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I'm late to this, but I've got to tell you; he's not ever going to change in the ways that you need him to, to be the partner that you want. And I say that as the aspie in a marriage of twenty-one years.

My first husband was an abusive prick; and being young and naive, I thought we could make it work, because I just loved him so much. But it doesn't work that way. Love does not conquer all. Eventually I got to the end of that proverbial rope, and I'd advice anyone in an unhappy relationship not to try desperately to make it work, for years, like I did. All it does is make you more miserable, fighting to mold something good out of garbage. Trust me, it's not worth it.

Having autism, (for a lot of people, anyway; not for all), means that physical contact, and eye contact, are both genuinely uncomfortable. I've been with my partner for two decades. About the only time I look him in the eye is when I'm telling him that I love him.

I would compare looking at someone's eyes to the feeling you get when someone sees you going to the bathroom. It doesn't feel good. Full stop. And that won't ever go away. - I would agree that looking at his phone is rude, but if he's looking at your shirt, or the couch, or the wall; that doesn't mean he isn't listening to you. That's as good as it gets for some of us.

And physical closeness is downright unpleasant. It just is. Personally, in our relationship, we have a set schedule for intimate time. Something that works for both of us. I do it to make my partner happy. He knows it's obligatory for me, and he's fine with that. - And that's something that's never, ever, going to change, either.

No amount of therapy will ever get rid of his autism. "Love" as you define it, will never come naturally to him. If he really wants to keep you, he'll do things to make you happy anyway. We don't feel things the same way you do, but he should be able to understand the concept of necessary maintainance to keep something that he wants. Pets need food, a house requires the taxes or rent be paid, cars need gas, and relationship needs time spent paying attention to the other person.

If he's not willing to set aside a couple hours a day just to talk and/or have sexy time with you, (which is what we do, every night, as part of my daily routine), then I would say you're not important enough to him to justify keeping him as your partner.

That's not autism. That's just him being an ass.

I haven't read it personally, but I hear good things about this book. I gather it was written by a guy with ASD about how he saved his marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

I'm sorry to hear this. I have read that this can be an issue for many autistics. He needs to make an effort to give you attention, sexual and otherwise. I had to learn this, even if it did not come naturally. I pay a lot of attention to my wife and we communicate a lot about it.

Perhaps I am the odd man out. I love sex, always have. I am fascinated by women, be it thier physical appearance, their femininity or their minds. Nothing beats having a lover who shares your values and is at the same time your best friend. I have a high sex drive / HL.

There are some books on the subject of relationships which may be helpful to you. Here is the link: https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

To be frank, what positions have you tried? Do you ride him? If you control the motion of the ocean a lot of his awkwardness may be eliminated?

Seems like the dexterity issues need to be treated via physio maybe, but try getting him to read books by Marcy Michaels https://www.amazon.com/Lowdown-Going-Down-Give-Mind-Blowing/dp/0767916573.

She is a speech therapist, so she has literal exercises to improve control if you will.

22 Things a Woman with Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849058830/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_R53TDb2THXNQ0

22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849058032/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_n63TDbB9F23HS

Choose which one fits based on who in the relationship is autistic and who is NT

Not really a couples book, but I read Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I'd recommend it if your husband is still figuring out what this all means to him. I found I relate immensely to the book, but I've not been officially diagnosed.

My husband (likely AS) and I (NT) have an agreement to discuss purchases over a certain dollar value before we make them. He also stresses out about money (irrationally in my opinion- we have no debt and have sufficient savings to survive for 6 months+). My husband tends to need space in order to calm down after a disagreement.

Since you guys are in debt, he might have a point about a $300+ non-essential purchase. He's totally over-reacting and being abusive when he says your "marriage is basically over" because of this. Is that how he normally reacts when he gets overwhelmed in a fight? That's not a caring thing to say. If you haven't told him that, tell him that point blank at some point when he is calm.

We have a small kid and we got this portable DVD player for under $70. We've had it for 3 years and it has held up really well. I pick up kid-friendly DVDs at the local thrift store or borrow them from the library for road trips. That might be a good compromise solution.