So your first step is work on your ADHD. Second, read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Fastlane-Crack-Wealth-Lifetime/dp/0984358102/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473093068&sr=8-1&keywords=the+millionaire+fastlane

Don't let the title fool you, it is not gimmicky at all. Out of all the self-help books on finance and wealth I've ever had, I threw all of them out except for this one. If you can't afford it, I'm sure there are free copies out there on the internet. Just find any copy and read it. They have a message board too, filled with people just like you who didn't get good grades and didn't fit the mold of graduate and get a job. Guess what? A lot of them are rich now, and probably laughing at those teachers who thought they were stupid.

Step 3, start your own business and prove everybody wrong. You won't have to get a job, and can avoid most things that are hard for your ADHD. When you're successful, you won't have to live off your parents, and will probably be able to support them instead of the other way around. You'll give yourself something to be proud of. Not saying it will be easy, but it has been done and can be done again.

I still have a job right now but I'm actively working on my own business. I've met so many great and helpful people on the TMF board that inspired me. TBH working on my own business is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It's been progressing steadily and I will be able to quit working for someone else forever very soon. As someone with ADHD, you can actually use your hyperfocus to your advantage. Lots of famous entrepreneurs have ADHD. I think it's something where people with ADHD actually have an edge over non-ADHD people.

Lastly, please take it easy on yourself. Life can already be hard without your subconscious knocking you down everyday on top of it. Forget about what other people's expectations are for you. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. That sounds cheesy as hell, but if you start developing yourself seriously in any area (like skills, etc), you'll find that it's true. Good luck OP, you got your whole life in front of you. If you give up now it's all over, but if you don't you have until the day you die to make something of yourself.

This book looks really well reviewed:

• https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18872437-the-millionaire-fastlane | 4.4 stars
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Fastlane-Crack-Wealth-Lifetime/dp/0984358102 4.5 stars
  
  Will definitely pick it up... thanks for the notice!

The Millionaire Fastlane. I hate the title because it is not one of those get rich quick books. Instead, it teaches you to think in a different way about how you spend your time, the types of businesses you run, etc. It does sound cliche but it made me change the way I looked at business.

Plus, his forum is phenomenal and he responds directly to reader's questions.

I was a fan of The Millionaire Fastlane and The 4-Hour Workweek. They're more lifestyle than how-to.

I'd imagine some people find them hokey, but if you just take some fundamentals from them and don't treat them as literal at every page they'll give anyone an interesting perspective on entrepreneurship.

> Grad school is not a place to jump ship and figure things out. It's expensive, and may not be worth your time.

This, a thousand times! Don't use grad school as a solution to a "my life sucks, I'm working 80 hours/week for no money" hair-on-fire crisis. Grad school in the US is pretty much the most EXPENSIVE possible way that you could solve such a crisis, and it's not even a guaranteed solution! As for the expense, you have to factor in not only the tuition and books but also the opportunity cost (i.e. the salary you miss out on because instead of having a job, you're in school). If tuition and books is $25,000 and your current salary is $30,000, then a two-year masters is actually costing you $55,000/year, for a total of $110,000.

OP, how about you take all the free time that you would have to spend on getting into grad school (deciding on a degree, researching schools, studying for the GRE, writing essays for your applications, etc.) and instead spend it getting yourself a job with a more normal schedule? Research possible jobs and employers, get help with your resume, practice your interview skills, apply and go to interviews, etc. etc.

Then start your new job. When things settle down a few months in, i.e. after you've gotten the hang of it and have adjusted to your new, more reasonable schedule, then start soul-searching again.

Read this book (best career book I've ever read, and I've read a ton of them): https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

Read this book (best book for those in nonprofit/save the world and/or arts jobs): https://www.amazon.com/Lifelong-Activist-Change-without-Losing/dp/1590560906/

With a better job, you would have time to read those books. To figure out what you really want to do in life. To figure out what the best path to that goal is. And it would NOT cost you $110,000. It would cost you $0. It might even pay YOU, if you happen to find a job with a higher salary or better benefits than what you're getting now.

So first things first: find a way to take your time figuring out what you want to do with your life. If your everyday life isn't an unmanageable crisis anymore, because you have a more normal job and therefore reasonable amount of time to sleep and eat and have a life, then you can take your time to really figure out what you want and what's the best way you can serve.

I had similar thoughts when I left the Corps.

Hard to give advice on what to study, because at some point it has to interest you, or you have be ok learning a lot about it.

The easier thing to say is don't study business/management as an undergrad. It's pointless. There's a reason why the fancy schools don't even offer those degrees. Learn skills.

Start taking classes and then chase where you excel. If you like numbers, go into math or some science program. Or if you're good at writing/talking, chase that.

The key is to keep thinking about how what you're learning becomes a useful skill set for someone who needs to hire people.

Let me suggest two books, both are likely in your public library.

The first book makes the great point that you shouldn't worry about long term goals. Get better at things, take opportunities when they come up, and put your effort into the work. My life got so much better when I finally started living that advice.

https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2016/dp/1501274643

Thank you for sharing these thoughts; I imagine that wasn't easy.

> My parents placed an emphasis on sports, and on winning. However, I have come to realize that this mindset breeds hedonism. When my purpose in life was to win and seek the most benefits for myself, this attitude ultimately led to mental weakness and a lack of willpower when it came to pleasureful activities. In my opinion, even the goal of being happy leads to a hedonistic lifestyle.

The way I see it, feelings of happiness fall on a spectrum between pleasure (short-lived, visceral, shallow) and joy (long-lasting, subtle, deep), and while seeking pleasure is hedonism, seeking joy is not. Helping others brings (most of) us joy, and altruism is pretty near the opposite of hedonism.

The trick, I think, is balancing our desires for pleasure and joy, as each provides its own stability. Not experiencing pleasure leaves us irritable and unpleasant, while lacking joy leaves us purposeless and depressed. Neither state is ideal for accomplishing anything.

> And now, here I am. I am utterly confused now, when it comes to my life's goals. Should my goal be to make contributions in order to improve human civilization? Or something else? Idk.

One approach I suggest you try is this:

• set aside this philosophical question (for now)
  
• find something tangible that you care about doing—that is, something that brings you joy
  
• focus your time and energy on becoming better at that activity.
  
  This advice is based on the "craftsman mindset" advocated by Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You, which he presents in opposition to the "passion mindset" that focuses on the question, "What should I do with my life?"
  
  While this doesn't directly address your philosophical questions, following this approach may provide you with a mental clarity that could help. Think of it as a bottom-up kind of philosophy that generalizes from your actions and experiences, rather than the top-down kind that seeks to impose abstract ideas onto concrete reality.
  
  > Apologies for the rant.
  
  No need to apologize, as this is the kind of thought we BettermentBookClub subs like to discuss. I'll tag /u/PeaceH, /u/Skaifola, and /u/TheZenMasterReturns, who may want to respond to you with their own perspectives. They know much more about Stoicism than I do, so they may even answer your questions, unlike me. :)

You cannot possibly like both equally. If you do, then maybe you don't understand what each field has for you.

Also, passion is not everything either but its a good start IMO. I would highly recommend taking your time and reading this book as well https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

As a counterpoint to the "switch majors" camp, Cal Newport wrote a great book So good they can't ignore you that I read after I got dropped and was questioning pretty much every decision I made in college, and life, thus far. Unless someone literally wrote your application and didn't tell you what your major was going to be, there has to be at least something about it you like.

Newport argues that, rather than passion or gut feeling guiding your academic and career decisions, one should simply embrace the struggle of whatever they're pursuing and endeavor to become the best they can. Through this struggle, they learn to appreciate their craft, rather than beginning with an appreciation and then balking at the inevitable wall that everyone hits when doing something worthwhile. What this all boils down to: the more you learn and expose yourself to the intricacies of your major, the better you'll do, the more you'll end up appreciating it, and the better you'll want to do as a result.

What I recommend is to take a semester to knock out a bunch of geneds (Soc 100 is great for this) and do some independent study on topics in your major to find a niche that you are somewhat interested in. Try and delve as deep as you can into this niche. If you find that you truly can't find anything interesting, then you should probably reconsider majors.

I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:

• Meditating: the best way to re-program your brain IMO ("Wherever you go there you are")
  
• Teaching myself Jazz piano
  
• Diet (Here's my diet)
  
• Fitness (Here's my fitness bible)
  
• Career Development (This)
  
• Productivity & Time Management (too many books to mention, OP PM me if you want this list)
  
• Not watching Porn & Masturbating less frequently (Highly recommended /r/NoFap)
  
• No Alcohol
  
  For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.
  
  For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.
  
  This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)
  
  Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.
  
  
  Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
  "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
  "Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
  "The Talent Code"
  "Man's Search for Meaning"
  "Flow"
  
  Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.
  
  
  (Edit: I suck at formatting)
  
  
  
  
  

off the top of my head:

Meditations, with The Inner Citadel as a reader

Letters from a Stoic

A Guide to the Good Life by Irvine

Do The Work by Pressfield as well as The War of Art by Pressfield

Managing Oneself by Ducker

Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl

What Predicts Divorce by Gottman

Nicomachean Ethics

Models by Manson seems to be popular on reddit

So Good They Can't Ignore You by Newport, as well

I'm currently reading Triumphs of Experience by Vaillant and find it insightful.

Ce strategie ai abordat pentru a te imbunatati ca si programator?

Ce limbaje de programare ai folosit intr-un mod semnificativ pana acum?

Care-i contul tau de github? In ce proiecte Open Source esti implicat?

De la ce suma ai putea sa declari ca nu mai duci grija banilor?

Ca si sfat, iti recomand sa citesti 2 carti: The Adventures of Johnny Bunko si So good they can't ignore you. Daca intelegi mesajele din astea 2 carti, o sa fii ok, chiar super ok.

48 Laws of Power would be a great starting point.

You may also find some value in the likes of The Game for learning charisma and attractiveness. There's also a [pretty incredible TV series](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series) about the same topic. This scene is/was full of douchebags of course, but there are lessons here to be learned.

What Every Body is Saying for mastery of body language. This WILL change the way you interact with others, as you start to read what they are doing as they do it and respond accordingly.

The granddaddy of persuasion is Influence. I am reading this for the third time right now and it is just packed with powerful tools you can use in business and in life.

Oh it should go without saying that How To Win Friends and Influence People is essential reading for any entrepreneur. I use lessons I learned from this book every time I deal with an unhappy client or contractor.

Sounds like you need to consult the atheist bible . I was in a similar situation until I decided to grab life by the balls.

I've spent half my life in enterprise and although all these comments have some validity, the truth is, it's important to know when to take shit and from whom. I didn't play the politics game at first and paid dearly. Long story short, when you enter your next job, it is entirely important to be needed and forget liked. That may or may not happen. And for the love of all things, read this:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

It changed my career path.

48 laws of power

spy the lie

Both have helped primarily in dealing with management and cutting through the bullshit.

A lot of people consciously/subconsciously want an excuse to exploit other people, and the easiest way is often to think of them as objects not people.

For sex:

For power:

For conquest:

For meaning:

For varying personal reasons:

I'm going to give you an alternative perspective.

The 'Stay Plan' is the same as the 'Go Plan'. Regardless as whether you're with her or not, you must work on you. Having her as the 'sharpening stone' to hone your Frame and MPoO does add a measure of value to your path and your mission. This woman WILL continue to test your Frame, she's doing it now with all the strong emotion. Use her as the metric to your progress.

Contrary to the other voices, there's no urgency here and you have the better hand. Do what it takes to make your hand better. If that means going to another state for a brief, measured period to 'sweeten to pot', then do not lightly take that off the table.

Get your head on straight, retainer a lawyer, and build your plan.

Given your circumstances, the next book you should be reading is The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Like right now!

It's a phenomenal book by Robert Greene on how those in positions of power/authority act to gain/keep power, and get others to do what you want.

Very interesting if nothing else, really enjoyed reading it.

Would definitely recommend.

https://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1572999922&sr=8-1

I am a few years older than you and I have been going hard with books lately. It's not amazing, but I am on track to finishing about ~400 books by the time I am 30. I am also going for quality more than quantity. As in, if I feel like I didn't digest a particular book, I will keep at it and put other books on hold.

In any case, here are my top 3 recommendations:

1.) The Essential Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson

2.) The 48 Laws of Power

3.) The Autobiography of Malcolm X

Also, Influence by Robert Cialdini is excellent. One of my favorites.

A little cautionary warning about asking people for recommendations though: Be careful about following other people's lists because those book won't vibe with you the same way. Each of us had our own unique life experiences, so you should be ideally choosing your own books. Lists are good for clues/inspiration though. Frequently, books choose me, not the other way around.

Also, try to keep track of the books (and knowledge) you read. I keep a single page HTML page with all the books I read along with a short note in reverse chronological order. I also have the option of putting this list online in the future if I need to.

Frame is dynamic rather than static. You may enter as guest and still be comfortable, receive all the attention and people would want to follow you around.

The 48 Laws of Power is a great book about frame.

Sometimes you need to burn your own house down in order to maintain your frame!

First and foremost, 48 Laws of Power. It will show you 100+ ways other people have tried and where they failed and succeeded. It's a great introduction. Get this first.

A lot for these are free on gutenberg.org

Meditations - On being ethical and virtuous in a position of power.


33 strategies of war - A great companion to the 48 laws.

Art of war - Ancient Chinese text on war and power. All but covered in 48 laws.

Hagakure - Japanese text on war and power. All but covered in 48 laws.

On war - Military strategy from Napoleonic era. All but covered in 48 laws.

Rise of Theodore Roosevelt - Amazing book.

Seeking Wisdom from Darwin to Munger - Abstract thought models and logic patterns of highly successful people.

The Obstacle is the Way - Not labeled a book on power, more like thriving during struggle, which is important to a leader.

Machiavelli: The Prince - Pretty much the opposite of meditations. All but covered in 48 laws.


Also, here's a good TED talk on why power/civics is important to study: http://www.ted.com/talks/eric_liu_why_ordinary_people_need_to_understand_power?language=en


If you've gone over these and want something more specialized, I can probably help.

Are you planning on taking us over with force or charm?

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.

This book has been instrumental for me https://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197
Useful to understand scenarios where people acted differently than you would expect and position yourself well

Your $7k in credit card debt is a big warning signal to me too. Your debt is part of your total financial picture. So while you may have put 20% of your income away last year for retirement, clearly you didn't manage very well living off of the other 80%, because you went into debt.

If you would put away $1k towards retirement in a month, but you would also go $1k further into debt that same month, you did not come out ahead, you actually stalled or may even have gotten worse (if the interest rate on the debt is higher than the profits in the retirement account).

Maybe a kick-in-the-butt helps, and I'll use MrMoneyMustache for that, since he's funny.

Maybe reading "Your money or your life" by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominquez might help you to see "money" in a different light, and thus makes you more careful in how you spend it?

Maybe it helps to write down your reasons to get a better grip on your finances - for example: if you would pay off that credit card debt this year, then next year you'd probably have roughly $8k more to spend than this year, and if you keep being smart about your money, that $8k could go to something that you really care about... (I don't know what that is, but you perhaps do? What would you buy if you had an extra 8k? Or $16k? Or $24K?).

It sounds like you could really benefit from reading "Your Money Or Your Life". I was in the same place in my late 20s, and it really helped change my attitude toward money and become more focused on achieving my goals.

Here's an interview with one of the authors.

A few years back, I was unhappy at my position. When I told my boss I was resigning, he asked me why and I expressed my concerns, particularly with many of the tasks I was spending my time on. He suggested that if I didn't like doing them, then to stop and spend my time on the tasks that truly interested me. He also pointed out that the worst thing that could happen was that my employer would fire me and I was already prepared to quit.

While this advise wouldn't work for many situations, it was very timely for me, because I had been spending much of my time addressing areas that others in the organization should have been responsible for. With this advise, I completely changed my focus and began to enjoy my job. I ended up staying with the company for an additional 3 years and consider that time some of the most successful part of my career.

I know that it sounds cliche, but my big learning was that sometimes we make our own happiness and that happiness can be found right where we're at. In my case, I wasn't properly establishing boundaries and employees are always happy to move their work to someone else. Of course, sometimes we're just in a bad situation (or the wrong job) and need to move on.

My advise is to decide why you're unhappy and act accordingly. Is it because of the job? Or because your social life is lacking? If you decide it's work related, I would suggest having a conversation with your boss to discuss your concerns and put together a plan to make it better. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn't. Again, the worst that can happen is that you decide it's time to move on.

And lastly, I would recommend reading Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominquez (http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320519091&sr=8-1). Not only is it a great book on frugality, but it also does a great job of putting work into context of our overall lives.

This is one of the things I liked about Your Money or Your Life. It advocates identifying where you can cut expenses that are less of a priority but reminds the frugal person that life is also to be enjoyed, and you shouldn't deprive yourself of the things that give you joy just because they cost more.

u/GravityTxT, geekguy has the best advice on this thread. "will, fortitude, and action".

I never earned much money and retired at 35 to travel full-time. It's not about how much you earn, but how much you spend.

If all my investments magically disappeared and I had to start again, I would get a job in rural Japan, doing something I like, where housing is essentially free, and there's a labor shortage. That's an immediate strong economic position from which to rebuild capital.

Do what you love, avoid lifestyle inflation, enjoy life.

And as a former software industry worker, I say the industry is awful for quality of living, and emotional fulfillment. IT, too.

You need to get concrete on what you want out of life. Read Your Money or your Life by Dominguez/Robin.

If you're a numbers guy read http://earlyretirementextreme.com/, if you're a heart guy read https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/. Even if you want to work to 75, these are great resources for living a examined life, rather than just floating along.

Basically you must work on paying off your debts and still save as much as you can every month until you reach the point where you have saved so much money that you can live on the interests/dividends/passive income (such as renting out a room or an apartment), for the rest of your life, without working.

How long it will take you to get to that point depends on your annual spending, how much debt you have, and how much of your income you are able to save. Some people have done it in 5 years by living extremely frugally, even while raising a family. The point is not how much money you make, but what % of your monthly income you are able to save.

I highly recommend the book "Your Money or Your Life", but you can start by watching some YouTube videos and read online blogs.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143115766/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_AzgLub0DM3CSF

This one?

There is a very good chance it is possible. The keys are to (a) spend very little money, and (b) make a decent bit of money.

A potential reading list includes

• https://smile.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766/
  
• https://smile.amazon.com/Jacob-Lund-Fisker/e/B0049I0MOI/
  
• http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/
  
• http://earlyretirementextreme.com/
  
• /r/leanfire/
  
• /r/financialindependence/
  
  If you don't track your spending, start. Be deliberate as you change it in the future. A lot of people don't even understand where their money goes.
  
  > I am still renting my living space ($650/month)
  
  Sounds like a likely-good decision.
  
  > hope to have a family...in the future (hopefully before retirement).
  
  Raising kids has a lot of cost, but also varies a ton by how you do it.
  
  If your partner is of one mind about living frugally and retiring early, you can cut costs by sharing things and can encourage each other. Most people aren't of that mind, so this is a common struggle.
  
  > hope to...own a home in the future (hopefully before retirement).
  
  I would encourage you to rethink this as an end unto itself. Owning a home makes sense sometimes for some people in some places. Other times, renting makes more sense. To the extent that owning a home is a sign of being a responsible, stable, grownup, it's just a status symbol. Don't chase status symbols.
  
  Try to analyze the decision to buy a house rather than renting in terms of whether it actually makes sense for your situation.
  
  > My question is, how much money does someone like me need to have in order to completely retire at 40-45 and still live comfortably?
  
  The common rules of thumb range from 20x-50x your annual expenditures for whatever 'live comfortably' means to you. The online community of early retirees and (more often) hopeful early retirees tends to push 25x your annual expenditures. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/ plugs in some assumptions and computes, with tons of assumptions, the target savings rate to let yourself retire by a certain age.
  
  Any such rule of thumb has tons of variability based on risk tolerance, the unpredictable future, details to tax, details to pensions, tax-deferred savings, social security, etc., but these things can be approached by some pencil-sharpening when you're closer in. The main things are (a) make a lot of money, and (b) don't spend much money.

I first read this book in a college course about persuasion, it's a great read not just for PUA but most of it will apply for that.

I'm going from memory but there is a chapter in there about perceived value. Raise the price and people will want it more. PUA equivalent, confidence increases perceived value.

If people really want to geek out on this kind of stuff pick up:
http://www.amazon.com/Thank-You-Arguing-Aristotle-Persuasion/dp/0307341445

Our schools need to teach more ethics and rhetoric.

Thank You for Arguing -- It's sort of a Cliff's Notes for rhetoric. Really interesting stuff.

The Definitive Book of Body Language -- If you practice a bit, these tells can really come in handy

Te dejo un link a un libro que trata de este tema: So Good They Can't Ignore You, de Cal Newport.

To be honest, I've never really participated in a traditional hiring process, so I don't know. I'm confident enough in my general competence that applying for jobs in the future doesn't really scare me. It seems your career philosophy is fairly traditional, which isn't a bad thing, but I do think "committing" less to one specific track can save you a lot of stress.

I would check out So Good They Can't Ignore You, by Cal Newport. If you can learn to work around your ailments and hone a special skillset, I believe you'll be respected and desirable as an employee! I don't know about outdoorsy stuff, but I am confident you can pave a way for yourself to do something at least park ranger-esque. Though you'll need to play the long game. Keep learning after college and consider everything research for eventual perfect job- one that caters to your interests + skills while accommodating your illness.

I know it sounds out there, but this sort of strategy could really be the way of the future. It's a risk worth taking, given that a traditional path (e.g. climbing a corporate ladder) is excessively difficult for PWN.

Another thing to consider is how to cope in an existing job or career, instead of looking for another one. It's not always possible, but sometimes you can alter yourself or your job to make things better.

The book So Good They Can't Ignore You has some good insights, but is long-winded about them. https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/1455509124/

Degrees mean less than people think. Just ask any of the hordes of recent grads with generic liberal arts degrees about their job search. Unless you lay the groundwork in college and have a plan (e.g. doing internships to get you real world experience), or you have a very practical and technical major like engineering, a degree's not going to be much help getting you a job. Most people I know in that situation are settling for jobs that have nothing to do with their major and don't really make use of their education at all. I'm basing this on personal experience and various things I've read, but I'm sure you can find articles and evidence of this to show your detractors if you do some googling.

Why is this the case? Because in the real world, companies hire people to solve actual problems they're having - they're looking for someone with skills that will help their business. With the trend toward people changing companies (and even career paths) more and more frequently, companies are also getting less and less willing to develop people on the job, and it's more important to have useful skills you can provide out of the gate.

What does this mean? When planning your career, you need to think about what skills are valuable in the economy and develop your career capital accordingly. Some professions have strict credentialing systems, and you'll need to have the certificates to get into them (like medicine, law, and teaching). These are special cases, though - most jobs that companies are hiring for require skills and experience, not certificates.

Ok, how does this relate to OSSU? Learning software engineering and computer science is a solid career strategy that provides flexible and valuable career capital. The U.S. Bureau of Labor projects the Software Developer jobs will grow much faster than average over the next 10 years. The prevalence of coding bootcamps proves that it's possible to learn software development skills and get a high paying job with no relevant "official" certification or college degree. (I went through a coding bootcamp and went from no programming experience to a 6 figure job in Silicon Valley in less than a year).

If you're going to learn on your own without getting a degree, it's important that you have something to show for it that employers can look at to see the skills you've developed. That's why it's important to do projects and have an online portfolio where you can showcase them. If you can demonstrate that you have a useful skill, then you'll be a more attractive candidate than someone who just has some random degree.

I'd recommend the book So Good They Can't Ignore You and the website 80,000 Hours for further reading on career strategy. Hopefully some of that is helpful for you. I think you have a great plan and will be miles ahead of your peers if you follow through on it. All of that's not to say that you definitely shouldn't get a degree, but you'll probably have the luxury of passing on it if you work to develop employable skills on your own time.

Diagnosed ADHD-PI, professional software developer here; working on an agile team building SaaS apps for large retailers.

Answers:
It's been 4 years since my bachelor's and I have no professional experience; nothing to show for that time really, except a failed grad school project. Is there anything I can do so this doesn't look so bad to recruiters?

• Start putting all the code you're most proud of on your GitHub in public repositories, and try to finish at least one open source thing.
  
  
• Start answering questions on Stack Overflow.
  
  
• Hiring managers just want to see how you solve problems and work with other developers -- so contributing to open source is a huge one.
  
  What skills could I work on now that would prepare me for professional work? I hear people gripe about recent grads having no experience with version control, continuous integration, etc. I'm familiar with most of these
  
  
• Getting really familiar with Github, and some kind of workflow like git-flow is a huge one, but also read up on Agile because many companies are using that method to organize coding tasks -- see if you can learn a tracker like Jira or Pivotal in demo mode (would be a bonus)
  
  
• Try to get really checked out and well versed in at least one framework...(Angular, React, Vue, Laravel, Rails, etc) you can kind of pick one you're already pretty familiar with and there will be jobs out there for it.
  
  
• Again look for open issues on open source projects written in langs and frameworks you're familiar with, fork them, fix them, and submit PRs -- this will give you rep on GitHub and prove you can collaborate effectively. https://github.com/trending
  
  Should I mention my ADHD diagnosis and the difficulties I had, or just say that I took a year off for personal reasons and leave it at that?
  
  
• Our team lead talked openly about his ADHD during his interview and he still got hired. I have not mentioned mine as I got my formal diagnosis after already being at this company for a while but it's pretty common in the industry
  
  Do you ever have any doubts about whether you like programming enough? Like I said, sometimes I'm super enthusiastic about my projects. Other times I can't get started, so it makes me doubt myself.
  
  
• Absolutely. It really helps to work for a company that you KNOW supports learning and doing things the right way.... and a company that is working on apps that you have some interest in. If you can drink the kool-aid so-to-speak it helps keep you interested. I've worked for companies that made me question the career altogether, and now I work at one I really love and I'm glad I didn't change course. (they fly us to conferences, we do pair programming, there's lots of time for research and refactoring etc.)
  
  Do you have a particular workflow that works well for you and the people you work with? (pomodoro, break the day into 2-hour chunks, etc)
  
  
• I use the methods in this book to the best of my ability: https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Work-Focused-Success-Distracted/dp/1455586692... which is essentially find the time of day (or night) that you are sharpest and go into an increasingly long period of very focused work where you've created an environment free from all distractions (no phone, no browser tabs with reddit etc..) The rest of my day I break up into 30-40 minute chunks with walks and stretching in between. Nobody can write clean code for 9 hours straight. I also use WunderList religiously. I have categories in WunderList for every aspect of my life and I organize my days from start to finish as a "Today," list. I try to follow the list. Obviously life throws you curve balls but it's been a huge help.
  
  Do you ever lack perseverance when you hit a snag? If so, what do you do about it? I like programming recreationally, because if there's a bug I can't figure out I'll step away (sometimes for hours), and then see it with fresh eyes. In a professional environment this feels like I'm goofing off.
  
  
• This is a tough one.... the answer for me is yes....but I also tend to get so frustrated that I try to push through and solve the problem for too long past my ability to be effective. I continually prove this to myself because I eventually have to step away if it's really difficult -- and when I come back refreshed the solution comes pretty quickly.. (usually)... I often quit for the day having not solved something, do my evening tasks, sleep, and then wake up immediately knowing the answer.
  
  Any other relevant/interesting details you can share about your experiences will be super-appreciated.
  
  
• Stick with it -- it is very challenging for anyone to become a good dev -- and even moreso for us... but there are some aspects of the way our brains work that makes this the perfect career. Most ADHD people love a challenge when something sparks their interest, and the hyper focus bouts allow us to often come up with very clever solutions. Let us know how it goes and good luck.
  
  edit: I am prescribed 30mg IR adderall. I don't take it every day but I do use it often
  
  

I had this problem. I read a book by a computer science professor, Cal Newport. He has some Ted talks on the subject too if you can't make it through a book.

He talks about why this is happening to a lot of people who need a high degree of concentration to do hard work. He cites brain studies that show how gadgets and social media and such are literally changing the way our brains work.. it's becoming more difficult for everyone to concentrate, not just programmers.

He also gives direct, practical advice for retraining your brain to do deep work like programming.

I really liked the book, and his techniques were very effective for me. Here's a link Deep Work by Cal Newport

Hey friend, I'm in the same boat (graphic design.) I need to build my portfolio to change jobs & move this year, but I've been severely lacking in all forms of motivation & discipline. While design is my career & passion and I truly do love it, I never learned the self-discipline tactics to stay on a schedule. Any schedule I've made for myself in the past falls apart almost immediately. And when I do get into the right mindset to work, it's hard for me to focus for long periods of time. The work that I usually love becomes dull and the sweet siren songs of Youtube & reddit beckon me away.

​

I've been procrastinating on this for two years now. I know. It's bad.

​

A few months ago I realized I'm almost always inadvertently waiting for a "breakthrough" in my mental state. I'm essentially closing my eyes and hoping that a gush of motivation will wash over me. That all my previous excuses will suddenly stop making sense & my brain will eagerly jump forward with all the energy and ambition I'm missing. I've become somewhat addicted to self-improvement tactics, testing every new theory in hopes that it'll be my "big break." It feels like something is off in my clockwork, and if only I could find the one widget or gear to fix it, all my internal hangups, procrastination, fear, and demotivation will be solved.

​

Well, it's been two years. A breakthrough hasn't arrived yet. I've realized it's not coming.

​

I've exhausted so much self-help that I'm exhausted by all the self-help. I'm tired of tricks and quick-fixes to getting work done. Because they don't work in the long term (a quick-fix, by definition, is temporary.) It's becoming abundantly clear that I cannot manipulate myself into doing work that I don't want to do. I just have to do it.

​

So I'm retraining my brain's habits. When I sit down at my desk, I almost physically crave distraction. I don't want to be faced with my work and all its failures (actual & potential.) I literally grit my teeth and visualize the new neural pathways forming in my brain (or at the very least, the old ones breaking.) The only way to solidify new habits is to DO THEM, because they get easier with time. And it's worth it to remind yourself that if it's difficult today- if everything in your body revolts at the thought of putting pen to paper- this is the worst it's going to feel, and you CAN push past the resistance. Repetition breeds ease.

​

I'm a perfectionist and a procrastinator. Creating stuff scares me to death. Putting it into a portfolio for the world scares me to death. Also it's just hard work. You know as well as I do that art is just as much a job as anything else. It takes effort- effort that we often don't have or want to conjure. So I'm relearning how to fall in love with the boredom, and how to crave a flow state, and how to sit down and focus instead of throwing an attention-span tantrum about how I don't want to do this.

​

Because there will never be a perfect day, or a perfect mood, or a perfect time. You will never feel insanely motivated and inspired to do your work (I mean, you might, but give up that vision as a solution. It's not reliable.) People romanticize dedication to a habit (have you seen the fans of fitness gurus on Instagram?) but you can't romanticize the work. It's dirty and frustrating, painful and exhausting. But it's meaningful, and that's why you resist it- because it's important to you, and maybe you're scared it won't live up to your expectations or that your goals are unattainable. It's okay to feel afraid. It's okay to feel uninspired, or bored, or tired, or hungry, or grumpy. It's okay to feel like you want to do anything but the work.

Do it anyway.

​

- - -

Despite my earlier claim that all my self-improvement research has been more stifling than helpful, there ARE some resources that have helped me:

​

- Drive by Daniel Pink - on why intrinsic motivation is essential for getting anything meaningful done

- Deep Work by Cal Newport - how to slow down and focus

- Talk to other artists. Seriously. Like, in-person. I'm the most introverted hermit you'll ever meet but when I'm struggling creatively, just TALKING to another designer pumps up my spirits. I hate small talk and I hate social interaction (hello, social anxiety) but its benefits are exponential

- Therapy & medication - 'cause you can't muscle through a neurological or psychological problem (without help at least)

- Just start. Draw one line.

- Accountability- if you're good with client deadlines but not your own (raises hand,) get someone to check in on you. Sometimes we just need someone else nagging us to get our lives in line

- Downsize your responsibilities- human beings are very very bad at multitasking & juggling a lot of things at once. For something to take priority, other things need to take a backseat

- Sleep! I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in February. Got a CPAP and who knew I could feel so awake and energetic in the mornings?! It's nuts. But even if you don't have a sleep disorder, sleep is way WAY more important than people realize.

-Red Lemon Club- this is a site/blog/group of people (we have a Slack group) started by this guy named Alex who just gets it. The instagram is worth following alone

The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick)

Give a quick read to Seth Godin's "The Dip" it might help you find what you're looking for! (And I do mean "quick read" -- it's only 96 pages.

Amazon Link

Wikipedia Page

If you're coming to me to ask for more money, I want to know why—how are you making me (my department, the company) this money (including by retaining you, so comps are certainly effective)? We're not a charity. Ditto for being a "senior": presuming your company doesn't have an official set of requirements (and many don't), what have you done to be considered "senior"?

When you walk into a negotiation, have a concrete list of what you've done over the past year or review period, and address any concerns from the previous review solidly (did you had a high opened defect count relative to others? Show that it's halved…). If you had goals, point out where you achieved and exceeded them.

You may need to make this a "baseline" review and do as /u/ericswc suggested and agree on a goal which will get you the raise/promotion on meeting it. Ramit Sethi has some great posts in this area, such as this one. Not everything will apply, but watching the videos is a good way to get techniques into memory. I would also recommend Seth Godin's books Linchpin and perhaps The Dip.

Had this list together from a blog post I wrote a few months ago. Not sure what exactly you're looking for, but these are my favorite books and I'd recommend everybody read them all. There are other great books out there, but this is a pretty well rounded list that touches everything a company needs.

The Lean Startup https://www.amazon.com/Lean-Startup-Entrepreneurs-Continuous-Innovation/dp/0307887898

Business Model Generation https://www.amazon.com/Business-Model-Generation-Visionaries-Challengers/dp/0470876417

Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products https://www.amazon.com/Hooked-How-Build-Habit-Forming-Products/dp/1591847788

Talking to Humans https://www.amazon.com/Talking-Humans-Success-understanding-customers-ebook/dp/B00NSUEUL4

Predictable Revenue https://www.amazon.com/Predictable-Revenue-Business-Practices-Salesforce-com/dp/0984380213

To Sell is Human https://www.amazon.com/Sell-Human-Surprising-Moving-Others/dp/1594631905

Rework https://www.amazon.com/Rework-Jason-Fried/dp/0307463745

Delivering Happiness https://www.amazon.com/Delivering-Happiness-Profits-Passion-Purpose/dp/0446576220

I'd suggest reading one of these:

• The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
  
  
• The 7 Day Startup By Dan Norris
  
  
• The $100 startup by Chris Guillebeau
  
  They're all sort of a good intro to the topic. Good for getting a newbie fired up.
  
  Or alternatively, just type your question into Google.

If you are looking for a deeper understanding of how to build and start a business at lower cost and risk, I would recommend reading: "The $100 Startup" or "Side Hustle". Resources like these advocate finding markets through low cost, low risk attempts to find customer interest and build entrepreneurship skill.

While the furniture business may be viable, your lack of experience and the initial capital investment may make that a better business after you have more confidence in how you can build and develop.

After some searching, looks like it's from "The $100 Startup" by Chris Guillebeau.

https://www.amazon.com/100-Startup-Reinvent-Living-Create/dp/0307951529

Chris Guillebeau wrote two great books:

The Side Hustle

$100 Start-Up

Check them out and let me know what you think.

Cheers,
Greg

It infuriates me that there are so many people that NEED "capital" in this thread.
You need virtually ZERO cash to start a business in this day and age.

---------------------

Read:
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0307951529

Watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h6RsLxro9s

> Trump literally praises putin

No he doesnt

" If that is the type of "nation building" you aspire for Canada or any other nation, leave me out.'
If it means having peaceful relations with other nations count me and all the sane people in as well!
Total opposite of Hillary and her WW3 plans

"Hillary has years of negotiating experience in the State Department."

Worst ever at the State Department

Even if Hillary was half guilty in everything she is accused of, that would just be another thing she has excelled at over Trump.
What drugs are you on? Fentanyl?

Trump has a track record of operating as a Executive for over 30 + years with over 400 successful entities to his name. And he wrote a Best Seller on Business Management. People know he is amazing at decision making which would translate well as President.

"The fact that some 20-40% of the USA is thinking of voting for him speaks volumes to the state of American education systems.'
Smart folk who have done the research will vote for him.

Hell. He wrote the book on it.

Look very closely at your picking technique. To go faster you may have to generate the picking motion from other muscles. The picking motion can come from several places, i.e., rotation at the elbow, rotation of the wrist, pronation/supination of the forearm, or moving the fingers that hold the pick. Research all of these different sources of picking motion, try them and find what works for you at the speed you are targeting. It's very important to find the technique that works for that speed. For some people different speed = different technique.

For your fretting hand, I don't have a lot of advice except practice, build up the coordination. Also, don't hold your fingers too far from the fret board. What I mean is, when you release a note, that is remove a finger from the fret board, make sure you're not lifting it up too high.

Overall, to play fast you have to learn to minimize the amount of energy you're expending for each note for both the picking hand and the fretting hand. Hands have a maximum amount of energy they can put out. You can increase that amount of energy with practice but for everybody there is a ceiling.

Also, check out this book: The Inner Game of Music. It will help you with execution. If you've been playing this long the hangups could be mental, that is, what your mindset is when you're playing. This book can help you find the right mindset.

So, back in college I botched a spot in an orchestra concert and was really beating myself up about it. One of my sectionmates bought me a book that she loved called The Inner Game of Music. It didn’t keep me from screwing up on occasion, but it absolutely helped me get out of my head and over my mental blocks and focus on the music. Definitely worth a read.

Current Band Director, I would highly recommend this book. Helped me get through my nerves as a freshman music major in college.

https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Game-Music-Barry-Green/dp/0385231261/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1525876130&sr=8-3&keywords=the+game+of+music

In 2013, Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg urged women to “lean in” to their power and break through that pesky glass ceiling. Predictably — and correctly — feminists argued that “leaning in” not only left male-dominated corporate culture intact but also depended on underpaid female domestic workers to clean and care for children. Both Sandberg’s book and the critiques of it left actual men out of the analysis, as if leaning in (and sorting out the limits of this proposed solution) was yet more women’s work.

I’m reminded of that omission as we head into the Democratic primary season. More women are seeking the party’s presidential nomination than ever before. And yet a few white men sit at the top of the polls and rake in big fundraising hauls. As candidates such as Sens. Kamala D. Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand and Amy Klobuchar lean in, maybe it’s time for some of their male competitors to find ways to lean out.

Early media coverage of the campaign demonstrates why merely leaning in can’t dismantle the double standards and deep structural misogyny women face. Studies by FiveThirtyEight and my colleagues at Northeastern University found both fewer “media mentions” of female candidates and also more negative coverage than of their male counterparts. Meanwhile, Beto O’Rourke apparently merits multiple profiles, an HBO documentary about his failed Senate run and an Annie Leibovitz photo shoot in Vanity Fair — while Pete Buttigieg got a literally glowing New York magazine cover profile.

The candidates themselves do not demonstrate much more awareness of these dynamics. O’Rourke acknowledged having “privileges that others could not depend on or take for granted,” and then, well, continued to make the case for his candidacy. I suppose he deserves a tip of the hat, if only by comparison to Bernie Sanders, who, when asked if Americans really need another white man as president, replied: “Well, I think you need this one.”

A real reckoning with privilege goes beyond acknowledgment and into action. Given the unbroken record of male presidents and what we know about the double standards under which female candidates run — including obsessive attention to their voices, their bodies, their clothes — it is worth asking what steps male candidates of good faith can take to even the playing field.

First, they could do more than give the notion of privilege a cursory nod.

They could refuse to give interviews to news organizations that have practiced gender discrimination in their coverage of the campaigns and say “no thanks” to the magazine covers that curiously feature only them. They could call out the disproportionate attention they receive, as well as the presumption that they are more electable by virtue of their gender, and instead point out the fact that the women running have already won multiple races, written many books, and have deep executive and policy experience — claims that could not be universally made of their male counterparts.

Male candidates should definitely stop offering a patronizing nod to women through the “offer” of a vice presidential spot on the ticket just so they keep on benefiting from the massive affirmative action plan that is male privilege. Naming Stacey Abrams his running mate wouldn’t actually fix Joe Biden’s problems with women — especially if, as Abrams said, that’s not actually a role she wants. Telling women we can play second fiddle is not proof of a commitment to equality.

Of course, some candidates don’t even offer women that much power. Rep. Seth Moulton of Massachusetts has as his main credential an unsuccessful effort to topple Nancy Pelosi as speaker of the House.

The really radical thing for a male candidate to do in 2020 would be to step down and step away, realizing that real gender equity is achieved only when men actively refuse the benefits they receive simply for being born male.

Gender and racial equity are not zero-sum games: Everyone is a winner when we have a more diverse and representative government. But we can’t achieve that vision without men taking responsibility for the inordinate space they take up in the media and the candidate field.

There’s only one president and only so many seats in Congress or on corporate boards or as chief executives or union bosses. If we want to get even a rough version of parity, men will need to take less, have less, make less and, in so doing, recognize that the more they always got was at the expense of those who got less, courtesy of sexism.

Women are leaning in like mad, leading the resistance, voting in higher numbers and signing up to be candidates for office. But men have a responsibility — if they really do want a more gender-equitable world — to lean out, work actively to disavow their privilege and pitch in to get a woman elected president.

There are several highly qualified female candidates running for president. Every single man currently running or thinking of running should drop out and support one of these women. Now that would be real leadership.

I love it! The hamster is strong in this one.

>Often times you would hear men complain and vent that the women of today are too demanding and that everything revolves around them.

Wait...that's not true? Where are these unicorns you speak of?

>We don’t date certain guys because we’re afraid they aren’t our type, and their usual question following this statement is: but how do you know what your type is before you’ve even been on a real date?

Sure, decent premise. But, first, you can get a feel for types of people without dating them. Second, the author conflates 'dating' with 'fucking as many dudes as she wants without thinking about the consequences.'

>As a teenager I guess it was acceptable to make a list of the traits that your ideal guy should have, but now as an adult women, we must learn to be less judgmental and more objective...

Ah, Lean In.

>When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner.

Translation from PC to man: Get all the Chad cock you can when you're young and hot, then when you've lost your beauty, reign in a 32 year old virgin with a great career and retirement fund.

https://www.amazon.com/Lean-Women-Work-Will-Lead/dp/0385349947

Looks like you've already got lots of great advice to keep it private; I'll add my vote to that.

I'll also add that a female engineer friend of mine recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947

I haven't read it yet (on my long list!), but apparently a major point is that women often withdraw from leadership/jobs/etc earlier than when they have to (i.e. volunteering that they are trying for kids, etc) and hence end up unintentionally sacrificing career advancement.

Anyways, good luck tomorrow!

Alright. This is going to be hard for you but with a little initiative and courage, you can become the individual you want to be. Here are a few resources to get you started:

• TED Talk: The power of vulnerability - Don't be afraid to make yourself look bad. You will only learn societal conventions and form your own responses to them by expanding your comfort zone.
  
  
• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! by Susan Jeffers - A book based on the same principle of "put yourself out there!" Doing crazy things also means you get stories to tell when talking to others.
  
  
• Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazi - All about networking and building relationships.
  
  I used to be very shy and pretty awful at partying, interacting with women or just basically having a life. I now work at a job where my ability to communicate (and generally be interesting) is my chief marketable skill (no small feat for someone who was shy and boring). All the resources I suggested above were integral in helping me translate my desires into action. You already know what you want to achieve. It's just a matter of actually getting out of your comfort zone.
  
  Good luck!

If you haven't yet, try reading "What Color is your Parachute". It offers lots of career changing advice, guidance on finding out what sort of work you'd really like to do, and also tons of great resources that you can pursue, including some lesser known job hunting sources like job search groups, which I'd never heard of before. It also just sorta gets you into a more optimistic mindset, I think.

Another one I would recommend would be "Never Eat Alone", which is about meeting and cultivating a great network. As we all know, an awesome network can be a huge asset.

I'm with you - If I'm eating alone, I'm eating on the cheap... but then again I view eating as either; a mandatory, physiological need (an annoying interruption to my current task at hand) or 2. a networking opportunity.


In my experience, if you can arrange most of your meals around option 2 - the value of the relationship (business or otherwise) will far out weigh the cost of the meal.

I am not endorsing this book - I have never read it - however, "judging the book by it's cover" I subscribe to the philosophy.

Never Eat Alone
*edited for speln

If you're having trouble finding a person, two books may help you start the process: Do What You Are and What Color is Your Parachute. I know how frustrating it is to be "stuck" and then find a dream job. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to share as I fell backwards into the profession by just taking every job opportunity that came my way that sounded remotely interesting. Best of luck to you!!!

What Color Is Your Parachute? 2017: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers

It's a classic book that the author comes out with a new edition every year. If they haven't started there already it's a nice thoughtful gift.

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493

>What's Trump written that wasn't garbage?

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Art-Deal-Donald-J/dp/0399594493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1465531535&sr=8-1&keywords=art+of+the+deal

They actually did find a highly secretive book.

Honestly - through rigor. I would suggest studying logic, some philosophy (this is about the structure of arguments, and deduction in a general sense) and then something applied, like policy analysis or program evaluation. <- those last two are just related to my field so I know about them, plenty of others around.

Some suggested books that could be interesting for you:

Intro to Logic by Tarski

The Practice of Philosophy by Rosenberg

Thank you for Arguing by Heinrichs

Policy Analysis is instructive in that you have to define a problem, define its characteristics, identify the situation it exists in, plot possible solutions (alternatives), and create criteria for selecting the alternative you like most.

Program Evaluation is really just tons of fun and will teach a bunch about how to appraise things. Eval can get pretty muddy into social research but honestly you can skip a lot of that and just learn the principles.

The key to this is that you're either very smart and can learn this stuff through your own brains and force of will, or, more likely, you'll need people to help beat it into you WELCOME TO GRADSCHOOL.

I am not aware of any works that will give you a "checklist" of deception tactics (and I feel like any such work would be inevitably incomplete/unreliable/boring to read). But if you want to read great great works on the subject, how about Walter Lippmann's Public Opinion, Jacques Ellul's Propaganda and, in a slightly different vein but very useful to identify how the media forms its agenda, Chomsky and Herman's Manufacturing Consent (if you read them in this order, you'll find the phrase "manufacturing consent" on Lippmann's book, that's where Chomsky and Herman got it from!)?

Ninja edit: of course, propaganda is more than just deceiving people. But these books are pretty fantastic if you want to study/understand deception.

another edit: Here is a general-audience book that you may find slightly useful. It's been a few years since I read this and honestly, this book was so unremarkable that I couldn't even remember it when typing out my response. But maybe it's your cup of tea, OP!

I see what’s going on here.

First and foremost if you want to persuade people you need to stop leaning so much on logically fallacies. Telling people that they should listen to you because you’re smart or because your beliefs aren’t mainstream is not a reason to believe anything. Anyone can say they’re smart and have non-mainstream beleifs. Who cares? You’re talking about the merits of the argument, you’re partaking in mental masturbation. Who gives a shit?

If you want to convince anyone, cut that shit out. Get to the point, let the merits of your arguments stand for themselves.
No one cares about you, they care about the solution you claim to have.

Also, you need to backup your claims with evidence. The person making the claim has the burden of proof. To convince people of anything you need to back your shut up with good evidence. You need how to get lots of YouTube views? Great, how many views do you get and how does that compare to other methods? What specific results have you personally achieved? People won’t care unless you can back your shit up with real data.

Otherwise check out this book :

https://www.amazon.ca/Thank-You-Arguing-Aristotle-Persuasion/dp/0307341445

You should be able to find it at your library. If you can’t find that one, get another book about rhetoric. You can be right all you want but unless you know to argue effectively you’ll just spin your tires. Emotion and logic are vital in persuasion

You want proof? Go buy a cell phone from a guy and hear how often he talks about how mainstream he isn’t and how smart he is. He won’t.

Senior Level Software Engineer Reading List

Read This First

1. Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment
   
   

   Fundamentals
   

   
   

2. Patterns of Enterprise Application Architecture
   
3. Enterprise Integration Patterns: Designing, Building, and Deploying Messaging Solutions
   
4. Enterprise Patterns and MDA: Building Better Software with Archetype Patterns and UML
   
5. Systemantics: How Systems Work and Especially How They Fail
   
6. Rework
   
7. Writing Secure Code
   
8. Framework Design Guidelines: Conventions, Idioms, and Patterns for Reusable .NET Libraries
   
   

   Development Theory
   

   
   

9. Growing Object-Oriented Software, Guided by Tests
   
10. Object-Oriented Analysis and Design with Applications
    
11. Introduction to Functional Programming
    
12. Design Concepts in Programming Languages
    
13. Code Reading: The Open Source Perspective
    
14. Modern Operating Systems
    
15. Extreme Programming Explained: Embrace Change
    
16. The Elements of Computing Systems: Building a Modern Computer from First Principles
    
17. Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software
    
    

    Philosophy of Programming
    

    
    

18. Making Software: What Really Works, and Why We Believe It
    
19. Beautiful Code: Leading Programmers Explain How They Think
    
20. The Elements of Programming Style
    
21. A Discipline of Programming
    
22. The Practice of Programming
    
23. Computer Systems: A Programmer's Perspective
    
24. Object Thinking
    
25. How to Solve It by Computer
    
26. 97 Things Every Programmer Should Know: Collective Wisdom from the Experts
    
    

    Mentality
    

    
    

27. Hackers and Painters: Big Ideas from the Computer Age
    
28. The Intentional Stance
    
29. Things That Make Us Smart: Defending Human Attributes In The Age Of The Machine
    
30. The Back of the Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures
    
31. The Timeless Way of Building
    
32. The Soul Of A New Machine
    
33. WIZARDRY COMPILED
    
34. YOUTH
    
35. Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
    
    

    Software Engineering Skill Sets
    

    
    

36. Software Tools
    
37. UML Distilled: A Brief Guide to the Standard Object Modeling Language
    
38. Applying UML and Patterns: An Introduction to Object-Oriented Analysis and Design and Iterative Development
    
39. Practical Parallel Programming
    
40. Past, Present, Parallel: A Survey of Available Parallel Computer Systems
    
41. Mastering Regular Expressions
    
42. Compilers: Principles, Techniques, and Tools
    
43. Computer Graphics: Principles and Practice in C
    
44. Michael Abrash's Graphics Programming Black Book
    
45. The Art of Deception: Controlling the Human Element of Security
    
46. SOA in Practice: The Art of Distributed System Design
    
47. Data Mining: Practical Machine Learning Tools and Techniques
    
48. Data Crunching: Solve Everyday Problems Using Java, Python, and more.
    
    

    Design
    

    
    

49. The Psychology Of Everyday Things
    
50. About Face 3: The Essentials of Interaction Design
    
51. Design for Hackers: Reverse Engineering Beauty
    
52. The Non-Designer's Design Book
    
    

    History
    

    
    

53. Micro-ISV: From Vision to Reality
    
54. Death March
    
55. Showstopper! the Breakneck Race to Create Windows NT and the Next Generation at Microsoft
    
56. The PayPal Wars: Battles with eBay, the Media, the Mafia, and the Rest of Planet Earth
    
57. The Business of Software: What Every Manager, Programmer, and Entrepreneur Must Know to Thrive and Survive in Good Times and Bad
    
58. In the Beginning...was the Command Line
    
    

    Specialist Skills
    

    
    

59. The Art of UNIX Programming
    
60. Advanced Programming in the UNIX Environment
    
61. Programming Windows
    
62. Cocoa Programming for Mac OS X
    
63. Starting Forth: An Introduction to the Forth Language and Operating System for Beginners and Professionals
    
64. lex & yacc
    
65. The TCP/IP Guide: A Comprehensive, Illustrated Internet Protocols Reference
    
66. C Programming Language
    
67. No Bugs!: Delivering Error Free Code in C and C++
    
68. Modern C++ Design: Generic Programming and Design Patterns Applied
    
69. Agile Principles, Patterns, and Practices in C#
    
70. Pragmatic Unit Testing in C# with NUnit
    
    

    DevOps Reading List
    

    
    

71. Time Management for System Administrators: Stop Working Late and Start Working Smart
    
72. The Practice of Cloud System Administration: DevOps and SRE Practices for Web Services
    
73. The Practice of System and Network Administration: DevOps and other Best Practices for Enterprise IT
    
74. Effective DevOps: Building a Culture of Collaboration, Affinity, and Tooling at Scale
    
75. DevOps: A Software Architect's Perspective
    
76. The DevOps Handbook: How to Create World-Class Agility, Reliability, and Security in Technology Organizations
    
77. Site Reliability Engineering: How Google Runs Production Systems
    
78. Cloud Native Java: Designing Resilient Systems with Spring Boot, Spring Cloud, and Cloud Foundry
    
79. Continuous Delivery: Reliable Software Releases through Build, Test, and Deployment Automation
    
80. Migrating Large-Scale Services to the Cloud

QBQ. The Question Behind the Question


The Phoenix Project: A Novel About IT, DevOps, and Helping Your Business Win

Rework


Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In


Gemba Kaizen: A Commonsense, Low-Cost Approach to Management

Time Management for System Administrators

That's not the right attitude. Companies need to stop removing all pauses from the workplace.

You block all websites, time the smoke pauses, time the toilet use, then what, you hide the windows?

Voluntary distractions are a part of work. Managers should stop measuring performance on apparent time spent, and more on the results. They don't because it's much easier to do this way.

Also, if they want their employees to be less distracted, they should start by stopping to distract them with useless meetings and non-urgent calls.

Read the short and excellent Rework by 37signals on the subject. It gives an excellent perspective. Their talks about management are good as well.

The Clean Coder is pretty great as it talks about being a professional developer and all that that entails. Very opinionated though (as all of Uncle Bob's books are). "If you don't do TDD, fuck you" is a fairly accurate paraphrasing of one chapter. Still, I found a lot of value there.

I recently read Rework which is a very quick read, but very dense with information on how Basecamp runs their business and many ideas of things that you should or should not do. If you do any freelancing or are thinking of starting your own business at some point, I'd recommend it.

Probably going to read Remote next as I'm working with remote business partners myself.

Some of these are directly related to programming and some are not but are additional reading that touch on skills that most every programmer should have some concept or idea of.

I've read all of these at some point throughout my career and can attest to their usefulness. Here's my personal list:

• Rework
  
  
• Refactoring - Honestly, anything written by Martin Fowler.
  
• The Mythical Man Month
  
  
• The Phoenix Project
  
  
• The Goal - targeted towards manufacturing and production, but the lessons can be applied pretty much anywhere there's a process (anywhere).
  
  
• Programming Language Pragmatics
  
  
• The Traveling Salesman
  
  
• The Art of Computer Programming - This collection of books is a journey spanning many years. The problems presented in the book are ones you'll want to mull over for some time, and the type of problems that would be good to think about during a daily commute.
  
  
  

I'm 31 and just started my own company. When I turned 16, I had a profound epiphany about what I wanted to do "when I grew up". That epiphany was I wanted to own my own business. The why, came from the experiences I had since I was 14.


I worked as a delivery guy for two guys who owned a bounce house company. At 15, I was employee 1 at an advertising company. I started in the mailroom stuffing envelopes and I continued to work for that company through college and even a few months after graduating college. I didn't stay in the mailroom though. As I taught myself programming and a little design, I was growing within the company, as they themselves grew in revenue and size. I was getting a front row seat to what it was like to be an entrepreneur and I loved every minute of it; the long hours, the struggles, the doing whatever it takes, carving your own path, etc.


Even though I knew being an entrepreneur was part of my path in life, it has taken me 16 yrs to make that a reality. I have no regrets as I've been able to gain knowledge and experience the entire time. Everything you experience in life can help you in some way on your path to becoming an entrepreneur.


Remember, you can do a lot of good by being an employee too. You have not failed if you don't start a company.

1. Get a job right now if you don't already have one. Work and understand what work is and build a work ethic. Even better, find a job at a small company, no matter what it is. At most small companies, no matter your role, you get exposed to the entire business.
   
   
2. Meet and speak with entrepreneurs. Check out Meetup.com for events which are going on. You might be limited to not attending the events that are bars, but I've seen plenty of kids your age attending events.
   
   
3. Find a skill and learn it. You might not think it now, but as /u/douglasjdarroch stated, you have a ton more free time to devote to that skill than when you get a full time job. I'm partial to it, but any amount of technology skills will help you with your pursuit.
   
   
4. Culture is huge when it comes to creating a successful company it can be a differentiator.
   
   Suggested Reading
   
   

• The Great Game of Business
  
• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
  
• Rework
  
• Leaders Eat Last
  
• Zingerman's Guide to Building a Great Company
  
• Zingerman's Guide to Being a Great Leader

Hey, I recommend reading rework!

Rework was not on that list. That is not a very good list.

Here are all the books with amazon links, Alphabetical order :)

---

• Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make Competition Irrelevant by W. Chan Kim et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1591396190
  
• Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose by Tony Hsieh et al. Link: http://amzn.com/160941280X
  
• Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown Link: http://amzn.com/0804137382
  
• Founders at Work: Stories of Startups' Early Days by Jessica Livingston Link: http://amzn.com/1590597141
  
• How Google Works by Eric Schmidt et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1455582344
  
• Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World by Gary Vaynerchuk Link: http://amzn.com/006227306X
  
• Losing My Virginity: How I Survived, Had Fun, and Made a Fortune Doing Business My Way by Richard Branson Link: http://amzn.com/0307720748
  
• Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1400064287
  
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck Link: http://amzn.com/0345472322
  
• Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazzi et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0385346654
  
• Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable by Tim S. Grover et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1476714207
  
• Rework by Jason Fried et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0307463745
  
• Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else by Geoff Colvin Link: http://amzn.com/1591842948
  
• The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss Link: http://amzn.com/0307465357
  
• The Choose Yourself Guide To Wealth by James Altucher Link: http://amzn.com/150100994X
  
• The Difference Between God and Larry Ellison: *God Doesn't Think He's Larry Ellison by Mike Wilson Link: http://amzn.com/0060008768
  
• The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers by Ben Horowitz Link: http://amzn.com/0062273205
  
• The Innovator's Dilemma: The Revolutionary Book That Will Change the Way You Do Business by Clayton M. Christensen Link: http://amzn.com/0062060244
  
• The Lean Startup: How Today's Entrepreneurs Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses by Eric Ries Link: http://amzn.com/0307887898
  
• The Millionaire Fastlane: Crack the Code to Wealth and Live Rich for a Lifetime by MJ DeMarco Link: http://amzn.com/B004BDOUAI
  
• The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday Link: http://amzn.com/1591846358
  
• The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1885167776
  
• The Startup Owner's Manual: The Step-By-Step Guide for Building a Great Company by Steve Blank et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0984999302
  
• The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell Link: http://amzn.com/0316346624
  
• Traction: How Any Startup Can Achieve Explosive Customer Growth by Gabriel Weinberg et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1591848369
  
• Unlabel: Selling You Without Selling Out by Marc Ecko Link: http://amzn.com/1451685319
  
• Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future by Peter Thiel et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0804139296

You don't need to have a lot of money to start your business. What you need as was already mentioned is the right mindset and a solution to a problem that people are willing to pay for. I love some of these websites and books and recommend giving them a look.

Smart Passive Income

Tropical MBA

The Lean Startup

Tim Ferriss' 4-hour Work Week

The Suitcase Entrepreneur

$100 Startup

In response to your second two points, have you read The $100 Startup?

Yes. Read 3 books: "The $100 Startup" and "The Hard Thing About Hard Things" and "The Art of the Start." And do what they say.

Basically this is the game plan lets use his first ad as an example;

1. Trump shows ad of people going over Moroccan border
   
   
2. Media discovers this and says 'I gotchu, I will finally stump the Trump'
   
   
3. Media plays Trumps ad for free 25,346 times
   
   
4. Trump left enough plausible deniability to say "We'll end up big losers like them. I intentionally used that footage as an example of a darker path"
   
   
5. Congratulations you just stumped yourself
   
   This Russian vet thing will play out the same except he'll use it as a way to praise Putin perhaps so the Russophile vote goes even more to him as well.
   
   Pretty much everything he's doing was outlined in The Art of the Deal. That's not to say a lot of the media isn't aware of his game by now. But they mostly care about ratings and the ones who want to stop Trump will take any opportunity to do so even though they always backfire. It really is amazing how Trump is playing them especially when something like a throwaway SNL line to a fairly reasonable comment ruined Palin.
   
   

Here you go

The Inner Game of Music was recommended to me by my director way back when. Great for the mental aspect of things (e.g. nerves, concentration, etc.).

As a professional musician and teacher, I've been (and seen my students) in that situation many, many times and learned the hard way...First of all, you need to really learn about this "nervousness" , since this is perhaps a manifestation of something happening internally (lack of preparation, personality trait, etc.). One of the things that you gotta know is that everyone--in the performing world-- (no exception) experiences nervousness (fear response) at some extent (regardless of what they tell you or you think). Mr. "he looks so relaxed when he plays" learned how to manage his nerves and embrace them as a positive force. I know it sounds esoteric but it's not....Once you accept is gonna happen, you need to define why it's happening. Does this situation mimicks your everyday personality? is it lack of preparation? are the stakes to high (competitions, job audition, etc.)? Are the odds against you? etc., so you can start looking at the real source of the problem and hopefully, finding some answers...Next, find (specifically) how this "nervousness" manifests. Is it physical? (Sweaty hands? dry mouth? shaky arms? stiff neck, etc.) or mental? (voices in your head, inability to stay focused, overreacting at small mistakes?. If it's physical, you might want to ask your doctor if he can prescribe you some propanolol, a beta-blocker used widely by performing artists (I'm not gonna tell you how it works, look it up) please talk to your doctor first (DON'T GET ONE FROM YOU FRIENDS!!), since he can evaluate your health and tell you if it's right for you. I know the musicians community is divided about using beta-blockers but I can tell you from my own experience that it helped me a lot with sweaty hands (I play a string instrument).
The mental aspect is a little bit more difficult to tackle but not impossible. Chances are that you are trying to micro-manage every aspect of your performance (don't mess up that fingering, exaggerate dynamics here, release the tension in your elbow to get a smoother legato) and this stuff gets in the way of artistry. Here is where you have to make a big difference between practicing and performing (two complete different things). Leave that micro-managing stuff for the practice room (but don't do it too much either, it will drive you nuts). Finally, performing is a skill that you need to practice!!! you need to put yourself into "performing mode" often so you can learn how to "embrace your fear". Play for your peers, friends, parents, bf/gf, etc. No one around? use your imagination. I have a colleague that used to put (he probably still does) a lettuce head with a baseball cap and glasses in front of him to simulate an audience. You need to practice performing so you get to understand your own fears and insecurities...
Some books that might help:

A soprano on her head: http://www.amazon.com/Soprano-Her-Head-Right-Side-Up-Performances/dp/0911226214

The inner game of music:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385231261/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0911226214&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0TG9NP8HF8RR8017J1J2

-Performance success (or anything by Don Greene): http://www.amazon.com/Performance-Success-Performing-Pressure-Theatre/dp/0878301224/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278682151&sr=1-1

I could write a lot more about this topic, but I have rehearsal; pm if you have more questions.

Coincidentally enough, I just ordered a copy of The Inner Game of Music which might help you out too

Everyone else here has mentioned great things to talk about body image issues.

I would also add that talking about women who are successful without judging them for their bodies is a huge thing. I'm in the middle of Lean In, and as woman about to complete her masters, I realized that there was so much information about why I felt crappy growing up put into words there. So, talk about women in politics. The four women astronauts in space. Talk about women who are changing the world because she isn't just a pretty face.

Also, studies have shown that just seeing pictures of people of all different types of bodies creates better body image.

I have an undergraduate degree in Economics and plan to pursue a PhD in it. Economics has the worst gender disparity. It even surpasses the STEM fields. it has a huge sexism problem that the discipline is grappling with. I remember reading an article by a female economist who talked about a professor at UChicago being quoted as saying to his male economics students that “The day they admit a woman into the economics program at UChicago is the day that I will put in my resignation.” Granted that was the 70s/80s and things have come a long way but there is covert and overt sexism that still lingers. I think it’s helpful to find a female mentor in your field who you can talk to and work with. It can feel increasingly lonely without one because you’re surrounded by males and many of them still express traditional subconscious ideas that women are inferior in STEM. My female professors in my Econ program expressed their experiences as women in quantificar fields. They’ve given lectures and had adult men without PhDs try to mansplain them about their own research. One professor said in grad school her and a male student had the same female advisor. The advisor told the male student that regardless of whether he was married or not he should always wear a ring on his marriage finger into job interviews. She told my professor that regardless of whether she was married or not she should always remove hers for job interviews. The reason is because a married man is seen as stable with a family. He isn’t going to job hop as easily. A married woman on the other hand is seen as a flight risk. She may decide to have children and leave the workforce or not put in as many hours as a man would due to family obligations. Employers don’t consciously decide to discriminate against women. These are biases that happen without us realizing it. But we have to acknowledge that they happen and try to work against them.

I haven’t read this book yet but have had it recommended to me and it’s on my list. I will recommend it to you as well:

https://www.amazon.com/Lean-Women-Work-Will-Lead/dp/0385349947/ref=nodl_

Here is the authors ted talk on the subject:

https://youtu.be/18uDutylDa4

I'm not sure I can answer your question, but I feel like reading Lean In is a good start to figuring out what approach works for you.

A Goodreads search for books similar to Lean In led to this list, which may also be helpful.

The Imposter Syndrome is real, and has damaging consequences...boosting confidence is one way to move past it, and one thing you can do right now is watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk. It's powerful (and based on a lot of research).

I highly recommend reading this book as it talks extensively about this very question thoroughly in a way I cannot
http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947

I listened to the audiobook since I'm such a multitasker these days but however you can ingest it, I think it may help to get advise from someone who did the work/raising kids balance (very) successfully. IMO, don't put your career on the backburner since research shows this will help with long term happiness and even marriage success. This goes without saying, but your career is just as important as his

By the way, employers are not allowed to hold it against you for being a mother, this is a form of discrimination you are (legally) protected from (but may still encounter). Look up Family Responsibilities Descrimination

If you can't tell from the responses, networking (building relationships) is very important.

Being social, helping others, and letting others know specifically what you do and for whom is very beneficial. I've gotten a lot of referrals from my network.

You never know when someone that's a relatively weak tie in your network has an opportunity to refer business to you or send you introductions to others. If you can stay top of mind with those people, then you'll have access to more opportunities.

Here are some books worth reading if you haven't read them before:

• How to Win Friends & Influence People - http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
  
• Never Eat Alone - http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/0385512058
  
• Adversaries into Allies - http://www.amazon.com/Adversaries-into-Allies-Manipulation-Coercion/dp/1591846366
  
  Make sure that when you start "networking" you aren't just peddling business cards. It's about making a connection, adding value to others, and staying in touch. If you go to conferences, aim to meet and get to know a handful of influential people. Don't push 200 business cards onto others.
  
  If you have troubles staying in touch with all the people you meet or want a more efficient way then a text file or excel file, then try using a tool to help.
  
  I co-founded a SaaS that helps freelancers make sure they stay in touch with the important business contacts you meet, but that you don't see on a frequent basis. I use it to make sure I'm staying in touch with a large group of people that I've met in the past or want to build a better relationship with. http://relate.ly

some random advice:

• get a LinkedIn account, try to add all your contacts
  
• just in case you didn't know: http://waterlootechjobs.ca/en/
  
• get friends etc to review your resume, I'm not hiring for your position but I can take a look at it
  
• keep on learning
  
• network, network, network, anyway you can; sign up for mail lists, meetup etc, read "never eat alone", it's in the library http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/0385512058/
  
  keep at it, don't despair and good luck

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi and I wish I had started with it. Seduction is soooo much easier to learn when you have tons of people to practice on without having to cold approach 3 nights/week.

Combine this book with some of the advice from the short articles you're reading and you'll be a better gamer than 90% of the guys here - and you'll have friends, fame and fortune to boot.

Oh and if you remember me once you're done, send me a message with how it worked out for you.

http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/0385512058

although I haven't read it, its on my booklist and its pretty highly recommended

Specific to professional events and conferences, this is a pretty decent article: http://www.frannyoxford.com/wordpress/2011/08/how-to-meet-people-at-professional-conferences/

If you're at events that are specifically for networking like a professional mixer, I would not hesitate to approach people even more liberally. Everyone is there to meet people. They will appreciate you breaking the ice.

In general, you may want to check out Never Eat Alone. Detailed review/summary here.

Further to /u/UmamiSalami 's suggestion, you may want to think about reading What Color Is Your Parachute. It does a good job of giving you a guide to how to apply for jobs, even at big firms (although they do recommend going for smaller ones).

On that note: how big is the wage difference at, say, Google/Facebook vs a smaller company, in the same role? A quick Google (heh) said that a software engineer makes ~$100,000 a year there, which is more or less on par for the average? Plus, long-term, even if you start out on say $70 - 80,000 a year, that's still a lot, and it's likely to go up as you gain experience and skills. So within five years, you could easily be pulling down $100,000 if you work hard, even if not at Google.

I wouldn't get too hung up on the big firms, just do as well as you can in your current situation and aim for the job you want, taking 80,000 Hours suggestions as a suggestion.

First, relax and take a breath. A job is not a career and doesn't lock you in for life. You may start in one field and later end up doing something completely different.

Second, you may want to look into books like What Color is Your Parachute or similar.

You may also want to look into books about finding a career you are passionate about, although I would caution that passion doesn't always a good career make, and to ignore religious concepts some of these types of books use:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Finding+career+passion

You may also want to consider creating your own career as a consultant or contractor. Although some specialization or mastery/expertise may be necessary to carve out a niche.

Good life to you!

I'm an HR professional and have been giving career advice for years. Have you read What Color Is Your Parachute? It might help you figure things out.

https://www.amazon.ca/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2017/dp/039957820X

You can probably find a copy in the library. :)

Hi there,

With a sociology degree, you can do more than just be a professor or work in social services. Check out here and here for some ideas. The good news is that a sociology degree is very flexible, and gives you good transferable skills (the ability to do research, synthesize complex ideas, write reports, etc.).

You say you're "average" at everything, but don't forget that there are many different types of strengths out there! For example, look at this list. You're probably really good at some of these things - the key is to recognize both your strengths and weaknesses. You should promote your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

I know I've mentioned it a million times on this sub, but What Color is Your Parachute is really useful - your local library will likely have a copy. Your library should also have a careers section with other useful books.

Best of luck!

There are many many great books out there full of exercises for discerning what you might like to do professionally. Probably the most comprehensive is What Color Is Your Parachute by Dick Bolles. One geared to "calling" specifically is Finding Your Element by Ken Robinson. But again there are many out there.

Meditation can be helpful. One of the things meditation does is help you see things more clearly. It helps you take a step back and look at your life without getting caught so much in the emotional drama about who you believe you are and who you believe you should be and who other people believe you should be. This is really helpful when you are deciding how to spend most of your day and taking on a social and economic identity.

You can also just ask yourself "What do I feel I need to do?" and then be quiet and see what comes up.

Me too since September. It has been a terrible experience. It is a bit comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I found What color is your parachute? to be a reassuring source. Good luck with the search if you haven't found anything yet.

There is a book called "What Color is Your Parachute" that is designed to help you find answers to the very questions you're asking.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2017/dp/039957820X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478498575&sr=8-1&keywords=what+color+is+your+parachute

Get a piece of paper, write down every job you've had. Beside each job write down the things you hated about that job.

Eg. "I hated working with kids."

This can inform your future job. If you hate working with kids, don't get a job working with kids. (Duh!)

Next write down the things you enjoyed:

Eg. "I enjoyed working on a team."

This will help you to see things you enjoy doing. If you like working on teams, get a job that involves working on teams.

If you've got no idea what you enjoy, it pays to sit down and do this exercise and get it clear in your mind.

Another thing you can do is similar. Write every skills / duties you did in each of your jobs or even in your life.

Eg. "I wrote reports. I analysed statistical data. I repaired my car. etc"

You can then put these duties and skills into order of which you enjoy most to least. The ones you enjoy most can inform what job you apply for. If you really enjoy writing reports - look for jobs where that's listed in the person specification.

There's a book named What Color Is My Parachute which has a number of these exercises with the overall result of a sheet of paper with your preferred job on it. Worth checking out if you have no clue.

Who am I kidding, Trump could have written his entire campaign strategy in a book and the fucking idiots wouldn't have even read it.

Oh wait, he did

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to help you out.


Venture Deals: Be Smarter Than Your Lawyer and Venture Capitalist, by Feld and Mendelson


Term Sheets & Valuations - A Line by Line Look at the Intricacies of Term Sheets & Valuations


And of course, The Art of the Deal for when you want something more high-level. Hope this helps!

Robert Greene.*
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0140280197/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_GFgIyb4CMFCZH

Would also recommend the 48 Laws of Power. There are parallels with the Laws and how Trump operates:

• LAW 2) Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
  
  
• LAW 3) Conceal your intentions
  
  
• LAW 4) Always say less than necessary
  
  
• LAW 6) Court attention at all cost
  
  
• LAW 7) Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit!
  
  
• LAW 12) Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
  
  
• LAW 15) Crush your enemy totally!
  
  
• LAW 17) Keep others in suspended terror --- cultivate an air of unpredictability!
  
  
• LAW 27) Play on people's need to believe, to create a cultlike following
  
  
• LAW 28) Enter action with boldness
  
  
• LAW 29) Plan all the way to the end
  
  
• LAW 32) Play to people's fantasies
  
  
• LAW 34) Be royal in your own fashion --- act like a king or queen to be treated like one!
  
  
• LAW 36) Disdain things you cannot have --- ignoring them is the best revenge!
  
  
• LAW 37) Create compelling spectacles
  
  
• LAW 43) Work on the hearts and minds of others!
  
  
• LAW 45) Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once!
  
  
• LAW 48) Assume formlessness!
  
  
  
  

48 Laws of Power may be worth a read. I feel like I handle the office politics better after reading it.

• How to win friends and influence people
  
  
• Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
  
  
• The 48 laws of power
  
  When you're done reading these, join disposable social circles (sign up for things like yoga, pilates, dance classes, etc) and practice the skills you've learned. Apply the INTJ skill-building process (practice, analysis, refinement, rinse and repeat), and in around 1 year you will be a social ace.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396177283&sr=8-1&keywords=48+rules+of+power

No, I mean if you have to apply that means that nobody knows you. The vice president of the division where I work was the first person that I spoke to, not somebody in HR. He put me through directly to the developers and I set up a technical interview. Had I gone through the regular application process with HR though I probably wouldn't have gotten an interview at all.

I got my offer letter and an application at the same time. They just needed to have one on file, but I already had the job.

Some of the best books that I read in college had nothing to do with data structures or Java or Machine Learning.

The 48 Laws of Power

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Purple Cow

Read them.

The 48 Laws of Power

I greatly enjoyed the historical anecdotes.

>"Amoral, cunning, ruthless, and instructive, this piercing work distills three thousand years of the history of power in to forty-eight well explicated laws. As attention-grabbing in its design as it is in its content, this bold volume outlines the laws of power in their unvarnished essence, synthesizing the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun-tzu, Carl von Clausewitz, and other great thinkers.

>Some laws teach the need for prudence ("Law 1: Never Outshine the Master"), the virtue of stealth ("Law 3: Conceal Your Intentions"), and many demand the total absence of mercy ("Law 15: Crush Your Enemy Totally"), but like it or not, all have applications in real life.

>Illustrated through the tactics of Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, P. T. Barnum, and other famous figures who have wielded--or been victimized by--power, these laws will fascinate any reader interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control."

Eh, it goes beyond sexual strategy. You can use it to get better insight into how such imminent people as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Barack Obama reached the commanding heights. They all did it differently, but some of the principles they used are universal. They chose to leverage their respective strengths differently.

Not just males either. Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stuart, Madonna - they all use various principles of persuasion to their advantage. The 48 Laws of Power is good exploration of these principles in a historical context.

48 laws of power
By Robert Greene

I wouldn't be where I am today with out it. It teaches you how to deal with power and how it works. It's also an amazingly interesting read. I read it twice a a few years ago and I still flip through it once in a while. It's on sale now at Amazon I believe I bought it for 25$ back then.

It seems to me that you are really looking to change how you are perceived by those around you. The one suggestion I would make is to read the following book. Follow it in everything you do.

http://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

Do your job. You sound like someone who works hard and who tries hard.

At the risk of sounding cynical, your co-worker sounds completely uninterested in working in a team with you. He also sounds slack and sloppy.

Ignore him and his opinions, just do your job. Send that email, crack the whip and get people working, and if he doesn't like it, tough titties. He obviously feels being popular is more important than doing his job.

I also suggest reading The 48 Laws of Power - its an exercise in cynicism, but for someone in your position, it might be very valuable.

Last but not least, you've already been in a job in which you were well liked and got on with everyone. That tells you that its your current workplace arrangement which is the problem, not you. I've made myself ill doing jobs which stressed me out. I know the job market is tough, but give it another month, or two months or whatever, and if it hasn't improved, start applying for work elsewhere.

YOU DO NOT SUCK AT YOUR JOB, BUT YOUR CO-WORKER SURELY DOES !

Sorry to shout, but you get the idea :)

Plus there's the 48 laws of power.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

http://cgt411.tech.purdue.edu/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm

The point of this whole sequence of threads is to discuss The 48 Laws of Power.

I'm a (now reformed) felon and I spent most of my criminal days trying to look like I wasn't up to anything. To not arouse suspicion. Most felons/"thugs" have a drug problem and only really attract women who also have a drug problem which carries a lack of commitment with it usually. I think you're misunderstanding some things. A man can (and should) demand respect through his demeanor, by being a "closed book," by making the right choices, by being assertive, etc. One of the 48 Laws of Power is to always obey the law. You cannot be a powerful individual and also a criminal because the rest of society automatically has power over you when you are breaking laws. Based on your posts I think you'd like to read that book, and mighty clarify the difference between a thug (who is alpha in his circle of convicts and trashy women) and a true Alpha Male who commands respect from everyone around him.

I don't much appreciate self-improvement books. I kinda hate the preachy attitude.

That said, I would recommend Mastery. It's not your typical self-help book but I found it really motivating.

Also, this other book by the author seems interesting; though I haven't read it yet.

Robert Greene has a good series of books that probably help you out. Art of seduction / Laws of Power / Mastery. You can always check out the always helpful How to Win Friends and Influence People.

https://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526891199&sr=8-1&keywords=48+laws+of+power

48 laws of power.

https://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

You are Are The One You've Been Waiting For. Made me look at my childhood with different eyes and realize I don't need my husband to "complete" me.

Oh, also Your Money or Your Life.

Don't let it loom over you.

Unless you're going to blow all the money you inherit, it probably shouldn't change your life plans much.

I'd expect you're going to finish school and maybe go to uni. You've probably always expected to get a job and, in about 10 years time, think about buying a house.

Given the value of the estate, your third is enough to buy a flat or a house, but it's not enough for you to be able to quit working (well, if you do you'll run out of money in 10 or 20 years, at most).

This money gives you a little security and flexibility, but it doesn't fundamentally change your life plans, I don't think. If you leave it invested for the next 40 years, with compounded returns, then it'll probably ensure a comfortable retirement (but you should probably still top it up, anyway, to make sure and to cultivate good financial habits).

I think you should try to be as grown up as possible about managing the probate period - a solicitor, for example, would help you ensure that your uncle and grandfather are fairly assessing the value of his share of the business. For all you know he owns a 50% share of a £10,000,000 business - how do you know they're not fobbing you off with just a fraction of it? My solicitor was a godsend - very helpful and insightful and she filled me with confidence at a very difficult time; I encourage your mum to call her if you haven't yet decided upon one.

Having got that side of things out of the way, just chill about the money and don't let it worry you too much. You can't afford to blow it, so you'll need to stick it somewhere safe and leave it for a long time.

Subscribe to /r/UKPersonalFinance and try to read a post or two there every day - ask questions there about anything you don't understand. Buy a copy of Tim Hale's Smarter Investing and Vicki Robin's Your Money or Your Life. You don't need to read them all at once, but they're pretty easy reading and you can dip in to them from time to time.

I think you should be planning to learn more about finance over the next year or two, so that you know the best way to save (well, invest, really) this money.

Taking on the advice that everyone else here has shared like consolidating credit cards into a 0% one for 12 - 18 months and trying to negotiate a payment plan for your hospital bills is a good idea.

As others have mentioned, you need to have a budget and be able to stick to it. Have you taken the time to go through your last 3 months of bank statements and work out where your money is going? That's the only way to identify areas that you can cut back. I'd categories them as:

1. Must have: Without these, you really would be in a bad place... (e.g. rent, critical bills, groceries and basic clothes)
   
2. Should have: Without these, you lose some key comforts but you can get them elsewhere for free but more effort (e.g. broadband [you could go to a public library], running a car)
   
3. Nice to have: Without these, you'll sacrifice a nicer lifestyle (e.g. going out for lunch, nice clothes, new gadgets, gym membership, Spotify subscription)
   
   Then look really hard at each item in those categories, even the must-have (e.g. are you living in a bigger apartment than you need? Do you shop at a fancy grocery store as opposed to a more affordable one?) to see where you can make cutbacks. The only way to get out of debt is to spend less than you earn, use what remains to clear it.
   
   There are plenty of tools out there to help you, like Every Dollar and YNAB. Also worth checking out podcasts by the likes of The Minimalists and reading Your Money or Your Life, which offer very practical advice.
   
   In terms of tackling the debt, you have 2 options:
   
   

• The mathematically smart way: Start paying off as much as you can on the debt with the highest amount of interest
  
• The rewarding way: Pay off the smallest debt you have (e.g. your $1,000 credit card), then work on the next smallest, adding on your previous payments so they snowball into bigger ones. This is more rewarding, as you see debt disappear and you feel a sense of progress.
  
  All the best with your situation. You can do it, your debt is definitely not insurmountable, you just need to be disciplined and make some sacrifices to clear it.

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. Your question is both interesting and nuanced. It's a disgusting sign of the times that people just assume that if you're not a trust fund brat that the only other option is to be a wage slave. A third option is self employment, working whatever part of the time you personally feel you require to meet your needs.

The career trap can have both benefits and huge drawbacks. Everybody concentrates on the wages and benefits, but having been stuck in a career rut for 30+ years, it's worth pointing out some of the drawbacks.

• Having to be at someone else's beck and call.
  
  
• Commuting
  
  
• Having to be on someone else's time scheduling
  
  
• Paying to park
  
  
• Work clothes (be they suit and tie or uniform or scrubs)
  
  
• Coworkers
  
  
• Micromanagers and incompetent bosses
  
  
• Loss of self, over identification with mortgage payment device
  
  I recommend this book to you. Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence

Just to add a real good resource for figuring out how to live frugally and get the most out of your money, [Your Money or Your Life] ( https://www.amazon.ca/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766) this book helped me figure out my internal yardstick for happiness, which turned out to be quite minimal, and got me on a budget that allowed me to live a life of simplicity and minimalism. Here's an excerpt.

> Did I receive fulfillment, satisfaction, and value in proportion to life energy spent?

> Answering this question helps you develop an internal yardstick for fulfillment and in the process kick any unhealthy shopping habits. You maky discover that you’ve been measuring your fulfillment, or lack of it, by what those around you have or by what advertising says you should want. Being fulfilled is having just enough. Think about it. Whether it’s food or money or things, if you don’t know, from an internal standard, what is enough, then you will pass directly from “not enough” to “too much,” with “enough” being like a little whistle-stop town. You blink and you’ve missed it. You will rarely have an experience of fulfillment. By diligently working with this question, you will begin to identify, for yourself, an internal yardstick that you can use to measure how much is enough

> The primary tool for developing this internal yardstick is awareness. The affluence that surrounds us has been called the American Dream and with good reason: we’ve been asleep. We wake up by questioning the dream. Asking yourself, month in, month out, whether you actually got fulfillment in proportion to life energy spent in each subcategory awakens that natural sense of knowing when enough is enough.

has anyone here read your money or your life?


i haven't read it, but i understand that it teaches you to save and invest until your investments pay for your bills/lifestyle. apparently some people take it to the extreme and use the book's model to retire in a few years.


would love to hear anyone's experience with this book. i guess i should read it, too.

I'd recommend reading the book Your Money Or Your Life, if a copy is available at your local library. I think it does a good job of helping you to change the way you think about spending and money and to reorient yourself towards longer-term financial stability.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766

Not a bad read, if a little clunkier to read than the first edition.

Do yourself a favor and read your money or your lifehttp://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766

https://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766

https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Path-Wealth-financial-independence/dp/1533667926

https://www.amazon.com/Early-Retirement-Extreme-Philosophical-Independence/dp/145360121X

For me, the short answer is I spend less money.

The long answer, though, has to do with the YNAB method, reading some key financial books and ultimately changing the way I view money. Earlier this year my soon-to-be father-in-law gifted me The Millionaire Next Door. Then I read Your Money or Your Life. Those two books, combined with being so exhausted from living paycheck to paycheck, got me started down the path of actually really caring how I handled my money.

I had been using a basic spreadsheet to track income and expense but after finding YNAB, via Reddit of course, things just started to change. I stopped buying stupid shit I didn't need. I eliminated impulse buying. I stopped buying coffee and going out to eat a few times a week. Those little things add up. I saved for things I wanted instead of putting them on credit and paying for them later.

It sounds like you've got a lot of that under control already though. Like /u/ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN said, it's the method. The four rules. You can absolutely incorporate those four rules into your existing spreadsheet and not pay a dime for the software. But the software they've developed is so goddamn good it just makes doing it myself so unappealing.

The other thing that helps is their support system. There is so much content available on YouTube. The podcast is awesome. You can even take their online courses for free.

Give the trial a go. You can use it fully featured for 34 days I think. There's a good chance it'll drop to $15 whenever the steam sale happens in a week or two. Pick it up then if you like it. If not, no harm!

> I want a nice car - think BMW or Corvette.

Read this and this.

Cars aren't indicators of success. They are oftentimes indicators of poverty or middle class wealth bleeds. You need an emergency fund, need to max out your 401(k) / IRA, and be responsible. Don't throw good money after bad because you're emotional right now.

that's exactly what we are thinking of doing, just not to Maine. We really love the outdoors so california is great, but it's $300k for a decent house way out in the desert now.

if we want to live in a decent area, it's $500-700k for a 40 year old home. With that much money, we could live somewhere nice, pay off our home early and then invest the rest. that's why we are thinking of moving somewhere like Galveston Texas. It's a beach city, lots to do, close to Houston to get our city fix, and the COL is pretty low.


I righly recommend the book 'Your money or your life' by Vicki Robin. It talks exactly about what you are referring to and has examples of people doing that.

https://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-Relationship/dp/0143115766/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503338083&sr=8-1&keywords=your+money+or+your+life

seriously, buy it now, it's great