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yeah, i think if she doesn't want to front it's totally good to respect that, i just wasn't sure where you were coming from. that said, i will point out that things like suicidal thoughts and extreme depression don't generally just disappear, and so Y will need to deal with them eventually (and that kind of internal emotional work almost always has to be done while fronting in my experience) but that's something that should come on her schedule.

in terms of the taking responsibility thing, i feel that; there was a time when we had a similar dynamic. personally i've found the best thing to be encouraging/helping people to work on being more comfortable fronting during stressful situations (ie more people started fronting during studying, then working, etc) which both lightens the stress-load on you and makes it so that more people get more opportunity to front. i do personally feel like in the long term it's never good to just have one person controlling, but it is so related to personal system dynamics i don't wanna tell you what to do or anything because it might work for you. i'm glad you're thinking about it though and i think maybe just spending more time processing--take a few hours a week at least to check in with everybody in the system, see how they're feeling about how things are going, what changes they might wanna make in terms of system dynamics or life course. (weed and other drugs like dxm can be really helpful for this sometimes but ymmv)

in terms of healing--really, it's a long and arduous process, i think it's one that's also totally necessary. there's a lot of good self-help resources out there; for starters i'd recommend something like The Depression Book. therapy can help, so can talking with supportive people. communication is very helpful, so if you can find people you can comfortably communicate with about your trauma that's good. communicating amongst system members and writing things down in journals is always helpful too but it sounds like you're already doing that.

good luck ~

Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)

Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.

That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.

One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)

Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.

Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)

(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)

Hey! Alright, so I'll go ahead and start with a disclaimer: I'm formally diagnosed with DDNOS, though it's close enough to DID (I'll point out where it differs) that I typically just call myself DID.

There are four of us:

• Little One is about 5-6 years old. She's adorable and everyone loves her. She scares easy -- thunderstorms while driving can be difficult.
  
  
• Melody is the problem one. She's 14 and we fight a lot. She's pretty suicidal, and when she's super active is when I have problems (used to cut, etc).
  
  
• Okay, this one's a little weird. We call him/her Guardian. I use both male/female pronouns because I'm pretty sure it's just one personality, but I always refer to Guardian as male but Little One refers to him as a female. Pronouns get confusing. Guardian is the one that takes over when shit hits the fan. If I'm in a job interview or at work or in a public place and something happens, Guardian will take over and calmly handle the situation.
  
  
• Uh.. me! Right. I'm less sure how to describe myself haha. I'm as emotional as a typical early-20s female, but I don't handle drama well. I have a long fuse but once I get pissed off, I really snap. I'm out most of the time, often co-conscious with Guardian and/or Little One.
  
  I'm almost exclusively co-conscious with the others. This is the primary reason that I'm diagnosed DDNOS. What that means is that when another alter is in "control", so to speak, I'm either partially present or at the least aware of what's going on. I have occasionally gone completely inside, but it is very rare. For those with DID proper, it's much more common for them to have full switches, and they may not even be aware that the alters exist because they are never co-conscious and there is little communication.
  
  That said, when I look in the mirror while another alter is out, I don't see myself as I typically would. I see the alter. It's hard to explain, really. I used to look quite a bit different from Melody (I was blonde, she has dark hair) so it used to be much more of a contrast. There are a couple of pictures that I'm in that I literally do not recognize myself at first because it is an alter out. I started dying my hair dark auburn a few years ago, and now the difference is less noticeable to me, but I am still 100% aware that it is her. My boyfriend can quite consistently tell which of us it is -- without us speaking. He says it's something in the eyes.
  
  I don't have a gatekeeper, persay, but Guardian will take care of Little One at times and make sure she doesn't come out at an inappropriate time. I pretty much just have to reason with Melody in order to get her to stay in if I need her to.
  
  I have seen US of Tara. I liked it a lot. It's obviously kinda over-the-top with the depictions of the alters, but that's kinda what's necessary for TV, which I can understand.
  
  Here's some reading material I recommend:
  
  
• Switching Time -- This is an account of a woman's DID from the point of view of the therapist. Reads like a novel. VERY highly recommended. This is the only one that I've asked my boyfriend to read.
  
  
• The Stranger in the Mirror -- This one's more informational, less story-based, but explains a lot.
  
  
• Multiplicity -- This one I would not necessarily recommend to people with DID, but it's definitely great for those that are trying to understand it. It's not about DID, but about the elements of multiple personality that most everyone can relate to.
  
  You can AMA. I enjoy educating people about DID.
  
  EDIT: Formatting.
  
  

There's a significant overlap between BPD and dissociative disorders: It's been found that between 48.5-70% of those with DID also meet the criteria for BPD, that 26-76% of those with BPD meet the criteria for a dissociative disorder, and that 2.5-27% of those with BPD meet the criteria for DID.

My view of BPD aligns with what Colin Ross wrote in his book on dissociation:

>I think that Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a form of DDNOS with defined EPs in virtually all, if not all cases. However, I think that people with BPD can also switch states without a fully separate identity taking over. The behavior changes dramatically, along with the mood state, the degree of arousal, the cognition, perception, and speech. When someone with BPD switches, it is like another person is there, except there isn’t another person. There is a dissociated psychic fragment in executive control: whether we call this an intrusion or a switch is a bit arbitrary. In my view, much of the phenomenology of BPD is due to EPs, but not all.
>
>As far as I can tell, all clinicians familiar with BPD, and all experts on it, regard the person with BPD as highly internally fragmented. This is called splitting rather than dissociation in much of the BPD literature, but splitting seems like a subset of dissociation to me, if we consider the general systems theory meaning of dissociation.

Source: Structural Dissociation, by Colin Ross

Labels can be useful in helping you find language to describe your experiences and a community that has shared experience, but it's easy to get lost in trying to find out what exactly you "have". It's well established that the DSM diagnostic entities have no "validity" in the technical sense, ie they are useful in connecting people with certain clustering of symptoms to effective treatment, but they don't denote what you "have" with any scientific rigour. Since the disorders don't map out to any natural categories of mental illness, labels become merely means to access appropriate treatment. You're free to investigate the nature of your symptomatology, and ask what are the effective treatments for my cluster of symptoms.

I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.

We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.

When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone

It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.

Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&qid=1536309996&sprefix=dissoci&sr=8-4&ref=mp_s_a_1_4

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1536311130&sr=8-1&ref=mp_s_a_1_1


Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.

Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too

During my SCID-D assessment, it was suggested to me that I have a 'reporter part' who has the job of watching things and keeping track of what is going on. I'm not that part, but I wanted to say that we love that part a lot and think they're really special and important. They feel unreal a lot but we wouldn't be here without them.

When I feel bad about dealing with it, I like to read some books on DID or lurk on this sub to remind myself I'm not alone. Child parts distract themselves with fantasy stories or young adult novels. Also, grounding techniques that use different senses can help too. Lately I've been getting a bar of chocolate and I'll do some colouring or listen to music. If that doesn't help, I'll play with the cat, call a friend or go to sleep. There's a book on coping with dissociation that has lots of things to try.

The part I mentioned doesn't find it easy to do any of these things because they don't really have any motivation or feel any enjoyment, but we have a rule that you just pick something and try it for ten minutes and if it doesn't work at least you tried. We're not actually very good at it, but that's the idea.

Hi there! Lemme just say I'm happy to hear you're in a good place and looking to continue healing and learning. Congrats for getting to this point, and I hope your journey goes well from here!

As far as book recommendations go, several people here are reading Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation and come together for a weekly book club thread (run by our very own u/puppydeathfarts .) If you're looking for a good book to dive into with people who can relate, I'd recommend joining!

Hi, I am married to someone who experiences DID. I would talk this over with your wife as to the possibility of having DID. Most of the time with DID, they may have loss of time when these other parts come out. Sometimes counselors and psychiatrists are not open to the idea that DID exists. What has helped me personally through this odd occurrence is to realize that it's not my fault and it's her job to manage herself (including all parts). There is a book I highly recommend (and this subreddit recommends) called Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. It has been a fantastic resource for my situation. I feel it has helped us gain an equilibrium even with all these alters my wife experiences. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

A copy of this book or a download link to it:

https://www.amazon.com/Stranger-Mirror-Marlene-Steinberg-M-D/dp/0060954876/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dissociation+the+hidden+epidemic&qid=1569302237&sr=8-1

Information is vital. Systems need to understand the basis of their nature and why things are as they are. This book helped enlighten us to our reality and allowed some of our parts to begin their healing, because they needed an extra push to accept the truth of the matter first.

The number one thing to help a DID system is always therapy, in my opinion. If you have contact information for therapists who have experience with dissociation and especially DID in particular, getting that contact information to DID systems is vital. -ansem

ngl i wouldn't trust youtubers like this. There's a huge issue with that right now, and something about the entropy system really rubs me the wrong way. A lot of youtube videos that are very..."entertainment" centered like "SWITCH CAUGHT ON CAMERA :O" are extremely voyeuristic and fetishistic of us and our struggles.

​

I would recommend this DID sourcebook, that can be bought on amazon, as a ways to learn about the others and about yourself. It was made for therapists and DID systems alike.

I also recommend some autobiographies. Though these can be triggering and graphic, the few i've read have helped me understand my selves better. Truddi Chase, Kim Noble, Christine Pattillo... Three different people with 3 starkly different experiences and ways their disorder works with them.

I also recommend TV segments and documentaries. Kim Noble's artwork, Kim Noble's Interview (though not as good), this Netflix Doc (though outdated and slightly misinformational as well as talks to abuse apologists at the "false memory institute".), Truddi's Interview, and this old Documentary from the 90's about 3 different DID systems (old but informational, though triggering so please be careful).

I also recommend Special Books By Special Kids, an incredibly heartwarming group on youtube where a man goes and meets with people with disabilities / disorders and lets them talk about their life and experiences.

This is the book used in a support group I'm part of, which is dual-diagnosis for trauma/substance.

Recovery from Trauma, Addiction or Both (if you want to help yourself, the frogcabaret part)

Seeking Safety (therapists book, if you want to learn to help all your parts by also coaching them through these tough topics)

Both cover dissociation in detail, but neither go into dissociative disorders. For that, this book is best in class (IMO):

Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation

Gl,

Dee

I'm sorry I don't know how to answer your questions. I have DID, which means I don't know how my friends know the difference between the different parts of my head. It's always been a bit of a mystery to me. But if you're looking for the best information on dissociative disorders, it's in here: http://www.amazon.ca/Coping-With-Trauma-related-Dissociation-Suzette/dp/039370646X

The reason why people like us don't tell the people around us is because we fear that it will change how they treat us. I've been called a liar and unfriended sure but the worst is when people pity us and treat us not as people but as a condition. So when he says that he doesn't want to see a therapist that should be his choice, I agree with you that he should seek out any help he can but it won't matter if he isn't into it (something something you can't make a horse drink).

If you want to help then sit down with them and offer to listen to what they have to say, it might take years and you might not ever hear about everything but that's okay because we multiples sometimes take a long time to open up.

When different parts come out treat them as friends with open arms and not as a burden as they are just as important as your husband and even though they might be a pain in the ass they exist to fullfil a role that may or may not be relevant now.

Buy and read this book, it's the only DID book we've read that we agreed with 100%.
The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook (Sourcebooks) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0737303948/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apap_eA3PRDUuKCURG

Write a book you say? ;P

My advice for writing is to always write, even if it's just stream of consciousness garbage. The more you use a skill, the better you get, and eventually you will be able to shoot from the hip and create something amazing at will.

It doesn’t appear connected to Dissociation, and instead some neurobiological deficit. However lucid dreaming has a weak correlation to dissociation but shares some neurobiological substrates. If it’s psychogenic and another part can imagine, then it might fall under something like somatization.

Also maybe a deficit in your thalamus which is the part of your brain that transfers all sensory information sans smell to your higher cortices.
That has been theorized to be related to possible experiences of DP/DR. Along with changes in the Anterior Cingulate, which determines if people -and environments feel safe. Something something Occipital lobe, and parietal lobe, play a part.

Then we take into account maybe it’s something like an encoding or retrieval error, trying to retrieve the mental imagery from your hippocampus.

I’m really reaching right now though, from what I understand it has only been identified and given a name recently.

Edit: sources.

Neurobiology of Traumatic Dissociation

Lucid Dream, Psychosis, Dissociation, and insight

Edit 2: More digging suggest maybe depersonalization as a possible cause. Which would share all those pesky substrates I mentioned. I’m done for now. There’s just not enough research I can find.

Last link. it’s 23 pages and I haven’t finished read it yet.

I've at least skimmed a ton of them, some are better than others. The ones I'd recommend are:

• The DID Sourcebook This is a good all-levels overview of all aspects of DID, and is the one that seems most accessible to partners or friends.
  
• [Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation] (https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=sr_1_1) This is a workbook style manual, very helpful but pulls no punches as far as triggering material, so a lot of people would suggest using this in therapy vs. on your own.
  
• The Stranger in the Mirror This offers a more inclusive look at the whole dissociation spectrum and also includes self-evaluation screening questions and explanations of results.
  

When I first started reading about DID after I was diagnosed, it was when the new term was just beginning to be used widely, and a lot of the discussion about it was still along the lines of "is this real or not." I was treated by the dude who wrote this book, and I highly recommend it: http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Shattered-Lives-Dissociative-Disorders/dp/0470768746

Edit: he didn't actually treat me with meds or therapy, just diagnosed me and then consulted on my treatment.

I am so sorry this happened. You have every right to feel how you feel. You have every right to protect yourselves from this toxicity. This is classic, get others to do their dirty work for them. If they can't reach you, they'll send in people they can manipulate to do it for them. They calculate these things. They actively think about ways to control and manipulate others. She's projecting her ugliness onto you. Your friend was sent in as bait. A pawn sent in retaliation for your going no contact. There are so many books written about this type of abuse. There's one written for victims specifically that helped me understand the psychological abuse in prior relationships as well as how to stay no contact and protect myself. The reason it helps to learn about, is it gives a name to what they are doing and provides you with tools to stay effectively no contact. You deserve your freedom and peace from these toxic people.


https://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/0425279995/ref=sr_1_2?crid=NICJ2OFLL5F5&keywords=psychopath+free&qid=1550433412&s=gateway&sprefix=psychopath+free%27%2Caps%2C206&sr=8-2

My advice is to find a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders. There are a lot of therapists out there who want to help, will take you on as a client, accept your money, but will not provide the right type of therapy for you. DID is a complex disorder. So many doctors are not trained in the specific therapeutic skills that you might need.

If you are struggling to find a therapist, you could start reading self-help books in the meantime. Here's some good ones:

https://www.amazon.com/Amongst-Ourselves-Self-Help-Dissociative-Identity/dp/1572241225

https://www.amazon.com/Insiders-Managing-Successfully-Dissociative-Identity/dp/1932690034/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0FHHASZHRBA7H2K6KBEE

https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0FHHASZHRBA7H2K6KBEE

An article I've dug up to re-post a few times regarding persecutor alters, and a theory about why the exist, and how to interact with them. Note: the article has explicit examples of persecutor alters. It's aimed at therapists, but it's easy to transfer to you interacting with your own system.

It's a bit of a weird thought, but I would also recommend reading some traumatic brain injury literature. The tips they have for people with suddenly much shorter attention spans and memory issues are can be re-worked and transferred to make an external communication system, and can help you make external coping tips. A lot of DID literature I read focuses on system cohesion, survival, the controversy, and so on. Traumatic brain injury literature will cover how to reorganize your life physically when you're not "there" for most of it. (With tips such as calendars, medication sorters, and so on.) I ended up reading this one.

I ended up getting back into meditation when the pain was bad and I had a useless doctor. A lot of standard meditation advice doesn't work for me (btw there ARE dangers, especially with trauma), so I had to throw out a lot of it and sorta flail about until I found what worked for me. There' a book that I suspect might overlap a lot with what I worked out, but I haven't got around to reading it yet: https://www.amazon.ca/Trauma-Sensitive-Mindfulness-Practices-Safe-Healing/product-reviews/0393709787/ref=dpx_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1

My own approach was... ugh words are hard... I often thought of it as "balancing on a knife edge in a hurricane". it was partially.. um.. the one where you don't try and control your attention, you just try and be aware of where it is (which would quite easily settle on the pain, because pain). also part insight meditation. and it was like the pain was behind a giant dam, and I was letting just a tiny trickle through and figuring out how to process that and sorta.. surf/float on top of it instead of being sucked in.

What really helped was getting a better doctor and finally finding medication that worked, that got the pain down to a level where I could process it faster than it came in, and start draining that massive backlog. a couple of years of that and I actually got off the pain meds in the end :) :) although I do still have to be careful and I'm still not well enough to work.

Oh, and there were also times I focused more on teaching my muscles to relax, since their tension seemed to be causing the pain, and I had to retrain them to not do that.. but my laundry alarm went off minutes ago, I should go.

edit: oh, as a bonus my pain management seems to work on emotional pain too! yay!

as for the muscles... well, pain would make them tense and tension would cause pain. aren't feedback loops fun? :P I didn't start training them out of it until I found out I had a bladder problem ruining my quality of sleep (omg sleep is important) and had to retrain muscles to cure that. then I just sorta... applied what worked on them to the rest of my body a bit at a time. when one finally started to relax it'd go through a twitchy phase that felt kinda creepy... but if I could get through that, then it was a much happier muscle and if I could avoid pissing it off for a while it'd be much less likely to join in the spasms. The hardest have been the neck and jaw muscles; I'm still working on those even now, with the help of a physiotherapist (finally found one that's not a quack, yay). they are fucking stubborn, and when I do relax them they'll tense back up again, faster if I'm trying to focus at all. trying to think while relaxing them is like trying to walk in two different directions at once. :/ but hey, not being in constant pain is still pretty awesome. :)

So I found some dissertations in my college's library database but I can't publish them here (I think that's illegal, lol) but if you'd like to PM me your email address I could send the files that way.

If you don't feel comfortable with that, no worries - in that case I will recommend purchasing the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Here's the link to the book on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

There is a growing field of research in psychology surrounding the utilization of massage therapy, yoga, reiki, and other body work modalities in the treatment of trauma disorders. Although it is relatively new in the mental health fields, massage practitioners have always known that we carry trauma in our tissues and muscles. The first time I ever got a massage, the therapist touched my shoulder blades and I immediately started sobbing. It was such a visceral reaction from a deep place of hurt that I didn't even know was there.