Best personal transformation books according to redditors

We found 7,422 Reddit comments discussing the best personal transformation books. We ranked the 1,495 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top Reddit comments about Personal Transformation Self-Help:

u/Shrinking-Nox · 632 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

I'm a doctoral candidate in clinical psych and a therapist, so here's my two cents on this phenomena. Please remember that this information is a generalization based off of existing research and observation of humans--there are always exceptions to any rule.

One thing I often tell my patients is that we notice negative events more often because the positive stuff is happening all the time. Think of it like bad reviews on Yelp. Most of the time, if you had a decent experience somewhere, unless the experience was exceptional you're probably unlikely to post about said experience. Whereas if something bad happened, you definitely want to tell the world, right?

Secondly, negative emotions are associated with the release of a lot of different neurotransmitters and hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine (adrenaline). Both of those stimulate our nervous systems to enter fight/flight mode--this is a heightened state of arousal. Generally speaking, positive emotions don't put us into fight or flight mode unless we perceive something as a threat.

This is the same reason that we are more inclined to remember nightmares rather than dreams. Nightmares release the same chemicals and wake us (very quickly) from sleep.

All of that said, as to why we "seek" risky behaviors, that's all human nature. If you tell a kid "no" to something, what are they going to try and do? They'll find a way to do it. It's quite possible that this is because we like adrenaline rushes (and that's why adrenaline junkies exist).

Lastly, violence, drugs and vices are not usually seen as negative experiences by the people who partake in them. Mostly because they are getting some positive reinforcement from their brains--usually a flooding of dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter).

TL;DR: Good stuff happens more so we don't always see it and being bad makes us feel good sometimes (like sneaking cookies from the cookie jar).




Edit: If you are struggling with negative thinking, please consider seeing a therapist! Additionally, here are some resources for changing the way you think!


u/i_Got_Rocks · 251 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."

Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."

There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.

Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.

Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.

It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.

You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit." O


Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."

I know which best friend I like better.

Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.

Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.

Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine):

Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one:

Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it:

I also suggest "The Power of Habit":

I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.

Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.


Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit.

However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--

Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.

All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.

As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.

Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather:

A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.


B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?

It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it.

You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.

u/Tryndamere · 193 pointsr/leagueoflegends

Was a fun game and Fizz played extremely well to snowball. Literally carried the game virtually by himself and deserved the compliments. :)

Additionally, there is no point in ever raging. I'm as competitive as the next person (if not more so), yet why rage? I am constructive because of my mindset / outlook on life, not because "this is my game", and this positive attitude is probably one of the attributes that has helped me with all of my accomplishments.

A couple quotes that I enjoy that may provide some food for thought for you all:

"I am an optimist. It does not seem to much use to be anything else." - Winston Churchill

"The role of the leader is to keep hope alive" - General Bern Loefke

Having a positive mindset that is framed by the belief that you can overcome whatever challenges confront you is one of the core attributes shared by many successful people.

For those interested in reading more on this topic, peep a book called Mindset:

The people that have hit Diamond despite physical handicaps and other challenges exemplify this mindset in League - whereas those that externalize blame constantly, rage at their teammates and say "It's impossible to get out of ELO hell" never will grow because they believe they can't grow because the underlying reason for their failure is something they think is outside of their control (which is false).

That is the same underlying false premise which belies those who give up in any activity (school, relationships, jobs, games, etc).

Those who succeed persevere and have a positive, "can do" attitude.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now ;)

u/RazzKaiser32 · 160 pointsr/TalesFromTheCustomer

Yes, I remember that to, I think I read that in some book. It is both funny and a little bit scary how easily they can out put us into categories.

Edit: The book i read it in is called Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

u/wentwhere · 151 pointsr/AskReddit

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Frankl (RIP) was a Holocaust survivor and a psychiatrist. His book examines what gives a human life meaning, using his experiences in the death camps as a framework for his theories. He particularly examines the mindsets of fellow survivors, and details the mental processes they went through to survive the camps. One of my favorite quotations from his book reads,
>It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

It's a book that asks a lot of the reader, but, to add another quote from Frankl, "What is to give light must endure burning."

u/Antiax · 148 pointsr/Greekgodx

Let this be an inspiration for Greek. He would be an absolute chad if he lost weight.

Greek if you are reading this - you can do it. Start by reducing sugar in your life and drink water.

I also recommend reading a book about habits like this one: "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" it helped my brother to lose weight :)

u/emojibator · 85 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Boooom. I sell eggplant emoji vibrators:

I built this in my spare time in about 30 hours and now run the business part time.

Read books. Have a idea, plan a budget, and run with it. You can figure out things along the way. Google is your friend. Be a sponge and learn everything you can.

I don't believe there's something as truly passive income, but you can get maximum output from tiny input. Lots of great books out there, one of my favs is Tim Ferriss' 4-hour work week, you can listen to his podcast to start.

u/WexQuasReport · 84 pointsr/DotA2

Dude, I created a reddit account just to write my first comment here and I really hope it helps. I have a lot to say and I hope I can express it in a understandable manner. Here I go :)

I was also depressed. And it is not entirely gone. I have good and bad days too but at least now I can somewhat control it. You have to realize that your mood is directly connected to your thoughts. i will not go into detail about it but If you sit by yourself thinking all the negative things that you can muster up it will bring you down, you will go into this dark tunnel of negative thoughts, that usually are illogical, but at that point seem true as fuck and it will be very hard to climb out of that dark hole. At least that's how it happened to me.

Of course it is easy to say that you have to realize this and that than to do actually it. I was unable to do it by myself, that why I looked for help from a professional psychologist. Only medication will not be as effective as an actual advise from a professional. I think the best thing is a combination of both. I know you said you have financial struggles, but I believe you can find organisations that provides such service for free or at least cheaply. And trust me, it helps. There is something about hearing things from a person who spent big part of their life studying your condition that gives a sense of hope, that this is an illness, just like any other and it can be cured with help of others, medication (if necessary) and personal effort.

Other thing that helped me massively was reading. Previous to that point of my life, I always thought that all these books that thought you how to be happy and such was a big pile of BS, and then my doctor advised me to read . Buying this book was the best decision I made during my recovery process. This book, together with my doctor, who based her practice on his theories helped me understand all my mistakes in thinking that eventually led to depression. This is called - cognitive theory - please google it when you have a spare moment. It is very practical and very detailed and I cannot stress enough how important it is to read to every person suffering any form of depression and/or anxiety!!! THIS IS A MUST. PLEASE BUY IT ASAP AND READ IT!!!!

Besides that, I see a lot of people suggesting taking up some activities and they could not be more right. Dota is a great way to escape negative thoughts, as you get immersed into the game and the only negative thing for another hour are the 9 other people :))) But when you take up an activity, it brings purpose and a sense of achievement. Let me give you an example. I worked at a big corporate firm, I was overtiming like crazy in order to show my superiors that I was worth promoting but everyone was busy with themselves and never noticed my efforts, over time it got so frustrating that one thing at work could determine my mood for a whole week. And then I started working out. Every evening after work I would go to the gym and work out, I also started eating healthy, I lost a bunch of weight and every night after my workout I would feel good (I wrote "great" at first, but good would be more fitting) even if before I felt like doing nothing and not going anywhere (just generally empty inside, I believe you are familiar with that feeling). Same goes with playing sax I guess. Even if the day sucked at work, after working out or playing an instrument for a while you fell like you did something for yourself, you improved, you were active, healthy and busy and this is great. Eventually I changed my job too and everything got better. I was very happy even though before I thought I would not find such a good spot money wise and I was afraid to leave. I found one even better in every aspect and my colleagues are great!! I would strongly suggest to start looking for another job while still working at current place. It can only get better. If your job sucks so much, it can not be any worse, right? Worst case scenario, you will end up at the place just as bad, but it will not be worse, so the chances are on your side. No need to be afraid, trust me (trust a random guy on the internet, yeah right :)).

In conclusion, every time you find yourself in a black hole of emptiness thinking all kinds of negative shit about yourself and how this is so bad and it will never end - remember - depression is causing it and DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS, it CAN be controlled, it CAN be cured and you CAN fight it! You will need help so don't be afraid of asking for it. Please see a psychologist and read that book (I promise I am not a sales guy :) that book helped me so fucking much and I sincerely believe it can help you too). Once you realize that your thoughts is the main reason causing the depression it will be much easier to fight it. If you have any additional questions let me know, I will try to do my best to help! I believe in you, we believe in you - stay strong and beat this shit!!!!

u/Pelusteriano · 81 pointsr/biology

I'll stick to recommending science communication books (those that don't require a deep background on biological concepts):

u/justplainmark · 80 pointsr/JordanPeterson

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to ask honest questions and start conversation. It benefits everyone when we’re able to discuss openly without the vitriol and condescension often found in other places online.

I want to start by stating that I don’t consider /r/JordanPeterson to be a right wing sub. I consider myself fairly left, though more of a centrist than most of my friends. Example: I voted for Hillary in the last election, have mixed thoughts on gun control, dislike the identity politics that have lately become more prevalent on the internet/campuses lately, am pro-choice, and have been openly gay for about 12 years now. I’m more interested in the message that Jordan Peterson promotes than the politics sometimes discussed here. Jordan Peterson all types, so you sometimes get that "lol leftist cucks" garbage every now and then but it's not the spirit of the sub as a whole.

That said, let me try to answer your questions as honestly as I can:

Question #1

I don’t consider universities to be dominated by radical leftists. I consider universities to be places where people can openly discuss their views, learn new ideas, and have their ideas challenged in environments that encourage growth and understanding (and based on your tone and style, I feel we agree on this). However, I disagree with your equating departments like economics, engineering, and law with social sciences like gender studies or social justice largely because the approach to the ideology is very, very different. My understanding is that the objection to social sciences doesn’t stem from the fact that they’re more liberal/left, but that they are more interested in silencing and shaming people who disagree with them than other typical college departments.

Let me give you an example. Imagine a context where a left leaning economics student disagreed with a professor’s take on financial policy, or a visiting speaker’s approach to the foreign exchange market. An objection voiced in class, office hours, or during the Q&A portion of a speaking event would likely spark meaningful conversation where multiple viewpoints are presented. Outside of people rolling their eyes at each other in class, it’s unlikely that fellow economics majors would call for professor resignations, disrupt a speaking event, or openly shame each other for disagreeing.

Generally speaking, Engineering, Business, Economics, and Law majors would not sabotage a speaking event they disagree with, or vandalize campus property in an attempt to disrupt an idea they didn’t like, or barricade a door and imply physical harm to their opponents.

My point is this: the objection is not that the social sciences are left; the objection is that generally speaking, they are more likely to shut down an opponent than listen to them, which is the start of fascism (this is not hyperbole - the forcible repression of opposition is literally one of the tenants of fascism).

Remember above when I said that universities are places where people can openly discuss their views, learn new ideas, and have their ideas challenged in environments that encourage growth and understanding? Social sciences often (not always) stand in stark contrast to this by presenting their ideas with the caveat “agree with me, or else.”

You wouldn’t see this behavior from Engineering, Business, Economics, and Law majors.

Question 2

I mostly answered this in my answer to your first question, but my main objection is that the majority of social science classes actively discourage debate. The links I provided above are a small sample, and I could easily put together a larger list.

Again, you would not see this behavior in Engineering, Business, Economics, and Law classes.

Question 3
>You always seem to be championing traditional social hierarchies/relationships and also the primacy of the individual. But traditional social arrangements placed women in a socially subservient position with greatly diminished options for individual fulfillment relative to males. How do you reconcile this contradiction?

I haven’t seen anyone in this sub champion traditional social hierarchies, nor do I remember any comments from Jordan Peterson in his recent book suggest this. JP talks a great deal about how it’s the responsibility of the individual for self-improvement, but I’ve never heard him suggest that social repression of women was women’s fault. Assuming I haven’t misunderstood your question, is it possible you’ve mis-inferred this somewhere?

>Do you really presume to tell women they'd have more individual fulfillment if they gave up their autonomy and submitted to a backwards social relationship?

God, no. I have yet to see any posts from this sub or concepts presented by JP that would imply women would be happier in a subservient social role. In fact there are plenty of places in his last book that would say otherwise (that subservience isn’t a useful trait). Where are you getting this?

>Likewise with racial minorities.

Nope. No one is suggesting this.

Question 4

>You're always advancing this notion that leftists are gonna impose totalitarian oppression on society any day.

Are we? Where?

>Do you really think that rad-fems are at the cusp of seizing absolute power?

No, but it’s disheartening to see radical feminists discourage conversation, or assume that disagreeing with them is some moral sin that makes me a monster.

Question 5

I disagree with most Evangelicals I meet, and I do consider many of the practices of the religious right to be totalitarian.

Question 6

I have a lot of concern for the group-think of churches, especially ones that tell their followers how to vote and yet don’t pay any taxes. It’s appalling.

One question for you - have you read any of Peterson’s books? I’ll totally buy you a copy of 12 Rules if you’re interested.

u/bcktth · 42 pointsr/seduction

There are plenty of good things out there, I have each of these items bookmarked on my laptop (minus the books, which I already own). These 10 links have impacted me the most to go out there and get what I deserve. Because the truth is, stepping into this game you are going to be tested and have your fair share of failure/success.

It's not so much what you do, wear, or act that will determine your success, it's how solid you are on the inside so you can take what comes your way and not even flinch.


1. Reddit post - "Not giving a fuck" by Mesonoxian : The title explains itself.

2. Article - Top 5 regrets people have on their death bed : Avoid these regrets while you still can!

3. Article - 30 things to stop doing to yourself : Print this out and tape it somewhere now!

4. Article - Top 10 mistakes men make with women : We've all done them, now learn how to stop.

5. Video - Eulogy of Bobby Kennedy as spoken by Ted Kennedy : This speech is true inner game.

6. Video - Powerful Inspirational true story...Don't give up! : Finish what you start, like this man.

7. Video - How Bad Do You Want It? (football) : Makes me want to move mountains every time!

8. Video - How Bad do you want it? (boxing) : This defines passion.

9. Book - The Four Agreements : Want to live stress-free? This book is how you can.

10. Book - Bang! : Slow start but an essential read for rock-solid inner game.

u/IGaveHerThe · 39 pointsr/fitness30plus

In my opinion: Nutrition is for losing (or gaining) weight and making sure you recover properly.

Cardiovascular training (literally heart and blood-vessel training) is for heart, vascular and lung health so you can run after a bus or take a flight of stairs without feeling like you are going to die. It helps you think more clearly, resist depression, and reduces risks of some of the most deadly diseases (heart attack, stroke, etc.)

Resistance training is for gaining or maintaining lean body mass and strength. This helps you look better naked, keeps your bone mass up, and as you get older, helps you recover more easily from slips and falls. It also is good for your metabolism: it helps with insulin sensitivity and each pound of lean mass burns 2-3x as much energy as a pound of fat, and it takes up less space.

Finally, stretching/mobility training will help you keep your youthful ranges of motion, reduce stiffness and pain, and reduce injury potential.

You need a balance of these four elements to be truly fit.

To answer your specific questions:

  1. Yes, you have to maintain a calorie deficit to lose weight. There is no way around this. However, focusing on satiety (the feeling of being satisfied) will help. In my experience, foods that help with satiety without being high in calories are a. water b. fiber and c. protein. Fat can also help a meal stick with you, but a little goes a long way. Pure carbs (stuff with very little fiber) are tricky. This leads us to foods like lean meats, vegetables, fruits, and legumes (beans) and away from sugars and refined carbs (especially those with fat and carbohydrate together like cake, pizza, pastas, bread and butter, etc.). People have lost weight on all kinds of diets, so experimenting with what works for you is good. Tracking your calories and macronutrient (protein/fat/carbohydrate) intake with something like can help. There are more "advanced" methods but starting there can help your basic awareness of when and what you're eating, and you can start to make tweaks and adjustments from there.

  2. It's OK if you can't do purely running. Consider swimming, riding a bike, rowing or a low-impact alternative like an elliptical machine. If you have health insurance, consider seeing a doctor/physical therapist to give you specific ways to work with/around your limitations. Simply losing some weight can help with all kinds of orthopedic (bone-related) issues.

  3. Lifestyle advice. It's about taking small steps and building habits. I recommend trying to break a sweat at roughly the same time every day. Do something laughably easy at the beginning, like going into the gym and doing a warmup, then leaving. The point is consistency by showing up over time. Find a program or work with a personal trainer who will design a program for your abilities, and stick with it. I personally recommend something that you do either every day (7 days a week) or at least 5 days a week during the work-week (Monday through Friday), purely because it's actually easier than going 3 days a week because you get into a habit of going at a specific time every day. You will have to carve out time for this, there are no two ways around it, but that time can be early in the morning, during lunch, or after work. If you join a gym, find one between home and work to help reduce the issues of going before or after work. Finding a program you can do at home is great as well and can help with logistical issues. You want to be there when your baby graduates high school and college and gets married, so you're investing in your future. I highly recommend the books "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, as well as "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg with more help on those fronts.

  4. Lifestyle part 2, diet. I recommend doing a weekly or twice-weekly session of food preparation. If you have a 5-day a week workout habit, you can set aside two days to go shopping for healthy food and prepare healthy food in bulk. (Slow cooker and sous vide can help here, as well as the basic stove and oven.) Having a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner (or whatever meals match your plan) on hand will reduce the urge to grab something quickly for those meals, and it will force you to plan ahead, which really helps you stick to those decisions later. If you have trigger foods (like chips or pastries or something) don't bring them into the house. This doesn't mean that you can never eat your favorite food ever again, but it does mean that you want to have 80% or more of your nutrition match the goals that you have. Then when you have the food you like, you will enjoy it more.

    Sorry, I started in on this post and it got away from me. Hopefully you find some useful nuggets in here.

    TL;DR: You need to have a balance of nutrition, cardio, resistance, and mobility training. You have to have a calorie deficit to lose weight, so focus on foods that fill you up without a ton of calories. There are tons of cardio options that aren't running that will be easier on your joints. Lifestyle change is about changing your habits. Doing food prep really helps make losing weight easier.
u/Francis_Dollar_Hide · 38 pointsr/personalfinance

Hello mate, I am also from the North of England, heres my advice:Forget retraining, forget courses, get in at the ground level and learn on the job.(You may need to get your CSCS card:

  1. Get into physical shape, start working out. You don't need a gym, you can use your own body weight and Calisthenics. Try r/bodyweightfitness this will help you to improve your sense of self worth and give you motivation to succeed in other areas.
  2. I've always relied on manual labor to make money when in a tight spot. If you are prepared to work hard in unpleasant conditions you will find work. I've poured concrete, replaced rail lines at 3am in February, I've worked at a sewage plant.Try here:
  3. Read this:

    Good luck!
u/CakeIsSpy · 36 pointsr/Guildwars2

I also had to quit GW2 due to it being too addicting. Personal two nickels: quitting video games cold turkey doesn't work, especially if you haven't changed your living environment, like the computer with all the potential games is right there in your house/apartment waiting to be played. It is an instant trigger reminding you to play again. My happy medium was strictly sticking to single-player games when I'm solo, and ONLY playing multiplayer/online games with people I have met and know in real life - as a way of socializing. Luckily the few friends that I have are busy and can only play on weekends so it's working out for now.

A few books that helped a TON in understanding why I had such a hard time quitting:

The Power of Habit

[Mini Habits] (

I hope it works out for you! IMO you are doing the correct thing getting back to old hobbies, but it definitely does take time.

u/pizzashill · 36 pointsr/TopMindsOfReddit

This is hilarious, do you have some type of learning disability? Why is it you run around trying to deny the holocaust, you realize Hitler is literally on record calling for the extermination of jews as early as 1920, right?

This shit is just absurd dude, you're a disgusting piece of shit and you need to never breed. I can't even fathom how stupid a person has to be to be a holocaust denier at this point, for the love of god educate yourself:

u/DancingUnderTheMoon · 36 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I've been reading The Power of Now, which is helping me realize how the present moment is all we have and is the only thing that can give us inner peace. I am still reading it, but the book has certainly helped me better understand this. "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry -- all forms of fear -- are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." (Eckhart, p. 61)

u/jhnkvn · 32 pointsr/Philippines
  1. Luck and hard work
  2. My car audio setup. I swear that it saved me years off my life driving around Metro Manila's hellish traffic.
  3. Would highly recommend Habit. I typically visit CNN Philippines and Rappler for local news. WSJ and FT for international newspapers. As for people to follow, I love Richard Branson and Elon Musk aside from Steve Jobs.
  4. We went to the US, told people we're gonna buy iPhones, orders came in, and we bought 25 iPhones back to the Philippines that were sold even before they set foot in NAIA. An easy PHP30k profit each for something that took a few minutes each morning for 4 days.
  5. I didn't earn my own money so to speak. Well, except my Eth mining sideline. Does it feel empty.. in a way it does but we do have a sense of pride in continuing our parents legacy.
u/MarcusKilgannon · 31 pointsr/MensLib

I found this was a great book to challenge that mindset. It helped me a lot anyway.

u/harry_manbach · 31 pointsr/GetMotivated

This is from a series of books by Carlos Castaneda and you can find the books here

Well worth the read. Start with "The Teachings of Don Juan"

Edit: Since i know im going to hear "no it has its own book" there is a book called "The Four Agreements" but the author readily admits that the teachings come from the late Carlos Castaneda.

u/LesWes · 31 pointsr/financialindependence

Hey rattlesnake30,

I know exactly how you feel. I still get upset about reflect on my college experience on a regular basis. "Why didn't anyone tell me about what was really important in life!?" "How come everyone tells you to study what you love, and that you can do anything, and you'll be building the future, when in reality there is a 90% chance you'll be working in a cubicle?"

I allow myself these little pity parties so I can dismiss them quickly and get back to my current goals: FI, Music, my marriage, and my fitness (Anyone seen Don Jon?, something like that). Honestly, reading about stoicism helped A LOT. I was pleased to see MMM encounter Stoicism eventually too, although I don't think he's the best intro to it. I liked William B. Irvine's Guide to the Good Life (which you'll find at the library and NOT buy from Amazon if you really want FI :) )

I went to undergrad for Physics and then and M.S. in biotechnology. My 2.5 year program started with promises of "85% of graduates find work with an intro salary of $85k/yr or higher". When I finished, I was un-employed for 6 months and then a fellow Physics major got me a job at a software company doing implementations at ~$40k/yr. $40k still felt great compared to grad school stipends but after a few months I realized that I had all the toys I could want, I could afford vacations, I had a nice apartment, I didn't need more money, what I needed was more time to enjoy those things and to get the hell out of a cubicle. Discovering FI was the thing that finally motivated me to try to get better at my cube job. 3 years later I've doubled my salary and am ~40% of the way to FI.

Like I said, I still get pissed off about college. Enterprise level software implementation is a far cry from biotechnology, but I'd rather be getting paid than pumping pipettes for a temp contract (must have PhD to run a lab).

Know this:

  1. You learned a tremendous amount getting a biomedical science degree! Those words on a resume might be standard if you're applying to a biomedical engineer job, but to many other jobs they are very impressive. I barely escaped with my degree in both undergrad and grad school (C's get degrees) and I still reap the benefits of putting those words on my resume even (or especially) outside my field of study.

  2. No matter how deep your debt is, if you make FI your goal, you'll make progress in no time.

  3. You don't need to know what your passion is now. I'm in my 30's and I still haven't found a job that I really care about. I'm still looking, and I'm still open to finding it, but it just hasn't happened yet. Once I'm FI, I'll be able to work or volunteer with organizations or on my own, on projects that I KNOW will energize me and I can't wait.

    Stick around. It gets better!
u/ElBurritoLuchador · 29 pointsr/survivinginfidelity

I've skimmed through your post history dude and judging by it, you've already checked yourself out long ago. You're drowning because she's the deep black abyss of an ocean and you're letting your self drown without so much of a struggle. You already know what you need to do with her, right? You knew it 5 months ago then here we are 5 months later without so much of a change. Start doing something. Even just a tiny bit.

First of all, don't give a fuck about what will happen to her. She knew the consequences of her actions and she needs to face it. Start living yourself for your child and you. Ignore her. The other problem is that crippling lack of self-respect of yours. Self-esteem is one of those things that you can slowly build up. Working out is one of those things. The rush of endorphins and just the chemical change in brain chemistry changes you. Anything psychological is also biological. Just work out.

Secondly, don't bother yourself of an "possible" future events. Don't construct this elaborate "What ifs" and "What will" if you ever leave your cheating wife because you're not a fortune teller. What you need to realize is your unhappy and you want to leave. Fuck her. Read the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. An excerpt on it "Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing. Is fear preventing you from taking action? Acknowledge the fear, watch it, take your attention into it, be fully present with it. Doing so cuts the link between the fear and your thinking." It's a goddamn good book.

Finally, start moving on, like, right now. As if you're already divorced from her. Go meet friends, focus on your child, have fun FOR YOURSELF. You want to Kayak at the Grand Rapids? Do it! Start feeling single. The more you pretend you're moving on, the more you start moving on from her. It's always starting with little things that eventually become big. I know, it's quite daunting to change a lifestyle you've been used to for years but it's that same routine that tightens the noose around your neck. Stop wallowing in self-pity and saying you're stuck. You're not a character in a Dostoevsky novel where tragedy is in every corner and you're stuck in a Russian Gulag for the rest of your life.

So, start doggy paddling toward the nearest shore, dude. I hope next time you write here, you're in a good place away from her.

u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/exmormon

>How did anyone here crawl out of their emotional wreck and become functioning and content members of society after leaving?

First, the existential vacuum is real when leaving the Church and so is the excruciating loneliness. You're not alone and you can make it through. For me, a big part of the answer was just giving it time (cliche, I know, but still true) and just surviving the long, miserable days that followed my loss of faith.

Second, reading books helped. Lots of books from others that have previously dealt with these existential questions. Some recommendations are:

u/1_player · 28 pointsr/pics

I really enjoyed this one:

Other than that, Meditations and Enchiridion are must read as well.

u/sd_glokta · 28 pointsr/Stoicism

For those interested, his main work is Man's Search for Meaning.

u/PlantBasedLove · 27 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

read this book

It is called "The Four Agreements"

One of the agreeements is - Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you.What others say and do is a projection of their own dream.

We take things personally when we agree with what others have said.
When we do not agree, the things that others say cannot affect us emotionally.
When we do not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior cannot affect us.

I have a lot of experience with men because of my age - some men just say the stupidest things, but it has nothing to do with you!!! It took me forever to learn this!!

You are being cast in a movie - You are being cast the way you are right? Did they tell you to get a trainer? Or has he? Exactly.

He is used to yoga teacher bodies. But he is with you.....Who is this about....?

Normally i go for latina girls with big boobs and no tattoos.....and again....who the fuck cares??? LOL

It is so freeing to not let these people rent space in my head.

Be free.

u/alexandr202 · 27 pointsr/Entrepreneur

I learn a ton from reading books by people much smarter than I am. There are some stellar books I start with.

Starting a business
Art of the Start by Guy Kawasaki

Start a business
Lean Startup

Investing and Stock Market
Gone Fishing Portfolio

Life Hacks and Lifestyle Business
4 Hour Work Week

u/onlineSnacktivist · 27 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I've found that purposefully building a habit is what keeps practice going. Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit has all the information you need to learn how to do that, but I'll try to summarise it there:

  • Find a cue for the beginning of your routine (example: if I finish having dinner, then I practice)
  • Streamline your practice so that it can be mostly a routine you can engage easily and almost mindlessly in
  • Reward yourself for engaging in the routine
  • Keep track of your progress

    I am definitely forgetting some steps, forgive me. . . But the book I referred to definitely has the answer you're looking for.
u/bbcakes413 · 26 pointsr/Brogress

Most, not all, of these other responses are more in line with "why" quit gaming or how to balance it, but your question is HOW did I quit.

So here's the framework, then following that are my personal steps.

Framework 1: If you remove 5 hours of gaming, you don't have to replace it with 5 hours of super productive life habits. I removed 5-6 hours of gaming a day but it enabled me to add 1-2 hours of health/fitness, and some time to eat better, then I slept an hour earlier, etc., but I still dicked around and did useless shit for 2-3 hours of that 5 hours of previous gaming time. It doesn't have to be 1:1 bad habit removal to amazing habit add in. I still sit on Twitch and zone out for an hour or two here and there while I browse the internet, but it's easy to put it down and go to the gym or not wait until I'm starving to eat, which makes it easier to eat better.

Framework 2: Identify your level of addiction. Mine is a proper addiction. I think I can reinstall and play within reason today...for a week...a month...6 months...but at SOME point I fall off the wagon and to the bottom of the well. So I have to legit just straight up accept that I don't have the discipline to play in moderation like other people.

Framework 3: With any habit you have to analyze what it is rooted in. In my gaming habit it was a few things:

  1. Anxiety/stress coping. If I go nuts on a 5 hour Path of Exile binge, my brain literally can't process the work worries I have, worrying about the girl I'm dating and the details of that, planning my financials and freaking out about student loans, etc. You get the point. It literally overloaded my mind so that I couldn't relate to anything and then I'd play til exhaustion and pass out. Rinse repeat. Obviously bad sleep. Bad sleep means bad performance at work. Obviously a lack of self-respect because I wasn't in control of my life and was behaving with such avoidance behavior that I was under an avalanche of life.

  2. Social community. This one isn't inherently bad but gaming was a way for me to hang and shoot the shit with friends in discord while we played games. Not all the roots of a habit are/have to be bad, BUT in order to replace the habit you have to replace the roots.

  3. Quantifiable progress. Leveling up, gearing up, ranking up, all rewarded my left brain tendencies for progress and order.

  4. Just fun. Straight up.

    So here's what I did...

  5. I identified the games that I was most likely to binge. MMOs, endless dungeon crawlers, competitive games. One by one I deleted my accounts and uninstalled. I only was left with games that I could play in bursts for 30-45-60-90 mins at a time (vs. like 4-5-6 hour binges). I would pop on, play a bit, get bored and close them. Or single player games with finite playability I would beat and stop installing new ones. Eventually uninstalled Stream and the like (I'm a PC gamer, the equivalent would be selling your console).

  6. I had to make it a point to socialize with friends more, even just a beer after work or something to replace #2 above. And still talk to those gaming friends but only as long as they respected my desire to stop gaming soon.

  7. Start going to the gym to address #1 from the framework section above. It really does help with anxiety and stress. It's two steps forward and one back though - you feel great and mentally healthy, then you HAVE to address the shit that was causing you to dive into unhealthy gaming habits to start with..."oh shit my girl sucks and I need to address that"...."oh shit, let me look my student loans in the eyes and address that"....etc. But it's progress and only gets easier.

  8. I made a ridiculous Excel spreadsheet for framework #3 above. Weight, rolling 7 day average, mood, sleep tracker, resting heart rate, reading, gaming, even porn, drinking, anything I wanted to be more aware of. In tracking those things I could start managing them and in managing them I got the dopamine reward of leveling up, kill streaks, ranking up, etc.

  9. Naturally you will be more confident as you do this - naturally you will seek fun, you will be more comfortable to find other sources of fun. I had wanted to go rock climbing for YEARS. I did it for the first time two weeks ago. It was the most fun I've had in ages.

    On my spreadsheet I have had days where I ate like shit or drank or missed days in a row of the gym. Far from perfect. My reading habit hasn't taken hold like I wanted it to. But I'm fucking HAPPIER. And you know what column is PERFECT in my spreadsheet? The gaming one. That's my keystone habit. That's my FIRST domino. Find yours and make incremental, deliberate changes.

    Message me if you wanna chat, I got your back.

    PS: Read this:
u/InsideOutsider · 26 pointsr/LSD

[Be Here Now] (, by the co-author of The Psychedelic Experience (before he changed his name) is a great illustrated book.

u/ludwigvonmises · 24 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Habits I'm building

  • Wake up at 6am
  • Meditate every day
  • Practice German for 30 min every day

    Habits I'm destroying:

  • Video games during the workweek
  • Smoking weed
  • Masturbation

    I had other habits in April and May that were successfully integrated/defeated, and I moved on from them (one was waking up at 6:30am).

    I have to give a lot of credit to /r/theXeffect for giving me a consistent manner in which to track progress and hold myself accountable. It's really gratifying to see the X marks day after day after day and TO KNOW that my brain is being rewired to want these things by the new cue/routine/reward cycle I'm enforcing.

    If you want more knowledge about the actual science of habit formation (it helps me understand the why and the how, not just the what), pick up a copy of The Power of Habit - it's actually a very entertaining read as well.
u/attitudegratitude · 24 pointsr/medicalschool

Yea. I'm not gonna get into a debate about it though lol.

>I've been wanting to believe in God for a while and I know the hope (or false hope?) gets my religious friends through med school much easier if you actually believe you are meant to do this or that God's plan for you is to be a doctor.

You might be interested in this book then. I've never read it but I know people who are agnositic who have and recommend it

u/Tree-eeeze · 24 pointsr/funny

Ok, before everyone gets all high and mighty here (too late) maybe you should consider the fact that for the VAST majority of our evolutionary history there was no advantage to a girl who slept around indiscriminately. It carried a huge burden (potentially 9 months of pregnancy and single-parenting) for almost zero likelihood that her genes would be any better off. In fact it was more likely they were worse off. It made much more sense for her to be choosy and find what she considered a high-value mate, or at least someone who she could expect to say around and help raise the child.

In that same time period it made significantly more sense for a guy to sleep around (if he was able) because he would have a better chance of ensuring the spread of his genes, though not necessarily the same success as if he chose a monogamous relationship and had several kids. It was just a valid competing strategy, whereas for women it was not, because it's inherently disadvantageous for them.

It continues to exist today despite radical changes in society/technology. That doesn't make it right but don't act like it's some arbitrary shit that exists for no reason.

I suggest The Red Queen and
The Selfish Gene
for further reading and many more insights.

Evolutionary psychology is not infallible by any means... but it can offer a lot of insight by examining the time period where we spent most of our evolutionary history (which is huge compared to the comparatively tiny amount of time we've spent in the modern world...or even the last few thousand years).

u/kecupochren · 24 pointsr/getdisciplined

Dude, you gotta get this book -

It's life changing. Yeah that may be a strong word but you're on the right track to fully appreciate it. It will fill in the gaps about what you know about habits and discipline.

u/BearJew13 · 23 pointsr/Buddhism

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. Buddhism helps with my anxiety in many ways:

  • meditation: learning how to meditate is not easy for many people. I meditated on and off for a few years before I starting doing it as a consistent habit every day. All I can say here is that once you learn how to meditate (either via books, online guided meditations or visiting a meditation center/sangha), the science is very, very convincing about the plethora of health benefits meditation will bring you. In particular, I find basic breath meditation and visualization meditations once a day helps me handle my stress and anxiety better, it just gives me an overall increased sense of well being

  • combat negative thoughts with positive thoughts: whenever you catch yourself having negative, anxious thoughts, simply recognize them, then combat them with positive thoughts. This simple exercise, if done habitually, will literally rewire your brain to start thinking more positively. Many psychologists and counselors will teach you this exercise

  • It gives my life meaning. People get anxiety for different reasons, mine was usually existential: worrying that everything is pointless and meaningless, etc. Studying and practicing Buddhism has given great meaning to my life. The Buddha was interested in the happiness of all people, and he taught people from a wide variety of walks of life, and showed them how to imbue meaning into their lives, no matter where they were at spiritually. There's such a rich variety of teachings attributable to the Buddha: teachings to husbands, wives, children, employeers, employees, politicians, monks, etc. It's exciting. My goal is to one day become a Buddha: someone who has discovered the path to obtaining an unshakable liberation of heart and mind, and who shares this path with others. Definitely not an easy goal, but an interesting, meaningful one nontheless :)

  • EDIT: here are some resources: I recommend Mindfulness in Plain English for learning how to meditate and practice mindfulness; and Taking the Leap for learning how to deal with negative emotions. Then I recommend What the Buddha Taught for the best introduction to Buddhism I've found yet. This book even includes an entire chapter about how what the Buddha taught relates to the world today. The author includes several suttas that specifically teach how the dharma applies to the ordinary lay life. Highly recommend.
u/thorface · 23 pointsr/Art

I think I was thinking along the lines of becoming truly great at something and way way way above average. I was summarizing the findings in this particular book:

u/DrexFactor · 22 pointsr/poi

If you're really truly interested in mastering this hobby and applying yourself to learning it, here's what I would recommend:

  1. Define short-term goals. Do you want to learn A, B, and C tricks? Do you want to work on body movement and dance? If you're having a hard time defining this for yourself, look to the spinners you respect and try to figure out what it is about their style you admire and would like to make a part of your own.

  2. Schedule a regular practice. Make an appointment with yourself that you would keep just like an appointment at work. Remember: this is something you're doing for you? Who is more important to keep your promises to in your life than yourself? Doing this will also help keep you from the dreaded "I can't find time to practice" conundrum so many of us wind up in...make times for the things that are important to you.

  3. Create a regular 20-30 minute warmup ritual before you practice. This could be your meditation or a dance warmup, a series of stretches, etc. Pick a piece of music you'll listen to whenever you sit down to do this or have a particular scent of incense you put on. For the spiritual out there, this ritual will help prepare you for the work you're about to do and focus your mind on the task at hand. For the scientific folk out there, this is classical conditioning: you're setting triggers to put your mind into a state of focus and eliminating outside distractions.

  4. Structure your practice around your goals. Want to integrate gunslingers into your flow? Try for one week to get ten spirals and ten meteor weaves every single day, then next week up the ante and practice the transitions between a flower and these moves ten times. Want to work on your dance/flow? Set aside 10-20 minutes to just spin to music and explore the space around you. Some days you'll be on and make lots of progress and some days it'll feel like you're backsliding or hitting your head against the wall. Both are important to the learning process.

  5. Define your overarching goals. What is it you want to do with poi? Do you want to have a fun physical hobby, perform with it, get into the tech world, etc? Figuring out what attracts you to the art will help you focus your energies on practicing those skills that are most in line with what you enjoy. Also be prepared that you may discover something in the course of your practice and experience that changes this dramatically. Reevaluate it every 4-6 months or so.

  6. Learn to love the plateau. We love getting new tricks. We love the excitement of novelty--and it's really bad for us. It teaches us to value the temporary over building in the long-term. Mastery is a lifelong journey where the goal becomes subsumed more and more by the experience of getting there as time goes on. Plateaus are important because they allow you to refine the things you've just learned and polish them into a more beautiful form. It is inevitable that you will spend the majority of your time in the flow arts on a plateau of some sort or another, so the more you make your peace with it early, the easier that journey will become.

  7. Become comfortable with solo practice. All the research we have on mastering skills at this point indicates that it takes thousands of hours of deliberate solo practice to become a virtuoso at a given skill. Spinning with people is fun and you will learn new things, but the majority of the progress you'll make will be on your own. This is harder for some people to adapt to than others, but it is an essential part of the journey (unless, of course, your goal is to become a virtuoso at partner poi ;)

  8. If possible, find a good teacher/coach. A good teacher will push you when you need to be pushed, challenge you in ways you never thought possible, and guide you to becoming the best possible poi spinner that you can become. Sadly, this tends to be a luxury as good teachers in the flow arts world are extremely hard to find, but if you're able to find a good one make every use of their services.

    Good luck with your journey! It's been one of the greatest I've embarked on in my adult life :)

    Here are some books I would recommend on the topic:

    Mastery by George Leonard (talks a lot about mindset and learning to love the plateau)

    Talent is Overrated by Geoffrey Colvin (gives a lot of pointers when it comes to deliberate practice)

    So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport (lots of counterintuitive but useful info on developing skills)

    The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle (lots of great info about what to look for in a good coach/teacher)
u/_Jake_The_Snake_ · 22 pointsr/Stoicism

The Four Agreements are as follows:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.

  2. Don't take anything personally.

  3. Don't make assumptions.

  4. Always do your best.

    They are from a very short book by Don Miguel Ruiz, and it's definitely worth a read.
u/EducationTheseDays · 22 pointsr/IAmA

Mindset by Carol Dweck has some good insight. I think I have been lucky genetically, and in the environment I was raised, but I think it is a mindset thing and it takes practise. Also understanding positive/negative feedback loops and how positive thinking will impact your life, might increase motivation for you to develop a positive (growth) mindset as you will appreciate the influence it has.

u/Vimutti · 22 pointsr/Meditation

Sam Harris, in 'Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion:'

> is important to distinguish between accepting unpleasant sensations and emotions as a strategy— while covertly hoping that they will go away— and truly accepting them as transitory appearances in consciousness. Only the latter gesture opens the door to wisdom and lasting change. The paradox is that we can become wiser and more compassionate and live more fulfilling lives by refusing to be who we have tended to be in the past. But we must also relax, accepting things as they are in the present, as we strive to change ourselves.

u/senormoll · 22 pointsr/videos

That video comes from a thought experiment credited to Derek Parfit, but summarized well by Sam Harris in Waking Up:

>[I]magine a teleportation device that can beam a person from Earth to Mars. Rather than travel for many months on a spaceship, you need only enter a small chamber close to home and push a green button, and all the information in your brain and body will be sent to a similar station on Mars, where you will be reassembled down to the last atom.

>Image that several of your friends have already traveled to Mars this way and seem none the worse for it. They describe the experience as being one of instantaneous relocation. You push the green button and find yourself standing on Mars — where your most recent memory is of pushing the green button on Earth and wondering if anything would happen.

>So you decide to travel to Mars yourself. However, in the process of arranging your trip, you learn a troubling fact about the mechanics of teleportation: it turns out that the technicians wait for a person’s replica to be built on Mars before obliterating his original body on Earth. This has the benefit of leaving nothing to chance; if something goes wrong in the replication process, no harm has been done. However, it raises the following concern: while your double is beginning his day on Mars with all your memories, goals, and prejudices intact, you will be standing in the teleportation chamber on Earth, just staring at the green button. Imagine a voice coming over the intercom to congratulate you for arriving safely at your destination; in a few moments, you are told, your Earth body will be smashed to atoms. How would this be any different from simply being killed?

Anyone interested in all this should check out the book. Harris has a chapter on the split brain experiments as well. Pretty sure he does a podcast with the same title too, but I've never listened.

u/qret · 21 pointsr/

For anyone particularly interested in this line of thought: look into Vedanta. Alan Watts's The Book was the first place I encountered it. The book appears to be available in .pdf if you google it, not sure if it's legal, but there you have it.

u/_dban_ · 21 pointsr/Buddhism

I wouldn't really say Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on Buddhism, and doesn't really teach meditation, mindfulness and loving-kindness the same way as Buddhism.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on the principle that your feelings have a lot to do with how you think, and that negative feelings often come from irrational thoughts. CBT provides a toolkit of techniques to help critically analyze thoughts, for example see Dr. David Burn's Feeling Good Handbook.

For example, when you feel down, you can use the triple column technique, writing down your negative thoughts in column 1, identifying the pattern of irrational thinking in column 2, and writing down the more rational thought in column 3, while measuring your mood before and after the exercise to gauge its effectiveness. This practice of inquiry and measurement lets you experimentally determine the CBT technique which is most effective for you.

Thus, CBT is a practice of rational inquiry into thinking patterns, using rationalizing techniques to achieve objectivity. Meditation and mindfulness don't really seem like a CBT techniques, although they do achieve similar effects by using objects of meditation (such as the breath) to allow more objectivity over our thoughts, another way to break the negative feedback loop of negative emotions.

u/gte910h · 21 pointsr/AskReddit

It's not optimism: It's choice. It isn't about religion either. Lots of it is mental adjustment (changing what you value, etc, thereby enabling different choices), so people are like WTF no, that's brainwashing. And many of those people who "make it" had to try really f-ing hard to get to a certain place you're envying.

So baby steps. Buy this book (non-affiliate link):

It's not about religion, it's not about the presence or lack of God, or anything, it's about making your life happier. That's is. It's easy, it's all thinking, and it's not a gimmick. It won't turn you into a robot (the common definition of stoic as some emotionless whatever is wrong). You'll be happier just with some outlook changes with no life changes (but you'll also do some life changes most likely as you realize the pain you see for no useful gain). It's also a good way to gain some courage. I've rarely seen more courage make someone's life worse.

u/V3r1ty · 20 pointsr/relationships

You have already identified this as a jealousy issue. Jealousy comes from insecurity, comes from fear. You are insecure and irrationally fears that she will leave you or doesn't love you or you are not good enough or something. You suffer from negative thinking patterns. Are you by any chance identifying your thought patterns with these mindtraps?

This is a personal issue of insecurity combined with depression. If it wasn't jealousy, you would have found something else to be upset about. Ignore all comments telling you to "get over yourself". It doesn't work. You need cognitive therapy. You can look up self help books like the feeling good handbook, but proper therapy is absolutely recommended. If you just look into options, you can probably find something. Not sure if video calls are an option, but you could look into that.

u/oldtimehippie · 20 pointsr/ActualHippies

Sure - he was a psychologist at Harvard and a friend of Timothy Leary - but you probably knew that already. The best way to learn more about his philosophy is to read his first book, Be Here Now.

u/soapdealer · 20 pointsr/truegaming

For a good explanation of how this sort of subconscious processing works, read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. The more experienced you become with gaming, the better your brain gets at doing complex thinking at a subconscious level, leading you to eventually "feel" correct actions and decisions without knowing why.

Probably the most important types of games for "game sense" are games in which incomplete information is an important game element. Think of the fog of war in RTS games or identifying where opponents are in a first person shooter. If you develop the sense to know information that's hidden from others it gives you an enormous advantage.

u/Curudril · 20 pointsr/MurderedByWords

Well, you might want to start with the famous Cathy Newman interview which got a lot of attention. Then, you can get to many of his debates from here. If you are interested to learn more about the ideas Dr. Peterson defends, you can see some videos on his youtube channel. There are also cuts from his lectures all over youtube. A random clip from a lecture. He recently published a book 12 rules for life. And this quora segment pretty much sums up all the basic stuff:

EDIT: typos

u/veragood · 18 pointsr/Psychonaut

You need to surrender to your pain by ceasing ANY resistance to life. I promise you there is unimaginably beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. But first you need to forgive yourself, which breaks the cycle of pain and suffering. You have this power.

Anger always, always leads to delusion about life. Please, you need to let this simple fact of life seep into the deepest part of your consciousness. You cannot shake your head and say "uh-huh" this time. You need to let it ring true in the part of you that observes, the part of you that is much vaster than and remains untouched by the seemingly never-ending swarm of negative thoughts. By breaking the cycle of anger, you will soon be lifted from the hellish pit of delusion. What is this delusion about? It destroys your ability to discriminate between truth and non-truth, between what's REAL and what's just a fearful mind projection. Please, let it sink in. Meditate on this inner part of you that is REAL. This is how you break the hellish cycle of anger. You have this power. You've always had this power.

I have been exactly where you are.. you need to realize that this numbness you feel inside is because deep down there is a part of you that knows there is something more out there. In this sense, you must immediately start viewing your suffering as the best thing that has happened to you. Only with this view will you stop resisting life, and only once you stop resisting life can the simple joy of Being again flow into everything you do. If you stop resisting what life has given you, you will immediately feel a presence, a stillness, a peace.

Don't hate your depression. It is a problem, but there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You create problems because you need their lessons. In this way, the down cycle is absolutely essential for spiritual realization. You must have failed deeply on some level or experienced some deep loss or pain to be drawn to the spiritual dimension. I assure you, the spiritual dimension exists. Don't think it is hard; it is just a different way of perceiving the world. This is where meditation comes in. All your pain is mental; learn to control your mental state, and you will become a master of your mind rather than its slave. I speak from personal experience. I have had my 'enlightenment' moment already, so let me help you. Meditation is the key to everything. Meditation is how you take back control of your inner state. Meditation is how you find your True Self. Less than 5 months ago I was on my bathroom floor crying in a pit of self-pity. Now I am in 100% control of my life. It is all due to me awakening to the realization that I have the power to control my thoughts, rather than to be at their whim.

I promise on whatever you deem holy that I no longer have compulsive negative thoughts. I have performed the miracle of freeing myself from the chaos of the unconscious mind. The endless mental chatter that you have taken to be an inherent part of life is gone in my mind. It took incredible patience and practice on my part, and it did not come easy. I had to cultivate my mind like a field that had grown barren. I had to pay constant attention to my mental state throughout the day. But if you but fully commit yourself to this path of identifying and neutralizing unconscious thoughts through meditation, you too will find your inner mental silence that is your natural state.

If you are serious about ending your suffering, you need to follow this advice. It is the only way towards the lasting peace that you are alluding to. Please, please, buy these books. Read them not as revealing anyhting new to you, but as reminding you of things that you have simply forgot you already knew. They will point the way forward. In addition to being deeply spiritual, they are both extremely practical. If you surrender all resistance to their teachings, you will cure your depression much faster than you could ever dream of.

please feel free to ask any questions, this community is there for you

u/basedpede1337 · 18 pointsr/The_Donald

He wouldn't have gotten where he is without that mindset. There is a really good book on the psychology of what he said in the tweet. Mindset It basically talks about the two types of mindsets that successful people have vs failures. It all comes down to basically this:
>"What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate." - Donald J Trump, 2014

Successful people will take failure as a learning opportunity and then keep going. Failures give up.

u/Familiarjoe · 18 pointsr/gainit

Hey OP, ive been where you are before...I was 125 lbs at 6'1 and fucking hated everything about myself...and the worst part was I let other people's wondering eyes or opinions take over my mind. The good news is you can overcome it.

I had a therapist I saw only 4 times, but in those visits we got to the root of the problem. She recommended a great book that, although I didn't completely agree with it absolutely helped re shape my mind and have the confidence to do whatever I want. Now I'm 6'1 at 170 and working on going for 190 (3 years of work...slow and steady)

The book is called "the four agreements"
Here is a link to the book on amazon

here is a free PDF of the book I found for you too

Feel free to message me if you want op. Good luck to you

u/Guerilla_Cro-mag · 17 pointsr/MGTOW

Thats exactly where this quote is from. What makes it even more powerful is that this thought is in response to being sent to a concentration camp to die.

If Frankl could maintain this mentality while being worked to near death and having to constantly outsmart gestapo, no one here has any valid excuse as to why they can't cultivate that same mindset.

Seriously, everyone get this book. Its like 200 pages (if that) of some of the most compelling writing you'll ever read.

u/MeleeLaijin · 17 pointsr/getdisciplined

I highly recommend you get your blood checked for any nutritional deficiencies. When you describe your "shit brain", this is the first thing that popped into my mind. You could be eating a healthy diet, but everyone's body works differently. Please see a doctor and get blood work done.

Also, if you're into reading I recommend picking up this book:
Be Here Now - Ram Dass

Good luck, fam.

u/cas18khash · 17 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

Every man should read

This is the book he draws from. It's a life changing book.

u/SheilaNOOOO · 17 pointsr/law

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell does a very good job of looking at those questions. Chapter 6 is all about making implicit bias decisions in the police force. Since cops have to make snap decisions and often don't have time to think over their decisions, implicit bias can lead to bad decisions.

Many police forces are trying to find ways to give police more reaction time. It's one of the reason high-speed car chases don't happen anymore.

The PBS Frontline documentary Drug Wars gives a lot of coverage as to how the war on drugs was spurred by white flight and wanting to keep "good neighborhoods" safe. Drug charges are usually worse for minorities' drugs of choice, and police are more likely to target minorities.

u/exiatron9 · 16 pointsr/entp

It's a good question - a lot of people just assume they can't ever be rich.

No you don't need to get a degree. You don't need to get a high-paying job. You don't need to be Elon Musk unless we're talking billionaire rich.

Making money is about delivering value at scale. Either deliver a little bit of value to a lot of people, or deliver a lot of value to a few people. Or do both to rake it in - but this is usually harder.

The most accessible way to deliver value at scale is by building a business.

You also need to figure out why you want to be rich and what kind of rich. Do you want to build a massive empire and make hundreds of millions or does making a couple of million a year and getting to travel whenever you want sound better?

The basic steps are pretty simple. You've got to start by reprogramming your brain a fair bit. Rich people - especially entrepreneurs, don't think about the world in the same way as most people do. More on how to do this later.

After that you'll want to start exploring the opportunities open to you at the moment. There are lots of business models you can replicate and do really well with - you don't need to start completely from scratch and build something the world has never seen before. You would not believe the ridiculously niched business models people make stupid money from. Example - I know a guy who built an online health and safety testing form for oil rig workers that was making $20,000 a month.

When you're starting out it's a good idea to keep things simple and use it as a way to build your skills. You don't want to be trying to build the next Facebook while trying to learn the basics of business. You're probably not as smart as Mark Zuckerberg.

The point is you have to keep learning and learning and learning. You know the business section of the book store you've probably never looked at? Pick the right books and you can pretty much learn anything.

You've been fed a lot of bullshit your whole life - so you need to read:


  • The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
    It's pretty incredible how many successful people I've spoken to in the last few years have said something along the lines of "well it all started when I read the 4-Hour Work Week...". This is a great book that will give you a huge mindset adjustment and also a bunch of practical ideas and case studies of what you can do.

  • The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ Demarco Yeah the book title sucks. But it's gold. MJ has quite a different approach to Tim Ferriss - so that's why I put it here. It's good to get multiple perspectives. The first hundred or so pages rip traditional thinking on wealth as well as guru advice to pieces - it's pretty funny.

  • The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason This is a quick and easy read but it's got some great core lessons.

    Those will give you a good start. Once you've picked something to work on, you'll want to start reading up on learning sales, mindset, strategy, mindset, business management, mindset and some more mindset. If you jump in you'll quickly find the hardest thing about business is usually dealing with yourself.

    Hit me up if you take action on this and I'll be happy to recommend where to go next :)

u/beck99an · 16 pointsr/getdisciplined

Your situation sounds incredibly similar to mine - except I'm a few years down the road from you.

I've now graduated from both college and from law school, and have been working as a lawyer for about 6 years. I still procrastinate far too often. (Right now is a good example).

Anyhow, about your question here's what I've done. Hopefully some of it is helpful to you.

Read up on procrastination - it's kind of fascinating. You know what you should be doing, but there's a disconnect between intention and action. Work isn't rewarding (short term). Not working is rewarding (short term). It'll be exactly the opposite down the road, but intellectual self can't convince emotional self to suffer the difficulty of work to experience the reward of having done something well and on time. And the reward of maybe playing some guilt-free video games or whatever else.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is also a very good idea, but I had difficulty finding a counselor and, once I found a good one, part of the difficulty in treating chronic procrastination is the fact that you're gonna want to procrastinate on the work you have to do to deal with the procrastination.

What's been very, very helpful to me is mindfulness meditation. 99% of the time I was just reacting without really being aware of the underlying difficulties that I was facing. Mindfulness can help start to untangle reactions and emotions and can help you start to see more clearly where the breakdown between intention and action is happening. You can find some good intro to mindfulness meditation lectures at audiodharma.

For CBT, in addition to finding a good counselor, the Feeling Good Handbook was recommended to me and is quite good. It has a terrible, cheesy title, and that's just life. The content is excellent.

Anyways, long story short, like someone else here said, willpower is a muscle, and you're going to have to exercise yours. Some of the tools I've listed above will make it easier to figure out what is at the root of your personal struggle and that, in turn, will make it easier to see when you're making that choice to procrastinate. But the simple answer is that there's nothing but hard work that will ultimately solve this for you, and I'm right there working hard with you.

u/ShufflingToGlory · 16 pointsr/britishproblems

Not the same as face to face therapy but "Feeling Good" by David Burns is generally regarded as the CBT Bible
Helped me a massive amount.

u/ZenReefer · 16 pointsr/Psychedelics

One of the trippiest books you will ever read:

u/Raisinhat · 16 pointsr/biology

I'm sure every subscriber here has already read it, but the top book has got to be The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Reading it really opened my mind to how evolution actually worked in a way that my teachers at school never had. Even if later on when I started learning about social insects I had to start questioning some of those ways of looking at an "individual".

Back on topic, I'd recommend Matt Ridley's Nature Via Nurture, Genome, and The Red Queen, as each are accessible yet still highly informative looks into various aspects of evolution.

For those interested in human evolution there's Y: The Descent of Men by Steve Jones and The Seven Daughters of Eve by Bryan Sykes.

All of those fall more under the category of books that should be read between high school and college if you are interested in studying Biology. Once you get to grad school level books might be a neat introduction to a topic, but any real learning would come from primary literature. I've read lots of fantastic papers but they start becoming so specialized that I would hesitate to put forward specific suggestions, because what might be fascinating to ecologists will probably be dire to molecular biologists. I know that as someone with a focus on zoology, most of the genetics papers I read left me more confused that enlightened.

u/leaky_wand · 16 pointsr/PoliticalHumor

That’s sad but I get it. Can I play therapist for a second? ^Disclaimer: ^not ^a ^therapist

Let me put it this way: do you want to paint? Then go paint. Is painting itself not the issue but you still want to have some skill to be proud of? Then go find something you want to do and do it.

I struggled with this for almost my entire life. I didn’t want to try new things. One day it clicked: I was only seeking validation of my intellect. My whole life I was told that I had the brains to do anything I wanted, and I held on to that very tightly. In my mind, my innate potential was held up as my only source of self worth, and trying any new thing that I absolutely knew I couldn’t do beforehand represented an unacceptable risk to my ego. What if I tried—tried as hard as I possibly could—and failed?

Well I was put in a situation at work where I had no choice but to try and fail, and do you know what? Nobody expected me to succeed. Nobody was keeping score on my successes and failures in my life. All they asked of me was to do my best.

And so I did try, and it was hard, and I fucked up a lot. Ultimately I succeeded, but it was not a smooth ride. And along the way, I would check in with myself, and I found that I was still here, still breathing. And I felt myself grow. It was exciting.

After that, I picked up some new hobbies—because they were interesting to me and I had always wanted to try them—and I totally sucked at them. But I kept at them, and had soul crushing failures, but also intense euphoric rushes of success, and ultimately gained the confidence to do what I really wanted to do with my life. I had a choice now. My motivations were truly my own.

Check out “Mindset” by Carol Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success She explicitly describes the exact thing that it took me years of soul searching to find out. I was in the “fixed” mindset, in her words, and I somehow managed to get into a “growth” mindset. I allowed myself to try and fail and try and fail and ultimately succeed. And even if I didn’t succeed—I was the only one paying attention, so who cares?

Lots of words, and maybe I am making too many assumptions, but I am very passionate about this topic because I wish someone sat me down and told it to me decades ago. I hope this helps you and anyone else reading this.

u/eablokker · 16 pointsr/psychology

The fact that you can change your behaviors, attitudes, moods, and beliefs means that you are not those things. You are not your behaviors, skills, beliefs, or attitudes. Then who, after all, are you? You are the creator of your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs. You are the creative force behind the ability to change those things about you. Congrats for realizing that the old depressed you was never really who you really were anyways, and neither is the new you. Sometimes you will feel depressed and sometimes you will feel happy - these states don't define you as a person, but by experiencing both of them at times you get to be a whole human being.

I think you may want to check out CBT as others have suggested. Try this book for starters: The Feeling Good Handbook.

You can also check out NLP as someone else suggested. The main difference is that the aforementioned CBT has many studies proving it's effectiveness, whereas NLP does not. That doesn't mean NLP isn't effective, just that it hasn't been studied as much. You're likely to learn very similar concepts and techniques either way, so either one is good depending on personal taste.

u/IncredibleBulk2 · 16 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Do you know about "The Four Agreements"? It's a book, you can check it out here:

Anyway, the first agreement is that no one ever does anything because of you. People only ever do anything for themselves. Even if it is a "selfless" gesture, it is still made only because the giver wants to or it has some other benefit for them. Acknowledge this truth with TT and FIL. Maybe buy the book for DH.

u/Pocketfullofbugs · 15 pointsr/mildlyinfuriating

Oh man, that’s really hard. I wish I knew more, I wish I could be more helpful.

There’s a book a got in lieu of therapy called The Feeling Good Handbook that I bought because of its section on communication, but the rest of it was great too. Maybe give it a shot.

Good luck out there, I truly do hope you find happiness.

u/laMuerte5 · 15 pointsr/entertainment

There is a great book about this. The Power of Habit. I recommend it for someone that is trying to understand why you can’t stop doing dumb shit you know is bad for you.

u/Akatchuk · 15 pointsr/getdisciplined

I have a couple of books to suggest reading that have helped me a lot with that issue. The first one is Mindset, by Carol Dweck and it approaches the concept of growth mindset VS fixed mindset. To its core, the idea is that a growth mindset is more inclined to try new things out, sees practice as a necessary exercise to get better at something, and sees mistakes/failures as lessons to take in stride.

This book helped me a lot because I find that we live in a time where as members of the Western Society (sorry if I assumed wrongly), we expect to a) be successful at everything we try and b) get everything instantly. The problems with these assumptions is that we usually suck at anything we start, and because we realise we're crap and can't get the results instantly, we think we've failed and we become unhappy.

If you ever watch East Asian dramas or read mangas or watch animes (slightly gross generalisation, sorry if I offend), there is usually an element of growth. The main character will fail at something, but eventually keep practicing until they get there. They don't focus on the end result, but on the process of learning, of making mistakes and learning lessons from them. We've forgotten how to do that, and instead of being encouraged to persevere past our mistakes, we're just told to find something else we're good at, which is counter-productive given that we're usually not good at anything we've never done before.

The second book will sound a little soppy, but I definitely think it's worth a read. It's Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff and the premise is simply to be more accepting of yourself and your mistakes (not in a lovey-dovey way, just "ok cool, I fucked up, time to move on"). She posits that self-esteem isn't as useful as self-compassion because self-esteem usually means you have to make yourself feel better by comparing yourself with someone/something else ("Oh look, I must be so good at this because everyone else is rubbish), which means you are still somehow reliant on external factors. This is not an ideal situation because you're still subject to fear of failure or rejection by others.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, helps you see that everyone makes mistake, and it not only helps you learn to be kinder towards yourself (this is especially important if you find yourself criticising yourself and blaming yourself for not doing something because you've been procrastinating), it also helps you be more accepting of others, because you realise we're all the same. This is especially helpful to learn to deal with other people's judgement, because you can see that what they say and how they act towards you is a reflection on themselves, not you (if I'm an arse to someone on the tube, I was probably impatient or annoyed with something, for example).

It does sound a little wishy-washy, but I think it's self-compassion that truly helps someone understand that everyone makes mistakes, and that when you make one, not only should you remember that someone has almost definitely made a worse one, but also that you can move on from it, so it's ok to fuck up. With a growth mindset, you'll learn to be ok with making mistakes, and maybe even seek to make them when you realise you learn by failing and not by succeeding (well, most of the time). You may also become more comfortable with uncertainty and seek regular practice in a subject rather than trying it once and deciding it's not for you because you're not good at it.

Another thing is to learn to be humble. We're always told we can do anything if we set our mind to it, and that we're all special snowflakes, but we're not. If you want to become a special snowflake, you've got a long way to go. So start from the bottom and work your way up. Always listen to advice, even if you've heard it before, or you think it's rubbish, because someone tried to help and it could help you learn. By being humble you don't fall off your pedestal of self-made-up glory because you don't think you're the shit, you're just yourself and if you want to achieve something, you know it'll take efforts, failures and time (always, if it doesn't, there's a catch). There's nothing wrong with not being a special snowflake or not being the shit. You'll still have your friends and family, at the end of the day!

Also, people are not against you, they're for themselves. They won't give a toss about your failures or your accomplishments past telling you sorry/congratulations, because we're all self-centered. So don't look at how much greener the grass is on the other side of the fence, focus on making your own grass greener.

u/sunrise_orange · 15 pointsr/getdisciplined

I would recommend that you read the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It (link to Amazon).

I read this book two years ago with not much belief in the knowledge shared here. I didn't fully believe or apply the principles, so it wasn't really helpful.

A few months ago, I came across this book again. Difference? I was desperate for change. I felt like my life was unravelling at the seams. I kind of had a similar background as you but with my father. He would literally laugh at my dreams and tell me I would "be overshined by my siblings," and told me I was "always lacking in everything." He is the reason I often fall into patterns of completely disregarding any achievement of mine. A few months ago, this was my typical day: I relived my worst memories once every few hours in attempt to "understand myself" (now I see it was a form of self-sabotage) and I kept telling myself I was strong for getting through these situations, but it didn't change the fact that I felt like a failure every day. I can't say I know exactly what you feel like now, but I can relate.

Okay, so back to the book. I read this with desperation. By then I was already aware of the importance of your mindset and what you tell yourself, but I didn't really know how to translate this knowledge into practice. And then came this book. Simply put, the idea is to tell yourself this one thing over and over again. "I love myself." It doesn't matter if you believe it or not right now. Just do it. Because you will get to a point where you actually value yourself through this seemingly stupid exercise. I have to say I feel better than ever about who I am. I'm just more secure about the person I am. My flaws, my interests, and all. I was socially awkward because I wanted people to like me so badly. Now, I'm not charming anyone by any extent of the word, but I don't feel that pressure to impress someone or make sure they like me anymore. (It's not completely gone, but eight to nine times out of ten, I don't think "what if they don't like me" anymore.) This is one the most effective CBT techniques I have experienced.

Also, a key idea here was to stop any negative thought process from unfolding by saying the words "not important" in your mind. This has been surprisingly helpful, and I don't go the on crazy negative tangents in my mind much anymore.


I also recommend you read the book Mindset. It became much easier to make progress and accept that I was making progress in different areas of my life with a growth mindset.


Best of luck! I hope you do well. I know you can get over this. I'm saying this as someone who has gone through clinical depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage over the past four years. I'm now thankfully completely recovered from depression and anxiety, and am working to get into university with a scholarship while freelancing. I get depressed and anxious, but it's not the magnitude of mental illness anymore.


Remember progress isn't instant. I don't know how negative your thought processes are, but the "instant change" I outline above is just to show you an example of where you might be. You might be mentally somewhere closer to me three years ago when it took a good year and a half to rid myself of my worst thought processes.


Good luck!

u/_amazingBastard · 15 pointsr/videos

I recommend his book where he explains this more in depth. Great read for anyone interested.

u/rgower · 15 pointsr/atheism

I recently read The Red Queen by Matt Ridley and it tackles this very question. Quite an interesting read, I'd definitely recommend it. The following is taken from an amazon editorial review:

> Why do we have sex? One of the main biological reasons, contends Ridley, is to combat disease. By constantly combining and recombining genes every generation, people "keep their genes one step ahead of their parasites," thereby strengthening resistance to bacteria and viruses that cause deadly diseases or epidemics. Called the "Red Queen Theory" by biologists after the chess piece in Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass which runs but stays in the same place, this hypothesis is just one of the controversial ideas put forth in this witty, elegantly written inquiry.

u/mgbkurtz · 14 pointsr/Accounting

Take a break from accounting and finance books. I have a few recommendations from my recent reading:

The Intelligence Paradox

The Evolution of Everything

Delusions of Power

Equal is Unfair

The Feminine Mystique

How an Economy Grows - And Why It Crashes

Floating City: A Rogue Sociologist Lost and Found in New York's Underground Economy

Buddha's Brain

The Red Queen

Obviously there's a political bend in some of those choices, but I can suggest others (it's always important to challenge your beliefs).

I love to read, can provide some other recommendations, but those were just some recent books I just pulled off my Nook. There's some fiction as well.

u/Rfksemperfi · 14 pointsr/seduction

A few, in no particular order:

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)

Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way (A Quest Book)

My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies

Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)

What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

Outliers: The Story of Success

Iron John: A Book About Men

u/DocDucati · 14 pointsr/financialindependence

Sounds like you need a philosophy of life...especially since you already have a doctor of philosophy degree :)..

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

u/boy_named_su · 14 pointsr/asktrp

You sound a lot like me a couple years ago

Okay, let's get your mental health in order

What is your money situation? Got health insurance?

  1. Sleep. You gotta get your 8-10 hours. Every night. Quality sleep too. Get a fitbit if you can afford it, the one that tracks sleep quality. Otherwise there are free/cheap apps. Watch you caffeine intake. Eat dinner as early as you can. Take melatonin. Optimize your bedroom for sleep quality if you can (40% humidity, 60-67 F temp, air purifier, blackout curtain). Easy on the booze

  2. Go to the doctor and get blood work: vitamins, minerals, hormones (estradiol too, sounds like your T is fine), inflammatory markers, intestinal parasites. Depression and inflammation are correlated. Depression and testosterone / Vitamin D deficiencies are correlated. FIx deficiencies with food / sunshine if you can, otherwise supplements. Eat real food, the kind that goes bad. Mostly fish/seafood/shellfish and vegetables. Fish has Omega 3, Iodine, and Lithium, all of which are good for your mood

  3. Attitude change. Go get the audio book of Feeling Good by David Burns. it's the intro to Cognitive Behavioual Therapy. Works better than drugs for most people. You can get it free on if you sign up (credit card required but not charge until a month). Then get . Can find audio book on piratebay. It's an intro to Stoicism, a masculine philosophy of life which helps you think through negative emotions

  4. Walk in the daylight / sunshine after lunch every day. It's good for your mood

  5. After all that, after you're feeling better, and want some inspiration for school / exercise, read The War of Art (Pressfield), and Can't Hurt Me (Goggins)

    You can PM me if you need help

    Also, avoid female counselors, they are useless. Find a male CBT therapist if you need one
u/__Pers · 14 pointsr/IWantToLearn

You really need to go out and read Dr. Carol Dweck's book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. She's a preeminent researcher into the sorts of mental traps one falls into that hamper one's ability to succeed and be happy and how to avoid them. Your post evinces all the classical pitfalls she describes.

In short, one's natural gifts mean nothing, ultimately, as you have no control over them whatsoever. You should take no pride nor feel any shame for the hand you're dealt. What matters--and this is all that matters--is what effort you put forward in playing that hand. Do not be afraid to fail and do not measure yourself by others' successes. Rather, measure yourself only by what you can achieve.

u/MartinMystikJonas · 14 pointsr/getdisciplined

Exactly. I like how this is described by Carol Dweck in the book Mindset.

Loosing self worth after failure is sign of wrong fixed mindset while people with good growth mindset see then as learning oportunity.

u/d8_thc · 14 pointsr/seduction

I know this is slightly unrelated, but it's really not.

You have massive 'inner perception' problems. Everybody here is going to talk about inner-game, but I'm going to take it a step further.

A psychedelic experience.

What is the Psychedelic Experience?

A floatation tank, meditation, psilocybin, LSD, DMT or ayahuasca will ALL make you confront yourself, the egoic filter is literally BLASTED away, there's nothing left but you and raw emotion and you can work through a ton of stuff, such as getting validation from deep within yourself, and another- that in this moment, everything is actually okay, and you already have anything you could possibly need. (It's possible, I promise!)

People will throw game books at you, but since you have read models and no more mr nice guy, you should really check this one out.

The power of now

At least you have somewhere to work from now! Before you can fix it you had to know it was there, ya?

u/xhazerdusx · 14 pointsr/leaves

A book that really helped me break out of this is Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Stick with it despite initial impressions and it has a very good chance of helping you as well.

And yes, I've been able to quit after heavy heavy use. You can PM me with ANY questions, vent sessions, whatever. Hit me up and I'll respond as soon as I can. (Should be pretty quick, but prob not immediately.)

u/brokendate · 14 pointsr/wholesomememes

I used to think in the same way that you're suggesting. That's why I was agnostic for awhile. However, I started thinking that if you're going to see God as just energy or some mystic force, then thats what it is: energy. Based on history, historical texts, and different fields of science, I don't think humans have ever encountered God, probably just got really high and experimented with drugs when it comes down to it. As long as you look to a higher power to send love to all corners of your life and the universe, then go right ahead. I recently just read The Four Agreements, by Dan Miguel Ruiz, and he describes "The Creator" basically as the source of all love, and that love emanates through all things living or not. Everyone interested should read! I'm pretty sure I found out about it through this sub too! Very wholesome and dank.

u/pm_me_your_kindwords · 14 pointsr/TrueReddit

Man's Search For Meaning is the most tragically uplifting book you'll ever read about the holocaust. I strongly recommend it. (Edit: It's a very quick read.) As a matter of fact, it's probably time for me to read it again.

u/LibraVirtus · 13 pointsr/AlanWatts

"The Book: on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are" --

Awesome title btw

u/lupnra · 13 pointsr/slatestarcodex

My impression of enlightenment based on reading Waking Up by Sam Harris (highly recommended) and Jeffery Martin's PNSE studies is that it doesn't necessarily change your personality much and it does not really have much to do with moral behavior one way or the other. Gupta would likely behave in a similar way whether or not he was enlightened.

u/foobarbazblarg · 13 pointsr/pornfree

I am a weak atheist / strong agnostic / materialist / scientific skeptic, so I hear what you're saying.

You may not like my advice on this, but here it goes: Listen to , and just hold your nose when Matt uses religious language occasionally. He is not disrespectful or dismissive to the non-religious members of his audience, he does not claim that a god-based approach to recovery is the way forward for everybody, and in fact he bends over backwards to not alienate his irreligious audience members.

In my opinion, he does it right - he does not deny his Christian perspective, but he does not push it. And his podcast is very, very good.

Lots could be said about 12-step programs and atheism. I've said some of it in comments on this subreddit. Maybe I'll say more in a top-level post one day. The TL;DR is that addiction and addiction recovery really is a spiritual thing, in the Sam Harris sense of the word.

u/rushnp774 · 13 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

Someone suggested I read the book The Four Agreements (not affiliate link) and it completely changed the way I look at things. It's a very "simple" set of agreements you make with yourself that will improve your life.

In short:

  • Be impeccable with your word - Say only what you mean.

  • Don't take anything personally - Nothing anyone does or says is because of you.

  • Don't make assumptions - They're pretty much only there to hurt you.

  • Always do your best - If you do, you can't judge yourself and will be liberated from all the shame and negative emotions that come from it.

    Check out summaries on Google Images
u/fromclouds · 13 pointsr/AskReddit

Oh man, if you really, really want to know, I suggest you read The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature. It is fascinating (provided you can slog through the first chapter on evolutionary biology) and lucidly written. I highly recommend it, even if you are only mildly curious about the answer.

From page 237:

>"Cuckoldry is an asymmetrical fate. A woman loses no genetic investment if her husband is unfaithful, but a man risks unwittingly raising a bastard. As if to reassure fathers, research shows that people are strangely more apt to say of a baby, "He (or she) looks just like his father," than to say, "He (or she) looks just like his mother"--and that it is the mother's relatives who are most likely to say this. It is not that a woman need not mind about her husband's infidelity; it might lead to his leaving her or wasting his time and money on his mistress or picking up a nasty disease. But it does imply that men are likely to mind even more about their wives' infidelity than vice versa. History and law have long reflected just that. In most societies adultery by a wife was illegal and punished severely, while adultery by a husband was condoned or treated lightly. Until the nineteenth century in Britain, a civil action could be brought against an adulterer by an aggrieved husband for "criminal conversation." Even among the Trobriand islanders, who were celebrated by Bronislaw Malinowski in 1927 as a sexually uninhibited people, females who committed adultery were condemned to die.
>The double standard is a prime example of the sexism of society and is usually dismissed as no more than that. Yet the law has not been sexist about other crimes: Women have never been punished more severely than men for theft or murder, or at least the legal code has never prescribed that they be so. Why is adultery such a special case? Because man's honor is at stake? Then punish the adulterous man as harshly, for that is just as effective a deterrent as punishing the woman. Because men stick together in the war of the sexes? They do not do so in anything else. The law is quite explicit on this: All legal codes so far studied define adultery "in terms of the marital status of the woman. Whether the adulterous man was himself married is irrelevant."[47] And they do so because "it is not adultery per se that the law punishes but only the possible introduction of alien children into the family and even the uncertainty that adultery creates in this regard. Adultery by the husband has no such consequences."[48] When, on their wedding night, Angel Clare confessed to his new wife, Tess, in Thomas Hardy's Tess of the D'Urbervilles, that he had sown his wild oats before marriage, she replied with relief by telling the story of her own seduction by Alec D'Urberville and the short-lived child she bore him. She thought the transgressions balanced.
>----"Forgive me as you are forgiven! I forgive you, Angel."
>----"You--yes you do."
>----"But do you not forgive me?"
>----"O Tess, forgiveness does not apply to the case! You were one person; now you are another. My God--how can forgiveness meet such a grotesque--prestidigitation as that!"
>----Clare left her that night.

EDIT: formatting.
EDIT2: More formatting... is there a good way to <tab> without going to a monospaced font?

u/professorgerm · 13 pointsr/TheMotte


Did anyone else enjoy the amusing coincidence that her name is one letter from the Internet-word for "unwitting follower"?

>developed a script for masculinity that I was comfortable performing

Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? Or pointing towards a source that might help me make sense of the "everything is performative" mindset in less than 10,000 pages of overblown prose? Perhaps there's some factor to it that is fundamentally impossible to communicate, but I've long found that phrasing strange and uncomfortable, likely because I associate it with performing-as-acting, and thus as-lying.

>I wonder if there's some kind of body or gender dysmorphia that leaves certain people uncomfortable with whatever body they find themselves in

Almost definitely. I think a dose of Haidt's Happiness Hypothesis or maybe even Irvine's Guide to Stoicism would do people with this "generalized discomfort" much more good than the solutions they're finding (and regretting) now. Or since you mentioned the title phrase, John Kabat-Zinn's famed guide to mindfulness meditation. I say that as someone who found these books quite helpful over the years, dealing with my own concerns, and retrospectively quite glad of the culture in which I was raised rather than one more "do as thou wilt."

Edit: Thank you for sharing your story.

u/Psyladine · 13 pointsr/AskHistorians

Frankl wrote extensively on his experiences as a holocaust survivor in Man's Search for Meaning

u/qctran · 13 pointsr/TwoXADHD

To piggy back on habits: The book "The power of Habit" is a great read. In general the idea can be summed up in this picture with a larger explanation. I'll do my best to explain.

Habits are created with THREE items.

  • The CUE.
  • The Routine.
  • The Reward.

    The cue can be anything. An alarm going off. Stomach growling. Seeing a picture of a flower.

    The routine is what you want to do. Getting up on time. Making a meal. Walking to the park.

    The reward is THE most important aspect of a habit. If you have no reward, the habit WILL NOT stick. The reward could be petting your dog. Eating a healthy meal with your loved one. smelling a flower.

    I'll use myself as an example. Almost every day without fail I would lose my keys right before I left the house to go to work, thus making me late for work. I decided to use hooks by the door to store my keys. Even with the hooks there I wasn't leaving the keys on them. Worse yet, I've left my keys in the door knob more times then I care to admit, and I live in a city. When I read the book I decided to change my habit to keep my mornings less stressful.

  • Cue: Walking through the front door
  • Routine: Hanging my key up on the door.
  • Reward: Petting my cat.

    My cue is self explanatory. I walk through the front door. The routine is that I NEED to hang my keys up on the hook. If I don't hang my keys on the hook i am absolutely not allowed to pet my cats (He always greets me when I come in). Some days I forget to hang my keys, bend down to pet the cat, then realize "Wait I forgot something!". Other days I'll hang the keys with out thinking, but in either case I always pet my animals after I put the key on the hook.

    The larger the routine, the harder it is to make it a habit, so break down the routine in to smaller habits. Create small changes and small rewards. Then when you get used to the idea of creating a habit go big.
u/serotonin_pls · 13 pointsr/depressionregimens

The fact that it's mentally taxing and time-consuming means that it's likely working exactly as intended!

CBT saved and changed my life when I was at my darkest about six years ago. I've gone through some CBT here and there since then, but a lot of the lessons I learned the first time around have stuck with me and have helped over the years. To my understanding, CBT at its core is ultimately about learning to identify, catch, and fix your distorted thinking as it's occurring. This can be quite uncomfortable and exhausting at times, but it's 100% worth it in the end.

Also, if you aren't clicking with your therapist, find a new one! If you don't click with them, try another. That's not to say that you haven't found a great one already - just don't get discouraged if you don't feel like you mesh well. That's just part of the process, and therapists truly want clients they think are the best for each other.

Finally, I would really encourage you to stick with it for at least 8 sessions. It's tough but it's worth it if you really need it! (Although, I firmly believe that anybody could benefit from CBT - even perfectly healthy people who don't have any mood disorders.)

If you're looking to learn more about CBT and maybe try out some therapy in conjunction with what you're doing with your counselor, I would highly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook. This book is all about working through CBT on your own and provides a ton of extremely helpful exercises and overall informs you very well on the whole process. Keep in mind it's best used in conjunction with an actual therapist, especially if you're going through an episode of particularly bad depression or anxiety.

Welp, this ended up being a lot longer than I expected - I guess that's because CBT is very important to me, scientifically proven to work very very well, and I'm super excited for you to begin your journey with it. Keep at it, friend! In any case, good luck with your endeavors, and feel free to ask if you have any other questions. :)

u/autumnflower · 13 pointsr/islam

Well at least you know what's wrong. First step to self improvement is admitting something is wrong. So you're ahead of the curve here.

The door to tawbah is never closed. Tawbah doesn't mean saying "I'm sorry!" and then going straight back into doing wrong. It means a genuine regret and attempt to put things right. God (swt) doesn't expect perfection out of us and we aren't perfect, but He does expect a genuine and strong effort to do our best. Thinking about whether hinduism is right or not is not going to send you to hell if your end conclusion was it's not right and God is one.

You need to learn the power of habit. In fact go buy the [book] (

If you look at all your problems together, it may seem insurmountable, I recommend writing down a list. What do you want to change: Start with small goals and work your way through it.

For example, the number 1 thing that is a problem for you right now is salah. If doing 5 salat everyday looks like too much, start with the commitment to do a salat every single day and maintain for a few weeks. Focus on the getting the salat right, do it slow, contemplate the words and get into it.

Then add another and another every week or so, until you feel comfortable performing all five salat.

Once you have that down. Move on to the next item. Your parents. Your relationship doesn't need to be perfect, but make a commitment to do something nice to them once a day. Just saying thank you, I love you, I appreciate the effort you do. Buy your mom a gift on mother's day, and tell your dad he's a role model and you love him. It'll be the highlight of his decade if you say this, even he doesn't say much back.

And so on. Also, in your free time, explore ways to strengthen your faith and make it more enjoyable. Watch some inspiring videos, get involved with activities at the masjid, volunteer, join the msa once you're in college etc.

u/futtbucked69 · 13 pointsr/Fitness

Highly, Highly, HIGHLY recommend this book. Seriously. You want to know how to meditate correctly? Read this book. I would not take peoples random advice online, as most of it is BS. (And there are different styles of meditation, but IMO - and many others-, Vipissana is the most beneficial.)

u/HalfwayHoagie · 13 pointsr/comicbooks

Interesting, I specifically asked you to be specific. I am maybe a tenth through this article, which is incredibly long and full of problems in journalistic writing, and it hasn't said anything that Ethan has done specifically. I do not hold anyone responsible for what other people do, and so far that is the only accusation this article has leveled against Ethan. He 'associates' with accounts that say bad things... which, from glancing below this person isn't against showing embedded tweets, but chooses not to embed the tweets of Ethan associating with people saying bad things. But even if it were showing him associating with those people, he isn't saying anything bad. He isn't responsible for other people. And I don't like people who witch hunt others based on who they talk to on twitter... as though people go through the entire history of the people they interact with and vet them like a politician would - it's ridiculous.

Now I am a little further in and I have some more thoughts, like this person, for the length of this article, didn't do a lot of research. An example is when this person states that "Van Sciver illustrated the cover of Peterson’s latest book, 12 Rules for Life,..." Say what you will about the books contents or the books author, Ethan didn't illustrate the cover. He created illustrations for the chapters - THERE ISN'T EVEN AN ILLUSTRATION ON THE COVER.

Later on the author brings up when Ethan offered Darryl Ayo a platform to talk to John Malin, because they were having a disagreement. He invited Darryl Ayo on, even though Darryl had called Ethan a Nazi, multiple times - to which Ethan takes offence. It seems to me that Ethan is honorable here, taking the opportunity to talk rather than to continue flaming on twitter, but the authors slant appears to be toward Darryl. Darrly claimed that "People should call for Ethan to lose his job because of the creepy stunt that he tried to pull." This was Darryl's response to an offer to TALK. Go check out the other interviews Ethan did on his channel, they are the most tame content he does, and way less cringey than his Star Wars videos.

This article continues to appear hold Ethan responsible for what other people do and say on Twitter, which he is not responsible for. He never calls for anyone to harass Darryl, or anyone else - which if he had I doubt expect this article would have quoted.

I stopped about 2/3 through this article. Do you seriously think this is evidence of Ethans misbehavior or racism or bigotry or whatever you think he is? I said be specific, you sent an article must be well over 3000 words long, of which I read of a portion that was about 2500 words. I also read the embedded tweets and the screenshots, and not one thing in there is something Ethan did wrong.

So you can either get specific, or you can send another long rambling article with no evidence. It's up to you, but I won't read another one. It shouldn't be that hard to find something evil he said. I can find plenty of evil things that people on the left have said. And I think seriously calling someone who isn't a Nazi, A Nazi, is pretty evil - and there is an abundant supply of that on twitter from the people who think themselves Ethans enemy.

u/liltingsea · 13 pointsr/IncelTears

I’m so, so glad for you. I know what it’s like to shrink the world down to a tiny, bleak, manageable place and it is so awful to be there and not know how to get out. Or even if there is an out.

Honestly, the main reason I browse this sub is because I see a lot of people in a lot of pain, without the internal or external resources to get help. Sure, there are the psycho shitheads, but most are just in a pit and only have anger and self-loathing for company.

It sounds like you have a lot of negative thoughts around women that you can’t shake yet. One really great resource for that is CBT, which you can do on your own. There’s a book called The Feeling Good Handbook which helped me out a ton. You have my full permission to roll your eyes at the incredibly dorky cover image and his goofy stories, but the exercises and the vocabulary were incredibly helpful. The only thing I don’t love about it is he’s somewhat discouraging about meds.

The other one I’ve had recommended to me by several professionals which I haven’t read yet but mean to is The Upward Spiral

The other other online resource I can recommend is this dating advice site geared towards guys. There’s a lot of good advice on building confidence and how to make conversation, and the author thinks women are people.

Also, just watch some women-made stuff: movies, TV, blogs, etc. It’s easy to think of us as an exotic species but we’re just people. Stuff like that can help humanize and make it easier to empathize with us.

Speaking of meds, I didn’t get a good sense of whether you struggle with anxiety or depression. If you do, you can go to a regular ol doctor and talk with them about it. They can prescribe basic stuff that will work for most folks. Meds won’t change you or fix your problems or forcibly make you happy. They will make that spike of fear less and lift a lot of the crushing weight of anxiety/depression.

If your doctor doesn’t take you seriously, find a better fucking doctor.

Therapy is great but it can take a while to find somebody that clicks that you can also afford. I highly recommend it if you can, and also be persistent and don’t settle. There’s a lot of terrible therapists out there and a lot of amazing ones.

u/Reprobates · 12 pointsr/Meditation

The book, Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion, is well worth your time

u/shachaf · 12 pointsr/AskReddit

A few that come to mind:

  • Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre, by Keith Johnstone. Discusses many things in the context of improvisational theatre, such as human interaction, creativity/spontaneity, stories, perception, and teaching.
  • The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are, by Robert Wright. Evolutionary psychology. Puts some concreteness, even obviousness, to many irrational human behaviors.
  • The Mind's I: Fantasies and Reflections on Self and Soul, edited by Hofstadter and Dennett. A selection of texts on consciousness, and reflections by the editors. Some is fictional, some non-fictional.
  • The Tao is Silent, by Raymond Smullyan. Eastern philosophy in an Eastern way by someone who thoroughly understands the Western perspective on things.
  • Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values, by Robert M. Pirsig. No one has mentioned this book so far, so I feel like I should; although it did not affect me directly in the way some of the other books here did, it certainly planted some ideas for "independent rediscovery" later on. Some things I've only thought of some time after reading it and then made the connection. This is Taoism from a Western perspective. I'll read it again in a few years and see how it's different.
  • The Art of Learning: A Journey in the Pursuit of Excellence, by Josh Waitzkin. A book about learning that says some important things quite well. I read this only a few days ago, but it's influenced my perspective on learning/teaching (and doing in general), so I thought I should add it to the list.
u/Waylander84 · 12 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I was you, about two years ago. I had fully committed to being a great dad and a great husband, but had stopped developing as an individual. Figuring that out is an excellent first step to, as you said, getting your life back in balance.

Here are two books that helped me:

Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: It's a short book by a Holocaust survivor that deals with controlling your attitude at all times, and having perspective on where you are compared to where you want to be.

A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine: A good modern take on Stoicism, or the philosophy of taking life in stride. Contrary to common belief, it's not about eschewing all emotions and being joyless; it's about embracing joy in all things, acknowledging and preparing for grief but not letting them overwhelm you, and being mentally present in day-to-day life. Plan for the future, but don't forget to take joy in the small moments of the present.

Edited in links.

u/Juno_-_-___ · 12 pointsr/changemyview

>putting your needs above others

Have you ever heard of the term "paradoxical intent"? It was coined by a guy named Viktor Frankl. He was a holocaust survivor and psychologist who wrote a book on how to find meaning/happiness in a world that's total shit.

The term refers to the fact that in many areas of life, the harder you focus on something, the less likely you are to achieve that end. Finishing or not prematurely finishing sex, for instance. He argues that this generally applies to the pursuit of happiness. In his own words: "it is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." Happiness results in finding meaning/purpose in life-- not in pursuing happiness. Look no further than most celebrities. His book's a quick read if you're interested. I'm sure you'd find it in your local library, too.

So let's consider TRP in this context. These folk have taken a route almost-universally acknowledged to lead to short-term happiness but misery in the end, and they're so damn happy about their choice that they spend their time convincing strangers on the internet that they're totally happy. Longitudinal studies are clear: long-term, meaningful relationships are key to happiness in life. You're listening to a bunch of 20-somethings offer (likely fabricated) anecdotes over the advice of actual research.

Listen to evidence, not reddit

u/a_filthy_casul · 12 pointsr/anime

It's a common misconception that the Stoics and stoic characters are devoid of emotions while in fact it's their ability to control how they express them.

I know it's outside of the scope of the discussion but if anyone's interested to learn more about Stoicism you can look for "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius (yes, the Roman Emperor) or a more friendlier to beginners "The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". In fact, I would encourage you to read either of the mentioned even if you're not personally interested to apply Stoicism in your life just so you can understand Stoics better.

Quoting a reply below me:

>We have little to no indication that Inaho is being stoic though. The only times we're supposed to be led to believe he actually feels anything is when he cracks a feint smile or when his sister says that he has different moods (as a totally unbiased judge of character I'm sure /s).
There's just as much reason to believe he's clinically psychopathic as anything else.

There is one major difference between competent stoicism and psychopathy: the choice to care.

In practice, a psychopath’s empathy switch is constantly set to “off” and cannot be turned on via conscious or subconscious choice, it’s a neurological defect (or improvement, depending on your world view.) A stoic’s empathy switch is set to “off” consciously but can be turned “on” or vice versa, the empathy switch is “on” by default and can be consciously switched “off.” The characterization of this is of course dependent on the stoic in question and their level of competency in the endeavor.

u/AJM5K6 · 12 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else

It changed how I thought about my career, hobbies and my life. I heard its like the Malcolm Gladwell book Outliers but I have to take people's word on it as I have not read that one.

u/JohnnyShit-Shoes · 12 pointsr/Buddhism

The first two books I read were The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching and Mindfulness in Plain English. They'll get you started with the basics.

u/Hmmmm_Interesting · 12 pointsr/Psychonaut

His book: Be Here Now is amazing. Best book I have ever read on the self.

u/Caroline_Bintley · 11 pointsr/datingoverthirty

>In that year alone, I must have rejected/turned down at least two dozen different women. I'd usually feign interest in them, then ignore/dump them quickly thereafter. To this day, I have no idea why this is. I don't know why I felt so angry towards women.

I wonder if it's because you view the world through a framework of hierarchies and inadequacy.

You've put yourself under tremendous pressure to excel, to be worthy, only to repeatedly fail to reach your own standards. So along come these attractive women who want to be with you, which must feel very validating. Also, they're more or less strangers, so there's no consequence if you dick them around. Basically, rejecting these women gives you the opportunity to be the one doling out disapproval rather than the one experiencing it. Instead of feeling contempt for yourself, you can project it onto others and then watch from a position of emotional safety.

>Oh, another thing that I enjoy doing is hating myself, or self depreciation. Again, I don't know why I do this. But when I try to answer these questions, I'll tell myself things like: "You'll never get married, nobody could ever love you the way you are. You're a loser, you can't do anything right, you fuck everything up, just fucking kill yourself".

I used to verbally beat up on myself when I was younger. It's fucking miserable but it's also very satisfying. Plus it even feels virtuous in a sick way - look I'm not being a jerk to others, I'm being a martyr by being a jerk to me!

One of the most useful things ever said to me was by my ex boyfriend after witnessing me berating myself again. He looked me dead in the eyes and with a voice that was gentle but also clearly over my shit he said

"You know, when you beat up on yourself you are the most self important person in the world." It stopped me cold because I immediately knew he was right.

To be frank, there's a lot of ego involved in self hatred. Casting someone down in a ditch is just the flip side of putting them up on a pedestal. Seriously, compare the following:

  • "God, I'm so incredibly fucked up. I'm just epically fucked up. No one is more inexcusably fucked up than me. I'm just so purely, irredeemably bad! I should just die because there's nothing I can or should do."
  • "I have some real issues that I have let go on for far too long. I really need to address that shit, and if it's beyond my power to do it alone, I should reach out for help."

    One of those lines of thoughts makes you the Chosen One of assholes and absolves you of the need to make changes because change is impossible. The other one makes you just another person who has to sort out their issues, even if it means some really uncomfortable work.

    I'll echo what others have said about therapy. It sounds like you've spent a long, long time living with your self-imposed judgement, anger and shame. Originally it was meant to spur you on to improve yourself, but it's really just held you back. I think that having a third party to both hold you accountable while also offering you a more even-handed perspective could be immensely helpful to you.

    Since it sounds like you have struggled with a perfectionist mindset, you might also find this article interesting. I read it maybe 10 years ago and it helped to articulate some of the self-defeating attitudes I'd held about academic achievement. Carol Dweck's work is worth checking out if you'd like to develop a more resilient response to setbacks.

    I have also found the written exercises in The Feeling Good Handbook by Burns to be very helpful. They're designed to help you examine your self-talk and develop a more accurate view of yourself and the world.

    But first and foremost making an appointment with a university therapist is a good step. I suspect that once you address your mental health, your dating life will sort itself out. From what you write, you're aware that you need to work on your issues and that you have an amazing opportunity to begin a new chapter in your life.

    Good luck OP. Change can be hard, but sometimes it's actually easier than continuing to tread water. There is no reason you can't create a better life for yourself, and no reason you don't deserve to.
u/seagoonie · 11 pointsr/spirituality

Here's a list of books I've read that have had a big impact on my journey.

First and foremost tho, you should learn to meditate. That's the most instrumental part of any spiritual path.

 Ram Dass – “Be Here Now” - - Possibly the most important book in the list – was the biggest impact in my life.  Fuses Western and Eastern religions/ideas. Kinda whacky to read, but definitely #1

Ram Dass - “Journey Of Awakening” - - Another Ram Dass book - once I got more into Transcendental Meditation and wanted to learn other ways/types of meditation, this helped out.

 Clifford Pickover – “Sex, Drugs, Einstein & Elves…” - - Somewhat random, frantic book – explores lots of ideas – planted a lot of seeds in my head that I followed up on in most of the books below

 Daniel Pinchbeck – “Breaking Open the Head” - - First book I read to explore impact of psychedelics on our brains

 Jeremy Narby – “Cosmic Serpent” - - Got into this book from the above, explores Ayahuasca deeper and relevancy of serpent symbolism in our society and DNA

 Robert Forte – “Entheogens and the Future of Religion” - - Collection of essays and speeches from scientists, religious leaders, etc., about the use of psychedelics (referred to as Entheogens) as the catalyst for religion/spirituality

 Clark Strand – “Waking up to the Dark” - - Explores human’s addiction to artificial light, also gets into femininity of religion as balance to masculine ideas in our society

 Lee Bolman – “Leading with Soul” - - Discusses using spirituality to foster a better, more supportive and creative workplace – pivotal in my honesty/openness approach when chatting about life with coworkers

 Eben Alexander – “Proof of Heaven” - - A neurophysicist discusses his near death experience and his transformation from non-believer to believer (title is a little click-baity, but very insightful book.  His descriptions of his experience align very similarly to deep meditations I’ve had)

 Indries Shah – “Thinkers of the East” - - A collection of parables and stories from Islamic scholars.  Got turned onto Islamic writings after my trip through Pakistan, this book is great for structure around our whole spiritual “journey”

 Whitley Strieber – “The Key: A True Encounter” - - A man’s recollection of a conversation with a spiritual creature visiting him in a hotel room.  Sort of out there, easy to dismiss, but the topics are pretty solid

 Mary Scott – “Kundalini in the Physical World” - - Very dense, very difficult scientific book exploring Hinduism and metaphysics (wouldn’t recommend this for light reading, definitely something you’d want to save for later in your “journey”)

 Hermann Hesse – “Siddartha” - – Short novel about a spiritual journey, coming of age type book.  Beautifully written, very enjoyable.

Reza Aslan - “Zealot” - - Talks about the historical Jesus - helped me reconnect with Christianity in a way I didn’t have before

Reza Aslan - “No god but God” - - Same as above, but in terms of Mohammad and Islam.  I’m starting to try to integrate the “truths” of our religions to try and form my own understanding

Thich Nhat Hanh - “Silence” - - Hanh’s a Vietnamese Buddhist monk - in this book he writes a lot about finding the beauty in silence, turning off the voice in our heads and lives, and living in peace.

Paulo Coelho - “The Alchemist” - - Sort of a modern day exploration of “the path” similar to “Siddhartha.”  Very easy and a joy to read, good concepts of what it means to be on a “path”

Carlos Castaneda - "The Teachings of Don Juan" - The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge - Started exploring more into shamanism and indigenous spiritual work; this book was a great intro and written in an entertaining and accessible way. 

Jean-Yves Leloup - “The Gospel of Mary” - - The book that finally opened my eyes to the potentiality of the teachings of Christ.  This book, combined with the one below, have been truly transformative in my belief system and accepting humanity and the power of love beyond what I’ve found so far in my journey.

Jean-Yves Leloup - “The Gospel of Philip” - - Really begins to dissect and dive into the metaphysical teachings of Christ, exploring the concept of marriage, human union and sexuality, and the power contained within.  This book, combined with the one above, have radically changed my perception of The Church as dissimilar and antithetical to what Christ actually taught.

Ram Dass - “Be Love Now” - - A follow-up to “Be Here Now” - gets more into the esoteric side of things, his relationship with his Guru, enlightenment, enlightened beings, etc.

Riane Eisler - “The Chalice and the Blade” - - An anthropoligical book analyzing the dominative vs cooperative models in the history and pre-history of society and how our roots have been co-opted and rewritten by the dominative model to entrap society into accepting a false truth of violence and dominance as “the way it is”

u/ghelmstetter · 11 pointsr/AskReddit

Every male (and possibly every female, though I can't speak from their perspective) should read The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature by Matt Ridley to understand what is really going on with human sexual behavior, as opposed to what has been drilled into our heads by culture.

The biological perspective is dispassionate and brutally rational/optimizing, at least at the genetic level. It helps explain the best and worst of human behavior. It doesn't provide excuses or let anybody off the hook (cultural norms are still real, afterall), but it helps everything make sense and can help people avoid devastating surprises. People are biological first and foremost (before psychological). Understanding the implications of this make us much better equipped to deal with others sexually.

u/MoundBuildingNephite · 11 pointsr/exmormon

The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.

Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.

Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:

  • Philosphize This! podcast. Start with episode 1 and just listen all the way through. It's great and he even mentions Mormonism a few times.

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. The rest of this blog can be helpful, too. For example, here's a great recent article.

  • This book. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The Audible version of this is really good, too, if you have a daily commute, etc.


    Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!
u/androidLavish · 11 pointsr/Blackfellas

As someone in tech, these interviews don't really test smarts, programming skills, or IQ. Just that you can grind leetcode.

Tech interviews are all really just a game with a huge amount of luck involved. Sometimes you get all problems you've heard before with lenient interviews, sometimes you get a bunch of leetcode hards with interviewers who expect you to write a proof before solving it. I definitely wouldn't consider someone smarter or dumber then me based on how they did in an interview.

It's tough after a rejection but it's good that you're going to keep applying. Time is on your side and Google will probably be knocking on your door again in 6 to 9 months anyway.

As far as impostor syndrome I'd recommend reading this book

It barely mentions impostor syndrome specifically but the skills taught in it are almost directly related.

u/matlockmatt · 11 pointsr/brasil

1- Arrume um emprego - vai conhecer pessoas, ganhar seu salario, e conhecer mais de si mesmo sobre que tipo de trabalho você quer fazer pro resto da sua vida ou não. Se não gostou do que trabalhou, mude. Ou, se não gosta mas paga bem e é algo suportável, fique. Essa história de trabalho dos sonhos é utopia. Você não precisa necessariamente amar seu trabalho, você pode gostar bastante do salário deste trabalho e as coisas que este salário te proporciona fazer, como viagens etc... Basta não ser um trabalho que te deixe louco por você odiá-lo.

2- Vá pra uma academia e cuide de sua aparência - vai melhorar sua auto estima

3- Faça algum esporte que goste ou tem interesse em fazer - outra boa forma de conhecer pessoas e criar amizades

Enfim, foque no seu desenvolvimento pessoal e social, não tem como você conhecer pessoas, ter amigos, conhecer potenciais namoradas sem sair de casa.

Also, leia este livro:
Veja os vídeos dele, é um psicólogo professor da universidade de toronto e um cara muito foda que ja me esclareceu muita coisa.
Acredito que falta pouco tempo pra chegar o traduzido.

u/spacemunkee · 11 pointsr/gamedev

So, there are a few books that I think all indie game developers should read that really have nothing to do with game development. However, they will help you understand habit and discipline. Really, everyone should read these books.

[Grit] (, by Dr. Angela Duckworth, Phd.

Mindset, by Dr. Carol Dweck, Phd.

The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg

The ideas in these books and research behind them are very powerful.

u/spinning_jenny · 11 pointsr/astoria

I've been a smoker for 10+ years. Multiple quit attempts. I don't know if I believe in God or free will, but I believe in myself. I believe I can get control back. I am just sick and tired of being a slave to a substance. I've been going to therapy for a year and breaking down my thought process. I read articles on that breaks it down as well. I check r/stopsmoking sometimes. I went to a support group called Smart Recovery that deals with addiction generally, with no emphasis on God like 12 Steps. I started reading books like the Power of Habit to understand the science behind my actions. I recently watched a Ted Talk called "Everything you know about addiction is wrong" and it just really resonated. I keep a journal of the reasons I quit and my frustrations/urges to smoke again.

I kept telling myself: this will be the last one, this will be the last one. But it never is. And I smoked more and more. I made up excuses for months, then years and time moved on without me.

To answer how did I do it - Trial and Error. I fell on my face many times, but I'll just keep getting back up. Every time I get the urge to light one I ask myself - Do you want to live? Or do you want to be controlled by Marlboro Corporation? How many more years of your life are you willing to give up? Do you really believe in yourself? Do you really believe that change is possible? And I remind myself, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just get through the urge at the present moment.

Why Quit:

Power of Habit:

Everything You Know About Addiction is Wrong:

Smart Recovery:

u/ShinjoB · 11 pointsr/BlackPeopleTwitter

I think this is actually a very big deal and something I try to pay attention to as a parent. When you praise your kid for "being smart", that becomes their identity, and once they hit something they don't understand they feel their identity threatened. If you instead praise your kid for their hard work, then learning hard stuff just becomes a matter of more hard work.

This is obviously a gross oversimplification, but check out a woman named Carol Dweck for more on this.

u/Trailokyavijaya · 11 pointsr/Buddhism

Science gives us elegant, nominal explanations of the universe which codify its operations/functions in useful terms and ideas. Science let us explore the universe and build incredible things, and generally really understand how things work (although, as we see at the quantum level, our understanding is still highly limited). Science certainly has a graceful art at its heart - for example in, say, the simulation of geometric patterns corresponding to snowflakes in flight, or the marvelous wave-particle duality in quantum physics, or the magnificent taxonomy of our planet's species, or our grandest ideas about the unobservable universe.

Yet, no matter what science can provide us, it is knowledge about an ultimately empty reality. The knowledge that science provides us is knowledge of what exists dependently, which is, therefore, actually knowledge that does not see the emptiness of the studied phenomena, only its form.

When phenomena are seen to be empty, what happens to he seeking to calculate the quantum physical laws? Not just phenomena, but that self observing it, is empty. When this emptiness is realized, this artificial distinction between the observer and observed is destroyed with crystal Samadhi.

We need knowledge that things exist dependently. We need the Dharma to overcome suffering. Science nor nothing else will be to do that, but it does seem quantum physics may represent the closest theoretical models pointing to the Dharma, in a creative analogical way.

Some pointers are found in the most cutting edge quantum physics. Impermanence abounds at the quantum level in paradoxical ways, for example. This is so exciting to me, to see Dharma 's illumination so brightly in modern science: I believe if you look carefully, there is a lot to learn in modern astrophysics and quantum science. The references to how perception shapes reality, how perceiver and perceived interpenetrate, are staggeringly numerous in many fields as complex as string theory.

Therefore, the inability of science to never actually explain reality completely like the Dharma, does not diminish the beauty of modern science. We must always be aware of the nature of reality, at the ultimate level, and by doing so we can even more greatly appreciate the mystery and beauty of the conventionally existent universe, in which our existence appears inseparable from everything else, and our quantum understanding of which is increasingly analogical to the Dharma.

If this piques your interest, then definitely read The Tao of Physics

I want to tag Alan Watts! That beautiful man says this elegantly. Please read his books, everyone, especially The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. :)

u/En_lighten, u/UsYntax

u/Ganglio_Side · 11 pointsr/askscience

Yes. Discussed in "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg, a person with no ability to lay down new memories because of a hippocampal injury can learn new habits by repetition. It doesn't work as well as moving short term memory into long term, but it still works.

It's a terrific book, by the way.

u/elphabaloves · 11 pointsr/Meditation

Sam Harris talks about a similar experiment in his book "Waking Up" (great read, btw).

His experiment is based on Douglas Harding's teachings and writings, and is meant to help you see through the illusory self (there is no separate self that experiences experience...just experience happening).

A quick Google search turned up this article on it, and it seemed a good/accurate recap. But, I highly recommend reading "Waking Up" - it's one of the best resources I've encountered (over 20 years of studying/reading) on meditation, your compulsive mind, and related topics.

u/fidelityastro · 11 pointsr/Meditation

Mindfulness in Plain English is a fantastic book that answers pretty much every "how to" question about meditation. Can't recommend it enough!

u/nearlyneutraltheory · 11 pointsr/cogsci

I've found Mindfulness in Plain English helpful for me in dealing with my ADHD-PI.

There is a free ebook of an earlier edition in PDF, ePUB, and html formats.

u/banllama · 10 pointsr/asktrp

Being a sociopath is NOT what you are looking for. Sociopathy is a disease, an inability to feel emotion. An inability to truly experience what being a human feels like. This is like saying you want to become an alcoholic so you don't remember your problems instead of dealing with them up front.

What you are looking to do is CONTROL your emotions, UNDERSTAND what you are feeling. You must learn to recognize these emotions within yourself first and foremost in order to master them.

A book I recommend is Mindfulness in Plain English which teaches you about using meditation to become more AWARE of your own emotions and desires in order to achieve mastery over them.

u/usrnmsux · 10 pointsr/leanfire

Sure. There's a bit of a story arc where I came to my senses first, then discovered I wanted to unfuck my life, and leanfire principles is a part of that.

The one that started it all was The Art of Happiness. I was miserable and herein the Dali Lama shocked my life with his assertion that the goal of your life is to be happy. I had a mindset that I had to suffer in order to be worthy of good things in life.

Then, if I recall correctly were non buddhist books, but in the realm getting your head straight:Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life: I saw this man's TED talk.

& How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything

These two go great together to discover that its all in your head and you can change that. I had a terrible inner dialogue and was able to be rid of it. Life Changer!

The I think I read The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety probably 10 times over the last 4-5 years & listened to the audio book when falling asleep. This one really underlined how miserable we make ourselves striving for security that isn't to be had. There is wisdom here that constantly reveals itself long after having read it.

The Pema Chodron Audio Collection was a constant go to also.

My most recent listening are lectures by Ajahn Brahm of Buddhist Society of Western Australia - These lectures really turned me around to moving past the pain, fear & worry about changing my life.

\^\^ I really like listening to these while falling asleep or with a nap on the couch on Sat/Sun afternoons.

Some other notables:

Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way : Saying Fuck It when you're miserable due to expectations and attachments has a real emotional response vs the above which can be very cerebral.

Man's Search for Meaning: Sometimes it's hard to grateful when wrapped up in our own lives. I read this once a year as a refresher. When I'm being ungrateful I try to remember what others have put up with and it calms down my complaining mind.

The Art of Disappearing: Buddha's Path to Lasting Joy : more from Ajahn Brahm - There is a better way to live our lives and not be miserable. Simplicity and lean fire go really well together.

More minimalism than buddhism, but they jive well together:

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism

Above all I feel these are all about snapping out of the nonsense mindsets & habits many of us have.

Good luck.

u/exurbia · 10 pointsr/Exurb1a

I'm actually a big fan of Man's Search for Meaning. Recommended reading for all humans.

u/ombwtk · 10 pointsr/MMA

Everyone has a certain amount of potential in any given activity and mindset is crucial in developing ones potential to the fullest (both rate of improvement and limits on that improvement). Carol Dweck wrote a book called Mindset that discusses this concept in depth:

I'm not sure if Conor has read that book, but he lives it more than any other person I know of. I'm sure other top athletes have the same kind of mindset, but Conor's the only one I know of that is vocal about it.

u/kaidomac · 10 pointsr/theXeffect

Going to throw some pop psychology in here:

  1. There's a great book called "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, which puts forth the idea that we only have one of two mindsets about any given situation in our lives. In short, they are the "fixed" mindset ("this is why I can't") and the "growth" mindset ("how can I?"). It's the idea that you can learn & grow & do better by being proactive instead of reactive, aka working on stuff instead of just living by excuses.
  2. I suffered from a strong "all or nothing" mentality growing up, which was really stressful, because it's hard to put forth a tremendous amount of effort consistently on any single thing that actually works real work. I can do it for video games or Internet surfing non-stop, and I can do big-effort potshots here & there on projects, like staying up all night to write an essay, but I'd always paint myself into a corner mentally because of my perfectionist attitude. I did great work...when I worked...but I'd often quit because I'd hit some sort of slump where I wasn't Superman in every single situation, like I wanted to be & thought I had to be. It's an odd line of thinking, but we're emotionally-driven creates, and it was difficult to work through those feelings!
  3. I later came to learn about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which says that feelings & emotions are separate; feelings are things you have, but emotions come from thinking. We're all subjective to cognitive distortions as well, which are incorrect forms of thinking. In my case, I suffered from very polarized thinking - I had to do it perfectly, or else it wasn't worth doing! Or that I was a failure. This sounds incredibly silly writing it out, but because thoughts convert into emotions & we live emotional lives, I was constantly struggling with feeling discouraged because I couldn't do things perfectly all the time!
  4. I then came across a fantastic TED Talk by Angela Duckworth on the concept of "grit" as a means to success. The basic idea is that the key to success is not giving up. This sounds incredibly obvious when you listen to it, but in practice, that concept is far from the reality that most people live in! "I can't cook", "I can't play the guitar", "I'm terrible at sports", etc. are all examples of using a fixed mindset to make an excuse & then quit all forward progress on whatever it is you're working on. That's why being "gritty" is so important - you only fail if you quit!

    I have 3 definitions of grit, all of which involved mental choices:

  5. Being willing to experiment until you obtain success
  6. Being willing to fail until you obtain success
  7. Being willing to be persistent until you obtain success

    To flesh that out a bit:

  8. If you've ever tried cooking something, chances are you've goofed up at least once recipe along the way, or perhaps you tried a recipe that was kinda-sorta good, but needed some tinkering along the way. In this case, being willing to experiment with things instead of just quitting means that you can grow & develop a successful recipe - or skill or achievement - until you get to where you want to be, which is, by definition, success! Because of our built-in human nature, screw-ups feel like failures, which tend to make us stop working on things because we just flat-out quit.
  9. The classic example here is of a baby learning how to talk - they have to stumble & fall for months & months until they figure it out. If adults had to do it, we'd just quit, because that's too hard to do in the face of so much failure - it didn't come easy the first or the second or the third time, so I guess that's that, we're just terrible at whatever we're working on! But that's not the case - certain things come easy to certain people, and some those same things can be monumentally difficult for other people, and that's okay!
  10. It sounds weird to use failure as a path to success, but that's simply how reality operates: you keep chipping away on it, consistently, over time, until you achieve success. Failure is not a Bad Thing; quitting is a bad thing, when your goal is to be successful. With this perspective, we can now adopt failure as part of our success story, rather than a sign that we should stop trying.
  11. Likewise, being persistent is the key to continuing on the path. One of my current personal mottos is "small bites daily". That idea is partly from the question: "How do you eat an elephant?", to which the answer is "one bite at a time." The other part is about making consistent progress as the primary engine for success, so combining those two ideas, I came up with "small bites daily".

    part 1/2
u/over-my-head · 10 pointsr/selfimprovement

CBT is THE recommended treatment for depression, anxiety and OCD, and numerous studies have proven it is EQUALLY as effective for treating depression as SSRIs/anti-depressant or anxiolytic drugs.

(However, for severe depression, SSRIs PLUS CBT therapy is the best treatment).

If you can't afford CBT, start by buying the books Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. They are the CBT Bibles.

(Only $6.00!)

And make sure you actually do the little work assignments in the book. Just passively reading will not help you.

u/ZeroBugBounce · 10 pointsr/ainbow

Let me assure you, this self-hating issue you describe is common to human beings for a lot of reasons (and commonly for your reason) and YES, you can overcome it, absolutely. Therapy will help, but until you can afford it, you will have to work on it yourself.

Healing these sorts of things really is a process, and consistency (working on it every day, for a short time) will likely work best.

I am not a therapist, but I think it's pretty obvious when you are fed guilt and shame messages about being gay all of your life, there's a big buildup of emotional baggage that weighs you down. By 'weighs you down' I mean causes you to have automatically negative thoughts and feelings (e.g. guilt) to your own natural gay feelings and desires. Judgmental religious environments will, in a sense, train you to feel this way through explicit and non-explicit signals and messages they give you about homosexuality.

Your job is to recognize and challenge these automatic responses. Every time they happen, you should be prepared to slow down, pull the thoughts and feelings apart and have better, positive messages to replace them. At least, that's a start.

I would recommend The Feeling Good Handbook as a very good guide to this process and for other ways to combat your guilt and self-hate feelings. You are likely to find it in any decent library, so should cost you nothing to obtain, but if you can't find it, PM me and I will buy you a copy.

Don't limit yourself to this, though, find other reading recommendations and learn all you can about how to help yourself, if you are so inclined. Positive Psychology is one area to look into. In any case, don't hesitate to get a therapist once you are able to. I'm sure you can improve your mind on your own, but I think most research ties the best outcomes to having a caring therapist... and once you can, shop around for one - don't just take the first thing you can get!

Good luck!

u/LSJ · 10 pointsr/tripreports

Lucky, I can't really go into public when I trip because my light eyes and dilated pupils are a dead give away.

I wouldn't say that you do drugs too often. You shouldn't change who you are to please other people. Maybe try changing their minds before changing who you are. Psychedelics are a wonderful and everyone who is able should experience them at some point in their lives.

Yes our existence is absurd, but find happiness in the fact that we do exist. Here's a little video that might give you yet another perspective.

If anything, if you found value in your psychedelic experience, shouldn't you try to share that with others rather than trying to hide it?

You have some really good ideas brewing here, I'd be interested what you would come up with if you went a little deeper. I think you're on the brink of feeling the cosmic oneness, it's a great feeling :P

If you haven't gotten it already, this is my recommended reading. It's practically the psychedelic bible.

Happy tripping :)

u/tubameister · 10 pointsr/Buddhism

an excerpt from Remember Be Here Now by Baba Ram Dass

u/itstimetopaytheprice · 10 pointsr/books

Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk by Legs McNeil. I went through a phase of being a "hardcore punk" as an early adolescent - this book made me appreciate the music a lot more but the "culture" a lot less.
Also, much later, I read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning". I always hated philosophy and was miserable when I was forced to take it in college, but this is the one book I did not sell after the end of the course, and reread multiple times. It is overwhelming and sad but really gives a touching and life-changing account of the beauty of the human spirit, even in situations of utter horror.

u/llyev · 10 pointsr/getdisciplined

These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.

Deep Work

So Good They Can't Ignore You

And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.

u/Seber · 10 pointsr/selfimprovement

Stop fapping, and even more so stop porn. It wires your brain to seek instant gratification, which is not what studying can give you. You might want to give up gaming and the Facebook newsfeed too, everything that consists of short action-reward-circuts.

Interesting reads: Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson ($5 Kindle), and The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg ($9 Kindle).

Edit: Added links

u/Disagreed · 10 pointsr/Meditation

I was in the same boat as you when I got started and I found that using a good guided meditation app provided a solid starting foundation.

I have personal experience with Ten Percent Happier and Waking Up. Both are fantastic but should not be relied on for too long; it should only take a few months to form your own practice based on the techniques you’ll learn.

I’m at the point where I’m getting comfortable with my own daily practice after using each of those apps for a few months. One widely recommended book which I might look at soon is The Mind Illuminated. Another book I discovered recently, Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening, is written by respected meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein, who also narrates the intro guided meditations for Ten Percent Happier.

Edit: Waking up has a companion book that discusses what consciousness is and how to avoid the faith-based dogma that is often associated with meditation.

u/ToastPop · 10 pointsr/Meditation

Check out The Power of Now, it's wildly popular and exactly along the lines of what you're describing.

u/RoamingTyro · 10 pointsr/sex

The one part of your post that jumped out at me was not what you went to (the taboo) but why you went to it: Stress.

"During my weekend all I did with the majority of my time was stress and masturbate.

I'll echo the others replies in regards to fantasy vs reality. What I'll add (though, to be fair, I haven't read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating) is this: Breathe.

Consider picking up a book or two in between masturbation sessions that will teach you about a) stress and how it acts upon your body and b) how to learn to live with your stressful thoughts by observing them and letting them go.
Some things to get you started and may I suggest you get a free Audible download for #1 to get you going:

  1. [Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski] (

  2. [The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle] ( or any other book or podcast or program that introduces you to mindfulness in an approachable manner.

    Good luck.
u/hahanawmsayin · 10 pointsr/makemychoice

Yes. Not just for this girl, but because you'll need to ask for what you want in life. Whether prom works out or not, you might as well start getting in the habit.

For this instance in particular, keep in mind -- prom is (ideally) about having fun. If you make it mean something more than that, she'll feel that pressure. The pressure of you wanting her to say yes, you wanting her to like you, you wanting her to be your girlfriend, etc.

Not that those are bad things to want, but they put pressure on the other person, and that can be uncomfortable if they're not yet ready to accept that.

On the other hand, if you invite her and she gets the feeling that it's going to be fun, she won't have to worry about breaking your heart if she says no, or that prom itself is going to be this huge, stressful situation (because so much is riding on it for you) it'll be much easier for her to say yes.

In that scenario, she only has to be responsible for herself -- she doesn't have to worry about you, and that's an attractive quality. Someone who's going to enjoy himself no matter what. No pressure.

Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. That advice that'll serve you well throughout your life.

Recommended reading:

u/Kowthe · 9 pointsr/pantheism
u/Share-Metta · 9 pointsr/streamentry


I think this is a good opportunity for you to go back to basics in your practice. You've done an excellent job in recognizing your patterns of craving/aversion. The clarity of your words in describing your situation really speaks highly of the time you've put in to your practice, regardless of whether it's regular or not at the moment. You deserve to feel good about the progress you've made, so pat yourself on the back!

Now we can get back to basics and some age-old wisdom that you're going to find helpful. The intense aversion that you're having towards your work situation, at its core, is really a form of craving. If the understanding that craving/aversion are the same phenomenon comes to you intuitively, great! If not, spend some time thinking about it and you'll have an 'a-ha' moment.

So, what do we know about craving? Well, thanks to the Buddha's teachings we can observe for ourselves that our suffering in life is caused by craving and through mindful living we can learn to relax craving and reduce our suffering. Time spent in meditation allows us to experience this process first-hand, and it gives us an opportunity to dedicate ourselves to powerful mindfulness with few distractions. However, the reality of life for most of us is that we don't spend most of our time each day on a meditation cushion. We have jobs, obligations, and relationships that require the majority of our time and attention. For this reason it's extremely beneficial to develop daily, moment-to-moment mindfulness.

In my opinion, the term mindfulness is often poorly understood. Really it's just the process of being aware of your moment-to-moment experience. Imagine for a moment the experience of watching a movie. You're sitting in a chair, or on your couch, with the television in front of you. As you settle in to the movie, you effortlessly become absorbed in the sights and sounds on the screen. As you become more engrossed in the film, your awareness of your physical sensations and immediate surroundings fade away. Only when we hear a noise, or perhaps like always happens to me when I go to the movies and I've gotten the extra large soda and get the sudden urge to pee, only then do the entirety of our surroundings and immediate experience come into view and we see the movie for what it is: images of light projected on a screen.

Just like a good movie can sweep our attention away, our own thoughts, emotions, and reactions can have just as strong of a pull on our attention. Mindfulness is the process of learning to continually pop back out of this dream-like state and simply observe our present moment experience.

The suffering you have described is partly because you are losing mindfulness throughout the day and being pulled into an illusory world of negative thoughts and emotions that, in that moment of being pulled away, you identify with and believe to be your own. These negative thoughts and emotions color your perception of reality and shape your experience. With mindfulness you can begin to break this pattern and see that those moments are just as fabricated as the images projected onto a movie screen. Seductive, of course, but when viewed objectively the magnetic-like pull vanishes.

There are a variety of methods you can use to help develop strong mindfulness off the cushion. You can use your breathing as an anchor to the present moment, this is a very good anchor. It brings you back to your physical senses and it's a process that's always there as long as you're alive. The breath becomes a constant reminder to come back to the present moment. Another method is to use self-inquiry to check-in from moment to moment with your experience: "What is this?" "How mindful am I right now?". By getting in the habit of checking-in, we become more aware of our moment-to-moment experience and we can more quickly recognize when we are pulled away.

You asked about a guide to help you with mindfulness in daily life and there are some great books. I'm going to just recommend one right now because it's short, affordable and focused exactly on what you're working on right now:

Mindfulness in Plain English

Last, I'd like to just take a moment to share a few thoughts on the bi-polar discussion in this thread. I'm not a mental health professional, so it would be irresponsible of me to try and diagnose you over the internet or give you mental health advice. If looking at your own situation as objectively as possible, you think it will benefit you to seek professional guidance I would encourage you to do so. There's really no downside to a professional opinion. I would avoid coming to any conclusions on the matter until you've done that though.

I wish you all the best!

u/Jackal000 · 9 pointsr/GetMotivated

William Irvine's take on stoicism in modern world helped me tremendously. It's such an practical philosophy.

I really recommend this book.

This book might spark the interest back on.

u/Sennmeistr · 9 pointsr/Stoicism

>Combatting depression

Quoting a recent comment of mine:

>You might want to look into cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), if that isn't what you already did.

>Recommended books:
The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and
Unshakeable Freedom.

>Also: Recommended Post.

>Philosophy and Stoicism

Apart from the Enchiridion and the Meditations, the primary reading list includes letters and essays from Seneca as well as Cicero or the fragments from Musonius Rufus. Modern books include How to be a Stoic, A guide to the good life and Stoicism and the art of happiness. The FAQ has a nice list which is worth checking out.

>Books about changing the way you think (false thoughts vs. truths)

This might not be Stoic, but you might be interested in Thinking fast and slow.


Might not be exactly what you were looking for, but reading The mind illuminated and implementing meditation as a practice, changed the way I think about myself and my thoughts on a daily basis.

>The ego

A favourite of mine is the eight page-long article by urbanmonk.

A good starting point for thought provoking and self-help books is the sub /r/BettermentBookClub. If you search for thought provoking articles, /r/Foodforthought or /r/philosophy is the way to go.

u/Luxylyx · 9 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I recommend this book if you are interested in stoicism and how to apply it to today's life:

u/srbarker15 · 9 pointsr/Meditation

I would read his book Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion, it's fantastic, especially as a follow up to 10% Happier. Also check out his meditation app, Waking Up. It's really good. Sam has years of experience meditating in the east, so his app tends to be more focused on an in-depth approach to meditation and mindfulness.

u/stoicsmile · 9 pointsr/AskReddit

Absolutely! There are 4!

>The Four Agreements are:

>#1. Be Impeccable with your Word:

>Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

>#2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

>Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

>#3. Don’t Make Assumptions

>Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

>#4. Always Do Your Best

>Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

You can also buy the book for elaboration on the four agreements. It's a really great read.

u/iswearitsreallyme · 9 pointsr/financialindependence

Is there any way you can study during your commute? Books if you're taking public transportation, or podcasts/audiobooks if you're driving?

Also, I read this book (borrowed it from the library of course) and really enjoyed it: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It's helped me change a couple of my habits to be more productive.

u/be_bo_i_am_robot · 9 pointsr/IWantToLearn

This question isn't really about sciences, per say, it's about energy and motivation.

  1. The quality of your life is comprised of the sum of the five people with whom you spend the most time. You can be intentional about who you spend time with. So find people who are positive, motivated, smart, high-energy, and interesting, and spend as much time with them as you can. Minimize time with friends and family who complain, are lazy, gossips, blame-shifters, and so on. Join some meetups at and show up. Meet people. Commit to one or two meetups a week, minimum.

  2. Take control of your mornings, because mornings set the tone for the rest of the day. Read this book and do literally everything it says. Give it two weeks.

  3. Your diet has a greater impact on your sense of well-being than you might imagine. Clean it up. Eat food, mostly plants, not so much. Eliminate sugar completely, except on Saturdays.

  4. Exercise.

  5. Use your calendar! Schedule things on your Google calendar and have it send reminders to your phone. Put "exercise" on there. Now you have to do it.

  6. Establish good habits. This is a good place to start.
u/inglorious · 8 pointsr/serbia
u/YA_GOD · 8 pointsr/college

I do not want to sound like your granddad but you should target to wake up at least 2 hours before your day start. in your case 6 am. morning time is really very useful and getting one big task done before starting your regular stuff gives you a feeling of a small "win" which is proven to make you feel more confident and less vulnerable to small "failures" later in the day.

Now obviously to wake up early, you need to sleep early and that takes a lot of effort generally.

rather than pussy out, make a habit loop out of it:
set an alarm at 10 pm to fucking floss your teeth. and the next thing you do after flossing your teeth is get in the fucking bed. these triggers will eventually make it automatic.

also read this while you are in college.

u/pollyannapusher · 8 pointsr/stopdrinking

Why not try breaking the loop and focus on something else?

u/53920592 · 8 pointsr/exmormon

First, you're not alone. I was in my early 30's when I lost my faith and it took me 2 years to get over the depression and existential vacuum that Joe's lies left behind.

I was able to eventually work my way through it without meds or any serious counseling, but it was a grueling couple of years. Everyone has to figure out their own path, but what helped me most was reading from others who had faced the same existential vacuum and found a way to navigate it. A few titles that I would highly recommend are:

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.
  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Best on audiobook.
  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  • The Alchemist by Coelho.
  • A New Earth by Tolle.
  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it.

    The above, coupled with a lot of patience, exercise, sleep, and proper diet got me through my deep existential crisis. The existentialism still shows up now and then, but it's totally manageable. Good luck to you! You'll have good days and worse days, but stick with it!--I promise it gets better!
u/nemythologie · 8 pointsr/AskReddit

I can recommend "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. Though I don't like some parts in the book about religious spirituality and so on. In the book are very good techniques to control and silence your mind.

u/Actualise · 8 pointsr/Stoicism

They are from the book, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz.

u/WutThEff · 8 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

I wouldn't call it forgiveness per say, but I try to work on not taking it personally. This book is a little hokey, but it was super helpful for me. One thing that helps: Remembering that everyone creates their own reality in their heads and acts based on that own reality. So, she does this stuff because the "facts" of the world she lives in are very different than the one you live in.

That doesn't mean you have to forgive her. That doesn't mean you have to trust her. And that certainly doesn't mean she gets to do whatever TF she wants just because it's "how she is." It means you can look at her, smile and shake your head sadly, and say, "No thank you, MIL." You don't have to be angry, but you also don't have to let her get away with anything. Enforce your boundaries calmly and confidently.

Obviously this is hard AF. I'm still working on it. I still have angry days. But it's way better than being angry all the time. Love to you. <3

u/hiigaran · 8 pointsr/getdisciplined

You are a procrastinator BECAUSE you are a perfectionist. Your perfectionism is misguided, you can use it as a justification to sit on your hands for long periods of time. When I was in college I would not do essays or programming projects because "I'm not sure how to do it right yet. I'll think about it more and figure it out before I start." A week later I had still done absolutely nothing.

Your procrastination is a mood repair strategy you deploy unconsciously and habitually in order to protect yourself from feeling bad about not doing your work.

My advice? Learn a little bit about Growth mindset, shame and self-compassion. You need to find a way to quiet your perfectionism first. By taking care of the perfectionism you give yourself room to practice and failure won't be as scary. At that point I would put money on the bet that your procrastination will virtually vanish.

Good books for reading to deal with that:

u/sacca7 · 8 pointsr/Meditation

Thoreau: Walden, although non-fiction, may be the closest.

Ram Dass: How Can I Help, also non-fiction, has stories that are perhaps what you are looking for.

Ken Wilber One Taste. Wilber's meditative "journal" for a year. It's one of my 5 top books ever.

Ken Wilber: Grace and Grit. "Here is a deeply moving account of a couple's struggle with cancer and their journey to spiritual healing."

In another area are Carlos Castenedas books, which came out as non-fiction but there have been arguments they are fiction, and I don't know or mind either way. They are based on shamanistic drug use, but I believe it all is possible without drugs.

The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

I have not read (Lila) Kate Wheeler's works, but I have heard of them. I've not read them mostly because if I can't get them at the library, I am too cheap to buy them.

Not Where I Started From

Nixon Under the Bodhi Tree is a collection of works and the authors there might lead you to more of their works.

I did read Bangkok Tatoo which has some Buddhist meditation themes in it, but it wasn't really to my liking.

The Four Agreements is said to be like Carlos Casteneda's books, but I have not read it.

Bottom line, I've read a lot, and I can't find any matches in my memory for Herman Hesse's Siddhartha. If I think of any I'll add it as an edit.

If you find anything interesting, please pm me, no matter how far in the future it is!


Edit: as per the reply below, I've added here if anyone has "saved" this post:

I thought of two more, these actually should be higher on my earlier list:

The Life of Milarepa : "The Life of Milarepa is the most beloved story of the Tibetan people amd one of the greatest source books for the contemplative life in all world literature. This biography, a true folk tale from a culture now in crisis, can be read on several levels.... "

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance which was the start of all books titled, "Zen and the Art of ____." "One of the most important and influential books written in the past half-century, Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a powerful, moving, and penetrating examination of how we live . . . and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better."

u/respeckKnuckles · 8 pointsr/askscience

Let's first clarify something: we don't exactly know what it is that allows us to be so intelligent. Sure, we know that the brain does something, but exactly what that is we can't describe to a level of detail sufficient to duplicate. So this is a problem in knowing what to select for.

That being said, we could select for things we think led to the evolution of our brains, like bigger skulls (simply having more space for the brain to grow into might do...this is discussed in the book "The Red Queen" [1]), or perhaps some other physical neurobiological feature that would make their brains at least look like ours. Whether that would generate a human-level intelligence's not possible to tell at this point with any degree of confidence past speculation.

[1]: )

u/SolipsistBodhisattva · 8 pointsr/philosophy

First i want to clarify that this is not a direct quote of Epictetus, it is from a book on Stoicism called A guide to the good life and it is a somewhat altered version (but more accurate i believe) of Epictetus' own "dichotomy of control". However, i think that this version better represents what Epictetus was trying to say.
The closest quote we have that relates to this is from the Enchiridion and it is as follows (note that the Enchiridion was not written by Epictetus, he never wrote anything, but compiled from notes by his pupil Arrian).

"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions."

Now to answer your question, Stoicism was a complex philosophy with a long history and with branches in metaphysics, ethics and logic. This illustrates one of the main ideas of the ethics of stoicism, which strove to be "free of the (negative) passions" through the use of a variety of exercises (askesis). The core of this is illustrated in the image, though of course, it is not the whole story. To see how stoics practiced these ideas, one must look at Arrians notes of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius' meditations (a hypomnema, a type of philosophical diary was another form of stoic practice), and Seneca's letters.
Hope this helps

u/MuchWalrus · 8 pointsr/financialindependence

This one? A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

u/TinkleThief · 8 pointsr/seduction

"Just stop giving a fuck" is something that gets parroted around here quite a bit. It's not bad advice, but it's a bit like telling someone who aspires to be a guitarist to just start learning guitar. It's not wrong, but it's not very useful advice on it's own.

In the context of seduction, not giving a fuck really boils down to not caring about the outcome of a given interaction, or overcoming the fear of rejection. If you think about it, if you didn't fear rejection, picking up women would be a walk in the park.

So yeah, it sounds great, but it's not something you can just decide to start doing on a whim. The fear of rejection is pretty deeply rooted in a lot of guy's minds, and the usual way to get over it is by doing. Going out there, hitting on women, getting rejected, and going through a lot of pain and discomfort.

Another option is to adopt a philosophy at a core level. That is, adopting the core belief that shit like picking up women is insignificant compared to some other big belief you have, be it spiritual or otherwise. For example, believing that your existence is a result of endless random things going perfectly right, and the very fact that you're alive is a god damn fucking miracle. You live your life in fucking AWE, thankful for every moment that you're able to breathe air and live a life. If you adopt this at a core, fundamental level in your mind, you open yourself up to endless joy, bliss, happiness, and you better believe that being rejected by a woman won't faze you in the slightest.

Obviously it takes time to get to that point, but that's essentially the philosophy of Stoicism for you. There are exercises (much like meditation, which in it's own right is extremely useful for not giving a fuck) that will help bring you to that point. If you're interested in the stoic philosophy, I would be happy to recommend some great books. This is seriously life-changing stuff, but it's not something that happens overnight.

Edit: Here are a couple great books to get started with:

  • Stoicism And The Art of Happiness

  • A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

    I recommend reading those in order (Art of happiness first). It is a fantastic introduction and high-level overview of stoicism and introduces you to some exercises to start adopting the philosophy. A guide to the good life is also a beautiful book, but gives you a lot more history on stoicism, which isn't necessarily required, but it's extremely interesting and gives you a lot more context to the subject material.
u/Gray_party_of_2 · 8 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

Read Sam Harris' new book 'Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion'. You can have deep moving experiences without all the mumbo jumbo.


u/DonBoByuti · 8 pointsr/Psychonaut

Absolutely, my friend. I'm sure most of these can be found online for free but I have listed the Amazon links for familiarity (I prefer books as opposed to online).


Aldous Huxley: The Perennial Philosophy

Baha'u'llah: The Hidden Words

Baha'u'llah: The Seven and Four Valleys

The Kybalion

Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching

Michael Singer: The Untethered Soul

Wisdom of the Buddha

The Bible

Two powerfully insightful Youtube Channels (many more are similar):

Monadic Media

Gary Lite


Inner/Outer Worlds

In the end, all of these (and much, much more) seem to confirm the truths we find and experience in psychedelics. I hope they bring you comfort and happiness.


-Don Bo Byuti

Nobody But I


u/Agent1407 · 7 pointsr/TheRedPill

I wrote here previously that I swallowed the pill through spirituality. It was when I finally managed to find inner peace alone that TRP started to work for me.

You don't even need to be religious or believe in God to learn spirituality. Sam Harris is an atheist and recently wrote an excellent book regarding it named Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion.

u/CoachAtlus · 7 pointsr/streamentry

This is a fair question. A condition to practicing toward awakening is a desire to awaken, which comes from good teachings. For pragmatic dharma resources, I recommend you check out the sidebar links, particularly Daniel Ingram's MCTB and Ron Crouch's website (and, specifically, his post "Why Meditate?". Those inspired me to practice.

There are lots of other interesting books on the subject too, including Shinzen Young's recent book The Science of Enlightenment, Sam Harris's Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion, and Adyashanti's The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment. Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now also is quite popular.

And, really, depending on your bent, you can't get any better than the original Buddhist teachings. On the subjects of Enlightenment, the Diamond Sutra and the Heart Sutra are two of my personal favorites. (These are as translated by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.)

So, I'd recommend reading and seeing if you feel inspired by the teachings. For me, there was something about the very idea of "Enlightenment" that stirred a desire deep within my heart. It was palpable, and it started at an early age, sometime in middle school or high school when I had to do a project on religions and happened to be assigned Buddhism. Encyclopedia-like resources don't necessarily point you in the direction of Enlightenment, but the explanation of "Nirvana" had some sort of primal appeal to me.

Once pragmatic dharma teachers like Daniel Ingram and Ron Crouch started claiming that some form of "awakening" was actually possible for Average Joe Layperson (like me), I was intrigued, and I decided to give the experiment a shot. Of course I did.

What changes? It depends on how you define "stream entry" and who you ask. There are lots of different models for Enlightenment (as discussed in Daniel's MCTB). Using the pragmatic dharma definition, stream entry is defined as the first time a practitioner completes a fully cycle of insight (typically measured against the Progress of Insight maps) and experiences a "cessation" event. What changes varies from practitioner to practitioner, but on the Fetters Model, which I think is as good as any, three important "fetters" are dropped: (a) belief in self, (b) doubt about the Path, and (c) attachment to rites and rituals.

Concretely, based on my experience, the fetters model (filtered, of course, through my still sometimes cloudy conceptual lens) made a lot of sense. Regarding "self view," the "cessation" experience has a way of kicking you out of the linear way of looking at your life, as an existent self living chronologically in time. While often this insight fades for a while, it is pretty clear at the point of initial awakening, and I speculate that a part of your mind never forgets that. This insight deepens with further practice. Your perspective on your experience shifts from being caught typically in the horizontal dimension of time to instead tuning into the vertical dimension of "just this," in which time, like all things, including the self, is seen as just a concept, a particular way of looking at this immediate, obvious, and manifest reality. Seeing "just this," and recognizing that there is no permanent self that is just this or that provides tremendous relief. Most of our lives are spent trying to protect the self, improve it, make it happy. Seeing through this delusion, even for a moment, has a way of radically transforming one's perspective on experience.

Second, after you complete a cycle of insight, you don't really doubt "just this." There's a lot of work necessary to integrate and deepen that insight. But it feels like you have directly touched reality, the Tao, Nirvana, God, or whatever. Interestingly, in my experience, that which seems to remains when all else fades is all that you ever wanted to begin with. So, the value of this Path becomes obvious. Faith is no longer necessary. A deep part of your mind understands that "this is it."

Finally, the attachment to rites and rituals goes away because you realize that it's "just this." You might have done a lot of work to realize that, but once you do, it's all pretty simple. That realization can't be taken away from you. It's done. It's always available. As a practical matter, that realization tends to fade, come and go, which teaches us an interesting thing about "awakening experiences," a lesson we will have to learn well as we continue to deepen our practice. But generally speaking, after "stream entry," one realizes that awakening is not somehow external to one's present situation, indeed the very idea of internal and external is just another concept which has no concrete, permanent status (is ultimately empty). Thus, the need for rites and rituals is seen through.

All that said, these realizations may not be perfectly obvious at the conceptual level after stream entry. As a practical matter, people generally feel lighter, relieved, happier, at least for a time. But those states are just states, which are not permanent. Enlightenment, Awakening, Liberation, Nirvana, or whatever you want to call it is something that goes beyond particular states or this or that. Once you begin to open up to that dimension of being, you experience a much more profound and lasting sense of peace with just this existence, as it is. It's a nice spot to be in. :)

Hope that helps.

u/Poison1990 · 7 pointsr/videos

Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer

I eventually googled "book energy inner drives tremendous expenditures" (tremendous and expenditures probably whittled it down a bit). Top link was a blog post with excerpts and the title of the book, googled that and it had the same colour scheme.

EDIT: thanks a bunch - my life is now complete :D

u/rhill2073 · 7 pointsr/loseit

For those interested in further reading on this concept, you should read The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer.

After reading a couple of chapters, I realized I'd break up with myself the moment I had the chance.

u/butterscotchpanini · 7 pointsr/TagProIRL

Go to bed. You're gonna wake up tomorrow. You're gonna have a shower and realize you're troubles aren't really troubles and it's just life. You posted this online. You're looking for responses because you don't think anyone in your life cares. Which is blatantly false. If you feel the same way tomorrow, talk to someone. If for whatever reason you don't want to, PM someone.

Also, check out The Power of Now, by Eckhart Toll

u/mariox19 · 7 pointsr/programming

I wish I could give this book an unqualified endorsement, but there is a small problem with it. The book, however, gives a terrific explanation of the phenomenon you're describing. It's not laziness.

Basically, there are two kinds of "mindsets." Either people believe that intelligence is what matters, that it's a fixed quantity, and that you're able to do something or not do it; or, people believe that hard work and effort is what matters.

That sounds like simple common sense, but the book does a really good job of explaining the implications of this in terms of one's own psychology.

The problem with the book is a problem it shares with lots of books out now. I think that publishers have a target page number in mind for some books, and authors who have written an excellent long essay or long article, essentially, are more or less forced to pad their work to make the target page count. You'll see criticisms to that effect in the various Amazon reviews.

I bought the book in hardcover. Like some readers, I too was a bit disappointed with the repetitiveness. Now that it's in softcover, however, I think it's definitely worth the 11 bucks. If you can find it in the library, so much the better.

Check it out. It's worth reading.

u/Kathend1 · 7 pointsr/AskMen

Tell you one I'd like to read, if I had the time or expendable income..

[12 Rules for Life: An antidote to Chaos] (

I'm currently half way through his YouTube lectures, although he can be hard to follow at times, and his train of thought is often branched, he speaks many very profound truths.

u/00l0000l · 7 pointsr/askwomenadvice

Attached and The Feeling Good Handbook. As she handed them to me, I just kind of thought to myself "really?" She chuckled and said to give it a try. I left her office and purchased those two books from a local bookstore around the corner from her office and they were honestly great.

u/mkaito · 7 pointsr/getdisciplined

The solution to your problems is quite simple: make a list of things that you need/want to do, then just fucking do it. Yep, there, I said it. I know it sounds harsh. But after years of reading, researching, and experimenting, I've found that precisely this is what it all boils down to: just. fucking. do. it. We end up building all kinds of mental scaffolds around the concept, with tricks and rewards and what not, but it all boils down to the same in the end.

Having a system in place to help you "just fucking doing it" can help tremendously, especially in the beginning. If you're willing to put in some time to work through them, I recommend The Now Habit, and Getting Things Done. Each of these books presents a different approach to productivity. You don't have to implement either system verbatim. Learn from them, try out things that sound interesting, and over time, build your own system.

Building and sticking to your system is a habit you will have to build. If that kind of thing is hard and/or interesting for you, please read The Power of Habit.

Don't just read them once and put them away. Read them, then take notes, then go over them again, and refer back to them every time you find something is lacking in your system. Don't read them cover to cover. They're quite long, and drag their feet through some sections. Skim them, check the index, and read through what sounds interesting, then go back and fill in the gaps if necessary.

u/cowgod42 · 7 pointsr/CBT

How about mindfulness meditation? Check out /r/meditiation, and also the excellent book Mindfulness in Plain English.

u/huckingfoes · 7 pointsr/leaves

Just like to say that this book actually changed my life. He provides the ebook (pdf) for free, but I ended up buying a copy for myself and another for my friend on Amazon for around $10 each.

You definitely don't need a book to begin meditating, but if you're looking for an excellent guide and overview, this one worked for me.

u/l8blmr · 7 pointsr/getting_over_it

It helps to know that our view of the world isn't an absolute thing. It's something we create in our mind from moment to moment based on our memories and whatever's happening now. Shifting your focus away from inaccurate memories towards present experience gives you a more realistic appraisal of your situation. That's where mindfulness meditation becomes a useful tool. You can accept that you're feeling what your're feeling and still know that the reasons are subjective; you don't have to take them seriously. That's all fancy talk for you should probably start meditating. Here's a good, easy way to begin:

u/huldumadur · 7 pointsr/Meditation

And, if you want, you can also buy a physical copy. I definitely don't regret the purchase.

u/TimFTWin · 7 pointsr/loseit

I started off at 6'3" 440, obese my whole life, compulsive over eater, fast food and sugar consumption through the roof.

I've thought about and tried to talk about on my blog the thing(s) that helped me replicate my success (I lost 200 pounds in a year plus 9 days). There are obvious lifestyle changes that you probably already know you should do: cut sugar, eliminate some calories, possibly light exercise at some point, etc..

But if I can tell you what in my opinion really matters, it's this:

You need to believe that you deserve to be healthy and being healthy will feel amazing. You deserve to feel amazing.

Once you know that, find a way to get the reward you used to get from food somewhere else and when you find that action, do it when you feel the urge to overeat. This is why exercise can be a great choice if it gives you that feeling or takes away the boredom you are fighting with food. I recently read a great book on this called The Power of Habit, which I recommend.

For me, the cue was be bored/sad, the response was to get food, and the reward was to feel happy. Instead, I changed the response: get sad/bored, go workout or read or pursue some other hobby, then I would feel happiness and fulfillment. For you, the cue and reward may be different, but I think you get the general picture.

I would be glad to help. If you want to be friends on MyFitnessPal, troll my blog, or you just need somebody to bounce ideas or frustrations off, feel free to PM me any time and I'd be glad to send you my online info,

u/zeltrine · 7 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Here are recommendations that I've helped me because I'm very much the same way.

Bullet Journaling

After a month, this has helped me tremendously. I used the simple set up to turn my life almost into an RPG. I start counting up how many "to-dos" I can get done by the end of the day/week/month. I also rate it by category, assign points, etc. Basically I can't go anywhere else without my bullet journal now.

Another thing is this reading this book:

Get the audiobook so you can listen to it while driving. I listened to it while going to class and it has changed my entire perspective on human behavior. What if 40% of what you do everyday are determined by habits?

Last is to check out these 10 TED talks:

If you commit seriously to these 3 things, then you should definitely see a change in a month.

u/PuffAngel · 7 pointsr/breakingmom

I hear you on so many levels. I HATE cleaning but I like a clean house. I've been doing a purge and repainting for about a year and a half. Slow steady progress because like anything else it's one step forward two steps back. Good on you for finding a list that works for you! I made a weekly schedule a long time ago. It's pinned to my fridge but I don't use it. Daily goals is the way to go. Take it easy tho you're growing a baby and nobody could fault you for doing what you can. And your husband? He's a damn champ!

And yes that negative self-talk is a bitch. My issue is with anxiety and a little depression (about being anxious mostly). This might sound crazy but what works for me is using that bitchy voice to tell my anxiety to fuck off. It's the enemy not you.

Been in counseling about four years now for this and before I even had my first appointment they recommended me this book and about a year later therapist recommended this one. They're both great in that they have those checklists you were talking about. The second one is a bit daunting. It's about as thick as a Stephen King novel but they're not meant to be read cover to cover. I skipped around finding chapters that applied to me. They're both quite helpful if you're looking to do a little "homework" on your own.

And yay for cleaner! Someday I hope to be able to have everything in order and just have someone come in to maintain the clean. One mess at a time :)

u/ethanfromthedeepend · 7 pointsr/Meditation

This is definitely an awesome idea to start what I would call your spiritual awakening. Intuition is a common catalyst or internal trigger if you will for this experience. In short, when our conscious being feels that our physical being (human body) is out of sync with the universe in one way or the other, it uses the feeling of intuition or that core (GUT FEELING) of 100% certainty on something to shift your thoughts and ultimately your actions in attempt to re-align with the web of energy connecting all of us.
this is the link to a popular book on this topic. all though it has Buddhist views because of who wrote it, it is a very good source of most of those ideas you just can't quite put into words. It address your train of though in an unorthodox manner and helps see some of the patterns that lye in our chaotic and every growing minds. I hope this was helpful and if you have any more questions please feel free to ask. I wish you the greatest of energy and great expansion of the mind.

u/120_pages · 7 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

Riding a bike is a complex process that requires co-ordinating many actions at the same time. In order to cope with activities like this, your brain creates automatic behaviors, and stores them in the basal ganglia where they can be recalled and used without conscious thought of each step.

These automatic behaviors are often called habits. They are really complex algorithms the brain encodes to relieve the processing load, so you can perform complex tasks without being so distracted that you are in danger from the world around you.

The brain knows to store a habit in the basal ganglia when you keep deliberately practicing the complex behavior with a great deal of attention. This is what happened when you learned to ride a bike. You practiced it over and over, paying intense attention to the various actions that go into keeping the bike moving and upright. At a certain point, usually when you get effective at the skill and start repeating the steps exactly, the brain encodes it into an automatic behavior and stores it in the basal ganglia.

This is the moment when you suddenly can do a skill without thinking about it.

The brain stores automatic behaviors indefinitely, but they retain freshness with frequent use. All that is required to refresh a habit is to practice the behavior. People speak of a skill "coming back to them." They are experienceing the brain accessing the habit in the basal ganglia because they are trying to do the habit steps using their conscious mind.

That is why you don't forget how to ride a bike.

It's also of interest to note that most of our waking life is governed by automatic behaviors stored in the basal ganglia. To optimize processor load efficiency, the brain will automate any repetitive activity. That's why you can go through your morning routine, and have no memory of it. You are literally on auto-pilot.

Source: this book and years of reading psych books.

u/Cb9000 · 7 pointsr/offmychest

Look, this may not be what you are looking to hear, but you should check out SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I can relate to everything you are saying. Maybe you are a sex addict and maybe you aren't, but going to a meeting (you don't even have to talk) will show you there are others who can relate to everything you described.

I'm 45 and I've been struggling with this crap forever. I've tried everything; therapists, self help books and tapes, hypnosis, NLP, seminars and plain old white knuckle self control (ultimately the least effective- I've had some wild binge and purge cycles). Getting around people who know what you are going through from their personal experience AND WHO ARE IN RECOVERY is really the only thing that works.

I guarantee that at least half of the problems you listed are due to the fact that you know you are not living a satisfying, meaningful life. It really is true that you can run, but you can't hide - the bad feelings, procrastination, etc... is all about you knowing the truth about yourself and that truth is that you have something inside you that is valuable, unique and worthwhile, and you don't know how to get there from where you are right now. Being able to share yourself with others who get you without your having to explain (or defend) every little detail and who are also on the right path is like a fucking miracle.

I'm recommending SAA because everything you said is soooo familiar. Like I said, I'm 45 and I started with this shit sometime between preschool and kindergarten. It has affected EVERY aspect of my life and one of the things I think about these days are all the things that could have been.

I'm guessing you are probably still fairly young (teens or twenties?). You have a good life in front of you, start living it now.

I imagine that you have concerns as to whether this is really for you. Don't worry, you'll know. A life coach I went to described me as a "dry alcoholic" and gave me the AA bible. I read the stories and didn't relate to them at all. When someone handed me the Green Book of SAA and I read the stories, it was like they were talking about me with just the specific details changed. Get a copy of the Green Book and read through it, you'll know if it's for you or not.

If it turns out that I'm wrong, my advise is still the same. Find a group of people who understand where you're at because they've been there AND who are making or have made SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE PROGRESS in their own lives. They will be able to help you, and remember the second part is VERY IMPORTANT! Don't join a pity party circle jerk where you can feel better by wallowing in your misery with others.

Anyway, I hope I've given you something of value.

This my first post on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the links policy is, but I've included two links for you; one is for the SAA site, go there and just check it out, and the other is a pretty good book I've been reading on how we form and change habits. It draws from the latest psychological and neurological research and I think it's really good.

Just remember that even though you may not feel it all the time, you always have the capacity to grow and change and our darkest, most difficult challenges give us our greatest gifts when we turn around and look back at them.

Imagine yourself in the future, look back, and see the gift.

What is it?

I'll pop back in in a few days to see how you're doing. Remember you're not alone. God bless.

u/82Fireblazer · 7 pointsr/getdisciplined

I would read this summary of The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. If you want to go deeper and read the book I would recommend either purchasing the ebook, which is only $3, or getting a free trial of audible and getting it for free.

The thing that you have to understand is that we are creatures of habit, and most of them are bad. The best thing to do is to get a pen and a notepad and every time you notice a cue for a bad habit, write it down. Simply being aware of your bad habits is a great place to start. Then I would read the summary and make a plan for being more productive. Everyone is different so you may want to read the book for more insights.

More books that come highly recommended:

Deep Work by Cal Newport

Eat That Frog by Brian Tracey

Mastery by Brian Greene

Hope this helps

You also may want to check out the Discord server of r/getdisciplined. You can find it here

u/dasblog · 7 pointsr/getdisciplined

I may be talking out of my arse here, but I believe that research has been done into habit and it isn't just a psychological thing but your brain literally shapes itself around a habit. The more you do a thing the stronger the connections in your brain. (Obviously I've forgotten the technical language.)

By forming a new habit, you create new connections / paths in your brain. The good / bad news is, the more you do something the stronger those connections become. Good because it allows you to form new habits. Bad because it's harder to shake bad habits because they're literally part of your brain. (Again, I may be talking out of my arse.)

There's a good book about habits called The Power Of Habit if anybody is interested in a modern take on habit. It's not really a self-help book and more like one of those interesting pop-science books with a lot of interesting case studies. Such as how companies create habits to help sell their brand or how habits are used by winning sports teams.

u/acepincter · 7 pointsr/PsychologicalTricks

A friend recently told me about this book, which he's set to loan out to me next week (I haven't read it). It's helped him to change a number of habits, but when we talked about it, he made particular point to tell me about this crucial thing he'd learned from the book (assuming it is correct).

The author insists that A habit cannot be eliminated - but rather One habit can be replaced with another. It's as is there's a mental "Law of conservation of habit" that states that if one habit it eliminated, it must be replaced with a replacement activity or superceding habit.

How do you feel about this opinion and/or have you noticed "replacement" habits substitutions in your own efforts?

u/tryintomakesenseofit · 7 pointsr/exmormon

Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.

I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.

Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. Then continue to read other articles on the How to be a Stoic blog. It's a great resource.

  • I'd recommend this book as well. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Finally, you should also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I have an audio version from Audible that's excellent and I enjoyed listening to it much more than reading it, but there are free copies all over the place to download and read in Kindle if you just Google it.

    Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!

u/temporaryalpha · 7 pointsr/Divorce

Listen, unless you have tremendously significant assets, don't bother getting proof of adultery. All you'll do is torture yourself. Most courts don't care anymore; they'll more or less automatically grant a petition for a grounds divorce only to the extent of granting a no-fault divorce.

Sometimes grounds can affect distribution of assets, but typically only when waste has been shown. And in your circumstances (as they seem) waste generally means a significant expenditure of funds on behalf of another person.

It's so odd--people seem to want to learn the worst. All we do is hurt ourselves. My advice: don't do it.

You've experienced a shock. Perhaps a confirmation of suspicions. Give yourself some time; talk to people you trust. Then simply let the relationship go.

I realize it may seem like there's no future, like you've wasted years, like you've been profoundly hurt. But you can, not only survive, but recover from this. And go on to live a gloriously happy life.

You're young; you have so much time.

What saved me were a number of books. The Power of Now. And It's Easier Than You Think. A couple of meditation apps.

The Power of Now talks about living in the moment, about ignoring/learning to stop thoughts that hurt you. The same way you'd never mistake an eye twitch for yourself, you can learn not to mistake a "brain twitch"--i.e., a thought that serves no purpose other than to hurt you--as yourself.

It's Easier Than You Think offers an introduction to Buddhism--in chief, to the idea that all suffering is caused by desire, and when you learn to stop wanting, you also learn to stop causing yourself pain.

Meditation is designed to focus on the now, on the idea that right at this minute you are okay, and that all your fears about the future and whatever regrets you may feel are imaginary, in that you simply are creating them with your own thoughts. It's all about focusing on your breathing, and every single time your thoughts stray (as they do for everyone) you simply learn to bring your thoughts back to your breathing. It is far harder than it seems. And in trying to do it you learn to control your thoughts and you distract yourself from fear and pain.

I am telling you: what you're talking about is no longer your relationship, but survival. And surviving divorce requires every ounce of concentration. It is like fighting a bear, and every single day you survive is a victory.

Also, I personally have decided that no matter what I am trying to be kind and good through this whole process. You don't have children, so really you're pretty lucky. You can set yourself free from someone who didn't want to be with you and find someone who does.

Maybe try exploring who you are via a site like It offers a simplified (quick) version of the MBTI, which is one of the first personality tests. It has problems, but as an introduction to who you are--and the kind of person you might want to be around--it has worked wonders for me and many others.

Ultimately you will forgive yourself; you'll realize it's not your fault that you loved someone. It's her fault for not recognizing and valuing what you were offering. Ultimately blame no longer will matter.

There is so much more I could say, but this is not the end. It's the beginning. You're just feeling so much pain and shock you don't realize it yet.

I am rooting for you. It is so hard to love, to survive a relationship, to survive a breakup. But it is survivable, and in so doing you will learn. Divorce can be an incredibly educational experience.

If you ever want to talk, this is an alt, but I do use it regularly. And I always will offer empathy.

u/ouchyouwentthere · 7 pointsr/Drugs
u/South_in_AZ · 7 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

from your description it sounds like the two of you are working well together in a health way with open communications, recognize that and give yourself a ton of positive recognition and credit!!!

Have you considered, metaphorically, that by focusing on the dominant aspects you might be treating a symptom and not the disease?

Your post can be interpreted as you having a better relationship with your partner than you do with yourself. Are you taking steps to develop a better relationship with yourself?

I have some elements of similarity in my personal history as it seems you have. In my journey I discovered they were impacting how I lived my life, how I related to others, and how they impacted my intimate relationships. In working on developing a healthier relationship with myself, I have open up having healthier relationships with others, especially intimate partners that include approaches to being the authority figure in my most intimate relationships.

If you enjoy reading I’d suggest considering “Your Erroneous Zones” and either “The Four Agreements” or, as some reviews say to read if you haven’t read The Four Agreements, “The Fifth Agreementt”.

These may help you be a better you for your children, your partner, and yourself.
Good luck in your journey!!

u/woo-woo-way · 7 pointsr/awakened

You know what? I'm sure everyone's going to share any of the actual books on awakening or enlightenment or whatever (although I don't see The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts listed yet, and that was instrumental for getting the ball rolling for me before I even knew there was a ball to roll - I still pick it up every now and again and read passages).

But anyway, in my early 20's, I was REALLY into Tom Robbins, and I realize now that those books connected me with a truth I didn't yet know how to find. He's a freakin' genius. His words still, to this day, make me giddy.

So if you're ever interested in wild, hilarious, raucous fiction that gropes the awakened viewpoint like a drunk in a whorehouse, I recommend these books:

Skinny Legs and All

Jitterbug Perfume

Still Life With Woodpecker

He has more, and they're all equally is good in many ways - those three just happen to be my favorite.

u/killmeathalo · 7 pointsr/answers

Besides Sperm Wars, I also read and enjoyed The Moral Animal when I started to get interested in the subject.

u/Devvils · 7 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

This is tough. Your main priorities must be to reduce social isolation & move away. My best suggestion is to apply for any job, move in with BF (or talk to BF's parents about the situation). Go back to college, study anything, get college friends or ask the college to help. Dont get pregnant.

Read Man's search for Meaning.

u/Devo9090 · 7 pointsr/biology

If you're looking for another good read on evolution, I highly highly suggest The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature.

u/cat-gun · 7 pointsr/SexWorkers

My sympathies. I've not burnt out from sex work, but I have burnt out from other kinds of work, and I've found these two books to be helpfu:

  1. Do you enjoy any of your clients? Have any regulars that you like? If so, perhaps you can limit your clients to those you get along with.

  2. Have you considered taking an extended break (assuming that's possible financially)? Maybe going for a long hike along the Appalachian trail, or working on an organic farm in Costa Rica?

  3. People who treat other people poorly have often been treated poorly themselves. Or they feel weak and powerless. As a result, they try to make themselves feel more powerful by cutting other people down. As a sex worker, you sometimes provide comfort and pleasure to people with such wounded psyche's. But their behavior not really about you, it's about the pain they feel inside. Perhaps viewing yourself as a 'psychic nurse' trying to soothe someone's internal pain will help not taking your client's bad behavior personally.
u/IronColumn · 7 pointsr/personalfinance

It's still far from a sure thing.

Leaving aside the financial aspect for a second... It's amazing how much 23andme can make you think about your mortality in a pretty stark light. It's something I've been thinking about a lot since having my genes tested and found some not so great things.

One thing that has really helped me has been developing a coherent philosophy of life. Once you put some serious thought into why you're alive and what you're looking to do, death (or dementia) seem a lot less scary. This is a great place to start if you're looking to get started on that front.

u/stanhoboken · 7 pointsr/lonely

Virtual Hug
Not sure what to say but I think that a lot of people feel the way you do. I don't think you're too old to make friends. Plenty of people out there want more friends at any age. Being fat has nothing to do with it. I'm fat. Fat people are usually very fun and nice. Open yourself up to love, love yourself and find the love in others.

This book helped me out of a depression

u/wotsthestory · 7 pointsr/NoFap

Nicely written, you've hit the nail on the head. Have you read this:

u/SentimentalFool · 7 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

In response to people who feel they are missing part of the story- I recently did something like this too, for the better part of a year, and the real trick is to be willing to walk away from everything without a solid plan. Things do have a tendency to work themselves out, and you don't need to be from a privileged background for that to be true (I am not, personally), but if you don't have the requisite level of risk tolerance in the first place, and the willingness to prioritize adventures and life experience over security and stability, then it ain't gonna happen. You have to be willing to compromise on things like having a steady career or a fixed living address for awhile. But if you are willing to do that, you can live like a millionaire without being one.

Make friends before you get to someplace, so that you have people you can stay with when you get there and save on accommodations. Plan well and have ways to make money when you get there. Commit to the big leagues in advance to save money on transit.

This book is what got me started. It really is all about examining your real goals, pinpointing what you really want out of life, and having the courage to take steps to get there, even when it's terrifying.

u/cn1ght · 7 pointsr/financialindependence
  1. The entire idea of FI is about creating a new income source: investments.
  2. Learn how to program and do that as a side thing.
  3. Tim Ferriss wrote which explains step-by-step how to create a small business and automate almost all of it so you get paid without working.
  4. As someone who was an electrical engineer, I cannot fathom why you feel the need to "diversify" income. Engineers can almost always find work. The only reasonable thing which makes sense is you want to increase your income which leads back to programming, small business, or just focus on engineering and get promotions/jump jobs a few times for raises.
u/Empiricist_or_not · 7 pointsr/HPMOR

True, though multi-factored Bayesian analysis is a thought experiment, and remember the point isn't the probabilities the point is to force your mind to consider factors, look how they combine empirically, and then come to decisions or conclusions.

Remember you chuck the end numbers out and go with your gut after you have forced yourself to think through all of the factors, instead of just taking the solutions you've seen.

Most of the predictions I've seen seem more based on the concepts in Blink where wisdom/expertise is comes from the patter matching Harry decries. Hell arguably I do a fair bit of it based on my meta interpretations.

On the up and down side many people express their odds in high percentages. That makes sense, other than the crack/tinfoils people aren't going to make predictions that don't have high probabilities based on inductive or deductive reasoning, but it's also a fair way to express certainty.

Also, minds don't deal with numbers well. Some people can be trained to do good mental arithmetic, or to be proficient judging an angel within a few degrees, so the difference between 14 and 17 percent being about one in six or one in seven is likely to be missed and things will stay often in approximate terms of numbers easy to conceptualize: ie under six.

That said most of my predictions are based on assumption that I see solution x among n plausible solutions with a approximate percentage of roughly 1/(n+k) or so, where the evidence is about equal and k is generally a fudge less than one. I have a hunch, usually based on Harry's hated pattern matching, that he also lauds as "asking how long it took last time. . . that's called taking the outside view." and I use it to promote a possibility and what I think the solution space is narrowed down to based on the evidence.

Often I throw up here things that come from looking for solutions instead of looking at the problem, with the intent of seeing if constructive /destructive criticism, occurs and I generally try to do the same, because good group discussion, vice groupthink can be very productive (in business this is often called and integrated product team or the like)

Maybe I should take HPMOR more seriously, but I'm in this for the fun and haven't taken the time for all of the series yet.

u/SingleFin_HeadHigh · 7 pointsr/GetMotivated
u/aglet · 6 pointsr/stepparents

Man, I almost had a flashback panic attack just reading this. It sounds EXACTLY how my life used to be with my SD for years and years.

Like you, my SD loved me at first and we had good times. Eventually her mom started telling her lies to get her to hate me, I guess out of jealousy? And whenever my SD got in trouble from her mom for something that happened at our house, she'd blame it on me-- like, she shaved her legs without her mom's permission and her mom freaked out at her and SD said she only did it because I said her legs were ugly and hairy. OF COURSE I would never say that! Ugh. But the fact that biomom believed I would says a lot about biomom I guess. And the fact that SD so cheerfully threw me under the bus on a regular basis says a lot about her, too.

Anyway, like you I just kept smiling. Tried talking to biomom like you did-- had no luck with it, like you didn't. Then biomom & SD moved away and SD started getting really sulky with us about traveling back for visitation, calls us "selfish" for wanting the visitation enforced (instead of letting her hang out with her friends), treats us like crap because we aren't buying her the latest ipads and cell phones or whatever.

>I feel terrible but I don't hardly want her to come this summer because I am so hurt by the things she says and does to us.

Yep! I'm feeling this way myself right now, just braced for summer. On the one hand, I understand logically that she is a kid who's been brainwashed by her mom and nothing I can or will do will ever change that. But emotionally, it's so hard to have her under our roof when she so clearly thinks we're beneath her and doesn't consider us her 'real' family, just some irritating obligation.

>I'm tired of being called names, I'm tired of being treated like shit, I'm tired of us being taken advantage of, I'm tired of parts of my life having to be put on hold because of my SD, I'm tired of having panic attacks whenever his phone makes a noise, and I'm mostly tired of feeling like a guest and being scared to live in my own home whenever she is here!! I'm just tired.

This just makes me cry for you. I know exactly, exactly how you feel. So here's my advice:

LET IT GO. You can't change what biomom thinks of you. You can't change how SD reacts, how she treats you or the fights between the ex and your husband. It is what it is. I know that may not sound helpful, but I find that most stress comes from fighting something because you think there's a solution. Only sometimes, there is no solution. This is one of those times. Keep smiling and do your best, and whether or not that's good enough for your SD, it has to be good enough for you.

What you can do: Set boundaries. If the ex's calls always mean a huge fight, ask your husband to only take them when you're not around. Or when he's out of the house. This will require him to set boundaries too. If he won't do that for you, then YOU leave the house for a couple hours. YOU take yourself out of the equation and let him handle it. You dont' need to be around that shit. It's HIS ex.

And as far as your SD goes, don't take it personally. She's a mixed up kid in a fucked up situation. At this point, you just need to weather the storm until she's old enough to look back on this time with more perspective to realize how messed up her mom is and how you guys were always there for her with no judgement. At least, that's what I tell myself. Works pretty well, definitely better than panic attacks and wanting to go run and cry in my room at the disaster my attempted family turned into.

And finally-- find something that's just for you. Put your energies elsewhere, someplace that rejuvenates you instead of drains you. Art classes, yoga, gardening, join a book club, whatever floats your boat. Just SOMETHING that you can focus on that is not your SD or your husband or his ex. You need to build a full and vibrant life that SD is only a part of, instead of building an entire life around her, if that makes sense. Oh, and definitely continue counseling.

Sorry for the crazy long post. I just know exactly where you are because I was there myself, and I could kick myself for dwelling in that horrible place for such a stupidly long time.

Books that might help: The Enlightened Stepmother, a slightly more realistic view of being a stepmom for circumstances like yours and mine, I thought, compared to other stepmom books. And The Four Agreements, a book to help you with letting go.

TL;DR You can't argue with crazy, but you can make yourself crazy by trying.

u/S_K_I · 6 pointsr/Meditation

Don't worry I got a million answers.

First 3 months were spent with frustration for lack of results, and not doing it properly. The following 3 months were spent finding my groove, staying consistent, and staying consistent. I'm quoting myself from /r/ADHD months back, at the challenges I faced during my learning process but here is what I said basically:

Have you ever heard of Om Mani Padme Hum?

It can't be translated into a simple phrase or sentence because it varies in English. But the general phrase is:

>"Behold! The jewel in the lotus!"

When meditating, I repeat this mantra over and over again, but overtime I progressively slow down between each word till my brain completely goes quiet. It's a great technique to use if you have a lot of racing thoughts, distractions, especially in your case the eye movement. I'm just fascinated with the entire history of meditation and its origins which has led me to understanding and appreciating this mantra. I know it sounds like hippy bullshit and even I was skeptical of course, but you don't have to believe in the Buddhist philosophy behind the mantra to gain its benefits. In fact, it doesn't matter what the words in the mantra even are. You can recite the recipe for sushi if you want. It's the repetition:

rice fish wasabi rice fish wasabi.

All you're doing is repeating the same tone repeatedly and over time your brain gets tired to the point where you notice your thoughts begin to slow down. You follow up with this by pausing momentarily between the words, a few seconds and maybe up to a minute between the words. The ultimate goal of course is utter and complete silence in your brain, which may take years to accomplish And yes, this process is slow. I've been meditating for a little over a year and it's been a long and arduous process because naturally I'm not consistent with meditation and sticking with it, but I have definitely noticed insight and introspection within myself. I notice I'm patient with individuals and I'm significantly calmer. And dare I say, I'm even happy sometimes. All I'm doing is literally sitting fucking still for 10 minutes a day thinking about jack shit.

I can only speak from my experience, so take this anecdotally. But meditation is perhaps the best thing for my adhd brain. It calms my thoughts, gives me clarity, and most importantly it tackles of the other co-morbid issues that plague my life. But you have to remember, your brain is just like any other muscle, you don't go to the gym one week and expect to get muscular; it takes discipline, consistency, and time to accomplish. But don't take my word for it, studies are already showing how meditation:

  • increases brain matter,

  • treats anxiety and depression,

  • And because I love creativity there's a great TED talk discussing how meditating actually improves that as well.

  • Look up Eckhart Tolle - The Power of Now. It's even on audio book whch is what I used, and trust me the audio version is way better for ADHD'ers who hate reading. I might have to listen up on it again to refresh my memory, but I highly recommend that if you want to truly learn more.

    I highly encourage for you to learn as much as you can before you get started. I was extremely dismissive and cynical at meditation in the beginning, but it wasn't until after I exhausted every option I had left from therapy and medication, before I decided that I'd give it a shot. Cuz hey, what else did I have to lose.

u/bigfatrichard · 6 pointsr/uwaterloo

I think your idea of seeking assistance is an excellent one. Most people don't realize the impact of mental health in tackling intellectually challenging tasks. An athlete knows that to perform well, they must take care of their physical health by working out, controlling diet, etc... Similarly, one with intellectual pursuits need to take care of their mental health, but often they are unfamiliar on how to do so. Sleeping well, eating properly, etc. are very important, and instead of a coach, as in the case of an athlete, counselling services, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. can help in training for mental health.

Be honest when working with Counselling Services or psychotherapists. If CS hasn't been working well for you, explain to them why you think that is. They will provide you with a list of psychologists / therapists in the area. The University Health Insurance Policy (UHIP) covers 80% of the costs of a psychologist. CS will explain this to you in greater detail.

Other than that, I can recommend a few things to get in better (mental) shape.

  • Hit the Gym. Working out is the best all-around fix for every problem in life. Visit /r/fitness and read the starter's list. Before you know it, you'll be sleeping well, feeling energetic and more motivated than you've every been in your life.

  • Read books about things that you like. For example, if you're looking forward to a career in finance, read The Big Short. Also read some books that might help you get motivated. I recommend Talent is Overrated.

  • Continue working with CS or a psychotherapist and get (mentally) fit. Even the faculty and staff at the University also take advantage of these services, because they know its importance.

    And remember, this is exactly why you're here in University! This is part of your education, and as you tackle these challenges, you will grow as a person. Good luck!
u/philosarapter · 6 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

Another good book that talks about this is The Four Agreements

One of the agreements is to accept that "Nothing is personal: No matter what anyone says or does to you... Nothing is personal. All of it is a reflection of their internal struggle and has very little to do with you as a person."

I find this helpful to consider when the opinions of others gets you down.

u/TheOtherSantini · 6 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I found & read the book The Four Agreements.

I found it quite profound, and have already had some success with it helping me to grow away from all this anger and resentment, which has also helped our interactions somewhat.

I've also come to the realization that I need to tell her that I am releasing her from the burden of making me happy. So, sometime this week, I'm going to let her know that she is no longer responsible at all for my happiness. Hopefully, she'll take advantage of that to work on herself and thus improve our relationship.

It doesn't seem like much, but it's just one step of a hundred or more. Worse case, it makes it easier for me to implement my deadline and being able to walk away without any second guessing.

u/acbain · 6 pointsr/exjw

Welcome back to your Free Mind. It was taken from you shortly after birth, but you were born atheist, and the people around you convinced you otherwise.

You’re now in a position to read and appreciate The Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

u/mr_bacon_pants · 6 pointsr/vegan

It's $5 used on amazon.

u/InternetCaesar · 6 pointsr/personalfinance

Live radically below your income level no matter what it is and invest as high a percentage as possible.

Change every habit in your life to save and invest, and not spend.

Change every habit in your life to recognize 99% of what you do is based on habit and consumption, that people have existed for 10's of thousands of years and lived on very little. Water, a bit of food and shelter. Reduce your existence to that and invest the rest.

Read "Millionaire Next Door".

Read "Habit"

It will cost you about $20. Follow them like the bible, like your compass. And in 30 days when you haven't done any of this, re-read this answer.

That's all there is to it. Follow that and you will become wealthy. There is nothing more to this, 99.9999% of humans cannot do it. And the wealthy benefit from that every day.

You're welcome.

u/funkyjives · 6 pointsr/Buddhism

I recommend Mindfulness in Plain English for a basic understanding of Insight meditation.

Also, before people go off the hinges, Alan Watts (one of my personal favorite philosophers) didn't hold Buddhist views exclusively. Watts had a sort of mish-mash of Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism. In my opinion, his heart-mind was in the right spot, he just mixed up semantics a bit. Also, he was an alcoholic, and some people are a little too quick to point that out.

The last thing I want to mention is that one my be very studied in the Dharma, but the fruit that the Buddhadharma bears comes from a non-intellectual understanding that arises after some time spent in practice.

Stay steadfast and have your intentions and priorities clear.

u/Minicomputer · 6 pointsr/AskMenOver30

There's a joke about two young fish in the ocean swimming past an old fish who says to them, "How's the water, boys?" Finally the one fish turns to the other and says, "what the fuck is water?"

Be more aware of the perpetual activity of your mind. If you wish to return a sense of vitality and inquisitiveness to your life you must cultivate the necessary conditions and then it will arise naturally. Practice meditation.

Edited to add: Helping others is an effective way to gain a new perspective on our lives. And it feels good. It is a strong antidote for moderate depression or despair.

u/benlew · 6 pointsr/Infographics

Mindfulness in Plain English is, in my opinion, the best guide to mindfulness meditation available. It is very easy to read and straight forward. It is also is quite thorough and covers most everything you could possibly want to know. Also head over to /r/meditation which is a great resource in learning. Good luck!

u/screenwblues · 6 pointsr/selfhelp

You're getting a lot of great practical feedback so I'm going to come at it from another angle.

I'm not trying to be a wise old man. In truth, I'm just talking to me when I was there. Right where you are. 16 - no confidence, issues of my own, problems to solve, girl I wanted... I found my way - it started when I forced myself to walk and bike and get to the gym - small steps. More than 20 years later, I am the same person but my weaknesses turned into my strengths and I fought and earned a confidence that is hard to shake.

If I had not made the changes that you are contemplating today, my life would be 1/10th of what I imagined. If you push for this, you can have it all. I'm not exaggerating - I literally have a life that I would not have had the balls to even dream of when I was in your position. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me this is where I would be.

You can get there too. But you have to start now.

First thing, and most important - you need to know that this isn't about that girl. I mean it is - but it has nothing do do with her.

When you see her, you see an ideal. The person you want to be next to. The dream you want. The love you want.

It's you that you're chasing. Your ideal. The person you want to be. The dream you want. The love you deserve.

Chase that. Find that. Feel that. Forget telling yourself that anxiety is sabotaging you and forget telling yourself that she's a girl you'll never get. It's not true. If it was, then you wouldn't see that possible ideal you.

Whatever system or behavior you adapt to change, remember that it's truly you that you're doing it for. That is the only way change lasts. The only way that it's real. Otherwise it's an act that you're putting on. If you don't believe it then you can't expect anyone else to believe it either.

Some nuts and bolts suggestions:

  • Everything is a system. EVERYTHING. Any goal, big or small can be broken down into steps. You don't climb Everest - you take one step at a time and end up at the top of Everest. Don't overwhelm yourself. Steps.

  • Break down what you want into systems. You want to get stronger? Look into how a gym works with your body. Find out the best workout routine. Look into nutrition. Research it. Find the steps. Take them.

  • Do what you just did - ask for help. Keep asking. Someone knows more than you, ask. "I don't know." is a powerful three words. Learn from the experience of others and you won't have to learn it yourself.

  • Don't focus on how far you have to go or what you weren't able to do. Focus on what you did today that your old self wouldn't have done. You wanted to hit the gym 3 times this week and went twice? Old you wouldn't have gone at all. That's momentum. Keep it.

  • No excuses. You have a plan. You have steps. If you don't get where you're going it is only and exactly because of you. It is exactly and only your fault. I don't care if you have a great reason. You broke your legs and you can't bike like you wanted in your plan? Then find an exercise that you can do with your arms. Your 80 year old self doesn't care if you had a great reason to give up on your goals. Your 80 year old self is wishing he could have had one more drop of life.

    I'm not saying you're to blame for bad things that happen in your life - I'm saying that it's your responsibility to deal with them as they occur. Don't collapse under the weight of bad things. Push through. You owe that to yourself.

  • Read this book. Study it. Implement it. The good news is, as evolved as we all are, we are still dumb apes. Hard wiring your lizard/animal self with your higher self is easier than you'd think. Use this right and you will fix your lazy (and a lot of problems that will come down the road)

  • At the beginning of this reply I mentioned that I "earned" and "fought" in my life. It is no accident that I chose those words and it is no exaggeration. If you want change then you will have to earn it and fight for it. Growth is the most worthwhile thing in the world and the only constant in nature. It doesn't come cheap. Don't hate what you have to do - it's making you become who you will be.

    Edit: Me type bad.
u/pabloe168 · 6 pointsr/bestof

Like people have said here, a journal will most certainly make you aware of you eating habits.

What most people do that makes them fail miserably in their diets is fight their body, fight the habits. Going cold turkey on food is probably harder than going cold turkey on cigarettes just because availability is 100% granted, ergo people stitched their lips in the 90s...

Don't fight it, sway yourself into consuming less calories. Don't cut off, replace.

In my opinion losing weight is a process of self acknowledgement and patience, more than endurance and motivation.

Identify what is the highest calorie foods you eat. Is it dinner? lunch or breakfast? snacks maybe? Now what specific food from those do you think might be specially detrimental to your weight.

For the part above you might have to educate yourself a little about caloric relativity. What foods are more calorie dense, and which foods are more water based. Tip, vegetables are low calories and high water, candy is zero water 100% calories.

Find a bridge between calories - > water - > balance.

You can't go from eating to eating less. Good luck with that... The amount of self discipline to battle our instincts will take most of your mental energy and eventually beat you in the long run. Instead spend time educating yourself and turning cognitive goals into habits. You know you want to lose weight it just so happens to not be a habit you can practice.

So start building a habit. For this I don't want to get into it but I want to recommend you a book which you can find in audio books and helped me know myself.

Not loosely reviewed as you can see.

This book will help you believe. Actually believe you can change your habits and have control over your life.

Back to weight loss. Anyway, try things like getting food of other stuff that is less calorie dense prior you start actually exercising stronger restraint. So instead of eating a full meal like you usually would.

an example of a smoothie : 1 scoop of protein powder, handful of spinach, ice, half a cup of milk, water, teaspoon of xantham gum, and sweeten it with splenda if you like. Why? that will yield over 1/4 gallon or 1 litter of just ~300 calories. It has ice creamy texture, its sweet and stimulating and will get you full so you have a much easier time eating less of other more caloric stuff you may normally eat.

Just keep in mind. Go step by step, make a log of what you eat and can you eat instead, and like I said before. Patience. Just do it, don't question it, wait and let results surprise you, don't weight yourself every day twice that is not patience that is anxiety. Know you are doing things right and diligently and you will be rewarded. Do it long enough and it will become inherent in you.

This is as briefly I can tackle one of today's most complicated issues. Good luck.

There is another thing though, that I would like to add quickly. If there is some kind of food that may be detrimental to your goals you will have to make a choice or a plan about it. Let's say beer. Beer is not the best to lose weight. So if I want to drink a lot of beer and lose a lot of weight I am in a tough spot because only one can happen at a time. When it comes to things like this ask yourself:

Is there a replacement? no?

can it be moderated? no?

can it happen less frequently no?

If none apply. Are your goals to lose weight something you want in your life more than (beer for example).
Which one will you give up so you can be happy with the other. Note that if you choose to let the weight loss go, at least you will have beer without guilt. Just an example. Coming into terms with yourself is an important tool when making this kind of changes.

u/third_ear · 6 pointsr/college

I was having a similar problem. When I got some free time I read a great book by Charles Duhigg on habit formation and it gave me some useful insights. One point he makes is that every habit has certain cues. When your brain perceives the cues (ie. emotional state, location, time), it launches you into a learned habit. I started to give myself certain cues to study, like going to the same library at the same time every day. I would hide my phone, and use SelfControl to block distracting sites. Now when I do these things, it feels like I work automatically.

Maybe your ideal cues would look a little different, but it's worth experimenting.

u/EmptyMargins · 6 pointsr/INTP

It's hard to find mediation resources that aren't swamped in religious mumbo-jumbo given that it is so heavily rooted in eastern religious tradition, but there are a few sources that aren't too bad. To complicate matters, there are a hundred different forms of mediation to look at.

Some resources:

Mindfulness in Plain English

You can buy a copy of this book, but it's available online for free if you're willing to read it off a screen. It's a very comprehensive resource for a common type of meditation. It is the most highly recommended source that is freely available online. I found it informative but I supplemented it with some other stuff online.


A decent subreddit for mediation. I'd recommend it for resources only. A lot of what is said on there is kind of group-think weirdness. The people on there can be a little extreme. It reminds me a lot of pot-advocates who like to claim that weed is the panacea. The sidebar has a number of resources you can look at.

Also, Sam Harris just released a book Waking Up. It is sitting in my 'will read' pile right now, but I see and hear a lot of people saying it is pretty good. It's meant to be a guide to mediation and its benefits from a strictly scientific perspective.

Personally, I recommend just sitting down and doing it. Don't read too much about it at first. Just commit to 5 or 10 minutes a day for at least two months. Don't skip any sessions. Consistency is key. Don't set your expectations too high, and don't get frustrated if it feels like it is not working.

Set a timer. Sit down and focus on your breath. When your mind begins to wander, return it to your breath. Rinse. Repeat.

u/ritmusic2k · 6 pointsr/atheism
u/fiveifrenzy6 · 6 pointsr/Drugs
u/CrimsonSmear · 6 pointsr/Meditation

Waking Up by Sam Harris might be up your alley. I haven't read it, but you might find it useful. A lot of people shy away from him because he's an outspoken atheist.

u/JayPetey · 6 pointsr/selfimprovement

The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts (really, anything by Alan Watts) and The Unteathered Soul by Michael Singer. They're more commonly found under zen or Buddhism than Self Help though. For me they were the most helpful in gaining control of one's emotions and thoughts, as well as self acceptance and happiness in one's life as-is, rather than any unreachable goals or futures.

u/BonkersVonFeline · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Here's a recent post about not loving our N parents that might help show you that you are not the only one who feels this way. I HATED my mother growing up. She was and still is a very unloving, brutal person. Why would I love her? The guilt is probably just societal programming, where not loving and honoring your parents is blasphemous. But if you look at it logically, it makes total sense why we feel this way. How would a dog react to being hit every time it came close to you? Would it love you and try to be affectionate with you? NO. It would probably cower in fear around you or any person, and would snap and attack. Why should we hold ourselves to a different standard than we would any other animal? You get what you give, and what have they given us?

If I were you, I would emancipate myself entirely and ASAP. This is close to what I did. Right at 18, I moved hours away and mostly paid almost all my own bills. My parents really didn't support me too much. I think my mother took out one small school loan and my dad sent me $100 a month, but I could have easily survived without that. I removed ALL ties with them as quickly as I could, because they used anything for manipulation. This really isn't too hard to do.

If you can't do that right now, it sounds like you're detaching emotionally which is good. Maybe you can just keep to yourself and try to survive until you get some physical distance from them. Don't engage them in any way. Only interact with them when you HAVE to. If they hassle you, maybe you can just agree (in principle or even just to placate them) and exit the situation ("yep you're probably right about that, OK gotta go!"). But DO try to get out ASAP. Don't jump into another shitty situation though. See if you can find a female roommate you can stand living with. I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend or another male just out of desperation because I find this usually ends BADLY. But obviously this is up to you. Try to find a place that's SAFE for you and don't just jump from one shitty situation to another.

Then as far as rebuilding your self-esteem, for me I had to get into therapy. If you can do this it could save your life. If that isn't possible, here are a list of cheap books that have helped me immensely (which I recommend reading and working through with or without therapy):

  • Feeling Good and Ten Days To Self-Esteem by David Burns
  • The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
  • Toxic Parents by Susan Forward (I don't agree with her recommendation on confronting your parents but the rest is good.)

    I believe there are a list of resources including a full list of books on the right sidebar too. If you don't like any of these resources, you can ALWAYS find something that will appeal to you if you keep working at it. There is SO much out there for us if we keep at it. Be sure to take breaks too. This work can be exhausting.

    If you can get into Al-Anon that might help too. I personally don't care for 12-step programs, but many people seemed to have been helped by them and Al-Anon is specifically recommended by many books. They say it's for people who have dealt with alcoholics and drug addicts, but I tell you I went to six meetings like they recommend, and it's NO DIFFERENT for those of us who have dealt with narcissism. I've read that all alcoholics are narcissists, so maybe that's why it was so relevant to me. One slogan I picked up that helped a lot is "You Didn't Cause It. You Can't Control It. You Can't Cure It." We didn't cause our parents to be the way that they are, we can't control it (no amount of letter writing, talking, setting boundaries, etc.) and there is nothing we can do to change them. The literature is pretty dismal when it comes to curing narcissism anyway (NPD). Either way, they'd have to want to get help and help themselves, which rarely ever happens. So we have to focus on ourselves and forget about helping them - this is not selfish! We were often groomed to take care of them and our feelings, wants and needs were completely inconsequential. We were just extensions of them. This is probably why it feels so selfish at first to start taking care of ourselves.

    >I'm currently depressed and see no good in life.

    I've been working at this for a LONG time and still feel this way sometimes. I think it's partly due to growing up where "you lose" is the name of the game. Getting your needs met is completely hopeless with N parents, so perhaps that feeling of hopelessness extends to all of life. Plus, hopelessness is a classic symptom of depression. If you feel hopeless, just know that it doesn't mean it's true. Feelings are NOT facts.

    Aside from my other recommendations, I would continue to come here and post and read all that you can read. Claw your way out of this bullshit if you have to. Journaling helps. Get a secure journal NO ONE ELSE will read and just free flow write your thoughts down. If you're feeling terrible, give your feelings a voice. It's like draining the poison from you. Plus if you're doing the work out of Feeling Good, you'll need a good journal to write in daily. My first therapist recommended this for YEARS and I never did it, but I tell it just free flow writing out shit does seem to help tremendously. If you have a Mac, you can use MacJournal, or for Windows there is "The Journal", both of which you can encrypt and password protect. If you want to just write on paper or if you already do just make sure you hide it well.

    The other night I had a bout of terrible depression and you would not BELIEVE the shit that I wrote down about myself ("you're a piece of shit!!!" and stuff like that). I wrote until I just felt "deflated", like I had drained myself. It helped a LOT. I then realized that I hadn't been doing several things for myself that I know have helped in the past, and I have rededicated myself to doing these things daily. Many of these actions I have recommended to you here.

    Hope this helps even in the slightest and good luck to you.
u/lingual_panda · 6 pointsr/cscareerquestions

I highly recommend Mindset. A fixed mindset is basically shooting yourself in the foot if you have any sort of goal whatsoever.

Facts and Fallacies of Software Engineering is from the mid-90s but basically everything is still true today.

Becoming a Technical Leader and Apprenticeship Patterns are kind of like two sides to the same coin. I read the former during my first internship and I definitely think it helped me succeed at my second internship and in my first job.

On Writing Well has an entire chapter on technical writing, but the rest of the book is fantastic as well.

u/Masehead · 6 pointsr/UIUC

If you have some free time, it might be a good idea to take some time to read, journal, and learn new skills.

You can journal about the fall semester and try to brainstorm the reasons for why you got a 2.5 GPA. Were you taking time to study every day, were you spending too much time at Kams, or were you spending too much time alone on reddit and not developing a social circle? There's a lot of reasons that can lead to a difficult semester and identifying them is important to prevent the same problems from happening again in the spring. Also the act of journaling will help you process your thoughts in a more productive way than if you are just ruminating.

Reading would also be a great use of your time because for one, the act of reading helps to alleviate feelings of loneliness. You can also read different books about motivation, psychology, health, or success that can give you some tools on how to think about your problems. Some books that were beneficial to me when I was in a similar situation were, "Change Your Brain Change Your Life (before 25)," "The Defining Decade," and "Mindset." Here's the links to them on Amazon:

Lastly, learning new skills will help you increase your confidence and remind you that you are a capable person. Learn how to solve a rubix cube, learn to play a song on some instrument, take a coding class online, or teach yourself how to make an omelette. Honestly, you can teach yourself anything and it will be beneficial. Learning these small skills will make you feel productive and increase your sense of self-efficacy.

Try not to think of your failures as a sign that there is something inherently wrong with you or that you are a failure. You have an incredible capability to grow as a human in all areas of your life and failing is a good sign to show that your pushing yourself to learn. In the words of John Wooden, "Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be."

I'll leave you with one last quote that I found to be inspirational: "Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all." - Norman Vincent Peale.


u/TenaciousPoo · 6 pointsr/confession

You absolutely without a doubt MUST read this book [not an affiliate link]. It addresses how a specific mindset views success vs. failure and a different way to frame life events. It can really help take the pressure off of a bruised ego.

u/Big_Theta · 6 pointsr/chapotraphouse2

I gotchu homie

PM me your address before the boycott starts

u/sometimesineedhelp · 6 pointsr/Meditation

It's a non-meditation suggestion, so I'm not sure how well received my suggestion will be, but this is the sort of thing CBT is really good at conquering... While it covers a lot more than just habitual negative daydreaming, getting in the habit of that way of thinking will just naturally cause those to lessen...

I'd suggest starting with either of David D. Burns MD's "feeling good" books or

u/Tigerlily1510 · 6 pointsr/progresspics

My journey started when I discovered the book "The Power of Habits" by Charles Duhigg. It made me realize that if I wanted to make long-lasting changes in my life, I needed to turn good habits into automatic actions. Nowadays, eating well, working out, taking care of skin and hair... it all feels like second nature!

In terms of weight loss, I eat mostly low-carb and do intermittent fasting (16:8). I don't count calories, but I write down everything I eat in a food journal to keep myself accountable. Eating low-carb has killed my sugar cravings and has helped me feel more energetic and satiated. (No more carb crashes in the afternoon!) Doing intermittent fasting has put a stop to my night-time snacking, and it has helped me maintain a good CICO deficit without having to count calories.

In terms of fitness, I workout four times per week: two days of weightlifting and two days of HiiT Cardio. I also do two days of light yoga for flexibility and relaxation. I have recently achieved my first set of fitness goals. I can now hold a plank for a minute, wall sit for a minute, and do 10 real push-ups. Oh and I can touch my toes standing! I am excited to set new goals for this summer!

u/Engin3er · 6 pointsr/Hyperhidrosis

Hey Man--Glyco is great. Its life changing and can really help control your hyperhidrosis with a few other supplemental treatments. I highly recommend you try it, along with other supplemental practices, to get your hyperhidrosis under control/take control of your life.

I have pretty bad palmar/plantar hyperhidrosis, with a bit of axillary thrown in there. I lived with this for the longest time and used things to cover it up (folded pieces of paper when taking notes in class, avoid shaking hands, going to washroom to wash hands, etc.). After I graduated college, I decided to start seeking treatment for it, and went to a dermatologist.

My dermatologist prescribed me Glyco, and it gets it really under control. In addition to this, I started using prescription strength deodorant (use it properly, apply it before you go to bed at night, and then use normal deodorant for the day). With both these treatments, my hyperhidrosis is relatively under control.

Things to note about Glyco

  • Glyco will usually take 3 - 4 hours to kick in. If you take it around 7 - 8, it won't be effective until 10 - 12. For me it usually takes longer (4 - 5 hours) to kick in. A lot of people wake up at 5, take Glyco, and then go back to sleep. This way Glyco starts to take effect around 9 - 10 when you're in the office. My dermatologist recommended this solution to me, and it works wonders.
  • The first time you take Glyco or if you begin taking it again after a break, you may have a headache. Be prepared for this by drinking a lot of water and getting ready to end your day a bit early if you have to. (I work in a really stressful field and pull long hours at times, if I'm taking glyco after a break, I plan on ending my day at a normal time around 5 - 6).
  • Your mouth will be dry. Try using a hydrating mouthwash (e.g. Biodene) or gum. I keep a small bottle of biodene in my briefcase. Dry mouth = bad breath.

    • How bad is/was your Palmar Hyperhidrosis before any treatment? Did you drip?

    My Palmar Hyperdrosis was pretty bad. My hands were always clamy and if I didn't wipe them on my clothes/towels, they would start dripping. I also had Plantar Hyperdrosis and my socks would often be soaked by the end of the day if I couldn't change them.

    • How big of a dosage do you take to help your Palmar HH?

    I think I take 2mg. You will build up a tolerance, so you may have to up the dosage or take breaks once in a while (break = 1 - 2 weeks).

    • How effective he Glyco been for you personally with preventing you sweaty hands? Are they completely dry? Do they still drip? Are they just clamy?
    Its been extremely effective. They are dry most of the time, although stressful situations sometimes cause sweating. This usually stops. Clamy-ness is definitely gone. Before, even if I'm not in a stressful situation, my hands are clamy at best. With Glyco, hands are never clamy.

    Look luck buddy. Get this shit under control and your life will be so much better. Its worth putting in the effort to look up treatments and spend some time building habits to manage your own treatment (Look up Power of Habit if you need some inspiration!).
u/J42S · 6 pointsr/LifeProTips

Improve yourself & learn things


Learn about habit formation. Watch tiny habits, check out the subreddit Xeffect or read Power of habit.

  • Meditate. There are an insane amount of benefits from meditating. It increase the size of the grey matter, IQ, EQ & Memory just to name a few. Link

  • Read more books. Intelligence without knowledge is much less useful. Link1, Link2

  • Exercise. Exercising regulary boosts IQ along with many other benefits. Link
u/ThatBankTeller · 6 pointsr/AskMen
u/napjerks · 6 pointsr/AcademicPsychology
u/ma2rten · 6 pointsr/AvPD

I will take a shot at answering your question. I think there are some strategies to make it better. Not everything is going to work for everyone.

  1. Mindfulness and Meditation (for example headspace app, mindfulness in plain english)
  2. Self-compassion and loving-kindness meditation
  3. Visualizing being confident
  4. Listing things you are good at
  5. Positive affirmations
  6. CBT
  7. Being in nature
  8. Exercise, Diet, Sleep
  9. Creative outlets, music
  10. Sharing the feeling (like this)

    None of these things are going to be a cure. The only cure is addressing the underling issue in therapy.

u/J4N4 · 6 pointsr/IAmA

Congratulations to you on what you've accomplished - your story is very inspiring. I was diagnosed with social anxiety about 5 years ago and went to therapy for 6 months. During that time I worked through The Feeling Good Handbook, which was very helpful, and I thought I was "cured" for almost a year. I have since relapsed and I feel as bad as ever, so your story gives me hope that someday I will be able to get through this. Thank you.

u/drunken-serval · 6 pointsr/AskMen

Feel free to visit those of us in /r/bipolar2, it's a supportive community.

I'm newly diagnosed but I've been dealing with the symptoms for a very long time. I use a combination of medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, good habits, lots and lots of data, and self-awareness. It's a defense in depth. Each one is a layer and a safety net.


Mood stabilizers reduce the highs and lows. If you start slipping, you might need to get some medications adjusted. Recommend having a specialist for this.

Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds can deal with depression or anxiety that can come from bipolar.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Helps combat negative thoughts. If I know I'm getting stuck in circles of bad or stressful thoughts, I pull out a worksheet and spend 15 minutes identifying what's wrong with my thinking and come up with positive thoughts to counteract the bad. It doesn't make depression and anxiety go away but it does lighten my burden significantly.

The book I'm learning this from is called The Feeling Good Handbook. I strongly recommend having a therapist as a guide.

Good Habitats

I go to sleep at the same time every night, as much as possible. Sleep is absolutely critical to maintaining stability, so I make it a priority.

Routines are extremely helpful when you're not 100%. Relying on your brain's autopilot really helps. If you're not too depressed, keep up your exercise.

My best habit is to not let failure stop me. I have bipolar, I will fail and I will fail hard. Failure does not mean I give up. If I can salvage a victory, I better damn well try. This mental illness will not control me.

Lots and lots of data

On my phone, I have a bullet journal (stored in Apple Notes) and a mood tracker (Daylio app). Both of these things help me get stuff done and keep track of my life. Every important detail of my day is recorded. Every month I review both of these and look for patterns. What are things that affect me? How can I make my life better? And most importantly, what good things have I done?

This last one is critical to my success. There are so many good things my memory misses. Bipolar lies to me and tells me I'm worthless. My journal tells me I'm awesome.

I also use calendar alerts and timed reminders, to combat my time blindness.


This is where routine, good habits, and data meet. Because I'm constantly checking and measuring myself, I always know what mood I'm in. I know what I'm capable of in each mood.

I know that when I'm manic, I overestimate my own ability. So my good habit is not allowing myself to commit to anything beyond what I can handle when I'm mildly depressed. I allow myself 1 weekly obligation outside work plus 3 bi-weekly ones.

If I'm heading into depression, I cut everything optional from my schedule and buckle down for a long, difficult road. I plan to do a lot of housework and reading. I plan meals with good friends at least once a week so I don't isolate myself.

This is a lot of trial and error but eventually you figure out what works and what doesn't.

How I feel today

Right now, I feel really good and I'm thinking that I don't need meds or therapy anymore. THAT IS A LIE. Routine saves me. I am not allowed to skip meds or therapy homework because I don't think I need them. I have seen what happens to my uncle when he skips meds. It's not pretty. I WILL NOT BE HIM.

Treating bipolar is like treating diabetes: take your meds, sleep, and eat right. Do not ever think you will not have it. It is life long and requires constant maintenance. The good news is it gets easier.

u/mercurybeatingheart · 6 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Oh, I see. I'm glad to hear he's gotten better!

I'm sad to hear his insurance doesn't cover it. Makes me grateful to live in a country where we have more or less free health care...

I have a tip which won't cost a penny: Borrowing self-help books at the library and/or looking into some websites with suggestions on how to understand himself and rationalize anxiety disordes like OCD. As far as I've heard, there's a lot that can be done with just your own effort as well as with the support of a signifigcant other. Regrettably, I don't know any good books on the subject, but I imagine they'd easy to find (reading reviews on Amazon, for instance). The only book I know of which I have myself and which is quite good is "Feeling Good". It covers negative thoughts well as catastrophe thoughts, and has a lot of practical assignments. As far as I understand, OCD is an expression/a type of catastrophe anxiety ("I have to check the stove/plugs/wash my hands 123 times to get rid of bacteria ... Or else I will, in the worst case, die or at least end up badly damaged/see my loved ones suffer that fate").

I've realized that a lot of my own OCD/anxiety thoughts stem from my childhood, mostly both my mother and grandmother (who both suffer and suffered from sever anxiety) more or less brainwashing me into thinking that mostly everything is very dangerous. If your husband hasn't looked into his childhood for possible reasons for his OCD, I highly recommend it. I have another friend with severe OCD, and sadly, his treatments are mostly very short-term, seeing as the sessions mostly consist of him and the therapist touching the sink, the toilet etcetera to "prove" that it's not dangerous -- instead of discussing why he is so afraid of bacteria, and what he thinks will happen if he touches bacteria ("Catch HIV [and die]," he's told me himself), and what these fears are rooted in before learning how to rationalize them.

Incidentally, both my friend's mother and father are extreme worriers who will text him a lot when he's here ("Did you there all right? When are you coming home?" (This was when he lived at home, but he recently got his own place (He's 28). His parents live 5 minutes away, though, and visit him constantly...))

Sorry for the long rant, this (reasons for OCD and the treatment people get) is something that's been rattling in my mind forever, and I haven't had a chance to put my thought into words until now.

u/HappinessPursuit · 6 pointsr/Psychonaut

The Book by Alan Watts is one of my favorite books of all time.

I also really suggest just listening to lectures/videos you can find on youtube of Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Terence McKenna, and more. Here are some good youtube channels to check out:


Study Yourself

Omega Point



The Journey of Purpose

Agape Insitori

Shots of Awe

Spirit Science

Science and Nonduality


Infinite Waters

One Mind Messiah

Also here is a playlist I'm working on that I update every few days. Hope you discover something of value :)

u/ThereIsNoJustice · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

>But I've recently come to the realization that the world is a terrible, AWFUL place. That people are terrible. And that nothing anyone does sparks any sort of hope in me. Not all the 'donate/play for charity' or 'i helped out a stranger in need' or 'i sent a little girl a present' posts in the world could get me to think that the world is not a terrible place. Politicians, corporations, millionaires, the supposed 'top 2%'...they are what run this world. They are the ones that make the decisions. They have the money, and therefore the power. It's mostly true.

Buddha, Nietzsche, and the Stoics all had a similar realization. Nietzsche's phrasing: "experiences are fictions". From the Stoic Epictetus: "His son is dead. What happened? His son is dead. Nothing else? Not a thing. His ship is lost. What happened? His ship is lost. He was carried off to prison. What happened? He was carried off to prison. But the observation: ‘He has fared ill,’ is an addition that each man makes on his own responsibility." On first acquaintance with these ideas, they seem insane -- but there truly is no objective way to interpret the world anymore than there is an objective way to interpret a poem. Free yourself from the notion that what you think is bad must be interpreted bad. Realize you are in fact the source of this interpretation.

If there is no right or wrong interpretation, and you have freed yourself from the false idea of objectiveness there, you should clearly choose a more beneficial interpretation. Is the glass half full or half empty? I agree with the Stoic perspective: it's wonderful there is even a glass at all. Essentially, you can compare the world with something better and be unhappy, or you can compare it with something worse and be happy. These comparisons are responsible for most of your emotions -- you are unhappy that friend or family member dies because you expected them to live longer. If you had expected them to die at precisely that time all along and you had always known it that way, it would be of little consequence.

As such, I would advise some negative visualization; imagine the numerous ways the world could be worse and compare them to how the world is. If you do this correctly, you will gain a large amount of gratitude for the world as it actually exists.

None of this is to say you should be complacent with the world, but that is a different topic. For more on Stoicism, I recommend this book:

> I don't really even want to socialize. I just don't know how I matter in this world in which everyone is out to do things only for themselves. They're selfish. Everyone is, to an extent. How do I stop believing that everyone is selfish?

You've defined selfish in such broad strokes. It is true that people do things to benefit themselves, but they also do things to benefit others. How much of what people do is solely to benefit themselves?

Do you see yourself as selfish? Would it help you to go and do things that are unselfish? Or to keep track of unselfish acts from everyone around you?

>Nothing motivates or propels me.

You are disillusioned with the world and people. I have given you some advice to turn your perspective upside-down. Given that, it seems if your focus remains on society, you should do something to improve it. At the very least, make yourself into an example for other people. Courage, humility, honesty, love, and ambition. Memorize them and practice them.

u/alphavalue · 6 pointsr/cscareerquestions

Agreed. Look at freelancing. And potentially, read The 4-Hour Workweek if you haven't - it may apply to your case.

Alternatively, you can set up a consulting company and hire others to do the work. If you're good at finding projects & managing a few developers, then you could be working even less than 20 hrs a week (or you could be working more, depending on your management chops) and making even more than half your salary.

u/SoulGorilla · 6 pointsr/startups

Read [this book.] ( I wish i had read it when i was in college, looks like another, off the shelf motivational self-help book, i know. But it is $9 well spent. Hell, I'll buy it for you if you're short on cash.

u/revisionedDOTnet · 6 pointsr/socialskills

This has to do with your internal framing of failure. Many people think failure is a bad thing, so they obsess over it or avoid situations that will challenge them and that will make them feel like a failure. In the book Mindset, Carol Dweck refers to this as the 'fixed' mindset. People in this mindset tend to think that all skills and abilities are 'natural born' and that nothing can be learned or built upon, and studies have shown that people with this mindset are often less successful than their couter-parts with the 'growth' mindset.

It's a great book, and I recommend reading it if you've got the chance.

In short, we all make mistakes from time to time - specifically in social situations, or in other situations as well. If you frame every interaction and challenge as an opportunity to learn, then failure becomes becomes an exciting preliminary element to growth, and you will obsess about it much less. Don't go into the situation hoping to fail, but rather understanding that not everything is supposed to turn out how you anticipated, and what you do with the outcome can provide a great opportunity to help you.

u/gulpy · 6 pointsr/videos

Honestly - I would look into Alan Watts talks on youtube. He's a Zen Buddhist, not a traditional tibetan buddhist, but the major philosophies are the same. He also as a book called "The Book - The Taboo of Knowing Who You Are" which I highly recommend.

u/HerbAsher1618 · 6 pointsr/spirituality

Try Alan Watts for size. Start with his audio, and if you dig it, slip into one of his books, possibly even The Book

u/Kaioatey · 6 pointsr/suggestmeabook

I've read a few of Alan Watts books, I would recommend The Book (on the Taboo agains knowing who you are). The Way of Zen is also a great introduction to Buddhism. I also like the work of J. Krishnamurti. On Having No Head by Douglas Harding is also a classic for backpackers.

u/itsamillion · 6 pointsr/AskALiberal

In no particular order:

  • The Moral Animal. Robert Wright.
  • The Open Society and Its Enemies. Karl Popper.
  • Albion’s Seed. D. H. Fischer.
  • *Zero to One.* P. Thiel.
  • The Autobiography of Malcolm X.
  • Critique of Pure Reason. I. Kant.
  • A Treatise on Human Nature. Hume.
  • The Death of the Liberal Class. C. Hedges.
  • A Theory of Justice. Rawls.
  • The Origin of the Work of Art. M. Heidegger.
  • The Denial of Death. E. Becker.
  • American Colonies. A. Taylor.
  • The Selfish Gene. R. Dawkins.
  • Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis. Sigmund Freud.
  • The Hero with a Thousand Faces. J. Campbell.
  • The Birth of the Artist. Otto Rank.
  • Modern Man in Search of a Soul. Jung.
  • The Feminine Mystique. Betty Friedan.
  • Sexual Personae. Camille Paglia.
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People. D. Carnegie.

    Sorry I got tired of making links. I’m on my phone.
u/CurseOfTheRedRiver · 6 pointsr/The_Donald

Birds (and ants) are some of the most fascinating animals to read about. Suggested reading on the sexual history behind evolution: The Red Queen by Matt Ridley

Betas have been getting cucked for eons, while alphas spread their more successful seed and the betas pay for it. Humans are nothing special, and this is nothing new. We've just grown a self-awareness about it, and those who can't figure out that getting cucked is bad are truly pathetic

u/SurprisedPotato · 6 pointsr/changemyview

> highschool-university girls/boys

You observe these people not matching up, and propose a theory. Other commenters have pointed out problems with your theory (if makeup didn't work, people wouldn't use it).

Here's another theory that fits the facts, and also explains why people use make-up.

  • people are highly selective about who they match up with, and instinctively know that in HS/Uni, there's really no urgency.
  • people don't really know 100% if they are a 5 or 7 or 9. Even if they do, it makes sense for a 5 to aim for a 9 when there's still time to be choosy. They might get lucky, but if not, it's no great loss, there's still time. Artificially bumping their number with make-up or clothing or regular gym visits increases their odds of getting lucky.
  • Partly, in HS/uni, people aren't actually trying to find their match, their are practicing the social queues that they'll need when they do try.
  • It's only when the pool starts to deplete as people actually get engaged and married that people start to settle for matches at their "actual" numbers.
  • most importantly all this is subconscious, people play these strategic dating & mating games without really being aware of what they're doing.

    Here's a book I'd recommend that sheds some light on this whole topic.
u/fredy · 6 pointsr/philosophy

That image is a figure (p 97) from "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William B. Irvine.

u/sharplikeginsu · 6 pointsr/exchristian

I'm glad I deconverted every day. When I was in the process I read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art Of Stoic Joy. It helped me an incredible amount, to focus on truly enjoying what I've got in this moment, even if it's only for this moment.

If you spent even an hour today dreading your eventual death, did you really live for that hour? What was the point in being alive? What good did you do for yourself or others? Your dread is killing the very thing you are worried about losing. But it's natural to have these feelings, and it takes practice to move past them.

Being raised as a Christian is kind of like Chinese foot binding. A part of us that might have developed normally (acceptance of death) is prevented from growing ("you will live forever!"). You've taken off the bindings and now you are doing the hard work of rehabbing, building those atrophied muscles. It's worth doing. You deserve to enjoy the life you are living, and a true life, not one in blissful ignorance, passing down your bindings to your children as well.

u/mshron · 6 pointsr/RedditDayOf

It's actually not that ironic; the Stoics were all about joy. It was negative emotions they wanted to cast off, not all emotions.


u/escaday · 5 pointsr/italy

L'ho tirata fuori perché le uniche obiezioni alla famiglia omosessuale sono di natura religiosa. Ti consiglio la lettura di questo, è interessante.

> Ah, se poi il fatto che lo stato naturale abbia selezionato l'ambiente dotato della complementarietà dei sessi come l'unico adatto alla perpetrazione della specie non ti sembra un buon fondamento…

Eh però qui ti stai avventurando in campo che non ti conviene. La complementarietà dei sessi è necessaria alla perpetrazione della specie dal punto di vista riproduttivo. Maschio + femmina = figlio. Da nessuna parte nel nostro codice genetico c'è un istinto alla monogamia. Anzi siamo fatti esattamente al contrario (ti consiglio la lettura di Sperm Wars o di The red queen se vuoi chiarirti le idee). La crescita dei figli non è perfettamente sovrapponibile al concepimento dal punto di vista biologico. L'idea che la "famiglia tradizionale" sia il costrutto sociale ideale per la crescita dei figli non ha un fondamento scientifico.

u/Bobsutan · 5 pointsr/relationships

The female sexual response is characterized by a dual nature, colloquially referred to as "Alpha fucks, Beta bucks".


Sperm Wars

The Red Queen

u/SleepNowMyThrowaway · 5 pointsr/LesbianActually

Make sure he insists on a paternity test, no matter her threats or BS. It's a long shot in this case, but at least he'll know for sure if it's his.

Life often serves a shit sandwich and it looks like he's got 18 years of them inbound.

> This is making me reevaluate my stance on a lot of things...

For some meaty reading check out Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family. 4.8 stars, and a used copy at your door for 15 bucks.

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature also sticks in my mind as an eye-opening tome.

Finally, Lex iniqua lex non est. "An unjust law is no law at all."

Your friend will be told many things, and many threats will be applied...he can choose to submit - or not.

We all have that choice.

u/alphabeta49 · 5 pointsr/marriedredpill

Stoicism in the classic sense (not the modern definition of emotionlessness) is actually a joyful practice because you realize how simple it is to enjoy the life you were made to live. I don't believe it contradicts RP necessarily, though I doubt many of the TRPers are anywhere close to being stoic. But the ability to address your own shit rather than blame and find the joy in life are very "RP" skills.

One of the best books for modern stoicism is A Guide To The Good Life. For those reading, check it out if you haven't already.

Owning your shit is the essence of Stoicism.

Also, the serenity prayer.

u/naasking · 5 pointsr/philosophy

The Guide to the Good Life for a practical approach with a little discussion of history.

u/zenofnursing · 5 pointsr/nursing

Schedule the minimum number of days, get good sleep/nutrition/workouts, practice mindfulness meditation (, remind yourself each day of the best parts of your job and the learning opportunities you'll encounter. Remember that even though you have these negative feelings, they are FEELINGS, not reality. Watch them as they come and don't try to suppress them, simply resolve to do your job to the best of your ability and know that they will pass in time. We all go through these rough spots (the dark night of the nurse's soul, perhaps?), and it feels like the worst when you're in the midst of it, but hang tight! I highly recommend reading up on stoicism, a brand of philosophy that emphasizes inner contentment regardless of external circumstances. This book is a great primer:

u/Shoeshine-Boy · 5 pointsr/TrueAtheism

Personal research, mostly. I'm a big history nerd with a slant toward religion and other macabre subject matter. I'm actually not as well read as I'd like to be on these subjects, and I basically blend different sources into a knowledge smoothie and pour it out onto a page and see what works for me and what doesn't.

I'll list a few books I've read that I enjoyed. There are certainly more here and there, but these are the "big ones" I was citing when writing all the comments in this thread. I typically know more about Christianity than the other major faiths because of the culture around me.

Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years - Diarmaid MacCulloch

A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Karen Armstrong

The next two balance each other out quite well. Hardline anti-theism contrasted with "You know, maybe we can make this work".

The Case for God - Karen Armstrong

The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins

Lately, I have been reading the Stoics, which like Buddhism, I find to be one of the more personally palatable philosophies of mind I have come across, although I find rational contemplation a bit more accessible to my Westernized nature.

Stoic Philosophy of Seneca: Essays and Letters - Translated by Moses Hadas

Discourses and Selected Writings (of Epictetus) - Translated by Robert Dobbin

The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius - Translated by George Long

I'm still waiting on Fed Ex to deliver this one:

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy - William B. Irvine

Also, if you're into history in general, a nice primer for what sorts of things to dive into when poking around history is this fun series on YouTube. I usually watch a video then spend a while reading more in depth about whatever subject is covered that week in order to fill the gaps. Plus, John and Hank are super awesome. The writing is superb and I think, most importantly, he presents an overall argument for why studying history is so important because of its relevance to current events.

Crash Course: World History - John Green

u/CorvusCaurinus · 5 pointsr/INTP

Been there. Looking for meaning in life, and not finding it in the same things other people seem to. I just finished reading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I think it's the best book I've ever read for feelings like this, and I plan on reading it again every time I feel like this. A source of both perspective, and hope that things will get better.

u/realityisaconstruct · 5 pointsr/Metal

Ah yes. You are exactly correct. In the grand scheme of things, everything is meaningless. But it does not then therefore follow that there is not meaning to be found in life.

My favorite author on this is Viktor Frankl: neurologist; psychiatrist; and Holocaust survivor, his psychoanalytic theory of logotherapy was informed by existentialism and his experiences in the Auschwitz concentration camp.

According to Frankl, meaning can be found in life in 3 ways: by creating a work or doing a deed; by experiencing something or encountering someone; and by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering. So basically our choices are accomplishment, love, and perseverance.

In Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl states that "Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible."

From what little context you've provided I assume that you are right now facing unavoidable suffering in the form of a hard realization. Life is questioning you right now by giving you the realization of meaninglessness. This is good for you are being given an opportunity to respond. An opportunity to show Life that you are worthy to endure the struggle of this knowledge and keep going. You are strong enough.

I'd highly recommend the book I've linked to. If you don't want to buy it, send me your address and I'll have it shipped to you. I'm serious.

EDIT: Also check out this essay.

u/The_other_juice · 5 pointsr/LifeProTips

You might consider reading 'The Power of Habit'. I recently started reading this and it has some interesting information on how the brain forms and executes habits as well as giving some advice on how to change them.

Or if you don't want to read the book you might consider searching "habit loop" on the internet and getting your learn on that way.

u/redpanda_phantomette · 5 pointsr/books

I really liked The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It has some excellent case studies that look at businesses as well as individuals, and examine how habits work, how they get into your brain, and what techniques you can use to change them.

u/dxcoder · 5 pointsr/greece

Χαιρετώ! Καταρχήν σου εύχομαι να τα καταφέρεις στην προσπάθειά σου. Πέρα από γιατρό, διαιτολόγο,ψυχολόγο πήγαινε και σε κανένα group therapy. Κατά πάσα πιθανότητα θα βρεις και άλλους που αντιμετωπίζουν ίδιο πρόβλημα. Επειδή απ' ότι κατάλαβα η υπερφαγία εμφανίζεται σαν αντίδρασή του εγκεφάλου σου στο άγχος θα πρέπει να κοιτάξεις να διαχειριστείς το άγχος με άλλους τρόπους. Αν σου αρέσει το διάβασμα σου προτείνω αυτό το βιβλίο:

u/Dingusaurus__Rex · 5 pointsr/askdrugs

Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Do that before anything. Write out your goals in great details. Consider this book also, for getting things done. I would consider another shroom trip with the exact intention you have here. Sit in silence for a while, journal what you want to change, then trip. 18, however common, is a dangerous time to start depending on stims, and they won't give you wisdom. Especially if you don't have a plan. Sure, you'll probably feel great and may improve for a while, but its so damn easy for it to end up worse. There's countless stories of that. If you do go that route, I strongly believe in the advice that you plan out EXACTLY what you will do before you take stims. Also, hang out with people who are living the way you want to live.

u/MDFrostbite · 5 pointsr/CasualConversation

from /u/i_Got_Rocks

>Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."

>Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."

>There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.

>Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.

>Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.

>It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.
You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit."


>Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."

>I know which best friend I like better.
Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.

>Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.

>Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine):

>Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one:

>Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it:

>I also suggest "The Power of Habit":

>I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.
Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.


>Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit.
However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--

>Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.
All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.
As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.

>Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather:
A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.
B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?
It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it.
You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.

u/spassa · 5 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

u are trying too much at a time. choose one thing only and do it for 4-8 weeks until it becomes a habit. now you dont have to motivate yourself any longer because you developed a habit that doesn't need any motivation to be done. pick the next thing of your list and repeat. this will take his time but will work much better then you current approach.

if you want to read more

motivation is like a muscle that gets sore fast. habits don't need motivation, that's why they are habits.

u/LarryBills · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

Here's a couple of ideas for you to try. Please note that (as I'm sure you know) any meditation session will be unique. It is a good idea to drop expectations going in to a sit about things that you want to happen (or things you want to avoid) because we don't really have control of what arises. With that said, here's a few ideas for you:

  • Drop the chanting
  • Drop the Pranayam
  • Before sitting, do some light stretches or asanas
  • Drop the mudra. Unless you've been specifically given a mudra by a teacher, it's best to keep your hands flat (or face up) on your knees/thighs.
  • Close your eyes
  • Focus on the sensations of the in and out breath on your philtrum (the little spot under your nose) or nostrils, wherever the feeling is most clear.
  • If thoughts or bodily sensations arise, you can note 'thinking' or 'feeling' in your mind and gently return to the breath.

    You may want to check out Mindfulness in Plain English. It's an extremely well-respected and practical book.

    Web & PDF versions also available but I personally prefer physical copies of Dharma materials when available.

u/thundahstruck · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

I'm writing to share some of my meditation experiences of late. I welcome feedback or any other discussion that might flow from this post.

TL;DR: Meditation can involve pain; pain originates; pain (at least to some degree) ceases; there are some ways to cease the pain.

When I started meditating regularly -- 5 or 6 weeks ago -- I sat in the half-lotus position. It was a bit difficult on my knees, but I figured they would stretch out with time. At first, the knee pain would resolve on its own between meditations. Then I started noticing pain while running. I did some research and deduced that my tight hips were causing my knees to twist, putting pressure on the meniscus. I stopped sitting in half-lotus and adopted the seiza position, with a cushion under my crotch. That has helped a lot. I would like some day to incorporate yoga into my fitness routine, which I hope will stretch out my hips for the half- and full-lotus positions. But one thing at a time.

I also have back pain while meditating. I have had related pain for about 16 years (yay college sailing!) and have only recently become serious about addressing it. My approach is two-pronged: physical and mental (see Mindfulness in Plain English, at page 94). Physically, I have strengthened my core with one-minute planks before each of my two daily sittings. And while meditating, I try to stay mindful of keeping my shoulders back and positioning my hips to counter my anterior pelvic tilt. Posture remains a distraction from breath mindfulness, but I believe that my focus on posture will pay off in the long run as I build a proper base for longer sittings. Mentally, I am mindful of the pain sensation, but I try not to conceptualize it as suffering or discomfort. That's a hard mental trick, and my approach is to keep my mind on the present moment. I tell myself that the pain sensation is now present and now bearable; the fact that the pain sensation existed at a past moment (and will likely exist in a future moment) has nothing to do with my ability to bear the current pain sensation. In other words, I try not to view pain as a cumulative phenomenon. (This approach is also helpful while running!)

To further reduce discomfort while meditating, I bought a zafu zabuton set from Dharma Crafts. The buckwheat-hull filling in the zafu provides great support. The reduction in pain let me increase my meditation time from 20 minutes to 25 minutes. If you are interested in a cushion from Dharma Crafts, I suggest getting one of their catalogs. It seemed to me that the color representations in the catalog were better than on the website.

I have referred to meditation time. I'm now up to 25 minutes for each sitting. It's not easy to sit for that long, but it's good for me so I do it. Inevitably, my mind starts to wonder (wander), "How long have I been sitting? Is this longer than 25 minutes? Should I check the timer? No, I should just wait; I bet the timer will go off -- I'd hate to check it and see that 5 minutes remain." Etc. I think these are common thoughts. Well, twice this week, that wondering got the better of me and I checked the timer; and both times I discovered that my timer had failed to start. The first time, I had been sitting for about 31 minutes. The second time (this morning), I had been sitting for over 35 minutes. I guess maybe it's time to sit for more than 25 minutes.

One last thing. I have sleeping problems and thus find myself dead tired at the end of the day. My evening meditation often does not happen until at least 10 p.m., and I struggle to stay awake. Some days, I'm able to get the meditation in early enough that drowsiness is not a problem. But lately I've tried to profit from the drowsiness by being mindful of how my brain goes from a wakeful state to a sleeping state. I have little progress to report in that regard, but I see no harm in observing how I fall asleep. (For the record, my sleep problems involve waking up too early, e.g., 3 or 4 a.m., and not being able to fall back asleep; I fall asleep just fine when I first go to bed.)

Thank you for reading.

u/Murparadox · 5 pointsr/AskMen

Hey boss. I pretty much went though the same exact thing you did a couple years ago. Dated a girl for 3 years while in college, thought I was going to marry her, ect. She broke it off for various reasons, and I literally thought I was going to die. I had no real social circle, much less any good friends. She was my entire emotional support network for so long and I had no idea what to do when she left. To make matters worse, she began sleeping with other (random) people almost immediately. Talk about soul crushing. It was a dark time in my life.

But you know what? It forced me to grow. I now have a great job, an awesome circle of friends and another great girlfriend who I live with. Here are some things I realized on my journey post-breakup.

  • Nobody is responsible for your own happiness except for YOU. That girl owes you nothing. No explanation, no sympathy, nada. And she totally has the right to see/sleep with other people. The sooner you realize that only you can control your own happiness and actions the better off you'll be.

  • Don't fall into the "Sunk cost fallacy" trap. (Look it up) Basically how this applies to relationships is thinking that you've wasted a quarter of your life on this girl, and letting it affect future decisions. DON'T THINK THAT. You were with her for a reason. You learned things from her, and will probably be a better person for it. That relationship is a sunk-cost at this point, don't let it affect your future.

  • You're going to feel alone, confused, and hurt for while. And that's ok! You just had a major loss in your life. Let yourself feel emotional for a while. But make an effort to get out and experience new things. Meet new girls, hang with buddies, ect.

  • She's probably hurting as much as you are. Don't believe for a second this guy she's with is Superman. She's only known him for a week! That's not nearly enough time to make a judgement about someone. She's still in her honeymoon phase with this dude, she had a four year relationship with you! And she might have just been saying he's so amazing to hurt you. Don't compare yourself to a guy you don't even know, you'll drive yourself nuts.

    Basically all I can say it, you're gonna be alright eventually. You're doing the right thing by breaking off contact with her. Maybe eventually you guys can be friends, but focus on YOU for now. Hit the gym, and hit on some girls. In terms of getting back into the dating scene, the book Models by Mark Manson is amazing. Its not a scummy PUA (pick-up artist) book, but really teaches you how to find self worth in dating women. For your anxiety/depression, learning to meditate really helped me. This book is good for learning how.

    Feel free to message me privately if you need any more help or clarification. I can also give some other book recommendations. Good luck!
u/No_Thank_You_Daddy · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

I have really appreciated Bhante Gunaratana's Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness and Mindfulness in Plain English. They are good choices if you want to go straight to how to apply Buddhism to your life.

u/bucon · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

Gil Fronsdal's Introduction to Meditation is a nice course. He is an excellent teacher, so be sure to listen to his other talks.

If you are looking for a book, Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana is a popular first meditation book.

u/Loisdenominator · 5 pointsr/stopsmoking

I have issues with failure too...we are both perfectionists, I bet.

The thing is, having made it those 3 days I felt great pride in myself and quite the feeling of achievement that has just continued building. Kind of like "I knew I had it in me all along" (despite my numerous failures before).

This sub is also a great place to share, ask, discuss and it just dawned on me, very much part of the quitting process (like therapy).

If I can suggest another book that I think I'm going to reread: The Power of Habit

I think it's timely as I look forward to 3 weeks, the time it takes to form a habit (or break one).

See you around, stay strong.

u/bestPoet · 5 pointsr/INTP

The biggest thing I've done for my productivity/follow through is reading books about willpower, habits, productivity, etc. As an INTP that needs to really understand things and feel like I'm making my own decisions, rather than follow some advice a parent or whatever gave me, I love books because they give me a deeper understanding that makes sense.

Thus, I recommend reading these books:

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
Changed the way I think about productivity and life changes. They key to accomplishing goals isn't developing pure willpower, but developing habits that help you achieve what you want. However, I'd still recommend...

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baumeister
Just a very interesting book about willpower. Will shatter some misconceptions and teach you some new things.

Zen to Done by LeoBabatua
A practical approach to setting the habits and structure necessary to be productive.

Also read The 7 Rules of Highly Effective Habits, which is just a blog post so it wont take long.

I still can't sit down for hours and concentrate at will, but by implementing some of the stuff I've learned from these resources, I've set up a good system that works for me. As a very simple idea, are you familiar with the Pomodoro technique?
Basically, it goes like this. When you want to work on something, set a timer for 25 minutes and know that you only have to sit down and focus for 25 minutes. Don't worry if what you're doing is great or sucks, if you get in your 25 minutes it's been a success (expecting to spend a certain amount of time on something rather than get a certain amount of quality work done has been a game changer for me). Then, after 25 minutes, take a 5-10 minute break... and put in another 25 minutes. Then, repeat... or not.. depending on if you're feeling up for it.

u/HornsOfApathy · 5 pointsr/marriedredpill

OYS #13

MRP journey is 7 months now.

Stats: 36 yo, 6’0, 152lbs (+0.0lb), 12.0% BF, married 3, together 6, kids 2 & 12 (12yo mine from previous marriage)

Lifts : SL5x5: 215Q (265 2-rep max) / 235DL / 70 OHP / 165 BR / 130BP

My Mission?

Become the best version of who I am. Be an engaged father, a strong male role model to my son & daughter, and lead my family to where we are going. Be the oak. *NEW MISSION ADDED* - Be a man that other men look up to.

Why am I here?

I’ve accepted a new mission to undo the shit I’ve done with honest effort. My family has been held hostage by my wife’s emotions. I have allowed all of this to happen.

Reading: Moving beyond TRP/MRP knowledge

NMMNG x3, MMSLP x2, Pook, SGM, Rationale Male, TWOTSM x6, 48 Laws of Power – 60% done

I spent most of last week in very serious meetings for work and traveling. Didn’t have a lot of time to do some reading, but I think I need to continue to go beyond the sidebar. The Four Agreements somehow made it to the top of my list which is a little more spiritual than MRP/TRP sidebar material.

Physical & Lifting: OK

Lifted 3x this week heavy lifting, but then got sick and couldn’t finish my normal 4x routine. I did get the heavy lifts in which helped I think with my sickness.

Family: Things are starting to gel. Improvement!

Things appear to be remarkably better in just a week’s time and the needle is trying to move with both my wife and son. Most of the reason is that I managed to finally pass a main event. Read further in the relationship section for details on why the family is starting to gel, but this has been great progress.

As part of my vision for the future, I suggested about a week ago that we needed to get some blended family counseling. I’m aware of the pitfalls of marriage counseling and would never do it – but our family is a blended family and my wife has an extremely hard time dealing with my son since we cannot logistically move from the area we live in away from his biomom. I would be open to moving in about 6 years when he’s out of high school, but until then I have made the commitment to stay in this area. This causes my wife problems because she feels tied to the area for various reasons and non-reasons which causes problems. Add on top of that my son is a big Mr. Nice Guy and Momma’s boy to his biomom and you have a recipe where my wife has such great disdain for him.

My wife brought up blended family counseling to help deal with her problems with him after the main event. That was a good sign. I would also welcome books on dealing with blended families if anyone has suggestions.

My son also got in-school-suspension this week. First time he’s ever been in trouble. He made a funny yet snowflake sensitive comment to his buddies at school and it was overheard by the teacher. I thought it was kind of funny myself but didn’t let him see that. I had a long talk with him and didn’t punish him more but asked what he was going to do about it. We had a good bonding moment. He’s starting to come out of his shell more watching his father get strong in both the gym and outside of it. I’m pleased my son got in trouble! :fistbump:

Relationship: Main Event? Meet your challenger: the new HornsOfApathy

In my last OYS I wrote of how I was returning from a work trip that day to the main event. I will do a FR on this when I can gather my thoughts more but it basically went down like this:

The night before I was denied sex for the 3x in a row. That was unusual. I have managed to eliminate ALL butthurt now from rejections, and I could sense a shit test coming soon. I had no idea this would be the main event. I left Monday around 5am for a 2 night work trip.

Everything was fine until Tuesday. I called to check in on my wife around lunch since both her and the toddler were sick and could hear rushing and panic in her voice. I let her go and said goodbye – and moments later I got a text that said she was leaving me. The text read that she would be leaving before I got home, taking the toddler, leaving the dogs, told me to flush the fish, rings were on my nightstand, she wanted nothing in the house and she’d be bringing back my car soon.

My hamster went into overdrive but somehow I defeated it and I didn’t respond. Seven hours later I got a shit test about the garbage. Didn’t respond. Queue up 9:30pm and I get another shit test about being out at bars and her having no idea where I was when I traveled (mind you: I quit drinking all together about 3 months ago after a 4 beer a night habit and many work trip binge drinking). My hamster was flipping circles and then suddenly…. It stopped. I began to process that this was the main event and it was a battle that she wanted me to win.

From 10pm-12pm I got no less than 20 phone calls. Texts all in between them begging for me to call her, she was having a panic attack, and she begged me to call texting “I’m not mad!!!”. I realized that she was falling into my frame. I went to bed and slept very well and did not call.

I awoke and started my day as normal and got a text that she was going to call my job if I didn’t let her know I was OK (yeah right!). My DNGAF was turned up to an 11 and I went to get into the shower where I got 3 more phone calls. I realized that the first wave of the main event had passed and was now into comfort testing. I called her – she cried and was relieved – I asked her if she was alright (comfort) – she said she was worried sick about me and cried all night. I told her that I would see her that evening. Two minute phone conversation. She sounded embarrassed and said goodbye.

Finished work trip, got home with a HUGE smile on my face and cheery mood, she was anxious. She had her rings on. Put the kid to bed, she asked to talk. I said that was fine, but let’s go into another room to talk. There, she explained to me that there was one thing that stuck out in her mind that I’ve said to her before: “You need to be vulnerable.” She opened up to me finally (she never overtly talks about her feelings, ever) and she explained exactly what ACTUALLY happened to us: I became a drunk captain. She lost all trust in me. Now I was the best captain on the sea, she wanted to be with me, but found it so hard to trust me again and be vulnerable. And that was really hard.

Continued in comments below....

u/mutilatedrabbit · 5 pointsr/magick

My answer to this question is the same answer Richard Feynman gave when asked whether anyone could be a physicist. More or less. These things are not perfectly analogous, but the end result is true: Yes, anyone can learn to be a magician, barring some sort of severe mental disability or whatever. No one is "born into it" in any real sense other than -- we are all, when born, attuned to the state of our greatest power. The cultures and mores we absorb, the environment and our surrounding circumstances, modulate this state, almost always in a derelict way.

Most of the work you will do to achieve your natural magickal abilities consists in unlearning concepts. I think that the writings of Don Maguel Ruiz would be worth looking into with respect to this subject, although I would also recommend what I do for generally beginning in the occult, esoteric, and magick: the Kybalion, the Bhagavad Gita, and my personal niché favorite: Egregores: The Occult Entities That Watch Over Human Destiny by Mark Stavish. These works internalized into true understanding will be sufficient for any reasonably intelligent person to become a master of their own mind.

u/Ownfir · 5 pointsr/BPDlovedones

I believe that caring about the opinions of others is normal, especially those closest to us. That being said, achieving self-happiness should always be our goal.

As bad as I want to go out and date right now, I recognize that I'm carrying too much baggage to engage in that kind of contact with anyone. Additionally, I'm recognizing that I want to date for the wrong reasons. I'm not wanting to date to "have fun" or bring value to someone's life. I'm not even wanting to date for casual sex.

The only reason I want to date is because I'm unhappy with myself and I'm lonely. In my codependent mind, if I have another person to chug along with me, I will be happy. The kind of woman I want to date is someone who adds to my own life, passions, and interests. However that woman can't exist if I don't have my own life, passions, and interests that I'm actually following.

I suggest reading The Power of Now . I just started, and it's already given me really great insight into living in the present and finding happiness from within. It's a constant process for sure.

u/stufoonoob · 5 pointsr/woahdude
u/MrSurrender · 5 pointsr/exjw

Ekhart Tolle the power of now helped me out. Being present and excepting things instead of over thinking them. Being in the moment or present seems to calm me down from over analyzing. Here's a link if you have not read it already.

u/candidate_master · 5 pointsr/chess

> I'll be writing about the Turk machine, Deep Blue, the more recent AIs like stockfish.

Ugh, this sounds like a tedious historical rehash.

> I was wondering if chess has become too dependent on technology

Nope. I'd say that every industry depends on computers: legal, medical, manufacturing, whatever.

> and less about talent.

Talent together with hard work are essential for success, in every industry.

Outliers: The Story of Success: the famous theory of 10,000 hours.

Talent is Overrated: those 10,000 hours must well-focused, and environmental factors are key.

Can a normal person become a titled player, even a GM?: Talent x Work = Ability.

u/slrqm · 5 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

In the book Talent is Overrated Geoff Colvin argues that deliberate practice is far more important than any natural talent.

IMHO there is no such thing as being "naturally musically inclined". But for the sake or argument lets say there is.

Person A is musically inclined at birth. Person B is not. At 5 years old you hand them both a flute, lets assume you can tell the difference. But then you have them both take flute lessons and the both practice the same amount with the same intensity. By the time they've put in say 100 hours, it would be impossible to tell if one of them had natural talent or not. Now imagine they spend the 10,000 hours Geoff Colvin says it takes to become a professional.

u/weed_in_sidewalk · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

Sure there are. But probably with a different name.

Zen Shorts are one. It's a series of books with short Zen stories and illustrations for kids:

Have You Filled a Bucket Today:
lets kids know that it feels bad to others to bully, but that you can "fill others' buckets" by giving compliments and saying nice things.

Heck, most kids can even understand The 4 Agreements:

I'm sure there are quite a few others, but they are not coming to mind right now.

u/Desmond_Jones · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

Failure is the best education tool. You should check out Mindset by Carol Dweck. The ebook and audiobooks are available on piratebay.

u/br0wnp0w · 5 pointsr/cscareerquestions

Building on that. Read, seriously. I stopped using "I'm bad at X" as an excuse after reading.

u/0hypothesis · 5 pointsr/INTP

There's a difference between being "smart" and gaining knowledge and skills, as you seem to be hinting at.

A highly-recommended book on this topic is Mindset by Carol Dweck.

u/TheGMan323 · 5 pointsr/gamedev
u/MattP598 · 5 pointsr/GetMotivated

I didn't see what your exact age in your post so I'm not sure exactly how old you are, but I'm guessing you are around 10 years younger than me and I am 38.

I'm not going to be able to give you any answers unfortunately, because I still don't have any, but tell you about me and hope that maybe it helps you in some way.

I was raised in an almost perfect family. Now, my dad is one of the most stubborn, hard to talk to, and a person that has that old school mentality that men don't talk about the way they feel and they keep it all inside them and just get over it. Also my parents are extremely Christian, not that that is a bad thing, but I think it has kind of shaped me in my life. I'll explain a little more later. My dad is also one of the most absolutely hardest working people I've ever seen. He's retired now but it doesn't matter because he's still up out of bed at 6.30am, 7 am every morning and then he is outside doing some kind of physical labor all day. He is almost working on something, it's amazing. I would kill to have a tenth of work ethic. I just wanted to give you a little back ground information on my life.

I went to high school, never studied, was always highly active in sports, then college, and pretty much the same way. I did the bare minimum to get by all the time in everything I did. I've never had any passion for any kind of career, still don't. That has led to me never having any kind of job I enjoy.

When I was in college I was like most college age kids and partied(is that how you spell that?} on weekends. I always liked to have fun first before responsibilities. I'm a huge procrastinater, and always have been. Also, even though, I was a party person, I was always socially awkward and shy which led to very few relationships of any kind. I have a very small number of close, and have been in only a couple of romantic relationships in my life that always ended in me being dumped. So I have always had very low self esteem. Alright so I graduated college, moved away to a city a couple of hours from where I grew up and started working at a decent paying job. It was an easy job with decent pay. Did I like it? Of course not. Since I knew no one in the city I started drinking a lot. My weekend party habit turned into a daily drinking habit. The little bit of social life I had turned into none. You combine all this together and remember how I was raised led to a ton of guilt and lowered self esteem even more.

That led to even more substance abuse. So much so I thought I was having a heart attack at one point and called 911. It turned out to be a severe panic attack. I don't know changed in that part of my life but I think it was a combination of everything. My few friends were all getting married by this point. I developed severe anxiety and depression. This was probably around 25 or 26 years old. So the doctor prescribed me with anti-depressants of course, never mentioned therapy, and then my anxiety started to stabilize, and depression eased up a bit and allowed me to continue with my life. However, I never changed my lifestyle. So I continued to use drugs and alcohol.

A couple of years later, I was 28, the company I worked for was bought out and I was laid off. Combine that with substance abuse, a lack of friends, lack of hobbies, no motivation, and 0 dating and its not good.

Unfortunately I just got a phone call and have to step out so I will be back in a few to finish my story. In the meantime watch this and bookmark this guy's YouTube channel....

Ok finally back..... I know this is gotten long so I will try and hurry. It's good for me to write it though, and if it is even a small chance it could help you or someone else it's worth it to me.

So anyways, I was laid off about 10 and a half years ago. I had to move back home with my family because my lifestyle didn't lead to any kind of savings the way I was living. During the last 10 years I can't count the number of meaningless, low paying jobs I have had despite having a degree and experience in the IT field. The IT field, I received my degree in Management Information Systems, is one of those fields you have to constantly continue learning and I never did that. Because like I said before, I didn't have any type of passion about it, I just knew I kinda liked computers so that is what I decided on after changing my major two previous time. So I lack the skills necessary to get a job especially now. 10 years of not working in the IT field and everything has completely changed. However, I'm still paying back that massive student load bill but that's a whole other topic. I have a job now and I scrape by barely but it's pretty miserable. I'm still battling addiction. It is getting better because I finally decided to make some changes. Now it is very, very slowly getting better but any step in that direction is better than going the other way. One of the reasons I started making some changes is because of the guy I posted in the link above. He is psychology professor and one of the smartest human beings on the planet IMO. Now there will probably be people who reply to this and bring politics into because Jordan Peterson became a well known name after his stance on the Canadian Government trying to pass a law that basically says you have to call transgender people by the pronoun of their choice and they are just a bunch of made up words basically. It's nonsense. Peterson doesn't have a problem with transgender people only the fact that the government is trying to interfere in basically the English language and making laws about it. So if anyone brings any of that up just ignore that political crap.

He has tons of videos on depression, suicide, motivation, just basically anything to do with ways to help you improve your life. The one that truly made me make the decision to start making changes is one in which he talks about 5 factors that ultimately lead to depression and/or suicide. These include.... substance abuse, lack of social circle, lack of intimate relationships, no job/structure/goal, and additional health problems. He says that in his experience in in working with people with depression is that if you suffer from 3 of those problems it is nearly impossible to overcome. I have 4. I do have a job, but it's a meaningless job and the only structure I have is going to work and back home to lay on the couch or go to bed. So you can see I have 4 out of 5. I don't have any additional health problems....YET.

So you can see how when, what I consider to be, one of the smartest men in the world say something like that it's horrifying. Because I could always lie to myself and say that I would start changing later. I will post the link to that video as well.

My whole point in this is to say that I am closing in on 40 and I am in a worse situation than you. There is a very good chance I will never recover from this and it's going to end badly somehow, someway, with that either being dead, homeless, or in prison. So I believe that has shaken me enough to tell myself to at least try. I've started making daily goals to accomplish. It might something as simple as coming home from work and going walking, doing the dishes, and studyiing/reading. I probably won't do 95% of them most of the time but it's a step forward even if it's just 5% of the time. I have signed up for one of the thousands of online courses in computer programming I've always thought computer science was interesting. Now I'm not passionate about it but I'm working on that. I'm getting help for substance abuse and going to meetings/therapy and it's getting better. But I still have a long, long way to go and I may be in my 50's even if it does finally work out.

So what I'm saying to you is..... don't do what I have done. Change things now, not tomorrow, but right now. Do not tell yourself you will do it tomorrow. Even if it is going and cleaning your room and doing situps after you read this....anything. You still have some time to correct things and have a productive life and a family if you want it. More than likely I will never have my own family and that is extremely difficult to think about. If you were anything like me you probably used to think about getting married someday and starting a family and there is a very very good chance I will never have that now. There's a really good chance that I won't make it and be dead by the time I'm 50.

So that has motivated me enough for now to at least try for now. Time will only tell what ultimate happens as it is for everybody. You said you didn't suffer from depression so that means you have an excellent opportunity to make a change and take a different path. Good luck! I don't know anything about anything but if you ever need to talk to someone, send me a message. I would be happy to try and help even if it's just by listening. That goes for any other single person that reads this. We can do this!

I just noticed I actually posted a movie link I was watching at the time lol sorry...I corrected it lol
This is the link to the video I mentioned earlier and what I mentioned earlier about the 5 things starts about 2 and half minutes in....
This is another one of just a ton of excellent videos.....

Buy his book and read it as well.....

u/CircadianRadian · 5 pointsr/intj

Buy him this as a breakup gift.

u/jp_books · 5 pointsr/NormMacdonald

You referenced a tweet from December. Unless you're looking for a reason to be angry at Andy Richter the Swedish-German there is no way that you see that tweet six months later.

> Retard, read the post again.

Jordan Peterson wrote a pretty good book to help grown men who aren't able to deal with the stress of people disagreeing with them.

u/512165381 · 5 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

> Called my wife


> Pulled a knife on me


> So after my dad tells me "I'm done with you - don't call me anymore. I don't want you in my life."....he tells me right after that he's still going to be at my law school graduation ceremony???

Intermittent reinforcement.

> What kind of person disowns their kid - but then also says

Chaos. The point is ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... there is no point.

Concentrate on the word "chaos" in the picture above. Notice the cycle ... ... ... ... ... never ends. Its completely pointless and does nothing but waste your time.

Concentrate on the word "chaos" in the book above.

u/farewell_traveler · 5 pointsr/suggestmeabook

12 Rules for Life. I'm halfway through it myself, but thus far its proven to be an insightful read.

u/Buzz-Kill-Joy · 5 pointsr/asktrp

Seconded. I would also just add his book “12 rules for life” and his lecture series “Personality and its transformation

u/sethinthebox · 5 pointsr/slatestarcodex

It seems like your real question is how to deal with the anxiety of facing chaos. I choose drugs and alcohol, but I suppose you could try reading Peterson's book.

u/0xd4e · 5 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

/u/nezxmi call 1-800-273-8255 if in the US and read this book:

And please report back and pm me if you want to talk to someone.

u/VonStraussKoc · 5 pointsr/ENFP

The Power Of Habit. Seriously, ENFPs need to fucking read this book cause we're generally shit at staying on task and focused. After reading this, i'm a little less shit at it and I should probably read it again.

Also Russell Brand's autobiography My Booky Wook. A wickedly funny and heartfelt insight into someone who is a complete off the wall ENFP.

u/1Ender · 5 pointsr/getdisciplined

You're not a special snowflake, none of us are. It's only through dedicatedly doing shit you don't want to that you can chisel yourself into something better. Improving oneself is difficult because you are both the mason and the block of marbel. its not easy.

You want to develop self control? Realise that you are completely normal and not entitled to anything. Go and read some books ont he science of self control and you would see the fact that you lack it shows that you most likely will not succeed in life no matter how "gifted" you were as a child. You can change this through constant hard fucking work which is essentially all that self control is but thats about it. There are no tricks. Self control is a muscle that is developed through use. Sit down for 4 hours a day and study. WHen you can do that start studying for 5 hours. ect.

it's not easy. Realise that you are nothing without developing yourself and then build yourself up. Anyone can do the work, you are not special, the dedication to work is what differentiates the wannabees from the true acheivers.

As for books on the topic

Good luck.

u/thesunmustdie · 5 pointsr/atheism

Keep in mind that you can be spiritual and/or ascetic, while remaining atheistic. Buddhism is quite neat in this regard. Also, Sam Harris just wrote a book about this very subject: I haven't read it myself, but seems well-received.

Anyway... my advice would be this: do whatever you think will bring you comfort. Go to church with your cousin if you think it will make you feel better. I know this is controversial advice on this sub, but who cares... I think your psychological wellbeing is more important than appearing outwardly consistent. Please take care of yourself. You are still incredibly young and you'd be amazed at the surprises life can throw at you -- your life could be completely different in six months from now. Keep your head up. We're here if you need to talk more.

Best wishes.

u/mmcakes · 5 pointsr/seduction

Book here.

Two good introduction videos from Sam here and here. (watch in order)

Good luck!

u/heethin · 5 pointsr/DebateReligion

Instead of talking in hypotheticals, can we start recognizing that a lot of scientists are showing significant limitations in how *free* our own free-will is?

Sam Harris's Waking Up is an excellent source of insight for a layman.

Want a *simple* illustration? Think of a color. Did you have control over which color comes to your mind first?

Have you ever been enraged and ended up saying things that you really didn't want to say?

u/mulder_scully · 5 pointsr/exjw

I've said it before, everyone needs to pick up this book. Sam Harris has an extremely rational approach to meditation and makes scientific arguments in favor of it. Meditation has helped me cope with anxiety attacks and feelings of worthlessness.

u/haloshade · 5 pointsr/Mindfulness

I haven't read any of his stuff yet, but from what it sounds like, Sam Harris has a good pragmatic and evidence based approaches to mediation. I think Waking Up is the book people recommend the most from him.

It's on my list of books to read, eventually I'll get to it.

u/GunshyJedi · 5 pointsr/Meditation

Hi, I'm one of the newest! So I've been into lucid dreaming for over a decade. Another r/LucidDreaming member commented on one of my posts there talking about his jhana experiences. I've listened to several talks by Ajahn Brahm since then and ordered this book. I log into reddit tonight and y'all are trending.

I would say the timing couldn't have been better. I'm very excited to join in and get started.

u/social_scrying · 5 pointsr/askseddit

The power of now by Eckhart Tolle is a fantastic book for this. I am definitely not the spiritual type, but this book seems to capture more than just spirituality.

u/Loud_Volume · 5 pointsr/conspiracy

There are many books on the subject and how the Ego can be destructive not only to ourselves but to those around us. It is all about healthy balance of Mind, Body, Spirit and creating that space from the heart to share with others.

Here are some links for books on the subject

The idea of service to self and service to others is explained in the Law of One texts.

Here is a precursor to the law of one

u/washingtonapple · 5 pointsr/booksuggestions

Give The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle a try. This changed my perspective in huge ways and helped me deal with my anxiety issues.

u/Arise_again · 5 pointsr/selfhelp

The first thing I would suggest is to see a counselor, someone who will listen and give you feedback.

Secondly, I would definitely recommend watching this podcast of author Sam Harris on the Joe Rogan show, in which he talks about minds and dysfunctional thoughts.

I also always recommend a book called "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. He has many videos on youtube as well. In his book he speaks about how people tend to identify with their minds, that is to believe that you are one and the same as your mind instead of knowing that your mind is simply a tool, a machine for you to use in daily life.

Hope this helps!

u/halhen · 5 pointsr/books

Alan Watts' The Book. Makes me tranquil like no other, and tranquil is the way I want to leave this world.

u/airandfingers · 5 pointsr/BettermentBookClub

I haven't read most of the suggestions here, but I found Alan Watts' lectures to be very thought-provoking. I watched videos of his lectures on Youtube (probably starting with these excerpts, which were animated by the South Park creators), but he's written some books, too. This one seems interesting: The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

Watts (like many others) distills parts of Eastern philosophy so that it's more easily digestible by Western audiences, but I can't speak to his faithfulness to the source philosophies.

u/TonyBagels · 5 pointsr/QuotesPorn

From his book "The Book: On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are"

u/KetoSandwich · 5 pointsr/TheRedPill

Are you talking about this one

By Allan Watts?
I discovered it yesterday and its going to arrive in a couple of days. Glad To hear I’m not wasting my time with it.

u/Innerpiece · 5 pointsr/rawdenim

I've had issues relating to depression and anxiety for well over 15 years. I actually quit drinking 4 years ago in part because of how it would throw me for these emotional roller-coaster rides that drove me down even further. Things have gotten much better and I've sought help but its still a daily process for me, which is now much more manageable. For some reason a long time ago I developed a stigma against myself in that I believe I'm weak for not being able to handle and "control" these issues, but that couldn't be further from the truth. There is a large sense in relief in accepting it as part of who you are and as condition you can learn to live with. I would encourage you to seek professional help, and to keep an open mind. For me relief didn't come in the form of medication, but through other practices such as meditation, building a support group, seeking spiritual growth, and learning how to identify and communicate effectively when this is starting to take me for a ride. I have found the writings of Viktor Frankl to be my inspiration - though nothing ever changed for me by just reading a book... its the actions I have taken as a result that have really helped. I feel for you, and I wish you the best.

u/shaansha · 5 pointsr/Entrepreneur

I love the crap out of books. One of life's greatest joys is learning and books are such an excellent way to do it.

Business books you should read:

  • Zero To One by Peter Thiel - Short, awesome ideas and well written.

  • My Startup Life by Ben Casnocha. Ben's a super sharp guy. Learn from him. He started a company in his teens. He was most recently the personal 'body man' for Reid Hoffman (founder of LinkedIn)

  • The Lean Startup by Eric Reis - Fail fast and fail early. Build something, test, get feedback, and refine.

    Non Business Books (That Are Essential To Business

  • Money Master The Game by Tony Robbins - I am a personal finance Nerd Extraordinaire and I thought Tony Robbins was a joke. Boy was I wrong. Hands down the best personal finance book I've ever read. Period.

  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Ever seen Gladiator? This is the REAL Roman Emperor behind Russel Crowe's character. This book was his private diary.

  • Man's Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl - Hands down one of the most profound and moving books ever written. Victor was a psychologist and survived the Nazi training camps

    As a way of background I have newsletter where I share proven case studies of successful entrepreneurs. I outline step by step how they made money and got freedom from their day job. If you’re interested let me know and I can PM you the link to the newsletter or if you have any questions.
u/IceSkatingElephant · 5 pointsr/LawSchool

Can’t recommend Man’s Search For Meaning enough if you’re looking for a quality self-help book

u/AgnosticKierkegaard · 5 pointsr/askphilosophy

If you want to read a philosophically oriented book that might actually help you feel better you should read Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.

u/geeked_outHyperbagel · 5 pointsr/childfree

I highly recommend his book, it's got some good insights. Nothing to do with having children though. It's just a good book about how people can find happiness in their own lives by making their own meaning. Very relevant to childfree I think, since we all find our own happiness in our own ways, even though people may tell us that our path is "not correct" in one way or another.

u/ima7up · 5 pointsr/mentalhealth

Read the Feeling Good Handbook if you can get it. One particular thing that helped me from that book was learning that emotions are a byproduct of our thoughts, not just the other way around. You have to catch your negative thoughts and let them go without letting the chain of negative thinking continue as best as you can. Seems impossible at first, but keep trying. It took me two weeks to stop this negative spiral of thinking and emotions.

Our unconscious mind takes cue and find pattern from our conscious mind. How I see it, is that generally the brain likes to be as efficient as possible. So if you regularly think negative thoughts, it knows to expect that state of mind so it creates it unconsciously for you. That can also be a powerful tool used partly for memory techniques as well btw.

First step is to catch yourself thinking negatively, then try to see the positive version of anything you were thinking about. At first it might feel like you're lying to yourself, but eventually the negative side of your thoughts eventually become the non-truth. Kind of difficult to explain I think, but the problem with depression and negative thoughts is that we believe the negativity. The negative future, no hope for ourselves, etc. And any positive thought is just bs. But we can retrain our mind to think positively and be on that side of the same coin.

Good luck to you.

u/calenlass · 5 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

NeverHappy aside, if you are ever in a slump and having a hard time digging yourself out, I have had really good results with the Feeling Good Handbook my shrink recommended me (I'm not much for most self-help stuff; this is the only real book we ever talked about). I have dysthymia, which is basically the opposite of yours, but a lot of the cyclical thinking of depression is universal. It's essentially the basics of modern Cognitive Behavior Therapy, outlined with worksheets and practical exercises, by the psychologist who pioneered it. I go back and flip through it every once in awhile because I find I have lapsed, and I take away something new or that I totally forgot about every time.

I am SO glad she is that much less of a contributing factor in your life, though. That is definitely a win! 2 years is amazing!

u/girlziplocked · 5 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

I've never been shy. But one thing you said made me compelled to comment. "Because I was afraid they didn't actually want me there."

I think everyone has this fear, not just shy people. I'm always terrified of this. And part of it is my depressive mindset. I started cognitive behavioral therapy a year ago, and it's really helpful for exactly this kind of scenario. What you're doing, according to CBT, is fortune-telling and mindreading. You're assuming people don't like you. You're predicting they will dislike you. You don't have real evidence to support these ideas, but you keep telling yourself them over and over again, right?

There's a book I'd highly recommend you read called The Feeling Good Handbook. It's a primer in CBT and helps you talk yourself out of these kind of moments where you're shutting yourself down and thinking negatively about yourself ("No one here likes me.")

u/tandava · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

Zig Zag Zen discusses this at great length. One of my favorite opening paragraphs was by Lama Surya Das, who said "If you're wondering about my history with psychedelics, all you need is to look at the initials of my name."

Another commentor referenced Ram Dass' experience with Neem Karoli Baba as accounted in Be Here Now. This book, I feel, gets to the heart of the issue.

u/my_drug_account · 5 pointsr/Psychonaut

You have to ask yourself questions about what you want to learn about yourself if you want answers. Rick Strasman who did the clinical research around DMT at the end of his study said that if he was able to do it again, he would only give it to people who had a reason they wanted to do it. Try meditation daily for a while and see what changes. Question reality and your beliefs, do your best to understand them more completely. What you learn will ultimately teach you more about yourself.

"Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet," he said. "Try to make sense of what you see and about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up." - Stephen Hawking

Everyone is on their on path and at different points but you may find this helpful.

Alan Watts - The Real You

Remember, Be Here Now By Ram Dass

u/windchilladvisory · 5 pointsr/financialindependence

Sometimes you can use books as "mentors." I'd recommend:

Your Money or Your Life - This motivated me to get my savings rate up to 70%+

The 4-Hour Workweek - Currently reading this and it definitely seems like a good read to get motivated to start a business, run a business more efficiently and reclaim your time.

Check out Library Genesis for a possible free download of the epub/mobi/pdf...if that's your thing.

u/ProdPicks · 5 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Tim Ferris has a lot of good information in The 4-hour Work Week on exactly this subject. I am re-listening to it right now on audio book, it is a good one.

To paraphrase, he says something along these lines:

On email: keep it brief and to the point, let the person know who you are and what you are trying to do. Ask one or two questions that would help you the most at the time, and then ask if they would be willing to keep dialogue open for the occasional 1-2 questions. Never mention mentoring or anything along those lines.

Phone: Very similar to above, have questions prepared and ask permission to ask them. Then after, ask if he/she would be willing to answer the occasional question over email.

Your best bet is to find many (10-20) people that you look up to and ask all of them. This increases your odds of finding someone to help you out. Never be dishonest or misrepresent your intent, they are helping you after all.

Good luck, and check out that book, I know a lot of people on /r/entrepreneur have enjoyed it.

u/Compuoddity · 5 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Handbanna84 has good recommendations.

It's an easy read, but gives a lot of insight into 3rd-world countries. The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind

A Short History of Nearly Everything - Then what you do is keep a note of things you want to dig into deeper, and you can start to get more granular with your requests and searches.

EDIT: - Just thought, Malcolm - Blink - this book isn't about religion/cults, but gives an interesting insight into how we think and why we do the (stupid) things we do.

u/Thymos · 5 pointsr/philosophy

Psychology has worked very hard to not just be some bullshit. They had to base their observations in reality based on scientific testing and use very thorough research methods.

Freud just made stuff up. He didn't do any experiments. His stuff sounds cool I guess, but it's all wrong. My main beef with him though is that none of it was found using science, it was all him just making it up based on his observations. In my mind he gave psychology a bad name for the longest time and they just recovered in the 70's and 80's. He's just some guy who came up with his theories that aren't really based on anything and they got popular because they work with literature. He didn't give reasoning for why they are right, so he fails even worse as a philosopher.

Then there is the fact that it's wrong. Psychoanalysis does not work at treating people at all. In fact the chance of someone recovering from psychological conditions using psychoanalysis is about the same as someone recovering without any treatment.

Now for normal people who don't have psychological symptoms just about any treatment works, so psychoanalysis probably looks like it works here, but that's just because the type or validity of the treatment doesn't really matter; all they need is someone to talk to.

Then there is the fact that ethically speaking his theories are pretty horrid and misogynistic.

The main thing is that psychology is a science, and Freud is not a scientist. The reason I called him a coke head is because his theories are repulsive ethically (that and he really was a cocaine addict. He prescribed himself 3 times the maximum dosage of cocaine).

If you want to read a book that looks into what the unconscious really is, and explains it well (it's written by a journalist not a psychologist actually, but he does really good research), I heartily recommend Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

u/smackthisaccountdown · 5 pointsr/acting

Read mindset. This is where your pressure could be coming from. You are suffering from a fixed mindset, and the stress that you must "prove" you're the great performer you "always were". Instead, if you change your mindset to a growth mindset, and focus on being adaptable, working hard, being kind, and taking the classes in order to become a better performer, you'll be a much stronger actor for it (and less of an ass). I learned this the hard way, took me 2 years and it was ALMOST too late for me to turn my shit around, but I caught it just in time to make my college's showcase -> go to LA -> land a manager and agency and get my SAG-AFTRA card and blah blah blah this Friday I'm auditioning for HBO, you feel? Also, go to the gym. Most colleges have one on campus, or join a Planet Fitness for $10/month. It is time for you to take ownership of your life.

u/erichf3893 · 5 pointsr/humblebrag

I had a very similar situation (didn’t think I was the smartest in the room, but did well without studying). Not quite as great on paper but still got into what is considered a decent school by many. It’s quite the rude awakening when you think you can just fly by the seat of your pants in uni. I was able to get my shit together and graduate with a 3.1 (not great, but still got my degree), so if this was recently and you’re thinking of giving up, please don’t! It can be done.

I highly suggest checking out this book

Obviously a book isn’t going to immediately solve all your problems, but I found it incredibly helpful and eye opening. Parts are pretty interesting but overall it isn’t the most entertaining read. It is a pretty quick read though if you power through, it’s just that certain sections are boring and repetitive.

u/aweg · 4 pointsr/Cooking

No, he's not a chef. He's the author of 4 Hour Body and 4 Hour Workweek.

But still, I wouldn't eat those eggs, either.

u/ITeasy99 · 4 pointsr/booksuggestions

I'm still pretty new to reading regularly but I really liked The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss

u/girlvinyl · 4 pointsr/AskReddit

Before I started my own business I traveled for work constantly. I would leave from my home, ORD, and travel to the client site. From there I would travel to my domestic US vacation spot. At that point the company had paid for all flights and lodging. They pay to get me from home -> client site and client site -> leisure travel destination. I would pay for a way to get home and pay for lodging while there. Normally I would use airline or hotel points from previous stays for both of these things. Company didn't care as long as the flight from client site -> fun spot was about comparable in price to flight client site -> home.

If you want a whole system that explains this stuff, get Tim Ferriss' book The Four Hour Work Week. It has a huge focus on leisure travel and making it work.

u/Kemah · 4 pointsr/AskWomen

Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!

On my reading list:

The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.

The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society

Books I'd recommend:

Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.

Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.

The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)

u/AsensibleAhole · 4 pointsr/AskEngineers

We could go back and forth with studies saying one thing or another... But If you are truly curious, I'd like to recommend a book that might change your mind.

u/geargirl · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Cited works:

u/AwesomeKillerKevin · 4 pointsr/europe

May I recommend a book?

u/liyana_ · 4 pointsr/GirlGamers

I've been reading this book Mindset by Carol Dweck, and there was a chapter that referenced women in STEM programs.

Essentially, her theory is that there are two types of people. Those who look at the world as though they can learn from their experience and get better at things through hard work (growth mindset), and there are those who think that the world is fixed. You either have it or you don't (fixed mindset).

Dweck says that people with fixed mindsets in programs where they are minorities will struggle more to persevere when the going gets tough. In other words, throughout their lives, these women have had to battle with stereotypes that say they are just not as good as men in these fields. When they struggle, instead of pushing through, they are more susceptible to letting the stereotype conquer them.

Here's the passage:

> Aside from hijacking people’s abilities, stereotypes also do damage by making people
feel they don’t belong. Many minorities drop out of college and many women drop out of math
and science because they just don’t feel they fit in.

> To find out how this happens, we followed college women through their calculus course.
This is often when students decide whether math, or careers involving math, are right for them.
Over the semester, we asked the women to report their feelings about math and their sense of
belonging in math. For example, when they thought about math, did they feel like a full-fledged
member of the math community or did they feel like an outsider; did they feel comfortable or did
they feel anxious; did they feel good or bad about their math skills?

>The women with the growth mindset—those who thought math ability could be
improved—felt a fairly strong and stable sense of belonging. And they were able to maintain this
even when they thought there was a lot of negative stereotyping going around. One student
described it this way: “In a math class, [female] students were told they were wrong when they
were not (they were in fact doing things in novel ways). It was absurd, and reflected poorly on
the instructor not to ‘see’ the students’ good reasoning. It was alright because we were working
in groups and we were able to give & receive support among us students. . . . We discussed our
interesting ideas among ourselves.”

> The stereotyping was disturbing to them (as it should be), but they could still feel
comfortable with themselves and confident about themselves in a math setting. They could fight

> But women with the fixed mindset, as the semester wore on, felt a shrinking sense of
belonging. And the more they felt the presence of stereotyping in their class, the more their
comfort with math withered. One student said that her sense of belonging fell because “I was
disrespected by the professor with his comment, ‘that was a good guess,’ whenever I made a
correct answer in class.”

> The stereotype of low ability was able to invade them—to define them—and take away
their comfort and confidence. I’m not saying it’s their fault by any means. Prejudice is a deeply
ingrained societal problem, and I do not want to blame the victims of it. I am simply saying that
a growth mindset helps people to see prejudice for what it is—someone else’s view of them—and
to confront it with their confidence and abilities intact.

Just like Dweck says, it's presumptuous to say that this is the reason that students are leaving your program. Perhaps they felt they did fit into the program fine and left because they found something else they were more passionate about. But if you really think this is a gender issue, I recommend this book and maybe even a workshop for some of your faculty. (Addressing this her way would be good for all of your students- not just the women)

Sorry for the wall of text!

TL;DR: Being a minority might mean that they feel like they don't belong in this specialty, and you may have to groom your staff to respond to this threat in a way that would be beneficial to all students and not just women.

u/actusual · 4 pointsr/math

This seems like an unfortunate and debilitating mental blocker, and I don't think the question "is there a career for me?" is going to help you.

So, is there a career for you? Maybe, if you work for it. Are there career paths that you are well positioned for? Almost certainly, but you probably have to work to get all the way there; and that's okay. Anyone who eventually achieves some level of career success struggles with this.

It's important to rememeber that almost no one is well equipped immediately out of college to start a massively succesful career, unless they are willing to get kicked around a bit and learn how to work hard independently for it. So, there might be a grad program, but even then, once you graduate, you'll STILL have to work hard for it. Do you think you're attitude is going to magically change between now and then? Or, are you going to start working toward changing your attitude now?

Go read Mindset:

u/momentary_mori · 4 pointsr/suspiciouslyspecific

Get ahead of it. Read "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, or if that's too long start here.

tl;dr If you catch yourself thinking "I put in absolutely no work" again, you can choose to think "I haven't challenged myself as much as I could. I will try not to miss out on opportunities to learn in the future" instead. You'll have a better time going through life believing that effort brings success, that failing does not make you a failure, and that it is best to seek opportunities to grow and learn and challenge yourself rather than seeking out tasks which are already easy. And you are free to choose to believe that starting now, your past doesn't have a death grip on your future.

u/TorsionFree · 4 pointsr/getdisciplined

If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading Carol Dweck's Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. She and her research lab have found that the attitude you describe - fear of judgment, aversion to risk, need to look smart at all costs, etc. - stems from a mindset that believes one's intelligence is "fixed," that some people are just able to succeed while others are not. She traces the consequences and, more importantly, alternatives to that mindset as well as ways it can be changed.

The upshot odds to reframe your inner conversation away from fixed-intelligence ideas like identity ("this is just who I am"), failure ("failing reflects poorly on me as a person") and judgment ("I need to look good at all costs"), and replace them with narratives that focus on personal development like growth ("this is what I did and how it will help me better myself"), learning ("failing provide me the necessary opportunity to learn"), and progress ("I need to improve at all costs").

I'm in education, and the work of Dweck and her collaborators on this has been very influential in reforming how many of us think about teaching, especially teaching students who don't believe they are capable of learning. It's an inspirational and accessible read, definitely worth your time.

u/defenee · 4 pointsr/ChapoTrapHouse
u/HaunterOKeefe · 4 pointsr/Nootropics

Interesting, and not terribly off-topic given that some members of this subreddit take nootropics as motivation enhancers. I feel like the RDS theory could apply to almost anybody, since most of us have certain dopamine-hit habits that we'd like to break (technology addiction being foremost for me). What are the genetic differences that they speak of? Where is the threshold? and does it really matter given that almost all humans suffer the consequences from negative addictions?

I'm dubious about stacks like these, because they don't give you space to experiment with what works for you. I'm a fan of a number of these ingredients, and I would bet that the ones that I take (Phenylalanine, Spirulina, P5P, Rhodiola) effect my biology in such a way that supports non-compulsive behavior. But studies on isolated ingredients are more helpful.

My friend introduced me to the adaptogens Rhodiola, Ashwagandha, Bacopa, Shilajit and Reishi four years ago, and I still find them amongst the most effective supplements for improving impulse-control and maintaing a level head. This study showed that Rhodiola was effective at reducing binge eating via salidroside's ability to reduce stress-induced corticosterone levels. Granted, binge eating isn't the same as addiction, and high corticosterone levels isn't necessarily the factor that prompts people to engage in their addictive behavior.

Related: Longecity page on Uridine/DHA stack, potential modulator of D2 receptors.

Best-seller on the non-chemical means:

u/DestinedToBeDeleted · 4 pointsr/Mindfulness

Obviously, continually using MDMA to control monkey mind isn't a great long term solution. The ecstacy is heavily affecting your serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, so whether or not you're being mindful while rolling is debatable. Speaking from personal experience (almost two years sober), I wouldn't consider an MDMA experience particularly mindful; you're ultra tuned into sounds, movements, pleasurable sensations, and social interaction, but ultra tuned out of negativity.

If you want to learn to quiet the monkey mind, there's one really good way that you're probably already aware of: meditation. There's many types of meditation, but I'd recommend insight meditation for dealing with that overreactive brain. Mindfulness In Plain English is an easy to read introduction to insight/vipasanna.

u/honestravel · 4 pointsr/Nootropics

This is a good introduction into one of the many types of meditation. I've found meditation and the clarity of mind that certain nootropics bring to be very beneficial. Just be keep in mind that it's probably not as easy as many initially think (especially if you have a very chatty brain), but the benefits come quickly. I've adopted quite the "it is what it is" attitude as of late, and that has let me enjoy and respect many uncomfortable or undesirable situations that I've found myself in. Good luck and feel free to join us over at /r/mediation :)

u/dlc · 4 pointsr/Buddhism
u/chronologicalist · 4 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I hope you haven't heard this a million times already, but if you have, you should listen because it's good advice: meditation.

There's a really great book called Mindfulness in Plain English which is essentially a very thorough breakdown of what meditation can achieve for you, which is being mindful of your feelings and observing them without acting on them.

There are tons of great resources out there for meditation, but I'm not knowledgeable enough in the area to really link you to anything. But meditation for many people is a great stress reliever and has helped me personally become a calmer, more self-observant person.

Good luck with it!

u/benihana · 4 pointsr/loseit

This book might really help you:

>I hate that if I do everything perfectly it will still be YEARS before I reach my goal weight.

You can either post on the internet how much you hate everything, or you can do something about it. You may not reach your goal for a few years, but every day you make progress will make you feel better about yourself because you're doing something active to fix it and not just complaining about it.

u/newportgroup · 4 pointsr/polyamory

Don't forget these fiction/non-fiction works too:

Stranger in a Strange Land

The Red Queen

The Harrad Experiment

Open Marriage

u/4amPhilosophy · 4 pointsr/relationship_advice

The tone of this poster is very inflamatory, but the information in the above post is backed by some serious research. Reproduction is major business, after all animals have adapted to their detriment to attract mates (think male peacocks, those tails make them easier prey.) Humans are just as influenced by biology as any other animal. We however, can educate ourselves and modify our behaviors as we see fit. I highly recommend the following books to anyone with the smallest interest in this topic. They are all fascinating reads and I guarentee brain = asplode when you read them.

Sperm Wars by Robin Baker

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, by Matt Ridley

The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People by David P. Barash Ph.D. and Judith Eve Lipton

Also, I'm a gal, and understanding how evolutionary biology made humans behave the way they do has been a real eye opener. Let me tell you, bars and clubs are infinitely more amusing now. The people watching has taken on a whole new level of entertainment!

EDIT: The links were messed up, had to fix that.

u/youreallmeatanyway · 4 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

That's a cute way of saying "I cant dispute anything you've said, so I'm going to pretend to know better, mock you, and then run away".

Go read "The Red Queen". You'll learn a lot on this subject and I think you'll begin to understand where your mistakes lie.

u/QQMF · 4 pointsr/Python

I got a good laugh when I started reading through the Critter Specific functions and saw how much more sophisticated the mating function was than the rest of the actions. Even the code mimics life. XD

It is evident reading through the code that you put a lot of thought into this design. Even though there is a lot to absorb as an outside observer (eating an elephant comes to mind), there is a clear logical structure to everything. The OOP design structure is a natural complement to an evolution simulation. The overall structure makes it easier to grok your design intent in the same way that a descriptive iterator name can make a conditional statement read almost like a sentence in natural language.

I also like the balance between sophistication and simplicity, although I have to admit that I'm already thinking of ways to increase the sophistication. For instance, the whole genome system could be cloned into a "meme" system, which could then act as a loose abstraction of culture. The memes spread via communication, which is really just the mating function, perhaps with some tweaks so that it can spread maybe by proximity to multiple other critters at a time.

The really interesting part would come via gene / meme interactions; for instance, say you have an "aggressive" meme - it could be very deadly to other critters when paired with a high constitution gene, but very dangerous to the critter itself when paired with a low constitution gene. There could also be a "cooperative/symbiotic" meme which causes a critter only to attack when attacked - or perhaps even when another in its immediate proximity is being attacked, and so on and so forth. Let the populations develop, then await the inevitable "meme wars". XD

The dynamics between genome and meme/culture (acting as a barometer of intelligence) would then start to replicate behavior as described in The Red Queen - that intelligence itself is a mating strategy of genes for the propagation of genes (i.e. the critters are just a vessel), which in theory creates healthier gene pools to create greater intelligence, thus creating a virtuous cycle.

u/nildram · 4 pointsr/ADHD

I have been there. That really sucks, I'm sorry.

If our brains are similar then you may find some solace in stoicism. Listen to this on audio book "".

This too shall pass.

u/kidfay · 4 pointsr/atheism

You must watch Cosmos (and Connections if you're into science, history, or engineering)!

Also, last month I read this book about Stoicism and I've noticed I've been jumping out of bed ready to go in the mornings lately. I also ready the Myth of Sisyphus around the same time. Maybe it's both.

u/treesandclouds · 4 pointsr/stopdrinking

I dealt with similar issues after the initial euphoria of quitting wore off. Drinking had been a way to avoid dealing with things that I needed to deal with in my life.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. What matters is to work at it (because it is work), and to find what will work for you.

I know for me, this book (Man's Search for Meaning) was very helpful in finding a way to orient myself in the world that was right for me. But for you it might be therapy, or AA, or getting out in nature more, or getting to church more, or exercising more. It could be anything - you have to find it.

By quitting drinking you have given yourself a tremendous opportunity. You can now build yourself into the person you want to be. It's hard work, but to my mind it's the main reason we're alive in the first place.

u/IDFSHILL · 4 pointsr/SRSsucks

No excuse for this, period. Being raised without a father doesn't mean you become a Nazi and run someone over at a rally.

There's a great book that changed my worldview on this subject:

u/Did_I_Die · 4 pointsr/antinatalism

> One can continue to learn to see things from an observant perspective to circumstances instead of a reactive perspective.

Viktor Frankl's idea where supposedly anyone can bullshit themselves into thinking even the most dire of circumstances are not that bad? What is secret to making that work?

u/MattDotZeb · 4 pointsr/smashbros

It's very difficult to get around it.

You have to stay very focused on a goal. For me, since ROM7, it's been to finish every match I play. Has that happened? No, but I understand the situations it has not and I'm very pleased with how things have been going.

It also helps if you read autobiographies or books on sports psychology (or psychology in general) to get ideas & techniques on how to better your mentality.

Here are some that have helped me immensely.

  • Golf Is Not A Game Of Perfect

    • Currently reading this. It's obviously about golf, but it's about the mental game of golf. It's applicable to Smash, or basketball, or most competitive subjects. One of my favorite take-aways thus far is to look at an error such as an SD or a missed tech and think of it like "Well, there was a percentage chance that this would happen. Odds are it wont happen again. Just gotta trust my tech skill and stay sharp."

  • Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength
    • This goes into exactly what the title states. It gives a history of research into willpower, or ego, and describes how people can behave different based off their current situation. Sleep deprivation, poor diet, getting a burst of motivation and deciding to change everything (think January 1st) can all be detrimental to your mental state. It also discusses methods of improving your willpower which can be related to habitual actions.

  • The Power of Habit
    • This is a book that goes into habitual responses and how one can better understand them/change them. Useful information across all parts of life.

  • Thinking, Fast and Slow
    • This is one I've revisited multiple times. It's quite a long read, but there's much to learn. Specifically it goes into two systems of thought. Your system 1 is your implicit (unconscious) system. It's what tells you the answer to 2+2 as you read it even though I didn't ask you to solve it. System 2 is the system that takes over when I tell you to give me the answer to 72 x 103. (Mathematical examples are great for conveying the ideas of these systems) It later goes into more economic psychology and decision making.

      PS. I'm not telling you where, but if you don't want to create a book collection PDFs of each of these may or may not be online.
u/Sams_Big_Balls_Dance · 4 pointsr/bodybuilding

Some ideas from self-help books might resonate with certain people, so in that sense, they're not a scam. Personally, I've gotten more from books that aren't specifically "self-help," but focus more on a certain topic and help shine a light on why we think the way we do and some potential ways to change that way of thinking. A few examples:

The Power of Habit

Thinking Fast and Slow

The Like Switch

I also read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and got nothing out of it, but I see lots of glowing reviews for it, so some people must have enjoyed it.

u/electric_oven · 4 pointsr/vegetarianketo

As someone who has gone through a year of professional therapy for disordered eating, I'd encourage you to seek a professionally registered dietician. I was nervous about the cost, but called around, and found a phenomenal woman who uses a sliding scale based on income.

Secondly, I would use a handwritten journal to jot down your feelings during the craving, how hungry you actually are (using a hunger scale like this), and then decide on what to do with that feeling. For example, I would have a journal entry something like this:

  • 11:20 AM; craving something sweet; hunger scale: 5 - not hungry; feeling lonely, PMSing, etc. Course of Action: Walked dog for 45 minutes, drank 30 ounces of water, decided to sew after.

    I also use the H-A-L-T method...something that a lot of addicts of all sorts use. It stands for Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired, and is a self- care tool. When I reach for food out of emotional needs/boredom, I ask myself, "What do I need in this moment? Am I actually hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely/frustrated/bored? Am I tired?" Processing the emotions behind the eating, and identifying what you truly need in that moment are the keys here, not just replacing the snacking with something "keto-friendly." Emotional eating can be stemmed to a lack of social interaction, community, creative outlets, etc. I've also heard people using the BORED acronym when they're bored, and reach for food. BORED stands for Been Creative? Outside Play? Read a Book? Exercised 20 minutes? Do something helpful (for yourself, or others)?

    In addition, I highly recommend Charles Duhhig's The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business - it's a phenomenal read about habits, how we build them, types of habits, and how to rewire habits.

    I'm happy to answer any questions, or concerns you may have.
u/MaestroPendejo · 4 pointsr/LifeProTips

The OP is 100% on the mark, folks. People underestimate how hard wired we are for habits. A wonderfully easy read really drives this home and provides a lot of great information on how to fundamentally change your life in better ways.

u/spurplebirdie · 4 pointsr/loseit

I second this. You need to develop healthy habits so that your new lifestyle becomes effortless. I recommend reading the Power of Habit for tips on how to develop habits.

Another thing is that you need to become a foodie. What I mean by that is that you need to learn to LOVE food. But real food. Not highly processed and flavourless crap. If you want to eat dessert- fabulous! But it better be good. No stale doughnuts or snack foods with salt/sugar and fat optimized so precisely that it's basically crack. When you stop eating it, you stop craving it. Develop your tastes. Eat good food. It's much easier to eat a normal serving size when the product isn't designed to trick your brain into consuming as much as possible.

Good luck!

u/bm93 · 4 pointsr/goodyearwelt

I think what makes breaking unhealthy habits so difficult is the feedback loop. For me, when I exercise, it makes me want to eat and get proper sleep so I don't undo the effects of the exercise, thus creating a positive feedback loop. On the other hand, if I have an unhealthy meal, what inevitably goes through my head is "well, so much for eating healthy, messed that one up. Since I messed that up, might as well eat unhealthy for the rest of the day (or week)", thus creating a negative feedback loop.

Not sure how much you're into that stuff, but if so, I'd definitely recommend checking out The Power of Habit. I find it so fascinating.

u/Venenarium · 4 pointsr/MGTOW

> I have little interest in following society's perception of success.

Excellent! You're on the right track!
Your mindset is still following the society's perception of success though, which means trying to find something out there that would fulfil you.

This is the society's greatest hoax.

You can not gain lasting fulfilment from external forces. There is no long-term goal that could ever fulfil you. Even if there were such a goal, a while after achieving it, you would feel just as unfulfilled and unsatisfied as you are now. You would simply start to search for another goal.

The blue-pill men are no exception to this rule. They may try to derive their sense of fulfilment from "being a good husband/provider, attaining a high status by gathering wealth and possessing a well-regarded, lucrative job" but do you actually know anyone who is really fulfilled from these things? How is it that nobody seems to actually make it?

Your next logical step is to drop this mindset. Then you can achieve true happiness :)

u/mcandro · 4 pointsr/RandomActsOfHookers

Let's think this through...on the one hand, you're judging yourself for not having fulfilled the potential you think you have ACCORDING TO OTHER PEOPLE and on the other hand you're bemoaning you're too nice a guy to have GOTTEN A WHOLE LOT OF ATTENTION.

Which do you want? Other peoples attention or none at all? The real trick to becoming all you can be is to NOT CARE how much attention other people give you...

Here's a thing to reflect upon. You were clued in enough to get into college ( haven't completed it YET). You're smart enough to have got a job ( ain't your dream job YET). You're proactive enough to have sought advice from your GP and your boss (OK...they haven't been the ones to sort your issues YET). All these things are impermanent and can form the foundation of your future dreams/goals if you want them to be.

And put this into a lot of ladies, your lack of experience / nice guy / lack of conceit / appreciation for their company will become a bigger and better asset as you age. Women at 25 think they want all bells and whistles - in their 30's they start to twig the value of a GOOD man (at least, the ones worth falling for do).

Here's my advice - forget hookers. Forget looking outside for someone else to fix your problems. Look INSIDE. Take a deep breath, get very STILL and stop fixating on the past or the future. Fix on the NOW. You're healthy. Intelligent and articulate. Employed. Canadian. That's not half bad :)

If you're into taking your life into a stiller, more fulfilled place, I can't recommend Eckhart Tolle 'The Power of Now' enough. Read it twice and let it sink in. I guarantee it'll make a much more significant difference to your life than a 100$ hooker. Link to book on

u/Yazza · 4 pointsr/videos

Zomg. I hate these people. This year I went on vacation with a couple of friends. One of em brought his girlfriend along. It was terrible, she went on and on about stuff the knew nothing about. And kept quoting this terrible, terrible book. So I got into a discussion with her, that all things labeled "spirituality" are retarded. I didn't nuance my opinions. So she asked me If I knew anything about what I was ranting about and I admitted I didn't. So then and there we made a pact. I would read here stupid book and she would read a book I brought. I made here read a book about psychology (it had a chapter on pseudo science that just destroyed her) and I read Eckhard Tolle's atrocity. I feel dumber now. Slower.

u/LaughingJackass · 4 pointsr/india

Buddy, you definitely need to read this book by Colvin - Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else

u/Steve00 · 4 pointsr/melbourne

I started reading THIS last night. Havent read anything in quite some time so looking forward to getting into it more :)

u/RollingTitan · 4 pointsr/PS4

It's good that you're able to stop yourself. It shows self control. Is there anything else you can do to help when you're pissed? I ride a motorcycle myself. That's my thing. Or sometimes kick back and beat some ass in COD. Also, I recommend this book: . Buy this book and try to read it. It's helped me in my day to day life and I'm working to to apply it on a daily basis. It's about 7 dollars. Worth a try and no shame in doing it.

u/Mmalice · 4 pointsr/aspergers

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

>Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

don Miguel Ruiz wrote an amazing book (its a small book,) called "The Four Agreements" which provides four very simple guidelines for living a grounded, rational, responsible life. The one mentioned above helped me tremendously with my own mother who can be very cruel with her words. For years I let her hurt me, but it was actually her that was suffering. The idea that she said things because of the way she views her reality and not because I was a bad person hit me like a thunderbolt. It changed me, it changed my thinking. There is more to the book, and more to this idea, so I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with doubt, communication, self of self and awareness.

u/Daemo87 · 4 pointsr/Needafriend

You're drowning in negative thoughts and self-hate, but there IS a book I've read that helped me with those same issues.

The GOOD book. Have you accepted Jesus Ch--nonono I'm just kidding.

There is a good book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that turned a lot of things around for me. Here's the link to it on amazon:

You DO have it within you to become loveable, smart, successful, beautiful, and wanted. Definitely not all at once, and a lot of those aspects will need to begin inside of you. You need to love yourself before others will see how much there is to love you about you, too. You can do this. It takes work and commitment. Learning to love yourself when you've got a past as dark as yours, a past that didn't teach you HOW to love yourself, is a hard road to walk. I'm walking it still myself and I'm nowhere near the end, but I do know I'm better now than when I started, and tomorrow I'll be a little bit closer to the end of the road because I'm not done walking, I'm not giving up.

About the book: it's cheesy as fuck, and the author (if you see his picture) has a seriously disturbing abundance of forehead...but what he says about depression, and how it's primarily driven by our own negative thoughts, is just completely mind blowing. I understand the exercises may seem silly at first, but do them exactly as he says to do them and you may be surprised at how light you feel afterwards.

PM me if you feel you need any help with the book, or anything else. Hope things improve for you, stranger.


u/notveryaccurate · 4 pointsr/wholesomememes

I'm not OP, but I certainly do. This book helped me out immensely.

u/OG_Willikers · 4 pointsr/Psychonaut

There's a book called "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass. He was a another harvard professor who explored psychedelics and went to India. The middle (brown paper) section of the book is hand illustrated and is meant to be read while tripping. It is by far the best book I've ever tripped on and I'm not the only one. Here is the Amazon link if you're interested.

u/byogi · 4 pointsr/EasternPhilosophy

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

Fictional life story of Siddhartha, a contemporary of Guatama Buddha. This is a story of a man seeking spiritual truth through sensual and worldly experience, ultimately achieving similar spiritual heights to the Buddha, yet by a path that many of us might find much more familiar and relatable than a life of renunciation. Beautifully written, poetic, mystical and almost fairy-tale-like in tone. Some of Herman Hesse's finest work.

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Autobiographical, blissed-out, art-infused, eloquent and insightful rant about a journey that begins with the Harvard psychology department's early LSD research and culminates in a journey through the Himalayas leading to deep transformation with the help of a wandering mystic and an epic guru. Ram Dass beautifully weds the best parts of hippy and psychedelic culture with the ancient truths of hinduism, vedanta and yoga. The annotated reading list at the back is a treasure trove of eastern awesomeness.

The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra

Honestly the best introduction/summary I've read of several schools of Eastern Thought. The book is intended to show parallels between ancient spiritual truths and scientific principles discovered in quantum physics. Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Zen (and I think a couple more) get meaty, well written and well researched treatments by Capra, and curious minds benefit from having all this info in one spot. Capra gives in-depth focus to each tradition and highlights the similarities and differences of each path. Awesome graphics too. Highly recommend to any western mind wanting to encounter eastern thought.


edit: grammar

u/akashic_record · 4 pointsr/Psychonaut

Read Be Here Now. :)

u/digableplanet · 4 pointsr/dating_advice

I wanted to make a big reply at the bottom, but I think this thread will be grazed over in the next few days. However, I wanted to make it a point to reply to you, because I've been through what you've been through and to let you know that this stuff does work. Not because it's some "method," but rather it's changing how you perceive situations and how you walk into them.

Don't think of it as "Don't give a fuck" and "don't do anything" because that's not it at all. It's purely walk into every situation with zero expectations and you just being yourself. I've never been a guy that approaches women at a bar or in a social setting. Why? Because it's contrived, obvious, and I am not some stud that oozes confidence. It's really about being comfortable in the setting you are in, then being comfortable with yourself (yes, the rising anxiety OP describes is always bubbling up, right?), but you eventually get over the hump. After that, just continue doing what your doing and have situational awareness. At that point, I still won't approach a woman. Why? Because before I left my apartment, I had no intention and zero expectations of meeting anyone. I kind of strike that up to years and years of going out with that "pick up" mentality or the expectation that I'm going to meet some beautiful women that night. It never really happened, so it is quite easy for me now to go out with zero expectations of anything. Hell, I might not even have fun with my friends that night, or really suck at pinball, or the concert might suck, etc. Or all of that could be the opposite. The point I'm making is having zero expectations, but bringing a positive mindset. You are going out to "make yourself happy first" and everything is secondary.

That's the aura of confidence you are talking in your comment. If you're comfortable in your own skin and are moderately sociable, it's really easy to talk to people (men & women) and you look approachable yourself. This energy kind of carries over into the place you are in because you are just doing your own thing. You don't have an agenda. Don't have an agenda. Women sense that. And so do dudes! Have you ever been hanging out with your friends, and some weird guy interjects into your circle and throws the dynamic off? Women do that as well. On the flip side, the opposite is true. Some cool guy or girl simply makes conversation and it feels natural. There are a lot of things going on when that happens, but the ultimately, the vibrations they are putting out are non-threatening. Humans can sense that.

For me, this is how I approach dates as well. Zero expectations. I'm meeting a woman to have good conversation, have some drinks, hang out, and have fun. I want to have fun and I want them to have fun too. No agenda, no expectations besides having fun. Of course the nervous jitters are there and everything else, but all that will go away if you keep carrying on a conversation and getting to know them. Get out of that mental feedback loop of self-doubt and "Does she like me?" Who cares? Let your personality shine through, be respectful, be playful, and hang out. Everything else will unfold and if you dig each other, then that's date #2 if you want. Rinse and repeat. Next date, same thing. Naturally, your emotions and feelings will come out if you think there's chemistry. No need to think so much.

I struggled (still do) with anxiety, self-esteem, and all that, but things have gotten a lot better. I think it really comes down to accepting yourself, getting rid of that ego, and continually trying to improve yourself as well (career, health, exercise, dress). Those are the slow changes that are hard to observe, but like anything else you are putting effort into, you aren't really noticing them on a day-to-day basis, but one day you will. This stuff will all just start to click if you practice and put effort into it.

Sorry I rambled so much. I was going to add some more stuff, but those are just my thoughts. OP has a point though. We are thinking way too much about this and it cripples us mentally. No expectations, man. You do you. Enjoy the moment. Just be.

Read - Alan Watts: The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are.

u/bring2lite · 4 pointsr/Exmo_Spirituality

One thing that many people that leave organized religion may not realize is that spiritual experiences and those feeling of connectedness to something greater then yourself can be had without any organized religion. I just finished reading this book Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion it covers some areas of mediation and mindfulness that are not common among Mormons or Christians. He shares how an agnostic or atheist can find spirituality without organized religion.

u/Royallyscrew-ed · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Has worked wonders for me and it's a great approach especially for those who haven't had much success with CBT. CBT focuses on changing thought patterns, and while it has proven to be an effective therapy, it isn't for everyone. When the focus is on changing thoughts, there's already a judgement that the thought to be changed is negative or bad, and for some this can lead to even more fear. In my experience, it's acceptance leads to change, not judgement. But different things work for different people.

Let thoughts be thoughts. You're the one watching your thoughts. Every time your thoughts go crazy, acknowledge them, hell, even wave to them: "hi there, I see you". Smile at your thoughts. I find that a lot of thoughts collapse upon recognition. Like OP said, the more you fight negative thoughts, the more emotional charge you give them.

Your question about your pain in the arse neighbour, observe your thoughts. Observe the thoughts that come to mind every time you see him or her. You say you end up feeling like shit when they're nasty, so observe what thoughts lead to you feeling nasty. Breathe. It takes practice. It's very natural to react when someone is nasty. I would point you to the book Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. He does a great job of explaining how to observe your thoughts and remain in the seat of awareness.

u/the_itsb · 4 pointsr/leaves

Hey there, we have something in common, I was smoking for the same reason! Weed was great for helping me gain some perspective and turn down the noise in my head and heart, but I want to learn to do that myself, without chemical aid, so here I am. I'm copying some stuff from another comment I made about what is helping me out, in case any of these things might appeal to you:

  • Meditation - I started using the Headspace app in the mornings, and then meditating independently throughout the day as needed, and it definitely helps to get some perspective on (and distance from) the cravings, the boredom, the self-judgment and other weirdness in my head, etc.

  • The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook is really helping me develop skills (in addition to meditating) to deal with life sober, instead of having a smoke or a drink to chill.

  • The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself is great for the philosophy/spiritual side of it. Separating myself from my thoughts and emotions - learning that I am not my anger, my depression, my anxiety, that I am not my obsessive thoughts - is something I need a lot of help with, and this is really hitting the spot.

    Also wanted to second the suggestions from others for exercise, that is really helpful for me, too.

    Good luck! I believe in you. 🤗
u/the_singular_anyone · 4 pointsr/infp

For me, meditating on no-thought daily. Reading into zen philosophy, and incorporating it into my life. I absolutely adore Alan Watts, and he's a great place to start - I'd recommend The Book if you want to jump in the deep end, or The Wisdom of Insecurity if you want to start more shallow.

Once you re-orient your life-philosophy (dorky as that sentence sounds) to focus on the now and the recognition that reality goes far beyond the labels we apply to it, the daily maintenance is rather easy. I meditate to clear my mind and re-orient myself, contemplate, and listen to what my body needs - not every person that follows zen does this, but I do, and for me, it's the healthiest, best thing I could possibly do.

u/goodgilman · 4 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts

u/prajna_upekkha · 4 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

PS: here some pointers –not to be taken for the Moon..



Alan Watts' The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are


Alan Watts' The Wisdom Of Insecurity


Alan Watts' Become What You Are


Charles Tart's Waking Up



There are zillions of bibliographies and references on the sub for healing from dysfunctional upbringings and other situations of systematic abuse: r/CPTSD

Search such authors in there for instance, and feel free to follow posts and comments speaking about this reprogramming and many other areas of the 'recovery' work; you may start by detecting, dissecting and unraveling the Consensus Trance.

For a first introduction, another book I can think of is Wayne Dyer's 'Your Erroneous Zones', which you'll find referenced over there too. Enjoy!


u/AvidyaZen · 4 pointsr/mindcrack

The Middle Way lecture changed my life.

Have you read: The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

For those not familiar with Watts check out the two quick clips the South Park guys made :P

u/Wylkus · 4 pointsr/twinpeaks

To wake up from that dream is to wake up as a person. To use your consciousness and presence to realize there is no such thing as yourself or even the world you see, that it too is only a dream, that there is only one thing, the universe/God/Brahma. To wake up to that reality is to wake up as God/Brahma.

So goes this line of spiritual thinking, which Eckhart no doubt follows too. Alan Watts spells it out quite nicely in The Book. And David Lynch seems to be a fan of it too based on some of his Log Lady Intros:

>I am filled with questions. Sometimes my questions are answered. In my heart, I can tell the answer is correct. I am my own judge. In a dream, are all the characters really you? Different aspects of you? Do answers come in dreams?

>There are clues everywhere, all around us. But the puzzle maker is clever. The clues, although surrounding us, are somehow mistaken for something else. And the something else, the wrong interpretation of the clues, we call our world. Our world is a magical smoke screen.

So in short, most people live in a dream inside a dream. They live trapped in the dream that they are the role that they fulfill as dictated by society. With effort they can awaken from that dream and become their full self, but to live as a self is still to live inside a dream, trapped in the dream that you are a individual self disconnected from the universe. With even more effort you can awaken from that dream to your true self as the universe.

u/alphabetcereal · 4 pointsr/Psychonaut

If you haven't come across these yet, check out The Book and his audio lectures on amazon. I also have an e-copy if anyone needs it.

u/FreyjaWannabe · 4 pointsr/ScienceBasedParenting
u/peter-salazar · 4 pointsr/evopsych

From Robert Wright's brilliant book "The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology." You should buy it.

> The pair-bond hypothesis was popularized by Desmond Morris in his 1967 book The Naked Ape. This book, along with a few other 1960s books (Robert Ardrey's The Territorial Imperative, for example), represent a would-be watershed in the history of evolutionary thought. That they found large readerships signaled a new openness to Darwinism, an encouraging dissipation of the fallout from its past political misuses. But there was no way, in the end, that these books could start a Darwinian renaissance within academia. The problem was simple: they didn't make sense.  {55} 
> One example surfaced early in Morris's pair-bonding argument. He was trying to explain why human females are generally faithful to their mates. This is indeed a good question (if you believe they are, that is). For high fidelity would place women in a distinct minority within the animal kingdom. Though female animals are generally less licentious than males, the females of many species are far from prudes, and this is particularly true of our nearest ape relatives. Female chimpanzees and bonobos are, at times, veritable sex machines. In explaining how women came to be so virtuous, Morris referred to the sexual division of labor in an early hunter-gatherer economy. "To begin with," he wrote, "the males had to be sure that their females were going to be faithful to them when they left them alone to go hunting. So the females had to develop a pairing tendency."2
> Stop right there. It was in the reproductive interests of the males for the females to develop a tendency toward fidelity? So natural selection obliged the males by making the necessary changes in the females? Morris never got around to explaining how, exactly, natural selection would perform this generous feat."
> Maybe it's unfair to single Morris out for blame. He was a victim of his times. The trouble was an atmosphere of loose, hyper-teleological thinking. One gets the impression, reading Morris's book, and Ardrey's books, of a natural selection that peers into the future, decides what needs to be done to make things generally better for the species, and takes the necessary steps. But natural selection doesn't work that way. It doesn't peer ahead, and it doesn't try to make things generally better. Every single, tiny, blindly taken step either happens to make sense in immediate terms of genetic self-interest or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, you won't be reading about it a million years later. This was an essential message of George Williams's 1966 book, a message that had barely begun to take hold when Morris's book appeared.

And also this:

> How have societies over the years coped with the basic sexual asymmetry in human nature? Asymmetrically. A huge majority --- 980 of the 1,154 past or present societies for which anthropologists have data --- have permitted a man to have more than one wife.71 And that number includes most of the world's hunter-gatherer societies, societies that are the closest thing we have to a living example of the context of human evolution.
> The more zealous champions of the pair-bond thesis have been known to minimize this fact. Desmond Morris, hell-bent on proving the natural monogamy of our species, insisted in The Naked Ape that the only societies worth paying much attention to are modern  {90}  industrial societies, which, coincidentally, fall into the 15 percent of societies that have been avowedly monogamous. "[A]ny society that has failed to advance has in some sense failed, 'gone wrong,' " he wrote. "Something has happened to it to hold it back, something that is working against the natural tendencies of the species. ..." So "the small, backward, and unsuccessful societies can largely be ignored." In sum, said Morris (who was writing back when Western divorce rates were about half what they are now): "whatever obscure, backward tribal units are doing today, the mainstream of our species expresses its pair-bonding character in its most extreme form, namely long-term monogamous matings."72
> Well, that's one way to get rid of unsightly, inconvenient data: declare them aberrant, even though they vastly outnumber the "mainstream" data.

Buy the book!

u/journeytointellect · 4 pointsr/changemyview

I don't know if you are a reader, but this book has really interesting perspectives.

(FYI I'm not trying to make an argument that "he had it worse so you have nothing to complain about. I just find that he had an interesting perspective on life.)

In the particular part I'm talking about, he talks about how each person is unique in who they are and what they have to offer to the world and what they are able to do. He gives the opinion that if you aren't there to do what you have the talent to do and what you could do for the world, nobody else will be able to do it the way you could. In that way, you are unique and irreplaceable.

I think he does a better job of explaining it than I do and I would really suggest reading it. I mean if you are thinking of suicide, I would generally say don't do it. Obviously I can't stop you but I would ask you to read that book first. I think it has a very powerful message.

u/Zeno_of_Reddit · 4 pointsr/bodybuilding

The Feeling Good Handbook It's a DIY Cognitive Behavioral Therapy guide. (Half the book is about medication- you can skip all that). I followed the instructions and found it tremendously helpful.


Man's Search for Meaning It will put everything in perspective


Pick up one of JBPs Self Authoring products. Proven effective, and backed by clinical data. Figure out who you are and develop a vision and plan for your future.

u/maddnes · 3 pointsr/philosophy

Alan Watts - The Book (on the taboo against knowing who you are)

..and Buddhism - The Religion of No Religion

u/oaoao · 3 pointsr/philosophy

>The individual may be understood neither as an isolated person nor as an expendable humanoid working machine. He may be seen, instead , as one particular focal point at which the whole universe express itself---as an incarnation of the Self, of the Godhead, or whatever one may choose to call IT

>- Alan Watts, The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are, pg. 78 (1989)

u/sbarret · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut


Please, read this book:
you can even find kindle/pdf versions online.

Why am I suggesting this?

This book is a great "mind opener" on totally different models of comprehension of Divinity, and is pretty much "atheism backwards compatible" just like most zen-Buddhism. Try it!

u/sarkujpnfreak42 · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut
u/jnethery · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I'd suggest: The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

Alan Watts is not light reading, nor necessarily uplifting, but is very introspective and may help some people out of dark times and find some inner peace.

u/oiwot · 3 pointsr/FindTheOthers

Alan Watts - pretty much anything, but especially "The Book on The Taboo against knowing who you are." [links:
Amazon, PDF]

u/lvltwo · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Alan Watts - The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

And time.

You've started down the right path, and at the same time there is no right path. No person, no book, no movie can really tell you how letting go of your ego is done. Because no two people are the same. There may be a moment where something clicks and you 'get it'. There may be a few of those moments. There may be not a single one. It could be laid out in front of you in the clearest of writing, and it might make no difference. It's something that is lived through.

You won't really know once you've gotten there either. It is a slow, constant process.

And keep in mind it's a process every single one of us is involved in. In our own way. Each in our own heads, but together :)

u/fight_collector · 3 pointsr/pantheism

Just finished reading The Book myself. What an awesome read! Whenever I read I like to highlight passages I want to revisit later. Pretty sure more than 50% of my copy is highlighted :)

u/AlwaysUnite · 3 pointsr/atheism

Genetic and Memetic evolution. Robert Wright has some good books on this. Particularly The Moral Animal

u/potatoisafruit · 3 pointsr/TrueReddit

Yes, that's the biological determinism argument.

The Moral Animal is great reading on the topic. I don't buy all the book's assertions, but it's provocative.

u/travistee · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

A few books have changed my life. Most directly these two:
The Now Habit and Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

On a personal level of how I view the world Man's Search for Meaning by Vikto Frankl and The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology have helped me to understand the people in the world around me.

Spiritually, Siddhartha and the Book of John in the New Testament have helped me to be a better human being.

u/jowblob · 3 pointsr/philosophy

I got a lot out of The Moral Animal, by Robert Wright.

From what I recall, Wright says that status for the sake of survival powers all of our human interactions, and that our human interactions operate on a tit-for-tat basis, and that we, along with other animals, have an innate sense of this, which constitutes our basic morality.

I think the author went on to say that love, as in empathy, was the answer, of how to transcend the animal in man.

Personally speaking, the feel-good empathetic compassionate all-loving agape approach is wonderful in theory. But in the real world, I've had to fight a lot for fairness (to exchange what both parties agreed upon, only to have them try to short-change me, hence the fighting). And I've reasoned that my empathy comes in the form of not hating or vilifying the cheating bastards as evil, and that they're simply dumb, don't see that it's in their self-interest to do what's best for both of us, and it works against them to do what they feel is better for themselves in the short run.

Fighting for mutual self-interest while maintaining empathy as much as possible in the aftermath, I can stand behind something like that.

u/SharmaK · 3 pointsr/atheism

Daniel Dennett's Darwin's Dangerous Idea is all about evolution.

Robert Wright's book Moral Animal: Science & Evolutionary Psychology and his other books provide a treatment that is modern look at why we are as opposed to what.

As to your last question, you should also do your own research into science. You'll find that the fields out there are rich, and generally consistent with each other and even when they disagree, they agree on the method science.

u/mattomic · 3 pointsr/books

I have to say that of these books, Frankl's Search for Meaning helped me through some incredibly tough times in my life. It's enormously accessible and inspirational, an easy read that is worlds apart from the philosophical texts I'm accustomed to from school, i.e., it's never dry, pedantic, or inscrutable. You don't need a background in philosophy, much less existentialism (in which it is well steeped), to get something of value from it. The concept of logotherapy - that there is meaning to be found in your life that can give you the impetus, the reason to survive (and succeed) in any situation, however harrowing that may be - is both simple and profound.

For those reasons, I think that this book and likely all the others in this list (I'm familiar with most but not all of them, so I could be grossly over-generalizing here) were chosen. Yes, Kant, Hegel, Nietzsche, et al. did have a tremendous impact on modern thought, but that's not what this list is about. The last thing I would do is throw one of their books at a person who is looking for relatively simple, accessible, and practical words of wisdom. No philosophy degree required to jump into Mr. Holiday's reading list.

u/oh_sure · 3 pointsr/TonyRobbins

There are several books that really inform his works, but the main two that are easily accessible are:

  • As a Man Thinketh
  • Man's Search For Meaning

    He recommends these at every turn.

    In terms of exactly what you're looking for, I might go with Rewire. It's a little more clinical, although is completely in line with changing your beliefs rather than any sort of complicated therapy or medication.
    The first 40 pages or so are incredible and is basically an actionable version of ATGW.
u/iamnotacrumbbum · 3 pointsr/CasualConversation

I think it’d an important topic to think about in a daily basis - not in a weepy fearful way, but just to appreciate the time left here on earth. When my dad passed, it hit me hard and I realized how much I had squandered my life being miserable, tense, and angry. I think death helps break you out of your shell. I do imagine myself near death every so often, and it helps take me out of the worries and concerns I have during the day.

Here’s a solid book on the topic:

And of course the classic by Viktor Frankl:

And if Alan Watts is up your alley:

u/ericxfresh · 3 pointsr/BettermentBookClub

off the top of my head:

Meditations, with The Inner Citadel as a reader

Letters from a Stoic

A Guide to the Good Life by Irvine

Do The Work by Pressfield as well as The War of Art by Pressfield

Managing Oneself by Ducker

Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl

What Predicts Divorce by Gottman

Nicomachean Ethics

Models by Manson seems to be popular on reddit

So Good They Can't Ignore You by Newport, as well

I'm currently reading Triumphs of Experience by Vaillant and find it insightful.

u/ElderWentz · 3 pointsr/exmormon

What I believe is that there is at least peace in controlling the mind. For instance, if you let the mind roam, it will dwell on the past thinking about sad events or trauma or regrets or guilt etc. And if it goes into the future it will become anxious and nervous in imaginaing all sorts of possible scenarios.

But all this can be controlled by focusing on the present moment. There is a book out there I recommend anyone can get called 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.

It is sort of the modern version of the old hippy classic: Be Here Now.

Also, in the present moment, say driving a car, there is much to get worked up about and pissed off about - lots of idiot drivers. But the mind can be controlled here also so that you are never ruffled.

This is my 'practice.' Inside this 'peace bubble' good things happen. But that is another discussion.

See, no angels, no gods, no prayer, no service, no leaders, no followers.

u/SKRedPill · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

I'm not here preaching spirituality, but sometimes as a man what is true for the woman is also what is true for the nature of life. This is a powerful method of holding frame and stoicism which can work anywhere. Actually what got me interested in it was when Eckhart tolle described the pain body as responsible for a lot of the irrational behaviour of women and the failure of most relationships.

He also excellently described the way egos work.

u/Fisher9300 · 3 pointsr/socialanxiety


The above links helped me a lot! You don't like yourself because people don't like you, but people would like you a lot more if you liked yourself. Ur caught in a catch 22 my friend. The information in the programs I linked you I think will help you break the cycle. I know it helped me.

u/randoogle_ · 3 pointsr/gainit

INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.

The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.

You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.

Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.

  • The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.

  • Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!

  • 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.

  • Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.

  • The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.

  • Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

  • The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.

    Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
u/KindnessWins · 3 pointsr/personalfinance

would you consider something like

The Unteathered Soul by Michael Singer

or The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?

added to that however, would you consider yourself to be the "i'm smarter than everybody and therefore DESERVE a better life and already know everything" douchebag type? If so then I don't think that we could help :(

if you ARE sincerely and genuinely a good dude, you can take an admin job, or ANY job doing desktop support or even short term migration contracts. I'm sure there are a tonne of tech agencies like HAYS and TekSystems or VoltHR in your area.
WHILE at those jobs would you consider developing small apps for them on your spare time and showing management and supervisors what you can do?

do you also by any chance get extremely impatient with people whom you consider are "dumber" or "less deserving" than you? Or would you say you're more of the "look out for the other guy" compassionate type?

also how's your Powershell?
as for programming, you can start off with this primer

and use visual studio community edition. it's Free

if you wanna go Deeeeeeeply back end. you can study C++ instead

u/uniuno · 3 pointsr/socialanxiety

pain is the best catalyst for great change

you need to meditate, here's how

this is literally your ticket out

you need to learn how to get out of your head and be in the now, the present moment

here is a good book you should read too

i also recommend listening to eckhart tolle and alan watts on youtube also. they have really good lectures on how to be in the present. start with eckhart tho

u/Zal3ita · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is an amazing book about the mind. He discusses meditation among other subjects in a very simple way.

u/CaptainFaggotHands · 3 pointsr/needadvice

Try reading The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle, I've had similar feelings of depression, boredom and all round emptiness, this book really helped me gain back some focus. If you don't have means to acquire the book for your self, hit me up.

u/cnj2907 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Get this book

It will change your life in much positive way.

u/CivVISpouse · 3 pointsr/piano

Oh, I probably shouldn't have said that. I certainly understand the process of deliberative practice and have a copy of Colvin's Talent is Overrated. I should have been more clear. I am an advanced beginner and am still in what James Clear refers to as the "showing up and putting in your reps" phase. As such, I will be trying to deliberatively practice while 'showing up and putting in my reps.' But I will definitely be looking for opportunities for improvement along the way so I don't reinforce bad habits. All would be easier if I had a teacher who was interested in technical exercises and advise me on which exercises to do when certain issues in my playing are revealed. But as it is, I have to do my deliberative practice in a more organic way without any wise guides along the way. I feel like I should be having a 2nd teacher for 30 min/week piano lessons who only focuses on technique and directing me on technical exercises! Maybe some day when I am at the intermediate stage.

u/Syrupjuice · 3 pointsr/graphic_design

Read this book, "Talent is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin". It's cheap, 10 USD or so, but it address this exact question. Spoiler, it comes down to intentional time on task.

(a little more info on the book, it covers various case studies of great achieves in areas such as music, sports, and business and looks into what potential contributing factors enabled certain individuals to perform so well. Some parts of the book are more focused on generating great achievers within business environments, but a lot of the concepts can be applied to art/design and personal development.)

One good example is Noah Bradley. Though he's an artist, he had next to no 'talent' when it came to drawing/painting. Even when he was in school he was awful. But then he began actually working toward a goal to be great and now he's a premier artist in the sci-fi/fantasy realm.

u/faster_grenth · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

I agree that we're not all equal, mentally and physically. I do think that "talent" is a misleading or at least misunderstood word, though. I've read a bit about talent, and I think it's most often used as a way to dismiss the efforts and the effect of time spent on deliberate practice, which are the main drivers of skill, though skill doesn't necessarily dictate success, which McGregor seems to be implying (imo incorrectly).

I think it's important to distinguish between three concepts: talent, skill, and success. In my opinion, skill seems to depend primarily on preparation/practice, which is not inborn and seems very closely tied to passion/motivation. People often describe skill, erroneously, as talent, which should be used to describe natural advantages like intellect or physical traits. The combination of skill plus talent (and opportunity) will then mostly detemine success. A 5'0" basketball player who is a better shooter/passer than every NBA player is still unlikely to succeed as a professional basketball player due to physical, natural limitations.

This book is an entertaining and interesting read on the subject. It takes a closer look at seemingly obvious cases of talent, incl. Tiger Woods, Mozart, and world-class musicians, and finds a fairly straightforward correlation between their skills and the quantity and quality of practice.

u/timothymr · 3 pointsr/soccer

I don't know about books specifically for managers but: Talent Is Overrated, Open - Andre Agassi and The Numbers Game are all some of the best sports-y books I've ever read. I don't really give a shit about tennis but the Agassi book was fascinating. I'd recommend reading any biography of players who were at any point at the absolute top of their game so Agassi, Tiger Woods, Serena Williams has one I think? One of the things that Talent Is Overrated goes into is just how much work is required to be really good and then how much more work is required to be even better than that. Best of luck with it all!

u/Synthus · 3 pointsr/AskMen

Eh, in this case it's less of lolbertarian bootstrap capitalism and more of redefining conventional views of the path to success. I'd highly recommend Talent Is Overrated by Colvin (and Gladwell's Outliers, if you can stand his writing) if you want to learn more. Some of what I've been saying is colloquially known as the '10000 hour theory'.

Yeah, which is why I've been upvoting you all this while. You're looking at it from the negative view ('some people won't ever make it to the top'), whereas I'm doing the opposite ('people can get to the top or pretty close if they aren't retarded and they apply themselves').

In my experience, that 'knack' is generally developed by hours of unseen practice and study. Baseline ability differentiates beginners and might influence their inclination to continue, but the work you put in as you advance to the level of a novice or intermediate trumps that. People who make a living doing this stuff clock far more hours than you on a daily basis, invest more effort, and have accumulated loads more practice.

I've painted a fair few miniatures in my day, and from what I've seen there's a pretty clear correlation between time spent on quality practice and the resulting paintjobs. Drybrushing crap all day isn't going to teach you anything, but pushing your limits by trying to get better at new techniques definitely will.

u/scootitnbootit · 3 pointsr/mentalhacks

If you take things personally offer you should read The Four Agreements. This book really helped me understand that people's actions have almost nothing to do with you and more to do with themselves. It's a great read.

u/Glebatron · 3 pointsr/Mindfulness

A short book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz has one of the best explanations for how to deal with people who are lost and struggling with their life. It's really quite eye opening and one of those books that will change your life.

u/icarusgirl · 3 pointsr/Swingers

> Also, try to remember that nobody can affect your mood and attitude but you. An ignorant piece of shit should NEVER cause you to get pissed. That just means they are controlling you. It's their bad, not yours. So just try to always keep calm and brush off ignorant people. Yes, couples who shun you that previously loved you will sting, but try to just brush it off. You don't need them in your life, so just think of them as a disposable fuck toy and throw them away.

That is such good advice, for anyone.

I LOVE the book The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and your advice corresponds with one of the 4: Don't Take Anything Personally. That sounds easier said than done, but the way he explains it is so simple that it's profound. The book really changed me for the better.

I also keep this gif handy. It makes me laugh and it helps me give no fucks. :)

u/anyones_ghost27 · 3 pointsr/AskWomen

I'm still working on this, but a book I have found helpful is The Four Agreements

At first I wasn't sure about it because it's based on the wisdom and spirituality of the ancient Toltec civilization's religion. I'm not religious or spiritual but the four agreements themselves make a lot of sense.

u/iLoveLamp83 · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg has some valuable insight into stuff like this.

In particular, he references what he calls "keystone habits." They're different for everyone, but for example, some people find that making their bed in the morning makes them more likely to be productive through the rest of the day. For others, it's exercise. Or flossing. Or packing a lunch.

After reading this book, I made it my New Year's resolution to both make my bed and floss every day. I was a good 95% successful with the resolution, and I still am several years later.

It hasn't changed my whole life, but I find that with a tidy bed, I'm more likely to pick up dirty laundry. And once my bedroom is neat, I want my kitchen neat too...

I'd recommend picking one thing that takes just a few minutes a day and committing to doing it for three weeks. See if just doing that doesn't help you break the cycle.

u/treedittor · 3 pointsr/eldertrees

You could try Charles Duhigg's "The Power of Habit".

Amazon link.

It contains a ton of information on the science of habit formation, as well as techniques and insight on how to apply it and achieve your goals.

I was suspicious at first, but it's more pop-sci than it is "self-help", and I've been finding it very useful for dealing with a situation that seems quite similar to yours.

u/Kalikoenig · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

Buy this book about habits. Read reviews and opinions. It'll be worth the $9.00.

u/KevType9 · 3 pointsr/financialindependence

Not a FI book, but I've really enjoyed The Power of Habit (Feel free to PM me for PDF). It really opened my eyes to how good AND bad habits are made, and how to improve myself in a way that works. It also gave me a new perspective to understand how people operate, which has been enlightening in more ways than one.

u/Disintiorde · 3 pointsr/Meditation

The best advice I can give you is to read "Mindfulness in Plain English"

The meditation that this book teaches of is primarily to improve focus, concentration, and attention. I have ADD and thought for sure that I wasn't made for meditating because my mind was way too scattered and I couldn't sit still. After reading this book, I have only been meditating for 20 minutes every day for 7 days, and my concentration and attention span has improved significantly. I no longer get impatient. You can get these results too. This won't come without dedication though, that's for sure. May the force be with you on this journey brother.

u/Lightning14 · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

Mindfulness in Plain English is also a very good book on meditation instruction. This is the book I learned from. As be_mindful says, you just need to have patience to practice and get better over weeks of repetition.

u/ExitAscend · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

Mindfulness in Plain English In a lot of ways this was like my Red Pill before the Red Pill. To quote:
> “There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your life barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look okay from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you – you keep those to yourself. Meanwhile, way down under all of that, you just know there has to be a better way to live. A better way to look at the world, a way to touch life more fully. You click into it by chance now and then: you get a good job. You fall in love. You win the game. For a while, things are different. Life takes on a richness and clarity that makes all the bad times and humdrum fade away. The whole texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself. “Okay, now I’ve made it; now I will be happy.” You are left with just a memory – that, and the vague awareness that something is wrong.
You fell that there really is a whole other realm of depth and sensitivity available in life; somehow you are just not seeing it. You wind up feeling cut off. You feel insulated from the sweetness of experience by some sort of sensory cotton. You are not really touching life. You are not “making it” again. Then even the vague awareness fades away, and you are back to the same old reality. The world looks like the usual foul place. It is an emotional roller coaster, and you spend a lot of your time down at the bottom of the ramp yearning for the heights”

u/aristotleschild · 3 pointsr/starcraft
u/helpfiles · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut
u/elitistprick1 · 3 pointsr/circlejerk

Op should really start to meditate.

You should read this

u/mormonminion · 3 pointsr/exmormon

I'm still learning about this stuff, but this book was great for starters, well written and explanatory:

u/grt5786 · 3 pointsr/HealthAnxiety

I have been struggling with health anxiety on my blood pressure for almost a decade now, and I can relate to everyone here also. It has been a really long journey that has taken me to the ER multiple times, multiple visits to cardiologists, etc. I've seen numerous doctors and tried every BP medication (which didn't help me). I've discovered some interesting things in my case:

  • My anxiety plays a HUGE role in my blood pressure. When my arm first goes into the cuff, it doesn't matter how I feel, my first couple of readings are always off the charts (my highest so far was about 200/110)
  • My high readings can be really scary, it's not uncommon for my top number to be in the range of 160-180. Of course, when this happens at the Dr they are alarmed and that makes me alarmed so my anxiety goes up, and everything just gets worse
  • Blood pressure is a terrible anxiety target because it causes a feedback loop. You get anxiety, so your BP goes up, and then you can either feel the effects or you get a high reading, which causes more anxiety, and the loop repeats.
  • What I found helpful in my case was to force myself to sit down several times during the day and take many readings. In my case sometimes I'd have to sit and do readings one after another for 20-30m straight and write down each one. I don't do this all the time now (probably not good for you), but it was useful for a while because I learned something important: my first few readings are always sky-high, and then they eventually go down and begin to stabilize as my anxiety wears off. Sometimes it takes a LONG time for this stabilization to occur, because each time the BP cuff tightens, my anxiety goes back up, but over time I found that the anxiety does start to go down as you become desensitized to the process
  • For me, I've discovered that while my BP is still not great, it's not nearly as bad as it seems. My numbers usually tend to stabilize to an average of around 145 in the morning (still high, but not ER-level high), and when I'm feeling calm or I take readings after exercising, they're even lower (stabilize around 130's, or high 120's)
  • The biggest things that have helped me personally (everyone is different) is doing the following: - Regular exercise / cardio - Forcing myself to take lots of readings at home to slightly desensitize myself (it is also just useful information, because chances are you'll find that eventually your numbers do start to go down over time) - and of course, NOT WORRYING about it.

    About the "not worrying" part... this is one of the hardest things. I had to really go thermonuclear on my anxiety and tackle it from every angle. I did the following:

  • Began writing lists of every quote, technique, or anti-anxiety trick I could find, and keeping track of what would help and what didn't. I basically started curating my own health anxiety "cheat sheet"
  • Began exercising (jogging) almost every day. This is huge, if you can do it. I can almost guarantee it will help.
  • Yoga, and stretching, at least once a day
  • Diaphragmatic breathing techniques. These are legit (you can google it, it's really simple, sometimes called 'belly breathing') and can sometimes have a very noticeable effect on my health anxiety and other issues (palpitations etc.).
  • Tried to work regular mindfulness / meditation into my schedule (tough to do but it also has been hugely helpful). My highest recommendation for meditation books is 'Mindfulness in Plain English' by Bhante Gunaratana (
  • Read books on anxiety. Some that have helped me are 'The Worry Cure' by Robert Leahy and 'Badass Ways to End Anxiety' by Geert Verschaeve. When you read them, treat it like homework. Keep a pen handy and underline passages that you find insightful. Then come back and re-visit those when your anxiety or panic attacks are bad.

    Beyond not worrying, or tackling your anxiety directly, the most obvious way to reduce health anxiety about blood pressure is to eliminate the problem to begin with. For me I've never been able to get my BP numbers normal, but as I mentioned above I started exercising more and taking regular readings at home (sometimes many in a row). I'd keep a log book actually, of the day/time, and a series of sometimes 20 or more readings in a row. This was useful because it provided concrete information on the reality of my situation* I was no longer just speculating or worrying, I could see, clear as day, on paper, that while my BP is high (or at least elevated, at best), it was not so high on average that it was going to cause my imminent death.

    Another thing to remember: a lot of people have high blood pressure. ALOT. Like 1/3 of the country. And another 1/3 are pre-hypertensive. And that was before they adjusted the numbers some time ago to lower the 'ideal' range even lower. Why is this important? Because people are not dropping dead left and right from high BP, even though 2 out of 3 people you see every day are outside the normal range. Yes, it's not a great condition and you want to address it if you can, but chances are it is not going to kill you any time soon.

    Also, your BP numbers during the day don't even matter that much. Numerous studies have found that the numbers taken at home or at the Dr. actually aren't nearly as important as your systolic while you are sleeping. This is of course nearly impossible to measure at home, but chances are while you are sleeping you BP is probably MUCH lower than when you are awake and experiencing anxiety.

    Just wanted to share some of the things I've found / learned in dealing with this myself. Of course, everyone is different but you're definitely not alone. Good luck and hang in there
u/palwhan · 3 pointsr/NoFap

You should definitely check out Mindfulness in Plain English, by Bhante Gunaratana

I had the same questions, as to where exactly to start, but this book introduces you to one of the main schools of meditation in a very simple jargon-free and PRACTICAL way, as opposed to theory.

u/VonEsquire · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Mindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition

u/mworg · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Yea, I can't remember the name of the book. Just kidding, one google search found it..

But the example they gave was of someone biting their nails, and they gave this girl a notecard. And every time she wanted to bite her nails, she was supposed to mark the notecard. But what you said about triggers is true because I remember them trying to get her to realize what sensations, restlessness, nervous, itchy fingers, whatever it was that she felt that then led her to bite her nails. When she felt those things, she was supposed to mark the card.

The idea I guess is that habits are so ingrained in us (I think they're part of the reptilian brain, whatever that one is called, the one near the brain stem I think), that it is easier to change some part of the habit loop than try to eliminate the whole thing in one fell swoop.

u/surefireway · 3 pointsr/Paleo

On the urges, I find that the urges are reflective of habits--and you have to treat them as such. There's a trigger, which can be anything, people, time of day, something, that corresponds to a reward; find that trigger, change the behavior, and then associate a new behavior with the reward. tl;sr: The Power of Habit.

As for the gum, if you look at the nutrition on various gums, there's some sugars/other weird stuff. If you're trying to lose weight, I would think that gum would hurt a bit, especially the sweetened stuff--I think of it like berries and nuts--if you're worried about weight loss, do them sparingly, and try to find the best gums that fit with paleo guidelines that you can.

Hope that helps.

u/WurzelGummidge · 3 pointsr/photography

Then read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Same thing written properly and without the shitty pictures

u/eisenreich · 3 pointsr/Paleo

As someone who had a similar bedtime ritual (pour scotch, read in bed, repeat until tired), I was able to break the cycle simply by substituting another drink for alcohol. In my case, tea worked perfectly as a replacement beverage. It was more about the habit of sipping something while I was reading.

Check out "The Power of Habit" for a good read on the subject.

u/Live_like_a_man · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Maybe the thing is not so much that there is a reason why you don't do these things, rather there is a reason why you do other things instead.

This book gave me an insightful view on that.

in short: I simply fall into behavoural patterns - habits - and that is the reason why I don't do the things I objectively want to do. The habit to watch an episode of something (futurama, ted, etc) while I eat dinner leads to me spending more time watching another episode and then some on Reddit or other places.

reading a book during dinner instead (if I'm alone) leads me to do productive things afterwards.

tl;dr: Think about why you do the things you do, rather than why you don't do the things you don't do. Maybe you can realign your triggers (e.g. if you want to start woodwork, why not take your dinner to the shed where you work and look at plans while you're doing it)

u/danjr321 · 3 pointsr/MortalKombat

Try it in stages. If it is a habit thing, try replacing that habit with something different. For instance if you find you want a soda at a certain time each time you can start going for a walk instead and over time your brain will replace the soda habit with a daily walking habit.

There is a book I got from a former job that helped me with a couple things called The power of habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business it is some interesting stuff that could help change bad habits.

u/hairlesscaveman · 3 pointsr/DAE

Sorta, until I read this book:

Changed my entire perspective on life. Now I'm not afraid of much. Except pain, but that's natural and healthy. End aggressive feminists, because they're just unnatural and evil.

u/junglizer · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Aerthe has some solid points, but let me add a few. I really like to use /r/kickassday as an online to do list. I've used lots of stuff like my phone's calendar, or Remember The Milk, but since they're never easily right there in front of me, publicly, I don't use them. Talking about your daily agenda sometimes helps you get them done. There is also /r/getmotivated.

And another one is a book, that I highly suggest reading: The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. It's mostly about freeing yourself from the standard style workforce, but I've found it extremely helpful in determining what you want out of life. His way for setting goals and working to achieve them is excellent.

u/getbusymate · 3 pointsr/digitalnomad

There is not a single book that covers those issues. However, I would recommend The 4 Hour Work Week as a starting point. I also recommend reading several blogs about being a digital nomad such as:

You can find short term accommodation on:

The sidebar has links to useful resources such as

Many people on here have had the same questions as you have at some point. Honestly, the best way to approach these issues it to post your questions one at a time here in this sub-reddit and give us some background info. I am from Australia and get my parents to receive my mail for me and I give them authority to open and scan certain letters that I need to read (or letters where I don't know what it is about/who it is from). Many people from the US use a service such as

Ok, post away.

u/RossDCurrie · 3 pointsr/Entrepreneur

I'd suggest reading one of these:

u/HeritageHarks · 3 pointsr/CasualConversation

Check out this book

u/cronofdoom · 3 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Willpower Doesn't Work

Just burned through this newly released really helping me gain a different perspective on how to make real effective change in my life. It is working too!

The Four Hour Workweek

This book honestly changed my life. I read it at a real personal tipping point and it helped me drastically change my life. It helped me get the courage to start my own business, define my real worst case scenarios, define what I really want with my life, and how to help myself remove myself from the equation of making money. I also learned about the pareto principle 80/20, and how to make it work for you like firing the customers that take up 80% of your time but give you 10% of your revenue type of people, and focusing on the 20% of customers that provide 80% of your revenue. Applying this all throughout my life has been amazing.

Getting Things Done

Really freaking good productivity processes book.

Think and Grow Rich

$0.49 on kindle? just go buy it if you haven't already. This book is a gem.

u/darien_gap · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

If you need ideas for topics or want to develop an intuitive understanding of the importance of micro-niches, then read The Long Tail.

To learn about the model of stacking multiple passive income generators (such as each ebook), each of which in itself doesn't earn that much, but in aggregate is life-changing, read 4HWW... just ignore Ferris' mildly slimy self-promotion if it bugs you... the book has some very important ideas that were life-changing for my wife and me.

For the nuts and bolts of ebook publishing (your actual question), just pick a couple books from Amazon on the topic. The field is always evolving so you'll want something current, which is why I can't recommend any in particular. All the info is out there if you feel like Googling it, but a book or two might save you some time and missteps.

The main thing is to figure out if you're a one-book author or a multiple-book publishing company. The former means you research, write, and then probably outsource production (and you probably won't quite your day job but you might get a decent return on investment). The latter might mean you learn production yourself to save money and then make meaningful money by cranking out multiple titles (my wife has a dozen or so). It's not rocket science but there is a learning curve, pretty easy for anyone comfortable learning new apps, HTML, etc.

Also, the key to success is picking a topic related to things people are seeking solutions for but that there aren't many books addressing. SEO/PPC keyword research skills are very helpful here, just for research, also all learnable via Google.

u/anxioustogreatness · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

Per his book, he uses these methods to focus strictly on his business. He would take the energy used on consuming the media above to make his business run very efficiently.

For me, I plan on using that time and energy to focus on writing and creating my own business.

If you have a kindle, you can grab his book for $1.99 right now or order a hardbook copy. It is a highly recommended book in the online business world.

u/wskv · 3 pointsr/Coffee

A lot of the roasters I've worked for or have had interactions with base their tasting notes off of the cupping ritual instead of other, more "traditional" brewing methods that people are more likely to use to enjoy a cup of coffee. A great example of this is Malcolm Gladwell's dive into The Pepsi Challenge in his book Blink (Amazon linky), how sipping a beverage is completely different from consuming a beverage, and how that oversight led to the creation of the abomination known as New Coke.

While tasting coffees through cupping and drinking a cup of coffee have a good bit of correlation, cupping often don't translate well, especially compared to the home brewer. It's one of the most frustrating things I've encountered with coffee roasters.

Edit: A green buyer I used to work with would come up with tasting notes based on the sample roasts he would taste at origin. The coffee would change slightly before it made it to port or the warehouse, the coffee would be roasted differently, and the coffees would occasionally be used for espresso. The tasting notes on the bags were always completely off as a result, and it was infuriating.

u/Arcien · 3 pointsr/self
  1. Get lots of practice. Even just driving the 10 minutes to the grocery store (with a licensed adult in the passenger seat, of course, if that is required in your state) helps you get comfortable with the mechanics of the car and how to read other cars.

  2. Drive defensively. Sure, you had the right of way and the other guy was blatantly running a red light, but you're still in a collision, are late to wherever you were going (because you aren't anymore), and will have to get your car fixed. Sure, maybe a guy cuts you off, but at least your car door isn't scratched. For now, if you're not 110% sure, don't take that fast left turn. As you get more hours behind the wheel, that can slip down to 95, 90% because your gut will pick up on trends and tell you when it's safe. (If you're skeptical of this phenomenon, try Malcolm Gladwell's Blink) The important thing is to keep yourself out of all collisions possible because they're just hairy to deal with. (And remember, that's a 2 ton hunk of metal capable of moving way faster than 60 mph that you're driving; it's dangerous, so respect it).

  3. Learn to stop without the car smoothly (i.e. not nose-diving into its front suspension only to pop back up when you stop moving). This requires a very fine release of the brake right when you're about to stop so that the car inches forward just slightly more to let the front suspension decompress gradually. If you're aware that this is possible, you'll figure it out eventually. Your future passengers will probably not notice, but their stomachs will.

  4. Similar to 3, when turning or driving on a bend in the road, try to maintain a more or less constant speed (don't gun the gas or slam on the brakes; touches on the brake are fine to maintain control). Humans (or more precisely, human heads and stomachs) don't handel diagonal accelerations very well; front and back, sure; side to side, sure; together: No. While you may think to dismiss this tip and 3 to when you're more experienced, it's important to start building these habits from an early point in learning lest you start bad habits in their place.

  5. (Since you say "wish you could tell drivers all over") Try to get this into your head: Driving a car doesn't entitle you to any more road, or time, or space than all the other cars on the road (i.e. don't be a dick when you drive; especially if you aren't a dick otherwise). This also means don't get angry when people cut you off, pass you on a two-lane road (just to get to the stop sign 10 seconds sooner), do that fancy swerving business on the highway, or honk their horn at you. (Though if you do hear a car horn, immediately make sure that you're not about to hit something/someone because that's what the horn is really for; check the sides of the road closest to you, check your mirrors.).

  6. EDIT: I forgot to re-iterate Cardigain's excellent tip of looking ahead. Really far ahead. As in "as far as you can see up the road" ahead on non-highways and a mile or so on highway. It lets you judge the future situations from an earlier time which is always a good thing, and see sooner places where you need to slow/stop and change your speed accordingly (and smoothly). As a bonus, it also let's you estimate how long that red light ahead of you has been red and time your approach so that it turns green just as you get there; it'll amaze people that you have this magic that lets you hit all green lights on a 1 hour drive. ;)

    Other people have also given excellent advice. Maybe I'll think of some more later, but I'll start you off with these. ;)
u/humplick · 3 pointsr/videos

To add to this, there is a phenomenon observed in police officers which correlates paired officers and deadly shootings. Has to do with comradery for your partner. If you would like an interesting quick read, check out the book Blink. It's not hokey like the description indicates. One of the case studies is about police officers.

u/Cherios_Are_My_Shit · 3 pointsr/PublicFreakout

i read it in blink

i can't find the actual quote because i don't have the book with me, though. i promise it's a real thing that i'm not just pulling out of my ass. here's a law enforcement forum discussing pros and cons of 1 man vs 2 man cars and someone else mentions the same source there, too:

>Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Blink, talks about how officers in one man cars use better, safter tactics than officers in two man cars. Reason being (and it's probably obvious to everyone here) is that when you're alone, you're more careful. When you have someone with you, you have a false sense of security and tend to let your guard down a little. I don't recall the specifics of the study, but it's towards the end of the book.

u/Ekkisax · 3 pointsr/ProtectAndServe

No book will prepare you for law enforcement, it has to be touched, smelled, heard, and seen. If you're already a cop then the best thing you can do to be better is to be a well rounded human being and books can help with that.

Here's the recommended reading from some of the prior threads I was able to find in the sub.

  1. On Killing
  2. On Combat
  3. Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement
  4. Intro to Criminal Evidence
  5. Blue Blood
  6. 400 Things Cops Should Know
  7. Cop: A True Story
  8. [Verbal Judo] (
  9. [What Cops Know] (
  10. [Into the Kill Zone] (
  11. Training at the Speed of Life
  12. Sharpening the Warrior's Edge
  13. The Gift of Fear
  14. Deadly Force Encounters
  15. The Book of Five Rings

    I've read a good portion of the above listed. I highly recommend Emotional Survival and going to see one of Gilmartin's talks if he's in your area. Below are a few of my personal suggestions.

  16. Meditations
  17. Blink - Not sure if I buy it, but interesting to think about.
  18. [Armor] (
  19. Iron John: A Book About Men
  20. The Dictator's Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics
u/peronium1 · 3 pointsr/uwaterloo

Not sure if fully related to your situation, but when I struggled with school I was recommended this book from my counsellor:

The short of it is that you either think you know everything already and are reaching a limit, or you come to internalize that you are able to grow and overcome challenges with time, hard work, and the right support.

u/greevous00 · 3 pointsr/AskEngineers

You can't develop talent? I totally disagree with that, Mr. Fixed-Mindset.

u/alphabezier · 3 pointsr/xxfitness

The skating example in the article reminded me of the book Mindset. It describes two types of mindsets - fixed and growth. Where those with a 'fixed' mindset stick to things they are good at already, are afraid of failing or not knowing things, etc. And those with a 'growth' mindset are willing to try new things and learn from experiences even when they're not instantly successful at something.

u/YouAreSalty · 3 pointsr/xboxone

I suggest then that you two read the two following books

Suggested by MS CEO, Satya Nadella. I read them, and they solidified a lot of things that were helpful in dealing with issues like this.

u/AXELBAWS · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

This is actually something I know how to do!

It is true that failure will help and strengthen you but you will still avoid it. You need to ask yourself WHY you are afraid of failing. Is it not being able to save face? Probably not.

Many of us unfortunately (subconsciously maybe?) believe that our results reflect our ABILITIES, not our PERFORMANCE. By always seeing results as an reflection of your performance will not only get over fear of failure, but also WANT TO do your best as you want to know how good you can get.

"How do I change my mindset?"

I would recommend you to do one thing. Read this book:

Edit: Realized my writing is shit, but it is OK cuz that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a bad writer!

u/Leisureguy · 3 pointsr/wicked_edge

In the book I comment on the power of cognitive dissonance---which is quite strong---and thus the positive effects of starting the day taking time and care in doing something that is clearly for yourself: treating yourself very nicely, with the simplest way to reduce cognitive dissonance being to feel that you deserve this sort of thing: that you're worth the trouble, as it were. That leads to acting in ways that you think the sort of guy worth taking that amount of trouble would act: i.e., one starts thinking better of oneself, and then works to live up to that better image, which leads to observing oneself doing good things and accomplishing things, reconfirming the (self-)impression that one is the sort of person one respects... a virtuous circle.

The fact is that in any situation or circumstance, most people already know what they should do or the decision they should make. This little start to the day adds just enough push so that you do some of the things and make some of the decisions---and those actions start the cycle of positive feedback, which can move quickly (cf. regenerative feedback).

EDIT/Update: BTW, I think it's important that this little push toward a better view of yourself is unobtrusive---i.e., tied to a necessary daily task that you must in any case do---and is pleasurable (honey draws more flies than vinegar, and people learn faster from seeking pleasure than from avoiding pain), and (most important) daily: slow and steady will gradually start the ball rolling. It may take a while to get going, but once it starts, it does pick up speed because of the self-reinforcing (regenerative) nature of the process. Carol Dweck talks about this in the book Mindset (and see also Mindset Online).

u/Yert15 · 3 pointsr/medicalschool

Sounds like this book, you should check it out if you haven't. Good luck to you!

EDIT: Ah. After a nice downvote, I noticed it's mentioned in the post. Well, there's the mentioned book.

u/Duffer · 3 pointsr/changemyview

>I don't think it's controversial to say that talent and raw intelligence are mostly innate, with the learning environment also playing a significant part. While it is possible to become wiser through experience, I don't think it is possible to significantly improve your mental abilities.

It's been proven that you can improve your mental abilities, just as an athlete improves their physical abilities.

Dr. Dweck's research at Columbia and Stanford has shown that the process of learning, and trying to learn, creates new neural pathways that grows your proficiency and intelligence in the thing you're learning. Skillful artists are made through decades of hard work and dedication to continually growing their capabilities. It is no different for scholars or athletes.

As with intelligence, willpower is also something that can be changed. Dr. Dweck found that the critical issue that predominately governs a person's ability to grow (in intelligence, athletics, willpower) is the attitude (no really) they have about their growth, and how much time a person dedicates towards pursuing growth in what they are wanting to accomplish.

That's not self help drek. It's decades of scientific experimentation on children, business leaders, athletes, scholars etc..

snip, tangential


Basically: I can't change your view, but the book linked above can by going through the research with you.

u/tastingcopperx · 3 pointsr/college

There is no magic bullet here, I'm afraid, and the sooner you realize this for yourself, the easier it will be.
What you're experiencing is a very common problem and you're not the only one struggling with it. What you should focus on is learning /how/ to learn. This will require trial and error and it will take some time.

I want to point you to some resources which have helped me to start overcoming this mindset.

(Unfortunately because I'm on mobile the links won't look very nice but I'll try to clean them up later if I have time)

A Reddit comment -

A blog all about effective study habits and developing them -

A book which talks about the mindset we're in and how we can change it -

I wish I were more eloquent and could write wonderful, inspiring comment myself. Just know that you're not alone and that this is not a dead end road. You can definitely push yourself and you'll end up with that high GPA again.

u/skuIIdouggery · 3 pointsr/learnprogramming

If you have the time, I highly recommend reading these two books:

  1. Make It Stick
  2. Mindset

    The first is a book about studying techniques and covers common misconceptions as well as some pretty solid advice for learning. The second book focuses on ...well, the mindset needed to progress in learning (among other things) and made it onto Bill Gates' book recommendation list either last year or the year before.

    If you get through both, you'll have learned how to learn, which'll be helpful to you very generally as well as in your effort to learn programming. Best of luck to you.
u/pman5595 · 3 pointsr/INTP

Read this book:

It's the most important book I've ever read and I wish I had read it sooner.

u/MaxManus · 3 pointsr/RedditForGrownups

This book helped me immensly. Hope you give it a go and it does the same for you.

u/sendddit · 3 pointsr/Vent

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

this book changed my perspective and helped tremendously. this comment will prob get voted down by leftist ideologues but dont listen to them. trust me on this and give this book a shot.

u/syntaxsmurf · 3 pointsr/Denmark
u/rjacome · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos – Jordan B. Peterson
Read the table of contents to see if that's what you want:

u/MadSparty · 3 pointsr/RedPillWomen

12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos

If you like fiction, check out Ayn Rand's three novels in order of: Anthem, Fountainhead, and finally Atlas Shrugged. If you must only read one of them, read Fountainhead if you want to learn more about yourself, and Atlas Shrugged if you want to be red-pilled about the world.

u/AnxiousBasterd · 3 pointsr/brasilivre

Ele é um psicólogo muito conceituado (Harvard etc) que publicou um livro com 12 regras para dar significado à vida, focando muito em responsabilidade pessoal (clean your room). Lógico os vermelhinhos ficaram butthurt porque eles não gostam de nada que foque no indivíduo, acham que a solução para tudo está na luta de classes/sexos/raças. É essa disparidade que o desenho tenta captar.

A lagosta é um exemplo de como hierarquias não são só normais como estão embutidas no nosso DNA como uma característica imposta durante a evolução. (Os comunistas não gostam de hierarquias, bidu) Isso é demonstrado pelo fato que as lagostas possuem um sistema de controle de estresse muito parecido com o nosso, tão equivalente que antidepressivos feitos para nós (serotonin uptake inhibitors) funcionam em lagostas da mesma forma, apesar de nosso ancestral comum ter aparecido a 600 milhões de anos atrás. Acabou virando um meme depois dessa entrevista desastrosa com a Cathy Newman do Channel 4 UK.

u/randomchatbot42 · 3 pointsr/Romania

> In primul rand ca peterson nu prea are treaba cu self help

“Grow up and man up is the message from this rock-star psychologist. . . . [A] hardline self-help manual of self-reliance, good behaviour, self-betterment and individualism that probably reflects his childhood in rural Canada in the 1960s. As with all self-help manuals, there’s always a kernel of truth. Formerly a Harvard professor, now at the University of Toronto, Peterson retains that whiff of cowboy philosophy—one essay is a homily on doing one thing every day to improve yourself. Another, on bringing up little children to behave, is excellent…. [Peterson] twirls ideas around like a magician.” —Melanie Reid, The Times

Din recenziile oficiale de aici

Sunt multe lucruri de dezbatut despre el, dar faptul ca focus-ul lui e self-help mi se pare destul de clar

u/SnapSocialGuru · 3 pointsr/seduction

I haven't found out how to channel anxiety into confidence.

But what I have learned is that there are "mental tools" that will transform the way you think.

This is something I learned once I began seeing a therapist (rough breakup and I wanted to bounce back healthy).

Here are some recommendations I have:

  • If you have insurance, go visit a therapist. They're incredibly affordable and life-changing. The benefit largely outweighs the cost.

  • Purchase this book. It's the #1 book recommended by therapists.

  • Attend weekly meditation classes. Learn how to detach importance from your negative thoughts/feelings. This is a super-power. I attend this class in my city, check google for yours.

    Crippling anxiety can be entirely shifted into a powerful, unstoppable force of power that can be used in YOUR benefit.

    But you've got to learn how to reframe things and completely detach from your negative thoughts/emotions.
u/I_just_say_stuff · 3 pointsr/leagueoflegends

I noticed that a lot of what he is saying is that he has no purpose, I had the same feeling as him, I linked a book down below to a book called man's search for meaning, it help me when I was feeling when I couldn't take it anymore. If anyone else here is suffering try reading this book it will connect with you in a deep also if you feel alone shoot me a pm and I'll listen if you need that.

u/enragedchipmunk · 3 pointsr/Christianity

I am sorry that you lost your friend. Suicide is a devastating tragedy for everyone who is touched by it, and I hope you have support in trying to make sense of this.

I am a psychiatrist. I have treated a countless number of people who have had severe depression and/or attempted suicide.
Now obviously I don't know the specifics of your friend's case - what kind of treatment he had, what his life situation was, or what was going through his head when he acted on the suicidal thoughts - but based on what I have seen, I have a hard time believing that a compassionate God would allow someone to go to hell for dying of suicide, when I have seen for myself that in many cases suicide is not so much a willful rejection of life, but more like the choice of someone who has been trapped in a building that's on fire and chooses to jump out of a window to try to escape the flames.
In my opinion, this belief that people who die of suicide go to hell is from the stigma that our society has regarding mental illness, not truly something that comes from God.

Based on my experiences, I truly feel that most people who make an attempt to kill themselves are actually ambivalent to some degree. There is, at least in many cases, a part of them that truly doesn't want to die. The problem is that they are caught in a situation where their ability to cope is overwhelmed by the pain they feel, at least temporarily - and sadly sometimes circumstances lead people to act on these feelings before the situation can be resolved.
A pretty significant number of suicide attempts occur impulsively - in the setting of a sudden crisis or under the influence of alcohol or drugs (since drugs can take away the inhibitions and fear that might have otherwise stopped the person from acting on these thoughts).

I think the question of "Why does God allow suffering?" is one of the biggest questions for any religious person, and I don't think I can give you a satisfying answer. Personally, I do not see mental anguish as being all that different than physical agony - the mind and body are connected, and one can affect the other.
If you have never read it, I would strongly recommend taking a look at CS Lewis's book "A Grief Observed" (on Amazon here: ) . He is brutally honest about the pain and confusion he experienced after his wife died, and I think you might find some comfort in his reflections about suffering in spite of religious faith. Another book that I think is helpful in trying to make sense of great loss and suffering is Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", a reflection on how he and other Holocaust survivors tried to find a sense of purpose in spite of such hopeless and senseless suffering :

I think it will ultimately be up to you to try to decide what meaning you will attach to your friend's death and how you make sense of it in the context of your beliefs.

u/Hello3424 · 3 pointsr/SingleParents

There is no easy fix to this. I am almost 30 and struggle with it frequently. Personally for me what helped the most was being in school getting my bachelor's in child and family studies. The degree doesn't do alot if youre looking to make money when youre done but it was heavily focused on self growth and development. Some of the books we read included "parenting from the inside out" "7 habits of highly effective people" (Cliche' I know), and "A man's search for meaning". While these books were useful tools, it helped that the professors I had encouraged people to discuss their lives, struggles, Journal (but constructively, not just your struggles but when you overcome them, and set goals for yourself, document your downfalls and triumphs and review when youre down) and to stay off of social media. Unplug completely. this is something I still do when I feel overwhelmed with being a single parent. Also I know it is hard but if you can have your little one help with all the mundane stuff (like housework) it can help make it a sharing moment rather than I need to get this done moment. (I personally struggle with that from time to time, I don't know if you do). I am sorry youre struggling, please keep your head up. you will raise a strong woman and when she is older you are allowed to have fun with her while all those friends will be raising babies.


u/LARDLARDLARDLORD · 3 pointsr/videos

In case anyone wants to learn more about Stoicism here are the titles of books written by some of the men mentioned in the video:

u/cleomedes · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

There is a very similar (although not identical) response to this as well.

It is easier to shift your attention onto something than away from something (see ironic process theory). So, instead of trying not to pay attention to the outside, focus your attention more on the inside: work on becoming a better person.

How? Visualization techniques are popular with some modern communities (they feature prominently in Stoic Week exercises, for example), but I prefer what I believe is an older, more traditional approach: writing. In order to write about something, you need to pay attention to it, at least a little.

I find it helpful to break the writing exercise into two pieces. One is aimed at self-knowledge: what personality traits do I genuinely consider virtues and vices? That is, what personality traits do I feel proud of or ashamed of in myself, or admire or despise in others? I start with this technique, but modify it with an additional step. Begin with the recognition that positive emotions are caused by the belief that something good or valuable was, is, or will be; and negative emotions are caused by the belief that something bad was, is, or will be. So for each emotion, try to identify what the value judgements behind the emotion were. Sometimes, these are already about internals, and so provide information about what you consider virtues and vices directly. Other times, when the apparent values are about externals, think about the personality traits you associate with people who prefer or disprefer these particular externals. Over time, you can develop a better self-understanding with regard to what you consider virtues and vices. Looking at virtues and vices listed by others, like the ones traditionally listed in Stoic texts or similar ones found in many other cultures or modern fields of study (such as those proposed by Seligman and his colleagues), but none of these should be followed blindly. (Note that I am increasingly skeptical of the questionnaire based approaches formulated by Seligman et al., because they primarily mimic back at you what you already know about yourself, and seem less effective at deepening your own self-understanding than self observation.)

Then, once you know what you want to develop in yourself, conventional habit breaking and formulating approaches can be applied, for example self-monitoring similar to that described by Benjamin Franklin or techniques described in Duhigg's The Power of Habbit.

edit: Then, when you find something external is interfering with your judgement, consider "what virtues and vices apply here? How?" If it's convenient, write out an analysis with whatever is at hand (you email editor, scrap paper, whatever). If it isn't convenient, just talk to yourself.

u/TAYDOTAI · 3 pointsr/ADHD

Break the habit loop! I just skimmed the article but I think it sums up what's in the book on the same topic. I read the book (or listened to the audio version rather) and I think it's really good at breaking down what habits are, why we have them and how to change them. You have made a habit out of abusing your meds. Now if you want to end that habit, you might as well go methodically to work as this will give you a better result than just trying out of sheer will power. But as /u/megawavelord suggested you should first identify why you are doing this:

  • What is the context - school / alone / with others etc?
  • What time of day do you do it?
  • What are you doing right before and after?
  • How do you feel when you do it?
  • What is your initial motivation and inner reasoning for doing it?

    You will learn more about your habit this way, which makes it easier to change it. I will not go through the steps of habit change, but I really think it could help you if you really put real effort into a methodical approach. (not saying you're not putting in effort now). I have changed a bad habit this way and I know others have too.

    You have to believe in yourself though or else you will probably fail or return to your old habit in certain situations. I believe in you and wish you the best. Let me know how you are doing.

    EDIT: missing words!
u/mionni · 3 pointsr/loseit

Here are a few tips how you can minimize cravings...

These may or may not help for you (depending on where you are in the process/how much restraint you have built already). It gets easier with time and practice.


  1. Keep your trigger foods out of the house.

    Everyone has some foods they just can't control themselves around. When you're just starting out, those can't be in the house. If they are, they need to be out of sight.

  2. Eat and drink water before you go to the store.

    Often when I'm thirsty, I want to buy everything with lemon flavor, juice/soda, ice cream, or really any refreshing taste. I think I'm craving the food, but I'm really thirsty. Drink a lot of water. (Get the app Plant Nanny)

  3. Don't exclude any food / nothing should be forbidden.

    When I tried to cut carbs, all I ever wanted was carbs. When I tried to replace all my candy etc with carrot sticks, all I wanted was the candy and I would binge at some point. Keep eating everything in moderation (except your worst trigger foods).

  4. Many of the cravings are actually habitual. Learn more about habits and the power of advertising.

    A habit can work like this: You always drive the same route home, you see the fast food place, and your mouth immediately waters and you start craving the fast food. (Your cue just happened.) You give in to the cue, get the food, eat it. (This is your routine.) Your brain's reward center lights up like a christmas tree and you feel great for a while (Reward) and then the shame and regret. This can be unlearned and avoided, by for example driving a different route or replacing the routine with something else that gives the same reward. Great book about it here.

  5. Exposure therapy. Gradually learn to handle the trigger foods.

    I did this by eating 1 small piece of the same type of chocolate every day for 6 months, not treating it as "bad" food or morally wrong food, just as calories like everything else. Also if I wanted to eat something, I'd have a little of it. In time this started to stick and I got better and better at having trigger foods in the house without eating them, or eating just 150 calories worth. It can be done. It takes time and practice.

  6. Willpower/restraint is a finite resource.

    If you have already resisted 1, 2, 3, 4 situations during the day where someone offers you a cookie, you say no, you pass fast food or candy in the store and you don't cave, etc... Understand that your willpower will weaken and you are more likely to eat something in the evening. Prepare for this by having lots of healthy snacks handy.


    >How do you deal with insane cravings when you have them?

    I eat whatever it is I'm craving, but only 100-150 calories worth. It takes away the power of the food. I log it and I'm done with it.
u/LZel · 3 pointsr/xxfitness

Write it down when it happens: write down what your feelings were going into it, and the turn of events that lead up to your craving - this will help you decipher if it is emotional eating/hunger/etc. And also, what specific event is triggering the habit. Once you figure out your triggers, find a way to control it and something else to do to replace the unwanted habit with.

You may want to read the book "The Power of Habit"

There is also a possibility that if you switch up the WAY you come home you could make breaking the habit easier. You might have a trigger with walking through the front door, or sitting on the couch, whatever. If you walk through a different door, or don't sit on the couch, it might help you avoid the trigger.

Anyway I'm no psychologist, so read the book, it's super interesting and helpful for this type of stuff.

u/quitjuultoday · 3 pointsr/stopsmoking

With the power of habit, amazing things are possible.

Great book to read while quitting -

u/iamsmcamp · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

I wrote an article on my site on how to achieve rock solid self discipline, but I'll explain a bit here.

When people say "college is the best time of your life", it means that you have the time to create anything you want. If you want to plant the seeds of a business, you can do it. If you want to read other books outside of class, you can do it. If you want to go take a road trip with your buddies, you can do it.

Anything you set your mind to, you can do.

In this world, things are brought about through a three step process. You must think about it, then you must say it, then you must do it.

You "think" about being disciplined. You write down that you want to be disciplined, then you act like a disciplined person.

What does a disciplined person look like to you? Visualize him in your mind's eye. How does he interact with people? His world?

Then, write down an area where you could improve your discipline. Let's take sleep. Write down - "I will get up at ____ every day".

You think about talk about it...then you do it.

Just the big red button. Pull the trigger. Press start to begin.

Put your phone/alarm as far away from your bed as possible. Then you'll have to walk up to turn it off. Once you turn if off, go and drink a lot of COLD water. That will wake you up.

Do this consistently for at least 30 days. Then you will start to form a habit within the brain.

You will follow a cue, then do a routine, and the end state is a habitual action.

Check out The Power of Habit for more info on this.

u/Advertise_this · 3 pointsr/ADHD

I'm reading a book at the moment called The Power of Habit that I'm finding really useful. What you're saying really matches up with the science anyway. Every habit we have, good and bad, breaks down into three parts:


In your example, for example:

  • cue= "people are depending on me"
  • Routine = the work you need to do
  • Reward = paid/some value

    During the routine phase, our brains are barely ticking over. Although this is controlled by the Basal Ganglia, which is affected by ADHD. It's responsible for blocking out unnecessary motor functions and the like while engaged in a habit. Which is a part of the reason for the lack of persistence ADHD causes. (pen tapping, anyone?) The other element is the Prefrontal cortex, which kicks in when we need to stop a habit (It's responsible for a lot of other things too). Guess what other area ADHD impairs?

    But anyway, the key to any persistent habit is a craving. That can be something as simple as craving for endorphins from exercise, or the craving for approval for a job well done.

    Final element is self-control, or 'will power'. It's a finite resource that you can train, like a muscle.

    It can also run out, if you're having to exercise it too much. Big part of why things are more difficult towards the end of the day. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with dopamine, but I haven't looked into that yet.

    But the element I find fascinating has to do with your first point:

    > "People are dependent on me"

    This is a double-edged sword. Will power is far easier to exercise when we feel in control. So feeling that your good habits are helping people, that you're having a positive impact by exercising self-control, is great for that. But the one thing I'd caution is not to over do it. I think /u/teenmomog put it really well:

    > As soon as it was pointed out to me I would NOT do it.

    If you feel that you have to do something because it's expected of you, you're having to exercise far more self-control than if you have a choice. Autonomy is important. It's a fine balance really. As long as you feel you have a choice, things will be a lot easier.

    This is really just my opinion based on what I've read, but I feel this explains why the 'last-minute anxiety fuelled frenzy of work' those of us with ADHD often get is quite ineffective. By feeling you have no choice but to work, you're really taxing your self-control and putting yourself through unnecessary stress, for the same amount of work overall. It's far more effective to try and build good study habits than it is to rely on that in my opinion, but YMMV.
u/bullmoose_atx · 3 pointsr/CFBOffTopic

You sound like me. Here are some helpful resources I've found on reddit and elsewhere. Obviously, this is just my personal list so please ignore anything you don't think will help you.

Self-improvement subs: like most subs, there is a lot of junk but sorting by best all time/year/month leads to some good articles and posts.

  • /r/DecidingToBeBetter
  • /r/selfimprovement

    Self improvement books

  • The Power of Habit - it explains the science behind how we form habits (both good and bad) and how to change them.
  • Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World - introduces the basics of mindfulness and meditation while providing a good beginner's course if you want to start meditating.

    Fitness Subs

  • /r/Fitness - a mixed bag if you're not focused on body building but there are good posts that are applicable to a variety of fitness goals in there.
  • /r/loseit - good sub for motivation. Average redditors making amazing progress.
  • /r/bodyweightfitness - a good resource if you want to spend time working out at home but don't have a bunch of equipment.
  • /r/crossfit - this one is more controversial but it is something I personally enjoy. I believe in the idea that the best workout is the one you will actually do.

    Fitness App (free)

  • Myfitnesspal - an excellent tool for tracking calories and macros (carbs, fat, protein).
  • Jefit - A resource for logging and tracking workouts. I just started this one but a lot of people use it.
  • Chains - this is a great app for any habit you are trying to create/break including fitness habits. Simple Example - if you are trying to drink more water, add a chain each day you drink 8 glasses. It allows you to visualize a habit being formed or broken.

    Sites You Might Find Helpful

  • skillsyouneed - includes life and personal skills.
  • Artofmanliness - apologies if you are not male but this is also an excellent resource for personal skills.

u/gentleViking · 3 pointsr/asktrp

I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:

  • Meditating: the best way to re-program your brain IMO ("Wherever you go there you are")
  • Teaching myself Jazz piano
  • Diet (Here's my diet)
  • Fitness (Here's my fitness bible)
  • Career Development (This)
  • Productivity & Time Management (too many books to mention, OP PM me if you want this list)
  • Not watching Porn & Masturbating less frequently (Highly recommended /r/NoFap)
  • No Alcohol

    For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.

    For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.

    This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)

    Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.

    Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
    "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
    "Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
    "The Talent Code"
    "Man's Search for Meaning"

    Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.

    (Edit: I suck at formatting)

u/Redo_Undo · 3 pointsr/exjw

It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.

This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.

The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.

And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:

The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.

And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.

As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.

The Poet X

u/houdoken · 3 pointsr/keto

glad to hear someone say that. I just recently became aware of this. If my mouth feels fresh and minty, I'm far less likely to ruin it by eating something that'll disrupt that. I started reaching for a stick of minty gum as a replacement trigger for the hunger cue (see The Power of Habit for more on habit formation.)

It seems to be working.

u/halviti · 3 pointsr/worldnews

I do.

It's a first hand account from New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg.

He tells the story in the prologue of his book "The Power of Habit"

It's a fantastic book, and would definitely recommend it to others.

EDIT: It's the first answer in the Q&A on Amazon

and it looks like it was Iraq, not Egypt.. my mistake.

u/Sparky0457 · 3 pointsr/AskAPriest

Yes, please try to stop a sinful habit.

Yes, venial sin doesn’t keep us from receiving the Eucharist.

NB. Habits cannot be stopped they can only be replaced. This is a great book on the issue of habits that I read years ago

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

u/iamnotdrake · 3 pointsr/NonZeroDay

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler, a self help guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques. Empowering and enlightening.

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, distills info from major corporations to single individuals on how habits are formed and changed. An easy read, mindblowing, very useful.

u/lim2me · 3 pointsr/Brunei

> The Game - Neil Straus

Not sure if you know this but Neil Straus did another AMA a few months back in wake of his new book. And you can search the internet for more recent interviews with him. The guy has changed a lot and even said he was kinda embarrassed about that part of his life (but in a good way because it showed he was growing)

Anyway, my current recommendation is One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way. It’s about taking small, consistent actions towards life changes you want to make.

I’m currently reading Brain Rules which explains current research findings on the brain and how we can use these findings for our benefit. It is a very easy read.

(In case it wasn’t obvious, I’m currently on a brain & neuroscience binge)

One book I always seem to go back to is Be Excellent at Anything. OK, the title may sound click-baity but the essential argument is that instead of managing time we need to be managing our energy. The book introduces a model of 4 categories of energy (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) and pulls from scientific research to discuss ways to improve our energy in each category. Having more energy equates to better performance (i.e. “becoming excellent”).

Honourable mention: The Power of Habit. I only read the first one-third of the book because that’s the part that explains the science behind habit formation. The rest of the book is dedicated to showing how it happens in an organization and society. In fact, if all you want is that first third then go to the resources on the book’s official website and go through everything there (especially the flowchart PDFs).

u/si13b · 3 pointsr/StopGaming

We still need to reward ourselves, otherwise what do we have to look forward to? But we need to find healthier and more productive rewards besides gaming and/or tv.

Instead of chilling out with games, try reading, walking, cooking, or <insert activity that you enjoy that relaxes you and isn't gaming>.

That's how new habits are built -- cue, habit, reward.

Highly recommended, The Power of Habit --

edit: grammar

u/-SoItGoes · 3 pointsr/askscience

Ah, I feel so smart knowing (what I hope is) the answer to a question. As for the first question, sexual reproduction constantly mixes and matches genes and allows for a much greater diversity within a population. A population that is genetically diverse is much less likely to be wiped out by any single cause, such as a virus or bacteria targeting a specific gene or feature. As hosts we are in an evolutionary arms race, trying to evolve faster than the parasites targeting us. Sex is an efficient mechanism to accomplish this.

As for gender, the answer is similar, but a little more complicated for me to explain (probably because I know so little of the subject). As it turns out, not only do we as hosts compete against parasites that wish to infect us, but it turns out that our genes are also competing against each other to determine which we be passed down. Now genes must work together to some extent, or the organism they exist within may possibly fail to reproduce and pass them on. But it is also possible for genes to be a parasitic freeloaders, or to pass itself along without actually improving the fitness of the organism (transposons). Sex is advantageous to genes because they are allowed to move freely within the population of hosts, and not be stuck with genes that are of poor quality or worse yet, parasitically catching a free ride at their expense (think of a superstar player on a sports team, leaving their losing team to be traded onto a winning one).

As it turns out, the mechanisms through which we have sex are very effective at dealing with these parasitic genes, reducing the chance they may be passed on, as well as filtering out any viruses or bacteria that may also try to accompany the males sperm to the egg (remember, the sperm is stripped of EVERYTHING as it enters the egg, leaving only the genetic material). Gender was the outcome of the process by which two parent cells could form a new cell; the larger immobile gametes (female) could contain the information necessary for the cytoplasmic genes, leaving the male gametes smaller and more mobile (also, since this male gamete only had to pass on its nucleus, this cut down on the risk of infection by any parasitic organisms). This rise of two roles is what created male and female genders. I don’t really have any information on when this process evolved, sorry.

This is the Red Queen Hypothesis, probably poorly explained, and GROSSLY oversimplified. Even better than the wiki page is Matt Ridley's book, The Red Queen, from which I crudely summarized most of this answer (specifically, Chapter 4; Genetic Mutiny and Gender). It is easily one of my favorite books, and if you were curious enough to ask this question I think you would find this fascinating as well.

u/Xiudo · 3 pointsr/todayilearned

According to The Red Queen The volume is seamen ejaculated will nearly double if the male suspects the female of infidelity.

u/EternalEnterprise · 3 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

This idea of sex in private is actually discussed in The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature.

Animals that have multiple sexual partners in with monogamous social structure will have sex in private so they won't get caught doing so by a jealous wife or husband. Humans and certain monogamous species fall under this category.
I'd recommend reading this book as it is very interesting. It also discusses the origin of genders.

u/luxury_banana · 3 pointsr/MensRights

There is a much longer book in which the author (Roy Baumeister) covers these topics more in-depth.

Is There Anything Good About Men?: How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men

Other good reads which are related include The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature by Matt Ridley, and Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene.

u/Eropoferonder · 3 pointsr/FreeDutch & ?

Het boek van Pinker heb ik ooit gelezen, maar evolutionaire psychologie / biologie is een prille wetenschap die in de jaren behoorlijk wat controverse over zichzelf heeft afgeroepen.

>Daar zijn verschillende diagnoses voor te stellen met als mogelijke prognoses dat het of uitzichtloos is of wij als Nederlandse samenleving tekort schieten deze mensen te integreren; in beide gevallen voel ik er niks voor samen verder door te gaan. Ik denk dan ook niet dat het onze taak is dit huwelijk te doen slagen. Veel meer wil ik er eigenlijk ook niet over kwijt, aangezien dit—zoals je zelf hopelijk begrijpt—behoorlijk glad ijs is.

Heb je de prognose van Scheffer overwogen? Conflict als noodzakelijke voorwaarde voor integratie? Allicht eens Land Van Aankomst lezen, dat boek is toegespitst op de Nederlandse context en bevat zowaar een opportunistische boodschap.

u/ThisAdorableSOB · 3 pointsr/MGTOW

No More Mr Nice Guy was the book I was referring to - hopefully other commenters can offer more examples.

I've been reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy & Enchiridion by Epicurus for some easy-to-digest MGTOW philosophy which has crossed nicely into the mainstream. For fiction I'd hugely recommend Whatever by Michel Houellebecq & Lights Out in Wonderland by DBC Pierre (one of my all-time favourites.)

To be fair, Bukowski can be read to help with the "Don't Give A Fuck" attitude that can help build your confidence. He tends to see women without the rose-tinted glasses, to put it delicately. He's written lots of poetry but his novels are the best. Bluebird is one of my favourite poems by him. Post Office is one of his great novels.

That's all I can think of for now.

u/MysterySmell0130 · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

I would personally start with the William Irvine book:

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

I don’t necessarily agree with him on everything in the book, but it gives a good view of stoicism. It’s easier to read since its in modern English.

I would also recommend “The Daily Stoic.”

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living

It is a good book that you can get into if you only have brief periods of time to read. Ryan Holiday books are all pretty good. He mostly uses stoicism in his books, but also a little from other philosophies.

The reason I would start with these books is because the language is a little easier to understand, unless you are used to reading older English. Though “Meditations” does have pretty good translations.

u/ASnugglyBear · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy has a ton of excellent exercises for doing exactly that! It's written for the modern reader, and while it has some of the history, it's more about the day to day use of the techniques of the stoic to achieve their mental state (calm joy)

u/alkalinetreo · 3 pointsr/philosophy

As far as real life applicability you should check out A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. I try to use Stoicism as my personal philosophy and I find it quite useful. I also enjoy Epictetus and Seneca. Oh, and I'm a lay person - just some uneducated dude who found value in Stoicism - for what it's worth.

Seems everyone else chimed in, but I have no doubt that being an ugly person, slave, infirmed or oppressed person should not impede on happiness. The classic - we worry about that which we can control - type mindset. It's also interesting that the most powerful man in the world at the time (or one of them), Marcus Aurelius also find immense value in it. Works both ways.

u/giveitawaynow · 3 pointsr/Libertarian

I don't want to be that guy but this book, Guide to the Good Life, as well as Harry Browne's "How I found Freedom in an Unfree World" are excellent for dealing with the insanity.

u/redux42 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

I whole-heartedly recommend anyone who agrees with the OP (and the OP themselves) pick up and read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine - it covers this and a few associated things in depth and gives you ways to make these thoughts part of your daily life - so as to minimize their (negative) control on you.

Honestly it is one of the best books I have read in a very long time...

u/JohnG70 · 3 pointsr/exmormon

What I like about stoicism is that it is the philosophical basis for a number of evidence-based psychological therapies that go under the general rubric of cognitive behavioral therapy (C.B.T.).

This New York Times article provides a broad overview of modern stoicism.

I thought this book was pretty good if you're interested in a more in depth explanation of stoicism.

u/rotwang00 · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

Stoicism might be better defined as trying to rid one's self of negative emotion, not all emotion. Joy is perfectly fine.

Source: I'm reading A Guide to the Good Life right now. I highly recommend it.

u/lowdown33 · 3 pointsr/collapse

Basically the entire premise of Stoicism.
Here's a good book on it.

u/NeuralHijacker · 3 pointsr/Divorce
  1. Get this book read it, and follow the instructions

  2. Get a lawyer who understands the behaviour patterns. My first one didn't and kept expecting XW to be reasonable. This failed. My new lawyer took one look at her communications, said "you will never, ever reason with this person" and has helped me get it to court asap. Mediation etc is fine for two normal people who are having difficulties communicating because they are dealing with the emotional fallout of a marriage ending. If one of those people has a PD, it's generally a total waste of time (unless you have a specialist mediator, I suppose).

  3. Get a counsellor who has experience helping people recover from narcissistic abuse. The sooner you start seeing her the better.

  4. Expect hell. Your STBX will lie, cheat, blame to a far greater extent once they know the game is up. But as Churchill said - if you're going through hell, keep going.

  5. Take notes and evidence constantly. Cross reference things. N's are quite convincing liars on the surface, but they have trouble maintaining consistency . That's where you trip them up in conjunction with your lawyer

  6. NEVER, EVER suggest to them or the court that they have a PD. That will go very badly for you. You're not qualified to make that diagnosis, and it may turn the court against you. Instead just focus on patterns of behaviour.

  7. I found this book very useful - it's a book on philosophy which is great for dealing with situations where you have very little power.

  8. Get your family and friends and support network in place before you make your move. Warn them that your STBX may play the victim and try and manipulate them. My XW took to messaging and calling my business partner's wife constantly in an effort to turn him against me. It caused me some problems initially, but we have it sorted now.
u/laciel · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Check out the philosophy of Stoicism (the ancient philosophy, not the recent definition of not feeling things). Great book I read is

u/housewifeonfridays · 3 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck
u/HobbesTheBrave · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

> How do you get comfortable being uncomfortable?

Stoicism recommends going on about how it could be worse. You've got it bad? It could be even worse. You couldn't have a MRP-sub to whine on. You couldn't have WiFi. You might not be able to read and write. You could be living in shittier places. Your situation could be way worse. You could be blind or deaf. You could be lonelier, that nobody cared about telling you to shut up and go lift. Your woman could be worse. And so on.

Where does it say that your life is supposed to be comfortable?

When you feel like whining, list how it could be worse, notice how good you've got it, and when you've stopped bitching, go to fucking work.

The ideas are from 'A guide to the good life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy'.

u/poochiethedog · 3 pointsr/vzla

Tengo muchos pensamientos similares a los tuyos, algo que aprendi es que ir a terapia no es "de locos", y realmente ayuda MUCHO mas de lo que crees que la necesitas. Todavia me falta recorrer mas de mi camino pero ahora al menos puedo reconocer y entender mis emociones un poco mas.

Este libro me ha ayudado en momentos dificiles: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

u/HerMajestysReddit · 3 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I do recommend it. It's a great little book by Professor William B. Irvine called "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". Find it here.

u/richy869 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Looks like you've heard some of the terminology, and now it's time to apply it. Have you read the book where this comes from? The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There is a simplified website you can walk through too here. You don't necessarily have to change your cues and rewards, it's easier to change the routine.

Set some goals and targets. What exactly are you trying to achieve? To set a goal, it has to be specific, measurable, achievable, make it relevant, and in what time frame (this is known as the SMART criteria for setting objectives). You haven't told us what you need to work on, but it sounds like you want to study more, so I'm assuming that from now on. Don't just set a goal like "I want to read this textbook". Be more like, "I want to read and summarise x number of pages by y date by using z"

Once you've set a goal like that, then you can look at your habit loop. Your reward should be linked to your objective that you worked a bit on your studies/project etc, or that you didn't snack. Your cues seem like it's when you get up, and when you get home when you have time on your hands. You've set a wide 5h time frame when you get up. If you regulated your sleep more so that have a more predictable schedule, then you can put in time to the books. If you set aside 1h per day on studies for 1 month, that's 30h of solid work time there. If you put a cost on that and said $30/h for a tutor to help you, then that's $900. Ask yourself how much time and money you will waste keeping on doing what you're doing now and have a hard think about it.

From what I've read, your cues:

  1. Waking up
  2. Finishing breakfast
  3. Getting home from work


  4. Getting social media fix
  5. Good feelings from listening to music
  6. Satisfaction from watching tv/movies

    Translating to the habit loop becomes (Cue > Routine > Reward):

  7. Wake up > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
  8. Finish breakfast > Turn on Netflix > caught up on tv/movies!
  9. Finish breakfast > Turn on music > dopamine fix!
  10. Get home from work > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
  11. Get home from work > Turn on music > dopamine fix!

    This is where your goal and habit tie in. How do you feel when you achieve the milestones along the way in your goal? You feel good! That's dopamine as you've already identified. I know when I learn something new or do something well, you get that same feeling. Why not use that same thing as a starting point for your reward? Clearly you will need to give up your 8+h of slacking around on fb/reddit/netflix. I sincerely hope that you can see that this is the part that's hurting you. You will need to sacrifice something here, but in the long run, social media, watching tv and listening to music are not necessarily going to help you achieve your goals (unless intrinsically linked like you want to be a musician/actor etc).

    Some new habits you could try:

  12. Wake up > Study > dopamine fix!
  13. Finish breakfast > Study > dopamine fix!
  14. Get home from work > Study > dopamine fix!

    Some further thoughts and questions I had:

  • Do you have to work nights? Can you switch to a day job?
  • Can you eat at work or on the way home so you don't snack when you get home?
  • Can you sleep less? 8h is great, but if you could go on 6h, you could also get some time there
  • Why do you feel the need to check social media so much? Can you cut down? (Is this a stupid old person comment?)
  • Can you delay gratification? As in, can you focus on study during the week and then reward yourself with netflix on the weekend?
  • Another thing you can try is to not turn your computer on when you get up and hit the books straight away
  • Can you try streamlining your day more and fit in some exercise? This would also be beneficial to your energy levels
  • I usually like to work with music in the background. If not too distracting, then you can do the same, and get some additional motivation/dopamine while studying

    Anyways, that turned out to be a monster post. Hope it helps. PM me if you want to talk further. You seem like you're heading into a dire situation and need help. Happy to lend a helping hand if you need mate.

u/shinosa · 3 pointsr/books

Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit is a great, science-based read on why people behave the way they do. Does a great job tying our behaviors to the biology of our brains.

It's not a "self-help book" by any stretch, but I stopped biting my nails after 30 years while reading it, so there's that.

u/artaru · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

Forget about couple out there, let them be on their merry (or miserable) way). Focus on yourself. Find the things you like and love. Pursue those. Make YOURSELF happy (with caveats of course. you can't do anything illegal or shouldn't do anything that'd hurt others)

Why would it scare the shit out of you to go get in shape? Why would you be afraid to cultivate a hobby or two? I mean there's just about as little pressure as there is in a person's life. Hobbies and getting in shape.

You know, maybe you should check out this book. For quite some time, my life has been pretty messy and unfocused. But having read and been inspired by this book, I tried to build up many GOOD habits in my life (sleeping/working out/many others). It took a while but right now they are really paying dividends for me as I really need to be good physical shape for my professional/academic career. It's not just about being in shape also. It's many little things.

I highly recommend it. Maybe you can find a barnes and noble somewhere (or a library...) and check it out. It's helped me tremendously and perhaps it can help you out also.

u/becomingmanofsteel · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

Mindfulness helps us being aware of our own thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations. Each of our emotional state has a different set of feeling and sensations with it.

If you are aware you can literally feel the change in your sensations while the urge for watching porn is coming. If you can watch the urge coming, you can distract yourself by doing something else or confront it and watch how long the urge will stay. It dies out fast if you are watching.

If you don't see the urge coming and blindly react and start watching porn. After a while the practice of mindfulness kicks in. It watches how you are getting dopamine kicks. Again you get a choice of stopping that thing or continuing.

This cycles happens in all kinds of habits - there is an urge (also called the cue), then there is the actual habit, then there is a feeling of reward (or punishment).

There is this book for reference : The Power of Habit.

Mindfulness can actually reduce and eliminate the urges themselves. Being 100% mindful and destroying your life on any addiction just do not go together.

Mindfulness makes you equanimous. Basically you stop giving a damn about yourself and understand your responsibility for helping others.

u/wmguy · 3 pointsr/exmormon

I listened to Sam Harris' Waking Up the other day. In it he said:

Gurus fall at every point along the spectrum of moral wisdom. Charles Manson was a guru of sorts. Jesus, the Buddha, Muhammad, Joseph Smith, and every other patriarch and matriarch of the world's religions were as well. For our purpose, the only difference between a cult and a religion are the number of adherents and the degree to which they are marginalized by the rest of the society. Scientology remains a cult. Mormonism has (just barely) become a religion. Christianity has been a religion for more then a thousand years. But one searches in vain for differences in their respective doctrines that account for the difference in their status.

This was the nicer thing he said in his book. I'll also include the following quote for your amusement:

Joseph Smith...a libidinous con man and crackpot, was able to found a new religion on the claim that he had unearthed the final revelations of God in the hallowed precincts of Manchester, New York, written in "reformed Egyptian" on golden plates. He decoded this text with the aid of magical "seer stones," which whether by magic or not, allowed Smith to produce an English version of God's Word that was an embarrassing pastiche of plagiarisms from the Bible and silly lies about Jesus's life in America. And yet the resulting edifice of nonsense and taboo survives to this day.

u/SebiGoodTimes · 3 pointsr/TrueAtheism

My friend, you need this book.

u/jsudekum · 3 pointsr/tarot

Well, to that end, I highly recommend The Qabalistic Tarot by Robert Wang. It's dense and rigorous, but not at the expense of subtle insight. The author successfully cuts through New Age mumbo-jumbo and gets to the heart of what tarot is about.

The Hermetic Tarot deck appeals to me most. It's nearly overloaded with imagery, which allows me to get completely lost in the experience of a card. The ultimate goal is establishing unconscious intuition, of course, but a strong intellectual base can only help.

As for this comment:

>Unfortunately, I have yet to consciously connect to my higher self.

I think the whole concept of a "higher self" is a bit of a misnomer and potentially dangerous. The term keeps people searching for some threshold moment, a cut and dry experience of Enlightenment. Anyone who claims to have attained this state permanently is lying and probably selling you something. The truth is that you ARE your higher self just as you are.

I finished Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris a few weeks ago and I highly recommend it. If you're not familiar, he's a vocal member of the "New Atheist" community and is extremely critical of religion/mysticism. But despite this, he has profound insight into the nature of consciousness and how mindfulness practice changes the mind. And of course, what is tarot if not a form of mindfulness meditation?

If that seems a little too atheistic for your taste, Thou Art That by Joseph Campbell is a fantastic introduction to mythological thinking, which is crucial to understanding tarot.

All and all, every aspect of your spiritual and intellectual life will enrich your experience of tarot, so explore liberally!

u/matt2001 · 3 pointsr/exmormon

He has another that I'm reading: Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion

He practices meditation, neuroscientist.

u/Ecliptic86 · 3 pointsr/exmormon

Sam Harris has a book about how "Spirituality" is not a term that needs to be associated with religion or any metaphysical or supernatural claims about the cosmos. It's called "Waking Up" and I would highly recommend you check it out.

And beyond that...Eastern philosophy and eastern religions (minus the supernatural stuff). There are experiences of human consciousness that are available to everyone without having to resort to drugs or irrational beliefs. Tao Te Ching is a great read.

u/drumstikka · 3 pointsr/atheism

This dude has a great book, which I'm currently reading, called Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion. Definitely recommended so far.

u/SargeantSpike · 3 pointsr/atheism

One of the New Atheists just wrote a popular book on spirituality. But in terms of religion in the conventional sense, yeah, we tend not to think it's healthy or helpful to believe in ancient myths. Go figure.

u/AintYoMomoNoMo · 3 pointsr/exmormon

Sam Harris.

Lying: (on sale on Audible for only 3.61)

Waking Up:

u/RPFlame · 3 pointsr/asktrp

>to each his own.

Rhythm of breathing affects memory and fear (part of mindful meditation is focusing on breathing).

Improving Military Resilience through Mindfulness Training.

In case you're interested further, there's a neuroscientist who wrote a book about his findings.

u/KRex228 · 3 pointsr/Meditation
  • Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. Probably the best beginner's introduction to what mindfulness is, why it is important, and how to practice.

  • [10 Percent Happier] ( by Dan Harris. More of a memoir than a how-to guide (he also has a new how-to guide called Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics), but I personally loved this book for its honesty about what mindfulness can and cannot do for you. It's also hilarious and entertaining, so it's usually the number one place I recommend people start if they are at all interested in meditation.

  • Waking Up by Sam Harris--Although not explicitly about mindfulness, some excellent, realistic background information on the practice and what to expect.

  • Lots of other great books out there, but a lot of this comes down to personal preference: Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, Tara Brach, and Jon Kabat Zinn are all names to look into to see whose materials speak to you. Some of them put more emphasis on the Buddhist side, whereas the others are more science-based and interested in the mental health implications of the practice.
u/bitee1 · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

>Mother Teresa

I understand she increased the unnecessary suffering of others and did not use the money she was given for good, then she also had connections to other bad people.

Do you care if your beliefs are based in reality?

Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion: Sam Harris: 9781451636024: Books:

u/scorpious · 3 pointsr/vipassana

>Do you think I should go?


Sometimes "diving in the deep end" is just a great way to add drowning as a fresh trauma (and have it ruin swimming for you as well).

I would, however, definitely recommend developing a serious mindfulness meditation practice. Protip: It doesn't have to be grueling, or even uncomfortable. Not in the least.

There is no "quick fix" available with meditation. Think of it as deciding to start doing what it takes to get a ripped bod... Work out regularly and the benefits will absolutely appear, but the last thing you want to do is just go from an office job to doing a dozen back-to-back triathlons. Slow and steady is the only thing that will "win" this particular race for you.

Sam Harris's Waking Up app/course is a fantastic way for anyone to ramp up and organically work your way into a deep and rewarding meditation practice. It's simple and it's very smart. The book by the same name is actually what drew me initially to Vipassana, and ultimately a 10-day intensive.

Honestly, it's really not a "retreat" at all — much more of an intense workshop. At some point, it will make perfect sense for you to do a 10-day, and you will know it. Take your time and do the work.

u/joe_blogg · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

Ok - given you're an atheist, I suggest you to read Waking Up by Sam Harris

I think given who Sam Harris is, his background and the style of his writing - I reckon you'll feel most comfortable reading his book.

u/ryanbrennan · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

I'm currently walking along this path and can recommend these books -


John Yates - The Mind Illuminated

Sam Harris - Waking Up

Owen Flanagan - The Bodhisattva's Brain: Buddhism Naturalized

u/tre11is · 3 pointsr/Meditation

Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris. He's a outspoken atheist and neuroscientist, so he discusses it in a very scientific context.

10% Happier by Dan Harris (no relation). He is a news anchor and war corresponded who discuss a more personal view of meditation.

Both are great.

u/bicameral_scruples · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

Waking Up by Sam Harris is what piqued my interest in Buddhism. He doesn't himself identify as a Buddhist, but it's definitely a new, modern, and different take on Buddhism.

u/mhornberger · 3 pointsr/DebateAnAtheist

> how do you feel about the pragmatic use of gods as if they existed for psychological benefits?

Meditation has known benefits. Sitting quietly, focusing, turning inward, is often going to help with stress, distraction, etc. Ritualistic or repetitive things like mandalas, prayer wheels, prayer beads, chants, etc can also help clear the mind. The benefits can be separated from any supernatural framework. Many atheists meditate, and Sam Harris even wrote a book on secular "spirituality," targeted at non-believers. I attended a 10-day Vipassana course in 2013, in India.

I don't see the benefit to belief in the supernatural. Though I suppose it may make someone happy to contemplate God smiting his "enemies." I think it was Tertullian who said that being able to witness the torments of the damned would be part of the reward of the saved. That's just not very flattering to believers. But believing that God will take care of your problems might make you feel better. Placebos can actually help with pain, though we consider it unethical when doctors use them instead of (chemically) real medication.

We should note too that belief in magic can be comforting. Children often feel disappointed when they find out Santa isn't real. At age 10 or so my son told me he missed believing in magic, Santa, and all the rest. Some of the magic had gone out of the world. When Dorothy pulled back the curtain and realized the Wizard was a fake, she was disappointed, not invigorated. She realized there was no magic super-being to fix her problems for her. She would have to do it herself, as best she could, and she might well fail. That's scary. Would she have been better off believing?

u/Mister_Foxx · 3 pointsr/spirituality

Don't stop! :)

You are most likely in a period of equanimity. Practice over long periods of time increases periods like this. Sometimes things are good. Sometimes they aren't. If things become difficult, STILL don't stop - instead examine your dissatisfaction. Ask yourself if dissatisfaction exists when your mind is quiet. Note that dissatisfaction, as well as happiness are transient object. REAL joy arises when there is no holding on to being one or the other.

Reading dharma is good. It helps to get some idea of what you are looking for. Try:



u/DoctorModalus · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Oh also for a more recent title check out The Untethered Soul. Less philosophical and more psychological it's a book to help one engage in conversation with themselves.

u/Pombologist · 3 pointsr/Mindfulness

"The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer is a good book to read if you want further information on this topic.

u/thatness · 3 pointsr/awakened

[Adyashanti - Way of Liberation] ( Already mentioned, but worth a double mention

[John Wheeler - Awakening To The Natural State] ( - Realized the truth while reading this book

[John Wheeler - You Were Never Born] ( - A later book of his, similar pointers, but more mature

[Eckhart Tolle - The Power of Now] ( - I didn't personally like it or finish it but /u/veragood mentioned and he's someone worth listening to. Then again, I read it at the beginning of my journey when I was still had a very critical/atheistic mindset and got turned off by the references to energy, etc. I just revisited a book by [Michael Singer called 'The Untethered Soul'] ( a few days ago after not enjoying it about the same time as I read Eckhart Tolle's book back in the summer of 2014, and, well, I found 'The Untethered Soul' to be a beautiful introduction to awakening. I told a friend about it who's reading it now and we're going to discuss it over coffee next week. So I guess there's another one for your list. Actually, I'd either start with the Singer one or Adyashanti one first, but different books resonate differently with us, so keep looking until you find a style that speaks to you :)

[Nisargadatta Maharaj - I am That] ( - The most enjoyable book I've found on spirituality.

Of course, if you want to learn about it outside of books, we are happy here at /r/awakened to answer any specific questions you have.

All the best on your journey!

u/bquintb · 3 pointsr/selfhelp

read, understand, believe and put into practice the ideas in this book

u/enricosuavedotcom · 3 pointsr/AskSF
  1. Power of Now. Changed my life. Read with an open mind. Let the spaghetti stick to the wall where it will. Not all of it will stick. But some will.

  2. How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World: A Handbook for Personal Liberty. Opens your eyes to common social traps.

  3. The Empty Boat: Encounters with Nothingness. This one's hard to get through, because ego, but worth the slog. Read #1 first.

    I wish you well. Know that you're not alone. I understand the feeling. Also recommend therapy, ideally someone of the same gender. There are certain gender-specific issues that are best understood/empathized with by a therapist of the same gender.
u/ThrivingCraftsmen · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

This, that resistance never goes away, but your attitude towards it completely shifts with enough right action.

I also reccomend the power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The mindset that pain and comes from resisting what is, from thinking about the future or the past rather than being present is very powerful when practiced enough

u/sovereign_self · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut

The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

I Am That - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

u/Yuriy87 · 3 pointsr/Semenretention

Thank you all for sharing, Chris Bale definitely has an interesting perspective on many topics, definitely worth listening to.
One book that helps me to disconnect from my abusive self within is, The Power of now by Eckhart Tolle.

u/SatinUnicorn · 3 pointsr/breakingmom

It's not easy! A couple books I really recommend are "The Four Agreements" - this book was transformative for me; and "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil. Now if you're not a Dr. Phil fan don't let that turn you off from this book, I actually really dislike him based only watching his show but this book surprised me. It's honest, no nonsense, and really really helpful. There's also a workbook that I would highly recommend getting as well. If your husband does it with you, great, if not - you can still benefit from it tremendously.

u/Upvotes_poo_comments · 3 pointsr/confession

You are your own person now. Don't ever let anyone else determine what value you place on yourself. Even if that person is your mother.

Please read "The Four Agreements". It's very short, but I think it should be required reading for young adults facing the world for the first time.

u/fappityfapfapping · 3 pointsr/rant

I highly suggest you read The Four Agreements. It dives into an interesting perspective on ways to really give zero fucks about other people's problems and focus on yourself.

Unfortunately, all the perspective and advice in the world will not solve the problem of self entitled ass-hats who think it is their right to be absolute fucking narcissistic dick-heads for the sake of living the " American Dream ".

u/NickTDS · 3 pointsr/seduction

As lingual_panda said, take a second to formulate your thoughts. This will also allow you to catch yourself when you're going to say something negative. Be consciously aware and stop the words from coming out of your mouth.

Reading introspective material helped me a ton. I started questioning why I was so bitter and began challenging those harmful thoughts. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, The Four Agreements, and No More Mr. Nice Guy are excellent books that push you to be a more positive person.

Much of the cynicism and complaining stems from insecurity. Maybe you're frustrated or resentful with others. Figure out what's causing those feelings and eliminate them. And you have to accept that some people are the way they are -- there's no use in wasting your energy complaining.

When I'm truly satisfied and believe in myself, the last thing I want to do is bitch.

u/tramplemestilsken · 3 pointsr/AskWomen

A book I would recommend. The Four Agreements. Gives you some great perspectives on how to live a fulfilling life on your own terms.

u/brukogkast2018 · 3 pointsr/norge

Jeg har ikke gjennomført CBT-behandling hos psykolog, men jeg vil sterkt anbefale boken "The feeling good handbook" av David Burns, som gir en lettlest innføring i CBT og inneholder øvelser/"hjemmelekser":

Den finnes også på norsk under tittelen "Tenk deg glad".

u/apeacefulworld · 3 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Feeling Good and Don't Panic are both well regarded books that focus on cognitive behavioral therapy.

The author of Feeling Good also made a workbook to help people process their reactions and feelings.

My husband has chronic depression, and highly recommends both.

u/Napoleptic · 3 pointsr/INTP

Something that I think is unfortunately not discussed as much as it should be is how to find the RIGHT therapy and therapist for you and what to do before the first session. After working unsuccessfully with a few therapists, I was lucky enough to find one who speaks INTP. :) That obviously makes a HUGE difference. I think him being male helps too (I suspect a lot of other women would prefer to see someone of the same sex, but seeing a male worked well for me). I had worked on myself for years, but by finding the right therapist, I found myself making progress at the pace that I would have expected to given the amount of effort I put in (which was a LOT). Suddenly I went from feeling like I was spinning my wheels, putting in tons of effort for very little progress, to feeling the happiest I'd felt in years—DESPITE the fact that I was experiencing emotional trauma the whole while. Here are some things I wish someone had told me before I started looking for a therapist:

Understand what you do (and don't) want to accomplish, determine what you are and aren't willing to do, and communicate that to the therapist. I Googled what I should expect in an evaluation appointment. You may need to prepare nothing—I was merely told to show up. But being me, I printed some things out beforehand to hand to the therapist. I included present and past diagnoses and treatments (so the therapist had a starting place), my symptoms, my goals (alleviating the symptoms, but also essential for me is understanding and solving the root problem), and desired approach (analytical). The therapist read it and chuckled. He said, "Well, that answers everything I was going to ask you," and then we took a few minutes to clarify some points. He briefly explained his approach to me and what I could expect. I was out of there in well under an hour.

Understand what approach you want to take. Some people want emotional validation and are annoyed when the therapist offers advice. That approach may work for them, but it doesn't work me—I'm not there for emotional validation, I'm there because I need someone else's help to find an effective solution to a problem I can't solve on my own. If exploring my emotions is part of the process, then I will gladly do it, but that's not WHY I'm there.

Understand that a really great therapy/therapist for one person will be an abysmal therapy/therapist for another. I currently see a therapist who, when I cry, does nothing more than wait and listen. He doesn't frown or make soothing sounds/statements or do anything at all to make me FEEL better. That works great for me (he is the only person on the planet I actually don't mind crying in front of and it's BECAUSE he doesn't try to comfort me), but I completely understand why that would instantly turn others off. Likewise, his approach (CBT) worked great for me (I suspect it's easier to work with your thoughts when you're already hyper-aware of them), but it doesn't work for everyone.

Understand that your problems may take some time. Don't go in thinking you'll have two sessions and wham, bam, thank you ma'am, your problems will suddenly be no more. That likely isn't realistic. If you feel knowing the information would make you feel better in some way, ask how long/how many sessions they estimate it will take to effectively address your issues—and understand that it's just that, an estimate, and may change as they uncover more. They're unlikely to even be able to answer that until you've had at least a few sessions. So understand that there is a time factor involved. (One of the most helpful things the therapist has said to me about changing behavior is this: "We severely underestimate how entrenched we are in old behavioral patterns. And we severely underestimate how long it takes to establish new ones." It takes practice, practice, and more practice to override old, maladaptive behavior patterns. Did I mention practice? Basically a lot of what I had been doing in the past would have worked eventually, I just haven't given it enough practice yet.)

Understand when to walk away. If you've given it a fair chance and things aren't working for you, TALK to the therapist about it. They're trained professionals, but they're not mind-readers. ;) If after discussing it they do not change their approach and do not tell you why, tell them you need to know that or you'll walk. (On the other hand, understand when an approach is not working for you vs. when you merely dislike it.) If the therapist or therapy isn't working for after a reasonable amount of time, find someone else who is better for you. Finding someone/something that works for you is huge, so don't be afraid to go through a few therapists before you find what you need (I don't think this is discussed very often).

Understand that the therapist holds the map, but you're in the driver's seat. You select the destination, you choose whether to follow the route you're given, and you do the driving. The therapist can only show you the way there, you're the one who is responsible for taking yourself there. Be willing to do the work and commit to it. The therapist may give you assignments, and they may or may not be unpleasant. Be ready to follow through. Have a buddy help you if you think you need it. I set alarms to remind me.

Extra credit: be willing to do work on your own as well. When I learned my therapist used CBT (an approach that worked fantastically for me because I'm very in tune with my thoughts), I did some research on it and purchased the book The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns and worked through the book on my own even as I was working with the therapist. I think therapy was more effective and efficient because of it. I also found a daily mood log worksheet (oddly enough, through an article about Overwatch) which I found particularly useful here:

My therapist also pointed me to

Meditation helped me quite a bit too. There are free apps, but I found the Waking Up app to be worth the price if you can afford it. And if you can't, check out "How much does the app cost" under FAQs for how to get a free subscription:

Taking notes during sessions were useful to me because I remember them better to begin with, and have something to refer to when my brain can't retain it all. Taking notes outside the sessions helps me record my discoveries and allows me to remember any questions to ask in pending sessions. And taking notes as I was working through some outside materials was also useful. I know note-taking won't help everyone, but I've found them indispensable.

Metrics were also really useful to me. Periodically taking an inventory of my symptoms over time helped me see that I was improving much more rapidly than what it felt like. I was too close to my problems to be able to see it objectively, but numbers don't lie. And seeing the numbers fall in the recurrence and severity of my symptoms gave me hope (which was huge).

I wish you the best of luck. Don't wait a minute longer to get help than you have to, otherwise you may find yourself mourning the years of your life that feel like they were lost because you didn't take action when you could have (I lost two decades that might have been the best years of my life if I'd sought a therapist earlier). Your life can be so much better than it is. Make finding help to get there a top priority. :)

u/callmejay · 3 pointsr/BettermentBookClub

>might not follow through with the lessons in the book.

This seems like the obvious avenue for improvement. If a lesson seems promising, try it.

Maybe it would help to try books that are more like workbooks? This is one of the best ever written.

u/dripless_cactus · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

The Feeling Good Hand Book by David D. Burns, really helped me a lot. It's based around journaling when you have an episode and rationalizing these kind of statements out. He goes over a ton of common mental traps, how to identify them and how to best combat them).

For example, "Im sure my boss is going to think I'm a fool" is mind-reading and labeling-- In reality you don't know what your boss thinks of you unless you ask, he probably doesn't actually think that based on good work you've done before, and making a mistake does not make you a fool- it doesn't make you anything except a person who made a mistake.

Most of all I really do appreciate his discussion on "should" and "should nots" I'm not even sure I can describe how much my thinking was changed by this book.

u/viciousnemesis · 3 pointsr/depression

Nice try, Mr. Burns. Just kidding. Here's a link on amazon:

u/steelcitykid · 3 pointsr/Trichsters

Right there with you. About 3 weeks ago I had a full head of hair. Fairly certain that most of my office has noticed that something us up, I didn't just spontaneously gain a bald spot in that time frame. Sucks but all I can do is try to stay mindful.

My psychiatrist recommended the book The Feeling Good Handbook and it's being delivered today. He mentioned this when I asked about cognitive behavior therapy as any and all medicinal routes I have undergone have proven ineffective for me. If you'd like, I can update you as to my thoughts after having read it.

Take care and don't beat yourself up. You're a human being deserving of love, respect, and happiness. We're all flawed, our's is just a more visible flaw!

u/ghee99 · 3 pointsr/The_Donald

> Trump has flip flopped on virtually everything.



on every important issue Trumps core principles have remained the same, decade after decade (kinda the opposite of obama, the only thing that remained the same about obama was the way obama remained in the closet his entire life, and never publicly admitted to his history of anonymous gay sex with strangers)

thats just obama, as for you... why are you on T_D breaking our rules?

you either abide by our rules, cuck, or you GTFO.

See rule # VI :

Trump Supporters Only -

This forum is for Trump supporters only. If you have questions about our president, our way of thinking or other discussion questions, post on r/AskThe_Donald, where we will gladly answer. This forum is NOT for that.

OTHER THAN THAT, one last thing -

I see you seek wisdom through psychedelics, thats cool. The path to wisdom can pass through the prism of chemically induced states of higher consciousness (The most excellent and enlightening book "Be Here Now" speaks of this in greater detail).

Anyway... if you can tap into some of the wisdom revealed on one of your "journeys" just open your mind up to the possibility of Trump being a wonderful opportunity for America and the world, and happiness and peace for all. If you do that, I feel confident that your whole attitude on Trump might change, and you will realize that Trump's presidency will bring greater love and happiness to all.

I am not "telling" you this, nor am i saying just blindly believe me on this just because I said so. All i am just saying to you in simple terms is... open your mind up to the possibility, and then see what is revealed to you.

u/wolffpack92 · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut

Just about to finish the book this is from (Be Here Now by Ram Dass):

This has been one of the most influential pieces of art -- because this book is truly a work of art -- that I have experienced. It takes you from our western society's surface-level understanding of the world around you and dives down with you to the core of what is YOU. Cuts right to the heart of the issue without the ego that is often tied to such an epic.

Ram Dass uses language that us in west can understand and deftly turns it on itself, and inception of philosophy that transcends the silly shenanigans that we all as humans are grappling with, leaving you with the simple truth that is YOU.

Even in his biography, Steve Job points to this book as one of the catalysts for his development during his young adulthood, so that much count for something.

u/rerb · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

It's good to give away treasures.

It's nice when they can be replaced with a facsimile for less than $10.

u/analogsmoke · 3 pointsr/eldertrees

Be Here Now is my go-to book when wanting to combine cannabis and meditation/spirituality/etc. The author doesn't dwell on weed specifically, but he was heavily influenced by psychedelics and discusses this early on in the book. As /u/its_my_growaway mentions, psychedelics of any sort are simply (but enjoyable) tools.

u/proverbialbunny · 3 pointsr/awakened

Hey OP, have you read Be Here Now by Ram Dass. He went on a trip like one you're going to go on and the book is about that and himself finding awakening and what that is. It's pretty amazing.

u/juloxx · 3 pointsr/Meditation

On the Road, because its about living in the moment or whatnot. Written in one sitting. One continous stream of consciousness covering a life of impulse and adventure.

Be Here Now, because its about living the moment, LSD, the mystical aspects of meditation and whatnot..

and most importantly... Stalking The Wild Pendulum

I cant tell you how much that last book did for me. Please please, even if it sounds remotely interesting look into it

u/mind_bottle · 3 pointsr/Drugs

If you're seriously nervous, perhaps reconsider for awhile. There's a meme somewhere around here that's pretty spot on: If you're worried about having a bad time, you're going to have a bad time.

But here are some things that should reassure you: LSD is not dangerous AT ALL. It's by far one of the safest drugs you can ingest, so be comforted knowing that you are in no danger whatsoever. Anything that is happening that you are unhappy with WILL PASS.

That being said, here are some keys to having a good trip that I've found:

  • Have a good trip guide for your first time. Someone who's tripped a few times and whom you trust completely.
  • If you are unhappy about something, TELL THEM. Don't keep it bottled inside and pretend that you're having a good time. If you're uncomfortable with a situation, put yourself in a situation that will make you happier.
  • Trip activities are not the same as drinking activities. You're probably not going to want to go to a bar while on acid. Hiking is fun, being outside in general is fun, hanging out with other tripping friends is fun, drawing is fun, listening to music is fun, my friends say playing video games is fun but I disagree.
  • Don't mix it with other drugs on your first time through. Maybe smoke pot later in the trip if you're having a great time, but it will really intensify things and can cause more anxiety, so be aware of that. Also, you won't feel any alcohol you drink while tripping, but it will still give you a nasty hangover later.
  • Have anything and everything you might need nearby. Water, some snacks (fruits are good), some activities, maybe a fun book (check this book out when tripping sometime, it's intense). Definitely have a notebook and some writing utensils around in case you want to write down thoughts or draw.
  • Do your research if you haven't already. Read some trip reports. Don't redose after an hour because you're not feeling it. Either the acid is good or it isn't, redosing acid is at best a waste of time and at worst going to make you trip balls in another couple hours. (FYI 60-90 minutes is roughly the amount of time 1 hit takes to hit most people. Stronger stuff will take less time but your mileage may vary).
  • Absolutely make sure that you have some good music handy. I wouldn't recommend angry rap type stuff, but really just good music, you'll really appreciate what the artists were trying to convey with their music while tripping. I heard Strobe by Deadmau5 for the first time and was made speechless by how beautiful it was. There are a lot of trip music recommendations on this subreddit.

    That's all I've got off the top of my head, but I'm sure you'll have a great time. A trip report when you come back would be awesome!
u/mryeffe · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut

Here’s pretty much everything you need to know along these lines:

u/ziegfried · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I cured my depression by meditation -- I found a good system that helped create spiritual experiences, and whenever I felt down I could meditate and connect with a higher consciousness and feel uplifted.

Meditation is truly powerful -- it's like weightlifting for the brain. You can take a person who has a sickly body and make them strong and healthy through exercise, and meditation does the same thing for the mind.

This book is what got me started, and the author wrote a 3-year meditation / yoga / spirituality course that really worked, and helped me have higher experiences.

Meditation is scientifically proven to lift your mood and increase the activity in the "feeling good" parts of your brain, reduce stress and anxiety, and lift the immune system, so even if you don't believe in spirituality there is still a scientific basis for why it works. (Like weightlifting for the brain). It also gives your mind the extra strength to fight off negative thoughts and focus on relaxing, happy thoughts.

The Feeling Good Handbook is about "cognitive therapy" -- finding the errors in your thoughts and fixing them so they don't get you down as much. It has helped many people and is worth checking out.

Finally, go exercise -- exercise is proven to increase the brain cell growth in your brain, and one theory about depression is that prolonged stress stops new brain cell growth in important mood areas. Both exercise and anti-depressants (IIRC) help stimulate new brain cell growth, which some scientists think is what helps alleviate the depression. In any case, exercise works to lift moods and lower stress.

So, just some thoughts to hopefully help -- Good Luck!

u/Integrals · 2 pointsr/Parenting

Can confirm, CBT therapy is amazing.

If you want to try the "self help" method look into the "Feeling Good Handbook" [ ] it helped me tremendously. If you are serious, DO the exercises by hand, don't do them in your head.

I'd you choose to see a therapist (which I highly recommend) please don't be frustrated if you don't have a connection/it doesn't work. Just like any relationship it can take time to find the right one for you.

Most will do a free consultation where you will talk a bit about themselves and they will offer some advice/ideas on how they would treat you and you take it from there.

The success of your therapy will boil down to how comfortable you are around the therapist, and how trusting you are that they know what they are doing and what they say is TRUE.

If you don't believe your therapist, or what they say doesn't resonate with you, then it won't be effective and if anything, it will increase your anxiety because you will assume you are untreatable.

Hope this helps!

u/GetOffMyLawn_ · 2 pointsr/cfs

Cognitive behavior therapy for him. There are self-help books too, check out for a start.

u/6745408 · 2 pointsr/entp

When I was married, everyone thought we were a 'power couple' -- but only a handful knew how miserable I was. One benefit to being an ENTP is that we tend to have a built in lie detector -- so we can witness genuine joy or sub-par acting.

I keep lists in a plain-text editor. One trick I learned from The Four Hour Work Week is to break everything down to 5 - 10 minute tasks. This works well for me since I respond well to marking things off a list. But you'll have to sort out which system for tracking works best for you.

If your frustration is mood related, you should check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- and specifically The Feeling Good Handbook, by David D Burns. Since you're an ENTP, you might suffice with this very brief summary -

As a total long shot, I get extremely frustrated and angry if I have red food dye. Might be something to consider.

u/Ciceronem · 2 pointsr/Catholicism

Hi friend. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. As someone who has experienced a period of depression and anxiety, I can imagine your pain in an all-too-familiar way.

Others have posted prayer as a means by which to overcome your mental health issues. I wholeheartedly agree. Faith and prayer is what kept me anchored in my struggles as well.

In addition, if you find your therapist is not helping, try to find another. There are many, many great psychologists and counsellors out there. You deserve the best possible care you can get.

Finally, look into workbooks for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy. The ones that come to mind, as there were particularly helpful for me, are David Burns' "Ten Days to Self Esteem" and "The Feeling Good Handbook"

God bless. I will keep you in my prayers, anonymous reddit friend!:)

u/ImOnMarijuana · 2 pointsr/MMJ

I'm not qualified or experienced enough to give you advice. I didn't start smoking until it was legal here.

I do however recommend buying a book called Feeling Good or The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It's been translated into a bunch of languages, so it may be in your language. It was published in Norway as I understand.

It will help you with your anxiety. Used with cannabis, I find it very helpful. Even when I couldn't use cannabis, it's still very helpful.

I just wanted to pass that along since no one else is commenting yet.

u/xAllison · 2 pointsr/ADHD

" I'm not taking any medication because I'm not sure if I can afford it."

I get generic Ritalin that's not covered by my insurance; it only costs me $15 for a month's supply. I'm thinking it might be less if I fill the prescription at a Walmart.

Cognitive behavioral therapy has good techniques for dealing with the kind of issues you describe. Have you ever looked into that? Feeling good is a good introduction to it.

Of course, medication can help with anxiety, too.

"According to Paul Hauck (1974), the two most common fears that people have are a fear of failure and a fear of rejection." So just know there isn't anything that unusual about your fears. However, that doesn't mean it's not a good reason to seek therapy. Here's a brief article on the topic:

Albert Ellis actually encourages people to go out and purposely get rejected so they learn that it's not going to kill them and the fear will stop controlling them. I can't say I was ever able to do that though!

u/Divineheart44 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety I think this one is a good choice.. Or the sane new world

u/GrowingInGratitude · 2 pointsr/Anger

It sounds like you are struggling with both anxiety and anger. Any depression involved? You might look into therapy if that's a viable option. If not, you might consider CBT to help with the anxiety and negative interpretations of people. Here's a good resource for that.

I used to walk around with a very negative perspective about people and the world in general. I also hated myself quite a bit, which was a bit ironic given the undeserved sense of superiority. For many, feeling connected with the world is a prerequisite for feeling happy, and happiness is a skill we can cultivate. Here are some other resources that you might find interesting.

All the best!

u/EdgeOfDreams · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

Some therapists and psychiatrists offer lower prices for people with low incomes. It's worth checking around to see what the real prices are for your specific circumstances before deciding that you absolutely can't afford it. If you have health insurance at all, check how much that covers as well.

There are a lot of things you can do on your own to help deal with anxiety and depression. It's easier if you have a professional to help guide you, of course. - this book is a really good guide to the psychological and behavioral techniques you can use. Some people can get huge benefits out of simple lifestyle changes, while others will need more coaching and possibly medication, which means seeing a professional.

u/sixtwentyone · 2 pointsr/BPD

Many, many things actually. I like the following books. They contain tons of helpful information and techniques without fluff:

u/MyBlowUpDoll · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Well I'd suggest talking to the counsellor and before saying anything else, ask if it's confidential.

Another thing that might help is this book:

This book is the bible when it comes to dealing with anxiety and depression. Hope this is helpful.

u/gingercereal · 2 pointsr/selfhelp

I highly recommend the feeling good handbook for instructions on how to do this. It teaches you how to write out your thoughts in a productive and structured way and identify any distortions or solutions.

u/greenkey901 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns are really good.

u/BipolarType1 · 2 pointsr/BipolarReddit

CBT would be the therapy that you would switch to?

you should take a few minutes to learn something about it.

this is the handbook for CBT (cheap)

I did CBT and read the book. it helped me get about 25% of the way back to level. I switched over to Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). I found this book to be extremely helpful

my problem with CBT is that I already overthink pretty much everything. CBT is about monitoring your thoughts and then using it's various mechanisms to change those thoughts. For me it just added even more mental gymnastics. MBCT basically means meditating every day and letting your mind heal you. There's no special method or gimmicks. you just meditate.

u/idwolf · 2 pointsr/Fibromyalgia

Well, at least you have this subreddit, and your loved ones. I know I feel the same way; my house is my sanctuary.

I'll just say to keep therapy as an option, because I prevented myself from going for the longest time, but your mind lies to you. Therapy isn't what you think it is. It's whatever you need it to be. If you want to sit in the room and just gather your thoughts, it's okay to do that. It's a safe place with someone who is qualified to guide you through these worries, or anger, or discomfort, whatever you want to work on.

edit: since a lot of the stuff we go through is in our own mind, my therapist recommended this book to me. It's scientific, (which is what resonated with me the most) and it makes a lot of sense. How we process these events are not common sense, believe it or not. :)

u/prometheusliv3s · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Thank you for your openness. You've taken the first steps into changing your life. NoFap is an essential part of this process, but your depression should be directly addressed by additional means. I recommend reading Dr. David Burns's "Feeling Good Handbook" (

Best wishes.

u/jeexbit · 2 pointsr/Psychonaut

Sort of depends on the type of book you're looking for but here are some of my faves in no particular order: Illusions, Stalking the Wild Pendulum, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Dancing Wu Li Masters, The Holographic Universe, Center of the Cyclone, True Hallucinations, The Archaic Revival, Be Here Now.

u/Kaysuhdiller · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I too was raised Catholic and ended up just confused about what to believe in (my mindset: maybe there is a god, maybe there isn't, but fuck any religion that proclaims it's right and everyone else is wrong).

Luckily the person who introduced me to AA, who struggled with the God thing more than most people in the program and who still never recites the Lord's Prayer, let me borrow these 2 books from him from which he was able to draw up a higher power of his own understanding:
[Be Here Now] (, by Ram Dass and
[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose] ( by Eckhart Tolle.

They helped a lot when I was doing steps 2 and 3 and still do. I ended up ordering copies for myself because they were so good. I highly recommend checking em out (if only one, definitely Be Here Now) or searching around for more books to guide you along. It IS frustrating to try and figure it out on your own!

u/Owsley_the_Bear · 2 pointsr/Drugs

I don't know why no one's mentioned Be Here Now yet.

Tripping is an interesting anthology of real-life psychedelic experiences.

Shroom is a cultural history of magic mushrooms. Real interesting stuff here.

u/MrRexaw · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

The Life Of Milarepa

An Introduction To Zen Buddhism by D.T. Suzuki

The Way Of Zen by Alan Watts

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

These are just some of the better ones ive read so far, all really great starting off points into Buddhism. Zen in particular. Good luck!

u/Enlightened_Goku · 2 pointsr/enlightenment

It's by Ram Dass. Here's a link to the book on Amazon Be Here Now

u/cowcow7 · 2 pointsr/Drugs
u/deusset · 2 pointsr/yoga
u/sinenominex · 2 pointsr/Psychonaut

Be Here Now is one of the most amazing books I own, and is pretty much guaranteed to induce spiritual changes when perused on psychedelics.

u/PaprikaFairy · 2 pointsr/Buddhism


If you haven't read Be Here Now by Ram Dass, I suggest you do. It's a fantastic book, and in the back is a section titled 'Cook Book for a Sacred Life', which covers many aspects of living after "enlightenment". The section I will be referencing in this post is titled 'The Course of Sadhana'.

There are 13 points listed, but I'm only going to put a couple.

"8. At first you try. Later you just do your sadhana because, "What else is there to do?"
9. At certain stages you will take your sadhana very seriously. Later you will see the wisdom of the statement of Jesus that to seek the Lord, men need not disfigure their faces. Cosmic humor, especially about your own predicament is an important part of your journey...
12. There is, in addition to the "up and down" cycles an "in and out" cycle. That is, there are stages at which you feel pulled in to inner work and all you seek is a quiet place to meditate and to get on with it. Then there are times when you turn outward and seek to be involved in the market place. Both of these parts of the cycle are a part of one's sadhana. For what happens to you in the market place helps in your meditation and what happens to you in meditation helps you to participate in the market place without attachment."

I hope this helps you as it has helped me. I highly recommend this book to everyone, people in this sub especially, and for under 9 bucks, it is a steal.

Peace and Love.

u/breaktheillusion · 2 pointsr/occult

You might want to look at Be Here Now by Ram Dass and see if you feel like it's appropriate.

It's been a book I've revisited plenty of times when I'm in dark places.

u/StrawDawg · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Also not really specifically what you are asking for, but a subtle kick to the head with some perspective mixed with eastern philosophy may help.

Get into some Alan Watts... lots of videos/lectures online.

Book form:

Maybe also a slow read of Siddhartha by Herman Hesse.

u/reallifepixel · 2 pointsr/self

I recommend Viktor Frankl's Man's Searching for Meaning.

u/msiekkinen · 2 pointsr/JordanPeterson

You're defining this hypothetical and any other dimensions that comes along with it. I'm not sure what kind of answer your going to expect because issues of compulsion are going to be a case by case basis on real world embodied individuals.

If you looking for modern science about the gambit of addictions I might recommend When The Master Becomes The Servant I wouldn't say Powers is a "Peterson" type but his field is about this subject.

One person Peterson has cited is Frankl. You might enjoy Man's Search For Meaning very short book.

u/mindgamess · 2 pointsr/psychotherapy


I am sure that you've done this, but just in case you haven't: make sure to contact the program(s) you're looking at applying to and see what that the prerequisite classes are for each. I got my masters in clinical mental health counseling and my program required a number of basic psychology courses are prereqs.

Aside from that, don't worry too much about what you don't know. If you're looking to get a jump-start you can read through a basic theories textbook (like this one) or some seminal works by notable authors in the counseling/mental health fields like Man's Search for Meaning, Cognitive Behavioral Theory, or Reality Therapy for the 21st Century.

If you don't have a background in psychology then some of these might feel a little abstract, but don't worry! You don't have to understand everything to begin exploring your interests.

I hope this is helpful!

u/RockHat · 2 pointsr/exmormon

I recommend a kind of obscure YouTube channel called Real Atheology.

The website is very helpful.

Also, a book I'd recommend is "The Hiddenness Argument".

Make sure you read Bart Ehrman's books on the New Testament. You owe it to yourself to look at the NT through the same scrutiny you did the BoM.

I also recommend you definitely read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." This is a life changing book.

Finally, I recommend some of the Greek and Roman texts like Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" and "On the Shortness of Life" by Seneca and Epictetus' "Enchiridion." The endeavor of dealing with our mortality is not new, and reading ancient non-Christian authors on living a good life is very helpful.

u/Sle · 2 pointsr/askscience

I learnt this from reading the book "The Power of Habit". It covers the whole affair in detail, well worth a read.

u/gwhlives · 2 pointsr/ADHD

So I guess for me the first step was just sort of coming to an understanding that drinking really isn't adding anything, but that it is taking so much away... and just listing all of those things, like verbally or in pen or something, because what happens is you realize how often you are making the same stupid mistakes... Like once you have said it allowed or written it down, every time it happens you have to acknowledge that it also happened yesterday, and the day before, and it was really bad the time before that... It was just getting exhausting.

So I just was getting so tired of it, like it sounds like you are, so I set a date. Didn't make any changes in the mean time, was still drinking, still saying yes every time somebody asked me if I wanted to go out, still kept doing the "just one more" dance, carried on with the daily hangovers etc... but I had my date set and for a full month it got to the point where I just couldn't wait to reach the date, I was so ready for it.

In the interim, I read a couple of books about neuroplasticity and habit formation that I found really helpful. If you only read one book, my suggestion would be The Power of Habit, but I also read Rewire Your Brain which was also super helpful, and I just ordered "The easy way to stop drinking" which is linked in the sidebar at /r/stopdrinking, so we'll see what that has to say.

So I guess what I have been doing is really just focusing on the positives, because I was just getting so so tired of the bullshit and I had this image in my head of what I want my life to be like when I get to a point where the urge to drink isn't constantly in my head. So, with a several page long list in hand of all the little triggers, and a really really really long list of reasons why I wanted to do this in case I forget, the day finally came and so I told my family what I was doing, and decided to start working on all the things I was excited about, like books and hobbies and stuff. Apart from the hangover that day I was pretty excited...

Unfortunately, it didn't go well to start because I didn't sleep a wink for days, so I was in really, reeeeally bad shape, but truthfully I had prepped my head for enough time that the desire to go back just so I could get some sleep wasn't unmanageable, especially because I know that if I drank I'd just have to go through the bullshit all over again... So now it's been almost a week, I'm kinda starting to function again normally, and I'm feeling so much better than I have in a very long time already, even though I still haven't slept well still... I also went to buy coffee yesterday and I thought "I better check my checking account balance, I don't want my card to get declined here AGAIN..." and I was pretty shocked to see I had $80 in there, that never happens by this time of month... So I'm just focusing on these awesome little changes as much as I can, every positive little change or occurrence I make a point of paying attention to so that I don't lose momentum...

Also, posting at /r/stopdrinking every day has been super helpful because my brain is running like 1000 miles per hour faster than usual, so it is super helpful just unload there, and somebody responds every time within minutes.

u/offtherocks · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I like those cheesy self-help books. Tony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within is a good one. Zig Ziglar is another speaker/author to take a look at. There are a lot of authors in that category.

The Four Agreements was good, though it gets a little new-agey at times, and may not be your thing if that turns you off.

I thought The Secret (movie and book) carried a positive message. I liked 'em. I've read the follow up book too. There's a whole lot of bunk science in there, though, so be careful of that. The message is basically, "If you intend good things to happen to you, they will, because quantum physics." They do not understand quantum physics. But as long as you're not foregoing taking action to solve your problems, I think the message is positive. Thinking positively has other benefits. What's it matter what your reason is for doing it, ya know?

Eckhart Tolle has some good books. The Power of Now comes to mind.

A lot of people like The Power of Habit.

I enjoy listening to Alan Watts lectures, that's mostly pop-style Buddhist and Hindu philosophy. Word of caution though, Alan Watts himself is not a Buddhist and in fact at times argues that alcohol & drugs are a good thing. I don't agree with everything the man says but his lectures are thought provoking

The website has a whole slew of cheesy motivational content. Example: Spread Your Wings. I like stuff like that. :)

u/BlueValentines · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

For anyone interested in this, I strongly recommend reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Fascinating stories and analysis of the role habit plays in our lives, and advice on how to use them to your advantage.
Amazon Link

u/TheBirminghamBear · 2 pointsr/Drugs

I did! I've read many books on habit actually, but you're right on the nose in describing the one I'm referencing here. It's called the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and its a fantastic read.

The author actually modified a fairly long-standing definition of a habit loop to include some additional detail, and it was the author's definition I am describing here.

Yes, a wonderful book to

u/ZenoCitium · 2 pointsr/AskPhysics

This is hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but your troubles may very well be due to HOW you study.

It's especially hard to find time to evaluate your own study methods when you are under pressure to complete the work you already have. It is also hard to change your study method because a lot of it is a force of habit.

I would strongly suggest doing a "hard reset" of your study methods. If possible take 2 days off (or more) from studying of any kind. Go an do something completely different, something out of your routine. Go on a hike, or rent a canoe and take it out on a lake, or just walk around a different part of the city you live in. Anything to break your routine.

The day after, pretend you are starting school from scratch and you need to learn how to study effectively. Treat the subject of studying as complex endeavour that requires research. Think of it as metacognition 101. Take a critical look at what your weaknesses are, then go about finding out what neuroscience and psychology has on the topic of learning.

Here are some starting points: The Forgetting Curve, here is a good primer on how to think about studying, and last here is a book on breaking old habit and establishing new ones. Also, experiment and keep track of your study methods. Feel free to pm me if you want details of my own personal findings as to what works for me.

u/Attachmentville · 2 pointsr/addiction

In the book "The Power of Habit," the author talks about habits as having three components:

  • Trigger - the thing that tells us it's time to do a thing (drinking is a trigger in your case)
  • Behavior - the thing we do after the trigger
  • Reward - the way the behavior makes us feel that subconsciously tells us that the cycle of trigger/behavior/reward leads toward a positive outcome (even if the outcome isn't positive)

    He says that if you can identify the trigger but change the behavior and reward, you can change a habit.
u/xxtoejamfootballxx · 2 pointsr/bestof

Piggy Backing off this book post to show a book that anyone should really read if they are facing the problem that the OP was:

The Power Of Habit

u/smangit · 2 pointsr/ADHD

I used to be the same way. One thing that I did was I would go to the store to look at what i wanted to buy. I would pick up that item, try it out, whatever, and then put it back and walk out. In a way it was like throwing a wrench in the feedback loop of buy, feel good, repeat. I did this for a month or so and it really did help with the impulsivity.

Another thing that I do is I will set aside money every month that I can blow on whatever, guilt-free. Or, I could make the decision to save it and accumulate for another month.

Really, I think its about replacing habits with other habits that are healthier. Having ADHD makes us kind of myopic in a sense that we tend to focus on our habits without thinking about the repercussions or why we do them.

I recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg:
Or, im sure you could find a summary of it somewhere online.

Best of luck!

u/iamjosh · 2 pointsr/writing

I just passed my 3 year anniversary of journaling; I haven't missed a single day in that time. I struggled, however, for many years prior trying to establish this habit. I'll answer your questions and then provide some behavior tips for anyone interested in doing the same.

Why I journal:

  • It holds me accountable for my day. It can be a good ethical check.
  • Thinking about my life invariably leads to analyzing my life. Rumination can be dangerous and lead to intense dread if you do it infrequently; but performed daily, it allows for micro-adjustments and begins to diminish the accumulation of regret since you become accountable for your life daily.
  • As a creative person, I tend to spend long periods of time(hours/days/weeks...) alone; this can be dangerous as most people here probably know. During these periods, a lot of my entries are sparse: "I read most of the morning and wrote most of the afternoon...". When I become aware that I've been writing similar entries lately, it is a nice reality check that inspires me to change things up and connect with friends or do something different today to avoid being a "boring person". It's a great anti-rut mechanism.
  • It's a "cornerstone habit". It's hard to express the confidence that comes from knowing that you're capable of doing something daily for so long. I'm not a consistent person by nature, so this really is a huge accomplishment that I find encourages me in other areas of life.
  • As a writer, momentum is crucial. Any activity that gets you thinking and gets you typing is a win.
  • It's simply priceless to have a log of your life. I take this for granted now, but whenever the topic of my journal comes up, friends are always eager to see what my entry says on the day that we did whatever memory is the topic at hand.
  • Most great figures in history kept a journal. A major smug boost!
  • I can think of even more...

    What I chronicle

    This has evolved over time. I write almost an outline of the highlights of my day. I try to avoid self-indulgent writing; this isn't my masterpiece. Once I have the main points of the day down (which usually only takes about 30 seconds), I'll go back and casually fill in the details along with any reflections. My shortest entries can be a sentence or two while my longest can be around 2k words; my average entry is about 500 words. It's important to set a very realistic minimum goal; something that wont overwhelm you on the latest of nights with the heaviest of eyes. Knowing that I can finish an entry in 30 seconds has tricked me into many 10+ minute journal sessions.

    Is daily important?

    I really believe it is. I know people frequently say not to beat yourself up over it and just journal when you remember, but the reality is that if you don't get in the habit of journaling on "boring" days, you most likely wont take the time to write on important days either. Also, behaviors are mindless activities. It's just easier if you turn journaling into a behavior.

    How to create a daily journaling habit

    The Power of Habit is an amazing book. I don't typically like self-help books—this is not one of those! I think all people (but especially writers) should read it or at least become familiar with the core concept that all behaviors have 3 parts: triggers, routines and rewards. I've applied this in many areas of my life, but here's my specific strategy for journaling:

  • trigger: Brushing my teeth at night (I piggybacked off of an existing habit)

  • routine: Briefly outline my day (minimum goal); elaborate if I have more time(stretch goal)

  • reward: Allow myself to get in bed.

    In summary, I know that after I brush my teeth, I should journal and that I can't go to sleep no matter how tired I am until I perform my minimum goal of outlining my day. This might sound like a pain on the longest of days, but after a few months it becomes automatic. I've had long drunk nights where I don't even remember journaling, yet the morning reveals...a great story :)

    I hope that helps someone out there.
u/swozey · 2 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Read "The Power of Habit" sometime. You can listen to some motivational video and feel empowered to do things until you wake up in the morning. You need to build good habits where you're always striving toward a goal. Eventually it will just feel natural to work on progress.

u/thefaith1029 · 2 pointsr/schizoaffective

I'm glad you are taking charge with your medications. I really hope the shot helps. Are you in any kind of therapy or counseling co-coinciding? I think that could help you too. I really believe in being able to change your though patters and break old habits and make new ones. I know this is a simplified explanation of what is going on with you but maybe this book could benefit you in some way in terms of how you might be thinking about things and viewing them. Ignore the business part of the book, just focus on the life part.

u/Rocksteady2R · 2 pointsr/AskMen

In no particular order:

  • Do the work you were hired for. Learn the way they're teaching you. Once you know in detail how they operate, where the faults and strengths are, that is when you start suggesting how to make changes. But you've got to have that experience first.

  • Complain Up, not Down or Around (i.e. don't complain to your subordinates, nor to your peers). Don't complain to your co-workers. gather your data, develop your argument, and go to the right person. I've seen lots of half-decent workers lose serioius ground because they are constant whiners, and constantly whining to the wrong people.

  • Your work is critical to the success of the entire company. Treat it like that, do it right, and do it well, and it will pay off as it shows through. I wouldn't pay you to do work I didn't need done, even if it seems a bit like busy-work. sometimes cleaning out the stash of busy-work is the single most useful thing a person can do for the other 50 people in the company. Loose ends bog us down.

  • Make a habit of asking good questions. This means you have to learn the subject matter so well that you know what a good question is. it means you have to have insight from other peoples roles. It is one of the joys in my day when I hear one of my people ask me a really excellent question.

  • Try new personal habits. Learn how you learn. Learn how you act. Learn what processes get you the best work done. Learn what motivates you. Learn what you want out of the job. There are a scad of good "business" books that discuss things like this. My current favorite is this.

  • Don't stop learning. Even when you get all the certifications, all the credits, all the merits. I'll assume you choose the industry in you're in, so keep on learning about it. learn it on all levels. Get a hold of the industry rags (a lot of them are free, or fairly cheap), and read them over lunch, no matter how dry and bland they are. I heard something once fairly recently, I have no idea how true it is, so take it with a grain of salt. "an hour of subject matter reading a day will make you an world leading industry expert within 10 years." Who knows. What I do know is that every person in my field whom I respect the shit out of is a constant absorber of the information.

    Good Luck!
u/InVan · 2 pointsr/dataisbeautiful

Check out The Power of Habit. There's a chapter that explains how familiar sounding songs become radio hits.

“People listen to Top 40 because they want to hear their favorite songs or songs that sound like their favorite songs. When something different comes on, they’re offended. They don’t want anything unfamiliar.”

“There were songs that listeners said they actively disliked, but were sticky nonetheless… Male listeners said they hated Celine Dion and couldn’t stand her songs. But whenever a Dion tune came on the radio, they stayed tuned in. Within the Los Angeles market, stations that regularly played Dion at the end of each hour – when the number of listeners was measured – could reliably boost their audience by as much as 3 percent, a huge figure in the radio world. Male listeners may have thought they disliked Dion, but when her songs played, they stayed glued.”

u/desertflower2917 · 2 pointsr/financialindependence

I definitely am not an expert but I love MMM and he did an article on it where he laid out five steps: Mr Money Mustache: A Lifetime of Riches – Is it as Simple as a Few Habits?

He also recommended this book:

I can't say I've read the book as I still have established a consistent reading habit like I would like to do. ;) But, it's well reviewed on Amazon.

u/SideAccountForMeeeee · 2 pointsr/loseit

Oh yes, I did this about 7 months ago. I took control of my own habits. My weight plateaued (sometimes increased) for about 8 weeks while I was doing this. But then I noticed it became easier to say, "No I don't want to eat that," because I was able to control my choices better. Very slowly and gradually I noticed I started to change my choices. Veryyyyy slowly. But it happened.

Took 7 months to fully make that change and start seeing results. Today I am only 15lbs away from my goal, so I am very close to where I want to be! I'm happy with where I am. Doc says I'm very healthy and on track.

My approach came from a different angle. It wasn't "weight loss" persay, it was instead all focused on "my habits". This book talks about the science of how your brain creates and uses habits. Educating myself on this helped me a lot.

u/AfterismQueen · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

Motivation doesn't last. It takes to much mental energy. You should read The Powe of Habit Has some great insight into how habits are formed and what makes them so effective.

u/MpOoNwEeYr · 2 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

I never bit my nails, but for other habits I found this book very useful.

u/rshackleford161 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I'm glad you feel helped. Some more quick thoughts -- focus on the improvement but don't forget to continue to continue to improve and refine your practices. The ability to focus your thoughts and change your patterns is a skill, like any other. Don't expect to be great at focusing your thoughts on your progress right away, but with sustained & deliberate effort you can change yourself for the better. Just as you HAD a habit of PMOing you have a habit of negative thinking. You can change it. I found The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Amazon) (YouTube) to be extremely helpful here.


Also, the idea is not that you write a million contingency plans for PMO but that you make sure you have alternatives that are easy to remember, easy to do, easy to see the inherent value of, and easy to enjoy. Then you've really primed yourself every day for success.

u/theycallmescope · 2 pointsr/ADHD

I highly recommend checking out this book. It really helps you to think about habits in a completely different way, which can be very helpful for new routines or new schedules.

u/aiccia · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

I recently discovered that auto-hiding the taskbar helps a lot by removing all the distracting icons from my field of view.

I've also read some books on habits and something as simple as seeing a chrome or firefox icon can subconsciously trigger a desire or even a craving to visit a website that you find rewarding.

Also I actually completely disagree about the benefits of the pomodoro system(I've tried it several times also) because it creates a distracting environment because you're now constantly checking it, wondering how much time you have left. Also the pomodoro system cements the rewarding behavior of checking internet, ect whatever you do when you procrastinate by offering you these consistent 5 minute breaks.

Your true goal should be to find your work rewarding itself, to the point where you don't want a break.

So auto-hiding the taskbar also solves that problem of constantly checking the time by getting rid of your clock. Don't think about time, just try to get lost in whatever you need to do. Forget about the outside world. that is the goal. Anything that reminds you about the outside world is a distraction.

In regards to stopping bad habits and creating good habits, the one book I cannot recommend enough is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It can change your life.

u/fordaplot · 2 pointsr/Tulpas

"The Power of Habit" is an excellent psychology/productivity book on how you can optimize your thinking and behavior. A lot of its lessons can translate to better tulpamancy practices.

u/gchtb · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

What you mention is something that affects almost everyone, including myself. It's in our nature to go for the short term gain (immediate and emotional benefits) versus the long term reward(which requires more logical thinking).

For books, here's one called The power of habit. It breaks down how to form habits and how to chunk long term goals into smaller near term pieces as well as some of psychology behind it. Highly recommend a read :).

I have to ask though, what are your long term goals? can you be more specific? the more specific you can be the easier it would be to formulate specific actionable items to achieve them.

u/davesfakeaccount · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

I have no advice :( but I just wanted to say, I suffer from the same thing. Cheek, Lip, scratching and picking scabs, and have for a looooong time (almost 20 years?). I guess the most helpful thing I can say is that it hasn't killed me yet (and other than some scars, I've never gotten an infection or anything bad).

I will share what I've found so far, hopefully it helps. It would be great to see others post about this too.
I'm not sure if this is Dermatophagia, or just closely related to it. Have a look at the wikipedia article. Wikipedia states that this is a type of impulse control disorder, which I find very interesting, as I also suffer from another impulse control disorder - compulsive spending/debting (not an official diagnosis, because I don't see much benefit in getting one). I would also suggest reading the wikipedia impulse control disorder page.

I also found The power of habit fascinating, because it talks a lot about people's compulsions, and hints at actual causes and possible treatments in the future. Also, 'talk to a therapist' is always a good idea, although I haven't done that yet.

u/LeopoldTheLlama · 2 pointsr/ADHD

Well, a big part of it is going to be changing your relationship with food. Just saying that you're going to stop eating is rarely helpful because there's a reason that you eat. You need to figure out what triggers your eating, and find ways to replace eating with different activities that give you the same reward. For example, I have the problem that I always my hands to be occupied. If there is food within reach, I'll keep snacking on it largely because its something to do. I've found that (a) keeping food only in the kitchen (removing the trigger), and (b) always having something else to do with my hands (i.e. fidgets when I'm working, guitar or knitting when I'm sitting around doing nothing) goes a long way towards reducing my snacking. I would recommend taking a look at The Habit Loop -- in particular, the first third of the book and the epilogue.

u/Insoluable · 2 pointsr/psychology

Take a look at The Power of Habit. Good book on linking Habits with Conditioning and how to influence them.

To answer your question, it is possible but difficult. If you have spend years conditioning your mind and body to react to the 'in your room chair' stimulus, then snapping out of it will require you to go into some simple conditioning exercises (sitting down there, giving yourself a cue (counting to 5) and meditating for fifteen minutes for example). Otherwise just set up shop on a different section of the house, or room, like you seem to already be doing.

u/Albertican · 2 pointsr/minimalism

Absolutely, that is exactly what this is. I think this idea is what makes habits such powerful tools. Making something a habit basically removes a decision from your day. While these decisions might seem trivial - what to wear, what to have for breakfast - they all consume a bit of your limited supply of mental energy and attention - your "psychic RAM" as David Allen calls it.

I thought an excellent book on the subject was The Power of Habit.

u/a_cat_strikes_back · 2 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

For anyone interested in a good read on the topic of habits I highly recommend Charles Duhigg's Power of Habit:

His section on keystone habits - habits that have a spillover effect on other habits / area of life seem especially relevant.

u/z4ni · 2 pointsr/Fitness

No problem.

Honestly, my biggest complaint about a Keto diet, that might only apply to me, is that it doesn't help me develop willpower. It's not a strain on my willpower to only stuff my face with tasty meats.

If you're a reader, I'd suggest reading The Power of Habit. It's excellent at providing some insight into how habits are shape and how we can better change them.

u/KetelYouAreBlack · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I have been thinking about posting this same thing for some time, so if I may I will pile on your post. Duhigg's book is really eye-opening as to the power that habit holds in our lives. Combine that with Carr and you really have some powerful tools.

Here's a link to the title on Amazon: (sorry if there is shorter way to post it)

I found that my worst cravings happen in habitual circumstances - location, social situation, HALT triggers. All habit. Third part of book relates to corporate habits, but first two sections really give you insight into how your brain influences your behavior without you being aware of it.

Tony Robbins also has some great insight on habit, for those looking further.

u/Jacobamus · 2 pointsr/AskMen

Read this book. It will give you insight into why you do what you and how to change them.

u/WatchingTheThronePod · 2 pointsr/Kanye

And I'm not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt. But when I had my depression and got out of it I was really fascinated by the process and have spent a few years reflecting on it, reading books on neuroscience, forming theories, testing them, etc. Real stupid nerd hobby stuff that I find interesting because psychology is so interesting.

Depression tends to fall into two categories. Hereditary and circumstantial. Hereditary depression is genetic in nature and responds very well to medication. Circumstantial depression is the kind brought on by a relationship ending, being in a job you hate, not being satisfied with life, etc. Circumstantial depression is due to negative thought circuits so doesn't really respond to medication because medication treats chemical imbalances. Chemical imbalances aren't the same as negative thought patterns.

Negative thought patterns almost always have a trigger sensory trigger. As do most negative patterns. For example, say you get McDonalds every day on your way to work. You put on 100lbs. You decide you want to lose the weight. Every day you drive to work will be a struggle to not get McDonalds because you've formed a habit chain triggered by the drive to work. Fighting the trigger will deplete glucose (the willpower resource that fuels good decision making), leaving you susceptible to poor decision making later in the day.

So if you want to break the McDonalds habit and not have the morning struggle the solution would be to take a different road to work. This is because the new route means a new neural pattern has to form for "drive to work" since the new route has different sensory information. This means it cleans the slate when it comes to triggers. Meaning you won't have the same McDonalds cravings.

The best thing you can do then to recover from a depression is rearrange as much as you can. Change the layout of your bedroom and living room. Buy five new shirts. Travel to a city you've never been to before. Get some decorations. Spend time with friends at places the two of you have never gone before. Start watching new TV shows you've never seen.

By rearranging the furniture around you, you create a new neural pattern that dilutes the power of old triggers. Like, if you and an ex sat on the couch all the time, every time you sit on the couch you'll trigger the neural patterns for your ex. But if you move the couch to face a new wall then you suddenly don't have any memories/patterns of having been with your ex in this situation.

When I was depressed at college and couldn't drop out, I ended up spending a lot of time at the campus book store reading graphic novels. I'd go to the art museum. I'd go to movies. By immersing myself in these artistic realms it made the reality of Cleveland in the winter that much more bearable because for a few hours each day I was mentally and spiritually gone from Cleveland.

For some further reading, check out Willpower by Roy Baumeister. Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Then I really recommend reading the book The Definitive Guide to Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease (something like that. The body language book is just something really cool because it always gives you something to do. Like, I've been at parties where I didn't know anyone but because I know this dumb shit about body language I could read the room and know who liked who, who disliked who, who wasn't having a good time, who was, and then figure out who to talk to. It's helped me make friends, get laid, get friends laid, do well in work situations, etc. invaluable information that was also part of my getting out of depression.

If you have any questions, please ask!

u/BBBalls · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

I had kind of a hard time thinking about a response I felt good about. Below are resources roughly sequenced as "stages". All the resources are within or related to the Theravada tradition. I tried to keep everything free. When a preferred resource is not free, I include a free alternative. Buddhism is very much a practice, so when instructions are given put them into practice the best you can. There is also a need to understand why you are practicing, so there is a need to understand Buddhist theory. Some of these resources might not be seem immediately applicable to you, which is fine, just think of it as being similar to reviewing a map before going on the hike. This small collection of selected resources may seem overwhelming, but learning the dhamma is a long process, so there is no hurry to read or listen to everything. It is like walking through mist, you don't necessarily notice getting wet. I just want to reiterate that practicing is very important. Buddhism is about doing, and to lesser degree about acquiring book knowledge. One caution, I put several different meditation styles below; go a head and experiment with them, but figure out which one fits you best and stick with it for a while. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer skillfully. Remember that persistence will bring rewards. Good luck.


"Stage 1"

With Each & Every Breath: A Guide to Meditation by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana [not free] (Free older version)

Noble Strategy by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

The Buddha’s Teachings: An Introduction by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

"Stage 2"

In the Buddha's Words: An Anthology of Discourses from the Pali Canon edited by Bhikkhu Bodhi [not free] (A free "clone" can be found at It has all of the introductions Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote, but uses free translations of the suttas)

The Dhammapada: A New Translation of the Buddhist Classic with Annotations translated by Gil Fronsdal [not free] (A free and reliable translation of the Dhammapada by Anandajoti Bhikkhu)

"Stage 3"

The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikaya translated by Bhikkhu Nanamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi [not free] (Free translations of all of the Majjhima Nikaya suttas can be found at Thanissaro Bhikkhu has translated a free anthology of the Majjhima Nikaya called Handful of Leaves, Volume II: an Anthology from the Majjhima Nikaya)

The Wings to Awakening: An Anthology from the Pali Canon by Thanissaro Bhikkhu


"Stage 1"

Introduction to Meditation is an audio course by Gil Fronsdal.

Basics is collection of talks by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

The Buddha's Teaching As It Is: An Introductory Course is a series of talks by Bhikkhu Bodhi

Eightfold Path Program is a series of talks by Gil Fronsdal.

Four Noble Truths is a series by Gil Fronsdal and Andrea Fella.

"Stage 2"

Don't eat your fingers. Seriously though, just listen to talks and get a better feel for the dharma.

"Stage 3"

Seven Factors of Awakening is a series of talks by Gil Fronsdal.

A Systematic Study of the Majjhima Nikaya by Bhikkhu Bodhi

Resources:(There are a huge number of great resource. Below are the ones I frequent or have frequented)


Talks: (huge variety of teachers have talks here), (Thanissaro Bhikkhu has a huge catalog of talks. He has a straight forward style.), (Gil Fronsdal has very accessible teaching style. He presents the dharma in an almost secular way, but doesn't doesn't diminish it in the process.)

Video: Buddhist Society of Western Australia (Ajahn Brahm is a much loved and accessible teacher), Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu (Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu has a very calm demeanor, and does live Q&A regularly, StudentofthePath (Bhikkhu Jayasara is a recently ordained monk and is an active redditor, u/Bhikkhu_Jayasara), Dhammanet (Bhikkhu Sujato has "loose" and friendly teaching style, but is a serious scholar.)

u/EmperorXenu · 2 pointsr/OpiatesRecovery

Right, I don't do the whole nomenclature thing, but labels are sometimes useful for describing exactly what "system" someone is using. Living in the now, so to speak, and not identifying with the mind are definitely great skills to cultivate. If you don't already utilize some form of cognitive behavioral therapy, like REBT, you should look into that because the two complement each other very well.

I'm waiting on:

Mindfulness in Plain English

Focused and Fearless: A Meditator's Guide to States of Deep Joy, Calm, and Clarity

Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond: A Meditator's Handbook

They were from the /r/meditation book recommendation thread, and I've been trying to develop mindfulness skills more.

u/BassOfTheSea · 2 pointsr/Meditation

My advice would be to take your time, but do a few minutes of something everyday diligently. There is a massive, steaming, pungent pile of bullshit throughout the meditation community that you should be wary of. Anyone preaching rapid life improvement, chakras, connection with higher beings, or anything that doesn't sound relatively boring and dry is deluded. The basics are to sit in a quiet place, comfortably, and focus on the sensation of breathing. That is it. You're eyes can be open or closed, your legs can be crossed or not, you can be in a chair or on the floor. Just sit down, focus on breathing, and when your mind gets distracted (as it will a thousand times a session) return your attention to how the breath feels. Here is a list of things to try:

u/tippytoetulips · 2 pointsr/exmormon

Mindfulness in Plain English by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana

Good book, more about the meditation side, less about the religion side. I found a free copy floating on the internet.

u/root_z · 2 pointsr/Meditation

Mindfulness In Plain English. I think everyone beginning a mindfulness practice should read this book.

Another author and teacher I would recommend would be Jon Kabat-Zinn

u/Juxtr · 2 pointsr/Psychonaut
Mindfulness in plain English. It’s a great staring point.

u/blissdancefly · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Happy birthday! I hope you have a fantastic day!

Jokes on you

I feel too bad about pulling pranks to do it often. The outcome is never as funny as desired, at least for me. Maybe that's because I'm not very good at coming up with prank ideas and stuff like that. When I was younger though, I thought I was very clever. When I was around 8, I spent the whole week before April Fool's building up that I thought there was a fairy loose in the house and I had to catch it. I built "fairy traps" all over the house. April first, my parents woke up to glitter everywhere and all of my horrible traps "deployed". I ran around yelling, "I told you there was a fairy, I told you!!" Yup, I'm clever. I also had to spend hours cleaning up that damn glitter. I hate glitter.

u/soutioirsim · 2 pointsr/Mindfulness


As you meditate more, you may come to realise that it's the identification of yourself with an emotion which causes a significant amount of suffering (not the emotion itself). For example, I suffered from quite bad anxiety when around large numbers of people (lectures, meetings, etc). Pre-mindfulness, I would become anxious which leads to a freight train of thoughts such as: "what if this gets worse?", "what if I have a full-blown panic attack in front of all these people?", "I can't cope with this". Notice how all these thoughts have an I in them; it's all self-referential and believing that this emotion is you. I found depression is similar but the thoughts are more like: "why do I feel like this?", "I'm more depressed than everyone else", "I'm not normal; I'm going to be like this forever".

The aim of mindfulness is to accept our emotions, but probably more importantly is to also change how we relate to our emotions and this is the aspect which takes time, patience and persistance. So please, please, please, keep on meditating!

> I almost don't want to accept my sad emotions

I understand this and is extremely difficult. To completely give in to your emotions is almost an art. Try it as a sort of "experiment" if sadness comes up in meditation; try to completely let the sadness in. See how it feels in your body, if it creates any tension, where it sits, if there's a change in breathing, if there's a change in temperature etc.


This probably will happen to a certain extent, but I would argue that this brings a freedom that the majority of the population is unaware from.

The next time you're on a train/bus or at a party, have a look at the people around you. A lot of people going to work are grasping for that next step up the career ladder or that pay rise, hoping it will be them happiness when they are at the top or can afford those new, more expensive shoes they've always wanted. People are driven by thought processes which ultimately won't make them happy. Again with people at a party; how many people look at ease? You have people desperately trying to fit in, which is fueled by feelings of anxiety and fear of failure. You have people desperately trying to be "cool", to fulfill this story/narrative that they are cool and popular. If not, their identity crumbles and they are miserable.

Mindfulness helps us step out of our own narrative and truly live. Instead of focusing on money, status, intellectualism, athleticism, etc, you can simply be here now. This will generally make you more compassionate as well.

I would argue that the less we identify with the self, the more freedom we have. I had a similar crisis of identity when I started meditating. I was a keen athlete and was always striving for better and faster. After meditating for a while though, I realised that this was primarily driven by anxiety and feel of failure. All of a sudden I had zero motivation to train and compete! What was the point? To me it didn't matter anymore. This was problematic as exercise really helped my mental health. The solution I found was to carry on training/exercising, but this time the aim was to simply enjoy the process. Be present in my training sessions. Explore how my body reacts during training and racing. Fully give in to the process of competing, while trying not to identify which the outcome/results too much (I'm still not great at this last bit, as I still place a lot of my self-worth in how I perform. I'm slowly getting better though).

What I'm trying to say is that you can carry on doing the hobbies/activities you enjoy, but approach them with a different outlook.


I've experiences space distortion (e.g. the floor underneath me falling away which was very weird and intense) but never hallucination so I can't really help you there. However, if you want to systematically and carefully explore meditation further step-by-step, then I cannot recommend enough The Mind Illuminated by Dr John Yates (which is completely free of religion and jargon which is refreshing). In my opinion, Eckharte Tolle's book is a waste of space and there are better books on being mindful:

  • Wherever You Go, There You Are
  • Mindfulness In Plain English

  • Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World

    The first two books are more about the essence of mindfulness and the third is more of a step-by-step guide to mindfulness written by a brilliant researcher here in Oxford. Russ Harris' books on ACT are fantastic :)

    Edit: One last thing I wanted to say about the negative effects of mindfulness is that my motivation to work towards my PhD also took a hit when I started meditating. Again, a lot of my motivation for my PhD was anxiety and fear or failure, and once I identified with these emotions less and less, the less I worried about working hard. This again is slow progress but I'm trying to switch emphasis in my work from achieve, achieve, achieve, to enjoying and savouring the process. It's difficult though with periods of high-pressure and deadlines!
u/mindful_island · 2 pointsr/Mindfulness

Always glad to discuss!

I learn a lot as I try to articulate my understanding and experience. That is one of the reasons I started teaching mindfulness practice.

I've listened to a lot of Alan Watts. I love that he described himself as a "spiritual entertainer" and a "philosophical entertainer". I could listen to him talk for hours. :D

I've also listened to many videos of Tolle, he is a great guy. I haven't read books from either of them.

I've read a little about Huang Po back when I hung out in /r/zen a little. I've since moved on from that place. BTW if you ever go there, maybe you already have, take them all with a grain of salt. I think there is more to learn from the zen texts and meditation than the toxic people in that forum.

'Taking the Path of Zen' by Robert Aiken is really good.

'Mindfulness in Plain English' may be the best intro to mindfulness I've read.

'Focused and Fearless' is a very direct and simple guide to Jhana practice, or absorption concentration meditation. It describes very specifically how to reach and identify every level of Jhana.

'The Posture of Meditation' is a great guide to the role your body plays in meditation. It is the most in depth guide on posture, but it can be an intro to meditation in itself. The author teaches that you can read deep mindful states with only correct posture.

Most of those talk about actual practice, which I think is the most important.

For philosophy and understanding what is going on I highly recommend this course:

It is a serious and lengthy course for which you will need patience to sit through lectures. An evolutionary psychologist from Princeton - Robert Wright evaluates Buddhism through the lens of modern psychology.

That was a defining course for me and gave me a lot of motivation to practice whole heartedly.

u/asstasticbum · 2 pointsr/cigars

Oh yes, Mindfullness and breathing exercises are done multiple times daily.

An amazing book for absolutely anyone wanting to catch their breath and stay more "in the now" as opposed the past and future. Mindfulness in Plain English.

u/Praelior · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

I am still working on it. I also wasn't trying to imply "I had things worse", since everyone handles things differently. I thought it would just help put things into context.

Things are getting slowly better compared to 1 month ago, 2 weeks ago etc. The things I listed off have definitely helped me. I'm glad I communicated to my bosses. It really depends upon your relationship with them however, but mine prefer having very frank conversations. So I flat out told them, I dread driving in everyday, and I'm overwhelmed. I pretty much made an assessment that I'm not looking to be king of the business world any more (I've been working for 7 years). I ideally want a job that I can go in, work hard at, and go home after 9 hours. (save for some sporadic busy periods)

This book on Mindfulness also helped me:
Mindfulness in Plain English

I think the biggest thing for me was seeing a professional. Even if I don't extract to much from a session, I feel better for going. Everyone is different however. I decided to just take all of the things people suggest to reduce stress/anxiety, and diligently apply all of them.

Although work has been stressful for a while, I kind of ignored it early. I had some pretty severe things going on in my life, and anything that happened at work seemed incredibly insignificant. The other stressful things let me just shut off work like a faucet.

However, I do recognize that although my work is indeed stressful right now, my response to it is over the top.

u/jkingme · 2 pointsr/DAE

Hey, man. Although I can't personally relate to your experience, it sounds like a horrible situation. If therapy/pills/whatever hasn't worked, I have a book to suggest to you. It has helped me put my mind right in a lot of messed up areas of my life. Mindfulness in Plain English teaches you to observe the mind's habits, and to look for and address their causes. Although it is written from a Buddhist standpoint, you certainly don't have to affiliate with any belief to get a lot out of it. I hope you find happiness.

u/omaround · 2 pointsr/india

I also wonder about my life and frequently get caught into the web of past and where I am going into the future. I can relate to some of your problems and its really difficult to beat the mind going through such a thought process especially when one feel he is all alone in this world. Slowly I have come to realize that doing nothing is the greatest problem because our mind want to give ourself and identity, and for that it does by reflecting on the past bad events and regrets.

The most important thing in the process is to identify any one person with whom you can share your feelings. Believe me you will feel better. Find out one person who will listen to you about what you think. Sometimes we hide things from even ourselves which comes out right infront of us when we find someone you is considerate and ready to listen to us.
If there is no such person then you need to find out one thing you are really passionate about, it can be teaching, may be fishing, photography and just go do it. As you have said you don't care about anyone and nobody cares about you, then that there is a great opportunity to redefine yourself. Restart your life the way you want it without anyone judging and anybody suggesting something. May be go to Dharmshala and live there for few months or something. Some of the seniors in my college has tried that and they have spent even a full year there.

You have to start believing that there are people who care about you. Sitting around and wondering the about past friends would not do it. Go out to tourist places, find out how people get along on their day to day life to provide their family, to just be able to support them for one more day. It will definitely change your thought process. If you are not able to meet the people you already know, go out and talk to strangers. Keep learning keep trying.

Start meditation. I will not be able comprehend the full benefits it provide. Try one of these books,

Go out get lost and rediscover yourself.

u/thag_you_very_buch · 2 pointsr/conspiracy

If you would like to read more, here are some personal book recommendations.

These are NOT referral links

Stalking the Wild Pendulum: On the Mechanics of Consciousness by Itzhak Bentov

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
Note: Please preview the audiobook of this one before purchasing. The narrator sounds very pretentious and personally it was distracting.

u/TransfoCrent · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

This book has been an immense help to me. The author is really good at explaining what mindfulness meditation is and I always feel soothed and reassured just from reading from it. I've got a very noisy and unfocused brain too (I'm sure that goes for most people on this sub lol) but mindfulness is an excellent tool to overcome that. Good luck dude :)

u/evergreen35 · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Learning and practicing meditation really helped me get thru some dark times. This Book is especially good. Buddhist philosophy (not religion) has also been a great refuge for me. Happiness comes from within, but it takes a lot of work to get there. Hope this helps.

u/solsangraal · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

>and I can't tell if he's trying to get over it by not talking about it or if I really let him down and he's upset

>but I feel like something is different

>I feel like he's too good to me

>I feel like deep down he's disappointed in me

you're still overthinking shit. you have these bad feelings that come around because of your insecurities and are trying to work them out rationally, but logic and reason don't line up with your deep seated "i'm not good enough" default attitude. but you're right, you need to get a handle on that, or it'll make your life miserable, not to mention the lives of anyone close to you. i recommend meditation:

u/brant_1 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

For meditation, I would read Mindfulness in Plain English and try a guided meditation like the one Sam Harris has on his site (his podcast is also great if you've never checked it out) and maybe think about something like headspace (there are also free online guided meditation services but I am not aware of any to recommend).


Also definitely stay away from porn, it will do nothing except to damage you. Can't emphasize how crucial this is if you want to see the true benefits of nofap and regain/maintain a natural perspective on sex and women. Something that may help is to tell yourself "okay, I will watch porn, but only after I do x", where x is a cold shower or workout or something else productive (I think change of environment is essential to it being as effective as possible). Once you have finished, you probably will not want to watch porn. I would also look at your diet (it really helps): try to minimize processed foods and high fat items, and replace them with fresh fruit and veggies. Frozen wild blueberries are great for your health and I make a smoothie with them every day.

u/Razr_Leaf · 2 pointsr/atheism

> Can you unpack that a little? I think I know what you're getting at but not 100% sure.

Sure. My mother (evangelical Christian, though I believe it to be fading with time) has described to me the same experience of temporarily "losing" her sense of self and existing in a state of raw awareness that my Buddhist ex-roommate strives for, only she calls it god and believes it's Yahweh communicating with her, and he thinks it's a deeper level of himself that he has connected with empirically through mediation. It's the same experience that my new-age fiends have while frying on acid that they call cosmic consciousness; the same one I've had during an NDE, on mushrooms, and one time when I was close to sober (I'd had two fingers of scotch an hour prior) and an atheist.

Basically it's a moment when you experience something bigger than your self (read: self in the psychological sense). The filters of your perception are gone, you are no longer the product of your past for a few minutes. During this time the mind is incredibly open to suggestion. Most people hallucinate. Many see religious icons or places, others see aliens, some just see geometry or something.

Virtually every religion includes something along these lines, even if it only originates from "heretical" sources. It's very easy for me to see how people immediately take this to be a supernatural communication. If I had not seen norse religious imagery during my NDE (I really liked reading about vikings for a while), but the Christian imagery I was indoctrinated with, I may have taken it as divine revelation myself. I did take it to be divine revelation from mushrooms prior to that NDE, for about 4 years.

> Well if those statistics were anything like true then I'd agree with you. Of course this comes down to one's subjective experience of the religious, but the religious people in my life don't subscribe to the latter in any way, shape or form.

It's probably not a legit number, but the real objective numbers are not encouraging. Something like 45% of Americans don't believe in evolution. They think the world is 6000 years old and that humans were created in their present form by god. Huge percentages of Muslims (including many groups we consider moderate) believe that gays should be stoned to death, that apostates should be killed, that sexes should be segregated. This is an epidemic. The value that a minority of religious believers and theologians derive from these teachings are not worth the cost to society that is incurred.

> the UK, your average Church-goer potters around with a little cup of tea and believes vaguely in something that wants them to be nice to other people. Is that really so bad, and are those sorts of religious people really so tiny in number?

There is no reason to believe they would not find the same quality of life without religion. To the contrary, the evidence suggests that the irreligious are more compassionate and charitable. It is far better to know why you are going to be good to people than to have a vague impression of something wanting you to.

The cost of that innocent church-goer's delusion is the societal consensus that it's totally fine to hear and follow voices in your head and operate under the assumption that this is the infallible will of a deity that will harm you if you don't obey. That translates to millions of murders, millions of mutilated genitals, the punishment of rape victims, and a hundred other types of atrocities that are carried out each and every year, justified and made into tradition all because of this one little delusion.

> Equally, remember all these people should be allowed their own spiritual journey, and just may not quite have got to the "transcending the ego" part.

I agree with that, but I do not believe that we should start them out on their spiritual journey with books that include, "torture and kill those people of there or I will do worse to you for all of eternity."

> But if they're in a religion, while it may be deeply imperfect (as you're saying), at least they're on a path that can get them there. What chance do they have without it?

The assumption that people would be incapable of learning about these subjective "truths" or gems that religion offers without the bronze-age barbarism and threats of damnation added in is not one I think is justified. Secular humanism offers a much better path without all the bullshit.

> For me you don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater though.

When people are throwing rocks at their own goddamn children until they die because of the baby, you have to ask how many lives that baby is worth.

> religion is really the best option we've got, indeed probably the only one (in terms of getting those "gems").

I couldn't disagree more. Religion led me far away from those gems when I was in it. Ingesting psychedelic drugs was a much quicker and more rewarding route, and so was reading Mindfulness in Plain English. I believe that we would be hard pressed to come up with a worse option than Abrahamic religion.

> But there are perfectly coherent theodicies that entirely reject the killing, the bigotry, the hatred, the enslavement.

Perfectly coherent? Which ones? From my readings I found all of them to be densely circular in reasoning and not worth the time it took to jump through the mental gymnastics course that they required.

> Why are you so convinced that theology can't move on and develop, as it already has over the centuries?

Because the texts that it is based on do not move on and develop.

Any time there is uncertainty or conflict, it will be an option for the politician to quote the parts that we usually ignore and apologize for, and rile up the moderate believers into extremism. Compare Afghanistan in the 1970s to today and you'll see what I mean. Religion only progresses in spite of its texts, and because those come from the fucking bronze age, when it regresses the shit hits the fan extra hard.

> And why do you ignore the peaceful billions for whom religion isn't an automatic source of division?

I don't ignore them, I blame them for perpetuating the immoral power structure that provides a haven for the not-so peaceful. The opportunity cost of their fantasy is too great to be calculated. Even if it's not a source of division for them, it is definitely automatically a source of delusion, and that's just too harmful to be given a pass IMO.

u/podophyllum · 2 pointsr/Meditation

Personally, I'm not on board with the "meditation is whatever feels good to you" school. In the more than two thousand year history of meditation just about every possible permutation has been tried and the less efficient methods have been cast aside (edit: but many survive on r/Meditation).
Yes, you can lay down but it is generally not recommended unless you have some medical issue that prevents you from sitting. As u/AltcoinsBattle noted laying down tends to lead to at least some measure of dullness or sleepiness for most people. There is a good guide to meditation postures here.
Having a window open is fine as long as you don't find it too distracting. Beginners are often very easily distracted so you may find that you initially prefer or require as much quiet as possible but ultimately you'll need to learn to deal with the distractions of daily life and less protected environments.
Twenty minutes a day is excellent for a beginner but the main thing is to practice every day. If setting a goal of 20 minutes becomes a barrier that inhibits regular daily practice then shorter sessions are fine but eventually you'll want to aim for 20 minutes or longer.
I recommend Bhante Gunaratana's Mindfulness in Plain English as one of the very best introductory guides to meditation.
(edit: I strongly urge you to find a teacher or a practice group. You'll probably make your progress much more efficient.)

u/ThisTimeIsNotWasted · 2 pointsr/Meditation

A more achievable goal is mindfulness! If you focus on enlightenment as the goal you might find it distracting. I found this book on the subject to be quite helpful:

u/Penguin_Party12345 · 2 pointsr/agnostic

Mindfulness in Plain English. It is a buddhist book about how to think objectively and clearly. It is very insightful and I know people are recommending atheist books so here is your religious book recommendation. Even though it focuses more on how to think properly and objectively more than anything else. I accidentally ordered an extra copy and would be willing to ship it to you, under the stipulation that you have to ship it or recommend to someone else on /r/agnosticism to read it, that is if you like it.

Edit: You gave me a topic idea! Thank you!

u/garoththorp · 2 pointsr/shrooms

Thanks, it really made my day, knowing that you got some value out of my comment :-)

I think that mindfulness meditation, first and foremost, is what will bring you the most peace. Mindfulness meditation gives you several major superpowers that you can use anytime. Their value cannot be overstated:

  • The ability to be an "impartial observer" to your own mind, at all times. One of the big problems with the "loops" I described in my post above is that most people don't realize it's happening. They focus on the experience and the panic and trying to escape, but they don't see how. Mindfulness teaches you to see what's going on "under the hood". (This "mindful attitude" generally leaks into other areas of your life as well. You gain superpowers of observation.)
  • The ability to terminate thoughts at will. For a skilled meditator, the answer to "I don't want to feel this way" is simply to stop. You gain control over which thoughts are allowed to run. You also learn to simply blank your mind completely. At first, a person can only do this for 30 seconds at a time or so. Over time, they can learn to do it indefinitely -- and just sink into the beauty of "now".
  • The ability to concentrate fully on one specific thing. Hyper-focus. Since you can control which thoughts enter and exist in your mind, you will be able to accomplish more tasks with less stress.

    Over time these abilities shape you into a peaceful, calm, intelligent, compassionate, and successful person.

    My favourite book on meditation is Mindfulness in Plain English. I think this book is very good because it explains meditation + mindfulness + concentration + the relationship with Buddhism in a clear and non-religious way. Really lays it down logically why it's worth doing and why it works.

    P.S. with regards to trying some low doses -- I understand there are also "guided audio wellness meditations" aimed specifically for trips. This isn't really the same sort of thing as the mindfulness meditation that I advocated for above, but guided meditations are pretty enjoyable and useful. Anyway, I haven't tried 'em, but some friends report great results. I think that it might be nice, since the audio helps keep your trip "on the rails".
u/7xcelle · 2 pointsr/TrollAnxiety

The westernized version of mindfulness does sound really kitschy. I found it helpful putting it back into the culture from which it has been adopted/bastardized and understanding it from there gives it context and adds depth. One book I really liked is Mindfulness in Plain English
It's written by a Buddhist monk for non-Buddhists. It's very direct with really basic and interesting exercises that aren't very Eat Pray Lovey.

u/FiveFourThreeNoseOne · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Have you ever tried or considered meditation or mindfulness? It can do wonders as a mood stabilizing tool. Formal meditation is certainly a longer term thing, but some mindfulness techniques can be put into practice and show results fairly quickly. It's clinically tested and proven stuff. There are some great books to look into, like Full Catastrophe Living or Mindfulness in Plain English.

u/archmichael · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I have heard good feedback on "Mindfulnes in Plain English". You can try /r/meditation as well but with a caution that you don't get too attached to the minutiae of doing it correctly.

I would say that in Buddhism, there is no such thing as violent rejection. You are meditating and your mind is a calm as a mirror lake, and a unwanted thought bubbles up to the surface. You don't play whack-a-mole. Because the force of smacking that bubble creates more disturbance that the bubble would. You note it an go back to meditating, and that bubble will pop on it's own and dissipate.

So "Not living in the past" is not the same as "I am going to deny/forget the past". The difference is just taking the lesson learned, and letting the painful mistake that lead up to it go. Consciously choosing not to dwell in the past.

And the same applies for the future. Imagine going on a road trip. You know where you are going. You don't need to check a map every 5 minutes. Or have you ever gone on a trip with a friend who believes that if you don't have a detailed itinerary, you can't have fun?

This wisdom has come down to us in many forms. "It's the journey, not the destination." And if you think about it the odd thing is that the guy who just wants to get better at art ends up becoming more successful, than the guy who sets out specifically to be "a famous artist".

u/C0unt_Z3r0 · 2 pointsr/latterdaysaints

A few of mine:

  • Mindfulness in Plain English, Bhante Gunaratana - This book is what got me thinking about the idea that meditation is a way that we can train ourselves to "listen" for revelation from the Spirit in addition to the common methods we use to "seek" revelation from the Spirit.

  • Meditations, Marcus Aurelius - Because the Stoics spouted so much truth it's not even funny. Cicero is pretty good too...

  • Human Action and Theory and History, Ludwig von Mises - because I learned that truth can be found even in economic and political writings...

  • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey - The way he discusses the practicalities of agency is second to none in my book...

u/amk2707 · 2 pointsr/Meditation

Honestly, just focusing on the breathe, and noticing when the mind wanders and re-focusing on the breathe is really it. As you continue to meditate, over time, years even, your perception of how to do that will change. You will notice how to catch your mind wandering quicker. You will also see what causes yo