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I think there’s some decent answers already so hopefully my addition helps you two on the best path to a long, very loving, and extremely rewarding life together.

You both could benefit whether you ever actually get into cuckolding or not by reading this book (kindle version available). It’s not a sexual romp but a peek into where this comes from and what real couples actually do (eg: not necessarily anything like porn)

https://www.amazon.com/Insatiable-Wives-Women-Stray-Love/dp/1442200316

I’d also recommend you read a bit about FLR. It might help some of the fighting if done right. I’m guessing he’d be a little amicable if he’s actually interested in cuckolding. It doesn’t have to be some huge indefinite change either. You could schedule a weekend where you’re in charge and he serves you in all ways you can think of. I mean, just play with it. If you do more research you’ll run into more serious outlooks but that doesn’t have to be what you do.

https://herway.net/relationship/10-reasons-female-led-relationship-amazing/

While there’s the concept of leather clad BDSM styled female domination, most women don’t identify with it. Developing a good leadership style needs to reflect who you are and I find most women work well in a sensual dominant or “goddess” role. What woman doesn’t want to be worshipped a little by her man? It’s more difficult to find a valid resource for online but this short post from kinkly is a decent introduction.

https://www.kinkly.com/definition/6750/sensual-domination

Given the description of your relationship dynamic and the desires of both of you these things might work out but they’re only suggestions. You are free to choose and I’d encourage you to pick out what you like and throw away what you don’t.

One option that might help and be fun is male chastity. There was a blog by a wife who kept her husband in chastity that didn’t include some of the extreme or more out-there topics people sometimes attach to it. I can’t find the blog and I’m having trouble finding the book she wrote too but this is it on goodreads website:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13299269-be-careful-what-you-wish-for

These suggestions don’t have to involve anyone else if you don’t want them to. You can keep it strictly between the two of you. Incorporating elements of these into your relationship will probably shift the power in your favor, which I’m guessing your boyfriend will be quite amicable to.

Like him getting angry about you chatting with that guy, men can have trouble letting go. They’re insecure about losing you but that’s where the sensual dominance comes into play. You can tease and coax him into doing and feeling what you want while reassuring him how much you love him...as long as he follows your lead and adores you for it. It’s a positive spin on that jealousy that men tend to have. But with your coaxing you can get him to trust you. Sensual dominance is a great tool for women to guide men towards a higher degree of compersion. Which would help deflect his jealousy into being happy for you regardless of what you do. It’s a form of unconditional love and who doesn’t want that from their partner?

https://www.definitions.net/definition/compersion

Probably the most important link here is the next one. The rest are meant to help you make sense of your situation and find a way forward that works for the both of you. But this one is a site that asks questions that help people fall in love. I recommend it to people all the time offline. It’s not magic but given you’re already in a relationship, it can help strengthen trust and love between the two of you.

http://36questionsinlove.com

I recommend going through it at a nice restaurant with a bottle of wine.

Wow - I came here for the first time today in order to get more info on this - and your post was the first to come up...Its like I wrote it - 7 years ago....

First, I just want to say how brave you are to even ask about this - as I know I wasn't...so I've basically just been in the dark for the past few years - w/my only real exposure listening to podcasts like 'Sex w/Emily' - (which I highly recommend you and your husband list to her together)

I remember the day my husband of 26 years now - told me that he wanted to see me with another man - I was SHOCKED...to say the least - basically all the things you said was exactly how I felt - I'm a Christian, and my marriage is a covenant w/me, God and my husband - so it really threw me.

And I, like you have my husband on a pedestal - I think hes the hottest man in the world and no one compares to him - in all aspects. He is kind, thoughtful, loving, there for me at every turn of our marriage - he is my best friend.

I read most of the posts, and while thoughtful - I don't think they addressed what I know personally is the main feeling - HOW DO YOU MOVE FORWARD...like you, I want to give my husband every thing he desires. I love to please him and even when he says thing nonchalantly, like I really like that car or bike or....I want to help him make it happen. So I totally understand your desire to please - and also, I have spent our entire marriage telling him how hot he is and how much I love him - and basically have no desire for any other man - ever...

First, give it time - let it soak in - what you have done, asking on here - and answering questions is so healthy. I wish I would've done that - but really try not to let it overshadow your lives...

Second, do some research - when my husband first told me - I thought it was more like he didn't appreciate me and wanted to just pass me around like a 'six pack' - it was awful. At the time I was turning 40 - and was in the best shape of my entire life and I didn't understand how he could allow me to be used like a toy or sex object. It was really hard for me to process that. NOW, I know none of that is true....as you have read thru many posts, you can see that is the furthest thing from what I thought it was.

Third, keep talking to him - Keep asking him questions - on occasion, not like all the time and not while having sex - and try to be non-judgmental. Try to just listen w/compassion and love. At the same time possibly look into yourself and think about some 'fantasies' that you may have as well. Just explore each other, and get to know each other on a new level. We are supposed to be one - and in that we should be able to tell each other EVERYTHING - w/out consequences.

Fourth - I read a few posts from people saying something to the fact that this stems from trauma - I honestly believe that is absolutely false. More likely, its carnal - and part of his biology. There is so much scientific evidence proving that when men see other men having sex, whether its w/his wife or someone else (porn) it will improve his sex drive - basically testosterone and sex hormones which are all feel good hormones - BECAUSE - it makes his sperm 'stronger' so think back to the beginning - in tribes...survival of the fittest - the man w/the strongest sperm is the one who passed on his genes. Look at the function of an uncircumcised penis - It literally is made to 'suck' out the sperm inside a women if another man had ejaculated before him...(hopefully we are all adults here) So, that has more to do w/his desire than anything - basically, he wants to put a baby in you...LOL - I know that may seem cheesy - but honestly, many of the things we do in life our governed by our hormones. That is where God comes in - is to try and live up to a different 'level'

Fifth, keep loving each other and grow together - I honestly was lucky - it was almost as if my husband had read a step by step book on how to bring it up to me - (which I know he didn't) He went slow - and now looking back to the beginning of our marriage - so many things make sense - Like he was NEVER jealous, trusted me beyond, would do anything in the world for me, just to name a few things - anyways, what we do now is - we have a'man' Chad - under the bed -

He is our 'second' as I wore the other one out...My husband gets his fantasy fulfilled - and I don't have to you know....He talks to me - and tells me the story - its actually really hot - needless to say we've been doing this for 7 years - and before that I already had an very high sex drive...so take it slow - It was hard for me to go that level - honestly - he was the one who suggested it - and then let me pick it out - and he still gets it out - I rarely ever take him out first....

Anyways, this is a long reply and I have to run - so hopefully not many spelling/grammar errors - and it makes sense - and isn't over the top for you!!!

Take care and if you have any other questions, I wouldn't minded at all if you PM'd me - as honestly you are the first person I have 'come out to' regarding this!!! And I'm still trying to process it regularly.....

Best

If you want more information on being a sub, try these books on BDSM:

How to be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to BDSM by Morpheous

The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

As for being a cuck...that's more for you and your wife to figure out depending on what type of dynamic you two want.

Further more... for fun or food for thought.

https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381


https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0061707813&pd_rd_r=9533ee40-3006-416a-9497-bce791e1c24d&pd_rd_w=r8koV&pd_rd_wg=qKPNg&pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&pf_rd_r=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9&psc=1&refRID=M1ZJKQDJ3QVCEFFVSQV9


https://www.amazon.com/Civilized-Death-What-Lost-Modernity/dp/1451659105/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2/142-5728848-3469104?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1451659105&pd_rd_r=e030bc0f-f8ae-471c-9ca7-f847e7eaf38d&pd_rd_w=2G4uW&pd_rd_wg=ssT2m&pf_rd_p=6e6afc8a-fbbd-4649-97cf-4e08f5113612&pf_rd_r=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ&psc=1&refRID=MKKB2P33TB0A4HYAJVMQ


https://bigthink.com/think-tank/how-to-make-love-like-a-caveman


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.allure.com/story/gang-bang-sex-fantasy/amp


http://upriser.com/posts/in-the-wodaabe-tribe-women-can-have-any-many-sexual-partners-as-they-wish-and-they-celebrate-an-annual-wife-stealing-festival

I think this one is better:

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/B004ADQAPM/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=sex+at+dawn&qid=1565502997&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

I found this on Amazon.

Mens Discreet Cuckold Shirt https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PJVD1RT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UTpKDbZB1NTBB