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Imagine yourself as a queen and him as a high class pleasure slave who is of course well trained in the sensual arts (that's a given) but also intelligent and quick-witted, and expected to become proficient in any topic of conversation or activity that you might want to enjoy together. He should know exactly how you like your coffee. If your heart's desire is to have a worthy Scrabble opponent, then regardless of how he feels about the game, he better have all the legal 2-letter words memorized by Christmas. If you like a hot bubble bath before or after sex, he should be in charge of keeping the supplies stocked, drawing the water, lighting the candles, fetching your glass of wine, and sitting on the cold tile floor to read to you or provide interesting conversation while you soak. The onus is on him to think of or research interesting discussion topics or questions for your conversation, or to share with you something interesting he learned today. If you like massages, he should watch YouTube videos or check out books from the library until he is on par with a professional. If you love oral and his skills are somewhat lacking, he should be expected to finish reading Ian Kerner's She Comes First by the due date you assign, and there had better be plenty of highlighting and notes in the margins. You get the idea.

Another possibility is erotic hypnosis. Personally, I think /r/shibbysays has some of the best stuff out there. You could either use her stuff for inspiration to make your own recordings (or just get ideas for how to talk during your sessions together), or you could actually play her recordings while he is blindfolded and you act out what she describes. For example, in the first file in the good boy series, which is usually recommended as a starting point, she talks about putting her hand on the guy's shoulders and chest. So when it gets to that part you could actually put your hands where she describes and rub his skin.

She's pretty good about including language that would allow a guy to listen by himself if he wants but also leaves open the possibility that he is in a relationship and is being made to listen to them by his real life domina. One that comes to mind is "Slip into Slave Mode," which says something along the lines of "whenever I, or whoever told you to listen to this recording, says 'slave mode,' you will return to this place." That one also includes a visualization of a weighted blanket slowly covering the guy up from his feet to his head. I for one would love to be cuffed and have my partner slowly unroll a blanket over me while listening to this together. For good measure, maybe rub your pussy in his face when it gets to the part where only his head is uncovered.

If y'all are both comfortable with bringing Shibby into your bedroom, start with the good boy series. Listen to them by yourself before you play them for your man and think about what what position he should be in and what you might do to him while he listens. Next explore the wiki (the indoctrination series is also good) or just browse the subreddit for files that you think might work well for your dynamic. A lot of the files include references to "triggers" established in good boy and indoctrination, so that's why it's usually a good idea to do them first. Some of them involve chastity and orgasm denial, but most are just tease and denial, and it should be pretty easy to avoid the ones you don't want.

I mainly read lesdom erotica, so take with a grain of salt if you're into F/m stuff

Claiming Katy (free online) is pretty excellent (though rather extreme) sadomasochism with a side-helping of service submission. Sophie (protagonist) doesn't deserve Katy and is a terrible dom, but she has actual character growth and becomes better over the course of the story. Expect edge play and not enough negotiation, but... Fuck, it's hot.

At her feet (not free, but worth it for the ebook) is warm, fluffy and wholesome-ish mommy dom/little girl stuff, at least in that it's extremely clear that the two women are totally into each other and their dynamic. It's not really my kink, but I had a smile on my face for most of the time I was reading it. Would recommend based solely on how happy it is.

I've seen this situation brought up in a lot of forums. It sounds like domination doesn't turn your wife on directly, but she does feed on your arousal and it sounds like she is a caring and open partner, so that's good.

You could try introducing simple rules to see how she might enjoy having control over you. One thing that I think might show the appeal of dominance to women who don't personally identify as dominant, is the right to always demand kisses.

There is a post on Domme Chronicles that shows just how much fun it can be.

Getting your wife to try out limited power exchange might be a good step towards introducing a D/s aspect to your relationship.

There is also a book, Uniquely Rika, that deals specifically with introducing Female dominance into an existing relationship. I'm hesitant to give it my full recommendation, because I wasn't especially keen the end relationship it suggested, but it may be worth having the both of you reading it.

The Mistress Manual, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual and [The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0806520892) are all books about Female Dominance in some fashion or another. They are written by women, are quite readable and have overall good stuff going on for all of them. I can't recommend one specifically as an end all be all but I know each of them has good things to offer.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink is also a really great resource but it talks about a huge range of stuff and all of the essays are written by different people. It's not specifically about F/m but a nice general overview of all sorts of kinky activities.

Also, reading them to her in bed is adorable.

So, I don't know if what I have to say is at all helpful, and mostly I wanted to comment because I'm a little jealous at your willingness to server, lately it feels like my "puppy" is just along for the ride...but enough about me.

As far as being a new dom and books... I read a wide variety of both informational and fantasy books. I think a mix of both gave me many more ideas and options to think about and it was easier for me to pick things I liked that way. BUT The number one thing that helped was getting online and watching/reading information from other doms and subs. Asking questions and so on. I'm sorry I don't have actual book names for you. (If I think of specific ones I will get back to you!)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mistress-Manual-Female-Dominance/dp/1890159190/ref=cm_lmf_tit_3

http://www.amazon.com/The-Sexually-Dominant-Woman-Beginners/dp/1890159115/ref=cm_lmf_tit_7

http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008/ref=cm_lmf_tit_9

Just a few to look into. :) ALL great for just getting started, and learning more about herself, her wants/needs, her sexuality...so on. Good Luck and Kink ON! :D

Not video but I'm piping up anyway.

I started my blog exactly because I couldn't find content that showed hot, passionate, F/m interactions and relationships between real people (it's not a video, obviously, but still).

My book is full of hot F/m play: Domme Chronicles: Erotic tales of love, passion, & domination

Yes, I'm touting my own stuff, of course I'm biased :).

Ferns

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance https://www.amazon.com/dp/1890159190/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_F9qhDb2BMXRN0

Amazon offers paperback and kindle versions. I also read Female Domination: An exploration of Male desire for loving female authority by Elise sutton. It was also informative and shows insight from a lot of perspectives (she is/was also a bdsm therapist) which also came from Amazon.

Nice dynamic you two have :-)

Have you already considered remote (over-the-internet) sex toys, like the Hush? To keep his mind on you, you could assign him some extra tasks, like sending you erotica that he finds arousing (stories, videos, etc.). I think you can find extra ideas on some books, like this one or this one.

Also, a question: which model of chastity cage is he using at the moment?

Does he just want you to do things to him in sexy scenes? Or do he and you both want more?

I just got a copy of Uniquely Rika and while short it really illuminates the How-To and emotional complexity of Female-Dominant Power Exchange if you want a good place to start. https://www.amazon.com/Uniquely-Rika-Ms-Rika/dp/1435710797/ref=pd_bxgy_14_2/157-4079401-7809037?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7GJCBAJHVT388E6K7T20

There is a sequel Uniquely Us but my order isn't here yet.

The Hesitant Mistress sounds like it might also help you. Different author though so I'm not sure.

My Year in Review post here also has other book recommendations.

My recent take on submission as a m sub see what he thinks: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/comments/5prmzv/submission_is_not_a_replacement_for_selfesteem/?st=iybrxp7g&sh=e454ae43

This is pretty much my story man. A lot of the advice that's been given to you makes sense, and I suggest you read "No More Mr Nice Guy." Take it from someone who your original post described almost to a tee.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

one, two, and three if you are looking for a relationship shift into the female led side. If you are new to the entire idea you may want to start with something like this. I would recommend staying away from porn on the subject because most are fantasy driven vs reality driven. Dig deep into some of the subreddits on some of the kinks you have discovered and you may find a local subreddit with meetups. You never know, welcome to the journey!

Plastic sucks for long term maintaince. With the exception of this one

Biosourced Resin Male Briefs Chástí-ty Dëvîce with 4 Size, Male Underwear T-Shirt for Comfortable Wear https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VYQYP8S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_9PWEDbKT0D76W

This metal one is a good basic startup cage

FG-CC Metal Stainless Steel 3.8Inch Toy Control for Male Man https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07W17K9DD/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_zQWEDbZQM8Y0C

I bought my wife A Key holders handbook and asked her to read it, the condition was although I could ask how the book was I wouldn't look at it or read it.

I think it helped her understand that the dynamic would work in her favor and reassured her that I get pleasure not just from her pleasure but in serving.

I think it's particularly difficult for a vanilla partner to understand sissification especially with the connotation/stigma of what sissy could stem into.

If it's domestic skills you're after, maybe a book like this: https://www.amazon.com/Satisfy-Your-Woman-Every-Time/dp/155870714X

That link to Lulu.com should work. Huh.

Here’s the URL directly.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/msrika/uniquely-rika/paperback/product-2403338.html

Here’s the Amazon link

https://www.amazon.com/Uniquely-Rika-Ms-Rika/dp/1435710797

A link to my book?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1791982352

Ok, so here's my big reply... Sorry for the delay, but I've been out of town busy with work, etc. I've had this half assed draft kicking around for a while... finally finished it up.

And please take my reply with a grain of salt. Its possible I am "projecting" as him. Its possible I am totally wrong. I don't think so, but I dunno.

First a couple of things...

> It is starting to make me feel unwanted, and also self conscious when he isn't reciprocating. It makes me feel like "just me" isn't good enough for him and I've never felt that way before with someone.

Dommes are in demand, don't forget that. There's a shortage of Dommes. It may not work out with him, but don't let that bother your self esteem. There a plenty of subbie guys in the sea, not so many Dommes. From this post it seems you are not at fault here, it sounds like he is... Actually, it sounds like the meds are.


> I was doing this with him (lowered the kink level to just the chastity), would order him around for when I wanted sex etc. It seemed to be working but then he just took it off one day without asking permission. I gave him a punishment, but then he did it again and I now I'm confused if he's even into this as much as he says he is.

This tells me he wants to be "punished". He wants the chastity to be real. He should just tell you that, but he didn't. He doesn't have the nerve or something? Maybe if he tells you, then for him its not real - maybe he wants you to want to make him chaste.

How could he take it off? Why does he have access to the key?

Personally, if I were the Dom (I'm a male switch), I'd punish the shit out of him for taking it off. I'm talking a serious punishment - something he doesn't like. Either a hard spanking, or some sort of grounding/denial, or some sort of humiliation or something. It needs to be an effective punishment, not a "funishment". If he did it again, I'd punish him further.

> I also am feeling like there's a lack of an intimate connection with him, I guess I hoped some none kink would help me with that.

Is it the meds? I knew a guy on Lexapro - it helped him with a lot of issues, anxiety and whatnot, but it always made him seem a little... distant. Mostly because he was. The meds did that.


> I find dominating (I'm still learning) to be a bit exhausting at times.

So when you say that you are a kink dispenser... I understand what you mean... But it absolutely does not have to be like that.

You said you were still learning...

You are the Domme. You are in control. You decide how much and when for EVERYTHING. You don't have to do anything you don't want. He has to do everything you want and isn't allowed to do anything you don't want.

(Really, he doesn't have to do anything, but it sounds like this is what he wants - a Domme to take control.)

Personally if I were you, I'd go into total Domme mode, not less. I know you say that's not what you want but hear me out.

First, being a Domme doesn't have to be exhausting. It shouldn't be exhausting. By its definition, its not exhausting - its getting whatever you want, when you want it. Domme's are the Queen. They are the Princess.

Just do what you were going to do if you weren't the Domme, and when something pops up that you don't like, go into Domme mode and shut that shit off. When you want something, go into Domme mode and get it.

One of the big ways being a Domme can be exhausting is if she is constantly doing things she doesn't really want to do and that moment to please her sub. It can be exhausting if the Domme constantly thinks "Ok... What do I have to do now to Dominate him? Let's see... I just ordered him to scrub the toilet... Now what?"

Sure, being a Domme involves "giving gifts" to please her sub, but they should never be a burden or something that is exhausting for the Domme. They should be a gift that the sub likes, but delivered when the Domme wants and feels the sub has earned.

Again, as the Domme you'd be in control. You'd have the power to make things how you want them.

There is a totally awesome book about this called Uniquely Rika the book essentially changed my perspective on being a sub, having a Domme and being in a Femdom Relationship. Buy it. Read it. Have him read it.

So... I'd start by locking his dick up and totally controlling his orgasms. And just cut him off. Say something like "We're done with you having orgasms for a while. Maybe a long long while. Maybe forever. We'll see. In fact any kind of penis stimulus? Forget it. Your penis is going on a loooong vacation." Ask him when his last orgasm was, and Mark down that date/time on a calendar.

And that's it. Lock it up and keep the key. Don't do anything else you don't want to. Just wait.

I'm guessing he will love this. AND it's not a whole lot of effort on your part, is it? (I might be wrong.)

If he requests something kinky don't do it (unless you want to). Tell him that he's not allowed to request anything for a while, and that you will let him know when he can. Punish him in a way he doesn't like if he violates that.

Explain to him that you are the Domme and you call the shots and that's it. He's not allowed to make requests of you anymore. It's disrespectful and frankly annoying. (He'll probably love this too.)

Make him realize that ANYTHING you do for him is a gift and nothing more.

Keep the key, either wear it or hide it. Inspect his cage once in a while, maybe every night if you feel like it. Make sure he's not chaffing or whatever. Let him know it's his job to check his caged junk for problems and report them to you. It better be a real problem or he'll get punished in a way he hates.

When you want, tease him. Flaunt the key, don't let him touch it. Pat him gently on his balls. Tell him that's as close to sex as he's going to get for a while.

Make it clear that he is NOT allowed to ask to be unlocked except for a medical emergency of some kind and he is absolutely NOT allowed to whine about needing to orgasm or anything like that.

Remember, you are the Domme. You dictate how you want shit. His desires might be listened to sometimes. Maybe.

If he needs to unlock for a doctor or something make SURE he doesn't masturbate and lock him right back up.

Lack of any kind of sex, coupled with teasing, will likely cause his libido to shoot up.

And this sounds like it would lead to what you want. Honestly it also sounds like its what he wants.

It typically takes me a week or so for my horneyness to shoot out of control. At that point, I'd do anything for my keyholder. She comes home from work, I gladly drop to my knees and kiss her feet (and I am NOT a foot guy). I have the house cleaned and a glass of wine ready to go if she needs it. If she asks me to kiss her ass, I relish the thought and immediately get to work. Back rubs, bathing, neck massages, anything. She names it, I do it - to the point where she grows weary of my attention.

Just to get some "alone time" to herself she chains me in in the closet to sleep. I'm allowed a blanket and a few pillows but that's it. Not only am I NOT allowed to masturbate, I am UNABLE to because I am locked in chastity. Before she leaves me in the closet, I'm allowed sometimes to kiss her beautiful bottom, feet, and pussy. Sometimes. She grows weary of it pretty quickly and simply walks away telling me that she's going to masturbate and fall asleep, and that I must go to bed now or be punished.

People don't believe this, but people like "the chase". They want what they can't have.

Tease him. Deny him. Control him. You call the shots. Make it clear to him what you want. Reward him if he does it, Punish him if he doesn't.

Make sure you tell him exactly what you want, and how you want it. Explain to him why it's important to you. If he dares complain or do something stupid like give you eye rolls, just punish him (again in a way he doesn't like.)

Just keep him locked up from now on. Work out a deal that for every 10 orgasms he gives you, he's allowed to be unlocked and have one. I imagine he'd make damn sure you are giving him what you need.

The anthology of Femdom/malesub stories published by Cleis Press are terrific. There is one story, "The Mean Girl," by Teresa Noelle Roberts, in Yes, Ma'am which is a go-to favorite of mine.

This one is very obscure, but a few years ago, there was an anthology of dark love stories published, appropriately titled Dark Love. It was another publisher's response to the Hot Blood series, I think. One of the stories is "The Penitent," by John Peyton Cooke, which includes themes of Female Domination, male submission, sexual violence, bondage, punishment, extreme BDSM and torture. The story is so intense that, when I browsed through the book at a Waldenbooks and started reading it, I almost immediately started to sport an embarrassing erection, that I tried my best to hide. Needless to say, I've never forgotten it.