Best thesauruses according to redditors
We found 58 Reddit comments discussing the best thesauruses. We ranked the 22 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
We found 58 Reddit comments discussing the best thesauruses. We ranked the 22 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
These types of books aren't entirely uncommon, unfortunately
Choose The Right Word is the book you're looking for. It's been 10 or 15 years since I looked at it (though I still have my copy). It doesn't cover every word in the English language, but those it does cover it explains exhaustively. For example, he (author S.I. Haykawa) likes to go back to the Greek, Latin or Saxon roots of the words to show why one word is slightly different than a word most people think is entirely synonymous with it. It's really fascinating.
Another couple of great books I used to use a lot when I was an editor were Words on Words and HTK, both by John Bremner. The second one, in particular, is about writing for newspapers, specifically headlines. But if you're looking for books to help you understand how to write better and more concisely, a good book about writing headlines is just the thing.
It's called The Emotion Thesaurus.
In the words of Chuck Wendig, "Finish your shit." Just completing the manuscript will teach you a lot, and it's great experience for you as a writer. If this is your first novel-length work, it will likely be painful to get everything out there, but do it anyway.
Perhaps don't think of it as a trilogy right now, though. Write a complete story, take it where you intend to take it, and just write the best manuscript you can. A novel is stressful enough, so you don't need to add on the idea of writing Book 2 and Book 3 to yourself during this process.
There are good resources out there for showing emotions, etc. You can show it with creative tags, or by the characters' actions. Many writing guides will tell you to at least try to stay away from adverbs. If you feel yourself using too many of those, try to cut most of them out and replace them with something else. Instead of "he eyed him contemptuously" try to show that contempt on his face through a few words of description (jaw tightening, clenched, eyes narrowing, top lips curling up, etc). Here's a decent resource for helping you to describe emotions (a handy tool that might help you out of a few tough spots here and there).
With respect to motivation, I leave you with the quote attributed to R.A. Salvatore: "If you can quit, then quit. If you can't, then you're a writer."
The Emotion Thesaurus has been one of my best purchases this year. I do intend to buy the other books in the series eventually too.
https://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Oxford-American-Dictionary-Thesaurus/dp/0199729956/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=oxford+dictionary&qid=1563085255&s=gateway&sr=8-2
It already exists: The Thinker's Thesaurus: Sophisticated Alternatives to Common Words.
There was a thread about it on here not too long ago. Can't find it now. Anyway the book takes your normal intelligible English and shits out incomprehensible grandiloquent sesquipedaloquiaciousness. It's glorious.
The Emotion Thesaurus is fantastic for this. It lists, like, 50 different emotions and the body language that goes with them.
I don't have a story like that because if you're -that- stupid you can't have a job in my shop. It's that kind of shop. We have stupid managers aplenty, to be sure. But not -that- stupid.
People who don't have a basic grasp on vocabulary are profiles that simply can't do anything useful where I work.
I would not be kind to him though. I recommend "The Thinker's Thesaurus" [Peter E. Meltzer] 978-0-393-35125-5
The wilfully ignorant deserve no mercy.
So sorry for how long this is... ☹️
1.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MY7PEIP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_OUK5AbRGQZFYS
2.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FH2MXOG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_gSK5AbSHDCDQX
3.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BPXNT4K/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GTK5AbCGJFNXW
4.) I want to gift https://www.amazon.com/dp/B015ORGFNE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_qWK5AbWACC624 to u/cera_cyanide cuz they’re super cute & made me giggle when I saw them
5.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0545477115/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DYK5Ab88FHE6P because it was my favorite book growing up & the story is so amazingly awesome & captivating!
6.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PCPCBVO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_TsQ5Ab5VXF741
7.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00P0YQYYW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_L0K5AbVK59RCQ Super cute!!
8.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00523M5MQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_M2K5AbSYKVRDT I had a stuffed animal Gizmo as a child & this is just adorable!
9.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047CG9F2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_53K5AbK5D5B99 It is just an adorable older movie (I wanted to link “Unacknowledged” but it wouldn’t let me.
10.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0038A05X6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_iqL5AbB5AJQ2M useful for digging yet also sharp to stab zombies in the face with.
11.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0756692393/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_G9K5AbJS3RVQS My son learned French in school & I would love to surprise him by being able to speak to him in French 🤓
12.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019FGCM00/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hpL5Ab4XX7SZ3
13.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PYHLS3W/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ibL5AbV9DFWV2
14.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BP9LFKV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_cNK5AbFK932E6
15.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074TLXNLR/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_3cL5AbQRTTP8P
16.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VY3SSSI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4dL5AbZT81WEY
17.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076P9GWKD/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ngL5AbW09YCMF I ALWAYS wanted a remote control car/truck growing up but I never got one ☹️
18.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877798508/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DoL5AbZ5SGMZJ
19.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01H644BJ8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RlL5Ab4R201E7 I love Loki sooooo much 😍 & I need a new purse 😂
20.) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TKPIC9M/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_3nL5AbNAY31QF
I like to use tone to get across the protagonist's mood while carrying on with character interaction & build, plot, description, etc.
Yes, description combined with a sombre tone is very nice.
You can always use The Emotion Thesaurus. It has excellent reviews. Buy it if you struggle to convey emotion.
Here you go guys, Naughty Words for Nice Writers
Descriptionary: The Thematic Dictionary is like a dictionary broken up into different subjects, showing you the names and terms related to each of the different subjects.
http://www.amazon.com/Descriptionary-Thematic-Dictionary-Writers-Library/dp/0816079471
> Descriptionary, Fourth Edition is a clever combination of a reverse dictionary and a thesaurus, with thousands of descriptions of terms organized into subject categories and sub-categories.
http://www.infobasepublishing.com/Bookdetail.aspx?ISBN=0816079463
I just bought this for myself and I'm loving it.
Emotional Thesaurus
What a great way to learn language! I fully support it. We'll start with...
Grammar/Mechanics
You may be surprised to hear this, but your grammar and mechanics are nearly perfect. I'll make some suggestions in the doc to point out some quirks, but for the most part your punctuation and syntax are right on.
On the other hand, the translation is really affecting your...
Prose
It's difficult enough to make sentences sing in one's own language, so don't be too hard on yourself here. It'll come with practice and reading a lot of English. But I want to give you some guideposts for helping your sentence construction not sound so Uncanny Valley, where it's technically correct but just off in some way. Usually because it's not how a native speaker would phrase something.
Let's take this third paragraph...
> Ryd sat up straight after the sound of running water woke her up. She stretched with a rather loud yawn before stumbling out of bed. Instead of making her way to the bathroom, she started collecting the pieces of her school uniform and the books she needed that day. With eyes still half closed she grabbed her bag and just stuffed the books into it. She tossed her bag and the pieces of her uniform on her bed while she went on her way towards the bathroom.
... And rewrite it.
> The sound of running water woke Ryd. She stretched and yawned loudly, then stumbled out of bed. Since her sister was still hogging the bathroom, she started collecting the pieces of her school uniform and the books she'd need that day. She stuffed the books into her bag without fully opening her eyes, then tossed the bag and uniform onto her bed and shuffled toward the bathroom. “Liz! My turn!”
Here's my thought process:
Sentence 1: While not wrong, it's narratively weird to say "X happened after X happened." Why not just put the events in the order they occur?
Sentence 2: Turning "with a rather loud yawn" into "and yawned loudly" tightens up the sentence. The "before" is technically correct, but "then" is more common.
Sentence 3: "Instead of making her way to the bathroom" assumes that we would assume she'd go straight to the bathroom. Changing it to "since her sister was still hogging the bathroom" adds logic to what she's doing (and the "hogging" lets the reader know how Ryd feels about her sister already). Also, "the books she'd need" just sounds more right because she doesn't need them in the moment but she will need them for the school day.
Sentence 4: I put the part about the eyes second because two sentences with introductory clauses in a row feels bad rhythmically, in my opinion ("Since her sister was still hogging the bathroom" and "With eyes still half closed"). I took out "just" because the verb "stuffed" gives a sense of unceremoniousness on its own. Then I took out the "she grabbed her bag" because it's implied in the stuffing action.
Sentence 5: I combined this into sentence 4 for flow. Much of this action is fairly mundane stuff, so we want to get through it quickly, without belaboring it. "The pieces of the uniform" can be shortened to just "uniform." Also, she didn't toss them while going on her way, she tossed them and then went on her way. And finally, as a writerly touch, always look for more colorful verbs that can tell how something happened. I chose "shuffled" here because it shows that Ryd is still tired and grouchy—she barely picks up her feet.
If you need a resource for finding those colorful verbs, I cannot recommend Choose The Right Word by S.I. Hayakawa enough. It's like a thesaurus, but it tells you the connotations and hidden meanings of the word too.
---
I'm sorry that was a lot of words for a tiny cross-section, but hopefully it's stuff you can apply across the board.
And congrats on being able to write an intelligible story in a second language! That's incredibly impressive on its own.
Off the top of my head, I tend to refer to these four the most:
Self-Editing For Fiction Writers -- When it comes to editing, this book is what helped me break things down and showed me how to get the most out of my writing in a way that clicked.
Alan Moore's writing for Comics -- Nifty if you're really into comics or want to write your own. Spotted this in a thrift store. Best $1.00 I ever spent.
On Writing Horror -- Writer's Digest has quite a few of books on writing. And they all have exercises and excerpts, but out of the small collection that I have this one is my favorite. Kind of gave me an idea of what to watch out for. It's like reading bits of advice from different authors.
The negative Trait Thesaurus -- Actually, I love the entire series as a resource. The kindle has to be good for something. (Much cheaper) But it helps keep my traits together and my character's reactions from getting stale. Out of everything I'm always pulling these books out.
*Started with three, but I really had to mention the trait thesauruses.
The Negative Trait Thesaurus, with the Emotion Thesaurus, Positive Trait Thesaurus and the Emotional Wound Thesaurus.
Also Careers for Your Characters: A Writers Guide to 101 Professions from Architect to Zookeeper which "Provides over one hundred descriptions of occupations that can be used for writing fiction, detailing the daily life, jargon, and salaries of such fields as dentistry, entertainment, law, and architecture."
And The Writer's Digest Character Naming Sourcebook is good for times when I can't get online to find names.
Master Lists for Writing is also a good one.
The Psychology Workbook for Writers
Creating Character Arcs Workbook
Thinking Like A Romance Writer: The Sensual Writer's Sourcebook of Words and Phrases A friend got me this for Christmas, mostly to laugh at, but I thought I'd add it anyway.
I bought this. Helped to come up with some more expressive explanations. It also has helped me to identify my feelings because it describes what’s going on in the body: https://www.amazon.com/Emotion-Thesaurus-Writers-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958/ref=nodl_
I just posted this on someone's question.
On Amazon, I once found an Emotional Thesaurus I liked being able to pick an emotion (such as wistful) and look at the different words and actions related to it.
Hope that helps!
I think it would help if we got to look at some of your writing. Personally, I’m no pro but if you pm me a google doc I’ll gladly take a look.
Otherwise, the biggest advice I can give is also of the most cliche writing advice out there— show don’t tell.
Don’t tell us your character is sad, happy, or mad, show us the tears beginning to take shape, the twinkle in his eyes, his smile widening, his face beginning to turn red.
I recommend checking out the emotion thesaurus,it’s helped me out quite a bit.
The original offline thesaurus app...
I know this isn't exactly what you're looking for, but two years ago I ran into the same problem over and over again. Then I found this: https://www.amazon.com/Oxford-American-Writers-Thesaurus-Auburn/dp/0199829926
So many things in there I didn't even know I needed like a list of nuts and seeds or a list of every branch of science. Plus tons of different and unique phrasing that I could never find on a website.
I am glad to be of help. Here is the link to it on Amazon. It is .78cents
https://www.amazon.com/Wordsworth-Rhyming-Dictionary-Reference/dp/1853263923/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483025813&sr=1-1&keywords=the+wordsworth+rhyming+dictionary
The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Expression
Some of these aren't on Amazon, but all of them outside of amazon are on my wishlist, is that okay?
1.) Something that is grey.
[This compilation of xkcd comics!] (http://www.amazon.com/xkcd-0-Randall-Munroe/dp/0615314465/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=I12D1D7CV12AVC) Though there aren't any formerly-unseen comics included, this is perfect for the lover of the famous (and always relevant) Xkcd webcomics.
2.) Something reminiscent of rain.
[This t-shirt for fans of Incubus that is apparently out of stock now, but I'm keeping it on my wishlist to gaze wistfully at.] (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/315rOsJeWzL._SL135_.jpg)
Incubus has always been one of my favorite bands, and all art that the lead singer (Brandon Boyd) produces is amazing, so I had high faith in this shirt being wonderful if I had the money to buy it.
3.) Something food related that is unusual.
[So I typed in "candy" and this popped up..] (http://www.amazon.com/LOCOMO-Rainbow-Hedgehog-Plastic-Baseball/dp/B00BRWH99K/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_2_49?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1376327288&sr=1-49&keywords=candy)
I'm not sure what I was expecting.
4.) Something on your list that is for someone other than yourself. Tell me who it's for and why.
[My mom has always wanted to learn calligraphy and someone recommended this book to me] (http://www.amazon.com/Learn-Calligraphy-Complete-Lettering-Design/dp/0767907329/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=I35YCU37X7E6Y2)
She paints signs for people, usually featuring newborn babies or pets, and she always has to print out a guide and trace it if her customers request a font for their name.
5.) A book I should read! I am an avid reader, so take your best shot and tell me why I need to read it!
[This compilation of postsecrets-- artistic postcards with secrets written on them-- that are all touching in their own way.] (http://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=I22JZDFLS686V8)
If you haven't heard of Postsecret yet, you should check it out [here] (http://www.postsecret.com/)
6.) An item that is less than a dollar, including shipping... that is not jewelry, nail polish, and or hair related!
I dunno!
7.) Something related to cats. I love cats! (keep this SFW, you know who you are...)
I have two cats, but I got nothing for this one.
8.) Something that is not useful, but so beautiful you must have it.
[This key from KeypersCove] (http://www.amazon.com/Handmade-Winter-Rose-Key-Necklace/dp/B00D3S4GVU/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376329005&sr=8-1&keywords=keypers+cove)
I had a similar one on my wishlist but it's out of stock now.
9.) A movie everyone should watch at least once in their life. Why?
[Cloud Atlas!] (http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Atlas/dp/B00CRWJ5GO/ref=sr_sp-btf_title_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1376329072&sr=8-4&keywords=clouds+atlas)
Terribly confusing unless you see the [trailer] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWnAqFyaQ5s) first, it's surprisingly appropriate for this sub.
10.) Something that would be useful when the zombies attack. Explain.
[This climbing pick] (http://www.amazon.com/Omega-Pacific-Mountain-Axe-80cm/dp/B002J91R1G/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1376330277&sr=8-2&keywords=climbing+pick)
Ever played Telltale's The Walking Dead? Well, one character had a climbing pick that they used pretty frequently to scale buildings and kill zombies..it opened my eyes to the possibilities and dual uses of items.
11.) Something that would have a profound impact on your life and help you to achieve your current goals.
[This book] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Emotion-Thesaurus-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top) for my writing skills, I always have trouble finding just the right way to convey the proper emotion, plus I have severe social anxiety so it would help me figure out how to act in real life as well.
[Or this book by the famous Virginia Woolf] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Waves-Harvest-Book-ebook/dp/B004R1Q41C/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=IHP0D0N718720) just the type of writing style I'm aiming for.
[Or this book that I'm sure would help me with my technique.] (http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Tools-Essential-Strategies-Writer/dp/0316014990/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top)
12.) One of those pesky Add-On items.
Hm?
13.) The most expensive thing on your list. Your dream item. Why?
I used to have this on my list, but a [Geiger counter] (http://www.amazon.com/Radex-RD1503-RADEX-Radiation-Detector/dp/B00051E906/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376331004&sr=8-1&keywords=geiger+counter) because I'm paranoid about radiation and etc. Deleted it off my list because it's not useful for everyday life.
14.) Something bigger than a bread box. EDIT A bread box is typically similar in size to a microwave.
I got nothing on my list.
15.) Something smaller than a golf ball.
[These socks] (http://www.amazon.com/Portal-Chells-Aperture-Science-Socks/dp/B008JGPSJU/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=I2KUOG9B813AXT) because they're ultra thin and I'm sure they could be crumpled up that small.
16.) Something that smells wonderful.
I'd put something here, but there's nothing I'm sure of. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/White-Fluffy-Clouds-Inspiration-Forward/dp/0974512001/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&coliid=I16LKBYPI8BE5U) because it could smell like Brandon Boyd?
17.) A (SFW) toy.
I've got nothing!
18.) Something that would be helpful for going back to school.
[This shirt] (http://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/rising-t-shirt/13087/) because I find it amazing, oh my god oh my god.
19.) Something related to your current obsession, whatever that may be.
[I've been trying to learn Irish for quite awhile now..] (http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Irish-Michael-OSiadhail/dp/0300121776/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376331377&sr=8-1&keywords=learn+irish)
20.) Something that is just so amazing and awe-inspiring that I simply must see it. Explain why it is so grand.
[This poster, this poster!] (http://smbc.myshopify.com/products/dear-human-19x27-poster) To see what it's based on, the original comic is [here] (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2223)
I mostly scoff at the idea that physical books are fundamentally somehow better than their digitized counterparts, but for some reason I prefer physical dictionaries, thesauri and RPG Core Rulebooks. I think it has something to do with my attachment to flipping through these kinds of books.
This is the one I used back before the internet was discovered (writing career spans almost three decades--woo):
https://www.amazon.com/American-College-Thesaurus-Dictionary-Revised/dp/0451207165
Super easy to use.
Amazon Bestseller: The Emotion Thesaurus
Here you go, friend.
Check out the emotional thesaurus. It's not online but used copies are cheap enough.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotion-Thesaurus-Writers-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958
Yeah, everybody knows REAL smart people read [this] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0446370290/ref=cm_cr_othr_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8)
Sure you are.
Go buy a fucking book.
Analyzing jskoker
Speak with class
look fancy doing it
and
...
Dress with style and sophistication
...
How to play the part
and
also
I don't know if it counts as reading, but I've always wanted "The Thinker's Thesaurus". I'm fascinated with language, but common dictionaries and thesauruses bore me. I crave verbosity! Tangible version please. :)
$24/mo is absurd. The best way to check grammar is to put it down and come back an hour or two later to proofread. If you're desperate, MS Word does have a built-in grammar check tool you can use or Open Office has some grammar check extensions you can download such as LanguageTool.
If you question your own grammar, get a couple of light and easy grammar references to keep by your desk. Eats, Shoots & Leaves or The Transitive Vampire are two that are easy to work with and don't take themselves too seriously.
EDIT: Also, if you need to write regularly, buy one of these: The Synonym Finder. Hands down one of the best, easiest to use on the market. I write professionally and I have 5 copies of this book -- one for every place I may wind up writing. That's how useful I find it.
Like The Kodansha Kanji Synonyms Guide ?
Mini reference bookset always handy for college.
building on thesaurus resources: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Emotion-Thesaurus-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958
This one gives a variety possible actions related to an emotion. Might help you find a new direction (or calm you down). It's a writing resource mostly but I think it may be applicable in what you're trying to accomplish.
I am currently reading [this] (http://www.amazon.com/About-Coffee-Paperback-William-Ukers/dp/1849028702) by William H Ukers. The title of the book is self explanatory, i.e.. it contains all about coffee ranging from its history to preparation.
There's a book called the Emotional Thesaurus that might help. I hear good things about it and I see articles reference it everywhere. It might be really good for you.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotion-Thesaurus-Writers-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958
I love http://www.bryndonovan.com/ I have Master Lists For Writers out on KU at the moment and I'm going to buy it in print.
• lists of phrases for describing facial expressions, body language, gestures, physical appearance, and emotions • 175 master plot ideas, including romance, high-stakes, family, and workplace stories • lists of words for writing action scenes and love scenes • inspiration for figuring out character traits and quirks, backstories, occupations, motivations, and goals • lists for describing settings and writing dialogue • lists of good character names for contemporary stories...plus medieval England, Regency England, Wild West, and WWII settings • and more!
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way and that you don’t know any other words. If you won’t get help how about at least getting a thesaurus so you can use other words?
The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877798508/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UXHqDbBJ9VGQ6
Something like this? (though this probably isn't exactly what you're trying to find)
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Lists-Writers-Thesauruses-Character/dp/0996715215/ref=pd_rhf_dp_s_cp_0_4?
Does anyone know the difference between Kodansha's Kanji Synonyms Guide and Kanji Usage Guide?
Scene 1
“Stained with sweat and whiskey” – How does the director visualise this.
They’re about to pull a raid, why are they passing around a flask? If you’re going for a serious tone, then this seems humorous and arbitrary.
The leader’s dialogue is too long. Cut it off at “Lost my way!” everything after that smacks of “this is dialogue and I am doing dialogue now”.
Why does the MAN speak through the door? Why does he repeat the last line of the leader’s dialogue? It doesn’t add anything to the plot and seeing as he’s called MAN, we can assume he’s a throw away character, so the dialogue isn’t revealing character.
When the door opens just have them rush the door, or the leader shoulder barge / kick the door. Him shouting “Now!” is pointless when we could just have action.
The LEADER is capitalised, but he has no description nor an age. Is this the only time we see him? If he’s a hidden antagonist whose name comes up later then that’s fine. The [casting] director still needs a description and age to work with for the LEADER.
Scene 2
“He’s young – 30 – and thin”. There’s no need to say young or old, just give their age or a rough “30s” figure. The casting director will decide the rest. Also, the age should be with his intro; IE The MAN, 30s, stumbles backwards wide eyed as a blood spot spreads across his chest.
You’ve explained that he’s young, thin, and unarmed. The fact he’s been knifed and looks terrified tells us he’s non-threatening. We don’t need it explained again, and how would the director visualise it?
“He can’t get out more than half a scream” replaces the need for the “Ach!”, recycle the white space used on that dialogue.
“Their blades (gauge) gouge his eyes” - typo
“(Leave) leaving him covered with holes” this whole line can be deleted. You’ve explained in vivid detail how they’ve eviscerated him, we don’t need this statement at the end. Also, typo, also how do you leave someone "covered with holes"?
If this is a frontier cabin, then how the fuck did his wife NOT hear the brutal and extremely violent murder of her husband as a group of 9 men jumped him with weapons?! The door was rammed open, her husband fell backwards with a THUD, 9 men in boots rushed into what I assume is a wooden floored cabin and began the brutal massacre of a man using a variety of metal weapons, and she slept through the whole thing?! Additionally, if this IS a frontier cabin, they wouldn’t have a hallway. It’d most likely be a bedsit (1 big room) or they’d have a bedroom behind 1 door or on an overlooking mezzanine style 2nd floor.
You explain that the leader sheathes his knife and heads for the door, his men are quick to follow, dashing out and leaping onto their horses outside. This line suggests the gang are now mounted up outside, but then the wife steps out and you explain that the leader is inside with his men to glare at her?
Please don’t include the cliched endlessly screaming female. It’s a horrific circumstance, she’s in shock, realistically she’d go catatonic and collapse. Imagine walking home and seeing someone you love brutally eviscerated, blood everywhere, their body reduced to sinew and gore. The first thing that happens is shock fucks you up. You recoil and most likely back away, wide eyed and unable to process what you’re seeing. If it’s bad enough (which this is), you’d be more likely go catatonic from the horror than scream. (I have a BSc Honours degree in clinical psychology for reference). I suggest looking up the “Emotional Wound Thesauraus” as an exceptional and outstanding reference guide for emotional trauma and how characters react to it. I’m using it for my current script and it’s fucking amazing.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotional-Wound-Thesaurus-Writers-Psychological/dp/0989772594/ref=sr_1_1?crid=108P89NPLLJJ0&keywords=emotional+wound+thesaurus&qid=1568891507&sprefix=Emotional+wound+%2Caps%2C140&sr=8-1
Scene 3
“The Ruffians mount up” – They already did this in scene 2.
The fade to a glow and echo are cool effects, I suggest replacing the woman’s scream with the roar of the fire. It turns a cliché into something primal. A roaring fire consuming a cabin where a brutal murder occurred has notes towards hell and bestial savagery.
Scene 4
John Jr (late 30s), broad… I wouldn’t use brackets here. The typical format is commas. Remember, when screenwriting every symbol and form of grammar/punctuation has a connotation. It’s also quite jarring to the reader.
"John and John Jr." is going to piss off the director. I’d recommend John and Junior as their names. I was told off by my writing mentor for having Garrett and Emmet in the same story because of how similar they sounded.
John’s 1st line of dialogue contains two clauses, unless monologuing keep it to one for the sake of flow and ease of reading.
With the flow of the conversation between father and son I’d recommend dropping the “congratulations, Jr” entirely. Him saying he’s proud of him has more impact without it.
“Smiles like that was a long time coming” – How does the actor portray this? What visual elements would he use to portray this exact sentiment? Remember, action lines aren’t prose, they’re stage directions or a blueprint for someone to follow.
OWEN, 30s, and SALMON, 30s. Don’t clump intros. Give each character their own name, age, description then do the next one. Then have them walk over.
How do we know these guys are his brothers? None of your character’s have surnames, and even if they did how does the director tell the audience they’re brothers? There’s no dialogue or action to reference this fact.
“He nods to the CROWD – About fifty men, (some) rough(er) frontier types (in addition to their more civilised counterparts) and city men, all in their (widely varying) respective Sunday best(,). They mill (through) around the lobby, CHATTING, LAUGHING and CLINKING (pints of beer) drinks”. All of the stuff in brackets is superfluous and can be reduced. Kurt Vonnegut, “Rule 1: Use the Time of a Total Stranger in Such a Way That He or She Will Not Feel the Time Was Wasted”. Be concise, trim your writing down to the essentials of the scene.
I’d change Junior’s reply to “It’s not just me. It’s a victory for all of us”. Everything else feels superfluous.
Scene 5
The speech is great, but you introduce their surname as Brown in this dialogue without adding it to any of the character intros?
You spend 2 sentences describing Oliver, this makes him the most detailed character we’ve been introduced to yet. Is he a central character?
The line following Oliver’s dialogue can be abbreviated to “John smiles and shushes Oliver”.
Frederick speaks before he’s introduced, how does the director know he’s in this scene or even exists?
“Another of John’s sons”, all the references to characters being John's sons could easily be removed by simply giving them a shared surname in their character intros.
“He’s not quite right in the head” – Is he learning disabled? Schizophrenic? Autistic? Down syndrome? Verbal or physical Tourette’s? psychopathic? A sexual deviant? Brain damaged?
“John Jr. watches the cheering crowd for a moment and realises he’s finished” – What?
“Salmon quickly hands him a beer” – Why does it have to be quick? Adverbs ruin good writing. As a rule, I do my best to avoid using -ing and -ly words. It forces a more active writing tone and eliminates pointless description.
“They raise their mugs as they chant, a fiddle starts to play. Junior steps down and places his mug, untasted, on a table as he joins the celebration”.
I don’t get the “End of Teaser”, what is that? I’ve never seen it used in screenwriting. Does this mean we can remove this entire section and still have a complete story? If that’s the case, why did you waste 5 minutes of screen time with plot that can be removed from the final script? As a writer your goal should always be “tell a complete story using only as many words as it takes”. If you’re implying this should be used for a trailer, that’s the editor/director’s decision. Even then they typically use scenes from the 2nd act in the build up to the midpoint for trailers because that’s where the highest action and lowest spoiler content can typically be found. If this is a prologue then it should be folded into the setup phase of act 1.
Scene 6
NEVER write which act you’re in. It makes you look like an amateur and your script look unprofessional. The reader/director/producer should be able to tell what act we’re in just from the page number and what’s happening on it.
You can literally delete scene 6 from the final script. Why? Because scene 7 opens with a character reading the newspaper. You’re basically pulling the old Anime “in other words” routine on us.
Scene 7
You’ve introduced like 7 characters over 6 pages and we’re only just now starting act one? There’s a concept known as “Character Fatigue” which is when a writer introduces so many characters in such a short time that the director / audience can’t keep up with who is who and what and why and where. Do you really need so many characters?! What do they all do? How does each one influence the story and plot? Do we follow each brother’s journey through what I assume is a civil war drama? If so, how many subplots are you planning on developing in a 71 minute run time?!
Ask yourself, “If I delete X from my story will it derail the plot?” if the answer is NO, scrap them. Please also remember that we are yet to meet the antagonist / villain, the b-story / love interest character, and when our hero moves into the “new world” of act 2 he’s meant to meet new enemies and allies. Your final cast is going to rival Avengers: Endgame. With so many characters sharing 71 minutes of screen time (and the plot itself must develop) each person will get like 5 minutes of character development leaving them all shallow and forgettable.
That's all I have for the moment. I'll delve into it again later.
You mean like The Emotion Atlas? http://www.amazon.com/Emotion-Thesaurus-Writers-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958
Storyteller's Thesaurus
https://www.amazon.com/Merriam-Webster-Thesaurus/dp/0877798508/ref=sr_1_1?crid=287PGHHI6G16W&keywords=thesaurus&qid=1566450150&s=gateway&sprefix=thesaurus%2Caps%2C174&sr=8-1
your supporting "argument" says a lot about this subreddit and the religious debate in general. irl, not so much.
read a book:
https://smile.amazon.com/Merriam-Webster-Thesaurus/dp/0877798508/
I recommend:
https://www.amazon.com/Oxford-American-Writers-Thesaurus-Auburn/dp/0199829926/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1539383135&sr=8-3&keywords=thesaurus
Someone in this forum recently recommended this series of books. They give lists of physical and behavioral signs of emotions and personality traits. I bought all three, and I've never looked back. They don't have every single emotion, but are still a boon. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1475004958/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_23
Try this.