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u/richy869 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Looks like you've heard some of the terminology, and now it's time to apply it. Have you read the book where this comes from? The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There is a simplified website you can walk through too here. You don't necessarily have to change your cues and rewards, it's easier to change the routine.

Set some goals and targets. What exactly are you trying to achieve? To set a goal, it has to be specific, measurable, achievable, make it relevant, and in what time frame (this is known as the SMART criteria for setting objectives). You haven't told us what you need to work on, but it sounds like you want to study more, so I'm assuming that from now on. Don't just set a goal like "I want to read this textbook". Be more like, "I want to read and summarise x number of pages by y date by using z"

Once you've set a goal like that, then you can look at your habit loop. Your reward should be linked to your objective that you worked a bit on your studies/project etc, or that you didn't snack. Your cues seem like it's when you get up, and when you get home when you have time on your hands. You've set a wide 5h time frame when you get up. If you regulated your sleep more so that have a more predictable schedule, then you can put in time to the books. If you set aside 1h per day on studies for 1 month, that's 30h of solid work time there. If you put a cost on that and said $30/h for a tutor to help you, then that's $900. Ask yourself how much time and money you will waste keeping on doing what you're doing now and have a hard think about it.

From what I've read, your cues:

  1. Waking up
  2. Finishing breakfast
  3. Getting home from work


  4. Getting social media fix
  5. Good feelings from listening to music
  6. Satisfaction from watching tv/movies

    Translating to the habit loop becomes (Cue > Routine > Reward):

  7. Wake up > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
  8. Finish breakfast > Turn on Netflix > caught up on tv/movies!
  9. Finish breakfast > Turn on music > dopamine fix!
  10. Get home from work > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
  11. Get home from work > Turn on music > dopamine fix!

    This is where your goal and habit tie in. How do you feel when you achieve the milestones along the way in your goal? You feel good! That's dopamine as you've already identified. I know when I learn something new or do something well, you get that same feeling. Why not use that same thing as a starting point for your reward? Clearly you will need to give up your 8+h of slacking around on fb/reddit/netflix. I sincerely hope that you can see that this is the part that's hurting you. You will need to sacrifice something here, but in the long run, social media, watching tv and listening to music are not necessarily going to help you achieve your goals (unless intrinsically linked like you want to be a musician/actor etc).

    Some new habits you could try:

  12. Wake up > Study > dopamine fix!
  13. Finish breakfast > Study > dopamine fix!
  14. Get home from work > Study > dopamine fix!

    Some further thoughts and questions I had:

  • Do you have to work nights? Can you switch to a day job?
  • Can you eat at work or on the way home so you don't snack when you get home?
  • Can you sleep less? 8h is great, but if you could go on 6h, you could also get some time there
  • Why do you feel the need to check social media so much? Can you cut down? (Is this a stupid old person comment?)
  • Can you delay gratification? As in, can you focus on study during the week and then reward yourself with netflix on the weekend?
  • Another thing you can try is to not turn your computer on when you get up and hit the books straight away
  • Can you try streamlining your day more and fit in some exercise? This would also be beneficial to your energy levels
  • I usually like to work with music in the background. If not too distracting, then you can do the same, and get some additional motivation/dopamine while studying

    Anyways, that turned out to be a monster post. Hope it helps. PM me if you want to talk further. You seem like you're heading into a dire situation and need help. Happy to lend a helping hand if you need mate.

u/duncanawoods · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Hey emyouth,

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must have been so very hard on you.

> How do I start seizing opportunities so I don't look back on my life with bitterness and regret?

So one path that I think could really work for you is called ACT. The principle is that a lot of the problems we experience come from fighting against ever feeling painful thoughts and memories causing behavioural avoidance. Things like withdrawing, staying in bed, eating etc. can be tactics to avoid pain.

The solution is counter-intuitive - its to become willing to feel pain so you no longer need avoidance and can start living a full life again. This book is full of exercises, its hard work but mind-blowing:

This one is a bit easier going:

> I've gained about 40-50 pounds

I've been there, and this might sound odd to say, but it presents a great opportunity. It might not seem like something in your control, but it is. Lifestyle changes are great things to play with and simply any form of change can start making things look brighter.

So I know diet evangelism is pretty annoying... so apologies... but I suggest taking a look at r/keto. Look at how many amazing success stories there and how supportive the community is. One theme you will see is how easy people are finding it. You might find another way of eating that attracts you more.

Eating keto can be a hard step to take, but after a couple of days you adapt and it feels like its cheating because its so easy - you become free of junk cravings so it doesn't need willpower once over the initial hump. One reason I suggest keto is that when you start, you get a big drop in water weight. This doesn't mean much from a fat-loss perspective but it is HUGE to the spirit. You get a massive scale shift and look visually different almost immediately which really helps kick-start that positive spiral.

As you continue to see the scale go down and start to see visual changes, you begin fuelling a positive spiral that will grow your self-worth. What is fantastic is that its so measurable. Even if you can't see visual changes immediately you can see the scale go down. You can start going to bed a winner and waking up with the promise of some good news on the scale.

You probably know that exercise has a dramatic effect on well-being and will also fuel that positive spiral. But its also hard to start so suggesting can be unhelpful. The good news is that I often see that once people have started feeling the energy improvement from dropping a few pounds, exercise starts getting attractive again, and once you add that BOOM, you are now stoking a fire that helps you live the life you want.

Best of luck!

u/Verdonkeremaand · 7 pointsr/GetMotivated

Thanks, I share your feeling. The first time I visited this subreddit I was looking for similar posts. I wondered how people could combine Reddit with their busy life or how they would be able to indeed create stuff by at the same time consuming so much. I could not find any of this idea at that time and I just kept surfing until a few months ago when I started frequenting Reddit less and less.

In the meantime I did not stop thinking about it, read The Shallows by Nicholas Carr and wondered how people could combine all this easy, distracting input (Reddit, Facebook, just surfing in general) with bigger things that require no distractions or 'alone time', like reading, learning a new language, or in your case hoolahooping with fire. My conclusion was that you can't. If you want to go for it, you just have to go for it.

Of course you can combine Reddit with taking a test, but you can not combine it with finishing cum laude. I also realised though that this does not count for most people, they can combine these things, but they do not have the intention to become the new Einstein. It is a whole different discussion if this should even be a personal goal, but my idea was that these new Einsteins are so into the achieving of their dream that this would be really hard to combine with the great entertainment part of the internet and our society. It requires an opt-out, you will have to be an einzelganger at some times and that is exactly what what internet tries to prevent.

You worded this very well in your statement and I agree wholeheartedly. As you can see I'm still on Reddit but not for long. The past few months when I paid Reddit a visit I noticed that the lesser frequency of my visits also made me see the content better. And although I'm subscribed to a whole lot of interesting subreddits and described from all these fun things, I still noticed that I did not need all of this. It gave me a sense of passivity that I should not want in my life.

Nevertheless there are a lot pro-arguments to this website and I see that as well. Because I'm living in the Netherlands, I do not necessarily have to suffer some of the ills that the United States is made of. I can really understand that you need some inspiration of sanity if you live in a small conservative town where everyone is the personal friend of Jesus. So yeah, Reddit should inspire you, but maybe more as in a caravanserai. You meet a lot of new and interesting people, have a good night's sleep and travel on. Staying there also means that you will not arrive at your destination.

The people who say that you should do everything in moderation do not see that this is really hard for some people, but these are the same people that will give you some of the most interesting stuff. They can immerse themselves, lose themselves in Reddit or alike, but if they learn to use this energy in a more enduring way they can use it to write books, build houses or govern countries (just some examples).

In my view it works just like torrents. You have the seeders, who make things. They put in the effort. They show themselves once they finish their product. Their creations will surprise or disappoint. Then, there are the leechers. They wait. They need the seeders and they will criticize or praise the products of the seeder. Most of the time a seeder also leeches, but a lot of leechers tend to forget that they can also be seeders.

TL;DR: Reddit should inspire you, but maybe more as in a caravanserai. You meet a lot of new and interesting people, have a good night's sleep and travel on. Staying there also means that you will not arrive at your destination. Just like torrents, the society consists of seeders and leechers. The OP decided he wanted to be a seeder, I as well.

u/ThereIsNoJustice · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

First: Talent is Overrated

Whole book in short: If it were easy, everyone would've done it. Effort and deliberate going-outside-your-comfort-zone practice is what makes the difference. You make a choice: comfortable mediocrity or hard-won skill.

Second: Mindset

This one: You approach each situation with one of two mindsets. The first is the fixed mindset, where you try to prove how great you are. The second is the growth mindset, where you are learning and expanding knowledge, challenging yourself, and have nothing to prove. These ideas are less familiar, so I'll pull some quotes.

>[W]e realized that there were two meanings to ability, not one: a fixed ability that needs to be proven, and a changeable ability that can be developed through learning. That’s how the mindsets were born. I knew instantly which one I had. I realized why I’d always been so concerned about mistakes and failures. And I recognized for the first time that I had a choice. When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world—the world of fixed traits—success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other—the world of changing qualities—it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself. In one world, failure is about having a setback. Getting a bad grade. Losing a tournament. Getting fired. Getting rejected. It means you’re not smart or talented. In the other world, failure is about not growing. Not reaching for the things you value. It means you’re not fulfilling your potential. In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort. In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.

>I have studied thousands of people from preschoolers on, and it’s
breathtaking how many reject an opportunity to learn. We offered four-year-olds a choice: They could redo an easy jigsaw puzzle or they could try a harder one. Even at this tender age, children with the fixed mindset—the ones who believed in fixed traits—stuck with the safe one. Kids who are born smart “don’t do mistakes,” they told us. Children with the growth mindset—the ones who believed you could get smarter—thought it was a strange choice. Why are you asking me this, lady? Why would anyone want to keep doing the same puzzle over and over? They chose one hard one after another. “I’m dying to figure them out!” exclaimed one little girl. So children with the fixed mindset want to make sure they succeed. Smart people should always succeed. But for children with the growth mindset, success is about stretching themselves. It’s about becoming smarter. One seventh-grade girl summed it up. “I think intelligence is something you have to work for . . . it isn’t just given to you. . . . Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence.”

>We asked people, ranging from grade schoolers to young adults, “When do you feel smart?” The differences were striking. People with the fixed mindset said: “It’s when I don’t make any mistakes.” “When I finish something fast and it’s perfect.” “When something is easy for me, but other people can’t do it.” It’s about being perfect right now. But people with the growth mindset said: “When it’s really hard, and I try really hard, and I can do something I couldn’t do before.” Or “[When] I work on something a long time and I start to figure it out.” For them it’s not about immediate perfection. It’s about learning something over time: confronting a challenge and making progress.

>You can see how the belief that cherished qualities can be developed creates a passion for learning. Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.

u/Terny · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

I'm introverted and used to be very awkward and shy. At around 17 I noticed it was an area I needed to improve so I started to look around. These are some of the stuff that has helped me change from Shy to energetic (being introverted never changes though but, I love it). Wanting to change is the most important part of it all, you can have all the resources in the world and just not make it because you don't really want it. now, off to the books:

  • "How to Win friends and Influence People" - Dale Carnegie
  • "Think and Grow Rich" - Napoleon Hill (not really a book about being more social, but i always recommend it)
  • "The War of Art" - Steven Pressfield (Book about overcoming comfort/laziness)
  • stuff by leil lowndes (Look around at the stuff she's written and pick what interests you)

    Some subs:

  • I cannot recommend much for depression as its pretty foreign to me (no family/friends or myself have suffered from it) but there is /r/depression, so check it out if you want to.

  • I'd recommend inner game stuff from /r/seduction. They do lots of strange things that turn people off but they're inner game is solid. To skip their front-page just check this. They recommend this book for depression.

  • /r/socialskills

  • I also recommend exercising (/r/Fitness, /r/loseit or /r/gainit).

  • /r/malefashionadvice /r/malelifestyle /r/everymanshouldknow

    Avoid what is hurting your growth. Basically, anything you abuse (keyword there) from video games to alcohol to masturbation (you'll know what it is). A good way to get rid of bad habits is to start filling your time with positive ones until the good overcomes the bad. Find a hobby that will get you socializing (almost all will). Some examples: sports (martial arts as stated before, any sport really), art (music, drama, painting lessons), if you're in school or college there's definitely clubs out there. Donating your time and effort to a good cause. Voluntary work always gives a great sense of worth and happiness.

    Just remember, you've described things that you currently are (shy, insecure, awkward) all of these will change only if YOU want to. Most of them are overcomed by comming out of your comfort zone (its simple, not easy). Your comfort zone is probably very small, all you gotta do is widen it. You gotta have to want to change and improve more than you want to stay the way you are. Nobody is the same person as they were yesterday so make sure that the person you'll be tomorrow is better than who you are today. Good Luck.
u/declancostello · 9 pointsr/GetMotivated

Personally, I find that I don't get things done because I'm scared of not doing them well.

I worry about what other people will think of my efforts and so I prefer to procrastinate, rather than actually make any progress.

>The only way to get good at something is practise

Try starting a journal, even if it's only for a few days and record everything.

If you can identify what kind of feeling you were having when you avoided doing something, maybe you can change something to avoid that feeling.

It's a good idea to record every activity for a few days and even what you eat, just to see where your time goes and if there are patterns that trip you up.

  • if you go out to eat do you end up spending the day browsing shops and not doing anything?
  • if you're home alone in your pyjamas after noon does that mean you never get it together for the rest of the day?

    And don't ever be ashamed of not getting stuff done.
    Procrastination is a technique your brain uses to avoid stress.
    The problem is that avoiding problems almost never takes away the root source of the stress.

    So it keeps on coming around and you keep on using procrastination to avoid getting stuff done ( it's super effective!)

    I'd recommend the book "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore.

    In particular it has a great analogy for getting things done.

    Imagine that your task is to walk along a wooden plank about 15cm wide. It's on your lawn and it's about 4 metres long.

    As long as you've got decent motor skills and are not drunk it should be no problem, we could all do it.

    What happens to you is when you want to walk on the plank you find that it's now between 2 buildings, 4 storeys up.

    The idea of walking across becomes terrifying, all you can imagine is falling to your doom.

    When people give you advice to "get yourself together" and "just do it" they're doing the equivalent of setting fire to the building you're in.
    They're hoping to force you out onto that plank so you can save yourself from burning.

    You might crawl out and even make it across with this approach but does it sound like a good way to reduce stress?

    Instead what you need is a safety net. A super strong net underneath the plank that means that whatever happens, you'll be safe.

    You can fall over and over again ( it might even be fun ) and just get back up and try again.

    In the real world you need small winnable challenges. Record every one of those wins.

  • washed the plates
  • opened word and typed title for paper due next week

    Create a book of win that will have tiny tiny victories. By the time you've added a few you'll find that your victories and goals achieved will get bigger and more frequent.
    Sometimes you'll screw up and fall back into bad habits

    As long as you keep starting, you'll eventually win.

    I've been reading advice like this for a decade and I still sometimes sit at home and cry because I didn't get anything done.

    The one piece of advice I recommend for everyone. everyone. is to get some exercise. The worst feeling I've ever had cannot outlast a single hour in the pool or a martial arts session.

    If you get up in the morning and don't know what to do, go for a walk.

    You might still not know what to do after your walk but you'll have a small achievement to write down in your journal for the day.

    Enjoy yourself :) Hope this helps a little, pm if you want to chat.
u/fundraiser · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

I agree wholeheartedly. While this is a noble attempt and OP should be praised for his realization that he needs to make changes in his life, there is a strong likelihood that his goals will not be met. The reason for this? One word: willpower

I strongly recommend you read this book before attempting to make any changes in your life. It is NOT a self-help book, rather a collection of decades of research showing that humans have a finite amount of "energy" that enables them to achieve goals and avoid short term temptations that have long-term consequences.

The book mentions effective ways of setting goals for yourself and ensuring you understand your limitations before attempting to make radical changes in your life.

Again, I applaud you for your desire to change. But desire is only half the equation. A successful gameplan is necessary as well, and that is what we are here to help with.

Good luck!

u/faster_grenth · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

I agree that we're not all equal, mentally and physically. I do think that "talent" is a misleading or at least misunderstood word, though. I've read a bit about talent, and I think it's most often used as a way to dismiss the efforts and the effect of time spent on deliberate practice, which are the main drivers of skill, though skill doesn't necessarily dictate success, which McGregor seems to be implying (imo incorrectly).

I think it's important to distinguish between three concepts: talent, skill, and success. In my opinion, skill seems to depend primarily on preparation/practice, which is not inborn and seems very closely tied to passion/motivation. People often describe skill, erroneously, as talent, which should be used to describe natural advantages like intellect or physical traits. The combination of skill plus talent (and opportunity) will then mostly detemine success. A 5'0" basketball player who is a better shooter/passer than every NBA player is still unlikely to succeed as a professional basketball player due to physical, natural limitations.

This book is an entertaining and interesting read on the subject. It takes a closer look at seemingly obvious cases of talent, incl. Tiger Woods, Mozart, and world-class musicians, and finds a fairly straightforward correlation between their skills and the quantity and quality of practice.

u/[deleted] · 7 pointsr/GetMotivated

For a scientific underpinning of what has been said multiple times in this thread, I HIGHLY recommend the book willpower by Roy Baumeister, a renowned psychologist (amazon link)

If you are like me and are a little distrusting of the "motivational speaker" type stuff that gets posted here a lot and would like to have a scientific understanding of how willpower works, how best to actually get some stuff to change and what pitfalls to avoid, this is the book for you.

This and getmotivated have really helped me better myself and become more productive and happy in the process. I'm far from there yet, but I see a lot of progress and will hopefully have the stamina to get good enough grades to get into a great phd program thanks to my hard work.

But I still have a lot to work on, I don't work out nearly enough, I still smoke and I'm still kind of messy. But pacing is key, I try not getting worse in those aspects while becoming less of a pathological procrastinator. starting in the summer, when the brunt of my classes is over, I will start focussing on other areas in my life to become the best me that I can be!

u/RIPoldAccount · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Direct quotes from their beginners guide:

"Work on your depression. Many sedditors have recommended Feeling Good by David D. Burns. There's also a reddit for that."

"Get fit. You don't have to be hot to meet and attract great women, but it definitely helps."

I was going to link things from their second guide - but there were really too many resources in there that provide self growth.

Search relationship in that subreddit and even in threads like this: "How do you act post sex when you don't want a relationship?" The comments suggest that the person be upfront with the woman BEFORE sex and to not mislead.


Even with the above there is still a lot of information that can be interpreted one way or another. The fact of the matter is that it really depends on how the person applies these principles. I believe the /r/seduction community does a good job in keeping people civil. I personally haven't seen someone suggesting the "douchebag" route as the best option, not to say there aren't or people don't joke about it. Just that this is reddit and the mentality is not to be a douchebag but to change yourself for the better.

u/Aniket_Sonavane · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Hi Dark Knight ;)

I have experienced similar situations myself. Here's what I think about your whole predicament :

  • It seems you are good at your job considering you got best performer award & on site opportunity. So I don't think you are useless.

  • Also you are working on a startup & already you have got a funding! That's commendable! So you are not nothing.

  • I am assuming you have a package of 3L+ which is a sufficient income for most unless you are a materialistic person who can't do away with ac, gold class seats & branded jeans. Money buys you comfort not happiness.

  • Regarding misbehaving incident, you know you are innocent & your bosses have not thrown you out, so don't worry about it. Specially what others think of you. People have short long memory & with new scandal you will be forgotten quite rapidly. Look at all the politicians, cricketers & filmstars!

  • You can search for new job as well if the work & the work environment is not stimulating. Also try for another state or metro. You will get some distance from your parents, you will get new experience & exposure in new city, new people & culture. It will take your mind of these current issues & you will come out mature & self-reliant.

  • You are confused about further carrier direction as well. Stay in same industry, start your own business or IAS? Practically speaking you should get more experience in one industry first. Simultaneously you can work on IAS preparation or startup (but not both). After few years you will have more experience, options & clarity. On the other hand you have only 1 life & you should not waste your years doing the things you don't love.

  • It's secondary what your parents expect of you or whether you will be able to crack the IAS exam. What's important is what really excites you? What are your values? What is important to you in long term?

  • Your parents want you to be an IAS. So somewhere in their head they know that you have a potential, that you are smart. I dont think they really think you are useless, they probably want you to do more, be more. Ofcourse it's not right of them to pressurise you into any carrier choice, marriage choice etc. You need to sit & clarify this to them in a civilized manner.

  • It's difficult to ascertain whether your gf was intoxicated or not. But unless her friend is really chhapri (cheap), he would not have dared to grope her (knowing she is with you). As you said she had ignored his lewd messages previous, that might have sent him wrong idea. But I hope she had told you about those messages before this incident otherwise it was definitely wrong on her part to hide such important issue from her bf.

  • Trust is important. But none of us are Saints. What is important is to acknowledge your mistakes & not to repeat them. Fool me ones, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! So meet her, explain your situation like a gentleman but make it clear that henceforth you expect complete & upfront honesty. And from that day onwards, never utter a word about it.

  • Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain & if there are trust issues then it's just a daily frustration, continuous snooping & tons of fights. If you delay the marriage & you are still in different cities, fighting against each other & with parents then it will only be an excruciating mess.

  • When you get cheated on but decide to forgive the other person it often results into a snooping sort of thing. And it's quite natural if you think about it. One fine day, your brain suddenly got the shock of its life & it was painful to say the least. Now he doesn't want to go through similar ordeal again, so he goes into this super cautious mode & tries to verify every data, every odd occurrence. It assigns meaning where there is none & sees a face even in the shadows. Isn't it like getting bitten by a dog! But the good news is that you can curb your anxiety by clarifying this to your brain. Tell him that if she is lying then that would be the end of this relation & he need not worry. If she isn't lying then thats a good thing & he need not worry. Conclusion: Don't worry, be happy & brave. And yes, you are not a psychopath!

  • You are young, you have health, education, job, financial stability, family & a gf. Yes, few of these variables are not perfect but atleast they are there. If you throw your problems in a basket where everyone threw their problems then you would quickly take back yours. Suffering is not the problem, it's a part of life. Suffering without meaning is the issue. Nietzsche said, “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” It's not what happens to you but what you 'think' happed, matters. If so then these problems are rather opportunities in disguise to take hard decisions, to find your meaning of life & to grow further.

  • Tell me, if all your problems are solved within 3 months, will you still like to end your life? That is, if you have a new job, away from the house & probably a new gf, will you still find this life unbearable? What I am trying to say is, you are frustrated not because life in general sucks but because you haven't been able to glimpse at the solutions to your particular problems. Don't run away from the problems, run towards solutions. That's what engineers do, we solve problems!

  • Empty mind is Devils paradise. You need to get busy. Start reading & exercising daily. This will rejuvenate your mind & body. I can't stress enough on exercise. If I skip 2 days, I start feeling low. Don't waste too much time on a gf who may or may not be honest, with whom you may or may not have future. Soulful conversations, jokes, romance is healthy utilization of time. Checking out last seen, fb pics, dress regulation, movement regulation, analysing every word & smilie is equal to eventual self destruction. Decide today to say, 'Fk it. I am above these silly games'. If you love someone set them free, if they come back they are yours but if they don't, they never were.

  • I don't know how reliable online personality tests are. Actually you seemed opposite to narcissistic to me considering you are so concerned about everyone else in your life. In any case, you must get an appointment with a psychologist. This will give you an opportunity to fully open up & share your problems. Doctor can guide you better than us. It's not very costly either. You can expect about 500 to 1000Rs per visit for an average doctor.

  • Finally, let me leave you with this famous couplet. It reminds me to become stronger version of my self everyday. (Note: I am atheist, I refer God mentioned here only in literary sense.)

    " ख़ुदी को कर बुलंद इतना कि हर तक़दीर से पहले ।

    ख़ुदा बंदे से ख़ुद पूछे बता तेरी रज़ा क्या है ।।" (इक़्बाल)

    " Make yourself so strong that before every destiny, God asks you, tell me what you want "


    Check out these books. These are all Amazon India links. But if you can't buy them now, there are free EPUB versions of every book mentioned below :

  • Important life lessons : It's an online article that enlists 100 simple life lessons

  • A man's search for meaning : Account of a survivor of Auschwitz

  • Authentic Happiness : Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which is often given by psychologist to a depressed individual

  • The mindful way through depression : How mindfulness meditation can be useful against depression, along with CBT

  • The Willpower instinct : How to create habits using willpower, useful to create stronger self control demanded by tough times


    Summery : Don't worry friend, this too shall pass. It always does! Be brave, its a daily choice. Try to focus on solving problems one by one. Get professional help at the earliest. Invest time in things that will help you in long term. Exercise & read everyday. And always remember "All izz welll..!"

u/InevitableSuccess · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Check out the book The Now Habit.

In the book, he goes deeply into the reasons we procrastinate. A major point is that you always procrastinate for a reason. We procrastinate instead of working because we get a reward from procrastination. Sometimes that reward is relief from anxiety about fear of failure, for example. So in order to stop procrastinating, it's really helpful to emphasize the rewards of doing work. For example, when I sit down to work on my thesis, I say to myself, "I choose to work on my thesis for 30 minutes because every time I work on my thesis, I get a little closer to realizing my dreams of getting a PhD and an amazing job. Besides, I enjoy being productive and accomplishing things."

It's really important to emphasize the positives and eliminate the negatives of doing work. Best of luck!

u/SonicTheHedgehog · 19 pointsr/GetMotivated

Zuko's hilarious but interestingly enough if you look at the basic principles of mindfulness and therapies based on mindfulness there's a similar idea ie. to learn to defuse from your thinking self and more often be in tune with your observing self.

So you accept your thoughts, urges, feelings as they are but not fuse with them and instead move in the direction of the things you value. There's a girl you're interested in, you feel anxiety at asking her out, you don't struggle with that anxiety or let it define you, you accept it but ask her out because it aligns with your values of love, connection, intimacy. The thinking self would run rampant, "I should ask her out. But she'll reject me. What if they laugh at me. I'm not gonna do it, she'll think I'm creepy. Okay here she comes. Damn, I missed my chance. I can't believe I missed my chance. I'll never be in a relationship. I'm going to be lonely forever. I am unlovable. I am a useless piece of human garbage."

As for your other self, your observing self, you get more into tune with this through focusing on the here and now and defusing from the thoughts of your thinking self. You've taken thousands of showers in your lifetime and while you have the option to think about how behind you are in school during your shower, you also have the option to revel in it for what it is and just enjoy the experience.

For anyone more interested in Uncle Zuko's wisdom,

I miss Avatar. Are they ever gonna do another series or was Korra the last one?

u/zuckokooo · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

So pretty much focus on your breath thus bringing to you to this exact present moment like when you're reading this? What in this exact moment is missing? Look around you, take in all the objects without labeling them, notice the silent presence they have.

Smile, you're here and now, that's all there is, the past was once in the now, the future like tomorrow? That'll be in the now. So yes, just focus on the present moment and live well my friends :)

(Off topic I recommend these 2 books which you can easily find online)

u/Staying_On_Topic · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated


The problem when you quit something that was a habit or that was a large part of how you defined yourself, is coming up with something to replace it. The only way to do this is by trying everything and anything, this is the only way to know if you like something or not. No offence to gamers, but it won't bring you long term happiness. Socialising, interacting with people, volunteering, real life experiences, those give you long term happiness. Sharing your life with people, being accepted, and accepting others brings you happiness. The problem online and in video games is the inability to perceive the other people as real people, and will continue to mark the way in which the community interacts with each other.

Many people who have an addictive personality will switch between gaming, the internet, porn, and substance abuse to feed their addiction. When one becomes boring, it's easier to switch to something else you're addicted to instead of examining your addiction or looking at why you are addicted.

Many people who have addictive personalities do so as a means of escapism, so that they don't have to deal with the real life problems or examine what it is about their lives that is leaving them wanting more. The problem with addiction is that it never really fills the void, it's a temporary fix that will always leave you wanting more or looking elsewhere to fill it.

And here is a self help book that will help motivate yourself, and look at your life from a different angle, as well as give you some tools to break free of the cycle you are in.

The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

Here is one for anxiety The Mindful Way through Anxiety

u/david72486 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

If you feel like motivating to get even small things accomplished takes way more effort than it should, you could try reading "The Power of Habit". Until reading this book, I didn't realize that so much of our brains are controlled by these primitive feelings.

Maybe once you internalize why all people have this tendency, you can consciously fight it and make some forward progress. After getting some successes, you'll be well on your way to bigger things. Good luck to you!

u/bbennett36 · 5 pointsr/GetMotivated

Learn what a habit is, how they form and how to create new habits

This book is also good on how to stay focused on the 'one thing' it is that you want to do.

At the end of the day, it comes down to working on whatever it is you're interested in EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even 15 minutes is better than 0. I have new ideas that I come up with all the time, will work on them for a bit then nothing. But if it's an idea that I'm really excited about I will just keep trying to work on it at least once a day. This will most likely mean sacrificing 'fun' and time with friends/family so there has to be a 'WHY' for whatever it is that you're working on.

I've had a lot of ideas that were exciting at first but at the end of the day the WHY wasn't that powerful so they would fall through but this current project I'm working on has the potential to make me insane amounts of money which is a huge 'WHY' and is why I have been not hanging out with anybody and just working on the project every single day. Some days I don't feel like it but I just get started and then the ideas/motivation will usually flow from there. Also, listening to motivational videos when you're feeling lazy or even working on it will help too.

Working while playing videos like thiswill usually light a fire and give me tons of energy to keep making progress. I can recite almost all motivation videos/speeches on youtube at this point haha

u/brotherofned · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

There's a book I read once that really helped me with my depression. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

It opened me up to Cognitive Therapy, which is simply a set of mental exercises you can do to help you look at your thoughts more objectively. Right now, you're depressed. Changing your mood is super tough. But if you start by looking at your thoughts and analyzing what's rational and what isnt, you'll start feeling better. Moreover, you'll do something about the pattern of thinking thats currently working against you.

I recommend the book to learn more and try out specific things you can do to help yourself.

Good luck feeling better. You can do it.

u/quenta · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Makes sense.

>A person really willing to quit would do things like only carry the amount they need each day, and employ other strategies that are proven to work.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me to read up on methods shown to work. Thanks for the comment, I've ordered a well rated bookon this very subject. Time to quit guessing my way to success and read up on how others have manged to be success full.

It's like what John of Salisbury said about learning from major thinkers:

""We are like dwarfs sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, not because our sight is superior or because we are taller than they, but because they raise us up, and by their great stature add to ours."

u/redux42 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

I whole-heartedly recommend anyone who agrees with the OP (and the OP themselves) pick up and read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine - it covers this and a few associated things in depth and gives you ways to make these thoughts part of your daily life - so as to minimize their (negative) control on you.

Honestly it is one of the best books I have read in a very long time...

u/queenpersephone · 11 pointsr/GetMotivated

You'll notice that this is not a usual "to do" list in a few ways:

u/Marchosias · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Though, honestly, some people will do well their entire lives.

Actually, those born into upper middle class and wealthy families have a higher chance to continue being upper middle class and wealthy by a wide margin. The thing is, it's because their parents teach them to be entitled.

Reading Outliers would do a lot of people a lot of good.

u/Schadenfreuder · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

"Patience is a muscle" is a great metaphor, but what you're really doing is rewiring your brain. Your brain is very malleable and it can be retrained via repeated effort.

I highly recommend Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength and The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains if you want to learn more about the science of it.

u/animatis · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Ah ok, well that makes sense I suppose. A comfort list.

Anyways, you seem to be a professional positive thinker dude.

Have you seen/read

I think its a very useful tool to use and it expands on the comments you make. The basic premise being to abandon all expectations for controlling happiness. Reccomend to check it out if you have not already.

u/tatanka01 · 9 pointsr/GetMotivated

For more in-depth stuff, a great book about habits.

Excellent read for one and it helped me quit smoking (more than the drugs even). It's amazing how much power habits have, positive AND negative.

u/Godphree · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

A couple weeks ago a wolf recommended The Now Habit. I got it from the library and it's very helpful. When you said "I'm not attempting anything new because I might fail" I thought of the book because it tells you how to get over that obstacle. It teaches you how to talk to yourself not in "I should" or "I have to" but instead, "When can I start."

Is some of the problem that you don't know what you want to do? If that's the case, I recommend another book, Living Out Loud. There are several activities that lead you to think about what you want to do, and planning out the steps towards doing them. HTH. Best of luck!

u/Brudaks · 28 pointsr/GetMotivated

It's generally accepted that CBT or, to a lesser (but self-manageable) extent, mindfulness meditation are things that are known to work for such problems.

For certain causes of stress, books like or might be helpful, but YMMW; it helps some but for many (most?) people reading self-help books aren't sufficient to do anything and actual activities (CBT, meditation or possibly others) have a larger chance to help.

u/zesty_hootenany · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

I just bought the book on Amazon. Happy to support such an amazingly strong person!

u/jalybeck · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Sounds like you're going through a bout of entrepreneurial depression. It happens to the best of us! First, accept that what you're going through is totally normal. Second, know that it's difficult to do anything when you're in the "dip". Here are some reads / videos I've found helpful when I'm down ...

Seth Godin - The Dip

Ted Talk about happiness & entrepreneurship -

The Not Knowing Path of Being an Entrepreneur (This whole website is gold)

u/mjdubs · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

This is a very apt illustration of how the creative process works, IMO...however, there is a lot to be said for knowing when aspects of your persistence should be ditched in favor of concentrating on other parts of your project...Seth Godin wrote a neat little book on this idea, called The Dip. Worth a read/listen.

u/reminisce214 · 18 pointsr/GetMotivated

Check out the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's a pretty useful in identifying ways in which we can change the way we feel by changing our thoughts, among other things. It's helping me work out my anxiety/tendency to be depressed, ect.

u/CHLDofAPCLYPS · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

For those with further interest in idea #1 read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Nothing has fundamentally changed my life like that book, and I can safely say I've never felt better

u/badmotherfuhrer · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

If you're the science type, you should definitely check out Willpower. It's a collection of studies done by Roy Baumeister, a heavy hitter in the realm of social psychology. I've been reading it and it just gets me thinking about how I can use the scientific knowledge to change the world around me, making it difficult to do anything but accomplish my goals.

So, uh, yeah, check it out.

u/nivek · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

That comes along as part of being organized in everything else in life as well. Once you understand that things have a place, and that they should always be in that permanent place, you'll become more organized.

I got motivated to become more organized by watching Randy Pausch's Time Management lecture. Then I read Getting Things Done to figure out how to put that into practice. Now, I keep the house clean and pay bills on time.

u/Jackal000 · 9 pointsr/GetMotivated

William Irvine's take on stoicism in modern world helped me tremendously. It's such an practical philosophy.

I really recommend this book.

This book might spark the interest back on.

u/NinjaThor · -2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Sorry but your hate is not based in reality. Talent does not really exist. The good news is you can do pretty much anything you want if you put in the work. Hours upon hours of deliberate practice is what it takes to become "talented". Like this guy did. Hell just look at where he started at.

I recommend this book if you are looking for more info.

u/movingmyeye · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

I appreciate this but what about rarities such as Mozart.
Mozart wrote his first symphony when he was eight years old.
Isn't it true that some people just have a "knack" for it.

I often like hearing the stories of the rise of people like that.
While I haven't read this book, I have it in my list and is related: Outliers: The Story of Success

u/BallerGuitarer · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

There's a book called The Shallows that goes into how spending excessive amounts of time on the internet actually rewires our brain in the same way doing anything for long periods of time does (such as practicing a musical instrument), except this rewiring causes us to lose our ability to focus and maintain our attention span for long periods of time.

While I didn't quit social media entirely, it did make me be more cognizant of the amount of time I spend on social media and reddit. In fact, I think I hardly go on Facebook anymore, and I don't mindlessly click through links on reddit anymore.

Great book, I highly recommend it.

u/ValkyrieVance · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Sure thing. This is the one I wound up purchasing (non-referral link).

If I had to do it over again, I would probably look for one with a wake up noise which is a little louder. I can never consciously hear the little birds that are supposedly chirping to wake me up. Other than that I've been really happy with it - especially the "fall asleep" function it includes (sunset instead of sunrise).

u/2ndHandMeatStore · 14 pointsr/GetMotivated

If you can afford it, please do yourself a favor and buy a copy, I got this one from amazon for $1 (with prime), $1! It is always in my bag with me.

u/passa117 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Another good read, is "Talent is Overrated".

I've been through a similar existential crisis. Never had to work hard for grades, and never had to learn discipline. Still struggling with it now, but getting through with sheer willpower most of the time. I see others who are arguably not as "smart" but who work hard and are disciplined, succeeding, and my ego takes a hit.

Just a matter of gaining some humility, accepting that you're not great at everything, and working on them. It sucks, but it's the only way to grow.

Hope you can find a way through.

u/The_Cleric · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Sounds like you need to try GTD. If you don't want to buy the book, there are some free guides out there.

u/GodDamnItFrank · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Are there certain features you're looking for?
Some people are very visual so they love task applications with calendar views. Some like to organize things into dozens of lists. Others want to use the GTD method.

u/cnj2907 · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Get this book

It will change your life in much positive way.

u/withmoxie · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

I love the advice he gives in his book, Make Your Bed. The other piece of advice that stuck out to me was: If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

u/gregantic · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Yep! This is further discussed in Carol Dweck's book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

u/grosbisou · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

I read it once a year just to be sure I still have in mind the values/techniques from it.

u/rshackleford161 · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Read The Power of Habit (not an affiliate link, to be clear). I believe you'll find that the author clarifies particular patterns of behavior in a way that can help us.

I've found that I've been able to break certain bad habits about work, namely not "just getting started". However, we should recall that we're of finite resources and cannot change everything at once. Pick one thing, just one thing, and hammer it.

u/ZaggahZiggler · 0 pointsr/GetMotivated

The War of Art has some great chapters on this, great book, Very easy audiobook as the chapters are crazy short, you can get a few in on even the shortest commute.

u/saud23 · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

[The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles] (

u/Live_like_a_man · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

Maybe the thing is not so much that there is a reason why you don't do these things, rather there is a reason why you do other things instead.

This book gave me an insightful view on that.

in short: I simply fall into behavoural patterns - habits - and that is the reason why I don't do the things I objectively want to do. The habit to watch an episode of something (futurama, ted, etc) while I eat dinner leads to me spending more time watching another episode and then some on Reddit or other places.

reading a book during dinner instead (if I'm alone) leads me to do productive things afterwards.

tl;dr: Think about why you do the things you do, rather than why you don't do the things you don't do. Maybe you can realign your triggers (e.g. if you want to start woodwork, why not take your dinner to the shed where you work and look at plans while you're doing it)

u/Zanesan · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Food is tough for many reasons, and some of them is highlighted in your post. Many things can be kicked cold turkey, and that's a pretty damn effective way to handle them. However, given foods overall importance to not starving to death, it can't be kicked cold turkey. Another thing is that in all likelihood, some of those old habits (smoking, drinking, etc) have been co-opted by eating. Habits never actually go away, you just change what action occurs between the cue and the reward. So, I would bet that some of those bad habits were transformed into overeating habits.

Check out this book, it may give you some insight. It's obviously not an end all be all guide, but it could give you a skill set that you haven't yet had in your battle against overeating. Perhaps this one will be the one.

u/runnerman8 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World

u/Respubliko · 10 pointsr/GetMotivated

Meditations is 112 pages, at least, according to Amazon. It depends on your reading speed.

u/fudsworth · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Seth Godin wrote a book on this exact thing called The Dip

u/ThrivingCraftsmen · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

This, that resistance never goes away, but your attitude towards it completely shifts with enough right action.

I also reccomend the power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The mindset that pain and comes from resisting what is, from thinking about the future or the past rather than being present is very powerful when practiced enough

u/griminald · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

The ironic thing is, if you check out the negative reviews of the book on Amazon, they center around one complaint: "It doesn't tell you enough about how to change your habits."

Those who wanted a one-size-fits-all process think the stories are filler, but they're not; they're examples of how habits are so ingrained in the human psyche that we literally don't think when our brains process them.

The stories give context to the Cue-Routine-Reward process and why it works the way it does.

u/blue-jaypeg · 8 pointsr/GetMotivated

>"The things you say to your child NOW become the voices in their head in the future"

From a post in Ask Reddit which I cannot find at this time.

There is a cacaphony of critical, judgemental, negative, hurtful, voices which become "Intrusive Thoughts." Loops that playback over and over in your head. Thoughts that undermine your self-confidence or motivation.

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy
is a book that describes "Cognitive Behavior Therapy"-- where you learn to grab hold of your negative thoughts and tell them to GO AWAY.

If Intrusive Thoughts are seriously holding you back from success and happiness, it's OK to look into medication-- the family of SSRI's and all the related "re-uptake inhibitors" are suprisingly effective at shutting down negative thinking.

u/ukiluke7 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

I've experienced the same things you have! Like I know what to do but I just don't do it, then I'll watch something motivational and get myself pumped up! Only to be distracted by something else and go back to the same bleak existence... I know there's a lot of self help books etc, but the book that really struck the nail on it's head for me was: The War of Art And since you want to write a book this could be particularly usefull to you! LMK what you think of it if you end up reading it, very quick and easy read...

u/mrlanious · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

If you are going to succeed at all these things simultaneously, you are awesome. By all means do this, be like a wolf ... but in case you fail (not to suggest that I expect you do), don't give all these things up at once. If you do not succeed with these high aspirations, do not be afraid to lower them somewhat.

So; what you should not do, I repeat, WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO, is use little failures as an excuse for total failure. Also, read this book and you'll understand why I'm giving the advice above.

u/MissBloom1111 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

You do have control. You just have been fooled into thinking you do not. We are programed from a young age. The deprograming part can ve tricky, but, not impossible.

Once in those modes of sad, it can be gripping. Sometimes the sadness teaches us something. We have to be willing to listen. And then remember that voice that is beating the shit out of you... is not actually you. There is a line that is always crossed by that inner voice. If you can stop it and say, I can not change the past, I can not change anothers actions... the only thing I have is a choice to make right now. To beat the shit out of myself. Or not.

If nothing else find other shit to fill your head with.
My suggestion:

Do not be too off put, in the begining of this book, he gives great detail of his own dealings with depression and suicide. We tell each other and ourselves that no one knows what it is like to be us or feel what we are feeling. That is not true. We are all capable of feeling every emotion on the spectrum. We again either choose not to or ignore. We are capable of love, hate, truth, lies, murder, rape, compassion, empathy, joy, laughter, anger, greed, etc... we are all capable. We choose. This book opens the door of choice and then leads you through it. You just have to choose. If you believe you can't, you are right. If you believe there is another way, you are right, if you believe reading the book will assist, you are right. That is the cool thing about choice. It's all in your head. ;) no seriously. It is.