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I don't think anyone's going to dismiss this as 'just being organized' bullshit. At least, they shouldn't! Having to 'even out' your left and right side is a well-known subtype of OCD compulsion, and it can cause serious harm (you can see it in action here, on this rather good documentary about OCD, with the fellow who says he once burned his hand badly on an oven and felt compelled to give himself another bad burn on his other hand, to 'even it up'. If this dude sounds like you, I wouldn't be surprised: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAXjq28Wpyk )

Washing your hands until they bleed, or to the point where you miss other activities, is actually pretty serious. That's the OCD getting ingrained. Also getting to the point where you feel you can practically 'see' the germs, that's a common problem in OCD that's getting pretty bad. We don't genuinely get vivid hallucinations, as such, but we do get such strong feelings that our obsession must be 'true' that we doubt the evidence of our senses (like needing to check the feel of light switch that it's definitely off for the twentieth time...even though the room is dark so it obviously has to be?)

It's also a bit of a red flag that you've had anorexia, as research has found some links between anorexia and OCD (in fact some doctors even reckon some anorexia cases ARE OCD, because they're just a food-based obsession that's identical to any other type of OCD).

Try not to give up on convincing your parents this problem is real. Can you show them a book, short YouTube video or document from an authoritative source that describes your symptoms? We can help you on these boards with finding one of these to use. What kind of proof might they find convincing, if any? Do they respect the authority of a well-qualified doctor or a charity, or would an information video from a tv science show work...? Do they use social media and you could share an information article with them there?I realize they might not accept any of these things, but I too have a parent who can be quite fixed in her ideas and was unwilling to believe her daughter was severely mentally ill, and yet in the end she came around and turned out to be a great support in my recovery. It really surprised me. So it's not unheard-of, for parents to change their mind once they properly see how much their child is suffering. Some people have had good successes getting unconvinced siblings or friends to take 3 minutes to watch an info video or such (this kind of thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhlRgwdDc-E ).

Thing is, OCD can get very, very serious. A lot of people don't realize how life-destroying the really severe cases get, because everyone thinks the nonsense they see in the media about silly people handwashing and needing their pencil case organized is the full truth. I'm not trying to scare you, but since you are asking for advice... even if your parents don't 'believe it', it's possible it can get to the stage where, untreated, it's not going to be something you or they can hide or deny. And unfortunately there isn't a big range of treatments for OCD - the main options for you are generally trying the standard SSRI medications and doing a proper course of CBT therapy.

But...I guess you can do what you can to halt symptoms before they get to the really severe stage. :) You can DIY your own therapy using a good guide like The OCD Workbook by Bruce Hyman ( second-hand copies can be got for a small price online here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Workbook-Your-Guide-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/1572249218/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486124397&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=e+ocd+workbook ). Fortunately, studies show that people can get good results from DIY therapy, provided they read the instructions carefully and have the motivation to carry on with the tasks and exercise (even when they feel very difficult). The part where a therapist helps is in being a 'cheerleader' to encourage you to do your exercises, and in quickly spotting any mistakes you might be making with them (like if you accidentally do an exercise wrong). But most of us can get some benefit from DIY therapy, we just need to be strong and motivated, and carefully design our exercises. :)

You could also consider trying a non-prescription remedy for OCD and anxiety, if you parents are entirely resistant to medication? Obviously, you should take care with this, and definitely don't take any substance you're not 100% certain about, but there are natural, herbal or mineral remedies that have been demonstrated to help people with OCD. Statistically, most of them are actually a lot safer and less likely to give you weird side-effects than the official medication (which can be pretty strong). Make sure you check if you have any other health issues that these aren't going to affect those, if you try them. Most of these can be got, fairly cheaply, off of Ebay, Amazon or elsewhere online, or local health food shops often stock them. Ashwangandha can help, a vitamin-like substance called inositol (get the powdered kind and just stir a spoonful each morning into your coffee or tea), magnesium has strong anti-anxiety effects, and vitamins B12 and B6 are also good for anti-obsessive, anti-anxiety effects. It's been found that people with OCD are often missing the right levels of these substances from their bodies, so checking that your brain and body have enough of these to run smoothly can be a good start to OCD recovery :)

Hope some of this is helpful. All the best to you!

I'm doing phenomenally better than I've ever been in the years between 18 and 26, yes.

For getting over the "silliness" of meditation: understanding the scientific research behind it can help arm you with knowledge to fight against the negative inner critic. Here's a few useful articles to get you started: One Two Three

If you're worried about looking silly, than make time when you can be alone. If you're living at home with your parents and don't feel comfortable going "hey, don't knock on my door for a while because I'll be meditating" then try going for a walk, to a park, or someplace else where you can sit comfortably alone for 5 to 20 minutes without being bothered. You don't have to do the traditional meditation poses, simply sitting upright with your hands folded in your lap is fine. You can also do it when laying down before bed, but I suggest making that an EXTRA meditation session, not your main one, since generally (at least for me) it usually makes me fall asleep pretty fast.

I really do absolutely suggest you give the Everybody Has a Brain channel a watch, both for the fantastic guidance Mark offers as well as the general "I'm not alone in this feeling" thing that happens that's a real relief when you hear people talking about things that you've been keeping bottled up inside for years.

As for talking: listen, I know it's extremely difficult. And certainly not everyone you know or are friends with is someone you feel you can trust. BUT. OCD is an insidious disease that does everything it can to keep you from talking about it, because the easiest way for it to stay so large and scary is for it to build up in your brain and never be spoken of. It's seriously like Voldemort that way. You've got to say its name, and tell people what its doing. When you do, it starts to lose power. It is definitely one of THE HARDEST STEPS that you will have to take on the road to recovery. But it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. That's why I said that if you don't want to talk to others at first then at least start talking to yourself OUTLOUD about it. Because putting real words to it outside of yourself is an essential part of stripping your fears of their power over you.

I'd also highly suggest you find a talk therapist. If your financial situation is prohibitive, then find a local school and ask them if they have a program for their grad students to earn hours in. That's actually where I go-- my local area has a counseling center where grad students (overseen by licensed professionals) do talk therapy sessions on a sliding scale basis dependent on income. My income is extremely low so I only pay $10 per 1 hour session, and I completely credit my counselor with helping save my life.

You can also start yourself off while looking for a talk therapist. Pick up The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. It's just an all around excellent book. Doesn't replace therapy or your own hard work but it can be a nice guide when you're alone and are still looking for help.

Lastly: about being "pitied" or people thinking you're "crazy". That was 100% my fear for 8 years. It's what drove me to bury my feelings and hide my anxieties from sight even while it was literally eating me alive from the inside. I thought that as long as I looked alright on the surface I wasn't really "crazy".

The most freeing thing I learned from finally being unable to hide my disease is that being honest about it, owning it, and controlling the conversation about it and about your experiences is one of the best ways to take at least half your burden off yourself. Like I said earlier, its terrifying. And at first I could only tell my close family and my therapist. It's like coming out as LGBT (which I've had to do too). You spend so much time fearing what other people will think that it becomes This Thing, but once you get over the first couple hurdles and deal with the reactions as they come, it becomes easier, and eventually you never ever want to go back to a place where you deny that part of you.

OCD is a part of you. It will always be a part of you, even when you're 100% in the recovery zone you will still have OCD because it's a chronic life-long disease, just like any other chronic disease. But that's not something you have to despair about. Don't get me wrong, there will definitely be people who react negatively. When you find them, cut them out of your life. You don't have to shun them, but you don't ever have to give someone who can't respect you full access to you once they've proven untrustworthy. It's hard, but oh so worth it. Surround yourself with people who love you and respect you and move those who don't down a few tiers in friendship, and you'll realize just how much the people that love you are truly there to support you through your hard times.

At this point in my life, if for some reason it ever comes up, I will tell literal strangers about my OCD. Three years ago I couldn't even imagine that without a panic attack. Now I can't imagine not being upfront about it. Especially considering the amount of harm that misinformation does to people who struggle with OCD, and how that misinformation makes non-OCD people view those who have it. Talking about it is the only way we can combat that. I know you're absolutely nowhere near that kind of thing right now, and maybe you never will be, and that's ok. But it's just something to consider.

Hope that helps.

I can really relate to a lot of what you've written here. Know that you are not alone. Congrats on taking the (huge) first step in deciding to get help. The good news is that you can totally change your life and make it how you want it to be!

Some things you can get started on:

• Find a therapist/psychologist/counselor that specializes in treating OCD with a specific kind of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that is called ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). Not just any therapist will do. You need to find someone who has experience with treating this disorder. It can sometimes be a bit challenging to find someone in your area who specifically treats OCD. Check your list of available providers who are in contract with your insurance (if you have insurance), and then call everyone on the list and ask if they treat OCD and if they do ERP therapy. You can also look up ERP therapists in your area on the OC Foundation's website. I've gone to ERP therapists in the past who did not take any insurance, and I paid out of pocket. It was pretty pricey but it really helped me. Now I go to a therapist who takes my insurance, isn't as experienced with ERP therapy, but I know enough about what I need to do that I use her as someone to hold me accountable.
  
  
• You can try medication to assist you in therapy if you like. You can either find a psychiatrist or go to your general practitioner to talk about your options. They'll likely prescribe you an SSRI (like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc). This type of drug increases the amount of serotonin available in your brain, which can dramatically decrease your anxiety, OCD symptoms, and depression. A high dose is generally prescribed for OCD, higher than what would be prescribed for depression. This medication can be very effective when combined with cognitive behavioral therapy. Think of it as a tool to help you get where you want to go, not as a band-aid.
  
  
• Read as many books as you can about OCD, anxiety, and mindfulness. I have found that the more I learn about how OCD works the better equipped I am to change it. You can absolutely train your brain to work how you want it to. There are many great resources out there, here are some that I really like: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, and Overcoming Compulsive Washing: Free Your Mind From OCD. You might be able to get these at the library if you're short on cash.
  
  
• Check out Mark Freeman's videos! He is amazing and has lots of great techniques for recovering from OCD.
  
  
• Focus on your overall health and well-being. When our bodies are tired, run down, and we aren't feeling good, anxiety and OCD tend to take over. Focus on getting enough sleep, exercise, eating healthy nutrient-dense foods, and limiting caffeine and alcohol.
  
  Good luck! Just taking that first step and getting into therapy is huge. You will find each small step you take very motivating. It's certainly not easy, but it's definitely worth it to get your life back. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks or things get difficult. Take it one thing at a time, break it down into small pieces and you will do it!

No because meds are not the answer. There is no med that will cure OCD. They CAN make it more manageable but you must also do the work.

When I first got OCD I just wanted to take pills and have it be over too trust me. But the meds help but they cannot take it away.

Working with a therapist is the best answer because it means that once you have the tools you can control and manage your OCD by yourself!

I would highly recommend this website

https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/pure-o-an-exploration-into-a-lesser-known-form-of-ocd/

That website is really helpful in discussing pedophilia OCD and Sexuality OCD

It helped me SO MUCH and made me feel so much better


And this book


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535801531&sr=8-1&keywords=overcoming+unwanted+intrusive+thoughts

Please seek professional help it's the best way to help you.


You are young and if you try and get professional help and work through it the right way you will have the best chance and then can live your years in peace.


Look into Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP, EX/RP, or “exposure therapy”).

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, I can't imagine how hard it is. I had written a reply but deleted it because it didn't really register with me that you said you are homeless right now. I can't imagine how tough that is. Thank you for coming here for support.

Do you have any capability or resources to see an OCD specialist/therapist; or are you able to purchase a $15 book that could help you understand OCD better and help you design a treatment plan that can help you cope with these thoughts? If so, the book is here - https://smile.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X - and it is written for people who are not able to get into treatment (but it's great for anyone, even people who are in treatment).

I don't want to reassure you, but just to inform you, a lot of people have been in your shoes before (at least related to the OCD; being homeless is definitely an extra layer of hardship!) and have gotten better using the therapeutic treatments available for OCD. It can get better for you too, even though I can definitely understand how it might not feel like that now.

Please keep coming here for support, and please keep being strong. You can do this.

Hey mate!
Disclaimer: not a doctor, but a fellow sufferer from similar symtoms.
BUT. 100% OCD if you ask me. I’ve been through the same thing; the doubting of past self, morals, and actions.

First things first:
Are you seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist? If not, contact your health care provider and get evaluated if possible. OCD is nothing to be ashamed of, but it can be difficult to beat on your own. The right treatment can save you alot of trouble.
Let’s get on it.

>Is it common to get really confused with memories, because you've analyzed them so much? What I mean by this, that I'm not sure if certain thoughts I had at the moment are really thoughts I had back then or if they just reflect my current obsessions?

Yes!

the human memory is HIGHLY flawed. I cannot stress this enough. The articles on source-monitoring error, the misinformation effect, and confabulation should be of particular interest to you.

Our memories constantly get distorted, misinterpreted, even fabricated. There is no way to find out if a memory is real or not. Add to this the fact that it's been proven that repeated checking of memory causes reduced memory confidence, vividness and detail. (check the links to the right for more studies on the subject)

What we have here is a recipe for disaster for someone with OCD. A real memory can turn false by post-processing; just like a fabricated, false memory can turn ’real’. AND, regardless of wether the source is true or false, constant memory checking reduces the vividness and detail of, and ultimately, your confidence in it.

There's no way you can win this game. You lose simply by participating in it. The strongest indicator you have wether this is real or not are your current morals and values. Are you a good person? My money would be on a resounding yes. People with OCD almost always are, and that makes total sense when you think about it. There's a reason you are so bothered by this. It's because you really, really don't want it to be true. Why? It goes against your true character. What you need is to rediscover that you are, in fact, a good person. Cognitive behaviour therapy, more specifically ERP (exposure response prevention), can aid you in breaking your (faulty) thought patterns. Preferably with professional guidance, but you can always check out the books Brain Lock and [The imp of the mind] (http://www.amazon.com/Imp-Mind-Exploring-Epidemic-Obsessive-ebook/dp/B002I1XS5I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398731380&sr=8-1&keywords=the+imp+of+the+mind) if you think therapy is overdoing it at this stage.

Wish you the very best and good luck :), feel free to comment or pm me if you have any questions.

Although you may be too old for this, the fact that this all started with a throat infection makes me wonder about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PANDAS. I'm not in any way suggesting that you have this, but it may be interesting to bring up with a doctor.

>I have always been the most positive and motivated person EVER, BECAUSE i was always in control of everything

Take note - Now that OCD has reared its head, the only way you can learn to be positive and motivated again is to accept that you are not in control of everything, and that's okay. You cannot control these thoughts, they do not mean anything about you, and they will exist whether or not you want them to. The more meaning you give to them, the more you react, the more you try to get them to go away, the more frequent and intense they will get.

It's fucking awful, I know. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with. But I promise that the closer you come to accepting this, the quieter and less noticeable the thoughts will become.

It's great that you were proactive with learning about OCD, and it's great that you can write about it. Have you gone back to your psychologist for treatment? Perhaps a psychiatrist? I always recommend The Imp of the Mind to people with thought-based OCD - specifically to do with blasphemy or causing harm to others. It really helped to put my anxiety in perspective.

Learn as much as you can about OCD, and do you best to retain your roll as a loved one.


Bibliotherapy is helpful. So read up, as much for yourself as them.

Here's a great book that touches on some forms of OCD.

I've found this structure of communication during severe episode of OCD helpful:

LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner.

Reflective listening is key. Hear out your friend/family member completely, genuinely, and act like a reporter who is trying to learn all you can without judgement about what they live with. "It sounds like you don't want to live life like this, and you want things to change".

Empathize with the emotional difficulty of their disorder, and don't force your onions of treatment (i.e. you need to check into rehab, you need to be with a therapist, etc.). "It must be tough to feel unhealthy all the time, like you could be better".

Agree on things often to build trust. "I too want you to have a higher quality life."

Partner to work towards a solution. "I would love to help you get help, and we can find someone together. I'm just here for you to get through this"

This is a great book on the subject.

Not a doctor, just a husband with a loved one with a mental illness.

It sounds to me like you are on the right track. By just knowing that this is out of her control for now is a huge step in the right direction. Believe me, it is very frustrating for someone with OCD. If we could just relax, and snap out of it, we would, in a heartbeat. Its a very distressing feeling. From what it sounds like you are very supportive and that is a very good thing. Times will be hard but it can also make you stronger together.

The first thing that the both of you need to do it get an idea of what you are dealing with. I highly recommend this book. It changed my life. Also I would seek out a therapist. Specifically one that works with ERP (Exposure Response Therapy, currently the gold standard of OCD threatment).

The OCD Foundation is a great resource to find information and therapists. You also might want to look into local support groups. In my area there is a local meeting for families and spouses.

Best of luck to you both and know that while going through this you may find out unexpected things about each other. Your spouse may not reveal everything to you all at once. She may feel uncomfortable but there also are things that she is doing unconsciously that she doesn't realize the reasons for until it is explored further. It most likely will get harder before it gets easier but it will make the both of you stronger.

Please PM me if you have any questions.

I applaud you on taking a huge step when it comes to battling your OCD! You are right! Finding someone is a complete pain in the backside, but don't give up!

/u/backhaircombover/ is correct that the IOCDF is a great resource. I also have occasionally found some listings on the https://www.psychologytoday.com/ site.

If you have insurance, they will often have a list of professionals they work with as well. Unfortunately you will likely find that a lot of the folks with a great deal of OCD experience tend not to take insurance. Still, sometimes you can find both!

Definitely do what you can to research people on the net and also make calls and talk to them in person. It can be a good idea to write down your questions and concerns so you don't forget anything when you are on the phone. Also, be willing to give someone a try if it sounds like it may be a fit but you aren't positive. There is no reason you have to go back if it just isn't clicking.

In the meantime, you might also benefit from going through a workbook on OCD. I recently did this one with my therapist and I did find it helped in some ways: The Mindfullness Workbook for OCD.

Good luck!

Edit: Forgot to add, different professionals specialize in different things (ERT vs CBT for instance) so keep that in mind as well. My last Dr was experienced with ERT and I found it helped a lot.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/OCD-Workbook-Obsessive-Compulsive-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572249218/

These are the gold standard, but more affordable ones will give you similar information if you're on a real budget. Just search OCD workbook and preferably 'ACT' and 'ERP' to ensure you're getting the best info.

Yes totally :) I have Pure O that often manifested in needing to 'check' online about things, and of course I couldn't be panic googling round my friends house, so if I got triggered I was able to hold off. In fact being around people and out and doing things and noticing how your urge to perform compulsions can be acknowledged without being acted upon is a great start for working towards recovery.

If you can notice your ability to not check/obsess etc around other people you can start allowing yourself to not perform compulsions in private too. That's how I started getting better - noticing how I was able to sort of absorb the compulsive feelings in public and practising that in private!

3-4 years ago when I first started dealing with my harm ocd, I told myself that being afraid of the thought meant I was a good person and so there's no way I could do these things. It was true, but not helpful. For me, it was a compulsion. Self reassurance and the relief if brought was only temporary. I didn't seem to really make progress until I began forcing myself to have these thoughts intentionally. If I had something pop up, I would force myself to keep it going, make it more gory or terrible in my head and I truly think that for me, it worked. I think it desensitized it and that took a lot of its power away. I can't say it would work for anyone else but I've been medication free for 3 years now and doing exponentially better. I couldn't go in the kitchen with my wife for close to a year and now I can stand next to her holding a knife and not think a thing about it.


I have a 6 week old daughter now that I was terrified to have because of pedocd and while I have the occasional thought that I'll do something terrible, I'm able to brush it off as the nonsense it is.

I really recommend this book Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572243813/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dEdKDbS9FNP2B I think the message that I got from it's little lessons were really valuable.

I wouldn't say I'm completely cured, don't ever plan to be. I have some issues regarding health anxiety and the thoughts of harm pop up but as I said, I'm able to look at them as they pass by and not run. The thought isn't the problem, your response to it is. If you can lessen the fear of the thought, you'll find they come less frequently and for me, forcing myself to have them lessened the fear they caused.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey! If you haven't already, check out iocdf and the adaa. They have some great resources and I found both the therapists I've seen in the past on iocdf. Also, if you can't afford treatment by an ocd specialist (you want a specialist, the first guy I saw made. Me worse) that book was honestly very helpful for me. The exercises seem goofy at the time but there's one in particular regarding a pink dog that I still refer back to on a regular basis. It really stuck in my head and helped me understand the reason the thoughts kept coming back.

Well, of course you will know yourself better than anyone else. :) It could very well be a form of OCD -- there is a symmetry/perfectionism bent to it as well. I'm not as familiar with that (I'm more of a contamination/pure-o type) but maybe this sounds more like you?

The important thing to keep in mind is that you seem to be really hung up on having a "disorder". I want the very best for you -- to figure out what is going on and a way to treat it -- but just having a "disorder" doesn't make you any less of a person. Everybody has some sort of disorder. Some are physical, some are mental, and nobody is "perfect".

Another book you might want to look at is the OCD Workbook. Amazon even lets you read a lot of the intro. This book has been invaluable to me in understanding what is going on. I'm still working out the bugs on how to FIX it, but finding this book decades after onset of my own OCD finally helped me realize what was going on.

But again, nothing can take the place of a good psychiatrist. You may be feeling scared of going to see one -- even feeling like you have somehow failed at life because of it. Try not to feel that way, they can be very helpful and you will appreciate taking that step after a few counseling sessions.

Hi there, alot of what you describe sounds quite a bit like OCD. I can't stress enough that you should treat yourself to the opportunity to speak to a specialist. only a specialist who is centered on treating OCD can truly diagnose and treat you.

I do sense your age might be an issue though as well, so if you are having concerns about seeing a therapist you just have to remember your friends and family always want what is best for you.

In the Mean time, you can buy books at Barnes and Noble and online, the one I would reccommend the most would be

http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042519955X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369551219&sr=8-1&keywords=freedom+from+obsessive+compulsive+disorder+by+jonathan+grayson

> I want to be a genuinely good person with a clear mind that doesn't think these horribly themed

This is a fantasy you need to let go of. Not because it's not a noble pursuit, but because the brain will always generate thoughts you don't like/agree with even in people without OCD. Don't hold onto a fantasy that doesn't exist.

That being said, the best way to let go of the past is to simply live here in the present, right here, right now. The best way to practice that is with meditation and mindfulness. Try reading this book it will help you A LOT: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BBXJH2C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav

Also apathy is your friend. If you have a thought that bothers you, just say (in the voice of a bratty teenage girl) "Who cares?" or "Yeah, so what?" and then the thoughts just go. Random thoughts happen day in, day out to every human being on the planet... you're not a bad person and you didn't do anything wrong.

There are a two workkbooks that I can think of off the top of my head.

There is The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Bruce M. Hyman. It is does a pretty good job in what it sets out to do and there are less expensive editions of the same book available on Amazon.

One that I haven't gone through yet goes by the title of The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Jon Hershfield and Tom Corboy. I am not sure if it touches upon ERP (Exposure Response Prevention). It has gotten great reviews though!

Best of luck!

A psychiatrist would be best but any general practitioner doctor can prescribe you a SSRI which treats OCD. Most SSRIs are super cheap even if you don’t have insurance.

If you are in the US there is likely a county mental health clinic which will offer psychiatric services and therapy on a sliding scale. You could also call a crisis line and they usually have a list of resources that they can use to help you find care.

You could also try a self-education type workbook like this

I hope that you get some relief soon.

If you find out, let me know!

​

Seriously though, not giving in to the reassurance and learning to be comfortable with uncertainty. This is a pretty good book about it:

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Obsessing-Overcome-Obsessions-Compulsions/dp/0553381172/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539552741&sr=8-1&keywords=stop+obsessing+how+to+overcome+your+obsessions+and+compulsions

​

This is a good meditation that helps quiet my mind.

https://youtu.be/15q-N-_kkrU

​

Good luck friend,

I read your whole list and while I'm not too familiar with medication but it's good to hear you have access to Psychiatrist's. If the "voices" in your head aren't your "thinking voice" I would talk to your psychiatrist immediately. it won't hurt to at least check up with them. Just remember overcoming OCD is a long process and not a "smooth" road you might have set back, days that are worse than others, etc... I would buy this book by Dr. Jonathan Grayson Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty, Updated Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/042527389X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_jxOOBb3CJPEG0

It's the best piece of literature on OCD that I've read, you would think the author has OCD himself. It also gives you the tools to and shows you how to make your own recovery program. And if you have access to Psychiatrist's/ Therapists even better because you can work through it with them.

PS A general rule of thumb is to accept uncertainty and do the opposite of whatever your fear/obsession for example, "yeah, maybe the devil wants me to do this and maybe this makes me a bad/sinful person"

I would do the recovery program with a therapist I think that would be best.

Best of luck

-Dean

ACT can be helpful to everyone - regardless of where they are in life. Learning to live a more psychologically flexible, and more meaningful life, is valuable all around.

ACT is often used as a way to "front-load" ERP treatment, since many of the concepts (e.g., making room for the feelings/thoughts/urged that arise, taking valuable actions regardless of how they try to get in the way) lay the ground work for both exposure and response prevention. Within that framework, ERP becomes a tool used to help a person broaden what they are willing to tolerate. That said, it's an incredibly powerful tool. Response prevention - that is, not giving into compulsions - is at the heart of ERP. Whether your therapist is using ACT or ERP, they need to be able to help you identify what your compulsions are, and help you understand how your compulsions may be keeping you stuck. A helpful place to start looking at compulsions is to ask yourself, "what do I do when I feel anxious about these intrusive thoughts? What do I think I need to do to try to get rid of this anxiety?" Compulsions are an attempt to get rid of anxiety. Sometimes the things we do in life to get rid of anxiety are healthy, and positive. But when OCD shows up, differentiating betwen what's a healthy and positive response and what's a compulsive response becomes quite tricky for a person to see through.

As others have pointed out, [Freedom from OCD]
(https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042519955X) is a great book. Off the top of my head I can't recall if there's a section on scruplosity, but the concepts work the same.

Finally, you mentioned that your therapist is the only one around you who takes insurance. While I don't doubt that's true, depending on your insurance plan, you may be able to still see someone out of network and get reimbursed for it.

I can't say for certain, but that sounds like OCD for me. The most commonly depicted type of OCD is contamination/hand washing, which sounds very different from what you are going through, but the condition takes on an enormous number of different forms and this sounds like one of them. When I was a kid, I couldn't wear shirts with a tag in the back of the collar. I hated how the tag felt against my skin. When I wore a shirt like that, I would think about it and really feel it all day. I eventually just started cutting tags out of my shirts. It's weird because now, I can't even feel the tag in my shirt if I try.

I'm had OCD for a long time myself (it probably started when I was 12 and I'm in my late twenties now). My experience of it is that the therapy is extremely effective, but the majority of doctors and psychologists don't really know about it and aren't qualified to treat OCD. I didn't really start doing proper therapy until last year. Sadly, this is pretty common for OCD. I've read that it frequently takes >10 years for a patient to get adequate care. I'm still recovering, but have made huge advancements this past year. There are a lot of problems that I think people (especially therapists) are far too optimistic about. I have chronic fatigue issues and from what I have gathered and experienced it seems that there is really nothing to do about it. However, OCD is not at all like that. The therapy is very effective and there's actually real reason for hope.

A very helpful approach for me, in addition to therapy, has been reading about OCD. I've read ten books on the disorder. Some of the advice was immensely helpful. It's weird how much the experts know and how little of that knowledge is communicated to the mainstream psychological/medical profession.
This is the best book I've read so far:
https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X

If you're unsure about what OCD is, whether or not you have it, and what to do about, I'd highly suggested that you read it.

There are a number of self-help books out there that can give you support and even give you some guidance in some forms of treatment. The ones I used before I went into therapy were:

The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD (Mindfulness and ERP therapy)

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life (ACT therapy)

The OCD Workbook (ERP therapy)

There is always an added benefit of therapy that you have a coach who can help you with the process of recovery. I tried self-help before therapy, and while self-help helped (heh), I still struggled. At a certain point, I could afford therapy, so I went for it and it helped a lot. I learned that I had underestimated the importance of the cognitive part of CBT, and I needed some coaching on that. But the themes I tackled during my self-help ERP--I had killed them dead. I learned I was kinda doing the exposures a little wrong during my self-help phase, but I still got the effect. YMMV.

I also recommend just general support groups like this one, ocdforums.org, and The OCD Stories. Not gonna lie--sometimes I go there for research/reassurance (as do a lot of the posters on the forums). But some days, I read or hear something that really clicks and is super helpful. And that can go a long way. I still use some of the techniques and phrases I learned on those sites.

Recovery is possible. Hang in there.

You guys should be a partnership so even if she's dealing with her own issues, you probably have things that you need to talk about too. It's okay to set some boundaries while still being there for her. I will say though that having a professional to talk to will probably make her less likely to feel like she needs to tell you everything.

There's a workbook I'm doing that's got a section for loved ones dealing with someone with OCD. One of the reasons I am even less likely to share with my husband now is because I know it's not good to seek reassurance since this is a compulsion and makes the illness worse.

Here's the book I'm using: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249218/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_7NexCb1H7NA5S

Also great for when she starts therapy is the NOCD app. It'll help her continue exposures on her own.

One more resource is Mark Freeman's channel on YouTube. He recovered from OCD and he has a lot of great videos that you and her can both watch to get a better understanding of what she's going through.

Do you work with an OCD specialist? Have you ever done CBT/ERP to learn how to manage things?

One of the best (read: shittiest) things about OCD is that it can always find a new theme, a new set of obsessions and compulsions, to burden you with. But at the end of the day, OCD is just OCD - the content doesn't matter, the treatment and coping methods are the same for all the various themes you could think of. So if you've ever gotten professional help before, you can employ the things you worked with then to help yourself now.

I've you've never seen an OCD specialist, that's my first recommendation. If that's not an option, there are some great self-help resources available. I personally recommend Hershfield and Corboy's Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.

Good luck!

https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467

I have OCD. Buy this book. Get your wife to read it and highlight the parts that speak to her/write little notes in the book as needed. There are sections giving advice on the best way to help. She’ll be able to highlight the ones she finds most useful/note on the ones that are not useful and why. Then you read it and you will be able to start with a strong base of understanding what she is going through while also getting support for yourself.

I think if you are consciously and deliberately trying to avoid compulsions, that's great! You are already doing better than half of this sub.

That said, making mistakes is normal and human. Don't beat yourself up for giving in into a compulsion. After all, it's a human instinct to avoid anxiety.

By all means, keep avoiding doing compulsions (don't avoid obsessions / what causes your anxiety). Definitely be proud for what a step you took, but also try to avoid giving in to "fixing". But don't beat yourself up too much, just keep making a lot of effort consistently.

Consider trying self-directed ERP: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/

Get yourself a couple of books on ERP/CBT:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1608828786/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1572249218/

Doing ERP feels like torture, but it's pretty effective. From the tone of your post, it sounds like you could do it on your own (i. e. without a therapist). So you could probably get better.

Yeah, I did talk therapy back in high school but I've stopped going since then and have been trying to better myself.

I recommend reading Brain Lock,
its a fantastic book about treating OCD in a self guided 4 step program that really does help,
doing this along with other things such as meditation has been a life saver. PM me if you have more questions.

Check here to see if anyone in your area is listed: https://iocdf.org/find-help/

If you can't find anyone local, there are a few OCD therapists who will also do sessions over Skype, which can work just as well - especially if they help outline a plan that you can stick to on your own time. I also recommend Dr. Grayson's book, Freedom from OCD (https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042519955X).

My last bit of advice, there are a lot of therapists who claim they know how to treat OCD as it technically used to fall under anxiety disorders (it's now its own thing in the DSM). If within the first 1-2 sessions they don't use a "Y-BOCS" test to assess you, run away =) they probably don't know what they're doing. It's the standard assessment for severity of OCD.

https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Assessment-Tools.pdf

CBT is hugely helpful, but you can get some of the benefit if you're committed to working on your own. My therapist recommended this workbook alongside our exposure therapy, and it's been a huge help: Getting Over OCD: A 10-Step Workbook for Taking Back Your Life by Jonathan S. Abramowitz. It basically walks you through what you'd be doing with a CBT. It's not a replacement, but a very good way to start if you're feeling more and more trapped waiting for treatment.

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Over-OCD-Workbook-Self-Help/dp/1593859996/ref=pd_sim_14_6?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1593859996&pd_rd_r=PCNDK4787TCKVG54HSN7&pd_rd_w=Huk6g&pd_rd_wg=rDIuG&psc=1&refRID=PCNDK4787TCKVG54HSN7

Thankfully intrusive thoughts are just thoughts but this also means that your thoughts "that this is the last time" are also just thoughts. In particular, this is self reassurance aimed at seeking safety and may contribute to maintaining your OCD.

I personally recommend reading this book if you'd like to empower yourself with the knowledge and tools to enable you to kick OCD out of your life :).

Yeah it's worth it to look into :) My counsellor recommended this book and it's really very good! Don't let the cheesy cover fool you. I wish you all the best, I know how hard this is. https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Obsessing-Overcome-Obsessions-Compulsions/dp/0553381172/ref=asc_df_0553381172/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309747941035&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2675934231836747846&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001191&hvtargid=pla-436154869618&psc=1

You’re awesome for trying to help her figure this out / help yourself in this relationship.

My wife found this book (https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=nodl_) really helpful for understanding how my brain is different. It also really helped her understand when her reassurances, etc. that she thought was being helpful was actually a negative.

I’d also really, really, really recommend an OCD therapist. Being in treatment has really helped my relationship with my wife and our new daughter.

Yeah, I can definitely relate, because I also had that problem before I was able to finally find therapy. If you are down for it, there definitely are self-help ERP books that allow you to create your own exposure exercises. /u/accidental_warrior always seems to recommend Johnathan Grayson's books. He is quite an amazing and experienced OCD psychologist, so his book is always an option. Here is a link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/042527389X?pldnSite=1

I'd recommend finding a therapist who is trained in Exposure and Response Prevention or if you want to do it on your own, consult this book for help:
https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized-ebook/dp/B00DYX9PX8/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

Best of luck!

Honestly just talking feels good. Say that everyone has messed-up thoughts sometimes, and that thoughts are ghosts and can't hurt you and to just stay in the moment. Also as mentioned just do something fun to take his mind off it.

Also you could get him this book. Tell him a guy on reddit said it was the most helpful thing he's read

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BBXJH2C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav

Say that "I'm about to experience a trigger event that will bring about an obsession." You have to tolerate this event (anniversary) and don't compluse by doing rituals (do your best). Identifying that your obsessive thoughts are obsessive thoughts and then letting them stay around (sitting with the tension) rather than complusing is the key.

RITUALS ARE BAD. THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR OCD.

here's how ocd works

Obsessions brings about compulsions (ex. I have to clean this dish). Compulsion brings about minor relief, BUT it strengthens the obsessions. By not compulsing, and letting yourself sit with the obsession, rather than responding to it, you drain it of power, and you grown to not mind the obsession anymore.

So seriously, don't do anything to respond to your OCD.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (which is what I just described to you) has changed my life. Meds can help with the CBT, but they aren't that powerful for OCD, and pretty much only serve to help you through the CBT, which can be a painful process (sitting with the tensions/obsessions without compulsing is very very hard).

Buy this book as soon as you can. Get one day shipping or something, and read it asap. It is amazing. It's cognitive behavioral therapy in a book.

http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372448676&sr=8-1&keywords=brain+lock

Get treatment (CBT), don't compulse, sit with the tension, identify the obsessions for what they are, and buy that book! I got mine in a hard cover for like $4 and it's amazing..

Good luck.

I have had issues like yours, where I have several "go-to" thoughts that I was never able to get out of my mind, just terrible thoughts. They would last for years.
ERP can definitely help you with this - I'm proof, as are many others on this board. I would urge you to read Dr. Jonathan Grayson's book, Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. It's the best book on OCD I have ever read.
https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=30F8WQ22FR6V68ZKZA1H

Hi there! I have Real Event OCD which is mostly mental compulsions (i.e. ruminating) and intrusive thoughts, and I've been doing ERP with a therapist for the last month. My treatment involves creating scripts to listen to (including imaginal exposure scripts, as u/ace2573 mentioned) that confront the worst case scenarios that I fear. I also have to perform tasks specific to things that trigger anxiety related to my fears. We've been following the basic plan in this book:

Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty, Updated Edition

The book covers all kinds of OCD, and has a small section on Pure O, but it's laid out in a way that allows the activities to be modified for any specific OCD theme. It has a lot of examples of scripts that can be used to modify to your specific needs. I would recommend doing ERP under the guidance of your therapist instead of on your own, as it can be triggering at first, but it's really been helping me. Good luck! :)

If you believe she was genuinely threatening your life, I'm not sure I know how you should proceed. But if you think it may have only been an expression of anger born of frustration, I may have some insight to offer.

It sounds like your wife is really suffering right now, and if you are triggering her symptoms, she may (irrationally) lash out at you as the cause of her suffering. For example, suppose she comes home from a long week at work, looking forward to the weekend. She comes in the house to find something unclean that you were supposed to have cleaned or would have cleaned if you were only thinking. Suddenly she is paralyzed with OCD. Instead of enjoying her weekend, she will spend it suffering. Why? Because of what you did or failed to do.

There is, in a sense, a twisted logic to her reasoning. If she was allergic to peanuts and came home to find you had thrown a friggin' peanut party and left peanuts strewn all through the house, doesn't it make sense that she would be mad at you? I think most people would agree that was a major asshole move on your part, so what's not to be mad at?

The difference here (and what makes her behavior decidedly unreasonable) is that there is no possible way you can anticipate what her OCD will demand from her. And even if you could, you are not doing her any favors by helping her accommodate those demands. It sounds like you want to help your wife, but you both need to be on the same page that helping her does not mean helping her perform her rituals (or avoid her triggers, e.g. cleaning the house perfectly so she doesn't start to obsess).

You said you two are in therapy? Good, keep going. And make sure you are seeing a cognitive-behavioral therapist who practices exposure and response prevention therapy. Traditional psychotherapy (as well as most other kinds of therapy) will be of little use to either of you. You may also consider trying medication to see how she responds.

Lastly, you need to talk about these episodes with your wive and her therapist. It sounds like your wive is really suffering right now, so she may not be aware of the damage she is doing to your relationship. But that doesn't mean the damage isn't done. You need to tell her what's going on in the presence of a trained therapist who can help her come to grips with the reality that her OCD is the enemy here, not you. They will probably also tell you to stop trying to accommodate her OCD.

Lastly, let me say that I understand what you are going through. You are trying to be a good husband, doing everything you can to help your wife in her time of need. And what do you receive in return? Death threats?! She gets mad at you for trying to help, when she should be thanking you?! Who needs that!

But try to look at it from your wive's perspective as well. If she is really in the grip of OCD, she is suffering CONSTANTLY. She's probably also terrified that it's only going to get worse and she's helpless to stop it. Even though the sun is shining for the rest of us, your wife is in hell. And sometimes when you're in hell, you say and do things you later regret.

The good news is, if you both want to win this fight, there's every reason to think you can. If she is willing to do the work of ERP therapy (perhaps with an assist from medication), she can put her OCD in check and you two can return to the relationship you had before her condition began to deteriorate.

I would also recommend you read Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson. It is hands down the best book on OCD that I have ever read and will almost certainly help to supplement the work you are doing with your therapist.

http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized-ebook/dp/B0049U4KGM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1410081018&sr=8-2&keywords=ocd+jonathan

Best of luck to you and your wive. If you have any questions, feel free to message me and I'll do what I can to help.

Yes. There is the OCD Challenge , which is free. There are also lots of workbooks, though the only one I have personal experience with is The OCD Workbook which I thought was pretty good.

Strictly OCD related, I like this one.
I also found that, once I calmed down enough and was able to regain control of my life (which happened gradually over a few sessions with my psychologist), books on mindfulness helped me make even more progress. Try this one. Any type of yoga and meditation is also very helpful.

Remember, though, that self-help is not for everyone, and I would probably still see a psychologist a few times, even if it's to talk to him or her about what you're reading in these books. It does wonders to talk with a trained expert.

Sure. It's nothing out of the ordinary for people coping with OCD.
I highly recommend you the following books, they are talking about things you're describing and giving great advises:

1. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-OCD-Practical-Strategies-Obsessive-Compulsive-ebook/dp/B003TU2KJC/ref=dp_kinw_strp_2
   2.https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions-ebook/dp/B00H28YC98/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1503184088&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+ocd
   

Hey, I am sorry your experience was so rough when you tried to get help the first time. I can sympathize with you and your obsessions look like OCD to me, though I'm not a professional. Have you considered going to another doctor to help you? Sometimes it takes getting the right one for it to work. If you can't, there are books out there about OCD that are helpful, two of my favorites before being able to see a therapist were Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz and Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson, but there are even more than that.

I really hope you can break the cycle soon, no one deserves to get their quality of life diminished by something like this.

My therapist recommended this one to me:

https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786

I haven't used it much yet, but I can definitely see how it would be helpful for a lot of people. Might be worth a shot for you?

The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD is a wonderful book. It’s very simple and straightforward! This is my #1! I would recommend the kindle edition, because you can pull it up on a smartphone whenever you need it.

I hope everything works out!

I would definitely see a therapist(not psychiatrist). The therapist can recommend you to a psychiatrist if they think you need meds. There's also a lot of good self help books out there written by therapists.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Compulsions/dp/1608828786

The Imp of the Mind

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0452283078

This book is awesome and really gets at the heart of the matter.

I cannot recommend the book Brain Lock enough. It may very well save you. It did for me.

http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111

The combination of that book, and healthy habits and a change of scenery if possible (a move to another city, a new hobby to involve yourself in, moving out of your comfort zone socially or environmentally, etc.), could help you.

I went from having obsessions take up entire days of my life to being more or less completely free of them. Sometimes I can still feel old parts of my brain that were worn smooth by OCD try to reinitiate old pathways, like when I'm placed in stressful or uncomfortable situations, but Brain Lock provided me with the knowledge and strategies to avoid going down those old pathways. I have no proof, but I feel like I literally rewired the circuitry in my brain, and I feel like a much stronger and healthier person for it.

There's a lot of stigma behind mental illness. You may be crazy but anyone who says they're not is truly fucking insane. I'm crazy too my dude. I forgot the word for it (I'll look it up tomorrow there is a copy of the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders at my work) but OCD is characterized by thoughts that are intrusive to the point of feeling like they are coming from outside. They are not schizophrenic in nature because the person recognizes them as their thoughts but can not control them and does not identify them.

​

For the longest time I obsessed over death, self-harm, etc, among other things. I would wake up and the first thought in my head every day would be "Have you ever thought about putting a gun to your head". It was like I was asking myself that when I knew damn well I was thinking about it every day. At one point I even unloaded my .380 Handgun and placed it to my temple in hopes that maybe putting myself in this vulnerable position would help make it stop. It didn't. I was just feeding into the thoughts and making them worse. In addition to this I also have suffered from obsessions based on cleanliness, relationships, counting and repetition of certain tasks just to name the major ones.

​

I have tried two different medications. One of which I am on now. I started on Prozac (Fluoxetine) 20mg with a Psychiatrist. Their job is pretty much just to put you on pills and make you feel better and send you somewhere else for therapy. Then I was on 40mg Prozac. I was happy, eventually I started becoming emotionless because of it. My insomnia returned, I started missing doses. Eventually I quit the medication to join the military. The problem was during my time on Prozac I just made the thoughts go away I didn't learn how to deal with them. I am now on 125mg of Luvox (Fluvoxamine). When I first started Luvox my symptoms honestly got worse. The thoughts worsened. I was back to that fucking pit of despair. I would get dizzy. Motion sickness. All symptoms associated with starting a new medication especially something as fast acting as Luvox. Over the next two weeks these symptoms subsided and I am doing great! I have been on Luvox for 10 months now. My doc has helped me not only control these thoughts but learn more about them to the point that I feel confident I will be able to maintain myself when it's time to come off the medication. I personally believe its just about finding a medication that can help you. I view it as a crutch. Eventually I will learn to walk on my own again, and until I can do that there's nothing wrong with walking on crutches.

​

This is a book my doc recommended me. Judging by your previous comment you may still live at home with your family, and I don't know if you have a job. If you can't afford the book but are interested, let me know and I will personally mail you my copy.

https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Twentieth-Anniversary-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/006256143X

​

Take care. <3

Hang in there. Maybe there are other possible treatments, like cognitive behavior therapy. http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111

You're you--OCD isn't you. I'd be honest with your DR and parents. I wish I had had treatment for OCD back when I was younger.

My therapist recommended "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" which I think is a pretty good one:

https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X

That's a great book if you have the discipline to do ERP on your own. Some other good books are:
[Freedom from OCD] (https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X) and Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. The nocd app is on ios / android and can aid you in your ERP at home.

I do have advice. It sounds like you are in a good place and the (MASSIVE FUCKING DOUBT) monster isn't in your voice. When some people talk about OCD, they talk with the voice of the doubt. You are giving clear examples with a pretty objective view of your thoughts from the outside. Those thoughts sound like they really suck, however, they are only half of the problem. Without compulsions, the intrusive thoughts have no food to grow. So, I know it sounds hard, over even down right impossible, but I want you to tell yourself, when you are in these moments (I have a knife and I'm gonna fucking stab him or go slow so you don't break your neck) that you just notice what your brain is telling you and you say the phrase in your head "I'm having the thought that ___."
When we label our thoughts as what they are, thoughts, and we don't give them meaning (no matter how much they tell us they mean something), we give our brain room to observe thoughts and then make a choice about what will happen next. Right now, your OCD says "jump" and you say "I'm already jumping." Next time your brain says "jump" say to yourself "I'm having that jump thought again, that's interesting" and then go do something regular (like dishwashing or pooping or TV). Here is a great book about this that you can bring to your therapist or do on your own.

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417494705&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfullness+workbook+for+OCD

Just saw this 5 min ago on Amazon. Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD. The reviews for it are mostly good

Amazon

I've been working on it the last few weeks, and it's pretty helpful.

Sounds to me like you have OCD. Check out this book.


Unrelated side note: are you British? I really liked your writing and made me think you were british.

I also have a physical copy of The OCD Workbook, by Bruce M. Hyman and Cheery Pedrick. I'm a big fan of workbooks.

Highly recommend this book. It's helped my family better understand my OCD.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469814795&sr=8-1&keywords=when+a+family+member+has+ocd

While you wait for an appointment with a therapist, you might like to pick up the book Brain Lock. It helped me a lot -- perhaps it will also help you, give you something productive to do vs. the OCD while you wait, and might get you a headstart on treatment with your therapist (I read this book because my therapist recommended it).

If and when you do get an appointment with a therapist, I think it's important that it's someone you get on with and you feel works well with you. If not, consider finding another therapist.

Lastly, OP, know you're not alone, and that you're not "crazy". Your brain is wired a bit differently, and it's causing you problems, that's all. Brains are so complex and with so much wiring, it's no wonder they can go a bit haywire! Look after yourself -- get an appointment -- and try not to beat yourself up about this.

Man, I'm sorry you feel this way. I remember being in the throes of OCD and having similar thoughts you are. Lurid sexual thoughts and images would pop into my head and give me a lot of anxiety. These thoughts you're having aren't things you want. The reason you are having so much anxiety about these thoughts is because they are intrusive and you don't want to have them. If you take a look at the pedophiles and people with fucked up fetishes, they have no anxiety over it. Next time an intrusive thought pops up, acknowledge that it is just the anxiety taking hold of your thoughts and then refocus on something different. I know it's easier said than done, but it is a process that takes time but it does get better.

About your penis size; there isn't much you can do there man. That's something you're going to have to accept. Fortunately, there are things besides just sex you can do to have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. It's really something not worth stressing over.

I hope this helps. This book really helped me (along with my therapist and medication) on getting through the time when my OCD was at it's worst.

There are tons of books on OCD. Check out your local library. I have heard great things about thisbook.

m4meredith, This does sound like OCD to me. The constantly checking things and tapping. It sounds like it is affecting your life to a certain degree and starting to get worse?
Depression and stress will fuel your ocd along with lack of sleep and caffeine. I would imagine the lack of sleep may help at the moment but might be fueling this later on. It's similar to someone who may drink for relief of their ocd but the next day that drink may flair things up.
The more you indulge your compulsions the more they will continue to grow down the line. So it's best to cut it off right away before it starts to turn into other things. At least you have the power to stop them, many don't or are working towards that.
To get better from it you need to be active about it.
You might want to look into seeing a family doctor, or a therapist who specializes in ocd.
I would suggest you get some books and read up on ocd so you have a better understanding on how it works.

Here are a few of the most refereed books from r/ocd:
OCD Workbook Breaking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
http://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218

Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty
http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042519955X/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1

*Brain Lock
http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332741170&sr=1-1

>It turned out he just needed to refresh his knowledge on OCD, learn more about Pure-O types, etc.

This! -- I have Pure-O OCD and have had a lot of professionals who don't understand OCD tell me that I don't have it and I "just have anxiety" (which is really not helpful and it just makes my anxiety/OCD worse).

The truth is that OCD is part of a spectrum of anxiety disorders, so technically, you could tell any OCD patient that they "just have anxiety," and it would be partially correct. OCD is an anxiety disorder. It is, however, a distinct manifestation of an anxiety disorder that has certain unique symptoms.

As much as we as patients cling to the idea of a diagnosis as a way to identify, categorize, sort out and understand our problems, every mental health diagnosis is simply just a set of symptoms that experts have collected and given a name to.

If the identity of OCD helps you define, understand, and work on improving your symptoms, then don't let other people take that away from you by recategorizing you in whatever way they want.

The best thing you can do is educate yourself on what OCD is and read, read, read about it. I recommend Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz

I can't recommend this book enough as well for OCD. It's basically everything you need to know about the disorder and how to effectively treat it. It's really handy because our minds get super scrambled and we get off track. It's nice to know I can come back to this book and look for guidance when i'm up to my ears in panic. They don't mention DP/DR in the book but I expected that because DP/DR is something that psychologists are just starting to figure out exists.

Stop Obsessing!: How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions

http://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Obsessing-Overcome-Obsessions-Compulsions/dp/0553381172/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408313006&sr=8-1&keywords=stop+obsessing

Do the recorded script section. You write a script about your obsession as if it had come true. For example, "Today I went to the doctor and they told me I have cancer..."

You record that and listen to it over and over. You will naturally become bored of it and your anxiety will come down. The point is not to stop the thoughts but through exposure to get to a state where when the thought pops in your head it doesn't cause the anxiety, instead you just recognize it as an obsessive thought and not worry about the content of the thought.

It can be hard to even write the script so your friend might need to sit with the idea for a long time, like maybe years, but I recommend the book.

The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I haven't finished reading it, though, so I can't say that it's helped me yet. But I think I've been bettered for starting to work through it, at least.

Have you sought help from a professional trained in OCD?

Many therapists are trained in treating anxiety and depression, but OCD requires a very specific type of training.

If you cannot find a trained OCD therapist, I would suggest the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. I found it helpful.

This is a main popular one that has helped me in the past.

My wife and I are reading “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” that may help guide you through this. Your OCD causes you to think so hard about this fear in so many ways that you’re almost creating a false memory. But, deep down, it feels like OCD, not reality. Here’s a link to the book:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626254346/

There are quite a few other good books on living with and moving past the miserable cycles so common for those suffering with OCD. I’d recommend you search on amazon for highly rated books and pick up a few that strike you as likely to be relevant and helpful. Worst case you’ve read an unhelpful book and you’re out maybe $15.

I read this after someone on here recommended it and I think you should too: https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111

Its on Amazon ( The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249218/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_-PPOCb12W7XAR ) but I got mine on my phone on the Apple books app.

try this m8
https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Twentieth-Anniversary-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/006256143X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1501794675&sr=1-2&keywords=ocd

Start with this https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Twentieth-Anniversary-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/006256143X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484755888&sr=8-1&keywords=ocd

You can try The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer.

https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218

Worked wonders for me

The OCD workbook
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249218/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=31596284597&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6010700017720709764&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_8bzs10z59l_b

is seeing a doctor for medication a financial option for you?

Also, this book has helped me do a lot of self-guided work on my OCD:
http://www.amazon.com/The-OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1572249218

I’ve used this and I recommend it. I believe there are other workbooks in this “series” that might also be worth checking out.

The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608828786/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_m97QBb4C3XW24

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608828786/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_GG7wDbQ7QJNQR

​

This book was given to me by my therapist, and has arguably helped me just as much as therapy. It's clear and includes so much useful information and tools for general OCD troubles and then also chapters dedicated to the main OCD themes(HOCD, germs, etc).

I would recommend this to anyone suffering from OCD.

That sucks big ass. Meds are good, but a good therapist is invaluable. But, maybe you can meet in the middle:

https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Twentieth-Anniversary-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/006256143X

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Obsessing-Overcome-Obsessions-Compulsions/dp/0553381172

I used those two, along with meds (and therapy), and all-in-all, it pulled me out of a really bad cycle of suicide-OCD.

I've also seen people recommend this:

https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218

Hi, I'm sorry I don't have resources but have you considered an OCD self-help book? I know The OCD Workbook has a section on Hypermorality. Another option could be to search the International OCD's foundation's website for a local therapist or contact your state's university and see if they have an OCD clinic for either outpatient or inpatient setting.

This book really helped me, you should seriously consider reading it:

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540746048&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=overcoming+intrusive+thoughts&dpPl=1&dpID=510PpwYBlRL&ref=plS

If you can't afford therapy
this

Book was very useful for me. It talks about the "feared consequence" of OCD. When you know your feared consequence you target your ERP around it. And yeah, changing the thoughts wont help.

Anything by Jon Hershfield. He is a psychotherapist and OCD specialist who has also battled with OCD his entire life. I like his perspective because as a sufferer he really puts the experience into words that make absolute sense to me.

Everyday Mindfulness for OCD and its accompanying workbook were game changers for me. He artfully breaks down the entire rumination process for OCD suffers and has countless methods and games to help you stay anchored even in ruminating thoughts. He also breaks down ERP and its the closest thing to an OCD therapist Ive ever had. I also struggle with panic attacks that result from rumination, and I use methods from this book constantly. Its rocky at first but the more you embrace your scary thoughts and uncertainty the easier the methods become. Its also small so its easy to carry around with you. I don’t go anywhere without in it.

Everyday Mindfulness for OCD: Tips, Tricks, and Skills for Living Joyfully https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626258929/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_IxfMDbSMT8G7Z

The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608828786/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_1xfMDbDQZ39MR

Have you read any books on the disorder?

I have found Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts as one book that has helped me in particular with pure o.