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This is really sweet. Alzheimer's affects not only memory, but how the brain functions, processes info and sensory input, and decreases overall function and cognition. It can create a lot of anxiety and agitation.

It depends on how advanced she is. I'm really impressed she can do cross words! Definitely encourage that. Get her a book of them, so she doesn't have to wait for the ones in the paper.

• Photo albums, whether physical or digital picture frame.
  
  
• Plants to brighten up her room.
  
  
• A fish tank can be great stimulation, and they're low maintenance.
  
  
• If she is the nurturing sort, a baby doll and/or lifelike stuffed animal may be nice and comforting.
  
  
• She can look through books of photography (something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Ireland-Visual-Journey-Around-Counties/dp/0717157431/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1452635395&sr=8-4&keywords=Photography+Ireland), for something she used to be interested in.
  
  
• A fiddle box, filled with little items and trinkets that she might like (decorative little makeup mirrors, a pretty ribbon, embroidered handkerchief, etc)
  
  
• get a big bag of buttons, have her sort them by color or shape
  
  
• Nature documentaries, as they don't have a plot but are very pretty and visually stimulating
  
  
• Audio books, if she likes being read to
  
  
• Pandora station (make one) with music from her teenage years, adolescence, adulthood. If she had a favorite singer or group, play that.
  
  
• if she is/was religious, church on TV or audio casts/pod casts (something like Joel Osteen, etc)
  
  Find out from family and friends what she used to enjoy doing, and head in that direction.

This is difficult. One of the first thing this disease takes is the ability to understand your own limitations. My partner hasn't been able to do much of anything on his own in a few years, but still believes he needs no help. Some days he is sure he is not very effected by Alzheimer's at all. As Alzheimer's effects the ability to make new memories they forget all of the mistakes and dangerous situations and remember the lifetime of being self sufficient.

Others may have different advice, but here is mine. You can not get him to comprehend the level of care he needs. Move forward by providing it in any way that he will accept. When I'm not caring for my partner we have a hired caregiver. She pretends to be the "housekeeper". My partner accepts this, though logically it makes no sense as she hardly leaves the room and assists him with showers and other bathroom needs. It gives him a bit of pride and makes him comfortable.


The companion may have to be crafty to make your father comfortable. When he wants to walk alone they can say they are going to check the mail, get something from their car, have a cigarette etc and will walk out with him. There is a good chance that once they walk out of the house they can distract him by asking questions and he won't realize they are walking together when he wanted to walk alone.


Trackers can be helpful, maybe someone can chime in with more experience with them. They seem to need to be charged regularly so I haven't used one.


A home alert system might be a good idea. We use this one that is not a monitored one. It calls 4 programmed numbers and is basically a one button cordless phone using a home phone line. You can program it to call 911 if none of the 4 calls are answered. We switched to this from a monitored one as my partner had some false alarms resulting in paramedics showing up. Now he uses it for everything, he needs a drink, time for the bathroom, wants to get out of bed etc. this may give your mother a bit of piece of mind while working. You can set it to call the companion and then your mother if there is no answer.


In a separate but equally important issue it seems as though your mother may be at a breaking point. It is hard to separate the person you loved and cared for over the years with the person afflicted with Alzheimer's. Add the stress of being a caregiver and attempting to work at the same time and it's not hard to find your breaking point. To be a good and caring caregiver she needs the ability to spend time on her own. This is almost impossible while working and caregiving without help from friends, family and hired help. Offer your help when you can and insist your mother spend that time doing something for herself. It will be hard for her at first, but she will become comfortable soon. An afternoon or evening a week would allow her to run personal errands, take herself out for a meal, have her haircut etc. I try to take one vacation a year. It's hard to plan, and expensive to provide care while I'm away, but I come back patient and caring instead of stressed and frustrated. Keep in mind that when someone has dementia that all of their needs become immediate. They can't plan ahead. This means the family member attempts to plan ahead for themselves and the person they care for. This ends up with the family member dropping their own needs either on purpose or by forgetting. After all what is that errand compared to what someone with Alzheimer's needs? At one point I realized I hadn't been to my doctor in over a year. I didn't realize this on my own, but when the office firmly told me that it had been over a year and for prescriptions to be safely refilled again, I needed to visit the physician. I had no clue it had been so long. During that same time I alienated friends, hadn't spent much time or money on myself in any way as it always seemed both of those were needed urgently to caregive. I needed to create boundaries and it took a near breakdown to bring it to my attention.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. It is a terrible disease. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it, you must find a way that works for you.

Ditto checking out your local dept on aging. It might also be dept of elderly or eldercare or something like that. They may have info for you on website, in hardcopy, in person.. It varies by state. Some will have waitlists for help, some wont.

You can also find out if theres an Alzheimer's Association, Aarp, or similar near you, because they sometimes have free education seminars (sometimes to advertise services, but sometimes just info). Alz assoc also has support groups, which maybe you could use, for emotional support but also to find out about options near you. If there are care homes near you they sometimes host educational events there too. You could see if they have some kind of events calendar.

You might consider learning about elderlaw issues and getting an elderlaw lawyer. No doubt there will be free workshops featuring those. But theres a great deal of financial planning you may have to do, and sometimes you need stuff set up years in advance.

Finally, if there is a law school near you, they might have free information or downloadable publications to get you started. If you are really lucky maybe they have low cost options for law help bc they might have fresh students who need experience.

The classic text on Alzheimer's is the 36 Hour Day. https://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Disease-Dementias/dp/1455521159
Tbh i never read it. But i know its like standard reading.

Get started on getting a lot of photos and videos and recordings of her. Its easy to not even think of this now. But id start now.

Ask her questions about what advice shed give you about stuff in your future, your life.. Ask about her past, her parents, her childhood.

If shes got old photos, find out about them. Its kind of a bummer to find an old album of people you don't know and have no one to ask. :p

Find out her favorite songs. Id be sure to get stuff from her teens to 30s. Try to compile at least 1 playlist. It may be helpful later, if shes in a bad mood.

If you wanna get really nuts you can look up clinical trials on trialmatch or clinicaltrials.gov and see if you feel like jumping in.

Don't beat yourself up if/when its time to make tough calls. This disease will put you guys in lose-lose situations, but you're not alone. It's going to suck, but you and dad and family can get through this.

Good luck.

I hope you find someone your own age to connect with. This subreddit is so tiny, though — I'm surprised since Alzheimer's affects so many people. Another way you can find support would be to visit the Alzheimer's Association website, which includes message boards and a search tool to find your local chapter. You also might want to read some books to better understand what the Alzheimer's patient is going through, and how caregivers can help most effectively. A good one that was recommended by our neurologist is The 36-Hour Day.

Congratulations for achieving some success in addressing your own problems, and it's wonderful that you've decided to become a part of your mom's life again. She may seem "totally gone," but I'm sure at some level she will appreciate your being there, especially since you are the one she has felt most comfortable with in the past. Also, being there will give you the opportunity to evaluate the kind of care your dad, your aunt, and the healthcare people are able to give, and see where you can help.

Sounds even more like my MiL - who is also a private tenant in a 'independent living' small block of flats run by a private group. She has a little in savings, from selling a very small house in a not particularly affluent area. This money means that Social Services will back off, effectively walk away if they can be persuaded, or can persuade themselves, that the client is 'safe'.

Getting onto an LA or HA waiting list depends quite a lot on SS assessments, and also the 'need' and availability. If a place has x-places for people with dementia they won't take any more until one tenant moves on. Same with other 'disabilities', because they're meant to provide care for a whole range of elderly (over age 55) needs. As an example, my MiL is on a waiting list, she knows she's on a waiting list, will never know that she will never get to the top of that waiting list because a) her Alzheimer's is now 'too bad' and b) she is still self-funded - so SS put her to, and keep her at, the bottom of the list. We don't actually think she'd cope with a move to a new flat, would forget where everything is and would end up in even more of a muddle than she is now.

We have carers every morning, to make sure she takes her medication and to do any other tasks she wants doing including helping her bathe. She complains that they sit and drink tea, but will not ask them to get out the vacuum cleaner because she tells them she can do it - but she can't, and won't. She tells them she's had a shower, but doesn't know how to use it. She won't let them do any laundry, and we suspect she's now hiding dirty clothes from us because there's never anything to bring away when we visit at the weekend. We had arranged a cleaner, but she got rid of her and they won't respond to messages from us, so goodness knows what she did to them.

The care package needs regular updating, probably every few weeks as we lurch from one small crisis to another. It's quite a challenge to get it right, especially when there's resistance from her. The carers let themselves in, using a key coded key safe a bit like this one https://www.amazon.co.uk/Medium-key-lock-Select-Access/dp/B000JTIX3S/ref=sr_1_5/257-2221811-7083553?ie=UTF8&qid=1518829535&sr=8-5&keywords=key+safes

Your chemist sounds amazing. That arrangement wouldn't work for us because my MiL doesn't know where the chemists is, even though it's less than 500 yards from her front door. She can't cross roads safely and won't admit to us that she can easily get lost.

Food and shopping - we too were 'told' that she could do her own shopping, and that she did her own shopping where she lived previously. We had to, frequently, do an emergency online shop because she'd phone us to say she'd got nothing to eat or drink.

After we moved her to be closer to us (breakdown if relationship between her and the family member she was near, and we're spread out around the country so it was a long distance move) it was clear that she was incapable of shopping on her own. She can't handle money, doesn't know her PIN, and the displays in supermarkets are visually confusing so she hadn't a clue what she was looking at. Writing a list didn't help, because she couldn't work out what was on the list and what was in the trolley. Given the freedom to chose she'd have bought only a small bunch of grapes, a pack of 6 rolls, a small carton of milk, and a pack of ham - for a week. Plus, of course, a few random things that she'd accuse 'somebody' of putting into the trolley - things she'd picked up because they looked pretty, but didn't then recall ever seeing them before. I managed, for a while, to persuade her to buy things to cook but the whole lot ended up being stuffed in the freezer because she cannot actually cope with using a cooker. She can still, just about, manage to use a kettle to make a cup of tea.

She now has meals on wheels, from Apetito, and also a teatime pack. https://www.apetito.co.uk/ It isn't brilliant food, by our standards, but it's there every day and means she gets a hot meal at lunchtime. The driver has the key safe code, so lets themself in.

She also goes, twice or three times a week depending on her mood, to a Day Centre where she's given lunch and eats in company - which is truly a blessing because it gives her the social interaction she wouldn't otherwise have.

We have, or should I say my husband and his siblings have, chosen not to take out the welfare POA because doing so takes pressure off the medical services and puts it squarely in their laps instead. It's also, according to the solicitor, quite hard to get these days.

All this seems like 'comparing notes', but I'm hoping there might be something useful in here for you and your Dad.

no but there's a huge article about coconut oil and alzheimers on the internet, i'm sure there's plenty more now. the MCT oils in coconut oil fuel the brain very well.

You can actually buy pure MCT oil on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/NOW-Foods-100%25-32-Fluid-Ounces/dp/B0019LRY8A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426579004&sr=8-1&keywords=mct+oil

If you want to even get something better look into "bulletproof" brand... they actually have a plethora of health products, anyway they have something called 'octane oil' it's basically 18x Stronger Than Coconut Oil. https://www.upgradedself.com/products/bulletproof-upgraded-brain-octane-oil

Anyway just thoguht I'd show you some alternatives to just coconut oil.

Look into your local Alzheimer's Association - they have meetings for family members, as well as activities for the person diagnosed, depending on how severe their condition is. Click on the "in my area" tab to find your local chapter.

I also always recommend The 36 Hour Day - it's a great primer on what to expect, and it gives some advice on different options for paying for care. Good luck, and we are here for you and your dad!

I've started reading The 36-Hour Day and it is a very good book for describing just about everything someone with Alzheimer's could go through. They describe this decline over and over as brain damage - sometimes connections work. Sometimes they don't - like a lightbulb with a faulty connection. The best advice I can give you is don't try to understand why they do what they do. Just roll with it, agree and play along. Best of luck OP. This is a long, hard, sucky road we're on.

Creating Moments of Joy for the Person With Alzheimer's or Dementia 4th Edition by Jolene Bracke


This book was given to everyone in my caregivers support group and we found it very useful.

I work in an assisted living facility and one of my previous residents spouse wrote this book http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Smell-Garbage-Caregivers-Survival/dp/1477574077 It is a candid account of a caregivers viewpoint of the disease. The more you learn about it the more sympathetic and empathetic you will become. Also links like https://www.facebook.com/FightAlzheimers provide more information.

Have you set up alarms? Not only for bathroom breaks, but also for taking pills, and meals. A regular schedule will help her, has much as it will help you.

As for saving your poor couch and bed Washable Underpads are your friend. Have one of them under her at all times. When she wets herself, you can toss it in the wash with her other soiled clothes. They also make disposables

As someone in a similar situation to you I doubt any of the people saying you are a bad daughter know what they are talking about.

I would advise picking up the book The 36 hour day it is a fantastic guide to caring for someone with alzheimers. If you do not wish to pay for it you may be able to pick it up at the library.

https://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Disease-Dementias/dp/1455521159

Also as a stop gap measure her insurance should be able to provide for a home health aid through patterns in care, personal touch or various other agencies.

Please keep us all informed so we may help you on the journey.

This disease beats you down so hard that practically any acknowledgment of your hard work and dedication is received with pitiful gratitude. I found this book helpful while I was caring for my dads.

My grandpa had a similar problem- he would forget that he had taken his meds and would take them again. There were multiple times where he overdosed and ended up in the hospital. I ended up getting him this dispenser and it has prevented overdoses for nearly 2 years. The lock is kind of a joke, but it's enough to convince grandpa that no one is taking his pills.

LiveFine Automatic Pill Dispenser, 28-Day Electronic Medication Organizer with Alarm Reminders, Flashing Light and Safety Lock - Dispenses Prescriptions Up To 6 Times Per Day - Clear Lid https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FL620B0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_5vUwybXRZXPJ9

These two books:
https://www.amazon.com/Learning-Speak-Alzheimers-Groundbreaking-Approach/dp/0618485171
https://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-sixth-Alzheimer-Dementias/dp/1421422239

Also this

The Complete Book of Ketones: A Practical Guide to Ketogenic Diets and Ketone Supplements

Check out this book. Amazing writer. Think you’ll find it interesting.

If you don’t die a fairly painless death from ALZ, you’ll die a painful death from cancer. That’s just what the data says. I’ll take the ALZ path myself.

Eventually the decision will have to made, shut down a children’s vaccination program and divert the $$$s to ALZ research, that’s the issue coming up. What would you do?

The Atlantic Article :

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/dying-better/384626/


The book:

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0805095152?psc=1&ref=yo_pop_mb_pd_title


“Beautifully written . . . In his newest and best book, Gawande . . . has provided us with a moving and clear-eyed look at aging and death in our society, and at the harms we do in turning it into a medical problem, rather than a human one.” ―The New York Review of Books

PS. I don’t usually say “Nazi”, you can say the German people. They were just everyday people. Could have been anyone. Just like anyone you or I know.

Thanks for the reply, always enjoy thinking about it all.