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u/sariaru · 16 pointsr/CatholicWomen

This is a copy of a post I wrote for another woman who asked, so I apologize that it's somewhat woman-centric but, well, NFP is fairly woman-centric.

First off, pick up Simcha Fisher's Sinner's Guide to NFP because it's an amazing resource, very funny, and written from someone who's been "in the trenches." Talks about the good, the bad, the easy, the difficult.

Basically, there are three or four major signs of fertility; women can track as many or as few as they like to determine when they're fertile. These are:

  1. Cervical mucus
  2. Basal body temperature
  3. Cervix position/firmness
  4. Cycle history (unreliable on its own, but is a good "backup")

    Although just using a calendar is not as accurate on its own (thus the rhythm method came to be known mockingly as "Vatican roulette"), the other methods can be as good at preventing pregnancy as many other hormonal or barrier methods. I'll try and give the quick and dirty on each of the three above methods. (Following is clinical, possibly NSFW, and a little icky.)

  5. Cervical mucus: The vagina is a naturally acidic (PH < 7) place and fairly hostile to sperm, which is carried in an alkaline (PH > 7) fluid. The closer to ovulation the woman is, the more the vagina accomodates sperm, PH-wise. The consistency and amount of mucus or fluid produces is also a good indicator. Right after menstruation, there is typically very little mucus, and it's thick and often opaque - a bit like school paste. As you progress, you get slightly thinner, and sort-of opaque, maybe like lotion or coconut oil. The mucus ideal for conception is stretchy, clear, abundant, and sticky - think raw egg white. If you're on any fertility/NFP forums and you see "EWCM" = egg white cervical mucus. Then after the fertility window, you cycle back down until you undergo menstuation again. Here is a SFW photo showing the different types of mucus. You test mucus... ahem, exactly how you would think. Wash your hands first.

  6. Basal body temperature: The human body temperature varies throughout the day based on the last time we ate or drank, how long we've been awake, the weather outside, etc. In order to minimize these variables, NFP uses the basal body temp (the lowest body temp, which happens during long periods of sleep); at the time of ovulation, the temperature will increase by about a half-to-whole degree F (quarter-to-half degree C). You get this with a special BBT thermometer (regular do-i-have-a-fever ones aren't sensitive enough) and taking your temperature the MOMENT you wake up and recording it. Note, this tells you when ovulation has already occurred, so it's not terribly useful for predicting ovulation until you get the hang of tracking it.

  7. Cervical position: As I mentioned in point 1, the vagina is pretty hostile to semen. The cervix changes position throughout the cycle and becomes softer and opens slightly to accommodate semen during ovulation. During non-fertile times, the cervix will be high/far (difficult to reach), and will be hard, like the tip of your nose. As ovulation nears, the cervix will lower slightly, open a little, and grow softer, feeling more like your earlobe. Again, you test this exactly how you might think. (Clean hands!) This is probably he most difficult to really get a feel for (ha).

    You'll see lots of "methods" thrown around (Billings, Marquette, etc) - they're all just combinations of these three tracking methods. My recommendation, beyond picking up "Sinner's Guide to NFP" above, is to download the very excellent app Kindara on the mobile device of your choice. Not only does it have all the tracking tools you could possibly want, but you can also post your charts (anonymously) to other users, who can then help you interpret it until you get the hang of reading your own chart. It comes with a Bluetooth-enabled fancy-pants thermometer called Wink but I use a regular BBT thermometer just fine. The only benefit of getting Wink is that you don't have to fumble with typing anything in at the crack of dawn, as it auto-syncs.

    Goodness, this turned into a novel. Yes, starting NFP can be a little squeamish (I mean, comparing bodily fluids to egg whites, let's be honest here). But in the long run, you get used to it and you and your partner will have a much greater understanding of yourselves and your bodies. Plus, NFP can also help catch other gynaecological problems early, as they can often interfere with mucus and cervical position! If you have any other, more specific questions, shoot me a PM or respond here. Best of luck and many prayers!
u/Eajuhnke · 3 pointsr/CatholicWomen

It is absolutely my pleasure and prayer! You ask awesome questions. And I have some resources for you this time. Let’s start with studying what a “good Catholic marriage” looks like:

On TOB - Theology of the Body – One of the most famous teachings of the church. At a fundamental level, we are called to respect our bodies and others’ bodies and live in God’s divine image.
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/the-theology-of-the-body-according-to-pope-john-paul-ii/

On LOVE – we are called to love like God loves / love in God’s divine image (to the best of our abilities), NOT love how we think we should love.
http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/love-and-sexuality/index.cfm
https://www.dominicanajournal.org/the-four-loves/
http://www.catholiclane.com/fruitful-love-symbolizes-gods-inner-life-says-pope-francis-amoris-laetitia/
https://mycatholic.life/the-my-catholic-life-series/my-catholic-morals/chapter-6-chastity-purity-affection-and-marital-love/
This book was recommended to me the day I asked some similar questions as you: https://www.amazon.com/Good-News-About-Marriage-Revised/dp/0867166193 and it answered more questions than I had.

On VOCATION – we are called to give ourselves to God (in one way or another)
https://www.osv.com/thechurch/humandignityandsexuality/article/tabid/658/artmid/13696/articleid/4394/theology-of-the-body-making-a-gift-of-self.aspx
http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/vocations/priesthood/ten-frequently-asked-questions-about-the-reservation-of-priestly-ordination-to-men.cfm

In terms of what holy matrimony isn’t, I encourage you to find the nearest priest and grill him in more detail on this! It’s best to have a conversation and they will do much better explaining than me. I grill them all the time. To your question, it would be really awesome that they are raising a child that would not otherwise be brought up in a loving and safe home. The issue is, again, what’s going on in the bedroom. The guidance is the exact same for my relationship and I run into the exact same temptation and sins in my marriage. I go to confession regularly when I’m not getting things quite right, but why don’t I get judged for the exact same sins? On the outside, my marriage looks great and normal. Right? Again, not acceptable by our standards. This goes back to the good ol Catholic teaching: you should not be judging anyone!!! Matthew 7:1-5. We are all sinners. We all have equal dignity.

On INFERTILITY – I believe there is no purposeful act of withholding oneself. "The male and female bodies are made to be able to procreate together. When infertility is apparent, the challenge is to diagnose and address problems so these bodies can function as they should—and there is no moral problem in doing this, any more than there is in other medical treatments to restore health." (Life Giving Love in an Age of Technology)
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/natural-family-planning/resources/infertility.cfm
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/reproductive-technology/begotten-not-made-a-catholic-view-of-reproductive-technology.cfm
Give those a read!

u/g00d_day_sir · 10 pointsr/CatholicWomen
  1. NFP doesn't have to be complicated (although certainly there are women who have irregular cycles and do struggle with it) - check out marquette university's nfp protocol. All I have to do is pee on stick and I only "chart" when my period starts and when I peak. Honestly I've experienced more women who struggle with infertility than with fertility - most Catholic women adapt to using NFP and I've met many using different methods who rely on their husbands to do the majority of the charting
  2. "Only moral sex acts are ones that come at risk to women" --> to understand and love the church's teaching on sex you need to read Theology of the Body. I can't explain it in a simple post, but there's a reason the church teaches what it teaches and personally I find it beautiful and life-fulfilling not defeating. Does it suck sometimes? Hell YA sista. But knowing there is meaning in the choice and that practicing self-denial has eternal value changes everything.
  3. "Women can't be priests" - again if you research and read the answers for why this is, it's logical and reasonable not just men dictating the rules.
  4. There's a lot of theology about women written by women - in fact you might like Alice von Hildebrand's The privilege of being a woman
  5. In regards to St. Aquinas, it's a little unfair to take him out of his historical context. Yes he said some unfortunate things about women, but he also said some amazing things about God. Most of the things about women were typical for his time-period.
  6. If you want better modesty discussions I'd again recommended theology of the body based books - Dawn Eden's Thrill of the Chaste is a good one.

    Hoping that didn't feel like an attack because that's not how it was meant. I can understand why you would feel this way, but I truly believe the church has logical and reasonable answers for all your frustrations. Best of luck with coping with these struggles and hope some of this may be helpful to you.
u/ur_tears_r_tasty · 3 pointsr/CatholicWomen

You're welcome! I did wear (a dress like this)[https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0731D7F56/ref=twister_B0731FL6VT] fairly frequently while visiting super conservative areas with either a scarf around my neck or a cardigan, but pants are fine as long as they aren't extremely skintight on the butt. Have a great trip!

u/one_hot_llama · 1 pointr/CatholicWomen

I can't vouch personally since I've never read any of his stuff, but a lot of people love Scott Hahn's books. He has one called Hail, Holy Queen about Mary.

u/itsjaneeyre · 1 pointr/CatholicWomen

Please look into Christopher West and Jason Evert! I'm not sure this would be the best place to start, but Heaven's Song was the first book I ever read based on Theology of the Body and it was mind blowing (and I'm a cradle Catholic).