Top products from r/OkCupid

We found 70 product mentions on r/OkCupid. We ranked the 796 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top comments that mention products on r/OkCupid:

u/dont_pm_me_cupcakes · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

Im just gonna suggest my favorite french and french canadian books :

  • A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali by Gil Courtemanche

    >Set in Kigali, Rwanda, the novel deals with a love affair between an elder Canadian expatriate and a young Rwandan, AIDS and the 1994 Rwandan Genocide.

    (Amazon link :

    Theres a movie named "A Sunday in Kigali" that was made about it but I prefer the book.

  • Scorched by Wajdi Mouawad

    >Incendies follows the journey of twins Jeanne and Simon, as they attempt to unravel the mystery of their mother's life.[1] When Jeanne and Simon Marwan lose their mother, Nawal, they are instead left with a difficult mission that sends them on a journey to the Middle East in pursuit of their tangled roots and a long-lost brother.

    It's a very hard and crude book but it's also excellent. There's a good movie about it too. Won multiples prize, I think the movie is as good as the play.

    (Amazon link :

  • Dieu et nous seuls pouvons - Michel Folco (but its not translated :( so I guess you need to know french)

    >Pour échapper à la galère, Justinien Pibrac devient bourreau officiel du seigneur de Bellerocaille. Le jour de sa première exécution, après quelques maladresses rocambolesques, il parvient finalement à briser les os du condamné. Ainsi début la saga trépidante des Pibrac, qui deviendront de génération en génération les plus grands bourreaux de tous les temps.

    It's really really well written and it's filled with black humour. I dont want to spoil anything at all but it's a sure pick-up if you search a book in french.

  • Empire of the Ants - Bernard Werber

    Science fiction book about a machine that allows communication between ants and human. I think it stands out from other science fiction book by having a more litteral approach to the philosophical themes it talks about.
u/soafraidofbees · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Har de har har to all the comedians replying to you... here are some non-joke answers:

  • Dataclysm, by OKCupid founder Christian Rudder
  • Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, an advice columnist I happen to love who could teach a lot of OKC users a thing or two
  • OKCupid A-List gift subscription (you'd have to know their username... could maybe print out a homemade "coupon" for them to redeem with you later if you don't know it)
  • phone tripod, for taking better profile selfies
u/czei · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

Don't worry, your behavior is pretty common, measured to be around 25% of the population. (Depends on the age bracket.)

There's a bunch of books on the subject with "attachment" in the title. The basic idea is that people are wired to perceive different sensations as "love". For example, you seem to associate the feelings you experience being ignored or unwanted with romantic love. Interacting with men who meet all of your emotional needs then seem boring by comparison, because those relationships lack the triggers you associate with being in love.

A good therapist can help you figure this out, or you can start by just reading and see if you recognize your own behavior in the avoidant archetype. That isn't to say you have to start going out with men who are clingy, but rather learn to recognize and appreciate men who have mature and healthy communication styles.

Here's a couple of good links to get you started:

u/influencethis · 5 pointsr/OkCupid

Be as strict as you feel like. Trust your gut. If someone is pushing you into more contact than you think is appropriate, tell them to stop. It doesn't matter who it is or how many/few things they do before they reach it. You're the best at knowing when something isn't right.

I'd recommend reading The Gift of Fear to help you learn to trust your instincts. It's wonderful for de-programming the "girls must always be nice no matter what" mentality out of you.

u/onlinedatingscum · 7 pointsr/OkCupid

Or they think that after you've put in all that energy, you'll overlook it. There is actually a psychological phenomenon behind this that I read about in this book: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Basically, once you've put in the energy to do something, you tend to try to convince yourself that you didn't waste all that energy in vain. It's the reason all those infomercials give you that "if you're not completely satisfied, send it back within 90 days" bullshit. There actually is science behind this. Here's how these girls use it to their advantage:

Once I met a girl on okcupid that was really cute in her profile. But, when we met in person she was twice as big as she was in her pics. I wish this was hyperbole. She told me that those pics were from when she was spending $500 a month on a personal trainer to look hot for her high school reunion. I'm the lucky guy that got to date her six months later.

Needless to say, when I first saw her my initial thought was, "I wish I had explosive diarrhea right now so I could get out of this". But, after the introduction, my thoughts changed to, "Well, I might as well make the best of a crappy situation and try to enjoy the meal". At the end of the night, "You know, let's say she hypothetically offered me a BJ with no strings attached, I'd be down". And, as I walked her back to her car, "There's no way I'm going on a second date with her. I mean... at least not unless she begs for it". It's easy to see how I'd be paying child support right now if she played her cards right.

u/brian915 · 11 pointsr/OkCupid

I believe the poster is referring to attachment theory, which is not gender-based but has more to do with early formative experiences.

I also "get attached easily" (anxious attachment, as it is called ).
And I'm hardly feminine and have plenty of options (and the experiences to verify it).

It actually means that you have to be MORE selective, to ensure you're not connecting with someone who is on the opposite side of the attachment equation ( someone who is "avoidant" ).

more info:

u/HellhoundsOnMyTrail · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

Basically what /u/ForkUK said. Like you'd almost never here a guy say, "I met this girl and it was love at first sight. She was just so confident and funny." Anyway there's a good book on the topic called: Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire

u/risenanew · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Oh, and here's a book recc if you want to learn more about what kind of men to go for and which ones to avoid if you're after a healthy, loving LTR.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment:

Honey, you sound like a highly anxious woman who keeps being attracted to highly avoidant men -- aka, the men who are LEAST likely to make you happy. Thus, why you keep pulled into bad deja-vu relationships with avoidant dudes over and over. Read the book. It will SERIOUSLY help you!

u/BradGroux · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Yeah, just ignore all the crap. There are guys there that truly just want to help you become a better human by increasing your self worth, then there are the dudes that just want to get laid. I'm way past the "just wanting to get laid" stage, but most of the same rules apply for both. I'm not a pick-up professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I have absolutely no problem talking to the hottest chick in a bar.

I highly recommend reading the book "The Game" for any guy who wants to have better success while interacting with women. Again, it is filled with all kinds of bullshit but it is a fun read and the key facts about the psychology of the female mind is spot on.

A PRO TIP for guys that want to "get a girls number" on OKCupid. If you message back and forth a few times and are hitting it off and want her number message her something along these lines: "Hey, I'm super-busy the next few days (or away from the computer), here's my number, text me if you want to chat otherwise I'll talk with you when I get back."

90% of the time, you'll get a text saying "Hey, this is blahblah from OKC." If you don't get a text, all is not lost, she's just a tad more shy than most women.

u/Unaufhaltbarr · 2 pointsr/OkCupid


First step is accepting your situation in life. Good job.

Good luck.

u/Jelsol · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

Tennov's book "Love and Limerence" (she coined the term in 1979, btw, just sayin'), is pretty good. Amazon

u/explodingcharmbomb · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

All of the above. But first on the list is the gym thing. Trying out a new one tomorrow, and hopefully it's a good fit.

Also, staying neat? Reading this so I can continue my procrastination of actually cleaning.

u/[deleted] · 1 pointr/OkCupid

My favorite nonfiction book is "Douze coups de théatre" by Michel Tremblay. I dont think its translated tough.

Other than that, I really liked "Empire of the Ants" and "Fondation" if you like science fiction. For historic settings, I liked "Incendies"/"Scorched".

u/bluecollarworker · 6 pointsr/OkCupid

You are a Nice Guy. You are emotionally needy and you try to fulfill your needs by doing things for others, expecting tit for tat, having them give you attention because you did something for them. Life does not work that way and you will continue to experience frustration until you start doing things for yourself and gain confidence.

And people are on OKCupid looking for dates. I have no idea if you're doing this to find dates or if you're just messaging people for the hell of it, but most people want to learn something about the person they're talking to when they exchange messages. What would I learn about you if you recommended a book or band to me? Pretty much nothing. It's not a good way to have a conversation.

u/dedicateddan · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Generic advice here, but this book might be interesting as a source of info on what's attractive and what's not:

u/srmatto · 15 pointsr/OkCupid

"Needy" isn't a negative thing at least according to contemporary attachment theory. People having a strong desire for intimacy and closeness with a partner is not a negative thing, though in the US we tend to label it as "dependent", "clingy", or "needy." I would much rather end up with an anxious or a secure person than an avoidant type. Avoidants feel that intimacy threatens their independence. Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

u/aviondepapier · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

I think it may be helpful for a lot of people who are dating to look into the attachment theory. I have been reading a book called Attached and I have learned bit from it thus far. Just a little mention that others may find of interest.

u/TheGoliard · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Best book on dating ever. Even if it's really on marketing.

u/quickstatcheck · 0 pointsr/OkCupid

This book has some great ideas, especially for a first date.

u/GSpotAssassin · 1 pointr/OkCupid

This... This is true. But with more opportunity/choice usually comes better outcomes...

This book claimed that the more aggressive person of EITHER gender ends up with a "higher quality" mate, just by being the initiator/initial risk-taker though.

u/jacques_chester · 6 pointsr/OkCupid

i have come to believe that much of our conduct in dating and in relationships is beyond rational/intentional decision-making; we are quite frequently unaware of our own preferences/desires, and so our desires do not follow a normal goal-oriented model.

I'm going to recommend two books I read recently:

  • Attached, which is an explanation of adult attachment theory. This one I saw mentioned in another sub.
  • Passion and Reason, which is a discussion of "emotional reason" or "emotional logic". My therapist suggested I read about this topic.

    Together with recent events, these two books have taught me a lot about myself.
u/trastevere · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

From what I know, they'd like to; their author has spent the last 3 years making an update to them and compiling the results into an independent book.

I'm sure some variant will return at some point.

u/steve-a-roo-bam-boo · 3 pointsr/OkCupid

This book will change your life:

She Comes First (Linky:

Please thank me afterwards. Or just think about me while you're slayin'

u/serialsaboteur · 1 pointr/OkCupid

I know therapy gets thrown around a helluva lot around here, but I had temporary self esteem issues for a bit in the past, and therapy really helped me out of it. I also read a book called Fuck Feelings which had a section on Self Esteem. That was also helpful in maintaining my self esteem whenever I was down about it (but logically knew it was bollocks).

u/dainafrances · 26 pointsr/OkCupid

I can absolutely 100% relate. My pattern was always hot and heavy for 1-2months max, and then they’d have some sort of epiphany that they actually weren’t as into me as they thought they were. I never understood it until I learned about attachment theory... and damn, did that explain a LOT. If you’re interested, this book made a huge difference for me.

u/matchateapanda · 1 pointr/OkCupid

I don't think you messed up. I just think you two are not compatible. Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll find someone who wants to communicate clearly and spend just as much time with you as you want to with them.

Have you read the book called Attached?

u/superprofundo · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

It's part of The Game - That's definitely an interesting read if you're into reverse engineering a relationship out of insults.

u/Yarrvee · 1 pointr/OkCupid

I think it might have been this one, and if it wasn't, it was this one.

u/speedy2686 · 13 pointsr/OkCupid

Here's a book written ten years ago about the same subject.

u/Beelzebambi · 4 pointsr/OkCupid

I would be a conservative, reserved, religious woman looking for a serious relationship and advocating following The Rules.

u/BlueFollower · 6 pointsr/OkCupid

You should read the book Attached. I don't recommend the Kindle edition, it has parts it expects you to write in the book.

u/Gweni · 1 pointr/OkCupid


u/jchiu003 · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Don't tempt me. I'll be right there. I love organizing and decluttering. I hear Philly is really nice this time of year, but seriously, check out this book by Marie Kondo. She's crazy and extreme, but it helped me get rid of a ton of stuff that I did not need.

u/xanthippi · 1 pointr/OkCupid

My friend's mother suggested I read this book and I seriously considered it for about ten seconds

u/IssaEgvi · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

Yeah there is

And it's quite old so it has been tested by time. It's evergreen and it came from someone who despises tactics, tricks and other malicious approaches.

u/kookaburra1701 · 4 pointsr/OkCupid

I was raised with similar messages: all strange men are trying to get in your pants, you can't trust them one bit, etc etc.

Funny how the people who have ACTUALLY been untrustworthy and tried to harm me were those who I knew and were close to me. In fact, some of the same people who warned me about what "all men" were like were the ones who took advantage the first chance they got.

The statistics bear out my experience - you are statistically much safer with strange men than with men you "know". You can never "know" who is safe and who isn't, you can only observe behaviors and learn which ones show disregard for other people.

Some books that really helped me because I can't afford therapy:

The Gift of Fear

In Sheep's Clothing

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Mind of Angry and Controlling Men

While I was never in a relationship with anyone abusive or manipulative, reading these books helped me identify people whom I could have become more entangled with (professionally, platonically, romantically) and steered clear and thus avoided the ensuing dumpster fires. They made me much more confident in my ability to set appropriate boundaries and recognize when my boundaries were being violated, and that it was ok for me to call an end to any situation I didn't feel comfortable in. Just the knowledge that I could and would do so made me feel more comfortable.

I don't know if my rambling was in any way helpful, but really, do seek out resources in the form of therapy or self-help books. Getting out of an ingrained and destructive mindset is NOT EASY but it is so WORTH IT.