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Soooo much of what you wrote reminds me of my job.

DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
>The theory behind the approach is that some people are prone to react in a more intense and out-of-the-ordinary manner toward certain emotional situations, primarily those found in romantic, family and friend relationships. DBT theory suggests that some people’s arousal levels in such situations can increase far more quickly than the average person’s, attain a higher level of emotional stimulation, and take a significant amount of time to return to baseline arousal levels.

I worked in a group home setting with these young women. We were trained to actively work on DBT skills to get through periods of intense emotions. After the incident that meant getting out work sheets and having them go through and answer questions about how they felt and reflect on what they could do different next time. If you're at all interested in learning more about it, this is what we used.

This is another good video resource that kind of just is a general overview of what it's about. Distress tolerance is what you'd probably want to focus on at home if you look into DBT more.

I swear I'm not related to the creators of this or anything, I just know from past experiences it's worked pretty well. For our girls we focused a lot on natural consequences, positive reinforcement (like you mentioned her behaviorist said), and validation.

I've found that validation is really key. If they're out of control you'd say something like, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I bet it's not fun to feel frustrated." You're not condoning their behavior but you're recognizing that feeling out of control isn't a fun thing. Validation is awesome because you never have to actually agree with them, you just validate that their frustration isn't a good thing.

With that comes natural consequences. With your example of her over serving herself I would actually use much smaller plates. It's a pain in the ass but it's a proactive way to get her to do what you want. Before you do it let her know, "If this happens again we're going to use smaller plates." The natural consequence would be that she undoubtedly will do it again to push the boundary, and then you'd have to follow through with supplying smaller plates. She can have as many seconds as she wants but it limits her to the amount at a time she can take. I wouldn't be surprised if she stacks it as high as she can but I'd bet that after a while (if it doesn't get a response) she'd get bored of it.

With offering her choices of chores to do, personally I think, there should also be some kind of consequence (not a punishment) if she doesn't do it. Say she wants you to take her somewhere but "Oh, we can't leave the house because there are dishes everywhere. Maybe when things are cleaned we could go." If you can find ways to restrict things from her until it's done and then reiterate that it's her decision to choose to do them or not, that can work pretty well. I'm not sure how doing that would fit in with what her behaviorist recommends though.

Positive reinforcement (praise) has be proven to be more useful at changing behavior than negative reinforcement (punishment). However, I don't think you should blindly praise things for no reason (doing chores hours later). Catching her doing something good and praising that (when she's not expecting it) encourages her to do more of that good behavior.

Above all, I think you just have to choose your battles. It's exhausting and stressful and be sure to take care of yourselves along the way.

Sorry to hijack all of this into DBT, but I really think a large part of her over sexualization has more to do with all of this and less about her genuine sexuality. It's fine if she identifies as whatever she identifies as, but the problem I see needs to be addressed is why is she acting out in those ways and how could she learn to discuss it in a healthier way?

I'll go against what other people are saying here and say that you may or may not be asexual- you haven't really told us the right things for that.

You can be allosexual (as in, NOT asexual) and not want to have sex for a bunch of different reasons, that doesn't make you asexual. You don't need to enjoy sex to be allosexual, you just have to have sexual attraction towards other people. Have you ever seen someone and been like, "man, I really want to have sex with that person?" When you see a particularly attractive person do sexual thoughts enter your mind? Then you probably aren't asexual. If that doesn't happen to you, then you probably are. All that is independent of everything you described.


I'll say this too- I've never been in a poly relationship but I know enough to know that they are really hard. If you want to be successful in it you have to really communicate how you feel and make sure everyone is on the same page, otherwise jealousy WILL happen like you are experiencing.

And, to answer your question, YES, talk to your partners. It doesn't even need to be about whether or not you're asexual, just about how you feel right now and what YOU need. As a side note there's a book called "Come as You Are" which might be of interest to you- basically there are "accelerators" and "brakes" regarding sexual desire, and allo people can stop desiring sex if there's too many brakes (like stress/worry about sex, anticipation of displeasure, etc) in their daily lives. More info here if you're interested.

I got one on amazon that I believe has all 4 cards on it. You could get one and just turn it so the ace of hearts is visible. :)

I published a book earlier this year where the main character is Ace. It’s on Amazon but it’s on wattpad for free.
https://www.amazon.com/Ace-Hearts-Deadly-P-D-Scott/dp/1793987653

Personally, I think you need to try to finish, at least once. Get yourself one of these and you'll figure out the rest quickly enough on your own.

People like sex because it feels good, and you get to have orgasms. You gotta try and get there to see what all the fuss is about. Sex and oral and touching might not be enough for you. If a machine can't get you there, you might truly just not be sexual, but you should try different stuff out.

Some people have mentioned tungsten, and at least one of them actually meant tungsten carbide. Tungsten carbide is very hard, meaning it is very difficult to scratch. It is not impossible to shatter with an impact that would only dent/scratch a metal ring. I recommend searching Amazon for something like "black steel ring". This one is not the one I got, but it's similar. I've only managed to scratch it once, on what must have been a particularly rough stone wall, and they're cheap enough that it's not a big worry.

Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07MVWK4LC?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

Still seems to be on Amazon and iTunes, at least for now.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B008F5IOI2/ref=dv_web_yvl_list_pr_1

https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/a-sexual/id533681543

(If they take it down from Amazon, I'd better get a refund. This is why I hate digital distribution of everything these days.)

Anyway, I'm not surprised that the "free" one on YouTube got taken down. It was a bootleg, as far as I know. I never understood why that one was allowed to stay up for so long.

As far as what's going on, could just be a typical distribution thing. It's five years on, maybe some distribution rights have expired or changed hands or something.

And #68 is worth watching too. Where she discusses common experience that I really relate and have suffered around for years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD9XeJnniAg

BTW SwankIvy wrote a book called the Invisible Orientation. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XQ87RL1/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I wish I could teach it, but I didn't do anything to make it happen. What can I say? They made cornflakes for this!! https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/eat/corn-flakes-originally-created-to-clear-the-mind-of-sinful-thoughts/news-story/d22e8e7b8ed307347551c74131da4c13

I guess if I really was in your position I would probably try masturbating right when I woke up and then before bed, maybe that will kill some desire. Read in a book: https://www.amazon.com/Empirical-Sexual-Attitudes-questions-psychology/dp/1523814535 that that technique (masturbate it down) can work for men. (though it says the very same technique will make women HORNIER!!!) Oh, and don't use porn- fucks your brain all up one way or the other. plus, the sex industry is abusive to its workers.