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u/Rikkety · 7 pointsr/AskMenOver30

You sound like the me of about a year ago. There's a lot of things I recognize from your post. I also felt like I failed at life. I disliked my job, felt like everyone was passing me by, I had anxiety issues, I had a hard time connecting with people, especially women, couldn't get motivated to do even basic stuff and was always worrying about what other people thought about me.

Now, I feel good about myself, I'm starting a dream job in 2 months, I enjoy talking to people (and they to me) , I'm more productive than I ever was, and I'm dating a pretty cool woman. I'm only a few years older that you are, but I hope I can help you find your path to a better life.

The first thing you need to realize is you are not failing in life. You are 27 and have many years ahead of you. You can make those years into a wonderful adventure. It'll take some hard work, but guess what: everything worthwhile does. So, maybe you need some extra time to figure out how to proceed in life.

You need to be true to yourself, stop worrying about other people, and learn to love yourself for who you are. Easier said than done, to be sure, but it's possible. I'm going to say a lot thing about the kind of person I think you are (or see yourself as), some of them may be wrong, but try to see the bigger picture. If it helps, just imagine I'm talking about myself instead of you.

> And I know this is not a competition.

You say that, but everything else you write in those two paragraphs (career and future) screams the opposite.
You need to ask yourself: what do you want to do? What would you like to achieve. These aren't easy questions, but I'll come back to those later. For now, just know that whatever everybody else is doing is totally irrelevant to your happiness, or at least, it should be. You don't owe anybody anything. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone but you. There will always be people with better jobs, bigger brains and hotter girlfriends than you. That doesn't mean you are inferior, unless you define yourself by just those things.

So don't do that.

You seem like you derive most of your self-worth from external sources, meaning that if those external things (career, social status) take a turn for the worse, they affect your self images. You seem to need approval from other people to feel good about yourself, which causes you to act in ways you think others will approve of, instead of what you really want. You're measuring yourself against others, instead of against your own personal yardstick. You're hiding your personal needs and flaws because you're afraid other people will dislike, judge, or abandon you because of them. Right now the biggest thing standing in the way of your happiness is that deep down, you don't believe you deserve the life you want. You have a negative self-image and you're holding yourself back because of it. You have internalized these negative thought patterns for whatever reason, and you need to break out of them, because they are counter-productive.

You need to start believing that you are a person deserving of happiness, love and respect, despite your imperfections. You need to stop caring about other people's opinions and stand up for your own. You need to put your own needs and wants first, instead of catering to others.

You are responsible for your life and no one else's. That means both that you're the only one you need to answer to, and that you're the only one who can make you a happy person. That means figuring out who you want to be. Which, like I said, is not an easy question when you spent most of your life figuring out who "they" want you to be. But I assure you, it's worth it.

I apologize if I'm rambling (remember, I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you), but this is where my life changed. And it's still changing: it's a work in progress and I will probably never be completely done.

I would recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. You can read the first few pages on Amazon; see if you recognize anything in it. (Or have a look at the web site.) If you do, torrent it, get it from in one of their billion promotions or better yet, buy a physical copy (that always works best for me). If you can't afford it, PM me and I'll send you a copy on my expense. It goes into a lot more detail on the issues I've only vaguely outlined above. It seems to me you are a textbook "Nice Guy". (Which is, in fact, anything but nice.) Glover outlines the symptoms of the Nice Guy syndrome, why these behaviors are counter-productive, and how to change the underlying thought patterns step by step.

To stop being a "Nice Guy" is not to become an asshole, by the way. In fact, you'll probably become a better, more honest and genuine person because of it. One caveat: it has some material about masculinity and femininity, which some people find a bit misogynistic as they feel it paints women as the Bad Guy (or Girl, I guess) behind this phenomenon. I didn't see it that way. I don't think resentment towards women is justified based on this issue.

This book literally helped change my life. I was also lucky enough to have some great friends who believed in me even when I didn't. A support system in crucial for successfully turning your life around, because you need people you can trust, who can pick you up when things don't go as smoothly as you hope. A few good friends is enough. Maybe siblings if you have any. Let them know what you're trying to do, and I'm sure they're willing to help. If you don't know anyone who could, hit me up and I'll support where I can.

Some other books that have helped transform into a new person the past year were "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane (helped with my social anxiety) and "The 7 habits of highly productive people" by Stephen Covey (helped with being an effective person and getting my priorities straight). These three share some common ground, as they all demand you reform your thought patterns in order to genuinely be yourself, before any real change can happen. I found they really complemented each other rather nicely for the particular rut I was in.

Some other tools that have helped me (that others have already mentioned as well) : exercise, meditation, keeping a journal, positive affirmations, talking to people I trust, hugs, playing music, asking for help when i needed it. Maybe these sound trivial, but I couldn't have done it without these factors.

I hope you read this far. If you have, let me know, even if you think I'm talking out my ass. I'd like to know what you think about it.

You can do it. You deserve to be happy. You have the power to change. You are an awesome person and it's time you show the world.

u/Jessie_James · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

THIS IS PART TWO of my reply. Read the other one first.

> I figured I might ask you this, since you seem to be a very down-to-earth guy

Just a little further down the road than you are, that's all.

> I really don't want to check pickup-sites for advice on this sort of stuff.

Banish that thought from your mind right now. Granted, PUA (Pick Up Artist) sites and books are typically manipulative and somewhat sociopathic, dating advice books and websites are a goldmine of information that you NEED to check out. I felt the exact same way as you did, and I held tight until I was 32 years old and realized I was about 15 years behind the times.

All my friends know how to date, and did things in the books and websites. Why do you want to ignore the advice and information that is the answer? Are you trying to learn to ride a bike ... alone ... with your eyes closed ... and your hands in the air? "You're gonna have a bad time."

Here are some must read books:

This one turned my world upside down. It was hard to swallow at first, but he is a genius. Please take the time to read it. If you do, and try even 5% of the advice, you will be 5% better than every guy out there who tries nothing.

This is a great book. I firmly believe in being honest with women, which is something you lack. This is a major flaw in your approach and personality. Essentially, when you do not make your intentions clear, you are a liar, a scumbag, a cheater. That is what is most detrimental to you as a person. You also have to learn to be honest with yourself.

And the guy who helped me understand women:

Read his articles. Think about your past situations. See how they apply. I strongly recommend you buy his book, but check eBay for used copies first. The book is poorly written and organized, but it's the most brilliant advice on the planet. It's just so obvious.

> I'm not so good at the flirty-type of conversation;

So get out and practice. What I did was to go to the local upscale mall, where all the women who were working were drop dead gorgeous, and I'd go into each store and tell them I was looking for a gift for my friend who is a girl - but NOT my GF. I'd then ask them what they suggested was cool. Then they would suggest something and I'd playfully laugh and say something like "No, really? Oh come on, is that the best idea you can come up with? Did I mention I actually LIKE my friend and don't want her to hate me? What else do you have?" I'd smile big, laugh, and generally make her try harder to impress me. In the end I would walk away and say I'd have to think about it. But practicing like this upped my game tremendously.

The most important thing to do is NOT say the first thing that comes to mind, but rather the SECOND or THIRD thing. That second thing sets you apart from all the other guys who say the same things.

> my first relationship (which ended up being 2 years) happened when I was 18, and basically we talked online for a bunch of nights in a row, then I invited her over and we watched some Breaking Bad, and a second date later I asked her quote "Would you want to go out with me?" and that was that.

Yeah, but you were 18. Now you're 21. You're an adult. Women are adults. It's different now. You have to grow or you will be left far, far behind.

> Thanks a ton again for talking with me, really appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Now, let me ask you this - what other woman have you seen around school who you find attractive? How are you going to ask her out?

Tip: First dates should always be on Sun-Thurs night. NO first dates on Fri or Sat nights. So, if you get a number (your goal), wait 4-5 days to call her, then offer a date on a weekday night.

u/newtmitch · 11 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Check out a Merkur safety razor ( and a sample blade pack from amazon.

Get an inexpensive shaving brush to start with to see how you like it, but eventually drop more money on a nice brush. Spend $10-$15 to start then expect to drop $50+ on a nice pure badger hair brush in a few months. The badger brush that I bought for like $70 I still have with me 4-5 years later (although admittedly I don't shave terribly often). Once you get that pricey brush, get a cheap plastic holder for it as well - keep the bristles pointing down instead of up - after using it leaving them facing upwards allows the water to settle around the base and weaken the glue holding in the bristles, ultimately destroying your expensive brush. Not good.

Check out Proraso soaps in a bowl - more convenient than paste or anything else, I've found. They have multiple types, here's my favorite as it makes my face a little tingly:

If you prefer your own bowl, Proraso makes a paste and you can get a mug or bowl to mix it in - I found I preferred the ready-to-go stuff as it's faster and makes it more likely I'll shave regularly. :)

Then, after you've done all that and realized it's the best shave you've ever done and it's actually way more fun to shave than you ever thought it'd be, go for a straight razor. Don't do an actual blade, strop, and all that stuff right away. Instead, just go get a disposable straight razor blade holder and some blades: and learn how to use that thing. Then if you're like me and shave once every week or two (super lazy!) you can literally take weeks of beard off in a single pass with a straight razor and a fresh blade. I stopped here, personally, didn't go on to a full straight razor as they're pricey and you need to maintain it (oil, strop, etc) - likely something I'd let slide and ultimately wish I hadn't spent the money on...

Also, get a styptic pencil: - it stings a bit when you cut yourself but almost immediately stops the bleeding. Unlike cuts/nicks with a multiblade razor, cuts with a safety razor or straight razor are actual "cuts" - and they bleed like cuts. Like, "blood trickling down your face" type cuts. They look worse than they are because you have water on your face and it thins the blood and it runs more, but it bleeds. This will stop that bleeding really fast at the expense of a little more pain right up front. I keep one handy.

I've turned several friends on to at least the safety razor. It's way more fun to shave that way, less expensive, and is better for your skin to boot. If you like a really close shave, too, you can get a better shave overall with a 3-pass technique (I don't do that, personally) as you get better. All sorts of options...

edit: mentioned the brush holder
edit2: styptic pencil

u/amygdaladefekta · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

It's perfectly normal. In fact, if I were you I'd worry more if you didn't have those feelings.

It sounds to me like you're sort of stuck in a rut, man. That sucks. Is there anything else you could be doing, job-wise?

> The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to get married and father children. Some people choose to do it, some choose not to. I for one, choose not to. It's up to you and what makes you happy and feels right.

> This isn't what I expected life to be like. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring.

It's only just begun, and that's a good thing. But I get what you're saying, though. For example, I've played guitar since I was around 12. For a couple of years I just didn't feel like it.. Didn't play a single riff for months at a time. This year I met a woman who just started a year ago, and we had a blast playing together. Jammed on old classics and taught her a couple of tricks. Bam! My enthusiasm for my beloved instrument was back. Point is, your passion for the things you used to enjoy can strike back just like that, given that you're in a good mental state.

> I'm just going through the motions, nothing matters. Does life get better after your 20's?

Speaking of a good mental state. Yes, it gets better when your 20's are over. At least for me, that decade was a fucking ordeal. I came to terms with who I was and what life is like, be it fucked or not. Giving less fucks about shit that didn't actually matter helped a great deal for my overall well-being. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck pretty much sums it up.

Best of luck. Your best years are ahead of you, not behind you.

u/cojohnso · 7 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I know that self-help books are hit or miss, at best, but I’ve been going through my own relationship struggles. While reading about attachment styles & boundary creation here on Reddit, the list below are some of the books (on Amazon) that kept popping up in Reddit discussions. Haven’t read them yet, but I did order them, & they’re supposedly arriving today - I can update w/ my thoughts & feedback, if anyone is interested.

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

Another name that I’ve seen referenced a bunch here on Reddit is Mark Manson - he has a ”Guide to Strong Boundaries,” which I’ve also included a link to below

Mark Manson is famous for this book, amongst others

*The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life**

Dunno if this may help, but I do know that learning about one’s own attachment style, love language, etc can at least be a great start to a better relationship with yourself. As for the relationship with one’s partner? Boundaries! Boundaries are crucial., do I suck at boundaries!

u/DrMnhttn · 7 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I felt the same way well into my 30's. My relationships never lasted more than a few months, and they made me miserable. Long story short, I was dating the wrong women. This is going to sound cheesy, but you need to understand and accept yourself before you can move forward. Then you need to approach your relationships with 100% honesty about who you are and what you need.

In my case, I was an introvert trying to date extroverts. I didn't understand what it really meant to be an introvert or that it wasn't a flaw that needed correcting. This book changed my life: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

I also hadn't found a relationship in which I felt completely safe being honest without fear of judgement. That's as much on your partner as you, of course, but you can facilitate it by setting the example.

Once I knew myself and understood that I wasn't a bad person, I finally became open to meeting the right woman. It didn't happen overnight. When my perfect introvert found me, it took me a while to believe I was really capable of even having a relationship. Fortunately she had patience. We dated for a year, and now we're engaged. :)

u/moaf · 4 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Check out this book:

There's a really good anecdote early on in the book. It tells the story of this guitarist who got kicked out of his band just before they record their first album. He was completely devastated. On his way back to LA from New York, he decided that he would start his own band and be bigger and better than his old band. He practiced constantly, assembled a new band and recorded an album. The band became successful and actually reached global fame. His new band was Megadeath, a relatively popular and well known band. Most people would be very happy with this accomplishment. Unfortunately his previous band was Metallica, and they were much more popular and successful than Megadeath. The guitarist (Dave Mustaine) later admitted in an interview that he was still upset about being kicked out of Metallica and doesn't consider himself to be a success.

It then tells the story of Pete Best. He was the drummer who was kicked out of The Beatles and replaced by Ringo Starr just before they made it big. For years he was depressed, suicidal, and pissed off at the world. But later, he met his wife, started a family, and lived a happy and satisfying life. Eventually, he accepted the things in life that he couldn't control and took responsibility for those that he could.

The point is that you shouldn't worry about the things in your life that you can't control. Don't compare yourself to your friends or set arbitrary benchmarks like "I should be making $X per year". Don't measure your progress in life by how much money you have in the bank or how many fancy toys you have. Find what makes you happy and do it.

u/Waylander84 · 12 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I was you, about two years ago. I had fully committed to being a great dad and a great husband, but had stopped developing as an individual. Figuring that out is an excellent first step to, as you said, getting your life back in balance.

Here are two books that helped me:

Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: It's a short book by a Holocaust survivor that deals with controlling your attitude at all times, and having perspective on where you are compared to where you want to be.

A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine: A good modern take on Stoicism, or the philosophy of taking life in stride. Contrary to common belief, it's not about eschewing all emotions and being joyless; it's about embracing joy in all things, acknowledging and preparing for grief but not letting them overwhelm you, and being mentally present in day-to-day life. Plan for the future, but don't forget to take joy in the small moments of the present.

Edited in links.

u/Hmack1 · 31 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Heart disease isn't the death sentence it used to be. A 4 way bypass is a new lease on life as long as he takes it seriously and focuses on his health, diet and exercise. Gave my dad an additional 20 years and he was unstoppable.

The Leukemia is the shitter, I am sorry. The best you can do for that situation is be very cognizant of her pain, and keep on top of her treatment. Make the time to spend the time. You will always be glad you did.

One of the things I have always done with my family members who were older and have since passed on, is make a video history with them. I kind of consider it my job.

Get this book

It gives you an outline.

I am sure to upload every video to the cloud and send it to every family member. I swear to you, I have been doing this for the last 50 years, and the increadable family stories, and history I have chronicled is amazing. Family members have even played some of the edited portions during important family events, and the children have been able to "meet" relatives who have passed.

I am doing this right now with my mother who was diagnosed with lung cancer. It is the best part of our day.

Good Luck to you.

u/nuevedientes · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

>Maybe someone can explain me his logic?

Read Attached. Your "boyfriend" has an avoidant attachment type and will never be able to give you the level of intimacy you desire. Reading that book helped me understand and let go of a couple exes. Great guys who I had a great time with, but who I have accepted will never give me what I want, which is a committed relationship that I feel secure in. Blocking him is a smart idea, you just have to realize that there are much better guys out there to form relationships with and as long as you allow him in your life you won't move on.

u/islander85 · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Sounds like you are in a bad place. I don't really have much advice but I will recommend two books. /u/cyanocobalamin has already rocomend a good book, the one's I want to add are:

u/realslacker · 5 pointsr/AskMenOver30

The book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty changed my outlook on dating, and has really made a difference in how I approch it. I also got a lot out of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, as far as recognising my own needs and those of my partners.

Good luck with the meds, it can be life changing to finally find something like that out.

u/ProjectVivify · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I'm in my early 30's and in some ways I'm in the same situation. I don't have any more goals right now. I've done just about all the big things I wanted to do.

I've travelled the world, had many wonderful relationships, had a professional career and been introspective enough to figure out who I am. While I'm single at the moment, I don't feel the need for a woman to complete me and I'm happy being alone.

I took a year off to figure out what I want to do now, and I haven't really come up with anything. I'm pretty introverted and I had to deal with my misanthropy, as like you I was over petty minded bullshit from 'will to power' types who couldn't live and let live. (Interestingly a lack of desire for power, prestige and the like is common among introverts according to this book)

I'm not worried about life being too short, but I don't want to waste 20 years of my life being 'content' and waking up in my 50's to realise I'd wasted my potential.

Maybe we just aren't designed to be 'content'. It reminds me of the movie 'The Matrix' where the AI talks about how they originally tried to create a utopia, but the human minds rejected it so the computers had to create a rat-race.

Frankly I think this feeling of 'is that it?' comes to everyone who manages to get some breathing space and isn't bogged down with the constant challenges created by having a family or struggling to keep your head above water. We aren't trained to find a deeper meaning in life beyond 'raise a family' and so everyone has to figure it out for himself. With luck, it can be done without going through a Dark Night of the Soul.

My advice is to expose yourself to new things. Undertake new projects and attempt new activities and eventually something should stick.

I'll leave you with a link to Hunter S Thompsons excellent advice on what people should do with their lives.

(Backup link here in case is down)

Good Luck.

u/mechtonia · 9 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". The title may be a bit of a misnomer. The book is basically a guide for taking care of yourself so that you can be the best husband, friend, employee, etc.

u/betona · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I hate the word "annoyed" used on a situation like this. It sounds so condescending. Don't marry like this.

Both of you, read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. Also, take the 5 Love Languages Online Quiz or Downloadable PDF

u/CPO_Guy · 6 pointsr/AskMenOver30

He has another one called The Memory Book that's available on kindle for $10.99 and covers the same material. I bought a copy of Memory Mastery at Barnes & Noble from their discount rack and wouldn't pay $40 for it.

Harry Lorayne is very big on the Link and Peg Methods for memory. Both are very effective, very easy to learn and once you start practicing it's hard to turn off. It's pretty versatile so how you end up using it is up to you and you're only limited by your imagination.

u/cyanocobalamin · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

Sounds like you need some "meta" - thinking about your overview of life, making some mental maps.

I recommend

  1. Guide To The Good Life: The Ancient Art Of Stoic Joy by William Irvine.

  2. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson
u/stonewall1979 · 4 pointsr/AskMenOver30

"Givers have to set limits because Takers will not".
-Some Reddit user a while back.

If you don't set limits and boundaries for yourself, no one else will.

There are two books that have helped me deal with similar tendencies. When I Say No I Feel Guilty and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Both are very good books based on sound psychological premises, as opposed to other books I read that were theology based. As a side note, theological books may help some people, they just didn't fit for me. I wanted books based on observation and scientific study.

More to the point, they help in identifying where you need boundaries and communication techniques and styles to help navigate the conversation smoothly away from those topics.

It's not necessarily an age issue, it's just personal boundaries but those are changed and updated with age. Since many people can view a passive person as someone to be taken advantage of, they target them and as we get older we typically acquire more resources that other people want. So more hands come out trying to take what you've earned.

It's shitty to have some of the closest people in your life trying to take what's yours, if you'll give it up. This will also mean that you're going to have some hard decisions about who will remain in your life. If the 'takers' cannot stop and be decent self sufficient human beings you'll have to cut loose of them. Some people of value may be cut loose, and in the end, it'll probably be better for both of you that way.

Good luck

u/Garbage_File · 354 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Therapy, mainly. You also need to try to understand the position of your parents a bit, depending on your situation.

My dad was a quiet guy, worked a lot, didn't do much for father-son relationships. Largely absent in my life.

When I grew older, I realized he was beat as a kid all the time. His dad bought him a chick for easter, then made him slaughter it several months later and eat it. He doesn't eat chicken to this day.

His dad was an angry drunk man.

In his eyes, he probably gave me the childhood he always wanted. Not beating your kids and not getting angry and not getting drunk all the time...was probably a childhood dream of his.

To him, my childhood was probably paradise. To me, it was lacking compared to other dads I see out there.

Edit: It should also be noted that I am never having kids. I never had the drive and I realize how much it would take for me to raise a child well and it's just not worth it to me. I'm sure childhood may have something to do with this...maybe not.

I'd also recommend people read "Unequal Childhoods" if you're curious about your upbringing, especially if you were lower middle class (like I was) and end up in solid to upper middle class later in life.

A lot of it focuses on how people with less money view children as children and not as small people with the ability to reason and understand as an adult human, to some degree. It's really interesting.

u/thefrontpageofme · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

There's a book about this very topic and a few closely related topics Unequal Childhoods. It examines in great detail a whole bunch of aspects of lives of about 8-10 year old kids from middle class, working class and poor families. So it's a LOT of text and it's much easier to digest in audiobook format.

I haven't finished it yet and don't want to offer you a summary, but rest assured that all the pros and cons of all kinds of approaches are discussed. It's given me a lot of food for thought on how I want to approach the same situation you are in.

u/thatwasntveryraven · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Cognitive behavioral therapy. After (and during) an abusive relationship, CBT helped me realize what I was doing wrong, while also giving me confidence and letting me realize that I deserved love. If you don't want to go to therapy, at least check out Feeling Good -

u/mct137 · 4 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I have had a Merkur safety razor for about 5 years now. It's $22 on amazon. You can buy replacement blade packs online as well. I can usually find them in packs of 10-20 blades for roughly a dollar a blade.

u/MostlyCarbonite · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

A friend had serious back trouble in her early 30s. She says this book helped immensely. That and yoga.

Stretch, strengthen your abs and get better shoes for concerts.

u/galactic_mycelium · 17 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.

It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.

The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.

It's not too late. Keep healing.

u/kilroy123 · -18 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I also would suggest reading some of the great books on seduction and game. Also try to be patient and remember you're still young. You have the rest of your 20s and things will click eventually.

I would start with this one:

u/IsNormalBuddeh · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

There's a book called Worthless. It may not be totally applicable to your situation since the cost of tuition is so small, but it might help to take a look.

u/Gif_Goldblum · 11 pointsr/AskMenOver30

You're a "nice guy". Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and stop it. Just fucking stop it already. What's your problem? Why can't you stop? Because you're a nice guy.

u/oceanrainfairy · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

My grandparents. I found To Our Children's Children at a bookstore ages ago and thought it looked like un. It's basically a book full of questions about a person's life, childhood, school, dating, marriage, work, etc. What I did was, over the course of...a long time, I can't remember how long, I would email them three of the questions, then they could write up however much of an answer they wanted to and email it back, then I'd email the next three, and so on. Then once we had finally gone through all of the questions, I formatted them and printed them out and made a book out of the answers for each of them. It was pretty interesting. I tried getting my parents and my other grandparents to do it too, but they weren't really interested.

u/405OkieJoe · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

Fellow wrestler and rugby player here. Try reading and practicing the material in The Memory Book by Harry Lorayne. I picked it up years ago and just kept practicing. Now it’s habitual and I do it without really thinking about. Highly recommend it.

u/Littlerach7 · 35 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

(33F here. I have similar feelings)

u/xyzzzzy · 52 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Read this book, like yesterday:

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen

Edit: apparently that's the new edition, I haven't read it, I endorse the original edition:

It's not magic (nothing is magic) but it started my journey toward being more productive.

u/generalT · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

just for the record, this book is one (probably of many) that lists the cognitive distortions.

u/icanseejew2 · 20 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I read this one, liked it:

The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be by Armin A. Brott, Jennifer Ash

u/YourRoaring20s · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

You should read the self-esteem section in Feeling Good

u/Stubb · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

> Is a philisophy degree just stupid though?

Yes, I'd like fries with my order.

Get and read Worthless immediately if not sooner. Don't piss away your parents' money on a worthless degree.

If you can't hack engineering, medicine, etc., learn a skilled trade (welder, electrician, etc.) or join the military.

Then do philosophy as a hobby.

u/AreYouGoingToEatThat · 1 pointr/AskMenOver30

Disclaimer: what works for me might not work for you. I can also be a bit . . . odd.

1)daily habit of 5-10 min of tiding and knolling every day. Deep clean once a month.

2) I don't schedule, but I always set a timer when I game for 2 hours or less. I'm making a concerted effort to game less and perhaps take a month off.

3) Work out in my P90X home gym immediately after work. I have to walk in the door, change clothes, and get started immediately after waking in the door or it's not going to happen. I can't even allow myself to sit down. Some people can do mornings, but sleepy me will not get up earlier than I have to.

4) Read the book [Getting Things Done] ( As far as software goes I use Omnifocus.

5) [Soylent] (

u/ImFuckinLou · 5 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Having a kid will completely change your life, and it's not easy, but there will be more times where you and your wife can't stop laughing versus times where you can't get the kid to stop crying.

This is also a really good book to pick up if you want to be more involved in your wife's pregnancy, as a show of solidarity for what she's going through.

u/ChillsEffect · 24 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I don’t really love advertising for certain things, but this has really helped me out with juggling life:

Basically, get it all out of your head and into some thing better at keeping information. Software, planner, calendar. I am building a house, have a stressful software engineer job, have 4 kids under 7, and a wife with medical problems. I still fail a lot...but now not as often!