Best post-traumatic stress disorder books according to redditors
We found 428 Reddit comments discussing the best post-traumatic stress disorder books. We ranked the 44 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
There's a great book called "Achilles in Vietnam" by psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, who compares PTSD symptoms seen in his patients (Vietnam vets) to the descriptions of Greek soldiers experiencing psychological trauma in Homer's Iliad. It's a really interesting book -- the two main points are that PTSD is not a modern ailment but has been affecting soldiers since the beginning of history, and that honoring soldiers' experiences in a heroic narrative promotes psychological healing in numerous ways.
First off, let me say thank you for your service.
PTSD in the Roman army is actually the topic of my Master's thesis, so I can at least give a fairly well-researched answer in that department. In short, the answer is very likely yes- though perhaps not in the way you might expect.
Anyone looking for the presence of a modern psychological disorder in the ancient world must tread the path carefully. After all there are around 2,000 years worth of differences in culture and medicine separating the traumatized Vietnam veteran from the traumatized Roman legionary. One has to take into account the fact that a Roman soldier's entire worldview and manner of thought was informed by the world in which he lived. It is not enough to simply create a list of symptoms and check off each instance resembling them in the ancient primary sources as evidence for PTSD. For instance, a woman who is seen at a funeral wailing at the top of her lungs, tearing her dress, scratching her face, and ripping out her hair would almost certainly be thought of as traumatized today. However these reactions were so normative in Roman culture that such scenes were even professionalized. Essentially this is what the most notable works on this topic have done so far. In comparing ancient Greeks or Romans side by side with Vietnam veterans, they run the risk of wholly decontextualizing historical actors from the stage on which they belong. That being said, Achilles in Vietnam by Johnathan Shay and From Melos to My Lai by Lawrence Tritle are both excellent works of scholarship which delve into the topic of PTSD in ancient Greece far more than this young history grad can do in a single Reddit post. They also do quite a bit to drive home the terrible toll that combat can take on soldiers and the difficulty of returning home to life as a civilian.
So, instead of simply looking for parallels, I think it is better to look towards the way psychologists themselves approach the problem of applying Western diagnoses to people from a foreign or non-Western background. One of the biggest criticisms psychologists have towards the "official" definition of PTSD found in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, sporadically re-published and updated by the American Psychiatric Association) is that it is almost entirely based on the observation of American trauma victims and their attendant symptoms. Only recently have researchers conducted enough studies of trauma reactions in foreign cultures to begin a meta-analysis of data that can bring us closer to understanding PTSD from a universal, rather than Ameri-centric, point of view. So with that thrown out there, let's get back to the Romans.
As any cross-cultural psychologist might tell you, the same disorders can have wholly different origins and be expressed in a wholly different way based on an individual's personal and cultural experience. When it comes to Roman soldiers, the violence of warfare was not such a problem as it might be to an American soldier. This was due to many reasons, not the least of which were desensitization (death was not uncommon nor unseen in the ancient world), the reward system of the Roman military (which encouraged excessive, even suicidal, violence), and the lack of any inherent moral contradiction in warfare. A modern soldier going to war must, to more or less of an extent, overcome the strictures society has put on him/her saying "it is wrong to kill." A Roman soldier had much fewer scruples. This is not to say that they were not afraid of death in battle (this is well-attested to), but rather that personal guilt or shame generated by the act of killing another human being was highly dependent on the circumstance of the kill. As a Roman soldier, your duty was to kill and route the enemy- no ifs, ands, or buts. As a result, we usually only see instances in which Roman soldiers end up killing their own comrades, or even family members, as having a particularly traumatic aura about them. For this very reason almost all the literature which appears to describe PTSD in the Roman military occurs in the context of civil war or mutiny.
So then, what was traumatic to a Roman soldier, and how did that trauma manifest itself? There is a lot more work to be done, but sources from the 1st cent. BCE to the 2nd cent. CE overwhelmingly point to public shame, as opposed to personal guilt, as the most likely catalyst for posttraumatic behavior. Roman soldiers would go to great lengths to obtain esteem in the eyes of their peers. In the ambition for glory he might even commit acts of shame as a kind of gamble which, when lost, came at the price of psychological stability. The kicker was not the acts themselves, but how those acts affected his social standing. Troops leading a successful mutiny were not so ashamed if the ordeal were a success. But if they mutinied and failed, their public shame would mentally torture them (that is, until they were executed by their superiors). As the Republic became the Principate and the Principate became the Dominate, the legions found their own fates intimately bound to matters of state and politics. This rose the stakes ever higher. When the short-lived emperor Otho had the previous emperor, Galba, murdered and just 3 months later failed to beat back yet another contender to the throne, he chose to commit suicide. Many of the ordinary soldiers who had betrayed Galba to back Otho followed suit.
None of the anguish above necessarily indicates the presence of PTSD, so I'll return here to the psychology. Cross-cultural psychologists have observed that, regardless of cultural background, people who suffer persistent emotional disturbances in the wake of a traumatic event exhibit intrusive memory symptoms in some form. Here in the US, these are closely related to what we commonly call "flashbacks." For the Romans, people experiencing intrusive memories were said to be haunted by ghosts. These individuals show up in historical, philosophical, and even medical texts. Josephus, who was an outsider to Roman culture, also describes this phenomenon in his history of The Great Revolt. Those haunted by ghosts are constantly depicted showing many symptoms which would be familiar to the modern PTSD sufferer. Insomnia, depression, mood swings, being easily startled, frequent eye movement, alertness all day and night, paranoia, avoidance of crowds, suicidal thoughts/attempts, loss of appetite, shaking/shivering, self-hatred, and impulsive violence have all turned up in association with these individuals. Since in almost every case the person experiencing these things had made himself an object of public shame, the "ghosts" in question often came in the form of those he had killed or wronged in the past. These would either appear spontaneously to the sufferer, or would come in the form of vivid, frightening nightmares. The key component to these experiences, as with modern cases of PTSD, was that the sufferer had no control over his own symptoms. Thoughts or vivid memories would occur unexpectedly and uncontrollably. It is easy to see why the Romans, who were religiously superstitious to begin with, would attribute such things to the foul play of malicious spirits.
You were asking specifically about the experience of close-quarters combat for ancient soldiers, and there are some interesting tidbits there too. Like I said before, all evidence points to the fact that, unlike modern combatants, Roman soldiers were neither repulsed nor disturbed by the violence of combat. Contrary to what we might expect today, violence against others appears to have had a healing effect on soldiers suffering from the impact of shame. After a mutiny under Germanicus had died down, his soldiers violently hacked to death their own ringleaders. Tacitus writes, “The troops reveled in the butchery, which they took as an act of purification.” (Ann, 1.44) Tacitus later continues,
> Even yet the temper of the soldiers remained savage and a sudden desire came over them to advance against the enemy: it would be the expiation of their madness; nor could the ghosts of their companions be appeased till their own impious breasts had been marked with honorable wounds. (Ann, 1.49)
Violence was not simply a way to regain honor, but to the Roman soldier was a rite of absolution, which could bring peace to those suffering from intrusive memories. Killing or death in battle allowed for the redemption of public shame and the healing of trauma. Even suicide, also viewed as an honorable, redemptive reaction to public shame, might be thought of as a sort of healing method for the traumatized Roman soldier- if only the medicine were not so strong.
Anyhow, I hope that this answered some of your questions. If you would like links to my sources for the above claims I'll be happy to give them, but since it is late and I'm sleepy I decided to leave most of it for later, pending interest/objection. :)
There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score
It talks distinctly about how sometimes talk therapy can open wounds rather than heal them. Sometimes the body is so caught up in the wounds that the mind isn't ready for traditional therapy. It makes a whole bunch of suggestions on how to deal with trauma in other ways. Perhaps this may give you some of the relief that you desire.
You have every right to be angry. I hope that no-one judges you. And if they do, then they obviously haven't the foggiest notion what you have been through.
I watched a one man play last year that, more or less, talked about this. It was just him talking about his experiences in war and how it effected him. But also how he sought comfort in reading and then performing Shakespeare. The most interesting part is the concept of the "berserker" as a form of PTSD. A seeking requirement towards death that leads one down a destructive path. Hence the concept of removing armor and rushing into the melee.
His concept was that Margaret of Anjou was, effectively, a P.O.W and...goes berserk later. I'm not 100% sold on it, but researching it did lead me to read Jonathan Shay's novel "Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character". Which was pretty amazing to read. Comparing Achilles fall into madness to PTSD and veterans was quite interesting and helpful to me.
Here's a link to an article written by the playwright mentioned and link to the book in question
I love her. Have you heard her TED talk or read her books? She is a remarkable human being.
EDIT: Her book - https://www.amazon.com/Deepest-Well-Long-Term-Childhood-Adversity-ebook/dp/B01N7HZ73B
Her foundation website - https://centerforyouthwellness.org/
I have to say, as a former military mental health technician of six years, having worked extensively with both Active Duty Army and Air Force populations...
> It’s because the vast majority of us are straight up sociopaths.
This simply is not true.
Additionally,
>only roughly 20% of combat troops ever get PTSD – when if you think about it, it should affect everyone that ever sees combat
This isn't how PTS works. (source) What I think he's doing is confusing PTS with Acute Stress Disorder or Decompression.
I can admit that I might be personalizing this a little bit, but it really bothers me when military members are misrepresented in this way. Are there some sociopaths? Yes, absolutely. But they are not a "majority", just like they aren't a majority in the civilian world. People seem to forget sometimes that the military is just a small percentage of the civilian population, with mental health numbers that are often comparable to civilian numbers, as far as incidence goes. While it's true that the incidence of PTS is higher, that is, of course, the nature of the work. Suicide numbers have been higher in the past, as well, but it's not fair to associate all suicides with sociopaths.
EDIT: links
The problem with that viewpoint is that white often made the same sorts of attempts with the natives where they would try to 'civilize' native captives...with almost complete failure and almost always ending in the captive escaping at the first chance. Why this dichotomy? One theory is that we humans have an innate need for simple living and for close ties that is being provided less and less as society progresses and we humans are expected more and more to act like individual automatons. A good book on the subject is Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
r/ptsd
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
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I don't know your personal outlook on life, nor what preparations you made before you decided to carry a weapon. But I do know one thing: it is better that you are still breathing than the guy you killed.
If the guy was interested solely in money, he wouldn't have returned. He would have gotten the money and left. You saved yourself and your coworkers by doing what you did. Its an unbelievably shitty thing to have to do, but you did it for the right reasons.
You're getting therapy, keep at it. Many of my firends have gotten therapy for PTSD, and there's no shame in it. After our deployment, my best friend dove straight into a bottle and didn't come out for better part of a year. His job performance and live spiraled out of control, but he got better eventually.
That being said, your therapist may not be the best one... Don't be afraid of getting another; go to your local VFW, explain what happens to any veteran there around age 25-35 and you have better than even odds that they have a therapist to recommend, one that's used to PTSD from folks having shot at people.
Last thing I'll recommend. There's 2 book out I recommend for any servicemember before deployment, and if they have any issues with post-deployment life. Both are by Dave grossman.
On Killing Basic Premise: That killing is fundamentally destructive to the psyche, and to overcome our natural disinclination towards killing, the military has created training programs that help circumvent this and allows them to kill. This training does nothing to alleviate the PTSD killing causes. (You could skip this book, but it shows the mechanism of why you are hurting and that may help you. It has lots of stories for you to see that you're not alone, which is also helpful.
[On Combat] (http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8) Basic Premise: If you buy everything said in 'On Killing', that killing tears at your soul and psyche, then this is a book for Soldiers and Police to minimize the hurt and pain they are going through with what society asks of them. Some of the stuff would have been good to know before you killed the guy, but lots of it can be applied now.
Keep your chin up, and know that memories will fade. You did nothing wrong and your life is more important than the man who was going to kill you.
PM me if you want to, I may not have the PhDs your therapist does, but I've got life experience and come tons cheaper comparatively.
Source: Army Officer. Deployed to Iraq in 2003. Came back and joined Reserves and went to a CSC (Combat Stress Control) unit while doing college to become an officer.
I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA
(33F here. I have similar feelings)
Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.
I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.
Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.
I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.
Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)
My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.
You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)
Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.
What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.
I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.
I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)
This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Reading a lot helps too.
But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)
Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:
https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP
Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.
So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.
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I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.
But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.
AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers
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I searched for some older threads that might help you:
One
Two
Three
Four
There are more out there.
Read the WPATH SOC if you haven't already. Past versions of the SOC gotten people killed and many people are hostile toward WPATH, but the current version is alright IMO. I am still bitter though because I feel that past versions contributed significantly to ruining my life.
In the past, I've been really turned off or upset by doctors that didn't have a good understanding of how to properly do HRT (i.e. refusing my request to have my hormone levels checked via blood test, using nonstandard medications before mainstays, setting arbitrary max dosage limits such as 100mg spironolactone), that didn't understand the effects of HRT (i.e. being told it would change my sexuality to only liking men, being told it would give me a maternal instinct), that commented on my appearance (I was told that I will never pass), and that knew nothing about what being transgender is.
A lot of trans people become extremely anxious when going to the doctor. If the clinic you're at is gatekeepy, things are going to be 100x more difficult as far as building rapport goes. I could never trust a doctor at a clinic that didn't follow the current SOC and that had gatekeeping measures in place.
It might a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with trauma if you aren't already familiar with it just because so many trans people have dealt with it or are dealing with it. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book on it.
\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.
I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.
While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?
I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.
Wishing the best in your healing.
Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. I'm starting this comment off with this book because it is, far beyond the shadow of a doubt, the most important book that every man should read. It is primarily meant for soldiers in the US military but god damn dude every fucking male on this planet needs to read this fucking book, plus it's less than 200 pages. If someone comes up to you and tells you that you can only read one more book ever again let it be this one. If you buy any book recommended here today, it absolutely needs to be this one. If you're one of those dudes that is in a sort of "melancholy" where you're not "living" life, you're just sort of "existing", this book can really help you sort things out. Fuck, buy this book even if you're one of the women of /r/AskMen.
The book question gets asked from time to time in this subreddit and I actually bought some of the books that people were recommending. Most of them (in my opinion) suck sweaty ass but a few were actually good. Here's a general run down of the books I bought from a thread asking the same question.
From best to worst. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion and shouldn't be treated as the law of the land.
Man's Search for Meaning. Written by a Jewish man who survived Nazi concentration camps. Unlike a lot of concentration camp books it doesn't go over the physical torture aspect of it. He talks about what was going through his mind and the way that other prisoners acted. The talks about his mental state and what got him and others through one of the most devastating crimes against humanity. Craziest part is when they get liberated. The prisoners are allowed to go into the nearby town and most of them think to themselves "this isn't real, this is bullshit" at which point they head back to the concentration camp.
The Tao of Pooh. The author conveys the lessons of Buddhist Taoism through Winnie the Pooh stories he made with commentary in between the stories. Started off good but I skipped the Pooh stories and went straight to the commentary, having to read excerpts that are meant for 3 year olds got old really quick. The book spirals into a steaming pile of shit towards the end. Te author starts inserting personal opinion into the commentary and talking shit on types of people he doesn't like. He talks shit on scientists for studying birds (let the birds be birds), joggers (all that running and they never go anywhere), and people who try to develop cures for diseases (let nature run its course). He tries to back all his opinions up with this totally bullshit story about a Chinese man who lived to be 250 years old. I don't know how sheltered and naive you have to be to think that you can live to 250 by "going for brisk walks" and "eating only vegetables" but the author makes himself look like a complete asshat by putting faith in the story.
The Stranger. The book tries to convey that the universe is indifferent to you and your problems (which it is) but the author presents it in a painfully boring manner.
The Meditations. A Roman emperors diary and notes on stoicism. Super fucking hard to read. "I thank my mother for teaching me motherly things. I thank my father for teaching me fatherly things. I thank my teacher for sharing knowledge. I thank my friends for being there for me." I couldn't make it to page 10. Shit was just too fucking repetitive.
There's a great book called Surviving Survival that had a number of stories about how people handle the aftermath of various kinds of trauma. One of the chapters talks about some medics who were involved in post-IED situations, gathering and identifying of remains, and how this deeply affected them. It's definitely traumatic, and I would be very surprised if you DIDN'T have PTSD. I hope you are able to talk to a counselor about this.
Childhood sexual abuse and assault, like he experienced, is often a huge issue for people's sexuality later in life. Especially when their body responds to the sexual stimulation as a child, even if they didn't consent to it (and that is extremely common)
It can be harder for boys, because of societal beliefs that they should be happy and grateful for this kind of sexual attention from adult women.
There are a lot of therapists who help people heal from sexual trauma like this, and some great self help books out there too, if he wants to go that route.
Edit:
This is my go-to list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books, including some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.
The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis
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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz
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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines
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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass
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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis
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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter
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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais
I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.
It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.
The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.
It's not too late. Keep healing.
I really, really recommend Achilles in Vietnam if you're interested in this stuff. A little bit dated now, but to me it was really eye-opening in how it approached PTSD, especially with how it connected the Vietnam-era soldier with the hero of The Iliad, Achilles. But the common thread that seems to crop up isn't that PTSD is primarily caused by people killing enemy combatants. The act of killing isn't necessarily the traumatic part. It's the amount of active combat that modern soldiers are a part of continuously, and the betrayal of accepted expectations of how war goes or is supposed to go. Even professional soldiers in the medieval time would spend much of their soldiering on campaign on the march, traveling, posturing, setting up for battle and then - if battle was refused - marching again. It was still hard and shitty, and sieges were godawful, but it wasn't continuously being attacked or having the potential to be attacked by enemy combatants. They weren't lying awake every night wondering if a bomb or an artillery shell or a bullet would get them the next day. Guilt and regret definitely have their place in the minds and hearts of returning soldiers, but for PTSD it seems more to be about - for many men and women, anyway - that there's a hypersensitivity that turns on in active combat that doesn't get turned off back home, etc.
The Crusades are interesting, as the crusaders were in enemy territory for the most part... But they had conquered parts of the Holy Land to shack up in, with fortified castles and cities, and those fortified areas were (largely) secure. There's a book... can't remember what it's called, but it's a written account by an Arab nobleman of his stupidly crazy adventures during this period, and at times he mentions the crusading Europeans - who he always laughs off as timid, unwilling to really commit to battle unless ambushed or surprised.
> There is no evidence of repressed memory being a real condition, and it can in fact be dangerous to believe so.
You're wrong about this, please don't spread this kind of misinformation to abuse survivors in this sub. Repressed memory of abuse is real and has been documented extensively. --
"There have in fact been hundreds of scientific publications spanning well over a century documenting how the memory of trauma can be repressed, only to surface years or decades later. Memory loss has been reported in people who have experienced natural disasters, accidents, war trauma, kidnapping, torture, concentration camps, and physical and sexual abuse. Total memory loss is most common in childhood sexual abuse, with incidence ranging from 19 percent to 38 percent"...
..."[Dr. Linda Meyer Williams] interviewed 206 girls between the ages of ten and twelve who had been admitted to a hospital emergency room following sexual abuse. Their laboratory tests, as well as interviews with the children and their parents, were kept in the hospital's medical records. Seventeen years later Williams was able to track down 136 of the children, now adults, with whom she conducted extensive follow-up interviews. More than a third of the women (38 percent) did not recall the abuse that was documented in their medical records, while only fifteen women (12 percent) said that they had never been abused as children. More than two-thirds (68 percent) reported other incidents of childhood sexual abuse. Women who were younger at the time of the incident and those who were molested by someone they knew were more likely to have forgotten their abuse."
~ The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, pgs 192-193.
This book is an excellent resource and I encourage everyone with any kind of interest in the subject to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Citations included in the above text:
B. A. van der Kolk and R. Risler, "Dissociation and Fragmentary Nature of Traumatic Memories: Overview and Exploratory Study," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8 (1995): 505-25
J.W. Hopper and B.A. van der Kolk, "Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories: A Preliminary Report on Three Case Studies of a New Standardized Method," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4 (2001): 33-71
J.J. Freyd and A.P. DePrince, eds., Trauma and Cognitive Science (Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press, 2001), 33-71
A.P. DePrince and J.J. Freyd, "The Meeting of Trauma and Cognitive Science: Facing Challenges and Creating Opportunities at the Crossroads," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4, no. 2 (2001): 1-8
D. Brown, A.W. Scheflin, and D. Corydon Hammond, Memory, Trauma Treatment and the Law (New York: Norton, 1997)
K. Pope and L. Brown, Recovered Memories of Abuse: Assessment, Therapy, Forensics (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1996)
L. Terr, Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found (New York: Basic Books, 1994)
E.F. Loftus, S. Polonsky, and M.T. Fullilove, "Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Remembering and Repressing," Psychology of Women Quarterly 18, no. 1 (1994): 67-84
L. M. Williams, "Recall of Childhood Trauma: A Prospective Study of Women's Memories of Child Sexual Abuse," Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 62, no. 6 (1994): 1167-76
L.M. Williams, "Recovered Memories of Abuse in Women with Documented Child Sexual Victimization Histories," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8, no. 4 (1995): 649-73
edit: formatting
You need to read Achilles in Vietnam. What you have described is the textbook psychological warfare campaign of a modern insurgency - tailored to disrupt the ability of a counterinsurgent to win a "hearts and minds" campaign.
While I've never experienced ground combat (and never hope to), this is what I wish every gung-ho "shoot dem towel-heads" agitator knew about war. War is hell. It is the most disruptive thing you can do to the mind of a civilized human being, and no amount of training can prepare for it.
That is war - where you know your enemy, you know how you are likely to die, and there are gross outlines of where there is and where there is not war. It is the sort of war we fought for hundreds of years, with battle lines, battalions, artillery fire, and tanks.
It has nothing to do with Iraq or Afghanistan. Both wars were counterinsurgency conflicts, where asymmetric strategies were were in play. I those conflicts, if you can drive enemy soldiers - frontline troops, on the ground - insane, you can win. They will become a burden to their own chains of command, and harm civilians, which can turn the populace against them. They become a drain on their societies - the psychological trauma makes it difficult to reintegrate into normal society, even normal military duty. Popular support for the war weakens - mothers and fathers see their sons and daughters come back broken and shattered. Friends see their buddies as distorted shadows of what they used to be. Other soldiers begin to fear deployments downrange.
Those strategies were implemented imperfectly, by ill-trained forces. It could have been worse, and I thank whatever gods will listen that it wasn't. Our nation is still healing from Vietnam, and it will take even longer for Aghanistan and Iraq to scar over.
Most of all, I hope you have people you can talk to. War buddies, Tricare mental health professionals, preachers, priests, girlfriend(s), boyfriend(s), wife, husband, parent, grandparent, whatever. Too many soldiers and marines die over there and don't realized till they get back. Don't be one of them. It sounds like you've got yourself together, so I'm not overly concerned, but it's something that always needs to be expressed when people come back from downrange - especially actual downrange, in the dust and dirt.
> Are you saying that PTSD symptoms manifest themselves differently based on your country of origin? Does culture really affect us that much? Seems weird.
Culture is, as a set of environmental factors, essentially one of the biggest determinants of how distress is expressed behaviorally and socially. The brain, its chemical language, and its physical structure does not work according to the artificial categories we've created like "anxiety," "depression," or "PTSD." There's distress, and there's the expression of that distress, and cultures have as weird and wild a bunch of ways to express distress as they have weird and wild everything else. Expression of certain symptoms or syndromal patterns of symptoms differs not only between cultures, but within cultures over periods of time.
Additionally, there are some nice accounts of how American-style expressions of distress--mapping onto our particular psychodiagnostic categories--have spread around the world piggybacked on the rest of American culture, sometimes replacing traditional patterns of psychiatric symptomatology.
Source: I teach general and abnormal psychology to undergraduates
Also called "battle fatigue", "combat neuroses", and so forth. I've been reading Achilles In Vietnam. It shows the similarities in the experiences of both Vietnam Vets and the characters from the Iliad.
Absolutely. It is a topic that was covered extensively in our adoption education training as adoptive parents. Regardless of age when adopted, it is a traumatic event and can lead to a lot of feelings of loss/grief throughout life. I haven't read this book personally, but I've heard a lot of people recommend The Body Keeps the Score on the topic.
Deeply sorry to hear about your struggle. This sounds like a monumental amount of effort to deal with. Id highly recommend checking out this book to get a better understanding of trauma. Do you have a good support system?
Technically, it's not a straight copy/paste. (it's a slow day at work so, let's compare!)
From the IG post:
> I didn’t write this in the book because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft of ENOUGH, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. It always calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer. It was terrifying, again.
❤️
At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had occasions like this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
And, from the "Leaving LA" newsletter:
>I didn’t write this in ENOUGH because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. My body calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer.
>
>At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had medical mysterieslike this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.
I bolded the differences. (I love that one of the differences has a typo, too!)
The next paragraph IS 100% copy/paste.
IG:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
Newsletter:
> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.
The last two paragraphs have only one slight difference:
IG:
> She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading (please read @nadineburkeharris”s book and The Body Keeps the Score) and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
❤️
I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
Newsletter:
​
>She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading — if this resonates with you, read The Deepest Well and The Body Keeps the Score — and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
>
>I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.
I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.
After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.
The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.
I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.
I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.
Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this
Hey bud, I know you said you're struggling without a support network right now, can you find some low/no cost meetups with people who enjoy doing what you do? There might even be one for emotionally traumatized people (https://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Emotional-Trauma-and-PTSD/).
Like you said, arguing is a coping skill for you, to cover/deal with whatever particular blend of emotions you might be dealing with in the moment. I also tend to trigger my wife when I'm triggered, and it's been a huge learning curve for both of us to deal with each other and be able to be present enough to not instantly react to each other with our respective dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
I saw you mentioned Body Keeps the Score in the other thread that one's good. There's also CPTSD from Pete Walker. My personal favorite though is Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. It seems to be the most systematic, step-by-step explanation I've been able to find of what's necessary for us to heal.
I posted a semi-review/explanation of Laurence Heller's theory of developmental trauma here.
Other poster mentioned
>This place has treasures but you've gotta find them
Totally agree with that. Be patient, read, and engage in discussion like what you're doing, what don't expect any miracles from the sub.
>Unfortunately in the unfair real world no one really cares for damaged obnoxious underdeveloped underprivileged peopleThat is society. I don't know how you haven't learnt this yet, perhaps you are privileged race and gender and otherwise, but this is soemthing that you just need to accept.
A very harsh truth. Perhaps you haven't been able to accept this because you haven't be able to accept and grieve your own losses yet. If you do have DTD, you've had many things taken from you, including childhood innocence. It's a rough place to be, but healing is possible; just very, very slowly. It's a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back situation.
You can't get it for anxiety. You can probably get diagnosed with PTSD though if your anxiety is a product of trauma. Recent thinking is way more people have PTSD than previously thought so I'm not telling you to lie: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3VNXGWZSQI8T5&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1573084604&sprefix=the+body+%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-2
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I cannot recommend this book enough.
Read Grossman's On Combat, that'll help you a lot. What happened is what's known as audio exclusion, it's very common in shootings: the gunshots will sound muffled or far away, everything happens in slow motion, sometimes guys will hear their partner's gun firing but not theirs or they won't hear the muzzle blast of their own weapon but they'll hear the shell casings hitting the pavement...humans do weird, weird shit under that kind of duress. Again, I can't recommend highly enough that you read that book and the other one called 'On Killing' that came before it.
I would be happy to influence police procedure, as I am very interested in police reform. If you paid attention to the totality of the article and my response, you'd find that I'm actually on your side of enhancing police accountability and transparency.
It's important to understand that police officers are put through scenarios that produce the same perception-distorting effects as proper combat. Remember that combat can include most any kind of attack or fight, not just OIS scenarios. Can you site your resources that indicate what percentage of officers have encountered perception-distorting scenarios? I was not able to find something quickly, but you seem to know the figures with your assertation of "almost none".
A couple years ago I read this book, which I can point to as a source:
https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549
Google searches can give you an idea as to what those effects are (see table 1):
https://nij.gov/journals/253/pages/responses.aspx
Stressful situations hamper perception, and police go through those stressful situations.
Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.
One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.
There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.
My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.
Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.
The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.
It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!
You would find [this book] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748) fascinating. I highlighted so much of it! It changed the way I think about my PTSD and body. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Sebastien Junger wrote a really great book about that called Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. It is fascinating. Along the same lines I heard a comedian talking about how he wished they would release tigers into neighbourhoods so that neighbours had to band and together to face the common threat together, or parish as individuals.
It is a really interesting area of study, and one that will be extremely relevant as we move further into the digital age.
There is a whole new branch of mental health treatment taught through qualified and well-trained yoga therapists who specialize in trauma. If you're interested in it, the current gold standard for trauma treatment is laid out in some books:
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Koch, MD
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke-Harris, MD
Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson
Yoga for Emotional Balance: Simple Practices to Help Relieve Anxiety and Depression by Bo Forbes
It's becoming apparent that yoga is actually a massively useful tool in rooting out and treating trauma, which is often at the root of mental illness.
I get that you were making a comment about the way people tend to dismiss the pain of mental illness by saying "suck it up", but yoga therapy really is a great course of treatment.
Think about how breathing acts during bouts with anxiety or panic. Practicing yoga conditions and trains your body to slow down and bypass the trauma triggers and subsequent bodily response to keep you breathing instead of passing out or going into panic mode. And that's just one small benefit of practice.
Trauma is just now beginning to be understood by the greater medical community, and yoga with a trained therapist can make a world of difference.
Programs like this one are beginiing to help millions of people.
So the "get over it" part can go fuck itself, but if you suffer from anxiety, depression, or trauma-related mental illness, you really should keep hydrated and do yoga.
van der Kolk notably the author of The Body Keeps the Score, best selling book on CPTSD.
edit: more personal note; I dealt with abuse and emotional neglect in childhood, also some physical and sexual abuse from classmates. What is interesting is that I am transgender but at a certain point in childhood I somehow forgot and stopped understanding this about myself. I previously thought that I might have CPTSD, most specifically because I often deal with depersonalization and derealization, but it turns out that is extremely common in gender dysphoria. And more importantly, childhood trauma causes that splintering of the personality, or impairment in describing emotional states and their meanings. That is to say, for many years I could no longer recognize that gender dysphoria I was experiencing came from being internally female, rather than arising out of apparently nowhere.
I’ve been an emotional mess all week. Two months after going no contact with my personality disordered parents. There is no end to my physical health ailments.
Have you heard of this book? Might be something you’d be interested in:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
First of all, you're fantastic. Seriously. She's very lucky to have someone who understands there's a problem and the problem isn't her true self, it's this THING that's wrapped around her. CPTSD is basically a massive web of defense networks to protect the true self, unfortunately the web is so thick and sensitive it is often difficult to separate the true self from this THING that's wrapped around it. Even for the person in the web, it can be hard to know what's a true self reaction from a CPTSD reaction because it is so close and woven through you and at the same time hates you. It's like having an enemy living in your own skin who is bent on destroying you so much that they will viciously and mercilessly protect you from others in order to keep you to themselves.
CPTSD doesn't respond to the same therapy as PTSD, it's a lot more insidious and can even leave the brain damaged (it did for me, for example) and takes a lot longer to deal with. But as hopeless and difficult as it feels now, it IS totally manageable. With time and work she can get it under control and you can also learn how to both support her and manage your own reactions to her as well. Here's some resources to start with:
http://www.outofthestorm.website/ - one of the best information sites and online communities for CPTSD, I recommend your GF read the forums and if she can join them. Lots of experience and support there. Lots of good info for you as well and a forum section for supporting those who are with someone with CPTSD (your care is as important as hers!).
Knowledge of self contributes a HUGE amount toward healing CPTSD. I recommend she take the time to learn as much about this condition as she possibly can, it gives you a tremendous amount of power. Just being able to put what's going on inside into context can lead to major self improvement steps.
Books:
One of the best is by Pete Walker, his website has a ton of info and the book is easy to find. I strongly recommend it, it's not an easy read but it's very profound and illustrates a lot of what she's going through and puts things in a lot of context - http://www.pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html - again, a lot of good stuff for both of you on the website and in the book. For example, I had no idea till I read the book that very subtle facial expressions could trigger a flashback. I thought I was just an over-emotional angry emotional asshole. Once you know about a trigger, you can manage your reactions and be in control of them instead of at the mercy of them. You start to be able to filter your genuine self out of flashbacks and trauma reactions instead of just being this chaotic mess.
Another excellent book is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938 - not directly about CPTSD specifically, but about how intense trauma effects the brain and body, and how to start down the path of healing.
Videos:
My favourite coach is Richard Grannon, he's very informative (almost overwhelmingly so) and personally experienced with CPTSD & PTSD - https://www.youtube.com/user/SPARTANLIFECOACH/search?query=cptsd - he's also very blunt and clear in explaining things - the one flaw with him is that he will go on a million tangents, there's always fantastic information to be picked up from his tangents, but some people find his them frustrating.
Another great youtube speaker on CPTSD is Shrinking Violet - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzJxW0L4JQpLj0u-9buFXjA/featured - she's very informed and easy to listen to.
There's actually a lot of good coaches on YouTube, by all means try a few of them and find the ones which give you the most info that you can absorb.
Real Life Support
Therapy is very important. It can take a while to get to the point that you can take it because it can be confronting, but it's worth it. Make sure you find a therapist who understands what CPTSD is, just going to a PTSD therapist won't really help, the treatments are similar but not the same. If money is an issue, look up NAMI.org and see what services they have in your area, but also online therapy is a totally viable option, you can find a lot of therapists who offer text & skype sessions - I won't recommend any because therapy is SUCH a personal journey, and the person who works for me may not work for you. Just google CPTSD and therpist and you'll find lots of resources to go through. I would recommend starting with the youtube & book study first, it will make it a LOT easier to deal with with a therapist one to one.
If you or her have questions, feel free to shoot me a msg. I have CPTSD and a couple of psych degrees, I'm not a professional but I'm happy to share whatever info I have.
About Kratom, what pain did your GF have?
(Thanks for thinking of me u/dragonbubbles <3)
This might be of interest to you:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There are also some good presentations from Bessel Van der Kolk on Youtube on the same subject.
Peterson is missing the elephant in the room, IMO. The real enemy is not neo-marxism, it is neo-calvinism. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote about this to some extent, and I think it is culturally in America's collective blindspot. Here I am defining neocalvinism as the idea that "work will set you free," or similarly "work will get you to heaven." JBP pushes this as "sort yourself out."
Notice that JBP never talks about Wilhelm Reich or his ideas. Adam Curtis covered this issue in the century of the self. Reich wrote a book The Mass Psychology of Fascism which, in a nutshell, talks about how fascism/authoritarianism is a fear-driven attack on sexuality. Notice how in US politics, since the cultural/sexual changes in America driven by them damn librul hippies on the left, the right has gone increasingly more insane, fanatical, disconnected from reality, authoritarian, and violent.
JBP's solutions to psychological troubles are usually about establishing more order through willful action and understanding. This is one version of "work will set you free." Notice the nazis had "arbeit macht frei" (the same phrase in German) at the gates of Auschwitz. Thanks to folks like Peter Levine,Lowen,Perls,etc., the psychotherapy world is now understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of the phrase "lose your mind and come to your senses." JBP once stated that catharsis does not heal old wounds, coming to understand what happened is what heals. That is the basis for his self authoring suite. The problem there is that the catharsis piece is necessary, as that brings memory fragments from the hippocampus into consciousness in the frontal cortex. See Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.
The point of all this is that JBP seems to be politically and ideologically on the right, as are his followers. Notice how he attracts Trump supporters, far right types, nazis, etc. He disowns the nazis but doesn't seem to try to understand why this happens. The nature of his work is repressive of vulnerability, of existential terror of mortality, of sexuality and spontaneity.
Notice how the right believes so much in rugged individualism, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," "I'm not responsible for my fellow americans because everyone should be personally responsible for themselves." Humans don't work that way, humans are social, our nervous systems respond to other people's pain whether we are conscious of that or blocking it, we need social contact. "Sorting oneself out" requires a positive relationship with another person (see Carl Rogers, object-relations theory, Allen Schore, etc) yet JBP and his followers seem to think they can think their way out of this by themselves, and that any particular "truth" is more important than getting along with others. Using "the truth" as a cudgel to attack/berate others is a particular pattern that Freud would have recognized, and seems common among JBP and his followers.
The literature suggests that it is exactly that - being in a good place and a secure/healthy relationship - that is allowing you to deal with the sexual impacts of the trauma now. Embrace it, its a good sign, I think.
As others have, I strongly recommend enlisting the help of a therapist as soon as you can deal with it financially. If you're going to go it alone, I'd recommend the following additions to your library:
Amazon: The Body Keeps the Score
Amazon: The Courage to Heal
Amazon: Healing Sex
First of all:
>If my mom tries to kill herself again, will it be my fault?
NO. Absolutely not. You do not own her choices.
Second, you might want to investigate a therapist who specializes in trauma. Some things can't be worked out with CBT. I'd encourage you to look at a book called The Body Keeps the Score (which is excellent, but should have trigger warnings all over it, btw). Not related to trauma necessarily, but Toxic Parents is another really good book (though people disagree over whether the confrontation idea at the end is really a good idea).
Hugs if you want them. You've come a long way, and you should be proud of that. :-)
Everyone here is saying some good stuff, but it misses the point a little. Meditation has lots of benefits for everyone, the risks that you will have complications are minimal, and very people who meditate will experience these complications. That being said, all the things that you're describing, namely, feeling empty, going psychotic, 'dark nights of the soul' are all dangerous side-effects of meditation that may happen to you. Your risk is potentially higher because of your history of mental 'instability'. These are definitely not things you want to have happen to you if you could have avoided them, and can cause serious damage.
Of course you should decide if this is the right path for you, and it's good that you recognize that your anxiety prevents you from doing things that are probably safe, but how about some resources to help you understand how these negative side-effects happen and try to avoid them. To be honest, it's easy to jump on the bandwagon "mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness solves all your problems!!" but there's are risks to everything. Let's try to understand them to make informed decisions. Why should people with poor mental health be careful with meditation? Why can a long retreat be a bad idea? How do you know if you're safe or not?
The one person seriously studying these "adverse effects" of mindfulness is Willoughby Britton, at Brown. Read about her work here and here. I would watch the videos and do some research on the Cheetah house website.
The biggest risk you have of having adverse effects is basically if you have large unprocessed trauma in your subconscious. These things can be repressed and forgotten and manifest themselves as constant tension, worry and depression without knowing the cause. This is quite confusing and disorienting. Why am I so fucked up?
What can happen is, if you're on retreat, or even if you're meditating at home, you will be meditating, and the trauma will resurface. This giant emotional beast that you did you best to contain in order to survive when something terrible happened to you will rear its hard. The severity of these emotions cannot be understated -- normal fear is nothing compared to traumatic fear. Think nightmares and flashbacks and constantly paranoid. This can be very startling and can re-traumatize people pretty badly or cause them to loose their minds or go psychotic.
The reason the trauma existed in the first place was because it was too much for the mind to handle, and it may be too much if it comes up too strongly. I would read "The Body Keeps the Score" which makes a convincing argument that almost all mental health problems result from unprocessed trauma and the subsequent inability to feel safe and build strong loving relationships.
The second response to resurfacing trauma is "dissociation" whereby the pain is too much to handle, so instead of the mind breaking, the mind separates from the body and imagines itself floating away. This again is quite an effective coping mechanism if terrible stuff is happening but not exactly the state you want to be in long term. This leaves the subject feeling empty and like he isn't even real. Read about dissociation and the importance of connecting to the body here and [here](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Dissociation_(psychology)
This is not to say that mindfulness is bad. In fact for these sorts of traumatized people, and most people with mental health problems at all, mindfulness of the body, "reconnecting" with emotions, staying balanced in the face of distressing feelings are exactly the path to recovery and healing. But tackling these things on your own can be unsafe in proportion to the severity of the trauma and also proportion to the depth to which you enter the mind which are both compounded if you're isolated interpersonally. Hence the warning to see a therapist and avoid retreats.
My advice? Start mindfulness meditation, take it slow, see what happens, if you sense super agitating emotions come up (not just anxiety, you'll feel these things somatically when they manifest) you could decide to see a therapist or have the support of people close to you who can help you through the emotional difficulties. Therapists trained in trauma resolution will use "somatic experiencing" basically a form of mindfulness combined with talking to the person anyways. Whatever happens you're going to have to feel uncomfortable, but if it gets to be too much, back off. Otherwise, keep going, to enlightenment and beyond. Remember that happiness isn't just about stoic meditation, but involves love for yourself and others. As much as we hate to admit it, we need each other.
Best of luck and much metta.
It depends on what you're drawn to. Are you more interested in interpretation of story for your own personal growth? Or interpretation of films? Or are you looking to create stories?
The best books I know on this subject at least on interpretive myth include:
In my experience, after Campbell people usually begin to drift toward what their personal myths are. So you have some people who get really into film and get caught on Vogler or Bonnet's work, others who want to go help returning veterans and end up getting really into Odysseus in America. Or people begin focusing on different cultures and religions and move from there.
The Body Keeps the Score
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
This is the book used in a support group I'm part of, which is dual-diagnosis for trauma/substance.
Recovery from Trauma, Addiction or Both (if you want to help yourself, the frogcabaret part)
Seeking Safety (therapists book, if you want to learn to help all your parts by also coaching them through these tough topics)
Both cover dissociation in detail, but neither go into dissociative disorders. For that, this book is best in class (IMO):
Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation
Gl,
Dee
I think you are on to something with the sense of belonging.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381
Male here, but I have to recommend this book whenever I have the chance: Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
Junger is war correspondent, documentary filmmaker, writer, etc. He's seen way more than most of us ever will, and this book really drove home some points for me about what it means to be part of your community, part of society, and how we treat each other.
This review on Amazon sums it up very well:
"Tribe focuses on the growing disconnect we’re experiencing with one another as a society, and the far reaching consequences of that disconnect. It’s an eye-opening letter to the American public that politely reminds us that we’ve lost our way when it comes to being a closer knit community as a whole.
Not always, of course. In his book, he touches on how tragedies such as 9/11 brings us closer - albeit briefly. But once the dust settles, we fall back to our old ways.
This is not a book about war, the military, or PTSD. It’s about the loss of belonging, caring for our fellow man as we do about the ones closest to us. He uses a parable about a brief encounter he has with a homeless man as a young adult. The man sees that he’s on a backpacking trip on his own and asks if he has enough food for his trip. The young Junger, afraid of being mugged for his supplies, lies and tells the man that he has just a little food to last him. The homeless man tells Junger he’ll never make it on what he has and hands him his lunch bag that he more than likely received from a homeless shelter - probably the only meal the homeless man would have the entire day. Sebastian feels horrible about himself after that, but uses that lesson as a parable for Tribe.
Think of your fellow man before thinking of yourself. Because without that sense of humanism, togetherness, belonging, we’re all dead inside."
There is one book that helped me heal a little in life from all the trauma I experienced. The Body Keeps the Score was written by the first doctor to prescribe Prozac in America. He worked with Vietnam Vets and was part of the team who came up the PTSD diagnosis. He's worked at rape crisis centers, and at war refugee camps. He is possibly one of most trauma informed people in the world and most definitely in America.
I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and I've read a lot of self help books because of that. Most self help books suck. They're terrible in general, but not The Body Keeps the Score. It was, is, and has been actually helpful to me.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4ckNDbTTQWWXX
Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"? It's about PTSD. I haven't even finished the book, but it's been extremely helpful to me. I feel like the author gives enough facts that you can share with nonbelievers that someone else might "get" it. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Y6oPzbS1S77H4
You may have C-PTSD and as a sufferer of this, I would highly recommendThe Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker's website is also a good, free reference. I have been fortunate to have access to a great counselor as a grad student and have recently gotten into the C-PTSD work, and meditation (mindfulness of breath and body scans) is an essential tool for my recovery.
Curious to know if the psychologist community has a high/low opinion of this book, as it is about the phenomena OP describes:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Don't know about Shakespeare, but other premodern storytellers appear to have dwelled on the subject of combat trauma's effects.
I am reminded particularly of The Wanderer and The Iliad.
Also very relevant is this book comparing the experiences of Vietnam vets with the character and behavior of Achilles in the Illiad, and to other attestations of the "berserk state" throughout history. I recommend it enthusiastically.
Jonathan Shay has written two really excellent books on the topic, focusing specifically on how the depictions of the characters of the Iliad and Odyssey portray a then-unrealised form of PTSD: Achilles and Vietnam, and particularly Odysseus in America. I'd recommend them highly - both are very well written, and accessible even if you aren't a student of psychology/Classics.
In no particular order:
The Gift of Fear
Meditations on Violence
Facing Violence
Verbal Judo
Surviving Armed Assaults
On Combat
The Little Black Book of Violence
Street E & E
I could probably come up with 10 more if I looked through my library.
Whichever system you decide on, the tactics in these books will be important. Reading them before choosing a school will help you know what to look for. Sadly, some self-defense school will teach things that are either not practical, or will have devastating legal consequences for you (like how to take a knife away from someone, then use it on them).
He has a few books. In particular:
No. You miss a simple point. Everyone is treated with suspicion because literally anyone can and has killed police officers. Therefore, officers handle all situations in ways most people would consider to be paranoid. We call it "Officer Safety" and it has saved many lives.
Everyone reacts differently after deadly force situations. Once the adrenaline subsides in a perceived deadly force situation, all sorts of autonomic responses can come into play. Some people in combat/and or police shooting incidents void their bladder without even knowing it. It is simply part of the body's natural response to critical situations. I would advise you, should you be inclined to educate yourself rather than spout uninformed, emotional responses to read 'On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace' by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman.
I won't hold my breath though, because it looks like you'd rather make wild assumptions like 'he was a piece of shit cop' or 'he clearly knew he fucked up because he was crying.'
Or, 'he was shot because the cop was anti-gun.' I can guarantee you the massive majority of cops are pro 2A in a bigly way. But we know people are dangerous, unpredictable, and can and will kill you. So, we do our best. Sometimes we fuck up. But people like you sure as hell don't help the situation one bit.
☺️ here is a book worth a look: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Read The Body Keeps the Score. It discussed this exact topic from a psychological perspective. I’ve definitely had a traumatic childhood. This book really changed the way how I deal with it now: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
It comes from this book
The basic idea is that there are wolves, sheep, and sheepdogs. Wolves are the criminals, sheeps are civilians, and sheepdogs are police/military I think.
The sheep live happy lives and don't like having the sheepdog around, until the wolves come by. Then they beg for the sheepdog to save them.
Personally, I think it's really dumb. But that's where it comes from.
It really depends on the tone you're going for in your writing. If you want it to be realistic, I'd recommend checking out "Violence: a Writer's Guide" by Rory Miller. Other good sources would be "On Combat" and "On Killing"
http://www.amazon.com/Violence-A-Writers-Guide-ebook/dp/B004EYTBNA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912178&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=violence+a+writer%27s+guide
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912249&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912264&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=on+killing+the+psychological+cost+of+learning+to+kill+in+war+and+society
One of the best resources I've come across about trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
OP, grief is how we accommodate loss in a world where one constant is change. From this POV it's a really powerful sentiment. I'm wishing you peace.
Also, maybe for next time, try to focus on what's happening in the rest of your body as well. For me personally, I know that a situation or a person is causing deep stress when the area between my cervical and thoracic spine literally feels hot...like someone is putting a little tiny cattle prod on it.
Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.
As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.
The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.
I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.
I...respectfully disagree with Jordan that a breakup can cause PTSD. Rather, underlying schemas (filters and deep beliefs that get activated according to different stimuli) might get activated by a breakup, such an abandonment schema, but I think it rarely happens that a breakup by itself causes PTSD, and Jordan says it happens "all the time". Previous trauma that has otherwise become latent can also resurface with a breakup. Here are the criteria for PTSD, fwiw. Also, shrink here.
His treatment idea using situational analysis is very good advice, though. He's trying to get to the common belief present in PTSD -- and probably one of the main if not the main cognitive perpetuators of this disease -- that whatever terrible stuff happened is my fault. This is why PTSD, in addition to being understood as an anxiety disorder, often involves intense shame, the person thinking something defective (another schema) about them caused them to be responsible for the negative situation which precipitated PTSD -- which, nota bene, is different than trauma per se, and there are vast differences between the sexes with regard to who develops PTSD from a traumatic experience, women basically doubling men in this regard presumably given their increased sensitivity to stress, reducible to a large degree perhaps to the fact that estrogen stimulates sympathetic nervous system activation (but progesterone and allopregnenolone from which it's synthesized can moderate this) whereas testosterone cools it. I know, unfair, but it has its evolutionary reasons.
But PTSD breaks down to two things: avoidance of the memory (or memories) of the abuse, and avoidance of challenging beliefs relating to the abuse (such as "it's my fault"). So treatment has two parts:
The first is helping the hippocampus (responsible for memory and organization of events chronologically) and amygdala (responsible for fear), which stop "holding hands" under moments of extreme stress, to begin to "hold hands again", which is done through narrative work, such as writing down the trauma and really "going there" when you're writing it down, because dissociation is part of trauma (protective in nature) that can prevent healing if you're in this state, which is why therapists pay close attention to look for markers for dissociation in the face or body language of clients when counseling them. Clinical social worker Babette Rothschild compares productive trauma work to quickly slightly twisting open and then twisting close an upset carbonated drink; if you open it all at once, you'll get a mess, but if you do this slowly by twisting open and shut, you "fizzle out" the trauma.
This narrative work can be done through narrative therapy, also considered part of a very strongly supported form of therapy called cognitive processing therapy, where you discuss the cognitive model (it's out thoughts/beliefs which determine our emotions, not the things themselves "out there"), cognitive distortions, have the client write an impact statement (which answers the question, "how did this trauma[s] affect the way you see yourself, others, and your past/future", and constitutes the second part of PTSD therapy, changing key beliefs and avoidance related to them), and then two narratives, the second with more detail than the first. The client can then read the impact statement and narratives in session (which by itself eradicates a lot of shame, an emotion you can't often just "reason away" but needs to be "felt through" in the presence of another understanding and accepting human being, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful to use immediacy clients, meaning we analyze our relationship in the moment to help them access feelings of shame so I as a therapist can say with my words and actions "no, you're normal, you're strong, you're good"). This writing down (which allows for taking as much time as you want, and is often done in longhand so the client can't "speed through" recalling the event as she's writing it) by itself and reading the narrative(s) causes the physiological changes involved with helping the amygdala and hippocampus work together again, which resolves the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts (and nightmares, etc.) which are really the brain's way of wanting to process and organize something that it can't, and nobody naturally wants to intentionally go into the lion's den of their fears.
Another form, which I don't like much at all except after narrative work is done (or while it's being done), is classic imaginal exposure therapy, where the client literally closes her eyes and imagines the traumatic event(s) until they lose their power. What I hate about this approach is that so many therapists seem to think it's just the event(s) itself that causes the trauma, and through focusing on telling and again and again miss that it's the beliefs that are also central, and without addressing these the "retelling" involved with imaginal exposure can take much longer (and be more likely to be overall unsuccessful) than if the beliefs were also addressed. This is why I prefer CPT more, but still add my own flavors, as any good therapist would do, as opposed to just "going by the book," which unfortunately so many therapists working in hospital or MHMR settings don't just voluntarily do but are expected to do.
Sometimes just focusing on the key beliefs can be unimaginably helpful. I had one client whose depression decreased 50% in direct proportion to how much her belief in the thought, "it was my fault I got raped" also decreased according to 0-100% scaling, and this just in a matter of a few sessions by only using an impact statement and having her answer questions on a handout regarding the hindsight bias, usually a central belief involved with PTSD work.
Oh, and I went a bit out of order. The first thing is to really ensure that the client is safe (e.g., not involved with a potential abuser), and then work on emotion regulation skills (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, exercise, counting to 10, etc.).
Pardon the length, but I love my job (trauma is my specialty). And we haven't even talked about developmental or complex trauma (look up the work of the luminary Bessel van der Kolk, including his unimaginably good book, The Body Keeps the Score for stellar info written for professionals and laypeople regarding classic PTSD but also developmental trauma), its own more complicated beast than PTSD, the latter which tends to involve one specific event which "tips a person over the edge."
Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)
Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.
That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.
One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)
Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.
Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)
(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)
this looks interesting
I am searching for the title of a book I read in school. In it she explains how all emotions are are a mix of hormones and cells have hormone receptors so why wouldn’t our bodies “hold our emotions” in a way. I will look through my books from school - I know I wrote the title down. I believe the author was a woman that passed away since authoring the book - if that narrows it down at all lol. I’ll post if I find it!
I am nearly 1/3 through Kris Kershaw's The One-eyed God: Odin and the (Indo-) Germanic Mannerbunde, which I'm finding fascinating. I read reviews that said it was poorly written, but I don't agree with that so far. It seems a bit unfinished, but I shouldn't throw stones (more on that tomorrow). As long as you come to it expecting something scholarly and not really intended for popular audiences, you shouldn't be disappointed. I'm actually finding that it's dovetailing nicely with another book I'm reading right now that is intended for popular audiences (and is also less appropriate for this sub): Sebastian Junger's Tribe. I'm sure there's some bad history in there, but as of right now I'm really digging it.
Currently reading Nurturing Resilience which covers somatic therapy.
I needed something which details what somatics is, and how it works. And I'm so glad I came across this cause instead of jumping from book to book to figure out the various theories. This covers everything attachment theory, polyvagal theory, child development theory etc.
> Why do I miss it?
I recommend this book that discusses it:
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1520387903&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=tribe+sebastian+junger
Reading: Tribe, by Sebastian Junger. Already half way through it. Introspection on society and war and anxiety/PTSD/depression... It's just wild.
Watching: Ozark on Netflix. Wild show, and pretty engaging.
Listening to: CONVERGE, "Eve." probably give most people an aneurism, but CONVERGE is one of the most talented and influential bands of it's genre. Totally get disimssing it as "ah, screaming" but they teach their album Jane Doe at Berklee College of Music. Their lead singer Jacob Bannon does all the art too, which... The cover for Jane Doe is iconic
Anyway, I listen to everything from Ravel to Rammstein to Red Hot Chilli Peppers to Rihanna (okay maybe not Rihanna), but that harcore/metal has always had a special place in my heart, and their new album sounds amazing.
This is not a direct answer to your question, but I can't help it. In terms of PTSD, have you heard of or read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score"? It's a book which is mentioned frequently on this sub for survivors of trauma and the people around them. I am finally just now reading it, and the book is mind-blowing <--- and I have had years of therapy, aggregate, largely related trauma. Please look into it. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it. I feel like one of those people who, when you say you suffer from migraines, start telling you ways to cure/avoid migraines, all of which you already know/have tried. I find this book to be exceptional. Just thought I'd mention it. Good luck!
I am normally a lurker here because my "JustNos" are actually my mom's JNparents and have passed away. I'm posting as an adult child of someone who survived abuse, to share a bit of longer term perspective. My JNGF physically and verbally (not sexually I don't think) abused my mom. My JNGM (who was abused by her father, my GGF) did nothing to stop it and was generally an enabler/conflict avoider/rug sweeper. My mom refused to even consider the possibility of having children for a long time because she was afraid that she would subject them to the same abuse that she experienced.
After a lot of therapy, she and my dad decided to have kids (my brother and I). My mom was not perfect. I may have residual issues from her (anxiety which is more of a family trait than just from her). However, she was nothing like her parents. In fact, I've had one of the best/calmest childhoods of almost anyone I know. I have told her this many times, and she still worries that she somehow scarred me irreparably (spoilers: she didn't).
Recently (at around the age of 60), my mom has gone back to therapy to continue to deal with the trauma she suffered. I think it is helping, and I hope some day she will be able to see that she did a great job and to remember that I am lucky to be her child. Until then I will just gently remind her she is great whenever she worries that she is responsible for all the bad parts of me and I am responsible for all the good parts of me.
People are (almost) never all one thing or another. The times you are angry do not invalidate the times you are patient. Obviously we would all love to be all amazeballs all the time. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, so we try our best and go to therapy when we need help. Remember that you developed these instincts (of judgement, of going NC) to deal with situations that put you and those you love in danger. It is completely unrealistic to expect yourself to immediately divest of these instincts the minute you don't need them. That, like everything else in this world, takes time
A Happy Postscript: My mom's JNparents did actually reform into Mostly yes grandparents. I'm not sure what changed (I suspect it was that all of their children grew up refused to tolerate their crazy). But regardless all of my cousins and I were able to have good relationships with my maternal grandparents. Now this is not to say that this is the usual outcome, and you are ABSOLUTELY justified in being skeptical of real change. I just wanted to say that people change as they get older, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. There may be a time when you are able completely let go of your survival strategies. However, until then, you don't need to feel guilty for having them.
Book Recommendation Post Script: The Body Keeps the Score. I think this was posted on a book list somewhere, but I cannot recommend it enough times to people who experienced any kind of trauma in their lives.
About CPTSD in general? This book by Pete Walker is a pretty seminal work.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ZHsPCbTPKG205_nodl
This other one also helped me a lot, because the physiological crap that comes along with CPTSD is every bit as terrible as the emotional component:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=URYXV0O6HWS6&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&amp;qid=1554327719&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+bidy&amp;sr=8-1
Ultimately though, therapy and journaling are going to be your best starting points for your personal recovery. If you can find a therapist that has experience with trauma, that’s your best bet. I would also recommend seeing a general practitioner and a psychiatrist because of the aforementioned physical issues.
Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!
On my reading list:
The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry
The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society
Books I'd recommend:
Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.
Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.
The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)
> IMHO that and not enough training is contributes to so much inaccuracy.
I was in the NYPD academy in the early 2000s. I don't know about the Glock trigger because I was issued a Sig Sauer P226k....but I can tell you, scarily, that it's pretty damn easy to "qualify" to department standards.
That and we studied the Diallo shooting in class. While it was clearly a bad shooting (meaning not justified) there were two key elements to the controversial "41 shots". The first...and really the worst element was that one officer had his finger on the trigger while he was moving forward (poor trigger discipline)....tripped and fell. The other officers simultaneously hear the shot, see the officer fall and believed that he was shot...so they returned fire. The reason they fired 41 shots...was because we were told that at the time, the procedure was not "double-tap and reassess"...but rather fire until the threat is neutralized...and if you run out, perform a combat reload.
Now I am not a tactician, not a forensic expert, not a criminologist....or anything closely resembling any of those things. I'm not even a police officer (I resigned from the academy). I only know what I was taught while I was there (rather, what I can remember from what I was taught) and the bit I've read on the physiology of the brain during a combat situation. On Combat by Dave Grossman is an excellent read.
Now I want to stress that I'm not not making moral commentary on the shooting itself....other than to say it was not a justified shooting. But if you do some reading on the subject (since most of us lack combat experience) is that you can understand why things happen the way they do. I really do suggest that people read that book. That one and The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
The show definitely explores themes of trauma, how it can linger and influence us even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m a therapist and was doing a trauma informed training last year when it was on plus working with a lot of clients who had experienced complex trauma. Since I couldn’t talk about them with my bf, I tried to get him interested in discussing the characters but he wasn’t interested (he works with computers). It is interesting to hear someone else’s take!
Off topic but this is a great book for anyone living with PTSD the body keeps the score
Remember you are not your diagnosis. It doesn't mean you will be depressed and anxious forever. It means that's what you are dealing with right now. Maybe the anxiety and depression were indicators that you really needed to get out of that relationship. They are symptoms of your life at the time. So getting out of that relationship was possibly the best thing that could happen because it's a step in the right direction. One of the best things you can do in this time is read a good relationship book or listen to one. There are really good books for help with trauma experiences as well.
It's tough being on your own but being alone and working on healing is better than being with someone who pushes you down. Work on healing and being confident and comfortable being alone. If we switch the terminology, don't worry about being alone, work on being alone without being lonely. Remember Superman's fortress of solitude. Sometimes being alone is the best way to think and to decompress and to find that quiet space where we're comfortable with ourselves and the universe.
Consider keeping a journal of your thoughts to help you work on your anxieties but also to rediscover who you are. You don't have to write a lot, just enough to remember the persistent ones you're working on or things you would like to prioritize. Use the journal to plan things you want to do. It helps to do one small thing each day. Check out bullet journal and poke around r/bujo as a means of personal organization and discovery.
Who were you before this toxic relationship? Can you remember parts of that person you can reconnect with? You don't have to go back to that but it can help be a guide to who you are now and will be tomorrow. We have experiences and then we look back and evaluate them. The goals we have today are what we use to do that. If your goals change, how we view the past changes. You are changing and that's the best thing that can happen if you were recently in a negative place. Protect your "area", wave your arms over your head and around you and say "this is mine." Claim your space. Get your power back.
Online therapeutic classes can be expensive but there are several you can take here after a one time $10 registration fee. Take notes in your journal on what seems like it helps. Don't make it all work. Watch movies and read books you enjoy. Most of all be kind to yourself while you are figuring it out. Don't judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up about anything that happened. It's all in the past. Focus on today and tomorrow. Hang in there!
I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.
We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.
When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone
It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.
Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&amp;keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&amp;qid=1536309996&amp;sprefix=dissoci&amp;sr=8-4&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_4
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&amp;qid=1536311130&amp;sr=8-1&amp;ref=mp_s_a_1_1
Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.
Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too
Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.
The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.
Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.
Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.
Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:
Good luck!
Your family sexually abused you. She violated your body, your boundaries. She ignored your protests. She gaslighted you. She mocked you. As an adult, she failed to protect you. This is not okay, not then, not now, not ever. That is sexual abuse, and it was wrong of her to do. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I am angry for you.
Went through a similar experience with my family, and you’re not alone. Feeling like you’re gross, dirty, nauseated, silenced... it’s sadly all too common with sexual abuse survivors. I’m sorry. I went through EMDR & therapy to work through my trauma which has helped a lot, so I’d def suggest that. Also try to get your hands on this book and this book . <3
Although I'm sure there are some shamans that could potentially help you, seeking a shaman might not be the best modality for healing.
>I have gotten a strange feeling of dark hopelessness from the meeting, I cannot quite explain
It sounds like your encounter triggered memories of your assault which certainly makes sense. Right now you don't need someone encouraging you to open up sexually; you need someone supportive who makes you feel safe and who will make you feel empowered.
I'd suggest learning more about trauma so you can better understand yourself, your feelings and what healing would look like. I'm currently listening to the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' and I would highly recommend it. Here are a few links for the book: Amazon, free audiobook with annoying music, lecture by author.
There are some AMAZING resources here, so I'll just throw in a few others:
The Body Remembers
The Body Keeps the Score)
Enrique's Journey
Crossing Over
The Devil's Highway
Random Family
Lost Children of Wilder
There are several modern psychotherapists in the Jungian school that take this seriously. You probably won't find a whole lot outside of this discipline, apart from probably some Eastern or alternative medicine practices. The opinion of most modern psychotherapists don't matter much to me though compared to the Jungians, but that is just my opinion and experience. A few of the local Jungian Analysts in my Jungian Society that I've had the opportunity to attend seminars with use bodily therapy for some of their patients with apparently a high level of success, if the patient is open to that sort of treatment. A lot aren't. Personally, I had a swallowing condition earlier this year and this passage that you quoted really made me think when I was first read it, which just so happened to be around the time that the symptoms were occurring. Even if you want to be skeptical about the mind-body connection, which I honestly don't think the connection is much of a stretch, it is helpful to ask yourself such questions regarding your condition. "What is it that I cannot stand or cannot swallow or stomach, etc.?" It can only increase consciousness. If you think about it, if you can't walk, there are probably a whole lot of things that "you can't stand" and bringing those contents into consciousness can be very therapeutic. My swallowing condition was caused by adverse side effects of medication prescribed for an eye condition, so I then asked "what is it that I am not seeing?" Regardless if the causes if the conditions were psychological in origin or not, those are powerful questions to ask and there are always answers there what ever the question is.
I haven't read either of these two books, but they are on my list. They might be worth checking out if the subject interests you:
https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Disease-Perspective-Psychosomatic-Dermatology/dp/1853437484
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Have you done any reading on trauma healing? I found Judith Lewis Herman and Bessel van der Kolk very helpful. It took a couple years, but I had more backed-up years of trauma effects than you do. Six months could be enough time for meaningful progress.
Counsellors and therapists never helped me, either, and I've been to quite a few, none great. I agree with you no one really wants to hear about the trauma and those that are willing to listen at all are few and tend not to stick around. Just my personal experience.
I'm not a minority. I'm a culture of one. I have an inkling of your pain.
I hope you're also getting trauma specific therapy.
Your comment strongly suggests that it is necessary.
Give this a read, if you haven't already:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
Good luck.
> Can I die from LOA
Nope. Never. If one could die from the thoughts of suicide & death, I wouldn't be here posting this. :)
> violent childhood horrors I have PTSD and OCD
Seek a therapist. Also check these books,
This helped me a lot with my childhood trauma. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, breathwork, therapy and EMDR as well.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Dissociation is a self defense mechanism of your brain that occurs when a stressful situation becomes too overwhelming for you to handle. It is often caused by trauma, chronic stress, drugs, or head injury. It is a part of the fight or flight response and specifically happens when you can neither face the danger in front of you or run away from it which results in you dissociating from there here and now(the present). It often results in emotional and physical blunting and cognitive problems.
This book will offer you a great deal in understanding trauma, dissociation, and treatment options: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
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If you want the short version of treatment options from the book and can't be bothered to read:
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Meditation, mindfulness, EMDR, neurofeedback, yoga/martial arts (types of mindfulness), microdosing MDMA. Also, human connection helps but if that triggers you then connections to animals may help too. I may have missed some, read the book, it has a story of someone with DID becoming cured.
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r/CPTSD reddit might be more helpful to you as dissociation is often a symptom of PTSD.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_XWpvCbGF8E8ZD
I think Bessel van der Kolk talks about that in The Body Keeps the Score, too.
It's the Trauma. Get marriage counselling ASAP. Make sure the therapist is trauma informed. Somatic and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) would be key words to look for. Your wife has a brain injury. Check out The Body Keeps the Score and Supportfor Partners:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
http://www.supportforpartners.org/
I just heard back about the exciting job I interviewed for a few months ago. I didn't get it, but found out it was a close race and a splinter skill was the difference between multiple people getting it.
I've been reading more recently: Just Mercy, which I highly reccomend; Twelve-by-Twelve; Tribe; A Renegade History of the US; and At Risk Youth.
I know I still need to compile and post about the Social Skills course I took last month, and I will, I've just been busy with school, work, and life.
I tried going to a 12 step program but the higher power idea didn't feel comfortable to me. Also the way that a lot of different people would talk from different places in the room. I'm Autistic and group conversation can be stressful to me.
The Autism diagnosis was immensely helpful for me in getting sober. I found an Autism-positive psychologist and did a modified form of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
I think DBT is pretty fantastic for anyone who feels a lot of pain or does things that end up hurting themselves. I really like the book Seeking Safety by Dr. Najavits. Here is a link to the book. They also have meetings in a lot of cities so if you google "seeking safety + your location" you may find a group also.
Have you read Tribe by Sebastian Junger? The transition to civilian life is hard regardless if the veteran experienced combat or not.
He probably misses the camaraderie and the simplicity of being told what to do. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it can be a welcome relief to have someone tell you when to get up, when to eat, what to wear, what to do, etc.
One idea I have for you is to explore internal family systems therapy. You may already know about this kind of therapy, also sometimes called “parts therapy“ – it basically views your self as made up of a bunch of constituent parts.
One major one of those parts would be your inner child. In this type of therapy, which you can basically do on your own, you open a dialogue with each of your different parts, get to know them.
There is a series of three videos on YouTube on IFS that starts with this one that I highly recommend:
https://youtu.be/NXimi-OP0M8
In the videos, one concept that Derek Scott brings up is the idea of a part that can “blank you out“ - basically it’s a protective part that jumps in and shuts things down when you are getting too close to the pain of an exiled part (the protective part is worried that the pain of the child part will overwhelm you). I wonder if this might be what’s going on when your connection with your inner child gets spotty.
If the videos resonate with you, I highly recommend also checking out this book on internal family systems therapy (it’s written for therapists but I found it really helpful):
https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Skills-Training/dp/1683730879/ref=asc_df_1683730879/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312736349443&amp;hvpos=1o1&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=1465443861342540366&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9032361&amp;hvtargid=pla-416959139490&amp;psc=1&amp;tag=&amp;ref=&amp;adgrpid=63700707018&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvadid=312736349443&amp;hvpos=1o1&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=1465443861342540366&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9032361&amp;hvtargid=pla-416959139490
The idea with internal family systems is that it can help you to open a dialogue with your inner child.
Other than internal family systems therapy, another thing that has really helped me get in touch with my inner child is doing visualizations. I started out using a CD of guided imagery for self healing by Dr. Martin Rossman. From there I begin just doing visualizations on my own – I kind of just invite whatever images are inside me to come up during a sort of meditation and I often get images from my inner child that help me understand what she went through.
These are a couple of the things that have really helped me. Not sure if they will be right for you, but based on your post it sounds like you are totally on the right track with connecting with your inner child. I bet that no matter which techniques you work with you will end up connecting with that inner child because you want to make it happen. As rumi said, “what you seek is seeking you.“ Wishing you beautiful healing 💜
>Which is also why many soldiers, IMO, have PTSD.
Well, I'll have to disagree with this opinion. Other than a physiological problem that varies from person to person and therefore, effects how they react to stress, I think the biggest reason for much of what people categorize as "PTSD" comes from the existential dread of returning to society. That is not to say that maybe a few don't experience what you wrote but rather that there's a social aspect that is missing in today's understanding of combat veterans (the topic's article even hints at it).
This video, "Why Veterans Miss War" does a decent job explaining it.
Essentially, many soldiers enjoy war. They don't enjoy the death and decay but they find the adventure and action quite exhilarating. There's a sense of fulfillment being there with your brothers in arms as you fight the enemy that is out to get you.
It's not limited to these recent wars or solely from an American perspective either. I've read/seen WWII veterans, Vietnam veterans, and Iraqi commandos fighting ISIS in the worst of conditions express this sentiment.
In that sense, as the video points out, the soldier returns to a society that doesn't understand that experience. Meanwhile, the soldiers never really get this "best time of your life" type camaraderie back. It is abrupt and culturally shocking to be pushed back into "regular life".
A lot of veterans point to that grocery store scene in the Hurt Locker as being somewhat of an accurate portrayal of what they face when they come home. Such choices being made there seem meaningless compared to the choices being made in combat (or even just taking care of your fellow troops in general).
This becomes even more apparent when the soldiers experience little to no closure. They lose touch with the friends they made, they don't get updated on the outpost they stayed at and the villagers they may have shared tea with, they may have their own guesses but they don't know what will happen to the geopolitical landscape they helped shape.
As a result, depression and feeling isolated can occur. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, or reckless action can be one way to substitute for this emptiness. The trolley problem, as insane as it may seem, that one might experience in war seems much simpler and meaningful than the vast meaninglessness of society.
The Warriors: Reflections on Men in Battle by WWII vet and philosophy professor Jesse Glenn Gray does a good job explaining the philosophy of wartime experience and I think it's worth checking out alongside the book Tribe by Sebastian Junger (the speaker in the TED talk above).
It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.
This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.
The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.
And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:
The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.
And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.
As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.
The Poet X
That depends on your past! If you've gone through some trauma it can be very difficult to reconcile the things that have happened in your life. If that's the case for you I would highly recommend trauma therapy (if you can afford it) and/or the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Exactly - PTSD and CPTSD are as much physical as mental or chemical.
The Body Keeps the Score
You're the one experiencing your life, not all of us commenting here. You are the authority on your experience - there are many roads to healing, and not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position where they have the resources, support, money, stability, time, and safety to do that work.
Mostly, I worked with a somatic therapist (sensorimotor psychotherapy).
It would take a book to tell you all of it (Literally. This book) but I can tell you what the core of it: learning how to experience your feelings and body sensations and then learning to consciously manage them. It rewires the brain and body to be less prone to dissociation. So any work you do, so long as it's also teaching you that will bring you back into your body. SP is just one model for it.
I'm sorry I can't really give you a play by play, there was just a lot. I'd lived severely dissociated for almost 20 years by the time I started. I had to be taught literally everything, but I was also told I was an unusual case. My therapist has never had to take someone so far back to the basics. But that also mean, if you'd like to tell me what info you are hoping for, I can probably point you in the right direction. I think we literally tried everything before it finally clicked for me.
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Hey. I know your feeling exactly. In fact, Pete Walker talks about it in his book, that feeling when you realize after all the diagnoses you've been collecting that explain your problem except not really and you've found the actual fucking answer. It's a great feeling in a sea of not so great feelings.
The books in the sidebar are amazing reads.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/
The first book devotes almost fully the second half to treatments.
I personally burned out on shitty therapists before I had my own mind blown so I've not gotten professional help. However, I have see people in this subreddit rave about EMDR and Somatic experiencing.
Bessel Van Der Kolk says mindfulness is key but that there is no easy solution. So, mindfulness meditation, yoga, tai chi, things like this are a great idea to start doing right now.
Belleruth Naparstek - Invisible Heroes
Bessel Van Der Kolk - The Body Keeps The Score
I recently read a book called "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma." (My library had it, so I borrowed it for free.)
It talks a lot about the connection between the body and trauma, anxiety, and depression, and discusses a lot of body-based treatments. There's a whole section on yoga! They mention other specific types of treatments, including EMDR, which my therapist is trained in and offers. It has been tremendously helpful to me, whereas cognitive-behavioral therapy only offered temporary relief.
My therapist said to me that the longest distance in the world is the one between the head and the heart. So while I can change my thoughts through CBT, which can be helpful, it's much harder to change the body or the emotions. Treatments like EMDR, neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, and others can help. Doing things to give yourself a sense of connection with your body will help. Yoga, dance, theater, and massage are all discussed in the book as helpful, scientifically-proven options. The guy who wrote it is an M.D. who runs a trauma clinic.
Link to the book, if you'd like to learn more: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
Harvard article about yoga for anxiety and depression: http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression
Mindfulness meditation is another proven way to reduce anxiety. More information about how to practice it is available here: http://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-do-mindfulness-meditation/
Here's an article summarizing the results of a meta-analysis of the effectiveness on mindfulness meditation on treating anxiety and depression: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/01/07/260470831/mindfulness-meditation-can-help-relieve-anxiety-and-depression
In Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the undoing of moral character, Dr. Jonathan Shay examines the additional situational elements that are predictors of the likelihood an individual will develop PTSD.
LtCol Grossman has also written on this subject in On Combat and On Killing.
Shared experience, supportive debriefing, command climate, fatigue level, witness to/participation in crimes or atrocities, cover-ups, moral conflict, relationship to wounded/killed... all of these things shape the experience.
A well-trained warrior may have no regrets or disturbances at having killed numerous enemy troops or even losing comrades if he was well cared for and supported by his command and unit.
But an under-prepared & overly fatigued warrior who saw injured children, or was involved in actions that terrorized civilians, while a member of an abusive command and separated from his buddies may experience moderate to even severe PTSD.
There is much more to PTSD than the volume of fire to which one was exposed or the MOS and duty assignment that may be reflected in paper records.
It seems like you're confusing morals (the right thing to do in a situation) with a blend of justification and psychological consequence. Your example of someone killing another and feeling subjectively justified does not show that killing is moral or immoral. There isn't a connection between the two. Feeling justified in killing may reduce the occurrence of psychopathological conditions such as posttraumatic stress disorder, but again, this does not mean it is moral. (For an interesting, although mostly anecdotal, account of a link between justification in war and posttraumatic stress, you might want to check out Jonathan Shay's book, Achilles in Vietnam.
The people pointing to the philosophy forums are correct, you're looking more for a philosophical argument regarding ethics/morals than a psychological one.
Depending on when you went to college, the guy might've stolen the idea a bit because Jonathan Shay wrote a pair of books published in the mid-90s to early-00s titled Achilles in Vietnam and Odysseus in America which are academic works about the Iliad and the Odyssey using them as a lens to understand psychological illnesses in veterans who saw combat.
There's a book called "On Combat" concerning combat stress. In the book the author goes very in-depth about how common it is to actually shit your pants in gunfights. Having been shot at (but retaining my bowels), I can easily understand how it happens. I'm an adrenaline sport guy, but that immediate, unexpected dose of terror is completely different high than what I've gotten elsewhere. There's a reason lots of combat vets have a love/hate relationship with firefights.
No book will prepare you for law enforcement, it has to be touched, smelled, heard, and seen. If you're already a cop then the best thing you can do to be better is to be a well rounded human being and books can help with that.
Here's the recommended reading from some of the prior threads I was able to find in the sub.
I've read a good portion of the above listed. I highly recommend Emotional Survival and going to see one of Gilmartin's talks if he's in your area. Below are a few of my personal suggestions.
As a serious answer: They hold it that way not to shoot, but to point and look threatening. Generally, having a higher position and forcing someone else to look up at you gives you psychological leverage over someone else. Gives you an aura of authority and dominance. Makes you appear bigger and more threatening and the other person is more likely to back down. So lets assume your gangbanger is a typical human being who isn't actually interested in killing anyone and would rather make a display of animal dominance and just get what he wants. This is how most every animal on the planet deals with members of it's own species and humans by and large are no exception to that rule. So you pick up your threatening weapon and you point it at someone in a way which causes them to have to look up to view the threat, and give yourself a more dominant appearance. Take your standard handgun, hold it maybe 6 inches above your head, and now turn it so your barrel points at your imaginary victim. You'll notice it's hard to do while maintaining a normal vertical grip. So you turn your wrist to a more natural angle to flex and voila! Sideways gangbanger grip.
If you watch humans do this in the wild, you'll notice that's exactly what they're doing. They're trying to be intimidating. They're pointing with their weapons. Trying to appear threatening. Often the gun will be above their head rather than in line with their eyes. If it is more level with their eyes, they're often turned away from their opponent, trying to put at much perceived distance between them and the gun, using it as a psychological shield to hide behind. It's the same grip for the same purpose, they're just being scared young men facing lethal violence at that point and stretching their arms out further from them rather than holding it higher as they normally would.
If you see some of the lesser trained soldiers in say, parts of Africa holding their AKs sideways and above their head, it's both a function of dominance, and fear. They're trying to look and sound scary with their guns and hope the enemy runs away rather than fights back. Often they're be behind some piece of cover and shoot over it without looking. Holding your gun above your head makes a sideways grip more comfortable and secure feeling hold on your weapon. Since they're either unaware of what sights are for (some are) or too scared out of their minds to care, the grip makes sense to them. It's all primal responses to fear and violence.
Source: Soldier who has a little understanding into the minds of untrained combatants facing violence. Col. Grossman is a good read on the subject.
Edit: spelling and formatting
I won't push any guns on you(look at my flair if you want to know what I carry.) Do not walk into a shop and just buy a gun. Go to a range and rent guns, go with a friend that owns guns, ask everybody you can what their opinion on their guns are. If at any time someone seems emotional while bashing a brand then stop listening to them. I don't buy Glock because they don't feel right in my hand, but it is still one of the most popular guns because it is reliable. Find what works for you and then buy.
Hickok45 - He is great. He uses a wide variety of guns and ammo and he has a few episodes where he compares guns.
Legal Carry
Massad Ayoob - One of if not the best in the business. Read anything and everything you can find from him.
Shoot to Live(1/8)
Judicious use of Force(1/2)
Make the time to watch these videos and the rest in each series. These are mobile YouTube links if they don't work for you I will edit them when I get to a computer.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman Get his books and read them.
On Combat
On Killing
Storage Where is your gun going to be when not in its holster? All of my pistols are in a safe.
Home Defense Handguns aren't the best for home defense because of the possibility of shooting friendlies and bystanders through walls. Think about shotguns for that.
Holster and Placement I have a Crossbreed Supertuck for my .45 and a Galco basic ankle holster for my .380. If you know people that own and carry you could ask them if you can try their holster/gun combo around their house(unloaded.) At ranges or shops ask what others use and why. There are multiple places you can carry a gun(shoulder, pocket, ankle, hip.) The hip has the most variety because you have your whole waist for placement as well as looking at inside the waistband(IWB) and outside the waistband(OWB.)Look them up and practice drawing from those areas. What feels more natural? Sidenote: If you carry in your pocket then buy a pocket holster. It blocks the trigger guard so nothing(pens or keys) pulls the trigger while its in your pocket.
Ammo Certain guns can shoot any brand others can not. Buy a box of each brand in the caliber you end up getting. Do some research first! Some brands straight up suck. Pick out the weeds and try what's left. While practicing use basic ball ammo. When carrying you should be using hollow points. These will add stopping power and help lessen the chance of over penetration.
Laws Look up your local laws. Learn them and memorize them. Ignorance is not an excuse and you will get charged for breaking laws. Find a local attorney that does cases involving guns(self defense or accidental discharge.) You don't need to put them on retainer but get their card so if something ever happens you can call a lawyer that knows what they are doing.
Check out The Body Keep the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD. It is incredibly insightful as to the way the mind works with trauma, the differences between PTSD and CPTSD, and research he has been doing on the disorder for over forty years.
So there are lots of good posts already here, but I just want to say that you are living in this world as a traumatized person. This is the book that can help you understand why you feel like you're stuck in the same patterns over and over again, that you're lonely and empty inside - it's trauma working within you.
Because of what trauma does to the brain and to our nervous system in general, it makes it very hard to just dust ourselves off from our traumatic past and move on. That trauma gave you a blueprint for all your other relationships - how you assert boundaries, how much you value yourself, how you form new relationships and break off old ones. All of that is influenced by your traumatic past.
But here's the good news. You can get help. A lot of the best trauma therapies are body based (see the book I linked to) but talk therapy is good too. You can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your responses to their behavior and the feelings they "trigger" within you. This is how you start to heal, by having a box of tools to work with when things get hard. Is my life awesome? Nope. But do I have 10 things I can think of at any given time to help me work on my problems? Absolutely.
Read up on it--there are lots of resources online, forums like this, or MyPTSD forums, and one good book that's good at explaining things from a standpoint of decades of combined psych and medical research is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. Good luck to you, remember that you are not alone.
This author is at the forefront of research on CPTSD, I've read plenty of his research though not this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_sim_14_4?ie=UTF8&amp;dpID=41G819O2SVL&amp;dpSrc=sims&amp;preST=_AC_UL160_SR106%2C160_&amp;refRID=020X024T287E1XK5A14T
This is the basis of my own issues as well. A lack of safety, security and emotional attachment during childhood means I'm now solidly avoidant. I'm in my 40s now, estranged from my parents (which i don't mind at all) single and have no friends outside of work. All of it comes from my trauma in childhood including multiple deaths. I would recommend the usual books that you'll see posted here a lot:
The Body Keeps the Score
Attached The chapter describing avoidance is surprisingly accurate.
Complex PTSD
Ffs. I didn’t realized how offended I could be by this. I knew the “science” behind the argument was bollocks, but to attribute all those things to injections causes more damage than even just allowing deadly diseases to proliferate. The ones that bother me most are those often associated with early childhood trauma - OCD, autoimmune disorders, (edit to add) chronic fatigue, speech delays. Then there’s scoliosis, which also runs in my family, going back to before the polio vax, even. Jfc.
Edit: For more information on the biological effects of trauma, I can’t recommend this book enough: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. While it’s fascinating, I must also recommend it with a TRIGGER WARNING.
I picked up The Body Keeps the Score when I was done with Surviving to Thriving. It's more technical, so it may be what you're looking for. I found it extremely useful when he explains how different parts of the brain interact, and how imbalances of activity in stress response areas affect other functional areas.
It also doesn't get too clinical, due to frequent use of his personal anecdotes as illustrative case studies. It makes the technical parts very accessible.
You should check out this book it’s great.
I haven't read this book, but it may answer some questions for you
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1499643396&amp;sr=1-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ this one.
> I never really understood why I would want to hurt myself because im mentally hurting.
It's not the same for everyone, but when I was deep in a many, many years cycle of self-harm I found that what I felt was (to me) indescribable, all-encompassing, perpetual mental/emotional pain, and that, for some reason, transferring that into real tangible injuries that I could inflict, control, and watch heal gave me some way to deal with intangible horrors. Not a recommended approach haha, but the brain has strange ways of coping with extreme stressors. Sometimes it's these strange mechanisms that are the only thing keeping us from suicide, no matter how unhealthy they may be. For myself personally, as a female survivor of some seriously bad shit (please feel free to message me for details of if you wanna chat - sounds like we've had some similar experiences in life), I actually found that martial arts (muay thai, aikido, and kendo) have helped significantly. Practice helps me feel more in control of myself and my environment (and my head), and oddly I've found sparring to help a lot with my self-harm urges - no need to hurt myself when someone else is already beating the crap outta me (with appropriate gear and supervision!) lol! I've also recently started the book The Body Keeps the Score (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ref=tmm_fbs_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1556857316&amp;amp;sr=8-2); I'm only about a quarter of the way through, but so far it's a fascinating exploration of how trauma affects both mind and body, and how the two manifest the affects of trauma together. The author is great at making the material very accessible and easy to understand. I truly hope the best for you; it's a bullshit, fucked up, rocky-ass path we're on, but it honestly helps to know we're not on it alone. Internet stranger hugs (if wanted; friendly wave if not lol)!!!
A friend of mine had chronic headaches and saw a whole series of specialists who had him do a bunch of tests, including an MRI. They suspected he had a brain tumor that could be giving him these daily, chronic headaches. And then it turned out he had Generalised Anxiety Disorder, making his neck and back muscles tense all the damn time - which of course gave him endless headaches.
What I mean by this is that what's happening to you is normal and very common, for all sorts of anxiety-related conditions. IDK about the specific circumstance but feeling strong, overwhelming emotions can cause some people (eg. me) to instantly develop a headache, stomach pain, nausea, etc.
EDIT: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
Please don't fall into thinking he has borderline personality disorder and will need to go back to a group home. He needs you to believe in him. He needs you to have hope, even if the facts seem hopeless.
I was sexually abused as a child and had a lot of behavioral and mental health problems as a result. Being labeled as "borderline" was incredibly harmful. My personality is who I am, and to say that my personality is the problem made it hard to conclude that there was any point in trying to get better or even continuing life at all.
Did I fit borderline criteria when I was 16? Sure. But the issue was the trauma, not my personality. It took many years of therapy, but I've been able to work through the trauma, and no longer fall into those "borderline" behaviors. I'm so grateful to my 16-year-old self for rejecting the diagnosis and insisting that my personality was just fine, and my real problem was trauma. It made it possible to heal. Your son can heal too. He will have a much better chance if you believe that healing is possible for him.
Finally, I cannot recommend highly enough, this book on trauma and recovery from trauma: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
I would start with learning the basics of trauma and some of the biology behind what it does to our brains/body.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0670785938/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5a0LDbXXEM1FC
Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, an... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476748365/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_t1_4c0LDb5CB0806
Good luck!
For anyone dealing with the aftermath of abuse, I cannot recommend highly enough:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
It is written for both professionals and lay people. It lays out a great deal of the relevant information that your therapist has about trauma, so you can have it too. I think it would help you understand the impact the abuse in your childhood had on you, as well as give you a great deal of hope for healing from it.
A great book on the topic is 'Achilles in Vietnam' by Jonathan Shay.
https://www.amazon.com/Achilles-Vietnam-Combat-Undoing-Character/dp/0684813211/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=achilles+in+vietnam&amp;qid=1569532271&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=Achilles+in+viet&amp;sr=8-1
He compares the depiction of ptsd in the Iliad with accounts of Vietnam veterans, where their experiences align and where they differ.
In a chapter that is fresh in my memory he argues people may have suffered less from ptsd in wars like the Trojan one because of how the enemy was seen among other things. A subhuman thing, vermin in Vietnam, as opposed to an equal, noble opponent in antiquity.
I'll just leave this here: Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character; Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming.
Why they react the way they do?
They react the way they do because their themis, what their cultural context and way of ordering the world views to be "correct", as described by Jonathan Shay, holds that women are either saints or whores by virtue of their sexual conduct, and when they have a sexual experience, they feel used up, like Elizabeth Smart did. Here she is explaining why she didn't try harder to run away:
>"I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value...Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.” She said she felt so dirty and filthy after being raped, and that alone, can keep someone who is a victim of human trafficking or sexual violence, from trying to escape or run for help.
The problem is that these feelings can come about from any sexual experience, because any sexual experience other than sex in a marriage violates the girl's themis, absorbed from the culture and then internalized. It says nothing about mens rea, but instead frames things in terms of "strict liability", when only the outcome matters. As such, consensual sex that's regretted, drunk sex, sex that results from poor communication or no communication, any and all of these things can engender feelings of being "a chewed up piece of gum" and destroy the girl's identity and sense of belonging in the world.
Then, after the conservative fundamentalists are done with the girl's brain, the liberal radical feminists get in there and enshrine her feelings of brokenness and worthlessness, because it is politically expedient for them to have martyrs to use to whip up a public outcry and generate more fundraising. Never mind that this might not be psychologically best for the recovery of the people who they claim to advocate for.
>Though some feminists regard “rape equals devastation” as sacred fact, the notion that a man can ruin me with his penis strikes me as the most complete expression of vintage misogyny available.
The real problem isn't men or the male sex drive, or even rapists. The real problem is elements of a culture, promulgated by both men and women, that slut-shames and tells women that their self-worth is dependent on what happens with their vaginas.
No, the problem is society itself, at both ends of the political spectrum, and as long as these poor girls are being told by everybody that a normal place and identity no longer exists for them, that they can only be whores or martyrs, social propriety can be damned.
So while you are perfectly free to disagree with me, you would do well to make fewer assumptions about other people's efforts and observations, before you try to silence them.
eh, i feel like part of PTSD requires you to know you wont respawn. While dying in a game has consequences that do invoke a pavlovian reaction, they dont hit as primal of an instinct as "DONT DIE". Then again, I have no experience in psychology, so I could be totally wrong.
Though if anyone is interested, there is a book called Achilles in Vietnam that really breaks down root causes of PTSD into simpleton terms for idiots like me. There was a follow up book called Odysseus in America, but I never read that so i can't say to its value.
Redeployment - Phil Klay
Odysseus in America - Jonathan Shay
That's the book!
Awesome, kind stranger. I appreciate it more than I can say.
Amazon shows another by Shay :
Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming
So I looks as though my ever expanding pile of book to read will grow again.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/074321157X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_-0WDxbWZ3JXSH
I really enjoyed Odysseus in America. It's mostly about Vietnam Vets but a lot of it is pretty general.
> Rex Grossman wrote of the
Rex Grossman did no such thing.
You're referring to LtCol Dave Grossman's book "On Killing"
On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace, there's a good starting point.
>Yes, he's an exception, but there must be a slight 'enabling' element there.
Anyone who wants to look into the 'enabling' effect should read Dave Grossman's books On Killing and On Combat. The author probably overstates the effect violent media has, but it's nonetheless a very good read.
Like say the US Marine Corps' Professional Reading List? I think all branches have reading lists.
One's I've actually read::
I'm particularly fond of The Village by Bing West.
There's Power To The Edge which is more modern
Also yes, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, also Nicolo Machiavelli's Art of War, On War by Clausewitz, On Combat by Grossman even though I have some issues with it.
Hope this helps.
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot The Book of Five Rings by Musashi
If you haven't already, please read this. It may help you understand how scenarios like this affect you physically, psychologically, spiritually, and socially.
And thank you for making the right decision. It was your responsibility to make the right decision at the time with the facts as they were, and you did. It was never your responsibility to keep everyone in your jurisdiction safe; that would simply be unreasonable.
On Combat by Dave Grossman is an amazing book. It's about what (likely) goes on in your mind, and how your body will (likely) react, in a life-or-death situation. As Grossman puts it "Forewarned is forearmed." People need to know this.
Mindfulness by Ellen Langer is about life on autopilot. How it happens and how we can live to avoid falling into routines and such. People need to know this.
Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely is clever stuff.
I'm not entirely sure if this is something you're looking for, but Lt. Col. Dave Grossman is a psychologist and a veteran who has specialized in researching what makes shooters tick. His two (the only ones I'm aware of at this moment ... both great reads) works are titled On Killing and On Combat.
If anything they may be able to point you in the right direction of more research and studies that have already been conducted.
Never, ever count shots. You pull the trigger until you see results that mean you're no longer in danger. That could mean one shot or three mag reloads. Same thing.
In the past, police were taught to shoot X string of fire, watch for results, then continue if necessary. This resulted in a lot of officers getting injured or killed when the shots didn't have the intended effect in enough time, even when the officers had good hits on the target. A human body can take a lot of damage in certain situations and keep functioning long enough to be dangerous.
Training has been revised over the years to an indefinite "shoot to stop the threat". That means whatever it takes. You continue to do work until the threat is done being a threat.
If you're interested in the subject, start with the FBI memo Handgun Wounding Factors and Effectiveness
On Combat is a great resource as well.
On Combat, by David Grossman. All about the psychological and physiological affects of combat. Great read for anyone who's just going in (like me).
Unfortunately, I don't know that there is a way to have that kind of mobility as a therapist, specifically (somewhat more mobility as a research-only PhD!). And, while I definitely think some of the license mobility stuff is arbitrary and unhelpful, some of it is definitely not. If you are interested, Crazy Like Us by Ethan Watters has a great example of how well meaning and perfectly qualified therapists can enter another culture and cause psychological damage due to their lack of understanding of interventions that are justified within that particular cultural context -- https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098
I don't know where you are at in your life currently, but it may be worth just living your life for a bit and taking time to clarify what your career values actually are. (E.g. if living in another country is a top priority right now, you could join the Peace Corps or something along those lines!) A career counselor might be good to chat with, as well.
I'm readying a fantastic book about this right now: https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098
Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the American Psyche by Ethan Waters.
Here's an excellent article summary: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/magazine/10psyche-t.html
I don't know how to get a flair but I have an B.S. in philosophy and am currently in a Ph.D program in clinical psychology.
Good thinking! The DSM (psychiatrists and clinicians diagnostic "Bible" for mental disorders) tries it's best to categorized "mental disorders". The DSM has come under a lot of flack for the way in categorizes mental disorders because the very nature of them is hard to categorize. Not all of Western Psychology agrees with it's own conceptions of mental disorders, there is a lot of internal debate amongst psychologist and psychiatrists on the nature of mental disorders and a lot are very aware of the constructed nature of them. From what I've noticed there's kind of a split between psychiatry which tends to view things medically/neurologically and psychotherapists/clinicians that put less emphasis on biology and more emphasis on environment (The DSM seems to be based on a medical model of mental disorders). Like the nature nurture debate it probably lies somewhere in the middle.
I was thinking of Foucault's History of Madness of well and Prishmael seemed to cover that. Mental disorders are probably very much bound to societies conceptions of what is good/bad and right/wrong. Depression wasn't even a thing in Japan until western culture sort of introduced it to them. There are books and books on the history of psychiatry and how it came to be (being very critical of psychiatry).
I would look up Thomas Szasz - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Szasz
Peter Breggin - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Breggin
Rober Whitaker - http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Epidemic-Bullets-Psychiatric-Astonishing/dp/1491513217
I havne't read this one but this book talks about how with American culture spreading around the world, so too has our conceptions of mental illness. I've heard it's very interesting. http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098
Indeed. This is a great starting point: http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1416587098.
Hi Pink, yes, most of us with C-PTSD have been burdened with plenty of mis-diagnoses before arriving here.
A couple of great books I highly recommend are:
From Surviving to Thriving
and [The Body Keeps the Score] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1483926427&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score)
You might be interested in learning about TRE if you don't already know about it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tension_%26_Trauma_Releasing_Exercises
There's also a really amazing book called "The Body Keeps the Score" that talks about how our bodies remember and store the trauma energy. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this pain. I have had dreams trigger flashbacks like this before. Everyone finds different things that help, but if you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out the information on flashbacks on r/CPTSD. Basically, flashbacks aren't always visual as in a dream or a hallucination, or auditory/taste, etc. They can also bring up the emotions we felt during the event or shortly after leading to feelings of fight/flight/freeze even when we are presently safe. I am not a therapist, but your dream reminds me of my own visual flashbacks and the feelings you've been dealing with since seem reminiscent of the emotional flashbacks. There's a reason it's so hard to shake those feelings-- your brain and body truly believe you are in danger again and are trying to protect you.
All of the behaviors you listed are normal trauma responses, but are also super, super hard to face alone. If you are able, please consider speaking with a trauma informed therapist. Many women's shelters even offer group therapy to the community for free. Or, Universities often have discounted rates if you are ok working with a PhD student who is nearing certification.
Another great resource is the book The Body Keeps the Score. It really dives into the effects of traumatic events on our bodies and how they manifest in different ways throughout life if not processed. It is written by an MD who pioneered research in PTSD for war veterans and then found that the effects on people who experienced other traumas (like rape) were very similar. I wouldn't start reading this now while you are currently triggered, but when you are ready to process things a bit more this could be very helpful. (It was a big turning point for me.) There are also some free audiobook versions on YouTube.
You are not disgusting or awful for your dream. We cannot control whether the pleasure centers of our brains are activated, especially while sleeping. I know it is very disconcerting when our brains still derive pleasure from experiences that are also rooted in such depraved violence and betrayal, but you have done nothing to be ashamed of.
As for things you could do tonight to feel better, I have had good results with the suggestions on this page https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit as well as https://www.joondalupcounselling.com.au/joondalup-counselling-blog/2016/2/11/28-popular-effective-grounding-techniques
Give yourself grace as you deal with this. I'm glad you got to go out for a bit and try to distract yourself. Be mindful of your stress levels and take steps back when needed. Sometimes staying busy is helpful, but sometimes we also need to take time to rest.
I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Please reach out whenever you need.
Don't worry, I get that too. Intrusive thoughts cause physiological reactions because it triggers your nervous system which has a kind of memory. This book gives a really good explanation of all this and might help you normalize your feelings:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HjdsDbCFDF0G6
I'm sorry that your provider didn't prepare you for the reality of a medication abortion - the pain and seeing the sac are both things that can be traumatic even if you do expect them. It's okay to have complex feelings about your abortion. Especially with all the news and the rhetoric, it's hard to not have internalized stigma. Maybe you would have rather saved the sac and buried it - you can always do that if you do need another abortion, and the only way to find out these things is going through them, unfortunately. Next time you want your boyfriend's support, you know to ask for it. You did your best with the information and the circumstances. Be kind to yourself. You are a strong, brave, beautiful person, learning as you go just like the rest of us.
This workbook on emotional and spiritual healing after an abortion might help: https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm. There is a section at the end for healing partners that you can give to your boyfriend and your therapist. Your therapist may also be able to work through the workbook with you if you would rather do it with them than alone.
Another book I'd recommend is Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown. There is a chapter on pleasure after sexual trauma that is incredible. The chapter is based on this piece that she wrote called "I Want You, But I'm Triggered". (She also talks about it a bit in these interviews, and more on sex after #metoo in this one.)
The body keeps the score (another good book!) and it makes sense that physical trauma would be resurfaced from such a physical experience as the abortion. Healing is possible and you deserve all the love and support in the world.
This is older than I am, but still has plenty to offer:
Facing Shame: Families in Recovery
Without knowing specifics, maybe some of these could be useful to you as well:
Shame Faced: The Road to Recovery
Counselling Skills for Working with Shame
Coming Out of Shame: Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives
Healing the Shame that Binds You
Treating Sexual Shame: A New Map for Overcoming Dysfunction, Abuse, and Addiction
Asian Shame and Addiction: Suffering in Silence
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair
"The body keeps the score" by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466011790&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=trauma
It's an interesting read about trauma (mostly in PTSD vets and victims of child abuse) but it still reflects a LOT on depression and the state of a depressive mind and ways to heal.
It's helped me, but i've also been traumatized.
Here is an article that gives a general overview of trauma-informed care. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry are essential reading. They are relatively cheap and well-known.
I know very little about EMDR, so I can't really speak for its efficacy. As far as trauma-certifications go, I would urge caution. There are a lot of certification programs out there that promise access to a lot of knowledge and skills, and they offer a shiny little certificate with your name on it upon completion. However, in my experience the knowledge and skills they impart are nothing that you couldn't learn yourself with a combination of dedicated self-study and careful oversight by a competent supervisor. Also, these certifications sound impressive, but they aren't always recognized as anything special by the field at large. So they won't help you get a job, get a promotion, get a raise, or anything else but an impressive-looking piece of paper.
My recommendation is to be more assertive in your interest with your supervisor about learning trauma-informed theory and practice. If they cannot offer you the supervision you feel you need, ask them if there is someone in your organization that can. Identify resources that you can study that will help you find concrete ways to implement trauma-informed strategies into your work, and discuss this during supervision.
Thank you for posting this... your explanation of how fibromyalgia works was very enlightening. You may find this book to be helpful: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Do you do guided meditations or do you just sit quietly and breathe with no particular agenda? This is what pops into my head when I consider your situation: You are not your body; it's a physical manifestation which allows you to maneuver through this world/plane. I don't have fibromyalgia but I can relate because I'm a hypersensitive empath. Every sensation is magnified and can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to dispassionately separate yourself from the idea that you are the body... it is a barometer which draws your attention to areas that need to be healed. Get yourself a special little blank book in which to record your thoughts/feelings about this issue and meditate with the intention of having information revealed to you through your guides/higher self. In my experience, the epiphanies sent by my guides are rarely revealed in a direct fashion. They pop up later in unexpected ways and they catch my attention by repeated synchronicities (example: I kept seeing references to giraffes all over the place only to discover upon talking with a friend that she too had been seeing them. Turned out that she had the information I needed and the giraffe references brought us to common ground. Weird huh?).
You're viewing this as a problem which needs to be solved and you're searching for the perfect formulae... totally understandable. Try to take your mind to a state of neutrality in which the answers can be revealed to you. Leave a blank space inside yourself with the intention of allowing your guides to reach you. Pay attention to synchronicities and the people/situations which are nearby when they happen. They can act as a trail of breadcrumbs, leading you to unexpected places/answers.
Good vibes to you friend, I'll ask my guides to send help... know that you're never alone.
Please dont feel that way, that is your trauma talking. You are worthy of so much more than that. God/spirit/the universe put you here to learn and grow and through your pain will come such strength and light.
Please do whatever you can to try and heal the pain.
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there is an amazing book i just finished called "The body keeps the score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1564307062&s=gateway&sr=8-1
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please try and read it. It is not an easy read, but as someone who has suffered trauma myself, it helped. Do whatever you can to be good to yourself, to heal. However long it takes, promise yourself you will try. Please reach out any time if you need to.
You are not alone,and worthy of SO much more than you believe.
It really has more to do with upbringing.
Here's some recommended reading.
This is more about how the science behind developmental trauma:
This is more examples of kids that have been abused and how they turned out. Some monsters, others got help in time and got better. I'm basically Ted from chapter 8 of this book, except that he got help as a teen and I'm twice his age with no support. 😞
Sounds like this book might be helpful to you.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W4jzzb809CWN0
Also check the website of Simon Baron Cohen.
Just wanted to validate... I have CPTSD and it's hard... I've been w my husband for 8 years and I feel so bad because he has to deal with my baggage. Trust, I wish I wasn't like this and I always feel bad after conflicts. ☹️
Moving is a big deal. So try and be understanding of that- she was uprooted from wherever you were so that can stir up stuff...
The thing I have learned is we PERCEIVE things as threatening that aren't... So then the tendency to react in situations is overly intense...
"The body keeps the score" is a really good book as well.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VcVzCbAQY2FSN
Trauma informed therapy is SO important and EMDR is super helpful.
TL/DR Google grounding skills
I would recommend going to abcbooks.com and typing in the type of psychology you are interested in and start reading textbooks. Coursea also has free classes you can take that can broaden your perspective. One of my go to books is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5oZ1BbMDFHZYR
Best of luck!
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>How did you deal with the initial drug side effects?
Cannabis, talk therapy, and my dog. Couldn't really do anything to address S/E except for trying a new drug.
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>What strategies did you use to communicate to others that you are the same person
I had to pretty much sit people down and explain. Frankly, I think my poor speech during these conversations explained it pretty well on its own. For my parents/family, I gave them a book, "The Body Keeps the Score." It was very hard to explain, but again the physical manifestations did most of it for me. I also explained to them that to me, the world was entirely different than the first 25 years of them knowing me. I explained it can be like I am bipolar at times.
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>At a future point, did you determine yourself that the drug no longer worked and it was time to switch? Did someone else have to "convince you" that a change in drug regimen is needed?
I am lucky in that it only took two tries to get a drug I liked that stopped seizures and had tolerable S/E. But actually, I had to be the one to convince my medical team; it took a ton of moaning and arguing. Most doctors stop trying, IMO, once the main issue (seizures) is solved. I never kept a diary.
This free audio series by Reggie Ray is a great introduction to somatic (body-focused) meditation, one of the best methods for healing psychological pain that has become trapped as tension in the body. Reggie's teachings are designed to be useful to traumatized individuals. His work has been really helpful for me in working with my own trauma.
If you're interested in exploring these practices further, Your Breathing Body is a good starting point.
For further reading, The Body Keeps the Score by psychiatrist Bessel Van Der Kolk is a classic book about uncovering and healing trauma.
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Yes--I can identify although I am sure there are differences. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have tried to find meaning and connection in relating to others. I run daily. I also try to eat healthily. I wish you the very best. I find alanon meetings helpful and addiction was a part of my family life history. Some friends swear by individual and group therapy as well as EMDR and/or EFT. Individual therapy helps me as do alanon/ACA or ACOA (Adult children of dysfunctional or alcoholic families) meetings
I had experienced a recent traumatic event that was associated with many difficult emotional flashbacks. I wish you the very best and please know you are not alone.
I have read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery, plus she discusses stages of recovery.
I find Peter Walker helpful.
Also The Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk has been insightful.
Meditation, yoga and breathing exercises are on my to do list--sonner rather than later.
I hear you, and I believe you. You have lived through an incredible amount of trauma, It sounds like you deal with a lot of pain. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience a moment of any of this. It’s not fair, and I’m no way it is your fault. It really sucks to hear you don’t have a supportive system around you. It’s hard not the feel crazy when you are surrounded by crazy. Please know that it does get better. There are a lot of good human beings in the world that will listen to you and hear your pain. You are not alone, though I know the feeling of your brain screaming at you that you are alone. I wish I had known this at 14, but the brain has a way of lying to you a lot of times. I dealt with manipulative parents growing up, and for years I never ever felt good enough. If I wasn’t perfect (which I’m incapable of being), I wasn’t enough. I’ve been reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score , and it’s really starting to explain why I’ve felt the way that I have, and how it has impacted my body physically. See if you can check it out from your local library or something.
Please take good care of yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself.
First of all I would tell you you're not a bitch.
Then I would send you here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1
And here: https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0143127748&amp;pd_rd_r=7e90c6c3-cd8d-11e8-a739-33eb8bfc8d81&amp;pd_rd_w=fvtUY&amp;pd_rd_wg=5Jpj5&amp;pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&amp;pf_rd_p=3fa2d334-7ab1-47df-a46b-3a607fd250e3&amp;pf_rd_r=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ&amp;pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&amp;pf_rd_t=40701&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ
They're awesome. Really amazingly helpful.
Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving and The Body Keeps the Score are great places to start.
This book may be helpful.
This is strange, I've just watched a webinar on treating trauma that mentioned this exact question. The webinar is a series of modules that are designed to help practitioners better treat their clients when it comes to trauma. I'm not a practitioner but I find the information in the modules very enlightening and in addition to regularly seeing my therapist it's helped me understand trauma more, just in general.
One of the questions that was posed in today's module (which I believe is being broadcast again thursday, that link will take you to a page where you can do some maneuvering to find the times) was how to tell whether clients have ptsd or bpd. Many of the symptoms are the same, but one practitioner said that there's a tell. It has to do with sleep. Someone with BPD in a manic state has a lot of energy and won't need to sleep as much. They won't feel tired despite their lack of sleep (or just needing 2 hours of sleep). But someone suffering from trauma, who gets very little sleep or has disruptive sleep, doesn't feel rested. They feel more lethargic.
Like I said, I'm not a practitioner. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything. I'm simply parroting back what I saw in that webinar. If you think you might have ptsd, I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist recommended to me when I first started seeing her; The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Like the webinar, it's helped me understand the nature of trauma and it gives wonderful ideas to jump start the healing process.
I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your troubles. Know that you have support from an internet stranger <3
He will likely experience PTSD in one form or another - the seemingly strangest things can trigger it (a smell, a song that was on in the background, hell, locking a door could be a trigger since it sounds like it was one of the last things he did before finding his friend). This may be a helpful read for you, so you can be aware of what he might be going through, understand what to possibly expect, that sort of thing.
So sorry for your husband's loss, and good luck to you as you navigate helping him heal.
I relate to what you are dealing with - it took me so long to see that I was not at fault. What she told you probably resounds with the child inside you. All children take on the blame of a parent's chaotic behavior - we are genetically programmed to do this (Van ser kolk)it's like Stockholm syndrome. Of course it feels wrong to believe that you are faultless, but you truly are. She was sick.
I don't know that I'm navigating life all that well, but some little things have helped and why not share with the class? I think I have underlying mental health issues (depression, anxiety) worsened by trauma (rape, attempted rape which morphed into PTSD, I think) and a narcissistic dad.
Here are a few helpful ones:
Sexual healing, literally https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933/
PTSD and trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
Shitty men: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/
Shitty parents: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/r
https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/
A Buddhist reminder that to live is to suffer: https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438
Brene Brown, duh: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588
(All the eating disorder books I read have been useless, and I am probably depressed and I'm certainly anxious but the literature on that never quite fits.)
Okay, that's prob good, right?
Could you be having sleep paralysis? If you're not sleeping well, maybe when you think you're awake you're actually drifting in and out and it's causing the hallucinations and paralysis.
I struggle with sleeping and feeling anxious at night, too. I got a dog and it really helped, and having white noise like a fan, table top water fountain, or something soothing like classical music on low works for me. If you're a person of faith, prayer can be really useful. If you were a kid, I'd suggest making Monster Spray.
Also, idk if you're in treatment but have you tried EMDR? It's great for traumas. Other things to try are TRE and Somatic Experiencing. Check out some of these vids- they might have some helpful insights/suggestions.
What should you expect from therapy
What makes a good therapist
5 signs you are seeing a bad therapist
Which type of therapy is right for me
Choosing your mental health professional
How to start and what to say
How do I stop being afraid to fall asleep?
How can I fight my bad thoughts at night?
How can I stop having nightmares?
How to get sleep
4 tips for better sleep
Sleep paralysis
Psychosis
BPD
anxiety playlist
depression playlist
trauma playlist
PTSD playlist
There's also a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk that extensively talks about trauma's effect on the body and how it can manifest (scientific, but very readable and relatable).
In any case, I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it. Hope you find an answer, take care!
What you are experiencing sounds really awful and yet it's entirely normal. The basic principle of the brain is "what fires together wires together". When you had that very intense experience combining orgasms and suicidal thoughts because of medication, it simply made a literal connection in your brain. You can break it, and any good therapist can help you (doesn't have to be a sex therapist).
This can be treated like an OCD symptom where you are having intrusive thoughts triggered by a stimulus. There are great books on how to do this and I highly recommend them:
https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
Mind you, I'm not saying you have OCD, or any disorder. But your brain is "locked" in linking these two parts of your life in a very unpleasant way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and this could happen to anyone who was set off with nasty side effects of medication.
You may also approach this like an experience of Post Traumatic Stress, which can also show up with intrusive thoughts. Good resources for that exist too:
https://www.amazon.com/PTSD-Workbook-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1626253706
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
You didn't do anything wrong and you can definitely get past this. The harder you try to fix a mental association the more you can strengthen it, so you need some techniques. Tools for OCD and PTSD are designed just for you in that regard.
I'd buy all 4 books and then find any good therapist to work through them with.
Good luck. I know with the right tools and practice you can separate these two aspects of your experience and get back to enjoying sex, which you deserve.
Huh. This is a pretty powerful episode. Even includes stories about PTSD.
Watching this as an adult was a bit strange. Wish I were a kid again. They all seem to have quite a bit of support and a safe community. I've gone through some trauma and there were a few parts of this episode that I related to quite a bit. [Spoiler](#s "When Arthur's dad tells the story about the trash can and paper. When Binky has a flashback... Trauma is pretty rough stuff.")
PBS is a pretty great resource. In honour of PBS being the topic... If anyone wants to learn more about trauma I'm reading a pretty great book at the suggestion of my therapist. It's called The Body Keeps the Score
Ack, sorry. I'll tell you but rule #1 of healthy relationships: never try to be your partner's therapist. It's why god made actual therapists ;)
https://www.amazon.com/Nurturing-Resilience-Developmental-Trauma-Integrative/dp/1623172039/
It existed but except for those with TBI's (brain permanently damaged) it was likely not as bad as it is today. Most PTSD is treatable (be it from rape, combat, car crash, etc.) through strong support systems and time. Aside from death rates from injuries being higher (infections and antibiotics weren't a thing back then) those that survived traumatic experiences were less likely to be isolated from their peers that experienced similar circumstances than today. Non-TBI related long term PTSD certainly exists but if you look at traumatic events like the survivors of the blitz in WW2, the 2011 tsunami, and other similar things you'll see fewer cases of it. Maybe because of poorer record keeping/diagnosis but
¯\(ツ)/¯ it's not the worst theory. If PTSD stuff interests you /u/Booty_Buffet I recommend checking out the following book (from the journalist who made Restropo)
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1523160453&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=book+tribe
We can all struggle with that, so it is a normal thing to question our own value in my opinion. It's not normal in that situation to "realize" you are of "no value" and then trust that realization without reference... This is the equivalent of asking a dog about quantum theory and trusting the answer, but inside our heads this is what we in effect do. The emotional feeling of being worthless barks at our intellect, and our intellect interprets this as a truth, absurd when analyzed, so disregard it.
The Drama of the Gifted Child may be a good book to look at for you, interesting perspectives.
The moral emotions is an interesting read about why anger (or despair) can be so addicting and seem so "right" when it is happening.
The Happiness Hypothesis also by Jonathan Haidt is a great read about our emotions vs our intellect...
Tribe is a good read on finding where you fit, more related to soldiers and post combat, but apply it to your current situation and find your tribe.
Glad you are still with us, and no matter what you feel, you are not alone.
Edit: authors name from autocorrect purgatory...
Further more... for fun or food for thought.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381
https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=0061707813&amp;pd_rd_r=9533ee40-3006-416a-9497-bce791e1c24d&amp;pd_rd_w=r8koV&amp;pd_rd_wg=qKPNg&amp;pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&amp;pf_rd_r=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9
https://www.amazon.com/Civilized-Death-What-Lost-Modernity/dp/1451659105/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=1451659105&amp;pd_rd_r=e030bc0f-f8ae-471c-9ca7-f847e7eaf38d&amp;pd_rd_w=2G4uW&amp;pd_rd_wg=ssT2m&amp;pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&amp;pf_rd_r=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ
https://bigthink.com/think-tank/how-to-make-love-like-a-caveman
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.allure.com/story/gang-bang-sex-fantasy/amp
http://upriser.com/posts/in-the-wodaabe-tribe-women-can-have-any-many-sexual-partners-as-they-wish-and-they-celebrate-an-annual-wife-stealing-festival
I just read Tribe. I can't recommend it enough
The book is Tribe and it's all about humans, namely war vets and all and how they behave during war and their readjustments into society, touching briefly upon the author's grander view upon the status of modern society and how the average person functions within it. Wasn't... a type of book that really appealed to me, in that the way it was told was kind of more emotionally appealing and told the stories and anecdotes rather than tossing out numbers and dwelling on a thinking/logistic process (which I guess I prefer :p), but it was a solid and well written book anyway.
And thanks for the well wishes :), I'm stressed usually most of the time subconsciously but it becomes a real problem when I start noticing it and I stress out even more, so I think I'll just have to wait for it to die down and get back into a healthy cycle of life. And I get the eating thing too, I always know that I'm full and I don't need to eat but I still do and then I worry about that and it's ust a feedback loop of death
Try these
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01BCJDSNI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Why_Buddhism_Is_True
Oh my Goodness what you went through is straight up torture I am SO sorry wow. I have a couple ideas, I get free treatment through the county I live in, so mabye theres a county program you can go through? i had to jump through some hoops but it was worth it and i was placed in a TREM group, which is a trauma recovery group. if thats not an option you might want to look into groups that meet and talk about their abuse mabye on meetup.com? I just looked it up and there are a lot of trauma and abuse groups. Hopefully theres one near you. And third if both these options wont work it might help to do a workbook on trauma such as https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining-ebook/dp/B01NCIA00Q/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1NUEGB2JZIKZE&keywords=trauma+workbook&qid=1555598892&s=gateway&sprefix=trauma+work%2Caps%2C139&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1
or https://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Trauma-Second-Workbook/dp/1606236083/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1NUEGB2JZIKZE&keywords=trauma+workbook&qid=1555598931&s=gateway&sprefix=trauma+work%2Caps%2C139&sr=8-5.
A combination of all three methods would probably be ideal!
I am so sorry for all you've been through truly is horrific. I applaud you for moving forward and focusing on the solution ecspecially at such a young age. It really says a lot about you. Once you get health insurance look into EMDDR I've had lots of friends and my sister have great results with it. HUGS.
We're social creatures. It's literally been bred into our DNA for millions of years, spanning species upon species. By our basic biology humans (like the other apes, with the exception of orangutans) are geared towards living in groups from the moment we are born until death.
We were never really meant to be alone. We've learned to be more solitary as overpopulation and population density increases. However that's for comfortable scenarios. Introduce new stimuli (traveling, going out among other humans, etc.) then that instinctual heritage we have expresses itself over our learned behaviours. We seek out the familiarity of tribe and connection.
I'm an anthro nerd if you couldn't tell. You may be interested in this book. It touches a lot on this subject,
What about the "research" by Sebastian Junger, presented in the book "Tribe"?
He does provide many sources in the back, but it's not an actual scholarly work.
Also Tribe.
Per this book, rates of suicide go down during wartime. Also an interesting tidbit that during the 1700's and 1800's American expansion west, Western settlers would often voluntarily renounce American society and integrate into Native American societies. The reverse very, very rarely happened. Indians only integrated into the West when forced by circumstance.
I just finished:
Section 60: Arlington National Cemetery: Where War Comes Home
Robert M Poole
Truly insightful and thought provoking
http://www.amazon.com/Section-60-Arlington-National-Cemetery-ebook/dp/B00LP90MXA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1426452891&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=section+60
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003L77XA4/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1
Achilles in Vietnam was the first book he did on the subject.
Copied from my other comment in this threat. "If you havn't already, check out Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger: https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381. There is some hope offered there."
> I honestly don't understand how conservatives can handle this level of cognitive dissonance
Recommended reading. There's a reason the right is so obsessed with culture warrior shit. Humans are deeply susceptible to tribalistic thinking and us-versus-other posturing, things that kept us alive for tens of thousands of years. The right uses wedge issues as totems to build up a 'Murica mythos that's tied to masculinity, heterosexuality, psychonormativity, and racial identity. They can push all the antisocial policy they want as long as their base thinks a vote for R is a vote for being a straight, white male.
Between that and general ignorance/apathy, and holy shit I've never met a population so disengaged and apathetic, you've got a recipe for disaster. There is no reconciliation possible because they see you as a subhuman, there's no reeducation possible because that would require either common media or them picking up books, even violent confrontation is pretty well fucked because they own most of the guns and we're in a 1936 Spain scenario where the right is mostly unified and the left is divided and at-odds with domestic and international media.
Remember often times people miss that with trauma there is also Post Traumatic Growth as well, it requires a focus on improvement.
Learning or doing new things is hyper critical to stop Post Traumatic Stress post trauma. Also, there is a book out by Restropo's Sebastian Junger on rituals we had historically post trauma that are absent in modern society to reset the brain and start the new path. https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381 It is mainly responsible for not seeing the upside of processing and going beyond trauma and tbi.
So it's important that anyone whom experiences trauma to get into a new skill, learning etc and it helps restore functionality as well as growth.
If you're interested,Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger could be helpful.
Circling back, I think this is the book I had in mind. Was quick in audiobook format, think I got through it in a workout or two at the gym.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/
You should listen to this episode of NPR or read the book the segment is about: Tribe: On Homecoming And Belonging. It really struck me that our society is completely screwed up and isolating us, whether on purpose or not.
Not sure if you've had therapy for this, but here are a couple books. On Killing is mostly about killing in combat but the impact is universal. The Body Keeps the Score is an instant classic on dealing with trauma. Good luck to you, take care of yourself.
Interesting concept. I just started reading [“The body keeps the score”] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=asc_df_0143127748/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312049124368&amp;hvpos=1o2&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=2228263904069159418&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9003303&amp;hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-434690707169&amp;psc=1&amp;tag=&amp;ref=&amp;adgrpid=61851652213&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvadid=312049124368&amp;hvpos=1o2&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=2228263904069159418&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvdvcmdl=&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=9003303&amp;hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-434690707169) and there was a study done on the idle brain, (which is when you try to not think of anything) where trauma victims were able to shut off literally everything in their brain except the "gps" unit. Normal people had activity in many other areas, of mostly self reflection and body functions. Since what they were doing is essentially meditation, it made me wonder how trauma can shape us to be more gifted in other ways.
“THE BODY KEEPS SCORE” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. (brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma)
this book is FASCINSTING. I’m only a few chapters in and it’s a pretty heavy read (in the best way possible) as it is very informative (but not in the boring textbook way) and really opens your eyes and perspective on the brain, trauma, depression, those who struggle with it, etc.
A great read for those struggling AND for those that are loved ones of the ones struggling.The Body Keeps Score- Amazon link
I'm reading a fantastic book right now, The Body Keeps the Score, about healing PTSD and childhood traumas. It goes into depth about how the reptilian brain both aides and abets our growth. Check it out, really well written by a renowned researcher in the subject.
This book was rec'd here a while ago, and it goes into a great deal of detail on the how's and why's:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Have you read The Body Keeps Score? Do you have any thoughts about the book or how it may relate to the crisis?
As other's mentioned, you need a therapist. This isn't something you can work through alone and no one can tell you everything you need to know on a subreddit. But the one thing I see in others comments and I'll echo myself, what you are experiencing is very common for anyone who has survived sexual assault - even though it's really confusing mentally your body doesn't process things mentally, your body processes all of its experiences physically and the human body is designed to respond to sexual stimulation. Full stop. Even when you don't consent to it.
Rape is rape because you did not consent to it. You were exposed to sexual imagery and assault before you were mentally mature enough to comprehend or consent. It is perfectly normal and natural for sexual assault victims to feel, do and experience what you have been going through - because like I said, the body processes things differently, the mind however doesn't understand and has trouble reconciling how your body reacted to something you didn't want to happen and it creates a state of cognitive dissonance and the brain further tries to solve this "problem" by making mentally boxing it into one category or the other - but it's just not that simple.
You will find very few answers to the problems this has created for you by thinking it through. So much of the process is physically in your body where the assault occurred and emotionally where you responded to the assault - it's a long complicated process that must be overseen by a professional - think of it the same you would as if you needed physical therapy after breaking your leg. You wouldn't really know what you needed to do to heal from that, what exercises would strengthen and hurt - you need someone to guide you through the process.
I am so sorry that this happened to you and that the fallout is affecting your ability to have intimate and satisfying relationships as an adult. You're not alone - others have walked down this path too and it does get better with time, therapy, and self-care.
You can talk to someone now at RAINN: National Sexual Assault HotlineCall 1-800-656-4673 and they can help you find a therapist experienced in assault in your area.
She does sound unsavable and it is not your responsibility to change her. However, you need some help man. You have been through a lot. You need to unpack that and heal before you jump into ANY other relationships.
Old trauma can and does cause illness. The general rule is that if something that happened more than 18 months ago still makes you angry, still makes you cry, or still makes you afraid, then you have not resolved it and it is not in the past – even if you never think about it consciously.
So here’s what you do: start at the beginning and Think about memories in your life. When you get to a memory that causes strong emotion, write it down. After you’ve made your way through a few pages of memories, look over each one of them. Figure out what went wrong. Sometimes we hold on to pain just because we were young and misunderstood what was actually happening. Work those ones out. Sometimes
We went through truly unacceptable events.
Your mind holds onto memories in order to prevent pain in the future. So it’s important that you look at what happened, acknowledge the horror, and try to figure out what you need to learn from the situation to prevent it from happening again. Going over this a few times should make the memory no longer hurt you.
It might mean hours of crying, but eventually it will be freedom from the past. Sort of diy therapy. The body keeps the score https://amzn.to/2Wyl4R3 explains how illness can be caused by trauma and may be helpful to you.
Educate yourself about trauma. This is the go to book these days. www.amzn.com/0143127748
EMDR is a great and effective therapy. I did exposure therapy. Studies found that EMDR sometimes needs to be repeated after the initial treatment. Often two or three times over years. It's almost as though it can wear off. At least that's how EMDR sounded to me. Also I personally couldn't reconcile how blinking at lot while talking could help anything (EMDR is MUCH more than that). I had a few people in the outpatient therapy program I was in do EMDR. It worked great for them and I only know of two of the four needing to repeat treatment after about a year.
Exposure therapy is kind of like desensitization. You speak in great detail about your trauma with your therapist over and over. You say everything that happened and when you're done you say it over and over and over. It's rough, it's triggery, it's kinda of horrible while you're doing it. It was even rough on my therapist. I'd do it all over again though because it really worked well. The bonus to exposure therapy other than the long term healing is that just about any good therapist can do it. In fact my therapist and I bought the same book/workbook series in an effort to learn more about doing exposure therapy correctly and effectively. The funny thing is neither of us knew the other was buying it. He showed up to my next session with the therapist book full of bookmarks and I showed up with the workbook. Finding a therapist you can trust and connect with is key. If after a few sessions it feels like they aren't hearing or understanding you. It's time to find a new one. This is the series my therapist and I used. Reclaiming Your Life from a Traumatic Experience: A Prolonged Exposure Treatment Program (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195308484/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UBJEzbDANVX82 , Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD: Emotional Processing of Traumatic aExperiences (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195308506/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_tGJEzbD0GZ3EC .
I heard this one was good as well but haven't had the chance to read it yet. Might be worth looking into: http://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Body-Sensorimotor-Psychotherapy-Interpersonal/dp/0393704572
Ya, Trauma sticks with you as soon as you're capable of experiencing trauma. Fortunately, there's plenty to be done, but unfortunately it's going to cause some issues. Top that with it being his parents and that impacts his attachment formation which has numerous consequences.
http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/preprint_dev_trauma_disorder.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938
Van Der Kolk is the gold standard for Trauma.
Sure, you can research David Emerson who's involved at Kripalu, or there's Bessel van der Kolk who is a badass, you can listen to a great interview with him from the show On Being. There's also Stephen Levine.
Here's a Kripalu article that quotes van der Kolk.
And there's psychologists that talk a lot about somatic holding, or at least subconscious holding patterns. An easier read would be stuff from Daniel Siegel(I know it kinda looks like pop psych but it's actually pretty good), one of my favorite authors on trauma is Donald Kalsched, which is a bit more dense and more about work through talk psychotherapy. But often I find myself applying his concepts in yoga classes as a way to understand what's going on inside mentally/emotionally that's connected to my physical experience. Also sheds some light on how I relate to other students and the teacher.
Then there's the bodywork stuff, cranial sacral therapy or somatic body work but there's too much misinformation for me to guide you. All I can say is that I have a yoga teacher that also gives me bodywork sessions that supplement my yoga practice, and the inner growth I've experienced has been profound.
Out of all of this, if you're going to research anything I would highly suggest the van der Kolk interview, which you can download and listen to.
You might be interested in reading this book
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938
this book will help you understand your trauma
the body keeps the score
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1418011159&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
and transcendental meditation
the less effort you put into it the better the effect
Bessel Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score
This book from the sidebar is probably right up your alley.
While clinical anxiety is treatable with medication, it's up to a trained psychiatrist to say whether or not you need it. It's never a clear cut case. There are several ways to treat the physiological component of anxiety without medication.
If you're interested in the subject, the best book on the subject is Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk's book: The Body Keeps Score. In it, he covers way in which to treat PTSD without medication. Mindfulness, Yoga, EMDR, Neurofeedback, Acting (yes, acting), are some of the techniques he describes in the book to help people who suffer from PTSD. These are all techniques that can be used to help anxiety as well. He even says in the book, that professionals have a tendency to just treat the symptoms with medication, without trying other methods first.
I read this book as an undergrad in a military history class. It focuses on Vietnam but I think the same thing could be said for today. The book has its flaws but it makes the point that due to a lack mourning time the shock of battle is delayed until the surviving combatant is distant and far away from the site of death, particularly the death of his comrades.
Edit: tl;dr The advent of fast transport took the mourning process away from the battle field. The book looks at the Battle of Troy where Greek soldiers mourned the death of their soldiers instantly versus the Vietnam war where injured soldiers were taken off the field of battle often times within hours. Their fellow soldiers only felt, realized, or knew of their death hours, days or weeks and sometimes months later.
Read "Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character," by Jonathan Shay. Shay is a psychiatrist who worked closely with Vietnam vets, and he makes a pretty convincing case that Homer is doing his best to describe PTSD in the Iliad. His advocacy caused a sea change in the Pentagon's treatment of veterans with PTSD.
This book does an amazing job of exploring the things mentioned in the post. It brings humanity and a better understanding of our war veterans. It's completely changed the way I see our vets.
Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character
Achillies in Vientam
http://www.amazon.com/Achilles-Vietnam-Combat-Undoing-Character/dp/0684813211
It's about the mentality of soldiers in combat and combat, using Homers Illiad as a way of showing that PTSD and combat stress is the same no matter the era. It's nuts. My highschool english teacher was a Green Beret and it was literally the only book or published work of any sort he deemed appropriate for recalling Vietnam. Pretty grim.
Read a pretty good book on this topic in grad school if you're interested: Achilles in Vietnam
According to psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, very much so. He is noted for the following books comparing Homeric myths with PTSD:
Achilles in Vietnam
Odysseus in America
You are most definitely not alone. I read a book recently called "On Combat" by LTC Grossman, it help me understand some of the reasons I feel the way I do since I've been home. With a book title like that I thought it might dredge up some shit I've been trying to deal with, but it helped me learn how to heal a little.
We will never be cured of the wars that we saw, but maybe we can heal our wounds into scars that we can carry with us.
Good luck to you on your path and remember that it is going to be ok.
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1398483476&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
I haven't studied in this particular area extensively enough to call myself an authority.
I will say, however, that On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace would be an excellent starting point for you. It's not history. It's psychology. The author, Dave Grossman, says that the fear of death is the "universal phobia." I think that much of his theory could be applied to medieval battles.
If you are into reading books, this book is a good read concerning the mental effects of having to fire your weapon.
Army field artillery, enlisted and officer, for 34 years. Welcome home, brother. Infantry was some of my favorite customers ... always so appreciative.
These books have helped me understand the process.
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549
Sure thing. If you like that philosophy, if you haven't read it, I'd pick up this version of Sun Tzu's The Art of War. The commentary is very interesting, and it has other works other than Sun Tzu as well. I enjoy it because it compares The Art of War it to the Tao Te Ching (as well as other similar documents), and the author gives an interesting interpretation of the piece that you don't get from the document alone. Another good one is On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace. The title describes the book, but if you have any loved ones who have been in the military, or you're just interested in physical conflict, this is a good read as well.
Oh great, another scumbag piece of shit we have to watch out for...
that being said, kick some ass in the Academy and welcome to the Family. :-)
This and This are absolutely great reads. The first one would be more for close family (like a GF or wife) but is still very good otherwise.
Again, congrats and go kick some ass.
Never in any military, but these are some that I've read that I enjoyed.
On Combat and On Killing by Dave Grossman.
Something a bit more fun. the SAS survival handbook.
I've heard that some military studies include the book of Joshua in the Bible.
I recommend reading the book "On Combat, The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace". It covers how soldiers who are not physically injured are affected long term by actions taken in combat. The author presents his case pretty well.
One of the relevant points is that Soldiers and Marines reframe how they think about the things they did. So you get a choice. The phrase
>"shot the fuck out of the aggressive red Toyota that was riding way too low to not be a VBIED so my battle buddies don't get blown the fuck up"
can either become
>"Shot an incent kid forced by fuckheads to commit suicide so his family doesn't get executed"
or it can become
>"Lead injections to stop bad things from happening. Side effects may include bleeding and death."
One of those is more likely to cause night terrors.
In short, go fuck yourself.
Thank you for the sources. Globalization of law...that would be such an interesting topic to research. Plus, travelling/living outside of the US is something everyone should do more of.
You would love Crazy Like Us, which deals with the fascinating topic of the globalization (read: americanization) of psychological diagnosis.
In the book Tribe, Sebastian Junger says that an Apache interviewee insisted he refer to them as "American Indians" rather than "Native Americans." Different people have different preferences. https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_0/160-7427488-3304434?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=1EEG1RQ01TV3V5DQ23EP
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8
People have done that, over and over throughout the course of modernizing history.
There are, of course, shades of grey. You are falsely attempting to put people in two categories here, 'happy' and 'unhappy', and claiming that anyone not 'building a shelter in the woods and fucking in the mud' would be in 'the unhappy category' by my logic. This is a pretty ridiculous reduction, and does not account for the basic pleasures of survival that are still attainable in a modern society
I highly recommend doing something productive, like reading/listening to a book on a topic that you think about, instead of being an ignorant tool on reddit.
It'll work out way better for you, in the long run.
Benzo's are some of the worst things to ween yourself off, even deadly in some cases, avoid them altogether as that it like putting out a fire with petrol, coming off one addiction to another.
I would suggest looking at and addressing the pain/trauma underneath your addiction. The Body Keeps The Score is an excellent intro into this https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
A break of some kind in rehab may be necessary just to clean your system out. Good diet removal of sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods. Juice fasting can be helpful too.
Support groups are valuable to air your challenges and past griefs.
Meditation/Mindfulness can be a helpful aid to rewire the brain and bring a underlying peace to your life.
Exercise is a powerful anti depressant, especially when quitting any substance.
Many people have benefited from using the African medicine Iboga https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabernanthe_iboga
It has a powerful ability to reset drug addictions within the brain an cure even the hardest addiction, but if the underlying trauma, peer groups and social circles etc are not addressed most people will fall back into their old patterns of addiction. There are people who run treatments in Australia if you look hard enough, there are some legal clinics in NZ I believe now, as they have big meth problems there. Stay away from the refined form of Iboga which is Ibogaine (unless under medical care) as a number of deaths have attributed to this. Look for some Iboga videos to see how powerful this can be.
Good luck :)
The Science of How Our Minds and Our Bodies Converge in the Healing of Trauma (article) https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/06/20/the-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk/
Healing Back Pain, John Sarno. Look for the most recent, updated version. It isn't only about back pain. It's about somatic pain. I just finished reading it this week. I've been following the recommendations and feel better than I have in years. I feel loose and comfortable in my body. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connection/dp/0446557684
Back in Control: A Surgeon’s Roadmap Out of Chronic Pain (He has a personal history of childhood trauma and chronic pain) https://www.amazon.com/Back-Control-Surgeons-Roadmap-Chronic/dp/0988272997/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1517499746&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=back+in+control Website here: http://www.backincontrol.com/ And here: https://www.drbredesen.com/
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (He also has a history of childhood trauma; he is involved in the struggle for official recognition of C-PTSD) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
The Body Never Lies - The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting (Alice Miller, so not new, but good) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Never-Lies-Lingering-Parenting/dp/0393328635
Good luck!
Therapy with a trauma-informed therapist helped a lot. The more I talked, and the less I see or interact with my mother--at my therapist's recommendation--the less pain I have had.
After a few months I started EMDR. My body feel different. I can't explain it to you actually. But I do have less pain.
I have been through a lot of conventional treatments and am not inclined to believe in "alternative" approaches to disease. I was very, very angry early in my pain journey when a few doctors suggested that I see a psychotherapist. I thought they were shuffling me off because they couldn't' help me, and that pyschotherapy was to learn to live in constant pain. I didn't know it could END the pain.
20 years in- still ruminating and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her and how to stop being her daughter. this book is great https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1GOZL3SZ9AK91&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1562714843&s=gateway&sprefix=the+b%2Caps%2C198&sr=8-2
I think realizing it's a normal reaction to trauma and I became like this from her programming me as a child helped me get a little perspective on it. learning a musical instrument and playing in bands helps- partly the drama of bands ;-) and partly using those halves of your brain together drowns out her voice in my head. going to practice now instead of obsessively reading this reddit thread!
I would say keep at it with the physiotherapy and psychotherapy. If it helps for a couple days maybe if you keep it up the effect will start to last longer.
I recommend the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Especially if you have any history of traumatic stress in your life.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512013132&amp;sr=1-1
Not sure if this is the slant you’re looking for but it touches on many different aspects.....Ive found The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk very helpful.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists....
The Body Keeps Score
Try this. You, like MOST people, probably have unresolved trauma.
because it lives in the body and is stuck in the brain, literally. i know it's abstract but it's been scientifically studied for decades now (thankfully). it's like an injury to our nervous system. i highly recommend reading the body keeps the score:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Read The Body Keeps The Score. It will help you immensely...it helped me! You will discover why you feel the way you do, what your body/brain are REALLY doing to make you feel the way you do and what you can do about it (both personally and professionally). I promise, it will change ur life.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2JKIDbS4E3975
yes, its a violent offense. Saying it's incurable is like saying diabetes is incurable but advances in science are making it happen. It's hard to treat because of the stigma it has for society. Not much funding is going into a "Cure" nor is it going into actual understanding of why pedophilia develops. The current mandatory therapy is broken because it aims at avoidance, not confronting heart of the problem of the behavior or mental state. From what i have read trauma in childhood changes the way the brain develops. In adults it changes the way the brain works. This book i'm linking talks about the vicious cycle of abuse and how to heal it. I hope you take a look because it really dives into what people have done to others but also how to help the victims and prevent further abuse. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
The recidivism is high for any offense because the justice system as a whole is broken. But the statistics is there but i'm just trying to explain why.
My unsolicited but well-experienced opinions:
The benefit that people seem to get from psychedelics towards their mental health issues is not dissimilar to the process of mental recovery during dreaming.
If you read up on EMDR therapy it attempts to do similar things
(I've very recently been through this for complex trauma and anxiety and I cannot believe how well it worked. I went from weeks of having constant intrusive thoughts of nausea and feeling like I was about to throw up, including right up until the cab ride to my appointment, to ... it just being gone, two hours later. It's been 5 days and it's just no longer there.)
This is somewhat analogous to the type of therapy seen in the recent Netflix show, Maniac (with Jonah Hill and Emma Stone). Trauma is tangled up in our brains in a pattern of thinking that is impossible to break without intervention. You constantly relive them; are removed from time and space and sent back into a quasi-world where your trauma is playing out again and again. This isn't something evil on your brain's part - it's a fault in your brain that is trying its best to process something that happened to it.
There are many drugs and techniques that can be used to move on from these types of things. I'd HIGHLY suggest reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk if you haven't already; it's a must for anyone who wants to understand PTSD and/or complex trauma.
As to your other point:
> However most of what I've heard is that if you suffer from some mental illnesses like this it can be a bad thing to try them
It can be. There's a very real possibility that your minds might go down some difficult paths, which can be scary and even re-traumatising. The best thing you can do is to arm yourself with as much information you can about the drug and what is actually happening in your brain, and 100% be in control of your setting and surroundings. Know how to snap out of a bad trip - "Change the music, change the trip!" - and realise the immense power of your focus. Having activities that you can get absorbed in - get milk and food dye and dish soap and make some gooey colours, draw in a notepad (my favourite), write down some stuff but don't try too hard to articulate what's happening in your head with your words because it'll just confuse you and may give you anxiety/thought loops :)
So in short, I'd investigate therapy first and not look at LSD as a cure-all. It's definitely a short-cut. Short-cuts can sometimes be reckless but if things go south it's almost always anxiety and not anything actually bad happening. Also a "bad trip" is not a death sentence for your brain (I should know - I had one once where my girlfriend and I, both double-dosed with the universe dripping around is, came home from a walk in a beautiful park to find that we'd lost our keys and had no way of getting inside, and had to try to break into our house, while reality was shifting around us, terrified that someone would see us and call the police!)
Other random tips for you:
>I was raised by a crazy narc mother, and for the first four years of my life my mother and father were in a bad relationship. I know from my earliest memories how much fighting and violence and arguing there was, and I know my mother managed to hurt my older brother so much he had to go to hospital.
Read "The Body Keeps Score..."
Hi there. I'd say that the symptoms you describe are a normal reaction to what should be an abnormal event; at the same time, it's no way to live. You shouldn't have to struggle with these thoughts and feelings every day.
It sounds like you are managing incredibly well, especially given how much your daily life is affected by what you've been through. Seriously, well done.
Personally, after I was hurt I poured even more energy into my work (it was my first 'real' job out of uni). I moved to a new neighbourhood, had terrible nightmares/flashbacks and constantly had the event on my mind, but at the same time I actually excelled in the work sphere. I was promoted several times and given raises etc... however, as you say, I was tired. Eventually, at about the three-year mark, I became so drained that I couldn't keep it up, and the situation began to reverse - my work suffered more and more and my personal life all but disintegrated. It was a profound exhaustion like I'd never known. By the time five years came, I was at the end of my rope. I had to take a full year off of work to focus on processing the trauma and rebuilding my life.
The reason I'm sharing this is to let you know that you're not alone, but also to warn you that if it is still affecting your day-to-day life this much, it's unlikely to go away on its own without some kind of intervention. Please do keep living your life and be very proud of everything you are accomplishing, but also be cautious of burnout. Even the strongest, most intelligent person has a limit to what they can endure.
Therapy can be really helpful if you have access to it, but as you mentioned it's not within everyone's budget. This is more of a long-term plan, but when you are looking for jobs, look closely at their benefits packages - many do include mental health funding/support services, at least where I am. In the meantime, it might be worth reaching out to your school and your local rape crisis centre to see what they might offer in terms of free counselling.
Outside of that, I'd recommend getting a few books to guide you through. Some that could be helpful are:
At least a couple of these are also available as audiobooks, if that interests you (I use Audible).
Good luck with everything; it sounds like you are on a great path. You will get to a place when what happened to you feels more past than present... just be sure to address it and treat yourself with kindness and compassion along the way.
It's totally normal and ok that this is tough for you, but it doesn't have to be this way forever. You're so much more than what happened to you. 💙
Read about how trauma effects the body in “non-verbal” ways. Implicit memory vs explicit memory. Trauma that occurs preverbal gets stored in our bodies as emotional memory (implicit) it won’t always have a cognitive beginning. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk
I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved better in your life. I wanted to mention this. I hope it helps.
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https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539353941&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score
>I know I sound super desperate for help, sorry about that.
All good. Doesn't read like that to me, more someone encountering a difficult unprecedented situation in their experience and not knowing how to help or proceed :)
>is there any way for me to obtain a therapist's knowledge so I can even remotely help her?
Well you can probably gain some insight by reading and learning about how trauma influences and manifests psychologically and behaviourally, bringing that to the dynamic with your girlfriend, but short of training in psychotherapy, which is years long, it's not a straight forward process of gaining knowledge in this case. Read what you can (or watch vids if that is a preference. Though books on this subject will probably contain more information and details), really listen and be present to your girlfriend. If possible, cultivate patience and tolerance for the the more exasperating aspects of your gfs behaviour. Compassion helps; keep in mind there is pain somewhere even if your gf isn't consciously aware of it. Maybe take notes, make observations, build an operative framework to embed understanding in, specific tactics or methods etc. I dont know; those are suggestions, not prescriptive.
>study material
A couple of books come to mind: The Body Keeps the Score:Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, and another, more symbolic and depth psychological oriented in its approach
Trauma and the Soul: A psycho-spiritual approach to human development and its interruption. These may be helpful. There's a lot of research and books out there in this territory though, so well worth looking around online and seeing what you can find.
>standard operating procedure
Safety is paramount for those who live with trauma, safety in the environment and with others they're relating to, but more importantly, safety in relation to ones own feelings and embodied states.
Trauma takes up occupancy in ones body in an unconscious (emphasis on unconscious) energetic, emotive sense. It can seem like ones own feelings, thoughts, dreams and sensations are the enemy and attacking ones sense of self out of and through the very ground of that sense of self, acting out by themselves with little conscious control. A weird reversal of normalised associations with ones own experience can be present, as can various psychological defenses, such as dissociation and repression. Profound shame may be existent somewhere, exerting influence, alongside self-loathing and self-doubt. These qualities, as belief, as operative paradigms of psychological orientation, bind and entrap. Trauma and its psychology is complex, entangled.
It's perhaps significant to keep in mind that trauma of the kind your gf has experienced is a rupture in terms of a developing self; somewhere, somehow a break and splitting has taken place. Those split off parts of self still exist somewhere, and all of the original pain associated with them. The aim is integrating these extant parts towards a different kind of wholeness and integrity.
The process I've experienced through a therapeutic alliance has involved re-experiencing these 'splinter psyches' and the attendant affect qualities in a safe and trust based context. I've had to relearn how to be present to my own body and emotions in ways I wasn't familiar with. It was a very painful and confrontational process, long and slow, encountering and metabolising bits and pieces in small chunks, using dream, memory (or lack of), daily relational contexts as leverage, through questioning, into contact with feeling, image, re-embodiment. Learning how to just exist and be with myself in my body, learning acceptance. So lots of grounding and attention to breathing, posture, tension being held, etc.
Not sure if that's really all that helpful, and I'm not a professional.
Imo, trauma doesn't heal by itself and it never goes away until its worked with consciously.
Good luck! It's strenuous and problematic, what you're in.
So I found some dissertations in my college's library database but I can't publish them here (I think that's illegal, lol) but if you'd like to PM me your email address I could send the files that way.
If you don't feel comfortable with that, no worries - in that case I will recommend purchasing the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Here's the link to the book on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There is a growing field of research in psychology surrounding the utilization of massage therapy, yoga, reiki, and other body work modalities in the treatment of trauma disorders. Although it is relatively new in the mental health fields, massage practitioners have always known that we carry trauma in our tissues and muscles. The first time I ever got a massage, the therapist touched my shoulder blades and I immediately started sobbing. It was such a visceral reaction from a deep place of hurt that I didn't even know was there.
It really sucks that her past trauma is creeping up afterwards (I've been there and it's really rough) but I don't think you need to feel guilty about her emotional state. She is engaging in sex with you because she wants to.
Rather than saying sorry, ask her what you can do to make her feel safe right now. Hold her? Give her some space? Bring her some blankets to cuddle with or put on her favorite show and rub her back?
Acknowledge her struggling and be supportive - but don't be apologetic for giving her what she wanted. Just make sure to support her as she works through it. It might be worth suggesting that you two get a book to read through together (perhaps on PTSD or healing from trauma). This could help open up new ways of talking about your struggles and finding better coping strategies and support methods. I just ordered "The Body Keeps the Score" because it was highly recommended by a friend. i haven't read it yet but it gets excellent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=80GX99JJZFXSE8WDS76V
For any Trauma Listen to the book Body Keeps Score on YouTube and/or purchase book. Your Brain stores trauma and he provides simple was to rewire through Yoga, Drumming, drama, play therapy, etc...Here’s link: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
🙏✌️♥️
Can you corroborate your claim regarding slurred speech and PTSD?
I’ve recently been reading ‘The body keeps the score’.
Your claim sound shaky, based on everything I’ve learned about PTSD through this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Stay in your home, read this book and slowly work toward recovery and healing. Do yoga. Maybe find a therapist that works with psychedelics. You can read about that here. Not really interested in hearing all the reasons you think that won’t work. Besides, your resistance is stuff you should work through with your therapist, not on Reddit. Go heal. Yeah it’s hard. Walk through the fire and get to the other side.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mt_paperback?_encoding=UTF8&amp;me=
A composição química do seu cérebro não é uma coisa aleatória, ele não acorda um dia e resolve para de produzir serotonina e dopamina só de zoeira.
No momento, não tenho como entrar em mais detalhes. Além disso, você ainda não parecer estar disposto a aceitar a realidade da sua situação, então tudo o que eu escrever aqui acabaria sendo ignorado.
Mas recomendo o seguinte livro, para você e quem mais quiser entender as origens da sua depressão/ansiedade e as suas consequências físicas: The Body Keeps The Score.
In the Podcast your friend brought up (2) theories.
Beck's and "Next model", no attribution but it is the concept of early childhood attachment and developmental problems , lack of proper mirroring from primary caregivers, early death of a parent during childhood, and there are a whole lot more....
But your friend then does not follow through with what therapies may be used to help people who are adults but who carry childhood trauma and attachment issues. Hint: CBT does not work on these issues or else is no more effective than a placebo. ref: Bessel Van Der Kolk, "The Body Keeps The Score" (2014). http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1421707450&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=van+der+kolk
My critique of your friend's Podcast is simply that he spreads the false premise that CBT is the end-all therapy when in fact it does not help a multitude of people who have early childhood trauma and developmental and attachment disorders. And he does a double disservice by mentioning the Childhood Issues as a source of depression and implies that CBT answers them.
I would respectfully request that he remove the reference to early childhood issues as source of depression or else leave it and then offer alternative theories of treatment. Have him look up "Childhood Relationship Trauma"; and books by Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Levine, Allan Shore, Robert Scaer, Stephen Porges...... or else rephrase his pitch to say "ONE modality of treatment for depression is CBT".
This book was a good read, I think you'll find quite relatable and helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Good luck with your journey!
Therapist here ... and as a therapist I list various specialties on my website ... but am very competent and capable in treating many conditions while using the appropriate treatment modalities. We can't "specialize" in everything. Your therapist might be great ... and just not list trauma as one of the many things he treats.
Specifically for trauma, EMDR, in my opinion, is the most effective trauma treatment, although there are may other good treatments. However, if you are just talking, you're not treating the trauma. This book may be helpful to you: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. I wish you well on your healing journey.
you need to listen to the below comments , if you have this problem go see your doctor, is really important. But if you want to stop taking it then that is great but be sure to be controlled by your doctor. After that start working on yourself, you can cure this shit without any medical help, i would strongly recommend to you this book ''https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 '' where you can find out why this is happening and how to stop it naturally. For me it was morning ritual, meditation, yoga, kickboxing, pushing yourself to the limit, have you meaning in what is happening . As well great book to anchor your day is Miracle Morning.
it depend on you if you want to take the easy way ( prozac) or the hard way ( working on yourself ) that will create character and life without depression