Top products from r/AskWomenOver30

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Top comments that mention products on r/AskWomenOver30:

u/MonsieurJongleur · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

He is only very minorly hearing impaired, but it's likely to get worse, as his mother is almost completely deaf. For him, the main drawback is that he has to listen to music loudly. He works by himself (driving) so he can do that all day, every day. Thank god, because it's too loud for me.

As for how he conducts life as a person with intellectual interests:

  • All of his friendships are conducted via email. I am not joking. We've been together 5 years, and he's gone out for coffee with friends exactly three times. With acquaintances/coworkers he partly lipreads, partly just reads the situation well to decide what's appropriate. He does not, as you seem to, crave human interaction, so he doesn't feel like he's missing out on some greater connection if he just makes the appropriate polite noises and moves on.

  • He has what might be termed 'intellectual pen pals'. This is how our relationship started. He writes to his friends about what he is reading, and they (we) discuss it. Text is an amazing medium for this because you can fully expand your arguments and you never get sidetracked or interrupted. I actually miss that since we took our relationship IRL. Conversations lack rigour! lol He also writes to authors whose books he enjoys. He just had a good conversation last week with Anthony Kronman. I think he's angling for an early review copy of his next book ;)

  • He devotes himself to a few, close relationships. By a few, I mean three, not including me. He tolerates my desire to go out and interact with people but rarely participates. His three people are spread across the country, so a strong text-based relationship is a strength, not a weakness.

    I asked him what advice he would offer you and he suggested that you were most likely fishing in the wrong pond-- that the concentration of people you'd enjoy spending time with is likely to be particularly low on Tinder (he's never used online dating, though, so don't take that as gospel)

    Instead, he thought you should simply "do his thing" and "follow the Tao" -- meaning, seek to fulfill yourself intellectually, live your best life, and if a relationship happens, it happens. When I pointed out that "doing your thing" consisted of reading a book at home, alone, he said that at the very least you could probably find a philosophy club at a university or take Adult Ed classes at the local college.

    We both agree that if human interaction is important to you, then you'd be better off concentrating on going where people with active "lives of the mind" gather, rather than pursuing a relationship per se. When I lived in rural Canada, that place was the internet-- there was nothing for me, locally. In fact, before meeting my husband, I simply assumed that intellectual pursuits were simply going to have to be a personal quirk or hobby; I had no expectation of ever finding a dateable person who also wanted to read deeply and discuss things and push out the edges of his understanding. So I quite empathize with where you're coming from, and I hope something in here helps.
u/polkadotqueen · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

It can certainly be a challenge to help create change, but I've found that talking about issues related to sex have to happen outside the bedroom and then give specific instructions during foreplay. Something like taking his hand and moving it where you want and then verbally saying, "yes, just like that." Playing up your enjoyment whenever he does something even close to what you want is also helpful. Afterward telling him exactly what you liked that he did and how much you love when he touches you like that.

There is a wonderful book called She Comes First.

He might feel upset if you suggest or give him a copy but hopefully he'll read it and start seeing that pleasure is a two-way street.

u/83firefly · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

36 here, and going through POI/premature menopause myself. No fun. I know you're not there yet, but it's great that you want to arm yourself with info so that you're prepared. One really helpful resource is the Menopause Taylor channel on YouTube. Barbie Taylor is a retired OB/GYN who has created a series of videos to help educate women about ALL aspects of menopause, peri- and beyond. She's a little quirky, but soooo knowledgeable, and has been a lifesaver for me with her one-on-one consultations. Most doctors have no clue when it comes to this stuff. (Hang around /r/menopause long enough and you'll hear that again and again.)

In terms of books, I would say stockpile all the ones from your library and see what resonates with you. There's Suzanne Somers, who is not a medical expert but shares her experience on bioidentical hormones; Christiane Northrup, for a very integrative approach on women's health; and countless other books (can't attest to most) that will at least prepare you, even if their proposed solutions aren't up your alley. For other women under 40 who may see this and who are going through it early, the best book I've read is Kathryn Petras's The Premature Menopause Book.

And yes, there are podcasts, too! I haven't listened to any of the ones I downloaded yet, since I've been taking a breather from my incessant research, but just search for perimenopause and give a few a listen. Good luck!

u/LilBadApple · 19 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

I want to mention that while this was a great self observation on u/Cejarrood's part (and kudos to you for asking how you can make your partner feel loved, although it does seem to be potentially solely within the context of getting sex), what is true for her is not necessarily true for your girlfriend. You girlfriend may be less interested in sex than you because she's not feeling loved, or she could have hormonal sex drive dip because of menopause, or be stressed about work, or have a chronic headache, or have had a dream where you killed her brother the night before, or any number of countless reasons. I think it's great to get other women's perspectives but you really need to talk to your girlfriend about her experience, it will save you a lot of time. And if she does say something like she loves sex when she feels loved, relaxed and happy, then ask *her* what are things you can do that make her feel that way. Again, it could be a solo bubble bath and time away from the kids for one person, and for another it's a family outing, and for another it's an intimate cuddle on the couch with you.

Here is a good resource on love languages:

u/blu3dice · 3 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

A friend told me she and her partner read this book and it helped them out a lot...."The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts". They would read a couple of chapters then discuss it, plus I think it includes "discussion topics". Basically, everyone has different ways on how they express love. Some people express love thru actions while others express with physical contact etc. It also teaches you how to recognize and appreciate your partners love. There is a middle ground, but dont expect your partner to totally change how they express love.

I wish I'd known about this book before my last relationship ended 2 yrs ago. We got into a huge rut and I put the majority of the responsibility to "fix us" on him. When he tried and couldn't, my resentment poisoned what little love I had left for him and I drove him away. One of the few regrets I have as an adult.

Read some relationship books, go to couples therapy. Do whatever it takes. I'm sure as you know, the problem isnt about "he doesnt put effort into planning dates"; youre feeling unloved and you've cherry-picked an example. Trust me, even if he did magically start planning better dates, you'd find another reason to be mad at him. You're feeling unloved. Sounds like he does really love you, you're just wanting it on your terms.

u/IntrepidBeachcomber · 14 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

I don't have thick/coarse facial and body hair so experiences may vary, but after reading the NYT article on women shaving their faces, I got curious and tried it myself, and I love the results. Twice a month I use a BIC single blade and run it over my face and body wet with water (no soap, just water; I don't want a too close of a shave). Hair grows back thin and soft and I could probably get away with doing it once a month, but the exfoliation is amazing and it makes my skin look very good. Plus I enjoy the ritual, I put on 80s music and sing along in front of the mirror while I do my face, ha ha.

Little razors made specifically for facial shaving are available. Tinkle is a famous brand.

u/MarthaGail · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

There is a book called Feeling Good by David D Burns. It's an older book, but one of the best out there for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Not all chapters will be relevant to the issue, but there are a lot of good exercises in the book for when you're stressing over it. I do a modified version of one of the techniques where I write down my "hot thoughts" or automatic thoughts, and then my "cool thoughts" which are the more rational truths to the situation.

So if you're thinking "Our relationship is spoiled because he was with another woman" you can sit down and write out things like, "That's not true, many relationships go through all kinds of rough patches and it doesn't mean they're spoiled." "We're both doing a lot of work to make sure we're honest and open with each other." etc etc

u/JJTheJetPlane5657 · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

Have you considered going to couples therapy?

I think that the next time she tells you something like she feels like she's putting in 100% of the work you could just tell her that you want to be a better partner for her, maybe you could do therapy together to be sure that you properly address her concerns.

You can go with "Obviously I'm just not understanding, but I would like to and I think this would help us communicate about what you want from our relationship."

(You have your own problems but suggesting going to therapy isn't a good time to bring up your problems lol.)

You could also consider reading the 5 Love Langauges, maybe somehow you're just not expressing to her in a way she resonates with:

There's also a free quiz you can both take: (IMO you can learn just as much to imrpove your relationship from both taking the quiz, both reading about the different styles of love languages conceptually, and both committing to knowing each other's primary languages AND your own.)

I haven't read this book, but a mentor of mine says it saved her marriage:

u/Criticalthinking346 · 3 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Wow, that’s not been my experience at all, been with hubs 16 years still extremely sexual. The only time sex wasn’t big on my list was before I found out what an orgasm felt like. However I believe it has more to do with sexual desire types than being married or having kids. Most (75%) of women have responsive sexual desire and some (15%) of us have spontaneous desire (the last 10% have no desire). For men it’s 80% spontaneous and 20% responsive.

You should read come as you are it’s the best book on female sexuality out there, and helps give tips on making the differences work. Unfortunately from what I read on Reddit (in dead bedrooms) sexual desire mis-matches can really undermine a marriage and lead to divorce. Not saying that’s your issue but if your friends are going through this it could help them.

u/Horny_GoatWeed · 5 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

I'm 46 now and married, but I was single for a while in my late 30's. I'd say the only real difference in dating nowadays is the more or less ability to be constantly connected. I'm mostly talking about texting. I had teenage kids, so was very well acquainted with it when I started dating again, but I can see that that might not be the case for you.

In my experience, sex is pretty much still the same, though with possibly less hair. However, it does sound like you're a bit sexually inexperienced/sheltered. I suggest you might want to read She Comes First. If you feel that isn't enough, you can also go with The Guide To Getting It On.

u/rockinwalrus · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

Agree with everyone here but on the sunscreen note- I’ve been using Avene tinted facial sunscreen and it’s amazing! Mind you I don’t wear makeup but I feel like I don’t need to with this!

And drink lots of water!!

u/plz2meatyu · 7 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

To add to this, there is a self help workbook that helped me so much while in therapy. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I applaud your courage in asking for help.

This is not a cure and I 100% recommend seeing a doctor, especially to check your hormones and/or rule out a physical illness.

I hope this helps.

u/MuppetManiac · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

This super cool nonfiction book called The Butchering Art about Joseph Lister and the advent of germ theory and antiseptic.

It's kind of graphic so if you're not cool reading about guts and pus then maybe it's not for you. But I love it.

u/PlantBasedLove · 27 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

read this book

It is called "The Four Agreements"

One of the agreeements is - Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you.What others say and do is a projection of their own dream.

We take things personally when we agree with what others have said.
When we do not agree, the things that others say cannot affect us emotionally.
When we do not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior cannot affect us.

I have a lot of experience with men because of my age - some men just say the stupidest things, but it has nothing to do with you!!! It took me forever to learn this!!

You are being cast in a movie - You are being cast the way you are right? Did they tell you to get a trainer? Or has he? Exactly.

He is used to yoga teacher bodies. But he is with you.....Who is this about....?

Normally i go for latina girls with big boobs and no tattoos.....and again....who the fuck cares??? LOL

It is so freeing to not let these people rent space in my head.

Be free.

u/mountainvalkyrie · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Not decades because I was only 15, but I once said I wish I’d met my paternal bio-grandfather and my mom suddenly tells me “No you don’t because he (did something bad I don’t want to put on the internet).” Just dropped it on me.

Anyway, welcome to the tribe. I totally understand why families hide that, and a lot families did. "Just easier for a kid to be part of the majority, right?" Everyone wants what they think is the best/easiest life for their child. I disagree with the tactic, but I understand the motive.

You might be interested in this book by a Scottish Jew. His situation was much...more horrible, but still. I met the guy and he's a total sweetheart, but seems to still have identity issues. Quite understandably.

u/spiceydog · 4 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Please check out the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. Fantastic book for understanding relationships between family members, regardless of the circumstances.

u/cltphotogal · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

Tinkle razors! They're the best- they remove hair & exfoliate.

u/pizza_cats_beer · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

I read this book and found the exercises incredibly helpful, both regarding career/hobby choices and relationship choices. It breaks down all the different flavors of noncommittal, looks at the different reasons/fears/etc that might be lurking underneath, and talks about more productive ways to engage with those feelings.

u/Lilworldtraveler · 8 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Intimia Pillow

This works wonders. The Intimia Pillow is on Amazon. It stops the lines as long as you wear it snuggly to the chest (but not too tight). It’s comfortable to sleep in. May take a night or two to get used to it. Has adjustable straps!

u/xyzzzzy · 5 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Not just for this one night but more for your long term I recommend reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski.

u/cIumsythumbs · 2 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

That's a great way to visualize what I've tried to practice for years -- what someone says to you is a reflection of themselves and not of you. Don't accept it. I got a lot from reading Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements, and how it guides you to detach from others negativity.

u/iamaravis · 3 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roper

She was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, born into it, and participated wholeheartedly in its shenanigans for 25 years. Then she left.

As someone who also went through a rough deconversion experience (though from a denomination decidedly less whackadoodle than Westboro), I could relate to so much of what she wrote.

u/medievaleagle · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

Xusamss Punk Stainless Steel Dragon Hoop Earrings

I got him these for his birthday. He only has one side pierced, but 2 holes, so he wears them.both at the same time.

u/Andrejia · 1 pointr/AskWomenOver30

Irvin Yalom - Staring at the Sun. He was very preoccupied to ease people's anxiety over this. I particularly loved Love's Executioner, but that's not that much focused on death.