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This is an awesome question, and good for you for identifying what you need and reaching out to others. For me, it is so validating and encouraging to hear that I am not the only one struggling with my sense of self-esteem and self-worth, and I hope that you also feel less alone by reading the answers in this thread.

A year ago, my low self-esteem was debilitating.I couldn't work, I was living in state of fear that the people I loved would stop loving me, and I spent a lot of time being disgusted with myself. Today, I am slowly and deliberately learning to love myself more everyday, and I am seeing positive results in my life as a result of my efforts. For instance, my relationships are healthier, I feel anxious less frequently, I feel more competent in my work and hobbies, and I am more willing to take risks. Here are a few practical things that I have worked for me so far:

• Therapy. The first day I walked into my therapist's office, I told her I had anxiety issues. Within 15 minutes of listening to me, she was telling me to go buy a book on self esteem for our next session. Reading that book was like reading a record of my inner life; I couldn't believe how accurate it was. My therapist worked through the book with me and helped me reflect on my thought patterns. I can't afford therapy anymore, but the dozen or so sessions that I went to made a huge difference to me.
  
• Journalling. The process of writing down my thoughts forces me to turn them into logical sentences. This is important for me because a lot of the time, my internal narrative is illogical and not fully formed. Putting those thoughts down on paper helps me look at my thinking more objectively and wholistically. I also do things like make lists of things that I am good at, my positive traits, my accomplishments, etc. Making these lists gives me ammo when I feel bombarded by negative thoughts.
  
• Asking my friends for help. During a particularly low time, I asked my closest friends to write me a letter about why they liked me, ways I inspire them, etc. I read these letters regularly, which means that I remember their words when I feel low.
  
• Learning about Psychology. Learning about how my brain works, both physiologically and psychologically, has helped me look at my self-esteem more scientifically.
  
• Practice. This is the most important thing. Just like any skill, you've got to put in the time if you want to see results. This doesn't happen overnight. Whatever you do to help you love yourself and think more realistically (yoga, journalling, meditating, relaxation, reading, exercise, etc), do it regularly. Behaviours leading to unhealthy self-esteem are habits, and you've got to work to override those habits. The best way is to train your brain when you feel good so that you are stronger for when you feel low.
  
  Be patient with yourself, and take the time to find things that help you individually. Building new, awesome life-long habits takes a lot of work. The progress can feel really slow--I know it sure does for me. However, it's totally doable and lots of people have made this happen for themselves. You can do it! Here are some resources that have helped me so far:
  
  Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem. The book I read in therapy.
  
  The Upward Spiral. For learning about how your brain works. Highly recommend.
  
  You are a Badass. Quirky encouragement.
  
  The Gifts of Imperfection. Lots of practical advice in here.
  
  Excel at Life While this site is ugly and disorganized, the content is quality.
  
  The Power of Vulnerability TED talk by Brene Brown
  
  The Healing Power of Self Compassion A podcast about the science of self-compassion.
  
  
  Thanks for reading my giant post-- I'm really passionate about self esteem :) And as a general call-out: I don't know many other people who struggle with self esteem and self compassion, so if anybody wants message back and forth and talk about it, I'd love that :)

Check out http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Older-Girls/dp/1609580427/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395121650&sr=1-2&keywords=american+girl+body+book . I haven't seen this one yet, but the one for younger girls was pretty good. Also, this is a good resource http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/development.html. There's tons of information online about normal sexual development, and it's good to teach your girls about "good" touch and "bad" touch - especially since a bunch of idiots have had sex ed removed from schools. You need to get your wife on board with these things - she'll be at least as big of an influence as you are in terms of comfort with their bodies and development. Your job is mainly to treat your wife well, be respectful towards other women and to not freak out when they start dating. The not freaking out part will be hard since you know how teenage boys think and you know damn well they will go as far with your daughters as they can and half of them will run if things get rough. Teach your daughters that they should never go farther than they want, that they should not always be pleasing others and that they need birth control and condoms when they start having sex. And also teach them that sex is an intimate act that is beautiful but will also leave them vulnerable (at least in the beginning). It should be enjoyable but shouldn't be shared with everyone.

Kids are exposed to things much earlier than they were in the past. And way before their emotional development is ready for it. So watch for signs that your daughters are asking questions or learning things from other kids. Have private talks with them to give them information when this happens because you don't want them learning about sex from the wrong people. Put secure settings on your computer so that they don't see porn because a lot of it can get rough and violent, and they will never be able to un-see it. Girls are not empowered by looking sexy. They are empowered by being strong and confident and being loved as whole people - not sexual objects. If your girls are valued for who they are, they will be comfortable and confident and they will grow into their sexuality on their own.

Oooh ooooh I know! I know!! I did a LOT of work on myself the past two years and have really worked hard on this exact thing. My fear of "what will others think?" led me to SO many poor choices. Not like going to jail or drugs or anything, just... choosing friends & partners who weren't good for me because I didn't believe I could do (or deserved) any better.

It takes a LOT of strength & courage to stand in the face of others' judgement and believe in yourself. But, you can do it. You deserve to be happy, to believe in yourself, to be proud of who you are.

I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend you read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Thought-Was-Just-but-isnt/dp/1592403352

And then this one: http://www.amazon.com/The-Gifts-Imperfection-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

How can you not want to read a book titled "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are"

And then finally, this one: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733512/


And in addition to that work, I recommend finding hobbies/activities you enjoy. Do you like photography? Running? Weight lifting? Making crafts? Knitting? Reading? Doing hobbies you enjoy - and becoming good at them (or at least, decent) - will also help you feel good about yourself. Join a reading club, a cycling group, a cross-fit (or other fitness) group, a geocaching group, a craft beer or cocktail group, etc... meet others with like interests and geek out on the hobby. People who enjoy the things you do will help you feel good about yourself as well.

Bialetti - stove top espresso maker - you'll never need to buy an expensive coffee maker ever again.

Leuchterm 1917 journal for my bullet journal

6in Ruler to go with my journal - fits in the back pocket perfectly

Huhuhero Color Pen Set also to go with my journal -- has every color you'll need and has a really nice thickness. I use a finer tipped Staedtler for writing but these pens are perfect for titles and decorating and under $6 can't be beat

Customizable dog tag

Ahava Dead Sea Bath Salts - for a luxurious bath that won't dry you out

Ramekins for all of your baking needs. It's also fantastic to use for cooking (holding onto spices, separating eggs, etc.) and for serving dips.

Dog Toy Basket - adorable, holds a ton of toys, and looks really chic in my apartment.

Salt and Pepper Mill Grinders - pretty and functional

Bath Overflow Cover - get your water higher for a more satisfying bath

Bath Spa Pillow

Grippy Stand - the BEST stand for any size tablet.. I have two of them they're so good

Hotel Spa Cotton Towel 4 Pack - smallish bath towel with so many uses. I leave then by the front door to wipe the pup's paws.

Popin Cookin 9 Pack - the MOST FUN you'll ever have 9 times over

Tons and tons and tons of books - look under the "available for less money" links for "used" paperback versions that will make them super affordable and they usually come nearly brand new!

I've read and loved almost all of the recommendations already here (TAMORA PIERCE). But to add some that haven't been mentioned (and trying really hard to not overload you with 20 books at once), I read and reread Robin McKinley's The Hero and the Crown and its prequel so. many. TIMES. Maybe even more than I reread Tamora Pierce. Patricia McKillip, Maria Snyder, Patricia C. Wrede (Dealing with Dragons quartet), Althea Kontis, Francesca Lia Block, Libba Bray and Susan Fletcher (Dragon Chronicles) are similar authors to check out for awesome female-driven fantasy, with varying degrees of lightheartedness. Wrede, Fletcher, Snyder and Kontis all wrote books that lean a little less epic/serious, Block writes a lot in prose that's also a very quick (but more intense) read, McKillip tends to be more wordy but beautifully so, and Bray can kind of go either way depending on the series.

For more contemporary fiction, RACHEL COHN (of "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist"). Her Gingerbread series has content a good deal more mature than Angus, Thongs, etc., but her style is similarly irreverent and witty and really fun. Seriously, check her out. Sharon Creech's Walk Two Moons is like a much younger version of Cohn, still zingy and sweet. For a quieter modern-day read, Garret Freymann-Weyr writes realistic (more mature) young adult relationships, and introduced me to the idea of bisexuality in a sort of roundabout way.

Julia Alvarez relates stories about the Latina-American experience incredibly well, although I think the first book I read by her takes place solely in the Dominican Republic. According to my reading list, I guess young me got sick of reading about other white people, so I'll add Marjane Satrapi's hilarious graphic novel Persepolis and the more sedate Shabanu series by Suzanne Fisher Staples.

I'd also strongly second comments for Gail Carson Levine, E.L. Konigsberg, and did I mention Tamora Pierce?

(I tried to link a lot of authors to my faves from their work, but I won't be mad if you never look at any of them. Is your reading list long enough now? Also, I know you didn't ask for a ton of fantasy/historical fiction recs, but I think a lot of us defined our teenagerhood by and identified more strongly with one of those series or another.)

tl;dr my top three recs that haven't been mentioned yet are Rachel Cohn, Julia Alvarez, and that one duo by Robin McKinley.

I can't help with makeup. I don't wear any. At all. Unless I'm going on a job interview.

It took me about 15 years to figure out how to deal with hot, humid weather, and curly hair. Here are all my secrets.

1. I don't wash my hair very often. Like, every three days. The natural oil in my hair helps hold the curl together and frizz less. I also use sulfate free shampoo to keep more of my natural oil in my hair when I do wash it. Your hair gets frizzy in the humidity because it's too dry.
   
   
2. I plop my hair after I do wash it. You would be amazed how much difference it makes in keeping my curls tight, and together. I use a mousse or a cream in my dripping wet hair before I plop it.
   
   
3. I have learned a half dozen up-do's from Lilith Moon for curly hair that make my hair look really "done" but seriously take 5 minutes. I'm actually wearing my hair in one right now. Long curly hair in Texas in 110 degree weather equals heatstroke. So I wear it up.
   
   
4. I pick hairstyles that already look a bit messy on purpose, so that if a hair gets out of place here or there, it's not a big deal. It still looks "right."
   
   These secrets only work of course if you are willing to embrace your curly hair and work with it, instead of trying to attain perfectly flat-ironed hair that only exists in magazines and on people who naturally have absolutely no body in their hair. If you're trying to get straight hair in this weather and your hair naturally curls or waves, well, good luck with that. If you're still struggling with your curly girl identity, I suggest you read this book. It was the only thing that convinced me that curly hair is beautiful too.

My parents gave me two books called The Care and Keeping of You and The Care and Keeping of Me pre-puberty. They were very helpful, and written a level little me (9 year old, maybe?) understood.

I just looked, and it seems they've revised the two books into one for younger girls, and one for older girls. I haven't read these, but they're probably still great. They answered a lot of questions I didn't even know I had, and prepared me for stuff I would have been scared of. In fact, I was so well prepared I was excited for my first period, not freaked out at all. I'd highly recommend getting one for your daughter.

The Care and Keeping of You for Younger Girls

The Care and Keeping of You for Older Girls

Agree with the rest of the peeps who suggested seeing a doctor/therapy. Also, this is the second time I recommend this book today, but it's really that good: Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It has a great section on very spesific anger/conflict management strategies, in addition to being an all-around godsend when it comes to emotional health and cognitive skills for handling life in general.

I have very oily sensitive skin which can be hard to deal with since you need some pretty intense astringent to deal with my oil problems. I found this on amazon and it has changed my damn life. It's suuuper nice for sensitive skin and helpful for oily skin. I also use this from Lush, I know it's expensive but it is what helps me the best.

Good luck!

I work at American Girl and they have this book called "The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls"

Also on Amazon for a lot cheaper... http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Older/dp/1609580427

One of the most popular books that we sell, and it's really helpful all around. 5 stars on amazon, even read the reviews! Awesome book, for a great price.

To be honest I learned a lot from reading She Comes First, the first half of the book is about your anatomy and the second half is about potential approaches you might enjoy :)

Conversely, he made another book for pleasuring the penis called Passionista with a similar layout.


If you like reading about sex, this one is pretty damn good too: Bonk

Reading about sex is fun because you not only do you get to learn more about yourself and/or your partner, but also some fun mechanics and potential exposure to things you might like to try.

Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede. It's technically a young adult book, but I've loved it all my life and still do. The characters are AMAZING and you will laugh out loud reading it.

I think it would be much more like a regular bioshock game.

I don't think women were behind this product, read the reviews

People who game want good challenges, hopefully good story, great art, impressive physics

Toners are used to minimize the appearance of pores, and are usually of made from super harsh ingredients like alcohol. The witch hazel tightens the pores and smooths the skin without being harsh and drying. It is a natural toner. The rose petal ingredient moisturizes, and the aloe soothes/decreases redness. This is what I use, if you're interested in it. It is my favorite part of my routine! :) It smells great too

Here's a book by a woman that lived as a man for a year.

>Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man


After the experiment, she was institutionalized for depression, and stated that she never felt so glad for being a woman.

>"I really like being a woman. ... I like it more now because I think it's more of a privilege."

>"Living as a man taught me a lot about the things I most enjoyed about being a woman in the world, things I consider to be the privileges of womanhood—the emotional freedom, the range of expression, the sexual and social power we can exercise over men. Returning to my life as a woman was about reclaiming those privileges and taking greater satisfaction in them".

AH! I highly suggest The Gift of Fear for anyone looking to fine-tune their gut feeling. LOVE that book, and love knowing there's science behind those gut intuitions!

I actually have one that I ordered on amazon (this, or something like it, for anyone who's interested) and it's pretty great. It attaches to the same water that fills the toilet tank, so it's a pretty easy install, less than an hour. But it can't travel with me!!

Bic Pens for HER (they're normal pens)

"BIC Cristal For Her has an elegant design - just for Her! It features a thin barrel designed to fit a women's hand. It has a diamond engraved barrel for an elegant and unique feminine style. "

Read the reviews, they are hysterical.

https://www.amazon.com/BIC-Cristal-1-0mm-Black-MSLP16-Blk/dp/B004F9QBE6/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

I had a very similar experience. The few exes that tried it weren't good at it and were not into it. I figured it wasn't something I really enjoyed. When my current partner and I first started dating, they read the short book [She Comes First](She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060538260/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_jbEQybPY0B42K) . In previous relationships they never went down on their partner, I don't know what possessed them to read this book, but talk about a godsend. It's like the planets, stars and comets are all colliding at once when they eat me out. 😍

The Gifts of Imperfecton by Brene Brown. She is a social worker and does research on shame. In the book she focuses on the importance of letting go of your expectations in exchange for happiness. I'm constantly recommending it to friends and rereading it myself. I love that her work is based in real tangible research, it makes it feel like something more than self-help

I remember my friend had a book called the "Girl Book" or something. It went into details about what a normal, healthy body looked like, with illustrations, including discharge in your underwear, pubic hair differences, etc. My mother could never talk to me about those things, and that book was INSANELY helpful. Before that book, I thought discharge meant I was pregnant because it started around the time I was being molested. Children's minds have no rhyme or reason sometime haha. I also had no idea how to clean properly, again something my mother never talked to me about. She basically pretended I didn't have a vagina. You may consider books like these: http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834

For real. I have an ex that commented on a FB post I put up of a really entertaining listicle of the "masculinity so fragile" variety. And he got all butthurt like "isn't this just generalizing about men? wouldn't this be offensive if it was about women?" And I'm like no, dude, it's about toxic masculinity. Men should find it funny too. Just like, as a woman, I find it funny when people mock pens for women. Not everything is about you.

I found [this book] (http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Handbook-Michele-Bender/dp/076115678X) to be helpful. I have very curly hair myself. I follow most of the advice from this book (and have a hairdresser who really knows what she's doing), and my hair usually looks pretty good. I get compliments all the time.

Professional help is a game changer. Please, if you can, get professional help. If you can't because you can't afford it, I would recommend books.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503273693&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1503273704&sr=1-1&keywords=the+happiness+trap

These two books helped me very much. But I also read them while doing talk therapy.

I think that your BF has a great idea. Condoms are wonderful as both birth control and STI prevention. For BBT and charting, there's an amazing book - Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler. In fact, I think all uterus owners should read this book.

As for me, I don't use BC with some partners, but condoms with others. I have struggled with infertility for about 6 years and since I'm not TTC, I'm totally cool with it. But at other points in my life, condoms worked well, as did charting all by itself.

I haven't been robbed, but I have caught strangers in my apartment building's hallways that ran pretty quickly. That was enough to shake me. Recently I've been taking self-defense training with a local women's group at the park. I also recommend this book (The Gift of Fear) to help with recognizing dangerous situations. Hopefully this will help in the future if I ever encounter something dangerous in my unit/apartment building.
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

Join /r/waiting_to_try and start lurking at /r/TryingForABaby.

I'm 34 and I was on the pill for almost 16 years - I came off it in January to give my cycle a few months to sort itself out before we started trying at the end of April.

Everyone at TFAB will recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility - it's like the TTC bible!

I also recommend reading The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant. She looks at the scientific research behind most common TTC things and tells you whether they're worthwhile or not.

When I was around that age my mom had gotten me a book that had lots of stuff about periods, how to use tampons, and other puberty/changing body/general health stuff. It was great because I felt so awkward about talking about it, so I could just read it in private. There may be something better out there but I believe it was some version of this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1609580427/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687662&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1562476661&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1WNWA8PSZM2G3FR8VAKQ

Also if she is worried about bothering her aunt/female relative or embarrassed to talk about it, maybe you could help set up a time for them to just hang out or get lunch or something? Like, not framing it as a time for her to ask questions or anything, just to spend time together, and then she might feel more comfortable as a resource.

I recommend the Schick Quattro bikini trimmer. You can adjust the blades to trim at several different lengths, it's easy to use (just press a button to turn on!), and works quite well.

You may be interested in a book called The Gift of Fear. I would say that the author's main points are that

• Our intuition evolved over millions of years and is quite good at protecting us in many circumstances, so when we train ourselves to ignore our intuition, we put ourselves in danger.
  
  
• A feeling of fear is in many cases the most important flavor of intuition.
  
  
• Rational fear is a gift, but irrational fear can be crippling, and education can help with that.
  
  Part of the purpose of the book is to educate about danger. For example, when someone refuses to accept "no" as an answer, or they insist on providing unsolicited help in order to make another person feel obligation ("loan sharking"), those are warning signs.
  
  Also, you mentioned:
  
  > Double check my back who is walking in front and back of me, keep checking if someone is looking at me, think twice before getting on a public bus or cab.
  
  Honestly, I think all of this is smart for you to do. I wish my wife were a little more thoughtful about her environment, as you seem to be.

You need to read this book. Your problem is you are freaking your own self out - like this:

>So whenever I feel that a girl is attracted to me, my mind races through what would happen if I went for it (first date, start hanging out a lot, become comfortable with each other, sex) and I get uncomfortable.

The book will tell you how to get more control over your thoughts so that you can learn how to respond in a way that is in line with your own best interests. I learned about it on reddit. It's basically CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.

I'm currently reading The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

I don't have BPD but I'm emotionally sensitive. So far the book has been a great tool.

I got this for trimming about two years ago and never looked back. I usually take off the extender thingy and do a very close trim. It's perfect for all the tiny places down there.

Oh and it's much better than shaving because I never get those ingrown hairs anymore.

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy, a popular CBT book that is useful for a variety of problems. if you're in a rough spot financially, it's an older one so should be easy to find in libraries and other ways

not a book but very helpful, Wait But Why's breakdown of procrastination. if you like this post you'll also love the TED talk.

if you're a person who struggles with being attracted (to an unhealthy degree) to men that never return your interest, especially in the context of an abusive past or co-dependence, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!

On my reading list:

The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.

The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society


Books I'd recommend:

Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.

Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.

The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)

Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski Ph.D. It's the owners manual for female bodies and sexuality.

Covers everything from practical sex info, building healthy relationships, recovering after unhealthy ones, communication, wellness, confidence, self esteem, safety, trauma, and emotional healing. For straight/bi/gay women (and she's working on expanding for transwomen).

I hit puberty at 11 and my mom gave me "The Care and Keeping of You." It was just the right amount of stuff at that age and I memorized that book within a few days. I highly recommend that you pick up a copy and read it for yourself first, then pass it off to them in a couple years.

You've prompted me to check these out:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A0RHSJO/ref=s9_acsd_al_bw_c_x_2_w

I think I will get this. One review reported using 1/3 less t.p. and I know my septic system would appreciate this, plus the other obvious benefit.

Shouldn't you be asking this in /r/parenting. The majority of women here are childfree.

That being said how can anyone tell if someone is masturbating?
Evidence. Sticky sheets, sticky socks, lots of kleenex in the trash bin, lots of locking oneself in a room, extended periods of time in the bathroom, a request for more privacy, etc.

It's safe to assume that your child may be masturbating as early as 10 years old, sometimes younger and sometimes later.

There are books 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, you can buy your child or yourself about growing up and give it to them and if they have any questions they can ask you. (There are more than I suggested).

If you're interested in learning more about why you (and many, many women and men, too) are not usually spontaneously "in the mood," I recommend the book "Come As You Are"! https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

Aw, I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that :(

It's weird that some people react just fine to hormonal methods, while the rest of us suffer tremendously.

I found that spermicide + cycle-tracking was pretty effective for me, but not all women are able to successfully use that method. This book was my bible for a couple years.

I've heard good things about a book called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. It's helped some of my friends find some peace after getting out of nasty relationships, maybe it will help you too.

Check out the curly girl line of products they really helped me and there is a book http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Handbook-Michele-Bender/dp/076115678X that actually teaches you how to wash and style your hair to bring out the best side of your curls.

All of these are fabulous!

I would also add Patricia C. Wrede's Enchanted Forest Chronicles. It begins with Dealing with Dragons, wherein Princess Cimorene decides that she's terribly bored with all this royal business and runs away to live with a dragon (sort of as an apprentice). I remember it being a lot of fun!

This. also this. and this. also maybe some books? Ask for fancy ice cream? Lol or if you like who's asking tell them you wanna visit a soda jerk (old fashioned soda shop)

Well I only have the one and it was like $40, not sure what your budget is exactly. But here's a link!

Fertility awareness and withdrawal.

Withdrawal, when used properly, is nearly as effective as condoms.

For fertility awareness, pick up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

this will help, the trimmer can trim back what's there to make it easier to shave. Go slow if you are worried and take your time.

Male here. As a continuation of this I would like to suggest She comes first as a good place to start.

Attachable bidets are a good alternative.

I use a Schick Quattro Bikini Trimmer. It gets crazy close, I love it.

this is the book she got me. I also use Paul Mitchell Smoothing Gloss Drops to keep the frizz down. Two pumps works wonders. Other than that, it's just important to learn that an oily complex isn't always bad for curly hair, and how to handle your particular curl type.

You were totally fine with ghosting in this instance, and it was the smart thing to do. This wasn’t a regular case of just not feeling it with someone - this guy showed a lot of scary warning signs. In the book The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence, the author describes how trusting your intuition is important, and that’s exactly what you did. He also describes how in situations where someone is showing stalking behavior, the best course of action is to ignore them completely because as soon as you respond (either positively or negatively), it teaches them that if they keep trying then you will respond eventually, it just takes x number of times. Doesn’t matter if it’s to tell them to stop - the engagement alone is fuel to the flames.

So, don’t question your judgement or worry that you were rude. He didn’t care whether his behavior was rude or causing you fear. You absolutely did the right thing here.

Offhand, the Amazon reviews for those are amazing though.

Edit: Make sure to look at all the five-star reviews. Seriously. I was in stitches the first time I read those.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00314WHW6 Worth every penny

I don't care about anti-perspirant, and I use natural deodorants as much as possible. I use the Crystal (salt) rock deodorant after I shower.

I wish I had the hot water/ seat heater/ air dryer one but I only have the basic one

[Come as You Are] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_GaaDDbFS34M0M)

Seconding [The Gift of Fear] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FMVNX7S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_lbaDDbR19JMK2).

Possibly also [Why Does He Do That?] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VbaDDb9AF3FZ4)

The last two are not comforting or warm and fuzzy, but all three of these books can be quite eye opening.

Don't ever compromise your safety -- even to avoid appearing rude or unfriendly -- if your gut instinct tells you it's a sketchy situation. Good people will understand, and even if they don't, who gives a shit, safety is more important. Example: An otherwise friendly, well-dressed, articulate man knocks on your door and says he needs to borrow money for gas or use your phone, but you feel uncomfortable, etc.

Good book on this topic

http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

Already done.

Have a read of Self Made Man

Read this and this

OP answered me above - it's from the book "Come As You Are."

This book really helped my husband with his borderline. I don't know if you've been diagnosed with that, and you don't need to tell me, but it sounds similar.

Came here to say this. Her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" straight-up changed my life.

I use salt deodorant. https://www.amazon.com/CRYSTAL-BODY-DEODORANT-Stick-Unscented/dp/B000L978FU?th=1

Get a deeper bath by covering up the overflow drain. A must have for my baths
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00314WHW6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_kc5zCbQR1FY4T

BIC Cristal Pens, for her. Dur.

The BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen


^just ^kidding, ^I'll ^use ^any ^old ^pen, ^but ^I ^love ^those ^reviews.

They are! Just see the reviews!

Why not just get one now? Just attach this one to your toilet.

This is the one we have (in US), not sure how plumbing differs where you're at but it attaches externally to the water line on the toliet. Bidet

This book explains it so, so well; I recommend it to my friends both male and female -- not only is it useful to both genders for recognizing fear in themselves, but it's also a fantastic explanation for men who may not fully grasp the dangers that come part and parcel with being a woman, whether we're conscious of them or not. It's a great book, and actually written by a man.

I'm just saying there's no need for womens pens. Example

Dialectical behavior therapy (combined with anti-depressants in my case) helped me with a lot with managing emotions and interpersonal sensitivity. It's skill-based, so there are concrete exercises to practice, rather than just examining thought patterns and relationships, which never really worked for me when I was dealing with that kind of sensitivity. Sometimes it feels a little second-grade-worksheet-y or geared at a much lower level of functioning, but it really made a difference once I figured out which concepts were relevant to me and started taking it seriously.

Maybe consider finding a therapist trained in DBT? Or there's a workbook that you could try on your own.

I use Crystal brand natural deodorant (this stuff). No gross baby powder/flowery scent & it lasts forever.

Rose petal witch hazel as a post-facewash toner. I have sworn by witch hazel for years and will never buy the 'regular' stuff again after having used the rose petal kind.

So I am not in therapy but I'm making my way through a DBT self help workbook and I am finding it to be extremely helpful! It's self directed so you have to put in the work yourself but it has been so rewarding for me. I struggle with feeling inadequate and as a result I tend to belittle and criticize others in response to innocent remarks. (E.g someone tells me something I already know so I respond to them very rudely because I perceive them telling me something I already know as an insult to my intelligence)

It was to the point where my partner was considering leaving me so I had to do something. I am still working on it but I feel like I have already made a ton of progress. I feel a lot more at ease and little things that would normally give me anxiety or make me upset just roll off my back more. Frankly I think most people, even those without serious mental health problems could benefit from it. This is the work book I use: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

I got the travel size of this. You wet it and also wet your clean armpits (can't be put on without cleaning your pits wth soap first) and rub it all around each pit for 30 seconds. It neutralizes the zone, making all the smelly bacteria not smelly anymore. People say you still sweat with it, I say I sweat even less than what I was with regular deodorant, and now I smell like literally nothing in there. Also, the rock lasts forever. That is, unless you drop it in your sink and it breaks, which is why I went with a travel size. I know someone who has the kind where it's a whole rock in a dish like this and she's on year 5 and the darn thing is not done yet.

Also, it was explained to me that one of the reasons aluminum in regular deodorant is bad for you is because since it's a large metal particle, it literally clogs your sweat glands. So in doing that, your telling your body it's basically not doing a good job of sweating (because you're blocking the sweat) so your body is like "omg we need to work harder!" so it produces more and more sweat. After a few years of that, your body is like on hyperdrive of making you sweat, rendering your deodorant useless. So when I switched to the crystal and quit blocking the sweat glands from doing its natural thing, my body was like "hell yeah we're doing a kickass job we don't need to work as hard to push this crap out anymore" and now I don't even sweat almost at all anymore.

I don't know that I'm navigating life all that well, but some little things have helped and why not share with the class? I think I have underlying mental health issues (depression, anxiety) worsened by trauma (rape, attempted rape which morphed into PTSD, I think) and a narcissistic dad.

• Books! I read so much about this stuff. I actually find therapists really terrible, because I can tell I'm more well-versed than them. Which sounds snotty, but I think I've had bad luck and, like, what am I paying you for if I can tell you're
  Here are a few helpful ones:
  Sexual healing, literally https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730
  https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933/
  PTSD and trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
  Shitty men: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/
  Shitty parents: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/r
  https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/
  A Buddhist reminder that to live is to suffer: https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438
  Brene Brown, duh: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588
  (All the eating disorder books I read have been useless, and I am probably depressed and I'm certainly anxious but the literature on that never quite fits.)
  
  
• Learning to stand up for myself has been huge, but lately it has really kicked into high gear and it has involved lots of screaming. I'm really nice and polite and if I get ignored too much when I need to not be ignored, I melt down and scream. Usually the object of my screaming deserves it 100%, but I'm hoping this is just a phase because it wears me out and I feel like I'll get put in an institution one day, even though the episode never lasts more than a couple hours. I got stalked and cornered in a parking lot once, and men who come too close and don't listen to my polite, repeated requests to back off, well, they get an earful. I've had a lifetime of feeling unheard and abused, so I don't feel a ton of shame about it. I'm trying to find other productive ways, but, man, this world sucks and sometimes screaming feels like the most rational thing. (To be clear, I do this, like, once every three months max!)
  
  
• I wrote a letter to my dad once, telling him I hated all the shitty things he did to me and I cut him out of my life. Probably the best decision of my life. I did it thinking I just needed a little break, but almost eight years later, it feels pretty permanent and like it's given me the space I need to truly heal. Cut off your toxic relationships if you can!
  
  
• Venting helps immensely, whether with my friends, my mom, my journal or a therapist. I told a therapist that the main reason I found her helpful was because she was a neutral third party who had to listen to me and she got really offended. But it's true! Most of my therapists have not been able to be much more than a sounding board. I am open-minded, but their ideas were either useless or offensive. The ideas I found in books were so much more helpful (like the writing my dad a letter thing was right out of the Toxic Parents playbook! No therapist ever suggested any of that!)
  
  
• Weed is the only thing that truly helps me come down when I'm majorly triggered or anxious (ie when I have a screamy day), but Ativan isn't bad either.
  
  
• For anxiety, I do better if I've had 7 hours of sleep, no caffeine and as little sugar as possible. I always feel best if I hike, bike, run, elliptical, lift weights and swim. Being worn out keeps the anxiety at bay and I sleep better.
  
  
• I watch a lot of TV and spend a lot of time on the internet. It's a distraction and I don't find it terribly healthy or productive, and I'd usually rather be doing something else. But I get really anxious if I'm alone with my thoughts and it helps.
  
  
• I still haven't figured out if I'm an introvert or extravert and maybe it's dumb to care about, but if I'm around chill people, I tend to do much better. I read and write a lot and am shy and introspective, and I used to prefer being alone, which I guess would make me an introvert. But I've been very PTSDy lately, and having friends and family around me is a good distraction, I feel much safer and I seem fine enough that no one ever seems to comprehend how I could end up in a psych ward out of the blue one day. The thing is hanging out with friends requires money and I don't have a job because of my PTSD, so I feel myself sliding downhill. I wish I had money just so I could cook for my friends all the time or go out to dinner and drinks regularly. I get anxious about being a fucking mooch all the time :/
  
  Okay, that's prob good, right?

Not women specific, but just the basics of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I heard about it first as a treatment for bi-polar borderline personality disorder when reading about wide receiver Brandon Marshall. I'm not bi-polar borderline, a bit of an Aspie/Autism spectrum, but I do sometimes get into self-destructive behaviors, non-violent, but I have blown up my career and, to a lesser extent, relationships too many times because something has pissed me off. I'm just starting to work through it, but just going through the exercises of having a plan have helped keep me from being consumed when something doesn't go my way. Get the basics here

I'm working from this workbook and just getting started

Edit: As /u/upatstars pointed out, Brandon Marshall as borderline personality disorder.

I had ParaGard for 8 months, two years ago. It was fucking awful from day one. My uterus was measured and everything. I wasn't too "small" and the placement was perfect (checked via ultrasound).

But goddamn, that thing was pure hell. The drugs given for insertion mimic labor contractions and make you shit non-stop. Then the insertion nearly made me pass out. After that, the cramping was horrific for a solid two weeks. Then it let up. BUT I had the heaviest periods imaginable with the most intense cramps I've ever felt. I couldn't move. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't work! I passed out on the job, sitting behind my computer. I was taking RX pain pills to manage and they weren't enough.

So after 8 months of pain, tears, and blood, I had the fucking thing pull out. Oh and btw, my insurance didn't cover it at the time. So I paid $800 out of pocket. Then about the time I had it pulled I got a $600 check in the mail from the insurance company for the device.

The day I had it pulled, the pain and hell was over. It was amazing.

Anyways, I employ the pull out method. Not the safest, but I'm married and don't care if kids happen. I also understand my cycles and can track my fertility. "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is the female bible and EVERY woman should read it.

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Fertility-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0060881909

I didn't realize the relationship I was in was emotionally abusive. By the end, it turned physically abusive, and I regrettably chose to forgive my ex for the haneous and brutal acts of violence he displayed.

I finally left him because I had always been suspicious of his fidelity and found evidence of him cheating when I hacked his FB messages.

Fast forward 5 years later, and I finally started telling friends and a therapist how he controlled me, spoke down to me, disrespected me, etc.

I didn't really see it until I was out of the relationship because he was so good and manipulating me into thinking he loved me, but that I was always in the wrong.

You should read "Why Does He Do That."
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

This analysis of angry, controlling and abusive men and their thought patterns/behaviors towards their partners and others was very eye-opening for me. I circled so many examples within the book that reminded me of my ex's.

I certainly did! Thank you.

>Being dumped, especially if we hadn’t had sex, was the worst thing that could happen. I wanted sex, and only women had the power to give or take it away, and in my mind this made them more powerful than anything else.

I think this is at the heart of every young TRP, and a large contingent of the guys on AskMen. To want sex so desperately, and not get it, small wonder they get so angry at the perceived gatekeepers.

One good turn deserves another. Found this book today, someone excerpted it on Tumblr:

>"When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:

>"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
>“I realized one of the children was watching.”
>“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
>“I could kill her if I did that.”
>“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”

>And the most frequent response of all:

>"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

>The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”

>These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”

>A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.

>I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”

>The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable…."