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u/IsaGuz · 2 pointsr/RedPillWomen


There's a wonderful text about that in the book about introverts... “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking”.


The problem with feminine strength is that it's gained with time and confidence. It's twice as hard to be strong and soft as it is to be strong and crass. Let me find this excerpt. It's a bit long, but I think it gets it.


This is one I loved, I think it might help. It's about introverts, but can apply to your case (I think):

“My very first client was a young woman named Laura. She was a Wall Street lawyer, but a quiet and daydreamy one who dreaded the spotlight and disliked aggression. She had managed somehow to make it through the crucible of Harvard Law School—a place where classes are conducted in huge, gladiatorial amphitheaters, and where she once got so nervous that she threw up on the way to class. Now that she was in the real world, she wasn’t sure she could represent her clients as forcefully as they expected.

For the first three years on the job, Laura was so junior that she never had to test this premise. But one day the senior lawyer she’d been working with went on vacation, leaving her in charge of an important negotiation. The client was a South American manufacturing company that was about to default on a bank loan and hoped to renegotiate its terms; a syndicate of bankers that owned the endangered loan sat on the other side of the negotiating table.

Laura would have preferred to hide under said table, but she was accustomed to fighting such impulses. Gamely but nervously, she took her spot in the lead chair, flanked by her clients: general counsel on one side and senior financial officer on the other. These happened to be Laura’s favorite clients: gracious and soft-spoken, very different from the master-of-the-universe types her firm usually represented. In the past, Laura had taken the general counsel to a Yankees game and the financial officer shopping for a handbag for her sister. But now these cozy outings—just the kind of socializing Laura enjoyed—seemed a world away. Across the table sat nine disgruntled investment bankers in tailored suits and expensive shoes, accompanied by their lawyer, a square-jawed woman with a hearty manner. Clearly not the self-doubting type, this woman launched into an impressive speech on how Laura’s clients would be lucky simply to accept the bankers’ terms. It was, she said, a very magnanimous offer.

Everyone waited for Laura to reply, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. So she just sat there. Blinking. All eyes on her. Her clients shifting uneasily in their seats. Her thoughts running in a familiar loop: I’m too quiet for this kind of thing, too unassuming, too cerebral. She imagined the person who would be better equipped to save the day: someone bold, smooth, ready to pound the table. In middle school this person, unlike Laura, would have been called “outgoing,” the highest accolade her seventh-grade classmates knew, higher even than “pretty,” for a girl, or “athletic,” for a guy. Laura promised herself that she only had to make it through the day. Tomorrow she would go look for another career.

Then she remembered what I’d told her again and again: she was an introvert, and as such she had unique powers in negotiation—perhaps less obvious but no less formidable. She’d probably prepared more than everyone else. She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions—lots of them—and actually listen to the answers, which, no matter what your personality, is crucial to strong negotiation.

So Laura finally started doing what came naturally.

“Let’s go back a step. What are your numbers based on?” she asked.

“What if we structured the loan this way, do you think it might work?”

“That way?”

“Some other way?”

At first her questions were tentative. She picked up steam as she went along, posing them more forcefully and making it clear that she’d done her homework and wouldn’t concede the facts. But she also stayed true to her own style, never raising her voice or losing her decorum. Every time the bankers made an assertion that seemed unbudgeable, Laura tried to be constructive. “Are you saying that’s the only way to go? What if we took a different approach?”

Eventually her simple queries shifted the mood in the room, just as the negotiation textbooks say they will. The bankers stopped speechifying and dominance-posing, activities for which Laura felt hopelessly ill-equipped, and they started having an actual conversation.

More discussion. Still no agreement. One of the bankers revved up again, throwing his papers down and storming out of the room. Laura ignored this display, mostly because she didn’t know what else to do. Later on someone told her that at that pivotal moment she’d played a good game of something called “negotiation jujitsu”; but she knew that she was just doing what you learn to do naturally as a quiet person in a loudmouth world.

Finally the two sides struck a deal. The bankers left the building, Laura’s favorite clients headed for the airport, and Laura went home, curled up with a book, and tried to forget the day’s tensions.

But the next morning, the lead lawyer for the bankers—the vigorous woman with the strong jaw—called to offer her a job. “I’ve never seen anyone so nice and so tough at the same time,” she said. And the day after that, the lead banker called Laura, asking if her law firm would represent his company in the future. “We need someone who can help us put deals together without letting ego get in the way,” he said.”


The problem with trying to be feminine strong is that you have to be really superior. You cannot blow past your way with threats, screaming or banging the table. You have to know everything better than the others, be really competent. That's why I didn't start to feel safe in my femininity until after my 30s. It takes MUCH more hard work and much more competence to be feminine-strong than to be macho-strong (really masculine strength is not easy either).

Be nice, be relentless, and be better prepared than everyone else in the room. If someone raises their voice, you answer lowering yours (you never tell anyone to calm down UNLESS you want them to get furious). They scream, you speak even louder. You need physical help, you either fetch your pepper spray or call security. But unless whoever's at work lays a hand on you, you are poised, calm, polite and empathetic, just poised, calm, polite and empathetic steel.

u/ALadyLikeMe · 4 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Wow sorry about your loss but congratulations about your inheritance. The thing is, this is a big deal and both of you need to be ready for the internal mental change that needs to come with such a sudden increase in assets. Most people who win the lottery go right back to their original comfort zone because they just didn't know any other way.

You now have enough money to afford a really good financial advisor (and it will be worth paying for a good one). If you and your husband can get on the same page, meaning that neither of you really know how to handle this much money, then you can agree to both out your trust into a third party expert. This person is better equipped to tactfully tell your husband that $2.5 mil cannot simply sit in a savings account, and will give much better advice for how to invest it than you personally could either. And they will know how to honor a pre-nup without making it a trust issue.

You are a team, so don't let money get in between you, and remember that you need to trust your husband to be the captain and to handle big decisions with the finances. This being said, you can make it your mission to help you both get educated about wise ways to invest.

Edit: Also, I highly recommend you both read the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and even attend the free Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar. Best thing my SO and I have ever done for our financial success and really helps couples get on the same page. Wish they taught us this stuff (and TRP!) in school instead of all the other BS.

u/ShootingDanks · 3 pointsr/RedPillWomen

We're only going to start trying next year (January-ish), but I'm already preparing.

My diet is extreme, so you can just completely ignore me on that one. I switched from keto to zerocarb/carnivore last year and I intend to stick with it as much as possible. I love it, but it's not for everyone. I might dabble with keto once I'm pregnant, I'll see how I feel.

Exercise is getting the most attention, though. I spoke to my nail technician about pregnancy and labour today while getting my nails done. She's had two kids. She said that having strong abdominal muscles will help me so much. If you've got strong abs, your baby will be held high up, in a tight bundle. Weak abs will allow the belly to sag and hang low and cause more stretch marks.

I found that so interesting. I started pilates today and will be going three times a week. Strengthening your core muscles, including the muscles supporting the spine, will make for a far more comfortable pregnancy and delivery, or so I'm told.

My friend recommended this book to me, as well:

Good luck!

u/MrsStrom · 3 pointsr/RedPillWomen

So, where to find a husband....

Make yourself a list of all the traits you'd like your ideal husband to have. Done? Good.

Step one: Take a good look at that list. Really look at it. What kind of wife do you think a man like that would like to have?

Step two: Become that woman. In other words, MAP. This book will help. Become the best version of you that you can be.

Step three: Hang out in places you'd like your future husband to hang out. The grocery store, libraries, museums, the gym, farmer's markets and such tend to be good places to start.

Step four: Make eyes at your future husband. If he's Alpha, he'll take care of the rest.

u/tryanotherJuan · 1 pointr/RedPillWomen

No problem!

It's a book. I got my copy on amazon.

I would say once would be enough as long as you are very clear in the way that you communicate. That being said, if he is the one bringing it up you could certainly talk about it more.

He also needs to know that if he asked you, you would say yes. Not that you have to say that outright, but again, he will know by the way you treat him.

Perhaps more experienced (i.e. married) ladies would have a different perspective?

I think it's also about holding firm boundaries. If you say, for example, that you don't want to live together before marriage, then don't agree to live together thinking it will get you what you want. To me, that's where the manipulative behavior comes in.

The right captain cares about your happiness and your desires. I think your job is just to make your desires clear and then he can decide if that is something he is able to do and wants to do.

Seriously, the book is really great. I highly recommend it!

u/patience9 · 1 pointr/RedPillWomen

Partially at best, in my opinion. Yes, being skilled at making a man feel good -- through sex, respect, etc. -- is useful for sustaining a relationship.

But my model for pair bonding is that a person becomes bonded when they give, not when they receive.

The world is full of women who gave and gave and gave, become tightly pair bonded to their partner, only to have their hearts broken when they learn their partner hasn't developed the same feelings.

And the world is full of men who do their submissive best to be giving to women, developing strong and unreciprocated attachments. Bitter "friend zoned" guys really have developed emotional attachments to women who have never shown them any romantic interest.

So my recommendation for women is to ask for a lot of investment and attention from their partners, while rewarding that investment with good feelings. That maximizes the chance that the partner will pairbond while offering a fair and mutually beneficial trade in return. Investing without your partner reciprocating will likely just get you hurt. Asking for his investment without reciprocating with good feelings will create resentment on his part.

If you want to know more about the strategy of asking for -- insisting on, really -- male investment, The Rules is worth a read. The exact strategies it proposes are controversial, but I would definitely recommend it to jog your thinking.

See also the Ben Franklin effect.

u/StingrayVC · 15 pointsr/RedPillWomen

The biggest thing you need to do for yourself right now is begin to lose the weight. Learn how to eat healthily and begin to workout. Fat head and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (which streams on Netflix) were excellent starting places learning about food for me. Then hopping on the internet to do my own research.

As for working out, has a plethora of information. When you get on there, DO NOT LOOK AT THE WOMEN AND GET DEPRESSED. That won't get you anywhere and you will change nothing. Look at those women as pure potential in yourself. Start changing the way you think about things like this right now. Changing the way you think is going to be the biggest and best thing for your self and it's going to apply across the board.

Grow out your hair.

Find a girly style that you are comfortable with. Personally, I love Modcloth.

Learn to cook. Get it out of your head right now that it is at all difficult. It's not. The reason people find it difficult is because they think it's difficult. Here's and incredibly easy recipe that takes minutes. What do you want to learn to cook?

House cleaning. This is an excellent book on the matter.

Hobbies. Look for something that you like to do. Knitting, sewing, crocheting are all great. But do they interest you? If they don't, don't force yourself to do them because you think you should. It won't stick and a man will think you strange. What interests you? Don't search for traditionally feminine pursuits if there is nothing there that piques you. Find what you love and try to do it in a feminine way.

Stand up straight. Really. Small but huge.

Smile. Often. At everyone. Even heavy, people will notice a happy and pleasant woman. Your attitude means everything.

Be friendly.

Don't sleep around.

Start with these. As you begin with the big things, you'll begin to delve deeper into the nuances. But you have to work with the big before you can work further. DON"T BEAT YOURSELF UP. You. Will. Fail. It's just part of the process. Even the women doing this for years, we still fail. It's not the set back that makes it awful. Awful would be giving up because you made a mistake.

Read. Read. Read. Here and the sites on the side bar. Once you've done that, come back here and ask questions. We'd love to help.

u/margerym · 6 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I married at 18 and have been married for 10 years.

Your husband sounds beaten down and depressed. Besides the obvious good diet, plenty of sleep, sunshine, etc be mindful that he is going through a lot. It's really hard living with a person like this and it's really hard being this person. Just keep trying to show that you love him and support him.

Femininity attracts masculinity. Submission attracts dominance. The best way to help him become this person is to make space for him to become this person and make him want to be this person.

> I know part of the problem is that he feels emasculated and unappreciated at his job.

Make sure he feels masculine and appreciated at home. Thank him a lot. Not just verbally. Show your gratitude for all that he does for you.

I suggest reading the MMSL Primer and The Surrendered Wife

u/heygirlheynow · 6 pointsr/RedPillWomen

A few that make the rounds of recommendation pretty frequently are:
The Surrendered Single, by Laura Doyle
The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle
Fascinating Womanhood, by Helen Andelin
I'm also personally drawn to books about social etiquette, and quite enjoy Eleanor Roosevelt's Book of Common Sense Etiquette, as well as the classic wisdom of Emily Post.
Oh! I also see Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus mentioned quite frequently, though it hasn't climbed to the top of my reading list just yet.

Disclaimer I haven't read the 19th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, so I can't endorse that specific work, but it was written by her great-great-granddaughter Lizzie, who does her best to carry on the matriarch's wisdom.

u/[deleted] · 3 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Tell her that she doesn't have to agree with everything in it, even the title, but this book for single women has a lot of positive reviews and could help her out. If I was going to try to help out some woman who was single and looking, the first thing I'd do is recommend this book or some of the advice in it.

u/Cardiscappa · 1 pointr/RedPillWomen

Deciem has a range of products that aren't quite makeup, but sorta are: (Find them on Facebook to ask them the differences if you're confused.)

Also grab a Vitamin C serum. I've been using Vitamin C daily now and my complexion is a lot brighter and even. I've had people ask if I'm wearing makeup. I hear really good things about Timeless though I use Indeed's C24. (Indeed also has a blurring product too.)

And of course, top everything off with sunscreen.

u/repressedspinster · 15 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Amazon! I've actually found all kinds of cheap and adorable dresses there like these:

Wrap Dress

Round Neck Dress

Tea Dress

These might be too short for you, but there are also lots of longer versions. I also have found cute dresses at Old Navy. They have some adorable gingham ones now, but I haven't seen any floral versions.

u/terasheree · 2 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Have you read the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle? If not, I highly suggest you read it ASAP. I can’t recommend it enough! Best of luck! :)

u/Brewingupabrownstorm · 8 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover : Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine

I found this deeply interesting and useful :)

u/SweetPinkCuntCake · 3 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I've found Fascinating Womanhood to be very helpful. I've been reading it casually over the past few weeks, and so far I've seen a lot of improvements in my relationship. It's definitely worth checking out.

u/mydogwillbeinmyheart · 4 pointsr/RedPillWomen

This side of female relationships is really sad.

There's a book, from 1999 I think, that explains some evolutionary and cultural traits that may make women behave the way they do. It is a long ass book, but oh boy, I wish I had read it at 18, or even earlier.

In the Company of Women

The book deals more with a work environment context though. I you want to really get to the bottom of this issue, you might want to google (Female) Intrasexual Competition. I can't link anything since I've had my fair share of bullying and I don't want to cause pain or anxiety to myself.

Hugs from the Internet! I hope you can find genuinely nice ladies out there soon!

u/dreampizza · 5 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Hi!! I HIGHLY recommend The Surrendered Single. The author, Laura Doyle, is hugely popular in this sub. She gives incredibly insightful and actionable advice for single, RP ladies. This book changed my life and I can't recommend it enough to single RPWs looking for their captains.

u/TempestTcup · 8 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I know this wasn't the question, but how serious are you about grad school? Is it a program that will be lucrative? How far in debt will you be when you finish? Captain Capitalism has an excellent book "Worthless" that really explains how degrees work in today's society.

Will that grad degree be worth putting off marriage & children? You really need to make some hard decisions & figure out your priorities now so that you don't have regrets in the future.

u/jm51 · 2 pointsr/RedPillWomen

The book is not gender specific but has simple, easily learned tools for standing your ground, rather than resorting to our primal 'flight or fight' response.

A used copy can usually be found on the bay pretty cheap.

u/cat_fox · 1 pointr/RedPillWomen

Good for religiously using sun screen, if you are surfing. When I was younger, people didn't. We would use that Tropicana coconut oil instead of sunscreen. I didn't surf, but I used to bake myself in the water and at the beach. Now, I've had multiple basal cell carcinomas cut from me and I probably have more wrinkles than I should. I also used to look very young for my age, and it kills me now to know that I still could, except that I have more wrinkles!

You should be using zinc oxide based sunscreen on your face. It comes invisible now, although it is kind of cute to use the colors on the apples of your cheeks and nose, if you want. Please use a rashguard to protect your arms and chest from cancer!!

I've just recently started using argon oil on my face at night, and it has been the best thing I've done for my skin in a long, long time. I've also just started to use this in the morning:

u/TamidMT · 6 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I know exactly the kind of mother you're talking about, and I'm having a very similar battle with mine. I can't type out a detailed post right now, but I'll quickly link you to this famous book and even this tangentially-related article. I can't find my resources on emotional abuse right now, but that's definitely the term you need to type into a search engine and read into.

u/JanuaryArya · 1 pointr/RedPillWomen

We read this versionFascinating Womanhood

It was the final chapter and it extensively carried on about virginity. I wouldn’t mind having a copy of the original version. I’ll have to look into finding one.