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> Her argument was based around women having greater sexual fluidity because of evolution. Supposedly it decreases stress among the wives in a polygamous relationship if they start having sex with one another.

First, what time period is your co-worker talking about with this statement right here? Because I can tell you right now, most women who were in poly-amorous relationships(prior to the 21st century and before western and modern civilization) were there without their consent. They formed relations with other women because those other women were also there without their consent; they were slaves-they were property so of course they're going to be stressed, and so of course they're going to form close relationships with other victims who just so happen to be female.

Second, women couldn't even get divorced from their husbands until the twentieth century. Women couldn't even open a bank account until 1919 or get a credit card until the 1970's. Women had to be married to do a lot of things. So in the United States of America, before the 1970's, a woman couldn't really be independent without a man( father, husband, brother, etc) present; was it impossible, no, but it was more difficult. So I'm gonna go ahead and use my common sense to say many lesbians had to marry men just so they could live comfortably. Also let's not forget, homosexual acts were pretty much outlawed in almost every state. Women who lived with other women often went by the term "roommates". Also, women who lived in rural, or small towns often times, and even now don't really have a lot of options. So prior to the 1970's or really 1980's, if a woman didn't live in the city, and if she didn't come from a upper class family, and if she was a lesbian, it was going to be really difficult for her to get out and form a relationship with a woman. There are numerous biographies on Amazon about women who are in their 40s-70s still coming out, and trying to form that relationship they want with a woman.

Third, most female animals live in female only, and/or female matriarchy social structures. Primates are the few exception; female primates will join one male/several female family units for protection in numbers, and because of social dependence not because they love that male primate-no, fool, they want protection from more aggressive gorillas and predators.

> She also stated that many women will make out with their friends just for fun and women's sexual orientations tend to change a lot throughout their life. I have noticed that girls have a tendency to make out with each other even if they're straight,

Women who do this often do this because they're seeking attention; why they're choosing to express this through sexual displays usually boils down to lack of confidence, and low self esteem especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Also when one has too many drinks, their actions become questionable at best, and not to be taken seriously besides for "this person needs help".

> and have witnessed quite a few women go from gay to straight

Don't generalize a whole group due to a select few. Also why did these women turn straight, as you say? How close are you to their families, how religious, and liberal are their families? Did they go through a traumatic experience, or did they just so happen to fall for a dude? Were they really lesbians or were they just being gay because it was cool? Or were they bisexual and was just in denial; in other words, there's a reason for everything.

> especially later in life when they want kids/family

Okay, so now these women who turned straight sound like they come from a conservative, religious up bringing which I can relate to.

> She claimed these "pure lesbian" women just never met the right man (or had the looks to attract one), and if they did, would have been turned.

You don't need looks to attract a man; if that was the case then the prostitution industry wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry. If that was the case, social workers, wouldn't be rescuing a primate from a brothel. Craigslist would be out of business too. If you're a woman and if you walk out your house, you can attract the attention of a man...even if you don't want to.

> Neither of us are particularly attractive

Is she angry that women don't find her attractive because that's what it sounds like?

The reason why this argument comes up often in regards to female sexuality and fluidity is because women, we can express our sexuality more freely in the U.S than men. If two women kiss on the street wherever they may be, they will more than likely be gawked at and whistled at. If two men kiss on the street, they need to be careful where they do because there's a good chance they'll get their ass harassed or beat. I've seen numerous women hold hands with one another in public; I don't think I've ever seen men do it unless it was Gay Pride.

Love is not sex and sex is not love, there are numerous straight men who go to the glory hole to get their dicks sucked. Most times on the other side is a dude doing the sucking...are those guys straight, bi, or gay? When a woman who only loves women is forced to marry a man due to social and religious constructs, she endures having sex with him, is she gay, bi, or straight? Yes, sexuality can be fluid but it can also be stagnate.

I'm a mild coffee snob. So what is key: filtered water, temperature and grinding the beans the moment you make it. Straight tap is okay but check your municipality on how they process the water. If they put add weird stuff to reprocess... don't use. I can taste that stuff and then it makes my coffee taste sad, lol. So if not filtered at home then store bought.

I also use a french press. To get the full taste of coffee you don't want to use a coffee filter. The filter pulls some of the nom nom oils from the coffee. Also, more oils means more caffeine in your system. :)

But I had one of those master baristas tell me that they only keep their coffee (once bag is opened) for a week. Gawh! If I tossed out my coffee every week...nope I don't drink coffee that fast and not gonna waste money like that.

I prefer mostly dark roasts. But the most memorable cup of coffee I made for myself was one I bought from a local store and it was an Organic Italian Dark roast. OMG, that was just superb! So I recommend supporting your local stores.

Therefore, get a hand grinder and french press. Also, this may seem like a lot of work but it's a five to seven minute process and really I love it. Once I did it, I gave away my Breville Coffee maker and have never purchased another one since.

I love coffee!

I highly recommend reading the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It’s extremely useful to all relationships with loved ones whether they are partners, children, siblings, friends, etc.

Here’s the Amazon link:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

And, no, I’m not affiliated with the author or
publisher in any way; I’ve just found the book very helpful.

Well, you've come to the right thread, friend! :D

What kinds of books/movies/TV do you normally tend to enjoy?

A brief scan of your reddit history seems to suggest you like Star Wars. There are a lot of new Star Wars comics out, many of which have gotten pretty good reviews. A new one starring a lesbian/bi woman, Doctor Aphra, just started. She was also featured in the latest Darth Vader comic (which I haven't read yet, but have heard good things from the people on this sub and in general!).

For another space fantasy type thing, I would also recommend checking out Saga, which is one of the most popular titles right now and features some LGBTQ characters in its supporting cast.

Ha, thanks! It makes me sound like I have my shit together more than I do - but I guess that's what makes it ideal haha

And this makes waking up delightful when I have it.

Here are some books that may help:
Living Two Lives,
Dear John, I love Jane and
Late Bloomers.



You are not alone. You are not the first woman in this situation. You will not be the last.

Man, lesbian police much in this post?! Yikes. Sorry for these jerks! I think you're not alone here, sexuality is fluid, gender is fluid. I am really gay and only have dated women in my adult life, but once every 10 years or so I have an emotional crush on a guy. It happens. You do you, identify however feels true to you. All the haters are just dealing with insecurity, and it's really their problem, not yours.

I can tell you, all my exes have been women who presented much gayer than I and oftentimes were deeper in the queer scene. They've all told me they slept with a couple dudes at some point. When I used to hang out with more straight guys in college, they'd also often confess that they hooked up with a guy friend one time, or gave a BJ, etc. I guess they felt less pressure telling me since I was gay.

I think people just don't talk about it because they're afraid of being attacked (as happened here), and so it happens but people just never speak of it.

Also, I recommend you check out the book PoMoSexuals. It touches on just this kind of topic. Link: http://amzn.to/2wuX2ZV I found it super interesting.

As a sexual assault survivor who struggled with liking sex and dealing with the aftermath, I understand some of what you're going through.

Therapy helped me. It really did. Before I could bring myself to actually go, though, I read a book called The Rape Recovery Handbook that helped me tremendously. It let me work through some of my most difficult feelings until I felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with another person.

If finding affordable therapy is difficult, I have a few friends that use TalkSpace and they swear it's a very good alternative. You chat with licensed therapists.

At any rate, I hope that you are healed from your experience soon. The path is rough, but if you and your girlfriend are committed, it can help bring you closer together.

This book might help. There are some others that are recommended that look appropriate as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213

right here my friend!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y889MTP

A coffee table book about tree houses! Really cool and in multiple languages :D This one, but I don't think my Mom paid that much for it.

So... this exists

And apparently works wonders. In case you still need a contingency plan.

Found!: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y889MTP

Make sure he insists on a paternity test, no matter her threats or BS. It's a long shot in this case, but at least he'll know for sure if it's his.

Life often serves a shit sandwich and it looks like he's got 18 years of them inbound.

> This is making me reevaluate my stance on a lot of things...

For some meaty reading check out Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family. 4.8 stars, and a used copy at your door for 15 bucks.

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature also sticks in my mind as an eye-opening tome.

Finally, Lex iniqua lex non est. "An unjust law is no law at all."

Your friend will be told many things, and many threats will be applied...he can choose to submit - or not.

We all have that choice.