Top products from r/BPD

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Top comments that mention products on r/BPD:

u/AnnieBananny · 1 pointr/BPD

Thank you so much... I needed that today. For some reason, even though I should be jumping up and down cheering (I biked somewhere instead of driving, enjoyed the weather, did well in classes, even turned an assignment in, and am getting together with my friends tonight to go to my favorite bar, a speakeasy) but instead it feels like I've been in a shell for the past 3 months and I'm finally realizing how actually torn up I am about my break-up. It's like I took the blanket off over my head and I'm suddenly realizing just how far I have to go to get back to being the woman I loved and respected a year ago.

So I needed that. You rock too!

And I'm glad you have support... a support system is so fucking important for us borderlines. Some love can go a long way for us.

Anyway, on to the DBT advice! Buy this book. Buy a copy for your friend if you can afford it. It's $13 and worth every penny. I started with this book and it has ALL the skills, plus relevant worksheets. There's a tracking sheet in there to fill out weekly which helps monitor emotions and habits which I would highly recommend, although you could probably find something similar for free online. However, the book is easy to understand, well-organized, and has a lot of examples. My parents say that therapy for me is like 2 full-time classes, and it's true. Skills are practice, practice, practice, until you rewrite your brain patterns until coping healthily becomes habitual.

My therapist started me on distress tolerance... and radical acceptance, which is the hardest skill of all. You can read up on this stuff online but I would really recommend the book. Depending on your situation, you could start with any of the modules, really, but definitely radical acceptance.

Best of luck, I love you! All of you. We're not broken, we're strong as fuck. Our brains have been telling us we're in crisis most of our lives, and each time we've gotten through it.

>If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

u/Pongpianskul · 1 pointr/BPD

There's more. I have a ton of experience with it.

One of the most important things for sane relationships is to NEVER ever under any circumstances ever blame anyone but yourself for your state of mind and your suffering and sorrow.

Never forget for an instant that how you're feeling is up to you and you alone. This was very hard for me to understand on a deep level at first but it got easier and easier with time and experience. People can fuck with you but you are the only one who can decide how you will react. You rule your mind and your life. Only you can decide how to process and react to all you experience.

I learned a lot from Marcia Linehan's Handbook which is intelligent, insightful and full of advice you can use right away for good results.

Most of what she learned was from observing herself and it shows. She knows of what she speaks in a personal and immediate way. I highly recommend DBT for learning social skills but never forget that skills are not enough if they are only covering up a mess inside. The mess itself must be addressed if we want to avoid living double lives with a placid exterior and a chaotic interior.

I wish you the very best. You are not "a borderline". You are a human being every bit as worthy as any other. Don't let the psycho-babble get to you. It is limited. Never forget that the goal of life is to enjoy your self. Enjoy what you are to the fullest. For me, enjoying myself fully at this particular time in my life, involves living alone with dogs on a remote mountain top far from other humans.

This is because there were some very important things I needed to learn about myself that I could not learn while constantly relating to other people. This hermit-life which excludes the influence of others, makes it possible to see my self very clearly. Finally I can see exactly what a self is.

When I was amongst people every day, I was too confused and too drawn into their images of me to get it straight. I do not intend to remain a hermit forever but it is a wonderful way of life for a while and for me it has yielded the most significant insights into what I am. I do not believe I could've confronted and learned about myself as deeply as I needed to while living with even one other human under the same roof. This is probably not true for all people with disorders but it was for me. Don't be afraid to leave the man-made for a while. Living in nature for a few years was the best way for me to learn to fully appreciate and love yourself. Now, I am happy and I still have trouble believing it. I never expected to love myself but it's awesome.

When I was married to a person with NPD, the way my day would go was never up to me completely. If I woke up in a good mood but the SO did not, my day wouldn't be good for very long. Finally, I got lucky and the SO found a better victim and I was free to go heal myself from all the wounds of my past. It has been absolutely wonderful doing this.

u/CaptainJaneyway0 · 3 pointsr/BPD

It can be quite stigmatising. You can get stigma from other people, but you can also be self-stigmatising as well, so I would suggest that you don't read a lot of stuff online about BPD, particularly stuff that's written by embittered ex-partners of people with BPD, because there's a lot of hate out there. It's a trap a lot of us fall into. Don't absorb that stuff and start believing it about yourself. Not everyone with BPD is the same, and you're not your BPD. You are so much more than your BPD.

It's important to remember as well that, although it's called a "personality disorder", your personality is not disordered. I really wish they'd call it a behavioural/mood disorder instead, because it's true that we have disordered moods and behaviours, but you, as a person, at your very core, are not disordered. At your very core, you want to get better, and that makes you a good person. You know? Keep that thought, if you can, because that's how you get better (in my view). If you focus on the good things about yourself, and embrace those things as much as possible, it really helps with recovery. Thinking in this way also allows you to believe that you can recover, which is really important.

A lot of people with BPD make fantastic recoveries. I mean, when I say "recovery", what I mean is good life-long management of BPD. It is a life-long illness, but, with the right support, you can get to the stage where you don't meet the criteria anymore. With that said, you'll have to keep up all the good habits you will establish and cement in recovery in order to stay well. But you can do it.

Now you know what it is, even if it's got a shitty, stigmatising name, you can get access to the right medical treatment. Have you looked into getting DBT? That's meant to be really helpful for people with BPD; I'm waiting on it myself at the moment. In the meantime, you could look up some DBT strategies that might be able to help you alongside your current therapy. I've also found that this planner, The DBT Wellness Planner, really quite helpful while I'm waiting for therapy: it helps you keep track of your needs - physical, emotional, interpersonal and spiritual (if you're that way inclined) - which all help you to sustain wellness. It also helps me to not "lose time", by keeping track of the things I'm doing.

u/imaginarylady · 1 pointr/BPD

I understand! There is no nearby DBT help but the one that is ofc isn't covered by my insurance. So instead I have a therapist who has an idea of how to help but not really. It's a lot of hw. A lot of self help, effort and patience/ dedication. It has to become a mindset something you always carry around/ not something that ends once you look away from the page. I would recommend printing up a couple of DBT worksheets and working on them. Work on one each day/ find ones that relate to what your dealing w. Or invest in a self help book I got mine at Barnes and Nobles but they have many on Amazon ofc.

I personally own this copy and really like it
I skip around in it a lot just whatever helps me more at the moment. & I would be good to find some bpd related books to read that may help you relate. There are several but you just have to choose one that you would be interested in. Many suggest this book
I have yet to get it myself but I look forward to investing in it. Also it's important to have a prevention plan and a support system. Also if you don't have a set schedule make one so that you are up everyday and take care of your basic needs. & if your on medication make notes on your phone / sleep is v important for bpd and avoid any d/rugs of alcohol as it can worsen your symptoms. Also look into vitamins / or get to the doctor and have a basic /can't remember the term but check up on your vitals to make sure everything is in order and not further aggravating your symptoms.
It's a whole process it takes more than just therapy it's about changing your attitude and life style. Definitely something I'm still working on and it's a battle but worth it in the end. As you get older your symptoms will lessen and become more manageable if you keep up with your recovery. Best of luck to you and I hope this was of some help.

u/dothecreepuhh · 3 pointsr/BPD

Okay, fair enough. That sucks - but it is possible to learn about DBT by yourself (I have done a bit so far, I am on a waiting list for DBT in my country).

This is the book I'm using which was given to me by DBT therapist who sadly I can no longer afford to see, but it is very helpful and can be followed on your own without a therapist. I have also got Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies which while may not be too well received due to the title but has really helped me to understand the condition better - which I think is the first real step to putting things in perspective. It's hard to fight a demon which you don't know anything about!

Definitely make sure you are not dragged in too far to the point where your own emotional well-being is in jeopardy. Make sure to encourage her to seek professional help as much as possible. Deceiving therapists is something I (and I think most people with BPD) have done. Make sure to talk through with her why it's best to be honest with her therapists, for example "if they don't know they cannot help, you have nothing to lose by telling them" etc. It's positive reinforcement that therapists are not my worst enemy which helps me - because it often feels to me like they are and I get overwhelmed that they know so much! It sometimes helps if someone helps me to rationalise that is what they are there for etc.

I will try and think of other things, but my brain seems to be working too slowly today. If you have any questions myself and everyone else will definitely try to help you :)

u/sweetpotato779 · 5 pointsr/BPD

SparklyChipmunk offered good advice.

To add to it, sometimes when a person is screaming at you, it can help a lot if you maintain a low, calm voice where they have to quiet down to be able to hear you. It can make them realize how loud they're being.

Something else that can help diffuse a BPD rage is validating whatever you can--look for something in what she's saying or feeling that you do agree with and let her know about it. BPD is very, very sensitive to perceived invalidation and validating them can help to short circuit that process and get their emotions to die down a bit and be able to actually hear some of what you're saying and not just perceiving everything as attacks against their very soul.

That said, if she never gets appropriate treatment, you can learn techniques to get along better with her, but all you'll be able to do is manage her and she'll likely not experience significant improvements. I'm not gonna tell you what to do because it's your life and your relationship, but if after trying to discuss the situation with her and trying to find a workable solution if things are still really bad do some serious soul searching to decide if this relationship really is worth it to you. It's your decision and I won't push you toward staying or going but be prepared to ask yourself these tough questions because even if she does get treatment you still are going to have a long, hard road ahead of you because while BPD is very treatable recovery generally takes at least two years, before you see remission or at least reach a huge reduction in symptoms although you can start seeing the first improvements pretty early on.

I have a very BPD FP and I had to ask myself these hard questions and I weighed the positives and the negatives and searched deeply in my heart. For me the answer was decidely yes: I am sticking with him. But for your situation you'll have to come to your own conclusion.

Anyway it's the middle of the night. Don't worry just yet about your relationship ending. Hope is not yet lost. Try the suggestions offered here and consider reading this book: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder. It'll teach you a lot about her mind and how to get along better with her and be happier. Give it some time and see how it goes. Then decide if you wanna continue with the relationship or not.

I wish you guys the best. May you both find happiness, whether it's together or apart.

u/erinneudorf · 2 pointsr/BPD

Number one, take a deep breathe and tell yourself that you are still you. You haven’t suddenly changed into someone else, you haven’t lost you’re identity. You aren’t bpd. You have bpd.

Number two, but these two books: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for You...

They will be super useful for your dbt. And make sure you do dbt! It’s life changing and is honestly the biggest, best treatment.

Number Three: ask yours loved ones to do their research. There are tons of great books out there, if they can understand your disorder they can be a support for you.

I hope this helps. I just know those are things I wish I had known a lot sooner.

u/yellowroze · 1 pointr/BPD

hi, i'm a 38/f i was diagnosed 3 years ago but only got help about 2 years ago when i hit rock bottom.

  1. when i was diagnosed i might have told my boyfriend at the time (we had been together for 8 years so i didn't think he'd leave me - and he didn't over that) didn't treat me different just because of the diagnosis, except for the fact that he tried to help me go to my dbt group and get to my therapy and shrink appts on time. yes i feel the stigma, but not from him.

  2. yes, you will most likely have to deal with it for the rest of your life. i don't think it's cure-able, however, it is definitely something you can learn to live with. you can get information and read everything you can get your hands on. talk to people who have it, like us here, so you don't feel like you're the only one. it's good to have a support group. and get into dbt if possible.

  3. since being diagnosed: well when i was first diagnosed i didn't give it a second thought.. i dismissed it and didn't do anything. i let it go. and then i ended up hitting rock bottom and i ended up going into the psych ward because i tried to kill myself. but after i got out i started to get myself straightened out. and things got smoother. it was a tough road. but one i needed to go down. and i'm a much better person for it. i'm no longer in that relationship i was in. i lost that one because of my bpd. but i'm in a better on because i was able to get myself straightened out. things got much easier after i got help.

  4. hmmm i think i just about said it all. get help. do dbt if possible. make sure you have a therapist that understands bpd and dbt therapy. if they don't, then find a new therapist. trust me, you'll be better for it. the book "I hate you don't leave me" was a very good book, but a hard read. it made me cry. there's a book i want to get that i saw at the book store.. this looks like it's going to be an excellent book for anyone that is a significant other or parent or maybe even sibling of someone that has bpd.
u/AgentKnitter · 3 pointsr/BPD

These are the books I have, and if I've read them (as a lot are still on my To Read pile - uni keeps getting in the way of my reading!) what I thought of them:

Book, Author | Reaction
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me Kreisman & Strause 2010 (a later edition than the original) | Like many, I came away from this book actually more depressed about my condition that I was going in. It is based on older research, when the prognosis for BPD wasn't as good as it is now. Personally, I also found Kreisman & Strause had an assumption that the formative trauma or emotional isolation would come from the maternal figure, which isn't the case for me.
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide Chapman, Gratz & Hoffman, 2007 | This book was really, really helpful. Not only does it have a more optimistic take on treatment outcomes than I Hate You, it's also (IMO) better written. Very good at navigating how to take steps forward when you are first diagnosed. This is the book I would recommend everyone get when they first receive their diagnosis.
Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder Aguirre & Galen, 2013 | Some people find the concept of mindfulness to be new age hippy dippy shit. Not me. I love it. This is how my brain works best at coping with BPD, and I've found this book to be extremely helpful as a self-help option. No, this is not full DBT - but it's a really good starting point and management mechanism to keep things in check. It's also really good to develop skills at realistic self-analysis, to be mindful of when your borderline behaviours are going off, so that if you can't stop them to begin with, at least you can recognise what you're doing, pull back and apologise where necessary.
The Dialectal Behavioural Therapy Skills Workbook McKay, Wood & Brantley, 2007 | This is not helpful, and to be honest when I showed it to my former psych and said I was struggling with it, he said that it wasn't the best DBT workbook. The exercises are very hard to do solo. I suspect it works better as a prescribed workbook to a group DBT course. Save your money on this one!
Coping with BPD Aguirre & Galen, 2015 | Yet to read this one properly, but from skimming through it so far, I think it will be good. Very structured, and very targeted at "when you feel X, you can do Y, Z...."
Sometimes I Act Crazy... Kreisman & Strause, 2006 | I'm reading this at the moment. In the foreword, Kreisman & Strause explicitly say "wow, we got lots of feedback from people with BPD for I Hate You that they came away very despondent and feeling negative about their treatment chances, which is not what we intended.... so this is a new version designed for patients, psychology students and professionals." It more constructive and focused on positive treatment options than I Hate You but I still find their style of writing a little ... blah. And it needs more case study examples than Princess Diana. That's not helpful. I mean, it kind of is, because like Marilyn Monroe she's a famous figure whose "dramatic" behaviour can be post-death explained by a diagnosis of BPD, so it helps people come to grips with "oh, THAT's what BPD is like" but personally? Not that helpful.
Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Gunderson, 2016 | I haven't read this yet, so can't really give any feedback. But as you'll note from this and the next book purchased at the same time, I'm seeking out more than just "OK, so you've been diagnosed with BPD, what does that mean?" now and looking specifically for "this is manageable, you will be OK, it just takes work"
This Is Not The End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder Martin, 2016 | As above - can't judge it yet as I haven't read it, but hoping for some reassurance that things might be OK in the future.

I think, unless I come across a really well recommended book, or a future psych recommends something, I might put the brakes on buying more books on BPD, just because most of them deal with the same stuff - diagnostic criteria, how BPD manifests in people, how to treat it, how to manage mood swings and maladaptive behaviours, etc.

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/BPD

Hey babe! I would recommend you reading up on it a BUNCH, there are so many books and articles about it. There's a lot of conflicting information out there, but reading ''scientific'' books are the best in my opinion: this book is good in my opinion! I love watching Youtube about it also, and someone who I love is Recovery Mum on Youtube (she also has a book out about it but I haven't read it so I don't know if it's any good but I would think it is): So yeah, just reading up on it, getting to know which symptoms you identify most with, not being scared to ask questions online or with your psychiatrist. Identifying the BPD-behaviour in yourself, where do you think it comes from, what is the root cause for me behaving this way/thinking this was, etc. Best of luck to you <3

u/gotja · 2 pointsr/BPD

It seems that you're caught at the asking out part. The abandonment fear can persist within a relationship as well.

The asking out/anxious part goes better when you get acclimated to rejection. I know some guys practice this by deliberately seeking rejection ie asking women they think they'd enjoy going out with, but are 100% certain the answer will be no. One of my friends said it actually threw him off and upset him that a few women he asked said yes to a date, when he was seeking rejection. But really it was kind of flattering. After that he practiced with women he liked a little, and later to ones he was really interested. By practicing with getting rejection you also learn to handle it gracefully if it is someone you like.

Another thing to be aware of is the magnification issue. You're not thinking about dating and getting to know someone. You're looking for The One. That's going to put a shitload of stress on you. Get to know them first. You're going on one date, not marrying them.

Even if lust tells you that this is the person you want to spend your life with, take a step back. You really won't know if you really want to be with this person till you have known them for several months, and even then it's a crapshoot. You may have different life goals and values. One person may want a child, and the other is not ready, the child one is a big issue, especially since women do have a window of time to work with when making this decision. I see female friends under a lot of pressure to produce babies. It's not something I really get since I wasn't ever interested. But it does seem to impact their relationship decisions in a big way. You're pretty young, you've got time. Use it wisely and don't rush into things. 23 is a very different place than when you're 26, or even 30. Your outlook and decisions can change quite a bit.

One thing about the wanting Someone is that you're looking to fill a hole, that hole can't be filled by someone else. The more you heal that need for yourself the better and more stable your long term relationships will be. That wanting Someone to spend my life with has persisted within relationships for me, so I know this is not about someone completing me. My understanding is that it's about learning to fulfill my own needs. That there's (for me at least) a weird craving for connection that isn't fulfilled by connection (it's almost like a consuming of another person) tells me something else is going on. I'm not sure what that's about yet, but I notice it's not so bad when I'm fulfilled in more areas of my life. You may discover different things as you go, it's basically a journey, not an endpoint.

I'm still nervous about the asking out stage even now, but it's much easier. The hard part for me is maintaining the relationship by not reacting out of fear to every little thing (it's not easy) this is where therapy teaching you skills to learn how to handle your emotions and fears comes in.

One more thing, one of my patterns has been to date an avoidant, which can be pretty triggering because sort of opposite of what my needs are, you might want to read a bit about attachment styles (there's a self help book that's an easy read called "Attached" I took it with a grain of salt, but found it helpful conceptually at least).

u/lunaiora · 1 pointr/BPD

I'm sorry you're being downvoted. I think this sub has unfortunately been taken over quite a lot by Tumblr kids who self-diagnose and see that as valid.

Firstly, congratulations on your diagnosis. It might feel like a death sentence, but it gives you a valid reason for why you act, behave and feel the way you do. My diagnosis was a godsend for me because it meant I wasn't actually going mad all those years, I was ill and other people get it.

The best thing I've done has got to be DBT (and my therapies have included basic counselling, CBT and psychodynamic psychotherapy). DBT let me meet other people with the same disorder who totally understand when you say you feel like offing yourself for something that, to a non-BPD person, totally does not warrant that level of despair. It makes a huge difference to be able to relate to people.

I'm really sorry you can't afford psychotherapy. Therapy is important and really can help and I hope one day you're able to get it.

Until then, I really recommend this book to help you get to grips with the disorder and feel less alone. A psychiatrist lent it to me once and it was amazing to read about how I wasn't the only one, and to see BPD laid out so eloquently. It made things make sense.

Keep posting here, even if it's just a 'Does anyone else feel/do X?'. It can help to get reminders that yes, they do, because it's a BPD thing, and we get it.

Take care, and shoot me a message if you ever want someone to vent to or chat to privately :)

u/Kopannie · 1 pointr/BPD

Woah buddy you have a lot going on! First off, deep breath!!!! You have taken the biggest step - asking for help. If I were you (and I kinda was, at 25 (29 now) I was diagnosed as Bipolar II, Generalized anxiet, and BPD traits), I'd make sure I was seeing that psychologist as much as possible, I'd be looking at seeing a psychiatrist for medication, and on top of all else, looking for a strong DBT program.

I'd also talk to your gf, be fully honest with her. Let her know this is a process and the prognosis is good if you fight (which it seems like you want to) but you need her help and understanding. It may be best to consider taking a break to shield her until you work through some of this treatment - I know that option sounds shitty, but trust me, had I listened to that advice when I was 25, my life would have been drastically different.

If you can't get into a DBT group quickly, pick up a book such as this one - This was the book I used in group. It makes WAY more sense with a group, but reading it yourself may help. The author actually created the DBT model.

More than anything else, remember the single best part of being bipolar: you may be one mood now, but that mood always passes.

You can PM me if you want to chat too. I promise, it can get better.

u/CoffeeMeasurements · 1 pointr/BPD

Since your diagnosis was recent I'm assuming that you haven't looked much into DBT yet. I strongly urge you to join a group. You'll find solidarity with the others there.

>therapy and everything just wants to teach me how I can handle living in this dark and lonely world

That's the truth of it, really. But it will help you to see that the world isn't entirely bleak. I see from your post history that you're well-acquainted with Buddhism, so the mindfulness principles of DBT should come easier to you than most.

For example, one thing you will learn is how to check the facts on your assumptions about the people around you. Take "everyone hates me" for example: do they really? They do the best they can for you, and care about you, and that's more than they're obliged to do for someone they hate.

Allow me to empower you for a moment. You imply that a razor is the only thing that you can trust not to leave you. And I know how comforting it is to unzip your skin and let it run. But remember: you are the one holding that razor. You can be trusted not to abandon yourself, because you are the one performing the action. The razor doesn't have autonomy, it's just a tool you're using. And that tool can be replaced with DBT skills once you learn to tune into your Wise Mind; that little nagging feeling in your gut, just before you cut, that says "I don't really want this for myself". But until then, just hold on.

Hope is your greatest weapon in this fight. Try and find a little part of every day that you're appreciative of. Maybe pick up a new hobby, get a pet or do volunteer work. Keep busy. L'appel du vide is muffled when you find what gives you hope, and do it often.

So darling, just hold on, please. It's incredibly hard, what you're going through. Myself and countless people here are on the same journey. Loneliness is part of us, but don't let it obscure how many people really care and understand. Focus on the present moment, and when you feel lonely, garner hope in a way that works for you.

Good luck. My inbox is always open if you need it.

Edit: If you have a little cash, I highly suggest buying a copy of The Buddha and the Borderline, written as an autobiographical account of the author's recovery from BPD. It's an intense read, so pick it up on a good day.

u/MichiMichiMichi · 0 pointsr/BPD

Some resources that have profoundly helped me are:

  • The Gifts of Imperfections
    *Healing Through Dark Emotions

    I haven't read it yet but heard good things about this book it as it focuses on teaching other about BPD:
    I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

    Ask your therapist about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. There is a good workbook I use and also helping me learn skills to beat BPD. It was actually developed for those suffering with BPD.

    Friends are difficult, but maybe take a leap and reach out and call someone. You don't have to pour everything out at once, but maybe just chat about something small that's bothering you. Journaling helps too. But you also have to accept that in our society, we are very emotion-phobic. Not everyone can handle talking about strong emotions because we are taught to bottle everything inside and pretend to be happy all the time. Fuck that. Feelings are feelings and people like us just feel stronger than most.

    Life does suck sometimes. Sometimes you can be alone. But you are ultimately in control of your life. Learn as much about yourself and you will soon find that life gets easier if you build a strong toolkit.

    This sub is a good resource. I hope that you can find as much support here, because we all stand in solidarity.
u/cheeseandcats · 1 pointr/BPD

I know exactly what this is like and I'm currently in the same situation as you. Although I've been nearly BPD symptom free for a couple years, this relationship has set off firing signals to my BPD yet again because I actually really deeply care about this person. Things have been incredibly smooth sailing up until a week ago when the BPD demon snuck in out of nowhere and made me start questioning every little thing that could be perceived negative due to a simple bad mood that my partner was in. Because I'm very good at controlling my reactions now due to many self help books which I will recommend in a minute, it hasn't yet affected my partner. The only reason I know (or am hopeful at least) that this relationship will work is 1) I'm a very self aware BPD, and 2) my partner is incredibly stable, emotionally mature, able to discuss and communicate things openly and actively seeks to understand me which makes me (and, surprisingly, my BPD) feel very comfortable.

The books I recommend are the main DBT book that you can buy on amazon here

as well as this one

Reading these books was incredibly eye opening for me and taught me a lot of things I never knew before about how to control my emotions, be non judgmental towards myself, and incorporate very simple skills to begin building new patterns in my brain in how I handle emotional situations. Good luck :)

u/obsessivemoose · 2 pointsr/BPD

Okay, so first of all, I'm just gonna let you know that when you are a teenager, you go through a lot of emotional swings and impulsive behavior, BPD or not. I'm not saying you definitely dont have BPD or do, cause I am not an expert at all, but I'm just saying that impulsiveness and mood swings and being emotional and insecure often are part of being a teenager and hormonal.


I'm sorry your dad is an alcoholic and distant, and your parents weren't emotionally available. I understand what it's like to not have friends, it sucks majorly. I'm sorry about your friend leaving. That sounds really, really rough. I understand you said therapy isn't an option. If the reason is because you're scared to go, then I would strongly suggest you give it a shot. It's really very helpful. If you actually cant, then never mind about that.

DBT therapy is something that is supposedly really good for BPD individuals, and people who dont have BPD seem to benefit from it as well. There are DBT work books online you can order and go through, sort of like doing therapy for yourself. The ones I have are and the journal book


those are the amazon links above. If you are needing to talk to people, there are support groups out there. I dont know where you live, or what funds you have or if you have transportation, but you can search for support groups here: or google it. There is sometimes support groups that are free at various places, I have found some depression support group at a local church near me once that ended up being great, (even if you aren't religious). There is tons of information online about BPD, and dealing with stress online. Perhaps if you have a school councilor that you trust, you could talk to them?

If you feel you are in a crisis and live in the USA, you should call 911 or the national suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255

or go to to find a hotline for you.

About your friend, keep in mind that she is human and she cant cure you, and that she will mess up and fail sometimes, and that it's not your fault that she feels suffocated and felt she needed to leave. Sometimes people just cant take on another's problems, even if they love them so much and that other person is just doing their best and not trying to hurt anyone, sometimes people just need to take time for themselves. I'm sorry, I know you must be in a lot of pain after what she said to you, I know I would, but please hang on. It's going to be okay. You are not alone.

u/lexicaleigh · 1 pointr/BPD

I'm glad you've found somewhere you can spill your thoughts out and I'm glad you're finding it therapeutic. We're always here, any time. :)

Yes, you can come back from this. With support, and maybe therapy and/or medication, you can make a full recovery. You will always have it, but as I understand it the therapy tools you can learn will help train your brain into stopping that first gut-reaction and analysing how best to respond to things. This is a good place to start. Personally, I've found medication useful in helping my impulses dull a little, enough for me to find a more healthy way of handling the things life throws at you.

The diagnosis is not a death sentence. You can overcome this, and in the meantime, we're here for support. x

u/sweetally4 · 2 pointsr/BPD


I would suggest this workbook and this book for yourself. Then I would suggest this book for your loved ones.

Here is some good information on the different therapies for BPD that they say are most effective (DBT being one of them).

I follow a bunch of accounts on Instagram with inspirational quotes and relatable content that I find helpful. My favourite hashtag being # bpdrecovery - if you use Instagram, I highly suggest checking it out.

I think the most important thing to remember is to be active in your recovery and to be kind to yourself.

I hope this helps!

u/pulchermushroom · 2 pointsr/BPD

That really sucks. I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past year and I'm currently on my 4th IOP/PHP and recently diagnosed BPD too. My IOP and PHP was in the same place and I've been to that place all 4 times for IOP/PHP. I agree that the hospital sucks and it honestly serves no purpose other than to keep people safe in really bad times. My therapist and psychiatrist think that hospitals are the absolute last resort.

I also want to say that even though you may feel like you shouldn't need the help to get what you want, you may need the help and it's okay to need help. Now what I'm not saying is that the PHP program is fine, it could be shitty, but trying to find one that will work for you is important. Think of yourself as an investment. You are investing into your mental health so that you can get a job and strive toward the goals you want. You want to get the best possible care so you can get yourself to those goals. Maybe you "should" be able to shrug off your BPD, but "should" doesn't help us actually get what we need.

You can certainly tell me to shove it and what I'm saying comes only from personal experience, but I would look into finding a DBT program or therapist, though I'm going to say that you're going to have a really hard time finding one that accepts Medicaid. DBT is built from the ground up for BPD and designed by someone who has BPD, Marsha Linehan. I've been through DBT programs and they have saved my life. There are cheap books on Amazon or websites like DBT Self Help that I've personally used and can vouch for.

u/where2cop123 · 1 pointr/BPD

Existentialism does have its roots in mainstream "to-go" philosophy and psychoanalytic theory/psychotherapy; you can however can call me a structuralist due in part of adhering to Freudian meta-psychology [I support Kernberg et al.'s methodology]. Though, like existentialism, psycho-structuralism in the form the metapsycology has its "ends" as well, which is why I am "switching" but more-so transitioning over to Derrida's deconstructionism and Wittgenstein/Hegel's "metapsychical space and time continuum" 'philosophy of the mind' business.

However, this is all synthesized with part classical psychoanalytic schools of thought into Dynamic Deconstructive Psychotherapy by Robert Gregory M.D. of SUNY Upstate New York Medical School. I would check out his free training manual online if you are ever so inclined. I believe it is the next advances of psychotherapy triumphing Linehan's DBT, especially as she comes with edition 2 of her upcoming DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Edition this Fall in October.

I will check out your thoughts, and the suggestive reading on Focualt that I have yet to get to for philosophers (Kernberg/Masterson/various psychoanalytical bodies of thought and philosophy of the mind has taken much of my studies over the years), thanks for synthesizing it a bit further; but my thought still stands on Eastern spiritualism in regards to psychotherapy (perhaps if you read Masterson's work in which he foretells that Linehan/Buddhism completely ignores the dynamics of the mother-infant relational mirroring matrix, then you may understand my qualms about the unnecessar application of Eastern spiritualism/mindfulness or even Stoicism). I hope to articulate and express it more cohesively and coherently in the future.

These are very exciting times for the state of BPD and for the various bodies of disciplines and their therein schools of disambiguated thoughts, let alone for philosophy as well. It is time to synthesize and integrate and reformulate from classics into something more practical and application in today's post-modern/contemporary times.

u/xPhoenix_Risingx · 2 pointsr/BPD

Definitely think the couples and individual therapy is a great idea.

It’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy; but you can also do a workbook yourself. It helps you cope, distract, and accept your emotions. There’s also YouTube videos too on DBT.

Also the best form of medicine is sleeping right (7-9hours), eating right, and exercising.

Maybe you two can do physical activities together and separately. Exercising release feel good chemicals and let’s you think clearly and hence communicate better.

There’s also meditation apps too.

u/rolo31992 · 1 pointr/BPD

I was fortunate enough to go through a year of DBT. However I know most people aren’t that lucky. This book is the next best thing to the actual program. It inspires hope. There is hope for us, the pathway just isn’t always very clear. Have faith in your existence as a life force.

The Mindfulness Solution for Intense...

u/__not_a_cat · 3 pointsr/BPD

There's a therapy called DBT. You can buy the book from Amazon (there's a manual and a workbook most people recemmend from Dr. Linehan). but here's a pdf that someone from this group linked up (can't recall who or I'd give them daps) that looks like a nice overview and it's free wooo lol. Learning about this therapy has given me soooo much hope. I hope it does the same for you!

u/YeastAssassin · 5 pointsr/BPD

This is a book that is for people whose loved one has BPD. My psychologist highly recommended that I give it to people in my life:

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Bor...

I bought it for my best friend (I have BPD and we live together) and it has helped her a lot. It should help, regardless of if you still support her or not. The book will help you understand how to recover from what you experienced.

Hope this helps!

u/dsquard · 2 pointsr/BPD

I can't thank you enough for your insights. As always, she has shown the most emphatic and genuine remorse after the fact, and I still love her more every day. I've read Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder and it has been immeasurably helpful for me to understand that the hurtful things that are coming out of her mouth aren't actually coming from her... that she's not trying to manipulate me.

I can't tell you how sad it makes me to hear that you are struggling to find and maintain long-term relationships. My girlfriend is in a treatment program at the UCLA BPD clinic that emphasizes Mentalization Based Therapy, and in the year and half that we've dated, I have seen palpable improvements in her ability to control and face her emotions. In fact, just this past Christmas, she spent an entire week with her family without any single fight or outburst.

I know that we're both incredibly fortunate to have resources like the UCLA BPD clinic at our disposal, and even more fortunate that she is in such a cutting-edge program, but I just wanted to share with you the incredible progress she's made with this therapy. I strongly, strongly encourage you to seek out psychiatrists in your area that specialize in metallization-based therapy. It is incredibly difficult and unbelievably taxing emotionally, but the results speak for themselves. It will take time for your brain to be able to fully develop the necessary neural pathways from your Amygdala to your prefrontal cortex.

If nothing else, read that book. Seriously. It's given me relationship-saving insights, and I think it will be incredibly helpful in giving you the knowledge-base necessary to accurately and empathetically explain your condition to your loved ones. Mental illness is a fucking bitch, but it is not your fault. I suffer from periodic depression, so I know first hand what mental illness is and how fucking powerless it makes you feel.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck and all the future happiness that you deserve. If you ever need advice from someone who is totally committed to someone with BPD, please don't hesitate to PM me.

u/kdwill13 · 3 pointsr/BPD

amazon link to workbook I use

This is the book I use. I just skip some of the activities that feel like old news, but I’m onto the Love & Kindness section after the Radical Acceptance section, and I know it’s helped me. I almost don’t fit criteria anymore, and it’s good to have this structure. I’d see if your psychologist would work through it with you (mine isn’t technically trained in DBT but she has no problem giving me “homework” from this book, which we then talk about for part of the session). Wishing you well!

u/SharpAtTheEdge · 1 pointr/BPD

It is hard! It really is. It is the hardest thing I've ever tried in my life. One thing that is helping me is challenging some of my all-or-nothing thoughts about mindfulness. Mindfulness isn't something that you are either "good at" or "bad at" (I used to think I was just bad at it). It is something that you can practice every day. I suppose that I will be practicing it for the rest of my life.

For me, certain activities really encourage mindfulness. My top activities include cooking, running and working on my personal finances spreadsheets. But even something like running can easily be a space where my mind is drifting all over the place and I'm not even paying attention to what I'm doing at all. When that happens, I just bring my attention back to my breathing, my stride and my immediate surroundings.

I find that it is very hard to be mindful when I drive. (How scary is that!?) But I try to look at it as an opportunity to practice. Finally, it is very hard for me to be mindful when something triggering has happened. My mind goes crazy when that happens. It actually just happened about 20 minutes ago. I just closed my eyes and did some breathing exercises that help me get centered.

Like I said. Mindfulness is HARD!!!! It is SO fucking hard. I've run a marathon. I've hiked the Appalachian Trail (2200 miles) all in one trip. I have a college degree. All of those things are WAY easier than getting with mindfulness. I would encourage you to keep working with your therapist on this valuable skill.

Another thing you might ask your therapist (try emailing, or calling) if he/she can direct you to a DBT group in the area. Group DBT is NOT group therapy. It is about learning how to apply specific skills that can help improve your quality of life.

Finally this book is really helpful. I highly recommend it.

u/gaysynthetase · 1 pointr/BPD

I am a gay male with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have had romantic involvement with another BPD guy. He and I are also around your age. I think the warnings stretch far beyond "be prepared for somebody who is really, really clingy and needy".

The advice I could give would have to be centred around his particular experience of Borderline Personality Disorder, so you'll have to give me more details. I'm an impulsive subtype and I don't experience rage, but I have experienced the stalking that he's talking about. I would say that manifests itself in the actual relationship as extreme insecurity.

I agree with /u/DementedSheepGirl that you should definitely, definitely speak with him about his thoughts, feelings, and inner experiences. To be understood is the plight of man. Just ask him what it's like on a daily basis for him, if he experiences the stuff they talk about on the internet, if he would be glad for you to get a book for loved ones with BPD (like Stop Walking on Eggshells, a book my ex-boyfriend bought to try to understand me more). Because I get the feeling, as with nearly all Borderline people, that they are doing better than they seem (Marsha Linehan calls this "apparent competence"). Or they are currently in a calm period but may slip into an episode somewhere down the line.

But that all depends on what his inner maelstrom of emotion and thought is like (analogous to "how severe his BPD is", but he may have gone into remission entirely from the disorder, so I think "inner maelstrom" is more accurate).

u/nknwnbrdrln · 3 pointsr/BPD

Dialectical behavior therapy, mentalization based therapy, transference focused therapy - all created for people like us. With the diagnosis you can now know that other people suffer in the same ways you do, it's not hopeless, and you're not doomed to a life of being alone. I was in therapy for 10 years before confirming the diagnosis and starting DBT - I've made more progress in the last year than I ever did in those 10 years. I think probably there's nowhere to go but up.

DBT workbooks:

When I was waiting for therapy to start I soaked up as much info as I could in video form on youtube, which I actually found more helpful than DBT in terms of feeling real validation and emotional healing.

I found a torrent of From Chaos to Freedom which is basically Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) teaching the skills herself. I like her, she’s pretty weird. Here’s a clip: “If it lasts forever and you think it’s a crisis... it’s your life, it’s not a crisis”

Tons of short videos of experts talking about borderline and DBT:

This one is full of lectures (many by the same experts) on more specific topics that I really liked:

u/iwouldneverboilbunny · 1 pointr/BPD

There are tons of books written for our loved ones if you think he might be interested in that. A really popular one is Walking on Eggshells. I chose this one Loving Someone with BPD because in my opinion it does the best at helping the loved one understand us and protect their own feelings without demonizing us.

u/not-moses · 1 pointr/BPD


Nina Brown's Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

Elan Golomb's Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in the Struggle for Self

Susan Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (a bit long in tooth now, but still useful) and Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Plus getting on board the Treatment Train:

  1. Medications, but only if really needed to get one stabilized enough to do the next six things on this list: Find a board certified psychopharmacologist in your area by using the clinician locator on the Psychology Today website. Getting psych meds from a GP or primary care doc can be useless or even risky. Psych diagnoses, meds and med interactions are just too complex now for most GPs and primary care docs.

  2. Support Groups: AA, MA and/or NA if one is using intoxicants to try to cope with emotional pain; ACA, EA and CoDA... where you will find others in similar boats who have found explanations, answers and solutions.

  3. Books and academic, professional websites including Mayo Clinic, WebMD, NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), and even Wikipedia (when everything asserted is solidly documented with citations). Strongly recommended because they all understand the upshots of having been stressed for too long, including complex PTSD which sounds like at least a good possibility here: Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Patricia Ogden, Ronald Kurtz, Laurence Heller, Bruce McEwen, Sonya Lupien and Robert Sapolsky. Accurate information is power.

  4. Psychotherapy: I currently use Ogden's SP4T as the interoceptive 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing to manage any "time bombs" that turn up, but had good results over the years with several of the CBTs including REBT, collegiate critical thinking, schema therapy, and CPT, as well as DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, EMDR, HBCP, SEPt, and NARM.

    DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT and MBSR are terrific for symptom management. EMDR, HBCT, SEPt, SP4T and NARM are first-rate for memory-reprocessing, sense-making and detachment from the conditioning, programming, etc.

    To find the clinicians who know how to use these psychotherapies, look here, and here, and here, and (for DBT specialists in particular) here. If you dig a little on each page, you will be able to see which therapies they use. Then interview them as though they were applying for a job with your company. Most MD / psychiatrists, btw, are not therapists themselves (they are medication specialists), but can refer you to those who are, and are often -- though not always -- excellent sources of referral.

  5. Mindfulness Meditation: Try the Vipassana-style? (For a lot of people with anxiety, this stuff handles anxiety chop chop. Not sure about depression. Many of the modern psychotherapies for anxiety are actually based on it now.)

  6. Therapy Workbooks: I got a lot of lift-off by using inexpensive workbooks like these, and these, and these, and these.

  7. Moderate exercise: Because it is the single healthiest of the distractions one can use to yank oneself out of the paradigm for a while... and it can help to "massage" the brain so that it responds more quickly to psychotherapy.
u/sixtwentyone · 2 pointsr/BPD

Many, many things actually. I like the following books. They contain tons of helpful information and techniques without fluff:

u/chiguires · 0 pointsr/BPD

When I was first diagnosed, these two books helped me process it:
The Buddha and the Borderline, a first-person account of a woman's experience with BPD, provided some recognition into some of my own past and present experiences and helped me to understand them in a new context. I cried throughout the entire thing, as I recognized myself on every page. It was this book helped me see how the diagnosis fit. It's got a positive ending though :-)

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide provided a lot of diagnostic and practical information in a non-judgmental and positive light.

I am also doing DBT, and that's been helpful, but for me, it's not been a source of info on BPD itself. They seem to avoid referencing BPD by name and instead refer to it "emotion regulation difficulties" or similar. In fact, I only found out I had the diagnosis because I needed my diagnosis code information for my insurance. Kinda weird.

It sounds like your boyfriend is really great. Mine doesn't know about the BPD diagnosis (just that I have been depressed, hospitalized and self-harmed). It's excellent that yours knows and is sticking by you.

Good luck!!!

u/UrsulaSings · 3 pointsr/BPD

Maybe instead of pushing it down, you have to finally start to deal with it and face it.

Someone said to me that emotions are like a balloon - you push the balloon under water (pushing it down) and it pops back up even higher (i.e. pushing it down makes things progressively worse).

If you can't afford a therapist, etc. then I would suggest looking things up online. There is a brilliant workbook that I would recommend to anyone - its called the DBT Therapy Skills Workbook.

I just looked and you can buy it used for less than $10 (as I'm assuming you're in the US). It is really helpful and goes through the four different modules of DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) which is the foremost therapy used specifically for those who have BPD.

Also there is a forum on here which can be helpful, called DBT Self Help which has all the different exercises you can do for DBT. There are a lot of links to useful things on there.

You can also look up 'Mindfulness' online (here is a link to an article, I just googled 'how to do mindfulness') - mindfulness is something they talk a lot about in the DBT workbook and it's based on bhuddist meditation and simply just being in the here and now with no judgement on how you are feeling.

Meditation can be good for relaxation, especially if you are feeling a lot of anxiety.

So basically, although you can't afford a therapist, there are things you can do to try and learn different ways of coping and dealing with things that are stressful, or the symptoms that you are experiencing, like fear of rejection from your partner.

Having a baby is an extremely stressful time, I'm not surprised you are finding things difficult at the moment. I think even people without mental heath problems have a hard time with a new baby!

I hope some of those suggestions and links are useful to you.

Take care :)

u/chameleon_souls · 4 pointsr/BPD

Hey there, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I'm 30 and was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and I'm going trough something similar.

First, you are not your mom's boyfriend. Being an abusive asshole is a choice and as you said a diagnosis is not an excuse to do bad things. That being said I also currently struggle with viewing myself as a monster. I realized I've really hurt people in the past and right now I'm struggling to forgive myself. I'm working on self compassion and gathering courage to apologize to those people. I have also made a promise to myself that going forward I will do my absolute best to not hurt anyone else with my words or actions.

Regarding things getting better...yes they do, but it takes time.

I was crazy unbearably symptomatic in my early and mid twenties but at that time lived in a country where mental health was non-existent, so I got no professional help whatsoever. The general consensus and also my personal experience is that BPD gets better with age. For me, without treatment, this has meant that I have more self control in not letting my emotions destroy relationships. I don't lash out so often, I'm more hesitant to cut people out, etc. The intensity of the emotions is still the same, but they have less control over me now than they had in the past.

In the past 6 months I've been in an outpatient program that does DBT and it has gradually made my life easier (I was admitted there per-diagnosis, after a suicide attempt). My emotions are still intense, but it takes me less time to calm down. I still dissociate, but I can tell when I'm starting to do so and take action. I don't self harm and drink myself to sleep anymore.

The emptiness is still there. I try to fight it with hobbies and activities, but haven't made much progress yet. I'd love to hear other people's experiences on this one.

I also struggle with knowing who I am or what I like, but I've come to view myself as a collage: I take pieces of other people-likes, hobbies, interests and adopt them as my own. Some of those pieces I keep, some I discard or replace when I meet new people but slowly over time I'm constructing a personality.

Lastly some things that I've found helpful:

The Buddha and The Borderline This book gave me a lot of hope that recovery is possible even late in life, even for severe cases.

Some videos:

The Migghty's articles on BPD (not all of them but it is interesting to read about other borderliness experiences)

This Discord server was super helpful for a mini crisis situation yesterday. It is not BPD specific

And most importantly look for a DBT group or therapist. It is really helpful. Or you can start working though a workbook on your own.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat or share info on BPD, I'm also figuring all of this out.

And obligatory English is not my native language, sorry if this is difficult to read.


u/mooloox · 6 pointsr/BPD

Hey there! I really recommend this book: DBT Skills. I'm fortunate to have access to a great therapist, but these are the skills she is teaching me that have been helpful. I also just bought this book and will be working through it myself. If you do end up buying it, please let me know - I'd love to chat about it!

u/doubleleo · 2 pointsr/BPD

DBT has worked really well for me. If you can't find a therapist right away, this book is a good place to start.

As cheesy as it sounds, mindfulness is the most important element of dealing with BPD. I sympathize with the anger freak outs--I used to get them practically every other day and my poor SO was wonderful enough to hang on for the ride. They now only happen every few weeks (fingers crossed!) but you have to accept that you're not perfect and treatment takes a while before you can see results.

Don't get discouraged. The first step is accepting that you have BPD and committing yourself to making things better. Take care of yourself (sleeping, eating right, no drugs/alcohol, etc), read up as much as you can about BPD and coping skills, and get thee to a DBT therapist. You will be ok--good luck!

u/mepat1111 · 2 pointsr/BPD

Hey, I'm in a pretty similar situation myself, I haven't been around the disorder long myself so like you, I'm trying to get a better understanding of it. I haven't read it yet, but have had this book recommended to me, might be worth checking out:

Best of luck :)

u/paperlilly · 7 pointsr/BPD

You don’t need a BPD diagnosis to benefit from DBT. It’s like any other group therapy - it’s not closed off like AA or NA or something... where you must fit x criteria. My DBT group is a mixture of BPD, EDs, Depression/Anxiety, Bipolar and Addiction.

No idea where you are but I’d suggest contacting your local psych hospital/facility - they will know what’s available or where to point you. I would guess the first port of call would either be to your family doctor for a referral or a self referral to a therapist who participates in DBT.

If you can access it under health insurance or public healthcare pursue it... if it’s there then just keep chipping away to access it. Paying for DBT is expensive...the groups, individual therapy...

Alternatively there are some amazing books that cover it. They are the same skills, the same examples as in group... they’re workbooks not just boring theory encyclopedias.

Lots of people recommend the big green DBT book Nobody knows the name, it’s just the green book. Like the Bible. I’d recommend looking online - it’s floating around out there and available in various formats, I’ve seen it linked in this sub before.

u/__lani · 2 pointsr/BPD

It’s not an online research, but please buy this book (available in most countries I think):

It’s the book used by most DBT therapists and contains detailed exercises/goes into depth about the four modules of DBT. I have it at home and have been going through it before my actual therapy starts. It is a compassionate, non-patronising, eye opening and helpful book written by professionals.

I hope it helps. x

u/DementedSheepGirl · 3 pointsr/BPD

Hi Rob, nice to 'meet' you.

I'm 27, female, and also live in the UK. Can advise on my experiences with the NHS if that's something you're interested in at some point. My diagnoses are BPD, MDD and paranoid anxiety. I'm on 90mg duloxetine and 100mg lamotrigine at the moment.

Regarding pinned advice, you can read about the DBT self help stuff here - it used to be a sticky.

If you're looking for info on BPD, I always recommend the Mind pages and this book. Steer well clear of Stop Walking on Eggshells.

Personally I've used this sub for about four years now under different usernames. I've used it for ranting, seeking advice, reading posts to feel less alone, help navigating MH systems, and when I've needed comfort/talking down from a bad situation. When I'm in a good headspace I also like to help other people out here too if I can.

If you have any questions or there's anything I can help you with, give me a shout. And welcome! :)

u/hunble · 1 pointr/BPD

I think, when you can afford it, a therapist will be your best bet. The triggers are there, they just might not be obvious. It took me a couple of years with a great therapist to realize what usually set me off. Maybe start journaling your episodes? A good way to vent and track your moods.

Here is the book I bought. They might carry it at a local library.

I hope you start feeling better. Just remember you're not the only one who deals with this and it doesn't have to be something that's a defining trait forever.

u/smoshess · 1 pointr/BPD

Two workbooks that I use for DBT:

- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, Jeffrey Brantley

PDF link:

- The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD by Daniel Fox

Amazon link:

As for meditation, I use this app called Headspace, it's been really helpful for beginners like us. They have a trial option for the first 10 sessions, check it out!

Headspace link:

Exercise really helps as well. Go for a job, go for a hike, head to your nearest gym. Any form of physical activity is immensely helpful to us.

Good luck!

u/killthecucumber · 7 pointsr/BPD

A great book is:
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating

Don't know if anyone is into Buddhism or not but the basic mindfulness skills are helpful. Both my psychiatrist and I own the book, and he's Jewish so you don't have to believe in Buddhism to like the book. It's mostly something nice to relate to and find hope. It's kinda triggering though so be weary!! But that's because it's relatable!

u/crapadoodledoo · 1 pointr/BPD

Many people with BPD do not benefit from anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. DBT and xanax for emergencies sounds like a good way to go. Start introducing yourself to DBT by buying this workbood. It is still much more effective to join a DBT group with an experienced therapist because discussions take you far beyond a solo reading of the work book. Best of Luck.

u/RaRaRaV1 · 19 pointsr/BPD

Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, it sounds like you're going through a lot of emotions related to her.

The go to treatment for people with bpd is dialectical behavioral therapy, or otherwise known as DBT. I very much recommend that you try to get your daughter into a DBT program. As for how to deal with her, I think the validation section of the dbt workbook would be incredibly helpful for you, and also interpersonal skills such as SET and DEAR MAN.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

u/CoffeeIsMy_Lifeblood · 5 pointsr/BPD

this site has so many useful worksheets.

the dairy card has been super useful for me.

eventually i bought this planner diary thing. it has been very useful for me.

if you cant buy something like that, either printing out diary cards are using them in something like GoogleDocs , also works too!

Hope it helps.

u/heartsonhips · 2 pointsr/BPD

Yeah, this is the cornerstone of BPD. If you don't fear abandonment intensely, you probably don't have BPD. I go through phases like this with my husband even still. "The way he just hung up on me, that was weird. He didn't say I love you as intensely. What does that mean???" Even though we are insanely close and spend all of our waking free time together.

My relationship with God has helped me immensely. Mindfulness is related and also a scientific, tried and trued way way to help control your emotions. Have you studied mindfulness at all?

It's all about living in the moment and conditioning your brain to do it. I would suggest doing some research and reading a book like that!

u/stars_in_my_darkness · 1 pointr/BPD

I bought as many books as I could on DBT and ACT not all at once only when I could afford it.

I started by reading


to get a better understanding of BPD and DBT. and right now I am working with these workbooks:


and I have just ordered this one.

the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book I got is (I have yet to start this one):

I do what is on the workbooks and I also do further research on the skills online so I can understand it better and see what works and what doesn't for me and I test them out forcing myself to do exposure sessions ( or try to get used to using them in the moment they are needed or helpful) and I write down everything so I don't forget and kind of monitor myself and my progress.

u/HypercubeCake · 3 pointsr/BPD

My boyfriend and I have gotten some good insight from this book: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

It has a lot of relatable examples (with easy to understand explanations), talks about dealing with your own emotions while interacting with someone who has bpd, ways to diffuse bpd reactions, etc.

I'm usually a lurker here but I keep wanting to recommend this to everyone because it's helped us more than therapy. We read it together and pause and discuss each chapter to figure out which parts are applicable/which suggestions are helpful, but that may or may not be a good idea depending on how comfortable you both are talking about bpd.

u/shinebrightlike · 10 pointsr/BPD
  1. trust the diagnosis and grieve it. look back on all the ways your life has been altered by bpd and let yourself feel everything. best to have a therapist to cling to when you need them during this.

  2. read some books and highlight or take notes.

  3. interview therapists - preferably someone with years of experience, a PsyD or PhD who is well versed in trauma and personality disorders. make sure you feel comfortable, you feel like they "get" you, your sense of humor, your communication style etc.

  4. commit to therapy and tell yourself you refuse to quit. you need to attach to a therapist at a minimum 2-3 years to get over this PD.

  5. most importantly, be kind to yourself through it all. imagine talking to an innocent child who relies on you. that's the way you talk to you from now on. no harsh judgments, no criticisms, no rushing, no yelling, no screaming, just patience, kindness, and tough love when necessary.
u/thebirdsareoutlate · 1 pointr/BPD

I think this book has some pretty good basic suggestions. My boyfriend bought it but never read it, but I did. I wish he had read it as I think I would like to be treated the way this book suggests you treat a person with BPD.

u/dbt-girl · 5 pointsr/BPD

I really like this planner

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and Spirit (The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Series)

Apparently it's a Wellness Series so brb researching series.

I use the planner and I think it's pretty cool. I wish it had more pages to just write but I have a nice notebook for that

u/Storytella2016 · 3 pointsr/BPD

Ok. It sounds like the goal right now is to get through 6 or so weeks, and then you’ll have your therapist again. So, in that time I’d encourage you not to make any more major decisions. Live with the ones you’ve made, but wait until you’re back in the therapy routine until you make any new ones.

In terms of coping for right now, you don’t have therapy but you still can have access to tools. Since you posted this online, I’m assuming you have access to a computer or a smartphone. If it’s a smartphone, I’d encourage you to download a mindfulness app like Headspace or Stop, Breathe & Think and start applying it. If you can afford to pick up a book, try something like The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Avoid interacting with your mother in law and grey rock her when you have to see her until you are in a befter place (because your finances as a couple are none of her business).

You can do this! It’s not that far from January.

u/hesback_inpogform · 3 pointsr/BPD

I found this book to be immensely helpful. It actually has activities to work through sorta like a textbook, which I found really helpful.

This one was a close second. Activities and scientific information which helped me understand why I’m like this, I found it sooo enlightening.

u/tbabrs · 2 pointsr/BPD

Depends how much work you feel like putting into this. Read about what she might be going through, what treatments are effective, realize the limits of what you can do and you could conceivably create a very helpful adjudicative role in her recovery. By realize the limits of what you can do I mean try to get her a good doctor, don't expect to be her doctor.

u/PoorGrendel · 2 pointsr/BPD

I've found group therapy super helpful. I was able to get into a 12 week course through my doctor, but even paid ones are typically less expensive than one-on-one. It seems counterintuitive, like it'll be harder to be open in a group, but it's such a relief when another living, breathing human says a thing you've thought, word for word. Knowing, so viscerally, that you are not alone can help so much!

I also like this book. It's even helped me to read through a section when I was in crisis.

You're not alone. What you've written, I've thought. It sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it. Hopefully, places like this can help us get through this shit together.

u/_Prrr · 2 pointsr/BPD

This this this! 'Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder'

'The Buddha and the Borderline' is good, but her experience with BPD is pretty intense (drugs, hospitlizations, etc) so it may not be as relatable to your situation. It's a good read though!

u/someborderlinegirl · 2 pointsr/BPD

I agree. So much. I also recommend Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder, the first section in particular. It does a great job of explaining BPD in plain english, and then going through the brain chemistry that causes some of the symptoms. It was great for me to be able to learn that there is a biological explanation for some of my shit.. it's not all me being crazy. :P

u/comatoaster · 5 pointsr/BPD

Best book ever, imo:[Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide] (

It's really great for family, friends, and SO's to read as well.

u/jenahuman · 3 pointsr/BPD

Yes! I recommend his book:

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents


It really helps validate how you’ve been feeling all a long. And yes, it does give advice on how to finally heal from the abuse. It really changed my perspective of it all, hope it helps!

u/BogusProfiterole · 2 pointsr/BPD

What really helped me was learning emotion regulation skills (part of Dialectical behavioural therapy). This workbook is excellent. The problem is, when your emotion is overwhelmingly intense, it's pretty much too late to be able to change it. So, you should learn to identify your triggers, and use distraction, self-soothing and coping skills to help you regulate emotions when you feel a shitstorm (to use a technical term) coming. Others I can think of are mindfulness, relaxation, radical acceptance, self compassion etc. It takes a lot of work, but managing your emotions better is something that can be learnt.

u/mattisb · 2 pointsr/BPD

The best book I've read on BPD is "I hate you...don't leave me". amazon I found it pretty hard to get a lot of good info online about BPD, the stuff is pretty fragmented. Subbing here over time helps when you can see people making threads about what they're dealing with and realize aspects of the disorder that you didn't of yet think about that you share.

u/Rain12913 · 5 pointsr/BPD

I would recommend the book "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning is a great resource that will really help you start to think about the different ways that BPD might affect your relationship and, more importantly, of ways that you can utilize an understanding of BPD to improve your experience (and your partner's experience) in that relationship.

I know you said you've read about BPD in textbooks but this is quite different, and as a psychologist I'd recommend it.

u/a-walking-paradox- · 1 pointr/BPD

Hi there! I am the same way. I saw a psychiatrist when I was younger but I honestly don't have much recollection from those days and my parents would sit in on some sessions so that obviously wasn't helpful.

Last winter my depression was really acting up and I decided that I needed help, so I reached out to my boss and he helped me get in with a psychiatrist but that ended up being pointless because I felt like she was judging me...I admit now that this was probably in my head but I wasn't ready to go back and face my fears so I bought the following workbooks:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD -


The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation

I also bought the book - I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality - for my partner to read, to help him understand me a little bit better. I bought it because it's really hard for me to express my feelings and all the things that go on inside my head. It's a hard read because we can relate to a lot of it but it's healing as well.

All of these books have been extremely helpful. I hope this helps you out a little and can get you started on your journey towards healing!

u/TheCrazyCatLady_ · 2 pointsr/BPD

As has already been said, it is best to get a formal diagnosis. However, there are some good websites and books that can teach you some of the DBT skills you would learn in therapy. Even if you don't have BPD, there are a lot of really helpful skills. Some of the websites I have used are:
I have also used this workbook:

u/lightshampoo · 1 pointr/BPD

I have both of these:

The diary is really good for keeping track of how I feel and keeping healthy. The workbook is great for more in-depth work when I have time, I've learnt a lot from it.

Feel like I should say this obviously is no replacement for actual DBT. Unfortunately it isn't offered on the NHS where I live!

u/glitterain · 1 pointr/BPD

I can't thank you both enough for this - I feel this desperate need for help and am sick of doctors telling me I have to help myself. I understand that it has to be my decision to get better, but goddamnit, I want to get better so badly, I just don't have the energy, focus or drive to put into something like self-taught DBT whilst I wait for the NHS to shove me in another type of therapy and bounce me about and not tell me anything. It's seriously fucking demoralising and I can't pin my hopes on DBT as a be-all-end-all kind of thing because when that fails too or I can't retain the skills or I can't take it in, where do I go from there??

Would love to check out this book; I couldn't read Walking on Eggshells past like page 85 because it's so demonising. I found I Hate You, Don't Leave Me repetitive and outdated. I loved Lost in the Mirror and would recommend it to anyone.

u/hurt_kid · 2 pointsr/BPD

This book has a lot more in-depth information on how to deal with these types of familial situations and is free to read w/ Amazon Prime. I hope that it is helpful to you!

u/bossybabygirl · 1 pointr/BPD

Hey! I recently bought this workbook for DBT - for $28.00. I've been finding it helpful but I really need to dedicate time to actually trying out the activities they suggest. I'm only about two weeks in and I haven't been super consistent lately but I think it could go well if you really discipline yourself and commit (I know it's hard to commit, I have commitment issues) but therapy just isn't for me right now.

u/helloiamtrash- · 1 pointr/BPD

I cannot find my other book, but a close friend said she used this in her DBT group and enjoyed it.

this one

u/bpd_princess · 1 pointr/BPD

I'm sorry to hear moving home isn't an option. But yes, definitely let him know about invalidating environments--this is actually considered something that causes and enhances the symptoms of BPD. So his behaviour is actually just reinforcing (or even causing) your emotional turmoil. That said, your bf's reaction to your BPD behaviour is pretty typical. It's really hard for non-bpds to grasp. If you can get your hands on a copy of this book, it's super helpful when trying to explain the disorder to non-bpds. Also, it's really informative on the topic of invalidating environments.

u/MrsDowner · 1 pointr/BPD

DBT book !!! I’m still waiting for a appointment with a psychologist too, and this book is giving me skills that are literally saving my life in the meantime. I HIGHLY recommend you get it :)

u/bagofpandas · 2 pointsr/BPD

Oh sweetie.. I feel so much of what you wrote. With the issue of waiting for health coverage to start therapy, I suggest you buy this DBT workbook and start it on your own. It helped me a lot. Keep your chin up and tell your inner demon to fuck off. You are worthwhile, you are strong, and you can come out on top. 💖

u/Albie_Tross · 1 pointr/BPD

I'm in the same boat, waiting for my first therapy appointment. I picked up a DBT workbook on Amazon. Only one chapter in, but I grabbed a pen and did some work and reading. Very helpful so far.


This sub is also good stuff.

u/IntentKitten · 3 pointsr/BPD

Oh my LAWD! There's a workbook too!

Book -- Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

Workbook -- By Henry Cloud, John Townsend: Safe People Workbook

There's also a book on Boundaries!! 🙌🙌
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

u/youngpadw · 1 pointr/BPD

This book is still kinda new and so not many people have seen it. I'm so lucky I found it in my library, it's helped me immensely. Each story is inspirational cos it talks about how they've been getting better, even with massive set backs. Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

u/Leon2693 · 2 pointsr/BPD

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

u/BPDgirl1996 · 2 pointsr/BPD

It's hard really because I want to tell you to just do it yourself because the costs are so much but if you can somehow manage it it is definitely worth trying to get proper treatment. In the meantime you do need something to get you by so I recommend listening to lectures by Marsha Linehan or reading books about coping with BPD. I don't like "walking on eggshells" or whatever that one was because it was just very judgemental and depressing in how it was written.
I have really enjoyed this one and it has helped me a lot with feeling better. Talking to people is also a good coping mechanism but really try and dig deep and look inside yourself to see where the problems are. I think it helps to understand at least for me. Like thinking about what could have stemmed my fear of abandonment for example.

u/bpdsurvivor91 · 3 pointsr/BPD

Anger and frustration are the hardest to overcome when it comes to
Bpd in my opinion. I highly recommend a daily meditation practice devoted to focusing on the breath. I was skeptical when I started but I’m 22 hours deep now and I can tell you for a fact it will change your perceptions. Also a friendly read as well:

The Mindfulness Solution for Intense...

u/TwistedxRainbow · 1 pointr/BPD

When I gave my boyfriend a copy of Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder it really helped him understand me so much better and on how to help me.

Edit: Here's the Amazon page for the book if you are interested.

u/adovest · 3 pointsr/BPD

I'm pretty sure it is this one. I've liked it a lot so far and how differently it approaches bpd.

u/girlfrom1977 · 2 pointsr/BPD

I did a year of group dbt therapy (also with individual therapist), in the uk, and really we just worked our way through the book above, so have a wee look and see what you think. Best of luck.

u/spud_simon_salem · 1 pointr/BPD

This workbook for DBT is really great. I used it maybe 10 years ago and recently bought a new one to help me work on the skills again.

u/Jayaranii · 1 pointr/BPD

This book is absolutely amazing. I'm almost finished; it is such a beautiful read 💫

u/GageErata · 3 pointsr/BPD

Only you can decide if it is worth while to stay with her or not. My wife has BPD, we have a great relationship now. There were a few times in the past when I was on the brink of leaving her.

> everyone says she'll never get better fully,

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is very effective at treating BPD. My wife has been in DBT and it has helped her tremendously. I get annoyed when I hear someone say that people with BPD can't get better.

I also go to DBT. The skills taught in DBT are useful for everyone to know. When my wife is upset it helps that I can talk with her about DBT skills she can use. Also, I have learned skills I can use to deescalate conflict with my wife. The combination of my wife learning to regulate her emotions and me learning to deescalating conflict has saved our marriage.

Also, I attend Al Anon meetings regularly and have a sponsor. Al Anon is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics. A lot of people with BPD also have substance or alcohol abuse issues.

It is very easy to think of the person with BPD as the crazy one and to think of ourselves as mentally healthy. In my case, I learned that I was codependent and that my codependency contributed to the instability in my marriage.

Even if you decide not to stay with this girl, you should work on yourself. You may have some codependent traits. There are reasons you keep getting into abusive/miserable relationships. Until you work on this, it is likely you will continue to find yourself in bad relationships.

Here are some links you should look into:




If this girl abuses alcohol or drugs, consider



u/universemessages · 1 pointr/BPD


I recommend it for sure :)

u/Snaker12 · 2 pointsr/BPD

No this is not true at all please don't be discouraged. I have found BPD has made a difference in the few months I have tried it. I also find that some sort of talk therapy is also very helpful.

[I recently read this book and found it very enlightening as to the facts and fictions of BPD] (

u/crowens9178 · 1 pointr/BPD

I totally resonate with this. I just started DBT interpersonal effectiveness, and the first part was about understanding what my goals are in any interaction. I mean to tell you what, that information itself was life changing for me. If something is bothering me, I now have tools to go down a checklist and decide if it is something I want to address with the other person. And tools to do it effectively so that I can get my needs met in a healthy way. Your feelings are always valid, but not always the best guidance for what you want to achieve. If you can, look into DBT groups in your area, and if not, even just get yourself the workbook by Marsha Linehan and start reading it. The stuff is super simple (so far) and I have had so many lightbulb moments. Here is the book I have:

u/Infymus · 4 pointsr/BPD

I would like to add also, the following link to a review of her books on Amazon done by J. Furr which sums up these books very well.


>Enormous strides been made in understanding BPD since 1998 when "Stop Walking on Eggshells" was published. From a 2009 perspective, we can now recognize that "Stop Walking" is (through no fault of its no-doubt well-intentioned 1998 authors) so deeply flawed that it's dangerous. Today, more accurate, updated, constructive, and practical books written by more intelligent, highly qualified professionals allow the reader to benefit from the insights uncovered by research since "Stop Walking" was written.

>As of the date of this review (June 2009), I recommend the following: Alex Chapman, Ph.D & Kim Gratz, Ph.D., "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide" (Nov. 2007). The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide. Matthew McKay, Ph.D, Jeffrey Wood, Psy.D. & Jeffrey Brantley, M.D., "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises" (July 2007). Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

>Better stuff might come along after the date of this review, because the latest clinical research shows that Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and the right combination of psychotherapeutic medications are yielding better results for people with BPD and their loved ones than ever before. DBT has proven a breakthrough in coping with BPD, but has been widely available for only a few years. Thus BPD books pre-dating mid-2007 are now at best misleading and potentially dangerous.

>Despite its recent publication and high ratings from a handful of Amazon users, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells" (2008) is marred by most of the same misinformation and omissions as the 1998 "Stop Walking on Eggshells." The 2008 book is written by Randi Kreger LMSW, one of the authors of the 1998 companion, so it's no coincidence that the new book's title echoes the old one's. This also helps explain why the new book's analysis is so out-dated. Kreger relies on the 1998 books's foundation, but fails to acknowledge that that the foundation has rotted in the intervening decade. For the similar reasons, Kreger's 2002 "Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook," which garners an average 5-star review from 20 Amazon readers as of this date, is full of recipes for eggshell omelettes--that is, dysfunctional relationships. Non-BPD reviewers heap praise on Kregers's work because it helps them not resolve their dysfunctional relationships with BPD loved ones, but extricate themselves from them, and as the book's subtitle indicates "Take...Back" their "Lives" from the BPD people. Some reviewers imply that their relationships ended. The most compassionate reviewers express "pity" for BPD people, but no consciousness of potential ways to overcome both the BPD's and the non-BPD's suffering or the dysfunction in their relationship.

>None of Kreger's three books are about resolving problems. They're about helping the non-BPD reader gain distance from the problem--the person with BPD. Don't learn to walk. "Stop Walking."

All bold, italics mine added.

u/fuloveki · 4 pointsr/BPD

Thank you so much! The book I am using is Dialectial Behavior Therapy Skills. It is a textbook format book. I like it because it actually tells you how to actually apply these skills, as well as when and why you should apply them.

u/MiasmicCheesecake · 2 pointsr/BPD

I have that workbook. It’s super helpful. My therapist also recommended the one by Linehan , who created DBT, I believe. It’s the one my therapist uses. It’s in my Amazon shopping cart right now so if you buy it first, let me know if it’s worth while! I’ve done several pages out of it but I haven’t flipped thru the whole thing yet (obviously, since I haven’t bought it yet lol)

u/IkissedRogerRabbit · 1 pointr/BPD There is this another reddit person posted, and I highly recommend this book

It's visual, practical and has everything to help you and people in your life to understand this disorder.

And this might also help, it isn't the best article on why us and our relationships are difficult but it is a start, if you begin to know the signs etc you might be able to manage them better.

u/borderlinealterego · 2 pointsr/BPD

I'd suggest these two, the first is more of a "here's what BPD is and is not" educational book, it's the first one I read after my diagnosis. The second is a book full of different DBT exercises, it's a pretty good sized book so there's tons of different things to try out. I picked up both from my local chapters store.

u/KatTheFat · 1 pointr/BPD

Amazon is the best bet, they have a few different ones on there I'll try and find the one that helped me and link it in an edit


u/FertilityHotel · 2 pointsr/BPD

I don't have a lot of time to answer, but I feel ya. Objectively, my parents were great. Did everything they needed to do to take care of me. Physically and financially at least. However, emotionally, they dropped the ball. It really fucked with me and I feel like a piece of shit for splitting on them and being upset at them. They took care of me (goes my thoughts)! Why am I being an ungrateful bitch (continues the thoughts). It really messes with me. I know people who have had parents 1000x worse than mine and I feel like because of that, I'm being a major drama queen.


One thing that's been helpful for me is this book. It's about emotionally immature parents and their adult children. It really explains a lot of their behavior and its affect on me. Super easy to read and overall is short.

u/BlackberryMagpie · 2 pointsr/BPD

Do you have this one ? From what I've seen, it seems to be the gold standard of DBT workbooks. It's by Marsha M Linehan who apparently struggled with BPD herself before going on to pretty much found DBT as we know it. I'd recommend starting with that.

u/shooksilly · 4 pointsr/BPD

I mean that’s what DBT teaches - skills to regulate your emotions.

I’ve heard good things about Dr. Fox’s workbook, plan to order it myself even though I’m in DBT therapy...I need all the help I can get.

u/Carceres · 3 pointsr/BPD

I’m sorry you’re struggling with developing a new support network. I don’t have any particular suggestions, so I can only share what I do. I go to a local zen (meditation) center regularly, codependents anonymous, and practice a lot of what I read from self-work DBT books, particularly this one.

It mainly hurt reading how they’ve declined to work with you after hearing your diagnosis, so just trying to offer some support the best I know how.

u/Soknardalr · 1 pointr/BPD

I have been practicing myself using this book: Amazon Link

I can say so far that I have made a lot of progress in terms of learning how to deal with stressful situations and how to control my anger/behavior.

I would definitely prefer to be a part of a therapy group or do DBT with a professional than by myself. I used to attend therapy groups when I was in college, those were free. I'm out of college and can't afford the therapy. But working by yourself does bring a change.

u/LumpySpaceBorderline · 1 pointr/BPD

Stop Walking on Eggshells is horrible, I read about thirty pages and it's more like an abuse survival guide. It paints us all as evil manipulators who are just out to hurt people. I've never heard a good thing about it from people with BPD, just from people who call themselves 'BPD survivors' but don't have it.

Edit: if I'm going to discredit I may as well recommend. I LOVED Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder.

u/jojo611 · 2 pointsr/BPD

Hi there again, I checked with the people who brought out the German DBT book I told you about. They recommended this and this one I really believe and trust that they know what they are doing.

u/TillyOTilly · 2 pointsr/BPD

I feel like i just read an entry from my own journal. I understand where youre coming from. All i can say is, you are doing good by writing that all down. Yes, you will feel shame because you are admitting you know something is wrong. Plenty of people deny it to everyone else AND themselves, preventing any change for the better.

Might i suggest the book i suggest to everyone? Its what my therapist suggested and you can buy it on amazon for like $13. Its Dialectical behavior therapy workbook.

You can use that without the help of anyone else. Its helped me a lot.

u/i8doodoopuss · 2 pointsr/BPD

If you haven't already, read "Understanding the Borderline Mother." It has helped me immensely. It was emotionally difficult to read this book, but it has really helped me to heal in the long term. It has also helped me learn how to negotiate a relationship with my mother, and come to terms with her disability.

Being the child of an untreated borderline is painful, but ultimately isolating - how can people possibly understand?

And, it's normal for the children of boderlines to struggle with identity - where does mom end, and where do I begin? This is something you and I will struggle with for a lifetime, I'm afraid.

Please feel free to PM me. You are not alone, and things will get better.

P.S. I'm a bisexual agnostic. Sooo, yeah.

u/urbanimal · 3 pointsr/BPD

My partner didn't really understand why I did what I did, but I found a great book (The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide ) which helped both of us make sense of things.

I know it is difficult, but the people who want to be around you aren't psychic. You need to effectively 'hand-feed' them information on BDP. With the help of therapy, you won't find their lack of knowledge quite as distressing.

Look after yourself.

u/skydiver89 · 1 pointr/BPD

Well, I guess the best advice I can give is when you feel in a good mood, do what you're doing now....looking for a therapist is a start. Making the call is next and that can be hard, but just take things one step at a time. It sounds cliche af, but that's all I can do some days.

I have this DBT workbook. It's helped me a lot.